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goldenlaurelleaveswrites · 2 years

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Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe ch 11

Juleka vs. the Forces of the People of Paris ii

I am so sorry for the wait everyone!!! It ended up being way longer than I had anticipated! When I posted chapter 10, most of this chapter was written. But than I ended up hating a lot of it 😅 And then life threw some major curve balls at me that delayed me rewriting what needed to be rewritten (namely, 90% of this chapter 😂) I really appreciate all of your love and support and your patience while I dragged myself through the end of May and June. I really hope you all enjoy this! 💖💖💖

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe (AO3)

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She had been enjoying her day. Luka and Marinette were having a study ‘get together,' as Marinette had called it when she asked Luka. And while it wasn't lost on her that Marinette had avoided the word 'date.' But she honestly wasn't complaining. She would take whatever victories she could and Marinette asking Luka to hang out was a victory in her book. Especially after their enlightening consversation...

If they were going to be idiots... well, at least they were being idiots while spending time with each other. And they were hanging out on the Liberty, which meant her mom would be there to run interference if Alya showed up.

And she and Rose had a much-needed date planned. With all the time she had been devoting to the headache that was her idiot brother and friend, she was more than ready to have a day with Rose.

And it was a beautiful day. A perfect day, really. Especially with Rose holding her hand as they strolled down the streets.

Or at least, it had been perfect.

Until Andre and his ice cream had decided to crash the party.

“Cherry with dark chocolate chunks and black licorice. Eat this, and you’ll find love as true as that of Ladybug and Chat Noir!”

Cherry and black licorice? Together?

Did Andre even have tastebuds?

And love as true as Ladybug and Chat Noir? It was official; everyone in Paris was either blind or an idiot.

And if that charlatan of a matchmaker was going to shill out sinister soulmate sweets... Well then, she was just going to have to pull the plug on his proverbial cooler.

***

The question was, how was she supposed to put a stop to Andre’s nonsense?

She glared at the ad that was playing on the tv. It was bad enough that he seemed to pop up on every street corner, but now she had to listen to him in her own home?

And it wasn’t even a good commercial!

And of course, Adrien was in it too.

And he seemed to be loving it. But of course, he would.

The ad was for the atrocious Ladybug and Chat Noir-themed ice cream that was now blatantly being touted as the official ice cream of the superhero duo. And she had a feeling Ladybug hadn’t been consulted on that.

Or the commercial.

It didn’t actually feature anyone in a Ladybug costume. But given the actress's dark hair and the way she and Adrien—how could he have thought playing 'Chat Noir' in a commercial was a good idea?—were playing a couple in love... It was obvious the director had been going for the whole ‘love in and out of the mask’ thing. Despite Ladybug’s constant protests that she didn’t feel that way for Chat Noir.

And seriously, what was with people? Ladybug had said countless times, including on live tv, that she didn’t love Chat Noir romantically. And yet… everyone just ignored her. They ignored the person responsible for saving the city on what nowadays felt like a near-daily basis.

Instead, they chose to listen to Chat Noir! Chat Noir, who was constantly proclaiming his love for Ladybug from literal rooftops. And often at the worst possible time too. He was the one people chose to listen to when it came to anything about the so-called relationship.

Why?

She shook her head to try and clear her thoughts. Fixating on that right now wouldn’t solve anything. She needed to figure out a way to stop Andre. And hopefully, get this stupid ad off the air as soon as possible.

***

It was on. Again.

Had Andre taken marketing advice from Gabriel Agreste?

Because it felt like the only two commercials on tv these days were the ones for the Agreste brand and for the Ladynoir ice cream. Well, those and the promotions for the upcoming Ladybug and Chat Noir special of Side-by-Side.

She snuck a glance at Marinette out of the corner of her eye. Luka had invited her over to hang out, and the two of them had ended up in the living room to watch one of those cheesy made-for-tv movies they both loved. She was reading her book. Or at least pretending to. She had stuck around once the two settled in. Just in case the Universe decided to try anything.

And not only had it tried… it was succeeding.

It had managed to shove not only Adrien but also Chat Noir down Marinette’s throat.

Marinette, for her part, was glaring at the tv as the actress portraying ‘civilian Ladybug’ giggled before accepting a spoon of the ice cream from Adrien. Luka's face was screwed up in digust, and she was sure she heard him mumble something that sounded like, 'how do you ruin ice cream?’

And she could feel her eye twitching.

This was hardly the first time a company had used Ladybug in their marketing, but it was certainly the most overt. At least, when it came to her supposed relationship with Chat Noir. And there was no way Marinette- Ladybug would have given…

***

There was no way Andre had gotten permission to use Ladybug’s likeness.

And she would bet her favourite lace gloves that Andre wasn’t giving Ladybug a cut of the profits he was making off of her image.

And she was sure that was less than legal.

***

She hefted the books onto the desk she had claimed in the university library with a groan. She would have gone to the public library near the Liberty, but she didn’t want to run the risk of running into anyone she knew. Or having to explain why she was researching intellectual property laws. And she couldn’t exactly research this stuff on the Liberty. Not when Luka was hanging around.

He probably would think it was a good idea.

But she couldn’t risk him connecting any dots.

With a sigh, she settled herself into the little cubby desk and opened the first book to the index. She already had found most of what she needed online. But she wanted to find some similar cases to use to back up her points.

And she still had to find the proper formatting to write the letter.

It was going to be a long day…

***

She ran down the hallway, frantically searching for a place to hide.

Why did there have to be an akuma at this library?

She couldn’t let herself be seen by Ladybug or Chat Noir- otherwise, that would raise too many questions. After all, in their minds, why would she have any reason to be in the Law Library at the university?

She cringed as another roar, followed by screams split the air. She hadn’t actually seen the akuma. But it sounded nasty.

She darted around a corner and almost stopped to sigh in relief. There, like a shining beacon, was an open broom closet. The custodian must have forgotten to close it in the chaos. With another backward glance over her shoulder to make sure the coast was clear, she ducked inside, closing the door firmly shut behind her.

***

“And stop calling us a couple!”

She flinched back further into the depths of the broom closet she had ducked into, fumbling with her phone in the darkness of her sanctuary. Ladybug sounded mad. And given what she had just said…

“C’mon m’lady. You’re the only one that doesn’t see it.”

“See what exactly?”

“That you and I are made for each other! It’s our destiny to be together.” Ew. “You and I were chosen-“

“To protect Paris, not to be-“

“And you can’t forget Dark Cupid! Or Oblivio.” She couldn’t see what was happening outside the closet door, but she imagined Ladybug was probably redder than her suit. “I mean, we kissed-“

“I don’t remember Oblivio. Or what led to that kiss!” Ladybug’s voice had dropped to a seething hiss, but it was still perfectly audible. They had to be right outside the closet. “And neither do you.”

“But-“

“And I only kissed you during the fight with Dark Cupid because you were under his control, and I was desperate. Chat- I… you know I’m in love with someone else. I need you to st- shhh!” There was a beat of deafening silence. She didn’t dare breathe. Had Ladybug caught on that she was right there? “I think the akuma’s coming. Come on, we need to get to the roof.”

The patter of soft footsteps receded, followed shorting by the stomping of what had to be the akuma. Thankfully, Hawkmoth’s latest victim didn’t bother to stop and check to see if anyone was hiding in the broom closet.

But that didn’t stop her from holding her breath until it had moved away, and she was left in another heavy silence.

When she was sure it was gone, she heaved a sigh of relief and pressed the button on her phone’s screen to stop the recording.

***

She smiled proudly down at the letter she had typed up on the computer she was using. There was no way Andre would be able to continue with the Ladybug and Chat Noir ice cream nonsense after receiving this letter. Not in his right mind anyway. And not with a legal leg to stand on- not that he had had one in the first place...

She shook her head and turned her attention back to the task at hand. She narrowed her eyes as she proofread it for the umpteenth time. Looking for any grammar issues or typos. But it was perfect.

Was it a fake? Technically… yes. But were its contents accurate?

Also yes.

And even if she were to be caught… well, she was only informing Andre of the law and his legal responsibilities. Surely officer Rodger couldn’t fault her for that?

And it was for Marinette. And that made the risk worth it.

The next step was getting it to him without placing suspicion on herself…

***

It seemed the Universe was adamantly against her delivering her cease and desist letter to Andre. Every avenue she had tried so far had turned up either a dead end or been made impossible by what was increasingly feeling like contrived circumstances.

She had tried mailing it.

There had been a postal labour strike.

She had inquired about getting it delivered by courier.

That would leave a trail directly back to her.

She was beginning to think the best option would be to fold it into a paper airplane and aim for Andre’s head… but somehow, she doubted that would work.

And the longer the letter remained hidden at the bottom of her bag, the antsier she was. Because the longer it sat there, the more likely it was that someone would see it. And then her plan would be shot.

But… she was her mother’s daughter. And… she was petty.

So come hell or high water, or whatever else the Universe decided it wanted to throw at her, well... She was a Couffaine.

And Couffaine’s always found a way.

***

As it would so happen, the Universe —or rather, Hawkmoth—decided to throw an akuma at Marinette. Well, Ladybug technically.

And the akuma just so happened to be that toddler that kept getting akumatized into a giant. Gigantitan or whatever it was called. It couldn’t actually talk. So no one really ever seemed entirely sure what to call it.

But right now, that baby akuma was her saving grace.

Because it had apparently wanted ice cream.

And it had found Andre.

Who had run off screaming before being whisked away by Ladybug. Leaving his cart empty and abandoned.

Was it stupid to run out into the open with an akuma of the loose? Especially one as big and clumsy as this one?

Yes.

But this was her only chance. There was no one around- everyone else had had the sense to seek shelter away from the ice cream cart.

And even if there were people around, all she had to do was pretend to be hiding while she slipped the red and black envelop into his cart.

And hope he would actually cease and desist.

***

Somehow, Alya was still grinning like the cat that had caught the canary. Which, she supposed, Alya had. In a way…

The Ladybug and Chat Noir special episode of Side-by-Side had been derailed at the last second. In more ways than one.

Andre, who was supposed to be a guest on the hero special—probably to talk about their love for one another and plug his ice cream—had dropped out at the last second due to ‘unforeseen reasons,’ according to Nadja.

And it seemed Hawkmoth had taken advantage of the interview to akumatize someone. And Ladybug and Chat Noir had left before the opening credits even began. And honestly, she felt a little bad Marinette had to deal with another akuma. But in some ways, it was better to go up against an akuma than Nadja and Alya…

Especially given the opening credits had touted the episode as a ‘Soulmates in Action’ special. Something she very much doubted Ladybug had been informed of beforehand.

But with the heroes off doing their jobs and the ‘special guest’ the promos for the episode had been touting gone—due to what she could only assume was the letter, given the commercials for his ice cream had suddenly disappeared off air—Alya and Nadja had had to improvise.

And they had decided to rehash all of the pictured of Ladybug and Chat Noir that Nadja had already taken out of context. Along with all the new ones Alya had managed to get for the Ladyblog.

So far, they had shown her photo of Ladybug and Chat Noir kissing after—during?—the Oblivio incident no less than five times. Not even counting the times it had been used in the opening.

“…just incredible!” Nadja was saying as she and Alya were turned to look at the screen behind them, which was currently displaying said photo. Blown up to the size of a movie theatre screen. “And to get it from so close up! Just marvellous!” Alya was preening, the praise puffing her up and putting a grin on her face.

“It was amazing seeing them like that! So in love with each other, they really are made for each other,” Alya said smugly.

Nadja smiled as she turned back to face the camera. “Well, folks, now we turn it over to you! At the beginning of the episode, we asked you to send in your best photos and videos of Ladybug and Chat Noir. Let’s take a look and see what you all have for us!”

The first picture was a rather benign if blurry photo of Ladybug and Chat Noir running across a rooftop. But Alya and Nadja still found plenty in it to pick apart, bringing up any little detail that pointed to the two heroes being in love.

It was incredible, the heights they could jump to to land on those conclusions.

The next few photos were much the same. A little blurry. Pretty inoffensive- though it was weird to think that people were just taking pictures of the heroes going about their business. There were a few videos too. Mostly of akuma battles or the moments immediately after battles.

She watched with bated breath, hoping that by some miracle, her video had made it through.

The call had been for ‘best Ladybug and Chat Noir moments.’

She thought hers was the best.

For revealing the truth, at any rate.

But she didn’t know what kind of screening the submissions were going through. And she had not been optimistic about them airing a video like hers.

So she had made a video montage of different Ladybug and Chat Noir pictures she had pulled from the Ladyblog—with credit of course—and tacked it onto the beginning of her recording. Hopefully, if they were screening submissions—although given the quality of some of them, that seemed unlikely— they wouldn’t watch the whole thing. She had even made an email called ‘ladynoir4evr’ to send it from so as not to arouse suspicion!

Nadja and Alya went through a few more pictures and videos, talking about the dynamics and body language in each one. And, somehow, they seemed to agree that every photo and video was proof of the heroes’ love for one another. Even though it was pretty plain to see in some of them that that was not the case.

The end of the episode was drawing near, and her video still hadn’t been shown. She was about to shut the tv off and mope her defeat over a bowl of chocolate ice cream when Nadja grinned.

“And Alya, it looks like our next submission comes from a fan of not just Ladybug and Chat Noir, but of the Ladyblog as well! Let’s take a look!”

It was happening! Her video had made it through!

She watched as Alya and Nadja turned in their seats to look at the screen behind them.

The photos she had pulled from the Ladyblog played on screen, along with a cheesy love song she had pulled from the internet. At first glance, it would appear like any fan-made presentation on why Ladybug and Chat Noir ‘belonged together.’

“…so sweet,” Nadja was saying when the screen turned black and the music cut off.

The sound of her recorded breathing crackled through the speakers.

“What’s happening-“

“See what exactly?” Ladybug’s voice was clear as day.

“That you and I are made for each other! It’s our destiny to be together. You and I were chosen-“

“To protect Paris, not to be-“

“And you can’t forget Dark Cupid! Or Oblivio. I mean, we kissed-“

“I don’t remember Oblivio. Or what led to that kiss!” the recording of Ladybug hissed. “And neither do you.”

“But-“

“And I only kissed you during the fight with Dark Cupid because you were under his control, and I was desperate."

Nadja was frantically gesturing for the video to be cut while Alya seethed at the screen behind her.

"Chat- I… you know I’m in love with someone else. I need you to st- shhh!”

Abruptly, the tv cut to a commercial.

But it was too late. The- not really damage, but it had been done. The video—the important bits anyway— had played.

For all of Paris to see.

Hopefully, Paris would listen.

***

She had just been getting ready to go to bed when a notification for the Ladyblog popped up on her phone. Her stomach sank as soon as she saw it.

She clicked on the notification.

And a lead weight settled in the pit of her stomach when she saw Alya was live-streaming.

“Hey, guys! I know a lot of you were confused by the… incident on tonight’s episode of Side-by-Side. Trust me, none of us were expecting that!” Alya laughed, though it seemed forced. And- yes. Her eye was twitching. “But rest assured, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for that video.”

Oh. She was just dying to hear how Alya was going to spin this one.

“We all know that Ladybug and Chat Noir quarrel from time to time- every couple does. And she likes to be a professional, and we all know Hawkmoth is a big threat. So obviously, she doesn’t want a public relationship with Chat Noir. And especially not a public lover’s tiffs…”

Ok…

“And they must have known someone was hiding nearby to film them! Chat does have those cat ears of his!”

Yeah. But were they even functional?

And she sincerely doubted either of them had known she was in the closet- they had been a little preoccupied. Ladybug with the akuma. Chat with flirting.

“So they wanted to keep suspicion off of them!”

Even if that was the truth, why would Alya and Nadja have devoted an entire episode to unveiling their love? If they were really secretly dating, wouldn’t Alya try to keep it a secret to protect her beloved heroes? And if it was a lover’s tiff, why would Ladybug say she was in love with someone else?

Alya’s story had more holes than her gran's crochet blankets.

"So don't worry, everyone! It was just a clever plan on their part!”

Comments were popping up with lightning speed under the live-stream video. The vast majority were agreeing with Alya and spewing variations of ‘Ladynoir was life.’

But a few, she noted with satisfaction, were poking holes in the stories and theories. And it was time she joined their ranks.

Quickly, she checked to make sure she was logged out of her email so that any comments she made couldn’t be traced back to her.

And then she set to work.

***

Her teeth were beginning to ache from the way she was clenching her jaw. But what else was she supposed to do? It wasn’t like she could march up to the akuma and tell it to knock it off.

Or Chat Noir, for that matter.

All she could do was hide. And silently apologize to Marinette. Because maybe… just maybe she was a teeny tiny itty bitty bit to blame for this akuma…

Apparently, it was some disgruntled viewer who had watched last night’s episode of Side-by-Side and hadn’t been too happy with the video she had submitted anonymously. And even less happy about her poking holes in Alya's story during the Ladyblog live stream. Based on what the akuma had been saying, it seemed they were one of the people who had been leaving all those comments on the Ladyblog all night about how Chat Noir and Ladybug were ‘meant to be.’

All the comments she had spent the night disproving.

Yeah… maybe this one was at least a little bit her fault… but seriously! It wasn’t her fault that people got so up in arms about Ladybug’s business to the point that they ignored what Ladybug herself had to say on the matter!

And she hadn’t been mean! She had just pointed to the facts!

“You two are destined to be!” Shipper screamed as he shot another glittery, pink cannon ball covered in hearts at Ladybug. And Shipper? That was the best Hawkmoth could do?

“Y'know, m’lady, he has a point,” Chat said from where he was perched in the branches of a tree. “You’re the only one who doesn’t see it,” he sighed wistfully.

“Chat! Focus!” Ladybug snapped as she rolled out of the way of another incoming cannonball, clutching the black and red roll of tape to her chest as she went.

She watched from her hiding place in the bushes as Ladybug continued to battle Shipper while Chat Noir continued to banter about how he and Ladybug were ‘meant to be’ and ‘destined for one another’ and how she would ‘come around eventually’ as he went between lounging and dodging stray cannonballs.

Sharp pain flared through her palms. When she looked down, there were little red crescents imprinted into her palms from where her nails had dug into the skin.

He wasn’t even helping! He was just agreeing with the akuma! And a quick glance around at the other civilians watching the battle from the bushes with her, and scattered across other hiding places in the park, told her that most of them didn’t seem to see a problem with it.

Some of them were nodding in agreement!

What was wrong with people?

Thankfully, Ladybug managed to wrap the battle up fairly quickly. Which was impressive given Chat was no help whatsoever.

Glittering ladybugs washed over the park, spreading out to the rest of the city where they would repair any damage that was done. But she couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

Chat was still flirting. Even as Ladybug tried to comfort the akuma victim. Who seemed more interested in what Chat was saying and how Ladybug was reacting to it. Or rather, wasn’t. It seemed Ladybug had given up and was just trying to ignore him.

After exchanging a few words, the akuma victim walked off.

And Chat Noir managed to get Ladybug’s attention again.

She couldn’t hear what the two heroes were saying, but it looked like Chat was flirting. Again. Around her, people were slipping out of their hiding places, watching the exchange intently. Some even had their phones out and were filming and taking pictures.

Her jaw tensed as Chat caught Ladybug’s hand in his.

“They make a wonderful team. And a lovely pair. Do they not?”

She jumped at the sound of the voice and whirled, only to find an old man standing beside her. Her eyes narrowed. It was the same man she had met before… the one who had commented on Marinette and Adrien being ‘made for each other.’

What was he doing here? He hadn’t been there a minute ago- she was sure of it! And why was he so interested in Ladybug and Chat Noir and Marinette and Adrien?

He turned away from the pair of heroes to look up at her expectantly.

He wanted her opinion? Fine. She was going to give it to him.

“No.” She said bluntly. “They’re not a good couple. They're barely a team in my opinion.”

“Oh?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Didn’t you watch Side-by-Side last night?”

“I believe the saying goes, ‘do not believe everything you see on television,’” he replied lightly, with heavy thought in his eyes.

“Well, I’m inclined to believe what Ladybug says and… well, you saw what just happened! She keeps saying no, and he can’t take a hint! And he didn’t even help with the akuma! What kind of team is that?”

“Yes, I see…” the man said slowly, his voice heavy with thought as he watched Chat Noir try to plant a kiss on Ladybug’s hand. Ladybug snatched her hand away and swung away brusquely. He turned to her abruptly, his eyes flashing. “Thank you very much, miss.”

“What-“

“Please, excuse me. There is something very important I must see to, straight away.” Before she could say anything, the man had turned and strode away with surprising speed.

She watched as the man hurried off. Something about him bothered her. He was a little too interested in Marinette and Adrien and Ladybug and Chat Noir for her liking. At least for Ladybug and Chat Noir, the same could be said about everyone in Paris.

But his interest in Marinette and Adrien...

There was something more to it.

But she wasn’t sure what.

She glared at the retreating man’s back as he headed towards the exit to the park. Something about him… it felt like he knew too much for his interest to be just interest.

She moved to follow him when her phone vibrated in her pocket. By the time she had dug it out of her pocket, when she looked back up, the man was gone. Still frowning, she pulled up her messages. And her mood instantly darkened.

Alya 🦊?!: ADRIEN IS AT THE BOURGEOIS ANNIVERSARY PARTY

Mylène 🌼 : he is?

Alix 🛼 : so?

Alya 🦊?!: I just saw him

Mylène 🌼 : Wait! You’re there?

Alya 🦊?!: yeah

Alya 🦊?!: had to drop off stuff to mom

Alya 🦊?!: now I’m stuck here

Alya 🦊?!: and I missed the akuma battle 🤬

Alya 🦊?!: but dont u see???

Alya 🦊?!: this is the perfect opportunity!!!

Alya 🦊?!: surrounded by love at an anniversary party!!!! She’ll HAVE to confess!!!!

Rose 🌹💗: OOOOHHHHHH

Rose 🌹💗: ITLL BE SO ROMANTIC 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

The Bourgeois’ anniversary party? Romantic? In what universe?

Alix 🛼 : sounds gross to me

Alix 🛼 : going to a party for Chloe’s parents?

Alix 🛼 : 🤢🤢🤢

Mylène 🌼 : I don’t know about this one Alya

Mylène 🌼 : how would marinette even get in?

Alix 🛼 : 🤮🤮🤮

Mylène 🌼 : don’t be gross Alix

Alya 🦊?!: her parents are catering

Alya 🦊?!: I saw them unloading stuff

Alya 🦊?!: and they need marinette to be there so she’ll have to go

Rose 🌹💗: why do her parents need her?

Rose 🌹💗: are they ok?

Alya 🦊?!: they forgot some stuff and need her to bring it from the bakery

Alya 🦊?!: IT IS LITERALLY PERFECT

Alya 🦊?!: except for the fact that ice queen is here too 😡🥶

Alix 🛼 : so if she’s there y r u telling us about it?

Alya 🦊?!: she isn’t here

Alya 🦊?!: she isn’t answering her phone

She had been a little busy fighting an akuma.

Alya 🦊?!: and we need to sneak in to run interference for when she does show up

Was it wrong that she wished the battle was still going so that Marinette wouldn’t be able to check her phone and end up getting dragged into what she was sure would be another Adrienette train wreck?

Rose 🌹💗: anything for true love!!!!

Rose 🌹💗: 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Alix 🛼 : i guess i’m in

Alix 🛼 : dont have anything better to do

Mylène 🌼 : ok, meet u there

Alya 🦊?!: meet me by the kitchen door I can get us all in that way

Alya 🦊?!: anyone seen J?

Rose 🌹💗: no

Rose 🌹💗: I can call her!! 😊

She cast one last uneasy glance in the direction the old man had disappeared. Something in her was screaming that what he had said was important. That something big was about to happen. But she didn’t know what, or what it would have to do with him.

But she didn’t like it.

But she also didn’t like where the girl squad was going.

Queen of Darkness 🦇: was doing laundry

Queen of Darkness 🦇: sorry

Queen of Darkness 🦇: on my way

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