Tumgik
#goblinmom strikes again
chaoscommissioner · 2 years
Text
goblinmom, who is currently hardcore craving sweets: Oh! I know what we can use the jar of frosting for! Those crepes you make!!! We can mix the frosting with some berries for them!
me: The same crepes you usually say are too rich and sweet?
mom: It's not like we have to put sugar in the crepes!
me, glancing between her and the frosting on the table: Did you just forget what frosting is?
mom, laughing: Two different food groups?
33 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 2 years
Text
Mom is spitting pieces of banana at the dog again
38 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 2 years
Text
So there's this yoga position which is a major workout in and of itself despite being an insanely simple position to do.
And I was just teaching it to goblinmom because she has horrible, constant migraines that don't let her exercise normally (movement=pain) so I had found this for her hoping it might help.
Then, once I got her situated into the right form, she's like:
Mom: "wow this really does affect everything in the body doesn't it?"
Me, taking a sip of tea and walking away: "yep now hold it for 3 to 5 minutes"
The look of absolute betrayal and devastation on her face was priceless
7 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 2 years
Text
goblinmom: if you're happy and you know it meow alout!
me, pausing mid-dance with my dramaking cat in my arms: ...alout?
goblinmom: ...I meant aloud and a lot
7 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 3 years
Text
Goblinmom: [takes a long slurp of iced coffee, hands wrapped possessively around her cup]
Also Goblinmom: yummy nummy coffeeeee
19 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 2 years
Text
Mom, while watching Harlock Space Pirates: Oh no
Me: What?
Mom: He's hot
11 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 3 years
Text
[tries to record my first podcast episode with mom]   . . . . .  [turns out mama has a potty mouth befitting of a goblin queen]
14 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 3 years
Text
Goblinmom had to break into her own house by popping the screen out and crawling through the window because she locked herself out. And instead of walking five minutes back uptown to get the key from me, she decided that breaking into the house, in broad daylight, was a better option.
13 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 2 years
Text
Me, preparing the ingredients for dinner: [prepping raw chicken with no other ingredients out yet, not even salt]
Mom, from the other room: Wow, that smells awesome! What spices are you using??
Me, confused on how she smelled literally anything given I wasn't even cooking yet: It's- It's raw chicken? Why the fuck does that smell like a five star meal to you???
8 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 2 years
Text
me, just about to walk out of the kitchen and head back to my room:
goblinmom, talking semi-quickly without ANY pause in between sentences whatsoever: either don't walk through here or run quickly OOP TOO LATE-
me, still half unsure wtf her warning was supposed to warn me about and laughing in confusion over wtf just happened:
mom, yelling after me: OH GOD THAT SMELLS SO BAD-
She had farted and gassed herself out
4 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 2 years
Text
me, walking out of my room to find mom hunched over her laptop like a dog that is eating something it's not supposed to have:
me: ...what are you doing?
goblinmom: windows was being annoying and kept sending me popups
me, already getting a bad feeling about this: so what are you doing about it?
also me, looking at her computer and realizing that mom is rapidly and impulsively uninstalling every program even remotely related to windows or microsoft: ...did you mean microsoft office?
mom: yeah, I think so why?
me, rolling my eyes so hard I'm pretty sure I could see my own soul tap-dancing with the demon I sold it to: because you deleted several things that your computer can't run without ya dingleberry!!
6 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 3 years
Text
So my mother (goblinmama) accidentally pumped waaaay too much lotion into her hands and all the sudden I hear her say, "Hey, come pull my pants down" and I was like ???? and she's like "I have too much lotion on my hands. Halp."
She’d already lotioned her arms and still had too much. So I had to de-pants my mother so she could apply lotion to her legs too.
5 notes · View notes
chaoscommissioner · 3 years
Text
I just walked into the living room because I heard my mom giggling in a semi-creepy way (not unusual) and wanted to know what's up
only to find her sitting in her chair with her knees tucked against her chest rapidly saving images of various diy moss projects on one of her many Pinterest boards.
5 notes · View notes