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spkmth · 3 years

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SOME BANAL KBNZ HEADCANONS.

HOW THEY MET, BECAME FRIENDS, AND FELL IN LOVE.

• they met as children, during a battle in the wild area ; piers saved raihan from some camp interlopers one evening, and raihan’s enthusiastic gratitude, while grating, meant that he immediately endeared himself to piers. they never had the chance to become rivals, as piers’ journey got cut short when he had to become marnie’s full-time caregiver ; but he never fell out of touch with raihan, and they texted one another at least once a week. when raihan left for the isle of armor, and then for university in kalos right after, their messages passed less and less frequently ... and when raihan returned nearly a year later, a fully-fledged dynamax master and certified dragonkeeper, piers could scarcely recognize him.

• the attraction was immediate, but it took a long while for love to grow. as a man both in the closet and in the spotlight, raihan couldn’t deny his physical and mental attraction to piers, but had to stuff his feelings to save face in front of his family and his adoring fans ( and initially out of fear that piers wouldn’t feel the same ). for his part, piers made his intent apparent, but not too apparent to jeopardize their long-time friendship ; he’d had hundreds of one-night stands, infamously never going back for encores, but by the time he’d cajoled raihan into bed with him, he realized that he was going to have to break his one-and-done rule. they hooked up pretty regularly after that, always in secret, always in spikemuth for raihan’s peace of mind.

• raihan admitted to having feelings first. piers initially thought it was a joke or a slip of the tongue ; he’d seen the way raihan looked at leon ( spoiler: it was the same way he looked at raihan ) and figured that their hook-ups were just for fun. but leon is untouchable, and piers is warm and comforting and sweet beneath the tight leather and spikes and neon colors —— raihan reassures him that he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, not for all the pokégram clout in the world, and that’s when piers realizes that holy shit this is real.

• yes, they are in love. no, it isn’t a ruse, a front, or some scheme to make leon jealous. no, they aren’t just fucking because they’re two hot guys and people on the internet like that.

RELATIONSHIP QUIRKS.

• yes, raihan gets on piers’ nerves sometimes, with his constant selfies and his exuberant, loud personality. piers gets on raihan’s, too ; his non-stop partying and continuous self-deprecation get under raihan’s skin. but they love each other anyway —— no love is perfect, and they acknowledge that they aren’t perfect people, and they don’t expect to break the mold in this regard.

• yes, raihan is attracted to leon. piers is attracted to leon too. they have a standing agreement that if it ever came up, leon is the only person they are allowed to have a threesome with, or sleep with one-on-one. but raihan likes leon on a personal level, too, whereas piers only sees him as happy-go-lucky champion time guy. indeed, piers resents leon to some degree, due to raihan’s fixation on him ; its fine if raihan wants his body, but only piers gets raihan’s heart. piers is also genuinely suspicious of leon : the guy’s too happy ... what has rose done to him? ( i hate when people make them a happy ot3 when piers has never been in the same room as the guy. do i think they have potential? of course. the internet exists solely for things like that. but GIVE ME CONFLICT DAMN IT. )

• they never lie to one another. the foundation of their relationship is honesty. raihan is expected to hold himself to a certain set of standards in his city and around his family, and even on his pokégram ; the only time he can let loose and be wild is on the pitch ... and with piers. and of course, for piers, punk is about shunning social norms and truly being oneself, and piers is the dictionary definition of a punk. he’s genuinely never lied to raihan, not as a child and not as a grown ass man ; in fact, sometimes his bluntness gets him into more trouble than a lie would. but as a couple, their honesty has always saved them and kept them together.

• raihan has yet to introduce piers to his parents, even as a friend. they’ve seen piers on tv and have made it clear that they dislike his lifestyle. it’s a good thing they don’t use pokégram, or else they’d see piers’ face plastered all over raihan’s feed. none of this bothers piers : he won’t be introducing raihan to his parents anytime soon, either, because wyndon prison has strict visitation rules and piers couldn’t care less. in fact, the only familial validation he needs is marnie’s, and she’s given it in spades. marnie adores raihan, and couldn’t imagine a better partner for her dumpster fire of a brother.

• piers loathes the idea of marriage. its a societal construct used to declare that a relationship is Supreme and those people are off the table, when basic human dignity and respect should be enough for that. unfortunately for him, raihan is a sucker for marriage, and has his mind set on it. someday, raihan.

• raihan doesn’t like piers’ drug use, and does his best to curb it, but won’t ask him to stop altogether. piers is happy living a short and explosive life, and raihan wouldn’t change that ; he simply keeps an eye out for him and is constantly brushing up on his cpr skills, just in case.

• raihan is incredibly educated, and some would argue that he is far smarter than piers ; as a man with full tertiary education, as well as a certification in the most dangerous pokémon type and mastery of the dynamax phenomenon, he could talk circles around piers if he wanted to. but raihan knows that having an education doesn’t make one smart ; piers is street savvy, much more so than raihan could hope to be, and he knows his way around a dollar better than any professor raihan ever learned from. and marnie is a perfectly well-educated and wonderfully socialized young lady, mostly due to her brother’s efforts ... so anyone who makes insinuations about piers’ intelligence around raihan will always end up with a fist in their face. for his part, though, piers enjoys listening to raihan prattle on about the function of a dragon’s scales, or something else he learned in school ; its something he’d wished he’d been able to do, something that he hopes he gets a shot at in his next life.

• despite being a bleeding heart who loves to spout shakespeare, raihan struggles with physical intimacy, sexually or otherwise. piers is a surprisingly discerning and compassionate lover, able to tell what his partner wants at a glance, and completely capable of fulfilling those needs without having to be asked ; its something that raihan envies. he’s great at displays of affection, and boy howdy can he explain it with words, but he doubts he’ll ever be as intuitively gifted as piers.

• piers has never written a song about raihan. when asked why, he’ll say that he simply can’t put the depth and scope of his feelings into words. he wants to, but every time he puts the pen to paper, it tries to spit everything out at once, leaving incomprehensible scribbles behind. he doesn’t have words for the ache in his chest, the shaking of his fingers, the simultaneous thrill and fear of being vulnerable with someone who truly cares about him ... so he writes songs about fucking the system instead.

WHO IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER AT...

• CARING FOR THE OTHER. they spend equal amounts of time caring for one another ; they’re both natural caregivers who love tending to others. raihan is much more ready to admit when he needs to be taken care of than piers is, as piers is used to doing everything on his own and struggles to ask for help ; but raihan is tuned into piers’ nonverbal cues well enough that he silently steps up right when piers silently gives in. piers, for his part, is happy to surrender to raihan as well ; raihan has proven time and time again that he would never intentionally hurt him ... at least, not without a safe word. ( the concept that piers is a uwu uke who needs to be taken care of bothers me because of his apparent willingness to relinquish control, something that canon piers has some pretty clear issues with doing. he strikes me as a man who needs to be needed, and who enjoys being a caretaker even if he’ll never admit it. the vulnerability of letting raihan take care of him, when piers has cared for others his whole life, is what attracts me to this pairing, not a hot goth boy getting railed in the ass. it isn’t that he NEEDS to be taken care of; its that he WANTS to be taken care of, by raihan. that’s good shit. and also piers isn’t a goth. )

• COOKING. raihan is the better cook, but piers makes a better cup of tea. raihan is the whip-shit at making curry ; its probably the one thing he’s beaten leon at. for his part, piers’ cups of tea are as legendary as his singing, and he has his friends’ and family’s preferences memorized.

• SINGING / MUSIC. piers, purely for his understanding of musical constructs and ability to read music. raihan can’t read music to save his soul, but he is great at learning by ear, and has a wonderful grasp of pitch and tone. piers has a wider range, but raihan has a purer voice ; years of chainsmoking has added a distinctive rasp to piers’ voice, but that’s one of the things that makes him famous. the first time the public got any inkling of their closeness was a spontaneous duet at a karaoke bar ( and surprisingly, they were sober ).

• FUCKING. piers, no contest. he’s talented and infamous for his exploits, and if he hasn’t tried it, he wants to. raihan certainly isn’t wet behind the ears, but sex isn’t his priority ; he likes connecting with people on an individual level, and then a physical level if they’re compatible. piers has the higher libido of the two, and this sometimes bothers raihan, partly because he wishes he had a greater sex drive and partly because he wishes piers would stop and smell the roselia with him instead of constantly trying to get him out of his clothes.

WHO DOES WHAT MORE?

• SMOKING / DRINKING. piers smokes way more than raihan, and raihan prefers hookah to cigarettes. they’re both drinkers, but skinny little piers can drink the dragon under the table. however, raihan is aces at concealing his level of drunkenness until he’s beyond the point of no return ; piers is shit at hiding it. drunk piers is baseline horny, sometimes happy, sometimes angry ; raihan is the happy / sleepy kind of drunk. raihan is picky and prefers mixed drinks, and piers will drink anything that isn’t cheap beer. raihan greatly prefers drinking at home, as he’d seen piers get roofied at a pub once and it traumatized him.

• STAYING UP LATE. piers is the king of the night-noctowls. raihan is lucky to make it to midnight.

• CHECKING THEIR PHONE. raihan. always raihan. piers’ poor rotom-phone has abandonment issues from how little it’s used.

• TOPPING / BOTTOMING. piers is 90% power bottom and 10% service top. he loves getting fucked and telling his lover how he wants it, but he’s also great at pleasing his partner no matter what they want from him, and loves taking care of his partner and making them scream. raihan is 70% service top, 15% power top, and 15% genuine sub. as nice as it is to flex his muscles and use his ungodly height to his advantage, sometimes its nice to just be taken care of. fortunately for raihan, piers is great at understanding nonverbal cues, and can easily tell what mindset raihan is in without having to ask.

#▌ 𝅘𝅥𝅮 ( 𝘙𝘌𝘉𝘌𝘓 𝘞𝘐𝘛𝘏 𝘈 𝘊𝘈𝘜𝘚𝘌. ) —— HEADCANONS.#▌ ♫ ( 𝘞𝘐𝘛𝘏𝘖𝘜𝘛 𝘈 𝘚𝘐𝘕𝘎𝘓𝘌 𝘚𝘛𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘈𝘛𝘛𝘈𝘊𝘏𝘌𝘋. ) —— KBNZ.#yes i did just spend three hours writing this.#i have a lot of feelings about kbnz man

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starry-eyed-svt · 4 years

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Psycho ~ Minghao, Jun and Wonwoo AU

Genre: Angst, thriller AU smidge of fluff

WARNINGS: mentions of blood, serial killer stuff.

Requested: Yes

Anonymous said: jun, wonwoo, or minghao scenario inspired from baekhyun's psycho pls 🥺

Words: 3,871

~Sorry for the wait, I hope you like it!~

Your chest felt heavy. The air around you was silent and smelled like gun smoke and blood.

Your eyes fixated on the body of him.

Voices started yelling, to you it sounded like it was underwater.

“DROP YOUR WEAPON! PUT YOUR HANDS UP!”

You blinked a few times with a blank expression and dropped the gun turning slowly towards the police with your arms in the air.

The day had started like any other day. On your way to work you ran into your oldest friend, Jun. He works at the small coffee shop you stop at every day on your way to work.

Up until 3rd grade you were the kid that was friends with everyone yet nobody. Everyone was nice to you, but you never quite fit into a friend group until Jun transferred in when he moved to your Seoul from his hometown. Nobody wanted to talk to the transfer student but you made an effort to be his friend. From that point on it was you and Jun against the world.

You got to work, a newspaper office. You sat at your desk, about to begin working on one of the columns you had been assigned. You popped your fingers then began typing your rough draft when your boss approached your desk.

“I need you to come to my office.” He said quietly.

You looked up and nodded getting up and following him to his office. You shut the door behind you and he motioned for you to sit down.

“Y/N, you have been here since you graduated. Out of all of the graduates we took on that year, you are the one who has improved the most.” He said.

“Thank you, sir. That means a lot to me.” You smiled.

“That being said, I trust you with this story.” He said and handed over a small file.

Unbeknownst to you this small file was going to grow large with evidence. It would become essentially your lifeline, your obsession.

You worked quickly on your other assignments before cracking open the file.

There has been a string of murders in your city and some surrounding areas and seems as if they are all connected.

You began doing research on the computer. Before you knew it, you were the last person in the building and it was nearing 10:30pm. You sighed and placed the information you got into the file. Tomorrow you decided you would begin talking to people and truly investigating it.

You checked to make sure the building was locked before shouldering your bag and walking out into the crisp evening air.

Thoughts swirled in your brain. You had always enjoyed the occult and studying murder cases, especially serial killers. Never in a million years did you think working on a story about an unfolding serial killer case was going to be your big break.

You were half way across the street when a car honked at you. You jumped and looked over to see a police cruiser. Your neighbor of several years, who had turned into a close friend, Minghao hung out the window in his uniform.

“You’re out late, let me give you a ride home.” He called.

“Are you off?” You asked. He nodded and motioned for you to get into the car.

It was warmer than outside and you were grateful.

“Did you just get off?” He asked as the light turned green and he took off heading toward the apartment building that you two live at.

“Yeah, I got caught up on some research for a new story that my boss gave me today.” You replied.

“What is it on?” He asked.

“You actually may be able to help me out on it, are you familiar with the recent string of murders?” You asked and looked over. His face was blank.

“Your boss put you on that story? It is horrifyingly gory.” He said

“So you are.” You replied.

“A bit, but I can’t say anything.” He said.

“No worries, I won’t ask then. Just investigate.” You said playing with your hands.

“You are a reporter, not a detective.” Minghao said, you rolled your eyes.

“You could say those two occupations are one in the same, one just gets to have more information easily accessible while the other has to do some more digging.” You replied.

The rest of the ride was silent. You were glad when Minghao finally pulled into the apartment building.

“Thanks for the ride.” You said and headed up.

Once you got into your apartment you ate a little and studied some of the notes you had taken today before going out onto your balcony for your nightly cigarette.

After you lit it inhaling the harsh chemicals, you jumped seeing someone on the balcony to your left, that apartment had been vacant for some time.

“Sorry to scare you.” A voice said. You placed a hand over your heart waiting for it to calm down.

“I moved in this afternoon, I am Wonwoo.” He continued.

“Y/N. Where did you move from?” You asked.

“Changwon.” He replied.

“Well it is nice to meet you, welcome to Seoul.” You smiled.

“Thank you.” He said with a hint of a smile before disappearing behind his sliding glass door.

“Who was that?” You jumped at the sound of Minghao’s voice on the other side of you, the balcony to your right.

“Our new neighbor.” You replied and took a drag of your cigarette.

“You will have to check out his background, make sure this new serial killer isn’t him.” Minghao said cooly accompanied with a wink. You rolled your eyes and crushed your cigarette.

“For all I know it could be you.” You said sarcastically, you went into your apartment before he could come back with another witty comment that more often than not just frustrated you.

You laid in bed staring at the ceiling mulling over the case. Minghao was right, they were down right gruesome. You had only seen a handful of crime scene photos but you knew once you saw more they would haunt your dreams. This was the exact reason you chose to be a reporter rather than a detective. But here you were with what could be one of the greatest crime stories of the decade.

“You can talk to us, we aren’t pressing charges on you.” One of the police officers said as you sat in a small interrogation room. “We just want to know what happened.” His partner said.

Your eyes fell from the officers to the table, you wanted to talk but you couldn’t.

The door burst open, “Y/N!” You looked up for a moment before looking down.

“I am going to take over.” The familiar voice said to the officers showing his badge. The officers nodded and left.

The figure sat down across from you.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asked.

You looked up into his gaze, “I killed him.”

It had been a couple weeks since you got the story to work on, it was taking up your life. You had posted a few small pieces on it while working on the big picture.

As you exited your work you were met by Jun.

“How long have you been here?” You asked walking toward the bus stop.

“A while. I haven’t seen you forever.” He said.

“I see you everyday.” You quipped.

“Yeah so you can get coffee, like one on one. We haven’t hung out in a long time.” He said.

You sighed.

“I know, I have been working on a big story for work and it has taken up most of my time.” You replied. Jun sighed.

“I miss the good old days.” Jun said.

“Yeah when you would flip and go missing for a few days? So fun.” You snapped rather harshly. You were sleep deprived and frustrated with this story, it was ridiculous they couldn’t find him.

“Wow, Y/N. I’m sorry I am such a burdensome friend. I’ll see you later.” Jun snapped and brushed past you walking down the street.

“Jun wait.” You said, but it was too late he was too far away.

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose.

“Quarreling with your boyfriend?” You jumped and looked to see your neighbor, Wonwoo.

“He is just my friend.” You say and then look down.

“Oh, my bad.” Wonwoo said, you remained silent.

“Have you eaten yet?” He asked you.

“No, I haven’t.” You replied.

“Would you like to go with me? My treat.” He said.

You contemplated. You had been so busy with work you had hardly gotten to know your new neighbor which was unlike you. You liked to know your neighbors and to be their friend.

“Sure, I would love to.” You said, giving him a small smile.

“How does curry sound?” He asked.

“Perfect.” You replied.

The two of you walked away from the bus stop to the nearest restaurant with curry.

You made small talk as you walked along. You learned he has a brother, he moved to Seoul for school, but is currently just working at a small grocery store before school begins in a handful of weeks.

After you ordered your food you thanked Wonwoo for treating you to dinner.

“Considering you just moved in I should have treated you to dinner.” You said.

“That is alright, you can treat me next time.” He smiled.

You had thought he looked so cold each time you had run into him but you were pleasantly surprised to find Wonwoo is actually a really kind person.

“So what do you do for work? It seems like whatever it is it takes a pretty heavy toll on your mind.” He said as he sipped on his drink.

“I am a journalist. Usually it doesn’t bother me too much, but I am working on a really heavy story right now so it is a bit draining. I would like to apologize for not being super friendly since you moved in, that isn’t like me.” You replied.

“I understand. What story is it, if I may ask?”

“I’ve named it the Seoul Night Stalker case. Real original, I know.” You said taking a bite of food. Wonwoo’s eyebrow arched.

“You are the head reporter on the case?” He asked, you nodded, “I can see why you seem so drained. That is a heavy case. I am actually going to school for criminology so this case has peaked my interest.” He said.

“It is crazy, that is for sure. I just want this sick individual found and put behind bars.” You said losing your appetite.

“Maybe you should take a break from it. It is obviously taking a toll on you.” Wonwoo said.

You furrowed your eyebrow.

“I can’t, this is my big break. I’ve been a mediocre journalist at the newspaper but this is my opportunity to become a better known one.” You said. Wonwoo sighed and continued eating his food.

You got yours to go and the two of you walked out. You were walking in silence towards a bus stop that would take you back to your apartment when Wonwoo’s phone rang. You couldn’t help but see that it was a blocked number.

“Sorry I have to take this.” The two of you stopped and he turned his back to you walking a few steps away.

You played with your hands hearing a little bit of the conversation. When Wonwoo was done on the phone he turned back to you.

“I am sorry, someone called in sick, I have to go pick up another shift. Thank you for eating dinner with me.” He said.

“Thank you for paying, have a nice shift.” You said and parted ways.

You sat on the bus thinking. Wonwoo was right, this was taking a toll on you but you didn’t want to show any weakness, you wanted to just plow through and write your story.

You thought back to your interaction with Jun and decided to call him. After ringing it went to voicemail.

“Hey, Jun. It’s Y/N. I just wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. That was very rude and there is no excuse. I actually kind of need a break from work. Do you want to travel to the countryside this weekend? You mean a lot to me, I know you had it hard. I shouldn’t use it against you, that was wrong of me. Anyways, sorry I am rambling. See you soon, Jun.” You left a message. You sighed and looked out the window.

Once you got to your apartment building you went straight to Minghao’s apartment and knocked on the door knowing he would have some alcohol. But to no avail he was not home. You had some at home, but you preferred drinking with others. Plus, Minghao knew what it was like to have a job that comes home with you.

So you went to your apartment and vegged out for the rest of the evening. You hadn’t been sleeping well so you tried taking a hot shower to relax before you laid down.

You were almost asleep when your phone began ringing. You picked it up to see Jun’s name flash across the screen.

“Hello?” You answered.

“Y/N, where are you?” He asked, there was a hint of fear in his voice.

“I am home, why? Are you okay?” You asked.

“I gotta talk to you, but I can’t talk to you there or over the phone. I saw something... Meet me at the 24/7 cafe down the street from where we live. Stay safe.” He said and the line cut out.

You were worried. You quickly threw on some clothes before running out and down the stairs.

You got there, he wasn’t there yet. You ordered your usuals and found a place to sit.

You kept checking your phone, the minutes turned to hours.

You tried calling but his phone kept going straight to voicemail.

It was almost 4:30 in the morning when you finally gave up and went home catching about 2 hours of sleep before getting up to go to work.

You were really worried, during your lunch you finally called the police station to report Jun missing.

“I am sorry miss, he is over 18 so until it has been 24 hours since you have heard from him we can’t do anything. Have you told his family?” The operator asked.

“He doesn’t have any.” You replied, “Thank you for your help.” You said and ended the call.

You weren’t hungry so you went right back to work.

After a while you were brought out of your thoughts when someone knocked on your desk.

You looked up to see Minghao in his uniform standing in front of you.

“I need you to come with me.” He said. You nodded and saved your work and followed Minghao outside.

The two of you got to his police cruiser.

“Can you tell me what this is about?” You asked. Minghao sighed and looked down.

“I’m going to need to take you into the station, you were the one that called in about Jun right?”

You had this sinking feeling in your stomach. You didn’t say anything.

Minghao opened the back door of his cruiser and helped you in.

The ride was silent as he drove to the police station.

You were taken to a small room. Another officer came in.

“Were you close with Junhui Wen?” The officer asked.

“Yes, he is my best friend.” You said.

“When was the last time you saw him?” The officer inquired.

“Yesterday around 6 when I was getting off of work.” You replied.

“Was that the last time you spoke?”

“No, he called me a little before midnight and asked me to meet him at the cafe espresso on 6th avenue. I went there but he never showed up.” You said.

“Was anything off?”

“He seemed a little scared, a little out of breath. Is Jun okay?” You asked.

The officer bit his lip.

“He was found in a park this morning, we didn’t get a positive ID until a couple hours ago.” He said.

You let out a loud sob as tears streamed down your cheeks. The police officer sat awkwardly.

“I am very sorry for your loss. I will let officer Xu come back in and take you home. Thank you for your cooperation. We will keep you updated on the investigation.” He said and left you alone. You cried until you couldn’t. Minghao walked in and put his jacket around you and helped you stand. You were numb.

Minghao took you home, he went inside to your apartment with you to comfort you.

You had taken a week off of work, but that didn’t stop you from investigating. Jun was murdered similarly to the women in the case you were studying.

“Y/N. You need to stop, this is tearing you apart.” Minghao said as he found you at the park where Jun was found.

“I think I am getting closer to figuring out who it is.” You argued.

“That isn’t your job, it is the police or NIS.” He yelled.

“Well obviously they aren’t doing their job because they haven’t found him! You know what I found out? Evidence is going missing, they aren’t investigating their own people.” You said.

“Where did you hear that?” He asked, his voice lowered.

“I can’t say, they wanted to stay anonymous.” You replied.

Minghao shook his head.

“You need to stop before you become a target.” He said.

“Is that a threat?” You asked.

Minghao looked at you, his gaze was icy.

“I’m going back to work. I will talk to you once you’ve calmed down.” Minghao said and left you alone.

When you got home there was a small paper slipped under your door.

You aren’t the only one who has been investigating. Do you want your inside scoop? Meet me at the park at midnight. See you soon.

xx “The Night Stalker”

You did as the note said. You went to the park. You waited.

“What the hell are you doing here?” A voice said.

You turned to see Minghao. You shook your head.

“Stop following me around. Just go.” You replied and turned around folding your arms.

“I’m not following you. I asked you to meet me here.” He said in a monotone voice.

You turned back toward him with wide eyes.

A smirk was playing on his lips.

“I hate that you were assigned to this case. I didn’t want to hurt you. But you know too much.” Minghao said.

“And Jun?” You asked.

“Killing men totally isn’t my style, but he caught me. He was obviously going to tell you so I need to shut him up.” He replied.

“You are sick!” You screamed.

“I know.” He said with a cold smile.

You stared at him in unbelief. You started to think of all the time you had spent together laughing and having fun. Looking back on it, he was off. But you had grown to love and trust him like a brother.

“Because I have some sort of semblance of what normal people call feelings toward you, I won’t hurt you as bad as the others. It will be quick I promise.” He said as he slowly began approaching you.

You pulled out the gun you were hiding in your waistband, pointing it at him.

“Trying to play vigilante, eh?” He smirked.

“I just want you dead so you can’t hurt people anymore.” You said through gritted teeth.

“Once you pull that trigger you will be just like me.” He smirked.

“I will never delight in the shedding of blood you sick freak.” You replied.

“Ouch, your words hurt.” He said sarcastically with his hand over his heart.

“Maybe you deserve to die as violent and slowly as those girls, like Jun did.” He smirked.

BANG

Minghao looked at you shocked before looking down to his chest to see the blood spurting out of his chest.

“Son of a bitch. You actually did it.” He muttered before falling over.

Your chest felt heavy. The air around you was silent and smelled like gun smoke and blood.

Your eyes fixated on the body of him.

Voices started yelling, to you it sounded like it was underwater.

“DROP YOUR WEAPON! PUT YOUR HANDS UP!”

You blinked a few times with a blank expression and dropped the gun turning slowly towards the police with your arms in the air.

They took you to the station. “You can talk to us, we aren’t pressing charges on you.” One of the police officers said as you sat in a small interrogation room. “We just want to know what happened.” His partner said.

Your eyes fell from the officers to the table, you wanted to talk but you couldn’t.

The door burst open, “Y/N!” You looked up for a moment before looking down.

“I am going to take over.” The familiar voice said to the officers showing his badge. The officers nodded and left.

The figure sat down across from you.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asked.

You looked up into his gaze, “I killed him.”

Wonwoo took your hand in his and softly grazed his thumb over your knuckles.

“We were almost there, I am sorry you had to do that.” He said. While investigating you figured out that Wonwoo was an NIS agent.

After you received the note you called the local police and hatched this plan. You knew if you didn’t go they wouldn’t catch the murderer, Minghao.

This was something that was going to stay with you for the rest of your life. You quit your job at the newspaper and packed up leaving town as soon as you could. You found a small town on the other side of the country. You worked at a local corner store.

It had been a pretty busy day at the store and you were exhausted, someone called in though so to get some extra hours you took the closing shift for them.

You were sweeping preparing to close the store when someone approached you.

“Excuse me.”

You looked up to see Wonwoo, you smiled softly.

“Can I help you?” You asked.

“Yes, I was actually wondering if you wanted to go out to eat after you get off of work?” He asked.

“I would love to.” You replied.

The only person you kept in contact with was Wonwoo after you had left. Whenever he got the chance he would come to visit you.

You never talked about the past with him, that was one thing you loved about him. He never brought it up and you knew he wouldn’t.

“It’s a date.” He winked and your heart skipped a beat as a stupid smile made it’s way to your face as he left.

Originally you thought you could never have happiness or any semblance of a normal life again. You were grateful for Wonwoo who decided to show you otherwise.

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sarahlwlee · 4 years

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31 Stories in 31 Days: Opportunities

What is this? As part of celebrating Asian American & Pacific Islander Heritage Month (May), I am writing a story a day about my experiences as a Chinese Malaysian immigrant in America. My friends and family have provided numerous one-word prompts to help me create these stories. Today’s word prompt was contributed by Stacey L. and the word is “Opportunities”. Thank you Stacey for your contribution and thank you everyone who stopped by to read my story today.

Social media has played a significant role in affording many opportunities for me to grow professionally and meet amazing people within my community, many of whom I am extremely grateful to call as my friends. The early days of social media was not as sophisticated as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or Twitter. It revolved around chatrooms such as IRC and Yahoo groups. Oh and who could forget Xanga, Blogger and Live Journal. These were the social media platforms of my teenage years. One of the Yahoo groups I had joined as a teenager was a public relations group in Malaysia. I sent an email to the group stating my intentions of finding a mentor or someone who was willing to help me understand the field of public relations through a job shadow opportunity.

One man responded to my email, his name was Tong. He owned a small public relations company called Integrated PR. I was so excited that someone had responded to my email and he said he would like to interview me. We made arrangements to meet at a local Mamak restaurant around 5:30pm near my home in Sri Petaling and he said to bring my CV. When I told my mom about this wonderful opportunity, she was skeptical about this meeting and questioned who this man was. At that point I did not know anything about this person other than a name, an email and that he was willing to consider my request for guidance on learning more about public relations. My mother did not feel comfortable letting me go by myself. The original plan was to walk to the Mamak restaurant and then come home after the meeting was done. Mom insisted that she would drop me off and wait in the car to take me home once I was done.

The day came I dressed in my best clean t-shirt and shorts. I printed a copy of my curricular vitae (CV) to take with me. In fact, I had never put together a CV before and I had to search online what a CV was. They don’t teach you these things in secondary school — the equivalent in America I believe its middle through high school. I walked up to the Mamak restaurant. It was open air with no entry doors and you could smell the delectable roti canai being made fresh before your eyes as well as Tandoori chicken barbecuing over red hot embers in a vertical clay oven. I searched the dinning area and found only one Chinese man in his 40’s with glasses partially balding, dressed in a professional suit eating his dinner. I assumed this must be Tong. He had removed his jacket, folded it in half to hang over the chair next to him. Both of his sleeves were rolled up and his tie loosened but tossed behind his back to prevent it from falling into his curry. I walked up to him and asked if his name was Tong. To my delight he said yes and apologized for eating while inviting me to take a seat. It seemed he had a long day and didn’t the opportunity to eat lunch.

I apologized for being a few minutes late and presented my CV as requested. He studied my CV as he moved his almost finished plate of curry with roti canai to the side, ensuring that my CV didn’t get dirty from his food. The first question he asked me was why I wanted to learn about public relations. I re-stated what I had expressed in my email that I only know so little about the profession and it was recommended by someone in a chatroom as a potential future job that could leverage my skills in writing while gaining some amazing life experiences. He looked at my CV again and said, “You have a very strong writing background, which is great for PR.” At this point, I had been writing and serving as a junior editor for a youth magazine called Phases, published by Scripture Union, an Evangelical Christian organization that helped people learn more about God. Tong further added that he has advised other young professionals if they want to get into public relations they need to major in journalism instead of public relations. It seems there wasn’t many good writers in the field of public relations in Malaysia and good writing skills were hard to come by. The next thing he said surprised me. He said, “Alright, Sarah. When I have a good opportunity for you to job shadow I will email you. Thank you for meeting me, you can leave now.” This whole meeting took 15 minutes or maybe even lesser. It was quick and I couldn’t believe what just happened, I was elated that I had a chance to learn something new. I walked back to where my mother’s car was parked and told her everything. She was relieved nothing bad happened to me and was supportive of me exploring these opportunities.

Tong was the first mentor I ever had in learning about the field of public relations, but more importantly what it was like to work as a professional. My first experience was at an event located in Sunway College where I helped his staff with registration and also reviewed a speech draft for the presenter. Once I read through the speech, I handed it to Tong to prepare the presenter on his talking points. I was so proud of myself because I contributed to this effort and my opinion was valued. Since I was such a good assistant he invited me to more public relations events focused on product launches and new restaurant ventures, where I did a lot of event grunt work but if I finished quickly I had the opportunity to review communications materials as well as speeches and provide feedback. What a foretaste of this field and it was so exciting as a young teenager to look into what my future prospects could be.

When I went to college, I picked journalism as my major because of Tong. He was right. My writing skills earned me better opportunities in the field of public relations when I first graduated with my bachelor’s degree. I was offered an internship with a company called 360 Degrees Pan Asia Concepts, a small-sized marketing agency focused on brand management and marketing communications. Through a mutual friend of my aunt’s I was connected to the owner of this company. This internship turned into a full-time opportunity within a few weeks because I was able to write well and deliver on many writing assignments quickly for their flagship publication called KIDZ magazine. However, I left this opportunity within four months because I was accepted into a master’s degree program in Kalamazoo, fully funded with a graduate assistantship. I had applied for a communications master’s degree program at Western Michigan University on a whim after I graduated and didn’t think I could get in.

It’s strange how opportunities can lead to other amazing and fascinating experiences. Something similar happened later in life where social media played a role. I was working at the Chamber of Commerce and I had established myself as a social media expert through my work organizing TweetUp Kalamazoo. One of my friend’s in the tweetup group mentioned that Pure Michigan is hosting a tweetup during National Tourism Week at the Radisson and I should go. I signed up and walked down the street to the Radisson in the lower level to find many business owners in the room, many of which I have never met before in person. My friend was there in the front and I sat in the back to listen. When Q&A came up during the tweetup, I asked them about why they had not done anything with Foursquare, a location-based gaming and review app, as part of their overall marketing strategy for the state of Michigan. They talked about how hyper local in nature it was and that there wasn’t anything they could do to launch something statewide. I disagreed with them and described multiple ideas on how they could have done it. They nodded and dismissed my ideas as they were trying to wrap up the tweetup.

Little did I know there was an older bald white man well dressed in a professional suit sitting on the opposite side of the room listening to every word I said. As I got up to leave, I waved at my friend and noticed this man walking towards me, waving his hand to get my attention. He introduced himself as Brad and that he was part of the Radisson. He was very curious about everything I said and asked if he could take me to lunch at Burdick’s to learn more about what I knew of social media. I said yes. I was very eager to help anyone who was interested in social media, I didn’t have a price tag on my services at the time because I just wanted more people to be involved in social media locally so that we could have a thriving social media community. Once we secured a date for lunch, I remember walking down to Burdick’s thinking what a great opportunity this is to work with one of the bigger businesses in town on something I loved. Lunch didn’t really happen because Brad introduced me to Brett the manager of Burdick’s at the time and sat me down to talk through some issues with their social media. Mostly about claiming their account on Foursquare as well as Facebook content development and how to schedule content.

Much later after this encounter, a marketing manager position opened at the Radisson for Greenleaf Hospitality Group. I was looking for my next step in my professional growth and applied for the position thinking it might be an amazing field to grow in. I remembered Brad worked there and emailed him to let him know I had applied. He thanked me for letting him know and the next thing I knew I was scheduled for several interviews. Within four months or so I was offered the position and I gladly accepted. The rest is history.

Reflecting back on some of these stories, many of the opportunities presented themselves because I took a chance and made sure I knew what I was talking about. Sometimes I took very risky chances and I didn’t think through the fears of what might happen to a young woman in a vulnerable and unpredictable situation. At the time, those fears never crossed my mind and perhaps that was very naive however if my thoughts were shrouded in those fears I don’t know if I would have pursued any of these opportunities or even allow myself to be open to any of it. Would my life be drastically different if I was more cautious? I don’t know.

What I do know is I will continue to live my life by taking a step forward every day until I reach my desired destination. The future is not written in stone, I believe that wholeheartedly. I am glad I have friends and families, and I am ever so grateful for the people who have helped lift me up. My hope is I can do the same for future young minds who were just like me finding a way forward by navigating the digital space for an opportunity of a lifetime.

#aapi #aapihm #aapiheritagemonth #shortstory #opportunities

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big-boldandbeautiful-blog · 6 years

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How to Survive a Breakup

Initially, i wanted this to be a written book like the ones Carrie Bradshaw wrote in Sex and the City or a video of me personally talking about it like one of those famous “Youtubers”. However i realised a book is too much of a cliche as I've often referred to my experiences as a book and one must know when to close it so the idea of writing a book at first was wow it has a double meaning but i kinda ditched the idea and a video is too emotional as i’m guaranteed to cry and nobody wants to see a pretty girl ugly cry. So i thought hey, a blog would be just fine, enough for me to write a small piece on how to survive a breakup. This may be a long piece of writing and i haven’t done a piece on how to survive a bad piece of blogging about my emotional experiences just yet. So i hope you make do.

I’ve been thinking about writing this piece for a while. It’s a relatable subject for quite possibly everyone on the planet. In our lifetime, at least once, we will experience a traumatic break up. Now a lot of people will associate it this with romantic breakups, but a breakup is a breakup. Whether its with family, friends or loss of something that meant a lot to you. A loss is a loss and its really hard to process and deal with. With regards to my experience, it is a romantic breakup but i think the feelings and personal experiences is something a lot of us can relate to.

It’s been 2 years since i experienced what i’d say was the worst breakup of my entire life. At 25, i can easily say I've loved and lost a few people along the way. But this was definitely the worst and most painful.

At 18, an young Asian girl in a small city, in high school and desperate to fit in, you can imagine me, a stroppy teenager in 6th form, bit of an over confident big know it all. Had my cries over the last one and looking to move on to the next, because for some reason if you didn’t have a boyfriend you weren’t normal. Now in my culture, dating and boyfriends is a big no no, but at 18 we were hardly the most modest of people. My friend circle was tight and we all came from the same backgrounds and going through the same things. A lot of my friends were getting into relationships, just so we wouldn’t feel left out. We kind of just pick somebody and hope for the best i guess. At 18 you’re not really going to have everything figured out nor do you have this big massive tick list of your ideal man. We kind of just wing it.

I was just coming out of a 2 year on and off relationship with someone when i met him. Him. Lets call Him “Strathmore” not because it means anything but because its the one name i can see in front of me while i’m writing this and i’m trying to keep him anonymous for various reasons. Strathmore and i knew each other here and there as we went to the same high school but i’d left and rejoined for 6th form by then he’d left. I knew mutual friends of his and its actually a funny story how we started talking.

I had a friend in 6th form, who was quite close to Strathmore. By close i mean, he had a massive crush on her but she “bro-zoned” him but they remained friends. One day, my friend came to me and asked for favour. Being the good friend i was i agreed. She asked if i could message Strathmore on Facebook for her as she’d lost her phone and needed to get in touch with him. So i did. And as they say, the rest is History. He asked if i remembered him and i said i did. We spent the next few hours chatting away and catching up about the last couple of years of our lives. I had such a good conversation with him. At the time i took it as a distraction from all that was going on but as the hours went by i just found myself in awe of his company.

I remember coming into School the next day as i couldn’t wait to tell my friends. To be honest, i wanted their views on him as they knew him better seeing as though i was in a different school for the last 4 years. My friends couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth as if to say i was talking about a completely different guy. Strathmore was your typical Asian lad at school. Class clown, didn’t really do his work, always causing trouble, always getting thrown out of class, wasn’t particularly polite with the ladies and always fighting with the other lads. Yet here i am telling them that he was talking to me for hours, so nicely and so sweet. They kept telling me i got the wrong guy as if to say i had the wrong suspect in a criminal case. But i kept telling them its the same guy. They obviously tried to talk me out of it so me being an 18 year old, your friends know best. So i avoided him at all cost and moved on.

A few days went by ignoring Strathmores messages and then he just stopped messaging. I was kind of gutted to be fair, i thought we had a connection. I mean who talks for 3 plus hours after a one line message saying “S***a needs your number asap shes lost her phone” to “Aw its been so amazing talking to you, its been a laugh catching up” to someone who’s supposedly not a “good lad”. Who makes these rules up for an 18 year old to follow blindly! Anyway, much to my surprise i get a request from him on only about the most popular thing back in 2010-2011, BBM. It was basically a watered down teen version of tinder with the two most introductory lines; “hey its a random add” and “whats your ASL” translation “whats your age, sex and location” a must have to guys otherwise how will they know if they want to pursue things. As as 18 year old on BBM you just about talk to anyone and everyone between the ages of 17-21 everywhere in the UK, anything above 22 was “too old” and that was a no go zone. So a request from him was pretty exciting but my friends have already told me he’s no good, i heard so much negativity about him so naturally the obvious thing to do was decline his request which i obviously didn’t do because i’m a rebel. Request accepted! Hey! My friends aren’t here, what they don’t know won’t hurt them! I just wanted to talk to him. Naturally his first message was “wow thanks for not ignoring me”. Gosh i felt so guilty, i was so apologetic and the rest really was history! We’d message for hours and hours, staying up so late at night. It was difficult for us to stay away from each other. I had to eventually tell my friends the truth about talking to him, most were shocked and disapproved, but my best friend stood by me. Months went on, we exchanged numbers and long nights of phone calls until it was time to meet.

The first date or first meet up is the most dreadful and most sickening thing for a girl. Do you know how hard it is for an 18 year old plus size Asian girl to dress up, wear makeup, sneak out of the house and to not smell of curry on a first date?! It’s a deal breaker i’m telling you! Naturally there’s only one way of getting out the house, if your best friend comes to your house and tells your mum we’re going to a charity event. Normally i would probably say, if your best friend comes to your house and tells your mum *insert lie* which is what happened 70% of the time but we were telling the Gods honest truth. We really did go to a charity event and it was local to where he lived which made it easy to meet up. I’m on the bus on the way there and i remember having butterflies, i remember feeling sick and nervous. My best friend was trying to keep me calm and tell me everything was gonna be okay but i didn’t believe her. We went to the charity event for an hour or so and the whole way through i couldn’t even swallow my spit. I couldn’t breathe. To say I've already had 2 boyfriends by this point, this should’ve been pretty normal to me but for some reason it was different with him. I remember he called me tell me he was outside and i wanted to throw my phone at the wall! My best friend had to literally drag me outside AND THERE HE WAS IN THE FLESH. This person i have been talking to for months. He was right there. So many things were going through my head but his one smile made it all disappear. He didn’t even say hi or hello, he just straight in went for a hug. That hug represented so much for me. It represented acceptance for me, happiness and joy, relief and just awe for each other. Right there and then, believe me when i say this guys, i knew he was the one.

25th June 2011 we became an official couple. You had to make it official otherwise what was the point of growing social media, everyone had to know. Except for my family of course. The whole world can know but not your family. I told my friends and again the disapproved but i knew i had my besties to support me. We had such an amazing relationship. He literally became my 3rd best friend! We really took our time to get to know each other. I mean by this time we’d already known each other a year, but we honestly got to know each others strength and weaknesses. What makes us tick and what makes us happy. All the struggles we faced. The one thing that connected us so much was we both felt like we were the black sheep of our families. Never fitted in and always in trouble at home. We took our sadness and our feelings to each other. He would help me and i would help him. Together we built the foundation of our relationship through our emotions and we learned to channel our emotions through our love and turn it into a positive as oppose to a negative. Yes you heard me. Love. I fell in love with him pretty much straight away. He took a bit of time because commitment for a man is tough choice but in the end he made the right one. We spent years together. I could sit here all day and write about all the special things he did for me, everything that he helped me through, the words he said to me to make me feel better, he loved me for me and wouldn’t have had me any other way. He made me feel like no one else did. We truly did love each other. Even though we were definitely opposites attract. For the words he couldn’t say i said, for the support i need he was there. We because half of each other which somewhat made us whole.

But as we grew and progressed naturally our relationship had to grow too. Normally relationships grow in stages. You meet, you become a couple, you tell your friends, you tell your family, you move in, then you get married. But for Asian girl in love at 22, marriage was the only thing on my mind. It was a chance for me to put things into prospective. To do right by my religion and culture, right by my family and right by us. It was the “normal” right thing to do. I loved him immensely and i knew i wanted to marry him. Commitment was huge for him and marriage was the next major step. So i slowly started to talk about marriage. At first he wasn’t saying yes but he wasn’t saying no either. So i gave him the space to think about it. He eventually proposed and of course i said Yes. No it wasn’t no fancy proposal. There wasn’t a fancy dinner, we didn’t get dressed up, there was no romantic scenery, it was just me and him and the most precious ring ever. I had my eyes on this gorgeous purple diamond ring and there he was on one knee with my purple diamond ring. His speech was so heartfelt. He said he was glad that i messaged him all those years ago, he was happy that he chose me to be his girl, he said he’s been the happiest he’s ever been and couldn’t imagine his life without me. And if i didn't agree to be his wife, he’d go back to Pakistan to get married! He really was a Chandler with his jokes! I remember just hugging him and crying because i knew our next step was going to be the hardest and most challenging.

We both decided to tell our parents. Our Asian parents. That we’ve met partners we would like to marry. I remember i took my mum out to town and took her to lunch. God bless my mum who said “What do you want, i know you haven’t bought me out just for lunch”. She knew me too well. I told her about Strathmore and that we wanted to get married. Her first reaction was anger, naturally. I’ve been dating this guy for 4 years and never told her but then she calmed down and said i was too young and maybe i should wait. I told her i understood her concern but its something that i really wanted. She agreed and said we’d have to speak to the family and see what the next appropriate step is. I was happy knowing that my mum would support me. It made me feel at ease thinking going forward might just be okay. But i was wrong. Strathmores meeting with his mum didn’t really go the same way. His mum completely rejected the idea of him marrying somebody from outside the family as she had hopes he’d marry her niece. For months we were trying to get his mum to agree for some reason we just couldn’t get over this obstacle.

Lo behold. The worst thing that i thought could have happened. My brother found out. Now when your Asian and your brother finds out you’ve got a boyfriend, doesn’t tend to go down well but i was lucky. He was angry and upset but wanted to speak to me directly. His issues wasn’t with the fact i had a boyfriend it was about who my boyfriend was. At that moment i felt like i was 18 again, with everyone telling me all the bad things he’s done, what kind of person he is and all the negativity surrounding him was coming back to haunt me. A random person who knew Strathmore and knew we were together also happen to know my brother. He’d told my brother a series of things with regards to Strathmore and family. Now 60% of what was said was not true so i became defensive but i had no answer for the 40% that was true. He didn’t complete his GCSEs, he didn’t take up further education. He hasn’t thought about his career. He doesn’t have a stable job. If his family don’t accept me, where will we live? Can he provide a roof over my head? Can he provide food on the table? Will he be able to take of my needs? My brothers words were “I didn’t raise you so well just to make ends meet. I raised you well so you would be well taken care off. So that you don’t have to go through what we went through” I know your thinking well normally relationships work 50/50 and i shouldn’t have to depend on him and i agree with that. But if i had to put myself in the shoes of a man who literally raised me and bought me up, i would probably ask the same questions he did. I remember just crying because i had come to a realisation that i hadn’t really thought this whole marriage thing out. Marriage is a commitment between two people that goes beyond love. Love plays a major part but so does responsibilities, bills, works, maintenance and so many other things. Things i didn’t even contemplate. My brother hugged me and said he only wants the best for me and if this is something i want then he’s happy to agree only if Strathmore can show him that he can give me a good life.

Strathmore was very hurt by this. As someone has just tarnished his reputation based on what he used to be like in school as a teenager. We’re 22 and very different people from what we were. I spoke to him about what my brother said and assured me he’d do what it takes to take care of me. He began looking for work that would have more of a stable income, he started saving money and was still convincing his family to accept me. But his family were not going to accept me. He’d decided that he was going to do this with or without his family but i couldn’t accept that. There was no way i was going to be a reason for him to disown his family. We both made a pact that we would do this with our families blessings no matter how long or hard the wait. I believed in him and everything he could achieve. I saw his potential. I knew his heart was big and he could do anything he set his mind to. I reminded him constantly of his potential and he could soar to heights he never dreamed of. I saw that all for him and i wanted it for him so desperately. I wanted him to know the depth of his true potential because i saw it all along.

We struggled. We struggled a lot. A year went by. In that year we’d gone through the worst of our times. We were struggling to balance pleasing his family, pleasing my family, having a stable job, saving money, looking for a house all whilst trying to maintain our relationship but it just wasn’t working. The strain of that responsibility and the weight of that pressure slowly ate away at us. There was no more late night phone calls, there was no more texting for hours, there was no more date nights. It turned into 5-10 minute calls until we fell asleep because he was so tired from work. A few texts here and there throughout the day because he was so busy at work. Seeing him maybe once or twice a fortnight. We became frustrated. We started to take it out on one another. I was angry he wasn’t making time for me, he was angry that i was being ungrateful. I loved him and i all i wanted to do was be with him and have a good life. Isn’t that what any woman wants? He made me feel like i was asking for too much. We’d constantly fight and argue because he kept losing jobs and going back to his old work place that didn’t treat him well or pay him any good. It just felt like we were going back and forth. Until i decided i had had enough. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Our relationship was not how it was. The foundation we built was broken. He didn’t understand my emotions or feelings and he felt like i didn’t understand his. I had broken up with him. I told him it would make his life easier and he wouldn’t have to bother with all of this. At first he agreed and we didn’t speak to each other for days. Until he called telling me how much he missed me and he couldn’t be without me. He reassured me so much that he will do what it takes and we can make this work. I believed him. I put my whole heart and soul into his words and promises. But so began a vicious cycle for us. We made up, tried to work things out, we became frustrated, we’d argue and break up. Lord knows how many times we did this in the space of 6 months until he had enough.

When i had enough and i broke up with him i was okay because it was my decision and my choice but when he broke up with me, i didn’t have a choice because it was not my decision. 18th July 2016 a couple of weeks after best friend number 1 got married. He broke up with me. It didn’t feel like those random break ups in the vicious cycle we were in. It was a true and wholehearted break up. We both knew it was the end. There was a lot of awkward silences, a lot of tears, hugs, guilt, regret, sadness, pain and all the things you’d expect to feel when losing someone. Losing a battle. He didn’t say much and neither did i. I still had a lot of fight in me, but i could see in his eyes that he just couldn’t do it. I felt guilty because i felt as if i pushed him too hard and i didn’t want to push him any further. We hugged each other and cried. Cried for hours. People walked by and saw us. We didn’t care. We were ending our relationship of 5 years and neither of us could control our emotions. I looked at him one last time and walked away. I sat in a taxi and was on my way home. I couldn’t even process what was even happening. He broke up with me. We’re no longer together. I’m wearing a ring. What is happening. I knew i couldn’t go home with that state that i was in so i went to my best friend. I cried and i cried and i cried. She wouldn’t believe me because to her i was just the boy who cried wolf. She kept saying you will get back with him this is just your routine. She didn’t believe a word i was saying when i said this really is the end.

It really was the end. I was heartbroken. I was completely and utterly broken. There are no words that could describe what heartbreak feels like but to me being heartbroken was like every time my heart beat, a knife was being struck into my chest. It was as if my chest was weighed down by the heaviest weights, i couldn’t move, i was paralysed and every time my heart beated, a knife was struck through my chest. My heart was so weak with the pain, the physical pain of my heart hurting was running through my chest making it almost unbearable to breathe. I had rivers of tears streaming down my face, my eyes swollen and puffy because the tears wouldn’t stop. So many thoughts going through my head, so many feelings. Anger, pain, guilt, regret, sadness, relief even. So many things going through my mind i couldn’t even grasp my attention. We didn’t speak for months at a time. When we did. It was either i’m missing him or he was missing me. It was difficult for the both of us. We told out families we no longer wanted to pursue marriage and that was the end there for that.

August 2016, best friend number 1 and 2 decided to get married as in to have their big lavish weddings. Of course i was happy for them but deep down inside i was breaking. Seeing their weddings and experiencing their happiness with them, i was feeling envious as i wanted this so bad too. Seeing them as brides and watching them walk down the aisle. Seeing their families happy and dancing. It cut me up so bad. I cried and i cried a lot. I cried because a lot was changing and i couldn’t keep up. My friends are becoming wives, their responsibilities were changing and so was our friendships. It wasn’t going to change but a lot will be different. I felt as if i was just losing everybody and my mind and body couldn’t cope, it couldn’t keep up with it. I could tell i was losing myself.

I spent days and nights silently crying into my pillow. I spent many nights screaming silently because i couldn’t bare the pain. I spent days and nights and weeks searching for an answer as to why this happened to me. Why me? Why Us? I cried a few tears in public. Friends and family embraced me and told me everything is going to be okay. This was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. I put a brave and strong face on. I pretended i was okay, acted as if i’m this new woman. But the act only lasted so much. I stopped going on, i stopped socialising. I stopped working, i stopped doing things i love. I secluded myself to the four walls of my room. I stayed in bed all day and all night. I wouldn’t eat i wouldn’t drink. I was unlike myself. I didn’t even recognise myself or who i was. I was in a dark place and i just felt every bit of me fading away into this darkness. I didn’t want to be alive. I wanted to die. The pain was unbearable. I didn’t want to do this anymore. I was thinking about what ways i could kill myself. I have no purpose to live. I knew i was thrusting myself into depression and i tried to seek professional help but i was numb to every word they said. Hell, i wanted depression to consume me, chew me up and spit me back out. I was lost in a dark hole and i couldn’t get out. I don’t think i wanted to.

2nd September 2016. A date i’ll never forget. A beautiful little girl, my niece was born. It was the first time in a while i felt genuine happiness over my pain. I felt joy and i felt excitement. I remember seeing her for the first time and i cried. I cried and i cried and i cried. I was crying because it was the first experience i was going through and Strathmore wasn’t their. I was crying because no one knew my pain but her face calmed the pain. I was crying because i lost someone but i gained someone too. That feeling is in explainable. She was a little ray of sunlight in my dark and dreary world. She was my first steps into getting out of the darkness. I felt love towards her. I felt light. I felt goodness. All of sudden i didn’t want to be in the darkness. I didn’t want to lose myself. I wanted to be around her.

16th November 2016. The worst birthday of my life. I was turning 24. I didn’t even want to think about spending my birthday without him. I just wanted to be alone. Knowing that 12am essay text wasn’t going to come through, knowing i wasn’t going to speak to him, knowing i wasn’t spending the day with him broke me down hard. Who knew last year was going to be our last birthday together. I would have spent every minute and every second just being grateful to be with him but time has a funny way of showing you the value of time. But thank God i have friends and family that were rooting for me more than i was rooting for myself. Even though i pushed them away they came through. Spent the day and night with me. We went out and had a good time. So i tell them. I was grateful they were there and what they did for me. But i was sandwiched between two couples and the whole day i was thinking about what i would’ve have been doing otherwise if i was still with him. I came home with my cousin who was staying with me and that’s when he called. He called just to say Happy Birthday and hung up. I knew it was because he was going to cry cos i tell he was choking up. I cried and i cried and i cried. Hearing his voice was soothing yet painful for me. All day i was thinking about him and whether he was thinking about me. I didn’t cry. I put on my brave face and went about my day. All it took was his name on my phone to break me down again. His voice to break my heart all over again. I knew that i wasn’t going to heal easy and i knew that it didn’t matter how many times i put my brave face on, my heart was breaking.

I was still stuck in my dark place. I had people around me who loved me and i loved them but it wasn’t enough to break me out of the darkness that consumed me. I made myself ill so many times. Their were times i literally had to roll out of bed to fall on the floor to feel physical pain for me to get up and start my day. Otherwise i was numb and oblivious. Months were going by. I had friends who were truly there for me and understood my pain even though they didn’t really understand, i had friends that made excuses and i had friends that abandoned me. I was already numb. Too numb to feel the pain of their losses. I just feel sorry i couldn’t give back to the friends that were there for me. There were a few conversations between me and Strathmore. It was very difficult for us because we couldn’t cope with talking to each other. It was too hard. And so we indulged into another vicious cycle. Trying to stay away from each other but we couldn’t. We were hanging onto a tiny piece of a broken thread of hope that someday we may salvage whatever we have left to see if we can try again. He called one day, 16th August 2017. We had a 2 hour conversation. We talked about our feelings and how we have dealt with our emotions in the past year. We talked about our future. A future that we hold onto together. That we start afresh and we start from the bottom and work out way up. Holding on to that hope may have been beneficial after all. But i was wrong. The next day he had disappeared. He changed his number, deleted his Facebook, his Instagram, his snap chat and any form of social media where i could have contacted him including his friends and his family. He cut all ties with me. He left.

I was heartbroken. Again. I had my heart broken twice by the same man. I couldn’t tell anybody about our conversation as no one would have approved. They began to hate him and despise him for all the pain he’s caused me. For constantly calling me, as if it was torture even though i stayed away. I was heartbroken again. I found myself spending days and nights crying into my pillow. I spent days and nights screaming silently because i couldn’t bare the pain. To describe this heart break was as if to say the heaviest of weights weighed me down, while a bed of knives forcefully pierced every inch of my body. My heart was ripping into a million pieces. It was burning through my pain. I was heartbroken. Again.

I tried everything to get back on track. Whatever made me a little happy i did it. But nothing i did soothed the pain i was in. It was never ending.

Its almost a year later and i bet a lot of you are wondering well where has this all come from? Why talk about it now? Throughout this year i have had zero contact with him, didn’t know where he was, what he was doing or what hes been up to. This past year has been the most difficult because there was no random texts or there was no random calls. I had so many unanswered questions. I had so many thoughts and so much on my mind and chest. I burdened myself because he left. He cut all ties so quick i couldn’t even get a word in. And he haunted me and it stayed with me. It weighed me down and affected in more ways than i can imagine. But i realised i couldn’t fully move on. Why? Because he left an open book. I couldn’t close the book until i had read or written the rest of the pages. He might of left the book to get dusty on his bookshelf. But my book was left open and i kept on reading and writing until i came to pit stop because i need to close the book with him. I needed closure. It was time for one more conversation. Somehow, through his 2 siblings and 3 friends, a snap chat and Instagram page, i managed to get my message across that i wanted to speak to him and so he called. 9th July 2018. And boy what a conversation it was. His Hi threw me back, i didn’t even know how to respond. I knew what i needed out of this conversation and i need to compose myself. We made small talk. But the big question he asked was “how come you wanted to speak to me?” There was plenty of things going through my mind about why i really wanted to speak to him but ultimately i need to know why he built my hopes up and cut me off cold. Much to my surprise he was very straight forward. He said that he needed to cut off otherwise he was never going to move on. He said his intentions were true but he knew he couldn’t do it. He said believe me, everything happens for a reason. He said if he didn’t leave he wouldn’t be in the position he’s in now. I’d love to say we talked for hours but it was a short and sweet conversation. He left because it was right for him. He left and it did wonders for his life. He met someone else, got married and even has a baby on the way. Moved away from home and settled in his life. I should be angry right? He got married to someone else? That was quick. To be honest, i wasn’t angry. I was happy. He fulfilled his full potential just like i knew he would. He is reaching heights i knew he could. He talks about his life and his coming family with such pride. And funnily i couldn’t be more prouder. He told me all about how hard it was to move on but it’s really important to just live your life and life has a funny way of setting itself in place. He said stop trying to force your life to work out, you just go along with it and it will take you places. I cried. Not because i was sad but because i was happy. The man that he is now was the man i knew was there all along. 2 years ago this man would laugh when i cry and say what can i say to make it better, i was giving him life advice about unlocking his full potential and he’s turned around and giving me the same advice. Hes this responsible man with a life wife and baby on the way. What a good man he became. He just wasn’t meant for me. Right there and then i got my closure. All my unanswered questions, answered. All my worries, gone. All my sadness and pain, withered away. I closed my book and i sighed in relief. A weight has been lifted of my shoulders and chest. I can finally close the book and put it to rest.

After closing my book, i literally sat back and reflected on the last 7 years of my life. What a journey i have been on. Through the happiest times of my life to the most painful time of my life. I really have been on a roller coaster of wild emotions in the past years. Everyone always says “i don’t know how you do it, it must be hard”. Truth is i don’t even know how i did it either. No one walks into a situation knowing the end outcome. You hope and pray for the best and positive outcome but you never what life throws your way. So, how did i survive this breakup? Honest answer is. I didn’t. You don’t survive through breakups, you die. I know you’re probably thinking well that’s a bit harsh but its the truth.

When you lose something or someone that’s practically embedded into you, you die. If your body was to lose its heart, you will no longer be able to live. If your brain stops working, you die. If you all your vital organs fail, you die. If you lose the blood in your body, you die. And that’s what happened to me. I lost someone who was as vital to me as my heart and my brain and all my bodily organs and blood. I invested my heart, my soul, my mind and body into him. He became me and i became him. When i lost him, i lost everything i invested into him. Through these last 2 years i have been slowly dying. When i closed my book i finally died. All the happiness and pain was gone the moment i closed this book. The truth is, in my situation, i felt like i need to die. There’s a reason they call it a break up. Because it literally breaks you down into nothing. You are literally breaking the bond you made and losing everything and eventually plunging into the face of death. But you know what. THAT’S OKAY! I needed to die in order to be reborn again. I needed to hit rock bottom because the only way is up! I am tired of being in the dark. I am tired of having no life. I am tired of wasting my life. My heart break was a lesson, my heart break was a learning curve and my heart break is a guiding point. Because of what happened i have a new outlook to life. I’ve closed one book and ready to start a new one. I’m ready for a new journey. I don’t know what i’m going to do. I have no job, no career and no real plan for the future. But that’s okay. This new journey is a road to recovery. Its a chance to do things, new things. A different experience is ready for me and has my name on it. I’m going to take this one baby step at a time. Learn how to walk again, learn how to run again, learn how to love again and learn how to live again.

A breakup isn’t about survival, its about rebirth. Its about starting a new life with a new you. Your breakup shapes and moulds you into a new person. A new person, with a new outlook to life, new experiences, new people, new environments, a whole new world. Its like an alternate universe to be discovered. You get to live all over again as a new and improved person. Life will always throw things your way but trust me, you handle them a lot better as a new person. Your weakness becomes your strength. With that strength, as a new a person, you have the power to go through your journey.

By no means this is THE concept or way of thinking. Its just my outlook on my personal experience and i wanted to share it with anyone else who may have gone through the same or similar thing. Its not easy and our paths may differ. But what i can say for sure is a new you awaits. A new journey is waiting, a new book is ready to be written. The question is, when are you ready to close the old book and die to live again?

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purplesurveys · 6 years

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176

Pick a word that starts with the third letter of your first name: Bicycle. The past 72 hours have you been under the influence? Yep. I was at my girlfriend’s place for Halloween last Saturday and their parents gave us two bottles of wine for ourselves. Gab has ridiculously high alcohol tolerance, and I’m the complete opposite. Three glasses in and I was doing yoga in their living room :( Had to stay the night there. What were you doing at ten last night? I believe I was on the verge of falling asleep. What was the last thing you drank? Water. Who was the last person you hugged? My girlfriend, who came over last night.

Did you have a dream last night? Yes. I vaguely remember having to be the designated driver for seven people in my small hatchback, then I tossed them all out into the road since my car can’t contain that many people? I don’t know, hahaha I know there’s more to the dream but I’ve forgotten 99% of it by now. How many piercings do you have? Two. That’s one in each of my ears but ever since one got infected nine years ago, I stopped wearing earrings completely. If you could have something right now, what would it be? Korean barbecue. Have you ever had a panic attack? Quite often. Have your parents ever smoked pot? No, I know they are heavily against it. Last time you cried really really hard? Sunday, as always. I reserve that day for all of my crying. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Do you think your last ex deserves to die? No. Will your next kiss be a mistake? Not at all. Who texted you last? It was Gab. She’s really the only one who texts me nowadays, if not my mom... Who was the last person you talked to in person? My mom. I asked her to reserve the one cup of instant ramyeon we had around the house for me, since it always disappears when I’m craving it!!! Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? That’s a walk in the park, unless the partner turns out to be an asshole which is a different story. But otherwise, three months is essentially a small dot in the scheme of things. Have you lost friends in the past 3 years? Oh yeah. Sofie and Athenna I’ve cut contact with. Is tomorrow going to be a good day? If they announce that tomorrow is a no class day then yes, it will be a good day. Otherwise it would suck balls and I’m already calling it. Do you listen to music every day? Yes. Even on the days that I forget I have a Spotify, I can’t avoid the music on the radio. Are you listening to it right now? No, I had just closed it actually. My concentration becomes so bad if I decide to listen to music while already doing something else in the first place. When I realized I wasn’t moving on from one question because of the attention I was completely giving to what was currently playing, I just stopped my music altogether. Are you talking to anyone while doing this? No, I don’t think I can do that either; but generally, I avoid taking surveys when there are people around. Do you own more than one cell phone? I don’t. Whose phone number did you get last? Carmel. I got it by accident, since she meant to text someone else from the org but texted me instead, so I technically got her number. Have you ever been asked out? No. I know Mike liked me from a distance but never acted upon it, and Gab was always too chicken to do it herself. Your current relationship status? In a relationship. If you could go back in time and change something, would you? Just the little things like “I wish I hadn’t spent on this one dinner because then I could’ve been 250 pesos richer right now” LOL but never about the huge stuff. I believe there’s a reason those happened and I don’t want to interrupt. Ever had a near death experience? Yeah. Remember when I was going 60 kph and the asshole in front of me decides to go full stop for nothing? Fun stuff. What is something you do a lot? Procrastinate. If you could have one super power, what would it be? Time travel. I think I would never get tired of it. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Coffee makes me sleepy these days so I go for their pastries. My favorite one is their chocolate doughnut or their croissant. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? Yep. When I had too much wine last Saturday I had control of my girlfriend’s family’s remote control and we watched Spongebob. What are you eating or drinking at the moment? I’m not consuming anything. Do you speak any other language? Yes. Filipino is actually my first language. I learned English through books and my good friends Nickelodeon and Disney. What is your favorite smell? Curry.

When was the last time you gave/received a hug? Last night. Ever been kissed in the rain? No, I’d be bothered having my clothes all wet. What should you be doing? I have a paper due tomorrow but of course I’ll leave that to the last minute because I never learn. Who was the last person that made you upset/angry? Gab. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want? My girlfriend’s, but with her family’s consent. Do you act differently around the person you like? I’m definitely more bubbly and protective, but it’s a huge change from before when I would turn into a completely different person. My voice would be higher, I’d move gingerly, I would be very shy around her. Nowadays I still act different, but it’s tremendously toned down when compared to before now that I’m much more comfortable around her. What is your natural hair color? Black. How many keys are on your key chain? Two. Front door and car. If you were given a canvas and watercolors, what would you paint? I wouldn’t. I’d give everything to my sister cause I know she’d have a ball with her new art stuff. Whose mind, besides your own, would you like to control? Yikes, no thanks. Sounds creepy. What is the first thing you do when you get out of bed? I’d head to the bathroom and take a shower since all my first classes for the week start at 8:30. What are you thankful you are not doing right now? Being in school. What is your favorite kind of candy? I don’t know much about candy, but I do love Maltesers. I could eat a whole tub of those if they weren’t so expensive. What is your favorite thing about the beach? It looks like a painting. Every time.

If you were invisible, where would you go? Errrrr if I really had to make a choice I guess the rich people’s houses in my subdivision just to see what level of wealth they’re hiding in there? What is one object in your home that you are embarrassed to own? I don’t think I own anything I’m embarrassed by. Who is one person you wish you would have never met? Athenna. What is your favorite fruit? I can’t stand fruits. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Chocolate chip cookies that are soft. What do you need to get right now at the drug store? Our inventory’s good, thanks. What was the happiest age of your life? 16. What color looks best on you? Black. What is your favorite thing about being sick? I never ever ever get sick so I actually get a little excited when it happens to me...cause it’s like whoa!!! Right!!! This can actually happen!!! so I guess...that’s my favorite part? As sick as it sounds? (No pun intended.) What commercial do you find most annoying? I’m hugely unfamiliar with ads nowadays since I can’t remember the last time I’ve come face to face with a TV other than last Saturday. What was your favorite meal growing up? My grandma’s kare-kare was, is, and will always be the best thing to grace god’s green earth. What body part aches you the most right now? None, I’m doing pretty okay at the moment. What is the longest you have ever gone without a shower? Two to three days. What was your 1st alcoholic beverage? I think it was some kind of margarita. Are you getting along with your parents? Meh, it’s civil. I’ve never bonded with them and choose not to. Whats on your feet right now? Nothing. What do you think of your last ex? Are you a good speller? Yes. I think I even annoyed my English teacher in seventh grade since I always perfected her spelling tests. Idk, I guess I was always a word geek, if that’s even a thing. Is your hair curly or straight? Frizzy straight. Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you? She’s my girlfriend, and related very very distantly in the same family tree. Where is your phone? On my left. Last time you felt bad about something? Last night. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I think so? I don’t know. It’s always possible. Do you mind sleeping on the floor? No. I did that a lot as a kid. Honestly, do you hate the last girl you were talking to in person? I dislike my mom when we are civil, hate her when she turns into the devil. Spell your name without an E? Robyn.

#survey #surveys

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swapnagangadharan · 7 years

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I woke up in the morning from a blissful sleep after what seemed like ages.

I could see the staff at Innisfree were up and about and started their chores for the day.

This is the most beautiful thing about homestays, you see people doing their work, you see the action behind the scenes. Lovely smells emanating from the kitchen, the staff going about cleaning the place, the whole of it.

Deepta and Arjun stayed back at the homestay on Julia & Lat’s insistence, it was too late (by Hawalbagh’s standards) to drive back home. Their home as I mentioned was way out there. They were already up and about and hanging outside the house.

As usual, the moment I sat, Lat made sure I got a steaming cup of Chai, I was getting totally pampered here 🙂

Julia walked in with her million watt smile handing me another cup of Chai with cookies! I was thinking whatever little weight I lost during the trek, I will be adding on more after this!

I also got a chance to meet Harsh, Julia & lat’s son. Intelligent super active boy and well mannered. You could see his parent’s upbringing. He had this mischievous curiosity in him.

The need to learn more, know more and he was a proper Pahadi boy. Physically strong at that young age and so into what his parents were doing. He lent a helping hand in his own way, He knew what was happening and his parents instilled in him what hard work means.

He would be constantly interacting with the staff there, asking, talking and I saw Arjun was a role model for him and rightly so.

Arjun gave him some mathematical problem to solve and he was racking his brains the whole day. I was thinking what a difference from today’s city kids.

Granted, he was in an ivy league school but grounded to reality. He was seeing his parents toiling every day to make this home stay happen. Ditto with their daughter who created beautiful artwork on natural stones inside the homestay. Each one hand painted and unique.

Lat started talking about their family ancestral house away from where they currently stayed. It was a huge ancestral place that they lived in before and now they decided to sell it off.

As he said, no point in gloating over the past, one had to move on with the present. This home stay too was on a lease from the government and they got just a year lease on it. So every year they would renew it based on the government’s dictum.

I saw they invested quite a bit on it even though they said it was not really major work.

The love and passion they put in that place was unbelievable. My room and the other rooms were so beautifully furnished with that touch of home and luxury mixed in.

The old ways were gone and one had to adapt to the new ways. Julia mentioned that hunting was so prevalent among the royalty and Thakur clans those days, it was a sport even if one cringes now at the thought of it. It was a norm those days. But one had to change and they did and even the local community had to change. There was not much wildlife like before.

Hawalbagh was a small place and Lat was well connected with the community, they looked up to him and he and Julia along with Arjun and Deepta were looking out for ways and means to make the locals understand about sustainability and environment problems.

The same thing, with the kind of trash being thrown by the locals, plastic bags, bottles and no respect and going along with so called development, they were trying to seek a solution, build an awareness among them keeping the culture sensitivity in mind.

Lat would never talk negative about any person, this I observed, he saw the positive side in people. That’s a rare thing in a person.

I loved the fact that all of them were ready to work with whoever was in power. Gone were the days of protesting because in the end one has to see how to work within the system and get good output than just lamenting.

Arjun was liasoning with the locals, to know more, their livelihoods, the local issues and to see how they could contribute to the community. He built an effective WiFi network in this remote place. It was called Cowmesh – a tongue in cheek name if you know what I mean 🙂

I remembered him putting up photos of building a cost effective WiFi network at this place on Facebook, now it all made sense.

Arjun and Deepta in that process also realized that they need to get paid by organizations who had money. It was not good to be idealistic all the time. They got their first cheque for a project from an organization since their office was set up and they were pretty happy. It was a small amount but it meant a lot. It taught me a lot too. Their life was simple.

Julia brought in a fantastic breakfast of Omelettes, Buns, fresh orange marmalade, banana cake and I am drooling as I am writing this, her home made Caramel sauce!! Oh my that yummy caramel sauce I can write poems about! Fresh fruits, Toast, Chai, Caramel sauce. We were sitting out in the open and eating.

Time passed by just like that..This was heaven. Cola would keep us amused whole day as Deepta and Arjun kept a watchful eye on her and Fuchka while we chatted.

I got a chance to meet all the the dogs Julia & Lat adopted. Almost half of them were rescued from near death and brought back to life with lots of love and attention. Julia was the loving and stern mommy to them all, using her Hindi and English in good measure to toe them in line.

I always saw Julia tirelessly working, day in and out. Like she would be talking to me and pulling out weeds in that huge outdoors. I would join in sometimes, observing what she was doing and hoping I am not pulling out the good ones instead of weeds! Her mind was always on the move thinking of how to do multiple things at the homestay.

Arjun and Deepta would be pitching in ideas and together they would brainstorm. Right now, their pet project was to make a home made incarcerator that could burn all the plastic – totally environmental friendly. Harsh was on it with the staff with Julia giving in her inputs.

They believed in doing something first here, succeeding at it then implementing it to the community slowly. It was a baby step, a first step and they were trying hard.

Their lives were not a bed of roses as Julia said and I knew and understood that.

It was not dreamlike which people mostly think, running a beautiful homestay in the hills and waking up to see beautiful sunrises and sunsets. It was sheer hard work.

Living in the mountains had it’s pitfalls with it’s remoteness, isolation, water & electricity shortages and transportation.

Julia tried her best to keep her cool running the place, to make it efficient and Lat was the go- between him and the locals and the government. The kitchen from which all the great food came from required her supervision all the time. She was meticulous in almost everything.

We realized we had so much in common as we swapped stories of running a place. The same story everywhere, just the place and people were different.

I remember Arjun, Deepta and Julia were nodding when I was telling about our guests ‘grievances’ at the cafe, run ins with the government officials, bribes to police pressures, internal problems, this was a norm when one had a business.

Finally I met someone who really understood where I came from because believe me no matter how much I explain running a hospitality business, only someone in that same situation and passion mind you, can fully comprehend the horrors of it.

All of us were really not into making pots of money if you know what I mean.. This was life, this was our whole life doing what needs to be done, to follow our passion and to see guests being happy and satisfied. Julia & Lat were exactly that.

In a way, we all were connected with a common thread. An off beat path,all of us, countering mainstream in our own way.

I would be reading a book in between but more and more I would keep the book aside and listen to Lat, Julia, Deepta and Arjun talking about something or the other. It was refreshing to be a part of it, to listen, to share experiences.

That night Lat made Chicken Curry, I call it Pahadi Chicken curry but he humbly put it as Yaar maine to simple chicken curry banaya (I made simple chicken curry), it was so yum, I licked my plate.

Along with it was the local ‘Bhang ki chutney’, yup Bhang(poppy seeds) is indigenous to the region, growing wild everywhere. And for dessert there was a Khoya dessert called Singori which they wrapped in a local leaf called Maalu. They truly were spoiling us!

We sat again around the bonfire, looking at the moonlit night, drinking Rum as Lat was the perfect host refilling every time, Arjun and Deepta casually passing smokes as we looked up to see the sky in all it’s benevolence.

Maybe it was my imagination but sometimes I would hear a sound or something and I would ask Julia, what’s it? She would smile and say some wild animal, worry not.

When I think about it now, even now, more than a month since I left Innisfree and it’s people, not a day goes by when I don’t think of them. It was like family.

I knew when I go back I wouldn’t get this affection nor warmth back in my home city, certainly not like this..I was not just a guest at Innisfree anymore.

And it continues.. Part XX I woke up in the morning from a blissful sleep after what seemed like ages. I could see the staff at Innisfree were up and about and started their chores for the day.

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