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deborahcastellano · 6 years

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[The Rules of Exile] Rule No. 10 You Don't Get to Be My Last Great Whatever

Queen Catherine of Aragon was sent into exile because she had the nerve to be aging and menopausal. A popular legend in that particular histo-mythic cycle is that Henry sent her away (sometimes, with Cromwell to do his dirty work for him because that was the kind of stand up guy he's remembered as) without saying good bye. She was once married to his older brother Arthur in a castle in the wild but Arthur got sweating sickness and died. They were only married to each other for a short time. She then had her first encounter with exile where she lived somewhat modestly (again, accounts vary depending on the histo-mythic teller) and supposedly bargained for fish and sold her plate while her dad and her ex father in law dawdled over what to do with her. Her father was a war monger with a bunch of kids, he had no problem waiting. Her ex father in law held his country in a tight fist, he had been exiled so many times by his mother (Lady Margaret Beaufort) that he too could wait. Neither appeared to find this particularly cruel, and neither did a seasoned politico warrior like Lady M. Like . . .I get stressed out not knowing what's going to happen in a day while still being aware of certain potential outcomes. I don't know how stressful it is to not know what country you're going to live in and/or who you'll be married to. Queen Cat's ex father in law drops dead and she is married off to Henry for almost twenty years when she receives the message, u had too many ded babies, lulz. super soz. going 2 marry anne bc babies + she is way hot. she will only put out if i put a ring on it. thx for nearly twenty years of marriage! Best of luck or whatever. Or, you know, no message past whatever Cromwell tried to piece together. Whatever the medieval royal equivalent of dipping out of a pack of cigs was.

She died in exile a little into Queen Anne's reign, with only a few of her ladies and servants. Sometimes the wheel (of fortune) is in your favor, sometimes it's not. It was for a long time for Queen Cat, but then she never planned for Queen Anne. Partly because I don't think anyone, even someone who had headed a battle with Scotland like Queen Cat did, could have planned for Queen Anne.

Sometimes, the hardest part of exile is the people we have been exiled from. Either by our choice or theirs (sometimes both). Parents, siblings, friends, lovers, spouses, family, whole courts if you are particularly un/lucky and everyone else is either on the other person's side because they tell a better version of your story than you do or you weren't much beloved to begin with or the other person has too much power over the others for them to rise up for you. Even Mary, Queen of Scots usually couldn't get the North (of England) to rise up for her and she was hella glam and hella Catholic (appealing traits to her target demo).

There is nothing more painful than this part of exile, Sister Queens. It's too soon for revenge because you will not be thoughtful enough or have the means to plan that properly. Your heart is a wasteland and everywhere you go, you know everyone knows something about you but you can only guess at what. During this time often, your position at court has been forfeited, your rank and title is called into question along with your deeds and those still associated with you, your goods are often seized and people now consider if they would like to associate with you because they will be associated with you. This has ever been the struggle, even in this modern life as (often) landless Queens - at work, in your family life, in your social circles, in your creative life and in your spiritual life. A boss has turned against you, a break up that causes a fracture in your circles, side choosing over social issues, scandal and gossip that you were involved in. To bring it down real low (like reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll low), Vicki on Real Housewives of the OC is currently in exile due to her exboyfriend Brooks who was involved in a cancer scandal that she was at the very least, complicit in. In turn, I'm positive that she was not only exiled from her realty television faux friends, but also likely saw repercussions in her business and in her professional career, at the very least. Possibly within her family and social groups as well because even though everyone knows reality television isn't particularly real, it's hard to know where that shred of truth in the lie resides.

How do you survive in that trying time when the people in your life are choosing alliances? How do you survive when a lover has played you false and now is flaunting their new whatever for all the world and you to see? How do you get through when you have been exiled from your coven? How do you go on when your coven exiles you? What do you do when an event or social group that once loved you has turned against you?

A note, to a Sister Queen who has recently felt the sting of exile from an ex-lover:

As you know, my thought process on these kinds of events are filtered through figuring out patterns and lessons and possible and probable outcomes because that's just so my world view. While I certainly take some time to reflect before moving on, I find that the Universe (with me) is generally like, Here's another whatever you just lost. Fuck that guy. So I'm at a point in life where I trust that will happen in a reasonable time frame. But another core part of me (besides grudgingly trusting in the Universe) is like, Fuck. You. You don't get to be my last whatever. You don't get that kind of power. You don't get that kind of power over me. I will replace you because I can replace everything and I will burn everything in the process if I have to. Every. Thing.

Obviously, if you know me at all, you know I value those in my life, but I also know that everything has a season blahblahblahturnwhatever. Everyone could die, everyone could leave, every relationship could break, every event could end, every group could break apart. So, like, when you know that and you've been through that a few times, you value what you have when you have it but you also have in the back of your head what you would do if you lost those things.

In terms of practical advice, I would suggest you branch out and try to find other events/groups/lovers/friends and to figure out what part you played in your own exile story (as that is a key factor) so you can mend what you can mend and move forward in a better direction with finding new wishes, hopes and dreams. Talk to trusted advisers for their opinions of the events that led to your exile, figure out a game plan to get yourself back to court or deeper into exile, whatever your preference. I will forever be Lady Jane Rochford to my complete despair, she managed to get exiled from court during Queen Anne due to being her sister in law (and testified against Anne and her brother George, claiming they were sleeping together, leaving them both beheaded) but when she was offered a position back at court two Queens later, she jumped at the chance and that's how she lost her head right alongside Queen Katherine (yes, another - this one was sixteen and sleeping with boys her own age, how dare she). I can't stay away from the game, not like Lady Mary did (Anne's sister, Henry's former mistress - she married a nobody and stayed in the countryside where it was safe and died of natural causes and possibly boredom). I am forever working my way back to court and onto better courts. If you read me, that's probably you too.

Fine, we have you settled into fixing your situation practically. Now let's get to the exciting part. The part that requires sorcery.

A Spell to Reclaim Your Queenship

Items needed:

Myrrh

Charcoal, lit

Fire safe container

Fresh flowers (either picked or bought)

Floral wire

Floral tape

String lights or electric candles

two bowls

Rose quartz crystals

handful of dried lavender

Chalice

Sacred liquid to drink

Salt water

a candle, offerings

Tarot deck

Potential goddesses: Your own goddesses (which include ancestors and spirits, obvi). a historic queen you admire, St. Elizabeth of Portugal, Mary Queen of Heaven, Diana

If you've ever bothered to read my book, you know that planning your ritual is key. Where will you have it? Why? What will you wear? Why? What day/time will you do it? Why? Who will you work with? Why? What does your crown mean to you? Why? What flowers are sacred to you? Why? What liquid is sacred to you? Why? Which Tarot deck will you use? Why? There are no wrong answers, only lazy answers. If you are not being lazy, you are not wrong. You know when you are being lazy.

Arrange your electric candles or string lights into a circle big enough for you to do your work. Pour salt water into one bowl. Arrange the lavender and rose quartz into the other bowl. Arrange your small shrine to your goddess(es) along with the candle and offering. Ask for her/their blessing to guide your hand during this work. Use words that are meaningful to you. Pour sacred liquid into chalice. Put the myrrh on the charcoal. Anoint yourself with the smoke. Wash your hands, your third eye and the top of your head in the salt water. Then, say:

I am Queen over my own body. My body is sacred. I am Queen over my own spirit. My spirit is sacred. I an Queen over my own mind. My mind is sacred. I am Queen over my own heart. My heart is sacred. I am Queen. I am sacred.

Start making your floral crown. If you are like me, you have literally spent more than half your life making them and have taught diy workshops on the matter. This is no big deal. If you're not like me, watch the Youtube video in the link and maybe do a practice one first. Spend the time making your crown singing songs that are meaningful to your Queenship, trancing or meditating on your Queenship.

Rest your crown over the bowl of rose quartz and lavender. Put your hands on your crown. Repeat:

Touch the crown to your navel, your heart, your throat and your forehead. Put the crown on your own head. Repeat:

Hold the chalice in your hands. Focus on what you want to bring to yourself. As a sacred Queen, I won't want for . . .(love, strength, compassion, abundance, and so forth)

Drink what's in the chalice. Thank your goddesses for their presence. Draw a Tarot card. That is your omen for your work. Reflect. Hang your crown over your bed and put the bowl of rose quartz and lavender next to or under your bed.

***

Please feel free to share pictures of your work, thoughts about your work and aftermath of your work where ever you read this.

xxx

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