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wanderinginksplot · 1 year

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Gar Cyare Chapter Eleven

The plot thickens in this chapter of my Alpha-17 x fem!reader fic!

Word Count: 5,100 words

Warnings: mentions of setups, minor (and decreasing) cosmic horror vibes, mentions of an amorphous external threat, bureaucratic rudeness.

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---

Aruetii (Traitor)

“I need your help.”

You wanted to scoff at Pender, wanted to curse and threaten him until he left you alone. Visions of your last time around him danced through your mind - pushed up against a wall, propositioned and ultimately punched in the face. Alpha had dealt with Pender swiftly and decisively enough that he hadn’t bothered you since, but it didn’t mean that you were going to eagerly leap to help him.

Still, something about the desperation on his face… it was unsettling, especially compared to the cocky, self-assured way he habitually carried himself. His eyes were pleading, looking for all the world like a child scared of the dark.

Alpha teased and admired your soft heart in turns, but you were cursing yourself for it as you sighed, returning to your seat. “What do you want, Pender?”

Pender straightened slightly, hope apparently bringing life back to him. He seemed too keyed up to take the other seat, though. Instead, he paced fitfully around the small room, only pausing to glance at you every few moments while you waited impatiently for him to give an explanation.

“Commander Colt will be on his way back here soon,” you warned, pitching your voice low to keep from startling him out of a confessional sort of mood.

Pender’s face tightened, but he shook his head. “I don’t- really know- I don’t know where to start.”

“Start with the most relevant information,” you suggested. “If I have questions, we can backtrack.”

He nodded, pulling a datapad from his pocket. With a few swipes of his finger, he located what he was looking for and passed the datapad to you. It appeared to be a credit transfer into his account. The transfer was for a large amount.

You glanced up at Pender. “What exactly am I looking at?”

“It’s my bank account,” he answered and you nodded instead of snarking at him - something you should have been awarded a medal for, honestly. “That’s not my salary. I haven’t done any outside jobs lately, either. Whoever requested that credit transfer, it wasn’t supposed to be for me.”

With a slow nod, you set the datapad down on the table. “And you don’t know who could have sent it?”

“My bank says the transfer was anonymous,” Pender told you, pacing more quickly. “When I pushed them, they said the details were so muddled and privacy protected that they couldn’t begin to decipher a starting account.”

You stared at the datapad screen for another moment. It really was a large amount of credits, but nothing in Pender’s explanation sounded sinister or threatening. And it certainly didn’t sound threatening enough to explain Pender’s near-panic about it.

“It’s odd,” you conceded slowly, “but not the worst thing. I don’t see what you need my help with.”

“I know you’re investigating the bounty hunters with Shaak Ti and Colt,” Pender said. “And I have reason to believe you’re searching for someone who stole information.”

“Why do you think that?” you asked, nerves roiling in the pit of your stomach. Everyone in the investigation had been trained to keep secrets from a very young age… except you. Had you somehow destroyed the secrecy of the investigation?

Pender gave you an unimpressed look - the most natural expression he had worn since first approaching you. “I knew the General and Commander were looking for information about something, and my credits are on a security leak. It didn’t take much to realize that you haven’t been working on your report lately. When I did some digging, I found out that you’re on special assignment. The pieces fell into place.”

You lifted your chin. “If that were true, I wouldn’t be able to confirm any of it.”

“I don’t need you to confirm anything,” he snapped, the sharp tone in his voice making you flinch even as your hands automatically clenched into fists. “Just… just look.”

Pender’s voice broke on the last word and he slid the datapad back toward you. He had pulled up a screen that displayed details of the mysterious transaction. It was for the same amount, still without a name displayed in the ‘Sender’ section. In fact, the only new detail was visible in the small ‘Note’ section. Displayed in small, electronically produced letters, you could see the words, “In thanks for the useful advice.”

You tore your gaze away from the screen to stare at Pender, who looked distraught. “The useful advice? What useful advice?”

“I don’t know!” he said, running shaking fingers through his hair. “I was telling you the truth - I haven’t taken on any jobs outside of Kamino lately. No hunts, no consulting, nothing. I don’t know who sent these credits or why, but I know this is going to end up putting me in the middle of your investigation, and I need your help!”

“I-” You paused, sighing. “I’ll do my best, Pender. But I have to tell General Ti and Commander Colt about this.”

Pender’s eyes went wide. “No. Please don’t. Please.”

“If you want my help, you have to let me tell them,” you said, making your voice and face as firm as you could possibly manage. When he still seemed hesitant, you reminded him, “I’ve already been accused of being at fault for one planet-wide catastrophe. I have no interest in doing it a second time. Your choice.”

The door opened before he could say anything, admitting General Ti and Commander Colt. They both looked surprised, though the general covered it better. “Doni Pender, hello. What brings you here?”

As she spoke with Pender, Commander Colt took a seat beside you and rested a cup of caf on the table for you. As he did, he leaned in too close for Pender to overhear. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, touched that they had remembered your discomfort around Pender and had made sure to check with you before they did anything else.

Pender, having finished with his conversation with Shaak Ti, glanced at you and sighed. “I agree. You can tell them.”

The curiosity on the general and commander’s faces soon turned to surprise and suspicion before changing to a professionalism that firmly masked anything else they may have been feeling.

“It’s suspicious,” Commander Colt said, cutting Pender off with a sharp gesture before he could say more than two words in his own defense. “It’s suspicious that payment would have come through now with that kind of note attached. Seems too easy.”

“I agree,” General Ti said. “But we are honor-bound to report any findings to the Kaminoan authorities. We can argue your case-”

“Please, no,” Pender begged for the second time. “You don’t understand. They don’t like me. They would take any opportunity to get rid of me, but they’ll arrest me for this. I’m not- I’ve done some things wrong in my life, but I don’t deserve to spend the rest of it rotting in a Republic prison!”

“If we’re all wary of this transfer and what it means, maybe it would make sense to put off reporting the findings,” you suggested.

General Ti shook her head regretfully. “I must make my report every day. I can wait until the end of the day, but no later.”

“Then it’s settled,” Commander Colt summarized, looking at you. “You’ll look into Pender’s case while the General and I keep investigating. The Kaminoans won’t ask questions since the investigation is ongoing and if you need any additional information, we can help you get it.”

“Do you have enough access to get started?” General Ti asked.

You nodded. “I still have full security clearance. I should be able to get all the information I need.”

“And me?” Pender asked. “What can I do? I’ll help her with the background information…”

Commander Colt cut in before you could say anything. “Pender, you need to do whatever it is that you’re scheduled to do today. If you deviate from your schedule, it’ll only create questions or make you look more guilty. Keep an ear out for your comlink in case she has questions for you.”

Pender nodded, repeating the motion too many times for it to look natural. “Of course, of course... Let me give you all my private comlink frequency- I don’t want to risk anyone accessing our conversations.”

After he had done exactly that, Pender rushed out of the room. Commander Colt gave you an apologetic look. “Sorry about that. Figured you wouldn’t want him following you around all day.”

You shrugged and General Ti said kindly, “It is for the best that he is elsewhere. You have much to do and a short span of time in which to complete it.”

Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough time. Not nearly. In fact, you were unpleasantly reminded of your early days on Kamino, always working desperately with no chance of success.

Not that you weren’t making strides. No, by an hour after your (skipped) lunch, you had checked the records of every entry into Pender’s quarters for as long as the information had been leaked, as well as a month before. You had read reports from the other trainers, analyzing how they felt about Pender. Almost none of them cared for him, but you couldn’t find anything that tied them to direct action against him.

You had accessed his datapad to double-check that it hadn’t been breached or that he hadn’t used it to leak information. If he had leaked the information, there was very little chance he would have started this whole side investigation, but you were determined to check everything you could.

It was only an hour before General Ti’s deadline that you tossed aside your own datapad, heaving a sigh and thinking just how far outside your job description you currently were.

By all rights, you should let the general and commander tell the Kaminoans about Pender. He had been unpleasant to you until the exact moment that he had needed you to help him. It wouldn’t make your life any more difficult or worse to see him sent to prison for apparent treason against the Republic. In fact, it may make your life a little easier.

But you couldn’t do it.

There was just something too… neat about the whole thing. It was too simple, too clean. Pender was widely disliked, even by the Kaminoans, as he had admitted. Who would make a better scapegoat than someone who had no friends to ask questions when they were accused of doing something terrible?

No, you had to keep fighting for Pender. Not because you liked or even cared about the man himself, but because no one had reason to believe your innocence after the Separatist had invaded Kamino. You would have been the most convenient scapegoat, but Alpha had been staunchly in your corner.

Alpha had been your champion. You had to be the same for someone else if you could.

---

Alpha was inside an asteroid.

There was no doubt about it now: the panel on the bottom floor of the mysterious abandoned ship led directly into the asteroid itself. It clearly wasn’t an asteroid at all, though. Alpha couldn’t claim to be an expert, but he was under the impression that most asteroids didn’t have countless levels of durasteel catwalks and blinking wall panels.

There had been a short debate about whether to use the ladder in the decompression chamber. Half of Omega Squad had argued that there was no way of knowing for certain if the ladder was safe or had been sabotaged somehow. The other half maintained that this section of the ship clearly hadn’t been meant to be seen, and the ladder wouldn’t have been sabotaged by someone who may need to use it again.

Alpha had ended the argument by dropping the ladder through the access hatch. When it stood, apparently not preparing to collapse, he climbed down it. The beam from the light mounted on the side of his helmet shone through the darkness. It wasn’t enough light, not even close, but it didn’t matter. As soon as he had gotten halfway down the ladder, automatic lights had switched on.

Omega Squad had descended quietly behind him, but Alpha’s attention was fixed on studying his surroundings. He was on the uppermost durasteel catwalk, and when he peered over the side, more levels stretched down beneath him. There was a clear end, however. About five levels down, the catwalks ended, and a ladder stretched the rest of the way down to the floor… or, more accurately, to a durasteel sheet covering the entirety of the ‘floor’.

Even from his place far above the floor, Alpha could see that there were access panels on it. Whatever was behind this barrier that divided the false asteroid nearly in half, it had been designed to be checked or maintained.

The access hatch had passed through a thick layer of durasteel. Clearly, the ‘asteroid’ was hollow, though clearly, someone had designed it to withstand observation and pass as something natural. The surface of the asteroid had been rocky when he crossed from Omega Squad’s ship to the abandoned one, though something had to have hit the scanner as metallic.

Whether the thickness of the outer shell was part of the disguise or a way of protecting whatever was behind that barrier, Alpha couldn’t be sure. Either way, they soon discovered that it blocked every transmission except the ones in their inter-HUD comm channel.

“Spread out,” Alpha ordered. “Check everything. Until we know what’s behind that barrier, helmets stay on, breathable atmosphere or not. And stay on high alert. We don’t know whether someone knows we’re here. We didn’t exactly perform a stealth entrance.”

The group fanned out to study every level of the structure. The highest one, level five, held information about the asteroid and its structural integrity. The next down seemed to monitor patterns of nearby planetary bodies. The readings paid special attention to solar flares, meteor showers, and asteroids.

Level three was the one that finally put an end to any light-heartedness Omega Squad had been showing. It was dedicated entirely to monitoring Republic and GAR transmissions… even on channels that were restricted or heavily encoded.

Level two was fully unlabeled, which somehow managed to be even more sinister than everything else they had found up to that point. Niner was issuing orders before Alpha had the chance: “Atin, start slicing these panels, Figure out what this level is for. Fi, cover him. Darman, you’re with the captain and I. We’re going to check out the last level.”

Niner turned, glancing at Alpha as if to check whether he had additional orders. The sergeant seemed to have covered everything, so Alpha just gave a slight nod and went to level one. There was nothing at all on that level, just a blank wall stretching the length of the catwalk.

“Nothing to report on this level,” he transmitted over the comm channel. “We’re headed to level zero. We’ll let you know if we need coverage.”

“Yes, sir,” Fi replied, suddenly all business since his skills as a sniper and medic may be needed before they returned to the ship. “I’m on alert.”

“Any progress on slicing into the panel?” Niner asked as he followed Alpha to the last ladder that stretched down to the floor.

“Nothing yet,” Atin reported. “The panel is loaded with security. I haven’t tripped anything yet, but it’s slow going.”

“Keep at it,” Alpha told him darkly. “We need to report back soon and the more intel we have, the better.”

“Sir,” Atin agreed. Alpha didn’t bother saying anything else. The fewer distractions he had, the faster Atin could slice the panel and the sooner Alpha could get back to the people who mattered.

His boots hit the durasteel floor with a hollow-sounding boom! The same thing happened when Niner, then Darman reached the bottom of the ladder. Alpha waited for them to glance around, then went for the nearest gap in the barrier. He had noticed a while before that, along with several access hatches, there were a few narrow rectangles of thick transparisteel set into the barrier.

When he peered through, however, he was greeted with a mass of wires and electronics. Niner had followed him, glancing through the pane as well. “Any idea what it is, captain?”

“No,” Alpha said flatly. Electronics were tricky. They could be programmed to do any number of things. He could take a guess at their purpose based on the way things were laid out and interconnected, but the GAR would want more than a guess, especially with something so strange and suspicious… and so close to Kamino.

“It’s a transmission station,” Darman contributed. When they both turned to look at him, he shrugged, indicating a warning sign set into the barrier. “There’s a lopretrium warning. Lopretrium is used to increase the range of transmissions. It’s a natural amplifier for frequencies.”

Alpha frowned. He remembered every bit of information he had ever come across, but that was new to him.

Judging from his voice, Niner seemed to be thinking along the same lines. “Where did you learn that one, Darman?”

Darman seemed almost embarrassed when he replied, “Mereel.”

Alpha bit back a sigh. He didn’t mind the null ARCs - though they were some of the few ARC troopers he hadn’t personally trained - but there was something about running into the Skirata clan that made every trooper walk away with stars in his eyes. It was infuriating. More importantly, it could make a man lose focus on what was important.

“Okay, so it’s a transmission station,” Alpha agreed sharply. “Why don’t we know about it? The Republic monitors all transmissions that pass through this sector.”

“If transmissions are sporadic, they would be more difficult to track,” Niner theorized. “Or maybe they’re transmitting on a frequency that the Republic doesn’t watch as closely.”

“I’m getting more curious about who ‘they’ are,” Alpha said. “But okay, say they miss the transmission. Ships pass through this sector constantly - on patrol, on the way to Kamino, or just passing through. How did no one notice a single asteroid with a ship crash-landed on it before now? This is showing signs of having been here for a while.”

“I think it was originally part of an asteroid field.” Darman held up his datapad. “Remember that field nearby? I guessed that it was part of that, so I did some research. Turns out the field was closer, and this station would have been in the middle of it. The field didn’t shift until a few weeks ago, so it’s possible that no one noticed. This didn’t move with the rest of the asteroids, though. It’s a fixed location.”

“No one would have had a reason to scan an asteroid field,” Niner added. “No one would have noticed that this is actually metallic.”

“Not only that,” Darman said. “The hull of this station was covered in something rocky when we came over to the crash site. I think it was originally covered in a duracrete mixture that hid the metal. My guess is that constant collisions with other asteroids and the stress of being in open space chipped away at the duracrete until the metal showed through. It wouldn’t have taken much exposure for our scanner to be able to pick up a metallic surface.”

“Can we get inside?” Alpha asked.

“I wouldn’t,” Atin contributed through the comms channel. “I’m seeing signs that every access panel to the transmitter itself is heavily alarmed. It would take hours to slice through those security protocols.”

“Don’t bother,” Alpha told him, starting for the ladder. “I’m going to make contact with the Republic, then with Kamino. Whoever put this here, the kaminii need to know.”

He had made it up to the fifth floor and the bottom of the ladder to the original access hatch when Atin spoke again. “Captain, I got into the system. These are the panels where the information to be transmitted is entered either manually or through a remote application.”

Alpha paused. “Were you able to retrieve any past messages?”

“Even better,” Atin replied, satisfaction thick in his tone. “I’ve got a call log. The station has recently received several calls from a comm frequency based on Kamino. I’m sending the frequency to your HUD now.”

A single flick of Alpha’s eyes was enough to pull up the comm frequency. After a split second to process, a violent smile stretched over his face.

---

“You didn’t find anything?” Pender demanded. You weren’t thrilled about the sharp reprimand in his voice, but you couldn’t exactly blame him. Pender’s eyes were wide and his breathing was fast. He was panicking, and with good reason.

“No,” you admitted. “I looked at every record I could find, but no one else seems like a likely candidate for transmitting information, especially not on your behalf.”

“Listen, I know I’m a popular guy,” Pender started, pacing back and forth, “but surely you found someone who doesn’t like me. You know how these bounty hunters are. If they take the slightest dislike to you, they do crazy things to get revenge. You should have seen the way this one Weequay started treating me…”

You tuned Pender out as he launched into a story, still walking frantically around the room. His pacing turned out to be a good thing, since it meant he entirely missed the way you made uncomfortable eye contact with General Ti and Commander Colt. They knew as well as you did that Pender was among the least-liked people on Kamino.

“I can at least give the Kaminoans my recommendation that they refrain from acting until we can launch a deeper investigation into this matter,” General Ti said kindly.

Pender was unconvinced. “General, please don’t. I’ll do anything you want, but I can’t- Please, don’t tell the Kaminoans about this.”

The General tried to gently persuade Pender that she would do everything she could to help, but she had to make her full report. You had never been so grateful for your comm to ring than you were in that moment, and you happily stepped to the furthest corner of the room to accept the call.

You could have gone outside for greater privacy, but there was a chance that General Ti would pull some kind of Jedi trick on Pender, and you weren’t willing to risk missing that.

The frequency was unfamiliar, but you accepted it anyway, answering with a wary, “Hello?”

“It’s me,” Alpha said, his voice familiar and utterly comforting even through the small speakers of the comlink. “Pender’s a traitor.”

The unprompted statement was so timely for the situation that it took you a moment to process. “What?”

“Pender’s a traitor,” Alpha repeated with relish. “He’s been giving information to the Seppies through a disguised transmission station outside of Kamino.”

“Are you sure?” you murmured, trying to pitch your voice only barely loud enough to be heard over the chaos in the background. “How do you know?”

“We tracked the communications back to Kamino,” he told you. “They originated from his Republic-issued comlink frequency.”

“Pender,” you called, repeating it more loudly when he didn’t respond the first time. “Pender! I need your comlink. The one the Republic gave you.”

“Pender? Why are you with Pender?” Alpha demanded, but you ignored him.

“I don’t have it,” Pender admitted, shrinking under the harsh stares of the general and commander. “I lost it months ago.”

Your voice was sharp with exasperation and irritation. “And you didn’t think to mention this when you asked me for help?”

“It was GAR-issued,” Pender explained, sounding confused about why you were so upset. “I didn’t want to get fined for losing government equipment. You already told the general about the credit transfer when I asked you not to. I knew you would do the same thing with the comlink.”

“I believe it is clear that Pender is not the source of our information leak,” General Ti summarized, cutting through the rest of the chatter and accusations you, Pender, and Alpha were throwing around. “Pender, you are dismissed.”

Pender rushed out of the room as quickly as possible. When the door had closed behind him, the general continued, “That does leave the question of who the leak is. Administrator, do you have any theories?”

You shook your head. “Sorry, General Ti. I didn’t go far back enough in the security cam footage to catch who might have stolen Pender’s comlink. Now that I have a timeline, I should be able to narrow the list of suspects down.”

“General,” Colt said, voice urgent. “We’ve just had an unauthorized departure from the planet.”

“That must have been our traitor,” General Ti concluded. “We must go to the Kaminoans with what we’ve learned.”

“I’ll report what we’ve found to the Republic and the GAR,” Alpha informed them all through your comlink. “I’m sure you’ll be in contact with them, and it’ll help if they already know what’s going on.”

“Very good, Captain,” the Jedi said, inclining her head despite the fact that Alpha couldn’t see her. “And hurry back. I have a feeling we will need you here.”

“I will, General,” Alpha agreed, and you could hear the grim determination in his voice. “Omega Squad and I will have to stay long enough to catalogue what we find and report back to everyone, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Stay safe, Alpha,” you pleaded softly, as the general and commander turned away tactfully and started their own conversation.

“I will, but I need you to do the same,” he countered. “I’ll see you soon...”

There was an odd, heavy pause before the call disconnected. It was probably because he didn’t call you neverd’ika since you had an audience… but you couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else he didn’t say.

You couldn’t dwell on it for too long. General Ti had called ahead to get an emergency meeting with Lama Su. Kamino’s prime minister hadn’t been happy at being summoned, but he agreed to spare the Jedi a few minutes. You didn’t need Jedi senses to catch the subtext: if it had been anyone else, the meeting request would have been denied.

It didn’t matter, though. All that mattered was that General Ti got the meeting and brought you and Commander Colt along with her. Given your particular history with the Kaminoans, you made a point of staying quiet while General Ti finished giving him a general explanation of what had happened.

By the time she had finished, more information had come to light. Colt stepped forward, already displaying the screen of his datapad. “Security has traced the unauthorized departure to a ship owned by Lenjam Banti, one of the bounty hunter instructors. They haven’t been able to reach him on the comms.”

“Do you believe Banti was the leak?” Lama Su asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“Kamino security forces ran a sample of his skin cells through an outside database,” General Ti told him. “It revealed that he lied about his identity. Banti is actually a bounty hunter known only by the name Dengar.”

With that information and the new timeline Pender had inadvertently provided, you focused your attention on your own datapad, pulling up the security footage you had been looking through. Now that you had a suspect, it would be far easier to track down evidence.

“Impossible,” Lama Su decreed. “We perform an extensive background check on all instructor candidates. If he were lying about his identity, we would have discovered it.”

“Not necessarily,” General Ti told him kindly. “Your databases are extensive, but self-contained. It would have been simple for someone with the right skills to alter the information of the genetic information you have on file. The Kaminoan databases do say that the material belongs to Banti, but several outside databases confirm that the man is indeed Dengar. Your archives were sliced and altered.”

Kaminoan expressions weren’t easy to read, but even you could tell that Lama Su looked displeased. “And what evidence do you have that this Dengar was the one to collect and distribute information?”

Fortunately, you had found what you needed by that point. You showed him your datapad, with Dengar’s face clearly showing on the footage. He was frozen in time, leaving Pender’s quarters. “This is from several months ago. We hadn’t thought to look back that far.”

Lama Su’s look of displeasure began turning to one of derision and you braced for him to say something condescending, but General Ti interrupted before he could begin. “Prime Minister, you must act quickly. We do not yet know what information Dengar has or where he took it.”

“And why should I not take Doni Pender into custody?” the Kaminoan asked. “Why would Dengar have left so abruptly if he set up the perfect person to take the fall? It seems to me that the two could have been working together and had a disagreement. Or perhaps Dengar discovered Pender’s deception and fled for his own safety.”

“Prime Minister, Pender is the only reason we found out about all of this,” you chimed in. “He has made some missteps, but we wouldn’t have made this much progress if he hadn’t told us about the way he was being set up.”

“Sir,” Commander Colt said quickly, before Lama Su could reply. “The administrator was skeptical about Pender’s guilt despite the supposed evidence. She was looking into the situation. With her investigation and Captain Alpha-17 finding the transmission station with Omega Squad, Dengar probably felt it was too dangerous to risk staying here.”

Lama Su leaned forward, an intent look in his dark eyes. “How did you know about the commando team’s progress? Their mission is highly classified. They were not to discuss it with anyone.”

“I’m Captain Alpha-17’s commanding officer, sir. The GAR’s processes are that he should report to General Ti and I even on assignments outside of our command,” Commander Colt explained smoothly.

It was an outright lie, but the commander’s sincerity and matter-of-fact nature made it far more convincing.

Lama Su didn’t seem like he entirely believed that, but General Ti spoke again. “We must act now or we risk unforeseen complications from the situation, Prime Minister.”

The Kaminoan steepled his long fingers and heaved a heavy sigh. There was a moment of charged silence, but he reached for the comlink on his desk. After keying in a frequency, he said reluctantly, “Until we can do a full audit of our information, Kamino is under lockdown. No one may enter or leave without approval.”

He glanced from General Ti, to Commander Colt, and finally to you. With his eerie eyes fixed on you, he said, “Perform all necessary activities to prepare for a potential invasion.”

---

Author's Note - Oh, here we go again... Thanks, as always, for reading!

Now for the unwelcome part of this note: I try to take a break about halfway through these stories to get the next part planned out and start writing. I'm not prepared to say that this is the halfway point (e.g. I legitimately thought this was chapter ten the whole time I was writing it), but I will be taking a small hiatus. You can expect the next chapter to be posted in the first week of March!

That being said, I do have some stuff planned for the time between now and posting Chapter Twelve. Feel free to send in asks for more information or background questions. As long as you aren't asking for spoilers, I'd love to answer your questions!

Thank you for reading and I'll see you in a few weeks!

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coconuts-are-mammals · 1 year

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So this fine individual said something about the Bad Batch animating bloopers like they did with older Pixar movies, and that got me thinking about what a Clone Wars blooper series would look like

The Jedi:

- Obi-Wan trips. Constantly. It’s a hazard, and has cost the studio probably about eighty hours, if all the bloopers were to be added together. He also drops things 24/7, and Cody, who, if he isn’t in the scene, always darts out of the camera man place to pick the stuff up before vanishing.

-Anakin can never get his lines straight. He says things like ‘You republicans are no match for us seperatists- wait’. He mutters his lines a lot as well, and he’s almost never satisfied with the end result of the recordings. He makes weird faces, too. He’s new to this.

-Ahsoka is.... well, Ahsoka. She breaks things CONSTANTLY. It became an established rule to never let her out of sight EVER early on during Season 1. She enjoys pranking the actors as well, which a certain parental someone totally doesn’t condone.

-Kit Fisto is always doing Kit Fisto things. He has, on multiple occasions, stepped on camera in a nightdress holding a bagel and a cup of tea. During interviews, he’s constantly spoiling things, and typically, Mace has to join him, because spoilers would have to be waterboarded out of him.

-Mace Windu is always going off script in the most nonsensible yet perfect ways, to the point where the director has considered letting him do his own thing and seeing how that would end up. The director has tried that once, but it was so hilarious and there was so much swearing that they couldn’t keep it in (unfortunate).

-Plo Koon sleeps. Quite a bit. If anyone turns their back for more than a minute, he’s curled up behind some obscure prop taking a nap. He fell asleep once when he was supposed to be acting unconscious, and during a climactic cinematic fight scene someone trips over him and breaks his rib. He is very proud of this, because it was the first injury (first of many) to be had on set.

-Shaak Ti can hardly stop herself from laughing whenever she’s in scenes. She’s an excellent actor, but when around her close friends, she just can’t stop herself from bursting out into a laughing fit. Either that, or little snorts can occasionally be heard from her place in the Council Room. Also, like Ahsoka, she loves pranks. She once hid a woopie cushion under Mace’s chair in the Council Room. After he had brushed with a heart-attack, he laughed for fifteen minutes, his record.

The Clones:

-Cody always memorizes his lines. He’s perfect. The best. He likes to scold Rex when he can’t get his lines right. He is, surprisingly, English, but he does an excellent American accent. He once let go of his orderly self for a season and a half, because he and Obi-Wan were doing an elaborate prank that they were dating, which fooled everyone. Since then, it has been accepted that they are, in fact, dating, and everything since then has been an illusion. They even had a ‘wedding’. Satine, Obi-Wan’s wife, was the one who took the role of the Priest.

-Rex curses. Profusely. There’s been a gag ever since Season 2 that whenever he’d curse, everyone would shout ‘LANGUAGE.’ Initially, it was just Cody who did this, as he would also always cup Ahsoka’s ears because she was too precious to hear such words. Was. Now, they fear they may have another Rex on their hands since she’s older.

-Fives knocks stuff over a lot. He also always goes off script, and doesn’t always have the intention of making it seem in character, which has led to some pretty hilarious stuff. He loves pranks, and often teams up with Hardcase to do them. He once covered the set of Krell’s office in tiny rubber ducks. And yes, they were all glued.

-Hardcase is a little prankster. Well, not little. He has done such elaborate pranks that he actually got an award for it. One of those includes the time he yelled ‘INCOMING’ and was rammed into a defective camera that was about to be destroyed with a shopping cart. He has been assigned ‘destroyer of defective cameras and whatnot’ since. He also once stole Dooku’s tea, and the dear Count spent an entire day hunting down the culprit. Two things have changed since then; Dooku now keeps his tea in a vault and Hardcase is afraid of Dooku.

-Echo mixes up lines quite often as well. He studies scripts intensely and tries his hardest, but he still gets them wrong because he has a crappy memory. During scenes where he has on his helmet, he has only his right side available because his left is occupied by the script. Because of this, he whispers into the ears of Anakin and Fives when they forget their lines. He does this often.

The Seperatists:

-Asajj is very well-humored, to the pain of her evil peers. She’s good friends with Shaak Ti, and the two are menaces. Many woopie cushions have been sat on, and many horns have been blown. She’s convinced that Dooku is a vampire, so she once threw garlic at him during a fight scene. ‘Always distract your enemies,’ she says.

-General Grievous hits his head constantly. He also trips over his cape, much like Obi-Wan, which is how they initially became friends. Sometime during the fifth season, the director noticed that all the Lightsabers were missing. He was then sent an out of context image of Grievous’s closet, which consisted of an immense pile of Lightsabers. He steals them every chance he gets, and is hellbent on getting Maul’s lightsaber, but he never lets it out of his sight. He often teams up with Asajj to steal lightsabers as well.

-Dooku was tired of the cast (in a good way) the moment he laid eyes on them. He ran out of *immature bleep* to give a while ago. He’s the ‘victim’ of many, MANY pranks and whatnot. One of these included Anakin and Ahsoka placing bets on how long they could lurk behind the Count and mime him until he noticed. Ahsoka managed this for ten minutes before the Count ‘nearly killed her’ with an unfortunately placed hand movement.. Anakin went an astounding twenty before Dooku tripped over him to get out of the scene.

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