#getting out of my head

[thenewmesblog]

New to Tumblr

Ok, so Tumblr says to 'go ahead, say anything', well here goes. This is my very first time writing a blog and I'm still not really sure how this is supposed to go, I guess one of the reasons why I'm here is I've always wanted to put down everything going on inside my head, and I also want to improve my writing skills.

This blog is just going to be about me and anything I feel is interesting enough to be put to writing so if you are planning on staying with me through this journey get ready for a lot of ranting about my daily life (which is mostly boring by the way).

Oh, there is one person who actually inspired me to start writing and that is the author of the novel 'Girl Online' Zoe Sugg (has anyone read that book?) so if there is anyone to thank or blame for my writing here it's her.

Alright thanks for reading my still very amateur blog, stay tuned for more. To be continued...

#new to blogging #tumblr girl #introvert #writing #getting out of my head

[epicsauce]

text conversation from my dream that i desperately wish was real

#its 4m this is just scribbles but i hadddd to jot it down before i forgot #0600 #i cant get he's vagina? out of my head

[galaxyspeaking]

He’s filled his house with chintz. To keep it real I fuck him on the floor.

#good omens #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #crowley x aziraphale #I know that’s not exactly the quote but fuck it we ball #unable and unwilling to get them out of my head

[hangsawoman]

#i cant get this out of my head so i put it on a jellycat #note to self

[chloesimaginationthings]

William Afton into the FNAF-verse

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #william afton #dave miller #steve raglan #dayshift at freddy's #the fourth closet #fnaf movie #sister location #dsaf #dsaf dave #dsaf fanart #fnaf #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #spiderverse #I’m so sorry for this comic guys #I couldn’t get this idea out of my head #HUGE DAY for DSAF likers though!! #Book Dave doesn’t really like DSAF Dave pff #also finally drew my game William design again #also first time drawing anything from the fourth closet! #so many firsts SO many wills #don’t gotta worry about them all meeting up #cause I doubt the wills will get along enough to do anything evil #just an ego competition

[snarkspawn]

the devil you know

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 fanart #bg3 raphael #stuff and things #userpharawee #yeah I know everyone and their mum has already done something like this #with the shadow and the exact caption and all lmao I *know* ok #I just. wanted to do it too #and I've had it in my head for months it needed to get out #anyway. moving on!

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

#warm up #this isn't good #writeblr #this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3 #but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker #and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS #the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!? #..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much. #on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt #and medical debt #i will put that first little bit of cash #into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments) #i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option #but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver #oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs

[viralthrust]

this is the same scene to me

#hannibal #house md #hilson #hannigram #got to this ep of house in my rewatch the other day and could not get this out of my head sorry

[vanteaux]

Pride flag color picked from that one image in hbomberguy's plagiarism video

Edit: here's the version with more flags!

#hbomberguy #james somerton #plagiarism and you(tube) #i couldn't get this out of my head so its yours now

[tavs-brainworm]

#couldn't get this out of my head so now you all have to see it #astarion #araj oblodra #bg3 memes #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin

[mumblesplash]

i know it’s like years old at this point but i love that one collab mumbo and grian did with tommyinnit bc it’s like the single most concentrated example i’ve seen of mumbo’s Chaos Nullification Powers

you get to see a bit of it on hermitcraft, mostly via his interactions with grian, but until seeing that collab it didn’t really hit me just how completely mumbo can no-sell other people’s attempts to control a situation. tommyinnit is possibly the single shoutiest, most chaotic minecraft youtuber out there, and in most videos i’ve seen he pretty much overwhelms everyone else and sets the tone for interactions because of this. but mumbo just. doesn’t let him. no matter how much tommy escalates in intensity, mumbo reacts with *exactly* the same energy he always does. grian largely comes across in the whole video as annoyed and reluctant to engage with the whole thing, but mumbo’s not even affected. he just rolls with anything he finds funny and basically ignores anything he disapproves of, only seeming more and more unflappable the harder anyone tries to get a rise out of him.

AND imo, this is the key to my favorite interpretation of him as a character

see, when the people around him are being more reasonable/calm, i think mumbo often comes across as anxious and a bit easily overwhelmed. the thing is, his nervous wet cat vibes do not scale. he has one setting. his responses to the last life ‘ah-ha!’ jokes and to hermitcraft 8 starting to crumble to pieces under a falling moon are almost identical.

mumbo jumbo is inexorably and eternally Just Some Guy, but that gets stranger and stranger the weirder his surroundings become. the giggly incredulousness that makes him an easy target for goofy puns looks Very different when it’s also his reaction to the impending end of the world.

#anyway yeah i have this whole idea in my head about mumbo’s friendship with grian from a characterization standpoint #bc i agree with the somewhat? common consensus that being friends with mumbo has made grian softer and friendlier over time #but i don’t think it was in a ‘reflecting back the kindness he’s being shown’ way #i think it’s because the more harsh and chaotic you try to be towards mumbo the more you feel ineffectual and out of control #and grian can’t handle it so he slowly becomes nicer until he feels like they’re on equal footing again #like don’t get me wrong i think they genuinely are good friends #and i don’t think this is necessarily something mumbo is doing on purpose #but i think the power dynamic going on under the surface is much more bizarre and weighted in mumbo’s favor than it seems at first glance #mumbling

[kaban-bang]

Farcille

#just something quick between commissions because I needed to get this out of my head #dungeon meshi #farcille #marcille donato #falin touden #cw blood #muh art

[izacore]

You remember Jane Austen? Yeah. I'm not gonna forget her in a hurry, am I? The brains behind the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. Brandy smuggler. Master spy. What a piece of work. She wrote books. Novels. Jane? Austen? Yes! Whoa, bit of a dark horse. Novels, eh? Yes. They were very good. Good Omens (2019-) || Pride and Prejudice (2005)

#good omens #goodomensedit #ineffable husbands #pride and prejudice #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #gomens #good omens spoilers #michael sheen #david tennant #aziracrow #aziraphale x crowley #aziraphale #crowley #my gifs #i hope you guys see my vision akjxj #i just couldn't get it out of my head #also i love how it took this concepted and subverted it and used it #there's crowley putting his pride aside in the final confession #but aziraphale is still prejudiced towards the hell and demons #convinced that heaven are good guys #also side note but finding a good quality pride and prejudice online was a piece of work #pls don't let it flop #edit: this post is officially neil gaiman like approved #i can't believe i got to write this

[dudedidujust]

Au where Damian comes to Gotham with the goal of infiltrating and eventually overthrowing Batman instead of inheriting the mantle. Not much changes from canon except for the fact that he views everything that batman owns as his. That's his future cave and his future batmobile. This also includes his robins. After all everyone knows Batman wouldn't really be Batman without them.

Cue a very bewildered Tim being lectured on his eating habits by a righteous Damian who won't let one of his people take shortcuts with their health.

#Damian looking at the manor: its free real estate #he almost writes off red hood but after finding out his identity he switches to trying to lure him yo his side #jason gets the head of a random thug who was bothering him on his doorstep #damian: im gonna be a better batman than batman. I'll sway all his allies to my side and then there'll be no complaints when i take over #everyone else: he's such a sweet kid. sorta prickly but he has a good heart ❤️ #damian wayne #batman #batfam #bruce wayne #tim drake #jason todd #they all thinks he's trying so hard to be accepted into the fam when infact he's trying to get to the top

[time-woods]

you cant tell me he wasnt holding back any comments

#fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #simon petrikov #this is why you dont let me doodle late at night cause i couldnt get this dumb idea out of my head #prismo the wishmaster #adventure time #they had no need to give him such a ass #like bro that junk in that trunk goin kutunk kutunk

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop