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#god bless their zero braincells
zen-unknown · 1 year
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Do u have any animals and if so
Can see?
Hell ya an opportunity to show off my stinkies
This is Rango, he's 10 years old and has exactly zero braincells. His snoring could wake the old gods
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This is Jiji. She's a rat. She's free if you want her, gotta scrape her off the pan tho
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This is Teto. He's a stinky asshole. That's all.
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This is Haku. He's a blessed stinky baby. Also he's like 8 or something I have no idea how he's still alive
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We also have 5 chickens (one I named Parmesan) and my sister has 2 leppard geckos and a parakeet
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havinganormalone · 1 year
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TododDeku NSFW Fic Masterlist
By request, here is a masterlist of all my nsfw TodoDeku fics. If you want a list of my SFW fics, you can find that HERE.
I have around 50 fics on this list, so it's quite a bit to browse through! Here's a few symbols to make browsing easier.
💖= Personal Favorite, or a fic I think is very good and am proud of.
🚨= has elements that are commonly considered "problematic." Please note everyone has a different definition of what that means, so make sure to read tags and warnings to judge for yourself if it is your cup of tea.
🐱= Bottom Shouto. A majority of my fics have top Shouto, so it's easier to mark the exceptions.
🍍= there are poly elements to the fic. This list is still only for fics that have a strong sexual focus on TodoDeku, but stuff with this symbol will have some element of sex with other parties
No gods, new masters: 50k+ words (WIP) 💖🚨 Post-apocalyptic setting, yandere Todoroki. Filled with action, heart-ache, and trauma.
Pure love of a pet: 10k words (WIP) 🚨 Inko takes in cat-hybrid Shoucchan, who falls madly in love with Izuku. Shoucchan may not have two braincells to rub together, but he loves Izuku with all of his heart. And dick.
Unlearning lies: 46k words (series) 🐱(Part 4) 🍍 (Part 5) When society tells you that you're nothing but a mindless animal, you have to relearn how to be human. Soft, wholesome omegaverse where Shouto and Izuku team up to build a better future for themselves (and screw Enji out of money). 6 parts, each with their own kinks and plot developments.
Wild at heart: 40k words (series) 🚨🐱 Feudal Japan Omegaverse. Prince Todoroki is kept cloistered away from the world, a dark secret tainting him and making him a shame to his family. Izuku is brought forward to be his mate. Neither man plays the role fate dictated for them, and both of them pay the price.
A Show of Force: 3k words 💖 Wholesome, consensual nonconsent roleplay. The men use BDSM to work through their issues.
Mine is bigger than yours: 4.5k words 💖🐱 A little t4t where the boys do the most masculine thing possible: they compare dicks. Shouto wants to know how Izuku got so dang big.
Zero plus hero: 3.5k words 💖 Quirkless Shouto AU where he's trapped as a janitor at his dad's hero agency, and he falls in love with the new hire.
Under ill stars: 5k words 🐱 Mythology AU where Izuku is born with bad luck and made to bear Shouto's pain when they are both children. Years later, Shouto wants to undo the spell put on both of them, but the reversal involves sex.
Re:Bound to you: 5k words 💖 Recently out of a divorce, Izuku moves in with his perpetual bachelor friend Shouto. As Izuku recovers from being burned by one past love, he finds another old flame being rekindled. Wholesome, funny, fluff.
Curses and Blessings: 4k words 💖🚨 Beauty and the Beast style fic, except Izuku didn't confess his love in time and now Shouto is trapped in the body of a monster. That's not going to stop Izuku from loving him.
Off Beat: 3k words 🐱 Shouto is a famous rock star, and Izuku is working on the set of his latest music video. He's definitely falling for the man, and just how off beat Shouto can be.
Star Struck: 8k words 🚨 Unhealthy power imbalance. Shouto is a famous celebrity, and Izuku is a nobody. Shouto uses his star power to coerce Izuku into doing what he wants.
Unbecoming: 22k words 💖🚨🍍 A traumatized, abused Izuku is recovered from the ruins of Overhaul's hideout. Wanting another chance at being a good parent, Endeavor takes him home, where Shouto and Izuku kickoff as tangled, unhealthy relationship.
Beach Episode: 5k words 🐱 A quirk accident lands the two boys in water. It turns out that mermaids work a bit differently than humans re: the downstairs. The couple is excited to experiment. Contains egging.
Ice Ice Baby: 1.5k words Trans Shouto gives himself and icicle dick.
(w)hole: 10k words 🚨🍍 Trans Izuku loves his husband, but he hates the way his husband worships a body he hates. He needs an outlet, someone to treat him like dirt. Endeavor fits the bill.
Our Scars Remind Us: 1.5k words Just some quick hand kink and fluff.
Civil Lies: 6k words 💖🚨 Space AU with Omegaverse. Izuku is a comfort omega assigned to alpha Shouto to help him deal with his heats.
My rock, your everything: 4k words 🐱 King Enji is dead, and Prince Shouto is set to take the crown. However, with the responsibility comes doubt: is he up to the task? His ever-faithful knight is there to reassure him.
Kinky TodoDeku Flash fiction 🚨 Just a collection of drabbles.
I'll show you what I cannot say: 2.5k words Izuku is new at college, and his anxiety is so bad he has trouble talking to his new roommate. But he is still infatuated with the man. Somnophillia.
Fall from grace: 7k words 🚨 Shouto is a demon in love with an angel. He’s sure Izuku will love him, too, given the right chance. And even if he doesn’t, Shouto is determined to have his way. 
One Good Turn: 5k words Hybrid AU where Bunny Izuku takes in a wounded predator and nurses him back to health. Then the wildcat's rut hits, and Izuku wants to help him through that, too.
Like cats and dogs: 3.5k words 🍍 Izuku adopts two ill-behaved Hybrids from the local shelter, then takes them home to try and teach them how to get along.
The Rite Way: 5k words Fantasy AU where Shouto dons a cursed mask for power, even if it means losing his humanity. Izuku, however, isn't willing to pay that price, and he will do anything to reverse that spell.
Acquired Taste: 3k words 🚨🍍 Todoroki and Midoriya turn their Sports Festival fight into a bet that ends with Midoriya being Todoroki's urinal.
How you gild your cage: 5k words 🚨 Mafia AU where Izuku is taken prisoner by a rival gang and becomes the boss's new plaything.
Until Death: 5k words 💖🍍 Fantasy AU where Todoroki and Bakugou are trying to bring their lover back from the dead. Soft smut where polyamory conquers all.
Skin Deep: 7k words Wholesome body swap. The men are new to a relationship, and a quirk accident helps them get to know each other better.
(Deviant)Devotion: 7.5k words 🚨 Yandere Shouto where he thinks he's dating pro hero Izuku.
Bunny Tops: 10k words 🐱 Medieval Hybrid AU where bunny Izuku wants to be a knight. When the prince is kidnapped, he gets his chance to prove himself. Meet cute, fluff, bunny Izuku topping.
Love you enough to change: 3.5k words 🚨🍍 Izuku always assumed he would be an omega. He always assumed he would be SHOUTO'S omega. So when he presents as an alpha, he is desperate for a way out. He reads about bitching, and he wants to give it a try. First, even if I have to cheat: 2k words 🚨 TodoDeku where Pro Hero Midoriya gets hit with a de-aging quirk. And it just so happens Todoroki has always regretted not being the one to take his virginity. Now he has his chance.
Never let you go: 5.5k words 🚨 Alphas can't be raped. It's impossible, unthinkable. So when Todoroki ends up a victim, no one will believe him.
Boy Across the Way: 4k words Childhood friends TodoDeku where Izuku lives in the apartment building across from Shouto, and their lives intertwine. They grow up together and fall in love.
What it means to be family: 2.5k words 🚨 New step-siblings Izuku and Shouto spend some quality time together.
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look i just love my dnd character so much, i need to ramble about her. under the cut bc it’s A Lot
so minerva is this wannabe teenage rebel who’s father is minor nobility bc he did some Important Warcrimes for the empire. he tried to mold her into the perfect successor but she was too headstrong and hated what she saw the empire doing, so she ran away with some like-minded people in a stolen airship.
i wanted her to be this cool punk character but the dice Were Not Having It so instead she’s a cringefail losergirl who desperately wants to be cool and fails at every turn. she’s also been raised pretty isolated so she’s bad at being normal about having friends. through a series of misadventures she’s become a sort of follower of Jergal, the god of death, although she’s not a cleric or warlock. (the setting is low-magic post-apocalypse, she’s a barbarian rogue with some fun blessings)
her crew/friends are a centaur who dodged the draft, a catboy with zero braincells, and a kitsune who is temporarily undead. (this is a recent development, the kitsune was fully alive until last session 😭😭)
it’s been so fun to play a girl who is growing from rebelling against just her family to actually championing a cause and putting in the work to make the world better, because that’s kind of how it works irl. you start to chafe at the rules that immediately affect your life, then you meet others who are impacted by different rules in similarly shitty ways, and all of a sudden you want to burn down the government. in our imaginary world at least it’s achievable through incredible feats of magic and superhuman strength
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newyearknwwme · 1 year
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Man these lesbians are soooo lesbian, it's been 2.30 minutes. (Gap the series ep3)
SAM YOU CAN'T LAID WITH THOSE NAILS CMON, from the gifs I've seen you're definitely doing something
Awww she got a Buddha statue bc she got scared of ghosts, CUTIEEEEEE
God bless them, theyre so stupid
BORISAT. I loooove the way it's pronounced. And the word Preta. Obsessed.
Wait sAINT IS GONNA PLAY A ROYAL???
Oh RCK I FORGOTTEN ABOUT NITA.
And is singha the dog .. Becky's dog heheeh
OMG IS KIRK THE TRAITOR. I hope not, i have really high hopes for him :((((
Good lord Sam is serving lewks.... I am weak. The black bodysuit with the choker and the earrings and the nails ... Good-bye.
Ofc you trust everyone Kirk, YOURE the one doing the betrayal.
OHHH MON SUSPECTS KIRK HUH. MON IS FANTASTIC. SHES A SMART COOKIE. SAM IS THE ZERO BRAINCELLS AROUND A PRETTY GIRL HUH. RELATABLE SAM, very relatable.
Kirk you stupid bitch. I had so many hopes for you. You could do better. You KNOW she'd never develop any feelings for you, you betrayal in turtleneck.
Love how desperately they're trying to reinforce the height difference.
'you look familiar ' and mon got sO breathless . That's the shit I'm here for
IS SHE BATTING HER BIG DEWY DOE EYES. OH DCK. SHE SAID SAWASDEE KHA WITHOUT BREAKING EHE CONTACT. FCK.
Freen does baby Sam so So so well.
Is SONG DEAD? HOLY SHIT SONG IS DEAD.
Do they not have any sponsors??? I'm kinda sad.
THESE EMPLOYESS ARE SO FUNNY LMAO. .SAM PLS LEAN OVER ME LIKE THAT
oh, a work date! Very cute. They're also burning 98% unscented candles in a well lit office.
' I'm calling to ask for permission for your daughter' 'you have my permission' her parents are the best wing-people. Omg they nEARLY EXPOSED HER SAM SHRINE. I'm kinda jealous of mon.
FCK YEAH SHES OVER AT HER CRUSH'S HOUSE. And now her crush doesn't want to work yet, she wants to bathe. HEY SAM. SHOW OFF YOUR RIDICULOUS WINE CARAFE. ohh, now she's offering her ROOM to work in. Sam, bby, stop being so obvious XDD.
This show is a comedy.
We will never escape the aap-naam never huh.
SHES GONNA MAKE HER BATHE WITH HER BC SHES SCARED HUH..... Fkc she actually is???????
Aww, she's gonna sing to Sam to make her feel better.
MON PLS IM SCARED TOO 🥺 KRASUE. that's the creature yes. The best mdzs horror fic I've read. I'm gonna find it
TAKE A BATH WITH ME. SHE ACTUALLY DID. SAM YOU SIMP.
The least cringe, most enjoyable reason to flex your voice in a drama, well played Gap The Series.
SAM... SAM.. YOU CUTIE. OH GOD SHES SO HAPPY WITH MON I CRY.
Yeah someone said listening to a guy singing in this show threw them off. And i agree.
This is breaking soooo many HR rules but oh Gosh who CARES look at them.
Ew can nop like, Not exist in this show he's so irritating.
Yuki!! Yuki meet Tee ASAP, pls
Pool pool pool pool pool pool pool pool pool pool pool
Oh gosh, they nEARLY kissed. Fck that was. Waoh. GIMME ALL THE TROPES YES GOOD.
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vashstash · 3 years
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Aren't you tired of being Red? Don't you just wanna go Blueshit? Part 1 of Simmons' teenage angst rebellion shenanigans Part 3
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kakademona · 4 years
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Helmut 'I came back from the dead to throw some more shade’ Zemo 
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prettiestpilot · 4 years
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okay, who the fuck stole the last remaining brain cell of the boys?!???! Like wtf is happening this season...
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seerofmike · 4 years
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who in the apex legends fandom is saying reverse racism is real so i can block them
@/roev-art made this post LMAO (and also all the ppl reblogging w it agree)
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thjis is so funny they called me an ugly racist bc im tired of seeing robot characters constantly humanized into white men
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top twenty “indiana jones and the last crusade is a comedy movie” moments:
- the whole bit with the librarian’s stamp lining up with the sound of indiana breaking into a tomb
- “what’s that” “the ark of the covenant” “are you sure?” “pretty sure 😐”
- *a peaceful italian dining area full of posh italian people* *oil-soaked indiana jones crawls out of a sewer* “ahh, venice :)”
- indy trying to do a scottish accent,, sweetie i love you but please stop
- “oh my son would never bring the diary right into your hands, he is so much smarter than that, right indy?” indy: *nervous laughter*
- “she talks in her sleep.”
- indiana’s whole hype up speech about how amazing and talented marcus is before cutting to marcus being completely and utterly incompetent
- sallah telling marcus to run like. five times. and marcus just standing there not moving like,,,, go girl give us nothing!!
- every single bit about indy and his dad both fucking elsa.... comedy genius...
- the fire scene and the revolving fireplace... the jones boys have zero braincells between the two of them god bless <3
- i don’t know if “two selfless martyrs. jesus christ.” is supposed to be a pun but if it is it’s an amazing one
- *indy pushes nazi out the window of a blimp* “......no ticket!” *everyone frantically grabs their tickets*
- “i didn’t know you could fly a plane!” “fly, yes! land, no!”
- henry jones after shooting up his own plane: “son, i’m sorry. they got us.”
- every interaction of marcus and henry just being vaguely homoerotic dumb european dudes while actively fighting nazis is so good
- “sallah i said no camels, that’s five camels!”
- *everyone mourning indy’s death* *indy just fucking walks up behind them*
- *nazi dude suddenly dies a horrifyingly grotesque death after drinking from the wrong chalice* “he chose....................... poorly.”
- marcus just being the dumbest man alive why is he even here he’s so tired someone help this man
- “we named the dog indiana!”
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bisopod · 2 years
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Mr. Nobody for the meme?
*breaks fingers* let's do this (since you didn't specify i'm just doing showverse bc this x2 is the last thing any of us need)
favorite thing about them
should be so little to like and i'm Aware but i love his dry snarky wit bc i have a disease that makes me enjoy sarcastic little bastard men who'd be insufferable irl even without fucked up evil powers </3 last two braincells like
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least favorite thing about them
wear! normal! pants! challenge! i can excuse being a sadistic vengeful maniac who's psychologically terrorized multiple people but i draw the line at jodhpurs. even if now he'd look weird and wrong without them too. hell on earth
brOTP
niche maybe but i feel like he could have sort of a bitchy frenemy thing going with rita and if he ever comes back i really wanna see more interaction between them?? looking at the mlm/wlw hostility potential with a woman who has zero time for his bullshit like i just think they're neat
OTP
glancing at url don't say it don't think it don't say it don't think it. but he's kinda just that 'characters who are gay but too insane to have romantic chemistry with anyone' post
nOTP
seen a couple folk say if the fandom was bigger people would've shipped him with niles and do i get it? yeah kinda! now i never want to think about it again <3 god bless
random headcanon
NO normal way to put this but eh. think if you touched him he'd feel like one of those old tv sets, saw a hc once that he'd be cold but i imagine more just dude-shaped room-temperature fuzzy nothing yk? also to counteract that gay shit he seems like a vape guy. comic eric has his classy cigarette holder, tv eric billows like a haunted house fog machine. makes sense in my head
unpopular opinion
i genuinely like his design in the show! easy for tv-budget cgi to look like whole ass but the jankiness works in context imo, could've been cool to stick closer to his comic appearance but there's so much distance between 'chaotic-neutral anarchic oddball dadaist' and 'deranged pathetic asshat with decades-long revenge boner trying to seem intimidating' as characters that i don't mind them not doing that. illnesses disorders parasites etc that make me think he's purty 😔
song i associate with them
>just the one
a mask of my own face - lemon demon
the mind electric - miracle musical
hot diggity (dog ziggity boom) - perry como (obvious choice but that's his song now)
ruler of everything - tally hall
you're nobody 'til somebody loves you - dean martin (lmao)
mr capgras - will wood and the tapeworms
favorite picture of them
again fuck these singular questions we got >:^)
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WHEN YOU WHEN YOU WHEN
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[me in the distance begging for validation in thinking this fucks]
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mitski was right. nobody
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poor little meo--*gunshot*
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and w/e the fuck this is
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mobagehelllocal · 4 years
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C,J,P,V,X for riddle and adeuce again? WOOF WOOF BARK BARK THANK YOU FOR BEING GODS MESSENGER AND DELIVERING US THESE HOLY WORKS
A/N: I am happy to deliver to fellow skmps. 
all characters featured are depicted as 18+
warning: explicit content below cut!
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Riddle Rosehearts
Cum
A part of him thinks its exceptionally nasty. However--he does appreciate it when you perform oral sex on him so the most he’ll ask is... please don’t consume it. He’ll both be simultaneously embarrassed, and horrified. He’ll resist coming on your face--he’ll prefer to do so in a condom. 
He’s also incredibly careful during sex--he’ll be sure to use a condom, and he’ll insist that you two only do it once your birth controls are confirmed to be perfectly functioning. 
Jack-Off
He’s never really been interested in masturbation--and when you ask him about it he’s absolutely mortified that you’d think he’d do something as base as masturbating--
He does go a little shy when you suggest mutual masturbation--but there’s no denying the gleam of interest, and the unmistakeable tenor of his pants as the two of you do it together. 
Pace
He’s quite unsteady? He doesn’t have the stamina that could constantly allow him to be fast paced with you--so he alternates between slow, sensual gyrating of his hips--to rapid thrusts. 
It’s also something he worries about--he thinks that he’s not fulfilling his part as a partner because he’s not very consistent--so instead he learns little tricks--like gyrating his hips--to lengthen the intercourse and to bring you more pleasure.
Volume
He’s actually pretty loud--and unconsciously too. He doesn’t realize unless you tell him (or you’re overhead) about how loud he actually can get. If he finds out, he’s likely to bite his lip, as he struggles not to let out a peep. 
His moans can get quite long--and drawn out, while his whole face scrunches up. He can get a little pitchy and breathy too--especially as he draws closer to his orgasm. He also does the cute little whines when you tease his nipples with your tongue. “Mnh-nh! Sto--stop!”
X-Ray
It’s... cute. Not necessarily because of it’s size--but because of how clean he keeps himself, and how the head is an adorable shade of pink. While it’s not particularly lengthy, nor girthy--Riddle learned how to use his cock to drive you wild.
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Ace Trappola
Cum
He likes it messy, and he especially enjoys it splattered all over your body--whether over the slope of your chest, or slipping in between your thighs. Something about the way he makes a mess of you just turns Ace on. 
While he does enjoy raw sex, if you tell him he’s not allowed to cum inside you--or if you’d prefer him wearing a condom--he’ll listen. He understands the importance of it at the very least! 
Jack-Off
Prior to your relationship, he certainly does it frequently. Especially when he’s frustrated, and he just wants to go into a zero-braincell-only-horny mode.
During your relationship, he still does it to a certain degree but not as frequently as he used too. However, he has expressed interest in rubbing one off while using your underwear--or even better, if you give him a hand job with your fingers twined in your underwear. 
Pace
Very fast paced, and intense--especially in the beginning of your relationship. He’s relentless, and interested in emphasizing how he’s the dominant one in this relationship. 
He eventually learns how to appreciate slower, and more sensual sex--especially when he finds how fulfilling it can be to draw out the orgasm for as long as possible. 
Volume
He’s pretty noisy during sex--and by that I mean, he has the tendency to talk a lot. To some people, it might even seem too much. He’s chatty--he’ll mostly ask you how you feel, or make a comment about how tight you are around him. He likes to hear your answer, but he sometimes he accidentally just talks over you. 
He doesn’t really moan, but he does grunt and groan a fair bit. They’re always a little deeper than his normal speaking voice, and a little bit more gruff too. When he’s closer to his climax, he stutters full sentences into breathy groans. “Ah--I’m close--ah... How about--nng...you?” 
X-Ray
It’s not lengthy--but what it lacks in height--it makes up for in girth. He’s slightly thicker than your average cock. His cock also has a cheeky curve to it that hits you in a certain spot that makes Ace shoot you a conceited smirk. 
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Deuce Spade
Cum
Bless this boy, he will refuse to cum inside you until you’re both married. No matter how you beg and plead, he wants to do this right and he’ll feel terrible if he comes inside you and you’re not committed to one another. He’ll always use a condom, he’ll track your ovulation, and he’s going to make sure you use birth control. 
Originally he’s a little horrified when he comes all over you, and when he wipes it all away with a towel you’re sure he whispers something like “our babies--” 
Jack-Off
He used to do it very frequently in his yankee days, but ever since he chose to turn around and be a better person--he tries not to do it as much though sometimes he slips up and curses himself. 
He’s intrigued by mutual masturbation, and he finds it especially embarrassing when you watch him so intently--but as long as you’re doing it together, then Deuce will slowly become much more comfortable with it! 
Pace
He prefers to be slow and sensual--but he’s not very good at it in the beginning. He tries to pretend that he’s got total control of the situation, when he has zero control over it. 
Inherently, he really wants to move harder and faster--but he swore to himself that he’d treat you with all the gentle tenderness you deserve so it won’t happen until you set it straight to him that you would enjoy a rougher pace.
Volume
He’s quite loud with his moans, and they’re very emotional ones too. You know something feels good to him with how throaty and long they can get. He also tends to get quite breathless because of how fast his heart beats when the two of you have sex.
Like Riddle, he doesn’t actually notice how loud he can get--and once its brought up or he’s told about it--he gets quiet and he tries to stop himself but he’s not particularly good at that. Expect a couple of raw moans to slip past his lips. 
X-Ray
Not particularly long--but it stands up pretty straight when erect. Girthier than what you’d think--and you certainly need to be properly stretched for it to fit properly. He’s not skilled at using it in the beginning, but he does satisfy you with how well it fills you.
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qqueenofhades · 3 years
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i love how you were like, “yea ivan is kinda trashy but i think he’s neat” and now you like LOVE ivan and just have so many feelings about him (which i love seeing, like truly makes my day to read your tags about him on my dash so please dont stop)
and i like to think fedyor was also like that. Like one day it was “yea he’s kinda grumpy but hot and cute and i like a challenge?” and now he’s like, “oh yea that idiot’s MINE forever” and he’s like this close to giving his commanding officer a small heart attack for interrupting the precious time they have together
Look, that's ALWAYS how it happens, especially for me. One day it's "look at this trash man who I kinda like" and literally the next, I'm doing the breaststroke in an ocean of flaming trash and shouting at my bemused followers to come on down here and join me, it's not as flaming as it looks and/or it totally is, but that's part of the appeal. So... yep. Here we are. To literally nobody's surprise.
My three favorite trash men for SAB (Aleksander, Matthias, and Ivan) are all just trash in different and special ways. Aleksander is of course captain of the Garbage Batmobile and strews his drama gothness everywhere while also being number one simp. Matthias is just a straight up thundering idiot, like zero braincells whatsoever, but he means well and he tries hard. Ivan, meanwhile, is Captain Crabby of the SS Gay and Done, and I love him for it. All of them, really, but God damn, not a single smart thought among any of them the whole time, not ever. Jesus.
And yes. I think the fandom agrees that Fedyor just went "that one, that one's mine" while Ivan was still too dazzled by the shiny dimpled sunshine cuteness to muster a response, and by the time he could, it was far too late and he was already madly in love. Bless his heart.
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internalsealpanic · 3 years
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All That Glitters
Summary: Pandora’s box is a black box covered in silk and embossed with the initials R.S.
a/n: So uh this work is a follow up to my fic Better Die than Doubt but it can be read as a stand alone. This thing resulted from the combined might of  @knightfall05x,  @lucy-roo​, and my thirst. I said the follow up to that fic would be fluffy. The chronological follow up will come out at some point. I  just have a single braincell and it decided it wanted to write more Black Mask being an absolute bastard. Thanks to those two hoes for enabling and proof reading. See you both in hell
warnings:  This is smut. I was being haunted. This work contains noncon, past noncon, violence, Roman being an asshole, daddy kink, size kink, strength kink (if you squint ), yandere themes, stalking, exhibitionism, a dude who cannot take no for  an answer and choking.  
masterlist
“Hey Jay,” You chirp into the phone, maneuvering it over your shoulder carefully so you wouldn't drop it while you held your soda can at an arm's length away from you hoping it wouldn’t explode on you when you attempt to open it. 
 “Hey, sweet-” You blow out a raspberry halting the correction in its tracks. You can practically picture Jason’s mouth swerve into an odd shape caught between proceeding with his correction or backtracking.  He chose neither. You hear him swear viciously. You snort making him huff. 
 “What’s up, asshat?” He asks, endearingly. You can pretty much hear him rolling his eyes from this side of the world. You frown hearing how winded he sounded. 
 “Jay, if this is a bad time, I can-”
 “You’re fine it’s just a little-”
 “JAYBIRD, A LITTLE HELP WOULD BE NICE”
 “Roy sounds like he needs help. I can call back later.”
 “Roy can handle himself.”
 “Thanks for the confidence, Jaybird, but I think I’d prefer if you kept shooting straight.”
 You snort feeling warmth build up in your chest despite the chilly weather. You chirp delighted when you open the can and it doesn’t explode. You hear Jason chuckle. The smart remark he had on the edge of his tongue dies on his lips when your breath hitches audibly at the sound of his gun firing. Jason makes a noise, the kind you use to prompt someone to tell you if they’re ok without having to ask. You swallow and nod and curse remembering he can’t see you. You blow out a breath, making sure it comes out steady. 
 “Y/n...”
 “I’m-” You wanted to say fine but you knew the word fine was wholly inappropriate and untrue for this situation. “I’m gonna survive. I promise.” 
 Jason doesn’t make a sound of agreement or disagreement. He simply acknowledges it. You silently thank him for the neutrality. 
 “JAYBIRD”
 “SHUT UP, HARPER”
 You hear Kory sigh in exasperation somewhere in the distance.  In the background, you hear a shriek which you assume is from Jason. Then the line cuts out. 
You try to redial. 
 Nothing. 
 You try again.
 Nothing. 
 A laugh rips out of your chest. You cry out in pain, the fizzy drink rushing up your nose. You wince and curse and settle on blaming Jason.  You suspect they somehow broke the phone. You wouldn’t be too surprised by that outcome. You sigh but there was no point in complaining about it. You might as well finish your lunch in peace. 
   You chew on your cheek as you walk back to your cubicle, everyone’s eyes are on you. You feel your breathing pick up a fraction of a second faster. 
 One
 Two
 .
.
.
.
 Two
 Fuck
 You dig your nails into your palm. Your footfalls become heavier and a little louder even against the white noise around you. You slowdown and shake your head. You haven’t had an attack at work so far and you aren’t about to start now. You inhale deeply, letting your chest expand as you run through the things Dinah taught you.  
 Take stock of the situation around you. 
 The world around you was buzzing with life-shuffling papers, ringing phones, humming of machines, and blips of voices here and there. The room is bright and clean under the light of sterile fluorescent lights. You take in all the voices around you. You’re not alone. The knot building in your shoulders loosens. You continue. 
 Take stock of your body. 
 Your body is trembling, the beginnings of a panic attack looming over you. Instead of cursing it, you let it. It was only natural to relapse once in a while. The trauma wasn’t fresh. Not in your opinion, at least. Dinah and, apparently, everyone else had a different opinion. You’re good at being ok but you were human. You let out a  long breath, half-tempted to let your eyes slide shut but you’re afraid of finding yourself in that room again, of seeing him, of feeling him on you. Revulsion spasmed in your body in powerful waves. Sure, you’re a showboat, Jay had said as much, but showing off and causing a scene were two entirely different things and you weren’t entirely sure you could endure the looks of pity from your coworkers every time you came through those doors. 
 Stiffly, you walk towards your cubicle. Your neighbor, Chelsea, smiling conspiratorially at you while your manager glares daggers at you. You raise an eyebrow at Chelsea who waggles her eyebrows in return.   
 “This is how you tell me I got fired?” You sigh, a smile twitching at the corners of your mouth. 
 Chelsea rolls her eyes at you. “Nope, but the boss man did want me to tell you to tell your boyfriend that he really shouldn’t be sending you gifts at work but honestly, I …...” Your brows knit in confusion, cold dread licking at the pit of your stomach. 
 “I don’t have a boyfriend.” You say slowly trying to keep the mounting panic out of your voice. You could hear your blood pulsating in your ears, heart threatening to jump out of your chest. Your feet are itching for you to run outside and call Jason or Dinah or anyone but the stupider part of you- the curious part of you was clawing at your mind to proceed. 
“Y/n, are- are you ok?” You blink and look at the clock. Two minutes. You blacked out for two minutes which, if you were being totally honest, was a huge improvement. 
 “Yeah. I’m fine.”
 “If you say so” She shrugs, her eyes still not pulling away from you.  
 Mechanically, you turn to your desk. Your entire being freezes when your eyes land on the black box sitting on the desk and the large bouquet of red roses sitting next to it.  The box was rectangular, black with silver trimmings embossed on it. Large ‘R.S.’ written in fancy lettering at the bottom right corner of the lid. You wanted to vomit. 
 You draw a breath and flex your fingers. You can feel your teeth digging into your cheeks. 
 “Hey, Chel?”
 “Yeah?”
 “Can I borrow some tissues?” You ask your voice barely above a whisper but still miraculously steady. She frowns at your handing you a couple of tissues. Normally, you keep your vigilante habits out of your civilian life but considering the initials embossed on this obnoxiously expensive-looking box sitting on your desk, you think this level of paranoia is justified. 
 You stop to calculate the odds that the box contained explosives which turns up zero. You sigh but a shiver climbs up your spine when you run through the possibilities of what Roman could have thought of as a gift. 
 “Y/n, what the fuck?” If Chelsea wasn’t watching you before, she was now. You glance at her quickly and give her a weak smile. You swallow the lump forming in your throat. Cautiously, you lift the lid quietly regretting not calculating the possibility of anything toxic being in it. You’re honestly surprised nothing happened. You roll your eyes upon seeing the expensive-looking black silk covering the inside.
Yes, rub your money in my face while you scare me shitless why don’t you, you fucking asshole, you think grumpily peeling the fabric away. 
 Your heart comes to a full stop when you’re met with a pair of lacy lingerie. Your lacy lingerie. Your USED lacy lingerie. You blink trying not to focus on the white stains. You sincerely did not want to think about that. Moving them aside you find a bloody shirt, the sound of its shifting fabric making gooseflesh spread all over your body. 
 You recognize it. You didn’t want to, but here it was. The bloodstains were dry but they were still visible even against the dark fabric of the shirt. Your skin prickles where the scars on your body sit. The knife wounds sting and throb as if freshly cut.  It takes everything in you not to vomit.
  It was probably the single-minded curiosity that kept you going. You maneuver the shirt carefully making sure it makes as little sound as possible.  Underneath it is a collar, simple but clearly expensive leather with the tag R.S. glittering under the sterile lights. Your throat constricts. You tear your gaze away. Your eyes sting. Next to it was a stack of photos. The top photo showed you with your, shirt torn exposing your breasts. Someone was inside you, gripping your hips. You gag.  You reign your mind in. You flip the stack over and gather your breath. Your heart stops again when you see Roman’s familiar handwriting on the back of a photo.   
 “Miss me?”
The drive back to your apartment was a blur consisting of what was most likely several severe traffic violations but you needed- you need to get out of town as quickly as possible. The odds of Roman himself showing up to your little town was low, very low. Not that you’ve actually calculated it. You don’t need to. The man walks around like his feet bless every surface they touch. The man has a loaded god complex the size of Russia to put it generously. Fetching you was simply beneath him. He had henchmen for a reason after all. 
 You wave to your landlady and her husband amiably as you walk past them keeping the nervous thrum out of your movement. Your landlady returns the gesture, elbowing her sneering husband. You know what he thinks of you and your habits. Take a few guys home with you and suddenly you’re a slut. Your promiscuity was none of his fucking business. Your body was yours to do with, to give, and to take back. It was yours. It’s yours, you assure yourself but the feeling of your body and mind hanging loosely off of each other feels painfully vivid at the moment. 
 You shake your head. This wasn’t the best time to sort out your hang-ups.  
 You press your ear to your apartment door then remembered just how thick it was and remembered that you didn’t exactly have super hearing. You sigh. What you would give to be Supes right about now. You enter the apartment careful not to make your steps audible. That, however, was rendered moot by the two very large and blocky men standing in your living room. You exhale both in frustration and relief. If Roman Fucking Sionis thinks he can scare you with two meatheads, he was clearly insulting you. Well, at least, he didn’t hire anyone actually competent considering all your gear was in a duffle bag tucked neatly away under your bed. Yanno, just for this sort of eventuality. Now that you think about it. You really should have just kept it in your car but small-town crime seems to have softened you. 
 You smile letting the irritation mold you into something sharp and venomous. You throw the box at one of the henchmen goading them to attack you. Its contents scattering all over the floor. You can’t bring yourself to care that some of the photos land right side up. 
 “Tell your chicken shit of a boss to come scare me himself,” You laugh, manic relief flooding through you. You feel like you’re going mad but you don’t care. It’s so much more feasible to deal with these men than it is to have to even think about Roman. “He doesn’t even have the balls to-”
 “Well, it’s nice to see you too, Sweetheart.” comes a gravelly voice from the bedroom. Your stomach drops. Roman strides out of your bedroom adjusting the cuff link of his obnoxiously expensive suit.  He looks down to the photos and gifts scattered on the ground, frowning he bends down to pick up the collar, dusting it off and stuffing it in his pocket. 
 Your fight or flight response freezes. You back into the door, the material feeling too solid for the moment. You inhale sharply, only managing short shallow breaths as Roman slowly closes the distance between you. His footfalls loud, heavy, and deliberately casual making your blood thrum. 
 No. No. No. 
 Your eyes flicker wildly around the room looking for any weapon within reach, your mind running through the numbers, the probabilities melding together into incoherent blotches of red in the back of your skull. Roman slams his large hands on either side of your head. The impact makes the door creak. You can’t stop yourself from flinching visibly, surprise and fear carving themselves on to your face. Roman barks out a derisive laugh as he trails a leather-clad finger down your chin, your throat, then to your cleavage. The contact against your bare skin makes you bristle. 
 “This here?” He emphasizes, his fingers playing with the top button of your shirt popping it carelessly revealing your baby pink, lace bra hidden beneath. “This is a little low cut for the office, isn’t it, princess?”  
 Annoyance overwhelms your sense of self-preservation. “I’m not about to take fashion advice from a guy who looks like he watches Scar Face daily.” You snipe, teeth bared.  Roman hums the undercurrent of rage filling the air. Your ribs ache, remembering an old injury. Your mouth slams shut cutting off any other snide remarks. 
 “You wear these clothes to wind me up, don’t you?” Roman drawls, his leather-clad fingers tracing up the expanse of your thigh exposed by the slit of your skirt, bunching up the skirt and playing with the waistband of your thong as he does so. His thumbs pressing circles against your inner thigh, you can’t help but quiver under his touch. “Oh the fun hasn’t even started yet...just wait”, he bites your ear lobe and tugs it between his teeth. He pulls back and glares at you. “Do you want to know how I found you in this dead-end town, princess?” He asks tilting your chin with his gloved hand. You shake your head not really interested at the moment. You’re too distracted by how flush your body was getting as he presses you further into the door with his bulk. You note with disgust the arousal suffusing through your limbs. 
 “You were all over the news, sweetheart,” You’re trying to remember what he could possibly be talking about. He leans in closer, leather-clad hand brushing against his thumb against your bottom lip, your lips parting automatically for him. He places his gloved thumb between your parted lips. “Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize that goofy smile of yours?”  You shiver lips wrapping around the intruding digit.  Your tongue flicks and swirls around it in a practiced gesture. “Good girl.” Roman hums, a grin spreading across his face while thick shame blankets you. You frown at how familiar the taste of the glove is against your tongue. You push your thoughts away wishing your mind would fall away. 
 “Baby,” He draws his hand away from your lips, wiping the thin string of saliva on your face. His hands glide down the sides of your body. “Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize these hips?” His hands grab at your hips roughly, lifting you and pulling them flush against his own. “Baby. I know what’s mine and this time I won’t let you get away from me.” He whispers against your neck, voice husky and rough. You swallow feeling his lips brush against your pulse. 
 Roughly, he wedges a thigh between your legs, the friction against your core making you keen. The friction woke something in you and loosened a few other things. Your hips roll desperately against the thick muscle of his thighs. Roman grins against your neck,  loosening his grip on your hips and letting you fuck yourself on his thigh. You will yourself to stop but the heat twisting in your gut is too much. You hate yourself. You well and truly hate yourself. Your cheeks warm, breath coming out in pants. 
 Roman places a kiss on your collarbone, teeth grazing your sensitive flesh. Your tongue is caught between your teeth to hold back a moan but the shiver spreading throughout your body says it too loudly. Roman chuckles, vibrations deep within his chest making you weak. Roman licks a stripe up your neck, planting kisses and hickeys along your jaw. “God, you taste sweet, princess.” He murmurs hot against your neck, the smirk dripping from his voice. It feels like acid against your skin. 
 He guides your pliant arms to loop around his shoulders. You obey soundlessly, tipping your head back giving him room to ravish your neck. He does with unbridled enthusiasm. You feel trapped in your own body. You don’t want this. You want to push him away but the fear coursing through you leaves you a passenger in your own body. Your breath hitches with each bite and kiss. 
 “Mine.” He rumbles resolutely, sliding the cloth of your top placing a bite on your shoulder. It stings without even looking, you know it’s deep. 
 “No” You whisper, low and unsure. 
 “No?” He challenges pulling away from your shoulder. 
 “No” You echo voice frustratingly unsteady. He sneers down at you, smile condescending. A biting rebellious part of you demands that you snarl and spit something brisque and witty at him but it’s pushed down by something viscous filling your chest. How are you drowning and why are you not dead yet?
 Just let it pass, your mind whispers to itself. Just let him get his fill and he’ll be on his way. You don’t even have to get hurt. You sincerely want to believe this. You just want this to not happen. The thought of it summons a wave of nausea deep within you. Tears well up in the corner of your eyes. You blink rapidly chasing them away. He likes it when you cry. 
 “Baby, you can’t tell me you don’t want this,” He emphasizes, pressing his thigh against your sopping pussy. The pressure makes you whine.  “Not when you’re being all cute and fucking yourself on my thigh like the dirty slut you are.”
 No. No. No.
 Rat-tat. 
 You will your hips to stop their movement but they’re too lost in their momentum. Your eyes flicker to Roman’s men, large eyes pleading. They stand stiffly doing their best to ignore you. They’re doing a damn fine job of it. 
 “Oh they won’t do anything, they’re here to watch,” Roman whispers hotly against your ear.  Your eyes flicker to them again. Your breath catching when your eyes meet one of theirs, seeing not an ounce of pity. You shove the bile rising in your throat and the quirk on their lips deep somewhere else, somewhere away from you.   
 You try to squirm away but Roman’s arm presses into your windpipe pinning you in place. You thrash and kick and hiss but your head feels light. You hear fabric shift and you still. The sound of the zipper is too loud and too real.  
Roman takes your lips in a forceful kiss making you gasp. His tongue forces its way into your mouth.  He releases your neck. You feel his fingers trail up the slits of your skirt. You try to focus on them rather than what’s pressing stiffly against your inner thigh. The fabric of your skirt bunch up by your hips. You feel your panties getting pushed aside by large fingers. You whimper again, clawing at the expensive fabric of Roman’s suit. “Please don’t do this.” You plead breathily against his ear. 
 He laughs, voice gravelly and harsh. Without further warning or preparation or ceremony, Roman shoves himself inside your warmth, pushing you further into the door. You gasp, the burning stretch making your body tremble all over. He bottomed out with a loud groan. You wanted to cover your ears or have your mind fall out of your reach but here it was painfully present along with your frozen body. He’s loud, groaning and panting as he fucks into you. He thrusts into you with wild abandon, hips clashing against each other with bruising intensity. You can feel his cock dragging in and out of you, hitting every spot violently. He wants this to hurt. You hope it would too. 
 Your cheeks burn with how your walls spasm around his cock. You want to push him away, to take him out of you but it feels so good. You try to smother the lewd sounds you make into his shirt.  Roman’s hands squeeze tightly around your waist in warning. “Yeah, that's it, baby. Let daddy know how much you want this.” You don’t protest. Instead, you let your mouth hang open and let the lewd mewls and keens tumble out. He drills into you more violently seemingly spurred on by your sounds. 
 You come with a whimper. You want to bury yourself in a hole. He comes not long after still fucking into you as he does, making sure your pussy takes all of his cum.  
 He pulls out of you, the slick sound of it absolutely sinful. Your body is slack against the door, too drained to hold itself up.  Roman pulls back, grinning down at you and whistling appreciatively as he admires his work. “Let’s dress you back up, sweetheart.” Roman coos locking something around your neck.  You don’t need to look down to know what he’s put there. The cool metal of the R.S. hanging off the collar presses stark against your hot sensitive skin.
 “You look sooo much better like this,” Blearily you look past him. Your duffle bag is already in the arms of one of his men. He grabs your face roughly making you look him in the eyes. “All mine- just as you should be.” 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for reading! I swear I will do more fluff in the near future. I just needed this out of my system. 
Tag list:  @batarella, @anothertimdrakestan, @lucy-roo, @multifandomgirl-us, @idkmanicantenglish,@birdy-bat-writes,  @boosyboo9206, @americasmarauders , @l-horizon11, @arestorationofbalance , @cloudie-skay, @wunderstell
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Ramble away, cause I feel the twisted head rot, I kinda wanna see what you think about our bois. ~ a pocket sized dragon hops in excitement.
A POCKET SIZED DWAGOOOOOONNNN 😭💞💞💞 That’s so BLESSED, and tysm omg, I’m very glad to just spill out my barking on every boy, bc yEAH THE BRAIN ROT SKDHAKDB
THE BRAIN ROT IS SO REAL LOL
Everything I breathe ends up relating to TWST in some way, like at this point just let me take my friends, cousins, and pets, and of course Lulu and Seb, and I will have 1. A Gottdamned Harem, 2. So Many Children, and 3. NEVER WANT TO LEAVE. Kwfhskdhjwek
Ok this is gonna be long bc I gotta cover all my boys, so rip lol.
Dorm Leads:
Riddle
GOD, my Fucking Baby, my CHILD, my SWEET BABY BOY, I’M 👁💧👄💧👁
I would die for him, beetch, he is PRECIOUS ♥️
He reminds me of how I feel Ciel would behave if S/O took the place as Sebastian’s contracee, too, so like 🥺 Lots of feels 😭
Is Son, I have adopted him now. If you mistreat him, don’t ever speak to me or my son ever again. I’ll FIGHT his MOM, don’t TEST me. I’m his new mom now. His BIRD mom. So proud of him, he’s like...one of the few that’s actually shown growth in canon after his overblot kshdkadjs
Leona
👁💧👄💧👁
.....I am a Mere Simp....
Ya’ll.... I swearh to ghOD I simped hard for Scar back when I was a wee thing, I did NOT expect to simp for him AGAIN LATER IN LIFE, what the FUCK aidhskdhskdj
Like shit bitch, damn, you may not be king of Afterglow honey, but you can be king of my heart if you wAnt to bb....
Leona: *smiles once, even if it’s smugly*
Me: *WEEPING* Look at hiiiiiiim!! My sunshine booooooy! 😭
Does this make me a furry
Probably
I am too Simp to Care Anymore
I HESITATED TO GET ATTACHED BC THIS BOY LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN WOMANIZER IF I EVER SAW ONE, BUT HE DRINKS HIS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE EVERY SINGLE MORNING AND I WAS A GONNER SNDJAJDHSJ
FUCK
Call me a Herbivore again, bully me //SLAPPED
Azul
He secretly a lil shit sometimes, but tha’s ok, it’s mostly in a silly way, especially post overblot~ UvU
The sweetest bby everytime I read fanposts on him, like god, ah 💜💜💜 WHOMST COULD BULLY SUCH A CUTE CHUBBY OCTOBABY I’LL FIGHT ALL OF EM!! A sweetheart 10/10 would be his friend 💗 Not making contracts with him tho, lol
...ok maybe SOME after his overblot, but they’re able to be easily reversed now, so it’s way more chill andhsjdj
Kalim
FUCK!!!! F U C K!!!! BABYYYYYYY!!!! BABY!!!! I HAVE ADOPTED HIM IF YOU TOUCH HIM YOU D I E
He is literally so sweet, anytime anyone was like “you’re so nice it’s annoying” I WAS READY TO COME FLYING IN TO BITCH SLAP THEM LIKE AJDHSKDHSJ (even if I also loved them lol)
Like NO you are WRONG whfksjd
He has also grown so much, and I am proud ♥️🧡
Vil
Jesus Christ, canon Vil is Hurting Meeeeee ajdhskdhsj
My fave fanon Vil is the one that recognizes all different types of beauty, though~ uvu and is v encouraging to anyone that may be struggling with self hatred 💜
Canon: Vil is pretty~.
Me: Wow, wtf???? He IS so pretty... How rude I didn’t think you were serious! Wow him??? Pretty??? Wow??? Wow...
Idia
I’m not sure yet, as I haven’t seen him very often, but of the few times that I have: BIG same, huge mood, and Me FUCKING Too, goddamn akdhakdj
Idia is my Anxiety and Anime Nerd personified tbh lol
What Ortho is to him are what all my comfort characters are to me, honestly.
Like what would you like bby, you want that singing voice?? Ok here comes a synthesizer just special for you~. Ily, mwah~ u3u 💕
Malleus
HEAVY BREATHING
Ok maybe it’s just the lack of story/info out on him yet, but I don’t currently simp as hard for him compared to Leona, I’ll admit jajdkajd
BUT BOY HOWDEY DO I EVER STILL S I M P...
He Is Baby... And I Lob Him....
I am going to smooch those horns and forehead crown of beautiful scales 🖤🖤🖤 I am going to do it!!!! Here I go!!!
HE CAN HAVE ALL THE ICE CREAM AND TAMAGATCHI DATES HE WANTS I’M- 😭
This man is too precious for words, and I have so much childhood nostelgia to ‘enchanted’ woods, and being in the mountains, so he has Old Fae Friend vibes to me~🖤
DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON F-
Ngl I ship him and Leona a lil bit lol
No, not just bc that makes a poly with my two faves easier, but that is a bonus factor jadhajdj
Vice Dorm Heads:
Trey
Oh my god, the Daddy to my Mommy with all these newly adopted lil kids of ours, ya know??? What a wholesome sweetie and funny lil shit jahdksdh~
I love him, I would gladly make tarts with, AND for him 💚💚💚
The kind of boi who I’d ship HARD with anyone he started dating bc My God it would warm my heart So Much 💞💞
Ruggie (unofficial but may as well be at this point lol)
He took a while to grow on me kadhskdhsj
But I think he’d be a sweet, if a trouble-maker of a friend to have~.
Dank you for taking care of my sweet lion bby, honey, I’m sure Farrena is a sweetheart, but boi I hope he gets his shit together to fix up where Ruggie lives 😭
I think if I met his granny, I’d CRY jadhajsh 💗💗
Leech Twins (?)
Idk if they’re vice leaders, but who cares lol
THESE are the older Big Brothers in every sense of the word. (My canon ages most everyone up just a bit, save for Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Jamil, Cheka, and anyone already 20+)
The ANNOYING older big brothers, lol.
The ones that hug you to death (Floyd), or use you for an arm rest (Jade), and specifically Do the thing you asked/told them NOT to Do.
This is fine with me tho, I’m an only child, please give me the experience of annoying older brothers lol 💙💚
Jamil
I used to hate you bby, I’m so sorry akdhskdhs
I’ve adopted him now, and I’m v proud he’s trying, but making clear what his boundaries are, and trying to come out of a shell he was made to be in for so long 😭
AND HIS DANCING IS SICK LIKE HONESTLY I’M SUCH A PROUD MOM 💗💗💗
Rook
God. FUCKING Rook, lol.
IDK IF I SHOULD TRUST YOU, but I also kinda wanna be your friend akdhakdjs
HE CONCERNS ME but he also seems nice and v sweet sometimes, lmao
Blz don’t stalk me tho 😬
STOP SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS AROUND SCHOOL YOU BLOODY HEATHEN FRENCH PRISS, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE
Also, if he DARES hunt cute animals around me, especially BIRDS, I am going to GRIP him jahdkahdsk
He’s like if Lord Druitt was a Little More Nice and a Little Bit Less Creepy ajdhak
Lilia:
GOD.
I LOVE THIS FUCKING GRANDPA.
I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS FUCKING. GRANDPA.
I absolutely hc him as nonbinary w/masc pronouns, I absoLUTELY do.
I adore him, I love him, I haven’t gotten a squish (hardcore desire to be someone’s friend, lol) this hard for a character since AngelDust, I-
Pwease be nonbinary friends with me, Lilia 🥺
THE ONLY PERSON HERE SHORTER THAN ME, BUT I’LL TAKE IT AJDHAKDHJS
Anyone know Corpse and how he plays Among Us? That’s how I see Lilia playing his video games with friends and I JUST I JUST I J U S T
The Spencer to your Carly.
He and Crowley are free to compete as Dad with me too like honestly kshdkadjjs
He’ll always be granpa tho uvu 💚💖🖤
Extras:
Ace
God, the Fucking Annoying Middle Brother that pranks you ALL THE DAMN TIME, but I love him andhakdhsk
Deuce
THE BROTHER THAT WILL BEAT UP YOUR BULLIES 💙💙💙 SWEET BABY BOY
The Josh to Ace’s Drake. The Cody to Ace’s Zack. The Freddie to your Carly and Ace’s Sam.
If he and Ace started dating, tho, I would CRY.
But regardless who they end up dating, it’ll be slow burn friends to lovers, and literally the most adorable shit to watch EVER 💞💞💞😭
Cater
Seems Like A Womanizer But Actually Drinks His Reapect Women Juice And We Stan That 🧡
Can always count on him to help tou get the best Magicram shots, bless you Cater 🧡🧡
Also rly wanna be his friend, ngl 😭 Even IF he pranks me a lot kadhakdhsj
Jack:
H E AV Y BR EA T H IN G
Ngl my feelings for him are in the air IDK IF I WANNA SMOOCH OR NOT YET I JUST KNOW I LOB HIM HE GOODEST BESTEST BOY 💛💛💛😭
If all three Savannaclaw bois got in a cuddle pile with me, I would Not Be Mad
How can I give this boy love, tell me and I will Do It
Gift him all the cacti’s he WANTS💛
God he drinks that respecc women juice bright and early on his run every morning, you KNOW he does 💛💛💛
I wawnt to pet his ears an tail an fwuffy wolf form 😭
I WAWNT TO SEE THE BOY SMILE AND BE HAPPY 💞💞💞
Sebek
CHILL CHILL CHILL CHILL CH-
He is a v devoted guard tho, we love to see it UvU
I don’t have more info on him hekdhskdj but his fanmade content seems v v sweet~ 💚
Silver
HE ATTRACTS BIRDS AND I CRY ABOUT IT PLEASE BE MY FRIEND AND TEACH ME HOW 🥺🥺🥺
Him being raised by Lilia and Malleus literally gives me so much Fucking Seratonin....... God 💞💕💗💗💞💞💗💗💕💞
Ortho
IS BABY????? IS BABY!!!!!! I’M LOVE HIM I’M ADOPTING HIM IS BABYYYYYYY 💙💙💙💙💙
Cheka:
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
He is so FUCKING CUTE what the FUCK!
Leonaaaaaaa... 🥺 Your NEPHEWWWWW 😭
I might steal him from Farrena tbh, lIKE MY CHILD NOW~ 🧡🧡
I just sob and hug him every time I see him honestly 😭
Teachers:
Dire Crowley
Ohhhhhh god oh god oh god
Be my dad. Please. Be my dad. PLEASE be my dad. Ya’ll think I’m joking, I’m not. Please adopt me. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.
This man as a father gives me so much dopamine and oxytocin and seratonin??? I have been weeping for WEEKS, please adopt me, Sir
Fathers with zero braincells being wrapped around a daughter’s little finger makes me so weak, and I am just here with Daddy Issues like ajdhakdhsj BLEASE ADOPT ME MISTER BIRD MAN
Crewel
Ew.
Forgive me, I haven’t seen much content with him in it/that could be considered wholesome, bUT JADHWKDJSJ
UncoMFORTABLE
Please keep the kink talk out of the classroom, S I R
Call me puppy one more time, see what happens, I’m not scared to fight a teacher akdhakdhsj
Trein
The Dad Figure that tries to be the stern part to Crowley’s blumbering kahdkqrhsjdj
Don’t feel as much attachment to him emotionally, but I like him~
Just let me pet your cat sometimes and give you holiday presents, and we’re cool~ ♥️
Vargas
Found the womanizer //SMACKED
And of course, I can’t forget Grim~!
He’s grown on me, and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in the room, and then myself 😭
I will pet and snuggle and hold him all he wants and feed him all the tuna his heart desires uvu 💙
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sidneypoindexter · 4 years
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just learned abt this dumbass- how did i never hear of him before?- and i love him
he’s probably too nice to even hurt any animals so he tries to hunt but he comes home with nothing. he looks like he has zero braincells. he looks like his head is completely empty. i love him.
god bless hunter smurf i want more hunter smurf content
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hippychick006 · 4 years
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15.12 - Galaxy Brain
Episode Review/Recap
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This is not pretty. Not the worst episode ever, but definitely somewhere in the bottom 10. It mainly suffers from having the focus on “fan favourites” I stopped caring about seasons ago, and contempt for Sam and Dean and their fans coming through loud and clear in the writing.
Everything under a cut because some people can’t handle the truth!
Official episode summary to get us excited and want to watch live: Sam and Dean respond to a frantic call and together along with Castiel, Jack, and Jody Mills (guest star Kim Rhodes), assist in an extraordinary and heartbreaking rescue. Billie (guest star Lisa Berry) surprises everyone with a visit to the bunker.
My reaction:
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“Heartbreaking rescue” 😂
Kaia is shown in the recap and since I know from the promo that Jody is also in this episode, it’s yet another Wayward af episode being forced onto an audience who were very clear they didn’t want it 🙄. The recap is sending me to sleep and my bitter Sam girl is rising since he’s barely in it.  Checks who wrote it and rolls eyes: Teleplay by Bobo the 🤡.  Dean likely isn’t going to be much better off, prepares self for Destiel pandering and Dean being used as a side character to prop up the actual side characters.  Awesome. Roll on Walker where I hope I won’t be subjected to this shit.
The radio shed scene is boring.  Done with “fan favourite” Chuck and have been for several seasons now.  Chuck’s droning on about Sam and Dean, yet it’s Dean and waste of space who are being shown sitting down together, with Sam barely in the background.  Awesome.  I just. Why?  This is like when someone says something about J2 but we get a gif that includes M.  Why are we incapable of getting just J2 or Sam and Dean?
Moving quickly on, we transition from one character I used to love but now don’t care about, to another character I used to love, but now don’t care about.  “Fan favourite” Jody is examining a dead cow. “Fan favourite” Alex calls her, she must have been busy doing something else as she doesn’t appear in the episode. Side note, Berens put the line in about vegan lasagne because the girl playing Alex is a vegan. Oh… so we’re putting in shout outs to the side characters now?  Maybe that’s why the writing is so bad. #justsaying 🤷‍♀️
Jody gets whacked on the head and is it wrong to hope she’s dead?  😔 I know she’s not dead, I know this episode is going to be TFW 2.0 rescuing her (though I predict they will end up being the ones needing to be rescued because Wayward af). It’s too much to expect some real cases, some real urban legends to investigate in the final season.  Show went too big when it should have gone home.
Almost 7 minutes in and we finally have Sam and Dean. Yay! Berens has finally remembered they are still characters on the show, but I guess he hasn’t focused on them as they aren’t “fan favourites”.  And of course “fan favourite” waste of space is in the scene because Chuck fucking forbid we get the brothers without their waste of space hanging around because he somehow has nothing else to do the last 4 seasons.
We’re pandering to “my three dad’s” fan fiction crowd in this scene, though sharing 1 braincell Destihellers for sure will be tweeting about “dads” Dean and waste of space and cheerleader Uncle Sam.  They’re talking about “fan favourite” Jack and him eating hearts. Sam doesn’t want to trust “fan favourite” Billie (good call imo).  Dean seems disconnected from this scene. Same Jensen, Same tbh.  Jared, bless him, is trying his best with this shit, even bringing out the big gun puppy eyes of doom, but I’m feeling nothing but anger.
We move from them to Jack wandering around the bunker. We see him looking at “fan favourite” Mary’s initials carved into the table… and thank you show for reminding me of that fuck up that I’d wiped from my memory.  😡🤬. We learn during this scene that Jack has been trying to contact Billie, but she’s busy so sent him a reaper.
Back with my three dad’s and Jensen can barely keep the contempt out of his expression to deliver this script.  😂
We learn in this scene that Jack trusts Death so waste of space trusts Jack (me plaintively, why???), This appears to be the part in the season that waste of space is being set up to be the tool, which they’ll forgive him for yet again. 🙄 and also 😴 and 😡, a lot of 😡
Ooh, Sam just asked the obvious question, “If Jack kills god, what about Amara.” Nobody really answers it though.
Jared side-eyeing Misha at the end of this “brother” scene. Wtf are you doing in this scene? Your contribution was what exactly? Did I get any time off during any of this for you to stand in this scene doing nothing, other than pandering to Destiel stans that could give a fuck about me, than as a cheerleader for their non ship?  He flounces out.  I wish I could leave as easily Jared, but you sucked me into this show the first time you popped your cute mop of emo hair around the door and asked, “Do I have to?”  I’m here to the bitter, bitter end my friend.
Back with Jack and “fan favourite” random reaper we’ve never seen before.  No offence to the lady, but it might have been nice to see “fan favourite” Tessa back.  I don’t think she bit the dust, did she? Anyway 😴 through this scene.
Parent!Sam goes to find Jack and hears him talking to someone. Immediately concerned, he knocks on the door, and enters.  The reaper has disappeared. Sam asks who Jack was talking to, Jack says no one,  Sam knows that’s not the case but doesn’t push it.    Sam says they’re glad to have Jack back and asks if he knows that and that Jack could have come to them first, they would have helped him. So… we’re just ignoring the whole box thing and the end of last season? Awesome, said no fan of good writing or continuity anywhere.
By the way Jack, that was your cue to be honest with Sam about the reaper.
Ah, yet another pandering moment!!  How would we have endured the last few seasons without one or two or twenty of these crow barred into every episode.  Screams from the rooftops “waste of space is a god damn angel, he doesn’t eat or drink, why the fuck are you trying to humanise him you twats.”
Anyway 😴 through that scene and I swear, I would pay to have a version of this show with waste of space completely removed from the last few seasons.  Zero purpose to this, other than setting him up to be wrong again, and taking Dean along with him, because if Jack’s anything other than a red herring, I’ll be very 😡
As an aside, I  don’t know who that is in this scene but it’s not Dean. It’s not my Dean that I fell in love with.  I hate how much this show lost its way and dragged everything down to pandering and soap opera drama.
As another aside, this scene is like an outtake with seeing who can have the deepest voice, their vocal chords are going to be permanently screwed.
However, what amuses me as always with any Dean and waste of space scene, they don’t actually talk, except about Sam or Jack and this scene is no different.
Dean’s phone rings.  It’s Jody.  I started watching this epsiode, then took a break for a couple of days and had somehow completely forgotten she was in the episode. That’s how efficient my mind is at removing the trash. 😂. Anyway she’s in trouble and tells Dean where she is and that he has to come, otherwise she dies. 
Dean and Sam drive to the location given by Jody and I’m incredibly surprised that waste of space isn’t cadging a ride in the back seat.  Seems this is a random time they can deal with things on their own without requiring the assistance of several others. Just like the good old days.  Shame they’re saving one of the Wayward failures rather than a brand new case that would have been infinitely more interesting.
Sam and Dean get to pretend they remember how to hunt in this episode, Dean covering Sam’s back while Sam helps untie Jody who is tied to a chair in the middle of a barn is the best scene in the episode so far.  Jody has plenty of time while Sam’s untying her to warn them to watch out for “fan favourite” Dark!Kaia but no, and that’s how bad this is. She barely gets a gasp and a “look out” before Sam gets whaled on.  And of course they are both going to get their asses handed to them because “Wayward af” 🙄.  Fucking hate Wayward, not content with ruining 4 episodes of season 13, they’ve come back uninvited to waste another in season 15.
What the fuck did I just see? No seriously, what the actual everloving fuck did I just see? (My swearing goes up exponentially the worse the writing is, I make no apology for that).  Samsel-in-distress is writhing on the floor, while Dean is being choked by whiny dark!kaia complaining about her spear, so of course Jody has to be the one to rescue the Winchesters by whacking her on the back with her chair 🙄.  To add insult to injury, we don’t even get a padabooty shot to make up for this atrocity we’ve had to endure.  And believe me, I could see Jared desperately trying to give us that shot. I’m 😡
Now that Jody’s been shown to be more competent than the Winchesters because “girl power rules”, Sam’s able to stand up again and both he and Dean get their guns trained on dark!kaia.
Long boring scene later – mainly between Jody and Kaia because why write for the two guys you’re paying a quarter of a million dollars per episode for, when you can write for the cheap side characters and have Sam and Dean just stand in the scene doing practically nothing.  Are you chuck damn insane with this nonsense?  Oh sorry, upshot is Kaia is alive and Dark!Kaia can see her world ending and needs to open the portal to rescue her so she lured Sam and Dean to get to Jack (for him to open the portal like he did before). 😴
Jack and waste of space are playing connect 4.  Jack wins. 😴
Sam and Jody arrive back at the bunker. We get a waste of screen time between Jody and waste of space who meet for the first time, with Sam once again being very expensive, but beautiful background.   Dean comes in a little later so he can have a dramatic entrance with dun dun dun, dark!kaia. 😴
I love how the Scooby gang are all off to the side, having a conversation but Dark!kaia is clearly within listening distance so it just makes them look like dumbasses.
Jack’s off limits in helping Kaia (Parent!Dean said no), but Sam says they’re going to look for another way.  Ummm… wasn’t that what the entirety of Season 13 was about and you needed the grace of an archangel for?  You’re just going to “check the lore” and miraculously find in half an episode what you couldn’t find in the entirety of a season?  This is bad. Waste of space is going to call plot device “fan favourite” Sergei.  How they never stumbled across Sergei before, I have no idea as he seems to be the oracle as far as Drabbernatural is concerned.
Dark!Kaia is so whiny. They are terrible at writing teenage girls, it’s actually insulting at this point.
Oh, I thought Jack had found the right spell in research, but turns out the monster needed for the spell is now extinct as they read about it in dad’s journal. Wow, I don’t remember the journal being mentioned in a long time, surprised they remember it even existed, let alone used to be the holy grail of hunting and pretty much what the show centred around in the early seasons (*whispers*, when the show was good).
Wow, they even managed to make the 30 second broment boring. This is a new low.  😴
Jody and waste of space scene because yes, out of all the scenes I could have wished to see in the final season, this was on the list. 🙄. They talk about “fan favourite” Hunter!Barbie Claire (who couldn’t be in this episode because she’s all that and a kit kat now - Supernatural who? I don’t know her.). We find out Claire loved Kaia.  I mean yeah, it’s totally normal to fall in love within 15 minutes of knowing someone. Fucking hell, someone take this pandering hack’s laptop away and save us from this trite aimed only at people who share 1 braincell who only wanted the relationship as it’s a “parallel” to Destiel.  But since Dean dancing with a lamp a couple of episodes ago was a parallel for Destiel, why are we pandering to them. (*whispers* the writers are all narcassists and put stoking their ego before good writing).
This is bad.  Did I mention this was bad?  No, but it’s really, really bad.
Jack was listening in so he’s going to do something stupid so Claire gets her “love” back. Of course he is. 🙄
He goes to speak to Dark!Kaia.  She’s still whiny, we’ll fast forward this garbage to the point Jack looks inside Dark!Kaia’s head to see what she sees, which is Kaia struggling in lizard world. 😴
Jack goes to Sam and Dean and says he’s helping Kaia because he owes her.   Parent!Winchesters are funny, neither are happy with what Jack wants to do but they support their mother killing son.
Reaper is back to stop Jack doing something that is “Winchester dumb” and Jesus fuck, how much contempt does this hack writer have for the lead characters and the 99% of the audience who love them?
Anyway the next few minutes are how stupid the Winchesters are that they can’t even fix the warding on the bunker, and I hate this writer is getting paid actual money for handing this crap in. Unfortunately, he’s got his fellow writers and a couple of hundred sycophants telling him how absolutely amaze balls he is with the rest of the c list cast tweeting around each other at how good they all were.
This is my favourite bit of the episode – not really – but it amuses me the Hellers are making mountains out of “I need to borrow your angel” (😔 pandering) and completely ignoring that no-one bats an eye or puts up a token protest that the reaper needs to use waste of space to feed the wards to keep them running as long as they need for the spell to work. No one asks what harm that might do to him, waste of space is yet again, nothing more than... well, a waste of space really. Never change Hellers, never change. 😂. I’d like to point out that if Sam has been needed to charge it, the reaction from Dean would have been entirely different. 😂
Dean makes the spell, Sam reads the words, while 2 of the 3 side characters just stand there with no purpose.  The warding going up throughout the bunker is the coolest part of this episode though.  Special effects used their $2.50 dollar store budget wisely this week.  👍
10 second broment where Sam asks Dean how Sam’s feeling about what they’re doing.
Sam: honestly?  It feels like we’re taking a big, probably stupid risk… it feels good. Disobeying cosmic entities, doing the dumb right thing, it feels like we’re back.
Note to Berens, I think you could have fit a few more dumb synonyms into that speech to let us know how you really feel). 🙄
I like how Sam checks Dean’s backpack in this scene though.  I’m wondering if that was J2 rather than writing or direction.
Yet another scene between Jody and waste of space. 😴. Jody thanks him for staying behind to look after the reaper.  Waste of space says he wants Jody to stay behind too.
Jody (out of absolutely nowhere): What is that?  Some bs male chivalry thing?
Fuck off with your sjw feminist bullshit to please the single braincellers. With shitty lines like this, it’s absolutely no surprise Wayward didn’t get green lighted.
Waste of space talks about how he’ll never be able to make what’s right, what he “took from Claire”.  Oh, you’ve remembered you possessed a child, incapable of consenting to being possessed, in order to blackmail her father to agree to being possessed again against his will.  A father and husband you got killed because you provoked Lucifer by shouting “Hey assbutt” at him and getting Jimmy blown to smithereens? And you still wander round wearing his face and clothes? No, waste of space, you can’t ever make up for that.
Anyway, the reason he doesn’t want Jody going is that if Claire loses her on top of what she’s already lost (including Kaia), then it would kill her.  Jody agrees. I meanwhile have to stop watching while I try to find my eyes which have rolled right out of my head at this point of the episode. 🙄
Found them, we’re back!  
The reaper and Castiel put their hands on a stone tablet, not sure if we’ve seen it before or it’s just a random object the reaper has handy.  🤷‍♀️. The wards are supercharged (hiding the use of Jack’s powers from Chuck so he doesn’t alert Chuck that he’s back).  Jack opens the portal and Dark!Kaia, Sam and Dean step through to lizard world.
It’s raining heavily, but not on Sam’s hair bizarrely. Denied wet!Sam so here’s a gif from a good episode.
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And because I'm here for both my boys, here’s wet Dean as a bonus
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They start walking to find Kaia and are set upon by those creatures from the first Star Wars movies – the ones that sell the droids and this bit is exciting, finally we get what I’m here for.  Sam and Dean are going to kick as….  Or not, because why write Sam and Dean doing what they should be doing.  The creatures don’t want to fight, they are scared of the world ending and run away. Totally anti-climactic. 😔
They find Kaia and in the most bizarre writing so far in a season chock full of bizarre writing, Kaia rushes to the guy who pulled a gun on her and forced her to do something she didn’t want to do, resulting in her getting stranded on that shitty lizard world alone, and instead of stabbing him, she… hugs him.
In fairness, it was ooc writing by I think Berens that had Dean pulling the gun on Kaia in the first place so this is just a really weak attempt at fixing the original bad writing, which only ends up compounding the problem.
Sam “the writers never bother to write in a hug for me” Winchester just stands back and smiles at Kaia.  In fairness, Sam never getting hugged goes way back and I headcanon that Sam has “back off” vibes to protect himself.  Common in younger siblings that experience a lot of loss early in their lives.
Kaia notices dark!kaia and looks about to kill her but Sam says that she helped them find Kaia.  They go to leave but dark!kaia wants to stay because she doesn’t belong in their world.  Sam says she’ll die and she seems to accept that, being left behind as Sam, Dean and Kaia run for the portal.
We see Dark!Kaia’s world pretty much ending, with her embracing it, just as Sam, Dean and Kaia step back through the portal.
Jody and Kaia hug and I think we’re supposed to feel 🥰 at that, but I care for neither of them (and Kaia was the one I originally liked in season 13, but Wayward af and the trite with Claire, plus dark!kaia episodes ruined it).
Kaia and Jack scene and Kaia looks really well put together considering the entire time we saw her in the AU, she was clearly having mental issues, but like a magic wand has been waved, she’s completely normal and healthy and no worse for 2 earth years in complete isolation in a world you have to fight to survive in every day.  Miraculous, but that’s a Wayward af cardboard cutout character for you.
Jody comes in and offers Kaia a home at Jody’s home for cardboard cut out girl!power hunters.  Kaia asks if Claire will be there and Jody says soon.  
Sam, Dean and waste of space are crammed into a frame and we wouldn’t have this overcrowding in a scene if they didn’t insist on crowbarring him in.  There would be more space in the scene if he wasn’t wasting it. I’m guessing it’s to frame Jack in the front with his “three dad’s” behind 🤮. It just looks bad.
After Kaia and Jody leave, they go back to speak to the reaper.  They’ve remembered they have two stars in this framing, Sam and Dean are together in the front of the shot, Jack and waste of space are behind.
Sam asks the reaper if the warnings worked. She snidely answers that the fact they are all still alive says it worked.  She’s killed milliseconds later by… Billie.  Oh “fan favourite” reaper, so sad to see you go. Maybe you’ll be resurrected in a later episode. We can always hope.
“Hello boys”.  Wait, isn’t that Crowley’s line (and before that Ellen?).
Oh my chucking lord, why the dramatical looks at Death and everyone being scared. This is bad. This is like that Clint Eastwood movie where they all look at each other.
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It’s bad.  Who directed this?  Lol, I think it might have been Richard. He’s been hit or miss for me.  And this one’s a miss.
Sam and Dean step aside to allow Billie to get to Jack and can I just say, no parent would ever do that.  I don’t believe Sam and Dean would do that, but they do, do that (sniggers childishly at do do). They just step aside without saying a word, but who cares about them and what their characters would do.  Certainly not the writer of this episode.
Death tells them they risked everything for one girl and for what, because all the worlds are dying.
Waste of space says it’s Chuck and glares impotently at Death (I think that’s what he’s doing, he might just need the bathroom again, who knows anymore tbh), while she agrees with him, saying Chuck has been wiping out galaxies for the end.
Sam asks what her end game is.  He asks how Jack is going to kill god, what the plan is.
Long, boring monologue later, God has a book in Death’s library, meaning he can die. Billy: Everything dies” 😂
We flashback to original death in the pizza place with Dean and I wish they hadn’t. The difference between that scene and anything in the last season is glaring.  But I was right from something we were talking about a few weeks ago, because we get this quote from Death to remind us;
Death: In the end, I reap him too
Original!Dean: God?  You’ll reap god
Death: oh yes
Waste of space, “And why would god write the blueprint to his own death?” (that would have been a good line for Sam or Dean who have barely had anything to say or do this episode as it is, and they’re in the scenes just standing there getting paid a quarter of a million dollars to watch someone who hung up his acting shoes before season 7, give this line, and I can’t with this).
Anyway, god didn’t write the book, the books write themselves.
Another boring monologue, the upshot of which is Chuck had to write himself into the framework, hence he has to have a book, but it’s not explained very well and I’m fake coughing bullshit on this plot device as it doesn’t make any sense but I throw my hands up in the air. If the writers don’t care about even trying to make it make sense, then why the fuck should I put any effort in to explain it away. 😴
God hasn’t read his book and can’t unless Billie lets him. Sam asks if Jack is in god’s book. She says yes and “so are you.  I told you Dean, you and your brother have work to do, this is your destiny.  You are the messengers of god’s destruction.”
Oh great... they’re messenger boys now?  Awesome.
Back with Chuck, he’s still in Radio Shed, watching a number of televisions and all of them show worlds being destroyed.  
Chuck gets up to leave, the “fan favourite” Radio Shed employee asks if he’ll be saved.  Oh you sweet summer child! 
Chuck says he’ll be fine, but as he leaves we see a meteor hit the store (and show, if you think that was a surprise twist ending, it was flashing neon lights from the very beginning).
The episode seemed to be double the length of normal, but nothing really happened and it was boring af.
Somebody get this show a defibrillator.  Stat!  Oh wait, on second thoughts, slaps “Do not resuscitate” sign onto show.  Let it die in peace. 
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