#give me more of eddie speaking his MIND
i’m thinking and probably asking for too much here but you know what would be GREAT: making this the season of Eddie’s Broken Brain to Mouth Filter. we already got it with “maybe you should go home”. what if eddie’s watching buck with jee and just blurts out “you’re gonna be such a great dad”. what if he and hen are driving in the ambulance back from a call and eddie asks “how did you know you were in love with karen” out of no where. what if during the hostage situation the guy goes for buck and eddie says “NO take me instead” without even thinking. and THEN what if we get a completely out of the blue love confession at the end of the season when they’re like doing dishes because he can’t keep it in anymore???
i just need Chaotic Eddie, a complete disconnection for the entire season of him actually speaking his mind instead of bottling all up. i think we deserve that at this point
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Buddie 403 + crossover meta
(thank you from the bottom of my heart to @joe-alkaysani who was an absolute hero and made these incredible gifs before she even watched the new eps! You’re a star! xoxoxox)
I loved the little moments of Buck and Eddie working as one on the first call, fully in sync even in passing tools (just like in 402), but also their little chat during this is so nice, because Eddie admits what he doesn’t like to Buck, as well as what he would like to get for his home next.
If that wasn’t enough, Buddie were full on co-parenting, we’re shown they even have a role division (stern vs. fun parent), just like they have one in the field. I’m gonna stress, this isn’t friends hanging out. We really see that when we compare scenes of them with ones of Hen and Athena, including in this very ep. We always see those two ladies talking to each other, the show never bothers showing us them coming over to interact with each other’s kids. Because they’re just friends, while Buddifer are a full family unit.
This is further shown with the prank at the end of the ep. It highlights how much Buck is a part of this family unit, he has his own line of communication with Chris that doesn’t go through Eddie, with their own jokes and plans, and guh, he is just clearly so much more to Christopher than just his dad’s friend. The prank itself is funny and cute, but also? Eddie was hesitant to get something for himself just because he wanted it, rather than needed. Remember how bare his room is in 204 in comparison with Chris’? And under the guise of a prank, Buck made sure Eddie got to indulge for once. I heart.
When Buck wasn’t on a call, Eddie was not only indicating Buck’s weird trivia knowledge is rubbing off on him, which I love, but I also adore that he didn’t even have to explain who he’s referring to. Buck’s clearly on Eddie’s mind, even when he’s absent.
Despite the fact that we see a lot of firefighters from the 118 getting ready to go to Texas, I adore that Buck and Eddie are basically in their own little bubble, until Hen joins in. Also, where is the line we had in the promo for 403? “Do you think it will be weird, fighting fires with other partners?” TBH, I can’t swear it’s ‘partners’ and not ‘departments,’ but either way, it only highlighted to me, how much they are in their own little zone and I am disappointed it was cut out. This now joins several Tarlos scenes that were also used in promos and cut out from the ep, which to me says there is something sorta similar in the way 911 sees Buddie and Tarlos as selling points for their respective shows.
(crossover meta under the cut to save your dashes)
When Eddie finds that Owen and Hen got out, he says that to Buck. The 126, who Buddie have now friended, are there and worried about their Cap, but Eddie is only addressing Buck. It’s small, but it does things to me.
* * *
Ah, the Marjan saga had so much Buddie stuff. IDK how, but they managed to build a scenario where both Buck and Eddie seemed to be jealous of each other over Marjan. The way it plays out is interesting, ‘coz what is the build of this little thing? First, Eddie is annoyed Buck is giving her his attention. He states with annoyance, “you’re staring,” like he was just waiting for Hen to say something so he could, too. He gives Buck a small punch, even. Then he goes and finds a way to join her team, he wasn’t assigned it. Kind of an in your face to Buck? And when Buck was so happy it would be “you and me,” him and his Eddie, he turns so disappointed to learn Eddie is going off, and even more when it turns out it’s with her. Eddie is so smug Buck witnessed that. Buck then recalls who she is and goes on about following her online and not getting a follow back. Well, when Eddie and Marjan actually start talking, it pretty quickly shifts to Chris, but also, to Buck (and Eddie gets this smile when he says “Buck helped”), who apparently is on Eddie’s social media. Like a bf more than like a colleague. And we get confirmation that Buck and Eddie built the skateboard for Chris in 312. It was implied Buck was involved somehow, but now we know for sure the skateboard wasn’t store bought, they built it. Together. HUSBANDS. Now, before this is over, Eddie will put his initial annoyance aside and make sure Buck gets his follow back. This is what they chose as the conclusion to this arc, Eddie seeing to it that Buck gets what he wanted. And when this is aired together with the ep where we saw Buck making sure Eddie got what he wanted. Their parallels and mutual caring kills me.
* * *
Also, compare Eddie telling Marjan about Chris after she sees his photo to Buck hearing about him in 202. Buck is immediately emotionally invested and cries out, “I love kids,” while Marjan doesn’t say anything in particular, instead she keeps scrolling Eddie’s IG. It ends up serving as a small reminder that Buck was the perfect fit for the Diaz family from the start in a way no one else would be.
* * *
Lastly, TK and Buck going into a ‘measuring contest’ parallels ep 201, on the ambulance, when Eddie asks Buck, “what are we measuring here?” Consider how these two moments of tension between colleagues end. Buck and Eddie basically beam at each other like newlyweds exchanging vows and promise to have each other’s back. It’s so much more intense than Buck and TK, who end up simply nice to each other. Yet despite how much less intense their patching things up is, TK still thinks Buck is hitting on him. I love what this says about Buddie’s moment in 201. But speaking of TK’s assumption, in addition to being yet *another* wink at bi!Buck (together with the tapeworm guy in 107, two talks with maddie suggesting he has a crush on Eddie in 204 and 206, elf lady in 210 and poker with Josh in 312), most importantly, as TK leaves, with Buck still confused, Eddie walks in. It’s such a statement in terms of cinematic language. It’s not just a nod to bi!Buck, it’s this hint that just like TK has a boyfriend, Buck does too and that guy just walked in. This is how TV creates foreshadowing and the tension of “will they/won’t they” with straight couples and no, I will not calm down.
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Two of A Kind
Eddie Brock/Venom x genderneutral reader
Warnings: covid times au. Masks are worn outside and the couple did decide to move together at the start of quarantine. Slight Venom 2 spoilers nothing major just mention of chickens
Please don't steal my work, I don't give permission for this or any of my work to be translated or reposted in any other social media platform.
Eddie Brock thought you might just be the absolutely most important thing in his life.
The man absolutely worshiped you, he worked from home and would often spend his days (after scouting streets for bad guys, chickens, and chocolates,) in your shared apartment writing and researching.
He'd welcome you home with open arms and heart-
You accepted everything about him
Well almost everything.
There's some things he keeps hidden from you, some things that are increasingly harder to hide.
He loves you. But so does venom.
Eddie walks you into Mrs. Chen's a hand gently on your back, he greets the shop keeper kindly and you can't help but smile at your partner 'raised right' as your mother would say.
"You don't mind, right?"
"Ed it's okay- we've been together long enough that dates can end with errands. I'd be on edge if you tried to make everything formal all the time."
"It's not exactly an errand that's why, I can live without chocolate."
No we can't
"It's fine, I promise. Just get me a bar too and we're even."
Your eyes scan around the small shop, even offering Mrs. Chen a small smile behind your mask before realizing she can't see it. Instead offering a small wave to which she responds with a small nod.
You can see out of the corner of your eye that Eddie is gathering the different types of chocolate with both hands, yet you still feel the pressure on your back. Turning to try and see what it is, you almost instantly feel it disappear.
Confused you peer back at the spot behind you, knowing no one else was in the store.
"Oh- uh yeah."
That was a close one vee.
We should tell the truth.
This wasn't the first encounter you'd had with Eddie, but you'd had your own struggles with mental health/illness. You weren't going to pressure him until he was ready-
It was a bit... Of a shock the first few times you heard him talking, even screaming at himself through the door. Or when he'd disappear in the middle of the night, he'd tried to make excuses and explain away what happened but you were patient and understanding.
You told him when he was ready he could tell you.
But you eventually hit your breaking point. You were only human after all.
The phantom touches, the sounds of no longer just Eddie's voice but something deeper. Darker. It began to disturb your thoughts, the fact that Eddie seemed to stop eating unless you were around, he looked pale and sweaty after his midnight trips.
Now the feathers. That's what broke you.
One night he crawled back into bed and you felt a poking at your arms, turning in the sheets you saw him lying down face up above the covers and chicken feathers all around him.
"Eddie!" You shout whisper at him, breaking him out of whatever heavy thought he was in.
"Please I'm sorry, but I'm begging you tell me what's going on."
"Eddie, baby. I can't do this anymore please just. Tell me."
"Eddie you have blood on your sweats, please I just need to know if you're okay."
If you won't I will.
"I okay... But you have to promise me. Don't scream."
"Eddie, what are-"
"No. Please it will be easier if I show you. Just. No screaming. Please?"
"I- uh okay, no screaming."
He stands off of the bed, backing up giving himself as much room as possible and a black tar emerges from him his entire right shoulder and arm are taken over by the mass, it shifts showing it's head huge bearing sharp teeth and blinding white eyes.
"This. Is Venom." He speaks so quietly one might think he is more afraid of your reaction than the thing itself.
"What.. is it."
"We are Venom"
"Yeah we said that, buddy. I got venom last year- after Anne and I split. He's a symbiote. Carlton Drake was experimenting on them, he needs a compatible host to live. And well. I'm compatible."
"So...the entire time we've been together. Living in the same apartment he's been with us."
"I have. Eddie is a coward. I wanted to tell you the first month."
"You two talk to each other too? That's what the voices are?"
"Yeah we talk. He see's everything I see, feels everything I feel, hears everything I hear."
"But that doesn't explain where you go at night. Or why the feathers?"
"Well. To survive, V needs a chemical that is only found in brains and chocolate, we can't always buy out Mrs Chen. So we eat...bad guys. Killers, robbers. Find them and eat em. But when bodies turn up without heads people ask questions... So. Chickens."
"They have Tiny brains. Not very good. Bleghh." The creature venom makes a noise of distain and shakes his head at the thought of anymore avians.
You nod and go silent, still trying to take everything in. Eddie feels like he's about to give up but then your hand slowly reaches out petting venoms head like....a cat.
He's smooth and not as slimy as you would think, he's very warm too. Much like a cat the symbiote leans into your hand as you stroke his head.
"Hi venom. It's nice to formally meet you... I think."
"I have been waiting for this moment. We love you very much."
"God damnit V! I hadn't got the chance to say it yet."
"you're a pussy I did it for you."
"Well for what is worth. I do love Eddie. And given the time to get to know... This other side of you. I could say the same to Venom."
"you really don't have too."
"shut up, Eddie." The alien turns it's 'neck' to look directly at him.
You'd love to laugh at the interaction but you're just too tired right now, having been woken from you sleep mere moments ago. The two continue to bicker as you lay back down and feel yourself drifting off.
It isn't long before you feel Eddie snuggle up against you, allowing you to rest your head on his chest. The feel of a much larger and heavier arm is placed down over your waist. Partially opening your eyes you see the clawed arm pull you into the pair much closer.
Feeling safe with your boy(s) now with you, you fall asleep hoping that when you wake up this isn't just a dream.
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VENOM: LET THERE BE CARNAGE.
but its all spoilers SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
LITERALLY CLOSE THIS TAB IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE SPOILED.
very symbrock POV !!!! (everything is from memory I just got home to write this all down)
- LITERALLY right off the bat, Eddie is walking into the police precinct with detective mulligan. Mulligan says something mean about Eddie and Venom goes to bite his head off. Eddie pulls physically on Venoms tendrils and they fall into the women's bathroom and Eddie locks them in a stall. They start fighting and pushing each other. then arguing. Mulligan is right outside the door. listening. AND there's a women in the next stall. she looks under the panel to see only one set of feet and is very confused by two deep voices pushing each other around in the stall next to her. (VERY SUBTEXT STILL YELLING ABOUT THIS)
- Venom fixing Eddies hair when they go to meet Anne
- Anne knowing that Venom was still with Eddie even though Eddie lied to her face. (Anne: Venom take good care of him) [I think she said this twice in the film]
- Eddie crying (upset about Anne's engagement) Venom is sorry he can't fix a broken heart. Cue Venom being like "its okay we'll take care of you." then fast forward to the next morning (fanfiction gap) and Venom is making Eddie breakfast.
- Venom and Eddie physically fighting about Eddie (wanting peace) and Venom (wanting to be his own person)
- Venom throwing Eddie's stuff out of the windows of the apartment (V: EDDIE YOU NEED TO GO Eddie: THIS IS MY HOUSE)
- Venom leaving and Eddie looking sad before fixing up the trashed apartment.
-Venom entering the rave says "Oh my kind of people" then "Finally free of the Eddie Brock closet"
- Venom at a rave and going up on stage to say Eddie sucks and the crowd cheering (makes a big speech about how everyone should be allowed to live authentically). (follow up right after Venom leaves the stage he slums off to the side and sits down and says defeated and sad "Eddie i wish you could see me now")
- Eddie calling Anne to help him get Venom back (Eddie's getting questioned by the police)
- Venom finds Mrs. Chen and is upset and weak, Mrs. chen holds his "body"
- Anne goes (with Dan) to find Mrs. Chen, only to start talking to Mrs. Chen and realize she is Venom. Anne then flirts with Venom to get him to go with them. (Dan is all IM RIGHT HERE!!!) its cute ngl Venom loves attention.
- Venom taking over Annes body, gets Eddie out of the questioning room. Venom lets anne have her body back, but doesn't leave. Eddie being like "come on!! the symbiote in Cletus is gonna kill everyone " and Anne has to speak on Venoms behalf, that he wants an apology and venom wants to make him BEG (Yes venom says that) Eddie starts apologizing half assed, then gets more sincere about and Venom literally hums and then says okay. and flings Anne at him and they hug so Venom can reattach himself to eddie, and i think ? venom says "kiss her" and anne is like "oh nooo get off me" but like in a Venom please dont do this im literally engaged and I know I just flirted with you but PLEASE go back to Eddie. Then she says "I am never doing that again! Okay maybe not never. The power feels great." then Venom slapping Dan in the car and Eddie being like "GOTTA GO" and then Dan being like "geez they need couples counseling"
- Eddie and Venom back together, fight with Carnage. IN A FUCKING CHAPEL. AT A WEDDING MIND YOU. Carnage calls Venom, Father. (CANON SYMBROCK DADS)
- Venom cries as he's being defeated. Hes so weak. Eddie says "Hey Cletus and Carnage arent in symbiosis. They arent a perfect match. Guess who is a perfect match. WE are." and that gives Venom the strength to fight.
- They beat Carnage and Cletus. Venom eating Carnage and then Venom biting Cletus head off.
- police start to show up and they all scramble to get out of there. Anne and Dan leaving and Anne saying "Venom take care of him" and Eddie going "take care Annie" and Annie looking at him and LITERALLY SAYING "yeah you to champ" (LOVE HER) and then Anne goes back over to Dan and Venom comes out and says "TAKE CARE DAN" (cause dan was kinda badass in the film for the amount he was in it)
- Venoms whole thing is that he wants to feel his toes in the sand and wind in his hair. Eddie literally takes them to an island, they are sitting on a beach, Eddie holding his knees and Venom has turned eddies feet black into his own. Venoms head pops up and starts talking about life and then says something something about the people you love and continues on and eddie like pauses and its like "wait wait wait. go back. YOU LOVE ME?" and Vemon kinda dances around it again and they both just sit there staring at a sunset on a beach.
my brain WENT STATIC ERROR 404 with that scene. I wish I could remember what venom or Eddie said exactly. i heard Love and then eddie say "WAIT YOU LOVE ME?" and i blacked out
also the end credit scene FUCKING SHOOK ME TO THE CORE. Im STILL NOT PROCESSING.
Even for a 97 minute feature it was SO well paced. The story flowed well and had some funny bits too. Woody Harrelson was amazing and so was Naomie Harris.
but big SHOUT OUT TO TOM FUCKING HARDY FOR HIS WRITING CREDIT AND FEEDING ME WELL. ANDY SERKIS NAILED IT IM SCREECHING LOVE THIS FILM. ITS A LOVESTORY.
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Prompt: Buck and Reader are dating (maybe even engaged) before buck joins 118. Buck doesn't tell about reader at anyone in the station. Eddie could already be part of 118. And then buck gets hurt or something and they meet reader. Athena loves her and then can we have a scene of buck&reader with the fire kids.
Evan Buckley x Reader
Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of hospitals and injuries, a mention of pregnancy
Category: Angst and fluff
Word Count: 3.3k
Author’s Note: Italics is a flashback :)
A house fire, a normal occurrence for the 118. They arrive, Buck and Eddie make their way through the house whilst Hen and Chim tend to the others. The family that lived there, the Smiths, couldn't find their daughter outside and figured she was still inside so they had gone in to find her.
Buck and Eddie had spilt up when they got inside, Buck going left and Eddie going right. Eddie had found the little girl and managed to get her out of the house, her parents were grateful that he brought her back to them.
“Where’s Buck ?” Bobby turns to Eddie.
Eddie glances around, unsure as to where his friend was. “I thought he was right behind me, I swear I saw him on the stairs”
Bobby radioed, “Buckley, come in”
Before they could get an answer, there was a loud crash from inside the house. Eddie and Bobby run back in to see Buck on the floor of the kitchen, the ceiling had a massive hole in it and he was covered in dust. Buck tries to sit up a little too fast but falls onto his back. It seems like the floor had given out under him and he had fallen through.
“Buck?” Eddie calls to him, checking his pupils. “Yeah, definite concussion,” he tugs on Buck’s coat, feeling his abdomen area. “At least 2 broken ribs, if not more.” Eddie looks up at their captain, his hand still gently feeling Buck’s abdomen.
Bobby comes over, grabbing Buck’s feet as Eddie sits Buck up carefully and loops his arms under his. The two men carry him out, Chimney rolling a stretcher over to them. From that point, Hen and Chim took over, checking his vitals and if they had missed any other fractions or broken bones. The ambulance pulled off first, Chimney in the driver’s seat and Hen in the back with Buck. The firetruck followed, both vehicles headed to the hospital.
“Did anyone call Maddie ?” Hen breaks the silence filled waiting room. Bobby looks up at her, Hen speaks again, “she is his emergency contact, isn't she?”
Something about that didn’t sound right to Bobby. He hadn’t been there when Buck started as a probie but he had gone over everyones forms when he became captain. He can’t remember who Buck’s emergency contact was but he didn’t think it was Maddie.
“Does anyone have her number ?” Bobby asks, no one answers. “I’m gonna head back to the station, I'll give her a call and come back. If anything changes, let me know?” Eddie answers with a yeah and Bobby heads out.
Once he arrived back at the station, he searched through the drawers of files - which truthfully, should be organized better, but that was a problem for another time. Once finding the file, his finger runs down the page. Maddie’s name was on the form but as a secondary contact. y/n l/n was the name listed as primary contact so he called this mystery woman. She answers after the first 2 rings.
“Hi, is this y/n?”
“It is, who’s this?”
“I’m captain Bobby Nash with the 118.”
“What can I do for you, captain ?”
“You’re listed as Evan’s primary emergency contact.” there was a pause in the conversation, the line had gone silent.
“Yeah, is he alright ?” the woman’s voice returns.
“He fell through the floor during a call today. He has a concussion and a few broken ribs- one of the ribs seems to have punctured a lung and he’s in surgery now. I was calling to notify you, we’re at the hospital if you’d like to join us”
“Thank you for calling, I'll be there soon” and with that, she hung up. Bobby still had no idea who this woman was or how she knew Buck. The lack of emotion in the call didn’t help him gauge who it might be. He pushed the thought from his mind and called Maddie - surely whoever this y/n woman was, was obviously important to Buck if she was listed before Maddie but Maddie was his sister and she deserved to know so he called her anyways.
When Bobby returned back, Buck was still in surgery. He sat down just as Athena arrived. A box of donuts in one hand and one of those huge containers of coffee in the other, Bobby got up and helped her, not before pressing a kiss to her cheek.
“You didn’t have to come by,” he tells her as he sets the thing of coffee on the table in the middle of the room, she gives him a small smile. “Buck might be trouble but he’s still one of ours. I’d show up for any of them, you know that” she nudges him with her shoulder softly, he smiles at her once more. Everyone gets up, helping themselves to the coffee and donuts that Athena brought- they all thanked her as they all know the horrors of hospital food.
A woman walks in, she’s at the nurses desk which is across from where the team sat. She’s asking for Evan Buckley and the nurse points her in the direction of the team in the waiting room. She approaches, her hands shoved in her sweater pocket- rather Buck’s sweater pocket. Bobby had seen him show up to work in that very sweater a few days before.
“You must be y/n” Bobby stands, his hand stretched out to her.
“I am, you’re Bobby, right ?” your hand comes out to reach his, shaking it. It didn’t take long for Bobby to notice the large diamond on your ring finger. Your hand lets go of his, returning to its spot in your pocket. Bobby gives you a small smile which you mirror.
“Everyone, this is y/n. Buck’s- sorry, I didn’t ask. How do you know Buck?” Bobby asks you, you glance around the room. Everyone's eyes were on you.
“Y/n!” a woman calls for you. Turning around, you see Maddie approaching you. “Mads!” your arms open as she gets closer. She embraces you in a hug, your hand rubbing up and back her back.
“Did you hear anything yet ?” she asks you, letting you go. Shaking your head, “I just got here”
“You know her too ?” Chimney pipes up from his chair, Maddie looks over at him. “Yeah, obviously. She’s Buck’s fiancee” she tells him, the entire room goes silent.
You look over at your sister in law, “they didn’t know that yet Mads” chuckling, you pat her back before taking a seat across from a woman in a police uniform. Maddie’s eyes went wide, her mouth slightly opened in shock. “Sorry! I thought you told them” she says, sitting beside Chimney. “I was about too but you called for me”
Everyone’s attention is on you, the woman sitting across from you speaks up. “Well, it’s nice to meet you” she says, “I’m Athena, Bobby’s wife” she introduces herself.
“Ah, so the whole family’s in law enforcement huh ?” you smile, Athena chuckles. “Seems like it. What do you do ?”
“I’m a nurse over at General”
“I thought I had seen you somewhere before” Athena smiles.
The room goes back to quiet, the team talking amongst themselves. Maddie sat beside you and on her other side was Chimney, you had seen him for the pictures Maddie showed you when she started seeing him. Beside him was a woman, she wore glasses and had a friendly smile- Hen. Buck had told you about her and her wife, they seemed like nice people. Sitting beside Hen was a man, cute with somewhat of a resting bitch face- that was Eddie, Buck’s best friend. Buck practically lived at his house when you worked night shifts and you had also seen a million and one photos of his son, Christoper, who was the sweetest little boy on the planet from what you had heard.
Your hand rested on your lap, your thumb pushing and pulling the engagement ring on your finger back and forth.
“He must really love you because that’s one hell of a rock” Athena was pacing the room and was now beside you, her hand reaching for yours to take a closer look at the ring. You laugh, “it is, isn't it?”
“I have to ask, how long have you two been engaged ? Because he’s never mentioned you.”
“Oh I know,” you hum, “we like to keep things low key but um, it’s been 2 years since we got engaged. We aren't really in a rush to get married.” you tell her.
“2 years? That’s a long time to keep a secret like that”
“Yeah, it’s been a challenge- but it’s not like he didn’t want to tell you guys. He just didn’t know how. Oh you know how he is- actions over words.”
You and Athena talk a bit more, she tells you how Bobby proposed to her on Christmas Eve. She showed you a picture from when they got married- her own massive ring adorning her finger. You told her about how Buck proposed to you.
“Babe! The pancakes are going to get cold!” you shouted for your boyfriend from the kitchen of your apartment.
“I’m coming woman! Calm down” he shouts back, his footsteps coming closer with each step.
Buck had the weekend off and so did you- a rare occurrence for the two of you. You decided that instead of going out to get breakfast like you normally would, that you would cook instead. Hence why you were up at 10:15 on a Saturday morning and why your boyfriend’s shirt that you were wearing, was covered in flour and eggs.
Buck’s arms wrapped around your waist, your attention on the stove. His hands coming ups under your shirt to feel your bare skin, he was busy peppering kisses down your neck. You nudge him with your shoulder, “go sit down, I'll bring the pancakes over in a minute” you tell him and he hums. Pressing one more kiss to your neck, he untangles himself from you and goes to the table.
The layout of your apartment was a bit strange, the kitchen was by the front door but the kitchen didn’t have much space so your table was closer to your living room than the kitchen and there was a wall blocking you when you were in the kitchen so you weren’t able to see the table.
Now heading to the table with a plate in each hand, you were focused on not dropping the plates. That went out the window when you entered the room to see your boyfriend down on one knee with a velvet box in his hand.
“Buck” you breath
“Y/n, you are so amazing, you just- god, this is so cheesy but you really do take my breath away. Last night, I was laying beside you and I had this perfectly rehearsed speech that I was going to give you but it just doesn't make sense now. From the moment I met you, I knew you were special. You stood by my side and didn't complain when I worked long hours or didn't have time because I joined the fire department. You are the woman of my dreams and I would do anything for you. So I hope you would do me the honour of being my wife ?”
“Yes, oh my god yes” you lean down to kiss him. Buck smiles, “baby?”
“You gotta put the plates down” he chuckles, you hadn't realized you were still holding the plates. Setting them down, Buck gets up. The ring that was in the box was now in his hand, he slid the ring on your finger. Holding your hand up, you admired the ring.
“I think this deserves a proper breakfast”
“I don’t think there’s anything better than this” he pulls you in for a hug.
Athena laughs when you tell her, “he ambushed you when you were making him breakfast ? This kid has no sense of the right time” you chuckles at her comment. “It was perfect. I don’t think I would have it any other way, you know?”
The doctor comes in, he asks for Buckley and all 7 of you stand. “Wow big group. Okay- we were able to patch the hole. He’ll need to be off work for the next 3-4 weeks before he can even consider going back but he should make a full recovery.” a few breaths of relief were let out around the room. “He’s in recovery now, I can take you in one at a time. Who would like to go first ?”
Everyone's looking at you and you glance over your shoulder. “Do any of you want to go ?” you ask, no one answers you.
“I’m gonna get some air and some coffee and then I'll be there. Give him a hug for me” she gives your hand a squeeze, you smile at her. Following the doctor down the hallway, you pass multiple rooms all with different families and people with different injuries. That’s one of the things you enjoyed about the hospital- if you looked past all the sadness, there were so many success stories, so many happy families.
Room 276 at the end of the hall was his. Buck was asleep, a few wires and such were hooked to him. Pulling a chair up to his bedside, your hand reached for him, holding it gently as your thumb rubbed the top of it. Your eyes drift to his monitor by his bedside, steady heartbeat and blood pressure. There was nothing to be concerned about yet you couldn't look away.
“y/n,” a faint whisper left his lips, you glanced down at your fiancee, his eyes barely opened.
“Buck,” you smiled, your hand coming up to touch his face. He nuzzled closer to your hand, turning his head ever so slightly to press a kiss to the palm of your hand.
“Can I- water?” you let go of him to get the glass from the counter. Pouring some water in it, you stick the straw in the cup before holding the straw to his lips. He sighed and looked at you as you set the cup down. “I guess the secret’s out ?” he smiles, you nod.
“Maddie let it slip, but I was about to tell them so it’s fine” you kiss his forehead.
“Is everyone here?”
“Yeah, in the waiting room. They all thought you’d look horrendous so I came in to check, lucky me right ?” you joke, Buck lets out a weak laugh before his hand comes up to his chest.
“Ow, don’t make me laugh” he pouts, you smile at him. Sitting at the edge of the chair, your hand finds his hair, brushing it back softly.
“Surgery isn't a good look on you”
“Hey, I always look good” he pouts once more.
The few weeks go by a lot quicker than expected and Buck is set to return to the 118 on Monday. Athena had helped you plan a little surprise get together for Buck but you had just told him that you were headed over to Bobby and Athena’s for the day because you were going shopping with Athena. You left home around noon and helped them set up all day and you called Buck around 6.
“Hey babe, how’s shopping going ?”
“It’s alright, we’re back at the house now. Bobby was saying that you should swing by, we could all have dinner together”
“Hm yeah, that sounds good. I’ll be there soon”
Now you wait. The entire team was already there, everyone scattered amongst the living room, waiting for him to arrive. He knocked on the door, Athena shouted for him to come in. He walked in, everyone waited for him to round the corner, the surprise evident on his face.
“What’s all this?” he smiles, he makes his way down the stairs.
“Welcome back” Bobby goes over to give him a hug. Buck makes his way around the room, saying hello to everyone. Eventually, he finds you in the kitchen with Karen who says hello to him and then leaves the two of you in the kitchen.
“So did you really go shopping ?” he asks, his arm over your shoulder and your arm wraps around his waist.
“Yeah but for party supplies” you smile at him, he leans down and kisses your head. Chris, Denny and Harry all come into the kitchen on the hunt for sweets that you previously heard Eddie, Athena and Hen all telling them that they weren't allowed to have. Of course they assumed that if they sweet-talk Buck that he would give them, and he did, he never said no to those boys.
All three of them made themselves comfortable on the couch as Buck returned with a plate of cupcakes for them. Buck sat beside them, pulling you onto his lap.
“Do you have any scars from the surgery ?” Denny asks him, looking over at Buck. “Yeah, do you wanna see ?” Buck asks, the 3 boys nod eagerly. You smile at them, Buck unbuttons the top of his shirt, pulling it to the side to show the boys the scar from the surgery. It was fairly tiny but still noticeable.
“Woah that’s cool!” “Can I poke it?” “That’s weird looking”
You and Buck laugh at the responses- boys will be boys. The 3 boys ask a few more questions and Buck shows them a couple other scars that he had gotten over the year, eventually they get bored of Buck and his stories and go off to find someone else. You leave Buck in the living room as he was talking to Maddie and Chimney.
Now in the backyard, you and Athena were talking about when you'd actually go shopping when someone bumped into your leg. Looking down, you see Nia beside you, you pick her up and hold her, Nia sitting comfortably on your hip now. The two of you go along with your conversation and Nia cuddles into your side, you glance down at the little girl who was smiling at you, you give her a smile too.
Buck’s arm wraps around your shoulder, he presses a kiss to your temple. “Hey,” he smiles before leaning forward to take a peak at Nia, “Hey kiddo” he reaches out to hold her hand, she smiles at him.
“You 3 look comfortable together” Hen says as she makes her way over with Karen. Buck laughs.
“If you’re open to babysitting, feel free to take the kids anytime” Karen jokes, you smile. “I might take you up on that. It’d be like to have an actual kid around rather than just Buck” you laugh, Buck pouts. “Hey! I’m not that bad” the 3 women all give him looks. Athena pats his shoulder, “that’s what you think Buckaroo”
“Having the kids around would be good practice” Your fiancee thinks out loud.
“Practice for what, darling?”
“You know, one day maybe we’d have kids”
“Oh not now? Not a fan of the whole pregnancy glow thing ?”
“Oh I am, I do it right-” “don’t finish that sentence” you laugh, leaning up to give him a kiss. You had a feeling that your fiancé’s family was about to become yours too.
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innocent - richie tozier
↳ content warnings - swearing, violence, angst, mentions of bullying, (brief) uncomfortable touching, sex jokes, mentions of underage drinking.
↳ 12k word count. i got really carried away.
@bucky-j-barnes @mikewheelerc join my tag list
they we thirteen when richie met y/n.
richie, eddie, bill, and stan were fucking about at the quarry as usual under the warm almost-summer sky. richie had abandoned his glasses and disgusting floral shirt to chase eddie into the water, and bill and stan were sat by some rocks talking over some homework they had to do. a typical afternoon for the boys.
and then she turned up.
richie could hear eddie murmuring about a girl walking down towards the quarry, and he doesn’t think he’s moved so fast out of the water to grab his glasses in his life. almost tripping on one of the rocks as he stumbled over to his shirt and glasses he threw them on his face, hurriedly pulling the shirt on over his shoulders too. he glanced up after a moment, watching a girl walk down the path towards the quarry. a girl he’d never seen before.
was she new here, or had he just never seen her before? richie wasn’t the most observant person out there, to be fair. he had much better things to worry about than whoever was attending their school, like tease eddie or read a comic or tease eddie some more. although he absolutely would pay way more attention if all of the girls at his school were as pretty as she was. he doubted he’d ever seen someone so pretty in derry of all places, especially not someone who was literally walking towards him either. had she not seen that the boys were there or was she coming over to say hello?
as she walked closer, richie realised he hadn’t seen somebody so presentable at their school before. the girl was wearing a blue summer dress that came down to her knees, not a stain or crease on the material in sight. her hair was pulled back into two neat braids, no stray hairs sticking out. friendship bracelets and charms hung off of her wrists and in one of her hands she was carrying a handful of flowers. had she literally just stepped out of the pages of some fairytale?
“bill!” she called with a smile as she got closer, and richie’s mouth hung open as he turned to bill.
“bill? you know this chick?” richie gawked.
“sh-she’s new here, i said she could- could join us.” bill answered, shooting richie his “don’t you dare do anything stupid” look.
by this point eddie had climbed out of the water himself to see the new addition to the group and stood next to richie, getting an elbow to the side as soon as he was stood there.
“this is y/n.” bill smiled, gesturing to the girl as she finally reached them, flowers in one hand as she used her other to give a small wave to the group.
“you’re fuckin’ catching flies, dude.” eddie elbowed richie, who quickly closed his mouth when he realised he’d left it hanging open that whole time.
y/n smiled shyly at the group, with a quiet mumbled “hi” as she shuffled nervously on her feet.
adorable was the first word that came to richie’s mind.
after all introductions had taken place (richie had spluttered out his name and shook her hand a little too hard) they all settled with sitting on some rocks by the edge of the water. y/n ended up sitting between richie and bill, and once they were sat down she carefully sat the flowers she had picked in her lap and begun to make a flower crown as the boys spoke.
yep, richie decided she was out of a fairytale.
as y/n spent more and more time with the boys, she slowly but surely came out of her shell. it took a while, though. at first she’d only really speak to bill, and then stan as they were in the same english class. no wonder she seemed so innocent, richie realised, she was younger than the rest of them. the new baby of the group.
after around a month she had proper conversations with richie (“i like the flowers on your shirt they’re really pretty” “no thank you, i’m afraid of heights, jump without me” “hey can you hold these flowers for me?”). after around a month of knowing her was the first time he made her laugh; a very proud moment in his books.
ben, mike, and beverly had found their own ways into the group at that point, which made it easier for y/n having other new people there. the group were all sat down in the clubhouse ben had made, with y/n perched on the edge of the hammock that richie had let her sit in instead of himself whilst he leaned against the post beside it (“richie you never let anybody have your turn-“ “shut up, can’t i just be a gentleman?”).
richie had been staring at the same part of the wall for a while now, thinking about the way y/n’s tiny hand had fit in his own as he helped her into the clubhouse, how she had smiled brightly and thanked him after with a gentle touch on his arm.
“hey, rich? you’re getting away from us, dude.”
looking back at eddie richie just shook his head. “i’m just thinking of sonia, dear eds. boy the things that woman does to me.”
as eddie started cussing at him and a few of the other losers chuckled, it was the soft giggle to his left that caught his attention. he glanced up to see y/n smiling as she giggled, and richie smiled to himself as he turned away, a proud and warm feeling in his chest.
by the time they were fourteen, y/n had opened up a lot to him, and he knew so much more about her. richie knew that y/n liked rainy days more than sunny ones because of the smell after rain. he knew that pink was her favourite colour and pink flowers happened to be the best thing that existed to her. he knew that she didn’t like the dark or spiders, though loved cats and rabbits. he also knew that she was quite possibly the prettiest girl to walk the earth, not that he’d tell her that.
when richie and the rest of the boys had gotten to the quarry on the first day of summer, y/n and beverly were already there. the latter had already stripped off into her underwear to jump into the water, though y/n was sat off to the side, preparing to watch them all jump again. for the whole year that y/n had been with them she didn’t jump once. she watched everyone else jump into the water before she made her way down from the cliff safely to get into the water from the ground.
richie decided that today was the day she’d jump.
as the rest of them walked up to beverly, pulling off shirts and kicking off shoes, richie crouched by where y/n was sat on a rock with a grin. his up to no good grin.
“hi rich.” y/n greeted with a smile as she smoothed out her dress. she was wearing her pink one that richie thought looked the best on her.
“hey doll,” he greeted, the nickname slipping without a care. he rarely called her by her name anymore. “what do you think about jumping with the rest of us today?”
richie watched as he smile changed into a grimace, and she shook her head. “no richie, i don’t like heights.” she frowned.
“come on, the jump only lasts for a second and then you’re in the water,” he told her, watching as she eyed beverly as she jumped before anybody else. she didn’t look back at richie until she had heard the splash of beverly hitting the water. “look, i’ll hold onto you the whole time, okay? i won’t let go of you.” he promised.
y/n sighed, her fingers messing with the hem of her skirt as she pondered the offer. two more splashes filled the air, mike and stan now in the water.
“i don’t know…”
splash splash splash. eddie, ben, and bill.
y/n met richie’s eyes with her own, and after a moment she sighed and nodded. fuck yeah.
“fine, okay. but you have to promise to not let me go, rich. please.” she held out her pinkie towards him. y/n took pinkie promises very seriously.
“okay, i promise.” richie nodded with a grin, locking his pinkie with hers for a moment before he pulled away and jumped to his feet, tugging off his shirt and throwing it into the pile of clothes that the rest of the losers had made. by the time he had completely undressed he turned back to y/n and watched as she hung her dress on the branch of a tree, knowing she didn’t want to get it dirty. she dropped her white frilled socks onto the rock she had been sat on as well as her polished shoes, before she turned back to face him in just her underwear and the golden heart-shaped locket she never seemed to be without. her underwear was pink and had bows on and he had to try so hard to not look down at her. instead he reached his hand out for hers, and watched as she timidly took it.
“please don’t let go of me.” y/n stopped when she was at the edge and leaned over to look down. she cringed and looked back at at richie.
“i won’t, swear on eddie’s mom’s life.” he crossed over his heart with his free hand and watched as she giggled quietly.
“okay.” she nodded, smiling.
richie let go of her hand and stepped closer to her, locking his arms around her waist. though before he could jump he felt her shift so she was facing him instead. her smaller arms locked around his body and she felt her face pressed into his neck with the height difference. oh god, she was so warm and her hair smelled nice and her arms were around him and-
“rich?” her timid voice asked, cutting off his train of thought. “can you count from three?”
“yeah,” richie cleared his throat and nodded, trying to ignore how her arms tightened around him. “yeah i can do that.”
don’t think about how tightly she’s pressed against you.
don’t think about how her lips are pressed against your collarbone.
don’t think about how you’re holding her.
richie lifted her up slightly before he jumped, and felt her grip on him immediately grow so much tighter. she screamed as they were falling, her arms never loosening their grip, just as he never loosened his. he normally enjoyed falling; the wind rushing through his hair, the thrill of being in the open, how fun it was to hit the water. but a part of him enjoyed this time that much more, because he had y/n in his arms.
they hit the water and richie finally let go of her so they could swim to the surface. once they were up they could hear cheering from the losers (“fuck yeah y/n!” came from beverly) and y/n found richie’s arm again in the water.
“oh my god- oh- holy shit!” y/n yelled with a laugh, and richie had to laugh at that.
y/n had never sworn before. she’d always been properly mannered, shouting “language” at someone most of the time they cussed. mostly richie, though; he didn’t get the nickname trashmouth for nothing. y/n was good. she didn’t cuss.
eddie yelled a comment about her hanging out with richie too much, and he smirked to himself.
after the jump, richie couldn’t get her out of his head. of course he thought about her all the time before that, she was his friend. his very pretty friend who made him flower crowns and said his hair was soft when she touched it. but now she was all he could think about that. when they were in the clubhouse and he got into the hammock with her because she insisted that there was enough room for the both of them, he could only think about how she was pressed against his side with her head to his shoulder, and how pretty she was when she laughed. when they were in class all he could think of was how pretty the dress was that she wore and how cute she was. even when she wasn’t there, more often than not she was on his mind.
by the time they were fifteen, richie had a crush on her - not that he’d admit it to himself. although eddie had shouted at him to just ask her out tons of times and stan groaned whenever he started talking about her. but he couldn’t have a crush on her, she was just his friend right?
over that summer, they had changed a lot. richie had completely shot up, now all skinny with lanky limbs and hair that was too big for his head. and y/n - whilst she was still tiny, which he liked to tease her about a lot (“hey shortstack, it’s not hurting your neck looking up at me is it?”) - she had changed too. she started wearing makeup and the summer dresses she wore, once so innocent, now showed richie just exactly how her body had started changing. he couldn’t look down at her at the quarry now or he’d die.
although she had changed, in so many ways she was still the same. she still wore two wrists full of friendship bracelets and her heart-shaped locket at all times. she still made flower crowns at the quarry. she still blushed at richie’s dirty jokes and had the same light giggle whenever she found something he said funny. she was still so innocent.
towards the end of summer, richie had learnt that she’d never been to a party before. a proper party, not some kid’s party where you dressed up and played musical chairs.
he stared at her open-mouthed once she had told him. “what?!” he demanded. “you’ve never been to a party? sweets, you’ve never lived!” he gasped, his hand over his heart like the news was affecting him fatally.
“okay, it’s not that big a deal, rich-“
“not that big a deal? you’ve missed out on like one of the best teenage experiences ever!” richie had his hands on her shoulders at that point, lightly shaking her with every word that left his mouth.
“jeez, rich, she doesn’t have to go.” stan piped in from where he was sat across from richie and y/n in the clubhouse.
there was going to be a huge house party at someone’s house from school that following friday, which is how the topic had even come up. richie being richie loved parties, and had gotten super excited about it. but now he really wanted y/n to go.
“it’s not that i don’t want to go, i do really,” y/n insisted, continuing talking as richie didn’t drop his hands from her shoulders. “it’s just my parents won’t let me. plus it’s late, past my curfew.”
“so sneak out.” richie told her simply, as if it was the most obvious solution.
“i can’t sneak out, rich.”
she snuck out.
granted, it took a lot of convincing to get her to do so. a lot of “oh but i won’t have fun without you” and “your parents won’t even know you’re gone and i’ll get you back on time” and just tons and tons of pouting, but eventually she caved with a quiet “alright richie, stop pretending like you’re gonna die without me.”
that following friday evening, once her parents were asleep and y/n had pretended like she was sleeping, richie was stood underneath her window waiting for her to climb out. he was stood there for so long that he was worried that she had chickened out, though soon enough he watched as she opened her window and saw her smiling down at him. he’d call up some dumb joke towards her if it wasn’t for the fact that she couldn’t get caught.
richie watched as she carefully swung one foot out of the window (and rode her dress so high up doing so he could almost see all of her thigh and holy fucking-) before she swung the other one out, and carefully climbed down. once she’d neared the ground richie moved over, holding his hands out for her to take, which she gripped onto as she jumped the rest of the way down.
getting a proper look at her now that she was stood in front of him richie could have died by the sheer beauty that he was standing in front of. she wore a blue dress that he’d never seen before - shorter than the others she wore, with a neckline that dipped a bit lower than usual, but it still had the same innocent tone to it. her hair was down for once, small curly strands framing her face to make her look angelic. she still wore her friendship bracelets and heart-shaped locket, and she was still just as beautiful.
“wow, look at you,” richie grinned, slinging his arm around her shoulder as she moved over to him. “soon enough we’ll have you robbing banks and hiding bodies,” he snorted, guiding her down the street. “bill’s car isn’t too far away.” as bill was the only one that was sixteen yet, all of the losers borrowed his car.
beverly and mike were getting to the party on their own, so when richie and y/n had reached the car there was only free seat. y/n usually sat on beverly’s lap in the car if there was no space for her, or even stan’s once when bev had been so drunk after finding a bottle of liquor that she had to be sandwiched between ben and mike in the back so she didn’t attempt to get out of the car. though she’d never sat on richie’s before. the thought made him dizzy.
richie opened the back door, seeing eddie in the middle and ben on his other side, with bill and stan in the front. richie looked at the empty seat before he glanced at y/n, who had her bottom lip in between her teeth as she eyed the seat herself.
“well, toots, either you sit in my lap or i sit in yours. and i’ll probably squish you.” richie nudged her arm with his elbow as she smiled at his joke before he climbed into the car (nudging eddie purposely on the way in earning a “fuck off trashmouth” from him).
y/n stood to the side of the car for another moment before she climbed into the car too, swinging her legs over richie’s thighs until she was sat with her back to his chest. she pulled the door shut and as soon as she had his arms were around her, pulling her into his chest as bill started the car again, shooting richie his look through the mirror. what? richie thought defensively. it was simply a matter of her safety, he didn’t want her falling out of his lap.
y/n had her head against her shoulder from where she was leaning back and richie could smell her vanilla shampoo. he swore that he was high.
the car journey had ended all too quickly for richie’s liking, and soon enough the car was parked outside of the house; party already obviously in full swing. the losers emptied the car, with richie getting out last after y/n, and before he could walk inside with her he had bill tugging on his arm to pull him aside. y/n raised her eyebrows a little, before being distracted by beverly running out to meet her, drink in hand.
“bill if you’re about to lecture me like a kid to behave myself at the party-“
“richie, d-do you have a crush on y/n?” bill got straight to the point, and richie’s mouth hung open.
“no!” he defended quickly. “no i- i don’t have a crush on her! on her? really? jeez, bill, how could i ever-“ he cut himself at the look bill was giving him and groaned. “yes i have a crush on her, okay? a huge fat god-she’s-so-pretty-i-just-wanna-kiss-her crush on her.” richie spewed the word vomit so quickly he swore he sounded like eddie.
bill sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. “r-richie, she’s your friend.”
“thanks captain obvious, look at you go.”
“all i’m s-saying is, just be care- careful,” bill told him, another one of his almost parental looks being given to richie. “you know what sh- she’s like-“
“drop dead fucking gorgeous?”
bill glared at him. “naive. j-just don’t hurt her.”
with that bill turned to head into the party, leaving a mouth-agape richie staring at his back as he walked off. don’t hurt her? don’t hurt her? richie couldn’t hurt y/n even if he tried (which he wouldn’t, because he’s not a fucking dick). richie huffed as he walked inside with his arms crossed over his chest. did everyone really think that lowly of him? sure he was rude and brash and never knew when to shut the fuck up, and y/n was probably the most innocent and perfect person on the planet, but did bill really think he could hurt her?
with a huff richie stepped inside, the bass of the loud music vibrating through the house as everyone danced to the music. it didn’t take him too long to find everybody as he wandered through the house, spotting the losers in the kitchen all getting a drink - aside from bill as he had to drive, and y/n because, well, she was y/n.
igmoring bill’s look richie moved to stand beside y/n, leaning against the counter as he grinned at her. “so,” he started, picking up a red solo cup of whatever was inside of it. he didn’t care, ignoring eddie’s “you’re under twenty-one you fucking idiot don’t drink” who was sipping a cola. “party’s not too shabby, huh?”
y/n shrugged, a smile on her face as she reached across the table to grab a glass bottle of cherry cola. after strawberry, cherry was her favourite flavour, richie remembered. “no, it seems really fun. i should get you to convince me to break the rules more often,” she giggled, attempting (and failing) to open her bottle of cola to the point where richie took it from her and opened it himself. “thanks.” she mumbled.
richie looked over his shoulder and saw that bill wasn’t looking at him anymore (thankfully) and had wandered off with bev and ben instead. honestly, richie was used to stan attempting to babysit him (“richie you can’t jump into the quarry from the tree you’ll hurt yourself” “trashmouth don’t you even think about eating that it’s been on the floor” “it’s three in the fucking morning no we can’t go out.”) but not bill. bill was the leader of the group so he usually just took care of everybody as a general thing. of course, since y/n had joined the group he had looked out for her like an older brother, but he’d never babysat her like he was attempting to do with richie.
as y/n sipped on her cola a new song came on (chiquitita by abba, one of her favourites), richie watched as her expression lit up and she reached out instinctively for his arm. “i love this song!” she announced, her bright smile making him smile too. “can we go dance, rich?”
richie didn’t think twice before nodding and curled his fingers around her forearm, gently leading her through the crowd to the living room where everybody seemed to be dancing.
eventually all of the losers had joined them in the living room, in a small circle of their own as they all danced. as the night went on richie observed as y/n let loose more, and he could tell she was really enjoying herself. he danced with her a few times (well really it was dancing next to her, but richie wasn’t one for specifics) and had to endure bill’s glare a good few times when he got a little too close. what was he, her dad?
y/n was giggling when another song came to an end, and slung one arm around richie’s shoulder and the other around stan’s, practically leaning her whole weight onto the two boys. “that was fun,” she giggled, her face flushed red. anybody looking in probably would’ve assumed that she was wasted, but richie knew that she just got red in the face whenever she was really excited. plus, it was pretty warm in the house with tons of teenagers squished inside of it. “i’m gonna go and get another drink. eddie do you want another cola?”
once eddie had nodded y/n let go of richie and stan before she weaved through the sea of people to make her way back towards the kitchen to grab a drink. richie watched her walk off until he couldn’t see her anymore before he turned back to the losers, slinging his arm across eddie’s shoulder as he made some crude joke about how good his mom looked last night in his bed.
richie laughed with the losers for a few minutes about one thing or another until he heard a quiet “oh shit” from eddie, causing him to look down at his best friend. “bowers is with y/n”.
immediately richie looked up and turned around, scanning the room for her. he caught sight of her by the doorway that was blocked by bowers leaning across it, towering over her with his tall frame. he could just catch sight of her face, and he knew that she was uncomfortable. just as he was about to walk over there to pull her away from him, he watched as bowers grabbed a fistful of the end of her dress and saw the nervous look on her face grow increasingly worse as he leaned closer to her and pushed his hand past her dress to rest on her thigh.
richie saw red.
ignoring the shouts of eddie and stan behind him he dropped his cup of drink and pushed through the crowd of people to get over towards bowers. he hadn’t seen bowers since his sudden growth spurt, and now richie was his height - if not taller. he wasn’t a short scrawny kid anymore. he could take bowers on. or at least in that moment he felt like he could. he could feel stan grabbing the back of his shirt to pull him back before he did anything stupid but it was too late as he pulled away, too angry to not go over there.
richie met y/n’s gaze with his own furious one over bowers’ shoulder, and as soon as the disgusting guy in front of him turned around, richie sent a fist towards his face, aiming right at his nose. richie was glad he had chosen to wear the few rings that he owned that night, because he knew that it would hurt bowers that much more.
“the fuck are you doing tozier!” he heard bowers shout before he was shoved backwards into the crowd, bumping into people as he stepped backwards, trying to keep his balance. his own hands came up to grip onto henry’s wrists - nails digging into the skin in an attempt to keep balanced and to hurt him. bowers was bleeding, blood trickling down his nose to his lip, and richie noticed a small gash on the bridge of his nose where his ring had come in contact. fucking serves him right.
“if you ever fucking touch her again i’ll fucking kill you!” richie felt more angry than he had ever been before, the shout that came from his throat sounding foreign even to him. he could hear y/n’s shrill voice calling for him amongst the crowd, but as usual a fight had started in the middle of a group of teenagers so it was mostly blocked out by the sudden cheering. nothing to stir up a party like a good fight.
richie reached up to punch him again, his knuckles connecting with his jaw that time, though before he could swing again bowers had shoved him backwards and he couldn’t keep himself up that time. on the way down he bumped into the table where the record player sat and the music stopped - the cheering now carrying the sound in the room. before richie could get up bowers was crouched over him, and a blinding pain was suddenly spread across his nose and face. the force of his fist connecting with his face made his head smack against the floor and richie groaned, his eyes squeezing shut at the horrible feeling. when he opened his eyes again everything was blurry, which made it harder to see when the next punch was thrown towards him. his glasses must’ve fallen off when he got punched. richie could feel another blow, this time to his mouth, and groaned at the sudden ache across his jaw and lips.
he swung for bowers again, once again aiming for his nose, though his vision was blurry and he could barely see so he managed to clip him by his eye instead. as bowers toppled back a little from the swing richie sat up and tried to punch him again, though that time he missed.
as henry’s fist came in contact with his stomach he wheezed and felt all of the air leave him before the pain could even settle in. it was like he folded in half as he toppled to the floor, a wheezed out “fuck” making it’s way past his lips. he felt another hit to his stomach, knocking whatever air was even left from the first blow, before someone dragged bowers off of him. he swore he could hear hockstetter calling bowers and mumbling to him as he was dragged off.
as the cheering stopped and the people surrounding him started to disperse, the losers surrounded him. he could feel y/n’s hand on his arm - and he knew it was hers because suddenly all he could hear was “oh richie! are you okay? oh my god!” and he knew she was crying by the way her voice wavered.
“you should,” richie stopped to take in a deep breath, trying to get some air back into his lungs. “you should see the other guy.” he wheezed.
“fuck richie.” that was stan he could hear as a larger hand was placed on his arm. the hand gripped him gently, another one holding him up on his other side - which he was assuming was mike or bill - and with a pained groan from richie they lifted him to sit up and back against the table behind him.
richie leaned his head back and groaned, his hands clasping over his stomach where he’d been hit.
“don’t lean your head back you fuckin’ moron!” that was eddie’s shrill voice, and he opened his eyes to see him, but all he could see was a blurry figure. he knew it was eddie because he could see his bright green shirt. “you’ve got a nosebleed! oh- oh fuck- that’s a lot of blood-“ he could hear eddie heave and the blurry figure disappeared, replaced by someone with red hair. bev.
“can someone get us some fucking tissues!” she yelled, and richie winced at how loud her voice was. his head hurt really bad.
before he knew it someone else was crouched in front of him and he couldn’t quite distinguish if it was bill or stan that was suddenly pressing tissues to his nose to stop the blood, though he hissed in pain at the sudden pressure that was applied and instinctively leaned away.
“stop moving and let me fucking help you.” ah, it was stan.
“can someone find my glasses?” richie wheezed, his face scrunching up in pain when shifting slightly had pain shooting through his stomach.
after a moment a hand was placing his glasses into his and- oh. only one lense was still intact. it was better than nothing, he decided as he put his glasses on and blinked a few times. he could see out of one eye, and that was enough for him in that moment.
once his eyes had adjusted he glanced around at the losers around him. stan was still crouched in front of him, one hand on his shoulder and the other gently pressing tissues underneath his nose to stop anymore blood getting onto his clothes. beverly was beside stan looking at him worriedly, holding more tissues if stan needed them. eddie was sat off behind beverly, looking especially queasy, though still looking back at richie worriedly. mike and ben were stood together behind stan, mumbling to each other whilst shooting worried glances at richie. and lastly bill was crouched beside y/n, with one hand on the crying girl’s shoulder and the other on richie’s leg.
“hey y/n,” she looked up at him through a teary gaze, looking more worried than all of the losers put together. “i’m okay. he barely touched me.” he chuckled, though it came out as more of a painful wheeze as his face contorted in almost agony.
eddie stood up after a moment and richie watched him disappear into the kitchen. he assumed that he left to throw up in peace.
richie reached his hand out, choosing to ignore the bloodied rings on his fingers as he gently placed his hand over y/n’s, and linked their pinkies the best he could in that position. “promise i’m okay.”
y/n nodded and sniffled quietly, though it did nothing to help how worried she truly looked.
“are you okay?” he asked her, the anger bubbling inside him again at just the thought of bowers even being near her.
“i’m okay,” she confirmed with another sniffle as she nodded. “just worried about you, rich.”
when eddie returned a moment later richie realised with much surprise that he hadn’t left to throw up, and instead he was carrying a bag of frozen peas with him. he mumbled something about not being able to find any ice as it was all in the drinks as he handed the bag to stan, who helped richie hold it against his nose. he hissed in pain again, but the cold helped.
as he leaned back against the table behind him and had finally caught his breath back, he made eye contact with bill who was frowning. the boy glanced between y/n and richie before he mouthed i’m sorry to the latter. richie pondered over why he could possibly sorry for a fight that he started himself, but then he remembered their earlier conversation about y/n. bill must’ve realised that richie would do anything to keep her from getting hurt.
richie nodded with a slight smile before he glanced back at y/n, who had taken his hand properly and laced her fingers with his. in that moment richie truly realised how much she meant to him. richie would do anything for y/n. if he had to fight bowers all over again for her he’d do it, and he’d do anything to help her or anything she wanted. all this time he thought he’d had just an average crush on y/n. he’d never had a crush before her; sure he found people hot, but he’d never properly liked someone. he didn’t realise that getting butterflies whenever she touched him wasn’t an average crush. he didn’t realise that almost falling asleep in her lap as she insisted on playing with his hair as they watched a movie because he was so comfortable and relaxed wasn’t just an average crush. he didn’t realise that he’d start a fight with the biggest bully in the school and get the shit beaten out of him wasn’t just for an average crush. with a gulp as he slumped against the table, he realised that he was utterly and truly in love with her.
as soon as richie had turned sixteen, he got a car.
sure it was a shitty little thing that took ages to start and was a really tight squeeze to fit the losers in there, but it was his car. not even a week after he had gotten it he was used to eddie’s constant complaining about how much trash was in the car (“a public bathroom has less germs than this shithole.”) stan’s backseat driving (“richie there’s a speed limit for a fucking reason.“), and bill’s complaining (“there’s s-so much more room in my car, why didn’t we take- take that instead?“). though having a car meant he could get around so much easier, which made it easier to see y/n more often. whenever it was just the boys in the car, eddie had dibs on the passenger seat, though it was y/n’s and everybody knew it was. by that point, all of the losers knew about richie’s crush-turned-pining on y/n, so they didn’t argue with it.
with more freedom to get around without relying on bill to drive him or god forbid using his legs to walk, he spent so much more time with y/n alone. after school if some of the losers had something to do then he’d drive y/n home or off to do something alone. they spent plenty of time alone at the clubhouse together, or alone at the quarry, or even just sat in his car listening to the radio in an empty parking lot. it probably wasn’t the best for his pining to spend so much alone time with her, because it made him want her that much more, but honestly he couldn’t care less. richie couldn’t get enough of her.
because of her fondness for the rain, richie often took her out for drives when it was raining and the sky was somewhat dark but light enough so that you could see. that was her favourite weather. so when it rained a few weeks after she had turned sixteen richie had taken her for a drive, and parked in an empty parking lot behind a few stores. he always had snacks in his car (duh, he was richie) so once the car was parked and the engine was off he passed her a bag of chocolate raisins (they were her favourite so he always had some in his car) and turned on the radio, lowly so it didn’t drown out the noise of the rain for y/n.
munching on his own bag of chocolate buttons he turned to face y/n and tilted his head slightly, marvelling in her beauty. even though they weren’t dating, richie couldn’t understand how he got so lucky to have a best friend as amazing as her. over the past year they had grown so much closer than richie even thought was possible. they were “practically dating already” as stan would say; the only thing they didn’t do that a couple did was kiss. well, they didn’t have sex, but richie got a punch from eddie when he pointed out that sonia fulfilled those needs for him perfectly.
lightning flashed in the distance and y/n’s eyes lit up, leaning forwards to shut off the radio so she could listen out for the distant rumble of thunder that was soon to follow. he was wrong before; this was her favourite type of weather. richie was quite surprised to find out that she enjoyed storms. he always took her for a hating storms type of girl. when he pointed that out she laughed lightly and shook her head, mumbling “you’d be surprised.”
as another flash of lightning hit, her face lit up in the bright light, and he had to take a second to admire her. it seemed that practically everyday she got more and more beautiful, and richie almost couldn’t handle it. she was sat in his passenger seat in one of his sweaters (“is that mine?” “oh, you left it at my house last week and it looked so warm…” “keep it, doll. it looks better on you anyways.”), with her hair pulled up with a few pieces left free to elegantly frame her face. sometimes he wondered how he had the restraint to not just lean over and kiss her.
“it’s so beautiful, isn’t it?” y/n asked, popping another chocolate raisin into her mouth. “the storm.”
“yeah. so beautiful.” richie nodded, though he didn’t look out of the window and kept his eyes trained on her. they were always on her.
y/n looked back at richie after a moment and caught him staring at her, which caused a blush to quickly form across the apples of her cheeks as she smiled sheepishly. she always smiled the same smile whenever she caught somebody looking at her, but she only ever blushed when richie looked at her. he didn’t want to think too much about it, though, because it probably didn’t mean what he hoped it would.
“what?” y/n mumbled, the same flustered smile growing, though she attempted to pull her bottom lip between her teeth to lose the expression. it always made her embarrassed, he noticed.
“you’re just so beautiful,” richie mumbled without thinking about it (he spoke without thinking a lot, and everybody told him it’d come back and bite him in the ass some day), and then his eyes grew just as wide as hers once he realised what he had said. “uh- fuck, wait i-“
he cut himself off when her hand reached over to rest over his own, and he almost choked on the candy halfway down his throat. her thumb was gently grazing over his knuckles - the same knuckles he’d used to fight for her around a year ago - and the way she was gently stroking the skin was not the usual friendly way she’d touch him.
“richie?” she asked softly, and he could barely mumble out a “uhumm?“ in response, his eyes still bulging out of his head. “i think you’re just so beautiful, too.”
richie noticed another flash of lighting went off in the distance, though this time y/n didn’t turn to look out of the windshield to listen for the thunder that was soon to follow. instead he felt her fingers run along his hand, and he glanced down to watch her gently skim the pads of her fingers along his knuckles and rings. he had kept to wearing them every day after his fight with bowers. he claimed it was because they looked good but really it was so he could hurt someone if he ever had to punch someone in the face for y/n again. although they did look fucking sick. richie thought his heart was about to beat right out of his chest. all his brain was doing was going oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck-
“you know,” her voice was soft as she spoke. the soft spoken tone she used when she was nervous about something. she spoke like that when she had met his mother for the first time, or when she had to present to her class. she had spoken like that when they first met. “when you fought bowers that night for me, remember the party a year ago?” of course i fucking remember, he wanted to say, that was the night i knew i loved you, dummy. “when we got back to bill’s and you let me clean your hands up, after eddie had stopped fretting about your nose, i thought i was probably the luckiest girl in the world.”
richie scrunched his eyebrows together, his head tilting slightly as he looked at her. thunder rumbled in the background, yet y/n never looked away from him. “why?” his voice came out quieter than he liked, and he had to clear his throat.
“because i knew that i’d always have someone to have my back. who’d throw themselves literally into harms way to help me,” she said softly. “of course, not that i liked that bowers beat you up, but i knew that i’d always have you to look out for me.”
richie was opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water. “but- i mean- the others-“
“everyone else cares for me, i know. they all have my back and i appreciate all of them,” y/n shrugged with a soft smile. “but, richie, you punched bowers in the face for me. i don’t think anybody’s done that since like ever,”richie still looked beyond confused (or he was malfunctioning, he couldn’t tell at that point), so when he didn’t answer he felt her hand laying on top of his, squeezing gently. “rich, i’ve never had anybody care for me the way that you do. i feel… different when i’m with you.”
if his heart was racing before, richie was convinced that he was having a heart attack. she couldn’t be leading onto what he thought she was, right? richie always just assumed that what they had was it - nothing else. of course, stan and beverly and practically all of the losers told him that they were sure y/n had a thing for him, but he just assumed that it was some shit they just said to make him feel better. like when his mom gave him a bowl cut when they were twelve and stan tried telling him it looked good. richie knew it was bullshit because when he saw eddie later on that day he ended up laughing so hard that he had to use his inhaler. twice.
“different like nauseous?” why the fuck did he say that?
y/n giggled and shook her head. “different like… different like i’ve never felt so much love for somebody before in my life.”
richie almost choked on the breath he was taking in. it took him what seemed like forever to process what she was telling him. she… she loved him? jesus christ he was going to have a heart attack. this was where he was going to die. his heart was beating way too fast and it was suddenly really hot in the car and he was probably having an aneurism or something. he couldn’t believe that someone as perfect as her could love someone as imperfect as him. how someone so polite and innocent and beautiful could love someone so brash and dirty and trashy.
she loved him.
richie blinked a few times in the low light that was coming in through the windshield, lighting up her face just enough for him to still see her beauty. to be fair, even in the dark he’d still be able to see her beauty. it radiated from her in waves that made him happy to be simply sitting next to her.
his hand (the one that wasn’t underneath her own, because there was no way he could lose that contact) gently lifted up until he could gently place it against her cheek. her skin was so soft he couldn’t help his thumb from swiping along her cheek, warm with the earlier flush of pink in her face. richie noticed how she leaned into his hand, her doe eyes never leaving his. slowly, giving her time to lean back if she wanted, richie leaned across towards where she was, and ever so gently pressed his lips to hers. and then she leaned in closer.
fireworks went off in his head and richie swore that he was flying. he’s never felt so high in his entire life. he felt her hand reach up to grip onto his jacket to pull her closer and he could’ve fainted there and then from the pure amount of happiness that was coursing through his veins.
she tasted like strawberry lip balm and chocolate, and her lips were so soft against his that he swore he was kissing an angel. an angel that was sent down from heaven just for him. he had dreamed of kissing y/n for so long that this just felt like another dream. nothing could’ve prepared him for how good it felt to be kissing her, finally. richie barely recognised the flash of lightning as he pulled away from her slightly. he didn’t think she had even noticed.
she giggled quietly once he’d pulled away and reached her hand up from his jacket to his cheek, her touch so warm against his skin. her cheeks were flushed again and she was smiling so brightly. all for him.
“fuck i love you,” he breathed, lips barely brushing against hers as he spoke. “i love you so much. i’ve needed to tell you for so long.”
“i love you too, rich.” she giggled, and leaned in to kiss him again.
after that day in the car, they were inseparable. after finding out their newfound love for each other, of course they started dating, though y/n opted for keeping it a secret for as long as possible and richie had to agree with her choice. the losers freaked out over so much that it would probably blow their minds if they found out that richie and y/n were finally dating.
of course, it couldn’t be kept from them forever.
they lasted almost two weeks together alone. their usual spot to be alone was the clubhouse, because when it was empty they could cuddle in the hammock and have peace to themselves. instead of laying side by side like they used to, richie had his arm around her back as she leaned her head against his chest, their legs tangled together in some strange knot. richie mumbled some jokes to her and she giggled into his shirt, and he hadn’t felt so happy in the longest time. at every chance he could be leaned down to kiss her lips, or her cheek, or her head. and when he was speaking he had his fingers dragging through her hair. he had to be touching her at all times.
just as y/n started laughing at another joke he made (“richie that’s crude!”) they heard the clubhouse hatch open, and didn’t have enough time to scramble out of the hammock before the losers started climbing down. they must’ve lost track of time - was it eleven already?
“oh my god!” beverly squealed since she was the first one down, spotting richie and y/n cuddling in the hammock. “guys! get down here!” she demanded as she jumped down the ladder.
richie looked down at y/n and watched her cheeks turn a shade of pink, and chuckled quietly as he leaned down to press a kiss to her temple.
the rest of the losers scrambled down the ladder as quickly as they could after bev’s yell, each of them having the same reaction as beverly. eyes wide, mouth open, “holy shit!“
“eww,” eddie cringed after the initial shock, and richie raised his eyebrows at him. “you two didn’t have sex on the hammock, did you?”
richie snorted as y/n groaned and buried her face into his chest. “of course not, eds. jeez, do you really think we’d stoop so low to have sex on the hammock?” he scoffed. “i only have sex on the hammock with sonia, dummy.” he rolled his eyes, though gripped onto y/n when eddie pushed his arm so hard he sent the hammock swinging.
“eddie!” y/n whined as it swung, her hands making little fists in richie’s shirt as she pouted.
cute, he thought, knowing she was trying to scowl but just ended up looking like she was pouting anyways. she was too adorable to look mean.
the next hour was spent with having to tell the rest of the losers club things in excruciating detail; beverly wanted to know about their first kiss, ben wanted to know how long they’d liked each other, eddie wanted to know if they had actually had sex in the hammock (“seriously dude i need you to tell me so i can spray it”). and then bill and stan seemed to team up for a double-whammy of the talk, which made y/n glow red and therefore caused richie to laugh at her and not listen to what they were being told.
after that, the hammock was theirs. nobody else touched it because either richie or both of them would be in it (y/n sometimes felt bad and let eddie have her turn, but that’d only happen if richie wasn’t there too. which was rare. richie made a point of never letting the hammock get unattended just to piss eddie off). it was nicer once the losers knew, because they didn’t have to hide around them anymore. they could cuddle and share a sleeping bag at sleepovers, and kiss whenever they wanted, and y/n could always sit in his lap in bill’s car.
each day he swore he fell more and more in love with her.
richie swore that the next year was the best year of his life; seventeen must be his lucky number. he got to spend practically every day with y/n, and despite the fact that bowers still bothered him (he’d been more attentive to picking on richie after their fight, but richie quite frankly couldn’t give a shit as long as he didn’t mess with y/n again) he swore that every day was practically perfect. after a few months of dating richie started sneaking into y/n’s room at night to sleep with her sometimes, and other times she’d stay over at his house with the excuse that she was at a sleepover. maggie tozier was a very kind woman, and didn’t mind y/n staying there at all, which richie was grateful for. he had such lovely parents.
despite having wanted to be with y/n for over a year before he actually started dating, richie was taking things slow with her. he knew what sort of person y/n was; she blushed at dirty jokes, had a row of stuffed animals at the end of her bed, wore friendship bracelets every day, and refrained from cussing most of the time. he didn’t want to rush her into things she wasn’t ready for. and she seemed to enjoy where they were. they’d cuddle at night, share soft kisses with each other, dance together to their favourite songs, huddle together or with her in his lap watching movies. their relationship was bliss, and richie didn’t want to push anything until she was completely ready.
eddie had laughed at him when he told him that (“you’re richie trashmouth fucking tozier, you’re really not going to have sex?”) but stan had shut him up with a shove and told richie it was a good call.
when y/n turned seventeen a few months after richie had, he took her out to dinner and acted like a gentleman. or the best he could, as he still whispered crude jokes to her in the restaurant and eventually had them both laughing so hard that their bellies hurt and the people sat around them were giving them funny looks. afterwards they stayed at her house for the rest of the night, and just enjoyed each orher’s presence.
y/n had been seventeen for a good few weeks when richie decided to surprise her at her house, unlike usual when he’d ask to go there first. she always seemed happy to have him there, and she seemed to be a little off that week, so while she was still out (“why aren’t you at the clubhouse?” “i’m at the library, they have my favourite book in.” “wow, a book more important than me? you wound me.” “shut up you know i love you more than anything.”) richie climbed up into her bedroom, thankfully she had left the window open, and sprawled out across her bed as he waited for her to get back. he made sure to take his shoes off before he climbed onto the bed because she almost died when she first saw his dirty shoes staining her sheets. she didn’t tell him to not do it, but he could see in her face that the stains bothered her, so he made sure never to do it again.
richie was sprawled across her bed reading a comic he’d left there for about half an hour before he heard the front door downstairs shut. another five minutes until he heard her soft footsteps climbing her creaky staircase, at which point richie had grinned and tossed the comic aside as the door opened.
“hey toots, welcome-“ oh. she was crying.
of course richie had seen her cry before. she’d cried when he was in the fight with bowers, and she cried at sad movies, and when she fell over and hurt herself. but she was really crying. she looked like she’d been crying for hours. her eyes were red and puffy, her breathing was so heavy he heard her small gasps of breath every time she took them in, and her face was contorted into something he could only describe as pain.
immediately richie had jumped up, almost tripping over his shoes on the floor as he quickly made his way over to her. his hands were on either side of her face, turning her head and looking up and down her to see if she was hurt in any way. when he didn’t see any he just cradled her head to his chest and felt her body shake against his. her head turned to press her face into his shirt before he heard her whimper “what are you doing here?”
richie frowned as he held her close, shutting her bedroom door behind her before he carefully guided her over toward her bed. “i wanted to surprise you when you got home ‘cause i haven’t seen you all day,” he told her as he sat down against her headboard and pulled her into his lap so he could hold her close. her head tucked against his shoulder as her arms wound around him as he left a kiss to her head. “what’s wrong, doll? talk to me,” he spoke into her hair as he rocked her in his arms. “was it bowers? i swear to fucking god if that asshole-“
“it wasn’t bowers,” her tiny voice interrupted him. she sounded so small and pained it physically hurt him. “it was greta.”
“greta keene?” richie asked, pulling a face at the thought of the girl who worked at the pharmacy and picked on eddie whenever he went there to get his medication, or her father who had a disgusting fondness for beverly. once he knew how much of a creep he was he never let y/n go into the pharmacy without somebody with her. “what did she do?”
y/n sniffled, wiping her eyes with her hands as she sighed. “she’s been picking on me all week but i left it alone because i know she’s mean to everybody,” she mumbled, her chest heaving with the next gasp of air she brought in through her tears. “i was on my way back from the library and i bumped into her. she threw the book i had over a fence and started yelling at me.” y/n had more tears falling down her face her bottom lip wobbling.
richie had never seen her so worked up. y/n was usually so well put together, he had never seen her so… so broken. she kept picture perfect for everybody, including him. it hurt to see her in such a state.
“what did she say?” he knew he was going to hate the answer if it upset her so much, but he needed to know.
y/n sniffled again. richie could feel her tears slipping down his neck and his heart ached. “she was saying stuff about how i mean nothing to you,” she whispered so quietly that richie almost missed it. but he didn’t, and he almost got up and left her house to go and find greta keene himself. “she- she was saying that it’s all an act. so you can just say to everyone else that you’re dating somebody. she said you’re obviously faking ‘cause i’m so different to all of your other friends and i’m too ugly for anybody to love.” she shook again as she sobbed and richie held her so tight he swore he must’ve been hurting her, but if he was she didn’t say.
richie felt his blood boil. he almost felt the same as he did the night he fought bowers. how the hell could somebody even say that to her? he never understood why people wanted to hurt the most fragile and perfect people they could find. it baffled him that people could look at y/n and want to be rude. she was so sweet and kind, he didn’t understand why.
richie pressed his lips to her temple as he sighed softly. she was still gripping onto his jumper so he simply lifted her head to look at him, his heart clenching when he met her pain filled eyes. his hands cupped her cheeks, swiping her tears away with his thumbs as her bottom lip wobbled again, chest still heaving with every breath of air she sucked in to attempt to calm down.
“y/n,” richie only ever used her first name if he was being serious. “what greta said is absolute bullshit, okay? she has absolutely no idea what she’s talking about, she just wanted to upset you.”
“but i mean she’s right, i’m so different-“ y/n started sniffling before richie shushed her with a finger over her lips.
“gosh, y/n, interrupting me when i’m talking? manners,” he teased lightheartedly, feeeling a little relieved when she smiled briefly. though at the sight of her burying her face back against his chest as she shook some more richie sighed, pulling her so she was sat on his lap facing him, her legs bracketing his thighs.
“look,” richie had one hand on her cheek to guide her to look at him, his other hand on her back where he rubbed small circles to try and comfort her. “ask any one of our friends how much i love you and they’ll tell you i was pining for you for over a year,” he told her softly. “y/n, i love you so much because you’re so different to everybody else. i’ve never met somebody so perfect before. we might be opposites but that’s why we’re so strong together, we balance each other out.”
“but what she said about being ugly-“
“was fucking bullshit,” richie frowned. “you are the most beautiful person ever to exist. i’ve never met somebody before who’s even come close to being just as beautiful. you fucking radiate it,” y/n had calmed down somewhat as she listened to him, slumping slightly from where she was sat on his lap. he kept his hand moving across her back and his other on her cheek. “you are all i want, okay? you’re it for me.”
y/n was looking up at him with her big doe eyes again, and for a moment he thought she’d burst into more tears.
what he didn’t expect was for her hands to come up to the sides of his neck and to pull him into kiss her almost urgently. richie could feel the tears on her face as he leaned in closer to her to kiss her but he ignored it. he couldn’t think of anything other than holy fucking shit- when she grabbed his jumper in a fist and pulled him that much closer.
they had never really made out before. they tried once, but y/n kept giggling to the point where she had to pull away and she went bright red, so richie simply held her close as he laughed with her, dropping the attempt. but this; this was so different. it was urgent and passionate and definitely not y/n style innocent. her hands were grabbing at his clothes and soon enough he was gripping her hips to pull her even closer. her lipbalm was all he could taste and her perfume was all he could smell and all he could feel was her and his heart beating against his rib cage to get out. she whimpered his name against his lips, quiet and needy, and before he could see if she was crying again she felt her hands slip under his sweater to his bare waist and he tensed up. oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck-
“y/n-“ it was more of a groan than anything as she held onto him. “what’re you-“
“please,” she whispered, her breathing heavy again though not from crying. he leaned back just enough to look at her, seeing flushed cheeks and almost swollen lips. “rich please.”
he woke up the next morning under her covers with a groan and a stretch. she was in his shirt and he didn’t have one on. she was giggling as she rolled into him and richie was laughing with her.
it was like they’d started something new. something good.
“fucking hell-“ richie groaned as he practically threw her suitcase into the back of his car, before dramatically bending over with his hands on his knees. “what the fuck is in your suitcase? i think it’s killed me.”
they were eighteen and senior year was over, it had been for a few weeks. everything was so different and changing that richie had barely any chance to catch up with it.
the last day of school was the last day that all of the losers had been together. bev was leaving later that day to move to stay with her aunt for college, and as the days and weeks went on less and less losers remained in derry. richie and y/n were the last ones. it had been an emotional last day. everybody cried, promises of writing to each other and meeting up at christmas sniffled until they had to leave. richie knew it wasn’t the last meeting of the losers club, they were too tightly knit, but it felt like it. y/n cried just as hard as that day when the other losers left.
but this time she wasn’t crying. she was smiling. because y/n and richie were going to the same college.
richie couldn’t have bared to part from y/n for college. it would’ve broken her and it would’ve broken him to part from her. he was so deeply in love with her that he couldn’t bare to part from her for more than a day, let alone months.
richie had helped her pack her things and after getting his own into his car, he had driven to her house to pack hers up. his mother had let him leave with teary eyes and tons and tons of kisses on his cheek. richie had barely gotten out before she ate him or something.
“says the one who brought an entire bag of snacks that probably weighs more than i do.” y/n teased as she came up behind him, her arms wrapping around his middle as she giggled.
richie chuckled and rolled his eyes, turning around to face her as he leaned back against the car and pulled her into his arms. “snacks are an important part of any journey, y/n. probably more important than the car. jeez, you think you know a girl.” he sighed dramatically, earning a light smack to the chest from her as she giggled and leaned into him.
they stood in silence for a moment as he held her, and he guessed she too was thinking of how weird it would be to leave derry. to leave the place they grew up in and fell in love in, just to have to start a new somewhere else. richie rubbed his hand along his back as he pondered their future. would college be good? would they still see each other often between their different classes? would they still talk to the losers? richie was sure of one thing; he’d continue loving y/n more and more every single day. how couldn’t he?
“i love you.” she whispered, and when he tipped his head down to look at her she was smiling up at him like he put the stars in the sky for her. little did she know that was all her.
“i love you too,” his hand came up to her cheek as he leaned down to kiss her for a long moment (not long enough, it was never long enough), before he pulled away with a smirk. “still not as much as eddie’s mom though, sorry toots.”
she groaned and he chuckled, pulling her back into him. “he’s not even here and you’re still going.” she giggled and shook her head.
richie leaned down to kiss the top of her head before he stood back up from leaning against the car, taking her hand instead of holding her as he turned to shut the trunk.
“guess we should get this show on the road.” he turned back to face her, meeting her smile with one of his own.
y/n nodded in agreement and squeezed his hand before she turned to get into the passenger side of the car, richie in the driver’s seat. he had asked her once if she was ever going to learn to drive whilst they were still in high school and she shook her head. (“why would i need to? i’ve got you to drive me around.”)
once they were buckled in richie turned on the radio and let the music sit at a low hum for background noise as he started the car. they were just about ready, he thought. the snack bag was in the back seat, their bags were backed, they had nobody else to say goodbye to.
“ready?” richie lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles and watched as she smiled softly at the action.
“ready.” she agreed softly.
richie leaned over to press a warm loving kiss to her lips before he pulled back and moved one hand to the steering wheel, his other settling on her thigh where he tapped along to the music that played. he did that so much it was habit at that point. muscle memory.
as the car started driving, and y/n started talking about something that had him smiling and laughing, he couldn’t help but be filled with an overwhelming sense of joy that he got to start the next chapter of his life with the person he loved the most.
he was probably the luckiest guy alive.
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Okay okay okay venom!AU general Leverage timeline thoughts: it still goes pretty much the same but with a small dose of Secret Identity and Quinn Was Always There
Symbiotes Head and Heart end up bonding to each other, which simply isn't done, and go on the run from the Hive - ending up on earth
Because there is no Parker or Hardison the Humans, Eliot ends up with the fake dagger of Aqu'abi
His employer is not happy when he discovers he spent all that money on retrieving a fake, and Eliot accidentally ingests the symbiotes while getting waterboarded
It takes a little while to realize what's going on with him, but with the help of the symbiotes he busts out of his holding cell and his life fucking changes
However in the process he discovers that these two aliens don't know how to fUCKING FIGHT???
I am stealth. I am silence. If I do my job right no one even knows I am a threat. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!?" Hey man dont look at me either, I'm more, you know, tactics and information and pure charisma, you know what I'm sayin'? "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE. OKAY. BACK SEAT. IM DOING THE DRIVING HERE."
Instead of the symbiote taking over for combat like with Eddie/Venom, Eliot handles all the fighting just being bolstered by Head and Heart's abilities - super strength, speed, extendable limbs, and is the one in control/main driver's seat whenever they take full symbiote form
Because of this, Head and Heart start calling him Hands.
They use mostly use Head's inky blue-black form for stealth/retrieval jobs, but in casual (private) day-to-day it's usually Heart's bright white tendrils reaching out and grabbing things for Eliot, manipulating the world around them. When things turn combat heavy it's a combination of both.
Eliot feels weird calling them Head and Heart, especially with regards to them being part of him now, and he already HAS a head and heart, and is starting to feel uncomfortable about how hard it's starting to be to tell HIS head/heart apart from THEM. So he gives them human names.
Hardison takes to it easily and even seems to enjoy indulging in human culture - happily calling Eliot by his own name in return (only using Hands as an endearment during serious moments/times of stress)
Parker doesn't mind, but shows no real interest in humanity outside of it being a 'fascinating puzzle' and Eliot himself, and keeps calling him Hands (only using Eliot as an endearment during serious moments/times of stress)
Leverage still happens - Eliot is becoming even more of legend with his boosted skills, even though he's trying to keep them under the radar. He and the symbiotes have only been together a year or two, and are still working out the kinks, so he's trying to not rely on them too much and only use them when he has to. Dubenich puts him on a team as a hitter/thief combo alongside a hitter by the name of Quinn and a hacker (since Eliot has kept the Hardison symbiote's ability to merge with information networks his "computer skills" under wraps) calling himself Cha0s.
Cha0s doesn't make the cut, panicking and splitting early when their way out changes (oblivious to the Parker symbiote nimbly plucking the hard drive with the data they stole from his pocket) but Eliot and Quinn stick to Nate's backup plan and finish the job together.
From there Leverage progresses as fairly normal, but with a team of "five" - Nate, Sophie, Quinn, Eliot, and Eliot's Computer Friend Hardison Who Lives In Canada But Will Happily Handle All Their Hacker Needs From An Undisclosed Remote Location.
The team never "meets" Hardison, but the symbiote will occasionally borrow Eliot's vocal chords to speak over comms so long as no one can see Eliot's face at the moment.
I really like this team, E. We should tell them about us. "No." heart is right. they would know how to hide us better. relieve hands of carrying the whole burden. "No."
Quinn finds out when Moreau kicks him into the pool and Eliot "leaves him to drown" - having actually snuck symbiote!Parker into Quinn at breakfast to protect him, because Eliot knew Moreau would probably try something real fucky when they went to meet him. This also results in a head!Quinn/heart!Eliot symbiote form kiss.
Nate finds out in The Warehouse when they rescue The Italian and fall into Moreau's trap. After all the carnage, the brutality, the headless bodies littering the concrete floor around him, the symbiotes slip back into Eliot's body as man turns towards Nate, mouth drawn tight and eyes fearful. Sure they've just lost the little family they've been collecting. Sure it's going to go back to him and his symbiotes against the world. On the run. "Okay..." Nate says, feeling a little numb, but his mind whirls and spins like it always does. "That... explains a few things. Complicates others. We can work with this."
Moreau fucking dies.
Parker and Hardison get to come out and openly interact with the team, forming their own various flavors of familial relationships and discovering Genders and all other sorts of Emotions and Feelings related things that work better learning with a community or friend group rather than their only real lense being their "emotionally aware, but intentionally constipated about it" host.
Somewhere between then and the Rundown Job, Eliot and the symbiotes start experimenting with what their tentacles can do. Intimately speaking.
(y'all knew that was gonna come up sometime lbr)
During the Rundown Job, it's practically a sarcastic buddy cop movie between Eliot and Quinn. Their deep friendship that's grown out of mutual respect and admiration which both men have been politely, mutually ignoring pushes itself to the surface amongst all the adrenaline.
This leads to the boys recooperating in a shitty motel room but still vibrating with restless energy, and they're talking with Parker and Hardison and somehow conversation turns to "so like... Y'all have freaky tentacle sex, right?" "DAMNIT, QUINN." "COME ON Eliot, there's no WAY you don't!” "Yeah but that's not-... you don't just..." Does he want to see? We can show him.
Eliot (and the symbiotes) and Quinn have a casual but fulfilling fuck.
This leads Eliot directly into a spiralling realization regarding how different it felt with Quinn than just with his symbiotes - specifically, how experiencing casual sex with Quinn (with whom he does share a close relationship rather than just a fling with a stranger) and it STILL feeling so significantly different than masturbating with his symbiotes makes him realize - the way casual sex with others has been feeling different than when he’s just casually messing around alone with Parker and Harrison wasn’t because the other people have been STRANGERS, but rather that it SPECIFICALLY is NOT just casual with Parker and Hardison. And holy shit he's in love with an alien couple. An alien couple already so in love with each other that they turned their backs on an entire species and are only using him as a hiding place. How could he ever hope to measure up or compare to that with them. He's always going to be the outsider, no matter how much he-
He gets over this self-worth spiral (with the symbiotes' assistance) round about when Nate leaves with Sophie - accepting the fact that the three of them have something unique and special no one's gonna be stuck on the outside looking in. We are One Body. Head, Heart, and Hands.
He and Quinn each go start/head up a Leverage International team.
Eliot hires freelance activist/journalist Eddie Brock for his team, having ZERO idea about Venom.
Almost a decade later, Maria still happens, but it's simply a direct result of Eliot craving being held by/holding someone humanshaped like him - and being a dumbass who never really fully tapped into what the symbiotes can actually physically DO, by virtue of him always doing the fighting and them never really needing to fully take their own shapes before.
They immediately rectify the situation.
Parker thinks Eliot should jack off more efficiently (and Eliot's lingering issues with his own bodily autonomy are briefly mentioned)
Hardison likes to edge Eliot so he can indulge in the pleasure himself
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May Contain Nuts
Characters: Bobby Nash, Chim (mentioned), Eddie Diaz, Evan Buckley and Hen Wilson (mentioned)
Word Count: 2,045
Warnings: Mentions of anaphylaxis and needles.
What better place to have an allergic reaction than in a house full of trained medics?
Thank you to my amazing beta @evanbuckos
Bobby had brought in a batch of chocolate brownies, made by Athena for the team that day. Everyone was excited for the officers baking as usual, Chim was the first to dive in, followed by Hen and then Bobby grabbing his own with a mug of coffee in his other hand. You heard shouting from the ground floor where Eddie and Buck were training.
“Hey, save us some,” you heard Eddie call.
Followed by Bucks, “Don’t let Chim eat them all!”
You grabbed your own square and mug, moving to the couch to enjoy the snack you deserved after the string of calls you’d all received that morning.
You heard moans from the other members of your team as they tucked into their treat. You smiled to yourself before taking a bite yourself.
“Bobby, your wife is a kitchen goddess,” you heard Hen say, her voice muffled by the mouthful of the baked goods.
You knew something was wrong as soon as you’d swallowed your first bite. The familiar tingling sensation began at the back of your throat, your mouth beginning to itch. You felt sick to your stomach, unsure if it was your allergy or the anxiety you were already feeling at the knowledge of what you had just ingested.
You placed the offending item down, not making a fuss as you rose from your seat and headed towards the stairs. If you could make it to your locker, you know you’d be alright. You hurried down the stairs, attempting to control your breathing as you rushed past Buck and Eddie, who were still training together.
“Woah, hey. Slow down.” You vaguely heard Eddie call after you as you rushed past them into the locker rooms.
“Yeah, where’s the fire?” Buck chimed in.
You hurried past them, not trusting yourself to reply as your chest tightened further.
You missed the shared looks between the two firefighters, their expression one of confusion and then concern as they heard the clattering coming from your direction.
Your hands fumbled as you opened your locker, beginning to frantically search for the item you so desperately needed in that moment.
You didn’t hear the sound of the two men behind you. Unbeknownst to you, they’d put down their weights at the sight of you being so flustered. The pair had followed shortly behind you, and were watching as you scrambled through your belongings.
“Lost something?” Buck quipped from behind you.
The smirk on his face dropped as you turned to face the two men. Your eyes were wide with panic, tears streamed down your face as you sucked in breaths in short gasps.
“I’m sorry…” was all you could get out before you felt completely out of breath.
Eddie moved further into the room, moving past Buck as he immediately went into triage mode. He pulled you away from the locker, with gentle hands on your upper arms so he was able to get a better look at you. Buck followed shortly after, hurrying into the room to stand next to Eddie.
The younger firefighter took your other side, “easy now, let’s sit you down.” The pair guided you onto the floor into a sitting position, your back against the wall to keep you upright.
“Can you tell us what happened?” Buck asked as he sat on the floor beside you, a comforting hand on your arm as the other came to rest on your radial pulse. You could feel your pulse racing, thrumming against his fingers.
He glanced at his watch, you were surprised he was able to count, it felt like your heart was going to pound out of your chest at the lack of oxygen you weren’t getting. “Pulse is 134.”
Eddie gained your attention, his hands either side of your face in an attempt to get the information he desperately needed in order to treat you. “You need to try and tell us what’s going on.”
“Brownies…” you managed to get out in one breath.
Eddie frowned in confusion before you took another breath, trying to continue explaining yourself through each gasp.
“Shit.” Eddie thought to himself.
“You’re going to be alright, we’ve got you now,” Buck soothed, as he rubbed his hand up and down your arm, in an attempt to ground you.
Eddie had jumped up immediately at your confession, going straight towards your locker in search of what you had been frantically looking for before the two had arrived. “Have you got an Epi Pen?”
You gestured towards your locker weakly. “Top...shelf.”
Eddie nodded in confirmation, “hold on.” He began his search, fumbling through the folded clothes and various items before he found the clear plastic tube holding the auto-injector.
Buck rose from his position next to you, “I’m going to go and get some more help, okay?”
Your breathing came in quicker at the thought of more people seeing you so vulnerable. You shook your head, “no...don’t,” you grabbed onto his wrist, not wanting him to leave.
Buck shared a glance with Eddie as he came back to your side, “get the cap, be discreet.”
The younger firefighter wasted no time in heading out of the room and up the stairs, running to Bobby’s side. “Bobby, we’ve got a situation downstairs.”
The look on Buck’s face had the alarm bells ringing in the captain’s mind as he recalled you rushing off the sofa, and running down the stairs. He hadn’t seen you since, your mug and half eaten brownie sat untouched on the coffee table. With a nod, Bobby and Buck headed down the stairs.
“Cap, what’s going on?” Hen called after him.
“Stay here. Why don’t you two start on dinner?” The look the captain gave left no room for argument as he called the order over his shoulder. Hen and Chim nodded, moving to the kitchen to start preparing dinner.
As soon as he rounded the corner and saw you with Eddie, Bobby sprung to action. “Buck, grab a monitor, the O2 and med bag.”
Bobby could clearly see you trembling, the fear of the situation sinking in as he moved to occupy the space Buck had not long left.
Buck returned moments later holding the necessary items, placing them in front of you. He wasted no time in hooking you up to the monitors, placing the electrodes on your chest and a pulse ox on your finger. Wrapping the blood pressure cuff around your bicep, placing a stethoscope in his ears, he began taking the reading. As soon as he obtained your blood pressure, he announced the information to the room.
Another glance at the monitor gave Buck your other vitals, now flashing across the monitors screen. “B/P’s 72/50, pulse 130, sats 94%.”
You hadn’t realised Bobby had been counting your breathing, so focussed on the other commotion in the room, “respirations 28.”
As the other two men were working on getting your vitals, you hadn’t noticed Eddie was back in front of you. “You had to use your Epi before?”
You nod in response.
You watch him as he opens the clear tube holding the adrenaline, flicking off the blue cap with his thumb as he positioned it over your thigh.
“Right, you know the drill. I’m going to jab this into your thigh and we’ll get you feeling better, okay?” You can see the panic behind his eyes but he forced a smile for you, which you were grateful for.
You hold a hand out, which Bobby takes in his own, giving it a reassuring squeeze. You watched Eddie as he positioned the orange tip of the Epi over your thigh. “Want me to count down, or just do it?”
“Just do…” you close your eyes as you feel the pressure and then the sting of the needle as the adrenaline enters your system.
Eddie set the empty injector aside, the 10 seconds the medicine took to enter your system had felt like a lifetime. Eddie began to gently massage the injection site, helping to relieve some of the pain. You continued to focus on your breathing, focussing also on the voices around you telling you to breathe and telling you how well you were doing.
The next thing you heard was rustling as Buck began attaching an oxygen mask to the tank he’d brought in with him. You weren’t sure what happened next, one second you were focusing on breathing, and the next you began to feel faint. Your eyes rolled back and your head fell forward as you grew more tired.
You vaguely felt hands pushing your head back to rest against the wall, muffled voices around you. You felt the pressure of fingers digging into the pulse point on your neck. The voices swam in and out, they sounded frantic, but you were too tired to care.
After he’d noticed your change in consciousness, Bobby had immediately moved from your side, placing a gentle hand around your neck in support, to keep your airway open. He pressed his fingers to your carotid, not happy with the frantic pulse he felt thrumming beneath his fingers.
“Let’s get her on her side,” the captain announced.
The three men together, noticing the change in your condition gently laid you down on your side.
“Buck, ambu bag,” Bobby ordered.
Buck immediately swapped the mask out and handed it off to Bobby. He placed the mask over your mouth, squeezing it gently, timed to your breathing. You felt yourself slightly coming to, you could vaguely feel the commotion around you and the squeeze of the blood pressure cuff around your arm once more.
You weren’t sure how long it was, but you found the voices around you getting clearer. You opened your eyes to find the three men surrounding you, fussing over your vitals.
“You back with us?” You looked up meeting Bobby’s gaze, as he slowly removed the mask from your nose and mouth.
You took a breath. Breathing felt easier for the first time since the reaction had started but you still didn’t fully trust yourself to speak. “Hi….” you breathed.
“Hey,” the older firefighter replied, a smile on his face. After a glance at Buck, he swapped the mask back to the non-rebreather, leaving you in the recovery position a while longer, allowing you to catch your breath.
When you felt more alert, the three helped turn you on your back into a more comfy position. You could feel Buck starting another set of vitas, stethoscope on, inflating the cuff around your upper arm.
You turned your head to the other side to see Eddie approaching, another stethoscope around his neck.
He knelt at your other side, removing the stethoscope from around his neck, placing the tips in his ears. “I’m just going to take a listen, alright?”
You’d feel self-conscious at the attention of the three men around you if it weren’t for the overwhelming tiredness you were feeling, both from the reaction and coming down from the medication.
You nodded your consent, allowing Eddie to listen to your breathing and the three to get another set of vitals from you. Happy that you had improved, with your consent, Eddie and Buck with an arm each, helped you into a sitting position once more.
Bobby stayed behind you, keeping you steady with a hand between your shoulder blades in case you lost consciousness once more.
“Once you’re feeling up to it, we’ll get you into the ambulance and Buck and Eddie will take you to get checked out, alright?” you heard him say from behind you.
“Thanks...God, this is so embarrassing,” you wined, “sorry,” you gestured around you, “for all this.”
Eddie smiled, “no problem.”
“Nothing to be sorry for,” Buck added.
The three helped you to your feet, Buck and Eddie on either side of you and Bobby behind, with a hand on the small of your back. They led you to the ambulance, settling you in the back on the gurney. Once they had you strapped in, you were left in the back with Eddie. Buck made his way to the front ready to take the wheel while Bobby stayed behind, sending the three of you off with a slap to the back of the ambulance, signalling for Buck to drive.
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doe eyes • richie tozier x reader
a/n: based off of some asks for innocent reader!! also thank you all so much for 1.1k followers! <3
summary: richie’s always had a soft spot for you so when he finds a dirty magazine under your bed, he offers to help you out
contains: oral (f!receiving), smut, fingering (f!receiving), innocent! reader x richie, pretty vanilla, teasing, fluff if you squint and praise!! 4.4 words, losers + reader are 18
likes and reblogs are always appreciated!
richie watched you as you sucked a maraschino cherry off of the stem, savouring it and humming.
you had plucked it from the top of the ice cream cone he had bought you on your way home, your little tongue darting across it to scoop up the ice cream. you were adorable.
now, your legs swung at the edge of your bed, your feet clad in white socks with a white lace frill at the ankle as you excitedly ramble to richie about a movie you and bev saw at the aladdin. like richie, you liked to do impressions of the characters to complete the story, yours less refined, but just as amusing to him.
richie tries hard to pay attention as you speak, which is hard when each time you take a lick of your ice cream and moan from how good it tastes, licking your lips, completely oblivious to the effect you had on richie.
he’s leant back against your headboard, his broad shoulders cushioned among the heap of stuffed animals, pride swelling up in his chest when he saw the big stuffed bear with a heart on it's tummy he had won for you at a fair. lovingly, you dubbed it beep beep bear, after beep beep, richie. he would've found that annoying if anyone else had said it.
richie had always had a soft spot for you, you were one of the quieter losers but he loved it, how your sweetness and softness balanced out his loudness. when he cracked a good joke, you would be giggling behind your hand and smiling up at him.
now, you lick at the cone, chatting still as richie's eyes fix on your lips, glossy as your tongue peeks out a little. something about the sight was so-
"bambi! are you even listening?"
right, bambi. it was what you called him religiously after one day you noticed how richie had the prettiest, sweetest set of doe eyes (your words, not his). you had gone up to him and peered up at him, tucking some of his curls behind his ears to see his face better and smiled, telling him he had doe eyes. they were only magnified by his thick glasses lens and framed by his thick lashes. they were so.. pretty. so, you called him bambi.
sure it was pretty much wrecking his reputation. richie was scary, tall and broad-shouldered, topped off with a sharp jaw that you loved to nuzzle against. trying to threaten someone while you were hanging on his arm, asking bambiiii, can we go to the diner? wasn't the most intimidating thing for him, but when you sounded so cute saying it, he couldn't deny you, answering to bambi as if it was his birth name.
his head snaps up, his eyes meeting yours as he chuckles softly, "sorry, toots, can you repeat that?"
you give a pout, tilting your head to the side, “what’s wrong, bambi?”
he shakes his head with a small smile, trying not to let his eyes wander to your pouted lips or fluttering eyelashes, trying not to let his mind stray to a less than.. immaculate place, "don't worry about it doll," he says, coaxing you on to continue talking about the movie.
you don't let him move on, prying, "bambiiiiiii," you say in a soft, whiny tone that doesn't help his case at all. he feels shame weigh down on him as he briefly imagines you whining his name in the same way, the image too sweet and perfect to stop thinking about. each delicious thought of your desperate whines and moans feeling like heaven to him, thoughts of your bare skin on his as your thighs shudder, oh bambi-
richie hums looking up at you, pushing those thoughts away with a metre-long pole. "uh huh?"
you pout, bottom lip jutting out slightly, "see? you're all distracted," you point out, examining his face through narrowed eyes, "ugh, i'm gonna get you some water, you're all flushed," you say, giving his warm cheek a soft pinch as you stand up, walking over to your door, thinking your poor richie was tired out from walking in the sun for so long.
turning his head, richie is about to insist that he was fine, when he does he sees your dress hiked up slightly as you bend over to pick up a stuffed animal that had fallen off of the bed, showing off the scant, lacy piece you were wearing underneath. since when did you wear stuff like that?
his mind is racing as he tries desperately hard not to notice how the lace cupped your ass perfectly, how you matched the colour to your dress, how it looked like it could be undone with a damn pinkie finger.
before his eyes can linger any longer on the sight, you’re walking downstairs to fetch him a glass of water, hips swaying as you do.
richie rubs his eyes, letting out a frustrated grunt, his cheeks surely even more flushed. you were tempting in a way you didn’t even realise, working him up with the smallest of glances, the slightest move of your hips. even when you weren’t in front of him, he couldn’t get the image out of his head. the sight of the lace making him squash himself uncomfortably into your stuffed animals, hiding his flushed face among their soft fur. shuffling against the mattress, he feels something press uncomfortably into his back through your mattress. he groans, rolling over. there was definitely a bump in your mattress. were you hiding something under?
richie being richie, perks up, shoving a hand under the mattress in hopes for weed or smokes. he considered that you didn't really seem like someone who would hide contraband under your bed but then his mind wandered back to the peek of your lace just now and, with a flushed face and fumbling hands, decides better safe than sorry.
his hands close around what feels like glossy paper, pulling it out, he sees it's a magazine. sighing (out of relief or disappointment, he can't decide), he's about to chuck it aside, you were just doing some late night reading after all, when he sees a quick flash of something that definitely wouldn't be in the fashion mags you and bev hoarded in the clubhouse.
curiosity piqued, he flicked further in the magazine, his eyes widening with each page. it was a porno magazine, he realised with a strange sort of clarity, then, more alarmed, it was a porno magazine??
his alarm was for two reasons. one, it was you. you who had a pastel pink room with pictures of the losers on your vanity in a frame with puffy paint on it declaring your friendship. you, who had an armful of friendship bracelets you had accumulated from over the years. you, who called him bambi because of his doe eyes and said you liked his longer hair because it was better for braiding. you, who, before today, he had thought was the most innocent sweetheart to walk the face of the earth.
the second reason was because this magazine had been read before. thoroughly. the spine of it was bended already and some of the pages were even dog-eared.
the thought of shoving the magazine back under hadn't even occurred to him before you were walking back in, glass in hand, humming the ice cream van jingle. as his eyes moved upwards from the nude lady and man on the page, he met your wide eyed gaze and your hand tightening around the glass. richie envisioned the glass shattering in your hand or you dropping it to the floor like in the movies.
it doesn't. instead, your hand shakes a little, "bambi, what's that?" you ask despite knowing very well what it was.
a smirk slants across richie's face, a grin you knew all too well, it was the same grin he had when he teased eddie. he waves the magazine, humming, "i'm not sure doll how about you tell me," he says, flicking idly through the pages, faking curiosity, "hmm, because if i didn't know any better, i'd say it was a porno magazine."
your face feels hot to the touch as you set his drink down, you clear your throat, marshalling your thoughts, "that's um, not mine," you say, facing away and instead taking meticulous care in rearranging your perfumes and skincare products by height and colour.
richie raises a brow, amused at how suddenly bashful you look, scandalised almost, “this isn’t yours?” he asked, flipping through the pages for extra effect, “because y’know, i found it under your bed.”
you give a pathetic shrug, looking down at your carpet and toeing a pattern into it, ".. bev must've left it here last time she came over," you say, looking down, refusing to meet his smug gaze, "because it's not mine."
richie shifts on your bed so that his long legs are dangling off for the side. looking down doesn't feel like a good idea anymore with how your eyes are drawn to the buckle of his belt, your bottom lip rolled between your teeth slightly, your heart caught in your throat at the sight, caught in the trance of admiring richie's tall figure, angular jaw and dark eyes.
he opens up to one of the pages, it's a double page spread of a woman not wearing very much at all with a man between her legs, holding her thighs open with his head dropped down between them. chuckling, "you'd look good like this, dollface," the words send shivers up your spine. dollface? like that? the way you were looking at him then, eyes full of need and chest heaving, was just begging for him, "is that it? you want someone between your legs taking care of you, don't ya?"
he somehow kept his tone light whilst practically dirty talking you, you glancing down at your chest before raising your chin to face him again, "i said, it's not mine," you say, your voice intended to be a snipe but your lack of conviction betrays you.
without meaning to, you've stepped towards him, the closeness allowing him to brush his thumb over your chin, his eyes lingering on your lips, "you're a bad liar, princess."
the low tone of his voice makes your breath hitch in your throat. he thinks it's cute how your attitude changed so quickly from bright and sweet to you melting under his hand, glassy-eyed and practically panting. you huff, hands fidgeting, "i'm not."
richie hums, as if he doesn't quite believe you, amused with you like you were a little plaything. you were finding more and more you didn't mind being that first him- something to play with. it made your heart race and your cheeks feel warmer than they had after walking under the sun with richie just an hour ago. you're not sure what you're expecting to happen, but it's not for richie to trace the outline of your bottom lip, "if you wanted me to, i could help you out, princess."
your eyes widened and you shivered under richie's touch, "how?"
warm fingers grasp your chin and tip your face down, pretty doe eyes burning through you, “i think you know how, sweetness,” he says, his tone light and casual, like he was teasing you while you were hanging out at the quarry and not like your bodies were pressed together, the small space between you filled with your soft panting, “only if you want me to.”
your mind floods with images of richie taking the place of the guys in the magazines you looked at, richie’s broad chest heaving, a soft sheen of sweat on his skin. your mind’s eye trailed downwards, past the defined hipbones you knew richie had, past his happy trail, past that little v you’ve seen when he’s worn dangerously low-hanging towels, all the way down. there.
your blush worsens.
you nod a nod that is more you moving your head up and down mindlessly. richie finds it cute, the tinge of pink on your cheeks and how, under your dress, your thighs are pressing together tightly to relieve some of the tension there.
you find yourself tilting your head back as richie leaned forward, giving him better access to your neck as his lips ghost across your skin, pressing his lips to your neck in a way that made you shiver. you bit your lip as his lips brushed so delicately over your skin, your pulse racing underneath his lips, your body yielding to him. you had to be dreaming. did you even want this? richie tozier, your bambi, was sat in your bed, kissing you. and you liked it. no, you loved it.
“richie,” you whine, your voce half gasp and half whisper.
“hush, sweetness,” he scolds gently, his lips trailing across your jaw in slow lazy movements, “enjoy it, how is it making you feel, toots?” richie had a vague idea of your sex life, or the lack thereof. you never brought up any hook ups or exchanged sex stories with them when they were drunk. with how innocent you were, it made sense. he could read your tells, how you melted under his touch, his thumb now pressed to your chin and his curls tickling your cheek, he just knew no one had ever touched you like this before.
you gasp softly, “f-feels good, bambi.”
richie smirked, “good? aww, i can tell, sweetness, you’re squeezing your thighs together, you're all worked up aren't you?" he experimentally nips down on a specific spot, one that makes you tighten your grip on his shoulders. he smiles as you nod, “that's good, princess, do you want more?”
you could be dreaming right now, this could all be a heated daydream you’re having, but you didn’t care. you wanted this. you wanted richie.
you gave a small, meek nod but richie clicked his tongue, scolding you, “i gotta hear you say it, okay sweets?” he breathes, his touch wandering down your back, “tell me to stop and i’ll stop.”
you shake your head more ardently than you had meant to, “r-rich.. keep going,” you murmur, a soft gasp breaking from your words as he lifts you easily into his lap, large warm hands parting your thighs. he loved how much you were blushing in his arms, but even more than that, he loved the small whine you made when you felt his cock harden against your ass.
your soft gaze falls to your thigh where his hands are placed, tugging on the hem of your dress, unable to press your thighs together with how you were straddling him. he runs his hand over your thigh, moving it higher until he was had his hand high up on your thighs, you struggling to beg for him to go further, “has anyone touched you here, princess?” he asked quietly. you shake your head and he tuts quietly, squeezing your ass and earning a squeak from you, “that’s a damn shame, toots,” he mumbled, hand pushing up the hem of your dress, “real fucking shame.”
you gasped. richie would usually never say stuff like that around you, but to be fair, richie would never usually do stuff like this either.
you bit your lip, trying to suppress any more noises and failing the second you felt his other hand slide further up the front of your dress, cold rings pressed to warm skin as he runs his fingers over the lacy panties you’re wearing. he hummed appreciatively, “do you always wear things like this, pet?” he mumbled as you disjointedly shook your head, overwhelmed with how much you liked this, “you should. you looked so fucking cute bent over with them on,” you blushed, realising he had seen them earlier. you blushed harder when you realised you liked the idea of him seeing you like that.
you moaned as he started rubbing slow circles into your clit, your fingers finding his curls and tugging out of need, “r-richie that feels nice,” you whisper, almost embarrassed to admit it.
richie chuckled lightly, amused at you, “god, you sound so cute saying my name, kitten,” he chuckles, hand toying with the puffed sleeves of your dress. richie’s hands dip under the fabric of it, pulling it down to expose your bare chest, the fabric bunched under your tits. his hands press to your warm skin, feeling your body arch into him and gasp into his mouth, feeling dark eyes rake over your body.
“oh princess. this is gonna be fun,” he murmurs softly as you blush. you would’ve been conscious of how exposed you were to him if the feeling of his hands wandering and groping didn’t have you feeling dizzy. he was all over you but you still couldn’t get enough of him. He bites his lower lip, “if you want me to stop, at any time, tell me and i will, okay?”
“yes, richie,” you whine, eager for him and bare chest heaving,
the corners of his mouth twitch into a smirk, “good girl.” with that, he leans back in, kissing you and exploring your body expertly. he teasingly drags his teeth along your skin, nipping lightly and moving his tongue across, trailing downwards until he reached your chest, his large hands moving up to cup them, thumbs swiping over your nipples before his head dipped down and latched onto your bud. you whimpered, the feeling melting into hazy pleasure of his tongue swiping over it, sparks flying up your spine, thighs twitching to press together pathetically as the heat between them builds.
even needier after hearing your whimpers, he pulls away, panting softly, “you’re so sensitive, doll,” he murmurs, glancing up at you and admiring your flustered expression, bashful as his hand goes to your waist. he smirks, “let’s see if you’re sensitive in other places, huh sweetness?”
without warning, richie lifts you up from his lap, his grip tight on your hips as he lays you down onto your bed where he had been laying just minutes before, head cushioned by your soft pink pillows and stuffies. you make a face, “um, bambi?” you say, voice barely more than a whisper. he pauses from parting your legs, “yes, sweetness, what’s wrong?” he asks, worried he had hurt you. the immediate softness in his voice makes you smile, “it’s okay, just um,” you looked up to your mountain of stuffies, “can you turn them around?”
your innocence makes richie soften, pressing a kiss to your stomach and humming, “of course, angel,” he says, taking his time to turn each around carefully, “is that better? none of them can see you, hun.”
you nod, at ease, “yeah, that's better,” you say, biting down on your bottom lip as his hands run down your front, playing with your tits as you talk, “th-thank you rich.” his hands grip your hips as he pulled himself down your body, kissing down your front softly and letting your thin dress hike up your thighs, the fabric pushed up to your waist, making you feel warm with how vulnerable to him you were. he groans softly, “so pretty, princess,” he murmurs, voice low and muffled against your skin, “so pretty all for me, aren’t you, princess?”
you give another mindless nod, “all for you, rich,” you gasp softly as you feel his kisses stray lower, getting softer as he moves down, lightly kissing at your inner thighs, purposefully not touching you where you needed him the most, feeling you arch and lean up against him, “b-bambi..”
he lifts his head, looking up at you with those doe eyes, curls half falling over his eyes as he does, “yes, sweetness?” he hums. he wanted to hear you say it.
you roll your bottom lip between your teeth, blushing at the sight of richie between your legs like this, it was something you’d only dreamt of. “please bambi,” you whine, breathless, “oh god,” in lieu of words, your hand finds his curls and pushes his head down to where you need him, “more please.”
his lips slant into a smirk at the neediness evident in your tone, “that’s all you had to say,” he says, kissing down your thighs and pulling your underwear and pretty much tossing them to the side. with how skimpy they were, he was surprised they didn’t tear. the feeling of your wetness hitting the cold air making you shiver.
richie hums, "so fucking pretty, doll," he whispers as he uses his fingers to where your slick had gathered and spread it over your little clit. the idea that he was the first person to see you like this, touch you like this, made his cock stiffen in his pants.
you let out a soft mewl, "really? you think so?" you whisper, not used to how he was looking at you, eyes dark and hungry with desire.
"everybody does," he says back like it was obvious as he rubbed slow circles into your bud, "but you're all mine right now, doll."
and with that, he dips his head down and licks a broad stripe up your slit. your hands, still placed in his curls, grip harder in a vain attempt to pull him closer to you. pulling away slightly, he chuckles, hot breath ghosting over your skin, “who knew little y/n could be so needy?” he teases as he uses his hands to spread your legs further apart. his curls brush over your thighs as he leans back down. you noticed how his eyes were dark, realising he was turned on just from seeing you, from tasting you, made you even wetter.
you let out a moan as his tongue circled your clit, his eyes on you through his lashes, taking in the way you were arching your back to meet his mouth, “oh f-fuck bambi!” you moan, the feeling overwhelming in the best way possible, your moans were even better than he dreamt of. he could’ve spent hours between your thighs if it meant seeing you like this, panting and mouth parted as he presses his tongue to you, tracing your slick folds. he was looking up at you, making note of every sensitive spot, how you reacted and trying to figure out what you liked.
“say my name like that again,” he murmured, mouth wrapping around your clit and suckling on it, two fingers tracing your soaked entrance and teasing you relentlessly.
his name spilled from your mouth so easily, like you had been made for this, the only interruption from your babbling was your yelp when richie pushed his fingers into you, curling them up so they hit that sweet spot, “god, richie!” you whine, the words almost pushed from your mouth with the amount of pleasure you were feeling, your head falling back on the mattress so hard you could feel yourself bounce slightly. it was so intense. it wasn’t like the rare handful of times you had touched yourself, richie was touching you like you didn’t even know you needed to be. his fingers massaged your g-spot whilst his tongue busied itself with kitten-licking and moaning against your skin, sending vibrations through you that make your eyes roll back and your thighs shake.
“oh my god, richie!” you moan lewdly. you’re getting close and richie could tell, gripping your shaking thighs, “let me take care of that, princess,” he mutters against your skin and pulling you close and throwing your legs over his shoulders so his face was pressed in between them, lapping at your clit and savouring each moan and tremor of your thighs. your toes curl as you feel a familiar heat build between your legs, the cute frills on your socks shaking as you do.
“ohmygod, i’m gonna- i’m gonna- mmh, don’t stop please-” you moaned, your words tapering off into barely coherent noises and gasps. you were barrelling towards your climax faster than you ever had before, the feeling in your abdomen tightening as you felt yourself being pushed towards that edge, the rapid rise and fall of your chest giving away how close you were. it was so hard to even form a sentence with how good you felt. it felt different than any other build up, amplified by what felt like a billion.
thankfully, he didn’t stop, suckling on your sensitive bud and thrusting his fingers upwards, feeling your walls clench around his digits at the fast and harsh pace. it was better than you could even imagine, better than the porno magazines could’ve ever prepared you for.
he lapped needily and greedily at your clit, rutting his hips down onto the mattress, your moans affecting him more than he would like to admit.
you bucked your hips, you couldn’t even pretend that you were too shy for this, at this point, you were just riding his hands and his face in need.
“oh r-richie it’s s-so good god-- keep going!” you babble, richie’s movements not slowing as one hand wrapped around your waist and pinning you down even though you definitely weren’t complaining. if anything, the feeling of how strong he was simply turned you on more. richie always looked so lanky and skinny in his clothes but you could now see the subtle flex of muscles as he held you close and moaned against your cunt. he pulls away briefly, “cum for me honey, cum all over my mouth like a good girl, baby, c’mon,” he coaxes.
your whole body jerks as a moan falls from your lips. your legs tightened and your body tensed as you came, your climax crashing over you in harsh waves that had your body shaking, moaning his name loudly as he watched you fall apart under his touch. the sight alone made him cum then and there.
you panted as you came down from your high, his fingers still moving to help you ride out the feeling for as long as possible. eventually, the feeling becomes too much and your shaky fingers wrap around his wrist and pull it away, whimpering soft thank you’s. he lifts his head, wiping a hand across his mouth and cleaning off his slick fingers with his tongue, the sight making you want to straddle his face all over again.
“no problem, sweets,” he says, grinning as though nothing had happened.
biting your lip, you look down at his bulge, “d-do you want me to..?”
he shakes his head, running his hand through untamed curls to gain some sort of neatness, “don’t worry about it, doll, that took care of itself,” he says. your eyes grow wide and your blush deepens and he chuckles, “take it as a compliment.”
he moves up so that he’s hovering over you, curls brushing over your skin and making you giggle as he lowers his head down to press a soft kiss to your mouth. he’s nipping teasingly at your bottom lip and cradling you as you shake, overstimulated and blissed out. your hair, usually done carefully, was mussed up, your hands shaking as you cup his face sweetly. he smiles at you, jaw aching still as he looks down at the mess between your thighs, the way your dress his pushed up at your hips and down at your chest, exposing you almost completely, your chest heaving with a thin sheen of sweat across it.
“how about we get my princess cleaned up now?”
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Eddie's oh-moment (aka realizing his feelings for Buck). Post 5x03.
Eddie doesn’t go back into the kitchen until after Christopher’s gone to bed, instead taking the far easier route of food delivered to the door and staying in the living room for the rest of the day. (Okay, so maybe he went in there a few times to get water but he never really saw it and Christopher didn’t ask.)
But when he finally does, he takes one look at the chaos and sighs. The words ‘I guess it’s your mess now’ rings inside his head, loud and clear, but he doesn’t even know where to begin. He feels as if he’s supposed to know though, like the answer is right there, but thinking about it only makes him stare blankly at the giant pile of dishes until his mind is spinning.
He shakes his head and instead picks up the phone to call the number at the top of the list.
“Hey,” Buck answers and Eddie can feel a tiny bit of the tension in his shoulders roll away.
“Were you asleep?” Eddie has never felt farther away from sleep than right now, despite the week they’ve had, and he forgot about the outside world. Granted, it’s just past ten p.m and Buck usually doesn’t go to bed this early but right now nothing feels ordinary.
“Nah, I crashed for a few hours just when I got home so I’ll probably be up for a while.”
“Good.” Eddie nods to himself, not sure what else to say. Why did he even call to begin with? Didn’t they just spend six days as each other’s constant companion?
After a few beats of silence Buck speaks again, quieter this time. “Is everything okay?”
The word is there in his mouth, lips already formed to speak. But then he thinks about it and he isn’t fine at all, not really.
“Come over?” he asks instead and before he has time to second guess himself he hears the jingle of keys and a door opening and closing.
“I’m on my way.”
They end up in Eddie’s mess of a kitchen, Buck insisting that he’ll help with the dishes even though Eddie tells him twice that’s not why he invited him over.
(There’d been a moment—just when Buck had entered the chaos and his eyes widened and his lips fell apart slightly—where Eddie had wished more than anything that he’d been holding a camera. To capture that fraction of a moment of his best friend completely speechless.)
So as Buck does the dishes, Eddie dries everything with a towel while telling Buck how it went with Ana. At one point, Buck’s hands go very still in the soapy water.
“What?” Eddie questions, his fingers outstretched to take the clean utensil Buck’s holding hostage under water.
Buck shakes himself out of whatever thought that went through his head. “Nothing. Just surprised she knew what your panic was about and didn’t say anything I guess.”
Eddie accepts the three knives Buck gives him and dries them thoroughly. “Maybe she hoped she was wrong. I know I was.”
Buck just hums in agreement and for a while, they work in silence.
“How did Chris take it?” Buck asks suddenly, eyes darting to the general direction of Chrisopher’s room.
Eddie shrugs. “Surprisingly good, actually.” He puts away another round of utensils and closes the drawer with his hip. “We talked about it some, and then he said he wanted me to be happy.”
“And then what?” Buck asks, giving him a large bowl that drips water onto the floor.
“And then nothing. He asked if he could play his game and after that we had dinner and a movie together.” Eddie drops the now soaking wet towel onto the floor to mop up some of the water, and then reaches for the other towel he’d put next to the stove earlier.
Buck smiles and something inside Eddie rolls around, shifting. “That kid is my favorite person in the world.”
Eddie shakes his head but can’t keep his own smile away. “I know.”
He looks at his friend, face screwed up in concentration to scrub off a particularly stubborn stain on one of the plates, and suddenly doesn’t want him to leave. “I need beer after this. You stayin’ for one? The couch still has your imprint and the bed sheets are where you left them. Clean though.” He smirks.
And he can feel it—the recognition of what he’s supposed to know—on the tip of his tongue. As if his body’s waiting for his mind to catch up and he can tell he’s almost there.
“Make it three beers and pancakes for breakfast and you’ve got yourself a deal.”
Then Buck grins lazily at him whilst handing him another plate to dry and something clicks inside Eddie, slotting into place where he hadn’t even realized there’d been a hole.
And all he can think is: oh.
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At the hospital, Buck crumbles. His family catch him.
Buck moves through the automatic doors leading into the emergency room.
Sure, his legs are working, but that doesn’t take much thought. The adrenaline is rushing through his veins, creeping up his spine, keeping him on his feet. The rest is muscle memory.
The medical staff didn’t pay him any thought as they whisked Eddie away, barking orders to one another.
Buck stops. He can’t see.
Everything is white. The lights are too bright.
He can’t hear. There’s nothing but tinnitus. Then, the ring of the bullet replays again, the sickening tear as it ripped through Eddie’s shoulder.
Buck closes his eyes, inhales a breath, digging his nails into his palm.
He can taste it.
The splatter had been almost cinematic, maybe even cliché, as it coated Buck’s face and shirt.
Straight out of a fucking action movie.
Blinding him, scaring him, make him face the situation straight on.
It isn’t fiction. Buck wishes it was.
But Eddie bled out. Eddie might die.
His heart pounds, maybe he’s dying, but hey, at least he would be closer to wherever Eddie’s mind has drifted.
He hears voices. He doesn’t have the energy to pull them apart, identify who is who.
They’re calling his name.
The floor beneath him gives away.
Then impossibly, there’s hands, many sets of hands grabbing at his arms, his hips, his torso, his chest, guiding him onto his knees.
He strains his eyes, desperate to see.
A face hovers in front of him.
It’s Bobby, down on his knees, hands firmly pressed around Buck’s shoulders. Panic swims in his mentor’s eyes, his lips are moving, but the words distort.
Buck shakes his head.
Voices start to become clear.
“—Shock,” That’s Hen, panic laced in her tone, “He’s in shock.”
“Buckaroo,” Chimney attempts a soothing voice, but the treble is clear, “Can you hear us?”
Buck can’t nod. He can’t move.
Hen speaks again, “Pulse is rapid.”
Athena’s voice joins the mix, her tone gentle, “Buck, baby,” Her hand rests on his knee, “We’re here.”
Bobby combs his hand through Buck’s hair, “Buck, you need to breathe.”
He’s holding his breath. He didn’t realize.
Buck inhales, and fuck, it hurts, it hurts like hell.
It’s harsh; he hates it and wants nothing more than to hold it again.
But he can’t.
Bobby rests his hand on the nape of Buck’s neck, “You got it, kid.”
“Bobby—” Buck manages, it’s small, broken, pitiful. He yearns, balling his hands around Bobby’s shirt, “Bobby—” He cries again, doubling over, facing falling between the groove of Bobby’s collarbone and neck.
“Hey, hey,” Bobby supports the sudden weight, “I’ve got you.”
Somebody presses a kiss in Buck’s hair. He knows it’s Athena.
Buck drops, twisting off his knees, practically collapsing into Bobby’s hold. He clings to him as a child would to a parent, and he isn’t ashamed. Not even for a moment.
Bobby never minds. He holds Buck like his own.
Buck sprawls his legs across the laminate floor, his breaths are shallow, and his gaze locks onto the feet of a plastic chair.
“Hang in there, kid,” Bobby chokes, trembling hand still traveling through Buck’s hair, “We’ve got you.”
Buck finds his voice, “Eddie—” He freaks, “Eddie.”
“He’s in good hands, Buck,” Chimney tells him, hand on his shoulder, “The best.”
“Froze,” Buck sobs, “Couldn’t move.”
Hen asks, “What?”
“Too quick,” He stammers, “I didn’t move.”
“We’re not doing that, Buckaroo,” Athena is gentle but stern, “Not your fault.”
Buck jerks, closing his eyes, aware of the blood on his hands, on his face, his shirt, and he wants out, “Blood.”
Then Athena speaks, “Okay, I’ll be back,” She knows what’s wrong; she always does; she’s on her feet, heading for the reception desk.
Buck settles in Bobby’s grasp, working on his breathing.
He can hear mummers from his family and the distant whispers of bystanders trying to piece together what might have happened.
“Buck,” Bobby breathes, “Do you think you can stand?”
“I—” Buck swallows - he doesn’t want to get up, “I can.”
Everybody’s hands are on him again as Bobby grips his forearms to lift him onto his feet. He sways, but Bobby’s got him, “Knew you could do it.”
Athena steps close, handheld out, “Come with me, Buckaroo,” She sung calmly, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Buck nods and then turns to Bobby, “Will—”
Bobby promises, “We’re gonna check up on Eddie, and then I’ll be right with you.”
“Thank you,” Buck takes Athena’s hand; despite the stained blood, she doesn’t even flinch as she locks her fingers around his.
Athena leads him down the corridor and into the elevator, never letting go of his hand.
Upon exit, a nurse meets with them, holding a towel and some clothes – “From lost and found,” She explains.
Buck didn’t catch her name; he only hears some of what is said.
The next door they go through leads into a shower room.
“Here we go,” Athena helps him to sit on a plastic chair that is in the corner of the room; it squeaks at the sudden weight; Athena mutters about something budge cuts before moving towards the sink.
Athena takes a cloth, running it under the faucet; she rings it out a little.
Buck deflates, slouching in the seat, his leg bouncing.
He feels like a kid. A sick one that needs caring for, the caregiver was usually Maddie, but sometimes Athena or Bobby. He’d welcome any one of them.
Athena gently traces the cloth of Buck’s face, but her chin trembles, eyes filling with tears.
The blood isn’t just blood; it’s Eddie’s blood.
Buck wants to reassure her, but instead, he cries, “So much.”
She stops to nudge his chin up, so their eyes met, “What?”
“He lost so much,” Buck chokes, “Blood – too much.”
She looks heaven forward, then kneels, hands on Buck’s cheeks, “I know you’re scared.”
“I thought he was dead,” The sob tears through him, “He wasn’t moving; he was right in front of me, Athena, and I couldn’t help—”
“He’s here,” Athena tells him, “He’s alive, and you were there; that’s all he needed.” She wipes the cloth over his forehead gently.
“Can I tell you something?” He asks, “That you can’t tell them.”
His voice breaks, “I almost got hit.”
Athena hisses, pulling back the cloth, “What?”
“Eddie was falling, and I couldn’t move,” He stumbles over his words, “I was the next clearest target.” He shakes his head, “I could see Eddie, he was on the ground, but his eyes were on me; he was trying to get me to move.”
Athena sits on her heels; she takes his hand.
“I couldn’t,” He blinks away tears, “Then the captain he pushed me down.”
“If he hadn’t, I’d be dead.”
“Well then,” Athena smiles, “He’s my new favorite person.”
Buck frowns, “Why?”
She rests her hand on his cheek, “He saved you.”
He yelps, “I never freeze.”
“Eddie isn’t a patient that you were assigned to,” She speaks softly, “He’s somebody you love.” She cups his hands, she offers him a soft smile, “You weren’t even in your uniform, sweetheart; Firefighter Buckley didn’t freeze, Buck did. A very brave young man who just watched his best friend get shot.”
Buck croaks, “I did.”
Athena gently grips his chin, making sure he is listening, “Don’t you forget that.”
And despite everything, Buck doesn’t.
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okay i promise i am truly not on this website to start discourse. but. after weeks of not seeing the Bad Takes people were talking about, this week i finally saw some Bad Takes along the usual lines of how much better buck deserves from the team, et cetera, et cetera.
and i just. i can't. are we watching the same show?
i don't understand how you can look at this episode and say that the team somehow did fundamentally wrong by buck. i really don't. i've seen rhetoric that like...accuses them of not reassuring him, because don't they know him by now? they should have made sure that he didn't feel guilty about chim's departure before he did something as drastic as try to leave the team.
except what i don't understand is why you'd assume that he would tell anyone about his feelings, because i'm pretty damn sure he didn't. don't we know buck - "i hide my true feelings from others" buck - by now? we saw him venting to taylor with the air of someone who's been keeping things inside and turning them over in his mind again and again to the point of overthinking. he thinks everyone at work is "avoiding the subject" of chimney, when what they're doing is just giving their friend time and space to do what he needs to do. for them, the matter is settled. meanwhile, buck is drowning in guilt because he thinks he made chim leave. he is fundamentally misunderstanding the situation. if "hen is being weird, eddie's being weird, everything's just off"; "you think they blame me for him leaving town?", he's not just going to walk up to any of them and ask why they're behaving the way they are, because that risks having his worst fears confirmed. he has already come to the wrong conclusion.
but wait, you might say. didn't him and eddie have a conversation about the chimney situation an episode ago? yeah. and eddie, who's something of a buck expert these days, did a great job with reiterating that this wasn't something buck could fix, but the fact that he couldn't wasn't his fault. we all saw buck take in what eddie said and take it seriously. but that was before he saw what the team was like without chim: not with him off work but still in LA, but him gone for an indeterminate amount of time, right after having a serious fight with buck.
still, it's undeniable that he has the closest, most intimate emotional connection with eddie, out of everyone. so could he have gone to eddie with his concerns anyway? of course. did he? highly doubt it. we see him being hard on ravi over the course of what is probably at least a few shifts, during which all his time at work is focused on literally preparing his replacement in his own family, which must be a very dark place to be in mentally. add to that: "everything" being "off"; the fact that him and eddie aren't paired up on calls, so eddie probably feels a little farther away than usual in an emotional sense; the fact that buck thinking chim was gone for good ("eddie is replacing chimney") also means him probably thinking that he'd never be eddie's partner again; and above all how terrifying it would be to ask eddie, his best friend, his person, if he blames buck, and be answered in the affirmative. balcony buck probably could have been more open about his feelings. mid-spiral, 5x05 buck is too far gone for that.
and still - despite the fact that he doesn't let any of this on - we are shown that the team understands a lot about him. hen understood exactly why he was treating ravi the way he was; if hen gets it, eddie certainly does, and the fact that bobby doesn't intervene even when buck's being harsh suggests some degree of understanding on his part too. they just didn't get to the core of his motivations because, realistically speaking, it's both a misunderstanding and a serious overreaction to the situation (and hopefully it's clear enough that this is not me saying buck was wrong for feeling the way he did. it's perfectly understandable and i have nothing but sympathy for him, as do they).
could they have predicted that he'd spiral that far? i don't know, maybe?? but buck displayed a great degree of emotional growth in season 4. he was in therapy, which was something the entire team came to know at the time. he trusted them with everything he learned about daniel pretty much as soon as he learned it. they have a much deeper, much more intimate understanding of where he's coming from most of the time, but buck's trauma and the way it affects him is incredibly complex, and this conclusion that seems perfectly reasonable to him just. isn't. to them. especially because, just to reiterate this again, it never occured to them to put any blame on buck in the first place, because they each had a separate conversation in which they encouraged chim's choice.
anyway, so once we get to the dinner scene. i might be missing something, but i don't really see how they could have handled it better. not for a second does anyone dismiss his feelings, because him voluntarily trying to leave the 118 very clearly communicates the gravity of the situation. they also reassure him in multiple ways:
first, each one of them explains that they played a part in chimney leaving. buck says "everything is broken now, and it's my fault, i'm the reason he's gone", and they instantly absolve him of that guilt, the very second they realize it's there. second, hen, who is chim's best friend and would probably have the best insight into how he's doing and what he's feeling, explicitly says that chimney's coming back, this providing reassurance that, even if everything is "off" and "broken" right now - as it would be with the heart of the 118 gone - it's not forever. and third, they reaffirm that he, buck - not just any guy who can technically do buck's job - belongs with the team: "you're gonna be right here where you belong"; "you're stuck with us". they know that he needs to hear not just that chim leaving isn't his fault; he needs to be reassured that they actively don't want him to leave, so that's exactly what they do.
of course the fact that buck got to that place mentally at all is heartbreaking, but i find this to be a genuinely beautiful scene, and i think it actually highlights the incredible amount of love they all have for buck and their growing understanding of who he is as a person and what his motivations are. i saw people trying to draw comparisons with other instances of the team ~not being there for him~, like the catfishing and the aftermath of the pulmonary embolism, and honestly? thinking about the missteps made there literally only serves to lift this particular scene up. they absolutely, unequivocally, did not let him down. buck didn't communicate his feelings as they were developing; the ony thing they didn't do is read buck's mind, and as soon as they understood what he was feeling, they supported him in the ways he needed in that particular moment.
so like, i don't know. maybe watch the episode again.
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steve rogers x reader one shot
Summary: reader has never been kissed before, she ask steve for help on how to do it. They’re only best friends so what could go wrong?
Author’s note: I haven’t write for a very very long time, so this is my first one shot in like 4 years and english is not my first language. Enjoy this messy self-indulgent fic. Feedback is always appreciated.
With short but quick steps you arrived at his door on the other side of the hallway. To say you were nervous was an understatement, you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest and your hands were sweaty. You raised your fist once again determined to finally knock on the big black wooden door in front of you. How bad could it be? It was Steve anyway.
Your best friend, the one who were there for you when you were so happy you could jump for joy because Fury had finally given you your first solo mission, when you were so bored he'd put on your favorite Dean Martin song and spin you around all over the living room, when you were so heartbroken because all of your dates were jerks who were only interested because you were an avenger and never really care for get to know the real you. He was your best friend in the whole world, and you knew you could always count on him.
And it wasn't like you had feelings for him. Well, at least not anymore. His brief relationship with Sharon made you realize that you didn't even stand a chance, what were you thinking? He was Captain America for god's sake, you weren't even close to be his type. Yeah... you were completely over him.
Still lost in your thoughts you didn’t realized that you had unconsciously knocked on the door until a completly shirtless Steve appared in front of you.
Oh, this was such a bad idea.
"What’s wrong, doll?" he spoke, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes, you were so focused on how to tell Steve what you were about to tell him that you didn't even notice that it was already dark and there was no one in the hallways anymore.
"Sorry, I didin’t mean to woke you up, I didn't realize it was so late, I’ll talk to you tomorrow" you said quickly without being able to look him in the eyes.
You turned around to go back to your room, head down in embarrasment for waking him up when warm fingers grabbed your wrist and made you turn around.
"It's okay, I couldn't sleep anyway" he said and you knew by the way he had the pillow marked on his left cheek that he was lying, you sighed and nodded before entering to his room. The bed was unmade indicating that he had in fact been asleep, the whole room was dark except for the faint light filtering through the almost sheer curtains. Hesitantly, you walked over to the large bed with grey sheets and sat down on it while Steve closed the door behind him and turned on the small lamp on the little side table. He sat down beside you his eyes filled with concern looking at you intensely, and still with no shirt on. You swallowed.
"You smell really nice" you said the first thought that came into your mind. You mentally slapped yourself.
“Well, thank you.” He snorted before a beautiful smile graced his face. You looked at him nervously, he was only wearing sweatpants that hung low on his hips, his dirty blond hair was all tousled and his baby blue eyes were looking at you amused. This would be harder than you thought, better spit it out once and for all.
"I need you to kiss me."
Well, that didn't go the way you expected. His laughter stopped and he looked at you with wide eyes, his whole body tense. You quickly got off the bed and started pacing around the room not daring to look him in the eye. "I know this is a weird thing to ask but you're the only one I can trust..." you turned to look at him only to find him in the same state as before, his eyes fixed on the spot where you were sitting on the bed seconds ago.
"Wait... Are you blushing?" you asked as you watched the red adorn his cheeks.
He cleared his throat and his blue eyes met yours.
"No, I'm not" he mumbled, running his hands through his tousled hair. "What's this all about, doll?." he got up from the bed and walked towards you, his eyes looking at you curiously.
"I... " you were suddenly nervous again. "I've never kissed anyone before" you finally admitted, closing your eyes tightly "and I need you to teach me how to do it." you mumbled, a crimson red painted your cheeks after the words had left your mouth. Watching him out of the corner of your eye, he was standing in front of you, arms on his hips in his usual Captain America pose and with his eyebrows raised in surprise. You spoke again before he could argue "And you're the only one I trust, Tony has Pepper, Bucky is away on a mission and if I told Sam i’ll never hear the end of it, but you know me better than anyone and I know you'd never make fun of me, you're my best friend so I trust you." .
He give you a puzzled look before speaking "Why now?" he said calmly.
"Do you remember Eddie?."
"Barely." He stated, tensing his jaw.
"Well, tomorrow night will be our fifth date, and he already tried to kiss me but I got nervous and now everytime that i think he’s gonna do it I panic and I always make some lame excuse, he must think that I don't really like him or that there's something wrong with me."
"And do you...?" he said looking directly into your eyes “...really like him?
"Well... I think so... yes" you said "so are you going to teach me or not?
He sighed and lowered his head.
"You don't need to be taught how to kiss, doll, when it happens, happens, and if he’s the right person for you, it will come naturally. He won't care that you've never kissed anyone before." He spoke calmly.
"Steve...but what if I suck? What if he doesn't want to go out with me anymore?."
"Then he must be crazy."
"Please, I just need to know that I can do it, I want everything to be perfect tomorrow night, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn’t important to me" you pleaded.
He sighed, rubbing his hands across his face.
"I can't" he murmured afer a few seconds of silence.
"Why not? Come on Steve, I remember how Sharon used to brag that you were an excellent kisser and..."
"It's not that, doll" he sighed. Tilting his head with his eyes closed, looking like he was in pain.
"Then what is it, Steve?” you murmured “Please don't make me ask Sam."
He looked at you intently for a few seconds before nodding his head, so slowly you almost didn't notice. Almost.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you" you repeated with a blissful smile as you strode over to Steve.
"Just once, to show you how it's done" he stated.
"Okay." You nodded quickly.
He sighed and close the remaining distance between you two you until you were face to face only a few inches apart, he slowly brought one of his hands up to your face and carefully brushed a strand of hair behind your ear and then placed his warm hand on your cheek.
"Relax, doll. I can feel you're tense." he murmured his warm mint breath invaded your senses, you tried to do as he said, your heart beating so fast once again but you knew this time it wasn't because you were nervous. It was something else. "Lick your lips" he said in a husky voice darting his gaze to your lips.
Oh, this was a bad idea.
“Like this?." you said, your body buzzing with anticipation.
"Mmm." he growled placing his other hand on the back of your neck bringing you even closer to him and his full lips "tilt your head a little, and just go with it" he said without taking his eyes off your lips before slowly moving closer to them and bringing his lips together with yours.
He kiss you.
His lips were warm and soft. You could feel the soft tickle of his breath beneath your nose, all of your senses taking him in. You felt your legs turn to jelly and you had to hold onto his broad shoulders or else you were sure you would fall to your knees. His lips brushed softly against yours before he took your bottom lip and sucked slowly, he tasted like mint and soft breeze and you could feel the pressure of his fingertips on the back of your neck as he moved his other hand down from your cheek to your jaw moving your face in sync with his. Before you could snap out of your daze and start to return the kiss properly he pulled away, but didn't move an inch away from you, his now dark eyes looked at your lips before meeting your eyes.
Before you could say another word, he had pushed you against the wall behind you, breathing heavily as your lips pressed together once again, only this time more passionate. You softly moan when you feel his whole body collapse with yours leaving you trapped between the wall and his bare chest. This time you grabbed him by his hair and pulled it a little before kissing him back giving it your best, lightly biting his lower lip like you had seen thousands of times in movies, he growled and opened his mouth slightly, allowing your tongue to slip inside, he lowered one hand and placed it on your waist pulling you closer to him, tongues hugging each other, starved for each other.
You didn’t wanted to stop but you needed air, so you slowly pulled away before looking up at him, trying to meet his blue eyes but they were still closed, swollen lips barely parted. A second later, he had removed his hands from your body and had turned around standing too far for your liking, your body missing his warm and touch, evading your glance he put one hand on his hip and the other touch his lips.
"I told you you didn't need lessons, kiss him like that and I assure you you’ll have your sixth date" he said with a hoarse voice before walking out the door leaving you dumbfounded and with swollen lips wanting more.
read part two here
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Dancing Days - Edward Cullen x Reader Smut
19&24 on edward smut? love ur writing!
A/N: Thank you so much :) also I’m so happy everyone is h*rny for Eddy. I decided I want to explore more period times with Edward, changing his persona in a certain decade, but still ultimately being in the same universe as cannon. This will play into the readers character a tad bit.
WARNINGS: 18+ CONTENT, SWEARING, S*X, VAMPIRES, ORAL SEX (MALE RECIEVING), VIRGIN! EDWARD, NON VIRGIN READER, GENDER NEUTURAL READER, MENTIONS OF WAR AND DEATH.
19: “Fuck me like you want people to know”.
24. “Thing is, I’m a virgin”.
I brushed my hair into its usual part, making sure I looked flawless. The year was 1976, I was a senior in Highschool. It was a wonderful time to be a teenager, no longer afraid that my friends would die in Vietnam. Even in my dinky little Washington town, the culture was becoming our own.
The Led Zeppelin record playing on my record player stopped suddenly, alerting me that I was no longer alone in my room. I turned, my expression soft as I saw my boyfriend, Edward.
“Whats up with you and this album? Everytime I come in, its always House of Th Holy on repeat.” I rolled my eyes, lifted the record in question off of the tray, and put it back snuggly in its case.
“I can’t help it, Ed. Robert just speaks to me. I’m sure you’re like that with Louis Armstrong.” I waved my hand, walking back to my mirror to finish getting ready.
“Maybe, but the music you listen to it’s...” Edward paused for a moment, sitting on my bed. “It’s suggestive, Y/N.” I turned to him, my eyebrow raised.
“Suggestive? What’s that supposed to mean?” I placed my hands on my hips, and waited for him to explain.
“Well, for one that one song says ‘Sipping booze’, I quite think that is blatant alcohol reference.” I looked at him, dumbfounded. Then, I started to laugh, and I walked over to him. Instinctually, he pushed his head into my chest, enjoying the comfort it brought him.
“I love you, but god are we from two different Mars.” He chuckled, sending a rumble through my chest.
At school, I was an average kid. Fair grades, many friends, many ex friends. When Edward was paired up with me in math, I got through his cold, stone skin. At first, he was annoyed when I would fuck off, leaving him to do the work himself. Understandable, and once I realized how rude I was, I stopped. I talked to him, prodded him truthfully. I would ask him once we started dating if he had noticed me previously, because I had never noticed him.
“Yes, I noticed that you were the only one who didn’t acknowledge me. Ironic I guess.”
A year into our relationship, I would never let him go unnoticed. We walked the halls, hand in hand. Our outlooks were so different when it came to life. He was modest, I was free spirited. Edward was different from my boyfriends previously, I didn’t want to fuck things up, and I refused to even risk it.
School went slowly that day, possibly because my head was focused on what I would ask Edward, my boyfriend of one year, about sex. About us and sex.
I hadn’t told him that I wasn’t a virgin, I was worried he would only want a virgin girl, after all they can never look at you disappointed and say “I’ve had better.” A definite plus. Many a nights I tried to imagine him, moaning completely under my control. I wanted him, but I didn’t know if he wanted me. Surely in 50 years he had found a good fuck. I worried that he would be into someone else, forever tied to a vampiress.
The end of the school day couldn’t have come sooner, my anxiety rising as I got into Edwards car, starting a long silent car ride. I tried to keep my mind off of it, an attempt to avoid the conversation until we were at my house. I kept my mind busy with the lush scenery outside of the passenger side window.
“So... I know you want to ask me, and I know the answers to what I would ask you.” He said blatantly, putting the car in park outside my front lawn.
“I don’t wanna talk out here Ed, lets go inside.” I swung my bag onto my shoulder. Thats the thing with Edward, I never have to say anything, just as long as I think it.
My house was empty, making it easy for Edward to follow me upstairs to my room. I shut my door behind us, then turned to him. Unsure of what to say, I breathed in deeply.
“How long have you known that I wasn’t...you know?” He smiled, sitting on my plush navy sheets.
“Y/N, I knew before I met you what I was getting into. Your ex had a lot of thoughts about that one night where you guys-”
“Oh my god okay ew.” A blush rose upon my face, and I saw Edward laugh as he watched my body fill with embarassment. “Well why didn’t you say something?” I asked.
“I figured if it needed to be brought up, it would be. You and I aren’t exactly a physical couple so I didn’t worry too much.” I walked over to my bed, taking a seat next to him.
“I see...I mean it wouldn’t be a big deal for me so if you want to...” I bit my lip at him, his gaze turned to the other direction.
“Thing is, I’m a virgin.” My expression went from a seductive look, to a puzzled one. I wondered if I had heard him correctly. “I’m old school, Y/N. It wasn’t like how it is now when I was human. People didn’t just have sex in highschool, unless they were married because the man was off to war. So, it hasn’t been on the menu for me. You’re the first girl I’ve dated in fifty years, you know. And no, there was no vampiress or anything.” I smiled.
“Well, I don’t wanna scare you or push it or anything. It’s just you know-”
“You want to touch me, to be touched by me.” his eyes trailed back to mine, looking deep into my soul.
“Yes, I want you, Edward.” I pressed my lips to his, pulling away jut as it got intense. I could feel his disappointment. “I want to...but I can’t let you down. Tomorrow night. I’ll call you and we can talk about everything we want out of it, I’ll give you a fucking fairytale, my love” I chuckled.
I called him that night as I had said I would. We talked about my first time, and everything I liked, followed by what he had seen on video, what he wanted to try, and his fears.
“I don’t want to kill you, darling.” He said.
“Then don’t. I won’t let you.” He laughed at me, enjoying my lack of seriousness.
The next night rolled along with a quick pace. I looked at the clock and saw that it was time for me to start getting ready.
I made myself look simple, a small bit of makeup and hair product, but otherwise just a tank top and jeans. Sometimes, dating an old fashioned guy was a pain in the ass. Always complaining about suggestive behavior. But other times, my shoulders counted as being half nude.
“You look stunning, as per usual.” Edward said, stepping into my room. He was tense and barely moved. “I don’t know what to do..what usually happens with it if I’m not the one doing everything.”
If he had any blood flow, he would have been blushing right about then.
“We don’t have to do anything you know. We can just lay down and watch a movie if you want to, I just want to make you happy, Edward.” I walked over to him and put a strand of his messy auburn hair behind his ear. Without hesitation, he pressed his forehead to mine.
“I want to, thats the part that’s been eating me away ever since I met you. I want to make you feel good, I just don’t know if I’ll lose it and-“ I cut him off with a kiss.
“Even if you break my pelvis into pieces, I’ll still be happy. I’m always happy when I’m with you.” we both smiled, and suddenly the thick tension that once filled the room vanished. “I’ll take care of you tonight, just as long as you’re doing it for you. I just need to know you’re doing this for you, and you need to be sure you wont roll over afterwards and hate me.” I said, my hand clasped in his marble one.
“I want you, Y/N. I have no doubts that I’ll want you afterwards, too.”
I pushed his head down, level to my own. Our kiss was deep, filled with a years worth of hunger. My hands tugged on his hair, making him whimper. Suddenly, I felt my feet lift off the ground as Edward carried me to my bed. With a soft thump, the plush sheets surrounded my body. It was a contrast of warmth on my back, and Edwards cool body on my top.
His hands were balled into fists, clutching my duvet as if his life depended on it. I pulled away, panting for air.
“Sorry, I forget you need air.” He smirked. I rolled my eyes in response.
“Well, its a shame you don’t. Because I intend on taking your breath away.” we both made small laughs at my remark.
“What now?” He looked at me for guidance.
“Get on your back.” I said.
We switched positions, he was now on the bottom. My legs straddled his torso, I sight he visably enjoyed. I slithered my hands up to his head, cupping his face as I kissed him again. My left hand left its post, reaching down to the buttons on his shirt.
I paused, looking up at him once I got to the last button.
“Does it...work like normal or...” He threw his head back and laughed.
“It doesn’t have spikes, I can assure you its just like a humans. But Emmet did tell me to pull out so...I’m kind of worried about the implications of that but-“ I leaned down to shut him up with a kiss.
His hands were still at his side, resting on the bed. I picked up his wrists, and placed them on the side of my thighs. He squeezed them lightly.
My hands roamed over his bare chest, cool to the touch. I lached my lips onto his neck, causing his back to arch below me. I could feel his excitement beneath me, it gave me a big self esteem boost. His hand reached along my waist, tugging at my shirt. His eyes lit up at the sight of my bare chest. He reached for me but I pulled away to slide down onto my knees.
He looked confused, like I had left him high and dry.
“Sit on the edge.” I said softly, my knees burning slightly due to the rough carpet underneath them.
He rid himself of the unbottoned shirt, slidding over to me once finished. My hands slowly stroked his thighs, he was desperate for some type of touch.
I smiled, tugging on his belt until it came undone. He stayed silent, looking at me like I was the only thing in the world. I unbottoned the trousers, tugging on them. He kicked them off and was left in his breifs.
“Is it okay if I..” I looked up at him and he nodded frantically. I palmed him over his underwear, feeling how hard he had gotten from kissing. My fingers latched onto the waist band, pulling them down to reveal a pale yet pink cock. It wasn’t too big, but deffinitley satisfactory. I ran my finger over the tip, earning a small groan from the vampire. My eyes trailed up to him, so I could see him when I took him in my mouth.
He let out a breathy moan, eyes focused on my mouth. His lips were parted ever so slightly. I bobbed my head, and grotesquely sexual sounds arose from my throat. I felt Edward move a strant of hair out of my face, he looked at me like I was a god.
“Fuck..Y/N if you keep doing that there wont be anything for you, dear” He said in a breathy moan. I pulled back, my mouth feeling sore and tired. “Do you still want to?” He asked, grasping his hands on my waist.
“Yes, I fucking need you.” I threw off my jeans, I would worry about finding them later, I needed him. He layed back down, propping his head up on my pillows. Our lips collided in another kiss as I leveled myself with him.
“Are you sure?” I ask him, stroking his hard member.
“I’m sure.” He pecked my lips again as I got ontop of his lean figure. I spat in my hand, lubing up my needy hole.
“How do you want me to do this? I mean like slow? What do-“ He said with genuine worry.
“Fuck me like you want people to know” I whispered, “ Fuck me like you want the entire neighborhood to know that I’m yours and yours only.”
“I can make that happen, love.” He flipped me over, now being back to where we first started. He lined up his cock with my hole, running it around the tight area. I put my fingers in his hair, making a slight tug as he pushed into my body.
Pleasure filled my body as he filled me up, his cock stretched my insides in the right ways. Without pausing, he started to push his hips into mine, making sure not to hurt me.
He reached down to suck on my neck, adding to the pornagraphic moans in the room. My hands travled to his back, scratching my nails down the cold stone like skin. His moans echoed in my ear.
“Y/N, I can’t be on top I’m going to crush you” I laughed at him, tapping his side so he fell onto the bed. I swung my legs over him, sitting on his perfect cock.
“Perfect, fucking amazing.” He said as I steady myself onto him. His face was in a euphoric expression, the most relaxed I had ever seen him.
I began to rock my hips, sliding him in and out of me. His hands grabbed onto my hips, guiding me. Everything was a euphoric experience. My gut filled with that wonderful sensation.
“Edward I’m gonna cum, oh my god” I moaned out, picking up my pace.
Suddenly, the world went still. My eyes went black and I saw stars as my orgasm washed over me. My moans echoed in the room as my body twitched. A few thrusts up into my body and Edward pulled out of me, rubbing his cum out onto his hand.
I layed there panting while he sped to the bathroom, and came back with a clean cloth, wiping down my body. He put the cloth down, pulling up his underwear and handing me mine. I slipped the fabric on, slipping under the covers.
“Get in here, I wanna kiss you”
He laughed, obeying and slipping beside me. Our lips reunited in a soft clash.
“I love you so much, dear.”
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“Favorite”- Alfie Solomons x Shelbysister!reader [Requested]
A/N: it’s been a minute since I’ve last written Alfie. Hope I didn’t mess it up. hopefully you’ll like it x It was requested by this anon and someone on wattpad.
Warning: some cussing (it’s Alfie so what did you expect)
Word count: 1.5K ish
Tagging: @mollybegger-blog, @evelynshelby, @br0ck-eddie, @shadow-of-wonder, @fandom--0verdose, @sopxhiea, @fuseburner, @innerpaperexpertcloud,
"Fucking Italians," y/n mumbled both angered and brought to close eyes by her thundering headache. Not that it helped but it was più forte di lei, after what those fuckers had put her through, y/n could barely contain her anger. If it wasn't impossible for her to stand without throwing up and probably fainting, she'd be already on her way to give them a piece of her mind.
"Retreat your claws, kitten. It's already been taken care of." A familiar voice spoke from beside her. She didn't need to open her eyes and look to know to whom the voice belonged. It welcomed her every morning and wished her sweet dreams on most nights.
"It's not. My fist hasn't met their faces yet."
His presence comforted and helped in rooting her. There was no point in getting all worked up while she was still in the hospital risking making her headache worse. Y/n knew that but to know and to act accordingly are two different things.
"Well then, that can be arranged, pet. For now, though, you need to rest," he tutted not even trying of hiding his amusement.
"The world must be fucking ending if Alfie Solomons is the wisest in the room," she snickered knowing how prone to anger and action Alfie was.
He merely scoffs and despite not looking at him, y/n knew that he had shot her a mean glance. Indeed, she could only imagine the state she was in but whatever it was, it must not be a pretty sight. And whatever image Alfie had carefully crafted for himself over the ears, y/n knew that he was worried. Probably angry too but given what he said about the Italians, he had already acted on that leaving only worry.
All the more reason to resort to sarcasm then, y/n thought.
However, before any of them could add anything, the door of the room opened. And so did y/n's eyes.
Fuck, was the first thing that crossed her mind when her eyes fell on her brother.
This was not how she'd imagined being reunited with him.
"Mr Solomons," Tommy's tone matched the iciness of his eyes and the imperturbability of his expression.
It was something that y/n had always both admired and hated about him. It was amazing how aloof he was able to come across on any occasion, even though she understood growing up that it was achieved at great expense. However, when in a fight with him, it was greatly unnerving to speak with an unreactive wall of ice. A clench of the jaw was the most you could get out of him.
Y/n had learned how to deal with him and now it didn't bother her anymore, but still. Knowing how much shit she was in, she couldn't help but flinch at his tone. Even if it was directed at Alfie who, for the record, looked completely unbothered by it.
"Mr Shelby," he simply reciprocated the greeting as if he didn't hear the underlying question in Tommy's words. What the hell are you doing here?
"You were the last person I expected to find at my sister's bedside." But Tommy had never been one who shied away from confrontation, didn't lose any time and got right to it.
"Well, life is full of surprises, ain't it?" Topping his head a little further on his head so that he could clearly stare at him, Alfie gave him a smug smirk.
Tommy sat down on the other side of y/n's bed, his eyes never leaving Alfie engaging them in an unwavering contest.
"You should thank him." She found her voice even though she knew that Alfie didn't need her help and it probably meant for her to be caught in the crossfire. Better than having them shooting glares at each other.
Tommy's eyes snapped to her then, like she wasn't the one he'd come to see.
"You must already know what happened so that means that you're aware of his help." Making the most of his attention on her, she pleaded Alfie's cause.
"What I'm worried about is why he's involved in the first place." Taking a lighter and his pack of cigarette, he lit one.
"Like you don't know, Tommy," y/n snickered, "I know you've sent fucking Isaiah after me like a fucking dog." she huffed deeply annoyed at how his brother thought it was okay to have her controlled like she was a fucking baby. Not that Alfie would have let anything happen to her, anyway. But, above all, she knew how to take care of herself, thank you very much.
His jaw clenched - here it is- but he offered no response. No explanation, no apology. Not that y/n expected him to.
"S'alright Tommy. No need to thank me for protecting my favourite Shelby." Alfie butted in interrupting your siblings glaring. Y/n felt his hand wrap around hers, she didn't know if it was to emphasise his point or to offer her comfort. Either way, she welcomed it intertwining their fingers.
"Wisdom and a compliment both leaving your mouth all in under ten minutes. Fuck, the end of the world is fucking close indeed." Tightening her hold on him, y/n couldn't help but mock him. Not that it was a mystery how Alfie cared for her but he wasn't keen on verbal demonstrations, if it wasn't in the intimacy of a bedroom, so every time he did felt strange. In a good way though. Y/n truly appreciated it but she couldn't pass out on the chance to embarrass him. It was how their relationship was.
"Well, smelling death in the room will do that to ya," Alfie chirped back taking her jab in streak. Told you it was how they worked.
"Nice to know I need to die for you to be nice to me."
"You're not dead though, are ya?" His fed-up tone let on that he was almost regretting that she wasn't but his hold on her hand fooled no one. Well, just her since she was the only one aware of it.
"Still not too sure, to be honest." As holding up her head was proving to be a proving challenge, she rested it back on her pillow. Giving in, she also closed her eyes hoping it'll help.
"If you'd do as you're fucking told then you'd feel better," Alfie scowled.
"Can't you talk to your God or something and ask him to kiss my ouchies away?" She asked while her other hand went up to gently massage her forehead.
"Don't work it like that pet, right?" He somewhat growled at the insinuation no matter how ridiculous it was, "Can help you with that though if you want." And as if someone had flipped a switch, his tone turned suggestive.
"Thought you'd never ask." She smirked peeking at him through her lids.
It was then that Tommy cleared his throat, successfully snapping both of their attention to him.
"This is disgusting." Disgust evident in his voice but it went unacknowledged by both y/n and Alfie.
"Glad to see you too, Tommy," was y/n's answer to his brother.
"I'm glad you're okay," he said eyes softening in the subtlest way when they landed on y/n. Then he turned to Alfie, " I won't forget this, Mr Solomons. Even though it changes nothing."
"Didn't think it would," Alfie answered while y/n simply rolled her eyes at them.
"I'll leave you to it, then." Pocketing the lighter he had been playing with, Tommy stood up and after lightly nodding at them he went to walk out of the room.
"See you soon, Tommy," Y/n called for him before he was out of the door but she knew that he had heard her.
"See you never," Alfie mumbled under his breath clearly of another opinion. Despite his intentions, y/n had heard him and went to smack him with whatever small energy she had left. Of course, her touch went almost unfelt but Alfie had the decency of feigning hurt.
"So, you know what this means." She spoke again after a while. She never much cared for silence.
"That you're brother's an ass, yeah. Already knew that, dove." Alfie pointed it out, leaning back in his chair, legs widening, his cane resting between them.
"That it's official," she smiled ignoring Alfie's jab at her brother, she looked at him smiling "you've met my family."
"Bloody hell, what did I get myself into." He grumbled hiding his face in his hands. Jokes on him though if he thought she was the difficult one between them.
"Oh shut up, I'm a fucking delight." Shifting around to get more comfortable, she closed her eyes again. It was time to get some rest.
"Yeah, in your sleep maybe." Knowing it to be true, y/n didn't feel the need to say anything, however, if her eyes had been opened she was sure to say anything about the fond smile on Alfie's lips. She secretly loved how much of a sap he really was. Not that she was ever going to tell him, of course.
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Queerbaiting and Buddie
(word count: 1,900)
I keep saying that I don’t want to spend any more time on 9-1-1 meta or fic, but the events of this weekend made me open up a document where I had some unfinished meta and in light of the S4 finale airing tonight, I thought I might at least write this:
“Queerbaiting is a marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but then do not actually depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ representation. They do so to attract a queer or straight ally audience with the suggestion of relationships or characters that appeal to them, while at the same time attempting to avoid alienating other consumers.”
That is how Wikipedia defines queerbaiting. And I really feel like everyone needs to read that and then read it again and realize that what is happening on 9-1-1 with Buddie is NOT queerbaiting.
I don’t want to go into the long history of queerbaiting because we would be here all day and anyone that wants to do some research should go and do so. There are a lot of resources out there. Use them.
But the short of it is this: queerbaiting has a lot more to do with the way a show is promoted, with the way that anyone involved in the show talks about a queer ship, and with the show deliberately scripting scenes that hint at a relationship without any intention of following through. Expectations and wanting a queer ship to go canon and those expectations not being met do not alone equate to it being queerbaiting.
For any of us that have been around a long time there are a lot of perfect examples and if you compare Buddie to any of them, they are very different. I’ll name a few:
Castiel/Dean Winchester (though they did go canon...barely)
Buck and Eddie do not fit into that list. Which isn’t to say that someday they could belong there, but I just do not believe that they will even if Buddie never becomes canon. And this all lies in how Buddie as a ship has been treated both on screen and off. I’ll break it down by season.
Eddie is very clearly introduced as a new character, a straight Army veteran with a disabled kid and family drama. He and Buck have immediate chemistry. We can’t deny that, or deny that from that first episode there are immediate sparks. Unintended sparks, but sparks nevertheless. And it is easy to tell that no one on the production team expected that and the story reflects that.
Yes a foundation for their friendship is formed and yet the season long story focuses on Eddie’s relationship with his estranged wife and Buck is dealing with his own growth after being left by Abby. Their friendship shines and their scenes are great but none of them suggest romance and there are actually a lot of episodes where Buck and Eddie barely interact in S2 aside from in the background or for small work related moments (this mostly happens after Shannon returns).
S2 does give us the first acknowledgement from the powers that be aka Tim Minear that they know what the fans have seen. This is why the elf scene exists, but it exists in a space where it’s a nod to the fans and not meant to do much more than that. The other moment is during the call with the livestreamer. But S2, places them completely and without question on a strong friendship.
We see a lot more conflict for Buck and Eddie in this season and we see how close and important they are to each other. Those are the two main things. That can be read as friendship easily and it’s a season where both Buck and Eddie deal with their pasts and in one way or another start to get closure while their friendship remains intact.
Yes there are some scenes that make us squint and go huh, wtf? (I’m looking at you kitchen scene), but narratively we also know that neither of these boys is ready for a real relationship with anyone, let alone each other. But we can bask in how close they are as well as how Christopher fits in into all of it.
But in S3 we are also introduced to Ana and we see the return of Abby. We also get to see that Buck and Eddie have become closer than ever and that the lawsuit only serves to highlight the importance that they both feel about having the other available to them. I’ll also quickly mention that Eddie Begins worked hard to highlight Buck’s devotion to Eddie.
Without considering the events of the finale (I am avoiding spoilers and know nothing about it or the speculation), we’ve seen Buck and Eddie both grow and get further closure on their past. This season has paralleled them well and their friendship has not faltered, they’re as close as ever.
The beginning of the season was heavily focused on Buck and we saw him grow as a person and begin to work on himself in a healthy way and we’ve seen Eddie be supportive of that.
We also have Ana to consider and her relationship with Eddie as well as the return of Taylor and yet the appearance of these women has not changed the Buck and Eddie dynamic. And I find it fascinating that Eddie beginning to date Ana, is the thing that prompted Buck to start dating. The parallels are all over the place but it is the strength of the friendship and the way they care so deeply about each other that remains whether that becomes romantic is still to be seen, but it could still go either way.
Off-screen by the end of S2, Tim Minear had already addressed Buddie by throwing in that elf scene in a wink/nudge fashion that said “I see you” and in the scene with the girl with the livestream with the comments. During S3 he tweeted about being frustrated by the fans demanding and being hostile and thinking that that would make him more likely to do what they want (I’m paraphrasing what I remember seeing). Tim has never once said that Buddie will happen or shut the door on the ship entirely, but he did say he did not want to engage in conversation about it because he doesn’t want to get into arguments with fans.
Oliver has always been enthusiastic about Buddie and has even said that he would be perfectly fine with it happening both a while ago and more recently in promo for S4. Conscious of queerbaiting and not wanting to give fans false hope, he has specifically said that he does not know if it will or won’t happen and that he wouldn’t speak on that as he’s not the one making that decision. His support for it happening does not mean he has any sway one way or the other. He’s said this a few times and even wrote a letter to the effect to make it clear to fans that the last thing he wants is to disappoint someone due to something he’s said.
All in all, it just isn’t a constructive environment for anyone working on the show to interact with fans on this topic because any time that they do, they get attacked by overly enthusiastic buddie shippers that in many ways are making everything worse.
In all of the interviews from Tim that I’ve seen, he has always been very quick to hint at what was coming up on the show in a way that at times has been misleading on purpose. The number one thing that comes to mind is early in S4 where Buck was said to get a new woman in his life. Tim absolutely made it out to seem like it was a girlfriend while knowing fully well that it was a therapist. This is an excellent example of what promoting and hinting is actually like. No one from this show has done that in regards to Buddie.
No one has gone out of their way to hint that it may happen in a way that excites the fans. And this is one of my main reasons for knowing that Buddie is not a queerbait. At no point in the life of the show so far has anyone used Buddie in a promotional way to bring in viewers. Because THAT was the whole point of queerbaiting in the past.
It was a way that some showrunners found to bring in a lot of viewers when they needed to up their numbers in order to show networks they were worth keeping around. Someone figured out that LGBTQ people wanted to see themselves represented so much so that they would tune in to anything that promised an LGBTQ character in some fashion. It was a tactic that worked well in the landscape of tv where there was so little LGBTQ content on mainstream media that anyone wanting it would latch onto anything. And then they just wouldn’t deliver on those relationships or characters. In 2021, that is not the world we live in any longer.
In today’s tv landscape there is so much to watch and so much to pick from and diversity has grown, it is celebrated. Queer characters are well represented as are queer relationships and queer stories. The times are different. A while back I was listening to a podcast (Bait: a queerbaiting podcast) and something I found interesting was how the hosts both agreed that in today’s tv landscape there is no more real queerbait and that we won’t easily find anything like the ships I mentioned above. I think I agree more with this than I expected to, because I do think that it exists in some spaces, but it definitely isn’t what it used to be. This is a good thing.
Specific to 9-1-1, this is a show that has that diversity and that isn’t afraid of tackling that diversity and giving us interesting and nuanced perspectives and stories embracing that. We have characters of color, women in positions of power, a F/F relationship, two multi-racial relationships, a disabled character, other queer characters including a M/M relationship. There is so much in this show that embraces diversity and that embraces the reality of what the world looks like. To call it queerbait is to disrespect everything else that this show is and has done and the hard storylines that have been tackled that we would not have seen on tv ten years ago.
And I get that Buddie would be another breakthrough. It would be a novel way to tell a queer story, and it would be amazing if it were to happen. The set up is there, but it isn’t fully realized, and Buck and Eddie can still be read as just friends if we take off the shipping goggles. But it also isn’t queerbait or likely to become queerbait and people have to stop calling it that.
What Buddie resembles is one of the many unintended slow burn ships that have frustrated viewers in many forms across fandoms and we just have to go along for the ride and maybe it will happen. Or maybe it won’t. But if we know anything about relationships on tv, it is that a lot of the fun comes from the journey, even if the destination is good too.
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okay, spoilers for the most recent 911 episode below (and tagged as such as well)
i haven’t written in months- i just have a lot of feelings, and i needed to work through them
It’s weird, Buck thinks, how quickly the sound around him can fade, how fast the pain in his back and his side can grow fuzzy, almost numb even, until he’s completely disassociating, losing his touch on reality in time with Eddie’s final blink.
He’s back at Eddie’s house, head burrowed in the fridge, and he’s digging around meal prep containers for hidden beers.
“Heard you flipped out yesterday.”
“Huh?” Buck’s only half listening because he’s on a quest of the alcoholic nature, and he’s pretty sure he spots a dark neck of a beer bottle nestled between a container of rice and a jar of low fat mayonnaise.
“At the well.”
This Buck hears quite clearly, and he snags the beer and turns away from the fridge, lips curving softly downward at the edges.
“Bobby said you were frantic.”
The grooves in the beer bottle cap dig into Buck’s palm. Or maybe, Buck thinks, he’s deliberately pushing it into his skin. “You were trapped.”
“And your plan was what, Buck? Dig me out with your hands?”
“If that’s what I had to,” Buck spits back, eyes narrow, shooting Eddie a gaze he is normally on the receiving end of, and it’s just enough to have Eddie’s face go soft before him.
“Not sure if I should thank you because I know that you are genuinely serious, or if I should officially declare you as the world’s biggest idiot because I know that you are genuinely serious.”
Buck laughs lowly under his breath, yet still, his eyes are warm, determined, and he cocks his head to the side. “I said I have your back, didn’t I?”
“This again?” Eddie asks, now laughing with Buck.
“I’m a man of my damn word, Eddie. If I say I have you back, then I have your back.”
Buck’s gotten used to pulling himself slowly out of a dissociative state, cool and calm, working through grounding techniques, so the abrupt, loud voice in his ear is a gun shot that rips through his mind.
Buck blinks quickly. Eddie’s face is now in full view, and he looks unnaturally pale and cold, a contrast to his blood still warm and splattered across his face.
“Sir, we’ll get to him as soon as it’s safe. We need to focus on you first.”
Buck shoves himself up into a sitting position, ignoring the thrum of pain gnawing at his side. He’s sure he’ll look purple and blue by morning.
“No, Eddie,” he repeats, unable to form much more in terms of sentences. His mind can only collect what’s currently the most meaningful in this situation, and that one thing is only Eddie.
“Eddie,” he tries again, louder, hoping to jostle Eddie awake by his voice, hoping that, maybe, Eddie’s only passed out from the pain and that the pool of blood isn’t actually draining from a potentially severe gun shot wound.
Buck shoves away from the firefighter beside him. He ignores the hand grabbing at his shirt, ignores the voices shouting for him to come back, and then he’s hovering over Eddie, shielding him, assessing what he can of the wound with shaking hands.
Eddie’s unresponsive below him, and Buck’s stomach twists so tightly, he could double over in pain. He’s just turning around to yell for help when he’s being jerked to his feet by a cop. His eyes stay on Eddie as Eddie’s rushed onto a backboard, and he’s so focused on Eddie’s face, so desperate for a hint of life, a crease of the brow, that he doesn’t process the hand squeezing his arm or the voice close to his ear until the cop is speaking.
“Go with him, and stay low.”
Nodding, Buck hunches over and runs to the ambulance Eddie’s being lifted into, and the second he gets a nod, he pulls himself up, and the door’s closed in front of him.
With as loud as it had been outside, it’s eerily quiet in the ambulance, even with the siren blaring overhead. The paramedics are working quickly and quietly, discussing the best course of action under their breath. Buck stares at Eddie’s sodden shirt, at the too dark stain toward his shoulder, and he reaches over, ripping the shirt open to get a clear look.
“Sir, please let us handle the patient.”
One of the paramedics swats at Buck’s hands, and he leans back, eyes glued to the small silver bullet nestled inside of Eddie’s chest. It wasn’t a clean shot, and Buck knows that poses more recovery complications. He’s sure surgery is just on the horizon for Eddie.
He only pulls his eyes away from the angry wound when Eddie groans, his brow furrowing.
“Eddie?” Buck leans forward, one hand resting just above Eddie’s forehead, his hair soft against his palm. “Can you hear me?”
Eddie’s eyes squeeze before he pries them open. Even through the small slits, Buck can see how glossy and unfocused Eddie looks.
His voice is shot, weak, and thick with pain, and Buck nods, one thumb smoothing across Eddie’s forehead.
“Hey, man. Yeah, it’s me. You’re going to be okay.”
Eddie frowns, and he lifts one shaking hand to Buck’s cheek, fingers pressing to the blood on Buck’s face.
“What?” Buck asks, shaking his head. He goes to explain more, to reassure that he’s fine, but Eddie goes slack below him, and the paramedics push him back, shouting for the driver to pick up the pace. Eddie’s crashing, and the frantic beeping is deafening to his ears.
He won’t because he wants all focus to be on saving Eddie, but still, Buck kind of wishes he could throw up to ease the pressure in his gut.
Bobby’s voice rings out across the waiting room, and Buck lifts his head from his hands to see Bobby running toward him with Athena hot on his heels. He can see the question written all over Bobby’s face, and he holds up a single hand, shaking his head.
“It’s not my blood.” What he leaves off is how he’d give anything for it to be his blood. For him to be the one carted off to surgery, not Eddie.
Bobby nods, and Athena sighs softly.
“You okay, Buckaroo?”
Buck’s not sure if it’s just because it’s Athena, or if it’s her motherly nature, but his composure crumbles at her words. He wants to tell them he’s fine— that Eddie is the one everyone should worry about. But, he can’t stop shaking, and his eyes have been burning with unshed tears.
Athena pulls him to his feet, and he falls against her, a sob ripping up his throat. He can feel Bobby at his back, a warm, grounding hand to his shoulder, and Athena’s arms are wrapped tightly around his back, keeping the pieces together.
“You’re okay, Buck.”
He clings to Athena until he’s sure he can stand up on his own, and then he falls into the soft question and answer process, revealing all he knows: Eddie was shot; the police who took his statement have yet to find the shooter, but they don’t think Eddie was specifically a target; he’s in surgery, but the doctors are extremely optimistic.
“Are we going to be able to pry you away from this hospital?” Athena asks, and Buck gives a shaky nod.
“Chris is with a friend, and Eddie was supposed to pick him up. I’m going to... I’ve got to tell him.”
“We can have someone else—”
“—no,” Buck interrupts, stepping back. “It has to be me.” He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the smudged glass of a vending machine: pale face smeared red with dried blood. “I should,” he notions weakly to his face, laughs awkwardly, and Bobby nods, a frown etched across his lips.
“I’ll drive you back to your jeep after you wash up.”
Nodding, Buck slips to the bathroom, thankful to find it empty. He looks at himself, but all he can see is the muted, pale shock written across Eddie’s face looking back at him, painted in the blood splattered across his face. He turns the tap on as hot as it will allow, and then he scrubs, hands moving roughly up and down his face, the hand soap slightly stinging his skin. He scrubs until his entire face burns, and then he stumbles backward with a gasp he covers with his palm.
He holds in a deep breath that quakes against his lungs, and he doesn’t release it until he’s sure he can without falling apart.
“Eddie’s going to be fine,” he says aloud, practicing now to sound as confident and as believable as he can.
“Did you get hurt at work, Buck?”
Buck’s not surprised that the first question out of Christopher’s mouth is about his well-being and not of his dad’s absence— typical Diaz behavior.
“Uh, no, bud.” Buck kneels down, leveling himself with Christopher. “It’s not mine.”
“Where’s my dad?”
“He...” Buck stumbles with his words, swallows thickly. “He won’t be coming home tonight, bud. He got hurt at work, but I’m going to make sure he gets better real fast.”
“Is he at the hospital? Can I see him?”
Christopher’s voice is growing more and more unsteady, adopting a waver that’s a brick smashing to Buck’s heart.
“He is, but he’s still busy getting patched up, so he can’t have visitors just yet.”
Christopher nods, and Buck wonders just when it was exactly that Chris matured without his seeing. “He’s going to be okay, bud. But you know what will make him get better faster?”
Before Buck can answer, Carla slips into the room, supplies in hand.
“Make him a really big card!”
“Yes!” Christopher’s smile turns into a giggle as Carla drops markers and glitter and poster boards onto Eddie’s kitchen table.
“Chris, Carla’s going to watch you while I go back to the hospital. As soon as I get the okay for visitors, I’ll call.”
Christopher nods and shuffles to the table, already scoping out markers to use for the card. While occupied, Buck slips toward the door with Carla hot on his heels.
“Is he okay?”
“Still in surgery,” Buck answers on auto-pilot, having muttered those words too many times already to count.
“Are you okay?”
Buck laughs weakly, rakes a hand through his hair. “Ask me again when Eddie’s awake.”
“It’s okay,” Buck mutters, casting his eyes to the floor. “Sign my name on the card for me?”
“Buck, why don’t you stay for a little bit? Change your clothes? Eat something?”
“I can’t,” Buck shakes his head, unsure how to explain that the only way to easy the jutting pain in his chest is to be back at the hospital. “I need to—”
“Go,” Carla rolls her eyes. “But I’m bringing you food.”
Buck smiles, small but genuine. “Thanks, Carla.”
Buck scans his text from Hen, gnaws at his lower lip.
[From: Hen] where’d you run off to? We’re all in the waiting room.
He pulls his gaze up to Eddie’s sleeping form, to the wires sticking out of him.
[To: Hen] I may have waited until a dr walked through the double doors and snuck into Eddie’s room...
His phone blows up shortly after with texts and calls, and he ignores all, instead typing to a 118 group text.
[To: Fire Fam] look, I know I’m not supposed to be back here, but don’t tell on me okay? I know the dr said his surgery went well, but I had to see for myself
[From Chim in Fire Fam] Hen’s rolling her eyes
[From Hen in Fire Fam] damn right I am. So is Athena
[From Bobby in Fire Fam] how is he?
He looks terrible, Buck thinks. His skin is still too pale, and there are dark purple spots coloring below his eyes. His breathing is labored, and his face is pinched as if in pain.
Terrible, Buck thinks, yet so beautifully alive. The relief is edging his nerves, hesitant to completely encompass him.
[To Fire Fam] he looks like hell, but he’s alive
Buck locks his phone and leans forward, resting his head on the edge of Eddie’s bed. He lays one hand over Eddie’s, and he drifts somewhere between awake and asleep, coming to fully when Eddie groans above him.
He jerks forward, leans in close, and squeezes Eddie’s hand. “Eddie? You with me?”
It takes an impossibly long time for Eddie to open his eyes, but when he does, his smile is weak but warm enough to bring Buck’s relief fully over him.
There’s no confusion in Eddie’s voice this time— only soft certainty, and Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand once more.
“In the flesh.”
“Yep,” Buck nods, smiling. “Though when I have to duck behind a chair when a nurse comes in, pretend like you didn’t see me, yeah? Kinda breaking hospital rules right now.”
Eddie laughs, and then he coughs weakly, wincing. Still, his eyes hold Buck’s gaze, and Buck wouldn’t look away even for a second.
“Chris?” Eddie finally croaks out, and Buck nods.
“He’s okay. He’s with Carla. They are coming as soon as the doctor gives the okay for visitors.”
“Legal visitors,” Eddie clarifies, and Buck smiles. If Eddie can joke, he must be on the mend.
“Hey, a part of having your back means I simply must sneak into your hospital room to make sure you don’t croak.”
Eddie’s laugh turns into a harsher cough, and Buck smooths a hand over Eddie’s forehead. “Maybe stop laughing?”
“Stop making me then,” Eddie pouts, and Buck leans back with a smile.
“I gotta talk to Carla.”
Buck cocks a brow. “She’ll be here as soon as she can.”
“She told me to make sure I’m following my own heart.”
Frowning, Buck tilts his head. “Uh, Eddie? You okay, man?”
“She was right— I thought I was but I wasn’t.”
“Okay, maybe I’ll give myself up and grab a nurse. You are talking too weird right now. Clearly something’s not clicking right in that old head of yours.” Buck makes to stand, to leave, his concern heightening behind his poor joke, but Eddie grabs at his wrist, a weak grip that Buck frowns deeply at.
Slowly, Buck takes his seat. “As long as you stop being weird as hell.”
“I will for now.”
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It’s a Deal (Ch. 14)
Chapter Summary: Hearts are broken.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: angst, “The Mandalorian” reference.
A/N: One more chapter after this and we’re done. Thank you, incredible Suz, @bucky-the-thigh-slayer for having my back. Love you. The link to my masterlist, where you can find the other chapters, is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated.
Tag list for this story is closed.
There’s that annoying little chilling feeling running down his spine while Bucky parks his bike on the nearest parking lot to your building and steps towards your place. Not the dreadful feeling he gets on missions when his life or others’ are in danger. No, not that one. Is that feeling he gets when he knows something’s up, something’s out of order, not necessarily bad, but something that he needs to put his focus on…
He’s been trying to hold himself from going to your place, he knows that it may sound like he’s imposing himself in your personal space, in your life, but he’s been trying to call you in the last few hours, sent a few messages but you haven’t answered and then that annoying little feeling came to say hello.
And in his long ass life, he’s learned better than to ignore that feeling. He knows you’re not at work because it’s a Sunday and maybe you just went out somewhere without your phone and he’s just being paranoid or something… But he’ll just check if you’re ok, see those pretty eyes of yours and leave. That’s it. He may seem like a fucking stalker, but if that is going to assure him you’re ok, then so be it.
And God knows how much he would appreciate a glimpse of you right now.
The little hairs on his neck stand in attention at the sight he catches from the corner of your street and brings him to a full stop. That short little asshole of your ex, dragging a big suitcase with one hand and holding a couple of boxes with the other.
Bucky’s heart races and he frowns, watching when that Eddie guy lets go of the suitcase and balances himself to not let the boxes fall while he types the code to open the front door, getting into your building right after, dragging the suitcase with him.
The air catches in Bucky’s throat before it comes out in short little breaths. His mind runs with all the possible scenarios that would explain that scene… he desperately searches for ones that don’t have to mean what his jumping heart is telling him it means.
He’s not thinking clearly through the mess that his mind has become, but he decides he needs to see it for himself, as dreadful as he is of what he’s going to see.
In a few long and quick steps he’s at the building’s door, typing the numbers he’s just registered the douchebag typing and in a second he’s in the elevator up to your floor.
Once he’s at your door, ready to knock on the wood, his hand stops midair, before it drops to his side while he sighs. Deeply. This is madness… he shouldn’t be here. He doesn’t need to see anything, he can wait and talk to you some other time, when he’s less… anguished… anxious… He knows what he’s thinking, but it doesn’t mean that’s the case. You and the guy had lived together for years… maybe he’s just returning some of your stuff… maybe… damn… he brushes his hand over his face, harshly. He should leave.
And he’s about to do exactly that when the door opens.
Bucky has been calling the guy a short little asshole all this time and, while he still may be an absolute jackass and Bucky surely and easily beats him in height, somehow he feels like the smallest person on earth standing in front of the man right now.
“Can I help you?” Eddie asks, hardening his face after an immeasurable moment of stunned silence between the two men.
“Ahm,” Bucky clears his throat and keeps his voice firm, “Can I talk to Y/N?”
Eddie lets out a small puff and God knows how much Bucky needs to hold himself back from punching that stupid little face, “She’s not home, she had a call for something at work,” Eddie answers plainly.
Bucky feels when his jaw tightens painfully and his chest puffs, “Then what the hell are you doing here?” His voice comes out dangerously low as his chin tips up.
A little and annoying smirk twists Eddie’s lips and… fuck, Bucky has a terrible feeling about that. “Not that I need to give you any explanation but I’m moving back. This is my home again.” He regards Bucky for a second after adding, “Our home.”
The words punch the air out of Bucky’s lungs and, looking behind Eddie’s shoulder he sees the numerous boxes… your place… where he had you in his arms so many times now filled with that guy’s stuff next to your things… His stomach churns violently.
“Are you… are you and Y/N...” he can’t even finish the question, the words getting stuck in his throat, choking him like a deadly poison.
“Listen, dude…” Eddie bursts out, “What Y/N and I have isn’t some kind of fling or deal or whatever one small time apart can destroy, we belong together.” He huffs and bites his cheek before continuing impatiently, while all Bucky can do is stare at him, frozen in place, ”I have no time for this. If you have questions you can ask her whenever you want, if she has anything to explain to you, she will. Now if you excuse me.” He gestures towards the elevator.
Bucky would rather die a thousand times before he would allow himself to continue showing a single more minute of vulnerability in front of that guy… so he sucks it all down his throat and, holding himself in the excruciating pain rushing up his chest like it’s an anchor, he puts on a hard face and just nods, stepping away while he meets, for the first time, the ache he knows is the feeling of his heart breaking.
At the sight before her, Natasha sighs and remembers the time when she would find much different scenarios when she would burst into Bucky’s place. Where she would usually find different underwear tossed around the floor and small parties in his room, now she sees a metal armed dude sprawled on the sofa, face deep into not one, but two huge pints of Stark Raving Hazelnuts from Ben & Jerry’s, while Home Alone plays on the TV, and an Alpine lays comfortably on his lap.
Her little head perks up once Nat’s steps into the room. At least one of them acknowledges her presence.
He then moves his gaze to her direction, showing off his puffed eyes while shoving a huge spoon of ice-cream in his mouth, “What?” He speaks with a mouthful, “Breakfast?” He makes an offering gesture with the pint.
“I see you at least put on your uniform,” Nat ignores the offer, stepping towards him, kicking aside the many remains and open packages of junk food on her way. She slaps his leg off the sofa so she can sit beside him. As he grumpily adjusts his position to give her room, an equally grumpy Alpine jumps off his lap and aims a gaze of sheer contempt at Nat, before sauntering towards her plate of food in the kitchen.
“Well… Show must go on, right?” Bucky answers while his saddened gaze fixes on the tv again.
Nat just stares at him for a moment, her heart twisting in sorrow at his miserable demeanor, “Listen…” she says, with a softer tone, “I checked, she really is on a mission.” At that, she spots the twitch on his jaw, but he doesn’t look back at her, “Apparently it was some last-minute thing about Thor and earthly technology.” Nat frowns and shrugs, “That’s probably the reason why she’s not picking up your calls or mine for the last couple of days. She’s just busy. You can talk to her when she comes back.”
“Why?” He puts the pints of ice cream aside as his face snaps at her.
Despite the initial harshness on his tone, there’s no trace of anger there on his expression. Just… sadness… and, honestly, Nat would deal better with the anger. She’s never seen Bucky like this… not after he came back from Wakanda.
Bucky breathes in a shuddering breath, like it’s painful for him to even do that before he continues speaking, “The guy is back to her place, Nat… all his fucking boxes and clothes and shit next to hers. They’re back together. That’s it. I honestly don’t wanna listen to her telling me how much that guy matters to her…” His voice cracks, but he goes on talking, “That she and I was fun, I was a good fuck and all but not good enough compared to ten years with that…” He huffs, “That douchebag. I don’t wanna hear her saying he’s the real deal and not me.” He bites on his cheek, looking at Nat with eyes becoming glossy, “I just don’t think I can.”
“Ugh, no, seriously Nat, fuck,” he growls while he narrows his eyes and his jaw tightens, “Seriously, that guy… if he only… shit… he doesn’t deserve her.” Indignance pours out of his voice, which comes out through his teeth while his hands clench into fists, “He doesn’t appreciate what he has… ugh…” He groans, and lets himself fall back into the sofa, “But…” He sighs, and nods, licking his lips, “If that’s what she wants… I’m not gonna try and take it away from her. I won’t.” He shrugs.
Like she’s sensing the distress in her human, Alpine materializes on the sofa, between Nat and Bucky, and lets out a meow before curling herself against his thigh. Bucky absentmindedly starts petting her neck, staring up to the ceiling.
Nat could hear the pain of his heart shattering through his words. As for her… regret creeps up inside her. Regret for starting this between Bucky and you. She had a feeling that things could go south, but in all the scenarios she pictured for that, Bucky being the one heartbroken definitely wasn’t one of them. And yet, there he is. Devastated. Completely fucked. In a way she never thought she would see him for… love.
“Are you guys ready?”
The three of them turn towards the voice, spotting Steve there, in his full gear and his signature worried and yet soft look that belongs to Bucky.
“Yup,” Bucky taps on his thighs and grabs Alpine in one hand, who meows loudly, and two suitcases, one bigger and one smaller with the other one.
“Are you seriously taking her with us?” Nat checks, following him towards the door.
“Wherever I go, she goes,” he answers, his voice as down as his face.
“Buck,” Steve puts his hand on his friend’s shoulder, stopping him at the door, “Are you sure you’re ok to go on the mission, I can-“
“I’m fine, punk,” Bucky cuts him off, “I’m a grown ass man, I can handle my feelings.”
As Bucky walks past his friend and moves to the elevator, Nat exchanges looks with Steve. She’s heard Bucky saying that exact sentence numerous times lately, after he acknowledged the way he feels for you.
The difference is that the usual confidence is just not there anymore.
You’re frowning while looking down at him. His words making their way into your senses.
You free one hand of his secured hold to reach over and cup his smiling face.
He leans into your touch.
You make a decision.
Your heart and mind are finally set together in what you now know you want. Hell… you think you know this for a while, but now… with Eddie bringing all those memories and telling you all of that, it did help you get through the split in your heart and mend it back into one. A whole new heart.
One that is all his.
“Eddie,” your voice is soft, while he smiles up at you, “I remember all of that.” You smile, too, referring to the box of memories next you, “Every single memory… everything we shared… those ten years… they helped me mold me into what I am. There’s no me, there’s no what I am today without them,” you state, while, with your thumb, you caress his cheek.
Eddie nods, “There’s no me without you, either, that’s why I’m here.”
“But, Eddie…” you sigh and lick you lips, “Remember how you’ve told me a couple of times I seem different?”
The smile on Eddie's face slowly drops.
“That’s because I am… I’m not just… I’m not just that anymore.” You nod towards the box, “I found out there’s more in me, and honestly, I think there’s more in you, too, that just doesn’t fit to what we used to be anymore.”
He blinks repeated times, staring up at you, and you lean even closer and cup both sides of his face.
“I’m sorry. This is all part of who I am. You’re part of who I am. But I can’t go back.” You shake your head, “I can’t.”
He keeps his stare on you and, after a moment, like he’s been processing what you said to him, he lets out a huff, “Are you serious?” he harshly pulls your hands away from his face and gets up, “Are you fucking serious? Is this because you’re fucking that guy?” He raises his voice, gesturing away.
“Eddie…” You tilt your head as a warning sign.
“No, seriously, you’re trading me, you’re trading us for what?” He spits and points to his chest while his face contorts into something ugly you’ve never seen on him before, “A player who will throw you in the trash for the next nicer piece of ass he sees? For what? A good fuck? An eight pack? A few more inches of dick? Come on…”
“Hey,” you snap, rushing up from your seat to level him, “What the fuck, Eddie?” You curse, as he stares back at you defiantly, “First of all you don’t get to talk to me like that, you lower you goddamn tone.” You point a finger at him, “And, honestly? Bucky is not just “that guy” to me. He’s not a player. You don’t know him, and you don’t know who I am with him, you could never know.”
Through the anger bringing red blurs to your vision, you see when his Adam bone bobs, but he keeps an insolent chin lifted up and he has struck something in you by talking about Bucky and your feelings for him in such a belittling way.
“I didn’t want things to end like that,” you continue, shaking your head, “I really didn’t, but if you’re talking shit you don’t know the first thing about… ugh… fuck that,” you let out a harsh breath, “In one month or so Bucky respected and appreciated me more than you did in ten years. With him I don’t have to pretend I like or don’t like things just not to upset him or whatever, I learned I can be fun and honest… and… and he fucking eats my pussy, for God’s sake,” you burst out in a rush of spite.
Eddie takes a step back, completely stunned by your words and outburst, while a dead silence settles in the room.
“Wow,” he mumbles nodding his head and looking away from you.
You shut your eyes and breathe in deeply, letting your head drop for a moment, while reason starts to come back to your senses, “Shit… shit…” You curse under your breath, looking up at him again, “This is not about that, Eddie…” you say, being honest with him and yourself, “I loved you, I really did, you are so important… I appreciate our time together so much… but now…” You press your lips in a taut line and shrugs, “It’s over…And, yeah… Bucky may be in my life now, but-“
He snorts, crossing his arms in front of his chest. There’s pure scorn in his gaze for you, but you decide to ignore that. Eddie really matters a lot to you and you don’t want to end it in such a bad note. You want closure for the two of you, so both of you can accept what you had is over and move on with your lives.
“But this is not about him. Not completely, at least,” you continue, “It’s us Eddie.” You plead, taking a step closer to him, “Our relationship meant the world, but… but I think we outgrew it-”
“You speak for yourself,” he spits.
You sigh at the anger that is still there, spilling through his voice, but you nod, and speaks softly, “Ok, then… I outgrew our relationship, but even if you think you haven’t, that doesn’t mean it would be good for you to insist on something you realized at some point it wasn’t what you wanted anymore. You can’t deny that.”
You gasp and try to keep your balance when he drops on his knees and latches himself at you, hugging your waist tightly, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know I caused all this, but please don’t leave me, don’t give up on us,” he begs, his voice breaking, pressing his cheek on you, “Please… please.”
“Eddie… Eddie…” You try catching his attention, as he keeps his chant of remorseful and begging words, “Stop... stop, Eddie, come here.”
You reach down for his forearms, adding some force to pull him up, to which he lets you.
When his weeping face levels yours, you gently wipe the tears falling down with your fingers, “You ended this because you weren’t happy, either, and it’s ok. It’s ok to let go,” you say, gently, before cupping his face and fixing your gaze on his, “Let go, Eddie. Let go.”
He exhales, his eyes shutting. While you keep gentle hands on his face, he brings his forehead to yours.
“We’re gonna be ok,” you whisper, wishing that he would understand that moving on is the best thing for the two of you.
At that, he harshly parts himself from you. Hurt and rejection plastered all over his face while he averts his gaze from you.
“Eddie… I don’t know what else to say,” you heave a sigh.
Before he gives you the comeback he’s about to give you, which you know it wasn’t gonna be a nice one, your phone rings. Nick Fury’s ringtone.
“Shit,” you curse, “I’m sorry, I need to pick that.” You rush and reach out for your phone on the center table, “Yes, Sir… of course… absolutely. I’ll gather my team and will be there in one hour, tops. Alright.”
“It’s work…” you tell Eddie, looking down as you turn off your phone.
“On a fucking Saturday night?” Eddie scoffs, not looking at you.
“Thor is on a solo mission and needs assistance from my team. Fury asked me to lead it. I…” You look at him, but he doesn’t look back at you, “I need to go change,” you say, defeated by his refusal to engage with you or with what you’ve been trying to tell him so far.
Once you come back from your bedroom in a hurry and ready to leave, Eddie is there in the living room, now sitting on the sofa.
“Are you sure?” He asks once you walked over the sofa and met his dull gaze.
He nods slowly, biting his cheek.
“I’m gonna need to go now, Eddie,” you tentatively say. You step closer to him, but he turns his face to the other side and you take the hint. Stopping on your track.
“What of this place?” He gestures around.
You look around the place you two got together and as from that moment, you don’t see yourself in it anymore. Satisfied with your decision, you walk towards the key hook on the wall and he watches as you come closer to him again and take his hand from his lap, putting the keys in his palm.
“This place is not mine anymore,” you give him a tight smile.
You hold his hand a little longer while his gaze lingers at where you’re touching him.
“Goodbye, Eddie,” you say.
When he doesn’t give you an answer or even spares a look your way, you sigh, deeply. If that’s how he wants it to go, so be it. Letting go of his hand you walk to the door.
As soon as you step aside from your now former home, you realize you’re also walking towards a new phase of your life and you take in a big and refreshing breath before a loose smile forms in your lips. There’s only one thing in your mind, now. Or better, one person.
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He's in my head - Eddie Brock
Warnings: Language, Haha sad Eddie time
AN: It's the short 1:00AM Eddie fics bro
Eddie couldn't take it anymore, the constant nagging, humming, criticism. All the stress that Venom caused. It was burning through him, creating a dark hole he was afraid to fall into due to the fear he might never get out.
It wasn't that he hated the Symbiote, it was more the constant voice in his head, the lack of sleep, the meals that were forced down his throat at times. He felt out of control. He wanted to be control of his life again.
He spent his days in the dump of his apartment, lumbering around. writing articles on his computer, sending them in, getting paid. Ordering takeout repeatedly trying to satisfy the Symbiote's hunger and his own. He hardly ever called you anymore and when you asked to see him he would make up some weak excuse. It was getting harder and harder to conceal it all, the strength of Eddies walls cracking under the pressure. He needed to let it out but he didn't know how.
It had been three weeks since you'd last seen Eddie, three weeks since he'd last seen you, so when you'd shown up at his door he was shocked to say the least. He knew you would show up at some point but he thought it would take you longer to catch on.
"Oh god Eddie, you look like shit" Your eyes scanned him from head to toe, taking in every detail of his visibly broken state.
"I told you, I'm sick".
"Bullshit Eddie, let me in".
He had no choice in the matter really, watching as you pushed past him into his apartment before he even had a chance to respond. The place looked worse than him, covered in empty pizza boxes and crumpled bits of paper. When your eyes came back to his, Eddie almost broke.
"What's going on?" Your voice was gentle as you spoke to him, a calm breeze amongst the storm that raged in his mind. Venom was speaking to him but he couldn't hear clearly anymore, nor could he see as his eyes blurred with tears. He had never cried in front of you before and it shattered you to see him in such a state. Vulnerable and in need.
"He's-in my-head" Eddie squeezed his eyes shut as if that would help to block out the symbiote, teeth grinding against each other in a struggle to speak "All the time".
You moved across the apartment faster than you could think as Eddie slid down the door, sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. It angered you that Eddie hadn't told you sooner, that Venom was breaking him in such a way.
"Shut up, shut up, shut up" Eddie had to take a gasp for air between each word, Venom speaking to him with words you couldn't hear. A heartbreaking scream erupted through the apartment making you flinch, the source of the sound being Eddies lips as he tugged at his hair aggressively. You reached out for his hands, pulling them into your own with much struggle.
"Eddie stop you're gonna hurt yourself!" You tackled the man in a hug, burying him in your embrace as he began to sob. The things he said, sad words, broken things brought tears to your own eyes.
"He's pulling me down into this dark place-I don't wanna be there" a heavy sob left his lips and his whole body shook "I don't want to drag you down with us".
You said nothing in response only squeezing him tighter as he cried. You didn't know what you were supposed to say. You couldn't take Venom out of Eddie's head and you didn't think he would want that even if you could. So you sat there on the floor of Eddies apartment, holding him close until he had no tears left to give.
A significant amount of time passed, until you could no longer feel your legs under the weight of Eddies body. He had gone still and quiet long ago, the only sound to be heard being the occasional sniffle or heavy breath. You knew it wouldn't be so quiet for Eddie. You'd just learnt that it never was.
"What's he saying?"
He shifted slightly and you combed a hand through his hair smoothing it out. "A lot of bullshit".
There was a silence short and weighted before Eddie spoke again, his voice lighter "He thinks you're nice".
A small, short chuckle left your body at the thought before you felt Eddie moving away from you. You tried to pull him back, not wanting to let him go just yet but he refused your touch, straightening and leaning back against the door, his eyes, puffy and red, locked to yours.
Bringing his hand into your lap you smiled "For what?"
"For pulling me out of the dark place".
AN: It's 1:56am don't judge my bad editing okay?
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made for a greater love (a 4.14 coda)
read on ao3
Eddie has never and will never believe that the universe is speaking to him in any way whatsoever. Strange things that happen aren’t ‘signs’, there’s no such thing as jinxes, and fate is nothing but a trumped-up, bogus concept designed to make people think they’re not responsible for their own choices when really they are. What Eddie does believe in are coincidences and working hard to get what you want.
And yet. The day he breaks up with Ana and immediately goes to find Buck, there’s a little part of him that can’t help but think the universe might just be telling him something after all.
“Hey!” Buck beams, opening the door wider. “Should you be up and about? Did you drive here? The doctor said that until—”
“I got an Uber.” Eddie rolls his eyes, but it’s so good to see Buck smiling, light and carefree, that he can’t bring himself to be irritated by his mother-henning. “I wanted to see you.”
“Well I’m glad you’re here, man. I wanna talk to you, too. So much has happened since—well, y’know,” he gestures to Eddie’s chest, his arm still sling-bound and bandage still there under the thin fabric of his shirt, “but I wanted to let you heal and shit before I start going on about myself again.”
“Don’t do that,” Eddie tells him sternly, because Buck disparaging himself is totally unacceptable in Eddie’s mind. “I want to hear about you.”
He wonders if he’s maybe being too obvious, if the fact that he loves Buck with every ounce of his being is on show. It feels so big to Eddie now that he’s let himself acknowledge it, big enough that surely the whole world can read it on his face. But Buck just softens a bit, leads him into the kitchen and pours two cups of coffee.
“Taylor and I are officially dating,” he announces, a swagger to his steps and wide grin firmly back in place.
Instantly, ice-cold disappointment floods Eddie’s insides. An ache starts behind his ribcage and reaches out with dull tendrils of pain until all of him hurts, and it has nothing to do with the bullet hole just a few inches to the right.
So yeah, just maybe the universe is giving him a sign, only in this case it’s a giant middle finger.
“That’s, uh, that’s great,” Eddie says, and he’s an expert at this, at painting on a mask and pretending that everything is fine. “I thought she’d firmly friend-zoned you?”
“So did I!” Buck exclaims. He’s clearly happy, sunshine radiating out of his every pore, and he deserves that more than anything so Eddie smiles, and aches, and listens. “We had a moment, I guess, while you were in the hospital. I was a mess, y’know, but she was really there for me and it’s just—I’m sick of being alone, Eddie. Sick of being single. And Taylor is so great, I think being friends first this time really helped.”
For a brief second, Eddie kind of wishes he was still comatose. It would be easier.
“Ana and I broke up. Like, an hour ago,” he blurts out.
It’s almost satisfying, the way Buck’s face morphs into surprise, concern and then guilt, the way he sags back against the island like he’s deflating.
“What? Dude, why didn’t you say? Shit, there’s me going on about my new relationship… What happened?”
He could just do it. Eddie could rip off the band-aid and just say to Buck, ‘I broke up with Ana because I realized I’m in love with you’. But it wouldn’t be fair. He’s missed his chance. He should have been braver before; before Ana or Taylor were even in the picture, when he knew what the warmth that blossomed in his chest around Buck meant, even if he was too cowardly to confront or name it. Now it’s too late.
So instead, he tells Buck, “It’s been coming for a while. Carla said something before I even got shot, about making sure it was what I really wanted and not just what I thought was good for Chris. And it got me thinking, and then when I was laying on the ground in a pool of my own blood—”
“Eddie,” Buck says, pained.
“When I was lying there… It was so clear. I knew that it wasn’t Ana that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.”
Eddie doesn’t shy away from Buck’s gaze and he spots the exact moment that something shifts. And the thing is, Buck’s not stupid. Eddie has actually thought sometimes that Buck would be the first one to say something, to catch him off guard, because he wears his stupid, giant heart on his sleeve and Eddie’s the one who’s emotionally stunted. Buck has always been fearless, while Eddie only pretends.
"Eddie,” Buck says again, quieter this time. He blows out a breath. Then, “I’m with Taylor.”
“I know,” Eddie nods, and the scant space between them feels like an ocean. Honestly, he adds, “If you’re happy, that’s all that matters to me.”
“But you’re not,” Buck says, his eyes wet. Eddie hates that, doesn’t want to make Buck cry again so soon after the last time. Nobody’s dying, he wants to point out. Buck has everything he wants, he doesn’t need to feel sad about that.
So Eddie shrugs, then winces when it pulls at his stitches. “I will be.”
With a slow exhalation, Buck sinks onto the stool beside him, forearms on his knees as his chin drops to his chest. Eddie waits, because he doesn’t know what else to do. They can still come back from this. They haven’t passed the point of no return yet, he hasn’t quite spilled his guts and ugly secrets all over Buck’s kitchen floor. There’s still a chance of plausible deniability.
“I waited, for a really long time,” Buck explains quietly to his feet. “Before Taylor, there was nobody else because I was waiting and hoping—but nothing kept happening and that was fine, I swear, I was still happy with how things were. And I accepted that things wouldn’t change, that you weren’t in the same place, so when Taylor came along I let myself fall for her and I have, Eddie. I really, really like her. I think we’re good for each other.”
Eddie has to sit down then, too. Sunlight streams in through the window, warming the back of his neck, and he tries to focus on that rather than the way his hands are trembling.
“I’m an idiot,” he huffs bitterly, “what else is new?”
Buck shakes his head. He finally looks up at Eddie. “I’m sorry.”
“Buck, don’t, honestly.” Eddie swallows hard around the sickly lump in his throat. “I think I’m still a little loopy on the pain meds, I probably won’t even remember this conversation in—”
“No,” Buck interrupts. “This isn’t something you can run away from. You don’t need to do that. I’m not going anywhere, Eddie, and neither are you. I was so goddamn scared when you got hurt. You’re not the only one who gained a bit of perspective. So we’re gonna be just fine.”
Buck holds out his fist with a tentative smile. Eddie laughs wetly and bumps it with his own, relief giving way to his tears. He swipes at his face, sniffs a few times, then knocks Buck’s shoulder with his good one.
“Our shrinks would be so fucking proud of us right now,” he comments mildly, and Buck snorts.
“I think Doctor Copeland’s gonna have her work cut out with me when I explain this one.”
They smile at each other and in that moment it’s easy to believe Buck’s reassurance. Eddie still feels like his world has been taken apart only to be put back together again a little different from before, but he can adjust. If it means he doesn’t lose Buck, he will adjust.
“Wanna order pizza and play video games until it’s time to go and get Chris?” Buck offers and his voice is light even though Eddie can hear the uncertainty underneath.
“Obviously,” Eddie retorts, sliding off the stool carefully, mindful of his injury. But before he can go anywhere Buck’s hand catches his good wrist and he gently brings him back in for a hug.
It’s a good kind of ache, standing there with his chin on Buck’s shoulder and his arm around his waist, like digging a thumb into a bruise to feel alive, and Buck is so soft with him, gripping him firmly but not crushing his bad side, a heavy, steady weight for Eddie to lean into.
“Don’t ever get shot again,” Buck murmurs into the skin behind his ear, and just for a minute, Eddie allows himself to hide in Buck’s embrace and breathe a few tremulous breaths and take comfort in him, in the feel of their bodies pressed close and the warmth of him.
Like all good things, eventually it ends. Buck’s slow to let go—when did their fingers tangle together?—but they finally end up on the couch and things feel almost normal between them. Eddie grumbles about his sling making holding the controller awkward and Buck threatens to march him back to the doctor if he even thinks about taking it off.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be nice and let you win,” Buck gloats.
“I’m sorry, let me win? Even one-handed I can whoop your ass,” Eddie snaps back, and he’s fine, he really is—they are both totally, absolutely going to be fine.
It’s not until hours later, after Eddie has put Christopher to bed and read three chapters of a story to him because Chris has been extra-clingy since Eddie got out of the hospital, that it occurs to Eddie just how monumental the conversation between himself and Buck really was. He’s actually kind of proud of himself. The Eddie of three years ago would have fled with his tail between his legs to go and lick his wounds in private, rather than openly grieve the missed opportunity with the very person he wants but can’t have. He’s grown, he decides. And one day, he’ll tell Christopher, because the last thing on earth he wants is his son growing up not knowing that it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes.
Feeling buoyed by this, Eddie keeps loading the dishwasher one-handed and doesn’t immediately hear the key turning in the front door, the quiet footsteps in the hall, but he definitely stops and notices when Buck appears in the doorframe, his eyes a little wild.
Buck’s across the kitchen in three strides. “Earlier, you said you were the idiot but you were wrong, I am,” Buck says, and he swoops forward to take Eddie’s face in his hands and press their mouths together. He kisses Eddie quickly, two, three times, then mutters against his lips, “I love you so much.”
It’s perfect, so perfect, and Eddie drops the plate he’s holding back in the sink so he can use his only available hand for something more worthwhile, like running down Buck’s spine just to feel him shiver.
“But, Taylor?” he gasps eventually, when they come up for air, although selfishly in that moment he doesn’t care how or why Buck has ended up in his house tonight with his tongue in Eddie’s mouth instead of Taylor’s.
“I spoke to her and we decided we really are better as friends. It’s you, Eddie,” Buck tells him so earnestly and with such certainty that Eddie’s knees go weak. “It’s only ever been you.”
And finally, finally, Eddie feels brave.
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