#girl stay out of this mess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

novelconcepts · 2 years

Note

Hi! I've almost finished Paper Girls and I'm curious why KJ didn't want to meet her future self. I know she mentioned earlier that she was afraid she'd become who her mother wanted her to be. But when that turned out not to be the case, she still chose to run away when she had that chance at the cinemas after talking to her future partner. Did I miss something?

I love KJ for this, actually, because her reasoning seems to change over the course of the season. Initially, she doesn’t want to meet her future self because she’s been told all her life who she’s going to be, who she SHOULD be, and she wants nothing to do with solidifying her mother’s wishes into reality. She knows who she is. She’s dark humor and helping people up and field hockey. She’s her. She doesn’t have any interest in some random woman telling her otherwise, the way Erin has had to deal with. She doesn’t want to find out there’s no way out of that box she’s been trying to break.

And then she sees herself, sees her girlfriend, sees her future of NYC and film school and being an amazing burgeoning director—and still wants nothing to do with it, because talking to that version is going to solidify something else. Something she isn’t quite ready to speak to, even if she knows in her heart it’s true. Something she has never once put into words, and even now that she’s fully aware it’s there, still eludes her. (“When did you know you were the kind of person who liked….movies?” “I think she might be…I think I might be…”) This isn’t a preteen in 2022; it’s 1988 and she’s in middle school, in Ohio, and already has her parents and antisemitism to deal with. She is reeling. Of course she is. Coming to terms won’t be automatic.

That’s why I love that she talks to Lauren, not future KJ about it—Lauren isn’t her. Lauren has the ability to say, “We all do this on our own time, there’s no rush. Do you want to talk more about it?” Adult!KJ, by virtue of being herself, wouldn’t be able to do that. She’s living proof of something KJ is just learning to sort out for the first time. Talking to her before she’s really been able to sit with it properly and figure out what it means would be doing the same thing she was avoiding at the start: telling her who she is. And while it might eventually be reassuring to find out she’s happy being who she is, it also must be so overwhelming. KJ needs to come out at her own pace—to herself, to others—and talking to her comfortably-gay adult self might feel less like being led out of the closet, and more like being shot from a cannon. Her running away from that feels like the last preservation of agency she has in coming to terms with it all on her own time. And it’s only after that moment—a comfortable adult queer person telling her it’ll be all right—that she can even begin to let it settle in.

#ask #paper girls #paper girls spoilers #kj brandman #i love that she isn’t interested in facing down her future #she doesn’t need anyone’s assessment. she gets that every day #and then—when she has no choice but to stumble into it—it does feel good on one level #I didn’t go to business school. I’m an artist. i fall in love with movies and I’m good at it.#but also: I’ve always been different and this is why. it’ll work out—sort of #I’ll find someone who loves me. someone I’m comfortable in my skin with.#but I’ll still be hiding from my parents. so not everything has changed. there’s still things to cope with there #and in the meantime I can no longer pretend this isn’t happening. and it’s happening on TOP of time travel and people dying and MAC #it’s so much for one kid to cope with. of course she ran. maybe if they stayed in 1999 until the next folding she’d have built up to it #but at the start? this kid who is a roiling mess of stress and a distaste for being told she HAS to be anything?#of course she runs. it’s the safest move

156 notes · View notes

epicfranb · 22 days

Text

Remember Gem's beehive origin? It wasn't a bee origin, i think the text said it was a lot of bees holding together a form. But my headcanon, which i would've explored more if not for insectophobia, is that she's literally.. a hive. Like, the bees straight up makes home inside of her. That gave me an idea for an urban fantasy new life au, and the irony is that i literally wanted to do the same thing with origins smp, but i accidentally recreated kagepro and i was never the same person again. Either way, didn't go past the ideas stage on both things. I literally want an urban fantasy au so bad but kagepro is literally my only inspo for that 🤷‍♂️ so there's that

#new life was so cool like. you had sausage being a fire mage and reborn as a phoenix.#pearl being a star girl and shubble being sunshine girl #pearl getting to like the copper origin dying then dying again and reborn as a copper origin again #pearl and owen being copper golems at the same time #whatever the fuck oli was up to #stacy living in her remote nether house in the middle of a lava lake #martyn and shubble and some others probably stayed on their first lives for the whole series #fire mage gem and owen's entire story arc and shubble's greenhouse and joey's entire 1st episode and the houses at spawn #and joel choosing strange names and pooping skeleton horses and jimmy being The Guy of The Week and the toy boxes martyn kept making #and messing with create and immersive paintings and the freezing fridge freezers or whatever #i probably would've loved/will love afterlife if i ever watch it. sad that new life didn't work out tho #thanks for reading my rambles tho i loved watching that series and just now recounting my favorite moments #ain't rereading all that tho so if i wrote some nonsense or the autocorrect thing messed up. oh well #life updates

5 notes · View notes

girlypsyop · 9 months

Text

Man. Leaving a toxic relationship is just an exercise in learning how to live in your own head again.

#lot going on in here folks :'(#but also :')#for a few weeks i couldnt be alone couldnt be in silence couldnt just. think.#im loving myself again. im laughing and connecting and god im so excited for what comes next #june 19th lana..... you are my soulmate my rock my queen you are everything to me #bc june 19th lana had the strength to leave #june 19th lana swept me off my fucking feet and she fought and yelled and stayed up for 4 days straight #so that 4 days later i could be free again <3 #i will work so fucking hard for june 19th lana.... i never want her to have any regrets... any whatifs....#im going to give june 19th lana the life she hopes shes fighting for #those four days were torture... moving... yelling... crying crying crying... more moving... driving...#she did that... for me....#literally she talked to me often... she would sit amongst the boxes and fear and heartbreak and shed talk to her future self #which ig is me <3 and shed tell me how she loved me and how i better not screw this up and she begged me to love her again #god i love her again. i love that mess of a girl. beautiful and strong and terrible! and she got out despite the torture.#june 19th lana. also june 20th 21st and 22nd lana. i hear you. you will have such a beautiful wonderful life i swear #one you will never ever second guess #he fucking killed us! he killed you! the connection the devotion the love it masked the insidious truth that you had to die for that shit #the life he could give you...its pathetic compared to what im gonna give you.#and unlike every promise he ever made... i never go back on my word :)#ok bye

12 notes · View notes

iconsfinder · 2 years

Photo

88 notes · View notes

redpiperfox · 3 months

Text

But mainly, and really:

#red's week in music #STORYTIME WITH RED GATHER ROUND KIDDOS!#was at kids club tonight and went in knowing little 8 year olds mom had her baby this morning and lil girl was now big sis if two #and knew she hadnt come from home bc her hair was a mess of someone who didnt know curls trying to do it lol #shes generally emotional and dramatic but we can all see that shes a lil more so tonight. understandably. lotsa change #well she kinda hinges on this one thing of not getting the verses said to earn a jewel bc she wasnt able to say them-- totally fine! we'll #practice and get them later! but shes distraught bc she worked on them with mum and wont get jewel so i keep telling her when we'll work on #them together and when ill listen to her and we can get it done. cool. then lesson time shes up and down sniffly and the lesson says smth #about childbirth-- bursts into disarray. i ask her if she wants to step out and we blow her nose and she keeps talking about the verse so i #tell her solutions for that and then shes working herself up so i work thru calming down and she goes from #“i think im mad” to “mom would let me do what i want!” and i know the real issue isnt the verse but thats what shes telling me so...#adult shes staying with cautiously steps in and she calms down to tell me “its not the verse... i think i miss my mom”#oh my heart i know honey i give her a hug and we talk about the sleeover shes going to have and when shes going to see mom #and shes sleeping next to lil sis so shes going to give sis a big hug and tell her theyre going to see mom in the morning #and then i ask her if she wants to go back and she does and i just hold her and hug her the whole time #i give her another squeeze when she leaves and tell her to enjoy her sleepover #her friend shes staying with i should not did a very sweet of coming over and saying “hey lookit this new book i got do you wanna color it #with me maybe?“ which was such an emotionally mature thing for her and to see lil kiddo cheer up warmed me #teachers we debriefed and talked about kids going thru stuff at home and not being able to tell and process their emotions and stuff #and then i shared with mum on the ride back and she goes “yup. lil toddler will just miss mom-- its trauma at this age. this is why i #panicked and called my mother to come for your sis's birth bc dad said he could handle you but my heart couldnt for what you would go thru.“#i was six when my sister was born. my grandma being there before consistently made me giddly excited in that time waiting for dad to bring #us to the hospital.#anyway my heart was full and im praying extra hard for two lil girls in a sleepover missing their mom tonight.#red's personal sitcom #Spotify

6 notes · View notes

aria0fgold · 13 days

Text

I had a dream with a pretty neat (yet messy cuz dreams are like that) story that featured yuri in the scale of "this girl is so in love with her boss but hides it in fear of her boss rejecting her so she's just content to be of service to her" and "the boss not knowing what to do with her own feelings towards the girl and also fearing of being rejected by her just kept calling her as "the best friend I've ever had" instead of being outright with it."

Somehow I ended up as an accidental wingman by disguising myself as the girl and when found out I was like: "Oh yeah and... if you're going to confess, can you actually like-- drop the "friend" thing? You're gonna end up in a deep misunderstanding cuz of that." Cuz during the time I was disguised as that girl, the boss was saying some INSANELY sweet things only to end it with "that's why I love you, as a Friend!"

#aria rants #my dream had like 3 stories mashed together and the one with the yuri was story 2 #the 1st story before that fuels my whump sde tho cuz some guy was horribly hurt #cuz of Something and is struggling to stay awake cuz theres still a mission to do #and that one actually has yaoi instead (guy hurt being actively cared for by another guy)#and then it switched to story 2 with the messy yuri. and it got an interesting setup for it #cuz in that story. its set in a dream (dream within a dream... crazy) which is why i can disguise as anyone #but the problem here is that i Cant disguise as just Anyone cuz the boss has records of everyone nearby #and if the stuff im saying doesnt much with what they know. theyd kick me out and ban me from the dream #but since it was just a disguise. the Me isnt rlly affected by it so i kept going back as someone else #cuz theres like smth in the boss' office that i needed for a mission. and then i just ended up disguising #as the girl. my first disguise ended up in failure cuz the girl was nearby and the boss #found me out immediately cuz of the way i kept addressing her. i kept calling her name ''marianne''#but during my 2nd time. the girl wasnt around (made sure to disguise as her when she went out)#and turns out she addresses the boss as ''jessica'' for some reason instead of marianne #i managed to get so far until i insisted on seeing the thing i needed and she found out #got kicked out again after saying what i needed to her and then dream 3 started where its just a random mess

2 notes · View notes

apollo-zero-one · 16 days

Text

Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing #NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years #waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line #mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker #you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy #victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know #you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and #doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's #life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze #manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and #poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy #she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he #said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk #that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements #and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm #and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word #choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person #how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me #im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason

3 notes · View notes

loxare · 3 months

Text

A game I've been playing in early access for the past half year, Immortal Life, came out fully wednesday, and I love it so much and think that everyone should play it. Anyways I wrote a thing

Mu Xia hummed as she carefully placed the plate of dumplings in her basket. They were a new recipe, pork and chive, and she really hoped her shijie liked them.

Carefully balancing her basket on her arm, pushing aside the kitchen curtain with the ease of long practice, she nearly dropped everything when Ji Yaohua’s voice called out, “Mu-shimei! I was just speaking to your mother about importing things for the inn. She told me to ask you about anything you needed for the kitchen.”

Basket balanced once again, Mu Xia smiled. “Oh course, Ji-shijie, thank you. It will be our usual list, but could you see if you can get more of the chives? If these turn out, I think they’ll be a hit with the customers.”

Yaohua leaned in, curious. “What are they? They smell good.”

“Pork and chive dumplings! I have some extra in the back if you want, but these are for Shijie!” In this context, there could only be one Shijie. The farmer of the Misty Valley was the reason she was even a part of Guiyun Sect after all.

Li Mengqing appeared from around the corner, summoned by the call of a new food to try. “I’ll get them! Just on the serving table?” Not waiting for an answer, she slipped into the kitchen.

“What’s the occasion?” Yaohua’s eyes narrowed slightly. “If it’s her birthday you have to tell me. She refuses to say.”

That sounded like Shijie. “No, not at all. I just haven’t seen her in a few days, so I wanted to check on her and make sure she was eating well.”

A strange look crossed Yaohua’s face. It looked pained, but also glum and mischievous for some reason. “I see. I think she’ll enjoy those a lot. Say hi for me.”

“I will!” Ji Yaohua’s strange moods wouldn’t deter Mu Xia. “See you later Ji-shijie, Li-shimei!”

After Mu Xia was gone, Mengqing came out and passed Yaohua a dumpling. “Ji-shijie. If Shijie hasn’t been seen in a few days...”

“Yes.” Yaohua took a bite of the dumpling. It was very good indeed. She’d have to research where to obtain chive seeds. The Misty Valley could support nearly any kind of plant in its soil, so it was just a matter of sourcing. And having Shijie grow them would be much cheaper in the long run than importing chives. As for Mu Xia... “She’d have to find out sometime. Besides, if it’s been a few days, Shijie could probably use the food.”

“Hm. True.” Mengqing ate another dumpling. “Hey, do you think it’s possible to make a red bean dumpling?”

She’d never had a sweet dumpling before. “I’m sure you can convince Mu-shimei to try.”

The walk to the Misty Valley was pleasant. The weather was warm, and a bit breezy. There was rain on the horizon, but it wouldn’t hit until tonight. She spoke briefly to Zhou Qian’er about the day’s catch, and to Chen Yuanzhou about fishing her up a few puffer fish for an upcoming banquet.

The Misty Valley hummed with power as it always did. She could almost see the crops growing as they absorbed the spiritual energy, cycling it and sending it back into the earth, stronger. That was one of the things that had surprised her, after she’d started cultivating. Mu Xia had been to the Misty Valley before, usually on her way to the Sunset Forest to pick scarlet sage, but never before had she been able to see the energy she had always felt in the place. It had always felt alive to her, vibrant in ways that she hadn’t been able to comprehend. It was no wonder that Shijie was so strong, if this was where she lived, worked, cultivated.

Speaking of. “Shijie? Are you here?” She checked both fields, poked her head into the Blessed Land, knocked on the door of the freshly renovated house. But she was nowhere to be seen.

Then, suddenly, a flash of light. The same as the others when they teleported somewhere else. Mu Xia couldn’t wait to learn that technique. “Shijie, you’re home! I brought- ” She stopped short.

It... was Shijie. She could tell. But the usual flowing robes and perfectly styled hair were in horrible disarray, and covered in... substances. Mud was the least egregious of the substances, but Mu Xia could also see some sort of green-grey plant sap that smelled horrible, more green goop, and blood (?!) in various shades and consistencies. “Shijie?!”

Instead of asking for help or something, Shijie wobbled and mumbled, “whatimezit?”

“I...” Mu Xia checked the position of the sun. “Almost dusk.”

“Mmm,” Shijie nodded. “Worms.”

And she teetered off, in the direction of her silkworm hut. Mu Xia followed helplessly. As Shijie pulled a large bundle of mulberry leaves from her storage ring, Mu Xia asked, “Shijie, are you alright?”

Shijie nodded again. “Jss tired. Still got,” she paused, trying to visibly count up her remaining tasks.

That wouldn’t do at all! “No, you’ve got nothing to do until you’re cleaned up and rested!” Mu Xia spread the rest of the leaves over the worms, grabbing Shijie’s arm and pulling her towards the house.

Shijie pulled away before they could enter, detouring to the waterfall. To Mu Xia’s shock, she stood under it for a few minutes, allowing the water to wash away the substances. Then she stripped her clothes off, replacing them with a clean, dry set from her ring, while Mu Xia went “Eep!” and turned around.

Finally, Shijie sat down at her table, Mu Xia across from her. The waterfall had woken her up enough to speak in full sentences, so when Mu Xia set down the basket and opened the lid, her eyes lit up and she said, “Dumplings! Thank you Mu-shimei, I was starting to get hungry.”

“Aren’t you capable of inedia?” It wasn’t healthy, to survive on inedia for too long, but at the very least it prevented the feeling of hunger. Shijie didn't usually rely on it, but it was useful when she went to the secret realms and didn't want to fill up her storage rings with food.

Shijie made a noise of affirmation and swallowed her dumpling. “Yeah, but not for more than a few days. Maybe once I hit Core, but not yet.”

Mu Xia subtly pushed the plate closer. “What were you doing anyways?”

“I needed more golden disks. I used them all up learning spells, which means I don’t have enough for research and development, or to upgrade my axe.” Shijie ate another dumpling. Jin Li crept off of his nest and sniffed at one, then wrinkled his nose. “If I can do that, I can get past those ironwood tree roots that are blocking the path to the eastern forest, see if I can find out what’s in there. Maybe there’s a great treasure that we can use to rebuild the sect.” She looked critically at the half of a dumpling she was holding. “Do you think I can get seeds for chives? I’d like some more aromatics to work with, and these are good. Do you have the recipe?”

Mu Xia nodded. “I finished developing it today. If you liked them, I was going to introduce them to the inn menu.” Shijie had very good taste. If she liked something, odds were it would do well with many customers.

“The usual arrangement then.” Ingredients, to repay the time Mu Xia spent developing her recipe, and to thank her for her generosity. “Assuming I can get chive seeds in.”

“If you can, I’ll see about getting more recipes with them in.” Mu Xia fidgeted with her sleeve. “Shijie, is that. Is that how you usually look when you leave town for a few days?”

Shijie huffed, offended. “I wasn’t gone for a few days, I have to be back every day to feed the worms. They’re very important Mu-shimei.”

“Of course,” she said, conciliatory. “But why didn’t I see you yesterday then?”

A long moment of silence. Shijie was more awake, but still not to her usual calibre, it seemed, as it was taking her a minute to think that through. “Oh, I guess I did feed them at 3 in the morning yesterday. And the day before. And then it was straight back to the desert.”

“Shijie! How long has it been since you slept?” Another long pause, that Mu Xia didn’t let her finish. “Go to bed! Right now!”

“But I have to sweep the forest for flowers, and then I have to schedule some classes for tomorrow, and I need more krill so I have to fish some of those up tonight, and having more pearl dust is always useful and -”

“Go to bed!”

It took another few minutes of corralling her, but eventually Shijie was laying in her bed, Jin Li curled smugly on her chest, preventing her form moving. In just a few seconds, she was asleep.

Mu Xia breathed a sigh of relief. Then she got out her paper crane talisman. Shijie did so much for them. They could do a few things for her, at least for tonight.

#immortal Life #Mu Xia #Ji Yaohua #Li Mengqing #Did I intend the entire cast to be the girls? No #that's just kinda how it worked out when I was planning this out while walking six blocks in ten minutes to get to my next class #Based on various Elder Farmer discussions we've had on the discord #where Elder Farmer emerges from the mines after a week with a heart rending cry of 'MY WORMS!!!!'#or Elder Farmer mediates an argument between townspeople (because Elder Farmer is an Elder now and supposedly has the authority to do that)#and instead of offering advice just puts the two arguers to work on the potatoes #Elder Farmer is a Mess #is how most of us play I think #Terrible sleep schedule because there's no enforced bed time #staying in the realms for days on end #only emerging to Feed the Worms and harvest crops I guess #Chives sadly aren't available in game. Neither western chives nor Chinese chives (which these are supposed to be)#I guess green onions are but also. Not the same #there's also no garlic which I Suffer about daily #anyways play Immortal Life #it's a really cute farming game about rebuilding a cultivation sect after FIRE RAINS DOWN FROM THE SKY and destroys it #and there's an overarching plot of trying to find out why the fire rained down from the sky and destroyed the sect #and all the characters are so well written and unique and they all have strengths and flaws and they're so good and I love them all #Mu Xia got the spotlight here but I may do things with the others later #uh in case it wasn't clear don't be like Elder Farmer. Eat well. Sleep well. Don't forget to feed your worms.#Loxie's fics

2 notes · View notes

hella1975 · 1 year

Note

hella I keep getting edits with some sort of original version of waiting room?? on my fyp and I'm gonna be honest waiting room wasn't a song that did me in quite as badly as the rest of you but this version I keep hearing literally rips my heart straight open😭😭 like I've been planning on fixing the no waiting room on spotify issue by taking it into my own hands🏴‍☠️ but now I know it's gonna have to be this version I'm not even bothering with lost ark waiting room. it's just gonna be waiting room og bc what the fuck?? "I never grew up with you, and you're not my waiting room" what the fuck??? with the haunting background noises literally WHAT THE FUCK????????

OMG IVE SEEN THAT ONE everyone keeps going on about the vocals of 'and you're not my waiting room' but i really cant get over 'i never grew up with you' like what??? WHAT??????

#for some reason i rlly connected this song to a childhood friend of mine that im pretty sure ive at least vaguely mentioned on here before #but basically we were INSEPERABLE for years of my childhood and he was about 2 years older than me #so i think i was 5 and he was 7 when we met and we stayed friends until i went up to secondary school so SIX YEARS #and we literally spent all day together we'd play in the gardens and run about the place and we were both really outdoorsy #and obvs it was before proper tech really started coming in so it was when kids literally just got shoved outside for the day #and left to their own devices and it was GREAT like i remember him and that time so fondly #but he was also really messed up like he'd come from a lot of foster homes and he'd had every kind of abuse #and he'd finally been adopted by the couple on my street who just couldn't handle him bc their answer to his issues #was to spoil him and give him what he wanted so he just got worse bc he had a real violent streak in him #and obvs if you let that grow in a boy they're not gonna wake up one day and it'll be gone like. it's going to get malicious #and low and behold he started getting like actually dangerous like he choked his sister once and he got kicked out of school #bc he threated to BEHEAD A GIRL WITH AN AXE like really fucked up shit #but i was in a pick me moment bc he was always really nice and respectful to me until he wasnt #and even then ive never ever blamed him for it bc we were both young and he was so traumatised #and sooner or later we stopped hanging out and my mum was relieved bc that's how bad he was getting #and ive literally never spoken to him again. but he's just one of those people i think about all the time????#like idk if it's bc of what went down or bc of the age i was but he was a HUGE deal to me and my development #and for some evil fucking reason i think of him when i listen to waiting room especially the 'i know it's for the better'#bc i KNOW it's for the better i got away from him before he got really bad but still i so desperately wish i couldve helped him yk?#especially now i understand what abuse actually means and what he'd suffered which i had no idea about at the time #SO TO ADD 'I NEVER GREW UP WITH YOU' WHEN I FEEL LIKE I ABANDONED HIM AS CHILDREN?? STOPPPP #PHOEBE PLEASEEEE #anyway unnecessary rant over rori pls pirate this song for the masses pls pls the world needs you #ask

13 notes · View notes

mrburnsnuclearpussy · 1 year

Text

IM LITERALLY SHITTING AND DYING TO DEATH AND SCREAMING AND FUCKING AND EXPLODIKG LIKE THE FUCKIJG HORRIBLE COWOEKR FROM HELL WHO WAS MAKIJGBIUR LIVES MISERY AND WAS LITERALLY AFFECTING OUR MENTAL HELATH COZ SHE WAS SO AWFUL (and has recently finally been fired)………just fucking showed up at the psych ward today and now I have to live with HER I WANT TO KILL THIS IS ALMOST FUNNY BUT I swear to god I near had an anxiety attack when I saw her come in but anywayyy….

#obviously can’t say who where or any details out of privacy but this is anon so who cares #but I went to my first group #got a plan for tomorrow #got a fidget toy they gave to me lol which is cool coz it’s kind of like a ring as well #getting to know the blokes here and most are lovely chaps and one of the nurses even put an extra chair for me in the mens room because #i told her all about why I can’t be around her obvs #so that was like 🥺 and they’re all super respectful and supportive of my gender indenity and even offered if I wanted to change to the gende #gender neutral ward rather than the female #but I find this one is less busy and I’m a bit used to it now so I’m only going to request it if the anxiety of the coworker messes w my sle #sleep*#but god this is sooooo ducking uncomfortable #and the other two girls aren’t staying ik tonight so it’s just me and her on this corridor #either way I get extra phone time today because some of the staff are super lenient and teehee>:3 but I can’t tell anyone lol

7 notes · View notes

tamayokny · 8 months

Text

i am so sick of living with my parents it's unbearable at this point. i've been saying that once i get my master's and a full time job i'll move out but shit, maybe i'll just get my master's and dip.

they both treat me like a child, but the real hostile treatment comes from my mom. (no surprise!) she yells at me every day for some thing that pisses her off and she can find a way to pin it back to me somehow. then when i get angry and defend myself, i'm unteachable and unreasonable. that makes mom even more angrier because my responses are always, in some form, disrespectful towards her. it doesn't matter if i try to end the argument, call her a bitch, even if i may "agree" with her nothing satisfies her. and of course there's that passive-aggressive tension in the air but my mom pretends that nothing ever happened and i feel like i'm the one who blows things out of proportion when i'm still upset. i can't really hide it, either, so fuck me.

i'm just so sick of this. it's nice that i'm getting some help with living expenses, but i fucking hate living with my parents. my mom literally argues with me for the most mundane shit and for what!! ngl i feel like this is some "punishment" for not being married and having at least one kid by now. (i don't care, but that was my mom's life.) i also feel like my parents think i take advantage of them and never contribute to anything like all the "freeloading" adults who live with their parents. that topic is for another time, but even when i try to do more things around the house i'm told to step back so what am i supposed to do? it's a stalemate.

it's just frustrating and yeah, i really am paying rent with my mental health. i know i've been saying that once i secure a full time job i'll move out but with the way things are now, i may just move out as soon as i finish getting my degree. that's how fed up i am. and my mom is going to be in total shock when i barely contact her. not sure about dad but he's on thin ice too, idk if i can fully trust him.

#mads makes a text post #my vent is under the read more #but tldr:#my mom is always yelling at me for the tiniest things #and if i respond with anything *but* agreement i get called unteachable and she implies that i'm lying #(although even if i did agree she'd still get mad -- there's no winning with her)#and i am just so sick and tired of living in this household that treats me both like a child and adult #like fucking pick one but stop taking your anger out on ME #anyway i feel like i'm a teenaged girl living with mom again and that's the worst feeling i fucking HATED my mom...10 years ago #high school was rough let's just keep it at that #but the longer i stay here the more i lose my mind and the more i resent my mom #like she's such a hypocrite #and i think she wants me to be a wife and mother SO fucking bad too which just makes things worse #but if i ever have a children - especially daughters - i am going to make sure that i don't end up like my mom #like why does she not realize she's pushed both of her children (me and older sis) away???#it's just a mess i hate it here

6 notes · View notes