#generational patterns of abuse

[apelcini]

it always feels strange saying that i had a shitty childhood because like. i did. but whenever i phrase it like that people always assume parental abuse or neglect and then i have to be like “oh no my parents were great it was just literally every other influence in my life that sucked” and we all just sit there silently for a minute while they freak out about accusing my parents of emotional neglect and i freak out because i said more than an off handed joke about my shitty childhood which is much too vulnerable and none of us enjoy it. so like what am i supposed to say then

#is there a word for i had my needs collectively abused neglected and/or misunderstood by every adult in my childhood to the point of #maladaptive behavioral patterns from my trauma that still affect my relationships to this day #it was a lot of ableism but there was also general lack of regarding children as people and also misogyny and homophobia #and just generally people being selfish and self centered and not caring about each other under capitalism #antisemitism is. a hard one to gauge for my area. lots of racial diversity but very few jews. lotta korean christians and other #demographics who have. very different behavioral values than my new york jewish family lol #yknow what actually. not gonna get into it at 3 am. that’s what you can call hashtag selfcare

[glittertimes]

The metaphor of hospitality and anticipating people’s needs in the bear season 2 while Carmy is also not anticipating Syd’s needs, or the restaurant’s needs, or Claire’s needs is such a interesting juxtaposition!

#everyone talks about the inter generational trauma in this show #but more specifically it’s the trauma of emotional neglect / abuse and not getting your needs met as a kid and continuing that pattern #as an adult bc you’ve never been allowed to speak up for your needs so at some point you just become so disconnected from your needs #like how carmy thought he needed fun and then decided he didn’t and how he didn’t know what to label his relationship #with Claire as at first #personal #the bear

[candyn-gutz]

It's so funny though, because when I first read secret alliance I wasn't over my disdain for yanderes (bad experiences, thank you korka for helping me get over it) and I didn't really like Yul and then some time passed and I did recognition through the other plus now having found a new love for the trope I'm just here like yes he is my insane pathetic wet meow meow who did everything wrong and I love him for it ♡ (also Gender so all crimes can be forgiven)

aah i get that.. and the reason i started reading it a few years ago was because i found out there was a yandere in it. lmao.

honestly it's very new to me to be more open about the things i like because in my irl circle things like these are just frowned upon and i cant even be like "hear me ou-" it's definetely a trope i learned because of unfiltered internet access and i'm sure it really wasnt a good thing but like over the years it just became a coping mechanism . and i hate my brain so much for it.

#i am very picky about yan media in general though i just think i have a very specific taste #like most fics or manga or anything else i come across the yan is abusive -in the sense of literally breaking every bone in their obsession #s body- and like i dont care if other people enjoy reading it live your truth but it just doesmt hit the right spot for me #yeah.. sorry for rambling again im starting to see a pattern here #asks

[dandyshucks]

i think it is a little bit funny (not necessarily haha funny but like a "huh. thats something." sort of funny) that the two main F/Os of mine (Guz and Julian) both have abusive parents fnfkdl like ,,, idk i guess like attracts like but ough theres something about that that makes me feel a little bit "this probably says too much about me" dbdkdkl (also the mk system,, and one could make an argument for the celestial robots too tbh with how theyre treated at the company djdksl)

#its been a day fhdksl #my mother is getting into some stuff that rly fucks w my brain and easily sets off psychosis symptoms so im ... ack! #im trying very hard to keep those thinking patterns out of reach and keep myself tethered but hough its gonna be a bit interesting here #the difficult thing w this is that it is impossible to disprove a lot of the thoughts and beliefs that come into play with these topics #not that arguing with delusions does any good generally speaking (and only harms usually) but ... argh ! frustrating ! #and by beliefs i mean delusions here. i do not want to argue with spiritual/religious beliefs djdksl esp if theyre not hurting anyone #i want to argue with my shitty brain trying to convince me that [redacted] is true (not going to say just in case it sets other ppl off) #and then when u throw double bookkeeping into the mix... well. now ur well and truly fucked djdkdl #ANYWAYS. it is struggle momence over here now eeyikes! #the comforting thought ''my f/o would understand my situation and would have their own experiences to draw from to know how to comfort me'' #(and i could comfort them when they struggle w flashbacks or triggers or just plain and simple difficult days) #i would never want anyone to go thru this bc it is absolute hell and nobody should ever experience this. but... #there is comfort in knowing somebody else Understands bc they've been thru it too (or similar enough that they get it) #abuse tw #vent // #for the tags mostly djfkdl #dandy.cmd

[lepetitchemin]

at the beginning of the wilds season 2 i was so ready for a raf/seth love story ..i had no idea

#i get that the writers were trying to show that oftentimes perpetrators of SA and abusive people in general are charming and charismatic #and kind and funny and sensitive and thoughtful on the outside. and incredibly manipulative. and so it makes it easier for people to #believe the perpetrator didn’t do the thing that they did #like i get that and i think that’s important!! #it was also very jarring and it felt like the rug being pulled out from under me (which again i understand was the Point) #and it broke my heart that the writers set this romantic connection up to then snatch it away and reveal seth to have #this violent and manipulative and volatile and unpredictable part of him just beneath the surface #idk a lot of what they did this season was interesting but a lot of it was also lacking in depth/explanation/motive/etc #anyway the whole ‘seth turning out to be a perpetrator of SA and someone w a pattern of abuser behavior’ thing just punched me in the gut #the wilds #the wilds season 2 #the wilds season two #seth novak #raf garcia #rafael garcia

[funkyyfungii]

Something I've noticed is that you usually see a few slytherins together with maybe a student from a different house to spice things up whereas you generally see the other houses more mixed together and that really just solidifies the idea that the house of Slytherin is just the abused childrens' club tbh

#hphl #hogwarts legacy #slytherin #seb has issues #ominis definitely has his fair share of abuse #imelda hints at emotional neglect #draco and his entire family reek of generational trauma #and usually victims of abuse are painted as evil manipulative and cunning by their abusers.. #on top of that abuse victims are drawn to each other due to similar experiences and sensitivities #so I'm seeing a pattern

[degrassi-fandom-confessions]

I’m low key getting tired of seeing the takes about straight female characters being turned gay after bad experiences with men especially when it comes to Paige and Imogen who are bi and pan. Also it’s weird to include Imogen in that trope because her experience with Eli is not even comparable to what happened to Paige, Fiona and Zoe. Zoe in particular being a lesbian made sense to me considering her relationships with boys vs her relationships with girls. I respect people’s opinions but these takes rub me the wrong way sometimes.

#I think the wider conversation should be about how female characters who were bitchy faced abuse and r*pe as part of their redemption arc #because while there is a pattern with how the queer girls were portrayed on degrassi #anon is right that Imogen doesn’t count as part of this because well she was #just as toxic towards Eli as he was towards her but worse imo 🐸🍵 #degrassi confessions #degrassi #degrassi the next generation #admin zai

[vizthedatum]

We repeat what we have not healed.

#healing #trauma #love #neurodivergence #harm #queer #abuse #self love #prose #trans #life #patterns #relationships #generational trauma #stop running from yourself #because when you stop running you will still be there #affirmation #self respect #harm reduction

[gothmods]

Do you ever identify like, patterns of thinking or behaviour in yourself that seem like the sort of response someone would develop due to trauma or repeated negative experiences but you cant really pinpoint why/when/where you developed those patterns?

Hmm...

#noticing i tend to rehearse detailed explanations when i make a mistake as if i am being put on trial for blame and #hmmm i do not feel this is indicative of an emotionally supported upbringing but #i also cant really identify any concrete examples of what may have led to this specific pattern of thinking #autism sometimes feels like you are having to untangle a long long chain of experiences that toe the line of emotional abuse but never #cross it enough to be easily recogniseable red flags #or at least thats my experience of untangling my memories and experiences pre-adulthood or pre-diagnosis #(generally pre the ages of 16-18 at which point i had a long realisation that i could [re]gain control over the direction of my existence)

[angelbandagesmoved]

I hate when I read a post, or come across something and I'm like perfect. this makes sense and it's a good post about toxicity. rebl— .... THEN I check the tags and it's tagged under narc abuse

#like....ngl I kinda fell into a bad pattern of thinking because when you're younger #it's easy to demonize a category of people when you've suffered heavy abuse from someone with a specific diagnosis #but like.....you kinda have to see past it at SOME point.... demonizing people does not help anyone heal it's so counterproductive #as well as just generalizing people being dangerous?

[anxiously-going]

.

#i had an uncomfortable realization this afternoon #i think part of what makes me uncomfortable with more...intimate versions of mckirk is because the age gap there #is similar to the age gap between myself and two of the people that abused me #of course i recognize that the context is wildly different there #two consenting adults vs one minor being incredibly inappropriate with a much younger minor who was unable to consent in any way #but i think even just that very minor piece of pattern recognition is enough to get my hackles raised #because it's not about the characters themselves there has been nothing in bones character to ever indicate that kind of malice #its nothing to do with the actual ship or characters it's literally just the age gap that every once in a while just makes my insides squirm #i dont think i would have ever had the realization at all if i hadnt had a nightmare about jim being attacked and assulted last night #bones wasnt even in the dream it was just a couple of older officers but it kept replaying in my brain till i wrote out the aftermath #and getting him patched up and it was the context of jim going through a similar trauma to mine and coming to me for help #that i connected the dots #i mean within in the context of how i usually write bones jim didnt want to tell him at first becaus i write bones as being an sa survivor #and jim didnt want to trigger him in all of this so he asked me for help instead #but writing him going to someone closer to his own age over some closer to the age of the people who hurt him kind of connected the dots #it's definitely a me issue and its not actually anything to do with the characters or the ship in general #its just a really unfortunate happenstance

[bettycrockercorp]

.

#blabbers #personal musings in the tags feel free to ignore just needed to like soliliquize to myself #learning about narcissistic abuse these last few weeks has been such a crazy and eye opening experience #i knew i was being abused while i was with m and while she was still in my life #at the time i didn't 100% concieve of it as abuse but after we graduated and weren't physically near each other i started to realize #idk all i knew at the time is that i was miserable and in her total control and didn't know how to get out #and really conflicted becuse she knew how to give enough crumbs of good times #that i couldn't even dream of leaving her #after i cut communication i did read a book about gaslighting bc i knew i was for sure experiencing that #and i read one about having a healthy relationship and that shit blew me away bc i couldn't even imagine someone caring for me like that #or just you know treating me with basic respect #but i didn't know to look into specifically narcissistic abuse just more general emotional abuse and manipulation #which helped immensely and i've healed a lot from that #and it has been totally mindblowing to learn that other people have been through this pattern of abuse #and that it's a specific pattern in the first place #AND that there are resources to help me to talk about what happened and recover from it #it's such a relief to feel like i can finally finish healing past the trauma #like fully and not just partially or mostly #anyways i'm not healed yet so time for some healthy anger: fuck you madison you made my life hell and the only consolation i have is knowing #that deep down you are more miserable than i am #get some fucking help

[selamat-linting]

not to be a cunt but i do have a slight superiority complex because i've been through things that would make the average people kill themselves. if someone comes up to me, and say they've given up or they dont think of having a future, chances are i would mock them behind their backs. like, when i was a kid even my extended family and some of my neighbors THINK i wouldn't be able to finish elementary school because my mom and dad is a poor fuck up and i was a freak autistic little kid who cant afford a textbook. like, talk to me about hopelessness when even your own relatives see you as a baby and think you cant do the bare minimum. like, i do think im better than some of my friends.

#this is generalizing of course #and only applies to my irl peers who is mostly an ablebodied and neurotypical middle class kid who is having their quarter life crisis #like seriously. some of them have their college tuition PAID for by their parents #and they still feel like they'll never have a future #or they'd bitch about surviving a toxic relationship as if its as horrifying as witness domestic abuse as a kid #please stop venting to me i literally have no sympathy to your problems #YOU have the power to break this pattern yet you sit in complacency and simmer in depression until it almost killed you #i'll try my best to be a decent person to you but i have no sympathy #posts about my life #disclaimer : i know this is a problematic thing to say. i know im being an asshole. i know i should have more compassion #but rn. i dont have it

[beguines]

As a significant "feminised" category of mental illness, however, HPD [histrionic personality disorder] was superseded in the DSM-III by the introduction of the controversial BPD, a label which has been increasingly applied to women, with around 75 per cent of all cases estimated to be female. Seen as a milder form of schizophrenia and lying on the "borderline" between neuroses and psychoses, the concept has been used in psychiatry since 1938. Like other personality disorders, BPD has a notoriously low reliability level even by the generally poor standards of the DSM, and even within the profession is considered by many as yet another "wastebasket" category (though as Bourne ruefully remarks, the ambiguity of such personality disorders makes them particularly useful in policing deviance in the new century). One member of the DSM-III task force stated at the time of constructing BPD that "in my opinion, the borderline syndrome stands for everything that is wrong with psychiatry [and] the category should be eliminated". The chair of the task force, Robert Spitzer, admitted with the publication of DSM-III that BPD was only included in the manual due to pressures from psychoanalytically oriented clinicians who found it useful in their practices. Such practices have been documented by Luhrmann who describes psychiatrists' typical view of the BPD patient as "an angry, difficult woman—almost always a woman—given to intense, unstable relationships and a tendency to make suicide attempts as a call for help.' Bearing significant similarities to the feelings of nineteenth century psychiatrists towards hysterics, Luhrmann's study reveals psychiatrists' revulsion of those they label with a personality disorder: they are "patients you don't like, don't trust, don't want . . . One of the reasons you dislike them is an expungable sense that they are morally at fault because they choose to be different." Becker reinforces this general view of the BPD label when she states that "[t]here is no other diagnosis currently in use that has the intense pejorative connotations that have been attached to the borderline personality disorder diagnosis." A bitter irony for those labelled with BPD is that many are known to have experienced sexual abuse in childhood, something they share in common with many of those Freud labelled as hysterical a century earlier; a psychiatric pattern of depoliticising sexual abuse by ignoring the (usually) male perpetrator, and instead pathologising the survival mechanisms of the victim as abnormal.

By the mid-1980s, the hysteria diagnosis had disappeared from the clinical setting while BPD had become the most commonly diagnosed personality disorder. BPD is now the most important label which psychiatric hegemony invokes to serve capital and patriarchy through monitoring and controlling the modern woman, reinforcing expected gender roles within the more fluid, neoliberal environment. Nevertheless, as Jimenez (emphasis added) reminds us, the historical continuity from hysteria to BPD is clear: "Both diagnoses delimit appropriate behavior for women, and many of the criteria are stereotypically feminine. What distinguishes borderline personality disorder from hysteria is the inclusion of anger and other aggressive characteristics, such as shoplifting, reckless driving, and substance abuse. If the hysteric was a damaged woman, the borderline woman is a dangerous one."

Bruce M.Z. Cohen, Psychiatric Hegemony: A Marxist Theory of Mental Illness

#bruce m.z. cohen #psychiatric hegemony #psychiatry

[aplpaca]

thinking about how I've seen OCD get talked about now, but haven't really seen many posts that actually explain what it is. And like, obviously people shouldn't get all their info about mental conditions from posts, but u can't deny that internet communities and stuff play a major role in people recognizing and putting names to their own experiences.

But like since the general public has like absolutely no idea of what OCD actually is (no thanks to popular media), and a lot of things I see talking about intrusive thoughts don't mention OCD (either bc they originated in OCD circles or bc intrusive thoughts aren't Exclusive to OCD or for some other reason), there should prob be more explanation put out on what OCD actually consists of.

Which is kinda hard in some ways, bc there are so many ways OCD can present in terms of what "themes" a person experiences, so someone talking about what their themes are might not ring a bell with someone who experiences different ones. But like, the core thing with OCD isn't the presence of certain themes, it's a specific pattern of spiraling thoughts and reactions.

Like. OCD is a mental condition/illness where people experience stressful, unwanted, repetitive thoughts. These are intrusive thoughts are what make up the "obsessions" part of the disorder. In response to these intrusive thoughts, a lot of people will perform certain actions or think certain things in an attempt to neutralize or disprove the threat they represent. These are the "compulsions" part of the condition.

For a more "traditional" example, someone experiencing intrusive thoughts that they might catch a communicable disease may obsessively wash their hands or google their symptoms to try to lessen the anxiety. While someone who is worried they might hurt someone (even though they very much do not want to hurt someone) may avoid being near sharp objects or may avoid the people they're afraid of hurting.

One of the issues with OCD is that performing the compulsions provides short term relief, but in the long term it only strengthens the stress caused by the intrusive thoughts, thus furthering the thought spiral and actively making it worse, to the point where, depending on your themes, you may be (almost) convinced that your intrusive thoughts represent the truth or the inevitable or something permanent.

Intrusive thought themes cam be literally anything, but some of the common ones are stuff like

Questioning your sexuality, gender, etc (what if I'm actually straight/gay/bi/trans/cis/etc?)

Being worried about losing control and hurting yourself or others physically, sexually, emotionally, basically any way (what if I want to kill someone? What if I'm a pedophile? What if I'm an abuser? What if I want to stab myself? Etc)

Fear of becoming or being sick

Worrying something bad will happen to you or people you care about

Worrying about your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof (what if I'm actually Christian? What if I'm actually atheist? What if i don't believe in the faith i ascribe to? Etc)

Worrying about relationship status (what if I don't actually love them? What if they're not "the one"? What if they're cheating? What if *I'm* cheating? Etc)

What if I'm a bad person?

Fear of losing things

Fear of things not feeling right (this is often be related to other themes via magical thinking. ex: if I don't have my things organized Just Right then something bad will happen)

Fear of unreality

Compulsions vary by theme a lot obviously, but some common ones include

Hand washing

Organizing things until they Feel Right

Checking and double checking and triple checking to make sure you did something correctly

Obsessively reviewing your memories to disprove a thoughtor make sure you don't believe something

Arguing against the thoughts in an attempt to disprove them

Testing your mental reactions to a thought or to certain kinds of content, to show yourself you don't actually believe or feel something

Obsessively googling symptoms, testimonies, things related to your thoughts

Obsessive prayer

Repeating phrases, mantras, affirmations, etc in an attempt to make thoughts go away

Avoiding things and situations that set off your intrusive thoughts

Repeatedly asking for reassurance from others ("I'm not being xyz, right?")

But yeah this obviously isn't exhaustive but, just, if this kind of thing sounds familiar, you should probably do some research on OCD, bc while intrusive thoughts can occur with other conditions, the intrusive thought-compulsion spiral is the core of OCD and isn't really a subaspect of depression/anxiety/ptsd/etc. and the treatment and management of OCD can look different from other stuff, so its a good thing to look into.

(Also it's important to keep in mind, esp if you're someone that doesn't have it, that someone's intrusive thoughts Are Not "secret desires" or "repressed urges" or anything the person even remotely wants to act on. Someone having harm-related intrusive thoughts is not at risk of actually acting on them, no matter how worried they are of doing so.)

Anyway this was a long post and I don't have a neat way to wrap it up and also I accidentally added a poll and now can't get rid of it so here's free poll. I'm running on nyquil and a small amount of straight gin (which works very well at numbing a sore throat) rn gnite

#ocd #actuallyocd #actually ocd #intrusive thoughts #my hand is fuckin stiff from typing this all out on my phone rip

[xyp6a]

My mom trying to manipulate me by telling me she had cancer in June and is in remission?

More likely then you think.

#*scream of anguish* #she’s rlly like that #cancer - #you’re not forgiven but I will end the pattern of abuse and generational trauma