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thatesqcrush · 4 years

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The Secret

Rafael Barba x Reader.

CW: language, some suggestive language, some angst, tooth rotting fluff.

Prompts filled: “Hey if your inspired could you do prompt 26. "Do you think they can hear us through the tent?” “Yes we can.” With Barba and a new detective? Maybe the squad went on a camping trip? If you don’t have time then no worries!” @bre160997 plus “Hi, hun! If it's okay, could I request prompt 12 + 29 from the Lyric Starters? Maybe a fight with Barba in front of the SUV or something, I'm really just craving for angst from @i-t-s-a-n-d-y & finally, from @thefanficfaerie Dr. Who Challenge: “Then you stole me. And I stole you… What made you think I had any intention of ever giving you back.”

WC: 2118

“Did you hear? We are going to do some team building exercise this weekend?” Amanda groaned as you entered the locker room.

“What? No. I was going through a case file all afternoon with Barba.” You replied, as you gathered your belongings.

“Barba and Y/N sitting in a tree… k-i-s-s-i-n-g.” Amanda sang, which garnered a glare from you.

“Oh stop it!” You threw your jacket at Amanda who caught it. “It’s not like that.”

Amanda cocked her brow at you. You sighed, defeated. “Okay, it’s like that. But please don’t say anything to Olivia. Barba and I haven’t made it official. He keeps stalling. And there is a ton of disclosure paperwork that needs to be completed.”

“I’m aware – you forget Sonny and I…” Amanda wiggled her left hand at you. You rolled your eyes.

“I know – but it’s different. You and Carisi had a long history together. You each had rank. I’m the newbie.”

“And Barba is the hand that rocks the cradle.” Amanda snickered. “Why do you think he keeps stalling? It’s been six months.”

You grabbed your jacket from Amanda. “So what exactly is this team building exercise?” You asked, ignoring her question.

Truth be told, you were terrified as to why Rafael kept stalling.

“What the hell is this place?” You wondered out loud, as you stepped out of the SUV.

“Welcome to Bear Mountain!” Sonny replied, slapping his hand on your back. He walked past you and you watched as the rest of the team climbed out of the car.

“Fresh mountain air, private trails, a clean creek. We’re going to have ourselves a true mountain adventure and take to the wildness.” Oliva replied.

A woman with wild hair and a hippie dippy dress approached. She had a wide , friendly smile. “Are you the police group from NYC? SVU?”

Olivia nodded.

“Welcome, welcome! I’m Teres, and I am the owner of these grounds. “ Teres clapped her hands and the bangle bracelets she wore clinked together.

Sonny raised his brow and Amanda jabbed him in the ribs.

“These grounds are actually behind my family’s orchard and farm. We have tents set up for you all, but there is also a micro-cabin with a fully functioning bathroom and shower. While it seems like you have left the world behind, we are 10 minutes from the local grocer, diner, deli and pizza place. Barton’s Orchard is also a 15 minute drive. Tymor Park is 2 miles down the road. There you will find a swimming pool, more hiking trails, a lake for boating, volleyball courts and more.” Teres continued. “Is everyone here?”

Olivia looked around. “We’re waiting for one more.”

You turned to Liv. “Who else is coming?”

“Barba.” Olivia replied. “Thank you for having us, Teres.”

Amanda looked over at you and winked.

“The purpose of this weekend is to bring the team together. Now that we have Kat…” Olivia announced, smiling at the young detective. “And Y/N.” She smiled at you. “Carisi is our new ADA and Barba is our new Bureau Chief. Things at the one-six have shaken up. I thought this would be a nice way to get away from the hum-drum of the city and do some old-school bonding.”

At that moment, the rumble of a car approaching the grounds filled the air. You watched as Rafael got out of the cab. He was way over dressed naturally - this did not surprise you. He seemed awkward and out of place. He frowned looking around before his eyes met Liv’s and he smiled brightly. He walked over and said hello. You tried to say hi but he brushed you off and immediately you hated the weekend and wanted to go home.

Your whole life you lived by the motto that you don’t shit where you eat. You didn’t do workplace romances. Then you transferred to Manhattan SVU and had a random hook-up with one very sexy Cuban man after your first hard case who just happened to be the Bureau Chief. But after that one incident, in which you both swore could never happen again, you both couldn’t keep your hands off each other.

But it was a secret. Months and months passed. Now it was six months in. You kept wanting to tell Olivia – but Rafael kept saying it was not the right time. More and more, it felt like the guilt of the relationship was taking its toll. You finally caved one night to your partner, Amanda, spilling every last drop.

Amanda took the information in stride and promised she would keep it all under confidence. That said, she did enjoy occasionally ribbing you from time to time about it.

Night quickly approached. The whole time Rafael dodged you as best as he could. You pulled out your phone and wondered if you could fake an emergency to escape. The campsite claimed there was wi-fi but the connection was shitty.

“Hey.”

You looked up at Fin, who crouched next to you. “Hey.” You replied dejectedly while you nibbled at a s’more.

“You okay? You’ve been quiet all day. Not like you.” Fin replied. You sighed, watching Sonny and Amanda across the campsite with Rafael, laughing over God knows what.

“Yeah. Just tired. Camping isn’t my thing.” You replied. “I need to be in actual civilization.”

“I get that. I don’t do nature either.”

“I think… I am going to head to bed.” You replied standing. You stretched out your hand. “Want the rest of my s’more?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Fin replied. “Maybe Barba wants it. He’s always hungry.” He laughed and jutted his head towards the direction where Barba was.

You hummed and gave Fin a smile before heading to your tent. The ground was cold and hard. Sleep was futile.

It was one weekend. You could do this.

The next morning, breakfast was being had and Olivia was busy going over some of the bonding activities everyone was going to partake in. You decided to take your coffee to go, walking up a trail.

“Y/N, you shouldn’t go by yourself. Barba, why don’t you accompany her?” Amanda replied, with a wink to you. “Unless you want to go kayaking with us.”

You shot a look at Amanda. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Nonsense – everyone should be in pairs. You never know what could happen.” Olivia replied. “Besides this is about team morale and building.”

“Great.” You gritted. Rafael looked at you and gave you a small, forced smile.

“After you, detective. Lead the way.” Rafael replied.

The walk up the trail towards Tymor Park was mostly quiet between you. After you were far enough from the campsite, you whipped around and stepped in front of Rafael, causing him to take a step back.

“I was trying to get away from you!” You hissed.

“Look, Y/N, I don’t know why you are so upset with me.” Rafael began. “I told you I wasn’t ready to disclose.”

“When will you be ready? Why don’t you respect me or our relationship?” You replied, sitting on a rock.

“That’s not true – you know I respect you. It is just complicated.”

“No, it’s not. You are making it complicated.” You watched as a white butterfly flitted by.

Rafael sighed and sat on a rock next to you. “I thought we wouldn't last a month. But then we did, and then another month, and I'm still not sure how this happened.”

Rafael pulled your chin to face him. You jutted your chin out from his grasp. ““It feels like you don’t care.” You scoffed. You stood and crossed your arms. “Well?” You asked, exasperated when Rafael didn’t immediately respond. Your eyes began to shimmer with tears that threatened to fall.

You looked over your shoulder as you began to march in the opposite direction. “I’m going back to the campsite. If you want to follow me, that is your prerogative.”

---

Rafael used the opportunity to think about what he wanted to do as he followed you back to campsite. Truth was that he did like you – a lot. He might even dare to say his feelings bordered on love. But ever since Yelina had broken his heart so many years ago, he was reticent about any kind of relationship. Certainly his line of work didn’t allow for romance and he used that to his advantage.

Then you came along. And turned his whole world upside down..

You were the newest detective after Kat Tamin. You were like a breath of much needed fresh air. You weren’t jaded like the other detectives and thought outside the box. When other detectives offered stereotypical analysis, you had a way of providing another vantage point that might not have been otherwise stated.

You were also thirteen years his junior.

Rafael worried that disclosing the relationship would make him come across some kind of old man pervert. And instead of telling you and leaning on you, he decided to push you away because it was easier to avoid than deal with feelings he wasn’t used to.

When you had gotten back to the campsite, you stormed off to where Fin and Sonny were, joining them in a card game. Your eyes met Rafael’s and you glared at him before turning to Sonny and laughing at what he said.

Rafael felt his heart sink a bit. And then he gathered what resolve he had and vowed to make things right with you. He didn’t want to risk losing you.

---

After a day of more bonding activities, you all sat around the campfire. Sonny strummed his guitar – a hobby of his – as he lead everyone through a round of Wagon Wheel.

Picking me a bouquet of dogwood flowers

And I'm a-hopin' for Raleigh, I can see my baby tonight

So rock me momma like a wagon wheel…

Finally, everyone decided to hit the sack and call it a night. You were settling into your sleeping bag, when you heard the zipper to your tent open. You turned on your flashlight and directed it to the tent opening.

“Who the fu—”

Rafael poked his head in. “Can we talk?” The light shone directly into his eyes, nearly blinding him. He blocked the light with his hand.

You sighed. “I’m going to bed. Make it quick.”

Rafael climbed into the tent and settled next to you. You set the flashlight between you, causing an eerie glow. Rafael took your hands in his and pressed kisses along your knuckles.

“Hermosa, you deserve to know the truth. What I feel for you…” Rafael sighed, shaking his head. You felt your heart thud in your chest and your stomach churned. You thought perhaps he was going to break your heart for good.

You interrupted him and began to speak, your voice shaking. “Please spare me the humiliation…”

“No! If I ever made you feel like I don’t love you. That was my fault and I’m a bad liar.” Rafael replied.

“You love me?” You asked, your voice hopeful.

“I do.” Rafael replied. He pressed a chaste kiss to your lips. “Then you stole me. And I stole you… What made you think I had any intention of ever giving you back.”

“I love you too Rafael.” You replied. You climbed over to his lap, knocking over the flashlight. You leaned over and pressed your lips against his. Rafael groaned, and opened his mouth, returning your kiss. He stretched out his leg and pulled you into his lap. His hands ran up and down your thighs, squeezing your ass as you hungrily kissed each other. His tongue danced with yours and you ground yourself against him. You could feel his cock harden. You moaned loudly as he lowered his mouth to the slope of your neck sucking on a sweet spot, causing you to grind further down. “Oh Rafael!”

Rafael slapped his hand over your mouth. “Sshhh.”

“Do you think they can hear us through the tent?” You asked.

“Yes we can.” A voice that sounded a lot like Olivia’s called out. “And here I thought we would have to worry about Rollins and Carisi.”

You and Rafael burst into laughter. “Well, I was going to suggest disclosing in the morning, but I think we were found out.” Rafael replied.

“Good. Now that they all know…come here.” You replied – your voice was filled with want. You wrapped your hand around Rafael’s neck once more and pulled him down on top of you.

FIN.

Tags: @madpanda75 @tropes-and-tales @delia26 @mgarner1227 @beardedmccoy @youreverycolor @neely1177 @the-baby-bookworm @mrsrafaelbarba @skittle479 @ottosuricato @delia26 @sass-and-suspenders @mommakat32 @dreila03 @beccabarba @garturbo @lovebennycolon @imjustreallynosy @sweetsummertime99 @whyissvuruiningmylovelife @annabelleb49 @scarletsoldierrr @cesarofangirl78 @redlipstickandplaid @redlipstickandblacktea @zoeykaytesmom @differentshadesofgray @misssirenlove @esparza-army @bananas-pajamas @mishaissocoolike @thefanficfaerie @theenchantedgalleryofstories @catnip987 @choppedgalaxynerd @pieceofshittytitty @ktiz90 @evee87 @itsjustmyfantasyroom @blk0912 @choppedgalaxynerd @detective-giggles@rampantmuses @jazzyjoi @caked-crusader- anyone else, just ask! xo

#rafael barba and reader #rafael barba imagine #barba x reader #barba and reader #rafael barba fanfiction #rafael barba fic

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Porky Pig Black and White Birthday Special!

H-h-hello you happy people! And it’s time for my first birthday special for Looney Tune! While I covered some with Tex’s birthday last week, this is the first of these specials i’ve done to cover one of their stars.. and it’s apporirate it starts with their first big one: Porky Pig!

Yes for those of you who didn’t know, and until a few months ago that included me turns out Porky wasn’t always a second banana who still had an iconic habit of closing out shorts with his signature “T-t-that’s all folks!’. He was Warner Bros first big star and mascot. Like Daffy would do in Porky’s own shorts he started out as a sidekick in shorts for Beans the Cat

No one Brak, that’s why eventually Beans, who was a diet Mickey outside of his first short, which we’ll get to in a moment, got the boot while the stuttering adorable pig got the starring role instead. Porky was the studio’s big headliner for years and years.. but most wouldn’t know it. Outside of Porky in Wackyland, none of his shorts without Daffy or Sylvester really got a lot of play on Cartoon Network or other repackages, likely because most were black and white and for whatever reason they didn’t mix them in. But after seeing oh so many in the menu for Looney Tunes on max I was super curious, and thus super excited for this day to come so I could take a look and see how they held up, holding off watching them so they’d be fresh. And outside of three shorts: his first appearance, one suggested by my friend Blah and one picked by my Patreon Emma, as one of the perks for my patreons is getting to pick a cartoon when I do one of these 10 cartoon specials, I just went with my gut, what sounded interesting or what have you, avoidnig the ones where he was Daffy’s sidekick and what not to focus soley on porky hamself to see how he stacked up alone.

How’d it turn out? Well join me after the cut for a nice pile of ham, bacon, sausage and other pork products as we dig into everyone’s favorite pig. Well almost everyone I have my own favorites.

Yes yes you are sweetie. Reviews of 10 Porky Shorts, all but one in black and white, under the cut. Trigger warning: One of these shorts involves attempted suicide Yes really. So if that’s a trigger for you, please avoid this review entirely or if you want to just avoid that specific entry, the one on Porky’s romance. Thank you.

1. I Haven’t Got A Hat (1935): Bope A Dope A Dope Dope

As I mentioned Pre-Porky, Warner didn’t have a star to compete with Disney, and given Disney was so character based, and a lot of these shorts were coming out at the same time Disney was spinning Donald off into his own series giving them TWO huge stars, it was clear Warner needed at least one to complete. So they came up with a plan: a knock off of Our Gang, aka what would later be dubbed The Little Rascals, starring a bunch of animal kids to see if one or all caught on. As you can tell one did but as the intro made clear it took them a few shorts to realize it.

The short is about a school recital to raise money for the teachers, just in case you thought them being underpayed was a new thing. So it’s really an excuse for four diffrent segments of hyjinks following a diffrent kid or kids each. Our first is the reason this one is here, porky’s introductoin where he stutters, and struggles throught he midnight ride of paul revere. It’s alright mostly do to his animated actions like the above seen simulating hi mriding his horse. Not bad but like a lot of Porky jokes it relies on his stutter which wasn’t funny to me as a kid or now as an adult, and comes off pretty inesnitive in hindsight, especially as the stutter was a medical condition of his voice actor that forced him to retire and be replaced by Mel Blanc after “Porky’s Romance”, which we’ll get to.

The other three bits are likewise decent: Kitty, a small cat, nervously makes her way through mary had a little lamb next, whic is fine enough. My faviorite is after here, Ham and Ecks, two puppies performing the title number, which is mostly funny because they sing like normal kidddies.. except after saying the title name with Ecks suddenly going in very low. it’s not bad.

Finally we have Beans and Oliver Owl. Beans wants to get back at Oliver for not sharing Candy so he puts a dog and cat in his piano. It’s colossal, it’ stupendous.. it’s mediocre! As is the whole short, not bad bits, but only the title track is super memorable. It is easy to see why Porky stuck out the most though with his stutter and neat design. As mentioned it would take warner a few shorts to realize his appeal but once he did he was off to the raises and the next three shorts are all from the very next year.

2. The Blow Out (1936): Insert Silly Jig Music Here

This one is simple but it works: A mad bomber, what bombs in broad daylight, is setting up time bombs and being hammy. Meanwhile Porky, whose still a kid in this one, wants a big old soda float and only has half the money, but after helping a guy pick up his cane on relflex, starts helping people pick up their items. You can see where this is going and the climax is damn fun as you’d expect from Tex Avery. The runner of Porky doing a silly little dance with a catchy musical sting as he trops the pennies he gets in his pocket is also pretty neat. Not the best he’s done, given I did a whole birthday special last week he’d get much better, but still some fun silly stuff.

3. Plane Dippy (1936): Spin It! Even better, with a simple premise: Porky joins the army, we get some hyjinks as he does the tests and then he’s assigned to dust a remote plane that Kitty ends up accidently directing when talking to her dog. There’s some really fun screwball stuff here, though the ending is a bit weak, everything else is pretty strong. The pattern for the last three holds: not the best thing i’ve seen from Disney, Warner or MGM, but pretty neat.

4. Porky In The North Woods (1936): Turtle Paddlin

This one’s a disney style picture as Porky sets up an animal refuge, only for an egotistical hunter to outright ignore his signs and presumed legal right and set up traps then try and kill Porky for daring to. undo his traps.. in an area outright labeled as an animal sanctuary. I’d say just hunt somewhere else but as the modern republican party has proven Stubborn assholes afraid of change won’t just go away or obey the law. The animals return Porky’s kindness by kicking hte guys ass, the best bit being some turtles grabbing some paddles and giving him what for, to the point I screencapped that bit specically.

But other than the Climax it’s just alright, but the hammy villian does help elevate this one.

5. Porky’s Romance: I made a Huge Mistake

This one was one I picked out I knew wasn’t on Max but curious about Petunia’s first apperance, I added it to the rotation anyway.

I’m not sugarcoating it because this short dosen’t deserve it: This is the worst of the shorts i’m covering here today. It is pure awful distlend into 7 LONG minutes.

As some of you may recall, back when I did my first shortravaganza for Donald Ducks birthdy, I reviewed Donald’s Diary, the last Daisy short and one with some pretty cute Donsy stuff but ends with him reconsidering proposal like a jackass because he asasumes marriage will be terrible and she’ll turn abusive and “GASP” make him do chores like a responsible partner. It’s one half a good short, and one half a really bad short.

You want to see the truly terrible version of that done years earlier, on less of a budget and only satisfying at hte very end? No. Well I didn’t either but that’s what I got. The short starts okay, with a bit introducing Petunia in am eta way. But the short itself after that little meta bit?

The short has Porky lovingly picking out choclates and a ring for Petunia. Petunia in this short.. is a horrible monster who dismisses him out of hand and only lets him court her to get his choclate, her dog barks at him trying to get some, so their all assholes, and she outright laughs at his proposal.

It’s here where I needed a trigger warning, as Porky tries to kill himself over it. So we have a woman using a prospective partner for finacials and her real intentions driving him to suicide. I.. why would you put this in here. How is this funny? or entertaining? Or anything I want to watch in a looney tune? I don’t want to watch Porky get depressed and try and hang himself. No one wants that and if you do, please get some help.

He hten has a dream, hence the comparison, of an awful wedded life with Petunia where he does everything, and she GASPS puts on weight.. even though...

youtube

He wakes up, finds Petunia likes him now but leaves, takes the choclates and kicks the dog. Haha he’s sitll not a good person.

As you can tell, this short is throughly miserable. It’s not funny, it’s not tearjerking, it uses sucicide for some reason and takes a dark tone, and is VERY sexist saying “Well women be like this you know” it feels like. It also makes VERY light of domestic abuse, and while that was the style at the time it dosen’t make it any better. Tackling either suicide or domestic abuse is fine, their very important issues.. but don’t put them in your looney tune, for god’s sake. I do not get the tone they were going for but I hate it. I HATE THIS ONE. Do not watch it it bad. Let’s please move on.

6. Porky’s Garden (1937): It’s A Me! An Itallian Sterotype!

My good friend Emma, whose now one of my patreons, picked this one mostly because it popped up on youtube when she did a youtube search. ironically she herself is itallian and i’m 100% convinced she had no idea what this cartoon contained: Porky versus an itallian sterotype for a county fair prize. Now is this the worst thing Looney Tunes has done? Nope the censored eleven exist, Porky’s Romance exists and Loontics unleashed exists, so i’ts not the worst but it’s still just very cringe inducing that the only joke the guy has is “laugh at the evil foreigners funny accent” It’s not very good, not worht your time, and has weird popeye joke for some reason.

7. The Case of the Stuttering Pig (1937): The Creampuff in the Third Row This one could’ve been done for Halloween, as Porky deals with a lawyer turned into a monster stalking him and Petunia.. whose possibly his sister here which somehow makes Porky’s romance even worse but given the unviersal adaptor cast of the looney tunes, i’m assuming it wasn’t. That short is horrible enough own without that little chesnut. The short is dripping with atmosphere but on the whole is just okay, though the runner about the villain insulting a guy in row three only for that guy to get even at the end and save the pigs is pretty great not going to lie.

8. What Price, Porky? (1938): Daffy!

I purposefully chose not to have as little of other looney tunes as possible, in order to make this Porky’s day. As you can tell for the most part that’s been a mistake but even the one with Daffy is just okay, but at least has a creative premise. Porky is a farmer, a surprisingly common theme, and some local ducks are stealing his Chicken’s corn. So while he tries to ask them nicely not to, the general, played by daffy, attacks. Sadly he’s barely in it but we do get some neat gags and it’s far more of a ride than the last few. The ending is bad, the ducks win despite being the antagonists, but still pretty fun. Thankfully we’ll be getting more Daffy in April.

9. Porky’s Hare Hunt: Halfway To Bugs

As you can tell this day ended up being kind of a disapointment: Porky just isn’t the most intresting leading man and ended up working better as a straight man. I still genuinely love the character, but it’s clear there was only so much you could do with him in the lead and by the end here, he was either being sidelined so Chuck Jones could do something else like the last one or made the foil to someone goofier often daffy but our last two, and today’s two best, this one being secon dbest, prove whyt hey’ve stuck to that since.

This one has him hunting a Rabbit whose a bit nuts and utterly delightful, a prottype for bugs.. and for woody woodpecker, whose va he shared, and Screwball Squirreel. THANKS...FOR...THAT... but unlike screwy, this rabbit at least is being hunted, so we get a fun breezy short with some goofy antics and a loveable protgangsit going up against Porky as the antagonist. Good stuff.

10. Porky in Wackyland: Ending on a High

As I said this ended up being kind of a slog. I wanted to honor Porky by showing his solo career and instead found it dated with a few good shorts.. but only a few really held a candle to the disney stuff going on at the time or the warner stuff to come later like Porky’s Hare Hunt and the Blow Out. Otherwise it’s pretty standard outside of the previous entry.. and there’s only one true masterpiece. This one. Porky in Wackland.

Porky in Wackland is just Bob Clampett going nuts for 7 minutes and it’s glorious to watch. Porky is hutning for the last Dodo and ends up in the utterly deranged and wonderous wacky land. The only bit that does not work in this entire 7 minute orgy of weirdness is a refrence to the jazz singer with a creature screaming mammy that’s a slight caracture of a black person. I’ve seen much worse but i’ts still eesh. But unlike some shorts, that dosen’t slow it down for long and it’s almost etnirely just fun, utterly batshit stuff and a great chase with the dodo himself at the end and one hell of a warner brothers logo gag. Check this one out, it’s admired for a reason. Tremendous stuff. Should be on max with.. that bit.. edited out.

So that was a look into Porky’s solo career and yeah, I can see why he’s better as a straight man. I still love the guy though and he has lasted as long as his brothers while others from this time were forgotten> He’s still a good character.. he’s just better paired with Daffy or someone else, part of a team. As a solo act.. he’s just okay but as part of a group.. he’s sensational.

If you liked this review, reblog it, follow me for more and join my patreon. Until then...

#looney tunes #porky pig #porky pig's birthday #petunia pig #daffy duck #what price porky #the blow out #haven't got a hat #plane drippy #the case of the stuttering pig #porky's romance #porky's hare hunt #porky in wackyland #porky's garden #porky in the north woods

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itsthemysterykids · 3 years

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Quick! The opposite Mystery Kids arrive through a portal from their dimension! What are the Kids reactions?

Coraline: God! Opposite me is lame!

Caroline: I-I don’t really appreciate your tone.

Coraline: Cuss me out! Call me a jerk or something! Geez!

Wyborne: Greeting me like you were born in a junkyard? Talk about great first impressions.

Wybie: This coming from the guy dressed like a Black Félix Graham de Vanily?

Wyborne: Cold... I like you.

Dippy Fresh: Flip-a-Dip-Dip!

Dipper: I hate you.

Mabel: Don’t you ever wear colors?!

Opposite Mabel: Black is the presence of all colors. I’m wearing every color, you’re only wearing one.

Mabel: But-

Opposite Mabel: Stop. Talking.

Opposite Norman: I’m sorry, but I just don’t see why you’re interested in horror movies. Those terrify me.

Norman: But you can talk to the dead, how are you afraid of horror movies?

Opposite Norman: I can talk to the what?

Neil: But Norman’s a great guy! Why don’t you like him?

Opposite Neil: I feel that way about pretty much everyone. Mabel and Wyborne, though? I’ll make an acception.

Lili: You WHAT?!

Lilian: Yeah! I like, had my dad turn the backyard into like, the coolest pool! It was like, such a relief to get rid of all that gross grass and those trees.

Lili: ... If I burn you, will I also burn?

Razputin: My dad hates me.

Raz: Hey, no he doesn’t.

#coraline #mystery kids #paranorman #psychonauts #gravity falls #the mystery kids #ask stuff #answered ask #opposite AU

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brainsforbabyjesus · 3 years

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A match made in heaven

"It wasn't easy. They couldn't stand each other at first. But when we were done with them: perfect couple." —Cupid

(remember how that cupid said John and Mary were a heavenly arranged marriage? Because I sure do)

The Union of John and Mary Winchester (AO3)

Say you're John Winchester fresh home from Vietnam, and you're alright.

You're fine actually.

You're not like some of the other men you came home with. You can sleep almost every night. You don't yell at your co-workers over trivial things. You don't have to sit in that one spot at the diner. You can talk to customers like a regular guy. You only drink on weekends and you always show up on time to work on Monday.

Everything is great. You're home. You have a job. You're safe. And local enigma Mary Campbell is pretty and charming and she smiled at you that one time when you walked by her on the way to the grocery store.

You talk to her a couple of times. Your conversations are topical; socially appropriate for two strangers passing by on the street. It's nothing special. But.

But it's not awful.

It's...

It's...nice.

She seems nice.

A nice girl in a nice town talking about nice things.

Then you get to know her a little better and she's...she's...nice full of it.

The more you talk to her the more you realize she's the one, you're gonna marry that girl one of those hippy dippy bimbos that go off about the cops being bad at their jobs (one day you'll think that too but not yet), about how there's no honourable wars between humans. And what is that supposed to mean anyway? As if she would know the first thing about being in a fight for her life, about saving people.

You start taking a different way to the grocery store.

Except.

You can't stop thinking about her.

Maybe you just got off on the wrong foot. Maybe she had a brother who died overseas. Maybe her dad was a dirty cop that gave all cops a bad name in her eyes.

It was probably just a misunderstanding.

A week later you bump into each other outside the post office. You start out talking about the weather, twenty minutes later you're sitting down to have lunch with her while you talk about your favourite music.

It's nice. She's nice. You were right. It was all a misunderstanding.

You start walking together to the grocery store a few days a week. You talk about simple things; the weather, town gossip, movies that are coming out. It's simple in a wholesome small town kind of way. And after everything, don't you deserve a little bit of simple wholesome small town life?

This could be your life. Simple conversations with a nice girl in a wholesome small town. You don't have to think about anything you did before. You could just be the nice boy from town who marries the nice girl and live simple lives together. No fears. No pain. No more worries beyond phone bills.

Wouldn't that be nice? It sounds nice.

The more you talk to her the more the small town fantasy falls apart.

She's beautiful weirdly standoffish about simple things. She won't talk about her family. She won't talk about what she does in her free time. She won't talk about why she needs so many weather reports. She won't let you meet her folks.

And she's given you some mildly unsettling hints about running away from her family like she's being held prisoner.

But it's worth it.

It's all a bit more than you can chew.

Sure, she's nice but nice isn't worth whatever heap of crazy problems shes carrying around. You know you're lucky that you're not carrying around your own. You don't need someone else's.

You tell her that you love her you can't make it to your next walk to the grocery store together.

You don't see her for a week.

You can't stop thinking about her.

Two weeks.

You can't stop thinking about her.

A month.

You can't stop thinking about her.

It's...it's weird. She keeps popping up in your head. She thinks cops are idiots and that soldiers are wasting their time and now that you think about it, she never really seemed to laugh at your jokes. And she likes The Beatles. She's just another silly girl complaining about curfews and screaming at boy bands.

But.

But...

You can't stop thinking about her.

What if she's in trouble? Those hints about her home life, what if they're the only way she can ask for help? Maybe she's not just another silly girl complaining about a reasonable curfew while living under her parents' roof. Maybe her home life is horrific (you're right but you won't remember that) and she needs to get out.

Maybe she needs to be rescued.

You could do that. You've fought a war, been to hell and back. You could rescue one pretty girl from a bad home life. You're a good man. It's the honourable thing to do.

You ask her out for lunch the next day. She tells you she doesn't have time she's missed you and says she likes your jacket. You say you didn't missed her too and tell her you like how she's changed her hair.

She tells you to quite talking to her she's free all week and would you like to meet for lunch again?

You tell her no yes and ask if Wednesday is good for her.

It's not good for either of you.

You meet on Wednesday for lunch. You talk about your job. She talks about music. It's...nice. She's nice. You smile at her and she smiles back. It's the worst lunch date you've ever been on all picture perfect. You're a good man having lunch with a nice girl.

If you just plucked up the courage you could have this forever. You deserve that don't you? Nice meals with a nice girl who smiles at you and wants you to get lost to be with you.

You meet for lunch every day next week. You hate ever minute of it can really see yourself with this girl five years down the road. Hell, ten years— no, a life time.

On Friday your boss asks what you've been so busy doing all week at lunch break that you turn up late for work every afternoon. You tell him about her. You tell him that you don't have a damn clue why you keep seeing that girl that she's the one. That you're going to marry that girl.

Everyone at work says it's a bad idea congratulates you. They ask you why you're giving a ring to the woman you keep fighting with how you'll pop the question.

You're not really sure why the hell you're doing it how you'll do it, but you'll know when the time is right.

You buy a ring on Saturday.

You come to your senses on Sunday. You don't really know this girl. You don't really get along with her. You're planning an entire life around a woman you've known for a couple of months.

You'll return the ring on Monday.

You go to sleep early. Well, you try anyway. You're up half the night. You want to sleep but...but...

You can't stop thinking about her.

You pour yourself a drink. Just to get to sleep. You won't make it a habit.

You wake up the next morning. Now that you've had a good night's rest you realize how big a mistake you were about to make.

You return the ring.

You don't return the ring.

You ask her to marry you in the impala and Mary cries because you died, you died! Her dad is a psycho and he snapped your neck! and says yes and you can't stop holding each other like you might die at any moment (you already did that but you don't remember).

You're engaged but you don't even like her. You're engaged to the most beautiful woman you've ever laid eyes. You don't know why you asked her how you got so lucky. The way she looks at you...

But the way she looks at you.

The way she looks at everyone after her parents died in that house fire. You watched her set the fire; listened to her talk about demons and drove home with an empty gas can in your trunk. It's an act of god that really makes you appreciate your life. Makes you want to run for the hills start a family.

But—

But...

But it's not grief hiding in her eyes. It's guilt. It's something altogether different.. It's...it's...

It's a tragedy.

Terrifying.

There's something in her eyes that makes your dumb animal brain scratch at the walls trying to get away.

She's terrifying.

Why didn't you notice that before? Why didn't you notice the knife in her boot? Or the gun powder on her hands? Or the way she's always looking over her shoulder?

You leave in the middle of the night. You've got a bad feeling that you haven't had since you were overseas. There's a little prickle at the back of your neck (it's the ghost of fingers snapping your bones but you don't remember that). It screams: danger! danger! danger!

You get as far as the first intersection before you stop. You stare at the green light. You should go. You're supposed to go. Now is the time to go. But.

You can't stop thinking about her.

You turn the car around. You walk back inside your house. You strip down and curl up beside your beautiful fiance.

You stare at the ceiling all night.

What if she kills you in your sleep?

You can't believe you almost left over an itch on your neck. You're so damn lucky to have her. You want to bring her home to your parents. She's the good American country girl that everyone wants to bring home to their parents. But you can't. Neither of you can. You share the same tragic past: parents dead too young to ever see their grandbabies.

All the more reason to start a family now.

The next morning you tell her you love her. She says she loves you. You drive to the nearest church and make it official.

You love her.

And she makes your skin crawl.

You're married for two weeks and it's perfect you can't stand her.

You can't stand her.

Why the hell did you ever get married?

You can't stand her.

Why did you think it was a good idea?

You can't stand her.

You argue. You fight. You leave.

Good.

It was a mistake. You should have never gotten married to her. You've got nothing in common and all you do is fight with each other.

Months go by.

You can't stop thinking about her.

And you can't stop phoning her. Why can't you stop phoning her? You don't want to be anywhere near her. You don't want to hear her voice at two in the morning. You can't stand her.

You keep phoning.

You can't stop thinking about her.

It's a Friday night when she tells you she's pregnant.

You go to her place home the next day.

She says I want a divorce sorry. She says it'll be better now that you've started a family.

You say is it even mine? you're sorry. You've always wanted a family.

You don't think about the months that went by. You don't wonder what she did in between, who she was with. You don't. You're starting a family. You're going to be a father.

You've always wanted to be a father. It'll be...it'll be...nice. Fulfilling. A reward.

You deserve a reward.

A reward for being a good man, a good soldier. You'll be a good father too.

And then it all falls apart. Monsters are real and they want you dead. They want your family dead. Your wife is in danger. Just say yes. Say yes

Say yes.

You say yes.

You say yes and oh god. Oh god, you see it all reaching back millennia and the brief flash of a future that ends in screaming and blood. You see your boys (you'll raise three, or you'll try to anyway, but you don't know that yet) and they say yes and die screaming trapped inside monsters that want to burn the world.

Everyone is going to die. You don't have a future. She doesn't have a future. Even those boys who don't exist yet, they won't have futures either. You're all going to die screaming in fire and blood.

The day your son is born is the happiest day of your life. You don't mind the crying and spit up that comes after. You don't mind the sleepless nights.

You're always tired even when you do sleep. You pour yourself a drink most nights, but just one. Just a night cap to fall asleep after a long day.

You have a nice house in a nice part of town.

Your neighbours have phoned the police on you three times in three weeks, they're worried about all the yelling.

You have a pretty wife.

But you fight with her. You fight all the time. Everything she does grates on your nerves. When she looks at you, you know she can't stand you either.

You have a beautiful child.

And when he looks at you with those eyes, you wonder. You were gone for months. You can't remember if the timing matches up.

It's all worth it.

You leave. You come back. You leave. You come back.

It's all so perfect.

You start drinking on Thursday nights. It's almost the weekend anyway. Besides, you always show up for work on time.

You fight. You leave. You come back.

You can't stop thinking about her.

Night caps and Thursday nights turn into a few drinks every night but it's fine. You always show up for work. Eventually.

You watch your son playing in the yard. You can't imagine how this could get any better you could leave.

You could leave right now.

You can barely believe how fast time flies by. You've been together for years now and you hate it. But it seems like a blink of an eye and your son is he even yours? has gone from a chubby baby to a precocious toddler who's too quiet always laughing.

Why is he so quiet?

It's your anniversary.

It's not.

You can't even remember when you met her.

You can't remember why you got married.

There's so much you can't remember.

Why can't you remember?

It's your anniversary and you make the time for date night. Neither of you are planning on making your lives worse better but nine months later you've got another bundle of joy in the house.

You keep fighting. About everything. About nothing. You can't stand her. You can't stand each other.

You slam the door as you leave.

Why did you ever go back?

Why do you keep going back?

You don't even like each other.

You can't stop thinking about her.

You have a drink on Friday night.

It's the weekend. You deserve it.

You have a drink on Friday night and you wake up at home in bed with your wife on Saturday morning.

Except.

Except it's a week later.

You feel like shit. You stumble out of bed. Your son quickly closes his door as you pass by. You drag yourself into the bathroom and turn the shower on. You can't remember the last week no matter how hard you try.

Your beautiful wife is making breakfast. She smiles at you. She doesn't look happy. You smile back. You don't feel relived to be home.

Your son hunches over his pancakes and won't look at either of you smiles and asks questions about trucks.

You want to leave. You want to leave so badly.

You sit down and eat breakfast.

You pour a drink. You pour another. You keep pouring until your legs stop working and you can't leave. But who cares? You lost your job weeks ago. It's not like you have to be somewhere tomorrow.

Your second son is a joy. A perfect baby. How would you know? You've been half in the bag since he was born. Maybe you should have a third.

Those early weeks drag race by. You're passed out asleep in the living room when you think you hear someone screaming. You get up. It's probably nothing but you've had this itch on the back of your neck for years and you've never been able to place why.

You go upstairs.

It only takes seconds for your whole life to fall apart; burst into flames right before your eyes (and this time you'll remember).

You send your kids out on their own. You should make sure they get out first but you can't leave her behind. You can't stop thinking about her even now.

You go back in. There's nothing but an outline, a suggestion of her in flames.

You're a good man, you have to—

You have to—

There's nothing but flames.

You spend the night in a crappy motel (you'll spend the rest of your life in them, but you don't know that yet). The cops come. You try to explain. You can't explain. You don't know how to explain so that they won't take your kids. They're all you have left of her.

The cops hint that the neighbours think you did it. You don't give them anything. There was a fire. You don't know how it started. It's true but not the truth. The police seem satisfied. They write down some numbers and addresses of charities. They leave.

You're on your own with a baby and a four year old.

And you can't look at them without seeing her. You can't hear them without hearing her.

You can't stop thinking about her.

(you will though, just long enough to think about someone else. She won't tear your head apart but when you're with her it's like having a pretty wife and a beautiful son and you'll never be there long enough to argue, but you don't know that yet)

You can't stop thinking about her.

You bury her. What's left of her. Ashes and teeth. That's how they identified her body, the teeth.

You buried her.

She's dead.

She's dead but you can't stop thinking about her.

You can't stop thinking about her.

#supernatural #john winchester #was an abusive father #but also super heaven brainwashed #and I am so here for the implications that john was *like that* because of multiple cupid brain wipes #john was always doomed to failure as a parent because his obsession over mary was always going to come first #also if you want to layer on the creepy heaven brainwashing trauma issues #sam is more often compared to john and john drives him away #dean is more often compared to mary and john trains him to stay #which makes john's whole you have to think of your family first mantra he ingrained on dean a whole extra level of transference #'you must stay with me and my proxy forever'#but also maybe you should just kill proxy me if i can't do it #bye bye dean/proxy mary #gonna go die now and hang with your other abusive father figure

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minijenn · 5 years

Note

I know you hate Dippy Fresh as much as I do so will you use him as a point of angst in UF? Like Dipper feeling hurt that at the first chance she got, Mabel changed him into her ‘ideal’ brother.

Yes imo absolutely I will. Then right after that, Lapis is probably gonna punt that fake 90s garbage child into the sun where he belongs before envoloping her actual son in hugs (at which point dipper is just like “friendship ended with mabel, LAPIS is my new best friend” JK JK JK (god I’m kidding please dont take me serious on that lol)

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dafukdidiwatch · 5 years

Text

Troll Rank Alpha 1

New troll rank, new tags, this time with LEGIT ALPHA TROLLS.

1. Porrim

2. Meenah

3. Aranea

4. Kankri

5. Latula

Meeting more trolls here is a dream come true. Man do I love these guys.

Porrim is so fucking cool. Fucking Gothic Vampire Queen. Chill, mature, fights for her rights as a woman and against gender roles. Rocking tattoos, piercings, another badass fashionista. God she is a fucking dream. Not only that, but she speaks her mind, and doesn’t put up with bullshit. And she also has another mothering instinct in her, like Kanaya, and a need to care for Kankri, while not putting up with his shit. I love that. I love her. I need more of her please yes thanks.

Meenah is still second, and Aranea is third, and pretty easy to explain. Meenah is a fun wild card, has a plan and will take charge and follow her plan. Which involves violence and explosions. I respect those things when pointed in the right direction (like Lord English’s Turtle head). Plus, it is fun to watch her act so baller.

Aranea is fun to be with, loves to tell stories, and is overall really nice. Of course I would love her. But Meenah’s excentric nature and Porrim’s aura of cool tops her.

Kankri. Fucking love him. He is such a doof. He is fucking cute in looks. He goes on about his culture’s peace problems (fucking knew there would be problems), genuinely cares about the issues of marginalization that he is talking about. (Anyone who can talk that much has to care). Is concern with keeping with trigger warnings (which I appreciate). He wants to be a “big boy” and taken seriously when he talks, only to really just be a kid. It is just so cute overall.

So why 4th? First, I just like the other trolls better. A lot.

Second, yeah he can be a bit of a self-entitled ass. Like praising how Latula managed to live her life without smelling and pointing it out like how she is able to live her life, when Latula didn’t really like her life being pointed out like that and making her feel self-conscious.

Or pushing aside Porrim’s feelings on her gender issues because they weren’t as important as the other issues. Not saying that there weren’t a lot of problems to address, just that he could have had some tact addressing other people’s feelings and not force feed his own hero-complex to everyone.

So, I love the Karkat things about him (rage-face, in-depth lectures on his topics), but he can learn not to be the SJW negative stereotype here.

Finally, Latula. She reminds me a lot of Dippy Fresh. Like, she is the stereotype fun rad cool guy, but by leaning it in on how rad she is, she isn’t as cool. I don’t know, she seems fine. Enjoys life and doesn’t take it too seriously, so I don’t exactly hate her. But I don’t exactly like her either.

#dafukblog #homestuck #act6 int3 #hs250 #troll rank alpha

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keytextsfromkh · 5 years

Text

Dream Drop Distance: Traverse Town

- I like how at this point, they're not even trying to pretend to be a fun and happy game. This is third act-Disney movie shit and two people are already dead.

- ...My name is...Bongo.

- No, I prefer Bongo. Sounds more fun and fancy free.

- And that's when you realized that everything up to this point was nothing more than a simulation on the "What if?" Machine. A man can dream...a man can dream.

- Yeah, when we're out in the middle of the ocean, we'll just call Aquaman and he'll save us...he's owned by Disney right?

- (Ursula’s Arrival) Sora, it has begun...it cannot be stopped.

- Wow, Riku's kind of a weakling, when /Sora's/ able to keep his footing and you're tossed overboard, that's pretty bad.

- It's ok Riku, that's just Hades releasing the Titans from...well, Hades. (Where were the Titans held prisoner in the movie?)

- That's got to be a low point in Ursula's career, when she's nothing more than a tutorial boss and doesn't really have story relavance.

- Now /this/ is the time when you should be asking if any of this is for real or not.

- And that question is: How do they get the little m's on the m&m's.

- I suppose that's an interesting question too...show off.

- If that were the case then the challenges of my past have just gave my darkness a huge advantage in /that/ battle.

- (Regarding Xehanort) He's basically Ganon, he'll always come back to fuck us over even if the plot doesn't call for it.

- Well I'm here to tell you that you're not to be cocky little shits and you'll be considered Keyblade Masters when /I/ tell you, you got that you little whippersnappers? God, I'm tired, Mickey, get my walking stick and Donald, get the liniment oil, you're going to be rubbing it into my creases all night.

- Well it is a mix between Disney and Final Fantasy, I'm sure flying colours won't be the strangest thing to appear.

- So Sora opens a keyhole and now he's what, flying through the subspace highway?

- I've had my clothes changed once before and yet I'm still freaked out that it's happened again.

- (Neku’s Arrival) Oh thank god, some much required emo cynicism.

- Maybe it's under his glove, have you thought of that.

- I'm so toally a player, I've been with all the bitches and I can do like 5 Fortnite dances flawlessly.

- This must be Neku's own personal hell, although considering his partner is (probably) Shiki, this is like double hell.

- I'm loving the music although I'm hating the controls, why isn't X jump, it seems kind of backwards.

- Wow, someone with an actual last name, you really aren't from this world are you?

- I mean if I can handle Pokemon, I think I can handle their Disney counterparts.

- And there's my dirty mind at work again. You're telling me that I have to "unlock" seven sleeping holes to gain a great power. It's a good thing I'm not easily offended/paranoid or I'd think that this game was secretly promoting date rape.

- A great wall keeping all the worlds seperate? Again, it's probably a good thing this game originally came out in 2012 or it would be quite suspect.

- (Young Xehanort pulls some sick parkour moves) You said specifically, no over the top acrobatics to prove how cool you are.

- Obstacles: Breakable except when they're not.

- Joshua: King of innuendos.

- Oh god, Joshua's about to spend an hour talking about the multiple worlds theory.

- He wants to find Rhyme but Riku wants to hear reason.

- (What Joshua spends his time dreaming of) And they all centre around one adorable little crankypants

- If Riku is a dreamer, would that make Joshua a dreamweaver and can he get Riku through the night, maybe even reach the morning light?

- At least they don't give you another tutorial.

- Who knew Beat required a self-esteem team and who knew they would be so cute and colourful.

- Ok, I'm calling it now, the Sleeping Worlds don't have oxygen, they have a constant atmosphere of xanax.

- In hindsight, considering the powers of the X-Blade and the requirements of it's construction, this could be seen as a very bad idea and those who came up with it should have been fired.

- So the moral of the story is: Piracy causes giant universe-shattering wars.

- So Riku was just using the keyblade for it's intended purpose, he really wasn't a villain, he was just doing what felt natural.

- Wait, so the letterbox is alive? What other things in this place are alive?

- So, this is the mail room from Monster's Inc.?

- Anyone else think "Ice Dream cone" sounds like an edible? Like it's laced with LSD?

- So it looks like we've entered the residential district of Traverse Town and considering the graffiti, the fact that part of it is obviously based on The World Ends With You and the idea of how Sleeping Worlds operate, I think this is a part of Disney that they want to ignore, it's a part of them that fell into Darkness and they want it to linger there, it's early 90s Disney. In this twisted town, we won't meet Goofy, we'll meet Max from Goof Troop, we won't see Huey,Dewey and Louie from DuckTales, it'll be their iterations from Quack Pack and I think I know who the final boss of this world will be. Someone who represents the 90s and all things EXTREME! Someone who's connected to Disney but is nothing more than a twisted, vulgar imiation of the real form. This final boss will be Dippy Fresh.

- I will say the new parts of Traverse Town look amazing, it's like they really get that mix of SE's anime stylings and Disney's wonder and magic.

- Again, as I've said before, Sora's just one huge OCD bubble.

- Where the fuck was Rhyme during Chain of Memories, she loses her memories and acts like it's no big deal and then starts talking in fortune cookie sayings.

- So Sora has teleporting powers now? Is that another little extra when in the sleeping worlds?

- Seriously, the music is really damn good in this, the boss music may be a lot more upbeat than in previous games but it has this carnival-like heroic vibe going for it.

- Well it still is Disney so I guess "friend" is the best we can do for now.

- We're pulling an Inception here Sora, please try to keep up.

- (Joshua’s a very humble person) I'm God, it's no biggie really.

- It's Xehanort: The Wonder Years

- (Regarding Shiki being saved by Riku) You could at least let me give you a blowjob as payment.

- I guess after Selphie pulled a #metoo on Tidus, Riku isn't taking any chances.

- Unless this is a Proud Mode thing, one major issue I'm already having with this game is that there are too many enemies. Like I know you can run into a pack of monsters every 5 steps but this is overdoing it just a tad. It doesn't help that we're already fighting some of the heavy hitters in the first world rather than waiting a world or two before bringing in the fat fuckers.

- Oh fuck, he turned her into a cat doll.

- (Beat knows when things are half-baked) If anyone would know anything about being baked, it's you.

- Speaking of which, where are the reapers? They could bring some much needed fun right about now.

- Now that's a smart idea, let's take a huge boss with huge arms and put the fight in a small room where it can grab shit and whack you with them.

- Now there's a missed opportunity, why do Sora and Riku get the same Keyblades, it would have been interesting if each one got their own unique keyblade based on how their story in that world plays out.

- So Joshua is Sin from Final Fantasy X?

- Ok, that spinning thing is kind of distracting and kind of dumb

- Joshua died on his way to his home planet.

- (Yen Sid can be really dick-ish sometimes) I'm kind of a dick that way.

#Kingdom Hearts #Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance #Mock Liveblog

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jkl-fff · 6 years

Note

For the shipping thing: 8, 19, 27, 37

8, Have you evershipped yourself with a character?

Hmm … [considers the possibilities]. Nah, it doesn’t work for me; I’m not even conceivably part of their universes,so it would feel forced. Or, as @auro-cyanide aptly put it, “Generally I compartmentalizefiction as separate from myself.”

19, Have you evershipped something despite yourself?

… Any of the Dipper clones with Dippy Fresh (damn hissunglass-protected eyes!), who I hate. SO. MUCH.

27, Is there a shipyou’ve shipped for most of your life?

Not really, since I kinda came late to shipping as Iconceive of it now.Otherwise, maybe Mowgli/Kaa, I guess? That is something that fascinated childme, and has never really stopped doing so, I guess.

37, Do you have afavorite trope and/or AU for your OTP?

Hehehehe! I am currently *writing* an AU for my ParaPines thatI’m hoping I can one day publish for money (because the names are different …but it’s still ParaPines).

It revolves around blood magic, political intrigue, supernatural conspiracies,one god getting becoming a stoner, and Norman punching another god right in the face so heand Dipper can live happily ever after.

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passingideasofaredballoon · 4 years

Text

Gravity Falls

Every time I get sick (which is quite often), my sick brain thoughts seem to fluctuate steadily between a state of “ahhh, why can’t I do anything!” and “thank god! I don’t have to do anything!”. Yesterday, I was quite deep into the first state and wrote something of a very long, ranty text about whatever’s been bothering me recently. I’m very proud to say that I was in an extremely dramatic mood, and yet, I was still able to hold back before posting! (which was the right idea, since it made less sense than my physics review on second read). Sigh. I’m sure I’ll share one day, but today’s not that day. Writing it was good, though. Everything feels slightly less intimidating, which is always something of a relief.

Enough talk of that, because I’m thoroughly enjoying being sick today and I’d like to share my project. I woke up and didn’t feel so great, so I decided it was a perfect day to rewatch Gravity Falls. I ADORE Gravity Falls. A show about being sent off to spend my summer in a cozy small forest town, solving 30 year old mysteries with my cool new friends and estranged uncle who I grow to know and love? Escapism at it’s finest. Plus, the theme song is like no other and you cannot change my mind (sorry).

As I went through a couple of episodes, I was reminded of some scenes I had spotted in the Simpsons, when I began watching that last year. So, I decided to see if anyone had made a comprehensive list. My internet searches brought me to this page:

https://www.reddit.com/r/gravityfalls/comments/3im8fb/the_simpsons_references_in_gravity_falls/

While fun to look through, there’s definitely more than talking bellies and running on the floor. A lot more. So I made it my job for the day to find (and capture) as many parallels / references as I could pick out. So let’s get to it:

#1 Flanders Dipper?

This is from S1 Ep14 - Bottomless Pit! As the group falls into a bottomless pit, they tell stories to pass the time. In one, Dipper gets a new voice and says this upon greeting Soos:

That’s a Flanders reference if I’ve ever seen one!

#2 - Everyone likes Mini Golf

This one is more of a loose parallel, since the Simpsons have done a lot of things and there was bound to be a Mini golf themed episode at some point. Still, one of two siblings happens to excel at mini golf, just to end up in a golf based rivalry where losing was never an option? Maybe? Okay. But here’s Gravity falls S1 Ep3 (The Golf War) and The Simpsons S2 Ep6 (Dead Putting Society).

#3 - Freemasons

Yes, I know these are both references to Freemasons, and not to each other. I guess secret societies comprised of familiar townsmembers make for cool plots. But, just look at the photos! This is Gravity falls S2 Ep7 (Society of the Blind Eye) and The Simpsons S6 Ep12 (Homer the Great).

#4 - This is definitely the best one.

From one of my favourite it-makes-me-feel-feelings episodes, S2 Ep19 (Weirdmageddon 2 - Escape from Reality), Mabel is trapped in a bubble where she is able to build her own universe to her liking - so she’ll never leave. In the end, Dipper and the crew convince her that real life isn’t harsh and unforgiving, but it’s those things that prove to make real life worth the most. Feels. One of my favourite additions to this episode was that Mabel's universe included a cooler version of Dipper (Dippy fresh!), in case he chose to leave without her. It’s the source of the line spoken down below, and I didn’t even notice this until the second watch today. Don’t worry Dipper, everyone hates Dippy Fresh. From the Simpsons S11 Ep7 (Eight Misbehavin’), I give you:

And:

That’s all the Simpsons for today, folks! Along with this, I also fell into the Twin Peaks rabbit hole (check out the “Club” club in S1 Ep4, The Hand that Rocks the Mabel).

!!!

The altered, creepy Wierdmageddon version of the theme song from the last few episodes also includes the sound of a woodpecker, rumoured to be a reference to this guy from twin peaks:

Yeah, it’s super cool. Plus, there’s more where that came from. Gravity falls Episode 4 is a reference to a Twilight Zone episode. Cool. Anyway, I had a lot of fun today. So finally, my last (and possibly favourite discovery) is this twitter account at twitter.com/stanpines_bot featuring every line Grunkle Stan has ever said. My favourite is “no dice, Cowboy!” and I’m stealing it. Too late, it’s already taken. Well, thanks for joining me on my journey. See you soon!

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minijenn · 6 years

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Oh my god I just realized Lapis would hate Dippy Fresh's guts. She'd be like "How DARE YOU mock my precious son!?" and would get crazy hype when Dipper snaps his neck.

Hahah yeah she would that’s why its gonna be so great that she’s actually gonna be there to see it happen in UF

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minijenn · 7 years

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Fake Universe Falls Chapter Titles

Why? Because why the hell not? So here we go with me making up bullshit chapter titles of literally EVERY. SINGLE. CHAPTER. of Universe Falls! Enjoy! (under the cut!)

Prologue: The Gems Go On a Nature Walk Chapter 1: Dipper and Mabel Are Rebellious Little Shits Chapter 2: Steven is An Innocent Sunshine Child Chapter 3: In Which The Crossover Part of the Fic Starts Chapter 4: Tourist Trapped (Minus Tourist Trapped) Chapter 5: Gem Glow But Cookie Cat is Dead (Again) Chapter 6: Opal Punches a Robot In the Face Chapter 7: The Mystery Kids Become the Mystery Kids Chapter 8: The Chapter Jen Hated Writing the Most Chapter 9: Boys 2 Men (Except They’re Still Just Boys) Chapter 10, part 1: Greg Woke Up Too Early For This Shit Chapter 10, part 2: UF Journal is Even More Shady Than Canon Journal

Chapter 11: Gideon Almost Commits Double Homicide Chapter 12: Steven and Dipper Do Something Stupid (part 1) Chapter 13: SU Episodes that Weren’t Important Enough To Get Chapters to Themselves Chapter 14: Fun With Pink Pets and Time Travel Chapter 15: Insert Video Game Reference Here Chapter 16: Pearl Doesn’t Eat Summerween Candy Chapter 17: Dipper and Mabel Nearly Die Because of Something Gem Related (part 1) Chapter 18: Baby Melon is a Baby Melon (Get it?) Chapter 19: Keeping Secrets Leads to Draaaaaaamaaaaaa Chapter 20, part 1: Fluff Hour With Lapis Lazuli Chapter 20, part 2: Angst Hour With Lapis Lazuli

Chapter 21: An Actual Fucking Mystery In this Story For Once Chapter 22: Pearl Nearly Kills the Kids, What Else Is New? Chapter 23: Public Pool Makeout Session Chapter 24: Dipper and Steven Do Something Stupid (part 2) Chapter 25: The Gems Are Terrible Employees Chapter 26: Sleeping On Hay Is Overrated Chapter 27: Everyone Argues for Like, 17,000 Words Or Whatever Chapter 28: Lion Acts Like the Fucking Cat He Is Chapter 29: Stan and Amethyst Break the Law (Part 1) Chapter 30, part 1: The One with Bill In It (part 1) Chapter 30, part 2: Alexandrite Punches a Robot In the Face

Chapter 31: Jen Mashes Two Songs That Don’t Go Together Together Chapter 32: Dipifica Foreshadowing (part 1) Chapter 33: Dipper and Steven Do Something Stupid (part 3) Chapter 34: Amethyst Gets Her Ass Kicked Several Times Chapter 35 A: Stevonnie Has Crippling Social Anxiety Chapter 35 B: Maven Has A Massive Identity Crisis Chapter 35 C: Stepper Has A Schizophrenic Split Personality Chapter 36: Rose Was Shady AF (part 1) Chapter 37: Young Greg and Baby Steven Cameo In a Chapter Chapter 38: Stan and the Gems Try to Be Normal (And Fail) Chapter 39: Dipper and Lapis Are Sarcastic and Adorable Chapter 40, Part 1: Dipper and Mabel Nearly Die Because of Something Gem Related (part 2) Chapter 40, Part 2: Garnet Drops Some Sick Beats

Chapter 41: Just Talk About Your Feelings Dammit! Chapter 42: Peer Pressure is Actually Ok Chapter 43, Part 1: The One With Bill In It (part 2, with 150% More Angst!) Chapter 43, Part 2: Another One With Bill In It (Rated P for PAIN) Chapter 44: Pearl Indoctrinates Two Kids Into Being Martyrs Chapter 45: Matchmaking Always Fails Chapter 46: That is... Fucked Right Up Chapter 47: Night At the Cult Headquarters Museum Chapter 48 A: Greg Accidentally Gets a Job and a Girlfriend On the Same Night Chapter 48 B: Pearl is Salty, What Else Is New? Chapter 49: Dipifica Foreshadowing (part 2) Chapter 50, Part 1: The One Where Shit REALLY Hits The Fan Chapter 50, Part 2: The Angst Train to Backstory Town

Chapter 51: Rose Was Shady AF (part 2) Chapter 52: Pearl Fucks Up, What Else is New? Chapter 53: Dipper and Ford are Nerds and No One Is Surprised Chapter 54: Ruby and Sapphire Are Terrible At Conflict Resolution Chapter 55: Stan and Amethyst Break the Law (part 2) Chapter 56: Peridot Tries to Troll Everyone (and Fails) Chapter 57: Rose was REALLY Shady AF (part 3) Chapter 58: The One With Bill In It (part 3, Plus Unicorns) Chapter 59: Peridot PIsses Literally Everything in Gravity Falls Off Chapter 60, Part 1: A Fuck Ton of Fusion Fuckery Chapter 60, Part 2: Peridot Uses the Bathroom

Chapter 61: Steven Sings the Campfire Song Song Chapter 62: Stan and Amethyst Break the Law (part 3, This Time with Peridot) Chapter 63: The Nerds Have an Ego Fight Chapter 64: Steven Is Only Somewhat Ok At Conflict Resolution Chapter 65: Greg Is the Only One Who’s Good With Babies Chapter 66: Dipifica Foreshadowing (part 3, This Time with Peridot) Chapter 67: The Rational Giraffe Wife is Irrational Chapter 68: Peridot Does Stupid Shit For an Entire Chapter For Our Amusement Chapter 69: The Gems Rescue Ford Almost Constantly Chapter 70, Part 1: Lapis and Jasper Have a Rough Breakup Chapter 70, Part 2: Steven is Really Good at Cluster Resolution

Chapter 71: Keep Your Arms and Hands With the Lazuli At All Times Chapter 72: The Gang Plays Baseball or Dies Chapter 73: Matchmaking Always Works (Also Dipifica is Now Canon) Chapter 74: In Which Jen Has to Write a Fuck Ton of Original Songs Chapter 75: Morally Ambiguous Possession For Fun and Profit Chapter 76: Kids In Trenchcoats Race a Jerkass and His Jerkass Friends Chapter 77 A: Ford Tells Bill To Go Fuck Himself (He Does Not) Chapter 77 B: Ford Gets an Embarrassing Tattoo Chapter 77 C: Ford Makes Some Friends But Mostly Just a Lot of Enemies Chapter 78: Half-Turning Into a Monster is Actually Not Fun, Who Could Have Guessed Chapter 79: Lapis is an Overprotective Mom Chapter 80, Part 1: Dipper and Steven Do Something REALLY Stupid (and Dangerous, part 4) Chapter 80, Part 2: Stepper Has a Really Bad Time, Like, In General Chapter 80, Part 3: Everyone Goes to Beat Bill Up (Doesn’t Really Work)

Chapter 81: Ford Tells Dipper to Chill It Out With All The Fucking Angst (He Sort of Doesn’t Listen) Chapter 82: The Reverse Kids Are Fucking Little Brats Chapter 83: Don’t Let Children Around Rose. Ever. Chapter 84: Being an Adult Fucking Sucks Chapter 85: Jasper Picks on Someone Her Own Size Chapter 86: Stan and Amethyst Break the Law (part 4, This Time To Save Everyone) Chapter 87: Bismuth Deserved Better, I Can’t Even Make a Joke About That Chapter 88: GR Pacifica Wants the D(ipper) Chapter 89: Pacifica Tells Dipper to Chill It Out With All The Fucking Angst (He Actually Does Listen This Time) Chapter 90, Part 1: Jasper Has a Shitty Day Chapter 90, Part 2: Rose Was INCREDIBLY SHADY AF (part 4) Chapter 90, Part 3: A Human Sized Hamster Ball In Space

Chapter 91: Garnet Has a Jealous Side Chapter 92: Lapis and Pacifica Have a Team Building Excersise Chapter 93: The Kids Go To Therapy (Because Oh God They Need It) Chapter 94: Everyone’s Hot AF As a Teen Chapter 95: Pearl Is Gay, What Else is New Chapter 96: Half-Gem Kids Have Angst Just In General Chapter 97: The Thanksgiving Chapter, But In Summer Chapter 98: Time Travel Makes Everyone Sad, Especially Me Chapter 99: I Changed My Mind, Don’t Let Steven Around Rose. Ever. Chapter 100, Part 1: Some Nerds Almost Die on an Abandoned Gem Ship Chapter 100, Part 2: The Big One (TM)

Chapter 101: The One With Bill In-Oh Fuck It He’s In Literally Every Chapter In This Damn Arc Chapter 102: How To Survive the Apocalypse with Dipper and Lapis Chapter 103: Amethyst Does Not Get Her Ass Kicked Several Times Chapter 104: Dipper Snaps Dippy Fresh’s Neck (Yes That Is Actually Going To Happen) Chapter 105: The One With the Song From the End Credits Chapter 106: *Insert Inspirational Full Company Musical Number Here* Chapter 107: Everyone Builds a Giant Robot (To Punch Bill In the Face With) Chapter 108: The Zodiac Is Somewhat Less of a Copout Chapter 109: Bill and Yellow Diamond Bitch At Each Other Chapter 110: Everything Goes to Fuck Epilogue 1: Everything’s Ok Now But its Angst Epilogue 2: Jen Cries For the Rest of her Life

#idk why i even felt the need to do this #i guess for the sake of foreshadowing and hinting at some stuff???#i dont really know #jen writes #universe falls #stupid shit

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