#genuinely it’s been so long I don’t even remember what tags I used here Help

[goldenbuckyyy]

YOU’RE ALL I WANT

Summary: You and Harry finally reconnect.

Pairings: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.7kish

Warnings: Over 3k of smut!! Oral (fem! & male!receiving), fingering, allure to squirting, raw sex, creampie, slight fem!reader!Dom/subrry vibes if you squint!! 🤏🏻

A/N: Hi!! Sorry this has taken so long! The holidays were very crazy and work has been… just as crazy as always! But she’s here and I hope you love her as much as I do.. because I love her!! I’m also going to be tagging anybody who mention needing part 2 since it’s been a while!! Also, this is probably the last part! Song title inspo: “You’re all I want” by Cigarettes After Sex

Divider is by @silkholland!! I love your divider so much! Thank you for allowing us to use them. 🫶🏻

All my mistakes are my own. Please do not repost or translate my fics on any other site nor this one.

I appreciate any likes, reblogs, messages, and interactions. Please message me your thoughts!!! It fuels me!

PART 1 || Main Masterlist

May 20th, 2022. 

You tapped your fingers on your countertop as you watched the time slowly trickle by. 

3:03PM. 

Watching how slow the time was going felt almost agonizing. 

You let out a groan as you felt as if time had never gone by any slower. You were still in your pajamas, sipping on your door dashed iced latte, stomach still full of your late morning breakfast, and you felt nervous. Nauseated, almost. 

So nervous about seeing Harry tonight that you almost wanted to throw up. And you knew you didn’t have to feel this nervous, but it’s been almost a year that you haven’t seen him. It’s normal to feel this way. You can’t help it. 

Harry’s album had already been out since midnight and you had to physically restrain yourself from listening to it. You wanted tonight to be the first night you listened to all of his new songs. 

Either way, you knew they were going to be amazing. 

You had also already chosen your outfit for the night. Which surprisingly had taken you so long to put together. 

Simply because you wanted to look your absolute best tonight. 

You searched throughout Twitter for concert inspiration and for any ideas that would help you. You knew fashion. You worked in fashion. You had your own famous fashion line and you still had no idea what to wear to this concert. 

You’ve been to plenty of his concerts before. You even remember the outfits you wore to one direction concerts and it secretly made you cringe. Flashbacks of textured shorts and frail crop tops fill your mind. 

But now.. now you wanted to surprise him and feel good. It’s been way too long since you had seen Harry's face and you missed him. 

So, you did what you do best and you made your own outfit. 

You ended up making a black jumpsuit with an amazing sequin fabric which covered every inch of it. It was long enough to pair with your favorite platform heeled boots that were comfy enough to be standing a long period of time in. You made the top of the jumpsuit have a cross neck fixture with a triangle opening right underneath your sternum and you made the back to match. 

Now, it was just time for the clock to strike five for you to start to get ready. 

So, here you are. Fiddling with your phone to try and pass the time faster. 

You hop off the stool and move to your private sunroom in your penthouse that overlooks the river. You bask in the sun on your skin and wonder how tonight will go. 

Hopefully everything goes well and Harry’s only expression when he sees you is happiness. 

You can only hope. 

You tug on your oversized silk blazer as you walk down the backstage hallway of MSG with Jeff by your side. 

“Harry might shit himself when he sees you,” Jeff says to you with wild eyes and a loud laugh as you try and match his fast pace down the hall. 

You let out your own nervous one as you fix your hair for the millionth time as you follow him. 

“Don’t worry. I just might, too.” 

You weren’t lying. You genuinely felt sick to your stomach. You had decided to wait until you knew that Harry would already be almost going on to text Jeff that you were waiting at the back entrance for him. Just so he wouldn’t be able to tell Harry you were here. 

“The concert already started, but don’t freak. It just started,” Jeff says casually as you start to see the flashing lights from behind the curtain. 

You still for a second right before you pass the curtain to let out a shaky breath. Reminding yourself to calm down. That it’s only Harry. 

Jeff’s hands are suddenly touching your shoulders and he’s giving you a reassuring smile. 

“Don’t be nervous. He’s going to be happy to see you. Trust me.” 

You nod quickly and your senses are suddenly filled with loud screams. Thousands and thousands of people screaming for Harry. For your Harry and it makes your heart warm. 

You follow Jeff to the side of the main stage behind a barricade, but in perfect view of Harry. And your eyes start to water as soon as you see him. 

He’s wearing an adorable white shirt that’s lined with red hearts, black leather figure hugging pants, red sneakers, and a big chunky yellow necklace. 

You cover your mouth to hold in your own cry, quickly shaking off the nerves as you settle into the spot next to Jeff, and you zone out as you admire Harry in his zone. 

The way the music completely takes over his body and his actions. The way you can tell he lets the music get into his bones by the way he lets it take over and how he dances. The way he lets himself be free in a room filled with people that love him. People that you know he loves. His fans. His wonderful, amazing, love filled fans. 

The way he smiles, laughs, and giggles so hard his dimples end up showing. And how he looks so freaking happy it makes you want to burst into tears. 

You can easily tell this is his favorite thing to do. Just by looking at him. He’s the type of person that you can just watch and admire because everything he does leaves you in awe. 

And that’s exactly how you feel. 

Then, at the right moment when he’s prancing around the stage, and running on your side of the stage.. he glances down to look at Jeff and then he sees you. 

You both lock eyes at the same time and he trips on his own feet, halting in front of you, and the screaming only intensifies when he breaks out into the biggest smile you’ve seen on him all night. 

His hands immediately go to his heart and you see his eyes water as you smile back at him with matching watery eyes. He reaches for you with a small “Hi” leaving his lips and you mouth it back. You can tell he wants to say something else, but he quickly shakes his head with a grin and goes back to dancing around the stage. 

You can hear fans calling out your name from around you as now they’ve noticed you. You look around, giving a small wave at the fans near you, and they shriek when you look at them. 

You blush under their gazes as it never gets any less weird for you that people actually know who you are. But feeling grateful nonetheless. 

Harry makes his way to your corner of the stage after he sings probably the saddest song you’ve ever heard and smiles at you as he settles himself with the microphone stand. 

“Now this next song… this next song is incredibly special to me. One of my favorites actually. And…” he pauses and takes in a shaky breath. “The person who inspired this song is actually here tonight.” 

The crowd goes wild. Loud cheers surrounding your entire body. You feel lightheaded as you watch Harry on stage. 

Watching you. 

He gives you a small smile and continues, “This person.. has been my best friend for almost a decade now. We actually met at a Halloween party many many years ago. Her best friend is actually the person I spilled my beer on,” you both chuckle at his words, “I’m getting off track here. But I just want to say that this person is the one person that I absolutely adore. I adore her, I admire her, I respect her, I recognize her, and I love her.” His voice cracks at the last couple of words, his bottom lip quivering and his chin caving in, and tears pool his eyes. 

Your eyes are filled with tears at hearing his speech to you and knowing that this is showing his vulnerable side. Which he has always struggled with. You clamp your hands together against your chin as you only smile up at him. 

“This is ‘Little Freak’,” he says into the mic as the band starts playing a soft melody. 

The first lyrics remind me of the incident in Italy last year and your heart silently hurts. You grip onto the railing in front of you as you listen closely to each lyric. 

Finding yourself relating to each word and wanting to pull Harry into your embrace.

Did you dress up for Halloween? I spilled beer on your friend.. I’m not sorry. 

You chuckle as you sniffle while slow tears fall down your cheeks and you quickly wipe them away. You watch him in awe as you hear everybody singing along to the lyrics. To a song that came out less than twenty four hours ago. 

I disrespected you

Jumped in feet first, and I landed too hard

A broken ankle, karma rules

You never saw my birthmark

Okay. Maybe this is the saddest song you’ve ever heard. Harry holds out the microphone to his fans and gets overwhelmed when they’re singing back his lyrics so loudly. You laugh with joy at how happy he is. 

“Thank you so much,” he says into the microphone with his voice wavering, but sounding so grateful. 

Just thinkin' about you

He finishes singing the last lyric and he looks over at you with a smile. You smile back with a thumbs up and his dimples show. 

The rest of the concert goes by so quickly you can’t even believe it’s been almost two hours since he started. 

Every single one of his songs feels connected to you in some way and you wonder if you were in Harry’s thoughts when he wrote this album. You know ‘Little Freak’ is about you since he practically dedicated it to you before he sang it.. but you wonder about the rest. 

A part of you doesn’t want to know. 

Jeff is by your side as soon as Harry runs off the stage after doing his famous ‘Whale’ and glancing at you quickly. 

Jeff wraps his arm around your shoulder, with a smile, he asks, “What’d you think?” 

“He’s incredible.”

“That’s our boy.”

You hum in agreement and you both walk off backstage to the chaos that is the loud voices of people congratulating the band and Harry on a brilliant performance. 

You stand in the background, watching Harry take each compliment with grace, a shake of each person's hand, and a dimpled smile on his face. 

You watch him carefully, bouncing on your heeled boots, heart racing, fingers aching to feel Harry’s skin, and your body trying not to reach for him. 

You smile softly when you notice his eyes searching the room and then they land on you. His expression changes to a mix of glowing happiness and absolute joy. He looks like a little kid that just got offered a lollipop at the dentist. 

He politely excuses himself from the group he had just thanked and hastily makes his way towards you. 

You open your arms to him on instinct, “Hi.” 

His arms engulf you into his space, completely tucking you into his body, and you feel complete. His hands wrap around your torso, underneath your blazer, touching your skin, and your arms wrap around his neck. Your faces squeezing into each other’s necks and he whispers a breathy, “Hi.” 

You melt into his embrace, smelling his cinnamon roll hair styling crème that he still uses, and it brings back a decade of memories for you. His strong arms squeeze you as he lifts you up off your toes and you can hear him inhaling your scent. 

“God, I’ve missed you.” 

You chuckle into his neck, “Me more.” 

You both pull away at the same time, staring at each other, and you place your hand on his cheek. He leans into it with a small smile, beautiful glossy green eyes staring into yours, and you thumb his cheek. 

“I’m sorry, H.” You confess with a soft tone, trying to hold your voice steady while your heart races inside of your chest. 

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one that messed up, but.. c’mon.” He wraps his hand in yours, giving Jeff a small signal, and he starts to walk off towards his dressing room. 

He leads you into the big dim-lighted room, shutting the door behind you, and locking it for privacy. 

You stay in front of him, glancing at him and trying to see if you notice anything different about it. 

But he’s still the same Harry. Right in front of you. Finally. 

He pulls two cold waters from the mini fridge and hands one to you as he leads you both to the couch. You get comfortable as he kicks off his shoes, leaning into the green couch, and planting his feet on top of the coffee table. You sit back and admire him for a second before drinking some water.

After a moment of silence, he asks, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Missed you tho.” 

He smiles as he tucks his chin into his chest, arms crossing over his chest, “I did, too. More than you can imagine.” 

“Yeah?” You question, playing with the rings on your fingers, and you look at him from underneath your lashes. 

“Come here,” he says as he reaches for your hand. Your insides turn and you let him pull you into his lap. Your breathing hitches as he stares at your face, taking you in, and then his eyes land on your lips. 

“Of course I’ve missed you. You’re my best friend,” he whispers into you as he slowly leans in and you close your eyes, waiting for his lips to touch yours. 

“Do you still want me?” You blurt out bluntly, your eyes going wide, and you suddenly feel weak. You feel vulnerable. Insecure. 

Harry tenses in front of you, his eyes going wide, and he searches for words. But nothing comes out. His eyebrows furr in confusion, “What? How-I… Are you serious? I was about to kiss you..” 

You look down, ashamed at your question, and you feel him pull your face back up to meet his own eyes with his thumb. 

“How could you ever think I wouldn’t want you?” 

His eyes are sincere and full of concern. His body leans into yours, his arms that are holding you only grow tighter, and you wrap your arms around his neck limply. 

You lean into his touch and try to smile. Your lips wavering when you say, “I.. I ignored you for months.” 

“You had your reasons. I was awful to you. I said mean words to you that I should have taken back as soon as I had spoken them. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

His thumb caresses your cheek as you nod at him. 

“I’m still sorry,” you say again as you kiss the inside of his palm. 

“I have always wanted you.”

“What?” You say with a grin as he matches your own.

“I, Harry Styles, have always wanted you, Y/N L/N. Ever since the first moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on and you continue being so.” 

You let out a watery laugh as tears prick your eyes, you swat his chest playfully, “Stop! You’re making me cry!” You both laugh together as he places a big smooch on your cheek. 

You giggle as he slowly starts to kiss your cheek and makes his way down to your lips. 

His hands are holding your face when he leans back and asks you, “Can I kiss you?” 

Before you can even finish nodding, his lips are on yours. 

His lips feel soft and warm against yours. You both held your breath as he waited for you to respond to his kiss, his lips on yours, but full of hesitation. 

You relax into his hands, letting yourself finally kiss him back, and a feeling of euphoria fills your body. You both moan into the kiss, tilting your heads for better access, and you pull at each other to feel closer together. He slides off your blazer and touches your naked arms, moaning at feeling your skin against his own. 

Your tongue fights with Harry’s and you suck on his bottom lip with a moan. Your hands moving from the back of his warm neck to his curly hair, tugging at the roots, and filling with content when he groans into your mouth. 

Harry lets go of your face and he’s moving your body over his own, adjusting himself onto the couch, and you plant yourself down on his hips. Feeling his hardening bulge against your core makes you feel hot. Your core aching in want and you grind against him. 

You both meet again in the middle and kiss, lips lapping against each other, open mouthed moans, and pants filling the room. Slow hips grinding against each other. 

In the rush of probably the hottest way you’ve ever kissed someone, he’s suddenly pulling away from your body completely. 

Leaving your body aching for his touch and your skin feeling burned as his hands leave your waist. 

You’re suddenly filled with confusion, furring your eyebrows, and peering up at H. 

“What’s going on? Why’d you stop?” You pant out as you try to catch your breath. 

H looks like he’s torn between a million emotions as he clutches his eyes in distress, a heavy breathe escaping his lips, and he’s shaking his head. Then.. he chuckles. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this..” 

Your heart stops. 

“But.. I don’t want our first time to be like this.” 

Oh. 

“Oh?” You question with a small smile as you sit up on his lap, adjusting your jumpsuit straps around your neck, and he’s leaning against the back of the couch… looking so adorable. 

He looks almost shy right now and he blushes under your gaze. 

“Yeah,” he says as he reaches for your hand and you let him. “I want our first time to be special. I want it to be in my bed or yours. And I want it…I just.. I don’t want to fuck you in this dressing room. I mean—“ 

You cut him off as your cheeks flush down to your neck at his words, “I have an apartment here.” 

His eyebrows spike up in shock as he looks simultaneously confused, shocked, and you can tell he’s hurt that he doesn’t know about this major change in your life. You reach for his hand and squeeze it when he immediately grips onto yours. Trying to reassure him with your touch. 

“Since when?” 

“Fairly recent,” you say with a small smile playing on your sinful lips. 

“Where?” 

“The Copper,” you say with a glint of enthusiasm and he only matches you. Like always. 

“You got an apartment there?” His eyes glint with a look of pride. 

“I got the penthouse.” 

The second that you both walk into your penthouse, Harry’s mouth and hands are on you. And you’re not complaining. 

You throw off your blazer at the same time he kicks off his shoes. 

His hands are all over the parts of your skin that isn’t covered and he stops when he finds the clasp around your neck. He swiftly unhooks your jumpsuit and you feel it fall over your shoulders and down your chest. Your breasts are now exposed and you feet the cold air brush against your nipples. Perking them up and making you gasp in pleasure. 

He tugs on your jumpsuit which makes it pull around your waist and his hands move onto your breasts. He moans into your mouth when he feels them naked since you’re not wearing a bra or pasties. He thumbs your nipples and you whimper into him, licking the roof of his mouth, and sliding your hands underneath his shirt. 

He manages to shove you against your couch and you both tumble on it, giggling into the kiss, and his hands are around your body to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. 

You giggle as he kisses you, which only makes him giggle with you, and then you’re laying down on your couch. You pull away from him when you feel him get on his knees in front of you. 

He slowly slides his hands underneath your jumpsuit, unzipping your boots, and tossing them to the floor. His eyes are only on you. 

You watch him with want as he slips off his shirt, tossing it to the side, and you shimmy out of your jumpsuit. Tugging off your black thong with it. 

Harry's lips are on yours again and he’s hungry. Kissing you deeply, his tongue fighting for dominance with your own, both moaning and panting, aching for each other, and he’s reaching down to unzip his pants. 

Harry’s hands suddenly are off of your hips and his lips leave your own. You whine as you feel him pull away from you and you quickly open your eyes to watch him as he’s watching you, now sitting on his knees on the couch, and his eyes never leave yours. 

He slowly lets his eyes wander down your naked body, fully taking in that this is the first time he’s ever seen you naked, and it makes you ache in ways you’ve never ached before. Makes your skin break out into goosebumps at the mere sight of him taking you in. 

He stands up, shoving off his leather pants and his red briefs, and his long, thick dick makes an appearance. Your eyes go wide as you look at him, the first time truly looking at his dick, and your pussy only clenches with desire at the same time your mouth waters with want. 

His dick is beautiful. Long, thick, and looking juicy. And waiting to fuck you up. His tip is leaking pre-cum already and it bounces with every movement he makes. He moves back to where he was sitting on his knees on the couch, admiring you as you admire him. 

“Fuck,” he mutters out as he wipes his face with his hands before he sets them down on your ankles. 

“What is it?” You whisper as you move your legs to open up in front of him, feeling your wetness coat your inner thighs, and he bites his bottom lip. His dick twitching in all its hardened glory. He’s almost fully leaking from the tip of his dick. 

“You… are beautiful. Breathtaking.. and this is the first time I see you naked. I just wanna admire you,” he says as he pulls your ankle to his shoulder and kisses your shin. You smile as you let yourself spread out more for him as he starts kissing up your legs slowly and sinfully. 

Your breathing hitches as he gets closer to your center, you're already antsy when he stops in your inner thigh, kissing both of them, licking them, and sucking small love bites onto them. 

You massage your breasts as you lean your head down to get a better look at him. 

“You’re glistening,” he mutters against your thigh, kissing right next to your aching pussy. You can help but moan out in want and anticipation. Your hips are getting a mind of their own as you try to hitch them towards his mouth and his eyes move towards yours. 

“So inpatient,” he says as his cold fingers are suddenly touching your wet lips, pulling them open, and he spreads you to his liking. 

“Oh my god,” you moan out at the sensation that overcomes your entire body at Harry finally touching you. 

He moves himself in between your legs, pushing your thighs down on each side, and he lets his tongue slowly lick your pussy. You clench around him, you can’t fully believe that this is happening right now, and you twist your nipples in between your fingers. You tilt your head back in a pant when Harry slips two fingers inside of you. 

“Fuck,” he groans out as he curves his fingers inside of you and your pussy only tightens around them. Your breathing has picked up and you can hear how absolutely drenched you are by the sound his fingers are making as he moves them in and out of your pussy. 

Harry seems to only fuel himself more with your moans and panting because you feel him start to devour you. You gasp when you feel his tongue lick you from the bottom of your folds all the way to your clit where he swivels his tongue around it and sucks it into his mouth gently. The bundle of nerves makes the pit of your belly harden in pleasure, your back curving upwards, and your hands move into his curls to hold onto something. Anything. 

You moan out his name when his fingers start thrusting inside of you, in and out. In and out. And then he picks up his pace, slightly, but making a big difference in how it fuels your impending orgasm. 

His fingers continue to fuck you, his mouth devouring you, and his tongue is torturing you. In every possible way. You know this is going to be the best sex of your life. You know you’ll never be able to move on from this. You hope Harry will feel the same way, too. 

His mouth moves skillfully against your pussy, his tongue flicking your clit in all the best ways, and you can feel the pressure slowly building up in your lower stomach. 

Harry sucks onto your clit, making your legs start to shake slightly, and he inserts a third finger into you. You cry out in pleasure, your body feeling like it’s on fire, your skin is glistening with sweat, and you start to move your hips to match the pace of his mouth. 

He doesn’t stop his movements. He only keeps going. His fingers fucking you like heaven, his moans sending shockwaves through your body, and then.. he moves his tongue into the right spot on your clit which makes you absolutely explode from underneath him. 

You yell out his name, so loud that if you actually had neighbors on this floor, you’d be scared they’d come banging on your door for being so damn loud, and your eyes prick with tears from the amazing orgasm that overtakes you. 

Your toes curl into the couch, fingers gripping onto his curls, entire body clenching and then releasing as you feel yourself soaking Harry's mouth and fingers, and he’s lapping up every single drop of your release. Moaning as you can see his thighs grinding into the couch. 

You don’t even let your body come down from the high when you’re hastily moving from being underneath Harry to being on top of him, straddling him, and kissing him hard. Sucking his lips into yours and moaning when you can taste yourself on his tongue. 

You kiss him for a couple seconds before you move down his stomach, licking his butterfly tattoo, sucking a couple love bites on his abs, and letting yourself make eye contact with him the entire time. 

His pupils are blown out, lips plump and swollen, cheeks flushed bright pink, and he looks fucked. 

“Fuck,” he pants out, his voice raspy and blissed out. And he can’t even react before you’re taking in his aching dick into your mouth. Fully deep-throating him that the tip is curving into the back of your throat. Your eyes water as you keep eye contact with him, your hands holding yourself steady against his fern tattoos, and his hands grip into your loose hair. 

“Holy shit! You’re fucking-I-you’re fucking taking me all the way, baby!” 

You preen at his words, bobbing your head on his dick, pulling up slowly to let your tongue lap over his tip, sucking off the pre-cum into your mouth, and moaning so that he feels every vibration in your throat on his dick. You can feel his dick twitching in pleasure inside of your mouth and it only fuels you to be better. You pick up your pace, nails digging into his hips, lapping him up, and everytime you go all the way down, you let your tongue lick his balls too. 

Harry suddenly pulls your face off his dick and you whimper at the disconnection. You look at him with big, blown out pupils, and a stream of saliva connecting your lips with his dick. 

He groans as his hands move down to your breasts, pinching your nipples, and then he thumbs your swollen lower lip to wipe off the mess. 

“‘M gonna cum if you keep suckin’ me off like that, honey.” His voice is breathless as he cups your face, pulling you up easily, and connecting your lips with his. Your wet core lands on his fat, aching dick, and you already need him inside of you. 

You’re aching for him.

You kiss each other roughly, hands all over each other, and you start hitching your hips higher trying to align yourself with his dick. You can feel his dick fluttering in between your folds, wetting him up even more, and then you feel your opening align with his dick. You shift your hips a little bit more and you feel the head of his dick right where you want him. 

You lower down onto his pulsating dick and he groans into your mouth. His hands immediately find your hips, holding you steady as you try to lower yourself more, only being halfway. 

“God, you’re so fuckin’ tight right now. So fucking tight, give me a second..” He moans even louder as he allows you to lower yourself even more until your pelvis meets his own. You steady yourself on his chest, tightening your arms against your breast, and smiling wickedly at Harry’s expression which only shows pleasure. 

You slowly start to move against his hips, slowly bouncing on his dick as his tight grip on your hips help you move, and you can feel how desperate he is for you. How much he’s wanted this. How much you’ve been wanting this. 

He slowly starts moving his hips underneath you, quickly changing the pace from slow and sultry to fast and rough. The sound of slapping skin fills the entire penthouse, your moans mixing with his own, and your hands are touching him everywhere. 

“You feel so good,” you whimper out to him as you lick the curves of his neck as he pulls you into his chest as he hitches his hips to fuck into you like this. 

“You were made for me,” he whimpers back as his arms wrap around your waist. 

His thrust only increases in speed in this position. His dick filling you up completely, like nobody ever has, touching every inch of your walls, and your wetness only allows him to fuck into you faster. 

You feel the familiar feeling building up in your belly, you lick and suck his earlobe, “I’m so close.” 

He quickly turns you over, so that your body is laying on the couch now, his dick never exiting you, and now he hitches your legs to wrap around his waist. He presses down against our belly and it only fuels your climax. 

“Oh my fuckin’—” you cry out as you feel Harry fucking you hard and him pushing against your cervix seems to increase the sensations. 

“Feel me up here, huh?” He groans out as he continues to push into you at a rough speed which you can only nod, feeling absolutely fucked, and he moves his free hand to your clit. Moving his thumb in circles roughly against it which triggers your orgasm. 

You clench around his dick, crying out loud, your entire body breaking out into goosebumps, and instant satisfaction floods you. You tighten your legs around Harry, pulling him into you, waiting for him to cum too, and he’s looking like a fucking god above you. 

His curls falling around his face, sweat glistening his toned body and his forehead, fucked out, bright flushed pink cheeks, and you don’t know what comes over you… 

You reach forward as he fucks you and you place your hand aound his neck, holding the sides, avoiding the center, and his eyes go wide. 

His eyes instantly meet yours and his lips part in shock. And you keep moving your body against his, letting him use you completely, and then.. you squeeze around his neck. 

His eyes roll back into his head, biting his bottom lip, fucking you rough and hard, and you know he’s about to cum. You squeeze his throat harder and your free hand reaches underneath his neck to tug his curls. 

He lets out the loudest, gut-wrenching moan of the night, and his thrusts start turning animalistic, when he yells out, “Fuckkk!!” 

He continues to thrust into you as he reaches his peak, filling you up completely, and you both are a panting mess as you both start coming down from your orgasms. 

Harry flops onto your chest, but holding himself up with his forearms on your sides. You giggle as you can still feel his dick inside of you, but you wrap your arms around his neck. 

He lifts his head, panting, and eyes glistening. He smiles at you, bunny teeth showing, and dimples carving his cheeks. 

“That was…” he stops as if he can’t even find the words, but who are you kidding? You can’t either. 

“It was,” you agree as you kiss his forehead. 

“That was very much long overdue,” he states with a teasing grin and you playfully pinch his forearm. He laughs into your neck before giving you a soft kiss. 

“How long are you here for?” You ask, not really wanting to ask, but you know you should. 

“I’m here as long as you are.”

You furr your eyebrows in confusion, lips parting with a question, and he shushes you. 

“I’m not letting you leave my sight ever again.”

He places a million kisses over your face, you swat him away with giggles, and then hold his face in your hands. Eyes locking. 

“Does this mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” You tease.

“Shit, I’d marry you tomorrow if you’d let me.” 

Your eyes glint with amusement and so do his. 

“Who says I wouldn’t?” You whisper at him, playing with his curls in your fingers. And he attacks you with another million kisses. 

You could get used to this. 

And you think you just might. 

“So, where’s that secret birthmark of yours?” 

-

@that-daydream-look @harrysfolklore @b-reads-things @tbslnightly @noseyrosey1597 @alwayslovingharry @alreadyjackbestfriend @cevansssss @1cedteaa @feestyles @you-sunshine @awesomebooklover17 @aruima

#harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles smut #harry styles x y/n smut #harry styles x famous!reader #Harry styles x fashion designer!Y/N #harry styles writing #harry styles au #harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fan fic #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic

[saetoru]

omg bc you asked for loid thirsts the other day i binged the series (i’ve been meaning to for months now, that just kicked my ass into gear lmao)

but loid feels like the kinda person who’s so used to taking care of everybody else that the moment somebody starts taking care of him he just ~melts~ 😮‍💨 give him a handjob or blowjob, and don’t ask for anything in return, just doin’ it ‘cause ya genuinely love him and want him to relax? mans is getting a ring not even a day later

#𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔 — 𝐋𝐎𝐈𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐑.

tags: nsfw, gn! reader, hand jobs

notes: sobs i am so mentally ill over him THANK YOU FOR SPARING SOME THOUGHTS

loid can’t remember the last time he’s had time to just sit. nothing to do, nowhere to be, and no one to find. but he’s here right now, slumped across the couch, you seated on his lap, and he thinks maybe he should find more time for this—because this, you, this is a real shame to miss out on.

it’s almost muscle memory for him. it’s almost instinctive to reach for your waistband and sink his fingers past your folds—but then you shove his hand away. he furrows his brows, wants to say something, and he even opens his mouth to voice his thoughts, but then you palm him through his pants, and all that manages to escape his mouth is a choked groan.

“just relax,” you murmur, pressing a small kiss to his cheek, and he breathes heavier as your hands travel past his waistband to wrap around his stiff length, exposing it to the cool air as he hisses. “you just sit there and look pretty,” you hum.

he almost blushes—though you notice that the tips of his ears are just the slightest bit pink.

“what about you—”

“some other time,” you cut him off, “jus’ wanna take care of you.”

he frowns. loid forger doesn’t get looked after, it’s just not something that happens. ever. he’s used to being the one that does the looking after, the one that makes sure everyone’s okay before himself—and it’s meant to stay that way. but his cock is pulsing in your hand, hot and heavy and aching to cum, and he almost contemplates if he should really be putting up a fight.

it’s second nature to protest though. “but i always—”

“c’mon,” you groan, “just let me.” and you’re pouting.

you’re pouting like the prospect of him not relaxing, of him not melting under your touch as you care for him is making you upset. it’s foreign being handled so gently, like he’s fragile and dainty and vulnerable (which he’s not—ever), but he’ll admit it’s not exactly awful.

he must look a little skeptical still because suddenly, without warning, your thumb smears the pre cum leaking from his slit around his tip before gently stroking him a few times. his eyes flutter shut, and a low, quiet groan falls from his lips.

“see? it’s not so bad relaxing, huh?” you whisper against the shell of his ear, still dragging your palm up and down his hardened length, squeezing slightly at the tip each time. “you get to feel good. isn’t that nice? just let me help you relax.”

“fuck,” he grunts, and his hips do a little twitch that has him thrusting into your fist just a little, chasing the friction before he can stop himself. he wonders if it could be that bad to just listen to you this once. “okay,” he mumbles, eyes squeezing shut, “yeah, okay,” he finally caves.

you murmur a happy little “yay,” and he’s less than willing to admit he almost imagines you with a wedding band around your finger. he quickly tries to fight the scene in his head of your ring adorned hand wrapping around his cock before he cums too fast.

but then you squeeze around him a little tighter, your free hand moving to cup his balls and making his head fall back against the couch, and he’s not sure if he can hold himself out for too long in the first place. he moans, eyes squeezing shut as his lips tug between his lips, and your thumb glides through his slit. for the first time, he seems to be caught off guard—if the slight hitch in his throat is of any indication.

“i love you,” you say gently, littering soft kisses along his jaw, hand still gliding up and down his cock. “always taking care of me—you deserve the same too, yeah?”

everything feels hot, your skin on his and your breath fanning against his ear as you praise him. he feels pleasure burn through his nerves, chest heaving up and down as he approaches his orgasm slowly. loid can’t help but let out a soft gasp when you increase your pace, louder groans spilling from his lips—and his lips are pretty, so you lean in and press a soft peck to them, once, twice, then a third time before he desperately kisses you back.

it’s a messy kiss, a light clash of teeth and labored breaths as he pants against your mouth, letting out sweet little moans that you drink in as his fucks into your fist. he’s flushed, skin a dust of blush over his face and peeking through what little you can see of his chest from his shirt. his cock twitches in your hand, tip swollen and red, leaking pre cum and glistening in your hand as you stroke him.

“fuck, like that. feels so good,” he rasps, “g-gonna…gonna cum.”

“c’mon, baby,” you encourage, “just let go.”

a few more strokes of your hand as the other lightly fondles with his balls, and you feel him twitch in your hold once more. if you didn’t know any better, you’d say the noise he makes is a strangled whine as he spills into your hand, his own hands gripping your hips tightly for stability as he bucks up desperately into your fist and rides out his high. he groans your name lowly, voice cracking in the middle before finding your lips again as thick ropes of cum paint your hand white.

“god, fuck,” he pants against your mouth, and with a few more spurts of cum, he finishes, burying his head into the crook of your neck as he pants, trying to catch his breath. “you’re gonna be the death of me.”

“just wanna show you i love you,” you huff, face softening as he slowly wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you a little closer. “you should let me take care of you more often.”

his heart does a little jump, and something unfamiliar bubbles up in him as loid takes in your words. and he’s not entirely sure what to say, so for now, he settles for sighing with content into your skin as your clean hand threads through his sweaty locks gently.

guys he’s so hot i’m gonna throw up

#teepods.writings #thirstee! #thirsts. #loid x reader #loid x you #loid smut #loid forger x reader #loid forger x you #loid forger smut

[zgvlt]

for your consideration azul ashengrotto x reader

summary: in which you make a joke that prompts Azul to confess his feelings for you

author's note: see end notes for more. anyway, I wrote this because of a joke my law professor made, and I genuinely could not get it out of my head, so i wrote this as a response

tags: gender neutral reader, second person pov, sfw, attempt at humor + fluff, 1.6k+ words, mentions of marriage (but nothing extensive and nothing decided), not beta read

[you can also read this on AO3]

You’ve always had the most bizarre ideas. 

Azul supposed the creativity you possessed made up for whatever prowess you lacked in magic; he’s certainly seen first hand all the ways you could get past dangerous situations with barely a scratch. He should have been used to this, used to you and your peculiarity, but then you take a seat in front of him, offering the most confounding deal.

“I was reading some of the books you have lying around here,” you began, with a mischievous smile that bordered on gorgeous, “since you were taking so long out there.”

Books? Any fiction he found himself reading was stored neatly into a storage box in his room, that or he simply borrowed them from the library—he was going to make use of the school’s resources to the fullest, after all. The only books you would have access to were books on business, on finance and law. Did you really spend your free time reading those?

That wasn’t to say you wouldn’t be capable of absorbing it, but he knew that the thickness of those pages (plus the small and terrible size of the letters) were no laughing matter. If you were curious about something, if you wanted to find any loopholes in the contracts of your odd part-time jobs, you could have just asked him. 

He wouldn’t even charge you for his services, really!

“Did you now?” Azul asked, trying to see if anything was out of place in the room. “What did you end up reading about?”

“Something very interesting, Azul,” you said with a laugh, “you hadn’t marked anything on the book yet, so maybe I actually know something you don’t for once!”

“Should I be glad you think so highly of me?” It was merely a rhetorical question—he was already smiling after all. “Well, why don’t you educate me, my boon companion? Is it some land-dwelling custom that doesn’t quite make any sense? Something either of us could possibly make use of?”

“Perhaps, you tell me if you have anything like this in the Coral Sea!”

“Go on then, I’ll be listening.”

“Do you remember how I sort of—okay, more than sort of—have a bunch of debts to you?”

Honestly, not exactly. At some point he simply stopped keeping count—rather, he stopped counting half of things he did for you as debts or exchanges and more just… ways to show his sentiments for you. 

“Of course I do,” Azul affirmed instead, not quite sure if he should be admitting right now that he saw things differently, that he was merely jesting about having you be indebted to him and whatnot. “Aren’t you fortunate I’m not imposing a deadline?”

“You can just say you don’t want to kick me out of the VIP Room anytime soon—it’s alright, I already know. You’ve had house slippers my size waiting by the door since last month.”

“I don’t need you dirtying my carpet again,” he said, having been prepared with an explanation weeks ago in case you ever asked. It always paid to be prepared in situations like this—how terrible would it be if you had caught him off-guard? “You should really make a habit of cleaning the mud off your shoes after PE.”

“It can’t be helped… but never mind that! So I owe you things. That makes me your debtor, and you’re my creditor, right?”

Azul nodded, suddenly more intrigued than he already was.

“I get where you’re coming from now. If it’s a law book, it’s definitely possible you know something I don’t,” he said, “there’s definitely some differences between law of the land and law of the sea.”

“That’s what I was thinking!” you exclaimed, seemingly excited to share something with him, something you thought he might be interested in. A part of him wondered if him thinking it was cute was purely objective or if his affections for you had finally inflicted his eyesight as well.

Not that he was going to get a third person to spectate and give him a second opinion. That was just unnecessary, even if he wouldn’t consider himself as your obligee, from your perspective he was your obligor, and as much as possible matters should be kept between the both of you.

“So, right, I have a bunch of debts. I could get rid of it by simply paying you back, or doing something for you… which, by the way, you still haven’t given me any price.”

Because he wasn’t going to, because he never counted them as contracts or obligations! Don’t most people usually want to have their debts waived?

“We can discuss that another time,” he replied with a muffled cough, “the thing you learned?”

“Right, sorry! So, I learned that… as the debtor, if I wanted to extinguish all my debts without paying, I could just get married to you?” you said, pausing for a few moments to laugh at yourself, likely at seeing his expression. Still, it didn’t seem like you quite comprehend just how astounded he was. “I mean, there’s probably a bunch of conditions I’m missing, but… Woah, Azul, why do you look so serious?”

Serious? Did he look serious? 

Honestly, rather than that, he just felt… conflicted would be the most appropriate word for it, he supposed. He understood that it was a joke, and if anyone else had said it he might have pushed out the fakest laugh he could muster before brushing it off entirely, but because it was you it was difficult for him to decipher how he should feel. 

A part of him felt flustered that, if just for a moment, you considered having that kind of relationship with him. Simultaneously, he wondered if it was right of him to feel even the smallest ounce of frustration at how easily you were able to joke about it, when he himself couldn’t quite admit his growing affection for you outside of doing things for you here and there.

Of course he knew you had not meant it as a way to make fun of his feelings for you, he knew simply because you were you, just as he was unsure about the possibility of you having an inkling of how he saw you, but the tricky thing about emotions was that half the time, logic wasn’t enough to stop them from being felt.

Regardless, either emotion was uncomfortable, Azul would admit to himself. As much as he wished he could resolve it without having to voice out his feelings, he at least had enough confidence that you would not put him down for it.

Besides, if he ever decided to back out of it he could easily, probably, improvise a few excuses to get him out of boiling water.

“Marriage is a serious matter. You shouldn’t just marry someone for the sake of erasing your debts,” Azul said, with what he hoped was a light enough tone to not dampen your spirit too much. He didn’t want you to misunderstand. “Especially since you’re not as indebted to me as you seem to think.”

It might have taken you a second, but you seemed to have processed his words with the way your expression shifted into confusion.

“I’m not?”

“You’ve been self-imposing it,” Azul replied, “lending you my notes, helping you study for exams… I could have put you to work in Mostro Lounge, or asked to borrow the ground floor of Ramshackle Dorm. Believe it or not, I find value in you so it’s not as if you can’t pay me, I just choose to look at these things as… actions that aren’t contractual.

“That is to say, I don’t expect anything out of it, so don’t pay me back because you feel bad or anything.”

Because that, to him, would be a far worse rejection than simply rejecting him. He hadn’t done those things because he was expecting you to fall in love with him or anything of the sort—he simply liked you, friend or otherwise.

“Of course not,” you breathed out, with an understated understanding that reassured him. “Wait, Azul, if you’re saying what I think you’re going to say… you don’t have to say it now.”

“You’re always considerate of me, aren’t you?” Azul said softly, knowing that was one of the reasons he enjoyed your company so much—the way you always managed to let him know that you cared without belittling or pitying him. “But since I’m sure you know by now, let me tell you properly.”

Azul has always envisioned confessing to you, or at the very least asking you out on a date, in a very polite and formal manner, something he would spend weeks planning behind your back. 

Perhaps he should call himself an unfortunate soul for landing in this unexpected situation, but the more he thought about it the more grateful he was for it—beyond just finally having the opportunity to finally speak his mind (and more so his heart), he’s beholden to you for looking at him not just kindly, but expectantly. 

You look at him as if you want to hear him spill every drop of his feelings onto you, and that alone gives him enough confidence to carry on.

“Debts aside… it’s not that it’s not up for consideration, if you actually want to, but aren’t we a bit too young to be thinking about that?” Azul laughed, and when you followed suit he could physically feel his heart beating faster, despite the shallowing of his ocean deep nervousness. 

“When it comes to obligations to do or not to do, one can never be forced to do an act against their will… which is why I ask, how do you feel about going on a date first?”

end notes | masterlist my other azul fic

[1] Me exposing myself as a nerd pt2. First I write about economics, then law, who knows what's next? also DISCLAIMER this is an oversimplification for fic purposes don't come for me THANK YOU! :>

[2] To talk more about what inspired me, my professor had a lecture about the extinguishment of obligations. He didn't touch too much on the marriage aspect (the law i learn about is mostly business inclined) but he joked, "if you have a debt you want gone, just get married to your creditor (and don't get a prenup, even though everyone should get a prenup regardless of how in love you are)". Everyone was laughing, including me, but I could not get over it, and as I was studying I could not get it out of my head! So I just had to write it out… with Azul as my guinea pig, obviously. Hopefully I can stop thinking about it now that it's been written.

[3] The other thing that inspired me was Azul's White Day 2022 Letter! I liked how… friendlier he just seemed this time, the character development of it! So when envisioning Azul here I wrote it out as someone who does let you figure out that you are special enough to him and not just a connection. It's not like he's just giving you free meals all the time, he still runs a business, but he's a lot more considerate and willing to help you out because you're a friend, and not because he expects something in return.

[4] Honestly at first I thought this was going to be completely "crack" and "humor", and this still was written with the intention of not being too serious, but I also think the idea of marriage isn't a joking matter to Azul because of his parents. But if this isn't your first fic by me, I think a not-too-humorous but not-too-serious tone was expected.

[5] Anyway, I don't think he's considering it anytime soon, duh he's a student, but if that's something you want it's up for consideration down the line. They weren't even together until the end (if you say yes to that date) so they don't talk about it seriously and deeply, but I did want to give a glimpse on how I thought Azul would perceive it… while leaving it open how reader would see it. Yes, reader joked about it, but I just decided to leave it up to you if they actually want to get married in the future or not, you know?

[6] In Azul's confession! Azul's one of those people I can actually see confess in different ways. Flustered and cute? I can see it, and that was the initial route I was going to go with-something accidental and cute. It didn't seem right though, so I went the other way with something edging on serious but not planned. Anyway, he probably screams about it into his pillow in his room later.

#azul ashengrotto x you #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst imagines #twst #twisted wonderland #nathya twst writing

[vcnillazelda]

Hey, how a about Gaz x f!reader where reader is a rival of 141 and ends up kidnapping them. Reader joined the army a couple of months before Gaz so they know her well enough, so when she sees Gaz for the first time she’s like “who is this pretty thing” and flirts with him and stuff she even takes his hat before she leaves (she fr wears it everywhere) and he doesn’t get it back until she gets taken in for questioning or something. Tysm, have a good day :))

pretty boy

kyle “gaz” garrick x fem! reader

summary: the team slips up and ends up in a less than favourable situation, yet gaz gets quite the experience.

tags: kidnapping, enemies to lovers, dubcon affection, flirty! reader, gaz flirts back ngl, valeria is here too <3, mild spoilers, angst with a happy ending, eventual fluff, smoking, sharing cigarettes, paranoia, survivors guilt, not canon compliant

a/n: i low-key went above and beyond for this ngl- i just love him so much look at his pretty face 😭

✞———————❖———————✞

gaz wakes up, blinking a few times. he’s confused, his head is pounding, and most importantly he doesn’t recognise his surroundings. “what the…?” he whispers, memories slowly trickling back in to him. the team, something went wrong- their intel was wrong about el sin nombre. the enemy had the upper hand. “you’re awake.” a voice chimes. it’s awfully familiar, yet he can’t pin it. the door opens fully, and a woman steps in. valeria garza… el sin nombre. how did he end up with the boss out of everyone in the cartel. “fuck you.” gaz snarls, yet the woman just laughs. “feisty. i like that, it’s more satisfying to snuff them.” she mumbles, pistol vaguely brushing under his chin, tilting his head back. “here’s how this is going to go. you’ll tell me all the information you can offer about your little… operation- and in return, i’ll let you live.” she purrs, gaz tilts his head away. “over my dead body.” he grumbles, adrenaline spiking as her safety clicks off. “don’t test me.” valeria’s voice goes stern and icy.

“boss. alejandro wants to talk to you.” another voice says from the door, and she pulls away. “is that so? he finally come to his senses?” she asks, and you step in. “it appears so. i can take care of this one for you.” you state, and valeria chuckles. “i’d expect nothing less from you, novata.” valeria leans in, whispering something to you before leaving the room. you wait until the door is shut before turning to him, a soft smile on your lips. (rookie)

“aren’t you pretty.” you smile, slinking around his chair so he couldn’t see you. “who are you?” he demands, trying not to tense up as your fingers slide over his shoulders teasingly. “that’s not important… i wanna know about you.” your hand moves, index finger gently tapping his cheek. gaz tilts his head away. “you’re not getting anything from me.” he mutters, his wrists aching due to the binds around them. “that’s a shame. i was gonna do something nice, a quid pro quo….” you trail off, snatching his hat and placing it onto your own head as you move around him, taking a seat upon his lap. gaz sucks in a soft breath, averting your gaze, yet your slender fingers grasp his jaw, bringing him back. “look at me, pretty boy… tell me, how long have you been under the task force?” you ask, index and middle fingers gently stroking his skin. gaz feels weak.

“a few months, at least.” he mutters, cracking under your suffocating pressure. “is that so..?” you ask, voice a soft mumble as you take in his features. “yeah.” he responds, deciding on soaking in your visage as well, he wanted to remember so he could take you down- yet you’re so pretty, he can’t help but want you on his side. “why are you with el sin nombre?” he blurts out, and you chuckle. “my, you’re straightforward aren’t you?” you ask back, and he hums. “a little… i just wanna know the pretty girl on my lap a bit better.” he smiles, trying to use your own tactics against you whilst also genuinely trying to flirt with you. “i might tell you, if you tell me your name.” you reply, getting up. “gaz. my names gaz.”

you laugh again, and this time he feels a little confused. “what?” he asks, and you stifle your giggles. “do you think i was born yesterday? your real name, cutie.” you smile, hand resting upon the table before him. “kyle. what’s your name?” he knows it’s stupid to ask, and you simply smile sweetly, moving on. “my boss, el sin nombre- isn’t she cool? she wants some intel. normally i’d get it myself but you and your friends fell right into my honeytrap. it would be a shame to waste this time with just flirting.” you mumble, and kyle hums. “what if i want to flirt with you?” he asks, and you giggle. “you wouldn’t be the first.” you wink. “shame. i’d like having you on my side.” gaz gives a smile, and you hum. “is that so?” you ask, voice soft. “i don’t think we’d be that good of a match. i’m in a cartel.” he jumps at the opportunity. “we’d protect you. you don’t have to be here.” you laugh at his words. “baby, no one gets rid of el sin nombre. this little thing is just empty flirting.” you dismiss his attempts at a negotiation. he doesn’t know why, but gaz feels slightly hurt that you turned him down.

“i see.” he mumbles, and you give him a dramatic pout. “don’t be too sad, we can still talk.” you state, it’s meant to be patronising, yet gaz takes it straight to his heart. “i’d hope so. it would be a shame to lose a pretty face so soon.” you smile at his words. “you’re adorable. it’s such a shame i can’t keep you for myself.” you mutter, grasping his face with gentle palms. gaz smiles at you, and you pull away, looking at the door. “what’s wrong?” he asks, and you look back at him. “hm… gouging options…” you mumble, thumbs softly stroking his cheekbones. “and what would those options be?” he mutters. you smile again and gaz feels like he’s winning the olympics.

“come with me. i want to show you something…” you mumble, unsheathing your blade and cutting him free. “a risky move.” he mumbles, and you hum. “you wouldn’t hurt a pretty thing like me, i can see it in your eyes.” you pat his chest as he gets up. “how would you know?” he asks, and you giggle, grabbing his hand. “i just do.” you tug him along, opening the door. “be quiet. i wouldn’t want to hurt you.” you whisper, leading him through the hallways. gaz feels lost, simply following you blindly, for all he knew he could be walking to his death- yet he was doing it with a very pretty girl by his side.

as soon as the two of you step outside, the cold night air nips his face and he wishes he had his hat back to protect his ears from the freezing temperature- yet he doesn’t want to be rude, even if you kidnapped him and supposedly his friends… he would have to ask if you had his colleagues. “look.” you mumble, nudging his side as you sit upon a broken wall overlooking the road leading up to the base. “what am i looking at?” he asks, leaning upon the wall. you grasp his chin, tilting his head up from the road so he could see the view. “this is one of el sin nombre’s hideouts. it’s beautiful out here.” you mumble, showing gaz the quarry the hideout was hidden by. “it is beautiful.” he agrees, furrowing his brows. “why are you showing me this?”

“i’m tapped into your friends’ comms. they’re scanning through this area soon. i want you to have a look at where you’re going.” you point to the quarry, the gushing water distant. “i’m the only one here?” he asks, and you nod. “i promise, you’re the only one.” you tell him. “why are you helping me?” gaz asks, and you smile, it’s more sad now. “you’re too pretty for this place, kyle. go do what i couldn’t do.” you gesture to the open area around you. “what couldn’t you do?” you chuckle at his question. “i was in training at the task force you’re in, 141… i was in the same situation as you. i…” you trail off, taking a soft breath. “i’m kind of stuck here- but it’s okay. valeria’s nice enough to me.” you mumble, looking at some fireflies in the distance. gaz absorbs the information, blinking. “that’s why you’re helping me…” he mutters, and you nod. “come with me.” he states, drawing your gaze to his face.

“i can’t.” you deadpan, and he grasps your arm gently. “you can! we’re here, together. you said it yourself, my team is coming here soon-“ you cut gaz off by resting your palm against his chest. “gaz, listen. i cant. el sin nombre will kill me the second she finds out i did this for you. there’s no doubt in my mind she’ll figure it out, she’s smart like that…” you tell him, and gaz sighs. “so come with me, we can leave now.” he can’t believe he’s begging you, an enemy, to come with him- how would he explain that? “kyle…” you mumble, sighing softly as you got down from the wall. “i’d love to, really… but i cant.” you tell him. “please go.” you request, and gaz grasps your arms before you can leave. “not until i convince you to come with me. you don’t have to be here, you don’t have to be scared- i can help you.” he tells you, and you see the desperation to help you in his eyes. “no one can help me.” you tell him, leaning in.

your lips ghost over his, and he kisses you with the gentleness of someone holding a thin shard of glass. it’s short and fleeting yet so sweet. you seize the opportunity, pushing him with all your might so he tumbled over the wall. gaz yells at the suddenness, sliding and rolling down the hill, hitting his hip on a rock. he stumbles to his feet at the bottom, looking up. you give him a sad smile before dipping back into the warehouse. gaz let’s out a soft sigh, turning and running to the quarry where he would wait to be rescued.

-

weeks pass by, and gaz finally convinced alejandro to raid the warehouse, desperate to find you… hes kissed you once, but he didn’t even get your name. gaz feels like kicking himself, pacing as price rolls his eyes. “you’ll mark the carpet at this rate, son.” he states, and gaz lets out a soft hum; not responding any more than that. “sit down. relax. the boys will find your mystery girl.” the older man pats the chair beside him, and gaz sighs. “i can’t believe i didnt get her name…” he grumbles, and price chuckles. “heat of the moment, son. plenty of men do it.” he teases, backing off with fake surrender as gaz gives him a glare. “okay, okay. just sit down, you’re making me anxious.” price tells him, and he sighs. “fine…”

hours tick by, but eventually rudy pops his head into the break room. “gaz? there’s a girl in questioning. she wants to speak to you.” he states, and gaz immediately hops up, running to the rooms. he sees you through the two way mirror and immediately opens the door. alejandro looks over, giving him a nod. “i’ll take over, alejandro. thanks.” he mutters, taking the handcuff’s key from the older man and watching the other leave before closing the door. his gaze meets yours, and you give a small smile. “what happened?” he asks, immediately unlocking the cuffs around your wrists. “oh, sweet boy… no one can cross el sin nombre and go unpunished.” you smile, it’s sad and weak. “have you received medical aid?” he asks, cupping your face the way you did weeks ago. “no, not yet. your boss doesn’t trust me.” you reply, and gaz furrows his brows. “alejandro?” he asks, and you nod. “seems right…” he mutters, turning to leave. “hey..?” you grasp his wrist and he turns back. “im going to get you some medical aid.” he explains, and you chuckle softly. “it’s not that bad, trust me.” you assure him, pulling him back slowly. “alright…”

you watch him sit on the seat across from you. “you still have my hat?” he asks, and you smile, nodding a little. “yeah. haven’t taken it off since i met you.” you tell him. you seem less flirty in this environment, probably because of the environment- you most likely didn’t feel safe and gaz understood that. “what did they ask you?” he asks, and you shrug. “about el sin nombre’s plans. i told them all that i know, and i don’t know much.” you reply, and gaz nods. “are you joining us again?” gaz watches you laugh softly. “i doubt it, cutie.” you smile, it’s less pained. “why not?” he furrows his brows. “i worked with valeria garza. there’s no way your friends would trust me now.” you tell him, “i’m the one that arranged your kidnapping, too.” you add on, and gaz nods a little. “you’re also the one who let me go unharmed.”

“yeah..” you mumble, and gaz takes your hand in his. “stay with me. i’ll keep you safe.” he whispers. you give his hand a tight squeeze, as if it’s the affection you’ve been craving your whole life. “i wish i could… el sin nombre is probably arranging my assassination right now as we speak- she probably thinks i’m giving a lot more information than i have.” you sigh, thumb running over his knuckles as you stare at the table, lost. “why’d you put your life at risk just for me?” he asks, it’s a question that’s been nagging him since he got rescued. “you’re cute, not to mention smart and obviously skilled to get into 141. you’d be an awful waste of you died so early into your career. besides, i told you why on the wall.” you shrug, smiling rather innocently. “you like me..?” he asks, and you chuckle. “that’s what you gathered from that entire sentence?” you smile. “maybe.” he smiles back.

the conversation carries on. you’re much more comfortable, your flirty nature coming back as you grow to trust gaz with your safety. gaz’s cheeks hurt from smiling at you so much. it feels like an odd first date… yet you probably don’t see it that way. “i’ll ask price to let you back in… your file must be here somewhere, especially if you were marked as m.i.a.” gaz declares, you downcast your gaze. “you don’t have to.” you mutter, and gaz sighs. “i want to. think of it as me repaying you for saving me.” he responds, and you hum. “okay… but i don’t think it’s gonna work…” you reply. gaz nods, getting up, taking his hat back with a soft smile. “i’ll see what i can do for you.” he goes to walk away, yet you tug him back for the second time. standing, you pull him in and kiss his cheek. “thank you, kyle.” you mutter, sitting back down. “for what?” he asks, furrowing his brows. “for believing in me. it takes guts to accept an enemy.” you smile, and gaz sighs. “you’re no enemy. just a victim of circumstance.” he mutters, letting your palm slip from his as he leaves.

-

price looks skeptical. alejandro looks disgusted. rudy looks a little concerned. everyone looks extremely against him. “just trust me! she’s not as bad as them! she was one of us!” he argues despite no one saying anything. alejandro sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “and if she’s playing you? what if she spills all our intel to el sin nombre and betrays us?” the man argues back, and gaz steels his gaze. “you saw the condition she’s in. el sin nombre is no ally of hers anymore. she’s in the same boat as us now, whether you like it or not!” he steps forward, his index finger poking alejandro’s chest as if to challenge him. “you better watch your tone with me, pendejo-“ he snaps, tone low and dangerous until price steps in. “y/n was a good soldier. i trust her… we just need to give her time to see if she’s still the same soldier we knew.”

alejandro looks from gaz to price, then back at gaz. “you’re agreeing with him?” he asks, still unsure as he looks to price again. “i am. y/n’s not as dangerous as you think.” he pats the other man’s shoulder. “trust me on this, alejandro.” he mutters, and gaz tries not to hold his breath. “fine. but, any suspicious activity and i’m putting her under the ground.” he grumbles, storming out. rudy looks at gaz once more before following alejandro. “does this mean y/n’s back on the team?” johnny asks, and price nods. “i guess so.”

-

gaz finds you outside, smoking a cigarette. rudy’s in the window beside you, keeping an eye on you as he smokes too. “i didn’t know you smoked.” gaz states openly, rudy nods a little as you hum. “he’s the one who gave it to me.” you mutter, gesturing to rudy who takes a silent drag. “i’m supposed to have quit… now seems like a good time to have a cig though… want some?” you ask, offering gaz your cigarette. he hums, accepting it as rudy snuffs his cigarette bud, flicking it into the drain. “i’ll leave you two be.” he mumbles, leaving the window open as he walks off- probably to find alejandro. “so… you’re back on the team.” gaz tells you, handing your cigarette back. “is that so?” you ask, not sounding too interested. “you don’t sound thrilled. what’s up?” he asks, and you sigh. “i wont last long… i feel it. she’s out there.” you mumble. “she won’t get you. i’m here with you.” gaz assures you. his fingers gently nudge your palm, and you glance down, looking up at him. he gives you a soft smile, and you slowly tangle your fingers into his.

-

your training started up again, price was warm and kind, being quite gentle with you. you’re progressing well, already back up to scratch with the team. alejandro doesn’t entirely trust you, yet rudy does as the two of you smoke together, chatting idly about home. you’re on a mission, using yourself as bait to catch valeria, and gaz is with you the whole time, assuring you that you’re okay every 10 minutes. valeria is now cuffed hours later, and alejandro is leading her to the appropriate forces. she’s shouting about how she won’t be locked up for long, and will be let out in about 24 hours. her gaze meets yours over rudy’s shoulder and your breath hitches. “and you- ¡traidora! you’ll get what’s coming to you!” she threatens. you tense up, swallowing thickly as you boldly grab gaz’s hand. valeria gets into the calm with quite a fuss, and alejandro closes the door with a sigh. “glad that’s over with.” he mutters, walking back to the squad. (traitor!)

gaz tugs your hand softly, leading you away from the scene as everyone starts wrapping up. “don’t worry about her, love. she wont get you for as long as i live.” he mutters, leading you to the car. you don’t respond, squeezing his hand tightly for comfort as the two of you get into the backseat. “relax. she’s gonna be in custody. i hope she’ll be away forever, but knowing how corrupt the system is she’ll probably be out sooner than that…” he mumbles, glancing at you. “sorry- i didn’t mean it like that…” he adds on, pulling you into a hug. you hug back, sighing. “i’m not as scared anymore- but i’m still paranoid.” you mumble, and gaz nods. “anyone would be.” he reassures you, rubbing your back as he rests his head against yours. “hey, how about we take a night off tonight? just us?” gaz suggests and you pull away a little. “okay…”

-

you’re half asleep against gaz, what was supposed to be a movie night between the two of you in his room was now a movie in the background as he coddles you to his chest. you’ve had a stressful day, so he understands wanting to just wind down and relax. one thing has been bothering gaz throughout the night… the two of you were incredibly close, too close to be friends- you both kissed often. he remembers after your first mission back with the task force the two of you drank before making out until your lips were sore and swollen. the two of you even shared a bed, and were always at each other’s side, yet neither of you used a label. gaz would like a label… he’d like you to be his. gently, he shakes you, causing you to stir again. “wha..? what’s wrong?” you ask, hands pressing to his chest. “sorry… i just…. i’ve been thinking.”

“oh god-“ you joke, cuddling back into him. “what are we, y/n? are we like… a thing?” gaz asks, and you hum. “i dunno… i haven’t really thought about it.” you reply, gaz feels rejection building. “would… you like to be a thing?” he asks cautiously. you smile, kissing his neck softly. “if you’d have me, gaz.” you mumble. gaz beams, pulling away a little to kiss your lips as if he were a man starved. “i’d love to have you as mine.” he mutters, voice soft. “then i’m yours.” you reply, hand gently stroking his cheek as he kisses you again. “get some rest, love. you need it.” he tells you, kissing your forehead. you hum, cuddling close to his chest again as gaz closes his eyes. he never thought he’d say it, but he’s glad he got kidnapped.

#cod mwii #cod mw2 #mw x reader #modern warfare #modern warfare x reader #modern warfare x you #kyle gaz garrick #gaz x reader #gaz cod #gaz mw2 #mw2 gaz #kyle garrick x reader #kyle garrick #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick x you #// 🍨 vcnillazelda #// 🍨 call of duty

[beefromanoff]

Project Mockingbird Ch. 4

summary: lots of testing to find out what's going on with Charlotte...hopefully a breakthrough?

pairing: Bucky Barnes x OC

author's note: let me know what you think! thanks for reading, xox!

tag list: @bangtanxberm (let me know if you want to be added <3)

chapter list

_________________________________________________________

The first thing I felt was a pounding in my head. I wondered if I was back in Vegas, if I’d overdone it the night before, the bright lights searing through my eyelids. Groaning, I remembered I couldn’t get hungover. 

I shifted, trying to prop myself up on my elbows without opening my eyes to the horrific fluorescents above me. Like a knife in my gut, memories rushed back to me. 

Him. Rage. Darkness. Nothing. 

Shit. 

I knew this was a possibility, but I’d hoped against hope that it was just a fearful thought. It had been decades since I’d seen him, and those weren’t exactly stress-free circumstances. I’d thought that after so much time, after being away from HYDRA…but I was wrong. Everything they did to me was still very much present. The instincts they’d drilled into me took precedent even over my own thoughts and desires. 

The second thing I felt was a shocking amount of mobility around my arms. My eyes flew open. I was in a hospital bed, still in my workout clothes. My shoes had been tossed to the side of the room. The walls were light gray, sleek. Slightly less sterile-feeling than the average hospital, but still made my skin crawl. I was alone in the room, but I could hear the murmur of voices just outside the door. My heart was pounding in my ears and reflected by the erratic beeping of the monitor to my left. I looked down to see a few wires protruding from the collar of my shirt. 

With a whoosh, the door slid open to reveal a small crowd. I recognized Natasha and Steve, someone I recognized as Tony Stark standing a few feet behind them with another dark haired man. 

Nat stepped into the room, a smile on her face but her whole body tense. “How you feeling, hot stuff?” 

“Where are the restraints?” I set my jaw, staring at my hands. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I just proved I can’t be trusted, can’t control myself,” My voice was low. “I attacked one of you. I should be restrained.” 

Steve looked at the ground, eyes clouded. Tony looked up from the tablet he was holding, observing the room. It was the man next to him who spoke first. 

“I know a thing or two about not being able to control yourself, trust yourself.” He was a little skittish, but seemed genuine. “You’re in more captivity in your head than you are here. We aren’t in the business of keeping prisoners. You won’t be restrained as long as you’re fighting something that you didn’t ask to have done to you.” 

I lifted my eyes to look at him, giving him a slight nod of thanks. 

“Touchy-feely stuff aside - I’m Tony, by the way - I do think we should work out where this is coming from.” He stepped forward and plopped down on the edge of my bed, surprising me with his casual attitude. “I assume you don’t exactly have the warm fuzzies towards labs or doctors, but I promise that Dr. Banner and I aren’t here to do anything but help.” Tony gestured to the man I didn’t know, who nodded. 

I looked at Natasha for reassurance before responding. “What do you mean…help?” 

“Well, to be frank, there’s clearly something different about you.” Tony laid the tablet on his lap and looked straight at me. “We just don’t know the specifics. Without that, we can’t do much except throw you into a chokehold when you get a little murderous on us.”

“Tony,” Natasha warned. 

“What he’s saying is that we can…investigate. We can work with you to figure out what was done to cause that episode you had, and hopefully prevent it from happening in the future.” The man, Dr. Banner, explained. 

“Is that even possible?” 

This time, it was Steve who answered me. “It was with Bucky.” I snapped my eyes to him. “He had a similar…he struggled at first too. For him, it was trigger words. They were programmed into him, anytime he heard them he would lose himself until we could-”

“Until we could knock him out.” Natasha cut him off, speaking matter-of-factly. I appreciated the lack of sugar coating. 

“But…you were able to fix him? Stop the words from having an effect?” I tried to stop the hope snaking its way into my heart, anything to push back against the fear of my own lack of control. 

“Yes.” Steve smiled. “He hasn’t had an episode in years. Any anger he feels now is totally under his own volition.” 

I nodded slowly, thinking through my options. I couldn’t exactly say no, keep living here for free, and run the risk of attacking another one of their friends.

“When can we start?” I grit my teeth and looked at Tony and Dr. Banner, who glanced at each other. 

“We can, if you’re up for it, we can start today?” Dr. Banner shrugged. 

“As soon as possible. Please.” 

_____________

“Call me Bruce, seriously.” He smiled, handing me a cup of water that I graciously chugged. 

We’d been working for the past twelve hours, according to the last time I saw the clock. The day had come and gone, judging by the sun beam peaking around the window shade in my room that had slowly given way to night. It wasn’t like I had anywhere else to be, and I could tell that Tony and Dr. Ban-Bruce weren’t the type to put a project down when they hadn’t had a breakthrough yet. 

 First, we did the standard labs. Blood work, blood pressure, retinal scans. Then a few more in-depth tests, an MRI and a CAT scan to give them a better look at what was happening inside me. 

Right now, I was hooked up to a machine that mapped out my brain in a three-dimensional, floating model in front of us. I sat on the edge of the bed, legs dangling. Electrodes were stuck to my head, neck, and chest, wires going every which way. Natasha had lent me a hair tie to secure my hair in a loose bun on top of my head, making it easier to decorate me with the sensors. After a few hours, Natasha and Steve had left to go eat. It was slow work, admittedly. A few empty coffee cups were strewn across the side table in my room, one having toppled on the floor as a result of Bruce not-so-gently setting it down. 

“How about this one?” Tony clicked a button and brought up a hologram of James Barnes, three dimensional in front of me. He was in full armor and mask, holding a hefty gun and looking around for someone. His eyes were cold, distant. His hair was longer then than it was when I saw him out by the lake. Now, it was long enough to tuck behind his ears but not nearly down to his shoulders like this rendering showed.

“Nope. Nothing.” The model of my brain showed nothing beyond the standard yellow flecks of electricity as I spoke, watching the hologram stalk around the room. 

“Well, kid, I think there’s only one thing left for us to try.” He sighed, clicking the hologram off. “Clearly, the reaction you’re having isn’t strictly visual. It has to do with Barnes, but we can rule out the trigger being anything electronic. We’ve tried photos, videos, audio recordings, and now holograms, nothing. It’s not causing you to go all haywire.” 

“What’s the next step?” I asked cautiously. 

“The next step would be live-stimulus monitoring…we’d-”

Tony cut Bruce off. “We’d bring Barnes in here and see how you react.” 

“I don’t-” 

“Before you say no,” Bruce interrupted, holding his hand out. “We would take precautions. We can restrain you if you prefer, but we don’t have to. We can give you an IV with a fast-acting sedative at the ready. We’ll be prepared if you have an…adverse reaction.” 

I swallowed, my heart already speeding up. “If you say so.” I was shocked at how calm I’d been able to stay this whole time. The kindness of the team combined with my paralyzing fear of having another episode allowed me to shove my anxiety down, at least for the time being. My desire to be free of these mental shackles overpowered my deep-seated fear of being experimented on, prodded and poked. 

After we’d discussed what precautions I was comfortable with (and the answer was all of them, please) they left me alone in the room with a soft-spoken female lab tech. I’d stripped off my jacket so she could start my IV, forcing myself to think of anything else to avoid the wave of anxiety that came from needles and nurses and everything in between. When it was done and taped down to my arm, she smiled and slid the doors back open. Bruce explained to me what they were looking for in my brain waves and how it would help them figure out what the issue was, but he sounded a million miles away. I was already getting hot, nervous. No one expects being brainwashed and conditioned to kill to be so embarassing. The shame from my earlier episode still sat heavily in my gut, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for two more people to witness my lack of control. 

“Ms. Rossi? Are you ready?” The tech spoke gently, positioned by my wrist with heavy-duty restraints sitting open. I nodded and allowed her to set my arm inside and fasten the straps tightly. Once my left arm was all but immobile, strapped to my side, she scurried over to the right side. 

When my arms were pinned to the bed, flat at my sides, the tech was poised in the corner with her hand over the button to release the sedative into my veins, I took a shaky, deep breath. 

“I’m ready.” 

Bruce nodded and tapped his tablet. I heard footsteps coming from down the hall, a few sets. I matched the cadence in my head, determining one set to be Steve’s and one Tony’s. That left the third as the other half to our little experiment. Two sets of footsteps trailed off, hovering a few feet away, out of view. The third set, slow and methodical, approached the opening to my room. 

“Come on in, Sergeant Barnes.” Bruce called, eyes flicking from me to the doorway to the model of my brain. 

In two heavy steps, he turned the corner and came into view. James, Sergeant Barnes, whatever he went by - stood right in front of me. His lip was split, eye already beginning to yellow around the outside as a result of his accelerated healing. His dark hair was tucked behind his ears. Regarding me warily, he took another step in the room. 

I sucked in a breath, trying to resist the inevitable but knowing it was necessary for the research. A white hot pain seared through my head, making me cry out. When I opened my eyes, I saw James wincing. 

He must remember this. 

For a moment, that sobering thought helped keep the rage from overtaking me. I spoke through clenched teeth, keenly aware of the adrenaline coursing through me. 

“I’m…so…sorry,” I forced myself to meet his eyes, resisting the blackout so hard that I felt a blood vessel burst in my right eye. The last thing I saw before I succumbed to the darkness was a pair of sad blue eyes on mine. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

“I���m…so…sorry,” Charlotte ground out, eyes locked on Bucky. A few strands of her dark hair were stuck to her forehead, coated with sweat as she fought the brainwashing. When she couldn’t stand it any longer, her eyes hardened. The straining on her face relaxed as she somehow shifted to something inhuman, something predatory. 

A low growl rose in her throat as she attempted to lunge at Bucky, thrashing at the restraints. Her back arched and the force of her effort rocked the entire bed.

“Administer the sedative,” Bruce commanded. “Now!” 

The lab tech nodded, pressing her thumb down on the button, releasing the drip into Charlotte’s IV. In the forty seconds that had elapsed between when Bucky stepped into the room and when the sedative sent her into a slump against the bed, Charlotte had already yanked so hard on her restraints that she’d made her wrists raw. There was a brief moment of silence after she went limp, all of them taking a moment to collect themselves. 

“You okay?” Steve stepped around the corner, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“Fine.” His jaw was clenched, less out of fear for the attempted attack but because he so vividly remembered the inability to trust his own mind, to act out of his own control. “That help?”

“I’d say so.” Tony looked incredulous as he raised a hand and turned the hologram in the air. What was formerly a mild, golden glow had shifted to a bright, intense red woven throughout the model. 

“This is…insane.” Bruce was slightly open-mouthed, observing as Tony moved the rendering. 

“What does this mean? Is this what you expected?” Steve frowned. 

“What it looks like, I mean, initially…there’s some kind of conditioning at play here. Whether it’s optical or olfactory…something about Bucky’s physical presence invokes this extreme, visceral reaction. It literally changes her brain chemistry, rewrites her neural passages. You can see that all the areas that fire when she’s functioning normally, when she’s thinking or feeling something physical, or experiencing an emotion…all those are dormant.”

Steve and Bucky exchanged a glance, both of their brows furrowed. Crossing his arms across his chest, Steve opened his mouth to speak before Tony cut him off. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, I’m no neuroscience expert, unless you count the fifteen minutes of internet research I did roughly six hours ago,” He ran a hand along his jawline. “But it sounds like you’re saying they conditioned, programmed her to override all sense of self, consequence, and pain in order to stick to their…objective.” 

Bruce nodded grimly. “It’s similar to what different countries did to soldiers in wars throughout history…give them drugs that suppress their decision making skills, inhibit their ability to feel pain. It allowed them to fight longer and often, fight through otherwise debilitating injuries or fatigue. That, combined with the right propaganda or indoctrination, can make an individual follow orders almost blindly…and definitely to their own detriment. Whatever HYDRA did to her, they took that concept and put it on a 10x multiplier. Plus, it’s not dependent on her continually receiving some drug. They literally programmed this into her.” 

Bucky let out a deep breath, stepping out of the room and looking up at the ceiling. Watching his friend, Steve couldn’t decide what to ask first. Luckily, Natasha chose that moment to make her re-entrance. 

“So what do we do now?” she crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. 

“Nice of you to join us, Romanoff. Conveniently after any and all risk has subsided.” Tony raised his eyebrows. 

“I figured surely two super soldiers, Iron Man and the Hulk had it covered. Plus, if that failed, you have Maddie.” She winked at the lab tech, still standing nervously in the corner. 

“To answer your question,” Bruce interrupted, making rapid notes on his laptop. “I think we can fix it, relatively painlessly. Well…easily. Basically, we need to narrow down if the trigger is happening due to something visual or olfactory, her sense of smell. My guess, based on the fact that there was no effect from video footage or even holograms, is that it’s olfactory.” 

“And if that’s the case?” Steve was still frowning, watching as Bucky slowly made his way back to the group. 

“We would need to sever the olfactory nerve.” Bruce grimaced. “That’s why I wouldn’t say it’s entirely…painless. But it should be quick and effective.” 

A groan from the bed interrupted them. All heads snapped to see Charlotte beginning to stir for the second time that day. Instinctively, Steve grabbed the sleeve of Bucky’s jacket and yanked him towards the door. They’d made it to the end of the hall before she’d even taken her second breath. 

“D’work?” She slurred, eyelids heavy but fighting to open. 

“It did.” Nat sat down on the edge of the bed, putting a hand on Charlotte’s leg. “You did great.” 

“How do you feel?” Bruce gestured to the lab tech to remove the restraints and they both set to work freeing her wrists. A band of raw skin circled her arms where she’d fought so violently. As soon as the restraints were set to the side, Maddie scurried out to get a bottle of ointment and q-tips to medicate the wounds. 

“Never better,” She raised a hand to rub her temples, stopping when she felt all the wires still attached. Bruce nodded at Natasha and they both began gently tugging the electrodes from her face and chest.

“I think we got what we need. It’s been a long day, why don’t we stop for today and pick up in the morning. You should get some rest.” He smiled gently.

“Good call, Banner.” Tony stood, turning to Charlotte. “If you want, just this once, I’ll let you raid my personal snack stash. That’s where all the really good stuff is kept.” 

She chuckled, leaning back. “Mmm, take a rain check. I feel like I got hit by a truck.”

“We used a pretty heavy dose on the sedative…even with your heightened metabolism, it’ll take a bit for it to completely leave your system.” Bruce’s eyes were apologetic. 

“Better safe than…” She waved her hand, a yawn cutting her off. 

“Alright boys, beat it.” Natasha stood. “Char, I’ll be back first thing in the morning with a breakfast spread like you wouldn’t believe. Sleep it off, it’s late anyways.” 

Charlotte smiled lazily as her lids began to droop again. “S’a plan.”

“Sweet dreams, kiddo.” Tony’s voice was the last thing she heard before drifting back off to sleep. 

#james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x oc #avengers #bucky fluff #winter soldier #bucky fanfic #sebastian stan #winter soldier fluff #winter solider x reader

[lily-orchard]

welp I’ve caught your sisters attention and I’ve apparently got my own tags now, yay..

idk how tf I got on your sisters radar, nor do I understand what she’s talking about in particular with her post. (I post i only saw bc an anon sent me an archive link btw, I’ve had her blocked for months)

https://web.archive.org/web/20240122022451/https://www.tumblr.com/pleasetiemyshoe/%20740178068838203392/oh-someone-wants-attention

I’ve never come after sunny, yeah we used to interact but that was a while ago, unfollowed him before you and him fell out. (Not for any particular reason, i just stopped enjoying his content) To the best of my knowledge I've never even talked about sunny after we stopped interacting and I don’t remember saying anything bad about him ever?

I have Courtney blocked, i definitely didn’t want her attention as she implied. Or the attention of any of the gossip blogs for that matter bc, to the best of my knowledge, I have them all blocked.

The “honey” and “sweet lamb” shit, along with her graphically saying I’m a waste of my fathers orgasm, makes me super fucking uncomfortable. on top of sounding really condescending she also sounds like my ex who raped me. Bc he was also a condescending asswipe and talked like a “poorly written high school bully” (to use a previous anons words)

she claims I think rape is “just a spat” even tho I am open on my blog about being a multiple time rape survivor (including but not limited to me being raped last year by my ex) and also I’ve never said that “rape is just a spat”, like WTF obviously that’s not what rape is. Idk how tf she came to the conclusion that I thought it was.

she also said I’m supporting two rapists? I’m guessing one of the ppl she’s referring to is you (bc she claims you raped her in multiple posts) but who tf is the second one?? I’m so confused.

and of corse the post has no screenshots of me saying or doing any of these things, she just spat out my url so others could see. So I have nothing to go off of here like- genuinely idk what I did to piss her off other then not publicly hate you.

idk why I’m coming to you about this but I genuinely could use some kinda support here bc she’s honestly freaking me out. My anxiety disorder can’t take this shit. I’ve been harassed before online, I was groomed as a kid and teen and was doxxed as a teen and more, but never have I ever got the attention of someone as obsessed as her before, so I’m terrified of what she might try to pull. The way she talks reminds me of my ex and that’s definitely not helping the panicking at all. I’ve seen how unhinged she behaves when it comes to you and I’m honestly scared rn of wtf this woman is gonna do. I have no idea what she’s talking about and I genuinely don’t know what I did to catch her attention. I think I’m just trying to vent out my panic attack so sorry if this is annoying to you but I honestly don’t know what to do bc I already have your gossip blogs blocked and that didn’t help so I’m kinda up shits creek atm. Like- WTF DID I DO TO GET HER ATTENTION? I’m confused. I like your posts sometimes and occasionally comment under them? Was that all it took?? Jfc I’m so confused. Idk what to do, any advice? Kind words? Idfk I’m just panicking I’m sorry I’m a bother I know this ask is fucking long but I’m super freaking out here and don’t know what to do or who else to turn to

Courtney is nothing. She can't hurt you outside of sending a mob to harass you. She's not a survivor of anything she claims to be a survivor of, she's a perpetrator of them.

The fact that you've gotten Courtney this tilted isn't even surprising because she's ALWAYS tilted.

The lucky thing is that she's also a coward. She's threatening my life for months and hasn't made good on any of them.

Block her, block anyone she sends your way, and just put her out of your mind.

You're gonna be okay, Golden. You're a lovely person who I've always liked seeing in my notifications.

#brittany johnson #courtney peet #britts galaxy brain #courtney orchard #lily orchard #harassment #stalking #transphobia

[hyprfixate]

hold on tight↝ [L.F] :: teaser

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ summary: you're unhappy. you're almost certain that there isn't anything in this world that can make you happier, and you're right. what you don't account for, however, is something otherworldly flipping your life on its head. or, should you say someone

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ pairing: lee felix x reader

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ word count: 950

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ tags: angst, non idol au, fantasy au kind of, felix is an angel literally and figuratively, mentions of suicidal thoughts without going into detail, reader is depressed, she/her pronouns used for the reader, slowburn, strangers to lovers, putting angst again bc thats how much angst there is.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ author’s note: hello! this is a small teaser for a much longer upcoming fic that i'm still in the process of writing! i haven't written fanfic in a very long time so i apologize if i'm rusty lol. i hope you guys enjoy! :)

quickly skimmed, ignore typos lol

-

Felix doesn’t remember when he became the front desk worker for purgatory. 

He assumes it was a while ago, since his fellow co-workers have all come and gone, some of them eons older than him. He’s always been “their little Lixie”, and while most of them have gone to a place he can’t reach, the nickname still lives on. Their little Lixie remains seated behind a mahogany desk, clicking away at his computer and waiting for the next person to approach him.

Felix is the first face a person sees when they die. Guy, the one in charge of it all, says it’s because of his contagious grin and never ending happiness. Felix could light up a room with his smile alone if he wanted to. That kind of energy helps people calm down– makes them feel at ease. Another perk about him is that he never feels lonely, despite how desperately lonely the job is. Felix knows that even though nobody stays, there is always someone new to talk to.

Like now.

“Hi!” he chirps to the person walking up to his desk. They’re dressed in pajamas with a severe case of bedhead, so from the looks of it they were probably sleeping when it happened. They look scared, and he pouts.

“Are you okay?”

“Where am I?”

He leans back in his seat, pointing to the gold plaque above his head. “Purgatory.”

“I’m dead?”

It’s the same script every time someone comes in, but his soft smile never wavers. “Yeah,” he says softly. “I’m so sorry. It’s not really so bad here, you know?”

He pulls himself back up to his computer. “Could I get your name?”

Stuttering, the person gives him their name. He presses a few keys on his keyboard before the computer dings softly, setting off the printer next to him.

“Oof.” He grimaces, eyes racing across the lines on the screen. “Heart attack did you in, yeah? That’s always the worst way to go. Have you had heart problems before?”

“Yeah,” they stutter out. “But I never-- no one told me they could kill me.”

Felix peers up through his long lashes, giving them another small smile. He knows it’s best to move on, rather than walk them through the speech about how everything and anything can kill you, so it’s a bit silly to expect that something as serious as heart issues would just be swept under the rug. Most people don’t appreciate being lectured when they die.  Instead, he pulls the paper from the printer and scans it quickly.

“Seems like you have some business to attend to first,” he hums. “You left behind two kids and a partner, I see. They’re going to need your presence in the next few days. Afterwards you’ll get to go upstairs.”

“Like, Heaven?”

“If that’s what you want to call it, that’s what it is,” he smiles. The person in front of him softens at that. He hands them the paper and points at a set of doors on his left. “Go through those double doors and walk down the hall to room 202. Knock and ask for Christopher, tell him Felix sent you.”

He waves, cheeks puffing up in a genuine grin as they wave back and disappear beyond the double doors. Once they’re out of sight, he pulls out his notepad from the desk drawer and scribbles furiously.

No glow, almost faded.

While Felix undoubtedly had a lot of questions about his appearance and business in purgatory, his biggest question was something no one could answer.

Why was he the only one who glowed?

At first, before they got computers in the office, Felix had no idea what he looked like. He knew had soft, sandy brown hair; Guy would always ruffle it and tell him he was handsome, but he didn’t know why he was handsome. Once technology advanced and they got a desktop, that question was answered thanks to the webcam. In addition to noticing his features, Felix also noticed that his body was outlined with a bright, sparkly gold light.

No one else in purgatory had that, not even Guy. Christopher, who worked in the office of external affairs, told Felix it was probably just his happiness manifested into something physical. Christopher himself was covered in tattoos, as he was known through the office for always knowing what to say to comfort people. Felix would agree with that theory, but he’s met countless people just as happy as himself with no glow.

Since then, he’s been keeping a journal of every face who’s walked through his office. Some people were more faded than others-- those were the people who wouldn’t spend too long here. Some people were dark and vivid, like the image of a 4K TV screen (not that Felix knew what 4K was, he’d heard about it from a couple visitors and adopted the phrase himself). Those people were usually there for a long time. But no matter how long a person was set to stay, they never had a glow like he did.

He tosses the notepad back into the desk drawer, leaning back into his seat and sighing. He didn’t have much time to himself, though, as the elevator outside the office door dinged.

He leans forward, clearing his throat and running his “script” in his head. He runs his hands through his hair before looking up with a bright smile.

“Hi! Welcome to…”

His voice trails off and his jaw goes slack as his eyes settle on the person in front of him. 

Yeah. Felix had seen lots of dead people, sure, but he’d never, ever seen one that glowed like he did.

Until now.

#lee félix #lee felix x you #lee felix x reader #skz x reader #lee yongbok x reader #skz felix fic #skz fic #skz x you #fic teaser #kpop fic #stray kids #stray kids fic #stray kids fanfic #lee felix fanfic #hyprfics

[makeadealwithdean]

'tis the damn season - part 5

‘tis the damn season (a college/hometown au) - Part 5

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!reader

Tags (cw updated by ch.): soooo much fluff, THEY FINALLY GO ON THEIR DATE, taylor swift vibes, dean hating his job (subtly though), dean’s so soft, no beta- we die like men

Series Summary: It’s Christmas break, and Y/N is headed home for the holidays. But with her hometown, comes thoughts of her high school boyfriend, Dean, and what they might’ve had if she’d taken the other road. When she runs into Dean, she can’t help but wonder if they can rekindle the spark between them.

Word Count: 2.5k

Divider: @firefly-graphics​​

a/n: it's me, hi, i'm the problem, it's me. cause i haven't updated this fic in forever, but i really want to continue this story, and lucky for me, the fall weather, halloween, just the season feelings in general, brought me inspiration to continue. i think that inspiration will stick around through the holidays. so if you're still reading/if you remember this story, thank you, thank you, i love you ❤️

Main Masterlist // Playlist // Dean Masterlist

AO3 // Part 4

Y/N breezed through the door, hurrying in from the cold. She smiled when she saw Dean sitting at their old table and started to make her way over to him. The heels of her boots clicked on the wooden floor as she walked, and her trench coat swished around her knees. She looked just as beautiful as Dean had imagined, probably even more so. 

He stood to greet her, reaching to take her bag from her shoulder, his hand brushing the back of her elbow as she allowed him to take the straps of the tote. “Hey, Y/N,” Dean spoke softly — gently. Almost as if he was worried he’d scare her off. “Thanks for comin’ to see me. M’real glad you did.”

He looked at her with the most sincerity, green eyes timid, but hopeful. A soft smile played along the corners of his lips, and Y/N could feel her self-resolve melting. Her determination not to let him smash every wall she’d worked so hard to put up after their relationship had ended the first time was already fading, and she hadn’t even sat down with him yet. 

Dean pulled out her chair for her — Ever the gentleman — and hung her bag gently on the back of it. She gave him a small, but not unkind, smile, “Me too. It’ll be good to catch up with you.”

“Yeah,” Dean leaned back on his heels once she’d sat down and settled into the familiar wooden chair. He was still smiling softly, like he was trying not to but simply couldn’t help himself. He let his hands drop onto his thighs gently, “Can I buy your coffee? Haven’t ordered yet or anything, just figured I’d get both together.” 

“Oh,” Y/N let out a slightly nervous giggle. “That’s sweet, but Dean, you don’t have to do that.”

“Please, let me?” Dean tilted his head a bit, and Y/N was reminded instantly of a begging puppy. “I really want to.”

She didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. This wasn’t a date. She hesitated, but the look on his face told her he genuinely did want to do this for her. She guessed Dean could sense her debating with herself because he added softly, rocking back and forth slightly, nervously, “Just as friends.”

Well, as long as he understood that, what harm could it do? She gave him a real smile this time, because yeah, it was sweet of him, “Sure, I’d love that. Thank you.” 

“Hot vanilla latte?” he suggested, grinning, eyebrows raised as if he was tempting her. 

Y/N laughed, “Can’t believe you remember my coffee order, but yes, that sounds awesome.”

“Thought so,” Dean smirked proudly, obviously pleased that she’d noticed his attention to detail. “Be right back.” 

Y/N watched his familiar gait as he approached the counter, before pulling her phone out and shooting off a text to Charlie.

Y/N: At the coffee shop with Dean, and I’ve only been here two minutes, and I can already feel myself missing how we used to be. Tell me I’m crazy.

The three dots appeared as Charlie immediately started typing back. Y/N looked up towards the counter where Dean was talking to the barista. Her phone buzzed in her hand.

Charlie: HA i was right!!! i knew you’d start falling for him again 

Y/N: Whoa, whoa, whoa, nobody’s FALLING for anyone. I’m just feeling nostalgic because he remembered my coffee order. And he’s being really sweet, but I am NOT looking for a relationship rn. Especially not getting back with my ex. So tell me I’m insane.

Charlie: girl i’m not gonna say that, i know you’re not looking for something atm, but the best things come along when you aren’t seeking them out. just go with it! let yourself give him a chance, maybe he’ll surprise you ;)

Y/N: Ugh, you’re no help. That is not what I needed to hear. Gotta go, he’s coming back.

Charlie: just speaking the truth. you’re telling me everything after!

Y/N: Yeah, yeah.

Dean sat down across from her and set her latte down gently in front of her, his own in his other hand. Y/N immediately curled her hands around the outside of the cup, wanting to warm her still-chilled fingers, “Thanks, Dean.” She rewarded him with a genuine smile, and he returned it, “S’nothin’. Least I could do.”

“Well, still, thank you,” Y/N cleared her throat. “So, tell me about work! How’s everything going with that?”

“Ah,” Dean hesitated like he was choosing his words carefully. “Well, I’m still with my dad’s company, which… y’know, it is what it is.” He finished all in a rush, shrugging like he was trying to convince himself that it didn’t bother him, didn’t matter.

Y/N didn’t want to pry. After all, Dean seemed pretty hesitant to talk about it, and his future, his job, his dad — those were the things that had caused a rift between them the first time around. Maybe he felt like this was treading dangerously close to addressing their history, their past problems. He hadn’t wanted to talk about it then, so no way would he wanna talk about it now, Y/N thought.

And yet, she wanted him to be happy — and she needed to know if he was, for her own peace of mind. They were there, meeting, talking. At Dean’s request, might she add, and he knew damn well how she was when it came to the people she cared for’s well-being. So maybe she was prying just a bit, but — “And how is it?” she asked him simply, not wanting to lead his answer one way or the other. 

“Um, well, you know my dad,” Dean circled his own hands around his cup, resting his elbows on the tabletop. His eyes held just the tiniest bit of tiredness. If Y/N hadn’t known him so well, she probably never would’ve noticed. “He’s not the easiest guy to get along with, all the time, and the job itself,” he shrugged again, “it’s not bad, but it’s…not — well, it’s work, y’know?” 

Dean tried to laugh it off, make a joke, but Y/N could read him like a giant, neon billboard on a dark night. She knew exactly where that sentence had been going — it’s not bad, but it’s not what I want. 

He was trying to pass it off like it was purely the fact that it was a job— that he had to work at all— that was making him unhappy. That wasn’t it at all, and they both knew it. Dean loved to work, needed it even. Working, provided it was something he loved, made him happy. But she knew she shouldn’t say anything. She shouldn’t insert herself into Dean and his father’s business, not again.

So, she just nodded, smiled softly, “Mhmm, I know what you mean. How’s the Impala then?” She’d seen the black, angular vehicle parked out front, and she just knew her taking an interest in the car would bring back the ease in Dean’s smile.

She was right, of course. Dean smiled proudly, “My baby’s runnin’ just as smooth as ever. Just gave her a quick tune-up myself. Ironed out any possible kinks, and now she’s purring like a house-cat.”

Y/N chuckled. Dean’s love for that car rivaled most anything she’d ever seen, and honestly, she found it pretty cute. Sure, maybe it was a bit odd, but the passion, or intensity even— the fact that he cared so much was something she found attractive. Or had found attractive, she reminded herself. Not anymore— she’d let the past be the past. She had to, for her own sake. “She looks just as pretty as I remember. You’ve taken good care of her,” she said, still giggling slightly.

“Of course I have, sweetheart! Only the best for her, and I do all the work on her myself. Don’t trust any garages or anythin’ like that.”

“I’m impressed,” Y/N raised her eyes in appreciation, “but honestly, Dean, I expected nothing less.”

He laughed, and Y/N once again had to yank her mind away from thoughts about how pretty he was when he smiled. Any tension present had melted away though, and she was grateful for that. “But what about you then?” Dean started, gesturing towards her and then back towards himself. “Tell me about school, hit me. I wanna hear it all!” 

So she told him everything— from her first semester struggles with difficult classes, being away from home for the first time, to the friends she’d found, a couple she’d lost even, and he listened to it all. Nodding along with her as she talked animatedly. Asking questions in all the right places. She’d nearly forgotten how good of a listener he could be. And it felt good to talk about it all to someone with an outside perspective. Going to her university really was what she wanted. Pursuing a higher level of education and a degree had always been her dream, and she was happy to be chasing that, but it definitely wasn’t easy all the time. And Dean sympathized with her, encouraged her, just as he always had. 

Dean. He really was the most selfless person she’d ever met. Since she’d met him, she must’ve seen him give up his own wishes to fulfill those of others dozens of times. Some of those were small instances — working more to earn a little extra to help his brother go on that field trip with his class, canceling his own plans to help his father with a project at work. Even things for her while they’d been dating — like that time he’d bailed on guy’s night so he could take her to see that movie she’d been so excited about on opening night. Other things he’d sacrificed hadn’t been so small. Like his decision to work with his father’s company instead of pursuing the career he’d wanted. 

Y/N wondered what that even was, his dream career. He’d never said. Even when she’d asked him what it was he really wanted to do with his life, he’d never say. Always insisted that going into business with his dad was what he wanted, that he liked the job. It had always been very obvious to her that that simply wasn’t the case, but no amount of begging or pleading or pushing him to take his own path was going to change his mind. He was much too stubborn for that.

Y/N, however, had an inkling of what Dean might want to choose for his career, given the chance. She’d seen the way he was with the Impala. She’d have to be blind not to, of course — he called the car “Baby” and took care of it with a similar level of tenderness as he’d taken care of her while they were together. He was always working on her when he had a few spare minutes, fixing and tuning up until she looked and sounded brand new.

She didn’t want to overstep her boundaries, or make the same mistake that’d caused so many problems for them senior year, but she was already telling him so much about her school that it seemed like a natural segue. The university was beautiful. It had a campus she loved and a college town that had just about everything. Including a trade school with a great mechanic certification program. She knew about its stellar reputation through a classmate and friend she’d met her first year who’d gone through the program and now worked at the garage in town.

Maybe she shouldn’t mention it at all, she hadn’t seen Dean in years. Probably dropping hints about his choice of careers wouldn’t be much appreciated, but God, the more she watched him sit there and listen to her talk, the more she wanted happiness for him. Surely just the mention of the program couldn’t hurt. 

She couldn’t help herself.

“Y’know, actually, speaking of my friend, he wound up going to the trade school that’s also right next to the university. See, he wanted to be a mechanic really badly, and funnily enough, they have a really awesome mechanic certification program. So he went through that, and loved it! Now, he works at the garage in town, helps me out a lot when my car needs something done. Kinda reminded me of you that way.” 

She tilted her head smiling at him, praying he wouldn’t take anything she’d said the wrong way. But she must’ve been worried for nothing, because Dean just raised his eyebrows and nodded. The expression on his face read as if she’d just told him something he found mildly interesting.

“Well, now, that’s really good that you’ve found someone to help you out with that kinda stuff while you’re up at school. Sounds like you’ve made good friends and that you’re really loving it. I’m glad. Always knew you’d do great.”

Dean’s words caused a rush of affection to spring to her heart. “Yeah. Yeah, my friends are the best, and I mean, like I’ve been saying, it’s tough sometimes. It’s college. But the good parts are really awesome.”

“I’m glad, Y/N,” Dean smiled warmly. “But you do know” he raised his eyebrows at her playfully “that if you ever have any car troubles at home — hell, if you have any troubles at home, period, you can always come to me, ‘n I’ll do whatever I can to help you out.” He waggled his finger at her like he was jokingly scolding her. “Don’t ever think that just cause we aren’t…y’know, that you can’t come to me for stuff. I mean, look at us, gettin’ coffee as friends— I can still fix your car as a friend.”

He said it all jokingly, but she could see the sincerity there, and it softened her heart just a little. So what if they maybe still had feelings for each other? Would that really be so bad? She couldn’t deny that sitting here with him caused old feelings to come rushing back. She tried to stamp them down, but that smile of his, those eyes looking at her so sweetly — how could she chase away the best memories of her time with him?

Her thoughts bled through in a suddenly shy smile, and she took an interest in design on the coffee cup still in her hand. She stared down at the cup as she answered him, but the warmth in her voice probably betrayed her anyway, “Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that.”

“Anytime, sweetheart,” he murmured softly, sipping his drink carefully, like he too was remembering their greatest hits together.

Suddenly, Dean sat forward on his elbows, smiling like he’d just thought of a great idea, “Hey, do you wanna go look at Christmas lights with me?” The grin on his face was so earnest and childlike that Y/N couldn’t help but match it. Not to mention she was a sucker for Christmas lights. How could she turn him down?

a/n: thank you so much for reading! please leave me a comment or reblog cause feedback is golden!!

Tagging:

Forevers: @evergreencowboy @deanwanddamons @katelyn--renee @lassie-bird @jensengirl83 @superfanficnatural @wayward-dreamer @that-one-gay-girl @writercole @flamencodiva

SPN: @meeshw777 @sexyvixen7 @beth-gallagher22 @deanwinchesterwifesblog @blueeyedchaos @maliburenee @deanssliceofcherrypie @jordyn-laufeyson

Dean Winchester: @akshi8278 @lyarr24 @spnfangirl1314 @deandreamernp @happyt0exist @panicking-outside-the-disco @saahmi @fanfic-n-tabulous @lessons-of-red

‘tis the damn season: @stoneyggirl2

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester x fem!reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester x you #dean x you #'tis the damn season #spn #supernatural

[mdhwrites]

Idea Pitch: A Teenage Clark in Metropolis

“What are you doing up so late, honey?” “Oh, just running some numbers. The crops haven’t really recovered since the drought last year and prices for things are going up and... And...” “We’ll make it through. We always do.” “I know. I know. Just... Well, we probably won’t be able to spend the money for Clark to really join any clubs or the like, let alone a new, good camera after he broke the last one and that has me thinking about those fliers...” “John...” “I know! It’d be best to have him at home but if Luthor Corp can give him a place in Metropolis, with a better education, than maybe that’s what’s best for him, at least for a year. And let’s face it, our little man is too super to just end up in a little town like ours. Not when he has such big dreams.”

“I’m not going to say you’re wrong but...”

Clark stood just out of sight, tears in his eyes as he balled his hands into fists. It wasn’t out of anger though. No, it was out of determination. He remembered how lean things had gotten last year and felt bad every time his strength caused his parents problems. Every time they needed new hinges or nails to deal with a mistake of his. The idea of leaving home, of going off to the big city like this, did scare him but if it helped his folks breathe than he had to be ready.

And so Clark enters a set of dorms in the heart of Metropolis for those who are without and need a jump start on their future, all provided by Luthor Corp. Kids from all over the state are picked by income, grades and merit to be a part with them all going to Metropolis High School as freshman. Amongst them is a kid chosen for his photography submission, Jimmy Olsen who bunks just above Clark, a girl with so much gumption that she spent two weeks hounding the people running the program before showing a potential future in journalism with a piece on the program that went viral, even if an exporting error made it so her name wasn’t actually on it. The program leads had gotten the file though and so Lois Lane joined.

There was one oddity amongst them though. One person who seemed genuinely angry to be there and at least at first regards Clark’s overtures of kindness with suspicion. He knows how people really are after all. Corporate flunkies are always trying to get close to him after all, hoping to curry favor with his father. And now he’s been banished here for ‘perspective’.

But just maybe, Lex might manage to get some, especially since other kids here seem to be interested in taking down this ‘Superman’ who rises up not long after they all move in. At bare minimum, they’ll make good pawns, especially with how naive Clark is about the world.

=========

This idea came to me because of family stuff that really isn’t mine to share. I don’t even think I’d claim this to be MAWS related but I tagged it anyways because if I did do it, I’d be using the dynamics and characterizations set by that but making them probably almost a decade younger than they are in the show. Admittedly, just due to my strengths, “Teenage Superman” is an idea that had floated into my head for this show already, this just theoretically gave it an initial hook and premise.

Do I plan to actually do it? Probably not anytime soon. Probably never. But that’s what these idea pitches are for. To share that which I won’t get to. I hope you all liked it.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

#my adventures with superman #Superman #Clark Kent

[spiderking-of-queens]

Chapter Eighteen: The Battle

Summary: When Billy and the Mind Flayer show up at the mall and trap you and your friends there, you, Mike, El, and Max get separated from the others as you try to escape. (Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader, 4k words)

Warnings: Death, blood, abuse… the usual.

Tags: @blackbirddaredevil23 @dessxoxsworld

Masterlist

July 4th, 1985

When you walked back into the mall, everyone was preparing to split up again. Murray was trying to explain his comically crowded key ring to Nancy and Jonathan, Joyce was embracing Will as he squirmed in her tight grip, and Hopper and El were sitting on the fountain, holding hands. 

“Hey, we should probably go,” Mike interrupted their conversation, and the two of them embraced before he and Max walked over to help El up. 

“Mike?” Hopper called to him, and he spun around nervously. You remembered Hopper storming into Melvald’s to complain about Mike to Joyce about a week ago. He wasn’t a big fan of him and El together, and clearly, there was some unresolved tension between them. 

“Be careful,” He said with a deep, resigned sigh. 

Mike nodded and turned back around to follow you and the others up the escalator to go towards Nancy’s car. 

“You didn’t want to go with Steve?” Nancy asked you as you jogged beside her, trying to keep up.

“I thought maybe I could be more useful here,” You replied sheepishly. “That you and Jonathan could use some help.”

“Good. Glad you’re here,” She said with a smile as she opened the front door of the mall and held it for Mike and Max, who were still propping El up as she struggled to walk on her leg. You smiled back at her and followed them through the door. 

You helped them get El into the back of the car so she could lay down on the floor, then got in with her and Mike. Max had pointed out that she was still bleeding, so you took it upon yourself to look after her. You took off your flimsy work vest and tore off a long strip of it to wrap it tightly around her calf. You had a feeling that your new job was doomed anyways, so what did it matter if you destroyed some of their property? This was more important anyways. 

“Thanks,” Mike said quietly as he watched you work. It was probably the first time he had actually been genuinely nice to you. You couldn’t help smiling and nodded back at him as you finished tying off the makeshift bandage and pulled her pant leg back down over it. 

Nancy tried to start the car, but the engine sputtered. 

“What’s wrong?” Jonathan asked her. 

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

She kept trying, but the car just kept making the same awful, monotone grinding noise. 

“Didn’t your mom just buy this car?” Lucas mumbled from the backseat.

“Yes! I’m sure it’s fine,” Nancy replied, agitated.

“Did you leave the lights on?” Will asked.

“No!”

“Do we have gas?” Lucas added.

“YES!” She bellowed so loudly that it was practically a scream, and turned the key even harder. “Come on!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Just stop! Stop,” Jonathan yelled, putting a hand on her arm. “Pop the hood.”

She complied, and the two of them got out to check the engine. Then you heard a car revving loudly from across the parking lot, and you all snapped your heads towards the sound. 

You recognized the car instantly. It was Billy. Fantastic. 

Nancy raced to open the back door of her car so quickly that it startled all of you.

“Back in the mall! Go, go, go!” She yelled, ushering the kids out, and you helped Mike get El out so you could obey her commands. You ran in as quickly as possible, and huddled back in the food court as you waited for Mike to try to get ahold of somebody for help on his walkie talkie. You were standing over Nancy as she rummaged through Hopper’s weapon collection and picked out a gun.

“You’re gonna kill him, aren’t you?” Max asked, a grim look on her face as she watched Nancy load it.

“This is just a precaution, okay?” She reassured her. 

“And not just against Billy,” Will said as he stood beside her. “If he knows we’re here, so does the Mind Flayer.”

Nancy turned to look at the car that El had flung across the food court to save you from the Russians. 

“No chance that thing’ll drive, right?” She joked. 

“We don’t need it to drive,” Jonathan said. “We just need the ignition cable.”

Your eyebrows raised when he said this, and you looked around at each other knowingly before immediately springing into action. 

You all gathered around the car to put your best efforts into flipping it over, but all of you put together still weren’t strong enough. El offered to try using her powers, despite Mike insisting that she shouldn’t, and couldn’t get it to turn over either. It was the first time you had seen her fail. You tried to push away your concern and focus at the task at hand when Mike came up with the idea for all of you to use metal stands from the rope barriers of a nearby store. After a few tries, it was successful.

“Told you. Physics,” He said proudly, trying to catch his breath from the exertion of his efforts. 

Then Nancy and Jonathan went to work retrieving the ignition cable while Max and Mike watched El rummage through a trash can across the way.

“What’s she doing?” Max asked. You turned to look as well. 

She pulled a Coke can out and set it on top of a nearby pillar, focusing intensely on it. The three of you walked over to her to make sure she was alright.

“El? You okay?” Mike asked her as cheerily as possible, but you and Max were staring at her in concern. 

Before she could respond, you began to hear a creaking noise from the roof of the mall and looked up to see large cracks appearing in the skylights above you. Your blood instantly ran cold. You grabbed Max’s arm, and she turned her head upwards to look as well before getting Mike’s attention. After you commanded the three of them to run, he screamed Nancy’s name just as the monster came crashing through the ceiling. You all managed to hide behind a concessions table at the edge of the food court before it could find you. For the second time that night, you were holding your breath as you tried not to get caught. 

“Griswold Family, this is Scoops Troop, do you copy?” You heard Dustin’s voice through the static of Mike’s abandoned walkie talkie from across the room. Of course they were trying to get ahold of you now. You always seemed to have terrible timing as a team. You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard the monster roar into it, then toss it to the floor, shattering it. 

After a few minutes, Mike sat up and snuck a peek. You pulled him back down abruptly. 

“What the hell are you doing?” You hissed at him.

“It’s turned away. If we go up the stairs now, we’ll make it.”

“Are you insane?!” You argued. 

“No way,” Max agreed, shaking her head. “Not with El’s leg.”

“We have to try.”

“There’s another way to get out,” El interrupted, panting. “Through the Gap.”

Mike snuck another peek, and then nodded when he decided the coast was clear. 

“Okay, now!” He commanded before you had a chance to argue, and bolted towards the store. You jumped up and followed them as quickly as you could. Max accidentally stepped on some broken glass on your way in, and you heard the monster shriek in response to the noise. You didn’t stop running until you made it all the way to the back and sat down behind a shelf. The Mind Flayer searched for you but found a mannequin instead, flinging it through the store and smashing it against the back wall in anger. It landed beside Mike, barely missing him, and you all flinched in terror. The kids were all frozen, eyes wide, as they realized the gravity of the situation. You decided that it was time for you to take control. 

“We should keep moving towards the exit,” You whispered, and they nodded back at you rapidly. You poked your head around the aisle first to look, then signaled them to follow you. You walked slowly, the three of them clinging to you in a train behind you as you ducked behind every possible object you could. Then you finally stopped and sat behind a podium halfway to the door, not wanting to push your luck. You waited again and listened. It sounded like it had made its way to where you were moments before. It was gaining on you. 

You closed your eyes and tried to think of the next course of action. If you made a break for the door, there was a good chance that it would catch you before you could make it out. It seemed like you were cornered. 

You heard the slithering of one of the monster’s tentacles getting closer. The only thing you could think to do was to throw yourself in front of the kids and wait. Your eyes widened as it came around the corner and you got a good look at its rows of sharp teeth. Max gripped your arm that was slung over her in terror. 

Just when you thought you were about to be Flayer food, it screeched and recoiled, turning around towards a new target. You snapped your head around to see where it was headed, and found your other friends making a break for it out from behind the car across the food court. You closed your eyes again and sucked in a deep breath. You weren’t sure what they’d done, but you knew they had saved your lives. 

“Let’s go! Quick!” You shouted after you caught your breath and helped El off of the floor so you could all escape through the employee exit. You wove your way through the back hallways until you finally made it outside to the parking lot, but you didn’t see Nancy’s car. Instead, you saw Billy stumbling out of his car, which was now totaled and going up in flames. Without hesitation, you all turned around and headed back inside again. Max broke away from Mike and El and you reached out for her, unsure of what she was doing before you realized that she was trying to close the mechanical gate to keep Billy out. You waited until she turned around and came back, then grabbed her arm, pulling her along with you as you ran. 

As you made your way back through the hallway, the lights were flickering like crazy. You tried to go as quickly as possible even though El was fading fast. You eventually stumbled on some kind of doorway, and Mike tried to push the button to open it so you could hide, but it wasn’t working. 

“Billy,” You heard Max say from out in the hallway, and you all spun around in a panic. “Billy you don’t have to do this.”

“Max! Don’t!” You yelled to her, trying to pull her back towards you, but she brushed you off and kept trying to get through to him. 

“Billy. Your name’s Billy, Billy Hargrove. You live on 4819 Cherry Lane. Billy, please, I’m Max. I’m your-”

He interrupted her by smacking her hard across the face, knocking her out cold. 

You screamed in rage and lurched forward to try to fight him, but he easily pinned you against the wall, his arm pressed tightly to your throat. 

You knew it wasn’t actually Billy trying to strangle you, but you couldn’t help the anger bubbling up inside of you as you remembered how helpless you felt back in November while he was attacking your friends. You were so sick of feeling powerless. You spat in his face as a last-ditch act of rebellion against him and kneed him in the groin, briefly knocking him backwards before he swiftly backhanded you across the face and sent you to the ground. You smacked your head against the tiled floor as you fell, and right before you passed out, you saw him knock out both Mike and El before he slung her over his shoulder and carried her away.

When you finally came to, you opened your eyes to see Max and Mike sitting over you, shaking you awake. 

“Ugh,” You groaned, putting a hand over your eye. It felt like it was going to pop out of your head. “Deja vu.”

It hadn’t even been a full year since Billy had knocked you out the first time, and you woke up to the same exact view of your younger friends staring down at you.

They each grabbed both of your hands and slowly pulled you off of the ground. You gasped when you noticed the wounds on their faces. 

“Shit, are you guys okay?” You asked as you rushed forward to inspect the giant red splotch on Max’s cheek. She brushed your hand away impatiently and began to pull you down the hallway. 

“We’re fine! Come on, Billy took El. We have to go!”

When you made it out of the hallway and to the food court through Scoops Ahoy, you saw the Mind Flayer in front of El and Billy, completely surrounded by orange flames. El was laying on the floor helplessly, and Billy was standing over her. Then the Mind Flayer opened its mouth, sending one of its tentacles towards her when Billy stood in front of her and put his arms out to try to stop it. You all watched in shock as it pierced him with its teeth over and over again, then landed one final blow directly to his chest. Max screamed his name in horror, and you instinctively wrapped your arms around her to try to shield her. 

The Mind Flayer released Billy and his legs gave out from under him as he tumbled to the ground, covered in blood. Then it began to sway like it was wounded, crashing into everything in its path before it fell to the floor lifelessly. 

Maybe the plan really had worked this time. Maybe the gate was finally closed for good. The mall filled with an eerie quiet, nothing but the sound of crackling flames, as you watched and waited to make sure it was actually over. 

You let go of Max and she walked over to Billy, calmly and slowly. You followed her but tried to keep your distance to give them a moment alone. 

“Billy?” She asked, and he began to splutter as blood filled his mouth and choked him. She bent down to the ground to put her hands on his shoulders. “Billy, get up, please. Please,” She kept repeating.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, fully himself again, and released a final raspy breath before going completely still. Then Max began to cry, and started to shake him. 

“Billy, wake up. Get up, please!” She wailed, and then went quiet before she realized he was really gone and began to let out strangled sobs. 

El reached for her and let her cry in her lap as she stroked her hair, whispering that it was okay. 

You were in shock. You stood over them with your hands covering your mouth, trying to stifle your own cries as you stared at Billy’s lifeless body. You heard someone call your name, but you couldn’t peel your eyes away from him. Then you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders trying to shake you from your horror. 

“Y/N? Y/N! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

You moved your wide eyes to see Steve standing in front of you, looking straight at you. 

“He’s… he’s…” You trailed off, your bottom lip starting to quiver. Steve pulled you into a hug. 

“I know,” He murmured. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

You hugged him back, but couldn’t stop yourself from staring over his shoulder at Billy again as he spoke. 

At some point the police were called and the parking lot was completely littered with fire trucks and ambulances. There was a whole army there, too, complete with tanks and helicopters. You weren’t entirely sure what the official lie was going to be this time, so you told them that you had stayed behind after your shift at the theater when you were knocked unconscious by falling debris. You certainly had the wounds on your face to justify the story.

After your interrogation was over, you went over to Max and Robin who were sitting side by side on a gurney outside of one of the ambulances, wrapped in blankets. 

“You okay, Robin?” You asked her.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Might not be in the morning, but that’s tomorrow’s problem.”

You smiled at her and sat down beside her. Then you realized suddenly that you had only seen her and Steve since you parted ways earlier. 

“Where’s Dustin and Erica?” You asked her anxiously.

“Still on that stupid hill, I’m assuming.”

You breathed out a sigh of relief. 

“Okay. Good. That’s good. Thank you, for looking out for them.”

“Anytime.”

That settled it. Robin was officially part of the party now. Officially part of the war. You felt sort of bad for her, but you were also really glad to have another friend your age around to help. She seemed to notice someone behind you, and you turned to see Steve talking to Nancy and Jonathan in the ambulance. 

“I’m gonna go see if they’re okay,” Robin said, and you nodded at her as she stood up to go over to them. 

You sat beside Max in silence for a moment as she stared into space, deep in thought. 

“You hanging in there, Mad Max?” You eventually asked her. 

She shook her head, refusing to avert her eyes from the pavement. 

“Sure,” She grumbled. 

You didn’t want to say anything else, but you also didn’t want to leave her, so you continued to sit beside her in case she needed you. She sighed loudly after a while, and you turned to look at her. Her eyebrows were scrunched together. 

“I didn’t even try to help him,” She whispered. You shut your eyes and took a deep breath. 

“I wouldn’t have let you anyways,” You replied. You weren’t sure that was the right thing to say to her, but it was the truth. You would have held her back before she could have even tried. 

She didn’t look at you. Didn’t respond. Then the two of you noticed El stumbling out of another ambulance out of the corner of your eyes, a new bandage taped to her forehead. 

“I’m gonna go talk to her,” Max mumbled, and quickly walked off towards her. You opened your mouth to say something else, but she was already gone before you could. You let your head fall into your hands. You wanted to help her so badly, but you didn’t know how. The only way you really could was if you made her unsee what she had seen, and that wasn’t possible. 

You sat alone and tried to squeeze back your tears when you felt somebody standing in front of you. You sat up straight quickly and steeled yourself. 

“You alright?” 

It was Steve again. You nodded back at him with an unconvincing smile. 

“Yeah. Just… don’t know what to say to her to help, you know?”

“I know.”

You sniffled and he took the blanket off of his shoulders to wrap it around you instead. 

“Thanks,” You whispered. He nodded and sat down beside you. 

You glanced over at him and he looked back with a smile. 

“You came back for us,” You said. 

“Of course,” He shrugged. “I could see that thing on top of the mall all the way across town. I didn’t even have a choice.”

“I thought I told you not to do anything stupid.”

“Sorry,” He scoffed. “Never actually promised I wouldn’t, though.”

You smirked and shook your head at him. 

“Well, what happened? What did I miss?” You asked. 

“Basically, Lucas and Will had the idea to hold the Mind Flayer off with fireworks, so we spent the whole time tossing them at it. It worked. You know… until it didn’t.”

You nodded, then felt him staring at you and turned your head to look at him again. 

“What?” You asked him as his eyes moved around your face. Then you remembered your new battle scars and brought your fingers up to gingerly touch the bruises forming across your right cheekbone. “Oh. It’s fine. Not as bad as yours.”

“Did… did he do that to you again?”

You pondered this. It wasn’t that simple. 

“No. The Mind Flayer did it.”

Steve took a deep breath and nodded. You at least owed Billy this explanation after what you had seen. He fought as hard as he could in the end, and was able to come back to himself just before he died. You trusted that his final act of bravery protecting El and his apology to Max with his last breath meant that he fully understood the hurt he had caused in his life, and was remorseful for all of it. For that, he deserved to rest in peace. 

It was still strange, though, knowing that some version of him had done this to you when he was no longer around. When the bruises he left behind would heal, he would truly be gone from your life forever. Physically, at least. The mental scars wouldn’t disappear so easily.

Will and Jonathan got out of the ambulance and interrupted your train of thought, running towards something. Your eyes followed them to see where they were going, and you found Joyce embracing them a yard or so away. 

“Oh my god,” You said, relieved to see her, and threw off your blanket to run to her. 

When you reached her, you wrapped your arms around her as the others began to flock to her as well. You pulled away and looked around for Hopper, but he wasn’t there. 

“Where’s…?” You began to ask, but the devastated look on Joyce’s face told you that you should hold your tongue. 

Hopper was gone. 

You saw El across the parking lot, sobbing into Max’s arms. Like you, she knew without it being said aloud. She could feel it. The only family she had ever known was suddenly gone. 

Joyce explained that the official story they were running with was that there had been a mall fire, and everyone that was flayed was going to be considered victims to it. Including Hopper. Then she told you all to go home and get some sleep. Of course, none of you had any working cars anymore, so the others waited for their parents while some of you got your own police escort. You, Steve, and Robin were some of the ones that had to sit in the back of a police car. 

When they pulled up to your house first, you took a deep breath before getting out, preparing to face your parents with a completely fabricated explanation. Steve grabbed your arm before you left. 

“Hey. If you need me, you call me. Okay?” He said, his eyebrows raised to make sure you knew he was serious. You nodded at him and got out. 

Part of you wanted to ask him to stay. You didn’t want to be alone. You didn’t want to go up to your room carrying the weight of what you had witnessed. You didn’t want to see Billy’s lifeless face when you closed your eyes to go to sleep. But you knew it was useless. You would have to face it on your own sooner or later. Your friends couldn’t always be there with you to protect you. 

You tried to talk yourself down. It would be like it was the first time. You would have nightmares, but they would fade. At least you knew what to expect this time around. Although, last time, you didn’t have to witness somebody you knew dying. Those nightmares might be a little harder to shake. 

You watched the police car pull out of your driveway and walked slowly to your front door, desperately wishing you could put the past week behind you as you turned the handle.

#stranger things reader insert #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #st3 #steve harrington #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington reader insert #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington imagine #joe keery #joe keery x fem!reader #joe keery reader insert #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #will byers #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #eleven #mike wheeler #joyce byers #jim hopper #billy hargrove #robin buckley #dustin henderson #eddie munson #eddie munson reader insert #joseph quinn

[redheadbigshoes]

hii so for context i recently figured out i was a lesbian and comphet has been completely destroying my ass so i’ll just cut straight to the point because this might be long.. i had a dream recently where i was taking care of this kid?? and there was this boy who was around my age (18-20) and we were just like getting along fine but somewhere in the dream, i vividly remember saying to him "i’m a lesbian but for some reason i want to kiss you" and then we didn’t because i woke up but phew. this brings me to this point that when it comes to men, i don’t feel romantic attraction. like i genuinely feel like it’s impossible for me to truly connect with a man in the way that i could with women. romantically. and during my childhood i always knew i didn’t want to marry a man because it just "wasn’t for me",, but when it came to marrying a woman (i thought of this during my early teen years) i was all for it. yet, whenever i see a man who i deem attractive, i always kind of "test" myself and see how far i would go with them. usually with celebrities because men irl just … yeah.. anyways, the farthest i would ever go even in my head is making out. sex with men genuinely makes me uncomfortable to think about and just isn’t interesting to me in the slightest. so i guess i’m wondering if that means in not a lesbian or if it’s just comphet. [extra note: i guess if i see making out as something that leads to sex it completely loses my interest but if it’s just kissing i would be ‘up’ for it (not with a real man though but you get the idea).] anyways sooooorry this was so long but your blog has helped me come to terms with a lot about myself so i thank you for that.

First is that dreams don’t exactly mean what they’re showing.

From what you said those men you test yourself are always celebrities, right? You wouldn’t do that with men in real life. The difference between a lesbian and someone who’s attracted to men is that if those celebrities were actually attainable, if they were part of your life, you wouldn’t want to do anything with them (lesbians). So when it comes to lesbians comphet makes us imagine those situations, but if we got to the point of actually doing that we wouldn’t want to. Someone who’s attracted to men would still want to be intimate (in any way) with those men.

Something you can also think about (and this part may be hard to understand, because it’s easier if you actually tested kissing a guy) is that when it’s about someone you’re attracted to, kissing, being intimate with them gives you positive feelings, when you do that with someone you’re not attracted to it doesn’t mean you will feel something negative. As someone who has made out with guys I remember I wouldn’t feel absolutely anything when doing that with them, but that is not attraction. Attraction makes you feel something positive, not negative, not neutral. So I guess the difference here is actually wanting something with them vs not minding doing something with them, because not minding to kiss them you’d probably not feel anything when doing it.

You should check out the tik toks I posted here on the #tik toks tag if you haven’t. There’s a bunch of videos about comphet. Also try reading the lesbian masterdoc (link on my pinned post), it could help you .

#stephanie answers #anon #long post

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

A few things, one do you personally believe Evan has like a fake account and is checking up to see what he fanbase is up to online?

I swear to god I can’t help but worry I’ve interacted with him once without even knowing it and made a complete fool of myself Ajdjjfjfjf

Two, so you think he’s ever been on/knows what Omegle is? (I may or may not pop on there every now and then in his tags to try and find him. Say hi, thank him for existing and dip haha 😅)

Three, do you think Evan genuinely is okay with fans approaching him (when appropriate of course) or think he would approach them by chance??

Like for me I’d prefer him to approach me if I’m wearing any AHS merchandise. Because I don’t wanna bother the man and have him get bombarded by fans, I’d honestly be happy just getting a few words ‘conversation’ in. Maybe an autograph and quick hug if he’s down, probably not a pic together though. As much as I’d love one with him the man deserves to be treated like a human being when he’s not working yknow? (Not saying I wouldn’t love a pic and not hating on fans that do ask for one and whatnot. I just would want to be respectful and not make him feel uncomfy. While he’ll never remember me (maybe he will who knows) I’ll remember him and I don’t want to be remembered as ‘the one fan who was weirdly too polite or some shit) I dunno I’m weird not to mention the very unrealistic and cruel scenarios my head creates. He deserves the world and anyone who meets him should feel incredibly lucky (I’m not putting him on a pedestal, but he’s so genuine and kind. I only want him to get that same energy back is all.)

He has no idea but he’s part of the reason why I’m still here (I know that sounds silly) Mentally I’ve been through a lot still going through a lot. So I’ll hop on YouTube and watch his interviews or watch AHS or clips of him as his characters. Stuff like that it’s bittersweet sometimes but it helps me feel close to him and gives me hope I’ll meet him so I can HOPEFULLY thank him in person. 🥹❤️‍🩹

first off, anon i'm glad you're still here <3

i think evan could possibly give into the very human curiosity of seeing what people say online - maybe not frequently but once in a while. it's hard to say. maybe he's been burnt and decided it's better to avoid at all costs. i do doubt that evan is on omegle these days but back in the day it used to be something we pretty much all did lol

i think in the right circumstance, evan is probably fine with a respectful fan interacting with him. i think most people would be so long as the interaction is appropriate. i always think the most important thing is to recognize time and place and also reading body language. celebrities are humans, too. they may have bad days, may be in a rush, may be with other people who could be made uncomfortable.. so you just have to read the situation and discern if this is a good time to come over and say hi. i think it would be great if he got back to doing conventions so fans would have an opportunity to tell evan how much we love him!

#evan peters

[guardianofrivendell]

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#5

💚 with

Me being predictable as always 😄

Eh, it's what I love about you - among many other things of course 😄 Thank you for your request @aduialel, and sorry it took me so long!!

(the sleepover was back in January, so the gif requests are closed right now!)

A/N: It's been a while since I wrote for Thranduil in this way, it was a welcome change! I tried to write a romantic fluffy drabble, but... it is me so yeah, that didn’t happen :)

Sindarin used: - aran nin: my king - edlothia nin: my flower

DANCE WITH ME

Your face scrunched up in disgust after you swallowed the last bit of Dorwinion wine from your glass. How all of your friends and kin could be so hooked on the red fluid, you’d never understand. 

You didn’t care for these celebrations. Elves found any reason to party, it could be the Feast of Starlight or a celebration because the guard had returned from their weekly patrolling. It wasn’t for you. Not the dancing, not the music, the people or the food and wine. Definitely not the wine. 

The only real reason why you were here - and at every other feast, gala or celebration for that matter - was currently dancing their heart out on the floor, laughing and clearly having a much better time than you were. Your younger sibling who couldn’t go out yet without a chaperone, and who you loved so dearly, you were willing to tolerate this year’s edition of… by Elentári, you couldn’t even remember what they were celebrating. 

One of the guests of the party came towards you and stood by your side, silently watching the Elves on the dancefloor twirling about, but you were so focused on keeping an eye on your sibling that you didn’t pay him any further attention. 

“You do not seem to enjoy yourself,” he stated after a few moments.

The snort you couldn’t hold back was muffled by the cheering of the guests when they brought new barrels of wine in the room. 

“Is it that obvious?” you asked, stepping aside a little so you could see where your sibling was headed. Ah, of course… Wine. 

“Perhaps I can ask you to join me for a dance?”

You waved your hand at him in a dismissive way, shaking your head to emphasize your refusal. “Oh no, I don’t dance.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Believe me, no one could convince me to go on that floor.”

“Not even your King?” 

“Not even King Thranduil.”

“Is that so?”

You couldn’t help but notice some amusement in his voice. How dare he? Why did everyone have a problem with you not wanting to dance? And what did your King have to do with all of this?

You finally looked towards the Ellon next to you and if you hadn’t placed your empty glass on a sidetable already, you would’ve dropped it to the ground in surprise.

Thranduil turned his head to look at you and couldn’t help the smirk on his lips, before he gave you a genuine smile that made you a little weak in your knees. Not that you would admit that to anyone. 

“King Thranduil!” you gasped, before you remembered your manners and made a small curtsy. “Forgive me, I-”

He took your hand in his, effectively silencing you before he leaned in and asked, “If you do not dance and you are clearly not enjoying the festivities, may I invite you to join me outside? My gardens are especially beautiful under the starlight.”

You looked back at the party, trying to locate your sibling. Once you saw they were still enjoying themselves and very obviously not in need of your assistance, you nodded, accepting his invitation. 

Thranduil guided you through the gardens, your arm hooked in his as you admired the beautiful flowers and plants. You completely missed the loving looks Thranduil gave you every time you smelled a flower or asked him a question, curious about a particular flower you’d never seen before. When you came across a little arbor covered with white roses, you paused for a moment to take it all in. You were walking through the Royal Gardens, with none other than the King himself on your arm. 

Thranduil let go of your arm and took your hands in his.

“Dance with me?”

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399 notities - Geplaatst 22 mei 2022

#4

Drunk in Love

Fíli x wife!reader

Requested: yes, by @carnotaurus-celeste​, back in January for my 2022 followers sleepover. Sorry it took me so long! This was a gif drabble request (that got a bit out of hand), the gif they chose is similar to the one I put underneath. 

Warnings: mentions of drinking, drunk Dwarves, adorable Fíli, not proofread

A/N: this was my last request from the January sleepover, only about 8 months late lol :) It was a way to try and get out of my writing block. Enjoy drunk Fíli! 

Still half asleep you turned on your other side, clutching the sheets and furs in an attempt to keep the warmth inside your little cocoon, and scooted over to Fíli’s side of the bed in search of his body heat.

Being married to a Dwarf meant you never had to feel cold anymore, his body your own private furnace he was more than happy for you to use at any time. Every night you fell asleep in his arms, your cheek pressed into the soft curls of his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent while you let his heartbeat guide you to the land of dreams.

But your searching fingers didn’t find the heated skin you were looking for, instead finding a cold and empty spot where your husband was supposed to be sleeping.

You opened your eyes and sat up straight, looking around the dimly lit room for any sign of Fíli. The fire was still smoldering, which meant it had to be in the early hours of the night, too early for breakfast, but too late to be waking up to an empty bed. Where was he?

Fíli and you didn’t go to bed together that night, for the first time since well… your wedding night. The reason for this change of pace was very simple: last night marked the seven year anniversary of the reclaiming of Erebor and almost five year anniversary of the rebuild, and as the newly set tradition went there was a grand feast to celebrate.

Even though you had been enjoying the festivities - the sight of the Durin family and Company members being happy and carefree warmed your heart every time - as the feast went on, you grew rather tired.

When the clock struck midnight, you’d left Fíli in the company of his brother and their friends in the Great Hall, and that’s where you probably had the most chance of finding him at this hour. Or you hoped so, because the last thing you wanted to do was roam the halls of Erebor in your nightshift in search of your husband. You could only imagine the rumors that would go around at the breakfast table! 

You stepped out of bed and shivered when the cold of the night greeted you, so you quickly let your feet glide into your thick fur boots and threw your winter robe on to cover yourself. 

Fíli was most likely still celebrating and simply lost track of time, nothing to worry about, but you couldn’t suppress the tiny voice at the back of your mind that kept repeating something was wrong.

What if he was so drunk he lost his way or he fell off one of the many bridges or stairs? When you’d suggested railings for them during one of the many construction meetings, everyone bursted out in laughter. “The first Dwarf to lose their footing on stone is yet to be born, lass,” they’d laughed, wiping the tears out of their eyes. You never thought about asking again. 

You kept your pace steady but fast, a little slower when you crossed a bridge or stairway, making sure to check every corner and every nook in case your husband decided in his drunken haze that it was a perfect place to settle for the night.  

But the hallways of Erebor were abandoned and eerily quiet, as they should be at that hour. 

As you reached the corridor that led to the Great Hall, the sounds of careless laughter and chatter swelled. The celebrations were definitely not over yet, and just like you guessed, your husband wasn’t done partying.

Fíli was standing on top of one of the long dining tables, feet firmly planted between dirty plates and empty beer mugs, his brother Kíli at the other end, their friends scattered around the table, watching them dance and perform a drinking song. 

You leaned against the heavy open door and watched the scene with mirth. Up until now you hadn’t had the pleasure to see your husband so inebriated and… well, carefree. 

“Fee, catch!” Kíli yelled and next thing you knew, one of the dirty plates flew across the table right into Fíli’s outstretched hand. The crowd surrounding them cheered and encouraged by their fans, Kíli started another song, one you knew quite well. 

Blunt the knives, bend the forks!

And just like that you were thrown back to that cozy hobbit hole in the Shire, when you’d first laid eyes on your husband,  at the time a total stranger to you. Even though the last few years had taken a toll on him - both mentally and physically - he was still as handsome as ever and he still managed to fill your belly with butterflies as his rich baritone filled the great hall. 

Both brothers had some difficulties getting the song right, their words slurred and lyrics in the wrong order but there was no denying they were having the time of their lives. By the time the song had ended the tableware stood perfectly stacked in the center of the table and everyone in the hall burst out in laughter and applause. 

You applauded along with everyone else and it didn’t take long for Fíli’s eyes to meet yours. 

“Amrâlimê!” he exclaimed, his face splitting in a wide toothy smile, his mustache braids dangling under his nose as he moved towards you. They’d grown a few inches in the past years and you wondered if he would keep them as they were, or maybe start braiding them into his beard. 

Fíli threw his arms around you and lifted you from the ground, spinning you both around until he started to sway and he had to let you go in order to grab the door frame. 

“Everyone! Thiz iz my wife!” he yelled, throwing an arm around your waist.  “Kíli!! Come and meet my w-wife!”

You had to hold back a laugh. “Fíli, your brother knows who I am. Everyone here knows me.” 

Fíli’s eyes widened at that and his features turned from incredibly happy to heartbroken in a matter of seconds. You patted his chest in an attempt to comfort him, but it made him stumble again and you quickly grabbed a nearby chair for him to sit on. 

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502 notities - Geplaatst 25 september 2022

#3

So I’ve been throwing up all night and day, to the point ever water makes me sick and I just wanted to feel some warmth, how would the company react to a sick modern-reader?

A/N: Since I was stuck on every other WIP I had (joy) I opened this request again in search of something else to write. I felt like the company reacting to a sick reader has been done so many times, so I didn't really know how to write this while still being original. I figured I'd do it headcanon style, because people seem to love it when I do that. Besides... laughter is the best medicine right? Although I haven’t made that many jokes in this one, I’ve been a good girl :) 

Requested: well yes, there is an ask at the top of this post isn't there...? @that-teen2003 this one's for you

Warnings: mentions of being sick, throwing up (non descriptive), awkward dwarves, everyone brings out their inner Dori at some point, green (both the word and the colour)

How the Company Reacts to a Sick Modern Reader

it's not like you were doing it on purpose, getting sick

even though most of the Company thought you were at first

the Dwarves weren't hostile towards you but they weren't exactly friendly as well

you couldn't blame them since you kind of ambushed them, appearing out of nowhere

popping into Middle Earth straight from The Modern World™

you gave each and every one of them a heart attack

a lot of high pitched shrieks were heard when you fell into their midst

none of them wanting to admit you startled them

insisting it was you who had screamed like a little girl, not them

extra deep and low voices and rumbles for a few days after

even if they agreed to take you with them, planning on leaving you at the first human settlement they passed, it didn't mean they were happy about it

you weren't exactly a useful addition to the Company

no battle experience

no fighting skills

hardly any strength compared to theirs

no beard

no equipment or weapons, not even a blanket or an extra pack of clothes on you

you were wearing sandals for Durin's sake, having to stop constantly to get little rocks, pebbles or twigs out of them

questioning but mostly disapproving looks about your choice of wardrobe 

which was a shirt with shorts, and the sandals

tHe sANDALS

"I was enjoying my day at the beach, it's not like I planned on ending up here!"

but Dwarves are Dwarves, their hearts still in the right place

some might be a little off center but they're trying

everyone giving a few spare items so you were a little more protected against the elements

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663 notities - Geplaatst 9 mei 2022

#2

How LOTR/Hobbit characters react to you fainting ~ drabbles

Fíli - Kíli - Bofur - Aragorn

Requested: no  

Warnings: talk about fainting, collapsing, food, pregnancy, injuries etc, worried fictional characters, blatant ignorance of how bodies actually work - fainting only lasts a few seconds but for the sake of these stories it takes minutes and minutes and... you get the idea - not proofread because who has the time

Prompt: they get a message about you collapsing/fainting during their absence or you just drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes at a market sale when they’re with you, how do they react?

A/N: this is one of my guilty pleasures: tropes where reader is in distress and in need of a heroic rescue, strong arms to catch them or a worried character doting on them. This is a completely self indulgent post and I won’t take any criticism. Enjoy. I know I will. 

FÍLI - A DOTING HUSBAND

Fíli was in the middle of a closed meeting when one of the guards came in and discreetly handed him a small note. Thorin raised one eyebrow in question, wanting to know what was going on and if perhaps his nephew had forgotten the meaning of a ‘closed meeting’, but Fíli didn’t give him the chance to ask out loud. As soon as he read the words written down by Oín, the screeching of his chair being pushed roughly over the wooden floor silenced everyone around the table and twelve pairs of eyes followed the Heir of Erebor as he bolted out of the room.

Oín was waiting for him outside the infirmary, which only added to Fíli’s already worried state of mind. ”What- How- Did she- is she-” he rattled through gasps of air, trying to open the door to see you but Oín stopped him. He assured Fíli you were going to be fine eventually, if you would finally listen to them and give your body the rest it needed like they had told you too many times before and yes... the baby was fine too.

Fíli released the breath he was holding, rubbing his face with his hands before he rested them on his hips and started laughing with relief. You were too stubborn for your own good sometimes, everyone had told you that you needed to take it easy and let others help you this far in your pregnancy, but you wouldn’t hear any of it.  So today your body finally made the decision for you. While you were running the errands you could’ve easily left to your maids, you’d collapsed, frightening everyone around you. 

You opened your eyes to see your doting husband at your bedside, your hand in his, his other hand softly wiping a few stray hairs out of your face, his thumb lingering on your cheek.  A surge of panic went through you as you realized where you were. “The baby?” “Is going to be perfectly fine, ibrizinlekhê,” he reassured you, “if...” You rolled your eyes. “Let me guess, if I stay in bed all day and do nothing?” Fíli chuckled lightly. “It would make me worry a lot less about the two of you.”

(Kíli, Bofur and Aragorn under the read more cut)

KÍLI - FRANTIC FRIEND

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959 notities - Geplaatst 28 juni 2022

Mijn #1-bericht van 2022

Me writing fics

1.037 notities - Geplaatst 28 maart 2022

Bekijk je jaaroverzicht van 2022 →

#tumblr2022 #jaaroverzicht #mijn jaaroverzicht van 2022 #je jaaroverzicht #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Long post

[blocksruinedme]

12. and 18?

Author's Behind the Scenes Question: List here! Asks open

12) Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

Time Travel! One of the prompts for #smallethoweek is a favorite trope, and i instantly started planning out a time travel fic and realized it would be something like 20k. I adore time travel, but it's hard to get write, and if I do it I want to do it thoroughly.  Another fave is memory fuckage, but I've got that in unpublished wips, though it's all specifically "remembering other series". I did come up with an idea for #smallethoweek with much more simple amnesia, we'll see.

18) What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

This is why this ask took so long. Went with the beginning fight of the first mcyt fic I wrote: MY EX STOLE MY SOULMATE.. | Empires SMP S2 1.19

some quotes

“You gave up the right to have me care about what you think of me when you fired me, without even talking to me! Just decided everything we’d done together was nothing, that everything I’d done for you didn’t matter. You are corrupt! I’m looking out for the best interests of everyone here, with someone like you claiming to have authority over them. It’s not about you, Jimmy! We’re happy here in Gobland, and you’re not part of this and no one needs you, so get out of here before I kill you again.”

“You’re not happy! Stop lying! You’re using him! This is all literally because you found out what we are, what we’d had, and you actually couldn’t handle it! Couldn’t handle that I’d had something good without you! Couldn’t let me have that again! I don’t care if you imagine you’re happy, but he deserves better, so much better than you.”

[skipping a head a bit]

“Jimmy, he’s a fucking adult, he can do whatever he wants. I’m not holding him captive in a cage. I offered him a job that he loves and is very good at. What would he do with you, raise some fucking cows? Try and make your town less boring? Pick up after you and all your messes, like I did? Try to keep you from flying off and doing idiotic things, try to keep you safe from your own issues, try to get you to grow up and actually respect yourself and everyone else? He’s happy, and I want him here, he’s amazing and there’s really no way you could appreciate him like I do.”

Here's the commentary!

- I wrote this fic in <12 hours and published it immediately. It was the first mcyt fic I published. There's a detailed timeline somewhere in this blog. It was a fever dream

- Since the fwhimmy breakup I had been wanting to write a reconciliation fic. I'd read a post by @umbrify that gave me a headcanon of what was going on, and I wanted to use that to get them back together... well, even more together that before. I kept poking at a fic, but I fundamentally couldn't get them to talk in a productive way.

- The morning the crossover dropped, I watched several episodes, I screamed, I thought things. All day long thoughts brewed. At 5pm I was walking to my car and messaging @toasted-cricket and realized I could use their relationships with Tango to drag them back together. I genuinely wondered if that was part of why Tango went to Gobland, to help the creators get through this conflict that was maybe kind of dragging. 

- 10 minutes later I was on my couch and wrote without stopping for I think three hours, then on and off until I published a bit after midnight. Unlike most of my writing, I didn't do a formal outline, and I didn't leave placeholders for finding better words or doing more dialogue, it all just flowed out of me like I was possessed. Finally I could make fWhip and Jimmy say what they felt! I was so deeply relieved to get it out of them, to have a world where it resolves, because there is a horrific lack of s2 fwhimmy fic!!!

- I felt good about the scene and the fic as a whole. I wasn't sure how to tag it, it wasn't *that* angsty, right? They got to resolving it quickly, is this even angst? hot damn I was wrong. I got comments the next day about how it was brutal, and in one response I said " I was so possessed as I wrote it I didn't even realize how brutal it was, just the truth flowing out. :)". I kind of cheated in this fic by not having them really address the issues, just say them. And then I wrote a sequel about weeks passing without any detailed discussion, which i still need to finish. 

- For reasons I don't understand, this is my most popular fic, 3x the kudos of the next. At first I assumed it was the novelty of being a zero day ship, but the ship didn't get much more content so I expected it to drop off. I guess this means it's better than I thought? Or maybe I truly was possessed by a muse who Had Something To Say. Hopefully they'll come back for more fic. :)

here's more of that scene under the cut

It was even harder to keep track of time in the cave than at home, so far from the sun. Tango didn’t know if it was anything approximating dinner time, but he defaulted to calling meals “dinner” and went off in search of it. As he came to the main level, he heard voices from one of the buildings. Tango was about to call out when he realized the voices sounded upset, so he kept his mouth shut as he approached.

“--I haven’t done anything wrong, I certainly haven’t broken any of your so-called ‘laws’ that you don’t even follow.”

fWhip sounded defensive and angry. Awkward! Maybe Tango shouldn’t say hi after all.

The voice that responded was so angry, so cold and so hard that it took Tango a moment to recognize it at all.

“There are things that are wrong that aren’t in the laws. You know that. Things like basic human decency.”

“Hey I’m a gob–”

“Shut up, fWhip.”

fWhip shut up. Tango was pretty sure most people who knew him would shut up if they heard Jimmy sound like that, it was so unnatural and upsetting. What the hell had fWhip done to make Jimmy sound like this?

Tango guessed Jimmy was waiting to make sure fWhip was going to stay shut up. Maybe he was moving around, maybe he was staring at fWhip, maybe he was staring off in another direction. It was frustrating to not be able to see what was going on, but bursting in seemed very… unwise.

When Jimmy resumed, his voice was still deadly serious, but a bit less disturbing. “I’m going to talk now. Do not interrupt me.”

There was a pause. Maybe there was a nod from fWhip, or maybe a refusal to say or indicate anything.

Jimmy spoke clearly and deliberately. Had he practiced this speech? Maybe, this really wasn’t what Jimmy normally sounded like.

“I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to hurt me. You insult me, you have a whole campaign of trying to get people to disrespect me, you try to ruin my career, and now this. I know why you’re doing this, and it’s literally unbelievable. You’re really something else. I can’t believe we were ever… anything to each other. Give it up. Stop pulling other people into your stupid revenge plot. I’m the one who got killed, over and over, I’m the one who got a warden in his base. You’re not the victim, fWhip!”

Aww fuck. This sounded bad. Very very bad. Tango had picked up that fWhip was part of the whole “Jimmy is a toy” game, but he thought it was a friendly running joke. Oops?

It didn’t take long for fWhip to respond. “Are you done with your little speech, Sheriff? Do you want a little round of applause for your performance?”

Tango heard the most sarcastic applause he’d ever heard, and he hung out with Cleo. fWhip’s voice was cold and low, and he was straight up sneering. Tango had only known him for a few… for however long he’d been here, but he’d never heard him sound anything like this. What the fuck was going on?

“Well that’s all well and good, but I don’t care what you think is going on, I don’t care what you think about anything. No matter what you think, the whole server doesn’t revolve around you, Jimmy. We have our own lives and emotions and... and everything.”

fWhip faltered for a moment, but continued on. Less cold and sarcastic, more angry.

“You gave up the right to have me care about what you think of me when you fired me, without even talking to me! Just decided everything we’d done together was nothing, that everything I’d done for you didn’t matter. You are corrupt! I’m looking out for the best interests of everyone here, with someone like you claiming to have authority over them. It’s not about you, Jimmy! We’re happy here in Gobland, and you’re not part of this and no one needs you, so get out of here before I kill you again.”

Oh fuck. Tango headed towards the door, hoping he could stop an actual murder.

Jimmy exploded at fWhip. Tango had heard him angry before, with all the shit that went down on Double Life, but this was something else, something much more… personal?

“You’re not happy! Stop lying! You’re using him! This is all literally because you found out what we are, what we’d had, and you actually couldn’t handle it! Couldn’t handle that I’d had something good without you! Couldn’t let me have that again! I don’t care if you imagine you’re happy, but he deserves better, so much better than you.”

Tango froze just outside the door as soon as he heard “him.” What?

Meanwhile fWhip was almost shouting. “What better, you? Sheriff? You’ve ignored him since you got here!”

“That’s because you literally stole him, to-- to turn him against me! To put him in your weird cave and, and, make him forget about the sun! Everything is weird now! You can’t stand that I actually had someone who made me happy, that I had a partnership that worked, someone who would never betray me, unlike half the people on that server treated their partners. We’re real soulmates. What Tango and I had was actually so special, and you’ve never had anything like that, so you took him away from me!”

fWhip was now actually shouting. Jimmy kept trying to interrupt him, but he just kept going. “Jimmy, he’s a fucking adult, he can do whatever he wants. I’m not holding him captive in a cage. I offered him a job that he loves and is very good at. What would he do with you, raise some fucking cows? Try and make your town less boring? Pick up after you and all your messes, like I did? Try to keep you from flying off and doing idiotic things, try to keep you safe from your own issues, try to get you to grow up and actually respect yourself and everyone else? He’s happy, and I want him here, he’s amazing and there’s really no way you could appreciate him like I do.”

Tango unfroze and headed to the door, even though he desperately wanted to run away from all this. He heard movement inside as he reached the door.

“Get out and don’t you ever come back.”

Jimmy and Tango’s heads swung towards the door alarmingly fast as Tango walked in.

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, please, I’m sure there’s enough of me to go around.”

Tango forced his voice to be as casual and humorous as possible, forced himself to smile like he wasn’t walking in on a potential murder, about… him?? It was a gambit, but Tango had no idea how to approach this besides humor, and he really wanted this fight to stop.

#me #answering asks #my writing

[squirrelno2]

Writing Like Ourselves Tag Game

Tagged by @mwolf0epsilon, thanks! (also ooh boy this one is A Lot huh. getting some serious Backstory up in here)

1. what's your Shire? as in: what's a place you remember fondly and love? (or: some place you hated, some place vivid to you, etc.)

The dance studio I grew up going to - most specifically the studio we moved to after my first year or so there; I went from one or two nights a week to being there almost every day of the week, sometimes for five or six hours straight, and most of the people I’ve loved in my life are people who taught or took class there. Dance studio culture can vary wildly, but mine was generally really good at building community and supporting its dancers, and the people I took class with genuinely felt like family. As an autistic kid with a lot of trauma from the regular school system, going to the studio every night where I was allowed to be my own kind of weird and we could all create our unique communication style so we didn’t have to worry about it was probably the only thing standing between me and a much more fucked up brain. It’s the place I first started teaching, too, so it was there every step of my “coming of age” story.

2. what is your Hobbit culture? as in: values were you brought up in, culture you grew up with, etc.

this one is so hard to distinguish honestly - growing up a white kid in the US, the culture I was raised in is one that tries very hard to pretend it’s not a culture at all but rather some kind of “natural” state of being. Like, it’s the individualism and the Christianity that hasn’t really gone anywhere even though your parents were atheists and it’s the obsession with capitalism. even knowing these things, though, it’s hard to articulate - and that’s not even touching the fact that it’s a culture I don’t particularly connect to because most of the things I can articulate about it values-wise are things I don’t agree with.

On a more local level, my family’s culture was one of kindness and laughter - if you fuck up you laugh about it and you try again, if you’re weird that’s good because the world hasn’t beaten you down yet, and you should really stop trying to fight your bullies but we’ll go to bat for you the next time it happens because what the hell. I was always encouraged to make my own choices even as a young child, and to speak up when someone had hurt me. We were very isolated even though my mom has a large family, but within that isolation there was a lot of love and honesty.

3. who is your Tom Bombadil? as in: a character you loved as a child, in existence or from your imagination, a figure that took place in a lot of your play, etc.

this is about to get really sad and fucked up probably but. My brother? He died a long time before I was born, being a premature baby, but growing up I always had him as an imaginary friend. He’s haunted me my whole life, mostly benevolently; I still can’t help but think sometimes about who he’d be and who we’d be to each other. He’s kind of the first story I ever told myself.

4. what are your elves and dwarves? as in: something you studied or know a lot about, something you can geek out about, etc.

dance!!! also that’s creeping into the body in general, like workouts and injury prevention and that kind of thing. I love anatomy and physiology and how knowing about the science of your muscles and bones can help you convey specific emotions better. I literally will talk to my students about how to create emotional body language, like “hold your rhomboids together a little more and lift your chin, you’ll look proud” or “if you have just a little tension in your arms it will do this, but make sure your neck is relaxed” and then it gets super in depth if I’m not careful. help.

also I love cats and writing. I will infodump about either of these at the drop of a hat, though it’s been longer since I was actively studying cats and I think I’ve forgotten things (I’m so sorry, cats)

5. what are your middle earth languages? as in: something you have expertise in due to a career, a hobby, something you love, etc.

oh wait. uh. dance and the human body again? also writing craft. and the flute! I have varied and sundry interests and I treat them all like they might blossom into a huge all-encompassing career at any moment. if I know anything, I probably have put my whole soul into trying to make it something I’m an expert in. I believe in committing to the bit

6. what are your themes? as in: something you've grown up knowing, like loss, something you know intimately, something you know because of your area/history/ time/era, etc.

loss/grief is probably one. I’ve been losing people since I was a kid, to death and to life. It doesn’t stop hurting but you learn how to face it?

maybe communication? it’s something that haunts me, where I try so hard to be good at it and also have spent so much of my life affected by myself or someone else failing at it

7. what is your moral of the story? as in: a guiding value, a life motto, faith/spirituality, etc.

You don’t know a person’s mind. You don’t know everything feeding into their actions. They might be justified by your standards, or they might be a shithead, but no matter what everyone has an internal logic. It can be as simple as “I wanted to” but there is always a reason. You don’t need to know the reason to respect someone else’s humanity, but if you’re having trouble with someone the first step to fixing it may very well be seeking out the reason so you can understand what they need a little better.

This one gets personal so I definitely get if you don’t wanna do it but I’m making myself tag people now like a proper tumblr citizen so @writhingcreature @what-point-is-there @blackandblue13 if any of you want to?

#tag game

[fleshbloodcomeundone]

December 26 2022 1:44AM 

Another Christmas when I sit in the filth of my grudges and pain. I find myself awake at 5pm and alone in our room because Tiger went to go see his family from his mom’s side. Which only led me to thinking of my family. I got on my other Facebook and started stalking my family’s Facebook accounts. Feeling more and more bitter every second I scrolled. And just realized how much these people took away from me and how much they don’t care. I know I probably sound like such a brat again. But I can’t help it. I’ve been robbed of innocence and wholesomeness. I used to have big family Christmases. Presents and food and staying up until midnight and the cousins. I used to have 2 families to go to to celebrate the holidays. Now, I have none. No blood relative or legal relative who I could celebrate with. No presents either. Haven’t really received a gift in years really. And as much as I’d like to say that’s fine, it makes me sad. It doesn’t even matter what I get for Christmas, you know. But it’s the fact that I don’t have anyone in my life to want to give me presents because it’s the holidays. When I used to have so many. And I can’t really say it’s because I’m a grown adult. But I do not get presents. Everyone online had their own celebration with their families. Had their own complaints about going home for the holidays. The Christmas Spirit has left my life a long time ago. My life right now is just not meant to have the means to celebrate Christmas. And yes, I am jealous. I am envious of everyone who gets to expect presents during this time of year. Even on birthdays. I don’t have relatives reaching out to me to send me a greeting or anything like that. No relative to want to send me a couple of bucks for my birthday or the holidays. No relative or family to ask me how I am and how am I holding up. I went on my dad’s Facebook and saw that Tito Joey posted a picture of them just a couple of days ago. He hasn’t even tried to reach out to me. Not even to yaya to check on how I am. I wanted so badly to wreak havoc, you know. That triggered me. You talk about my dad but completely ignore my existence. And I did. I just posted a status on that Facebook saying “I’ll see you soon” and tagged my dad’s account. Only visible to the Lopez family. They don’t reach out to me at all. Don’t try to check up on me. And yes, nagpapapansin ako. 

This is the first time in a long time that I’m genuinely sad during the holidays. Maybe because I actually see what I’ve lost. And what this year has given me. The heartache I experienced this year. The betrayal. A lot of people hurting me, stoning me, until I no longer want to be cured. I do not want to heal. I want to remain cold and numb. I do not want to get better. I am afraid to build myself up again just to have someone tear me down. I’ve been disrespected long enough. 

I thought about everything with Tiger again. I thought about how much he mistreated me. How much he does not deserve any ounce of softness and gentleness from me. He hasn’t lost anything. I’m still here. I still live here. While I feel like I’ve been shred to pieces. While I feel like I’ve been shattered. Why, in anyway, should he gain anything from me? He fucking broke my trust. He broke his promises. He broke my heart. Stepped on me when I confronted. Gaslit me when I confronted. He does not deserve a place in my life at all. Yet, here we are. And I hate it. I hate how unfair this is all to me. I do not want to give him any ounce of myself. I am tired of being there for him. Any change he has made has not created an impact large enough to overshadow everything he did to hurt me. I have not forgotten. I cannot forget. And every night, before I fall asleep, I remember everything. I cannot forget. I am afraid of forgetting. I want to be indifferent towards him. I am so fucking angry. 

And I hate that every time I talk about him, I’m being told that I might give in and forgive him or that I probably am assuming the worst of him but they don’t even try hearing ME OUT. The ONLY reason why I even come up to them telling them about it in the first place is because I AM DONE. I never go to people with my problems when they are unresolved. I always try to solve them myself. But if I can’t, that’s when I start talking to other people about it. I never talk to people to get advice on trying to fix it. I TALK TO THEM TO LET IT OUT. 

I’m angry. I am hurt. I am hurt. I am hurt. I am angry. I am hurt. 

Sama ng loob lang nakukuha ko pag holidays.