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cameronspecial · 1 day

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how about we go a lil angsty? the reader hadn’t yet told him about her being pregnant bcs she remembers Drew once said he doesnt know if he wants to be a dad and so she tried to bring the topic up with hypothetical questions and his answers not exactly the thing she wanted to hear so she went all silent and pulled herself away and stuff.

I dont wanna give it away, so please you decide the ending..either they communicate and Dad!Rafe rise or…

I Want This

Pairing: Dad!Drew Starkey x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Abortions and Miscommunication

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1.2K

Masterlist

Well… She doesn’t know what she expected the results to be, but this is definitely an answer. Y/N doesn’t even think she can focus on the opinion she has of this situation because all she can think about is Drew’s.

———

“Awww, Babe, look at this pic of Lils that Mac sent me,” he gushed, holding his phone up to his fiancée. She looked up from her laptop, “So cute. Ugh, I miss them so much. I mean look at those little baby rolls. I just want to cuddle the cutie.” He smiled and brought her head under the crook of his neck. “I know. We have to visit them soon. I’m so glad I have a niece. It means I can be the fun uncle forever and never have to be a dad,” he mindlessly thought out loud, going back to scrolling on his phone. This caused her to freeze; they never talked about having kids, but he was so good with them that she assumed he would want them. She should’ve asked him about it because she wanted them. She didn’t though. Kids were important to her and so was Drew. She wasn’t ready to cause a rift in their relationship because of something small.

———

Staring at the positive pregnancy test, she has to figure out a way to gauge how he would feel about it before actually telling him the truth. Once she knows how he feels, it will help her decide how she wants to feel about it seeing that if they are on the opposite page, then she would have to make a difficult decision. She shoves the positive tests into the box and hides them in her makeup drawer. He never goes looking there. She exits the bathroom, lets out a deep breath, and heads to the kitchen to start getting lunch ready. Drew is coming home from filming in Morocco later today. The music blasting through the speakers makes her unaware of the new presence in the house. He smiles at the dancing silhouette cutting potatoes. His hand drops over her eyes and she sets the knife down with a grin. Her arms wrap around her neck to bring him down towards her. This allows her to pepper his face with kisses. “Hey, you weren’t supposed to be back until tonight,” she notices, turning the music off. His hand rests on her hip, “I was, but I was offered an early flight and I couldn’t say no to seeing my girl early. I missed you and I love you.” She sinks into his hold. “I missed and love you too.”

The couple spend the next half an hour cooking together before settling themselves at the dining room table. Since they talked to each other throughout cooking, silence falls over them. A chime comes from his phone and he checks it to see a text from his sister. “Mac is planning on coming down with Lils and my mom soon. They can stay in the guest room, right?” Drew confirms, reading over the text again. She nods, “Yeah, I’ll get it ready over the weekend and buy one of those travelling crib things for Lils. It is going to be fun to have a baby around the house. The guest room would make a nice baby room in the future. It has nice big windows and the closet is the perfect size.” The chuckle that comes out of his mouth drops her stomach into a furnace.

“What’s so funny?” she questions. He shrugs, “Not the babysitting part. They could both use a break and I will never say no to spending time with my niece. It’s just the thought of having to turn the guest room into a baby room is funny.”

“Oh, why?”

“I don’t know. It’s a guest room. I mean where would our family stay when they come over?”

“Yeah, where would they stay?”

She should probably ask if he meant he can’t imagine the room as a baby room right now or if it was a forever thought; however, she is scared of the answer she is going to get so she shuts down the conversation. They sit in a new tension-filled silence that he pretends he can’t feel.

———

After lunch, Y/N retreats to the backyard to swing in the hammock. This tells him that she needs some space and he knows she is upset when she is still outside at eleven p.m. The friction of the patio door sliding against each other makes her turn to him. She doesn’t acknowledge his presence, waiting for him to say something. He places the plate of pasta he made for dinner onto the side table beside the hammock. “I found the pregnancy tests,” he states, bringing one of the patio chairs close to her. She freezes and sits up. Her legs swing over the fabric to face him, “How?” “Maddie helped me pick out clay pot Moroccan lipstick for you and I wanted to surprise you with it. I was going to hide it in your drawer…” he explains, eyes falling to his fingers and trailing off at the end. Her head moves up and down. Her thoughts are moving around her head a thousand miles a second. He is going to break up with her. He is going to make her have an abortion. Or worse. He is going to make her choose between the baby or him on the spot.

He grows nervous when she doesn’t say anything and his suspicions are confirmed. He understands why she is unsure about talking to him about this. The way he has spoken about having a baby in the past could’ve given her the wrong idea. He hesitantly reaches to place a hand on hers and does it when she doesn’t shy away. “I want you to know that the decision about what we do with the baby is up to you and I will be at your side during the whole process,” he assures. Her confusion causes tears to crop up in her eyes, “You don’t want the baby though. I know that, so if you are going to break up with me because I do, then just do it. But making me have to choose is kinda cruel.” His heart squeezes, hating that his words aren’t coming out as he means them to be. His head shakes like crazy and he sits beside her. He brings her head against his chest, “Babe, I don’t want to break up with you. I want to have this baby with you too.”

“You want the baby? Then how come you don’t think the guest room would be a good baby room?”

“Because my office would be a better one. The windows aren’t too big so it won’t wake the baby up in the morning and the closet there is even bigger, so when they get older they can have as many clothes as their heart desires.”

“Okay, you are right… What about when you said you want to be an uncle forever and never be a dad?”

“Honestly, I never really thought I would want to be a dad. I was content with being an uncle, but, Babe, when I found that pregnancy test, all I could think about was how happy I was to be bringing a child into the world with the most amazing woman in the world and I couldn’t wait to raise them with you.”

She leans back and rests a warm palm on his cheeks, trying to hold back her tears. “So you want to have this baby?” she verifies. He kisses the tears away, “I want this, Babe. I promise. We are going to do this. Together.”

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming @magicalyoura

#dad!drew #dad!drew starkey #drew #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey x you #drew starkey #drew starkey x y/n #drew starkey x female reader #drew starkey imagine

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mistywaves98 · 2 days

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I dont know if your still up for request but imagine nerd!scara sneaking his hands under the desk and fingering you while class is still going and the teacher nor the students even noticed how much of a mess you were and the way you kept on clenching your teeth. Hiding your face using the book.

(Smut ofc!.)

pleasee it would mean so much to me if you agreed to this! Its my first time requesting!

I was looking through my inbox and saw this and I just had to write it

✧･ﾟ:* ->Scaramouche fingering you in class!

✧･ﾟ:* ->¡Warnings!: Fingering, NSFW, Fem! Reader, Sub! Reader, Edging, Orgasm Denial, Public sex (?),

You didn't think much of it when Scaramouche rested his hand on your thigh during a lecture. That is, until his fingers found themselves pushing aside your panties and circling your clit.

You jolted and shot him a glare, blood rushing to your cheeks at the unexpected contact. He merely smiled down at you through his glasses, making no effort to remove his hand from its position slotted between your legs. You were so thankful that the both of you were seated to the back of the room, otherwise one look at your flushed face would've given it away.

You bit your lip hard to try and conceal the moan bubbling in your throat as he eased a long digit into your tight cunt, gradually adding more till he was three fingers in, knuckle deep. Scaramouche couldn't hide his smile as he slowly pumped them in and out of you, feeling your thighs clamp shut around his hand. You didn't know how he could be so unbothered by this, writing down notes and listening to the professor attentively while you're practically falling apart next to him.

Attempting to protest proved futile as whenever you opened your mouth, he'd give his fingers a sharp thrust, causing a moan to leave your mouth. He grinned to himself as he saw you smack a hand over your mouth to try and muffle your noises as well as hide your reddened face. Deciding to get a bit more daring, he curled the digits inside of you, nudging your sweet spot just right before giving his hand another thrust. As expected, a whine left you before you could muffle it as you hunched over your desk.

This caused a couple nearby heads to turn, which only served to embarrass you further as you hid your face in your arms as you laid it on the desk. This only fueled Scaramouche's desire to torment you further, picking up his pace a bit but keeping it steady enough so that the lewd squelching of his digits in your pussy wouldn't be heard.

His thumb traced gentle figure eights over your throbbing clit, making your breath hitch as you felt your orgasm approaching. He noticed it too, from the way your chest heaved and the more your gummy walls contracted around him. However, just when you were about to climax, the bell rings and Scaramouche slides his fingers out with a cruel smirk on his face. You sat up immediately, almost groaning in frustration as you feel your high dying down.

Scaramouche revels in your desperation as you look at him, need and desire clear in your eyes,"Class is done, you know. You should pack up and go for lunch..." The way your eyes trail after him longingly as he grabs his things and exits the classroom makes him feel powerful as he leaves you there in a mess of your own juices.

#genshin smut #smut #x reader smut #genshin impact smut #genshin impact x reader smut #✧･ﾟ:* meena's memos! ✧･ﾟ:*#scaramouche smut #scaramouche x reader smut #scara smut #scara x reader smut

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zaynesaurora · 2 days

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ʟ&ᴅꜱ ! reaction to bedroom talk/noises — (MDNI)

a/n: idk i had some loose thoughts and tried to turn them into something, might be nothing ! bonus boys both got promoted for this one though because im insane about caleb in particular rn

zayne ! gets off on ambient noises. the rain battering the window panes, the crackling of a wood fire, the thump of the headboard against the wall- he’s romantic like that. he's pretty quiet broadly speaking when it comes to sex and so he enjoys when the atmosphere helps him to express his feelings, his own noises typically being the air escaping his nose in heavy puffs.

he has one sound he enjoys above all those though, always prefacing it with a gentle "are you ready, my love?"- before slipping himself into your awaiting walls, revelling in the gasp that follows in response.

accompanying it will always be the sounds of kissing. zayne pulling you under the sheets, wet lips planting themselves where ever he can reach- the dip of your collar bone being top of the list as he takes you chest to chest in his own perfected version of white noise. an instrumental that makes your skin burn until he stills above you, professing his love with a groan.

xavier ! forgets who he is, who you are, where he is, what hes doing- mind blank but his mouth works overtime to chant a chorus of "yes, Yes YES" with every drop of your hips, descending on him with precision.

if he could see himself from your perspective, he'd probably be unbelievably embarrassed- unaware of the drool thats collecting in the creases at the corners of his lips with every breathy mumble, voice horse from the sheer amount of satisfaction rushing through his veins and off his tongue. the same dewy look would be collecting in his eyes. pretty blues glassing over in a way that makes him look unresposive. he'd fail to let you know he was going to come. too caught up in his own choir to give it even a fleeting thought.

breathing would be laboured after the matter, lungs struggling to catch up with themselves as he comes back to his senses. he'd be slung right off of cloud nine when you start giggling beside him- suddenly aware that he has no idea what he was saying, or the noises he was allowing to be known. you had no idea a human being could change colour so fast.

rafayel ! has fun in sex. teasing nature seeping into all aspects of your life with him regardless of certain activities so it's completely expected that your shared quaters are filled with laughter and bickering even with him burried inside you- elegant hands swatting at your arse randomly to hear you yelp in surprise for him ( he's also doing it bc it makes you tighten around him but shh)

rafs tone would alter to have a more commanding edge as the pleasure really sets in, "dont you dare stop" being a phrase often thrown around and his nails sinking further into your skin- each time it's laced with a snarl that almost makes him seem intimdating if he wasn't belly laughing only a few minutes ago.

unfortunately, or fortunately in his case, he grows impossibly hard at the thought of someone hearing you guys- his pride and ego stroked thinking of an accidental visitor learning how healthy his sex life is, poor thomas has to do damage control fairly often to keep his reputation in good light.

caleb ! has a filthy, rotten mouth when he's caught in such an act. not really in a humiliation sense but more in that he swears like a sailor- each sentence broken or seperated by various profanities as he bigs his game up to egg you one. he won't admit it ever but his wordy displays are defenitely not rhetorical. he needs, and wants, you to let him know that he's doing you well.

"fuck baby, you lik- fuck, you like that dont you?", he'd hum into your ear, sweaty foreheads pressing together in an attempt to be as close to you as humanly possible- each question laced with a sweet pet name.

this boy has a unhealthy addiction to the sound of skin on skin, heavy plat plat plats ricochetting of the walls in a steady hyponitc rhythm that knocks all remaning sanity out of his head and into his dick. he’d drive into you for hours after he’s slipped into exhaustin just to hear the way it becomes messier, stickier- wetter as he annouces his orgasm to you.

jeremiah ! desperately tries to keep himself as quite as possible, shyness seeping into his bones when a stray moans slips from behind his lips- a soft note from the back of his throat that makes his ears flush a painful, deep red and his lip catch between his teeth until the skin breaks and theres a metalic tinge to his delicate kisses.

would have the tendancy to be higher pitched when he's in the bedroom, somewhat squeaky in his efforts to keep a lid on his excitement and would just about explode at the sound of your voice carrying him toward a sweet release- air coming out in hurried pants as his shoulders start to shake, stomach convulsing in waves with each desperate attemp to fill his chest and focus his mind.

"atta boy miah", he ascendes. literally. minimal contact with the mattress when his being raises in an attempt to escape you and get closer at the same time.

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only-ellies · 2 days

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hii faith! i hope you’re doing well 💝

if you aren’t too busy .. it would be so amazing if you could write ellie’s reaction to fem!readers hidden stretch marks.

i’ve got some of my own and i never knew why people were so embarrassed of theirs until i developed mine, i think they’re beautiful—i just need that lil extra confidence sometimes!

A/n: Hii!! Thanks for the ask and sorry if I couldn't respond quickly. I have stretch marks too, and I actually struggle with my confidence with their look, so this actually might heal something in me too! Again thanks for the ask, your the first one! I hope this is similar to what you were expecting!

You and Ellie were play-fighting, as always. It was something you guys did when one of the two had a bit of playful attitude, whether it's about something one of you guys did, or everyday tasks. Today though, you were doing homework and ellie was getting SICK OF IT. She had been waiting for 2 hours just for you to finish, and while you were almost done, she was at the brink of her boredom. "Babeeeee" she said, elongating the E. You already knew what she was gonna ask, because she had asked it every 5 minutes. "Baby, im ALMOST done, like 30 more minutes.." . She scoffed, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes, "You said that 30 minutes ago, and your still not done.." You could hear the attitude in her voice, it was prominent. You grabbed the pillow that was behind your back on the chair, and threw it at her face, "Who do you think your giving attitude too, hmm?" Ellie knew what this meant, and it was so on! Couple minutes later, you were straddling her lap, pinning her down. She was laughing, having a full attack of giggles. She then had an idea, she would pull up your shirt and pull it over your face! That's the perfect attack! She quickly got her hands free, and pushed your shirt up, but you pulled it down immediately. "Baby? Why'd you pull your shirt down.." you slowly let her lift your shirt back up, and she looked at you stomach and hips. "Babe, what were you hiding?" You look up at her.. "Can't you see? My stretch marks, they pop out.." Ellie looks up from your stomach, frowning, "Love, do you think I care. Not in a rude way but, I don't care about your stretch marks I love you the way you are!" You were flabbergasted, you were super insecure about them, and the fact Ellie encouraged you that they were fine made you super surprised, but also happy. "Really? You dont think their ugly?" Now it was Ellies turn to be surprised. Why would she think they were ugly? "Babe, they are beautiful, they add to you and make you unique!" You began to kiss her cheek, leaving small pecks everywhere... "Thank you baby.." you said starting to lay on her chest..

"Of course, anything for my pretty girl" She said rubbing your hips, and tracing the stretch marks.

#ellie williams x reader #tlou part 2 #ellie williams #wlw #lesbianism #sapphic

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redr0sewrites · 22 hours

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ATSV Characters with a Goth S/o

heeeeeyyyyyy guys 😇 *slowly sliding the 100+ REQUESTS in my inbox to the side to make room for a new special interest*

🥀Cw: none, mostly fluff!!!

🥀Pairing(s): Hobie x reader, Miles x reader, Miguel x reader, Spot x reader

Hobie

he would LOVE any type of alternative partner tbh- he just LOOOVESSS that ur goth and will support you 100%

people who go against societies expectations/standards and don't fit in with the norm intrigue him, and your style is probably what piqued his interest in the first place

y'all definitely wear matching fits sorry i don't make the rules- hobie just can't pass up the opportunity to match w you!!! whenever you go to meetings within the spider society he always brings you along, regardless of whether or not you're a spiderperson and hobie loves showing off you and your style

MAJOR "THATS MY PARTNER‼️" VIBES

look me in the eyes and tell me hobia would not absolutely rock some funky eyeliner LIKEEEEE- he def lets you practice on him and will do your makeup for you too!!!

hobie loves thrifting with you, there is no way he isn't a major thrifter and you both definitely DIY a lot of your clothes

HE MAKES YOU GUYS MATCHING PUNK BATTLE VESTS FOR YOUR ANNIVERSARY, AND MAKES SURE THAT IT MATCHES UR AESTHETIC AS WELL!!

hobie absolutely has BLESSED music taste, but while he usually listens to rock, punk, dad rock, or post-punk type of music, i def see him enjoying more gothic/new wave music- especially if u introduce it to him!!!

i see him enjoying bauhaus, sisters or mercy, scary bitches, etc- he'll also give YOU a lot of music recommendations and help to expand ur taste!

hobie would also accompany you to any protests or conventions that you wanted to attend, and would act as your scary dog privileges

YOU TWO DEFINITELY GO TO CONCERTS TOGETHER OMG. I TOTALLY SEE THAT AS A SPONTANEOUS DATE THAT YOU TWO ENJOY A LOT

honestly hobie is a lovely partner to have if you are goth, and he's not only supportive but VERY enthusiastic about your fashion and lifestyle!

Miles

hes such a sweetheart!!! he definitely supports you if you're goth and asks a LOOOT of questions lmao

miles draws you and your fashion a lot, and will def design makeup or eyeliner ideas for you too!!! while ik this is more associated with punk, i also see miles drawing you a few custom patches and stuff like that

your kind of like his muse in a way, and miles just really enjoys sketching you, especially since you have such a unique aesthetic and such cool outfits

HE HAS DEFINITELY GRAFFITIED U SOMEWHERE‼️

he loves watching you get ready and do your makeup. seeing you do perfect eyeliner wings and heavy makeup in general lowkey relaxes him, and he just loves admiring you

im sorry but miles knows absolutely nothing about goth music or culture, ur gonna have to introduce him to a lot of the songs/bands!!!

while i don't think he's huge on the music at first, i think it would grow on him over time. its definitely the type of thing that he loves because YOU love it, and he sees how mu much you enjoy it so he starts listening to it as well so he can talk to you about it

i think his favorite band would be the cure, and his fav songs would either be boys dont cry or the walk (both by the cure- idk why thats so specific but they just kinda fit his vibe yk?)

miles likes holding hands a lot, and he loves when you wear rings or gloves or something along those lines because it just reminds him so much of you! your hands just feel different compared to other peoples and he just loves how unique you are

if you have a lot of piercings, miles would definitely ask about them or buy you specific jewelry for piercings!!!!

overall, very very cute and supportive about your style!!! (he lowkey gives bi wife energy, and iyk what in talking ab then ily mwah)

Miguel

he's pretty indifferent to your style at first, i don't see him as the type to judge much based on appearances. its your personality that really throws him for a loop, and a part of him admires your dedication to making yourself look how you want to look and truly living to be your best self, regardless of what others think

if you think miles knows nothing about being goth then be prepared for miguel bc he knows NOTHINGGGG- no music, no history, no political views, zero, zilch, nada, goose egg

if he cares about you i do see him being intrigued about your style, and once you two are officially dating is when he'll show more interest in your personal fashion sense

he strikes me as the type to like, NEVER listen to music, so he literally only listens to the music you like!!! he does find himself occasionally humming the tune of some strawberry switchblade song or casually listening to a siouxsie and the banshees song while he works, and over time you influence him a LOT with your music taste. he definitely associates any and all goth music with YOU, and that's probably why he starts enjoying it.

he's a "hand on you at all times" type of guy, and while he is rarely touchy with others, miguel is definitely keeping you close. your fashion makes that convenient for him, and he loves pulling you into a kiss by grabbing onto your belt loop or something of the sort

miguel loves how you look with and without makeup on and isn't afraid to tell you that, however, he really likes it if you incorporate his colors or color scheme into your makeup one day. he'll never admit it, but you keep catching him admiring you with the smallest smirk on his face every few seconds

if anyone ever gave u shit for what you wear and how you dress, especially someone in the spider society, you'd practically have to restrain miguel from drop kicking them across nueva york- he doesn't want anyone to be rude to you , and while he knows you can stand up for yourself, he just gets protective at times

Spot

goth? whats that???

he's lowkey such a nerd, and spends too much time being science-y and planning on how to beat spiderman to actually get caught up on fashion

spot doesn't know how he pulled you tbh, but he appreciates you nonetheless!!! he thinks you and your aesthetic are something to be admired, and will unabashedly tell EVERYONE he knows about you

he will shoplift any clothing or jewelry that you want, and he'll even take you to other dimensions where there are better alternative clothes as well

spot doesn't really have a face to do makeup on, but he'll offer to do yours for you! surprisingly enough he's pretty good at it, though he does work pretty slowly

spot loves fiddling with your accessories, whenever he's standing near you he's always reaching out to touch you in some way shape or form. he loves playing with any chains or necklaces you wear, and will help adjust them so that they lay correctly

he helps you get ready in the morning!!!!! if ur the type of goth to wear corsets, he makes lacing them up SO easy and will gladly do it for you

i personally hc that spot HATES seeing himself in mirrors/pictures, it reminds him sm of what he used to look like, but he LOVES taking photos of you and your style!! whenever you are wearing a cute outfit or have funky makeup on, spot adores just taking photos of you

if you ever did a makeup look inspired by him and his spots he would probably CRY :(

URGRHHRHHRRR I LOVE ATSV SMMMMMMM!!!! this post will DEFINITELY have a pt2 w more characters!!!!! i swear tho atsv literally pulled me out of the most horrendous burnout ever i FELT the artblock and writing block lift off of my body as i watched it. IM SO INVESTED I MADE A SPIDERSONA...

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lightlycareless · 3 days

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Hii! I just wanted to let you know that I'm a big fan of your work!

I started of with discovering your "First it Hurts" fic on ao3, then being updated to your every post cus I look forward to every fic or hc's you make!

Also, I loved the valentines special post 💗💗 BUT IM SO CURIOUS ABOUT NAOYA'S LETTER AHH, anyways I just wanted to let yknow that I love your fics and the way you write Naoya! I hope you continue writing fics about him since there's a scarcity on Naoya fics HAHAHA, but I dont mean to pressure you! Please take your time, and I'm eagerly waiting for your new fics!

Hello!!

Awww thank you so so so much!! I'm so happy you're liking it so far!!!!! 🥺❤️ akajghajkghasgjas as well as my oneshot :>

Also, I'd like to apologize for the delay; I'm slowly working my way through requests, the main fic, and the weird schedule for my job 💀 I greatly appreciate your support and patience 🥺❤️ Also, I'll be writing Naoya fics for like, ever. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE HIM ANIMATED OMG ALL THE INSPIRATION.... gotta keep this small part of the fandom alive!!!!

Now... to the letter.... I feel like it would've gone something like this:

warnings: naoya is a prick, no surprise. but... he has feelings, just that he doesn't know what to do with them. this is the oneshot anon is referring to.

Happy reading!

Y/N.

I didn’t think letters were still written in these times, outside of elderly people and the socially inept, but I suppose that for certain occasions they are still necessary.

By the time you get this you’ll probably already have an idea of where I’m going with it, yet I’ll still write it down.

I cannot deny that you came onto my life in the most unexpected way, not necessarily the best either.

I didn’t like your siblings, and I still don’t. I think of them to be nothing but highly annoying, arrogant, especially your sister who seems to parade herself around Gojo and the privilege she had of knowing him.

Your brother is somewhat… calmer in that aspect, he tends to keep to himself, and I respect that. Everyone should be like that, you know?

But I’m not here to talk about them, of course, I’m here to talk about you.

When I heard that you were going to enroll, I wasn’t thrilled, I genuinely thought great, another nuisance was to grace the school grounds—I already had this preconceived idea of you and was more than ready on keeping it… until I finally I saw you.

I’m sure you’ve heard this a thousand times already, someone like you must’ve undoubtedly… but you are the prettiest girl I have ever seen in my life. Your beauty is so mesmerizing, I couldn’t believe it was real—anyone thinking otherwise is either blind, stupid, or lying. Or maybe all at the same time.

I didn’t accept those feelings at first, tried my hardest to ignore them and go back to disliking you, find a reason to hate you and move on.

But I couldn’t, and when I heard your laughter, saw your smile, or the cute way your eyes twinkled whenever you were excited about something, I knew it was impossible for me to disregard it any further.

My feelings for you had only grown more and more as time passed, and now, I find it physically impossible to contain them, but still hard to express them to you in person.

So, I resorted to this letter, which I hope will be able to accurately convey what I feel for you, if only for a fraction, until then.

What I mean to say is… If you let me, Y/N, I can show you how special you are to me.

I can give you all that you want in the world—it doesn’t matter what, whether it being money, or the stars themselves—I will not spare any expense to give you what you deserve, and I shall assess that every day of my life until my death, starting with the gifts I’ve sent you today, alongside those waiting in your dorm.

I shall call you mine. No other man will be able to lay a hand on you, and I won’t allow any other woman to do the same to me either. My eyes will solely keep to you, and you alone; I expect you to do the same.

And in turn… I don’t ask much, except that you see me the same cheerful, adorable way you see others when happy, the one that has me completely enthralled, unable to keep it off my mind for more than one second, and… accept me into your heart.

If you so decide it appropriate to get to know each other better, you know where to find me. I shall await your response.

Naoya.

As you can see, Naoya isn’t overtly romantic or good with words (I mean, the slander at the beginning lol) but he tries, as genuinely as possible—his honesty is a virtue to appreciate lol. Also, he was TREMBLING while writing this, if not crying hahaha he really almost died when he wrote you were the prettiest girl in the whole while world.

He’ll become more comfortable with it, of course, he’s a man that can’t hold himself when it comes to talking. But it’s nice to see him all shy for once 😊

Akgjakogja I’m so happy you all liked this little oneshot—I know it was quite the bomb to drop on valentine’s day, but I swear, it’s a happy ending story :>

If there’s more you want to know about that oneshot/au just let me know, I’ll be more than happy to indulge!!

Take care, and hope to see you soon!!!

#ask #naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #prompt series: jujutsu kaisen

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karasuno-writings · 1 day

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Hallo from your neighbourhood lurker I have but a simple request for our lovely bois and I can’t get it out of my head so I decided to put it into yours dear author,

I would like headconnons of them sleeping, let me elaborate I want sleeping hcs like what would it be like to sleep next to them and so on

What would be your nightly routine with them, I would like to request for these hcs for the following bois, iwa, bokuto and tendo

TLTR: sleeping hcs with Iwa, Bokuto and Tendo

Thank you for reading

Have a good day/night

From your local neighbourhood lurker

SLEEPING IN - IWAIZUMI, TENDOU AND BOKUTO

Hello friendly neighborhood lurker jejeje; I LOVED this request so much, I adore joint night routines and there is something so lovely about waking up on a lazy day next to your loved one, thank you so much for this request! I hope you like it!!

I’m also so terribly sorry for the delay! Last week was busier than expected and coincidentally I’ve been tired out of my mind due to lack of sleep jejej

I recommend you listen to “Sunday morning” by Maroon 5 because a lazy morning with these boys would definitely sound like that!

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

Iwaizumi is very disciplined and his daily routines are no exception, and once you come into the picture you made his nights way better, he always looks forward to spending the last hours of his day with you

After a long day at the gym coming home to you and to your home gives him immense comfort. The first thing the two of you do is cook dinner; he is a surprisingly ok cook, and just having the two of you in the kitchen with music in the background is pure bliss.

He loves to just hug you from behind, swaying, while you tell him about your day. Hidden in the crook of your neck you only feel him hum to make you know he is listening, planting soft kisses every once in a while.

He likes to shower after dinner, and you are always welcome to join him if you feel like it, specially if you are going to help him wash his hair (He always helps you wash yours)

He does have a skin-care routine, and if you do too he likes to have the two of you together in the bathroom, music still in the background, while he shaves and washes his face (He WILL do facemasks if you ask, also his aftershave smells so good, kinda like soft wood and rain)

He likes to sleep as early as possible. He gets super sleepy after 10 o'clock and will start just laying his head on your shoulder and walking slowly behind you until you go to bed. If you take too long he will just lift you up bridal style and tuck you in.

He likes to watch stuff before going to bed, especially if you’ve been watching a show or movie together; HOWEVER do not be surprised if he falls asleep just sitting down. If you nudge him he will make himself comfortable and wrap his arms around you and you can either join him or keep watching, he does not mind as long as he can cuddle you

If he sees you falling asleep before him he will pause whatever you are watching get you comfortable and just play with your hair, running his hands up and down your as he falls asleep

He gives the best cuddles ever, the only downside is that he is a human heater so if there is a particularly hot month be prepared to sweat

He does not budge a bit in the night, and he has a deep sleep, so if you move dont worry about him, however good luck trying to stand up if you need to pee because he pulls you right back in as he sleeps soundly

His favorite position to sleep is when you rest your head on his chest and wrap an arm around him while he wraps his arms around you, kind of like a half spoon, he feels so safe holding you. If you get tired in the middle of the night he likes to be the big spoon, he is contempt with having a lazy arm around you

If there is work to do he is an early riser, he gives you a kiss on the forehead and makes you both either coffee or tea while you shake off your own sleepiness. If you got stuff to do and you refuse to wake up he starts by nudging you, until he gives up and starts hitting you with pillows. He loves the angry look on your face while you scold him for being rude, hoping a kiss on the cheek makes up for the trouble

HOWEVER, if there is no rush he loves to spend a lazy morning. He still wakes up early, he cannot help it, but he takes his time basking in your sunlit sleepy face, tracing your body with featherlight fingers while he waits for you to wake up; he can stare at you for hours

He loves taking you to eat breakfast outside on lazy days, using it as an excuse to take a morning stroll on the closest park while you chat and drink coffee

TENDOU SATORI

Tendou is more of an “on-the-go” guy, he does not have a set sleeping routine, still, there is stuff he likes to get done at night

He does not particularly like cooking, as opposed to baking, so either you are eating leftovers, takeout or he is baking some kind of either sweet or savory pastry for the two of you, depending on his mood on that particular night and how much you beg for him to make you your favorite treat.

He loves to blast love songs while baking so if the pastry is in the oven he will karaoke with you while he spins and guides you to the beat. GIve him kisses while the two of you dance and he will melt.

He does not have a face routine but he does wash his face, he has a set of soap and lotion, nothing too fancy. However he is a big fan of you giving both of you facemasks while you watch something on the tv and talk about the day that just passed.

He suffers from insomnia so he usually sleeps pretty late, he hates just tossing and turning around in bed so if you want to go to sleep he will bring some manga, or watch a youtube video. He sometimes feels like he is bothering you with the dim light of his phone so he tries to use it as little as possible.

Due to that, he is a chatter bug; it can be 3 o’ clock in the morning and you will hear him shuffle to face you before asking either the deepest stuff or just a variant of “What type of pizza do you think I would be?”

If you don’t answer because you are asleep he monologues his ideas or talking about the latest manga he read while playing with your hair and staring at your sleepy face, he thinks you look the most adorable when asleep.

He adores being the little spoon, there is something so comforting to him about being held, so he loves the feeling of your arms around him and your sleepy breath on his neck

Moves little in the night but he is a light sleeper and will wake up briefly if you move, but he does not mind much; uses it as an excuse to snuggle closer

Tendou is not particularly a morning person, but if he wakes up accidentally he has a hard time falling asleep again. Still, since sleeping next to you he finds it easier to soothe himself to sleep, so he’ll just nudge you and go “You hug me”, while grabbing your arms and tucking himself between them. if you comply he is the happiest and just hums a little to help him fall asleep once more

Likes to shower in the mornings because it helps him wake up fully and feel fresh, even if you are in a hurry, the second you step inside the shower he forgets so he takes his time just talking to you about what he dreamt.

He likes lazy mornings because he takes his time to fall asleep as many times as need be. He likes the morning haze and just seeing your sleepy face, as he gets closer to you, your warmth enveloping him to soothe him back to sleep, he will wake up whenever you want, which means that it can be 1 o’ clock and the two of you are still entangled in bed, talking softly or maybe watching something on the tv, not caring about anything in the world.

He is also a big napping enthusiast and his favorite naps are with you. He gets super sleepy due to his messed sleep schedule so just getting to nap with you or even next to you while you do something else really calms him down.

BOKUTO KOTAROU

He walks in after a long day of work and most of the time he just goes “Come on Y/N let’s go on an adventure!”, which is a fun way of naming your dates whether it is going to the movie theater, for dinner, or just to the park.

Bokuto loves to go out at night so most of the time dinner and a stroll through the city is the plan, either that or drive-throughs and blasting music while you park the car nearby in order to eat and talk.

If you don’t feel like going out it’s okay! You can either order food or eat some trustworthy cereal or fruit while he asks you all about your day. Please, ask about his day too, he loves to feel like you want to listen to him, and he always has fun anecdotes, you will not regret it.

He takes aaaaaages showering, it is his own personal concert, he has aromatic candles, dim lights and a speaker set; you can hear him sing loud and proud, and he bases his playlist on the mood of the day.

If you join him in the shower he will either perform most of the songs for your amusement or make you duet with him, he appreciates it if you wash his hair while he sings, and will totally return the favor

After the shower his energy levels fall and he is more cuddly, hugging you from behind while you wash your face and finish your own routine

He does not have a set face wash routine but will not complain if you offer to wash his face or otherwise. He will be humming with his eyes closed while you do so (there is always accidental ingestion of beauty products secondary to him not being able to shut up for more than 3 minutes)

He does not mind whether he sleeps late or early, but he tries to make sure to always sleep his eight hours, after all, being a high performance athlete comes with responsibilities

He does not have a to-go sleeping position, it depends a lot on how the two of you get comfortable, still, he HAS to be touching you on at least one point, even if it’s only by his foot rubbing yours. Not that it matters because he is a hurricane in his sleep and most of the time he ends up hugging you by either an arm or a leg , and also hogging most of the bedsheets

He snores super lightly every once in a while. Also, he has a habit of sleep-talking. If he says something and you answer he will hold a conversation, it will make no sense at all to you, but it is very endearing to hear him talk.

He is a deep sleeper, a truck could run him over and he won’t budge, and in the mornings it is no different, he has a lot of difficulties waking up, which only gets amplified when he feels your warmth next to him, hugging you close and grunting when the alarm clock sounds for the third time.

That is also the reason why he loves weekends, just knowing the two of you have nowhere to go and nothing to do but cuddle. He likes to play a movie and have the two of you watch it half-asleep before going to fix some breakfast.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #kiki writes #iwaizumi x reader #tendou x reader #bokuto x reader

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justallihere · 3 days

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i'm going insane bc i was away for the weekend and left my phone alone (god bless) and came back to a whole chapter PLUS love declaration PLUS forehead kiss ?? omg.....

Mira is not letting Xaden rest like ever, I do wonder what Violet told her while Xaden was prepping her bath tho.

“Not if it bothers you, they can’t,” said Xaden. “I’ll make sure they keep it away from you.”

oh he wants violet to be comfortable so baaaad he's the embodiment of "is the sun bothering you queen" and im so here for it.

i'm totally fine and sane over xaden washing violet's hair im not kicking my feet or anything and im definetely not crying over how soft they are and how much trust must violet have on him bc she's letting him touch her hair after it being threatned to be cut.

forehead touches are my faaaav so u can imagine how well fed i am after this chapter and for that i say thank you alli *dramatically bows*

Xaden not wanting her to feel like she wasnt love so he just declares himself to her had me weak, like it could've been this grand gesture but nothing between them has ever been planned or expected so he just winged it and it was perfectly what she needed. talk about soulmates !!

when u told us the declaration was gonna hurt i didnt have this imagined in my mind but im so glad it happened this way and not the way i thought it was gonna happen. it was so bittersweet !!

ALSO she def knows she loves him shes just not ready to admit it bc in no way in hell would she ask him to say after he declared himself if she didnt know she also felt something

also the way they first slept i know xaden neck was complaining

also violet reminded me of a cat who always try to get closer in their sleep. she just wants to cuddle !! and shes so real for that

Rhiannon is truly a bestie!! not her terrorrizing the love interest we love a ride or die bestie, even if sometimes she's unresonable

“You whisked her away before anyone could check on her.”

bestie there was not one single part of her that wasnt broken what was the man supposed to do *cries* but i do understand her stress

SLOANE MAIRI !!! not her calling the king of tyrrendor her brother i love that for her !! she's a princess so true. also i looove xaden and liam's talk it wasnt too cheesy bc tbh they dont operate like that but it was so genuine !!

can the guards chill !!

Garrick is just like me!! i too love gossip and will put my hands on it as soon as i can. but garrick its been like 12 hours wait a little longer or violet herself will call u out again. but also not garrick begging xaden no rule to country and he's just like "no <3" love that for him his wife just got back running a country is very far from his mind.

“Is that what you told her to do?” Rhiannon raised an eyebrow. “Get over it?” “No, but you’re not her, are you?”

He's so ??!!

the development of violet a few chapters ago being like "he didnt hold me while we slept bc there had been no excuses for it in Aretia" to now being like "im gonna curl into your arms so hard you'll never escape" and honestly good for them !!

anywayyyy i LOVED this chapter

lol a lot happened this weekend, welcome back!!!

Xaden’s literal one and only concern is Violet and her comfort, fuck everything else. I’m totally not fine and sane about the hair washing so I guess we balance each other out 🫶🏻

They are very much soulmates!! Xaden didn’t plan to fall in love with her, of course he didn’t plan some grand declaration of it either, we’re just going with what feels right. Violet is a grumpy little kitten yes you’re right

Rhiannon is stressed as hell, like give her best friend back RIORSON where is she

Garrick needs both gossip and for Xaden to do his job and he’s getting neither of those things! Too bad so sad!

Thank you!!!! 🩷

#storm in the quiet

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mattzerella-sticks · 2 years

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What if the prequel IS the fix-it fic and this is actually set in a world where 15x20 didn't happen, Sam and Eileen are setting up a hunter network, and while the main plot is him learning about his parents the subplot is him figuring out how to get Cas back/move on from Cas's 'death'

#supernatural #spn #the winchesters #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #deancas #I FOUND A WAY #TO CONNECT IT BACK TO DESTIEL #manifest this babey #slim chance of being right but WHY the Cas shot if Cas won't have a presence #maybe the pilot ends with Dean at THEE barn and thinking back to when he met Cas #MAYBE HE'S WRITING TO CAS THE LOVE STORY OF HIS PARENTS #he begins every journal entry with Dear Cas...#ALSO #give it to them in a way they dont expect #the SPN reboot being wrapped within the prequel

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bonefall · 4 months

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I’m rereading Po3 and despite its flaws I really enjoyed the introduction to the three. Jaykit isn’t mentioned to be blind in the first few chapters and instead they chose to show how much MORE capable he is compared to his littermates; until at the end of chapter 3, he brings up his blindness on his own. It makes forcing him to be a medicine cat SO much more frustrating because it really feels like they’re setting him up to be a warrior and choose his own fate (note i haven’t finished the reread this is just my first impression)

I like how you seem to take that path in BB regardless! It makes his arc so much more enjoyable

His arc in canon is super frustrating because he's such an independent character who clearly wants to make his own decisions in life, but then he just gets shoved into the medcat den. I LIKE that he ultimately goes there and that he enjoys it; but it was still really fucked up that they stripped away his autonomy in the process.

Re: they are not real, they are writing choices. Taking away the choices a disabled character can make over their own life, forcing them into a celibate nun role, and then going "awwwww dont worry see? he likes it! This was the best thing for him :)" was fucked up.

And imo it didn't have to be that way! You wouldn't have to go the FULL route I did with big changes, he could just be more involved in the descision to stop being a warrior apprentice and it would be fine. Minor change that would make a world of difference.

I do also have to interject to say though... blindness should really not be an extremely severe impairment for a ThunderClan cat.

I'm dead serious.

Whiskers are built-in sensors that tell you the exact position of everything within several inches of your head, ears swerve to pick up sound, and the jacobson's organ provides a sense of smell so keen that I have an entire Clanmew expansion draft because I needed to make WORDS describing the power of this sense that humans do not have. I cannot stress enough how delicate their other senses are, felines do not rely on their sight like primates do

ThunderClan lives in a mixed-oak woodland, where sight is already often obscured by foliage, objects are close together (for whiskers to feel), and nearly every movement makes noise against the leaf litter. RiverClan and (moor-running) WindClan cats would have a harder time with this disability than Thunder or Shadow.

Cat sight SUCKS to begin with. It sucks BADDD. They don't have color vision, they're significantly nearsighted, and they can't track up-and-down movements well. WC doesn't write realistic cats (more like small fuzzy people really) and I also work with more humanesque eyesight, but the only thing Jay should really lose is an ability to rapidly track a small animal swerving fast. Blind cats are often still excellent hunters in spite of that!

So it's an extra big waste that they railroaded him into a position he didn't choose, saying he couldn't be a warrior. This is the perfect disability to write, if you want to explore how ableism can impact the characters in this society who ARE legitimately still capable of nearly full independence, but still need to find accommodations for what they can't do.

In the same arc they're doing the dumb Cinder Reincarnation Plotline, no less!! Where SHE is also feeling like she has no choice over her "destiny," and gets a conflict over a potentially disabling injury

"Oh nooo if cinderpaw breaks her leg she wont be a warrior!"

"What the f-- Im Jaypaw and im reporting live from the scene where a Category 1 Idiot Moment is taking place. Woman breaks leg, suddenly everyone believes she is a horse, more at 11."

One of these days I should really make "herb guides" just covering how various sensory disabilities impact the lives of Clan cats and some tips for writing them as warriors, especially between Clans. Stuff you wouldn't usually consider, like how much noise deaf cats tend to make, how RiverClan would get a ton of sinus infections and lose their sense of smell, being blind in Sky vs Thunder, etc.

#I once saw someone say offhandedly 'well what if someone snuck up on jay from behind and attacked him. No whiskers there'#NEWSFLASH! YOU ALSO DONT HAVE EYES IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD #He doesn't have short whiskers either they're normally sized #Something like 4 - 5 inches on a cat like him. About double the size of the head foward and sideways #Once you're talking about close combat like the cats usually do there's no way that you can stay back far enough to avoid them #I want to rewrite owl and jay's fight or make a rematch where jay realizes owl is being a coward #Hanging just out of his range and jabbing at him #But once he realizes it's just a coward's strategy it clicks that the counter is to be aggressive #And not let his opponent out of his 'range'#Also give him a neat little scene where they're grappling next to Black's dam project where it's super muddy #And Jay is like 'YOU WANT TO PLAY DIRTY? LETS GET FILTHY' and dunks Owl's face down into the mud #Because Jay can fight without his sight but Owl doesn't know how to continue while there's stinging gunk in his eyes and nose #I like thinking about what I'm going to do for BB!Jay's matches because his fighting style is really fun to write #1. Be aggressive and proactive 2. Don't let them out of range 3. SCARE THEM #From the Mud Match he learns that the best way to end a fight quickly is to absolutely terrify them #Because they're usually not expecting the fight to be difficult nor are they expecting to feel like theyre in danger #So if you surprise them it breaks their willpower real fast #And as he gains a reputation for brutality he faces less opponents until he's practically known as the Cleric Without Mercy #Bone babble

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windydrawallday · 2 months

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Long-PSA-short of sorts that's more a vent: I was always aware my behavior and way of expressing myself online can surprise many people, especially if they are not used to someone who uses the writing medium as a playful form to tell emotions in a very descriptive way as I do. I'm quite affectionate with words, yes. And I always beg people I hang with personally to let me know if some of that bothers them, curtly of course. So far there have been few instances of individuals confusing those signals with ulterior means, things I assure you there's nothing more than me being friendly and supportive.

Imagine idk an excited dog seeing its owner haha

Until the past week, I found myself being tackled by something that made me almost knock everything aside because it made me realize that probably I'm a walking trigger/squick inducer with even the way I wield words like "love" and "friendship".

Almost...

I'm pretty tolerant of whatever way people conduct themselves in this life, the only moment I flinch is when an individual assumes from my default behavior and presentation that I want to impose my way of life... And nopes.

This is simply how and who I am. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't search for conflict but for understanding. My language for expressing marvel and reflections is like this, never to make the other feel awkward or attacked.

So, it upset me knowing that by wielding this forever welcoming and lovable disposition, I can be something to fear and even despite... to some people.

But, you know? That means that my "love" and "friendship" lifestyle are not made for you, no reason to come back to me and point at it. Just keep walking if you have only rage and rejection to give as a reply to my point of view. Because by wielding rage and rejection, what you only do is burn bridges. To create conflict and assume imaginary antagonistic scenarios where there's nothing of that at all.

You can't create the world you wish to live in by burning bridges.

It took me a lot too to forge who I am right now. I even keep learning and chiseling through traumas and mistakes—kindness and patience taught me more than rage and rejection. And "love" and "friendship" are the bricks I chose to build those bridges. I know everyone else uses different concepts but in the end, we all build bridges. By creating bridges and inviting others to do the same, I expand not only my world, but the other's too!

Isn't that better than demanding to be this or that through a black/white flag of rage and rejection? I think so. And I understand perfectly we sometimes need to be blunt when marking our boundaries. Still, never justifies treating the other bad.

And if some of you find "fake" or distasteful the way I wear this flag of "love" and "friendship" I'm sorry: this place will never be safe for you then. The exit door is always open. Go ahead.

I hope you find your place and flags out there too, but don't forget that to do that you need to build bridges. If you don't want to call it "friendship" call it "glue" or whatever makes you comfortable, but don't kick people like me who fought with claws and teeth to reclaim those words and feelings.

Fight your fight by being a good example, not a bad experience that makes someone never want to deal with something like this again in their life.

"Any color you like, (in the end) they're all blue."

#windy squeals #im so sorry if i end upsetting someone with my point of view #with my expressive way to use words #or my overly dramatic behavior #its all real i swear these are all real #and you dont need to give me back the same level of energy #just be clear af and say what you need because i dont read minds #im tired of being seeing as a clown or be infantilized because of this #or feared like im a sort of vampire that sucks emotions because NO #or that im intolerant to people that dont follow those -normatives because believe me #im too very asocial to certain cues but intead of raging about them #i try to create new rules that fit better my way to navigate life #the only way to achieve what we want is by stating it gently #not setting on fire posibilities to create new connections and points of view #but i guess there will be always be people that prefer to live in a bubble and expect the whole diverse world to mold to them #and i say that as an aroace that used to be intolerant of the normatives that push my boundaries to the edge #but eh sometimes youll fight but most of the times youll need to dodge and learn to avoid bullets #listen if i sound ableist with this whatever i am then #im not perfect #gotta keep reading and relearning and updating my brain ugh

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sonknuxadow · 4 months

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you know i do wonder how many sonic characters actually have living parents. like knuckles is the last of his kind so obviously his parents arent around anymore. both guys who could be considered shadows dads are 100 percent confirmed dead. sonic is canonically an orphan im pretty sure. and on the other side of the coin cream is like the only character in the game cast who has a living parent we actually see onscreen. but what about everyone else i dont think theres a straight answer for any other character. other than rouge's mom being mentioned a couple times i Guess but we dont even know anything about her or if shes still alive just that she existed at some point. are these kids constantly putting themselves in danger because they dont have parents around to stop them or because their parents just dont care

#like what about tails. im guessing he didnt have any sort of family he was attached to if he left to be with sonic so quickly #but that doesnt really mean he didnt have parents at all. maybe he had parents and they just sucked i dont know #what about amy. what if she had parents this whole time we just never see them.#what about blaze. considering shes a princess id assume she was born into that role #but i dont know if her parents are ever actually mentioned #maybe theyre dead and there was no one else to take on their role and thats why blaze has so much responsibility at such a young age?#silver . he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone i cant really imagine him hvaing parents sorry #considering charmy is 6 and living with vector. an adult whos obviously not his biological dad.#i feel like something probably happened to charmys parents #espio i dont really question as much #becuase it feels very common in the sonic universe for teenagers to have more freedom than would be expected in real life #or maybe its not that common and the teenagers we're actually following are just living the most fucked up lives ever. i dotn know #but either way. espio where are your parents buddy. are they still alive. vector where are YOUR parents are they still alive #i dont know if i actually want canon explanations for all this though #because its kinda fun not knowing every detail about every characters life and being able to speculate and insert your headcanons n stuff #to be clear im talking about game canon #i know stuff like archie sonic and the sonic movies and the 90s cartoons will sometimes give characters new family members #or talk about their family situation even if the games dont say anything about that sort of thing

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blood-choke · 5 months

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hiiii… i wanted to ask more about this particular val scene where mc and her talk about that portrait and mc is a bit stuck on the word husband and wants val to know theyre not a man. can i ask what inspired that type of convo? i wanted to know if it’s something you’ll touch up on again? is this underlying feelings mc had before their entombment… worried that val sees them as a man just because mc is masc? cause i know that’s kind of broader discussion in the lesbian community iirc….. was that why you wanted to incorporate it? this ask has so many questions LOL but basically i wanted to say i was intrigued and it did made me think more on those type of dynamics (thinking back to those resources you rb’d a while ago that go more into depth about diff things in the lesbian community)

oh boy get ready for another long-winded answer from me!

a lot of the feelings mc has about their gender are inspired by Leslie Feinberg's work (mainly Stone Butch Blues)

Feinberg was someone who lived & passed as a man for years of hir life, and wrote a lot about the complexities of hir gender and what it was like being a "gender outlaw."

there was actually a scene in particular from sbb that kinda put the kernel of an idea in my mind that led to this narrative of the mc feeling overshadowed by Standard and anxious about being perceived as a man. it's towards the end of the book when Jess (sbb's protagonist) meets Ruth (a trans woman that Jess falls in love with)

Jess offers to help Ruth carry groceries up to her apartment, and Ruth takes this the wrong way & is offended, partly because she thinks Jess is a man.

One Saturday afternoon I found her clutching two huge bags of groceries and fumbling with the downstairs front-door lock. I pulled out my key.

“Here, let me.” She didn’t say thank you. She hurried ahead of me on the stairs.

“Can I help you carry those?” I offered.

“Do I look weak to you?” she asked.

I stopped on the stairs. “No. Where I come from it’s just a sign of respect, that’s all.”

She continued up the stairs. “Well, where I come from,” she called out, “men don’t reward women for pretending to be helpless.” Once I heard her apartment door close I kicked the stair in anger and frustration.

later, after they get to know each other better, they have this interaction:

I laughed and picked at my salad. “Do you know if I’m a man or a woman?”

“No,” Ruth said. “That’s why I know so much about you.”

I sighed. “Did you think I was a man when you first met me?" She nodded. "Yes. At first I thought you were a straight man. Then I thought you were gay. It’s been a shock for me to realize that even I make assumptions about sex and gender that aren’t true. I thought I was liberated from all of that.”

I smiled. “I didn’t want you to think I was a man. I wanted you to see how much more complicated I am. I wanted you to like what you saw.”

i think the inspiration here is quite obvious, hahaha. i figure anyone that's read sbb can sense the similar through-line here in my work. though the conversation between mc and Valentina has a much different tone.

there's another scene later as well after something happens to Jess and she has to have her jaw wired shut. she's working at a new job and is unable to speak, and she's also passing as a man at this job. she overhears some of her female coworkers talking about her and they refer to her as a "creep" and speculate that she's always watching one of them. Jess overhears all of this and then walks out of the job, goes home and pulls the wires out of her mouth herself:

After I was sure I’d gotten the last piece of wire out of my gums, I rinsed my mouth with whiskey and then drank the rest of it so I could sleep without remembering how Marija’s words had stripped me of my humanity.

butches & gnc women still face this kind of dehumanization; compared or likened to men in a derogatory way, accused of being "heteropatriarchal," the predatory stereotype of the fat ugly lesbian, and on the other side they're also hypersexualized, especially online and in queer spaces. butchphobia is a specific kind of misogyny that hits from all sides, even from the people that are supposed to be a part of your community. and this attitude especially effects trans women and women of color, who are already experiencing all of these things due to transmisogyny and racism.

i also really wanted to use this to touch on the kind of gender essentialism that we see in a lot of these cis feminist discussions - to these women at this job, Jess had committed no real crime other than being quiet and being the “wrong” kind of man. something about this scene has always stuck with me and really bothered me, but it's hard to put into words; on one hand i can admit i have probably been one of those women who made some kind of similar remark about a man i barely knew, but i've also been someone on the receiving end, too, because of the way i look. the mc in blood choke is put into this box, but they can't fit in, as someone who has been on both sides and doesn't really understand where they belong because of it; how can she stand beside Valentina or Hana or Clear when they might see her as a perpetrator, someone who can't be trusted? how does this mindset harm both the women and the men of the council and everyone in between? how can we break this cycle?

one of the films i mentioned recently when talking about the character designs was The Same Difference, which is specifically about the Black lesbian community and the discrimination within that community based upon gender roles (though this is not something limited to just the Black lesbian community)

a lot of the women in that doc talk about the boxes they're put in as AG or stud lesbians - they can't have their hair long, they can't wear makeup, they can't do this or that, they have to be aggressive and hard or else they're not real studs. they discuss stud on stud (or butch4butch) and how other lesbians look down on those types of lesbians, as well as the disdain for bisexual women for "betraying" the community. it explores the way misogyny and the patriarchy still oppress these women and forces them into this restrictive gender role despite their refusal to adhere to the other role originally assigned to them, and the way racism specifically intersects and exacerbates it for Black lesbians. there's a stud that's an exotic dancer and wears a weave, and a lot of other studs have a problem with this because a weave is "a female thing." another section follows a pregnant stud, and how the community shuns her for that, because she "dresses like a man and acts like a man" so why is she getting pregnant when she should be "the man"?

mc doesn't remember how they felt before entombment, but waking up they feel this need to prove themselves - both in that they are hard and aggressive like a butch should be, but also in that they want to be this person for Valentina or Clear or Hana (or all of them) that is safe and comforting. but they aren't sure how to do that when the world perceives them as this one specific thing - as a husband, as Standard, as a man, specifically this man who hurt Valentina.

of course we've already seen this to not be true of the companions with the last chapter as the mc learns more and spends more time with everyone. but this is kind of the foundation of where this whole idea came from. it started with my novel & i chose vampires for that story & this one because there is a long history of lesbian vampirism (and also because it's sexy) but there's this "curse" that both Hana & Valerie talk about in their respective stories, the first one being the racism she's had to face, the transphobia, along with this alienation and perception of lesbians as predatory and conniving and aggressive, as vampires, which i just think really lends itself to expanding upon these issues lesbians & trans women face both in general and within the community.

anyways if you want to read more i suggest Stone Butch Blues, which you can get for free on Leslie Feinberg's website, as well as S/he, by Minnie Bruce Pratt, available on the internet archive, Gender Failure by Ivan E. Coyote & Rae Spoon also on the internet archive, and you can rent The Same Difference for $10 on vimeo.

#im gonna be real idk if this makes sense to anyone but me. lmfao #but basically leslie feinberg is a huge inspiration for me #and just exploring the way homophobia and transphobia and misogyny all intersect when someone is gnc #and the expectations put on them #i think about butch al a lot and the things she says to jess and the way that section of the book plays out #and then in the end when the cops raid the bar #al and jess are fags except for what the cops did to al and the way they dehumanize her #how the mc is considered a man in certain instances - when the girls throw a brick at her or when the woman yells at her in the bathroom #or when atlas shakes hands with her and calls her their man #but other times she's a 'proper lady' with V or when that man gives her and Hana a dirty look in the elevator #or when cassius says 'ladies first'#mc is always one or the other whatever is convenient and degrades her the most in the moment #you know?#i dont know. im just saying stuff #basically i want to explore these gendered expectations & stereotypes and how they harm someone vulnerable like mc #how they feel alienated even from V & hana & clear for not being butch enough #but also for being butch and trans in the first place and feeling like an infiltrator #ask #anonymous

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