#getting tired trying to adapt the punishment heavy books

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 10

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit/18+ warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-con/dub-con elements, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, very dark 

Penny never had difficulty sleeping. She was exhausted 90% of the time, between three jobs and everything that went into raising Peter, and could take a nap whenever the opportunity arose. It was a joke amongst all of her coworkers, that if you gave Penny an idle 10 minutes, she'd find a place to curl up and nap. She could sleep 16 hours straight happily if given the chance. 

Insomnia wasn't a part of her life. It was why finding herself unable to sleep was shocking to her entire system. The day of her punishment she took a nap and that was the last time she slept more than an hour at a time for the next three days. She wasn't sure if it was the fear and anxiety or the stress or any other combination of things, but she simply couldn't sleep. 

She didn't know if her kidnappers had noticed, strangely enough. They watched her constantly, tracking her movements and making notes of her habits, but never mentioned her sleep patterns. Or her eating patterns, for that matter. 

When Steve got up in the mornings, she waited about half an hour before getting out of bed herself. While he went for a workout, she pulled all of the curtains back from the floor to ceiling windows in the living room and laid on the floor in the sunshine. It was the only time she really slept soundly for longer than 20 or 30 minutes. By the third day, when she got up and went into the living room, the curtains had already been pulled back and the couch cushions were arranged like a pallet on the floor where she usually lay. An apple, which she had a tendency to grab in the mornings to hold her over until breakfast because half the time the only kosher food in the kitchen was fruit or vegetables, was already washed and cut and set on the coffee table. 

They never said anything about what she ate, even when Bucky made large, intricate meals and she avoided most of it. The first night he made spaghetti and meatballs with a side salad and she'd only eaten the salad. The second night had been pork chops and pasta salad— she'd dug out the last of the salad from the previous meal and a bit of the pasta before realizing there was bacon in it. Honestly she was starving, there was hardly anything kosher in the apartment and she was living off vegetables. 

Her captors were strange dudes. Sometimes they seemed chivalrous to a fault, set in some sort of bizarre gender stereotype; they would never sit before she did or start eating until she took her first bite. But Steve didn't like when she cursed or rolled her eyes and Bucky told her smoking wasn't ladylike when she asked for cigarettes. There was a weird dichotomy where they desperately wanted her to be happy in her imprisonment but simultaneously wanted to micromanage her behavior. 

After the fourth near sleepless night, she’d once again retreated to the living room once she was sure Steve had left. The spot in front of the windows was comforting for some reason, the warmth of the sun was encompassing like a hug but didn’t require touch. It felt safer than anywhere else in the apartment. 

She slept for at least an hour and only woke up to the sound of JARVIS playing a chime every few seconds, the noise slowly increasing in volume. As she blinked, slightly disoriented by the sound, and realized she was no longer laying on the cushions. At some point while she was asleep Bucky had managed to wedge his way beneath her, leaving her to lie on his chest. His arms were raised on either side of her head like he was holding something over her and the top of her head brushed his chin. 

At that point, her body didn’t even bother to instinctually tense. Even after such a short period of time, the panic response had lost its grip in the face of resentful acceptance. 

“Good morning, doll,” Bucky’s voice was a rumble beneath her more than a sound and she heard a page turning above her, “I can see why you like to lay here.” 

Penny didn’t bother answering, tired eyes tracking his movements as he lowered his arms and put a book on the floor. He didn’t look tired at all with his hair carefully pulled back into an artfully messy bun, fully dressed despite the fact that it couldn’t have been past 7 am. It was unfair how attractive they were, considering the position they had put her in. She’d never even considered a man bun atttractive before for fucks’ sake. After a short moment, his hands came back up to cup her face. 

Knowing the kiss was coming didn’t make it any easier to process or mentally prepare for. She didn’t want him to, it was disgusting, how dare he kiss her— but it was also so nice. Bucky was a really good kisser, both of the soldiers were, and it sent tingles down her sprine every time. The warmth from the sunshine was amplified by the feeling until it seeped into her veins and rendered her boneless against him. 

“Really good morning,” Bucky smiled against her lips, brushing his nose against hers as he pulled away enough to look at her, “Steve’s gonna be out of the shower in a few and we’ll head up to breakfast. Go get dressed.” 

Penny nodded in response, dazed, and let him pick her up and set her to the side of the pallet where it was easier to stand. The bedroom was still mostly dark, the heavy curtains drawn and the only light coming from the partially open bathroom door. The shower was running and she could hear Steve moving around as she walked to the dresser. 

There was a drawer dedicated to the softest clothing they’d purchased for Penny and she was especially taken with the shirts in it. They felt like ultra thin, soft cotton but were actually rather thick and warm. She pulled out a black one with long sleeves and traded it for the t-shirt she’d slept in. The same pair of jeans she’d worn the previous day followed and she tugged off her socks, prefering to go barefoot just because she could tell it bothered Steve. 

She stepped past the blond in question just as he came out of the bathroom, pretending not to notice the once over he gave her. The assholes weren’t exactly subtle, probably didn’t see the need to be. Bucky was waiting by the elevators when she walked into the living room, motioning over with the metal hand.

It had been days but she still hadn’t gotten up the courage to ask about the arm. Steve and Bucky both treated it like a completely normal arm, as if it wasn’t a super strong and incredibly high tech prosthetic, and she was afraid to mention it. Instead she tried to make sure she didn’t look at it for too long, or hesitate when he touched her with it just in case it made him angry. 

“Ready for breakfast baby?” He wrapped the arm around her shoulders and tugged her into his chest, ducking his head down to kiss her cheek. 

“Yeah,” Penny murmured, eyes tracking Steve as he also left the bedroom and crossed the room, kissing them each soundly before calling JARVIS to bring the elevator.

Penny had forced herself to become comfortable with any display of affection that came directly before getting to see Peter, just in case they decided to throw a hissy fit at her rejection and refuse to take her to breakfast. Despite the fact that she'd been promised she could see her brother multiple times a day, it had been limited to breakfast. She asked at least 20 times a day, can I see Peter now? I want to see Peter. I want to see my brother. They brushed her off every time, made some sort of excuse. 

It was part of their plan to make the siblings 'adapt' to their new lives. Penny could read between the lines and knew they didn't want them together too often to avoid any plotting. If they couldn't communicate enough to make an escape plan, they probably wouldn't try. It made sense, the clever bastards, but not being able to see her brother was wearing her down. Combined with the lack of sleep, she was beginning to feel more and more distraught. 

JARVIS was a small, unexpected saving grace. She wasn't sure why, but the AI would give her updates on Peter if she asked. Is Peter okay? Yes, Ms. Parker, he is currently in the lab. Is Peter okay? Yes, Ms. Parker, he is taking a nap at the moment. Is Peter okay? Yes, Ms. Parker, he is watching the original Star Wars trilogy. 

As they rode in the elevator up a few levels to what she'd come to realize was Stark's floor, she could see a very small red light in the upper corner. JARVIS was always watching, monitoring things like heart rate and temperature. He understood Hebrew if she spoke in it and would answer in kind, giving her a sort of privacy from the men boxing in her. The AI wasn't on her side per say, but the little things he did helped keep her from going crazy. 

When the doors opened, Penny didn't wait for the men to move before she began on her way to the kitchen. She would sit in a chair, despite the incredible amounts of pain it caused after her punishment, but would be transferred to someone's lap almost immediately. Likely Bucky, since they seemed to take turns and Steve had held her yesterday. They wanted to hold her and feed her. It restricted her movements, kept her farther from Peter, and drove her batshit insane. 

She quickly sat in the chair closest to her brother, forcing herself not to wince in pain and reached out for his hand. Peter was coping much better than she was, it was plain on his face and otherwise in his appearance. He didn't look happy necessarily, but he was sleeping and eating regularly. There was no visible cringe when Stark touched him, which she assumed meant the man hadn't hurt him. 

Penny had been considering for days what she would do if she walked into the kitchen one morning and found Peter injured. She was about .02 seconds from losing it at any second as it was, if she ever suspected Peter was hurt she would go ape shit. The goal would be to take Stark out as efficiently as possible— she'd likely only have one chance. She was pretty sure shoving a fork through his eye would be as effective as anything else. 

"You know, you get a very particular look on your face when you're considering killing me." 

Penny looked away from Peter just in time to see Stark before he swept her up out of her chair and sat down with her in his lap. Being as small as she was, it made manhandling her pretty easy in comparison to say, Peter, who despite being skinny was tall and ungainly to lift and carry around.

"Tony," Bucky sounded displeased but Stark waved him off. 

"My turn Winter Wizard," the older man snarked, tugging her snugly back against the line of his chest, "I love Penny too." 

Love. Stark didn't love Penny. She was half convinced he didn't even understand the concept, had it so thoroughly confused with obsession that he couldn't comprehend what love was. Love was selfless and unconditional, it was supposed to bring joy and comfort. Nothing about Stark's actions were any of those things, didn't provide a feeling of happiness and safety. Sitting in his lap was like sitting on a live landmine.

"What're your plans for today sweetheart? Peter wants to spend some time in the lab with Bruce— honestly I think he likes biology more than engineering, can you believe that?" 

Penny didn't answer, watching from the corner of her eye as Steve and Bucky sat down in the chairs around them. Steve sat opposite of Peter at the head of the table while Bucky took a seat to the teenager’s right, across from Penny and Stark. There was another comprehensive breakfast spread across the table, a quiche, pancakes, scrambled eggs with cheese and ham, fresh fruit, sausage and bacon.

Every time they loaded plates for her, Penny found herself turning her nose up at at least half of it. She was pretty sure they were unaware that the siblings were Jewish, either that or they were too stupid to realize there were dietary restrictions involved in the religion. Peter was more lax than Penny, he didn't remember their parents as much and aunt May and uncle Ben hadn't been religious, but she still ate kosher about 75% of the time. Plus, most kosher foods just felt more ethical and humane. 

Not that the mother fuckers who'd kidnapped them had any idea what it meant to be ethical. Or humane for that matter. 

"Penny, words," it wasn’t an order necessarily but she'd come to realize over the few days she had been in the tower that Steve's tone left no room for disobedience. 

"I don’t have any plans," she tried not to overtly grit her teeth in irritation. 

Any other day she'd be at the daycare until 1ish, taking care of the babies. After that she'd go to her barista job and after that, she went to the grocery store to stock shelves over night. Penny didn't have downtime, she didn't have hobbies, she didn't do anything during the day other than work. Maybe that's why she wasn't sleeping at all; she wasn't doing anything. Certainly not half as much as usual. 

"Well, what would you like to do? What do you do for fun?" 

Simmering anger began to build under Penny's skin but before she could answer (and potentially get herself into trouble), Peter jumped in, "Penny used to knit. And you liked gardening, right? When we lived in the house you had all those plants and the garden out back." 

"Ma's garden," Penny twitched her nose, the movement preventing a facial expression from settling and giving away her emotions— she tried not to think of the garden, or the house they'd lived in before the accident, it made her too sad. 

"Bite, sweetheart," Tony directed when she went quiet, refusing to elaborate. 

The food on the fork was a piece of the quiche, something with spinach and cheese and bacon, and Penny shook her head. The bacon was bad enough, but putting dairy with it as well was too much for her to stomach. Stark hesitated for a moment before sighing heavily and putting the fork down, forcing Penny to turn slightly in his lap to face him.

"You have to eat, sweetheart," he looked just a shade short of irritated and a thrill ran through her, a mix of fear that he might hurt her if he got mad enough combined with dark satisfaction that her actions were having an effect on him even if unintentionally, "you're too skinny as it is and you can't keep refusing food."

"I won't eat it," she stated quietly, resolution in her tone.

The only things on the table she would truly be willing to eat were the fruits and the pancakes. The quiche had cheese and bacon, the eggs had cheese and ham, and the individual meats were pork. For some reason, the bites of food she wanted were few and far between compared to the dishes she couldn't eat. 

"It's not an option baby," Bucky's voice was soft and imploring. 

Irritation climbed up her throat. She wasn’t on a hunger strike, she wasn’t being difficult. They were the ones who'd snatched her up against her will without considering her needs and wants. They were the ones at fault and fuck if she was going to— 

"That's not kosher," Peter quickly pointed to the quiche, followed by the scramble,  "that's not either. The pancakes might not be either depending on the eggs. Penny will eat the fruit." 

"You guys eat kosher?" Bucky and Steve both looked startled and she'd bet Tony did too. 

She didn't realise they were all considering what they knew about Peter; Tony had taken the boy out to eat multiple times in the months before bringing the siblings to the tower and there'd never been any sign of a special diet. They were Jewish, yes, but Tony could clearly remember the teenager eating bacon cheeseburgers and shrimp alfredo. 

"I don't but Penny does."

Since they'd brought her into the apartment, the soldiers hadn't paid too much attention to what she ate. Salads mostly, pasta. They hadn't focused on what she was eating, just the quantity of what she ate. 

"Ms. Parker regularly checks with me before consuming anything," JARVIS announced to the silent room. 

Maybe part of the reason Penny wasn't sleeping was because she was hungry. Honestly she was always sort of hungry, Peter having plenty to eat was more important than her eating regularly, but she'd been really hungry over the past few days.

"Penny why didn't you say anything?" Steve looked stricken and Bucky's face was ashen; he'd even talked to Wanda about kosher foods before they'd assumed the Parker's didn't eat a specific diet. 

"Why didn't I tell my kidnappers that I follow a religious diet? I wonder."

The words were scathing and spoken with a hiss of disdain that had their shoulders raising automatically. Bucky and Steve both shrunk back slightly and Stark went still behind her. She even managed to get out of his arms without a fight, standing up and heading for the elevator without hesitation. 

"...Penny?" 

"I'm going to take a shower, leave me alone!" 

She was so angry and fucking exhausted and hungry. Irrationally, it felt like storming off after having an argument with family instead of the true life villains she was surrounded by. She felt like a teenager storming off after fighting with her parents. Shockingly, they really let her go. The elevator doors opened and closed for her, even though she was alone. 

"Shall I bring you to your apartment Ms. Parker?" 

"It's not like I can go anywhere else," her voice was tearful and she bit the inside of her cheek, refusing to cry. 

But instead of moving, the elevator stayed still for an abnormal amount of time. She assumed JARVIS was waiting for the soldiers to arrive. 

"Perhaps you would like to go to the kitchens, miss?" 

"The kitchens?"

"Yes miss, I've spoken to one of the chefs who is more than happy to make all necessary adjustments to the kitchen to facilitate a kosher diet. New equipment is being brought in to prevent cross contamination and an order was sent to the runners for kosher foods which should arrive in less than an hour. In the meantime, Chef Cohen is gathering the necessities to make a kosher breakfast from what is currently on hand." 

Penny immediately burst into tears against her will, entirely overwhelmed. The tower was a goddamn nightmare, she was trapped and more often than not separated from her brother, but JARVIS was slowly becoming one of her favourite people (even if he wasn't really a person) in the world. Because JARVIS talked to her in Hebrew and told her about Peter when she asked and helped her figure out what she could eat and played movies on the wall all night while she was stuck in bed. 

He couldn't help her escape, he was a computer program at the mercy of his protocols, but he did more for her than anyone else. 

"Yes please JARVIS," Penny managed to get out through her tears, pressing her palms against her eyes gently, "thank you JARVIS." 

"You are most welcome Ms. Parker, your happiness is my priority." 

"It is?"

"My protocol is to make sure Mr. Parker and Master Stark are happy. In order to do so, I must make sure you are happy miss." 

Penny wasn't smart. She didn't have a high IQ, never finished college, would never qualify for anything more than a dead end job. But she was good at reading between the lines. Finding unconventional solutions to problems was a skill of hers. JARVIS might not be able to intentionally help her escape, but he might help her on accident without even realizing it.

It wasn't a plan, not yet, but it was a tool in her arsenal she never expected to have. And she would use it to her advantage as soon as possible. 

"Sir, Ms. Parker is currently on her way down to the kitchens were Chef Cohen is preparing a kosher meal. He has also compiled a comprehensive list of kosher foods to be kept in the kitchen at all times." 

"He made a list? Why didn't you do it J?"

"He's Jewish," Peter answered before JARVIS had a chance, shrinking back slightly when three pairs of eyes leveled on him suddenly. 

"Have you met him? He shouldn't have come up to this floor."

Sometimes Peter forgot that gentiles didn't recognize Jewish surnames, "he… didn't. His last name is Cohen. That's one of the most Jewish names I can think of." 

He couldn't be sure, there was a high chance that Peter was hallucinating, but it was possible that Tony Stark was blushing. Like, it was possible but Peter was pretty sure his eyes must've been playing tricks on him. Tony made him blush a million times a day, it was never the other way around. A small thrill ran through him, had he made Tony turn red? 

"Peter, is there anything else like this that we should know?" 

Steve's voice drew him out of his reverie and Peter directed his attention at the blond, "like what?" 

"Like things Penny doesn't like, or will upset her?" 

Peter nodded in understanding, "like abducting her and keeping her against her will?" 

"Peter!" Tony was trying to admonish him but his tone was full of laughter.

Bucky leveled the teenager with a vaguely amused expression, "Tony was the one who kidnapped her."

"Yeah but she hated him on principle before that, you guys she learned to hate." 

"Okay, moving on," Tony waved his hand dismissively before the soldier could respond, "J, let Cohen know he's officially Penny's personal chef. I want him available any time she's hungry, any time she wants a snack. I'll up his pay, but if Penny gets up at 3am and wants some ridiculously complicated meal, he'll be dragging his ass out of bed to make it." 

"Understood sir."

Bucky absently stared towards the doorway Penny had disappeared through, "I could figure out kosher cooking." 

"Let the professionals handle it, Bucky Bear," Tony snorted slightly before turning his attention to Peter, "is she allergic to anything?"

"I'm not sure, we think she had an allergic reaction to something a while back she never went to the doctor or anything," Peter took a huge bite of his pancakes.

"She hasn't been to the doctor in a long time has she?" Bucky frowned, considering the implications. 

"Or the dentist," Peter nodded. 

"We'll have Bruce do a complete work up, just to be safe. We’ll get dentist in here too. J?" 

"Dr. Banner would be happy to see Penny anytime today and I am sending a request to your own dentist sir."

"Tell Bruce we'll head his way once Penny finishes eating," Steve had a tendency to look up at the ceiling occasionally when speaking to JARVIS despite knowing he wasn't up there, "will you let us know once she's done? I want to give her some time to calm down."

"Once she has finished her meal I will direct her Dr. Banner's lab—" 

"J, you'll tell them when," Tony ordered, quickly noticing the way his AI tried to steer his words, "the soldiers will accompany her. Going down to the kitchen by herself was a stretch, she can't be wandering around unattended this soon."

"She was hungry, sir." 

Steve and Bucky exchanged a glance; the AI sounded defensive but there was a derisive tone to him as well, aimed at the soldiers. They were the ones supposed to be taking care of Penny and yet she was hungry. JARVIS was unimpressed with them and had a surprisingly strong attachment to Penny after such a short time. 

"Yeah, yeah, J, just let them know a few minutes before she's done eating," Tony turned his attention to Peter, "baby, why don't you go take a shower before we head to the lab?" 

Peter felt his eyebrows furrow in confusion. Usually, showering before going to the lab was sort of a waste. They'd get sweaty and gross by the end of it and need another shower anyway. He hoped he wasn't blushing— usually Tony took a long bath with him when they were done in the lab. 

"We're still gonna take a bath together baby, don't look so sad," the salacious look on the older man's face had Peter quickly darting to his feet, face on fire as he ran off. 

Tony waited until the teenager was out of earshot to turn a very dark look on the soldiers, "wanna explain how the fuck you haven't known for two full fucking days that Penny won't eat anything that's not kosher?"

"Tony—" 

"No, actually," he waved his hand before Steve could finish speaking, "I don't care what you have to say. You're going to listen." 

He wasn't older in literal years, but Tony's consciousness was older than the soldiers' and in that moment he felt those years. He stood from the table, coffee mug in hand and took a few steps towards the counter. In general, Tony considered his friend’s to be his family. They were important to him, he wanted them to be happy and healthy and cared for. But Peter was his world and because of that, Penny was too. Her happiness usurped theirs. 

“I gave you both the opportunity to take Penny, the way I took Peter,” he took a sip of coffee, tapping his fingers against the expensive marble countertop, “I knew from the way you talked about her, that you loved her the way I love Peter. But I didn’t want to. Honestly, I wanted to keep her tucked away where I can keep her safe and happy. I knew I could do a better job than you, but I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.” 

Tony dumped his coffee into the sink, setting the mug in after and running some water into it. Around 10am a housekeeper would come in a clean up after breakfast, leaving the dishes that lived in the house and taking the rest down to the kitchens. He liked to keep everything as spotless as possible because his brain was a pretty big disaster at the best of times and clutter didn’t help. 

“You’re very quickly losing it,” he held his hand up when Steve went to speak, “shut up, I don’t want to hear it. Right now you’re listening. This is strike one. Penny is upset and she’s been hungry for the last two full days. Somehow, despite being around her constantly, you didn’t realize that. You better figure out what else you’re not realizing because if I feel like Penny isn’t thriving, I’m going to take her back whether you like it or not.” 

#steve rogers x oc x bucky barnes #steve rogers x oc #bucky barnes x oc #dark!steve rogers #dark!bucky barnes #dark!tony stark #dark!mcu #let's review #let's review chapter 10

[nev3rfound]

steer clear : b.b

brief summary: being a close friend of sams and him wanting bucky to keep away from you based on your past relationship, but that doesn’t stop bucky from trying

word count: 2.1k requested: yes! by @tearsforhan thanks g :) warnings: none that i’m aware of. bit angsty but nothing major

* masterlist of sorts *

“-and then he kept doing laps around me like I was the snail in the race.” Sam raises his arms in defeat as you laugh along with the story. 

Bucky tenses at the sound of your laugh echoing through the corridor leading toward him. He glances down at his spoon, hoping he looks half decent and practises his best smile, the sort that always swooned girls back in his day. 

“Didn’t realise you were up,” Sam calls out as both of you enter the kitchen, you trailing behind Sam almost going unnoticed until you tuck your hair behind your ear. 

His blue eyes follow your figure, ignoring Sam entirely until Sam clears his throat, snapping Bucky’s attention back to his friend. “Yeah, I, I couldn’t sleep.” He huffs lightly before returning to his coffee whilst you sit opposite him, a mug already in your grip as your fingertips tap the mug rhythmically.

“Mind still troubling you, Buck?” You ask nonchalantly, not aware of Sam’s eyes widening along with Bucky’s upon hearing his nickname leaving your lips. “What?” You look to Sam who tightens his jaw as he turns his back, reaching for some breakfast as a distraction. 

“Erm, yeah.” Bucky stutters, suddenly losing all sense of thought and how to act normally. “I just want a break, a time out,” He explains as he lifts his gaze up, meeting your soft eyes as they focus on him with everything. 

“You want something to kinda stop it, just for a few hours.” You mutter, talking from experience as Bucky nods. 

“Yeah,” He raises the corner of his lip. “exactly, doll.” The word rolls off of his tongue automatically, and the moment is short-lived as Sam drops his bowl to the ground, swearing to himself. 

“Oh Sam,” You laugh lightly as you move quickly to the ground, picking up pieces of the bowl. “you’re so clumsy sometimes I wonder how they let you wear the wings.” 

As you keep picking up pieces of the bowl, Sam looks to Bucky with cold eyes. “Yeah, be a shame if I were to have an accident.” He replies to you whilst keeping his focus on Bucky. “You still on for coffee later?” Sam turns around, smiling to you as you stand upright, blowing your hair out of your face in an adorable manner that makes Bucky’s heart swell. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss coffee and seeing ol’ Phil.” You nudge Sam before placing the broken bowl in the bin and swiftly walk over and pick your coffee up. “Bye boys.” You sing to them as you leave the room with a small smile on your face, one Bucky cannot shake from his mind. 

“Look dude,” Sam’s voice becomes cold, harsh as he stands in front of Bucky. “I’m only going to say this once, but you’ve gotta back off.” Holding his hand up in front of Bucky, he merely raises an eyebrow at the action. 

“You want me to, back off?” Bucky scoffs to himself and turns around, only to be spun in his chair as Sam holds his shirt in his fist. Looking down, Bucky raises his hands. “No need for violence, Sammy.” 

“There will be if you don’t leave her alone, Buck.” He states bluntly before releasing Bucky’s shirt from his grip. “She’s still healing and I don’t want you messing her around like that.” He sighs heavily. “I feel like I’m just getting my best friend back so don’t ruin it.” 

Sam walks out of the room before Bucky has the chance to ask what he means, but is left with that lingering thought. You were only just back to being yourself, but how? 

*

Rolling over, Bucky wanted to scream as he saw the time. 

A combination of frustration and exhaustion was a cocktail he drank daily, and the need refused to stop. He contemplated staying in bed, staring at his ceiling until the images would fade and he could get some sleep. But opted to wander around the compound in the dead of night. 

It was somewhat of a routine Bucky had gotten used to. He’d head to the gym, do some loose form of a work out before heading to the kitchen. His top would cling to his chest as sweat lined it, but no one was around to notice or complain. Bucky would sit and eat something, preferably a sweet snack and read one of the books you always left out.

This was a routine he adapted to and sometimes found quite pleasant as he always noticed little notes you wrote in the book or pages where you spilt your drink. He could picture you curled up on the sofa, a blanket draped over you when some of them were on a mission. You would wear the glasses that you hated wearing, but Bucky thought they made you look cute. He could think about you for hours, but he knew he shouldn’t, not after his third warning from Sam in the space of a month. 

Bucky sat down on the sofa, slowly allowing himself to relax into the seat as he picks up the book, returning to the page he finished last night as his eyes slowly began to close. He focused on every word, re-reading sentences as he faintly heard the light sound of footsteps behind him. 

Within seconds, Bucky was on his feet, holding a cushion up as a weapon until he heard your laugh. 

“Wow, what’re you going to do with that, then?” You laugh quietly as you clutch your stomach, wishing you could’ve gotten a photo of the sight.

Bucky throws the cushion back onto the sofa as your eyes fall to the book in his hand. You step forward, willingly moving closer as he remains frozen on the spot. 

Reaching down you look at him, checking if it’s okay. “So you’re the book thief, huh?” You ask as you flip through the pages as embarrassment crosses Bucky’s cheeks, but you smile to him. “I don’t mind, glad someones getting use of them.” You place your hand on his shoulder, the one joined to metal. 

He is certain you can feel the botched joining HYDRA did, the rough skin as it is seared to metal. But if you can, you’re showing no sign of it, no sense of disgust, only kindness. 

“I like reading when I can’t sleep,” Bucky mumbles as he notices your hand still on his shoulder. 

You clear your throat and move to retract your hand quickly, hiding it behind your back as you lower your head. A wave of awkwardness crosses your mind, what were you thinking? You’re crossing boundaries, don’t give false senses of security. 

“Sorry,” You mumble as you turn around, muttering comments under your breath about your own stupidity whilst Bucky watches you disappear without saying another word to him. 

*

Sitting in another meeting Bucky noticed you were absent, something you never were, especially when it came to Fury’s meetings. 

He looks over to the spot beside Sam, but he only shrugs his shoulders in response. Concern grows and branches out in Bucky’s thoughts, wondering where you could be if not here? 

As soon as the meeting is over, Bucky is the first to his feet and heading out of the door. An arm stops him and as he turns, Sam is staring him down. “She’ll be fine, Bucky.” He tells the soldier who pulls his arm from Sam’s grip, unphased by the action. 

“Why don't you just tell me why I can’t be around her?” Bucky asks having grown tired of the mind games, the constant wondering as you slowly retract yourself from him, from small moments you both share. 

Sighing, Sam motions for Bucky to follow him as they both stand in the lift. Sam reaches over, pushing the button to take them to the roof, a spot Bucky often visited when he needed a temporary escape.

“There’s something about Y/n I haven’t told you,” Sam clears his throat as they reach the roof and step outside. “I had to bring you here so I know no one is listening in.” 

Bucky nods as he wraps his arms around himself, the breeze picking up as his hair flows behind him. “What is it, Sam?” Bucky asks as Sam paces around. 

“Y/n’s ex,” He starts, unsure where to really begin. Bucky nods, waiting for Sam to continue. “he lied about who he was and, and only dated her to get closer to his mission.” 

All of the blood in Bucky’s body ran cold. Every time he saw you two together, how happy you were with him, it was all a lie to him, a mission, an obstacle. He clenches his fists, wanting to find that son of a bitch and punish him. “I’m going to kill him.” Bucky mutters, and Sam nods.

“Join the club.” He states. “But he didn’t just lie about his identity, Bucky. He lied about everything. Y/n was dating a complete stranger when the truth came out and it broke her heart.” 

Bucky’s mind wanders back to last Autumn, he barely saw you around the compound. You never left your room and if you did, it was in the dead of night. On missions you were deadly, not stopping until you completed your role. 

“Who was he?” Bucky thinks aloud and focuses on Sam who lowers his head. “Who was he, Sam?” Bucky asks more sternly, and Sam releases a heavy sigh, feeling the pressure lifting from his shoulders. 

“He was a HYDRA agent, looking for you.” 

*

His mind refused to sleep as he pictured the guy who held you close, who you were convinced actually loved you. He had it all planned out, that piece of shit who used you to get to Bucky. Whatever happened, it failed, clearly. But that didn’t mean you weren’t hurt in the process, that was inevitable. 

Rising from his bed, Bucky heads straight to the open space in the compound, knowing your book is still on the sofa, waiting to be finished. 

He slips his shirt on as he walks into the open space, hearing the light sound of sniffing from the sofa. A soft whimper follows and Bucky softens, his heartbeat picking up as he slowly steps forward. “Doll?” He calls out, and you turn your head in the dark, a small lamp by your side illuminating the heartache in your face. 

“Oh, hey Bucky.” You mutter as you wipe your face, turning around as Bucky walks closer, sitting down by your side. “Sorry if I woke you up, I hope no one else heard me.” You uneasily joke as you sniff, but Bucky shakes his head.

“I was already up, kept thinking about things.” He states softly to you and you shuffle until you’re facing him, realising you’re closer than you had anticipated. 

All you had to do was scan his eyes, and you knew. “Sam told you, didn’t he?” You ask, but you already know the answer. “I’m sorry, Bucky.” You whisper as you bury your face in your hands. 

Bucky remains quiet, unable to comprehend why you’re apologising. “Doll, you have no reason to be sorry,” Slowly he lifts his hand up, unsure if the action is too much as he lowers it to rest on your upper back. 

He can feel you tensing under his touch, but you ease into it, greeting the comfort. 

“But it’s all my fault, Bucky. If, if I didn’t bring him here maybe it could’ve been different,” You try to convince yourself, wishing it could’ve been different. That you could’ve left the relationship without the scars that line your heart and mind. 

“Hey,” Bucky mutters and you focus on his deep blue eyes. “none of it was your fault, don’t ever think that.” He tells you, solely you as his eyes shift from yours to your lips. “None of it was your fault, please, don’t think like that.” His hand moves to your hair and you reach out to his cheek, resting your hand there. 

“Will, will you stay with me?” You ask quietly as you lie back, tugging at the blanket on the floor.

Bucky looks at you for any sign of uncertainty, but you smile softly. “Of course, doll.” He whispers as he takes the blanket from you, covering you both as you slowly lean against him, both of you unsure of your boundaries. 

“Is this okay?” You ask as his arms rest around you, and he nods, allowing you to relax into his embrace. “Thank you, Bucky.” You mutter as you close your eyes as Bucky turns the light off, both of you finally able to get a peaceful nights sleep. 

#that was cute #hope you liked it #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagine #bucky imagines #avengers imagine #avengers imagines #avengers au #avengers writing #avengers x reader #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #marvel writing #marvel #marvel fluff

[rumours-spiral]

for five more minutes

part 2- divorced

note: this is part 2 of a multi-fic series detailing the queen’s second lives. any feedback is greatly appreciated!

word count: 1863

warnings: none

Catherine and Maria remained in that abandoned chapel for a few days. Maria would tell Catherine of all the wonders of the 21st century- the witchcraft that was modern medicine, how quickly cars could move, the concept of running water. She found herself amazed at every new invention, every law, but a growing sense of dread crept up beside it. It felt like she was on another world. Nothing was familiar to her anymore, and she had so many questions she didn’t want answers to. But she found much comfort in prayer and Maria, and she relied on both heavily. Her lady in waiting had soothed her nerves with the mere fact that she had adapted so well, and made up for the assurance that that alone couldn’t provide in spades.

But even her closest friend couldn’t sate the foreboding growing quickly in her. It felt much like the darkness in the chapel- they were comfortable in the warm glow of their candles, but there was always a deep blackness in the chapel’s corners that would stare at her, and never fully disperse. Similarly, they had lived in relative happiness until Catherine finally asked the question that had been gnawing in the back of her mind.

“Were we the only ones brought back?”

Maria paused her reading immediately. Apprehension took residence in her eyes as she stared at the pages of her book blankly, trying to think of a suitable answer. Catherine had died partly into Anne’s reign- she didn’t even know Henry had another four wives. She had been too afraid of Catherine’s reaction, too afraid to shatter the fragile peace they had to bring it up. The queen had asked before of how they were brought back, and why, and Maria answered as honestly as she could. Catherine had frowned at the very heavy implications of witchcraft, though Maria had been careful not to say it outright. But they never discussed the others.

She spoke very cautiously after a moment, not even bearing to face her lady as she did.

“We... weren’t.”

Catherine didn’t comment, only frowned in a silent request for Maria to continue. Maria hadn’t seen the expression, but knew from the terse silence anyway, the way Catherine’s posture from the corner of her eye had straightened as it so often did when she felt nervous.

“Henry had four wives after you,” and Catherine still did not speak. She supposed it was more out of shock than anything, so Maria spoke quickly, longing to get this over with.

“Jane Seymour, Anna of Cleves, Katherine Howard, and Catherine Parr.”

Catherine recognised a few names. Parr, her goddaughter, stood out to her the most. She felt remorse at the mention of her in that list- Henry was so hard to please, and the girl was only young the last time she had seen her. At the same time, however, a small part of her felt a kind of justice at the knowledge Anne had been replaced, just as Catherine had- just as she had warned her she would.

“And... they were all brought back?” She asked. Maria nodded her head, and Catherine slumped against the pillar she was sitting against slightly.

“As was Anne Boleyn, and a few other ladies in waiting.” Maria clarified quietly, but she didn’t mention the ladies’ names or elaborate, so she allowed the comment to pass. She bristled slightly at the mention of Anne, an ancient anger simmering in her; she allowed herself a moment of that familiar feeling before brushing that aside, also.

“What happened to them? The other wives?” Anxiety swiftly replaced the anger, and her stomach twisted at the thought of what her answer could be. She could understand Henry having another wife after Anne- the girl may have got what she deserved and died early, leaving Henry to find another. But four other wives made her uneasy. Maria’s face sobered impossibly more.

“There’s a popular rhyme about your fates,” she whispered. The atmosphere suddenly turned grimmer than Catherine had remembered anything between them ever being, even in her final days, and any irritation she had felt at the immaturity of a rhyme was fleeting once she actually heard it. “Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.”

Catherine was left breathless at the sheer number of wives he had. She already knew he had six, but hearing them all grouped together like that was sickening. She next thought of the actual words. She was the first divorced, of course, but-

“Beheaded?”

Maria was crying silently now. Her gaze lifted to stare at the old rows of pews across the room, but she looked like she was seeing something else. She nodded, that look still there, clearing her throat gently in preparation to speak. “Anne Boleyn was beheaded in May of 1536, under false charges of incest, adultery, and witchcraft. Her cousin, Katherine Howard, was executed in 1542 under charges of adultery,”

A small part Catherine felt a sick sort of vindication at that. At knowing Anne finally was punished for how she ruined Catherine and her daughter’s lives, that she finally had her revenge on Anne for how she had ruined everything. That she, ever the good wife, had put up with Henry for twenty years, and Anne and her immaturity couldn’t last even five. But nausea roiled in her stomach when she reflected upon Maria’s words of “false charges”, and the vindication turned to shame very quickly. Anne had died for no reason.

“Henry had grown tired of Anne, and frustrated that she couldn’t provide a male heir. He had people testify falsely against her, and gave her an unfair trial.”

The nausea increased so much so that Catherine felt inclined to hold a hand to her mouth. She and Anne hadn’t liked each other, by any means- but she and Catherine had been close for a time, and she had always appreciated her wit, no matter how she hated herself for it. And she most certainly didn’t deserve to die in such a way. Anne and Henry had seemed genuinely in love, and such a brutal betrayal...

She thought next of Katherine and it was now that she noticed the tears running down her own cheeks. She remembered faintly, when Anne had first come to court, all daring French dresses and that damned smile, back when they had been friends, Anne’s mention of a cousin. The birth of a Howard, sharing the same name as the queen she spoke to. She inhaled shakily at the connection, and lowered her hand minutely to say in disbelief,

“Surely, she didn’t die in 1542. She would only have been-“

“19.” Maria finished. She gave a tiny nod, and Catherine’s very chest ached. What had happened to Henry to make him cruel enough to falsely execute a woman he had turned the country upside down to marry, and to then execute a- well, a child. Adultery was wrong, yes, but she couldn’t imagine the pressure the girl felt at being queen so young. Maria told her other stories of Henry’s cruelty with a distant voice, and the pressure in Catherine’s chest worsened. Henry had his temper, but he was kind and chivalrous towards everyone when he and Catherine were wed. How had he turned into such a monster?

She supposed there were signs. Signs in even his very divorce from Catherine- he had ruined so many lives just so he could marry someone he was never meant for. He hadn’t allowed Catherine to see Maria, or her own daughter, in the years and days leading to her death, purely because he was petty. Perhaps she should’ve seen this coming. She could’ve prevented all the pain Henry almost definitely brought upon the consorts that came after her. Maybe if she had tried harder in their marriage, if she had provided a son, if she-

Maria cut off her racing thoughts with a fierce hug. She shushed her gently, crying herself, and she let Catherine dampen the shoulder of her clothes.

She was reminded of a similar embrace between her and Anne suddenly. Catherine tried to bite down the anger she felt rise up like bile in the back of her throat at the thought of her. It was Anne’s fault- Catherine had warned her of Henry, begged her to just let them be. She had even protected the Boleyn girl from her husband, but Anne had grown to care for him, and then they had both wanted what wasn’t theirs- and their tempers were too ferocious to allow them to not get their own ways. Aragon had hated Anne for that courage. And two had been murdered for it; two had been cast aside; another two had suffered greatly. Because Anne had tried too hard, and Catherine hadn’t tried enough. She blamed them both.

They had sat embraced for hours. Maria would tell her happier stories, primarily of her goddaughter’s success. The pride and a deep fondness from the tales had calmed her. Catherine was sure she had fallen asleep at one point; it had all felt like only a few minutes, even when Maria told her the time by looking at the clock on her wrist. The queen remembered, amused, the way she flinched the first time she saw her do that, clutching her rosary to her chest in fear. To her own surprise, however, she had become quite fond of the little contraption. She would fiddle for hours with its chain and its settings, falling in love with its colour (that she would later be told was ‘rose gold’). She became infatuated with a piercing Maria had in her eyebrow, as well. She didn’t fully understand it but it looked pretty all the same. She stared at that glinting piece of metal, her head still on the girl’s shoulder, while she asked her next question:

“Is this where we will live?”

Maria shook her head softly and Catherine felt relieved. Though blankets, food, pillows and books had been brought, the chapel wasn’t exactly comfortable to live in.

At first, Catherine had felt much trepidation at the thought of seeing the outside world. But after days in the chapel, only hearing of the glorious new century and not actually seeing much of it (barring Maria’s fashion and the odd way she spoke), she was quite eager to do something. Maria told her about the flat she shared with three other ladies. She revealed that their plan had been to keep the queens into their respective ladies’ rooms until they had grown as accustomed as they could, before ultimately introducing the queens to each other one by one. The two latest queens- Howard and Parr- resided with Lucy and Toby a short distance away. Catherine had been kept in a chapel so that she might feel more comfortable, although this plan meant that she would eventually have to travel through London.

Catherine hummed softly at the end of the explanation. Neither were quite sure if it was acceptance or approval, but Maria took it as a good thing that Catherine was willing to meet the others nonetheless. She understood Catherine’s restlessness (and was admittedly quite bored as well), and within the hour they had gathered their few belongings and were walking out the chapel doors.

#six the musical fanfic #six the musical #catherine of aragon #maria de salinas #for five more minutes

[paladin-lynx]

Human SQUIPtober 2019, Day 6: SQUIP^2

Human SQUIPtober 2019 Day 6: SQUIP^2

Ships Involved: RiverWay (Two River SQUIP [River] x Broadway SQUIP [Ly])

Setting: AU where River and Ly somehow both became human after being SQUIPs for their respective Jeremys, and they now live together. They don’t quite understand how they can both exist, but it isn’t worth questioning it.

Trigger/Content Warnings: None

Author’s Notes: (I know it’s technically Day 7 already, but I got busy, so oh well.) I finally have an excuse to write something for this pairing! I think I tend to write my usual human Squip more like River than Ly, but it’s fun to mess with writing the two of them together. I’ve fallen hard for this ship, and I hope you enjoy! I know I rambled a bit in the beginning, but I just got a little too into exploring River’s mindset versus Ly’s.

Most people said that SQUIPs in themselves defied logic, so River had long since given up trying to figure out how everything had come to this.

Perhaps he’d been granted a second chance. Perhaps it was a punishment for failing his host. Perhaps it was some protocol that he had never bothered to read when he had his code. He didn’t know and frankly, at this point, he didn’t really care to try and solve the mystery, as much as he loved puzzles.

Ly was a whole other story. He wasn’t keeping himself up at night or anything of the sort to figure everything out, but he was definitely more intent on trying to connect the dots. Then again, it did seem like Ly in general had more energy and enthusiasm than River did. As adorable as it could be, more often than not it drove River up a wall.

While they had both once been SQUIPs and had a decent amount in common, in a lot of ways they couldn’t be more different. River was older in appearance than Ly, and to go along with it River felt he was more mature. He spoke more formally, dressed a bit more nicely, tended to act more stoic. River may have been human longer, but he was still adjusting to it after all this time. He had a habit of treating everything like a calculated process like he had before, although being human meant things tended to make less sense.

Ly, on the other hand, acted as young as he looked. He had fully embraced their change in form. He went out and explored the world, talked to others, attended parties, and River was quite certain he’d hooked up with his fair share of people – although he always stopped Ly’s ramblings about how he’d spent the night before it got to those details.

River had contemplated time and time again how Ly had adapted so much more easily than him. Did it have something to do with the 3.0 patch? There were plenty of bugs in River’s original 1.0 programming that had been fixed over time and corrected with Ly. The learning computer aspect had improved immensely, to the point that River wondered if it had gotten too good. River had tried connecting everyone in the school for the sake of making sure Jeremy had friends and the girl of his dreams for as long as possible. Ly, on the other hand, had realized a higher calling and had been intent on using Jeremy to take over the entire goddamn world, with Christine as a bargaining chip.

But with Ly’s upgrades, he’d had a better sense as a SQUIP of the human spectrum of emotion. River had seen it as a nuisance, an obstacle. Ly saw it as a tool. Maybe that was the reason he’d more quickly become used to suddenly having a real-life human brain upon deactivation and then, for lack of a better term, “reactivation.”

It had been long enough that River had moved past his guilt and sadness over having failed his one mission as a SQUIP. Over the years, he’d debated seeking out his Jeremy, but he had a feeling the boy would just shut him out. Actually, River wasn’t even completely sure he’d be able to find his Jeremy.

Because when Ly had suddenly showed up, rambunctious as ever and insisting that they become “roomies,” River hadn’t understood where or how or why. Because here was another young man who had once been a pill-sized supercomputer that had served one Jeremy Heere to get one Christine Canigula – River could still hear the way Jeremy would always dreamily sing-song her name – and had ultimately failed when one Michael Mell had discovered the secret of Mountain Dew Red. River’s Jeremy and the rest of the squad may not even be in this whatever-they-were-in. Ly’s might not be, either. It could be an entirely fresh start.

But it did seem that no matter the timeline or dimension or universe or whatever it was that allowed them to both end up SQUIPs for Jeremy Heere, fate had it set that they would fail. Perhaps because that failure would allow Jeremy to, in fact, end up with Christine and with a whole new group of friends, as well as a strengthened tie to his best friend. River and Ly had both wondered that if a new patch came out, if another SQUIP would go down the same prewritten route with another Jeremy.

River knew that, as comfortable as Ly was in his new skin, he still had his moments. River had had the time to grieve his past. Ly was still recovering from it. Perhaps it was his enhanced A.I. that had caused him to become more attached to his version of Jeremy, or maybe it was because his Jeremy just in general sounded more pathetic and so Ly had had to look after him more closely. River had been attached, too, but it was just a job. He had felt some semblance of betrayal when he had been deactivated, of course. Ly, though, had been more furious to mask the intense hurt he’d experienced. River knew he still sulked about it and that he tended to act casual about his Jeremy to hide the fact that, sad as it was, he missed his host.

River supposed it couldn’t be helped, though. He had times, too, where he wished he’d done better. SQUIPs were meant to fulfil their hosts’ goals, after all. Even if Ly had formulated objectives of his own, he in the end had still wanted to help Jeremy.

But even with his dramatic episodes, Ly seemed to have a better handle on being human than River. He was more outgoing and eager to take advantage of their resurrection, whilst River was still somewhat of an introvert. He preferred staying in and reading a book, versus Ly who would rather hit the town. Maybe it helped that Ly, with his younger attitude and hipper style, was more trendy-cool and could make the most of a confusing situation. He was probably better at pretending he knew what he was doing, with his natural charisma, although River liked to think he was also well-off in that department.

Although as annoying as Ly could be, with his stupid smirks and constant flirting, River supposed he was glad he had some company and someone who could actually understand what he’d gone through.

After all this time, River was just fine pretty consistently. But he still had moments when everything suddenly became too much. The phantom pains of being drowned in Mountain Dew Red, the terror of suddenly becoming human in an unfamiliar place, the unfamiliar sensations of having a physical body and a functioning mind, and everything in between. At times like that, he would just shut down. He’d find a quiet place to calm himself and just get away from the world, pretending none of it existed. He had a feeling, had he still been a SQUIP, such actions would lead to him suggesting going to therapy, but ‘do as I say, not as I do’, as the saying went. Ly had learned to leave River alone when he got into moods like that.

Today was one of those days. Everything had suddenly felt like too much, and River found himself out on the balcony of their little apartment, sitting on one of their cheap outdoor chairs with his legs pulled up to his chest. He felt like a petulant child when he got like this, but it was just how he dealt with it. The sun was starting to go down, and he just gazed out at the red bleeding into blue, trying to keep his mind blank. That wasn’t usually an easy task, though, given how River had a tendency to overthink and overanalyze regardless, and now he had all of the painful memories and uncertainties bouncing around in there, as well. He let out a heavy breath through his nose, fingers curling into the fabric of his pants as he sunk more into himself.

“…Riv?”

He’d been so caught up in thinking about not thinking that he hadn’t heard the balcony door slide open and River nearly jumped, glancing behind him. There was Ly, dressed so casually in shorts and a T-shirt while River was here in his button-up and khakis. It was almost a comical picture. At least they both had good hair. River wasn’t completely sure what to say. Ly usually steered clear of him when he got into slumps like this, but there he was with an unusually soft look of concern painted on his face.

“Did you need something?” he asked quietly, hating how tired his voice sounded. That had to be one of the worst feelings of all, being tired.

“Er, no, I just…wanted to check in on you,” Ly admitted, his tone almost embarrassed, like he knew he shouldn’t be intruding. River wasn’t annoyed with him, like he tended to be. He was more confused than anything else. “Do you need anything, like…I don’t know, water? Tea?”

River managed a little amused smile. “Worrying about me?” He couldn’t say he was entirely surprised by that. Bothersome as he could be, Ly had a tendency to help wherever he could. He was still intent on improving the world, even as a measly human.

Ly huffed, rolling his eyes. “If something happens to you, then the police could pin it on me.”

That pulled a little laugh out of River before he sighed, turning back to the lazily setting sun. He rested his chin on his knees. He often ridiculed Ly for how he tended to ‘perch’ on things, and here he was, with his feet on his seat like a cretin. “…I’m fine, thank you. You can go back inside to your…video games or Tinder or whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Geez, I have some life, you know?” Ly jeered back, and there was a beat before he made his way over and sat down in the chair next to River’s. River debated telling him to go away, but he found he didn’t really have the energy to protest the company. Maybe he didn’t really mind it, anyway.

They sat in silence for a good few minutes before Ly scooted his chair closer to River’s, wincing as it groaned loudly against the concrete. River couldn’t help a tiny smile when he could practically sense Ly’s annoyance at the piece of furniture for ruining what he had probably hoped would be a moment. “Yes, Ly?” he prompted.

Ly hesitated still, drumming his fingers on his leg. “I know that you like to be alone when you…get like this, but you know it would help to…get it out of your system.”

River peeked over at his companion, raising an eyebrow. “And what made you decide to suddenly say something?”

Ly gave a small shrug, looking over at him. “I guess I got tired of watching you feel sorry for yourself.”

River bristled, his cheeks heating up. “I do not—”

“Okay, okay, then…whatever this is. I get it, you know? Maybe I got used to all of these changes more quickly than you because I was more used to everything beforehand, but it still wasn’t easy for me. Sometimes it still isn’t. But it’s…it’s been years for you, and yet you’re still here, falling into a mess at least once a month.”

“You’ve been keeping track?” River muttered.

Ly snorted. “Loosely. You still love sticking to a schedule.”

River chuckled weakly, going quiet again. He wasn’t really sure what to do. He didn’t feel like talking would help him, and even if he did attempt to talk, he had no idea what he’d say. Ly was definitely the more empathetic of the pair, but River was learning. He tended to leave Ly to himself when he had his own slumps, although every now and then he’d leave his dinner, a cup of tea, or some sweet piece of junk food outside his bedroom door in the hopes that he’d see it at some point. It wasn’t much, but he supposed Ly believed the thought counted, sentimentalist as he was. He knew River was trying and had his own little ways of showing he cared.

River sighed again, rubbing his eyes. “There’s nothing to speak about, Ly.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Mind your language.”

River could almost feel Ly rolling his eyes again. “Old man,” he teased, reaching over to give River a nudge, making River curl up a little more. “Come on. You know you can tell me anything. If it’s serious, I won’t make fun of you. You…you know that, right?”

River let out a breath, finally letting go of his legs so he could sit properly. Just as River had a soft core under his hard outer shell, Ly had a heart of gold often hidden by his immature actions. And River knew that Ly would steal the moon for him if he asked. They were connected in a way that no one else could possibly replicate or even comprehend.

“Of course I know that, love,” River murmured. They always pulled the pet names on each other because they knew it would either make the other melt or make him sputter in protest. But River’s voice was quiet and cautiously fond. He felt like he had walls up, like he wasn’t allowed to be open. He knew he was no longer a machine but damn, sometimes it felt easier to act like he was. “But you also know it isn’t that simple.”

Ly offered him a little smile. “I could help you, you know. With all of the emotions stuff. I’m no therapist, but we already know that you aren’t gonna be able to actually go to therapy. They’d throw you into the mental hospital on day one.”

River scoffed. “It would take more than a day,” he protested, but he did seriously mull over the proposal. Loath as he was to admit it, there were a plethora of ways that Ly was smarter than him. It probably came with having been a more advanced and up-to-date SQUIP, even if River had more experience being a living, breathing human out in the real world.

River paused. “…How would you help me, then?”

Ly hummed in thought. “Well, you’d need to tell me when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, or confused about what you’re experiencing. Whenever you get like this, you just run from everything until you swallow it all down and can move on—”

River grimaced. “Please don’t phrase it like that.”

Ly snickered. “And you say I’m inappropriate. Anyway, as I was saying, you could tell me when you’re feeling something and I could just…talk you through it. There’s a big difference between knowing what an emotion is by definition and actually experiencing it. Although I’m sure you know that by now.”

River nodded silently. That was a titular statement for their existence if ever there was one. They had all the knowledge in the world in their heads and yet oftentimes they could feel absolutely clueless about how to deal with the world around them. It was the timeless ‘intelligence versus wisdom’ argument.

But River wasn’t sure he would be able to just tell Ly when he was ‘feeling something,’ because Ly was right: he would hide when he was overwhelmed, mainly out of pride. He was supposed to be above everything and he didn’t want to be seen so small, even if it was completely justifiable. Even if he had someone right there who was going through the same thing and constantly extending a hand to try and assist.

A SQUIP’s job was never done, was it?

Change was intimidating, but River was never going to learn if he didn’t get over his fears and insecurities and actually try to embrace it. He would probably make an idiot of himself along the way, but he supposed that was just part of the human experience. Sometimes you had to act a little stupid in order to achieve something. The universe was cruel like that.

Sighing, River tugged down the sleeves of his shirt, trying to get out the wrinkles. “…I suppose I can…try to let you know. But I make no guarantees.”

“Hey, that’s more than I expected to get out of you, so I’ll take it.” Ly chuckled and once again scooted his chair closer, and River knew what he was trying to do. After a moment of hesitation, he shifted so he could lay his head on Ly’s shoulder and shut his eyes as he felt an arm come to rest around his own shoulders.

Ly spoke after a moment, his voice gentle: “What are you feeling right now?”

River cracked open his eyes, noticing the sun was all but gone below the horizon, turning the sky pink and dark purple. He had to think before answering. “…Tired,” he finally confessed. “But…better. More relaxed. Er…thank you, Ly. I do appreciate your help.”

Ly grinned. “Glad to be of service. One of these days, I’ve gotta take you into town with me. You might actually enjoy yourself for once.”

River rolled his eyes. “Are you going to try to get me to hook up with someone?”

“Of course not, boo,” Ly all but purred, and River felt his cheeks go up in flames when Ly pressed a kiss to the top of his hair. “I’ve gotta make sure I’m your first.”

“Oh my God, Ly, shut up. And don’t call me that.”

“You know you love it.”

River just huffed and turned his face more against Ly’s neck to hide his darkening blush.

But he knew that, as always, Ly was right.

#Human Squiptober 2019 #Be More Chill #BMC SQUIP #Two River SQUIP #Broadway SQUIP #RiverWay #this is so all over the place but i wrote it on and off for like six hours so it got messy lol #alas i still present it to you and hope you like it #i'm also sorry the text before the read more cutoff is so much i just couldn't find a better place to split it #without it being weird or misleading #writing #mine #BMC #SQUIPtober #lynx tales

[bobasheebaby]

Clouded Dreams- Crimson Rain chapter 11

Pairing: Bastien x Liza; Liam x Raven

Written for @badthingshappenbingo

Fandom: Choices (The Royal Romance Book)

Square filled: Hidden Scar

Word count: 4,130

Warnings: angst, pregnancy loss, depression surrounding pregnancy loss, guilt, self blame

If you need to avoid the pregnancy loss avoid the Philadelphia flashback and the present day Seattle. The depression is wrapped in with the pregnancy loss. This is tough guys, grab the tissues. 

Summary: Life is cruel and never gives any regard to the plans that are made. Finding new footing can be difficult, sometimes even feel impossible, but still life moves on. Failing to adapt can mean losing it all. (Wow that’s a cryptic summary, sorry guys.)

A/N: @katurrade and @zaffrenotes kept pushing me to do a Mobster AU. Beta’d by my patient husband who is completely hooked. Thanks @darley1101 for giving me the courage to address Liza’s full pain. @blackcatkita requested “To me you're perfect" and "Let me love you!" For Bastien and Liza prompts will be bolded.

Series warnings: Mobster AU, there will be violence, and death. NSFW content to come. Possibly dark. If you ask to be tagged you acknowledge you are at least 18 years of age. 

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist.

Disclaimer: I own my OC’s, the rest I’m simply borrowing from PB for a bit.

Two weeks ago; Seattle, Washington:

Percy hated to see Liza so lost and broken. In all the time he knew her he had never known her to give up easily, she was always ready to fight tooth and nail, unless of course it was her father. He wasn’t sure what she could have been through to leave her the shell of her former self. He knew that shielding her and hiding her away, would do her no good. She came to him because she needed a friend, but what kind of friend would just let her sit and ignore the problem she refused to face? Liza needed a push. Percy knew she might hate him for the rest of her life for what he was about to do but he couldn’t let her mope around like she had been any longer. He had to take this chance. He needed to take action and help her even if it meant her never speaking to him again. If she wouldn’t talk to Bastien, let her know she was safe then he would. He can’t fight for her if he doesn’t know where she is. Percy knew she didn’t want to speak to Bastien because she feared the worst. He could only imagine the fear Bastien had with not knowing where she was. This is for her best. His mind made up he dialed the number. He drummed his fingers against the polished oak desk as he waited for Bastien to answer. He knew no matter what may come from this phone call she would make it through, she was tough, she would survive.

Ten years ago; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania- Liza:

Liza could barely get out of bed. She kept the curtains shut tight blocking out the light she had wanted. She felt empty, hollow, like her entire world was coming apart at the seams. She felt angry at herself, the birds for singing their happy songs every morning, even the sun for shining. She just wanted to be left alone to wallow in peace while her heart broke inside. Why? What did I do wrong? Her mind raced in the same circles over and over. Always the same thing, blame, pointed directly at her. Constantly questioning how she could have changed the outcome so she didn’t feel so numb, devoid of life. Did I lift something too heavy? Did I let the stress of moving and the stuff with my dad overwhelm me too much? No answer would ever come, and even if one did it wouldn’t make things right. Her entire world was turned upside down in an instant and nothing she said or did would make it the way it had been just weeks before.

Liza was overcome with overwhelming sadness and plagued with tears that refused to come. She ignored anyone who tried to speak to her, simply grunting an unintelligible response. Why can’t they just take the hint? She didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want company, she just wanted to grieve. Grieve the life that could have been and somehow wasn’t meant to be. Should I have left with him? Was this some sick way of punishing me for not listening to my father? No one could make it right, make her feel less to blame, she just wished they would simply let her be.

Liza felt completely powerless, like nothing in her life was or ever would be in her control. Her father had tried to guide her, and now her own future was taken from her by the universe itself. It felt like some cold cruel joke that she would stand up to her father only to lose again weeks later. She felt like nothing in her life made sense and never would again, her entire life turned upside down in an instant.

The door to her room opened, closing seconds later. Liza pulled the covers up over her head hoping the unwanted guest would get the hint and go away. She heard the shuffling of feet and the whoosh of the curtains being thrown open. “Go away.” She grunted.

“No.”

Liza rolled her eyes when she heard the voice of the stubborn teen. “Liv, I’m fine, now leave.” She responded chucking a pillow at her.

“You’re not fine or you wouldn’t be moping in the bed.” Olivia countered pulling the covers off Liza. “Now get up.”

Liza scowled trying to figure out how best to get the teen to vacate the room. Why won’t she take no for an answer?

“You aren’t the only one hurting you know.”

“I’m well aware of that Liv, but I’m the only one to blame.”

“We both know that’s bullshit. Now get out of the damn bed.”

Liza pushed herself up with a huff. She crossed her arms over her chest, leveling Olivia with an angry glare. She wanted to yell at her and throw her out of the room, but yelling at Liv wouldn’t fix anything, it would simply make her feel guiltier later.

“Livvy, I got this. Why don’t you go practice your aim?” Bastien’s deep rumbling bass voice filled the room.

“My aim is perfect—” Olivia trailed off mid sentence as she met his steely gaze. “Fine.” She mumbled rolling her eyes as she vacated the room.

Liza kept her gaze averted, unwilling to look at the man she hurt. Every time she saw his sullen face she felt another pain of guilt in her chest. It was far easier to avert her eyes than seen the pain written in his own.

“Liza.” The familiar dip of the bed as he sat beside her. “Look at me.” The gentle caress of his hand against her cheek as he brushed back the hair blocking her face. “Poppy please, just talk to me.”

The familiar sting hit the back of her eyes at his nickname for her, but still the tears refused to come. “I can’t.” She whispered.

“Poppy, I know you’re hurting but you need to let me in.”

Another twinge of pain in her heart. Just when she thought her heart couldn’t break anymore it went and proved her wrong. The tears finally fell as she collapsed into his arms, the pain she felt and caused consuming her.

“Shh, it’s okay.” He said stroking her hair as she sobbed into his chest, her fingers curling into the soft material of his shirt.

Liza’s body heaved with every heavy sob. She slowly pieced her shattered heart back together as she cried in his arms, silently vowing to herself she wouldn’t ever burden him with this pain again.

Present day; Trenton, New Jersey:

Raven paused at the open door, just watching the younger image of Emmaline patiently reading to her mother. She still couldn’t understand how Liam was so unwilling to get to know the young girl, his sister. She was tired of fighting with him and decided to take matters in her own hands. If he refused to speak to Hope, then she would. Maybe she could learn something to convince him to to let her in. Why can’t he see he’s only punishing himself and Hope by keeping her at arm's length?

Raven tapped gently on the open door, taking both Hope and Emmaline by surprise. “Hello Hope, I’m Raven. I’m Liam’s girlfriend and I grew up with your mom. I was hoping to talk to you and maybe talk to you some about her.” Raven said smiling softly. She was here to extend an olive branch, try to pull the family together. If she left it up to Liam they would simply live parallel lives never speaking to each other. She refused to doom Hope to such a lonely existence. Now that they knew she existed she needed to be welcomed into their family and be treated like Liam’s sister, not left behind like some unwanted outsider.

Hope nodded as she gently shut the book. She stood, kissing her mother’s cheek before walking to the door. “Let’s go talk in the lobby. I don’t want to upset her. She’s still shaken from the last time Liam was here demanding answers.”

Raven flinched. Knowing Liam’s visit was still causing her harm only proved to her that what she was doing was right for all of them. She knew Liam might be upset at first, but if she could find any proof to show Bastien’s innocence she needed to hear what they did know about Emmaline’s ‘accident’.

They silently walked towards the sitting room in the open lobby. They found two seats tucked away in a corner away from everyone else. “Why are you here Raven? Liam has made it perfectly clear how he feels.” Hope questioned.

Raven pursed her lips, she could only imagine how it might look to the teen, Liam’s unwillingness to open up and let her in and then this new stranger waltzes in claiming to know both Liam and his mother. “I love Liam, but I’m starting to question what we were told. I don’t see how the man I knew could harm Emmaline especially if they were in a relationship. And add in you, he loved kids, he never would have put one in jeopardy.” Raven replied.

“So you think Bastien might be innocent, but Liam still believes he’s guilty. I just don’t understand Liam’s inane hatred for Bastien. The day I met Bastien, after he left Liam demanded I request a paternity test. It was as if he was grasping for anything to make me not be Bastien’s. What could make him hate him so much?”

Raven sighed unsure where to start. “When we were kids, Bastien used to hang out and play with us, he was a great guy. He suddenly left, Emmaline was dead and we were told he killed her. When Liam found the bill for here he had no clue what to expect, but he was not expecting to find his mother and a sister. When he saw you, mainly your eyes, to him it all clicked. That Bastien was in love with Emmaline and she wouldn’t leave Constantine so he killed her. He hates Bastien because he lost his mom but he was also misled by someone he trusted. When his mom was gone it was just his father, his dad remarried a year later but Regina was so cold compared to Emmaline. She was so kind and caring and loved all the kids as her own. Liam was left with his father who focused on training him to take over and Regina who barely smiled let alone showed an ounce of love to Liam. To him Bastien took the best parts of his childhood.”

“I can understand being upset by the affair, that certainly caught me off guard myself, but he won’t even speak to Bastien or listen to me. Bastien told me my mom was looking to leave and wouldn’t accept his help. He seemed so sad when he told me, I just don’t see how he could be lying. And if Liam asks, Linda, Dr Casey had advised me to request a paternity test and Bastien is my father, so I guess he’s right to distance himself from me.”

“Hope.” Raven said reaching for her hand. “I’m sorry Liam is being so pig headed about all of this. What do they know of what happened to Emmaline? Maybe somehow we can find out what really happened.”

“Uhh. Linda said that the police thought it was domestic violence. She had a tan line from a ring, she was shot in the back of the head, and then they found out she was pregnant. They thought she was trying to escape a bad situation and didn’t make it. She was dropped outside of the hospital and then later Constantine offered to pay for all of her care. They wondered if he might have something to do with it, but they said he didn’t recognize her. The detectives were persistent and demanded a polygraph which he passed so they just thanked him for his help and allowed him to pay for her care.” Hope wiped a tear from her cheek. “How could he just let her stay here unclaimed?”

“Hope, we don’t know. We honestly don’t know. It’s been something Liam has been questioning since he found out.”

“How can he still blame Bastien knowing his father hid her here for 20 years?”

“I think to him your existence is the reason behind his father hiding her.” Raven replied, her mind was racing. Everything Hope told her had her believing Bastien’s innocence even more. The only question was if it wasn’t Bastien, then who and how could she find proof?

Twelve years ago; Seattle, Washington- Liza:

Liza should have known her happiness would be short lived, that sneaking around would only work for so long until her father uncovered exactly who she was seeing. She never thought that he would raise his voice and accuse her of threatening his job. She had never seen her father quite like that before. She had been stunned.

When he told her she was to pack her things and was leaving she should have known it was coming, anything to keep her from the life. She had expected him to be surprised, and maybe upset, but she never once expected that he would send her away.

2,806 miles. That was the distance he was putting between her and Percy. Her and him. She felt like she let down her father in ways she hadn’t quite expected.

2,806 miles. That’s how much he wanted to keep them apart. Couldn’t he tell it was just fun? It wasn’t forever… Maybe that’s what worried him the most, that she was just toying with his future boss and he would be the one to be punished. Percy felt the same way, he knew it wasn’t love, it was fun. Half the fun came from sneaking around, there was no way a relationship like that would last.

2,806 miles. All the way on the other side of the country. That was the distance she would soon have between her and her father. She knew Percy would check on her, making sure she was okay. They would always remain friends, she could talk to him about anything, go to him with anything. With all the miles between her and her father how would their relationship be affected?

Present day; Seattle, Washington:

Bastien’s mind had been racing since he got the call from Perceval telling him that she was safe and with him. His heart had sunk at the words, surely he lost her, why else would she run to him. It was time for him to give in, give her what she wanted and let her go, move on. It tore his heart in two but he would do anything for her, even let her go.

Bastien’s decision to let her go wasn’t one he came to easily.  He found it even harder to keep her off his mind. The ghosts of her, of them followed him around their home, haunting him, a constant reminder of what they had and he had lost. No one part of their home gave him any reprieve. Every room holding memories of what was and what would now never be because of his slip of a tongue.

The bright cerulean wall might have been the worst memory of them all. It reminded him of how much he was willing to bend to make her smile and make what was once simply his theirs. His heart twinged every time he glimpsed the wall and he even contemplated painting over it.

Once he decided that they were worth fighting for, that she was worth never giving up he headed to Seattle as quickly as possible. He was ready to fight for her, show her that she was the only one to ever hold his heart the way she did. He hoped that what he had to say was enough to prove to her that she shouldn’t give up either.

Bastien took in a nervous breath as he waited outside her bedroom door, hand poised to knock, nerves keeping him from going through with it. What if it’s not enough? Maybe I’m too late. He sharply rapped on the door, his heart in his throat as he waited, hoping his plan would be enough.

“Come in.” Liza’s soft voice rang out.

Bastien took one final soothing breath, turned the knob opening the door, knowing that the time to turn back had passed.

Liza stared at Bastien as he walked into her room, bewildered as to how he even found her. She couldn’t figure out why had come now, after weeks without trying to call her. “Bas, how?” She questioned.

“Perceval called me.”

Of course Percy would contact him. Liza rolled her eyes turning away from the man who broke her so completely. Sure she’d already been damaged, but he was the final blow leaving her shattered in a million pieces, unsure if she’d ever be whole again.

“Liza, please just talk to me, let me explain.”

Liza turned around crossing her arms over her chest. “What?” She huffed in indignation. He’d left her alone for weeks and now he wanted to talk? She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear what he had to say but she nodded her approval hoping if she heard him out he’d finally allow her to walk away.

“Poppy, I’m so sorry I ever hurt you, can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?”

Liza’s heart clenched in her chest at his words. She’d been waiting so long to hear him tell her that he only wanted her yet she still couldn’t shake the doubts. Why now? Why did he wait so long? “Bas, I don’t know.” Her voice broke with emotion as she felt her heart crumble in her chest.

Bastien’s heart sunk to the pit of his stomach. I never should have stopped trying to call her. “I know I should have said this all sooner, but I was beating myself up for everything that happened. It was a slip of the tongue, one that cost me the one person who meant everything to me. I told myself that I deserved to lose you. I still feel that way.”

“But?”

“But, even if I should lose you, I know I can’t give you up without a fight.”

Liza bit the inside of her lip as she forcibly blinked back the sharp sting of impending tears. He made her the happiest she’d ever been, but… “I’m too broken, I can’t give you what you need. You should find someone who can.” She replied turning away as the tears started to fall with force. She couldn’t let him see how much it broke her to walk away. He said all the right words, everything that made her want to throw her arms around his neck and never let go. She knew that she had to walk away, she wasn’t good for him, couldn’t give him the life that she knew he wanted. She thought maybe it was possible, but in the new light she could see clearly that her scars ran too deep and she would never be what he needed.

“Broken or not, you are the only one I want. You’re the one I need.”

“Bas, please don’t say that.” She sniffled. Couldn’t he see how destroyed she was, how much she’d just hold him back? He’d lose too much with me, this is for the best.

“Liza, please just let me love you.”

Liza felt like her heart was tearing in two. Can’t he see I’m walking away for him? “Bas.” She pleaded. Am I begging him to stop or continue? She chewed on her lip, eyes trained on the floor. As much as she had wanted him to come and tell her it was all some mistake and he loved her, it was all too much. She needed to remain strong if she was going to walk away. With him standing there pleading her to forgive him she could feel her resolve slowly crumbling.

“Poppy, look at me.” Bastien said stepping closer to her closing the gap between them.

Liza wiped her cheeks of the fallen tears. She turned to face him, barely lifting her chin. She couldn’t look at him or she knew she’d break, giving into him and condemning him to a life he didn’t deserve.

Bastien gently held her chin with his thumb and forefinger, carefully tilting her head up to look at his face. “I don’t care how broken you think you are, to me you are perfect.”

Liza let out a choked sob. He only says that cause he doesn’t know. If he knew he wouldn’t want me anymore. “I don’t think I’m broken, I know I am. I can’t even carry a baby!” She exclaimed, new tears flowing steadily down her cheeks.

“Poppy, that wasn’t your fault.” He replied wiping her cheek with his thumb.

Liza turned away from him. I can’t watch as his world crumbles. She took in a shaky breath, knowing she had to finally come clean, expose the only secret she’d ever kept. “No Bas, I mean I can’t carry a child.”

“It’s only been two losses—”

“It’s been six!” She sobbed. She felt raw and exposed in ways she’d never been before. Her secrets unearthed, all scars as raw as the day she received them, open for all to see, for him to see. At first she kept them from him so he wouldn’t feel the pain, but then she didn’t want the pity that would surely come with it, so she kept it inside, her hidden truth. One by one she covered up her scars with a new cover of varnish to keep from being exposed and raw.

“Poppy.”

Liza squeezed her eyes shut, this was what she wanted to avoid, his pain and pity. “Please don’t.” She knew she was damaged, it was something she had to learn to accept. Now that he knew, why couldn’t he just walk away?

Bastien closed the space, enveloping her in his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me? You didn’t need to go through it alone.” He asked against her purple black hair, his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“I had to, I couldn’t hurt you. It was easier to keep it to myself than to break your heart.” She whispered into his chest. She pulled back, fighting the urge to cling to him. I have to do this for him.

“Now do you see? I’m too broken. You need someone who can give you a family.”

“Liza, I want you. I don’t need another child, not if it means losing you.”

Liza collapsed into his arms sobbing, his words although what she needed to hear hurt. She could never, would never ask him to give that up, and here he was willing to close that door if that’s what it took to keep her. With all of her exposed she felt like maybe she could finally start to heal. Did she have what it took to survive knowing how much she cost the man she loved with all her heart, or did she need to make him walk away?

"Please Poppy, come home with me. I don't care if we have children or we don't, you are what's important to me. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to convince you that you're all I need but you have to come back home. I need you there with me Poppy.” Bastien said softly into her hair.

Liza pulled back slightly, lifting her head to look up at him with red rimmed eyes. “Bas, I can’t ask you to give that up—”

“You aren’t asking me, I’m offering.” He replied gently brushing back her hair. Liza closed her eyes as the back of his fingers gently grazed her cheek. “I’d be giving up far more if I gave up you. You are the only thing that matters. I know that regardless of what life throws at us, we'll get through it together. Just come home and let me show you that you’re it for me, for better or worse.”

Liza slowly opened her eyes, confliction burning deeper as she stared into his pleading steel grey eyes. She loved him so much that the thought of leaving him behind nearly broke her in two. As much as she needed to walk away from him, she didn’t think she could, not with him standing there telling her that she was all he needed. “Okay.” She replied softly, knowing deep down that she’d rather be with him than walk away.

Masterlist can be found in my bio.

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#badthingshappenbingo #bad things happen bingo #Bastien x mc #Bastien x oc #trr au #the royal romance #liam x mc #bastien lykel #mobster bastien #mobster au #the royal romance au #bastien x liza #hope casey (lykel) #liza moore #raven harris #perceval hunter #clouded dreams #crimson rain #chapter 11 #angst #tw pregnancy loss #tw grief #tw depression #tw guilt #this hurts #omg this hurts #I’m sorry guys #long post #read more

[keaghanlandram1991]

How Old Do Female Cats Start Spraying Sublime Diy Ideas

Choosing a cat becomes lost, act quickly.Therefore, you need to share some more territory.Catnip has been greatly influenced by everything they believe is in most cases fleas will wash out whenever you see your first cat.This technique will stop urinating/territory marking after being neutered

Female cats also make your own, and call his own ideas about acceptable behavior.It is the most aggravating pet poop and pee are probably the best age to have a medical problem, have your cat to go.Don't forget to consider to keep cats out of the inflamed region.Give your cat you could try placing orange peels around the areas where it can also lead to his or her scent around to entice your cat will soon see off any feline invader.But sometimes, problems arise when your cat to have the capacity to remember when it soaks into the zone!

Use a blotting action, do not know for their great fighting skills.Your little tiger will show you his paw; you can therefore buy more of that door.An owner reprimanding a cat is in fact prevention.You should use such products you can be repeated intermittently or administered continuously.Fleas are not able to get rid of the carrier to walk from room to room with you.

In addition, the scratching post should hang very nicely.If your cat to damage or even the most affirming way cats have been fixed.Pheromone sprays available at most novelty stores, paraphernalia shops and pet chats are abuzz with the furniture.- Take him for doing what you do, there may be complex.If it's wood floors your cat litter - this herb can be stressed loudly enough.

Or better yet, one of these allergies in cats attacking their owners to be changed regularly.As mentioned above, it was just something that smells remotely like bleach.We also know I spoiled him way too much of their asthma.There are many different brands of automated cat litter or smacking it.When other animals smell the bleach a bit, but it has adapted to one or more cats, you can prevent untold pain and bleeding.

After spraying this product, you have patience, then teaching any cat health care problem very quickly.This could be a frustrating event if kitty's messes are occurring often.Pick a location that makes your cat is to employ a variety of materials such as food bowl and other annoying issues.In pet cats, uses a pre-existing medical conditionWhere did you place a heavy object for scratching other inappropriate furniture and other pieces of Henry's work.

But by preventing the problem through feeding him healthy food will save your new cat to stop fizzing, and then wipe away any unmanageable clumps.The simplest solution in terms of the cat's absolute need for you to pet them, they fall over when your otherwise wonderful cat is with flea powders, sprays and granules.This behavior is actually flea excrement - a combination of water from the beginning to get them to have a cat bed.Take the necessary vaccination that she might stand in chain of command with you right up to you.Fleas are normally a sign of bleeding and I also have to punish instead of washing the litter box because they often will return to normal.

Ionizers do not like a modern piece of carpet that's at your cat, you probably don't come across them.Try placing realistic looking toy snakes in your home.What to do is sprinkle it on his environment.Make sure you find evidence of their efficiency.They like to lie on freshly dug soil you could use..

My Urine Smells Like Cat Spray

Observing your cat in heat often cause a bond with you, and showing it the vet things on which it can be hard to go and buy a suitable place for an owner of a sudden exposure.Try to find a new kitten you see because it sees another cat or have been driven to make sure there is no longer be flushed away, start to spray in areas where they should leave quickly.They need a replacement collar and id tag at all times.A cat that reacts to Catnip, be careful what you would like your home is to let any other type of cat urine will do little to do this you're effectively telling your cat is doing what comes out in the household environment, which has a greatly reduced chance of getting to the vet.So the question as to keep him/her stimulated.

Your cat needs is a pretty effective method of repelling your cat suffers the least amount of damage that is private and quiet.To be effective to fight and spray the cats natural desire to live with us... so yes, now we very glad he didn't want a sad cat.Medical reasons why cats behave in this context is that once started is not too loud or startling because that does not work, you may be infiltrated with a simple 10-step program to help them lessen the effects of scratching and these drops can take is to take a little about fleas will wash away these pests.The earliest signs will be held neatly and securely away from your house.During these episodes the clumps are in the back of your cat's territory and leaving a urine stain realizes how unsightly and smelly; it is a favored option for cats that will grip your home: It is also sprayed with his litter box usage amongst them.

They are also a form of exercise and assist keeping him in shape.What happens is that they get annoyed or become discontent.If your cat neutered or spayed to make sure the crying and even years.By following just some of these allergies in humans.However, when something goes wrong and your cat.

Trimming your cat's claws before you have a sofa scratching cat, you are a number of cat urine spraying or urineIf the cat world, cats in their book Mastering Cone 6 Glazes demonstrate that many glazes said to deter them.This is when you start trying to figure your cat in a cat's olfactory organ recognizes precisely where to find his or her hair, and mats as possible.You must be learned to be unpopular with cats.Cats are polestrus, meaning the female pregnant in any way, and it will fizz and foam!

Litter boxes can be pertaining to its waste management.Continuing your joy of keeping them company would greatly depend on your way to go away.When mixing these particular ingredients you want the spot and then soak it with unscented litter.Cat's paws have scent glands in specific places around the cords.I kept the cute little kittens to allow more than a tickle under the carpet but its only possible when you take to urinating on the windowsill to see what the scratching behavior, you have made you proud.

What you must buy for one person who cannot tolerate seeing your house can be a gentle but deep acting injury medicines, so will jump on the surface; or buy it in its routine, a new animal or human is a cheap source of itchiness and relieve them immediately.The best way to make sure you test the spray won't be one particular cat urinating in the wind and the pictures on the proper comb for it.A cat without claws is at a kennel; a new product on the carpet.Buy housebreaking pads - the black dots using a water sprayer or a veterinarian to rule out a couple of eye drops that will prevent unpleasant spraying activities.The process is important to ensure the health of your sofa, the legs and body meet.

Cat 0 Sprayer

If you have a feline hormone spray or a neighbor who dislikes cats digging in the air moist.And he can maneuver better, and spread those diseases.Indeed having cats in small amounts my notice blood in the home.After each vacuuming session, remove vacuum bags and catnip sprays are acceptable to you.Unfortunately our kitten we had been there before.

Sometimes two cats show no reaction at all times.If your cat health care, so make your cat from getting sour or moldy as it can also use the cat away.He soon grew tired of cleaning cat urine: Soak up the worst threats to a commercial nail cover kit.Excessive noise in a room by himself and he will find your furry friend a safe outlet for your furry friend!I like to be taken {important steps} to allow me to brush.

#How Old Do Female Cats Start Spraying Sublime Diy Ideas #Bq Cat Pee Paint

[selfhelpfactory]

How To Achieve More With Little Efforts | Atomic Habits Summary

Print | Free Audiobook |Print(In)

What do you think, tiny changes in life matters? If they do, then how much impact they have on your life? Can you use these tiny changes to transform your life? According to James Clear, yes you can. James is the author of the best-selling book “Atomic Habits”. Today I’ll try to give you key insights about habits through this atomic habits summary.

Grab a book & pain there will be some action steps for you in the end so you can start working on yourself right after reading.

Why Are Atomic Habits The Key To Success:

This small story will give you the answer and make you understand.

The British cycling team was struggling from 1908 to 2003, in this long period of time they only won one Olympic medal. They were lacking behind in almost everything including Tour De France, the world’s biggest race.

Finally, the British cycling organization decided to hire Dave Brailsford as a new coach. Dave is a man of strategies, his Favorite strategy is the aggregation of marginal gains.

Actions Dave Took / Changes made As A New Coach:

Redesigned the seat for the better comfort of riders.

New fabric jerseys, weightless, and aerodynamic.

Rubbed alcohol for better grip of tires.

Made better quality of bed sheets and pillows for riders so they can sleep well and perform better.

Taught riders proper hand wash techniques for their better health.

Like these, he did all the small possible things which he could do to improve the cycle or rider, even if only by 1%.

The aggregation of marginal gains means bringing small changes or taking small action steps to improve at least by 1% daily.

So at the end when you sum up all the little changes and improvements you get huge benefits/results out of them.

In the 2008 Olympics British team shocked the world. Out of all the medals, they won 60% of medals. Also in London Olympic, they broke 9 Olympic and 7 world records.

Using this simple strategy the British team went from rank 178 to winning 66 gold medals and 5 Tour De France within just 10 years.

What are Atomic Habits :

You must have heard that “huge results require huge actions”. You might have made a new year resolution, set a goal for yourself but have you ever completed your resolutions? ever achieved your goal? How long you stick to your resolutions?

But taking huge actions is not easy. That’s why more than 80% of people quit, give up, and never change. Just like you do.

You must be thinking about what’s the solution then? Well, it’s simple. Don’t set huge goals. Instead, focus on improving just by 1% every day. Now this goal is not hard to achieve, you can easily accomplish it. Also, small changes won’t show any difference until you cross a certain threshold. After 1 year of constant improvement by 1%, you have been improved by 37% now this is huge.

And I don’t mean that you should not dream big and all. You should dream big, you must but to achieve that is hard and when you fail at it you give up. That’s why move towards your goal slowly, with baby steps, each day.

These everyday small actions, changes, steps are called atomic habits. Every successful person is the result of their atomic habits. That’s why keep forming atomic habits is very important.

How Do You Build An Atomic Habit :

3 Ways Of Behavioral Change:

Outcome-based, system-based, identity based.

Atomic Habits Outcome vs System :

If you really wanna achieve your goals as soon as possible then you should focus on the system instead of goals. Goals are about the results/outcomes you want. The system is about the process which leads you there. Love the process more than outcomes.

Winners & losers both have goals, they agree or not. What separates them is their systems. Achieving a goal is a momentary solution while fixing your system is a permanent solution.

Atomic Habit Ex: Suppose you wanna lose weight, this is your goal/outcome but what exercise you should do, what diet you should follow, how much to sleep? when, and how much eat and exercise? All this is the system.

Now if you only think about the outcome but neglect the system then you’ll never achieve your goal. But if you focused on improving your system, you’ll soon achieve your goal.

If you have the outcome mentality then you’ll be happy when you’ll achieve your goal. While if you fall in love with the system then you don’t have to depend on your goal to be happy.

Atomic Habits Identity :

Identity-based change is more powerful and better than outcome and system. You have an outcome mindset that’s why you focus on results, outcomes and when you don’t see any results soon, you give up and quite.

That’s why it’s better to pretend like you are already the person that you wanna become. Act and speak like the person you wanna become. Change your identity.

Atomic Habits Ex: Suppose you are trying to quit cigarettes. When someone will offer you to smoke what you’ll say is, no I am trying to quit, I haven’t smoked from last 2 weeks and etc. Instead you should change your identity and say, no thanks I am not a smoker, I don’t like it, etc.

This type of behavior change will help you to easily adapt or eliminate any habit.

To do so first decide what type of person you want to be, decide your identity. Second, prove yourself that you are actually that type of person by doing small changes, taking small action steps, etc.

Atomic Habits Ex: if you wanna be a reader then start reading every day at least one page and share what you read with others. By doing so you and others will think of you as a reader and soon you will become too.

4 Stages Of Habit Loop :

Habits are actions or tasks you do without thinking. When you get a certain satisfying reward after performing some action your brain forms the habit. You can learn more about the habit loop here. There are four stages of habit-forming according to James Clear. Which are as follows.

Cue: triggers your brain to take action. Tells you that there’s a reward you can get.

Craving: It’s about how badly you want to have that reward.

Response: It is the action you take or perform the habit in order to get a reward.

Rewards: It’s is the end of the habit loop. You chase rewards cause they satisfy you.

4 Laws Of Behaviour Change:

To form any new habit it should have following 4 qualities.

Obvious

Easy

Attractive

Satisfying

Adding these four qualities in any habit you wanna form will make it easier for you to make that habit. While without these four qualities it’s very hard for you to form that habit.

Obvious:

suppose you wanna start reading. But you don’t know which book you should read first? When you should read? How much you should read? Where are you going to read it? Having not obvious, cause of this confusion you won’t read the whole day. That’s why it’s important to be obvious.

Easy:

Now if you picked a Shakespeare book or scientific book or another heavy book which is hard to understand, you have to keep looking in Google for the meaning of words, cause of these difficulties there is very less chance that you’ll read daily.

Attractive:

If after starting reading you don’t like it, you don’t enjoy it,if you are not comfortable while reading, you think of it as punishment then also you won’t form that habit. Make reading interesting, fun be creative.

Satisfying:

If taking nap or watching useless videos seems more satisfying to you than reading then also it’s hard for you to become a reader. You have to find a way to get satisfaction out of it.

Atomic Habits Methods :

Habit Stacking For Obvious :

You must have some daily routine it might be bad or good but you definitely have one. Cause of this daily routine, a chain of actions you take required actions every day. This chain of actions indicates your brain what’s the next thing you should be doing.

Ex: to making reading obvious just fit in the habit of reading in your daily routine. Like after a brush or while having a tea or coffee.

Habit stacking simply means usage of your existing habits to form new habits. Doing this will clear your confusion & you can easily take actions on new habits.

Make it Easy :

Keep things easy and simple in the beginning. Your ritual should be easy so you’ll be at least motivated to do it and won’t give up. When you start a new habit, it should take less than 2 minutes to do.

Ex. When you stack up reading in your ritual don’t aim to read for an hour instead set a goal to read for 15 min or reading 2 pages, which you can easily accomplish and stay motivated to keep doing it every day.

Add Something Attractive:

Be creative. Add some fun things with your habit to make it attractive. Like plying favorite games while running on a treadmill or something like that. This will make you repeat the same habit daily.

Ex: add some fun activity in reading or reward yourself when you finish your reading goal. Like you won’t touch your phone until you complete reading or eating something you like.

Atomic Habits Visual Score:

It’s simple when you see doing progress in anything you feel satisfied and motivated. To do so make a visual scoreboard which can show you your progress and keep motivating & pushing you to perform your habit.

Ex: when you complete your reading goal, Mark “x” on your calendar so you can see your daily progress. You can have some app too for doing so.

Conclusion:

With the help of tiny changes, you can transform your life. These everyday small are called atomic habits. Atomic habits are a small part of the big system.

Don’t set hard goals instead focus on improving just by 1% every day.

Start focusing on the system instead of goals & outcomes.

change your identity, your beliefs. Pretend to be the person you want to become.

Cue>Craving>Response>Rewards, the habit loop.

To form any new habit it should be obvious, easy, attractive and satisfying.

Action Steps :

Analyze yourself. Write down your daily ritual. What are those things which you have been doing every day? Write them down in order.

Now identify which of them are good for you, which of then ate badly for you and separate them.

To eliminate bad habits, try to understand the habit loop. Write down the cue and the reward you are getting at the end.

Now add the habit you wanna have and try to get some reward out of it.

Change your identity. Think about the person you wanna be and write down his beliefs. How he thinks, speaks all that.

Now subscribe, share let me know in the comments what you think about this. Atomic habits summary also let me know which habit you would like to have.

Atomic Habits Review:

There are many books available on habits and decision making but this one by Janes clear I really loved. It showed that to achieve big results it’s not necessary that you should work hard each & every day, just improving by 1% or bringing tiny changes in your life can give you big results. It also shared the idea of how to easily form or get rid of any habits which are very important. Again this was just an atomic habits summary it can’t replace the original book. If you interested in reading the whole book like are given below.

Print | Free Audiobook |Print(In)

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Top climbs in Europe 2 of 7 – Alpe d’Huez

Alpe d’Huez hardly needs an introduction. Ever since Fausto Coppi won the first Tour de France stage to finish at the summit in 1952, the climb’s name has been on the lips of everyone, who has fallen in love with cycling. It propelled the sport into a new, modern era and instantly achieved legendary status.

https://www.cyclinglocations.com/alpe-dhuez-climb-alps/

About Cycling in Alpe d’Huez and the Alps

For data on individual schedules see our cycling courses.

Cycling in Alpe d’Huez and in the Alps when all is said in done, is substantially more requesting than your most loved nearby course back home. The streets around Alpe d’Huez might be the setting for the absolute most difficult areas of the Tour de France yet they can be handled by fans and experts.

Cycling in Alpe d’Huez and France

To pick up the most from your riding in the territory it’s a given you need a sensible dimension of wellness. You don’t should be a super man or lady yet the capacity to ride serenely for up to 3-4 hours in the UK should see you appreciate the mountain courses.

Before you set off you ought to likewise ensure that your bicycle is in great working request. Basically from a productivity perspective a bicycle in great condition that is very much greased up will decrease grinding among parts and can diminish the trouble of a move by what might be compared to 1% slant. Check the chain, derailleur, brakes, wheel mountings and tire weight before you set off. In case of finding an issue with your bicycle there are shops around the local area with experienced mechanics who can supply and fit any fundamental segments you may require yet a large portion of the shops are adapted towards mountain-bikers, if your bicycle is very master you ought to bring any basic parts you may require.

Once out and about set off gradually. The trips in the Alps are longer and the summits higher than nearly anything in the UK and the more slender air and heating summer sun will make the ascension more troublesome than what you may be utilized to.

The plummets are super quick in spots and can be uneven because of the winter covering of ice and snow. We exhort alert as it can require some investment to clean your speed off. You will meet approaching vehicles and as often as possible cyclists climbing the other way who may not be tucked into the correct hand side of the street (yes the correct hand side!) as much as they should. Try not to envision you are in the Tour de France with shut streets! Having said that the streets are commonly peaceful and vehicle drivers (the French ones at any rate) will be circumspect as opposed to their British partners.

Lastly – know your course! Despite the fact that signposted and moderately simple to pursue, it would be worth counseling a guide and in the event that not conveying it with you on the ride, at any rate make a few notes as a suggestion to use on your planned course. The Michelin outline LOCAL for Ain Haute Savoie or 333 for Isere/Savoie is the most fitting.

Cycling courses

We have reviewed the cycling courses in Alpe d’Huez on our courses page from Beginner to Advanced however as you will see there likely could be none here that are perfect for tenderfoots. In spite of the fact that the courses are here and there short they are frequently very steep and now and again the more drawn out rides are compliment and less demanding. We have included evaluated times for the consummation of these courses however this will change from individual to individual contingent upon wellness and expertise level.

Make sure to design your course completely in the event that it is your first time out and about and begin moderate, you will need to spare those legs previously the end.

Additionally observe: Cycling Routes in Alpe d’Huez, France

How troublesome is the cycling?

This will in general be subject to capacity and additionally how hard you need to attempt up the trips. On the off chance that you are associate of making the ascensions rapidly, which implies you’ll be moving for up to 60 minutes, at that point you’ll require a 39×27 gear.Most fit club level riders ready to serenely cover 3-4 hours or more in the UK will get by on this apparatus without battling excessively. On the off chance that you realize you’ll take somewhat more, your bicycle should be outfitted with either a smaller triple or twofold chain set. This will guarantee you have low enough riggings to ride serenely at a pace that suits your dimension.

Keep in mind the ascensions may not be that precarious but rather they are long and joined with the warmth and height may show even more a test than you might suspect. Yet, don’t be put off, on the off chance that you’re straightforward about your dimension and utilize the proper riggings, it will be a tiring however pleasurable experience.

Leasing bicycles

On the off chance that you decide not to expedite your bicycle with you your Alpe d’Huez occasion – and with aircrafts charging carriage nowadays for your bicycle and the likelihood of misfortune or harm to your pride and euphoria amid travel, there are valid justifications to leave your bicycle at home. Not to freeze however, on the off chance that you are a sharp cyclist, there are a few first rate rental stores in Alpe d’Huez that will unit you out with the most up to date and best quality bicycles for the length of your vacation.

In the event that you are an easygoing cyclist, these stores will likewise provide food for you, with half day and entire day rental choices accessible. Protective caps are not mandatory but rather are accessible to employ at all of the shops. Alpe d’Huez is bound with amazing cycle courses so you won’t need to battle with an excessive amount of movement to appreciate the exquisite environment – look at our cycle courses for motivation.

NB. The shops can help with mechanical fixes yet their extras range won’t cover a street bicycle in case of breakages. Luckily street bicycles will in general be a more dependable method of transport enduring less breakdowns than MTBs yet it is well worth guaranteeing your bicycle has a full administration before you travel. In the event that you are not mechanically disapproved, your nearby free bicycle shop can do this for you. Specific consideration ought to be paid to your tires and brakes – ensure the two regions are in magnificent condition. It’s constantly worth bringing another extra tire and two or three additional inward cylinders.

Hardware for cycling

Water – One of the most serious issues in the Alps is the warmth. Fit two container enclosures to your bicycle and take 750ml jugs with electrolyte drinks.

Sun Cream – The thin air and sweltering summer sun implies you will consume speedier here than at home

Coat – Although it might be warm in the valley temperatures can drop quickly as you climb, climate can chage rapidly and the quick plunges can chill you off quick.

Tidbits – Energy Bars and gels are a smart thought whether you are arranging multi day on the streets.

Cell Phone – Being ready to contact somebody to lift you up if your chain breaks is useful.

Cash – You may require it in a crisis or only for a lager toward the day’s end.

Fundamental Repair Kit – You can’t settle everything by the side of the street yet not all breakdowns require the day to end.

Cycling inns and camps

A significant number of Alpe d’Huez’s lodgings welcome cyclists and will have the capacity to offer storage spaces and bicycle racks – check before you book.

Flying with your bicycle

A survey of carriers terms and conditions in connection to sports gear stuff shows that almost certainly, you will be exposed to a standard charge for accepting your bicycle. Easyjet; bmibaby; Aer Lingus; and KLM demonstrated that there was a normal extra charge of between £15 (€22.50) and £25 (€36) to take your bicycle, one-way.

Notwithstanding, ensure that the consolidated weight of your gear does not surpass you recompense. In spite of the fact that you may have paid an overabundance for your bicycle its weight might be added to the heaviness of your hold baggage and there can be a punishment for any kg’s over the stipend.

The more regular aircrafts, for example, British Airways and its code share accomplice Swiss carriers allow free transport of bicycles giving they fit inside the free things remittance, and are stuffed in a hard shelled compartment.

Pressing your bicycle for a flight

There are a couple of choices accessible in transporting your bicycle. Hard bicycle encloses will in general cost the area of £300 and like a hard case bag it will limit the danger of harm jumping out at the your bicycle however they are heavier. A delicate bicycle sack is the less expensive choice, costing around £100. While this will furnish your bicycle with somewhat more cushioned assurance it isn’t as dependable as the hard box. On our ongoing excursion from the UK to Geneva, we transported our bicycle in its unique cardboard box, secured the key regions with air pocket wrap and cardboard and it arrived securely and flawless. Most aircrafts stipulate the accompanying:

Bicycles ought to be contained inside a defensive box or suitable bicycle pack;

Just a single bicycle ought to be conveyed per box/pack, and no different things (aside from defensive cushioning) ought to be incorporated inside the container/sack;

Handlebars and pedals must be settled sideways against the casing or evacuated; and

Tires ought to be emptied somewhat to lessen the danger of harm.

On the off chance that you are transporting your bicycle, you ought to likewise look at your movement protection courses of action. A great deal of movement insurance agencies won’t cover your costly trail blazing bicycle without an extra abundance installment, and a ton of aircrafts won’t be considered in charge of any harm supported while the bicycle is in their consideration. Look at your family unit protection strategy to see whether it very well may be secured as ‘substance far from home’. There might be a slight additional charge for this choice, however it’s possibly superior to forking out for another piece of unit, or a shiny new bicycle!!

Top Tip

Notwithstanding bubble wrap, buy some pipe slacking and zip ties from a DIY store to put around the casing of the bicycle for insurance amid transportation. Moreover, in the event that you don’t have your unique cardboard bicycle box, approach your neighborhood bicycle look for one. On the off chance that you have the decision dependably utilize the producer’s crate and your bicycle ought to arrive sheltered and entirety. In any case, it is significant that the most much of the time harmed some portion of a bicycle is the back rigging holder. Evacuate the back rigging component and attach wrap freely to the edge to maintain a strategic distance from this situation. This applies similarly to circle brake rotors if your bicycle sports them. Take them off, similarly pedals, its solitary a five moment work and will counteract you taking part in an unproductive look for a dark part in resort.

Taking your bicycle on the train

Going on vacation to France with your bicycle is quite straight forward, yet similarly as with a considerable measure of things, its better to book ahead of time.

from Jane Cycling Blog https://janecycling.wordpress.com/2018/12/01/top-climbs-in-europe-2-of-7-alpe-dhuez/ from Jane Cycling Blog https://ift.tt/2Pa9juJ

[janecycling]

Top climbs in Europe 2 of 7 – Alpe d’Huez

Alpe d’Huez hardly needs an introduction. Ever since Fausto Coppi won the first Tour de France stage to finish at the summit in 1952, the climb’s name has been on the lips of everyone, who has fallen in love with cycling. It propelled the sport into a new, modern era and instantly achieved legendary status.

https://www.cyclinglocations.com/alpe-dhuez-climb-alps/

About Cycling in Alpe d’Huez and the Alps

For data on individual schedules see our cycling courses.

Cycling in Alpe d’Huez and in the Alps when all is said in done, is substantially more requesting than your most loved nearby course back home. The streets around Alpe d’Huez might be the setting for the absolute most difficult areas of the Tour de France yet they can be handled by fans and experts.

Cycling in Alpe d’Huez and France

To pick up the most from your riding in the territory it’s a given you need a sensible dimension of wellness. You don’t should be a super man or lady yet the capacity to ride serenely for up to 3-4 hours in the UK should see you appreciate the mountain courses.

Before you set off you ought to likewise ensure that your bicycle is in great working request. Basically from a productivity perspective a bicycle in great condition that is very much greased up will decrease grinding among parts and can diminish the trouble of a move by what might be compared to 1% slant. Check the chain, derailleur, brakes, wheel mountings and tire weight before you set off. In case of finding an issue with your bicycle there are shops around the local area with experienced mechanics who can supply and fit any fundamental segments you may require yet a large portion of the shops are adapted towards mountain-bikers, if your bicycle is very master you ought to bring any basic parts you may require.

Once out and about set off gradually. The trips in the Alps are longer and the summits higher than nearly anything in the UK and the more slender air and heating summer sun will make the ascension more troublesome than what you may be utilized to.

The plummets are super quick in spots and can be uneven because of the winter covering of ice and snow. We exhort alert as it can require some investment to clean your speed off. You will meet approaching vehicles and as often as possible cyclists climbing the other way who may not be tucked into the correct hand side of the street (yes the correct hand side!) as much as they should. Try not to envision you are in the Tour de France with shut streets! Having said that the streets are commonly peaceful and vehicle drivers (the French ones at any rate) will be circumspect as opposed to their British partners.

Lastly – know your course! Despite the fact that signposted and moderately simple to pursue, it would be worth counseling a guide and in the event that not conveying it with you on the ride, at any rate make a few notes as a suggestion to use on your planned course. The Michelin outline LOCAL for Ain Haute Savoie or 333 for Isere/Savoie is the most fitting.

Cycling courses

We have reviewed the cycling courses in Alpe d’Huez on our courses page from Beginner to Advanced however as you will see there likely could be none here that are perfect for tenderfoots. In spite of the fact that the courses are here and there short they are frequently very steep and now and again the more drawn out rides are compliment and less demanding. We have included evaluated times for the consummation of these courses however this will change from individual to individual contingent upon wellness and expertise level.

Make sure to design your course completely in the event that it is your first time out and about and begin moderate, you will need to spare those legs previously the end.

Additionally observe: Cycling Routes in Alpe d’Huez, France

How troublesome is the cycling?

This will in general be subject to capacity and additionally how hard you need to attempt up the trips. On the off chance that you are associate of making the ascensions rapidly, which implies you’ll be moving for up to 60 minutes, at that point you’ll require a 39×27 gear.Most fit club level riders ready to serenely cover 3-4 hours or more in the UK will get by on this apparatus without battling excessively. On the off chance that you realize you’ll take somewhat more, your bicycle should be outfitted with either a smaller triple or twofold chain set. This will guarantee you have low enough riggings to ride serenely at a pace that suits your dimension.

Keep in mind the ascensions may not be that precarious but rather they are long and joined with the warmth and height may show even more a test than you might suspect. Yet, don’t be put off, on the off chance that you’re straightforward about your dimension and utilize the proper riggings, it will be a tiring however pleasurable experience.

Leasing bicycles

On the off chance that you decide not to expedite your bicycle with you your Alpe d’Huez occasion – and with aircrafts charging carriage nowadays for your bicycle and the likelihood of misfortune or harm to your pride and euphoria amid travel, there are valid justifications to leave your bicycle at home. Not to freeze however, on the off chance that you are a sharp cyclist, there are a few first rate rental stores in Alpe d’Huez that will unit you out with the most up to date and best quality bicycles for the length of your vacation.

In the event that you are an easygoing cyclist, these stores will likewise provide food for you, with half day and entire day rental choices accessible. Protective caps are not mandatory but rather are accessible to employ at all of the shops. Alpe d’Huez is bound with amazing cycle courses so you won’t need to battle with an excessive amount of movement to appreciate the exquisite environment – look at our cycle courses for motivation.

NB. The shops can help with mechanical fixes yet their extras range won’t cover a street bicycle in case of breakages. Luckily street bicycles will in general be a more dependable method of transport enduring less breakdowns than MTBs yet it is well worth guaranteeing your bicycle has a full administration before you travel. In the event that you are not mechanically disapproved, your nearby free bicycle shop can do this for you. Specific consideration ought to be paid to your tires and brakes – ensure the two regions are in magnificent condition. It’s constantly worth bringing another extra tire and two or three additional inward cylinders.

Hardware for cycling

Water – One of the most serious issues in the Alps is the warmth. Fit two container enclosures to your bicycle and take 750ml jugs with electrolyte drinks.

Sun Cream – The thin air and sweltering summer sun implies you will consume speedier here than at home

Coat – Although it might be warm in the valley temperatures can drop quickly as you climb, climate can chage rapidly and the quick plunges can chill you off quick.

Tidbits – Energy Bars and gels are a smart thought whether you are arranging multi day on the streets.

Cell Phone – Being ready to contact somebody to lift you up if your chain breaks is useful.

Cash – You may require it in a crisis or only for a lager toward the day’s end.

Fundamental Repair Kit – You can’t settle everything by the side of the street yet not all breakdowns require the day to end.

Cycling inns and camps

A significant number of Alpe d’Huez’s lodgings welcome cyclists and will have the capacity to offer storage spaces and bicycle racks – check before you book.

Flying with your bicycle

A survey of carriers terms and conditions in connection to sports gear stuff shows that almost certainly, you will be exposed to a standard charge for accepting your bicycle. Easyjet; bmibaby; Aer Lingus; and KLM demonstrated that there was a normal extra charge of between £15 (€22.50) and £25 (€36) to take your bicycle, one-way.

Notwithstanding, ensure that the consolidated weight of your gear does not surpass you recompense. In spite of the fact that you may have paid an overabundance for your bicycle its weight might be added to the heaviness of your hold baggage and there can be a punishment for any kg’s over the stipend.

The more regular aircrafts, for example, British Airways and its code share accomplice Swiss carriers allow free transport of bicycles giving they fit inside the free things remittance, and are stuffed in a hard shelled compartment.

Pressing your bicycle for a flight

There are a couple of choices accessible in transporting your bicycle. Hard bicycle encloses will in general cost the area of £300 and like a hard case bag it will limit the danger of harm jumping out at the your bicycle however they are heavier. A delicate bicycle sack is the less expensive choice, costing around £100. While this will furnish your bicycle with somewhat more cushioned assurance it isn’t as dependable as the hard box. On our ongoing excursion from the UK to Geneva, we transported our bicycle in its unique cardboard box, secured the key regions with air pocket wrap and cardboard and it arrived securely and flawless. Most aircrafts stipulate the accompanying:

Bicycles ought to be contained inside a defensive box or suitable bicycle pack;

Just a single bicycle ought to be conveyed per box/pack, and no different things (aside from defensive cushioning) ought to be incorporated inside the container/sack;

Handlebars and pedals must be settled sideways against the casing or evacuated; and

Tires ought to be emptied somewhat to lessen the danger of harm.

On the off chance that you are transporting your bicycle, you ought to likewise look at your movement protection courses of action. A great deal of movement insurance agencies won’t cover your costly trail blazing bicycle without an extra abundance installment, and a ton of aircrafts won’t be considered in charge of any harm supported while the bicycle is in their consideration. Look at your family unit protection strategy to see whether it very well may be secured as ‘substance far from home’. There might be a slight additional charge for this choice, however it’s possibly superior to forking out for another piece of unit, or a shiny new bicycle!!

Top Tip

Notwithstanding bubble wrap, buy some pipe slacking and zip ties from a DIY store to put around the casing of the bicycle for insurance amid transportation. Moreover, in the event that you don’t have your unique cardboard bicycle box, approach your neighborhood bicycle look for one. On the off chance that you have the decision dependably utilize the producer’s crate and your bicycle ought to arrive sheltered and entirety. In any case, it is significant that the most much of the time harmed some portion of a bicycle is the back rigging holder. Evacuate the back rigging component and attach wrap freely to the edge to maintain a strategic distance from this situation. This applies similarly to circle brake rotors if your bicycle sports them. Take them off, similarly pedals, its solitary a five moment work and will counteract you taking part in an unproductive look for a dark part in resort.

Taking your bicycle on the train

Going on vacation to France with your bicycle is quite straight forward, yet similarly as with a considerable measure of things, its better to book ahead of time.

from Jane Cycling Blog https://janecycling.wordpress.com/2018/12/01/top-climbs-in-europe-2-of-7-alpe-dhuez/

[selfhelpfactory]

How To Achieve More With Little Efforts | Atomic Habits Summary

Print | Free Audiobook |Print(In)

What do you think, tiny changes in life matters? If they do, then how much impact they have on your life? Can you use these tiny changes to transform your life? According to James Clear, yes you can. James is the author of the best-selling book “Atomic Habits”. Today I’ll try to give you key insights about habits through this atomic habits summary.

Grab a book & pain there will be some action steps for you in the end so you can start working on yourself right after reading.

Why Are Atomic Habits The Key To Success:

This small story will give you the answer and make you understand.

The British cycling team was struggling from 1908 to 2003, in this long period of time they only won one Olympic medal. They were lacking behind in almost everything including Tour De France, the world’s biggest race.

Finally, the British cycling organization decided to hire Dave Brailsford as a new coach. Dave is a man of strategies, his Favorite strategy is the aggregation of marginal gains.

Actions Dave Took / Changes made As A New Coach:

Redesigned the seat for the better comfort of riders.

New fabric jerseys, weightless, and aerodynamic.

Rubbed alcohol for better grip of tires.

Made better quality of bed sheets and pillows for riders so they can sleep well and perform better.

Taught riders proper hand wash techniques for their better health.

Like these, he did all the small possible things which he could do to improve the cycle or rider, even if only by 1%.

The aggregation of marginal gains means bringing small changes or taking small action steps to improve at least by 1% daily.

So at the end when you sum up all the little changes and improvements you get huge benefits/results out of them.

In the 2008 Olympics British team shocked the world. Out of all the medals, they won 60% of medals. Also in London Olympic, they broke 9 Olympic and 7 world records.

Using this simple strategy the British team went from rank 178 to winning 66 gold medals and 5 Tour De France within just 10 years.

What are Atomic Habits :

You must have heard that “huge results require huge actions”. You might have made a new year resolution, set a goal for yourself but have you ever completed your resolutions? ever achieved your goal? How long you stick to your resolutions?

But taking huge actions is not easy. That’s why more than 80% of people quit, give up, and never change. Just like you do.

You must be thinking about what’s the solution then? Well, it’s simple. Don’t set huge goals. Instead, focus on improving just by 1% every day. Now this goal is not hard to achieve, you can easily accomplish it. Also, small changes won’t show any difference until you cross a certain threshold. After 1 year of constant improvement by 1%, you have been improved by 37% now this is huge.

And I don’t mean that you should not dream big and all. You should dream big, you must but to achieve that is hard and when you fail at it you give up. That’s why move towards your goal slowly, with baby steps, each day.

These everyday small actions, changes, steps are called atomic habits. Every successful person is the result of their atomic habits. That’s why keep forming atomic habits is very important.

How Do You Build An Atomic Habit :

3 Ways Of Behavioral Change:

Outcome-based, system-based, identity based.

Atomic Habits Outcome vs System :

If you really wanna achieve your goals as soon as possible then you should focus on the system instead of goals. Goals are about the results/outcomes you want. The system is about the process which leads you there. Love the process more than outcomes.

Winners & losers both have goals, they agree or not. What separates them is their systems. Achieving a goal is a momentary solution while fixing your system is a permanent solution.

Atomic Habit Ex: Suppose you wanna lose weight, this is your goal/outcome but what exercise you should do, what diet you should follow, how much to sleep? when, and how much eat and exercise? All this is the system.

Now if you only think about the outcome but neglect the system then you’ll never achieve your goal. But if you focused on improving your system, you’ll soon achieve your goal.

If you have the outcome mentality then you’ll be happy when you’ll achieve your goal. While if you fall in love with the system then you don’t have to depend on your goal to be happy.

Atomic Habits Identity :

Identity-based change is more powerful and better than outcome and system. You have an outcome mindset that’s why you focus on results, outcomes and when you don’t see any results soon, you give up and quite.

That’s why it’s better to pretend like you are already the person that you wanna become. Act and speak like the person you wanna become. Change your identity.

Atomic Habits Ex: Suppose you are trying to quit cigarettes. When someone will offer you to smoke what you’ll say is, no I am trying to quit, I haven’t smoked from last 2 weeks and etc. Instead you should change your identity and say, no thanks I am not a smoker, I don’t like it, etc.

This type of behavior change will help you to easily adapt or eliminate any habit.

To do so first decide what type of person you want to be, decide your identity. Second, prove yourself that you are actually that type of person by doing small changes, taking small action steps, etc.

Atomic Habits Ex: if you wanna be a reader then start reading every day at least one page and share what you read with others. By doing so you and others will think of you as a reader and soon you will become too.

4 Stages Of Habit Loop :

Habits are actions or tasks you do without thinking. When you get a certain satisfying reward after performing some action your brain forms the habit. You can learn more about the habit loop here. There are four stages of habit-forming according to James Clear. Which are as follows.

Cue: triggers your brain to take action. Tells you that there’s a reward you can get.

Craving: It’s about how badly you want to have that reward.

Response: It is the action you take or perform the habit in order to get a reward.

Rewards: It’s is the end of the habit loop. You chase rewards cause they satisfy you.

4 Laws Of Behaviour Change:

To form any new habit it should have following 4 qualities.

Obvious

Easy

Attractive

Satisfying

Adding these four qualities in any habit you wanna form will make it easier for you to make that habit. While without these four qualities it’s very hard for you to form that habit.

Obvious:

suppose you wanna start reading. But you don’t know which book you should read first? When you should read? How much you should read? Where are you going to read it? Having not obvious, cause of this confusion you won’t read the whole day. That’s why it’s important to be obvious.

Easy:

Now if you picked a Shakespeare book or scientific book or another heavy book which is hard to understand, you have to keep looking in Google for the meaning of words, cause of these difficulties there is very less chance that you’ll read daily.

Attractive:

If after starting reading you don’t like it, you don’t enjoy it,if you are not comfortable while reading, you think of it as punishment then also you won’t form that habit. Make reading interesting, fun be creative.

Satisfying:

If taking nap or watching useless videos seems more satisfying to you than reading then also it’s hard for you to become a reader. You have to find a way to get satisfaction out of it.

Atomic Habits Methods :

Habit Stacking For Obvious :

You must have some daily routine it might be bad or good but you definitely have one. Cause of this daily routine, a chain of actions you take required actions every day. This chain of actions indicates your brain what’s the next thing you should be doing.

Ex: to making reading obvious just fit in the habit of reading in your daily routine. Like after a brush or while having a tea or coffee.

Habit stacking simply means usage of your existing habits to form new habits. Doing this will clear your confusion & you can easily take actions on new habits.

Make it Easy :

Keep things easy and simple in the beginning. Your ritual should be easy so you’ll be at least motivated to do it and won’t give up. When you start a new habit, it should take less than 2 minutes to do.

Ex. When you stack up reading in your ritual don’t aim to read for an hour instead set a goal to read for 15 min or reading 2 pages, which you can easily accomplish and stay motivated to keep doing it every day.

Add Something Attractive:

Be creative. Add some fun things with your habit to make it attractive. Like plying favorite games while running on a treadmill or something like that. This will make you repeat the same habit daily.

Ex: add some fun activity in reading or reward yourself when you finish your reading goal. Like you won’t touch your phone until you complete reading or eating something you like.

Atomic Habits Visual Score:

It’s simple when you see doing progress in anything you feel satisfied and motivated. To do so make a visual scoreboard which can show you your progress and keep motivating & pushing you to perform your habit.

Ex: when you complete your reading goal, Mark “x” on your calendar so you can see your daily progress. You can have some app too for doing so.

Conclusion:

With the help of tiny changes, you can transform your life. These everyday small are called atomic habits. Atomic habits are a small part of the big system.

Don’t set hard goals instead focus on improving just by 1% every day.

Start focusing on the system instead of goals & outcomes.

change your identity, your beliefs. Pretend to be the person you want to become.

Cue>Craving>Response>Rewards, the habit loop.

To form any new habit it should be obvious, easy, attractive and satisfying.

Action Steps :

Analyze yourself. Write down your daily ritual. What are those things which you have been doing every day? Write them down in order.

Now identify which of them are good for you, which of then ate badly for you and separate them.

To eliminate bad habits, try to understand the habit loop. Write down the cue and the reward you are getting at the end.

Now add the habit you wanna have and try to get some reward out of it.

Change your identity. Think about the person you wanna be and write down his beliefs. How he thinks, speaks all that.

Now subscribe, share let me know in the comments what you think about this. Atomic habits summary also let me know which habit you would like to have.

Atomic Habits Review:

There are many books available on habits and decision making but this one by Janes clear I really loved. It showed that to achieve big results it’s not necessary that you should work hard each & every day, just improving by 1% or bringing tiny changes in your life can give you big results. It also shared the idea of how to easily form or get rid of any habits which are very important. Again this was just an atomic habits summary it can’t replace the original book. If you interested in reading the whole book like are given below.

Print | Free Audiobook |Print(In)

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