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this is both a shit post and a genuine idea

i understand the fandom is big on canonically big dick geralt and him being great in the sack. fandom is fun like that and i’m not gonna deny that i love reading fics like this too

however in my perspective this is a man who has been, like most witchers, shunned from society. in the books he’s described as having an ugly smile (though this is a subjective take). his acerbic sense of humor along with mutant features probably doesn’t charm the average person

so he spends a lot of time in brothels.

he’s paying for sex (which is great everyone needs human contact in various forms!) however he’s likely sleeping w people who are either afraid of him and/or unwilling to take the time to show him the different ways sex can be great. they are unlikely to give him tips on getting better and are just giving him the shit that’s off the menu

plus depending on witcher stamina/mutations there are things that his human (or otherwise) partners can’t keep up or are on different wavelengths, u feel?

i think it’d be great if he has a partner to take the time to show him what they like, what he likes, and the other forms of intimacy

ofc i could be dead wrong and he’s great lay

who knows!

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Fandom: The Witcher

Pairing: Geraskier, Geralt x Jaskier

Rating: G

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2


Giant blue eyes stared at Geralt as he tried his best to listen to Mr. Mousesack detail their homework.  Geralt blushed as he tried to ignore his crush, but it was hard when he was sitting in front of him, with his head leaning back on his desk as he stared up at him. 

“Hey Geralt,” Jaskier whispered, “I can’t believe we’ve had history together this whole time and I didn’t realize till now.”

Geralt nodded his head. Jaskier probably hadn’t noticed because he was usually talking to Priscilla who sat in front of him. That, and Geralt was shy so he didn’t usually talk to anyone at school.

“Mr. Pankratz, I suggest you stop talking to Mr. Rivia and focus up here so you know what the assignment is,” Mr. Mousesack frowned.

Jaskier lifted his head, “I’m not talking to ‘Mr. Rivia’, I’m flirting.” Geralt blushed and tried to ignore the questioning looks of his classmates.

Keep reading

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Hi Sweetie ^_^ Thank you for this ask!!!

So, @thecomfortofoldstorries requested the same thing as you, and as you’re wee besties, I’ve made your part, part two of hers.

So, here is Part 1 of Incubus Jaskier.

(I’ll also be adding this as chapter 2 on ao3)

This is a continuation of that where Geralt wants to go back for more.

This one is more pg, however, it’s still horny chat and yes, the boys smooch hahahaha.

CW: Horny, monstery body parts/noises, light dirty language.

Enjoyyyyyyyyyy <3


“There’s somethin’ in the woods!”

They said. Story after story of some sort of devil or “goat man” who had been scaring and seducing their partners. Geralt knew what it was. In fact, he’d heard the stories from another town and intentionally gone out of his way to take this contract.

He made his camp practically in the same place, running his eyes up and down the tree that his last meeting took place against. Remembering how the beast had managed to make him come undone with just his thigh. He was lost in his thoughts before he heard the familiar, smug voice behind him.

“Did you miss me?”

Geralt didn’t even turn round.

“You’re annoying the locals. Stop.”

Jaskier laughed walking forward to rest his hands on the witcher’s shoulders.

“Are you jealous, witcher? Did you think we were going exclusive?”

Geralt didn’t outwardly react to the touch, but he did want more of it.

“They’ve sent me here to kill you.”

“OH dear me, how unfortunate.”

Jaskier lifted his hands and moved in front of Geralt, giving him a view of what he’d been craving for the last few months.

“Is that the only reason you came to visit me?”

Geralt was reminded of Jaskier’s beastly nature as his tail came up to stroke underneath his chin. He tried to keep his composure but it was difficult since this was the only thing on his mind for so long.

“If you stayed out of trouble I wouldn’t have to visit you.”

“Geralt, I hate to inform you but this is kind of my job. And it would be nice if you could get your job over quickly. That is, unless you’re having second thoughts?”

Geralt snarled at Jaskier for toying with him which to the beast seemed more like a small dog barking at its owner. Jaskier let his eyes darken, leaning forward to growl back. A noise that Geralt felt through his bones, shaking the ground beneath him. A roar. He immediately softened his features like he’d been scolded.

Jaskier towered over the Witcher, horns casting a shadow over his face. Geralt wanted nothing more than to be grasping onto them again.

“I don’t play with my food, Geralt. I’ve told you before, if you want something, you have to ask.”

Geralt’s words got trapped in his throat. He stared up into his eyes, desperately wanting to ask for anything, but unable to form the sentence. He watched Jaskier’s chest rise and fall in large movements, a chest he wanted to bury his face into.

Jaskier didn’t help. He waited silently, his furrowed brow unchanging until Geralt managed to speak.


He begged, his medallion unchanged, and his lust all his own.

Jaskier cupped his neck with his tail and pressed his cheek against Geralt’s.

“Please what?”

The ask barely audible.

“Please… anything.”

Jaskier pressed kisses down his jaw line, making his way to Geralt’s lips.

“I know it’s hard for you, but you must be specific. What do you want from me, darling?”

Geralt tried to lean forward to steal a kiss from him. Jaskier left his mouth open, letting Geralt make contact but staying just far enough away that he couldn’t get a taste without being explicitly clear. It made him groan not being able to get what he wanted, but he knew what he had to do.

“Jaskier… Please? Give me what you give to the rest. Make me yours. Claim me. In whatever way you want.”

The beast smiled onto Geralt’s lips, before giving him what he wanted. Jaskier’s tongue slid into the witcher’s mouth, before Geralt could feel it splitting up the middle dancing round his own in a way he’d never felt before. He pushed them both back onto the hard ground, putting his two large thighs at either side of Geralt’s hips.

“Thank you for making yourself clear.”

Jaskier’s eyes darkened with lust with his new consent, as he whispered his obscenities like a love poem in Geralt’s ear.

“I’m going to ruin you, darling. By the time I’m finished with you, no one else will do.”


Tag List:

@stinastar @electricrituals @thecomfortofoldstorries @veritasrose @elliestormfound @rubyqueen819 @geraskier-trashh @fontegagrilledcheese @jaskierswolf @achievementhunting-archangel @kueble @sariastrategos @bastardofmothman @rockysstupidity @nonegenderleftpain @jaskier-cult @trickstermoose67 @innocentbi-stander @bichibibi

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It came around once again to the end of autumn when the continent was laid over with a glistening sheen of frost and days were over before dinner.
The time of year when Geralt and Jaskier separated for the rest of the winter months to their respective keeps, Geralt to Kaer Morhen and Jaskier to Oxenfurt.
When the snow melted and the path was ready to be walked once again, they’d meet in Kaedwen, travel whichever way the monsters call them for another year until winter rolled around once more.

It was the same routine every year, and yet, every year it got harder.
Jaskier would like to say that it got harder on the both of them, but as much as he’d learned to read Geralt over the decades spent together, their parting has given him no indication that it pains Geralt to leave and when they reunite in the spring, he acts as if their time apart was no more than a week.
Now, of course, Jaskier doesn’t expect Geralt to be torn apart by his absence, despite what people think, he isn’t completely full of himself. But, it would be nice to be missed at the very least. Gods know he misses Geralt when they’re apart for so long.
Not always, he can keep himself occupied by himself, but when nights are cold or the same interior or the same room becomes so dreadfully boring, he can’t help but long for his friend, wishing he were there to ‘Hmm’ along with his stories or silently pull him closer at night to keep him warm. And oh how he yearned to travel with him when he was coupled up in a dorm.

Most times he had to stop himself from jumping into Geralt’s arms when he saw him looking perfectly marvellous at the beginning of spring, sporting a little extra fat around his bones, looking healthy as he deserved to always look (not to mention even more huggable).

Either way, no matter how good Geralt looked, he never looked happy to see Jaskier.
He didn’t look -unhappy- to see him, it would be easy to skip Kaedwen and Jaskier completely, he could take a hint when he wasn’t wanted, wouldn’t even search Geralt out for too long, once he knew he’d skipped their meeting on purpose that is.
But he never did, Geralt was always exactly where he’d said he’d be at the exact same time every year, so Jaskier could at least say he wanted to find Jaskier, which should be good enough for him.

Is it so much to ask if he’ll be missed? If Geralt would care if he didn’t show up one year?

Keep reading

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“Jaskier?” Geralt asked as he opened the door to their room in Kaer Morhen. He knew that the bard liked to sleep in, but before now he hadn’t missed a single breakfast with the wolves. Out of worry Geralt had decided to check up on his lover.

Jaskier stood in the middle of the room in a pile of clothes strewn on the floor and was only wearing his smallclothes. 

“Is it a no-pants-day?” Geralt asked with a raised eyebrow.

Jaskier huffed and turned to him.

“It seems like it. I must have gained a bit of weight,” he said with a smile and gently patted his soft belly, “none of my pants really fit comfortably anymore.”

A blush crept up Geralt’s cheeks at the sight. He went to the bed and sat down.

During the summer months Jaskier was always lean and toned from the days of walking, nights of performing and the often infrequent meals in between. Now that he had mentioned it, Geralt noticed that his body had gotten softer and a nice layer of fat had formed around his middle. 

“Hmm,” was all he said as he eyed Jaskier.

“I hadn’t expected to find so much good and plentiful food in your keep on top of the mountains,” Jaskier said as his hands wandered to his hips. It was true. The witchers had a strict training routine every day and needed a good amount of nourishing food.

“But I don’t train like you do, so it goes directly to my hips,” Jaskier laughed and squeezed said hips.

A moment later he looked up to Geralt and smiled softly at the blush on his witcher’s cheeks.

“My dear witcher,” he said and walked over to stand in front of him, “do you have indecent thoughts about your bard?”

“I just…” Geralt stammered, “I hadn’t really noticed before, but you look…”

Jaskier cocked his head to the side and asked, “I look what?”

Geralt coughed and licked his lips before he looked up at him.

“You look beautiful,” Geralt said breathlessly. He reached for Jaskier’s hips and let his thumbs stroke circles in the soft flesh. 

“You noticed just now that I look beautiful?” Jaskier asked in a lightly teasing tone, covering one of Geralt’s hands with his, squeezing softly.

“No,” Geral said quickly, “you always look beautiful!” 

He was caught in the bright blue gaze looking down at him.

“I’ve never seen you this…soft before.” His voice had gotten low as he said that.

Jaskier smiled brightly and reached for Geralt to run his fingers through the white hair. 

“So….” Jaskier said, just the faintest echo of insecurity in his voice, “you like me like this as well?”

Geralt gently squeezed the hips that he was still holding and pulled Jaskier towards himself. He leaned his head forward and placed a kiss on Jaskier’s belly. 

“I love you, always,” he whispered into the soft skin. He turned his head, rested his cheek against his belly and wrapped his arms around Jaskier’s waist. The bard’s hands combed through his hair and scratched his scalp lightly. 

“I love you too, my darling witcher.”


special thanks to @electricrituals @veritasrose @jaskierswolf @fontegagrilledcheese and @stinastar for cheerleading and betaing! you shrimps are the best! <3


Tag list: @jaskierswolf @geraskier-trashh @hailhailsatan @panerato @marvagon @x-anxious @moonysourenza @kaktusbambus @wildonewrites @dapandapod @honeysuckletook @thecomfortofoldstorries @electricrituals @broken-verses @vampire–dad @whenrainbowsend @geralt-of-riviass @sleepy-thief @artistsfuneral @hriive @stinastar @innocentbi-stander @darkangel91939 @in-love-with-writing002 @fandommagpie @fontegagrilledcheese @kozkaboi @nonegenderleftpain @veritasrose @havenoffandoms (let me know if I should put you on or remove you from my tag list)

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Was thinking the other day about the setting I came up with for the Modern AU Witcher fic I did, and really just about how the different Witchers approach their mostly-nomadic lifestyles.

1. Eskel. Eskel owns a camper and keeps all his worldly possessions in it. He almost never bothers trying to get a hotel (he doesn’t really like dealing with people, in part because of his face) and just parks the RV on the side of any clear stretch of road. He has enough cargo space to be prepared for almost anything, and can offer a bunk for either of his brothers to crash on should their paths cross – but if the camper gets stuck in a ditch (as happens once every few years or so) he has to deal with all that.

2. Geralt owns a battered old pickup truck with a camper shell. He will try to get a motel room if he can (especially once he starts dating Jaskier) but is perfectly capable of just curling up in the back if he gets turned away. His truck isn’t really suitable for off-road, but that doesn’t stop him from taking it offroad if he needs to get to the site of a job. He keeps most of his essential gear in the back, but sometimes will have to go back to Kaer Morhen to get specialty equipment for a particular job.

3. Lambert owns a motorcycle and one (1) change of clothes. He’s of the opinion that he would rather be caught dead than in a fuddy-duddy setup like an RV when everyone knows that black leather on a cool motorcycle is the aesthetic. If he can’t get a hotel, he’ll sleep in a ditch. He washes his clothes in public fountains and is exactly the sort of person that the gas station attendant refuses to give a restroom token to.

Jaskier can’t drive.

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I had mentioned I am a tad obsessed with the Witcher, right? So I did some proper Witcher fanart. A little bit of Geralt and Jaskier, cause I love the Witcher and Bard. :)

There is likely going to be more. I am gonna try and finish something I already have started though. Trying to finish something from the pile before I start a new one.

Done with Copic markers. Except the white highlights, and the silver on Geralts armor.

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I just realized my first ever crushes were Arwen and Aragorn. So much so, that it was fine for me to dress up for Book Week as Boromir, Pippin, Eowyn and Legolas but Eomer, Arwen and Aragorn? *gasp*

I was indeed wondering why the Witcher felt so familiar to me. What makes Yennefer so different to Arwen thowing hands with the Nine in the river? Geralt’s very first scene includes him eating venison, hnnn I wonder if Strider/Aragorn ever did that?

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“I still don’t see why I can’t ride on your horse too.”


“Don’t ‘hmm’ me. As my knight saviour it’s your duty to protect me until I’m delivered safely home.”

“Not a knight.”

“Yes well you saved me so now I’m your problem.”

“Do you ever shut up?”

“Not that I’ve found.”

“I think I preferred you when you were asleep.” The prince continued to hem and haw as Geralt zoned out. The royal family from a nearby kingdom had offered a hefty sum for anyone who could revive their son from an eternal sleep and bring him back to them. A literally king’s, er prince’s, ransom. But did the prince have to be so damn loud?

He was like every royal Geralt had the misfortune of dealing with before. Loud, gaudy and very demanding.

“Ugh, my feet hurt. Can we take a break?”

“We’ll break when we reach the nearest village.”

“But that’s miles away.”

“Then we better get a move on.”


This was going to be a long journey.

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my dearest wolfie, you can and you shall receive! <3 

Thank you, it was fun to write!

This gets spicy at the end, so it is +18 (under the cut!) (nothing too detailed, but genitals are mentioned)


“You’ve been travelling with a cat witcher?” Geralt asked Lambert with raised eyebrows, a tankard of ale in hand. 

They had met by chance in a dingy tavern in the middle of nowhere and spent the evening trading stories about their hunts and getting drunk on the piss-poor ale. 

“Fuck off,” Lambert replied, “he is a good person.” He shook his head before he let it fall back to drain his tankard.

“You of all people should know that a bad reputation must not be true,” Lambert continued, and because he felt particularly prickly he added, “butcher.”

Geralt huffed and kicked Lambert under the table. 

But Lambert was unimpressed and waved the barmaid over to refill their beer.

“What makes him such a good person?” Geralt wanted to know. 

“Oh, you know, he is a good friend, helped me out with a contract,” Lambert said, avoiding Geralt’s gaze. A knowing grin started to form on the older witcher’s face.

“So you like him,” Geralt said a moment later. This time Lambert kicked him under the table and mumbled, “it’s not like this.”

Geralt’s grin got even wider when he leaned forward and quietly said to the other witcher, “oh, you haven’t told him, have you?”

“Fuck you,” Lambert said, “you can talk with your decade long pinging for your bard.”

Geralt huffed but couldn’t stop grinning at the accidental affirmation that Lambert was indeed interested in the cat.


Lambert stumbled to his room. He and Geralt had been drinking for another hour or two till both couldn’t stand straight and Geralt had staggered to his own room.

Lambert froze in the door frame as he noticed someone on his room but relaxed a second later when he made out Aiden. He was sitting on his bed, propped up against the headboard and reading.

“What the fuck are you doing here,” Lambert slurred and closed the door behind him.

Aiden put down the book and looked up with a wicked grin on his face. 

“Oh, you know, I picked up on your scent just on the outskirts of the village and followed it here.” He moved to the edge of the bed and put his feet on the floor, leaning forward on his elbows. 

Lambert furrowed his brows. “And you didn’t say hi, just went to my room, to do what? Read?”

“Ah, you see, I heard you talking with your brother and I didn’t want to interrupt that…interesting conversation.” His grin was nearly splitting his face now.

Lambert’s eyes went wide and his jaw dropped open. He took an involuntary step back till his back was pressed to the door.

“Ahm…what did you…” he stammered as his face heated up.

Aiden mustered him with what could only be described as a hungry glare. 

“That you find me irresistable,” Aiden said after another moment, licking his lips. 

Keep reading

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I just imagine Jaskier being some ancient fae prince, who got tired of fae court drama, and just took off, disguising himself as a human bard.

He meets Geralt and starts following him, looking for a little action. Jaskiern finds it hilarious that Geralt has no clue about who he really is. Even more than that, Geralt is sure that Jaskier is weak and in need of protection.

So Jaskier is all like “a big, feral himbo who wants to protect me? One of the most powerful creatures on the continent? Yes please, I’d like that”.


Bonus: Geralt introduces Jaskier to his brothers for the first time.

Lambert: Hey, you look familiar.

Jaskier, nervous: Um. I don’t think we’ve met before.

Lambert: Yeah! It was a long time ago, I think I was sixteen.

Jaskier: Sir, I have no idea who you are.

Lambert: Yeah, yeah, at that fairy court! We had a fight and you set my swords on fir-



Eskel: How old is Jaskier?

Geralt: I dunno. Eighty or so.

Eskel: Geralt… He looks barely thirty. Doesn’t it seem a little weird to you?

Geralt: *shrugs* he drinks a lot of water

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