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#get a prenup
ofallthingsnasty · 3 months
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been thinkin about mouth inspections at the dentist (with our faves). Isn’t there a way to tell if you’ve given bjs before? Like there’s an indent in the roof of your mouth or something? Since you have experience in dentistry, i thought I might ask💀
Perhaps dentist fave pokes around in your mouth and finds that spot, asking all sorts of gross questions, who’ve you done it with? how many have you given? and then forces you on your knees, explaining the whole time what he’s doing to that spot in your mouth as he brutalizes your throat. Law or Doffy would be the worst for it. Doffy wouldn’t be able to control himself and Law would be so calm and collected, it would be scary
Yes, but only hard and recent blowjobs - there can be petechiae on your palate!! (Think tiny red spots) We don't care, though ajsjjksk and as always THIS IS FICTIONAL OFC I DON'T ENDORSE THIS AJSKKS
The mental image of 'big dick Doflamingo's everything but mostly expensive implants mill'-dental office is sending me. Baby 5 not-so-subtly chewing gum behind her mask while she makes you wait in the chair. Him coming in half an hour late (you've been nervous and sweating the whole damn time and the radio is blasting nothing but shitty early 2010s pop which doesn't help), clearly fresh from some break and not a difficult procedure, showing you just how much he doesn't care about you. He fucking reeks of cologne. Light pink scrubs that fit him so well it's not even funny. Has a weirdly delicate gold chain around his neck that really emphasizes the way his pecs puff up before connecting with his collarbone. It kind of makes you want to fall into his... well, his cleavage. (Because of course he chooses scrubs with a rather unorthodox neckline - who's going to tell him off? He's the boss. Sometimes he comes in wearing polo shirts in that same pink tone and they're always, always a little too tight.)
He throws himself into his little chair so hard it skids right up to you and he just smiles as a greeting, porcelain-white veneers blinding you for a moment, before he puts his mask up (also pink, it's a whole fucking theme here). It's all pretty standard, Baby 5's clearly fake nails clicker-clacker away at the keyboard while he lists off your dental status - until he gets to the soft tissue, especially your palate.
tw. crack treated seriously + noncon = the combo from hell, medical malpractice, Law is in here too, as a separate listing (same tags for him + hypnosis), minors dni, don't take this too seriously i had too much fun writing this it's so silly, dental hypno doesn't work like this don't worry lol
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Well, that's certainly an eyebrow raiser. Looks like little old unassuming you has a bit of a wild side. He can tell you know your stuff by how big and angry-red the bruise on your mucosa is. You've been a patient of his for a long time now - and other that the fact that you pretty much look like you're about to faint every time your ass touches the chair, you've been rather forgettable (but cute, he has to admit). He can tell you don't like the way he fingers around your mouth one bit - and that you're waiting for his final evaluation, taut like a bowstring. You're probably pissing your pants at the thought of getting some major work done. He knows your type and nudges his fingers just a little farther down your throat, to your uvula, just to see how trained your gag reflex is (and to keep you anxious for just a few seconds longer, it's just too precious).
You don't even blink. Others would have coughed up their breakfast by now but you're sitting there, eyes teary and face worried. Would you look at that. It's good he's wearing his mask or else you'd be able to see that he's poking out his tongue because he's smiling so hard - you're suddenly in his top ten patients, right next to all the big bucks and two or three genuinely interesting cases. And oh, he's getting ideas with the way you fidget under his gaze. You wouldn't tattle. You wouldn't even fight back. My, you're perfect for a little lunch time fun.
Baby 5 is out of the room with a single gesture, closes the door behind her with a distinctive click. She won't bother him either, she'll just go hide in the break room and text her newest boyfriend until someone scrapes her out of there again. And you? You're already anxiously waiting for his diagnosis, fearing the worst. Oh, he'll give you the worst. It's delicious to see your face go from nervous to absolutely crestfallen as he spins some tall tale about how need to get big work done on two molars, how bad it already is and how you probably should opt for implants (his specialty, after all. And so expensive he just knows you'll do just about anything to save a little money.) Of course, you trust him. And of course, you agree for him to go with the 'best' (and coincidentally most expensive) option, even when you're clearly fighting back tears at the price. He tells you to lay back, brings the chair to the highest, horizontal position and overstretches the neck so that your mouth is in a perfect line with your throat. It's unpleasant how the blood from the rest of your body is cut off from your head in this position, how the whole room is suddenly overhead and that damn light is shining straight into your eyes. It's supposed to give him a better look at your upper teeth - but when you open your eyes to his fucking dick of all things and him telling you that you want that treatment cheap, don't you?, you learn that not everyone has your best interest in mind. (Sadly, you don't even get to answer because he just shoves himself into you and fucks the protest right out of your oesophagus.) When he's done with you, your whole face is full of spit and mucus and you probably lost consciousness at least once - turns out not enough perfusion for your brain coupled with extreme anxiety and someone gripping your throat to fuck it better isn't exactly the healthiest thing in the world.
Honestly, you'll try so hard not to go back after that experience, you really do. Problem is, you gave them your mobile number when you first signed over your data - and just two days later you'll get a barrage of texts in finest text speak anno 2004, with a million of 😜🤞😂🦩 emojis asking you about the state of your throat and if you still want that follow-up. Cheapest set of dental implants you'll ever get, honestly. You only have to sell him your dignity.
Law on the other hand... All prim and proper in starched white, medical professional through and through, yet so gentle - has a whole concept around dental phobic patients, with warm and welcoming treatment rooms, gentle music, offers laughing gas, hypnosis and even general anesthesia if the fear is especially bad. Always professional and never condescending or infanitilizing (like some can be when it comes to phobic patients). He's a dentist, a doctor, the authority in this place but he guides with a gentle hand - and people adore him.
You've been his patient for a while now - and he can't lie, he really likes you. You've been a dream to work with despite your anxiety; have endured every session bravely, you hang onto every word he says with big, wet eyes. He makes a suggestion - you take it. No matter the cost, the time, how outlandish the approach might be, you're always willing, nod your head yes and try to tough it out. You're somewhat soggy, almost whiny but that's okay. It's kind of cute, really. So when he sees those telltale red spots on your palate, he's a little surprised... You come across as so meek while on the chair, it's hard to picture you as anything else outside of it. But clearly, you're either an extremely attentive lover or you're wilder than he thought. Honestly, he's almost pouting over this revelation. Who are you fucking? Even if the sentiment is inappropriate, it should be him - at least that's what his little crush on you whispers to him deep, deep down. He mills over it a little too long, long enough for you to try to speak around his fingers in your mouth - there you go again, asking him (and so politely, too) if there is something, anything? And to his shame, all he can think about is if this is how your tongue feels like when you're using it. The way you slur against his hand, that warm and entirely too inviting mouth so close yet so far - it's giving him some shameful, shameful ideas. What harm is in a little test drive - especially when you've been proven to respond well to hypnosis. He has just enough time to rope you into a little session, as well. So he pulls a face behind the mask and explains that yes, actually, you have a little cavity - a teeny tiny thing that could be filled so easily right now, if you have the time for it. The way you immediately tense up underneath him isn't lost to him. God, you hate surprises, he knows that, and he's being so, so selfish - but it's too late to take back his words now.
He can practically watch the thoughts form in your brain, can see how you valiantly try to fight down the panic over a surprise dental procedure. But, as always, you swallow the lie hook, line and sinker. And when you ask him if he can use hypnosis on you again, he knows he's won this round. It's not ideal - you're already upset over this whole situation and to get you into that relaxed state is going to be a lot of work, but he knows you well enough by now. A sentence here, a soothing word there, gentle encouragement wrapped around it all like a bow - the moment you've let go, he can simply pull his pants down and force himself into your mouth, that's how far away you'll be. Of course, you aren't as active as he wants you to be, but the thrill and novelty of the situation is more than enough for him. The thought of marking you like this, to cum right down you throat without you or the ominous other person fucking you knowing, is more arousing than he'd like to admit. Maybe he has to stroke himself to completion (because your slack lips around him are far from enough) but his orgasm builds up quickly and hits him hard. He can already feel that pesky sense of guilt nagging away at him the moment he collects his breath - but he cleans you up and fixes your rumpled clothes and shoves all those bad feelings into some far away corner of his mind.
Your numb jaw is easily explained away, as is that horrible taste in your mouth - and he did give you a filling, after all, so hey, the lie isn't that bad, right?
(Law totally did his junior time at Doffy's terrible implant money grub mill and then vowed to himself that he'll never ever ever become like that. Well, that kinda sorta didn't work out, huh?)
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destinyandcoins · 2 years
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lmao i know it’s 2 seasons later but it just occurred to me: what if, at the beginning of s1, instead of deciding his funeral was the best way to get everyone back in one place, reginald decided to have a wedding instead
not only do we get the entertaining side-plot of this poor person reginald has bribed/blackmailed/begged to marry him For The Con, but the only reason any of the kids show up is because they got a wedding invite and immediately went “oh now this i gotta see”
#the episode is titled ''we only see each other at WEDDINGS and FUNERALS''#i'm just saying it could have gone the other way#the umbrella academy#half the kids are there to check in with their new stepparent and make sure they're there of their own free will#''idk what he told you but you don't have to do this. say the word and i'll get you out of here''#''no i promise i. definitely....want to...be here :) :) ''#i can't decide if it's funnier if five knew because time travel and he's already had time to adjust to this concept#so is perfectly polite and accommodating if slightly confused because the personality he built for them in his head isn't accurate#while the rest of them are going through the 5 stages of grief over discovering their dad is capable of romance#or if through some time fuckery five came from a timeline where he saw the news that reginald is dead#and then drops into the timeline in the middle of a fucking wedding and is COMPLETELY blindsided by this#but doesn't have time to deal with this shit#somehow THIS is the timeline where they do manage to prevent the apocalypse#and at the end of everything the new stepparent divorces the fuck out of reginald ASAP because holy shit they were not paid enough for this#and yet they're like ''well i did what you asked (even if you didn't mention the LOOMING APOCALYPSE)#but holy shit i'm taking these kids in the divorce because what the fuck dude what the FUCK. idc if they're all adults#they need a better family and now i'm obligated to be that for them''#and reginald was playing fast and loose because of the LOOMING APOCALYPSE and didn't sign a prenup#so the new stepparent gets the academy (the property AND the actual kids) and reginald has to move out and live on the streets#tua meta
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junglejim4322 · 2 months
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Ngl the fact I’ve never been in love with anybody but a relationship near destroyed my life to the point I had to pick myself up from nothing and start my life over from scratch leads me to believe maybe romantic relationships are just not worth it as a whole
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hatsunevitu · 9 months
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kyman would have made a prenup before anyone would even thought about the wedding
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in a way I feel I should thank Pearl Davis and Andrew Tate and all their ilk because any man who buys into their crap never had a high enough view of marriage in the first place, and now we can spot the wheat from the chaff
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asteralien · 1 month
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really been struggling with finding good mindless queer audiobooks to distract myself with lately. today i started not one but two different poorly written fantasy romances where the main characters bone within 24 hours of meeting each other (one of them was literally 5 minutes after meeting). allos are wild
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silentwalrus1 · 2 years
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something I wish I saw more in fandom is how ed literally recites the periodic table when he gets nervous/embarassed?? everyone knows winry is the one who can actually articulate her feelings, like when she realizes she loves ed she just accepts it off, vs ed who is emotionally constipated. sure he's a cocky little genius when it comes to things he's actually knowledgeable in, like alchemy, but when it comes to relationships or anything similar to that he gets so of his element he literally recites the periodic table!!!!! that's so cute. I'm tired of only seeing confident gremlin ed (still valid but c'mon) where's the ed who blushes entirely through his proposal without even saying the word marriage??? he made the whole thing about equivalent exchange and STILL could barely get the words out. he's a nerdy loser who has no idea how to handle his feelings and blushes at the smallest hints of romance, what a little nerd I love him.
sure totally, that sounds like character work for stories centered around Ed having romantic relationships as a teenager, but i don’t write teenage ed
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yourqueenb · 5 months
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This is so crazy to me because from the way he’s talking, he’s clearly still planning to maintain his marriage to Daphne and raise the child as theirs after she’s born. But MC is just not thinking about what that would mean for her? She’d rather wait for Daphne to end their marriage and tell Cole about her cheating than question why Cole isn’t taking the initiative to do that?? Like does she not realize that means he’s fine with keeping her as his side chick I’m begging her to think
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lesbian-gnf-archive · 7 months
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Walkingout of this covwred in blood Hey guys.
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msfbgraves · 10 months
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Had the misfortune of reading the following words here on Tumblr.com, in the Year of Our Lord 2023:
"It can be stressful being the family's sole provider. Many Homemakers like me are unsure what to do to ease the burden..."
How about you find some paid work, madam? You're actually allowed to hold money in your name.
And he's not the sole provider as housework has economic value. I mean, take spaghetti for one person, that might set you back around $20 for one at olive garden, that's $40 for two, well newsflash, the around $30 saved is the worth of your labor (more if you cook better). Fair enough, deduct $1 for utilities that he brings in, that is still $29 of worth created. I promise you he'd be spending that on takeout at least a couple of times a week single because jobs are taxing whether you have a family or not, and nobody cooks 7 days a week. You also save him a complete weekend day of labor on chores, love. Single people need to spend a saturday or sunday plus several weeknights on housework and errands. You know this, you do it all day. If he's worried he might get sick he needs better insurance, and if he can't afford insurance, again, you need to bring in more income.
But I assure you he spends less than single people and has more leisure time because of all the services and economic value of the labor you provide.
At least value what you bring to the table.
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champagnemoon · 9 months
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Ariana always gave me Liz Taylor like she’s a lady who just enjoys the pomp and circumstance of love and courtship and that’s okay
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katebushh · 1 year
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if shiv doesnt aT LEAST fuck another woman next season i will boycott
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twinwound · 1 year
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hope connor dies
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nervouswaltz · 1 year
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just saw a clip of lilypichu and poki joking abt prenups before dating i. hm.
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nanamimizz · 2 years
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excuse the grainy image but i want this man i will pay for engagement ring and the wedding bro
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emma-d-klutz · 2 years
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Prenups get a bad rep and for what?
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