Im case you never thought about yhe different appearance of lily evens and ginny waesly
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at 3:18 am
Remus was 23 years old the first time he had a overdose. It was 3:18 am when he apparate in what it used to be his home Their home for the first time in years. He wasn’t going to, he swore he wouldn’t, but the muggle police was searching him for murder.
“Murder.” He said softly, without stopping to think about it, turturing himself. He was also going to prison. Maybe, at the end, they weren’t that different.
That thought made his heart beat really hard, and fast. It made him crave for air, because it wasn’t getting to his lungs. It made his chest hurt like hell. It was killing him.
He needed to stop feeling again.
Remus walked slowly to what used to be his bedroom Their bedroom. Every step was harder than the other, because every inch of his body hurt, for all the wounds that he couldn’t heal.
He remembered. They tried to stop him, stabbing him, burning him, fighting. They tried to save their life.
He just couldn’t. He fell.
Once in the room he searched the drugs that they used to have hidden for parties. Since it was for everyone that would come, and for all the parties they were going to throw, it was a lot. But Remus only wanted to stop it. Seeing extremely blurry for all the tears in his eyes, he smoked, inhaled and swallowed it all, while the events of last night were replaying in his head:
After a month in muggle rehab —where the abstinence was stronger than any other feeling—, he got to forget what used to be unforgettable. It was the 16th of February and, at 8:41 pm, the moon started shining. The full moon started shining. And it got out of control.
He didn’t kill anyone. But it did. He was conscious the whole night, but he couldn’t do anything. He felt so helpless, so powerless, so guilty. Maybe, at the end, it was his fault. Maybe, at the end, he deserved it. Maybe, at the end, all that Sirius told him to make him feel like he deserved to be loved, because he was more than just a werewolf, was a lie.
At this point, his nose, throat and mouth were burning, all his body was shaking, the wave of anger, fear and frustration was overwhelming and devastating. Because it was way too much. But he kept going, pill after pill, package after package, cigarette after cigarette, until there was nothing left. Until his body gave up, and he fell unconscious, getting rest for the first time in a really long time, praying that a cigarette remained lit, and could set him and his little cottage their little cottage on fire, finally ending with all of the suffering.
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