#god do i want to kick one

[aurpiment]

I had a dream that I was watching The Terror again and it was… a bit different.

There was a plot where Francis Crozier was pregnant. Not by Fitzjames, no; they weren’t close like that. I think by someone who was 1) a casual hookup and 2) dead. He was confiding in Fitzjames about it, though, and complaining of breast soreness. Fitzjames asked him if he was sure he was pregnant and he said yes, that he recognized the symptoms from when he was younger, and then told a story about how his mother had helped him get an abortion when he was a teenager so he could pursue his then-incipient naval career.

Unfortunately, in the dream, I was watching this version of The Terror with my father and brother and they were confused. “But he’s a man! How is such a thing possible?”

“Transgender,” I explained impatiently, because it was obvious this was the direction the show had gone with the character, even though the actor playing him was still cisgender actor Jared Harris.

“But still, no way this would happen,” I added. “I mean, look at him. He’s GOT to be post-menopausal.”

#mt #this was like #well after the men had started dying #there’d been some disaster and the party had split and regathered #they’d gotten back onto the boat? #the ice had melted enough to sail a little? #mr hickey was there and kept trying to joint the conversation and Crozier kept telling him exasperatedly to drive the boat #all the while Crozier had a hand up his own shirt trying to relieve his #breast pain #anyway before you ask he DID have pale pink white person nipples. I seen them. #I think in the dream it was mastitis but that’s so rare antepartum #just one of the many ways the writing was unrealistic smdh! #but shout out to the imaginary Irish Catholic woman helping her kid get an abortion in like 1812. I DO want to believe. queen shit fr! #the terror #god Fitjames was such an idiot about it #it was like month four or five and he was like ‘do you think it could be a tumor’ #TUMORS DONT KICK HE JUST TOLD YOU IT WAS KICKING #DUMB ASS #but he was genuinely concerned as a friend so some crimes can be forgiven #francis crozier’s geriatric pregnancy hour #edit: the croziers were from ulster and Presbyterian. my bad! #sorry for calling his ma a Catholic do you forgive me

[witherbythesword]

if the theory of sam reich being replaced by .. evil wizard dalton reich (and i cant believe i am partaking in this discurse) is true..

i've seen some people asking the question about what those childhood tapes mean. Well i am one of the ancient ones that owned vhs tapes and you know you could replace whats stored on those tapes with overwriting it with new material but it would slowly degrade the quality as the magnetic tape the information is stored on isn't necessarly made to be re-recorded on indefinetly which would also explain the degrading quality of the gamechanger episode.

So my theory is that dalton reich wants to erase sam from history and to do this he is slowly erasing any proof that could hint on sam and dalton being two different people. One thing he appearantly needed to do is overwrite these old vhs tapes of sams childhood.

#game changer #dropout tv #Sam Reich #having worked in an archive i think depending on quality of the tape and what generation it is #you can record and re-record on it 5-10 times #which would fit the loops on the episode kinda #listen i wanted to be cool but i love time loops OKAY #I am actually in disbelieve that no one tackled sam to the ground #like brennan did during the dance thing in the “second place” episode #and screamed “DANCING IS A SIN” #to keep Sam from kicking the god damn camera #i also feel like i've been hexed with the wenis curse #you see all those text about it and think.. well... how bad can it be? truely? #and the answer is simple #EVERYBODY DO THE WENIS #THE WENIS IS A DANCE #EVERBYODY IS A GENIUS #WHO KNOWS IS IN ADV (gunshoots.. sirens blaring in the background.. and a wet thud sounds right next to you) #also.. not to be like alu head levels of conspiracy but by now the nimber of accounts #saying the dropout cast should be hunting down sam as the final game changer episode of the season #is suspicious to me #like... if that turn out to be a fixitman situation of people being IN on something #am just going full balls to the wall riz gukgak tatooing night yorb on his chest levels of insane by now 👍 #also the sfx needed thing #reminds me about how jacob always does his own buzzer sound #because clearly the normal buzzer sound was always there #also.. the red shining buzzer reflecting in the prompt screen..that wasn't always that way right?

[dustykneed]

back on my irl bullshit but first: EXTREMELY soft spones scribble for your trouble (⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)♪

(bones has reports to file but needed cuddles so spock naturally suggested bones sit on his lap as a logical solution while he reads a book) (spock gave up on the book half an hour ago and bones has definitely not scrolled down a single page for at least ten minutes) (in exactly five more minutes spock will decide that the most logical solution is simply to leave the reports for tomorrow and just go cuddle properly) (theyre gay and married! good for them<333)

now onto the irl bs<33

YALL i needed to stretch my legs so i lied and told my family i was goin out w friends for a full day so they wouldnt bother me abt it (lol) and honestly i just plan on sitting in the library writing/drawing and goin around the shops!! AND i plan on going in closet bones cosplay (the one with the whales) >:DD should i post pics? y'all tell me lmao

Because ill have a whole lot of free time-- if yall have any ideas feel free to drop a req in the notes or in my asks (or just ask me anything at all i guess lol) and ill try my best to get to em!

#star trek #star trek tos #tos #spones #leonard mccoy #spock #bones mccoy #s'chn t'gai spock #star trek fanart #dust talks #ngl if yall do want me to post the closet cos pics i might also post my aziraphale one just for kicks #spones fanart #god i love them!!

[torchstelechos]

Honestly if I was SY, I, too, would fall head over heels into love with LBH. Doesn't matter if I'm AceAro that man has the most rizz I have ever seen in a romance story. Does the chores? Master chef? A fucking monster in bed and out of it, literally? All those red flags? Yeah, LBH has amazing rizz. If I had the chance I would grab onto that shit with both hands and never let go, good for SY.

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #luo bingmei #I would NOT touch Bingge with a 20ft pole that bitch is RANCID #I would love to see him go through a How The Grinch Stole Christmas storyline with someone but by god it aint me #I would make him worse actually so I will respectfully decline that one #I think the most I want to do with Bingge is kick him in the lil bingge and see if his heavenly demon powers would not make him keel over #But sadly I think he would be kind of into that #Also Im pretty sure if I ever actually met him I would end up in a wife plot or die horribly so! Yaknow! #We stan a dude who pulled the most amazing househusband ever and the househusband that is also a demon lord

[hrokkall]

TEAR ME APART!!! TEAR ME APART SO I FEEL WHOLE!!!!!

#Inscryption #Inscryption Spoilers #James Cobb #Cw: #Blood #Gore #Is this the first James fanart? Not really an accomplishment but still #Anyway I don't know where I was going with this one #I just wanted to draw a dude who looks like he'd enjoy whatever the hell is happening in the console ARG #And then ended up with Toxic Slutch #(He's toxic slutch color because I like how most Mullinsverse NPCs have non-human skin tones despite being human. It's so fun to me) #I'll change the design if I ever draw this guy again (read: probably not) but I had to get the worm out of my brain. You know how it is. #Longelk raised a really good point though. Why WAS James reassigned to P03 #I personally think it's funniest if they just drew straws and P03 won. Then realized ''what the fuck am I going to do with this'' #Like a drunken bet gone wrong but instead of losing five dollars it's full-on human experimentation. Fun stuff #Anyway imagine being such a freak that you make the in-universe god of wizards kick you out. Good job man #Hrokkall Art

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

hey guys just doodling the guy again (i am booed offstage)

#death note #l lawliet #bright colors #eyestrain #my art #yeah it’s him again #went to actually draw something but like #eh #might as well draw this guy #i’m projecting my tiredness onto him but is it really projection if he’s also tired? i don’t think so #i would pay cash money to pass out for the next 24 hours dm me and i’ll give you my location and u can bonk me on the head w a bat #genuinely think the lack of sleep has been aggravating a lot of my issues i’ve been weirdly flipping between like #paranoia and weirdly happy and irrational anger and just deeply numb #which actually now that i think about it is exactly what happens every time i don’t sleep enough for long enough #methinks i should sleep more snork mimimi it makes my brain work better #god i want to sleep so bad rn #but i have to do laundry and make 2 pies for other people to consume tomorrow #i plan on decorating the crusts w dicks or smth bc i hate the people it’s going to and they are very conservative religious sorta vibes #but some people there would get a kick out of it (the good ones) #u know i was wondering if i really complain about being tired enough for those anons about sleep and y’know what #i really do #and i will forever #if i’m tired u will know of it and thats because it’s always #maybe i should try that caffeine shit people rave about (<- has not drank energy drinks or sodas or coffees since i was like. 14) #actually i think my heart would give out idk what’s with it but it gets silly sometimes so i don’t think it would like caffeine #or maybe idc who knows #the best solution imo is passing out forever and ever and waking up and hopefully being refreshed or smth

[viiinz]

everyday I think about him (Ippolit Terentyev)

#idk why of all characters he's the one that has left such an impression on me but oh boy #it's been over a year since I've read his 'explanation' and everything that followed and it hasn't left my mind since #ippolit terentyev #the idiot #god all he wanted was some sympathy and recognition #and they just make fun of him #literally all this boy wants is to be taken seriously and no one does #they either laugh at him or beg him to shut up #because his vulnerability and the fact that he's dying makes them so uncomfortable #and he's so ashamed as well over his own vulnerbility #that even when people aren't laughing at him he'll imagine they are #and people blame him for being self absorbed?? like of course he is!! #he's EIGHTEEN and DYING #this is a teenager who's just come to the realisation that he has no agency over his life whatsoever #and that all that awaits him are the cruel laws of nature #he has a right to be upset about that #he's literally the man condemned to death that myshkin talked about #and yes he's ridiculous and awkward and not always right and incoherent and all that #and he can really be insufferable and contemptuous and unfeeling towards others #and even the state he's in doesn't really serve as an excuse for that #yet i feel bad for him #and he's such a teenager too he's so insecure and just wants to impress the people around him #and yes he's doing it for attention #of course he wants attention #can you blame him?? #all he wants is to be heard #to feel like his life mattered #but instead everyone's just begging him to shut up #like they're just waiting for him to kick the bucket so the uncomfortable ordeal can be over with #sorry i just have a lot of thoughts about Ippolit and I'm being very incoherent because i didn't plan on typing all this lol

[martyrbat]

kick it up – batman: overdrive

[ID: Teenage Selina Kyle and Alfred Pennyworth bonding by stealing a car together. Selina starts to say the keys have to be in the car somewhere, but Alfred calmly interrupts. “I may be out of practice in hot-wiring, but I still have the knack of it, Miss. Kyle.” He dexterously fiddles with the wiring underneath the steering column and the car instantly comes to life! END ID]

#my fun fact is i was REALLY good at hot-wiring old cars as a kid. new ones have a different immobilizer but anything before the 2000s? #im still decent at breaking into them too but yknow. im just so fucking dumb but have a very misc bag of weird things i can mediocely do #also god i want to suck alfred silly style until i kill that old man ok peepaw <3333 #c: batman: overdrive | kick it up #selina kyle #alfred pennyworth #crypt's panels

[todayisafridaynight]

i cant capture it in a single picture but the pain and agony i felt watching this shit in front of my very eyes. this was evil <- needs every frame of it in a museum

#gaiden spoilers #snap chats #LIKE STOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP #LET DAIGO SEE HIS DAD YOU ASSHOLES #HIS DOWNCAST LOOK :(((((((((( WAAAAAAHHHH ill forever cry about this grown ass man leave me alone #i just want him to have a hug.......... give my middle aged child a hug idcidc #PLEASE THE WAY DAIGO WAS TRYING TO APPROACH HIM STOPPPPPPP I ALMOST WANNA CRY this game was so evil #it was so delightfully evil and im gonna think about it until january 26th #i was kicking my feet in anguish shit hurted #the one saving grace of this torture to my soul was seeing daigo do his lil hand clap after they left the building.... that was cute... #bro was basking in the sunlight like a lizard... i love him so much and no one even knows how much i love him.... #i loved seeing daigo seem so casual for once...... i love him so so much please let him smile more god thank you... #i have to squeeze my daigo i said i was playing minecraft I Lied the mental illness is taking hold of me once more #anyway gonna go look at arakawa. from this same segment HIS FACE AT TENDO PLEASE IT MADE ME GIGGLE MORE THAN IT SHOUDLVE #he didnt even kill you yet son why are you so pressed. ily. #ok bye

[widevibratobitch]

Since we're both as unwell about him as we are I consider you to be someone who knows a fair amount and what do you genuinely think the real James Fitzjames would feel if he saw the Terror's depiction of him? (As in watching the whole show)

HUH good question. first of all i think he'd be a little discombobulated by the very experience of watching a tv show but personally i choose to believe he'd at least be happy he was made into one of the main characters?? and that so many cool and sexy insane people are obsessed with him now <3

having said that. as much as i love show!fitzjames they did nerf him down A LOT. they robbed him of the joyous whimsy that was such a characteristic trait of the real jokester supreme fitzjames (show!fitzjames also has little to no relationship with his irl lieutenant buddies which. sad.)

we also know now that. most probably. he was actually fully english so i can only imagine he'd be Not Pleased about the cairn scene to say it lightly lmao imagine you and your adoptive family making significant efforts throughout your whole life to disguise the fact of your illegitimate birth and then 150 years later some people make a high rating show where they babygirlify you not only spill your secret to the millions of people watching (or secrets, plural, and make you call yourself a fake as a cherry on top lol) but they also get it wrong and make it Even Worse (from a victorian englishman's perspective) like stop guys he's already dead lmfao

having said that. he would have loved the britannia costume and the your nails are a terror line. i know he would.

#look. i personally think it'd be SO funny #like. look. listen. we reblog pictures and memes of him and say how hot and funny he was and it is all true. #dude was incredible and funny as shit and he did do drag and kick ceilings and id give anything to fuck him woah who said that #but he was ALSO an early 19th century white englishboy colonialist lol #(so is show!fitzjames like please my beautiful racist wife is so much more than just her gender issues and stigmata guys....) #and we dont really know much of his actual feelings on crozier (sick owl... i think of that one a lot) so who knows #maybe they did end up in a fucked up yet heartfelt and deeply intimate homoerotic relationship in the end #but it'd be much funnier if they didn't and actually ended up really fucking hating each other lol #id love to lock them both in a room with nothing but a tv screen playing a compilation of their scenes together on a loop #(the 'are we brothers' scene itself is looped three times for maximum awkwardness damage) #ANYWAY #obv we know francis crozier said rpf is fine but we dont know what's fitzjames's stance on that one.... #it doesnt matter anyway. get gendered yaoid and portuguesed idiot #the terror #james fitzjames #og jfj #i wish they'd given tobias the signature forehead curl that makes me lose my mind on the real fiztjimbles #but i want to believe he'd enjoy being portrayed as god's most beautiful specialest little princess in a james ross wig

[unproduciblesmackdown]

why did he do this (rhetorical) (profoundly affected)

#obviously referenced from start to finish. half second shots that kill #you go ''i was already Changed by the mere socked glasses flip / kick gifs. i'm ready'' but you are actually collapsed on the ground #raising my hand as one of the handful of randos who stood up suddenly these past few months like why yes i Will watch your films then #and also as [guy lecturing & emphatically pointing to laptop] i have to do everything myself the undereye coloring is a distinctive trait #fashion icon shit around here also i'm not kidding in the least #i want well another pair of glasses for one & graphic tees short shorts a fanny pack a calculator(?) buttonsy digital watch i completely do #also again with the adhd these flashbacks were beautiful. inspiring. revelatory. profound (cont.) #it's also occurring to me that i've watched a couple movies for the first time recently and it was like. man cmon #one horror one that was like. I Said Man Cmon. another non horror one that was just like an unending shrug #all the more appreciation like yeah hey a horror movie and also just a movie where it's like yes i'm completely along for the ride wahoo yay #raising my third hand as a correct opinions about media haver #corned beef #it #no time to be coy i was here three and greater than three years ago. and just nowadays; evidently: #reddie #online listicle video voice The Couple Of Dozen V Varied Moments From The IT Movies That Drew Blood (Mine) #whoever came up with this sequence i'm kissing on the mouth like my god. again: profound #the power of the rileable using their end of things as their plausible deniability. like oh god i hope he thinks i'm cool. ok asshole Enough #being the guy Just Standing There like fellas the boy you're in love with very insistently did this wyd (only caring abt literature) #adding a 50% pink overlay like it comes time to make these coloring choices & i put on a vivacious song to inspire having fun / being myself #great choice imo. now to slide right under that midnight est wire

[svtskneecaps]

feel like the global tasks sweep strat should probably be nerfed somehow. my thought would be, give each team an individual ten minute overall cooldown on global task claims. that is to say, a certain team can only claim one global task per ten minutes. say, deliver gas masks, and then in ten minutes you're allowed to deliver tea, and then after another ten minutes you can claim hot chocolate.

another teams would be able to claim a global task for bananas during this time, and their own ten minute cooldown would start.

(the global tasks can either keep their individual ten minute cooldown [i.e. after tea is claimed no one else can claim tea for ten minutes] or a slightly shorter cooldown, say 5-7 minutes)

when a global task is claimed, everyone is notified, right? if not, in my hypothetical, they will be.

then, a team trying to sweep six tasks at once would actually take sixty minutes to do, allowing another team to swoop in and have a chance to stop it in cinematic, entertaining fashion rather than tubbo having to grind resources and then log out in front of the merchant to counter this, which is boring for everyone (including the person delivering). plus, if a team cuts it down to the last second and ends up getting delayed, they physically wouldn't have time to make a delivery, meaning even being a BIT of a nuisance could be a viable strategy, even if you can't manage to kill; if you can STALL you could still wreck their plans.

that's my dream anyway idk i'm not a game designer. just think it would be interesting for most players

(i elaborate under)

red team would have to shake up their strategies, which is fun since they're a team that kinda has to rely more on strategy than outright brawn (overall the team's pvp can't be relied on unless they have carre or phil, as seen today when pierre, bad, and etoiles attacked phil cellbit foolish and baghera, and cellbit and foolish both died to etoiles in the attack, despite it being a 4 on 1 at the time. baghera was killed by bad soon after. phil was the one to get the kills. the first day, when blue attacked [niki, tubbo, and bad as i recall] carre got both kills)

the other teams would then still have a way to stop a global sweep since a sweep would have to start earlier, allowing not only more time to arrive at global to pvp about it, but ALSO allowing another team to swoop in and steal the goal out from under the team again

i'm gonna use it in a scenario bc i'm badboyhalo and i can't stop myself from making examples:

so, tonight, if the proposed cooldown was in place, bad and tubbo would both still had roughly 17 minutes when red team would have HAD to start the sweep process if they wanted all six global tasks: 1 hour until the server closed at absolute MINIMUM. more for safety's sake.

therefore, in this scenario, there's a lot to happen

blue team could wait at globals, knowing red will probably try this strategy, and attempt or perhaps SUCCEED in killing red. if they kill red entirely, the operation is a wash; red doesn't have to gear to come back from scratch and take out blue team, and even if they could, the travel time to return to globals alone would mean they wouldn't get all the global tasks, potentially meaning they don't take the lead. if blue team is unable to kill red and dies themselves or has to retreat, but succeeds in delaying red, red would face the same problem.

if red sends in all of the task items on one person, and that person dies, even if the rest survived, blue could loot the items from that person and would be able to either use the items themselves, if green is currently the owner, or could run away with the items, effectively wasting red's time and again, meaning they wouldn't get all tasks claimed even if they were able to overtake the runner and reclaim their items.

i'm unclear what would happen if red divided the task items between them since it seems like the person claiming the task doesn't have to have all (or any? again, unclear) the items in THEIR inventory in order to claim so long as a teammate is nearby with the items in their inv (evidence: pac's vod "voltei... o que tá acontecendo no QSMP?!" at roughly 3:00:00; tubbo claims tea and tea is taken out of pac's inventory. i don't know the limits of this strategy)

blue team also has time to swoop in and steal a global task out from under red during this time. say, if red team had claimed the task for 10 tea leaves, upping the price to 15 tea leaves, and then blue team snuck in and claimed the task and set the price up to 20 tea leaves, (since the proposed 10 minute cooldown on claims would be TEAM LIMITED; red's cooldown applying to red only and so on). if red waited until the last second, they wouldn't have the time to reclaim this task even if they did have the resources, possibly forcing them to start their sweep earlier to counter this possibility, at which point team members who had logged on earlier and are out of time by the end of the night, OR members who live in time zones that don't allow them to stay up until server close, may have an easier shot at participating in defending against a global sweep.

all of this DIRECT CONFLICT would make for good audience entertainment and heighten the stakes of an attempted global sweep, since it would practically have to be one team defending globals for an hour while they pipe all their resources into it, knowing that if they die another team could easily swipe their task resources and use it themselves (along with the rest of their gear). it makes it more interesting, while still mostly viable.

plus it would force more strategizing for red team which is maybe just a personal plus, i just really like seeing people planning both in advance and in spur of the moment. it's really satisfying to see how a plan comes together and succeeds or fails; plus, since red team is the main team using this strategy at the moment and their main draw and strength as a team is cohesion and communication this would be completely fucking riveting for me as a viewer so maybe this is just a personal thing. but i really really think it would be fun

but again, i'm not a game designer, or a qsmp player, or a qsmp admin, or honestly even really a gamer? so maybe i'm off my rocker and out of my gourd and this isn't viable or balanced in any way shape or form but YKNOW what is this blog except putting stupid thoughts into the void and seeing if this time the void spits back hate mail so. i'm folding this into a paper airplane and throwing it into the abyss. hopefully it made sense.

k love you appreciate you getting this far, have a good week!!

(i hope your team gets a win in dramatic fashion and celebrates together!!! i hope they come together and unleash a plan so spectacular it takes the server by storm!!! i hope it's so good it becomes a vod you go back to even years in the future!!!! i hope you have a good week!!!!!)

#qsmp #qsmp purgatory #shut up vic #block game brainrot #yes it's long beneath the keep reading no i'm incapable of being succinct #i color coded the important parts though i just wanted to try to be clear #examples are my bread and butter i do programming and math they make everything easier for me to understand #god i hope this makes sense to other people i didn't ask my biological peer reviewer so idk if this is stupid or not #tbh it's just a tumblr post so i guess it's whatever if it is but i put wayyy more work than necessary into double checking timelines lol #(i didn't watch blue today sorry :/ idr if i mentioned in the body of the post but i main red team) #(their energy is just more entertaining for me personally; though i kept an eye on pac once i could multi-watch!) #anyway other team mains feel free to weigh in if i'm making weird assumptions about what the teams are capable of #heaven knows my pov is biased here LMFAO #((for what it's worth i am fully aware this means red team aren't rly underdogs anymore and i super want them to be kicked in the stomach)) #((back to the drawing board; what will they do??? I WANT TO KNOW :O)) #((seeing them crawling back to victory from being like two pixels on the bar on sunday was great. more of that pls)) #idk i've rambled enough #long tags #ignoring daylight savings it's technically one am goodnight friends i hope this post doesn't suck hahahaha............... #OH AND IF ANYONE THINKS I SHOULD TAG SOMETHING FOR FILTER PURPOSES ABSOLUTELY LET ME KNOW #i want to be courteous but i think this post is pretty neutral in tone? but if you think it deserves a tag i will absolutely add it!!!!!

[oculusxcaro]

As troublesome as Gotham can be, Pauli's is one of those places that rarely gets hit. It's open 24/7 and offers good food to all regardless of who they are and Pauli isn't afraid to hire former criminals like Jerry who used to be muscle for Scarface. Petty thugs who threaten the place for cash are just as likely to receive backlash from their fellow crooks as they would from law-abiding citizens because where else are you going to get a decent meal at 4am?

#🌈 || musings #🌈 || headcanons #I got covid ffs so trying to spur some activity #And I can't remember if I wrote about this before #But I like that there's this idea that Pauli's is kinda off-limits to most criminals in Gotham bc that's an honest to god mom and pops dine #Plus Jerry is intimidating af #Imagine somebody kicking up a fuss or trying to hold the place up for cash in the register and this massive black dude steps out #Standing 6'7 and carrying 300lbs of muscle staring you down while holding a goddamn meat tenderizer #Doesn't even need a gun he can throw that shit across the diner and nail whomever #Cindy's the one who carries a gun #Sweet innocent Cindy who won't take shit after dealing with the Mad Hatter #So yeah attacking Pauli's is kind of a bad idea because it's one of those [Everybody Disliked That] situations #Good food at fair prices to all it's an oasis in a city like Gotham #It's just funny to me because Jerry and Cindy can be menaces in their own right let alone Khare being a flesh horror and all #Just wants to do an honest god and go home at the end of her shift aghsfsd #Oh yeah and Rorschach also watches over the place #So anybody causing trouble is going to get hate from all sides ahsgsf

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap #bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU #lol idk why my head is so bad today #the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it #i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!! #but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do #oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse #sorry guys needed to rant #the inadequacy was strong today #something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like #i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me. #and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but #my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m #missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids #who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me #for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just— #sorry #that felt good actually #idk what came over me #imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags #sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh #okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is

[fishofthewoods]

Yknow it does irritate me a little that after the Emperor reveal in act 3 your only mean dialogue options are about him being a mind flayer. Let me bully this guy for being a piece of shit not for being illithid. I don’t distrust him because he’s not human i distrust him because he’s a lying manipulative motherfucker. LET ME BE MEAN TO HIM WITHOUT BEING FANTASY RACIST LARIAN

#My hatred for the emperor genuinely knows no bounds #I fuckingg hate him so much. He’s my archenemy. He’s such a motherfucker. #That one scene where you go into the prism and you have a dialog option to say you only want a dreamless sleep #And WITHOUT FUCKINH CONSULTING YOU at ALL. That bastard FUCKS WITH YOUR BRAIN #AND KNOCKS YOU OUT FOR 8 HOURS. #WHO SAID HE COULD DO THAT????? CAUSE I SURE FUCKING DIDNT #I haven’t finished the game yet but I swear to god if you can’t kill that bastard once you don’t need him to live. #If you don’t get to kick him in his slimy fucking tentacles. I will die in real life. #Larian let me kill the emperor . Please. Come on man. #bg3 #lich says shit #Bg3 spoilers

[zenaidamacrouras1]

15 questions for 15 friends

I got tagged by @voylitscope and @booksandabeer. Hello, I hope y'all are doing very well today.

Are you named after anyone? >>> Yes, my dad, being the third child, my parents thought this was amusing. I used to hate it (my relationship with my dad is COMPLICATED and my name is gender neutral, which as a more or less gender neutral adult, I like, but as a kid who felt really confused about gender, I did not).

I've grown into it. Our first and middle names are one letter different, but, fun fact, when I bought my house they spelled my name like his name on the deed and he briefly owned my house, I guess? I mean, I fixed the typo. I joked about it to the real estate agent people and they were like "your dad didn't actually own your house just because of this typo, you know that right?" and like yeah, I know, it's just funny.

When was the last time you cried? >>> I rarely cry, for whatever reason. I occasionally get a stoic, manful misting in my eyes or brief tightness in the back of my throat I have to swallow down while staring into the distance. It's probably not healthy, but I have bigger fish to fry. (and if I'm crying into my fish frying grease the tears will make the oil will pop everywhere, so we can't have that, this metaphor is getting confusing).

Do you have kids? >>> I do. I talk about them all the time because they are fun interesting people and also my pals.

What sports do you play/have you played? >>> My rebellion as a child was to not play sports, which I definitely regret, but I did do ballet for a long time, I was always a "back row" dancer e.g. the worst in the class but there's nothing wrong with spending a great deal of time doing something you're quite bad at. Anyway, I'm better at ballet than most people who never took lessons.

Do you use sarcasm? >>> No. (hahahahahahahahhhaaaa)

What’s the first thing you notice about people? >>> Ummm...vibes?

What’s your eye color? >>> Glowing red when I'm doing an evil spell, but otherwise blue.

Scary movies or happy endings comedies? >>> I almost never watch movies. What kind of movie is Lord of the Rings and The Winter Soldier? Those two, plus a few others.

Any talents? >>> I am good at making quick assessments and breaking down complex things into simple, easier to understand things, which, damn those ancient Greeks for always being right, is probably as much of a weakness as a strength. Also I have won a blue ribbon for quilting at a state fair which is very wholesome as I am a wholesome, stoic midwesterner.

Where were you born? >>> A very wholesome, stoic hospital in the rural midwest, surrounded by cornfields to the horizon.

What are your hobbies? >>> laying in bed and reading, walking places, sewing things, writing stuff, wishing everyone would leave me alone for ten damn minutes, feeling antsy when no one is bothering me.

Do you have any pets? >>> I just posted a picture of my cat. I didn't mention it there but she has bad eyesight and can't jump up to things, she often misses so just climbs everything or stays on the ground. It was great when she was an outside cat because she couldn't catch birds, though she would sometimes manage a snake and bring it in the house and leave it in the laundry basket.

How tall are you? >>> 5'11" but for what it's worth I'm the shortest person in my immediate family.

Favorite subject in school? >>> I really liked sociolinguistics classes in college. I liked art and biology and creative writing classes too. I like a lot of things. I like learning. I loved going to college. I'm a first generation college student and aside from the angst and bad attempts at romance and depression and anxiety and panic attacks, I really did feel lucky the whole time I was in college.

Dream job? >>> I need a job that helps people because I can only make myself do something boring if it I feel like I "owe" someone. I need a job that changes every few weeks so it is less boring. Both criteria I basically have, except I would like my current job to be less stressful and endlessly high stakes, except if it wasn't I would probably be bored, and also I would like fewer people that annoy me.

God I'm supposed to tag people now. What an absolute nightmare. Okay. I'm doing it. Don't hate me. @burberrycanary @msilverstar @bookgeekgrrl @fsbc-librarian @late-to-the-party-81 @blackwood4stucky @otpcutie

#zenaida talks (too much) #writer asks #ask games #ask away #god no one wants to know any of this #I will do anything not to do my job #waiting for the ritalin to kick in