#god i miss her imagine a new album a new tour i could scream

[itsallyscorner]

request:

maybe like a part 2 where the reader was a singer!

but maybe like everyone in the marvel cast goes to the sweetener world tour to suprised them n congratulate them?

Thank you for the request, hun! I appreciate you for reading my other stuff and suggesting a part 2! Now that I think about it, I might make the whole singer thing into its own series of imagines and headcanons! Just a thought🥰 Happy reading!❤️

A/n: I’ve never been to an Ari concert, so I don’t know the set list, but enjoy my loves❤️

💌.

Sweetener

(She’s so pretty ugh)

You looked at yourself in the mirror. You leaned forward making sure your makeup was all good and to check if your lipstick has smeared onto your face.

“Everything good, hun?” Your makeup artist, Perrie, chirped from behind you. You took a step back, getting one more look.

“Yes Ma’am.” You turned to her and she was holding up the familiar bottle of setting spray.

“One more spray for good measure.” She motioned for you to close your eyes and you did. You breathed in through your nose as you felt the vibrations of the arena. The mix of the music playing out on stage mixed with the cheering of your fans added to your adrenaline.

The tour was finally at Inglewood, California, the last stop of the Sweetener World Tour. You had been traveling around the world for the past 10 months, performing every night in a different country or state. As tiring as it sounded, you absolutely loved the experience. Not only were you traveling and seeing new places, you were meeting your fans from different countries and doing what you loved. After 101 shows and 3 tour legs, it was finally coming to an end. The ending of tour was always bittersweet. You’ve been traveling with multiple people and crew who have grown to be another family. You were going to miss them so much but it was time for you to go back home to your real family. Not only have you missed your parents and siblings, but you also needed the rest. 10 months of nonstop traveling definitely took a toll on you. But nonetheless, it was all worth it.

“All done!” You opened your eyes to see Perrie smiling at you.

“Thank you so much!” You pulled her into a hug as your eyes began to water. You groaned playfully and tilted your head back.

“I’m gonna miss you doing my makeup everyday. Ugh, I haven’t even gone out on stage yet and I’m crying already.” You laughed through tears as Perrie began to protest.

“(Y/n), I swear if you mess up your makeup, you’re never going to hear the end of it. Cry later!” She laughed as she tried to get you to stop the tears from falling.

She gripped onto your arms and yelled, “NO TEARS LEFT TO CRY REMEMBER?” You bursted out laughing at her reference. You waved your hands at your eyes and when they finally felt normal, you looked straight.

“Okok, I think I’m good.” You released a breath as you smiled sweetly at her, “I love you!” You giggled pulling her into another hug.

“I love you too, darling. Have fun out there, you’re going to do amazing like always.” She squeezed you tight before letting you go. Victoria, one of your dancers and friend, peaked her head into the room.

“You ready? They’re waiting for you in the circle.” She informed you holding a hand out. The circle was like a pre-show ritual you had backstage with all the dancers and crew. You took her hand as you all walked out the makeup room. Your heels clicked against the floors, echoing in the hallway. The closer you got to the stage the louder the fans got and the stronger the vibrations got.

The circle was already gathered with all the dancers and crew. When Scott, another one of your dancers and friend, noticed you he began to cheer. Everyone followed along as you entered the circle. You were tucked in between Scott and Brian, who were twins. The two have been your dancers since the beginning and still are how many years later. You were truly grateful for them and everyone who was included in your Sweetener family.

“Damn. Last show ya’ll!” You began causing them to all cheer. You waited till they quieted down, shyly laughing, before continuing.

“Um, I don’t wanna get all emotional and shit right before going on stage. I’m gonna look like a mess out there with my mascara running down my face. Perrie I’m sorry!” You laughed. “I just wanna say, thank you to every single one of y’all. You guys have been the most fucking amazing people to work with. You guys have been working day and night to make the show as spectacular as it is and I love you all so much. You guys are my family and I can’t wait to write another album so I can tour with y’all again. I just want to hug every single one of you, you guys mean so much to me. Like literally, from the bottom of my heart I love all of you so much. I know I’ve said that like multiple times, but I really mean it. Y’all are gonna get a fatass check after this.” You finished making everyone laughing again. By now a few tears have made its way down your face. You even saw a few people’s eyes well up.

You laughed as you heard a chorus of “I love yous” as everyone squeezed in for a group hug.

“Alright! That’s enough crying, let’s get this show on the road!” You cheered to help everyone from crying. Everyone moved out the circle and got into places.

Before you can get in place, Perrie pulled you aside to fix up your makeup. Your stylists began smoothing out your skirt and making sure your knee high boots were securely on. Next was to get your earpiece on while one of the stage hands gave you your mic. From backstage you could hear the intro to the concert playing causing the fans to scream louder.

You got into place as you got the signal to start singing. You sang the opening lyrics of Raindrops (An Angel Cried) and began to smile as your fans sang along.

The platform began to move up when you finished and the beat of God Is A Woman began to play. You were now on the stage, the sea of white lights looking back at you. The adrenaline was still running through your veins. You performed the song, acing every move of the dance you’ve learned 10 months ago.

When the last note of God Is A Woman played, all the lights turned off except for the red lights on the stage.

“INGLEWOOD!” You yelled into your mic, your fans cheering even louder than before. You shared an excited smile with Brian.

“Welcome to the Sweetener World Tour!” And with that the opening notes of Bad Idea began to play, the show finally kicking off.

You were in the middle of singing R.E.M which was part of Act 2 of the concert. You moved towards the pit to see familiar faces beaming up at you.

“Boy, you’re such a drea— oh my god!” You squealed as you saw the pit full of your Marvel cast mates. You saw all the Chris’, both of the Tom’s, Robert, Scarlett, Elizabeth, almost everyone you’ve worked with in Marvel was there. You got down to your knees to touch their outstretched hands.

The fans screamed as the camera from stage panned down to the pit where all the actors were. You took the mic away from your mouth and leaned down to them.

“What are you guys doing here?” You asked them through the loud arena.

Scarlett, Brie, and Lizzie were the nearest to the stage.

“We’re here to surprise you! It’s your last show and we wanted to be here for it!” Scarlett yelled over the track that was playing.

“We’ll catch up later, keep going!” Lizzie urged you to continue the concert with a toothy grin.

You held onto Brie’s hand as you sang to them, “Inglewood let me hear ya’ll! Excuse me um...”

“I LOVE YOU!” The fans sang back to you, including your cast mates. You dusted your knees off and continued to walk around the ramp. Before you could leave, you sent an excited wave to Brie and the rest of them.

~After the show~

You hopped off the platform that brought you down from the stage and were greeted by a bunch of congratulations and cheering. You and your dancers shared another group hug.

“(Y/N)!” You heard a familiar voice yell. You follow the voice and see Anthony waving at you with his infamous grin. He was accompanied by the rest of the cast behind him. You run towards them and jump into Anthony’s outstretched arms.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sweaty, but I’m so happy to see all of you!” You wrapped your arms around Anthony’s neck as he spun the two of you around. He let you go and you were suddenly being pulled into hugs by everyone.

When you got to Robert, a proud smile was on his face as he cradled your face, “Sweetheart, that was amazing. You’ve outdone yourself.” He pressed a fatherly kiss to your forehead and pulled you into a hug.

“Thank you.” You laughed, your eyes welling up with tears once again. Next was Chris (E) who playfully shoved Robert.

“Stop it, you’re hogging her! Let me hug (y/n)!” He childishly whined. He gasped when he saw your eyes watering.

“And you made her cry! C’mere.” His arms enveloped around you as he hugged you tightly.

In your ear his whispered, “You absolutely killed it.”

You thank him and move on to Scarlett who already had her arms out for you, “Surprise!”

“This was your idea?” You asked her as she hugged you. A cheeky grin quirked on her lips.

“Maybe” she teased dragging the ‘e’. You hugged her again as she laughed into your shoulder.

“Thank you, Scar. This means so much.”

“It’s not a problem, honey. We just wanted to see you together while you did your thing up on stage.”

You were now full on crying through a smile as your Marvel family showed you mass amounts of love. You stumbled into Tom (Holland) who instantly grabbed you into a bear hug. Tom’s actually seen your show in London with his friends and brothers, so this was his second time seeing you perform.

“You know what’s so crazy?” He asked you leaning down to your ear so you can hear him.

“What?”

“It’s literally just as great as it was in London. Like everything looks the same, you sound exactly the same, everything! The show was fantastic!” He looked at you with wide eyes with so much amazement on his face.

You laughed at him and patted his shoulder, “Thank you, Tom.”

Suddenly there was a commotion a few feet away from you. You saw Robert standing on one of the cases your crew used to store equipment in.

“ATTENTION EVERYONE!” When everyone backstage was looking at him Robert sent them a sweet smile and was handed a megaphone.

“Alright, so I gotta say, (y/n), you definitely know how to throw a show. Everyone who was part of this tour, your hard work pays off because that show was the most fun I’ve had in a while! (Y/n), you keep surprising us everyday with your talent and I hope you get to do more of what you love in the future. As my way of thanking you all for throwing such an amazing night, I want to take out every single one of you for dinner! I just rented out a whole restaurant just for all of us and I hope to see all of you there!” Robert said into the megaphone. A round of cheers and claps were heard from everyone at the announcement. As everyone began to file out, you were being called to get out of your costume.

Before you can turn to leave you hugged Robert and looked at all your cast mates who showed up for the night.

“Thank you guys for being here, it really means a lot.” You sniffled, wiping a tear from your face.

“And you, I can’t believe you rented out a restaurant for my crew, thank you Robert.” The older man just waves you off as he slung his arm around your shoulder.

“Not a problem, sweetheart. We wanted to be here and we are all so proud of you, you’ve come a long way, (y/n).” He gave your shoulders a squeeze.

“Now run along now, you still need to get changed and I’m starving. Go.” He teasingly turned you towards your stylists. You rolled your eyes as you waved at all of them.

“We’ll see you at the restaurant!” You heard Brie yell after you. You quickly turn back, “OK, I LOVE YOU!”

The further you got you heard Evans scream, “I LOVE YOU TOO!” You turned down the hall, your laugh echoing against its walls.

That was definitely one way to end a tour.

#marvel #mcu #avengers #chris evans #chris evans x reader #marvel cast x teen!reader #marvel cast x reader #robert downey jr x reader #Scarlett Johansson x reader #anthony mackie x reader #brie larson x reader #elizabeth olsen x reader #Brie Larson #Scarlett Johansson #anthony mackie #robert downey jr #ally’s requests

[vanillann]

five star conversation (r.p)

a/n: i’m going to cry, i can’t believe this is the last part of my favorite mini series:(

word count:

5 star conversation masterlist

place four: a 1 star gig

Flynn was always on top of things, she always was, but when she wasn’t you didn’t want to be lodged on a tour bus with her. She had already tried to throw her phone out the window, thank God Alex was looking for his hat and he caught it.

“They canceled our reservation! That must be illegal!”

I curled closer to Julie on her bed, letting my head rest on her shoulder every time Flynn let out a line of words. Reggie had a small panic attack with the yelling and Flynn tried to apologize but he didn’t blame, he was just as mad. So now the boy walked around the gas station we had stopped at and Julie and I let Flynn rant to us, she deserved it.

“Maybe another venue will host us,” Julie spoke up when Flynn didn’t yell again, her feet had finally stopped leaving marks in the carpet from pacing.

“I’ve already called two and they said their full, which had to be a lie, and plus how do we get the word out to the fans!” Flynn reached down and grabbed my knee, looking at me with sad eyes.

I pulled my phone from my pocket, waving it in the air while I sat up.

“I can always do a live and explain everything, why don’t you get some air,” I rubbed her shoulder, hoping she would take my advice, She had always given Reggie and Alex a heart attack and maybe going to the little nature walk across the street would be good, she could throw some rocks at some trees.

“I’ll get some air, yeah okay.”

She hurried off the bus, most likely to throw or kick rocks around the parking lot as Flynn never liked nature trails, it was nice to dream. If she dented this bus, we’ll be in debt.

“I can’t believe the venue canceled, it was our last gig on tour too!” Julie stood, looking down as I laid on her bunk and played with my phone in between my fingers.

I didn’t have to heart to tell the fans that we didn’t have a venue, that we wouldn’t have a final gig that was supposed to help release the new album coming out in five months.

It might have seemed small, we were blessed we even had this opportunity but it doesn’t change the fact that the one we're most excited for now was not happening.

“I’m going to find the boys, you coming?”

I closed my eyes, the boys. Everything they worked for was now becoming a nightmare, their idea of the perfect tour was ruined with falling through plans and missed opportunities.

“No, I need to go live and get the word out anyways,” I brushed off Julie, I didn’t have the heart to look any of them in the eye and tell them. To break their heart like everyone else in their life has, I just couldn’t do it. Julie waved behind her, I waited until the bus door shut before I let my head rollback.

I looked up at the bunk above me, Flynn’s, and let my mind wander over the past few months. They were perfect. Watching the fan scream their name for hours and they showed them in their element. The pictures that have been taken, many saved in my phone of the people I would always turn to. The edits that have been made have made me laugh harder than I imagined. Before this tour, nobody knew me, not that I ever cared, but I was behind the scenes. Now, the fans want me on the stage even if I don’t contribute to the music.

The music, the music had been show-stopping. Luke has been through four journals the past few months, writing back fast food drive in’s and doing stupid things with friends, that how the new album was coming out so fast. They were all so excited, Reggie was so excited to have one of his own songs featured as a single.

Reggie.

I let my hand run over my face, feeling the embarrassment from the incident at the fair. Watching his face move closer to mine, like a slow-motion picture and then ripped away when it was ripped in half. I took a minute and tried turning it into a moment, but it was never our moment. All the giggles and inside jokes hurt my chest and I thought back to the more recent time of the tour.

The motel, the way the light shines across his face and we wondered would the world cave in around. The feeling of his hand gripping my shirt because he always felt he had to be touching someone, he said it reminds him not to act so dead.

The diner when he gave me sweet little comments and took my fork from my lips. When we laughed about food poisoning and wondered would we ever be the same people after he played with my finger from across the table.

The fair where I gave him his first horse, then named it after an artist I introduced to him too. The way the wind passed his hair like he was made to run away from the world that had disappointed him more than once.

Every one-star establishment that made me believe could kiss my butt because now we had nothing. I didn’t need any more one-star buildings and places in my life. They’re just cheap and used for people who have no other options.

I sat up quickly, so quickly my head hit Flynn bunk.

No other options and cheap, exactly what someone in our situation could use right now. I let my phone spin between my fingers, unlocking it quickly before finding my search bar. We sat in the center of California, there had to be a one-star building somewhere near, one that we could turn into a dive bar or something. I smiled when a cheap bar popped up first, the area large enough to hold people and a small stage the band could work with.

Larry’s Bar was suddenly open for business. I dialed the number quickly, praying for the first time in a week something would go my way.

“L-larry’s Bar,” the woman sounded out of breath but I couldn’t care.

“Can we rent out your bar for a band?”

“Huh?”

“We need a venue for a band performance,” I realized why Flynn handled this and not me, this was out of my comfort zone.

“Are you sure you have-”

“Incredibly sure, yes or no?”

The line went silent, for a minute I thought she hung up on me and I considered crying with Reggie’s stuffed horse for a minute.

“The bar’s yours,” the lady's voice sounds light suddenly like we finally both got some good news. She definitely made my week without knowing.

“We’ll be there in forty-five minutes,” I didn’t wait for a response, rushing out of the tour bus to find someone. When I spotted everyone leaning against an ice machine outside the gas station with sad faces, my legs couldn’t stop me from rushing. I was happy Fylnn already kicked all the rock because otherwise, I would have felt.

“Guys!”

“Hey,” Alex's voice was sad and sincere, about to place a hand on my shoulder but I was bouncing on my toes.

“Whip off your sad faces, I got us a gig!”

*

“Just got off live, the fans are going to spread the information,” I yelled throughout the bar, and Luke and Jessie, the lady from the phone, moved the last few tables around the bar to make more room. Reggie and Alex did a quick soundcheck, we were currently renting amps and such from across the street since the owner's daughter was apparently a “Luke Girl”.

“Thank God, I would hope we don’t do all this work for nobody to show up” Alex called back as he did the classic comedy drum sound, giving a smile as he grabbed the extra drumstick from his back pocket.

I rolled my eyes, hopping off the stage to the small table at the door for Flynn and me to sit at for tickets and shirts, CD including, and a special code for the single Reggie was presenting tonight.

Luke and he had been fighting over it for ten minutes because Reggie changed the one he wanted to release last minute, it must have been good if Luke was letting him get away with it.

“I can’t believe you pulled this off,” Flynn sat in her seat with her arms crossed, people would be arriving as soon as possible and we were prepared for anything.

“What can I say,” I smiled brightly, taking the seat beside her.

“What made you think of this?”

I wanted to say, Reggie, that he almost always somehow inspired my best ideas but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Almost everyone knew of the almost kiss and how awkward things have been between us, so awkward I couldn’t say his name.

“Just about what happened at the motel, how we had to make it work.”

It wasn't a lie, that was for sure.

“Well, you saved the tour,” Flynn leaned over and squeezed my shoulders, her bucket hat titled as it smashed against my face. I hugged her back, smiling into her shoulder, I saved the tour.

*

The crowd screamed as the band finished off “Bright”, sweat dripping down them as they gave wide gestures.

“Thank you! Now it’s surprise time!” Julie passed the microphone to Luke, who looked so excited for his next set of words.

“The rumors about the new album are true,” he let the mic drop until the screams died down, “and we are here to show one of the singles for the said album that will drop on March 3rd at midnight!”

The crowd went crazy again and I laughed against Flynn, we both decided to stay in our chairs for the performance as we had an amazing view and we didn’t want to push through everyone. I was scared that everyone would see the one-star and turn the other way but every ticket that was bought came.

Reggie smiled as he took the stage, his bass switched for an acoustic, which confused me but I didn’t think much about it, I knew he liked to mess with it sometimes.

“Hi everybody!”

Reggie gave a peace sign to the crowd, the few girls who wore Reggie’s face on their shirt screamed at the top of their lungs.

“This is a song I wrote a few weeks ago on tour called “Five Star conversation.”

I looked over my shoulder at Flynn, her eyes wide as she watched Reggie get situated on his stool in front of the mic.

“What song is this?”

“Uhm, this one?”

All she did was point and I decided to go back and watch him play. I could always ask later, I’d have to make merch with it anyways.

“Dingy bathrooms and motel floors, I’d never wanted you more than right now,” Reggie's voice came out rough as his voice played with the melody just right. His finger-picked at the string and I was shocked by the slow melody. This definitely wasn’t a song I’d heard.

“The city lights across your face, I swear you fell from grace. The world around me seemed to disappear the second you spoke,” that when it happened, the moment he turned his head. He looked in my eye, the words rooting themselves in my chest, tattooed across my heart.

“Our five-star conversations were softer than the pillows beneath me, I wish you could have really seen me.”

I felt myself chew on my bottom lip, feeling my eyes turn to me as his attention never left my face. He was watching me, the same way he had in every other one-star establishment, but this felt different.

“Oh, you wouldn’t know the five-star conversation I had with your soul.” The medley rang out, Julie’s soft humming joined in behind and I wondered how anyone could focus.

How could anyone think straight when someone was looking so adoring under the flashing light of a cheap bar that smelt like feet?

How could I pay attention while he looked at me like I hung the stars in the sky when he hung the moon?

“Crappy food and screaming doors, I wonder if you knew of your own grace!” His word rang back in my eye, like a bug that wouldn’t quite go away, not that I would ever want this to stop.

But it had to stop because I was suddenly the center of attention and I couldn’t handle it. I couldn't know the world more than I did. But I was rooted in place watching the boy I had fallen so hard for a look at me with his puppy eyes and wonder where we would stand after this.

“Don’t let me lose our five-star conversation in a one-star world after all,” he strummed the last bit of the song, I barely processed half the word before I let my legs go. I was walking somewhere, wherever my feet would allow me to go. I was outside, the brick wall of the bar brought me back to reality.

The same reality where I didn’t think boys wrote songs that sweet and they didn’t look at you like that. They didn’t look at you like you spun gold strings and gave them pretty smiles, but he did.

He always did, he always looked at me like I belonged next to him saving tours and making horrible plans. He looked at me like I could be his muse for the rest of his life, of death is more appropriate. He looked at me as if I was more than his because I wasn’t his, I was myself and that’s all he wanted.

He was in love with me, the same person from the motel, the same person for the diner, the same person from the fair.

I was the five-star person in the world star world, I was the extra star he was always looking for.

“(Y/N)!”

As soon as I watched his body slide out the door of the bar, I walked to him. I didn’t realize how far I walked until he started rambling.

“I’m sorry to put you on the spot but I couldn’t stop-”

My hand gripped the thin jacket material, not thinking twice and my lips smashed against his with force. He fell back slightly, his hand grabbing my wrist for a second before he was running them over my shoulder and down to my elbows. He pulled me closer if that was possible, and I let my hand touch over his heart.

The heart that wanted me, Reggie wanted me. There were girls who would wear his face on a shirt and he wanted the person that made those shirts.

I was his five stars, even if I loved him in every one-star and three-star establishment.

I felt myself pull away, our forehead resting on one another and I took a shaky breath.

“I’d give that kiss two stars.”

He smiled down at me, raising his eyebrows and letting his tongue run over the side of his cheek with a smirk.

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll make it five stars.”

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[shawn-mendes-post]

Broken

A/n: I used Stupid and That Way by Tate Mcrae. Hope you like this chapter.

(Y/N) sighs, waiting for the interview to be over, wanting to crawl into bed with Sebastian. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her, giving her the comfort that she needed. She smiles at the crowd as she walks towards the coach, hugging Harry before sitting down with flush cheeks. She still has not gotten used to having many fans or that she is an actress. She grew up just being Shawn Mendes’s friend that would hang around him.

"(Y/n), you have been with Sebastian Stan for a couple of months," Harry drawls, hearing the cheers and hollers from the crowd and the other two guests. Shaking her head, she internally rolls her eyes, wondering what they wanted to ask her.

"Yes, I have." (Y/N) replies, staring at Harry with guarded eyes, not wanting to show any emotions. Harry raises a photo, showing the crowd, which makes a smile appear on her face.

"Can you tell us more about this photo?"

The photo consists of Sebastian in the back, his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. His hands rested on her hips, not allowing her to move away from him. His head is nuzzled in between her neck, tilting to whisper in her ear, leaving a trail of kisses. (Y/N) was sipping from the glass, trying hard not to laugh as her hand covers her mouth.

"Sure. It started as a celebration with a few people because my new album is coming out today. Sebastian wanted to celebrate, so he surprised me with the party, and even did everything. I talk to Tom (Holland), and we were discussing this movie we are starring in together. Seb thought I was mad at him because he did not tell me about the surprise, which I loved by, the way. He came up to me, trying to cuddle with me, not caring Tom was watching us. I was shocked by his behavior, but what made me laugh was Tom's face. His eyes were wide as balloons, not recognizing his costar. When Sebastian started to get more affectionate, Tom started to blush, probably thinking we were about to start going at it right then and there in front of everyone." (Y/N) explains, not telling everything that happened. Especially knowing Sebastian would be more embarrassed if she told the whole truth about what happened that night, which is their little secret.

------

(Y/N) stands on the stage, waiting for her cue from Harry Styles that she is to perform. She watches his back, eyes lowing, head tilting, checking him out before noticing he is holding her new album. Excitement build-up, knowing people can buy them. She did have songs that she has yet to perform, and she decided to go on tour soon, needing a break from acting. She also wanted to spend more time with Sebastian since she spent countless hours thinking of Shawn. She remembers her dedication to Shawn and the promise she made to move on.

The band begins to play, (Y/N) swaying to the music, letting her words entrance the audience.

“Only think about him on the weekdays and weekends” She sings, bobbing her head, “Only in the mornings and evenings.” She grabs the microphone stand, realizing she is putting everything out in the open. She felt tired being quiet about her emotions, her love for Shawn, work, fame, everything.

“Only when I wake up and sleep in, oh my God” Her left hand rested on her chest, singing her heart out at how much love she has for this man, “Should have read the warning on the label, I don't.”

Eyes close, she imagines how she blindly follows Shawn without caution. She would have followed him anywhere, and she was. “Said proceed with caution, but I won't. Guess I do it often, I know I'm already gone (I'm already gone).”

(Y/n) smiles sadly at the crowd, watching the stares of the fans, trying to cipher every line, most likely wanting to post that they figured it out. “It's sad but true. I'd go to hell and back if I could go there with you. What do I do?” (Y.N) asked, lips quivering as she felt lost in her friendship with Shawn. She realized she lost herself once again, but it was deeper this time.

“Oh my God, I'm a fool. Keep on coming back to you. I'm so stupid for you. I'm so stupid for you. You're so bad for my health but I just can't help myself,” She sings, shaking her head, grabbing the microphone walking towards the front of the stage.

“I'm so stupid for you. I'm so stupid for you.” She points to Harry, with a faint smile as she continues to sing, “I have a list of all my habits, habits. Wish I didn't have it, so bad.

It's 'cause all of them are you and the bad things that you do.”

(Y/n) begins to sway to the music, nodding her head to the beat, “Ooh I wonder how you do it.

Make me feel stupid. Try to fight it off but it's useless. I'm so foolish, fooling around with you (around with you).”

It was Shawn’s birthday, and he was currently on tour. (Y/n) wanted to surprise him, and decided to buy a ticket to see him. He was staying in a hotel, but she did not the exact place. She had to get in contact with Brian, and they formulated a plan for the two to spend time together. (Y/N) would stay in the hotel room, waiting for Shawn to get back from practice since the concert was the next day.

When Shawn came, he was happy to see his best friend and got the idea to go out. The two went to dinner, spending time catching up with each other, sipping some wine. Shawn's eyes were drawn to her lips, wanting to taste them once more. He could not get the thoughts of them in bed out of his mind. Her moans kept driving him crazy, leading him to mess up during practice. The rest of the night went through a blur for the two.

(Y/n) woke up laying next to Shawn's naked body, which made her feel complex. She loved being with him and waking up next to him. On the other hand, she remembers what they said about being friends and could not go further. Sighing, she gathers her clothes, leaving before he could wake up, needing to shower and change. She would return with breakfast for the both of them, asking Shawn if he remembered what happened.

"No, Why? I did not do anything I would regret," Shawn asked, worried as he tries to think about last night. He kept coming up blank as he begins to eat, not noticing the state of his friend.

“Nothing to worry about,” she replied with a tight smile, looking away from him.

“It's sad but true I'd go to hell and back if I could go there with you. What do I do? Oh my God, I'm a fool. Keep on coming back to you. I'm so stupid for you. I'm so stupid for you.”

(Y/N) points to someone in the crowd, singing the words, as she moves the microphone closer to her lips. She sings with more passion and heartbreak as she knows her song is coming to an end, “ You're so bad for my health but I just can't help myself. I'm so stupid for you. (I'm so stupid for you). I'm so stupid for you. I'm so stupid for you.”

(Y/n) stops singing, until the band starts the next melody for the other song. She smiles and waves at the crowd when they realize there is another song, screaming in delight.

“Run me in circles like you always do.” She makes a motion of circles with her pointed finger, “Mess with me on purpose so I'll hang onto you.” Her heart starts to speed up, knowing all the rumors and speculations are about to get worse and confirmed in some way.

“I know what you mean when you act like that you don't know it's breaking my heart,” making a broken heart with her hands, a frown on her face, “Said that it was just never gonna happen,”

A blush forms on her face when remembering the almost kiss when Shawn and she were younger, “Then almost kissed me in the dark. Every time we talk, it just hurts so bad 'cause I don't even know what we are.”

The crowd starts to scream as recognition shines through their eyes, as the pieces are falling together in a slow, but surely place. “I don't even know where to start but I can play the part.

We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room,” she turns to give Harry a sexy look, smiling when he returns the jester, probably knowing how she feels at baring her heart to the world.

“It makes no sense, 'cause we're fighting over what we do and there's no way that I'll end up being with you. But friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way. Can't even tell if I love or hate you more,” She sings with such emotions, that people could see how broken she looks. She glances at Harry, her fake smiles, closing her eyes frequently as if to not look at the crowd.

“You've got me addicted and I can't tell who's keeping score. I know what you mean when you act like that. You don't know it's breaking my heart. Said that it was just never gonna happen then almost kissed me in the dark,” she could not stand it anymore. She walks towards the piano, the man that was playing gets up, knowing the drill.

There was a chance she needed a distraction, and her manager set up a microphone just in case she decided to play. Slowly, her fingers set on the notes, not missing a beat, “Every time we talk, it just hurts so bad 'cause I don't even know what we are. I don't even know where to start but I can play the part. We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room.

It makes no sense, 'cause we're fighting over what we do and there's no way that I'll end up being with you.”

A few tears fall from her eyes, as she tries to blink them away. Her vision gets blurry, however, does not impact her playing since she has this song memorized in her heart. “But friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way. Mmm, ayy,” She hums, her head dropping low as more tears escape, but she needed to be strong. She quickly wipes them away with one hand, the other still on the piano.

“We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room. It makes no sense, 'cause we're fighting over what we do and there's no way that I'll end up being with you. But friends don't look at friends that way. Friends don't look at friends that way,” she belts out the last notes tearfully, breaking many hearts that could relate to her. The crowd stands up, clapping and cheering her on, some had red eyes.

“Thank you, “ She says, getting up, walking towards Harry. Harry immediately wraps his arms around her waist, bring her into an embrace, silently wanting to cheer her up. He hated seeing her sad because this brought him pain. The audience gets more rowdy, seeing the two embrace, wanting to see more of the two.

“ My album is out today, and I hope you love it. I hope the person that inspired the album listens to it and understands my emotions I went through when I was around them,” She said, hugging Harry tighter against her, knowing she wished Sebastian was with her. She should have allowed him to come with her, but she thought she could handle it. However, she was wrong.

The unbearable pain filled her body, remembering every moment with Shawn, the good and the bad. A tightness in her chest forms, making her place a hand on her chest, fighting the urge to claw. She tries to find comfort in Harry's warmth and smell, but all she could do is think about Shawn. The grief of watching; Shawn with someone else, making memories together impact her psyche. Slowly, her breathing becomes heavy, as if no air was coming through, which makes her begin to panic.

Harry could notice something was wrong and hurried to wrap the show up before going on a commercial. He guides her towards the back, placing his hands on her shoulders, watching with concerned eyes as she begins to hyperventilate.

"Breath, love," Harry says in a low voice, trying to get her attention, but she still has this dazed look on her face. He did not know what to do, looking around to see if someone else can help. Suddenly, her phone starts ringing, which he received from her coat pocket to see Sebby. Immediately, he answers, bringing the phone to his ear, "(Y/N) is hyperventilating, and I have no idea how to calm her down."

He raises the phone to her ear as instructed, watching (Y/n) calm down, her eyes clearer than before. He felt relieved when he could see that she can grab the phone by herself. Her sad eyes meet his making his heart beat faster at how bright they looked due to the unshed tears. Slowly, his hand reached out, wanting to pull her in another embrace; especially, when he sees her lips quiver.

Out of nowhere, someone comes up, yelling his name. His head snaps to the left, watching as it is a producer, saying he is needed because James is on the call. Harry takes a glance at (Y/N) to see her smiling as if to reassure him. "Seb is coming, so you can go," she whispers, not wanting anyone to hear.

Harry nods, moving closer to her, motioning for her phone. (Y/N) slips her phone into his hand, watching curiously. He adds his number, offering her phone back with a smile, "call me when you can. I want to make sure you are okay," he explained, gently holding her hand before he walks away, glancing back once more.

(Y/N) sighs, heading to the room that she left her bag and change of clothes. Currently, she is wearing an elegant black polka dot see-through dress, stopping past her knees. She changes into a pair of leggings and Sebastian's hoodie over a crop top. Embarrassed, she remembers Harry's green eyes staring at her with such intensity and concern when she was freaking out.

A warm feeling fills her belly at the thought of her crush holding her hand. Not understanding what happened, (Y/N) makes her way to the exit, wait for Sebastian outside, not wanting to stay in the studio anymore. (Y/n) is on her phone, placing earbuds into her ears, listening to music, biting her lower lip, trying to clear her mind.

Her eyes meet the vivid blue eyes that charmed her every time she sees them. Her cheeks dusted pink as her heart start rushing at how concern Sebastian looks at her with a crooked smile.

"Doll, are you hungry?" He asked, knowing not to ask about what happened unless she wants to talk. He cups her cheeks, staring into her eyes, silently examine to see if she is alright. As if satisfied, he leans down closer to her, faces stopping, so their lips almost touch, waiting for her permission. He wanted to kiss her but did not know her mindset. He knew something happened, but he did not know if it was about Shawn or the other ex.

Conflict flickers through her eyes making, Sebastian worries if something is wrong. He moves to pull away, not wanting to force her into something, but she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him back to her. Her eyes flutter close, tilting her head, needing to feel his soft lips, feeling the warmth of his breath. The two lips meet in a delicate way making (Y/n) let out a satisfying sigh.

Heat excitedly rose from her stomach, inhaling his hypnotic scent. She parts her lips, needing more as she allows herself to pull into for a hungry kiss. His fingers slide down her side, making her shiver, his hands gripping her waist, pulling her against his body. Sebastian's hungry eyes meet her parted lips that are breathing heavily after pulling away from her.

"Let's get you home," Sebastian says, after taking a few deep breathes, controlling his needs to focus on her. His hand grips her, leading her towards the car, checking on her from time to time.

---

When the two get to her home, he sets the food they picked up on the way down. His eyes follow her movement as she heads to her bedroom, wanting to take a shower. He stays silent, wanting to offer her support, but feeling like she will enclose more. Conflict on what to do, he decides to grab the food, heading to the bedroom. He sets the food on the (f/c) bed, running on the remote to (f/m), knowing she will want to relax. He lights some candles, knowing they help have a soothing effect, and changes into something more comfortable before laying on the bed, waiting.

It takes a while before (Y/n) comes out with puffy eyes, making her way to the bed. A small smile appears on her lips when seeing the movie that they will be watching. Sliding in, she cuddles with Sebastian, leaving space for the food. Nibbling often, not feeling very hungry as (Y/N) watches the movie, feeling at ease. A part of her wants to open up to Sebastian, but she does not know how he reacts. She wants to love him and tell him, but the fear inside her is holding back as she is not over Shawn.

"Hey, how about we take a vacation," her soft voice breaks the silence between the two. She glances up, assessing Sebastian's thoughts about getting away. An eyebrow raised, Sebastian lets out a chuckle, "you take a break?"

(Y/n)'s lips pursed, knowing he is not making fun of her, but still wanted him to take her seriously. She places the food on the nightstand as she places her left hand on his cheek. His eyes narrow, watching his prey, wondering what will happen next. Leaning her face up close to his, lips dangerously close, teasing him. Sebastian lets out a groan when feeling her straddling him; his body reacts immediately. "Doll, do not start something you can't finish," he growled, hands resting on her hips.

"I think we should spend time just the two of us. We will not act or perform or interviews for either of us. Just spending time with each other exploring," (Y/n) whispers, biting her lower lip, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"I like that idea," husky; Sebastian replies, crashing their lips together, tilting her head to have more access. She pushes back, mouth opening, feeling his tongue pushing; into her mouth, exploring, memorizing every detail. (Y/N) lets out a low moan as she feels the bristles of his beard scratching her cheeks. Pulling back, she gasps feeling; his hands slip under her shirt, teasing running up to cup her breast.

---

"I love you,"

(Need to let me know if you want to be tagged.)

@hxneybee-uwu

@shawn-youth

@sspidermanss

@turtoix​

@unpredictabledinosaur

#shawn x reader #shawn mendes imagine #shawn x y/n #shawn paul #camilla cabello #you #reader #love #sebastian stan #sebastian x you #reader input #shawn mendes #shawn and camila #bucky x reader #stupid #that way #tate mcrae #series #just friends #aftermath #memories #starving #hoodie #hey violet #y/n #james #harry styles #late late #late night

[crowdedimagines]

BFB - Harry Styles

best friends brother an// y’all don’t care but pretend holmes chapel has a big airport lol. 2.6k

“How long are we planning to keep this from her?” Harry asks, tracing his fingers lightly over my bare shoulder. I lean against him, pulling the covers a little higher as the air is cold on bare skin. It’s a question we’ve been struggling with the answer for a long time now.

“I don’t know. You know that Gemma would absolutely freak out if she found out about us.”

Harry and I have been dating for about eight months now. It’s been bliss, better than I could even imagine, other than one thing. We’ve been hiding it from his sister and my best friend. I’ve never kept anything from her before, nothing like this and it’s killing both Harry and I.

“She’s going to hate me.” I whisper, thinking of how angry I’m sure her reaction will be, “I can’t lose either of you.”

“Gem could never hate you, you’re her best friend.” Harry presses a kiss to my temple, “You won’t lose me ever.”

Gemma and I met a few years ago and became fast friends. We bonded over similar personalities and being in need of a loyal friend. She brought me to meet her family one random weekend because her brother was finally home. The whole drive there she talked about how friends in the past have tried to hit on him, or they only get close to her with the prospect of meeting Harry Styles. She made me promise to stay away.

I reassured her over and over that I wasn’t interested in the man that I had never met, I mean sure I would have to live under a rock to have not heard of him. We met that same day for dinner. Both Harry and Anne excited to meet the best friend Gemma was always hanging out with.

I was never expecting to make such a connection to Harry. I wish more than anything that I didn’t know how she felt about Harry because I would’ve asked for his number that night. She caught on to us right away.

After eating we all settled in the living room to continue talking. I should’ve known that getting along with Gemma so well it would apply to the whole family as well. Anne is a sweetheart, making me already feel so welcome in her home.

“I see what the two of you are doing.” Gemma states as soon as Anne goes back into the kitchen.

“What?” I ask turning away from Harry who had been talking.

“Harry, you’re flirting with her, you’ve been eyeing her up since she walked in the door!!”

I grow quiet, unsure of what I could even say to that.

“Gem-” Harry starts.

“I don’t care. Y/n is my friend, you’re not ruining this for me. You two aren’t happening.” Gemma sits a little straighter.

“Sure, the two of you could maybe date a few times, fuck, whatever, but at the end of the day, I still want my best friend. I don’t want to have to separate you after Harry doesn’t call or Y/n doesn’t like the fame. It’s never gonna happen.” Gemma finishes right as Anne comes back with a plate of treats. We all drop the subject and put on smiles, not wanting Anne so suspect anything. Harry and I are silent, still digesting what Gemma just dropped on us.

After that day I shut down even the idea of being with Harry for two years. It didn’t matter that I had never felt that connection with anyone before, Gemma was my best friend. At least it didn’t matter until my job relocated me to Los Angeles.

It was a hard decision to move, but it was a promotion after all so I made the decision to return to the states. Gemma helped me pack up all my things, then I flew across the world for Harry to help me unpack. He was glad to have another friend in Los Angeles. He’s taken up residence in Malibu while working on a new album.

We hung out more and more, Harry happy to have a reason to get out of the studio for a little while and I was just happy to have someone to hang out with that I didn’t work with.

One day however it changed, I drove out to his house for a movie night and one thing led to another. We didn’t let our shared person hold us back for once, and once we did it was impossible to go back to being just friends, but we didn’t want to.

After that we started dating, sneaking and hiding from paparazzi, hiding more importantly from Gemma. We were our own little secret. Harry’s band were the only ones privy to the information. It was hard for them to not figure it out anyway once Harry came in the next day, happier than they had ever seen him. He finished his album and released it, now he finally has some time off before tour starts next year.

“Alright, so you’re coming home for Christmas?” Gemma asks, cheering into the phone.

“Yeah, I’ll be coming home for Christmas.”

Harry looks up and smiles, he loves the fact that I’ll be flying back with him and spending the holiday with his family.

“Thank god, I haven’t seen you in so long! I need my best friend. Do you at least love it there? Otherwise you can totally move back.”

“I miss you too, and yes I love it here. You might have to just move out here instead. I’m out here, your brother’s out here. If you did then we could definitely convince Anne do make the move too.”

Harry smiles once again, I can tell he’s not focused on the book in his hands, rather he’s focused on my conversation.

“I don’t know, I don’t think I’m much of a L.A girl. Do you ever see Harry?”

Her question catches me off guard, Harry too when his head snaps up to look at me.

“From time to time.” I answer.

“Well if you see him before you’re back for Christmas, tell him I say hi.” She laughs.

“I will. We actually booked the same flight so we’ll be flying in together.”

I swallow, hoping that she’s not picked up on anything.

“That’s lovely! It’s a long flight, plus that means only one trip to the airport.”

“Yep, it’ll be good.” I smile, “I’ll see you in a few days, love you.”

“Love ya!”

I hang up the phone and let out a sigh. I throw my back down against the mattress, successfully knocking into Harry’s legs.

“This is killing me.” I groan.

“Only a few more days and then we can tell her.” Harry reminds.

“I know I know, I’m just so nervous. I have a bad feeling.”

“At least we know that my mum will have a good reaction!” Harry crawls down to the end of the bed.

“Yeah?” I turn to face him.

“I’m sure she’ll be thrilled. She’s loved you almost as long as I have.”

“Shut up.” I roll my eyes, I pull lightly on his shoulder so he falls on top of me, “You’re so cheesy.”

“Don’t act like that’s not one of your favorite things about me.”

Only a few days later we pack up a suitcase and board a plane to go all the way to Holmes Chapel. By the time we land, it’s technically Christmas Eve.

“Ahh!” Gemma screams, running towards us as we leave our gate.

She rushes forward to pull us each in for a hug.

“You’re both here!” She smiles.

We walk to Gemma’s car, it’s a short drive to Anne’s house. Harry takes the backseat and lets me sit in front with Gem.

“Y/n, you’re glowing!” Gemma grins and looks between me and the road, “California is treating you right?”

“Yeah, I absolutely love it. I wasn’t so sure at the start, but now I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.”

“Meet any cute boys yet?” She asks.

Harry starts profusely coughing, causing everyone’s attention to go to him.

“Jesus, do you need some water?” Gemma asks.

“Nope, I’m okay. I just had a catch in my throat.”

“Before Harry almost started dying I asked you a question.” Gemma sings the tease, reminding me of her question.

“Yeah, there’s been one guy.”

“One guy?” Gemma cheers, “Give me all of the details.”

“Let’s do it later.” I look out my window and avoid anymore questions for the rest of the ride.

We pull into the driveway and Anne comes out before we even get the chance to grab our luggage.

“Merry Christmas!” She pulls Harry into a hug first. I smile at the interaction.

“Y/n!” Anne says with glee. She pulls me in for a big hug and it makes both of the siblings roll their eyes.

“She’s always been the favorite.” Harry mutters with a laugh.

“Mhm.” Gemma agrees.

Anne pulls away after a while and we all make our way into the house.

“I set up the guest room for you, Y/n.” Anne explains.

“Thank you.”

We all stay up in the living room talking for a while, Anne eventually calls is quits and goes to bed.

“Gem, I need to talk to you.”

“Ooh, is it about your mystery boy?” She grins, setting down her tea. She turns to look at Harry and I on the couch from her spot on the chair.

“Uhh, yeah.”

I look back to Harry for reassurance, he gives me a nod.

“Gem, first and foremost, I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too.” Her brows furrow, “What’s going on?”

“Harry and I are dating.” I blurt.

She doesn’t even flinch, the room fills with silence. She stares at me, completely unwavering. It’s like she’s waiting for a just kidding or one of us to say ‘gotcha’. It never comes though, I turn to see Harry looks just as concerned as I do.

“For how long?” Her voice is a whisper.

“Eight months.” Harry answers.

“I trusted both of you.” She tries not to whimper.

“We’re both sorry Gemma. We didn’t mean for it to happen.” Harry explains.

Tears fill Gemma’s eyes while she looks between the two of us before she settles on me.

“Everyone has always loved him more. You were the one person that was mine, you were my person. You let him steal you away.”

“No, that’s not what’s happening-”

“Isn’t it though? I can’t believe I thought you were my friend.” She scoffs.

“I’m still your friend!” I cry out.

“Gemma!” Harry scolds.

“No you’re not. You’re his now.”

“Gemma, please.” I sigh, she quickly gets up and starts stomping towards the stairs.

“What? So you don’t love him?” She stops in her tracks to look at me. I come up with no words, I can’t lie about this, “That’s what I thought.”

“Please, Gem, wait!”

“Gemma, come on.” Harry suddenly speaks out

“No, Harry. You’re an ass! You couldn’t let me have one thing? You get everything you want, you always have. Y/n was the one thing.” She yells. I can only hope that Anne is completely out of it.

“Do you want us to break up?” I shout, “Is that what would make you happy, to have both of us miserable? You’re being selfish! You’re supposed to be my best friend and you’re using me like I’m some trading card. I’m a person, I’m not a way for you to one up your brother.”

“Wow, so I’m the bad friend? You’re the one who broke her promise.”

“A promise from over two years ago. A stupid promise.” Harry reminds.

Gemma rolls her eyes and continues up the stairs.

“Cheers, I hope you both are very happy together.” Her words dripping with sarcasm.

We both hear her door shut and neither of us follow her. I turn around in Harry’s arms, he rubs slowly up and down my back as the sobs start.

“I told you so.” I laugh bitterly, tears still falling.

“I’m sorry, love.” He presses a kiss to my forehead.

Harry and I stay like that for a while until the exhaustion hits. I go up to my room and change into pajamas. Harry goes to take a shower before he’ll be back. In the past few months we’ve spent very few nights away from each other. Harry decided he’s going to sneak in.

I tuck myself in, turning out the lights. The bed is big and comfy, but I’m staying up until Harry comes in.

“Come in.” I answer the knock at my door. Why is Harry knocking?

The door opens and I can see with the hall light that it’s most definitely not Harry.

“Gem?” I sit up.

“Can we talk?” She asks.

I nod and pat the spot next to me for her to lay down. She wordlessy walks over and slides in the covers next to me. We both lay on our backs and stare at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry I’m selfish with you.” She states.

“I’m sorry I hid this from you.” I reply.

Without a word she reaches to connect our hands.

“I really do want you to be happy, and if it has to be with him than so be it.”

“Thank you.” I smile.

The door opens again and this time is actually is Harry.

“Oh, hey.” Harry notices Gemma is in here too, “Are you guys talking? I can just go.”

I look to Gemma and raise my brows and she rolls her eyes.

“You can stay.” Gemma says, catching him before he walks out.

Harry smiles and walks back in, climbing into bed on my other side. Thankfully it’s a big bed, we all three fit easily. I roll my eyes, having a jealous Styles on each side of me.

“You know you’re lucky, right?” Gemma sits up to look at him. “You can’t screw this one up.”

“I know, Gem.” Harry smiles.

We all fall into a comfortable silence, we’re all just thinking.

“This is actually going to be really amazing!” Gemma cheers, completely changing her attitude from an hour ago.

“How so?” Harry asks.

“Now she can actually be a part of the family! Y/n, you’re going to be my sister!”

“I thought I already was your sister.” I question.

“You are, but once you both get married, you’ll actually be my sister.”

“Woah, Gem.” Harry laughs.

“I think you’re moving faster than we are.” I tease.

“Whatever, I know both of you. I give it a year before you’re engaged.”

I roll my eyes, but I can’t help but get excited at the prospect of it. I’ve known Harry for years, and I’ve never felt a love like this. I know that if he asked me tomorrow even, I would say yes.

“We’re telling mum about us tomorrow.” Harry informs.

“Please let me be there. This is going to be her favorite Christmas present.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s been dying for you to be a permanent part of our family for a while now. Plus, she always wanted a second daughter.”

I turn to look at Harry and he nods agreeing with her. His eyes are closed with a smile on his face. I reaches out to put his arm around me, pulling me a little closer to his side of the bed. I let out a loud yawn, it’s been a long day.

“So, are we having a sleepover?” I ask.

Both of the Styles children chime in with yes, making me grin. I didn’t know if it would work out, but now I have them both. Best friend and boyfriend and the best family I could have ever been thrown into.

#harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #Harry Styles #gemma styles

[feverinfeveroutfic]

chapter twenty-two: sticks and stones

Marla had run back home for a few moments so she could change into her witch's robe but for the time being Sam, Aurora, and Belinda gathered on the far side of the room with Cliff, Frank, and a couple of Bloody Maries. Belinda adjusted the threads on her white dress with those blue scissors while in their art class, but she still managed to look like a doll as she had originally imagined. Sam glanced about the room in search of Marla and Charlie somewhere on the floor.

The interior of L'Amour had been decorated with shiny black and orange garlands. Clusters of little orange and white gourds hung all along the bar behind them. Orange and dark yellow lights shone down upon their heads, but every so often, they switched over to a soft purple. The whole room smelled of pepper courtesy of the Bloody Maries and cinnamon courtesy of a series of scented candles behind the bar to keep the place from reeking of alcohol and God knew what else. Every whiff of the cinnamon made Sam think of the cup of hot chocolate she made for Cliff and she knew she would have to make more of those for him following that night.

“It's gonna be a bit before they're coming back, though,” Frank told her at one point: his lush dark hair brushed over his shoulders like the ears of a dog. He awaited Charlie and the black and white Kiss face paint, given he already had a low cut white shirt on and extra tight black leather jeans as well as high heeled black boots which made him appear taller than he had originally appeared before.

But then the Cherry Suicides took to the stage in their black pointed witch hats: Zelda ducked behind her drum kit with her hat off kilter on her head. Sam noticed that was the only thing she had on to even remotely resemble to a witch's costume.

“Consider yourselves lucky, New York City,” Morgan announced into the microphone; Sam noticed she had on bright pearly orange lip gloss on her dark lips painted on in stripes so it looked like she had caterpillars on her mouth, “we've got a series of new songs in honor of this show here tonight. We haven't even debuted these back home in Rhode Island! The first one was helped on by a woman—you may've heard of her, she's more batshit insane than we are. Her name is Wendy O Williams.”

Frank yelped out at the sound of her name.

“It's called 'Scream for Me'!”

Zelda tapped on the cymbal closest to her so it made a noise akin to a bell. And they were all met with an intense wall of sound courtesy of Rosita and Minerva; Zelda's hat stayed in place atop her head as she pounded away as if she was a blacksmith swinging her hammer. Morgan brought the head of the microphone close to her striped lips: the first notes out of her mouth were low and harsh, but strong and tight.

“Morgan really upped her scream game, didn't she?” Cliff said to Frank.

“Yeah, she did!” Frank brought his glass of Bloody Mary close to his mouth but he never took a sip.

Belinda gaped at what she saw before her. Her eyes were wide with amazement, and she held onto her skirt as if she was stepping over a puddle. Sam and Aurora glanced at one another. A Halloween show needed a girl who could scream on a song of revenge like it meant business. Not a girl who was under the knife, but rather she was giving the knife to someone who asked for it.

Sam glanced over to the left side of the room, to Louie, who stood next to the side doors wrapped in a heavy black coat with a big hood upon his head. She spotted something shiny and pointed behind him—a bit triangular point upon a long dark pole. And she realized he was Death, and he could prance around with that thing and take under one of the souls before them at any given moment. He flexed his fingers and she noticed some white markings on the back of his hand: even from a distance, she could tell those were bones. Skeleton gloves for a good costume!

“There's Marla!” Aurora pointed out, and Sam and Belinda turned their attention to the right side of the room.

Indeed, they recognized Marla's violet hair on the far side of the room. Right before her was Charlie and his head of thick dark curls, and it took Sam a second to realize they were slow dancing to the music. Such a morbid song about killing someone for fun and then eating them and yet they danced as if it was a simple waltz instead. Charlie twirled her as Zelda unleashed a drum solo which followed Morgan's last powerful screech. A drum solo followed by a short picking guitar solo courtesy of Minerva and her big floppy witch's hat.

A guy in front of them punched another person in the face and Belinda lunged back at the sight of it, but Cliff and Frank laughed out loud at that.

The Cherry Suicides played another new song, called “Broomsticks”, followed by another one called “Bitches' Brew” and another one called “Dia de Los Muertos”, the latter of which Morgan let Rosita sing and in Spanish to boot. The whole entire time, Zelda never lost her pointed witch hat even as she played at a quick pace.

Charlie let go of Marla at one point and she disappeared behind the bar for something. She returned to their side with a series of what resembled to little white pearls on either of her hands, and she handed one of each to Belinda, then Sam and Aurora: Sam held up the pearls to the violet light for a better look at the little dots on the sides. Little skulls of different colors.

“Of course, Day of the Dead!” Aurora proclaimed as she threw the necklace over her head. Belinda and Sam followed suit.

“They're candy!” Frank added as Marla took the black and white make up out of her purse.

“I dunno if you'd wanna eat them, though,” she pointed out. “At least, that was what Charlie told me. But they're for Day of the Dead, though!”

The violet lights gave way to the golden and amber ones but Marla was only able to paint a black and white star on the side of Frank's face. Indeed, the next new song the Cherry Suicides debuted was called “White Star” and the four of them sang in unison. Even with her being seated behind the drum kit, Sam wished she could hear more of Zelda's singing voice. She yelled during the chorus but her voice carried enough to where she wondered if she could sing something to exemplify her voice.

By nine o'clock, they had finished up their Halloween set and Zelda chucked a handful of candy to the audience. Marla waved at her and she pointed in her direction. The four girls disappeared behind the curtain on the side there and the amber lights returned to their rich deep violet.

“It's okay, Charlie didn't get the make up on either,” Marla assured Frank, whose face fell when he realized he missed the full make up. “There's always a Day of the Dead celebration for later, though. We can do that tonight if you wish. Halloween into the Day of the Dead. Have it all as part of Samhain.”

“True. But it's still Halloween, though, Marla.”

Sam turned her attention to Cliff, who sipped on the remainder of his Bloody Mary. She thought about their little potential trip back out West to visit each other's parents, and she hoped they could do it on what money they had.

She then felt a tap on her shoulder and she turned around: Zelda stood behind her with her witch hat still off kilter upon her head and with a handful of salt water taffies held out before her.

“Ooh, yes please!” said Sam as she took the bright pink one for herself. Cliff meanwhile took the dark brown one.

“Root beer,” he noted while he unwrapped the piece of taffy. “You ever been to Virginia City?”

“Me?” Sam asked him.

“Yeah.”

“Not since I was little, no.”

“Maybe when you and I go visit our parents in a couple of months, we can go there for a day or something.”

“Ooh, yes! Sounds like a plan.”

“Just looking at these taffies made me think of Virginia City and the candy shop there.” Cliff slipped the taffy into his mouth and he squinted his eyes from the contrast of taste, between the root beer and the tomato juice. Sam giggled at him as did Belinda and Aurora, but he took it in stride. A Legacy show plus a meeting with her parents as well as his, and then a trip to Virginia City. It was all something to bear in mind even as Cliff returned home to California in time for Day of the Dead itself, and the whole prospect of the trip remained firmly on Sam's mind for a whole two weeks until she crossed paths with Joey on the way home from school one afternoon.

The sun hung low over the school buildings with the heart of autumn and Sam was sure she had failed her midterm for art history. She had no idea what had happened in that last week: her memory had fallen short with the exact art movements and Bill seemed to scrutinize her every move. It didn't help matters that he was still her counselor for that whole year, either.

She walked out through the front door only to be met with little snow flurries and that head of jet black curls near the curb.

“Hey, Joey,” she greeted him, complete with a nervous smile. “What're you doing here?”

“I had to ask around a little bit 'cause I couldn't fully recall your schedule,” he started as she descended the stairs, “but I just haven't seen ya in a while.”

“Not since the album was released,” she told him as she adjusted the lapels of her jacket.

“Yeah, and we go on tour soon, too,” he added.

“Already?” she asked him as she remembered Thanksgiving was only a week away.

“Yeah. You put out an album and it's necessary to promote it, too. So I wanted to see ya before those big things happen soon.”

Joey huddled closer to her as they walked side by side to the corner: the faded soles of his black leather boots crunched on the fresh fallen snow all around them.

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” he offered her.

“I'd love that,” she said as they glanced in either direction of the snowy street. The flurries had started a mere few minutes ago and yet the New York streets were already a rich shade of off white. Over them stood a blanket of darkness held up by the skyscrapers and the scraggly dark trees, made dark with the incoming winter. He lingered closer to her as he led her across the pavement to one of the coffee shops on the other side.

Once they were safe and sound in that dry warmth, Joey turned to her with his brown eyes large and soft like a couple of chocolate drops.

“It's like that one night all over again,” he recalled, “the night we saw Legacy together down at L'Amour.”

“I know, right? Except this time, it's actually almost winter.” He turned his head to the counter behind him.

“Coffee and cake,” he said.

“Coffee and cake?”

“Coffee and cake.” He gestured back to the cake pops near the cash register.

“Oh, cake!” And Joey chuckled in response to that. They took a seat by the window as it began to frost over with the increasing snow.

“Can I tell you something?” he asked her in a low voice.

“Of course.”

“There's a part of me that wants to start playing hockey again,” he said as he ran his gloved fingers through his thick black curls.

“And?” She shook her head.

“Well, I think it'd interfere with touring and doing stuff with Anthrax.”

“And why are you telling me this?” she asked him.

“'Cause I showed you my hockey stuff. I've been trying to do that with the guys but they seem more interested in what goes on down here in the City than what I might have in store.”

Sam knitted her eyebrows together at that.

“Have you asked them about it?” she coaxed him.

“Yeah, I've told Frankie about it 'cause he's the other athlete here with his baseball and everything. But I haven't really heard much, though.”

“Maybe we can do another round of hockey again,” she offered him. “Like just you and me again.”

“Oh, yeah, do that for real!” he said and his face lit up. “We can do that before we go on tour with Metallica this March.”

She gasped at that. Cliff never mentioned them when he told her about it!

“You guys are all going on tour together?” she sputtered.

“Yeah!” He stopped in his tracks. “Wait. You didn't know that?”

“No!”

“Oh, damn.” Despite his dark sun kissed skin, a soft warm blush bloomed across his face. “Well—I don't think I was supposed to tell you that, but—you are a friend to us. We told you about Spreading the Disease while it was still in early production after all.”

“And now I do know!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah, and you should definitely come along if you can, too—you and the girls.” He stood to his feet to fetch their cups of coffee. She kept her eyes fixed on Joey's slender body, made even more slender and elegant by his fitted black overcoat and his black jeans. Cliff never said anything about their touring with another band, let alone them, but she nodded her head at that. He did ask her to come along, too: there was no way she could hold onto that. And there was no way she could hold onto that when she had other things to worry about, like her art history midterm.

A few more things to worry about as well as her trip out to the West Coast. She knew that if Cliff would leave out details, she could leave out details herself: it only made sense to her. Joey soon returned to the table with the cups of coffee in either hand and a pair of cake pops in between her fingers. No sooner had he taken his seat again, his expression turned serious.

“By the way—referring back to the question I brought up to you back on birthday.”

“Oh, that!”

“Yeah. So—again, take all the time in the world if you still haven't thought of anything. But—have you, though?”

“Yes,” she replied with haste, such that it took him aback.

“Really?”

“Yes. I'll share it. I'll share that full body drawing. I promise.”

Joey hesitated for a second, but then he picked up the little red cup and raised it up in between their faces. Sam picked up her cup as well and they tapped the edges together. They took sips from their espressos at the same time.

“So late March?” she asked him as she held her cup with both hands around the base.

“Yeah. So we can do the thing with the hockey any time between now and then.”

“What're you doing for Thanksgiving? I only have that Thursday and Friday off but it's still days off, though.”

“Goin' to visit my aunt and uncle in Rochester. What're you doing for Christmas?”

“Going to visit my parents back out West.”

“Oh, shit. So—how 'bout some time after New Year's?”

“Sounds like a plan.” She raised her cup again and they gave each other another toast of the red coffee cups, and they took a drink in unison once again.

“Mind if I walk ya home?” he asked her as he pocketed two of the four cake pops into his coat pockets.

“Not at all. I have homework, anyways.”

“Alright, let's get a move on...”

Without another word, Joey and Sam took the subway back up to the Bronx. She offered to let him sleep in her apartment again but he assured her it was alright for him to head on back upstate that evening.

* * * * *

It was a whole five days before Christmas and Cliff bunked with her that weekend before they made the flight out to Reno. They were going to visit her parents first in Carson City, followed by his parents in the Bay Area. She had packed her things over Thanksgiving break, including her journal, her good pencils, her colored pencils, and some of her paints. She knew she would have to make something for her parents for Christmas. Add to this, it was a difficult task for her, but she managed to tell her parents about Cliff over the phone.

“He's from California, too,” she added to Ruben. “So he's gonna introduce me to his parents.”

“We'll be waiting for you kids, though,” he promised her.

Meanwhile, Cliff had called a cab for them the day before their flight, and thus, by the time she locked the door and told Emile where they were going, he stood out in the snow in anticipation. As she ducked out of Emile's apartment, she recognized Aurora's purple jacket on the back of his couch. She made a mental note to ask her what was going on by the time she returned home.

Sam bowed out to the street, where Cliff awaited her with their suitcases on the cleared out sidewalk and the big yellow taxi posted up at the curb.

“Are you ready?” he asked her once she came within earshot.

“I was born ready,” she replied as she picked up her bags from the sidewalk and Cliff offered to take them from her. Sam handed the one in her right hand and he set it into the trunk of the taxi. She knew Aurora was back in Emile's apartment but she need not go back to say good bye to her because her friend knew where she was going.

The two of them climbed into the back seat of the taxi and they proceeded on to the airport for the flight out to the Bay Area. It almost felt like a return to home for her, but it simultaneously also didn't. She was going back to the West Coast to visit her parents for a couple of weeks but she was also leaving her home for the place she had wanted to leave for a time.

Once they were inside of the cozy warm and dry back seat, Cliff took off that felt hat and set it upon his lap. Sam spotted the silver skull ring on his right ring finger and she thought about a ring for herself. She swore that, on the ride over to the airport, little white flurries of snow fluttered down from the heavy gray sky overhead. Even if it started to snow on the ride over at any given moment, it would add to the whole feeling of the ride, even if the traffic collected and worsened along the way.

She wondered if any of the traffic or the clouds over them would clear out by the time they left the tarmac. Indeed, when Cliff held the car door for her and she slid out to the sidewalk herself, little flakes the size of nickels floated down from the sky.

“We better get a move on, my lady,” he said to her as he took their things out of the trunk.

“Yeah, get a move on unless the flight gets cancelled,” the driver called after them. Sam and Cliff ducked into the airport and they hurried to the terminal. Lucky for them, the snow hadn't picked up as much by the time they checked in and took their spots right behind first class.

They took off within time: Sam peered out the window to her right and she watched the New York skyline fall away into the pure white of the blizzard.

“Good bye, New York,” she muttered. “I'll be back as quick as possible.”

“Yeah, I'll get you back home in time,” Cliff promised her as he set his hat on his lap once again.

“My parents never converted my bedroom to anything else,” she told him, “so we can sleep in my old bed together, even when we make the first little day trip over to the Bay Area.”

“I was wondering why we didn't get a hotel,” he recalled. “That's definitely a day trip thing, too, because—I think—I think, anyways, Legacy is actually playing a show tomorrow for the solstice. I'll have to call Eric first about it. Good thinking.”

“It was actually my dad's idea,” she pointed out. “He suggested you meet them first and then I meet your parents the next day.”

It was a few hours before they made their layover in Kansas City first: another few hours, and Sam recognized the section of the Sierra Nevadas in between Reno and Lake Tahoe, the latter of which was as pitch black as that darkness a few hours before them. Sam shivered in her seat and she couldn't resist feeling butterflies in her stomach all the while.

She knew her parents would be welcoming of him, but she still crept along the walkway at a slow pace. If she could shrink back into the wall, she would do it, especially when they rounded the corner.

“Cliff, this is my dad Ruben, and my mom Esmé,” she managed to sputter out with a straight face. He towered over especially Ruben, and Esmé stared up at him as if she was star gazing. But they both greeted him with hearty hand shakes and welcoming expressions on their faces.

“So Sam says you're a musician,” Ruben recalled as they congregated away from the terminal.

“Yeah, I'm a bassist,” said Cliff, and he adjusted his hat. “My background is in classical music and country.”

“Wow!”

Meanwhile, Esmé turned to Sam with her hand tucked in her pocket.

“Hold out your hand, dear,” she told her; Sam did just that with her right hand and closed her eyes. Ruben burst out laughing at something, which in turn felt like a dead weight had come off her shoulders. She didn't feel it, but Esmé leaned into her face.

“Okay.”

She opened her eyes to find a deep red stone embedded on a silver ring on her middle finger. “Oh, wow!”

“I've had that ring for so long,” Esmé said; Sam took a closer look at the ring itself and she made out the sight of a pair of serpent heads on either side of the stone. “It's a garnet.”

“It's beautiful, Mom—thank you.” Sam put her arms around her mother and Ruben offered to drive them back to their house for dinner and some wine. She never got the chance to show Cliff the ring until they turned in for the night. The whole evening, she kept one eye on Cliff and Ruben as they talked about all manner of things and she helped out Esmé with the wine and the accompanying cake and cheese. By a quarter to midnight, Sam changed her clothes and she crawled into her old bed. All those old feelings and memories returned to her once she lay her head on the pillow. Cliff crawled under the blankets next to her.

“I like your parents, babe,” he confessed.

“That—makes me so happy,” she said, and she lifted her hand out from under the blankets so she could take off the ring. In the dim light, she showed it to him.

“This is a garnet ring,” she told him. “It belonged to my mom for a long time but she told me I could have it, though.”

“Have it for the two of us, I assume?” he asked her.

“Exactly, yes! I was hoping to have something for myself. You know—given you have that skull ring and whatnot.”

“Aw, Sam, you didn't have to do that.” Cliff rolled over onto his side so his face could be much closer to her own.

“But I wanted to, though,” she insisted and he brought a hand to her chest. They were at her parents' house and yet he already put a hand on her. But he hit it off with them so well, and she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

The next day, given they didn't have a car for themselves, Ruben and Esmé drove Cliff and Sam over the pass to the Central Valley, followed by the Bay Area. Cliff guided them to the venue where Legacy were about to play for the night.

“The two of you can come along with us if you wish,” he offered them.

“That's real kind of you, Cliff,” Esmé replied to him as she turned around a bit in the front seat. “But, Ruben and I have some Christmas shopping to do, though.”

They dropped off Sam and Cliff outside of the little club on the corner, and he led her inside to the backstage area. It felt so odd without Marla and Aurora there with her, but she was eager to have Cliff by her side and with his arm around her as they stood on the balcony right over the stage.

Chuck stood at the front of the stage with the microphone in one hand and for a good long minute, all Sam could think about was Zetro. Zelda's friendship with him. If they were still friends with each other or if something went on between them. There was so much more to Zelda she needed to learn about as well. But the second he opened his mouth and sang those first notes, she could only focus on him.

Eric's long black hair spread over one side of his face so she couldn't see his expression. She spotted Louie behind the drum kit, and he barely moved about, much like Zelda herself. Her eyes wandered over to Greg and then Alex, the latter of whom stood on the edge of the stage with a dark shadow over his head and shoulders. It felt so right to stand there to watch them on the first day of winter. Rich dark hard music in junction with the lack of sunlight and the menacing bank of fog.

She glanced up at Cliff and he glanced back at her, and then she gestured to Alex.

“He looks so little,” she remarked.

“He isn't, though,” he pointed out. “He's a big little boy.”

He was silent for a moment, and then he spoke again.

“I have an idea.”

A couple of songs later, and Cliff guided her off of the balcony. He never let go of her hand as he brought her to the backstage area, the narrow strip of floor about the width of a couch between the main stage itself and the two dressing rooms. Sam kept her attention on Legacy while Cliff argued with one of the stagehands. She watched Louie and his minimal movement, and yet his dark hair flew about like the arms of an octopus. Alex sidled over to Eric so they could solo together following Chuck's harsh bellow that was his singing voice. She spotted that little white pearl over his brow, still bright despite the shadow over his head.

Cliff tapped on her shoulder which broke her concentration.

“We can go back here but you can't go in the dressing rooms, though,” he confessed with a shrug and a solemn look on his face. “Apparently that's all they have at the moment.

“Damn it!” she cried out over Louie's final cymbal splashes.

“I think that's it.” Cliff guided her over to the dressing room on the far left side of the corridor. “Yeah, let's get out of the way—” She stood off to the side as the five of them made their way off the stage and the team of roadies picked up after them: Chuck and Eric darted into the one on the right. She opened her purse even though she had nothing with her of interest, but Cliff guided her to the room in front of them and she halted right outside of the door. Over the chatter to her right, their voices floated through the sliver of a doorway before her.

“Hey, Cliff!” Alex's voice sounded so odd after what she had seen before her; so big and deep in comparison to the lanky dark haired placid faced boy at the edge of the stage.

“Hey, Alex—I just wanted to see how you were doing and—I wanted to ask you something real quick.”

“I gotta get a move on, though,” he explained at a quick clip. “You know—it being Christmas and whatnot.”

“Christmas, not Hanukkah?”

“Hanukkah was a week ago,” Alex pointed out. “I'm just wearing the yarmulke right now just 'cause. It's either that or get labeled as 'meshuggah'.”

“As what?”

“'Meshuggah.' It's my parents' way of saying 'batshit insane.'”

“Sounds like a pretty good name for a band, though.”

“I know, right? And, add to this, I also have a curfew. Yeah, I have a curfew over Christmas break and I'm seventeen.”

“Aw, that's a shame,” Cliff replied, “I was hoping you could meet my girlfriend.”

“I can sign something for her, though,” Alex pointed out as he zipped up his guitar case. “It's not easy, like I can't always go out and meet people but I can always make an offer and do that, though.” Sam raised her eyebrows at the sound of that. He was seventeen years old and yet he already talked like that, as if he had been at it for twice that long. This young boy already knew business and spoke like he meant it.

“What's her name?” Alex asked him.

“Sam,” said Cliff. “Samantha, but she goes by Sam.”

“The dynamic Samantha! What does she do?”

“She's an art student.”

There was a pause, then the rustling of paper on the far side of the room.

“Really? That's like the fifth art student I've met—well, not exactly.”

“Met in a de facto manner.”

“Right, right...” There was another pause. Sam held still outside of the door and she kept her attention fixated on the slight noises in that room. Cliff laughed at something and Alex let out a soft little snicker.

“So when do you guys play again?” Alex asked him in a low voice. “The twenty ninth?”

“Yeah. The twenty ninth and then New Year's Eve. You gotta be there.”

“I'll try to. I mean, if I have to drag my brother out from his hiding spot so I have someone to say that I can go in as a seventeen year old kid, I can.”

Sam's mouth dropped open. Seventeen years old and his smarts were already far advanced than that of someone her age!

“Anyways—” Alex started, but he never said anything further than that.

“Thanks, man, I'm sure she'll love this.”

“My pleasure, Cliff! Now, I gotta get home or my dad's gonna freak—”

Cliff returned out of the room with a little piece of rice paper in hand. Alex had sketched her a little rose with some black ink and wrote right next to it:

“To the dynamic Samantha, have fun with and take good care of Cliff and make sure he doesn't stay up too late on nights when he doesn't warrant it.

Stay as precious as a rose!

Alex Skolnick”

She smiled at that and she lifted her head in time as Alex ducked out of the room and put his yarmulke back on his dark head. Cliff towered before her with a warm little smile on his face.

“Thank you so much,” she called after Alex, but he strode on in the other direction and she had no idea if he heard her. He kept one hand on his yarmulke as he stepped through the back door and into the darkness of the night.

“I'm gonna treasure this,” she promised Cliff as he led her the other way to one of the side doors. They reached the street right as the San Francisco fog drifted in from the Bay itself. It wasn't the New York snow, but she still looked about the street in a daze.

“Merry Christmas,” he said to her in a low voice: she brought the rice paper to her nose, and she caught a faint aroma of cinnamon. The smell of Christmas.

“Merry Christmas,” she echoed back to him. “I never want this to end.”

“Me, neither,” he whispered back.

#fanfic #fanfiction #chapter 22 #fever in fever out #fever in fever out fanfic #deadly nightshade #book two #metallica fanfic #anthrax fanfic #metallica #anthrax #legacy #cliff burton #joey belladonna #alex skolnick #long reads #also on ao3 #writing #text #halloween #thanksgiving #christmas

[bobdylanrevisited]

Highway 61 Revisited

Released: 30 August 1965

Rating: 10/10

My favourite album of all time. Released just five months after BIABH, this is another unforgettable record which defines the 1960s. Unlike the previous album, this one is almost entirely electric, minus the closing song, and it was clear that Bob couldn’t be further from his folk roots. This is, for me, the pinnacle of music and song writing, and whilst I consider many of his albums to be masterpieces, this is the one that truly makes him a god in my eyes. He would tour following this release, with so-called fans hatefully booing at the sight of a drum kit or an amplifier. This only confirmed to Dylan that he had to continue revolutionising his sound, and if these people didn’t like it then he must be doing something right. 

1) Like A Rolling Stone - Judas! How dare he open with one of the greatest songs ever recorded. A needling, accusatory, schadenfreude attack of ‘Miss Lonely’, which relishes in a fall from grace. There’s been much speculation as to her identity, but it’s the refrain of ‘How does it feel?’ that will get under your skin and stay with you. The angry snarling of Dylan is both exhilarating and intense and it never gets old, the song sounds fresh every single time you hear it. Alongside the perfect lyrics, the crashing guitars and Al Kooper’s irregular organ chords give the track a uniquely jarring sound, and it’s breathtaking. It’s no wonder it’s often voted the greatest song ever made, and Dylan has enjoyed playing it live ever since, in many different styles. But nothing will ever top the Free Trade Hall 1966 performance, which is the greatest moment in musical history. If you haven’t heard it, go and listen to it immediately and prepare for your jaw to hit the floor. Oh, and don’t forget, play it fucking loud. 

2) Tombstone Blues - Dylan parades historical and pop culture figures in this fast paced song, which has been analysed as being about the Vietnam War or the absurdity of the zeitgeist. Another track that has remained popular in live sets for decades, it’s a brilliantly worded piece that is both amusing and confusing. The screeching guitar solos from Mike Bloomfield are pure rock ‘n’ roll and elevate the song to another level, although the whole band are phenomenal throughout the album. It’s just another brilliant track that couldn’t be further from his earlier work, but cements Dylan as a rock star. 

3) It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry - Although many quick tempo versions were rehearsed, this final recording was reworked by Dylan over a lunch break, because he’s a fucking genius. To create this beautiful song in under an hour is ridiculous, and it’s a lovely, bluesy tune which is less angry and cynical than many other songs on the album. The Newport Folk Festival 1965 version, which is hard to hear over the screams of those feeling betrayed, is great, but the Rolling Thunder Revue 1975 version is truly magnificent 

4) From A Buick 6 - Whilst this is the weakest song on the album, it’s still an incredible blues track with some brilliant singing from Bob. The lyrics aren’t as deep as the other songs, it’s basically about a woman who gives Bob life and potentially will cause his death, but the instrumentation is fun and it sounds like everyone is having a blast playing it. It’s a great tune that is a fun couple of minutes and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

5) Ballad Of A Thin Man - Poor Mr. Jones, probably Dylan’s most fully formed and completely repugnant character. This is my favourite track on the album and probably my favourite Dylan song (I know I say that about a lot of songs). It’s a brutal, depressing, bleak assassination of someone who has wronged Bob, with haunting piano that echos around the menacing words that send shivers down your spine. It’s most likely aimed at the reporters and the media who misunderstood Bob, or pretend to be cool and up to date with the culture, and here Bob unmasks them and publicly annihilates their fraudulent disguises. As with much of this album, it has remained in his live sets since release, but again no performance ever topped the Free Trade Hall 1966 one, the booing made Dylan’s words and delivery even more sinister and shocking. 

6) Queen Jane Approximately - Another needling song in the same vein as ‘Like A Rolling Stone’, though this one is more sympathetic to the subject. However, it is once again a classic track which sounds absolutely beautiful. Potentially about Joan Baez, though Dylan claims it actually about a man, it’s a fantastic piece that is both mellow and devastating at the same time. 

7) Highway 61 Revisited - The whistle on this song is iconic, as is the screamed refrain which is basically impossible to not shout at the top of your lungs with each listen. Biblical lyrics and dark imagery are contrasted by the upbeat tune, and it’s interesting that in reality, Highway 61 leads back to Dylan’s birth place, potentially making himself the true subject of the song. Another example of his advances in storytelling through references and metaphor, this is a deep and vivid song that Dylan still belts out on tour to this day. 

8) Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blues - Despite being a brilliant song, which creates an atmosphere of tiredness and surrender, the story Dylan tells here is both fascinating and, not surprisingly, fantastically written. Starting in Juarez and returning to New York City, the protagonist must fight off women, booze, drugs, and the police on his journey, and it’s a riveting tale. As there is no chorus or refrain, this could easily be a Kerouac short story, but it really works as a track you can lose yourself to. You’ll be wrapped up in your own imagination of the events, described in an incredibly personal way by Bob, as if he’s telling you this story directly. I know I’ve mentioned this a lot, but the Free Trade Hall 1966 version sounds like it’s not of this world and should be mandatory listening. 

9) Desolation Row - This is the true showcase of Bob’s skill with the english language, an 11 minute acoustic song, which is more like an epic poem of old. Again peppered with pop culture references, it was released during a period where 3 minute love songs were topping the charts, and shows how much Bob was challenging the notion of what music could be about, and really mastering it as a literary art form. It begins with infamous lynchings from Bob’s birthplace, before moving on to fairy tale characters, biblical figures, authors, poets, scientist, and the victims of the Titanic, to name but a few. The lyrics are so engrossing, and the delivery is almost hypnotic, that the 11 minutes feel like mere seconds, as he paints a tapestry in your mind that is exciting, vivid, and yet tinged with a bleakness as no one is happy in the song. It’s an incredible way to end the album, though you’d wish it went on forever. 

Verdict: Obviously, I consider this the definition of perfection. For an album that largely focuses on sadness, feeling lost, anger, and cynicism, no other record makes me feel as joyous as this one. It’s the culmination of everything that came before it, from the dense verses of ‘A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall’, to the audience rejection of ‘My Back Pages’, to the new sound on ‘Subterranean Homesick Blues’, and it comes together to create this perfect album. It’s unfathomable that a human created this, it seems more like a gift from the universe made especially for me, and I implore you to listen to it on repeat. Each time you’ll discover something new and your favourite song will change numerous times. Bob’s next outing would be of a similarly astonishing quality, and whilst he was touring the world to a chorus of jeers, he was about to record another album that would continue to push the boundaries of popular music. 

#bob dylan #highway 61 revisited

[miellekingsleigh]

Sarah @taylovessarah

About Me:

I'm Sarah. I'm 17 and currently stuck in the teen-almost adult stage right now. I'm from India, I was born in the beautiful state of Kerala aka God's Own Country and now I'm currently in Mumbai for my studies. I'm a pre-med student who's gonna be writing her medical entrance exam next year, looking forward to a career in the medical field where I could dedicate myself into helping people, both physically and emotionally which I've always wished to. I'm a Cat lady who loves cats so much. And also my guilty pleasure is to watch endless episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I love to write, I'm an old-fashioned girl who still writes in her journals/diaries about my life. Also did I mention I love reading books, a good book is my best friend. I have a thing for 7 just like Taylor has for 13. I'm a Christian and I deeply believe that he can mould me into a tool which he can use to heal people and bring them closer to God.

My Era :

I became a fan in the Debut Era and became a Swiftie later in the End of Debut Era and Start of Fearless Era.

So in 2006 I was 4 years old when I got introduced to Taylor, yes, I was so young. My parents used to go to work so my grandparents were there to take care of me, it's a daily routine for them to listen to local radio to hear the news, it was so monotonous, I felt it so boring, so I changed the radio station, and the next moment I never changed it... Because I loved the sound of the guitar and the angelic voice which I was listening, later I came to know I was listening to Tim McGraw and when they announced her name, all I could grasp was Tay...So at a tender age, whatever I could grasp at that age, listening to the radio I drew pictures, like for Teardrops on my Guitar, I drew a guitar and drew tears like rain, the lyrics which had simple words I learnt the songs.. especially the chorus of A Place In This World, I'll still Remember singing it with my childish voice, I never understood a word but now this song still resonates with me.

And yes, I never saw Taylor because all I knew was her voice, I imagined her as a Angel and I always thought how she would be looking. But that didn't take long because one day my Grandma was switching channels on the TV and I kind of recognised her voice and I asked my grandma not to change the channel, that's the first time I saw her in a Lavender Dress looking like a Princess, yes, I saw you for the first time in Our Song, she was Everything that I imagined.. and that's the first time I read the name Taylor Swift, but the child-like me Screamed it's Tay not Taylor, that's when my grandma made me understand that her Name is Taylor and I call her Tay.. and I still do haha.

So yes, I listened to her songs on the Radio and watched the MVs on TV and one day on September 10, 2008 ( I remember that because of my scribbled papers) I decided to make Taylor my best friend, infact she are my first friend, because I was a lonely soul who never had friends and you were always there to comfort me, and I promised myself I'll stand by her forever and I'll love her so much because back then for a young 6 year old me, the relationship with a best friend was valued the most...and with that I became a Swiftie ...So that's when I became a Swiftie...

The first ever album I've ever owned of Taylor and also me and Taylor twinning

Rep Era was the Era when I decided to stop hiding behind and watching everytime silently, and made my place as a Swiftie on Social Media. At first, I thought I would be left out and no one would care, but later I've made so many amazing friends. And, through Taylor I have found my best and real friends, who love me as who I am, I'm so blessed to be a part of this Swiftie Family and I wish to meet all of them for real one day.

Lover Era, ah the whole era is so special because as I said earlier, 7 is my lucky number and this is Taylor's 7th Album. Ever since Rep Tour ended I made myself believe that TS7 is my Era and Taylor will finally know that I exist. I got to know that on 16th July 2019, when Taylornation DMed me on Tumblr ( I'm still surprised because I've never understood how to use Tumblr, and I still keep wondering how did Taylor find Me among so many Swifties, I guess only Taylor knows) with a CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE, and the feeling was just so magical. I was invited to Lover Secret Sessions in London and I felt that things were finally going to Change but due to many unfortunate circumstances, I couldn't go to London. I felt very sad and brokenhearted that day but I still believe that someday I'll meet Taylor and tell her everything in my heart and that moment would be just beautiful and perfect. Then on 14th October here, Taylor liked my post and she officially gave me my first ever Taylor Notice. Also I truly believe she officially recognised my name as "Miss INDIAna and The Desi Princess" and since then, life has never been the same.

My First Ever Taylor Notice

Song that Inspired Me ( aka my Stan Song) :

So one day Change played on my TV and I loved it so much, and since I was 10, I could understand the lyrics and quite the past few years, it was strengthened me and made me so optimistic in life even if there were hard times and actually saved my life, when I thought to end it all because I was so hopeless, the last thing I did was play my playlist and Change was the first song that came in, and I cried my heart out, believed in every single word Tay sang, and I decided not to end my life and to live with optimism and confidence, Fearlessly no matter what. For me that's the song which saved my life and made me rethink about my decision of ending it all, it was like a new beginning of life for me..It means more than the world to me.

And yes, the day Taylor sang Change at Rep Tour Foxborough 27.07.18, I felt like she sang it for me, because ever since I have joined Tumblr I have been literally requesting her to sing Change, sending her messages (which I thought she'll never see) and you did...I DIED. I literally dreamed about you singing Change at Rep Tour Foxborough because Foxborough holds a special place in my heart because Fearless Tour Foxborough was the first tour I have ever attended Virtually.

My Concert Experience :

Well since Taylor has never come to India, I've never seen her perform for real, but I really hope Lover is the Era for us Indian Swifties and she does come to India so that me and my Indian Swiftie friends could see her for the first time and experience the magic and cherish the memories (fingers crossed)

Even though I've never attended a concert for real, I've been attending her Tours ever since Fearless Tour Foxborough, Virtually, because of my cousin who Skyped it for me to experience it... and I lived every single moment of the two hours and when it ended I cried... because it was her last Fearless Tour and my first... and that started my journey of attending tours virtually via Skype, YouTube and reading updates on my mom's Twitter, now it's my own Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram which still continues my virtual attendance for almost all of them since then.

Message To Taylor :

Thank you so much for just being YOU, thank you so much for everything you've given me so precious and beautiful...Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, for the past 13 years and Forevermore. Thank you for believing in me when no one else did. Even in my worst times, you saw the best in me and helped me to believe in myself. Thank you for being the Angel who CHANGED my Life Completely.

Wishing your 30th year is full of love, happiness, growth, success, strength, comfort and a lot of beautiful moments, memories and precious bonds to Cherish. You inspire infinite people like me to change the world one small step at a time with Kindness and Love..I'm just so proud of you and your incredible achievements Tay and I'm so happy that you're better than you ever was. Have the best year ever. You make me believe in the dreams that are impossible and hopefully I could make them all come true. Hoping that one day you could follow me back here and share with you more about me and my life.

Thank you so much for being my best friend and believing in me. Thank you for letting me know that you know me after 13 years ( I never thought in my wildest dreams that you'll ever know that I exist, a girl only dreamed about it) and you wished to meet me, but hopefully one day we will and that would be just BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT. I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you. And I know these things will CHANGE and I feel it will happen with all my heart. You're my whole world and I hope you know that.

I love you so much Tay and I'll stand by you Forevermore. And most of all, thank you so much for being my best friend. I'm so blessed to have you in my life and I thank God for bringing this beautiful and loving Angel into my life.

My Socials : Twitter : taylovessarah13

Instagram : taylovessarah

#submission #taylorswift #miellekingsleigh #swifties #taylurking

[the--blackdahlia]

Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 18 (Dirt!Nikki x Reader)

Title: Too Young to Fall in Love 18

Summary: Nikki Sixx was a hard partying musician on the strip. He never expected to fall in love with anyone, until a girl knocked on his dressing room door looking for a ride home and took his breath away. Just like everything else Nikki did; the drugs, the money, the music; Nikki went hard with love. (Y/n) Bass never expected the bassist of Motley Crue to be the one to shake her calm and calculated life up. She had a plan. Graduate school, become an epic producer, and watch from behind the scenes as her brother’s band rose to fame. Nikki and (Y/n) were perfect for each other, too bad her brother, Tommy, didn’t think so.

Series warnings:  Smut (18+ Please), drug use, language, referenced miscarriage, drug overdose, mentioned attempted suicide, out of character moments for everyone in the band, the timeline might be a little screwy but it’s fanfiction! I know nothing of music production and my medical knowledge is really screwy, so it won’t be accurate.

One month after moving in.

The strain of recording was taking its toll on Nikki. He found himself doing blow in the studio. The girls being thrown at him were endless but he never once touched them. The label was pushing them to produce their album and Doc tried his best to keep them sane. (Y/n) came into their recording studio, dressed in her work attire, and tossed herself on the couch.

“If I ask for some blow, can I have some?” She asked the boys. Vince was about to hand it to her when Nikki and Tommy glared at him.

“Hey babe,” Nikki said as he walked up to her kissing her deeply. She kissed him back and smiled at him, but she looked so tired.

“How’s rehearsal going?” She asked. “Wanna switch jobs for awhile?”

“How about I take you home and you and I can take, multiple… naps.” Nikki winked at her and rubbed her sides.

“I would love to, but I have one more thing to do for this new band I got assigned today before I can leave. It won’t take long.” she sighed. “They make Motley Crue look tame. Well, one guy does. The rest just kinda go with him. But they want him out and it’s a whole big mess.” She closed her eyes. “Fucking Metallica.”

“Just take it a day at a time babe,” Nikki said as he caressed her face. He looked back at the song list and sighed. “This is turning into a big fucking mess though. I can’t find the right songs to put in here.” he ran a hand across his face. “We start touring again soon with Ozzy for Ozzfest and I am going to miss you.” he kissed her again.  

“God, I’m gonna miss you too.” She snuggled into his side. “Let me finish up with those idiots and I’ll come back and we can leave.” She didn’t want to get up though, she was happy there.

“Ok, then I’ll see you at home ok?” he whispered before giving her another kiss and a quick smack on her ass smirking at her.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” She smiled at him before leaving.

“Wait, she’s producing Metallica but not us?” Tommy asked.

“They are giving her a throwaway band to see how she handles it,” Tom their producer said. “I know you guys don’t like me but we have a good relationship, I take care of you guys! So tour starts in two weeks and then back in the studio fellas.” he said and smiled.

NIkki sighed as he went back to the sound board and listened to the songs. His head felt fuzzy and he needed an escape reaching for the blow he did and line and let it do it’s magic. Before he knew it, it was almost five, and (Y/n) was waiting out in his car for him, having finished up with her band hours before. Rushing to the exit he walked up to her and smiled.

“Come on babe, lets get some food and then you and I can have a wild ride.” he kissed her against the car his crotch pressing into hers as his hands roamed her body moaning. “Take out or eat in?”

“Take out because I need you at home now.” She whispered, kissing him deeply.

“Get a room!” Tommy called out as he made his way to his bike. “I don’t have enough alcohol to burn that out of my brain!”

Nikki flipped him off as he opened the passenger door kissing (Y/n). “We’ll have the food delivered to the house. I can’t wait to rip your clothes off and just fuck you in every room again.” he helped her in and drove off to their house.

As soon as the door closed Nikki began peeling off (Y/n)’s clothes right there in the foyer he kneeled down and pushed her up against the door. His lips on her tattoo licking and sicking on her skin as his fingers dug through her panties.

“Nik.” (Y/n) moaned. “Fuck!” She pressed against him, needing to feel him inside her. It had been a long day and she needed him. And from the looks of the strain in his tight pants, he needed her as well.

NIkki smiled against her skin as he slipped her panties off, his tongue licking a long stripe against her folds. He missed tasting her. He missed the feel of her cunt on his tongue. Sucking on her clit he pressed his fingers into her curling them, massaging her g-spot.

“Cum for me (Y/n),” he whispered. “Need to feel you cum for me baby,” he muttered as he worked his fingers fast and hard on her feeling her release build. His breathing became ragged as he felt her walls clench around him. He moaned as he slurped and sucked on her pussy her juices coating his tongue. “Fuck that’s what I’m talking about baby,” he said as he continued to play with her.

“Nikki, shit.” (Y/n) moaned, her head back against the door. “Fuck me please.” She spread her legs as much as she could to give him access to her.

“What do you want baby girl?” Nikki smiled as he teased her. The sound of him unbuckling his pants and letting the drop to the floor echoed. “Want me to fuck you from behind? on your side? On the piano? Tell me what you need.” he whispered in her ear.

“Fuck me right here against the door.” She moaned. “I just need you please.”

Turning her around Nikki grabbed his cock pumping it a few times before pushing it into her entrance. “Fuck, still just as tight as that first time babe,” he whispered in her ear as he pistoned his hips from behind her. Her body pressed up against the door. “Fuck baby, your cunt is so tight, it just swallows my cock whole,” he snaked his arm around her playing with her clit as her breasts were pressed against the door. His lips finding her neck as he licked and sucked on her pulse. He left marks on her body almost claiming her.  

“Want some blow baby?” She asked, moaning as he took her. She pressed back against him, wanting him as deep as he could go.

“Fuck yeah babe,” he said as he grabbed it from his pants pulled back leaning her forward and placing a line across her back. Snorting it, he then licked the excess as he pistoned deeper into him he never meant to be rough but something about the need he felt for her he felt his fingers wrap around her throat as he pressed her back against his chest. “Good this feel good, you feel good. I love you.”  

“I love you.” She panted. “I’m gonna cum!”

“Cum for me (Y/n),” he muttered as he pressed harder on her clit and grunted as he came in her. “I love you sweet girl.. He pulled out. “Chinese or pizza?” he said as he nipped on her ear and caressed her body. With one last searing kiss he walked over to the phone and lay on the couch.

“Pizza.” She said, throwing herself in a chair. “God, I needed that.”

“Me too baby. Come here,” he said as he sat up and let her straddle his lap. “You feel so good I just want to do it again and again.” he had placed an order for cheese pizza with wings and breadsticks. His fingers found their way back to her pussy. “Love petting that kitty,” he gave her a playful smirk. “I want to take you again baby, I want you to ride me.” his cock was already getting hard just by the feel of her straddling him.

“Mmmmm, that sounds like a good plan.” She moaned as she kissed him deeply and positioned herself over his cock, ready for him over and over again.

“Fuck,” Nikki rolled his head back as she sank down on him. He pistoned into her again their moans and screams echoing all over their house. Nikki Kissed her deeply his tongue exploring her body his teeth nipping at her skin as she fluttered. “Fuck baby… you feel so good.”  NIkki brought her hips down against hers, but something felt off, it felt too fast. He needed to slow down. He began slowing down his pace just to feel her more. He wanted their first night, when they had no need to rush, even though Tommy could’ve walked in at any second.

“Nikki.” She purred. “Love this. Love you.”

“Love you, cum for me,” he said pressing on her clit as he made slow long thrusts. But she seemed like she wanted to move a mile a minute. “Babe slow down, I want this to last…”

“I thought you liked it when we went fast and rough.” She said, slowing herself down. She looked into his eyes, seeing the love her for her evident in them.

“I do… I Just,” her pulled her close and thrust into her slowly. “I want to last and feel you. We leave in a few weeks and I just…..” She kissed him deeply.

“I’m gonna miss you. I wish I could go with you. But girlfriends cramp the style.” She moved slowly, taking him deep into her.

“Fuck that’s it babe,” he drawled as he pressed deeper into her. She rested her forehead against his, moving slowly.

“Nikki, fuck.” She moaned, tracing her fingers in his tattoos. “I’m gonna get one while you’re gone and surprise you.”

"Anything I would know," he groaned as he picked up the pace.

“It’s a surprise baby.” She smiled at him. “That would ruin said surprise.”

NIkki moaned as he kissed her thrusting into her one last time before he felt her cum around him and he spilled into her. F-f-f-fuck (Y/n/n)!” he grunted as he sank back against the couch and she fell against him. Rubbing circles on her back he kissed her head. “Love you sweet girl.”

"Love you too silly boy." She smiled at him. "I'm gonna go clean up. Pizza will be here soon. And then we can do some other activities." She headed to their bedroom, wearing his mark's proud.

Forever Tags:  @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogarukes @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk

Motley Crue Tags:  @primal-screamer @waywardprincess666 @twistnet @saint-of-los-angeles @vader-kai @motleyfuckingcruee @sharon6713 @kawennote09 @2dead2function @nikkisixxwiththebass @iamtiber-andtiberismusic @jayprettymuchomw @charlyallise @you-know-im-a-dreamer @livingdeadharley @estxxmotley @arianareirg @the-normal-potato @nikki-sixxtynine @jjjjjjjoshdun @just-a-normal-fangirl18 @stella20131991 @tarahell @wowilovenikkisixx @i-want-to-shoot-myself @motleycrueee @sams-serialkiller-fetish @getbackhonkycatt @are-you-reddie54321 @flamencodiva

Nikki Sixx Tags: @daisystuffsstuff

Too Young to Fall in Love Tags:  @kingbouji3 @leximus98 @thekidbakerinthetardis @crystalbaby12 @shawnsstxtches

#too young to fall in love #Motley Crue #nikki sixx #nikki sixx x reader #nikki x reader #the dirt #dirt!nikki sixx #dirt!nikki sixx x reader #dirt!nikki x reader #dirt!nikki #fanfiction

[maxwellshippo]

Writer’s Block

(Male) Raleigh x MC (Beck James) / Platinum

Description: Fluff. SFW. Beck has writers block and when all else fails, she calls Raleigh for help.

Word Count: 2103

A/N: I can’t get enough of these two, seriously. Thanks for everyone for being so nice on my first fic. Here’s everyone who asked me to tag them: @drakeismyweakness @jlpplays1  @lovedrakewalker @furiouscloddonutpeanut  If I missed anyone, I’m so sorry!

Beck nervously tapped a pencil against a blank sheet of paper, internally screaming at herself to Just. Write. Something. 

Nothing came to her head. She sighed, falling back to the cold floors of her apartment and pulled her phone out, beginning to waste time by scrolling through Pictagram. She’d been cooped up in here all day. She wished for fresh air on her skin, or to go out and have fun. But a nearing deadline for her debut album was a weight on her shoulders. She had to put out her best work...better than Jaylen’s, who’s debut album would be coming out the same week as hers. 

For so long, she wished for this life, imagining it would be glamorous outfits, tours to exotic cities and thousands of fans screaming her name. Soon enough, Beck thought. She just had to get through the hard part. There was always a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, right?

Inspired, she picked her notepad up again. Something was about to come. Genius was going to be spilled out of this piece of paper, she knew it!

Until nothing. Beck groaned, falling back down. She grabbed her phone again and dialed Shane. She needed to talk to someone that wasn’t an inanimate object. No answer. She frowned, scrolling through her contacts. She didn’t have any other friends in New York besides Avery, Fiona and the rest of her team. She didn’t want to bother Avery...I mean, he had his own life to live, right?

But it was worth a shot. She pressed her phone to her ear, swallowing hard as nerves enveloped her as she realized she was calling her idol to hang out.

“Beck?” His soft, English voice came through the other end. “How are you, love?”

“I’m great.” Beck couldn’t help but to smile. She gathered up the confidence to ask.  “I was wondering if you’re free.”

Avery took a pause. Beck closed her eyes, knowing a ‘no’ would follow. “I’m sorry, Beck. I can’t make it tonight. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, yeah?”

“That sounds great.” Beck agreed, a little defeated. “You’re not mad at me, are you, love?”

“No, never!” Beck smiled, as if Avery could see it. “You owe me breakfast tomorrow.”

She smiled genuinely when Avery laughed loudly. “We’ll have the best pancakes New York has to offer.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Beck found herself back at her contacts list, thumb hovering over Raleigh’s number. Should I call? She felt like a teenager whenever the thought of Raleigh came to mind. She liked him so much but hated to admit it. She didn’t want to be anywhere near him because she’d only fall harder, yet, she’d find herself coming up with excuses to contact him.

She pressed dial, cringing at herself as she put the phone on speaker and laid it on her chest as she waited for him to pick up. She covered her eyes with her hands. “What did I do?” She muttered to herself and the dial tone, fully expecting to reach his voicemail before Raleigh picked up.

“Hey, Princess.” His deep, husky voice sounded from the other line.

“Hey.” Beck gulped, realizing she hadn’t planned this far ahead and didn’t know what she was going to say. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Raleigh asked, sounding like he was in a car.

“I just…” Beck sighed. “You sound busy. I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“You’re a pain in my ass at times, but you’re not bothering me right now.” He joked.

“Ha-ha,” Beck rolled her eyes. “I was wondering if you were free...I’m kind of in a slump right now.”

A pause. Beck could hear the smirk forming behind the phone. “Beck, is this a booty-call?”

“God, no!” Beck said, appalled. “I’m having really awful writers block and I just needed someone to take my mind off of it!”

“Our next date isn’t until Tuesday...you know I’m off the clock for all boyfriend duties, right?” He teased. 

“Forget about it, Raleigh. I was inviting you to hang out...as a friend.” Beck rolled her eyes. “Sweetheart, we’re not just friends and you know it.” Raleigh grinned. “Are you at your apartment right now?”

“Mmhm.” Beck sat up, taking the call off speaker and holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder. “

“So what are you wearing?” Raleigh’s voice that dripped with sarcasm didn’t miss a beat. He took one pause, relishing in Beck’s fluster at his question. He laughed, sending butterflies through her stomach. “So I know to dress appropriately...of course.”

“In that case, take off your I’m-a-big-jerk clothes.” Beck managed to snap back. Raleigh laughed again. “I’ll be to you soon. Have you had anything to eat yet?”

“No.” Beck couldn’t help but to smile at the fact Raleigh was coming over. She turned to a mirror, smoothing down her hair and clothes.

“Should I bring pizza?” Raleigh asked.

“Oh god, yesss. I’m starving.” Beck begged. “Let me guess, pizza to you is cauliflower crust with dairy-free cheese and pineapple?” Raleigh asked.

“Hell no. Bring me the greasy, good stuff.” Beck said. “You got it, Princess.”

Raleigh hung up. An hour later, there was a knock at her door. Beck ran over, hand gripping on the doorknob until she stopped.

Play it cool. She thought. Casually, she tossed her hair over her shoulder and opened the door smoothly. Raleigh leaned in the doorway, one hand holding up a pizza box. “Did someone order delivery?”

Beck and Raleigh sat on the floor by her couch, pizza propped up on the coffee table as they discussed her dilemma. “You’re going to have to get your album done sooner rather than later.” Raleigh told her, a mouthful of pizza. “What label, management and production wants, they get.”

“I know.” Beck frowned, taking a bite out of her second slice. “I just...always thought this part would be so fun and easy, y’know? They don’t make it look this hard on tv.”

“Life’s no movie.” Raleigh wiped his mouth with a napkin. “There’s no handbook for this kind of stuff...but if anyone knows how you feel, it’s me.”

“How did you handle it?” Beck asked. “You know...being thrown into this world headfirst.”

Raleigh frowned. “Maybe I didn’t handle it the best. But you’re going to be different. You got people to keep you grounded. Friends who care about you.”

Beck hugged a throw pillow to her chest and gave a hug. “I know you’re right but...it doesn’t always feel that way. I feel like I’m a bother to everyone at times. Like I’m some sort of charity case...always begging for someone to hold my hand through the scary parts.”

“You’re talkin’ about Avery?” Raleigh asked. Beck sighed. “Avery, Fiona, Shane...even you.”

“Hey, that’s not true.” Raleigh put a hand on hers, rubbing his thumb across her skin.

“You told me I’m a pain in the ass, earlier!” Beck tossed the pillow at him. Raleigh caught it and laughed. “But you’re my pain in the ass.”

“Now come on, let’s get inspired.” Raleigh got up and grabbed Beck’s guitar that was tossed in the corner.  He sat on the couch, patting for her to sit next to him. She sat, one leg crossed under her as Raleigh shrugged off his jacket, revealing muscled arms under a tight, black t-shirt as he began to play the acoustic instrument. “I’m going to play a song and you sing the first words that come to your head.”

Beck’s eyes widened. “Raleigh, it’s not that simple-”

“Shush, darling. Listen to the music.” He strummed the chords gently. And as Raleigh began to play, Beck started to sing. First, she sang familiar songs. Then some originals. As the night carried on, Beck sang her heart out and Raleigh even joined in for a duet. As they finished singing the last lyrics together, Beck lunged forward and wrapped her arms around Raleigh’s neck, inhaling his smooth cologne.

“Raleigh, that was amazing.” He put the guitar down, pressing one hand to the small of her back. “You were amazing.” He corrected her. When Beck pulled out of the hug, her arms were still around his neck. She laughed nervously as their eyes stood locked. Raleigh’s eyes ran over her, like he was staring into her soul and reading her like a book. God, when he looked at her like that she could feel her knees turn weak. When Raleigh looked in her eyes, it was like time slowed down and she was the only thing in the world. 

Beck shook herself out of the trance, removing her arms from his neck. She chuckled. “Maybe I should make you buy me pizza more often..look at how much I wrote.” She motioned to the stack of papers.

“I’m happy to help.” Raleigh said. He stood up, awkwardly rubbing his neck. “I guess my duties here are finished.”

“Wait.” Beck grabbed his hand before he could grab his jacket and leave. Raleigh turned, an awkward beat between them as Beck struggled for the words she wanted to say.

“Do you want to stay?” She spit out, regretting them as soon as he started to smile. Before he could tease her, she quickly started to backtrack. “I meant to like...watch a movie...or something. But you probably have somewhere to be. Plus, we have a long day on Tuesday. I don’t want to annoy you too much longer.”

“Princess, if you want me spend the night, all you have to do is ask.” Raleigh plopped back down on the couch. Beck hit his chest with the throw pillow again. He laughed. “What movie are we watching, gorgeous?”

Beck shut the lights as they prepared themselves on the couch, the empty pizza box from earlier rested on the corner of the coffee table while a bowl of hot, fresh popcorn took it’s place in the center. Beck and Raleigh fought about the choice of movie for a few minutes until she victoriously picked a chick-flick.

Raleigh pretended to groan and be upset, but truthfully, he didn’t mind. He looked over at her as the opening credits started to roll and she mouthed along the words to the script, a cheesy smile plastered across her face as she cuddled with a pillow. She’d clearly seen this movie more than once.

During the movie, Raleigh asked an abnormal amount of questions about each character, what their motive was, why they were dressed that way, why wouldn’t _____ do ____ instead of doing ____ because it would be so much easier, and so on. “Raleigh!” Beck whined. “Just pay attention and you’ll understand!”

“What kind of idiot would jump on a ferris wheel to talk to a girl?” Raleigh went on. “He must have no game.”

“It was a sweet gesture!” Beck cried. 

“To what? Almost die?”

“Raleigh Carrera, you are no romantic.” Beck grabbed a throw blanket from above the couch and cuddled under it. Raleigh side-eyed her, amused at how cute she looked snuggled under such a fluffy blanket. “You cold?” Beck caught him staring. “No, you just look like a yeti.” He teased.

Beck rolled her eyes, scooting over and laying her head on his chest. She covered him with the white blanket as well. “Who looks like a yeti now?” She muttered. Raleigh wrapped his arm around her as they cuddled. He decided he would let her watch the rest of her movie in peace...and he also decided he would never admit to her that he’d seen the Notebook before, and he actually didn’t think it was half-bad.

Towards the end, Raleigh noticed Beck had fallen asleep. He looked around her living room, eyes tired and heavy himself, wondering if he should wake her to leave. Just then, she snuggled closer into him, one hand wrapped under his back and the other clutching his shoulder. Raleigh relaxed into her touch and pulled her closer, burying his nose into her hair as he drifted off to sleep as well. In the morning, to save face, he’d blame his dosing off on the boring movie.

#playchoices #platinum #raleigh x mc #raleigh carrera #raleigh platinum

[noitsactuallyrebecca]

Lover Review

I Forgot That You Existed

This song resonates with me so much. I feel like I never think about my ex and when I do I’m like wow I forgot about you. She literally took the words right out of my mind and the beat is so perfect for it because you want to be so happy when you remember something that you thought would hurt you but doesn’t 10/10

Cruel Summer 

HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE A DEVIL oh my god I actually sob when she says that line because it just puts me in a mood I can’t explain. The first time I heard it I wasn't like totally on board with it but it grew on me so fast I want to sway fast in the living room and scream it at the top of my lungs 10/10

Lover 

my wedding song 10/10

The Man 

Holy shit Taylor you really did it didn’t you. This song could be your biggest hit and I’ll never stop bopping to it, it was the perfect time for this song. The deep voice she has in the song is everything we ever needed 10/10

The Archer 

I fully believe this is the most vulnerable song she has ever written, whether it be about how she feels about her relationship or even the way she sees herself we can all relate to it and how we have this sense of doubt in ourselves and if the other person can see it wow 10/10

I Think He Knows 

Catch me strutting down the hallway of my house to this song, gives me a little more of a sped up version of wildest dreams if that makes any sense at all and the chorus makes me feel like I’m dancing in 13 going on 30 or something with my friends or should be playing while I couch surf in Princess Diaries 2 i don’t even understand either 10/10

Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince 

So Lana Del Rey its insane like I just imagine the visuals on tour for this are going to be out of this world. I feel like I should be dancing to this song in the woods slowing leaning on trees and peeking out while I sing 10/10

Paper Rings

This reminds me so so so much of Kesha’s album Rainbow, specifically Let Em Talk and I absolutely love it. I get a really good 60s dancing vibe exactly like she does in the ME! video. If I get pulled over in the next few weeks it will be from my lack of dance moves in the car on my way home from work. But I will say when she says “you’re the one I want” all quiet near the end, do not ask me why but it reminds me of when John Mulaney says “I know you don’t drink” in his New In Town Stand up but for real this is THE hairbrush song 10/10

Cornelia Street 

I don’t think there are even words to fully explain how incredible of a song this is. wow. The way this song starts makes me feel like I’m going to be watching my favorite romcom that always makes me cry and believe that love actually exists. I am the most excited to hear this on tour. Its one I could see her floating across the stadium to while I sob, My roommate also thinks she should be saying “I never want Cornelia Street to end” and now thats all I sing too 100000/10

Death By A Thousand Cuts 

The beginning of this song reminds me of a horror film but i love horror films and thats how I knew I stanned this song before the lyrics even began. I felt that looking at the lyrics that I was going to be a slow sad song but I’m so glad its upbeat like AYHTDWS. it’s literally her older, wiser sister. I also love the pinball wizard type piano in the back. BRIDGE CITY BITCH BRIDGE BRIDGE CITY BITCH 13/10

London Boy 

If you don’t think every single picture I post next summer in London won’t be from this song you’re CRAZY. The best way to listen to this song would be with some heart sunglasses on, windows down, driving at night and I can’t tell you why, you just have to do it. It’s the most fun on this album and reminds me of how I felt about Gorgeous 10/10

Soon You’ll Get Better 

The absolute most personal song Taylor has ever released. This was something so hard for her to do but she also knows how many of her fans go through similar things and this allows them to feel a little closer to her and knowing they aren’t going through it all alone. It just makes me hold my loved one’s even closer every day 10/10

False God 

This song gives me such So It Goes vibes and I feel like its not going to get justice on tour just like she didn’t. It’s so different than a lot other other songs and I think it incorporates every type of pop song in one which is absolutely incredible to me. 10/10

You Need To Calm Down

This is my new Shake It Off. The way Shake It Off could automatically put me in a better mood, now YNTCD does it. This song opened up so many people’s eyes to the album and how it’s much more than the first single. Hearing this live at GMA did something to me and just made me so happy and I can’t believe I’ll get to hear it at tour. It just makes me so happy. 10/10

Afterglow 

I get really good, Bad Liar vibes from this. i think I say this because I don’t think I’ve heard a song like this in a long time and I was kind of confused of how no one thought of it before, just like how I felt when Selena released Bad Liar. This song is always stuck in my head and I hope it never leaves. 10/10

ME! 

Definitely a really good intro single for the album. I honestly don’t think any other song could’ve done well enough for the introduction of Lover tot he world than ME! It just is such a good self love song. It also gave us our lord and savior Benjamin Button 10/10

It’s Nice To Have A Friend 

This is the perfect song for a rainy day, sitting on the porch, watching people walk up and down the street. So simple yet delicate and can definitely put tears in my eyes. I really like that theres not a chorus or a change in the beat, the trumpets in the middle is so unique and makes me feel like its just a regular day in the life as taylor 10/10

Daylight

By far the best album closer. As if the other songs don’t scream that Taylor is happy and in love, this one does the most. The line that stuck with me the most is “I once believed love would be burning red but its golden” because she thought she was in love so many times and thought it was the real thing that would last because it was red to her. She saw the different color of love and how even though it wasn’t what she thought it would be, it was the real thing. I’m just so impressed with this album. Taylor always thought that she couldn’t write a song like Tenerife Sea and here we are with some of the most incredible, raw, heartwarming lyrics of any artist. She did it. 10/10

[dontblamemebrucemademecrazy]

L💘VER

Good morning Swifties! No one asked for my track by track thoughts on Lover but I want to share them anyway so here we go!

I Forgot That You Existed - what. a. great. opener. I love this song, it feels like Taylor shook off her reputation snakeskin and is ready to rock her Lover wings. I can feel the happiness in Taylor’s voice singing this.

Cruel Summer - A WHOLE BOP. I cannot wait to scream at the top of my lungs .~*HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE A DEVIL AND ITS NEWWWWWWW*~. on tour with all my fellow Swifties. One of my absolute favorites on the album (it’s so hard to pick just one favorite so we just won’t go there). This bridge feels like the love child of out of the woods’ bridge and blank space.

Lover - another one of my favorites. This song is just so completely stunning. The only way to describe this song is romantic and timeless. Stunning visuals on the music video. We’ve spent years loving Taylor’s love songs but this song feels like the first song about being truly in love and I think it’s one of the best songs she’s ever written.

The Man - the production on this is fantastic. I would love to see a music video for this, I think the visuals could make such a statement. Love the Leo reference. As a woman who has experience with being treated differently than men in my career, this is 100% being added to my girl power playlist. It almost reminds me of the song in A Star is Born - Why Did You Do That? Which is iconic.

The Archer - this woman’s lyricism is on a different level than anyone else out there. The way she captures anxiety and imposter syndrome so perfectly combined with the instrumental build up makes this song such an emotional trip.

I Think He Knows - love this one! I want to do a flash mob to this song in the middle of Central Park. Can I make cheesy choreography to this and perform it in public and call it a flash mob? No? Ok I still love everything about this song. Fave line - he’s so obsessed with me and Boyyy I understanddddd 😉

Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince - this has rep vibes with a dash of I Knew You Were Trouble spice? I feel like such a moody queen breaking it down while singing “miss amer-i-can-a and the heart-break prince (OKAY)”. Love how different this sounds than the first set of songs.

Paper Rings - ok Taylor???? Take my money, my soul and dignity with this song. This one is soooooooo fun! I love the instruments (especially the drums) in this one. Stay Stay Stay’s older cooler pop punk sister is alive and well in this song.

Cornelia Street - wow, I feel like I am sitting in the back of the car with Taylor and experiencing the flash forwards of this relationship when I listen to this one. My heart aches when I listen to this song. The chorus makes me want to emotionally sway and scream the lyrics with my bestie while wine drunk. Love the reference to love being her religion (hi don’t blame me)

Death By A Thousand Cuts - brb spending the rest of my life trying to learn how to play this on guitar. Another one of my favorites, the lyricism is outstanding, production is beautiful. Fave lyric in this one - I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright, they say I.. don’t... know. Also love the “my”s echoing in the background of the bridge. Love love love this one.

London Boy - this one gives me big end game / king of my heart vibes for some reason. I just took a trip to London a few weeks ago and I feel like I can sing this song with so much more passion now that I know the places she’s referencing 😂 it’s a cute bop. Taylor if you ever wanna day drink in the afternoon in Soho, let me know!

Soon You’ll Get Better - this is going to be one of the Taylor songs that I can’t listen to often. The lyrics hit too close to home, I can only imagine how hard this was to write and record. Taylor, this song is so beautiful. Sending all my love to you and your family.

False God - ok, so this song is SEXY sexy. That sax. The accent voice (idk what this is called?). Dress is found rolled up in a ball in the back of Taylor’s closet. Phew, this song is such a mood.

You Need To Calm Down - a bop since it first came out. Music video is legendary. Big Swift Evergy in this song. I blame this song for me telling everyone who exists that they need to calm down.

Afterglow - I think this song really ties into the theme that Taylor is going for on Lover. This song is so important, there are moments like this in relationships and the lyrics really hit home. Love isn’t always the “Lover” and “I Think He Knows” moments. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a song from any other artist that’s captured this aspect of relationships so perfectly. Fave line - why’d I have to break what I love so much?

Me! - again another bop since day one. Love how it fits in with the rest of the album. Self love is so important everyone!!!! You have to love yourself and see your worth in a relationship! Catch me trying to hit the high heee heeee heeeeee notes for the rest of my life.

It’s Nice To Have A Friend - probably the most interesting song on the whole album. The way she maintains the same emotion while singing the entire song is very non-Taylor esque if that makes sense? I feel like we’re so used to hearing her pour emotion into her delivery. I would love to hear more on the background and songwriting process for this one. I can’t stop listening to this track.

Daylight - wow what a breath of fresh air. This feels so airy and I can feel the weight being lifted off of Taylor shoulders. Perfect song to walk to watch the sunrise in the morning with good headphones. Feels like a new beginning but it’s the closing track which is so cool. I love the way she sings “it’s brighter now”. Love the reference back to Red. Perfect closing track.

@taylorswift this record is an absolute masterpiece and I am SO proud to be your fan. This is some of your best work and you should be extremely proud of yourself - this is YOURS. No one can take that away from you. You deserve all the success in the world, can’t wait to watch how the rest of this era unfolds. I’ll be by your side until the very end 💘

Thanks for coming to my Taylor Talk. @taylornation

#lover #lover review #taylurking #taylornation

[rhiezus]

               1989 As Our Ships, Moments & Characters.

Welcome To New York

This song is kind of annoying but it’s a classic, of course that I thought of Kim Yura and Abe Chiyo first because... c’mon, first Yura was born in New York and second the lyrics is very them... Also a little bit of WNDR? Because of their tour? I mean they getting famous and coming to America, it also reminded me of them a lot because it’s like fame is been waiting for them.

Walking through a crowd, the village is aglow Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats Everybody here wanted something more Searching for a sound we hadn't heard before

I mean you can see why I mentioned WNDR right?

When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors Took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer Everybody here was someone else before And you can want who you want Boys and boys and girls and girls

Also Kim Yura and Abe Chiyo forgetting their past to be together and shit.

Blank Space

Okay I have no idea, I thought of Linlin but... I don’t know, the thing is this album has a lot of “personas” created by Taylor so it’s hard to tell which one of them is who. I have no idea, seriously, let’s just listen and think together. 

Style

I was thinking about this one while I was washing the dishes, that’s why I decided to do this today, hehe. Okay so hear me out, first I remembered this whole album I tried to associate with Nayoung years ago but then I was remembering our ships and came up with Julie and Valak, but I was like? Not so much because they are very dragged only by each other, so I don’t know. Then I though of 2sun, I was like, yes? Very much. But then, finally out of nowhere I was... Oh my god this is Ruy and Hai.

The lights are off, he's taking off his coat (mm, yeah) I say, "I heard, oh That you've been out and about with some other girl" Some other girl He says, "What you heard is true, but I Can't stop thinking 'bout you, and I" I said, "I've been there too a few times"

Right? I mean... It was exactly why i thought about them.

Oh, you got that James Dean daydream look in your eye And I got that red lip classic thing that you like And when we go crashing down (and when we go) We come back every time 'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style

The gays literally never go out of style, that’s why we keep making them.

Out Of The Woods

Oh my baby, I love this song. Funny thing that when this about first launched, I didn’t like this song because I thought it was too repetitive but then when I came across while we were in the mood “nayoung x keun breakup fiasco thing”, I just fell in love with it. Because it’s literally Nayoung’s mind, I just- Yeah. I also I was just thinking about how it reminds me of Danbi and Daehyun too, somehow?

Looking at it now It all seems so simple We were lying on your couch I remember You took a Polaroid of us Then discovered (then discovered) The rest of the world was black and white But we were in screaming color

It makes so much sense, yes. I don’t have much to say about 1989 this album just speaks for itself, I just point the people that it speaks to.

Looking at it now Last December (last December) We were built to fall apart Then fall back together (back together) Your necklace hanging from my neck The night we couldn't quite forget When we decided, we decided To move the furniture so we could dance Baby, like we stood a chance

December? Does it ring a bell? Haha, we knew. 

Also, I gotta add this description by Genius, again: The repetitive nature of the chorus reinforces the idea that the fear and nerves that came with the relationship were overbearing and completely took over her thoughts. 

When you started crying, baby, I did too But when the sun came up, I was looking at you Remember when we couldn't take the heat? I walked out and said, "I'm setting you free" But the monsters turned out to be just trees When the sun came up, you were looking at me

I wanna cry this is so Nayoung and Keun, for god sakes... Finally they out of the woods kkkjkjk

All You Had To Do Was Stay

Anna and Kuen, I literally just thought of it. Before I thought of Haneul and Hyuntae, but honestly? Totally Anna and Kuen, I can literally see.

People like you always want back The love they gave away And people like me wanna believe you When you say you've changed The more I think about it now The less I know All I know is that you drove us Off the road

Yeah, I mean, I’m still out of words, I’m just trying to make my point cross effectively. 

Let me remind you This was what you wanted You ended it You were all I wanted  But not like this

Yes?? Also, she repeats the “stay” like a hundred times so, yeah.

Shake It Off

It is still Hailey to me, or just WNDR being goofyes in the dorm. Literally what Taylor says about this song just speaks to WNDR in a nutshell: I really wanted it to be a song that made people want to get up and dance at a wedding reception from the first drum beat. But I also wanted it to be a song that could help someone get through something really terrible if they wanted to focus on the emotional profile, on the lyrics.

But I keep cruisin' Can't stop, won't stop groovin' It's like I got this music in my mind Saying it's gonna be alright

So yeah, nothing more to say. 

I Wish You Would

I literally can’t stand the connections between Taylor’s songs and Harry anymore on genius, but here we go. This song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. She compared it to a classic John Hughes movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything.... So it did kinda reminded me of Nayoung and Keun, can you blame me, no? BecUASE LITERALLY ALL THIS ALBNUM Oh MY gOD, This is so Bonghu and Sanchan breakup days too... 

I wish you would come back Wish I never hung up the phone like I did, I Wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as I live, and I Wish you were right here, right now, it's all good

Like, shut up?? It’s totally young Bonghu and Sanchan, okay? Okay.

It's 2AM in my room Headlights pass the window pane I think of you We're a crooked love in a straight line down Makes you want to run and hide But it makes you turn right back around

Hahahah, I soooo I’m right, I don’t knowkkjl.

Bad Blood.

THIS IS CHIHYE AND INNA. OH. MY. GOD. THIS IS SO CHIHYE AND INNA. ALSO. THIS IS 7SINS TO JULIE. KKKK IM DYING. Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?‘ she did something so horrible. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ .... 7SINS ABOUT JULIE, AND CHIHYE AND INNA ABOUT Hmm NothING THEY JUST BITTER (MAYBE BC BOTH MARRIED PYONGHO AND ONE LITERALLY FOR NOTJISNJKJ)

Did you have to do this? I was thinking that you could be trusted Did you have to ruin what was shiny? Now it's all rusted Did you have to hit me where I'm weak?

I mean Julie literally kind of destroyed 7sins so I can see the point of anger, and Chihye is just a bitch so yeah...

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes You say sorry just for show If you live like that, you live with ghosts

Yes girls, that’s why them, in the end, make peace with each other is all good SPB is the bitch here c’mon... And I mean Chihye and Inna were never “friends” again because they never really saw each other again but Inna always made an effort and still wanted Chihye to be alright? So it’s true she lives with ghosts, she went nuts... But I wonder now if their friendship never ended because off status and guy problems, maybe... just maybe... Chihye would have moved on for a better life and maybe even Nayoung wouldn’t have been born and things would be good. In the other hand, 7sins was built to break because SPB was poor and hanging by a string, so all that shit just was the point of the iceberg so it was fine judging Julie for a while because she didn’t take it personally and when things were revealed that it indeed was for the best, they didn’t share grudges and just moved on with their lives like they were supposed to. 

Wildest Dreams.

We literally just talk about her, I mean Chihye is every tragic story about Taylor.. But, in a way, this could also be about Inna and Pyongho, or Lian and Chihye, it depends on the day. ALSO COULD BE OH MY GOD ARAKI AND KAYNKKKJ, yes. 

He said, "Let's get out of this town Drive out of this city, away from the crowds" I thought, "Heaven can't help me now" Nothing lasts forever But this is gonna take me down

OH, YES BRING ME THE TRAGIC BRING ME THE PAIN BRING ME THE SAD AND MEMORIES AND LONG LASTING LOVE AND YEEEEAAAAH. I’ll shut up.

He's so tall and handsome as hell He's so bad, but he does it so well I can see the end as it begins My one condition is

This just applies to Lian and Kayn, oh what a combination. Maybe not even them because they are nice too.

You'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night Burnin' it down Someday when you leave me, I'd bet these memories Follow you around

Yes, Araki and Kayn & Lian and Chihye all in one song. Maybe I was just crazy with Pyongho and Inna, I don’t know, I get crazy all the time. This verse made me want to answer one of smutty times between Araki and Kayn, because literally all they do is fuck and miss each other.

How You Get The Girl

Finally, you are here Haneul and Hyuntae, I’ve waited to talk about how much this song is them because... You will see it. First Taylor says: It’s written for a guy who has broken up with his girlfriend, then wants her back after six months. But it’s not going to be as simple as sending a text like, ‘Sup? Miss you.’ That won’t work. You need to do all the things I say.

Stand there like a ghost Shaking from the rain, rain She'll open up the door and say, "Are you insane?" Say it's been a long six months And you were too afraid to tell her what you want

It wasn’t exactly like that, but a girl can imagine and not everything has to be right. First, because that’s literally Hyuntae realizing he did things wrong and missed his timing to explain things, but Haneul is just pissed at his ass. 

I want you for worse or for better I would wait forever and ever Broke your heart, I'll put it back together I would wait forever and ever

Like I said, it wasn’t exactly like that but it was pretty similar. 

Remind her how it used to be, be, yeah-yeah With pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks, cheeks Tell her how you must have lost your mind, ooh-ooh When you left her all alone And never told her why, why

I meAN, I MEAN??? CmOn. I love the “pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks” because it’s so cheesy and so Haneul and Hyuntae when they were dating, they probably do have pictures like that on their cellphones and at a time Haneul’s cheesy ass must even have one framed to give to Hyuntae. AND YOU LEFT HER ALL ALONE AND NEVER TOLD HER WHY, cmOn, yeah?kkjk Also lost your mind, yes, it was the anxiety talking, not Hyuntae, makes sense...

Anyways, I love this cheesy song because the beat, the lyrics, everything reminds me of Haneul and Hyuntae’s relationship not only as lovers but as friends too, you know? Yeah *sobs*

This Love

Oh, it’s Lian and Chihye again. Okay, let me think... yeah, can’t... Yeah. Also I was just about to go to the other song, when I thought “maybe this is Taewoon and Hojin” and then all of sudden... This is also Hansol and Chan-u.

This love is good, this love is bad This love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh

The sad melody, the way Taylor is whispering? I mean, almost makes me wanna cry because I love young Lian and Chihye just trying to survive. (( I also love young and innocent Hansol with wicked and confused Chan-u, how they managed to survive and still get married and shit? wHO KnoWS

Tossing, turning Struggled through the night with someone new And I could go on and on, on and on Lantern, burning Flickered in my mind, only you But you were still gone, gone, gone

Totally Chihye about being with Pyongho but wanting to be with Lian... LeT IT GO, GO IN TO THE LIGHT CHIHYEEEEEEE

Your kiss, my cheek I watched you leave Your smile, my ghost I fell to my knees When you're young, you just run But you come back to what you need

*sOBS*, this part is so sad what the fuckkkjk. DIE CHIHYE DIE I CANT TAKE YOUR SADNESS IN THIS ALBUM ANYMOre for god sakes. “when youre young, you just run but you come back to what you need” sounds like a board name,, OH MY GOD THIS COULD ALSO BE TAEWOON AND HOJIN OH MY GODKKKJK shut up ..... Hansol and Chan-u got married and Chihye is dead, get over it, life is good xd

I Know Places

I don’t really listen nor like this song, but the lyrics reminded me of Julie and Valak, i’m telling this album is about the terrible and twisted people. ALSO YURA AND CHIYO TOO BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY AND MEDIA IS A BITCH.

You stand with your hand on my waistline It's a scene and we're out here in plain sight I can hear them whisper as we pass by It's a bad sign, bad sign Something happens when everybody finds out See the vultures circling, dark clouds Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out It could burn out

This is also jenkai. 

Baby, I know places we won't be found And they'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down 'Cause I, I know places we can hide I know places, I know places

For Julie and Valak the place is his car, that’s my theory. And Yura and Chiyo is just Japan... (jenkai is that park at midnight & jongin’s car). Oh my god, when Julie and Valak were discovered by dispatch imagine everyone like “valak drives?”

They are the hunters, we are the foxes And we run Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it My love

I’m addicted to this song now. 

Clean

My god I don’t know 2/4 of this album. It’s... Hansol and Chan-u, now that I remembered of them I simply won’t forget.

The drought was the very worst  When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst It was months and months of back and forth  You're still all over me Like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore

See? I mean their relationship is very complicated, but according to genius this song is about getting over a heartbreak and moving on with your life to rediscover yourself and like Taylor said: When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. And you know how it is when you’re going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day and planning fun dinner parties and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you’re in London and you realize you’ve been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you’re fine. And you hope he’s fine. The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean....... Also, it reminded me of Haneul and Hyuntae. 

Ten months sober, I must admit Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it Ten months older, I won't give in Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it

I’m speechless for both ships. Also they both risk it so... hHAHAJKk Oh my god this is so Kaili getting over Julie too jkjkk jeez But finally what she says in the end sends me: The hidden message to Clean is “She lost him, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything.” This song is not just about losing someone you love – it’s also about losing yourself. Being clean is about moving on as a person and really taking care of yourself mentally.

Wonderland

How many songs are left for this, oh god... At this point I can only point Hansol and Chan-u too, I’m tired I’ve written to much. But because too: It is a description of a toxic relationship, from beginning to end. It uses the story of Alice In Wonderland as inspiration for the highs and lows of enjoying this state of relationship wanderlust, irrespective of negative consequences.

Didn't they tell us don't rush into things? Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds? Ooh, didn't it all seem new and exciting? I felt your arms twistin' around me I should have slept with one eye open at night

I seriously can’t take the Harry Styles on Genius anymore... You read this, you tell me who ship it is: https://genius.com/4254518

You Are In Love

I love this song *michael’s meme*. Seriously, ugh. Dedicated to all my lovebirds with a happy and healthy relationship who had been missing here because this album is so so very tragic and I haven’t got my time to mention them properly. Specially: Zeev and Eleanor, Kaili and Raye, Mark and Hana, Minhye and Jukan, Jinhyung and Kyungri... Who else?

Morning, his place Burnt toast, Sunday You keep his shirt, he keeps his word And for once, you let go Of your fears and your ghosts One step, not much, but it said enough You kiss on sidewalks You fight and you talk

This reminded me of Eleanor and Zeev... 

One night, he wakes Strange look on his face Pauses, then says "You're my best friend" And you knew what it was, he is in love

And this... Minhye and Jukan.

You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence), you You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home), you You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out) You are in love, true love

And this... Jinhyung and Kyungri.

And so it goes You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round And he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown And you understand now Why they lost their minds and fought the wars And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words

Okay the “office downtown” reminded me of Keun and Nayoung... I’m telling, I love this song I just can’t pick one ship for it. Also this song Taylor wrote for her friends who are in love and this comment just cracked me up: Isn’t it much more likely (and adorable) to imagine Jack looking at a picture of Lena while he produces music in his home studio? kkkj 

New Romantics

THE BEST WAY TO FINISH THIS FINALLY CAUSE IM SO TIRED. LETS JUST LISTEN AND APPRECIATE FOR God sakes its been an hour.

just appreciate me screaming the lyrics of this song in telegram when it cames.

[hermionegranger56]

HELLO LADS I HAVE LISTENED TO LOVER A MILLION TIMES SO HERE’S SOME THOUGHTS:

Just overall as an album here: HOLY. SHIT. that one vanity fair article that said this is gonna save pop music???? THEY’RE RIGHT OK?? this is just a solidly GREAT album all around. It’s lyrically smart, incredibly catchy, heartfelt and vulnerable and empowering. And the best part?? You can tell that Taylor is so genuinely, sincerely HAPPY and IN LOVE and it is downright INFECTIOUS. Even the songs that sonically I didn’t like as much, I couldn’t help but like since you could just feel her palpable joy in every note. I saw someone say that Rep was her finding her voice and Lover is her finally being able to use it how she wants and I couldn’t agree more.

I Forgot That You Existed: soooo catchy!! and god if realizing you forgot about That person ain’t the best feeling! this song perfectly shows that freedom, that joy. the laugh! the “…so yeah”! i live! a strong start

Cruel Summer: A MOTHERFUCKIN BOP THIS SONG MAKES ME SO HAPPY AHHHHH!!! (recommend it at full volume, in the car. really helped my commute today lol) the chorus is just such a good melody. HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE A DEVIL!!!! MURDER ME THE DELIVERY OF THAT LINE WAS SO GOOD can’t wait to scream it on tour

Lover: perfect. perfect. perfect. see here. oh god she’s so in love. I see you Speak Now Taylor, I see you. this song is acoustic folky perfection and i want it at my wedding

The Man: ok moral of the story: fuck men lolol. THIS IS A JAMMM! look, I understand the critiques people are going to have for the message of this song. Without getting too into it, it’s true the song certainly doesn’t cover everything and there are areas of feminism and social awareness she (especially as a successful white woman) can continue to grow and make more of an effort in. HOWEVER, to say that Taylor Swift has not been affected by sexism is just untrue? Her whole reputation was defined for a long time on the double standards that society had for her that she lays out in this song, she went through a sexual assault trial with grace and dignity, she still is put in the pigeon hole of being “overdramatic”, “the victim” etc etc which perpetuates double standards. Taylor Swift has something to say about her valid experiences as a woman in this industry, and we DEFINITELY should not be trying to silence the voices of any women in this day and age. And the song’s simple sentiment of MEN HAVE IT EASIER is something that lots of her fans can relate to, so why not write something relatable, ya know?? idk man i support it, rant over, don’t fight me plz

The Archer: oh boy the ATMOSPHERE. OOF. the perfect 3 am-lightening skies-melancholy soundtrack. and my god if it doesn’t hit every late night insecurity I’ve ever had, like any good track 5 should. “who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay” hits like a sucker punch, by the crescendo at “all the kings horses and all the kings men” I’m screaming the lyrics or sobbing or both. one of my fave track 5s aside from All Too Well and Delicate

I Think He Knows: a BEAT hot DAMN. go GET that man tswift, we stan a confident queen!! BOY I UNDERSTAND?!?!?!? GET IT BITCH YOU’RE HOT SHIT!!! a solid bop!! i wanna dance!!

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: this is a MASTERPIECE. holy FUCK. its. there’s just so many LAYERS?!?!? it’s a like a freaking meta analysis of her past image, her current self and today’s fucked up society. I could write a paper about this. I’m endlessly impressed by how she can continue to surprise me with her lyrical skill even after all this time ahhhhhh. also the go! fight! win! cheer is so clever, i love it

Paper Rings: HELLO STAY STAY STAY AND OURS’ POP ROCK LOVECHILD. SOOOOOO INFECTIOUSLY HAPPY OH MY GOD. it’s a romcom come to life, idk i get love, rosie vibes, no idea why. but god i’m 22 full years old and i just danced around my room using a hairbrush as a microphone to this. I’m smiling ear to ear ahhh @ taylor and joe get married rn PLEASE

Cornelia Street: for some reason I didn’t love it at first, but it’s growing on me!! i think “i get mystified by how this city screams your name” sounds so great how she sings it though like that part is incredible. and it’s such a fragile message, that love that you fear might go away at any second and take all the happy memories with it. a sad bop

Death By Thousand Cuts: also growing on me!! I think most people can relate to this so i think it’ll do well. the “trying to find a part of me you didn’t touch” part was also good

London Boy: AHAHAHAHA I LOVE IT it’s cheeky, it’s fun and damn she wants you to know how much she loves her london boy and everything about him!! i also love that motherfucking IDRIS ELBA IS HERE?!?!? “DONT THREATEN ME WITH A GOOD TIME” so. good.

Soon You’ll Get Better: hoo boy. wow. I can only imagine this is about Andrea’s cancer diagnosis and my god my heart goes out to the whole Swift family. I’ve been there with my grandfather and watching him loose that battle in front of me was one of the hardest thing’s i’ve ever done. it’s surreal, the insistence that they HAVE to get better, it’s the ONLY way, that’s how it’s going to be. and now that I’m a nurse and I’m on the other end seeing families go through this, I just…god I don’t think this is going to be one I can listen to often. I said I was “sobbing” during The Archer, well here I actually, physically was. It’s been a long week, nurse-wise :( oh god the sigh right before the last chorus oh god. my true only complaint here is the underutilization of the Dixie Chicks, cause i love them :)

False God: THE SAX. THE SEX. AMAZING hahahaha. this is just a whole ass VIBE, it’s so smooooooth. I’M NEW YORK CITY, damn I love that!! GOD I DON’T EVEN HAVE SPECIFICS THIS IS JUST SUCH A FUCKING GOOD SONG!!! def in my top 5 from this album.

You Need to Calm Down: HEEEEELLLLLLL YEAHHHHH BOP OF THE SUMMER!!!! the chorus makes me SO SUNSHINEY HAPPY!! And I’m glad Taylor is being so vocal about her support for the LGBT community and sending this message of love/renouncing people who spread hate! CAUSE *screams from a mountain* SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAY!!!!!!

Afterglow: i think this song is absolutely lovely! It takes so much maturity to be able to admit you’re wrong or that you hurt the one you love but that you’re going to continue to fight for them and I love to see Taylor explore that

Me!: ok honestly?? I have never liked the first song Taylor’s released from all of her albums Red and after. BUT they’ve all grown on me! that said, this is probably my least favorite song on the album WHICH IS SO IMPRESSIVE THIS IS STILL A REALLY GOOD SONG!! the me-e-e-e makes me unreasonably happy (similar to the sunshine vibes of yntcd). I just can’t get past the spelling is fun WAIT SHE TOOK IT OUT I’M ABSOLUTELY SCREAMING

It’s Nice To Have a Friend: SIMPLE. BEAUTY. this feels like an interlude of sorts and I love it. it’s first 3 seconds reminded me of the Big Little Lies theme song lolol. this is such a perfectly visual song, it’s like a tumblr list of aesthetics. i REALLY LOVE this one, in ways I can’t put into words

Daylight: ohhhh baby a GOOOOD ENDING. STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO FINALLY MADE ITS DEBUT I’M SO HAPPY. and her words of wisdom at the end, wow. you are what you love. wow taylor truly has come through all of her experiences, good and bad, processed and grown, let it go and is thriving and in love in her own daylight

AND IM SO SO HAPPY FOR HER @taylorswift ILYSM

BRING ON THE LOVER ERA, SEE Y’ALL AT TOUR

#taylor swift #lover #tswift #lover era #ts7 #cruel summer #miss americana and the heartbreak prince #lover album #swifties #yntcd

[sassysweetstories]

without me

Request: “Could you do a shawn mendes imagine based off the song “without me” by Halsey.? Xx” 

Ship: Shawn Mendes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of heartbreak, fluff, mentions of cheating, mentions of verbal abusive relationship, yelling, etc. 

Notes: no gifs

Tagged: @bailey-hoover @kiralivelove @thalia-prior-of-ravenclaw@anamcg317bellasett @queentiffanyyy @archer-whovian-violinist@beingmadinwonderland@princessisabelle19 @violence-and-velvet @lachicadelamanzana 

Third P.O.V

“Found you when your heart was broke I filled your cup until it overflowed Took it so far to keep you close (Keep you close) I was afraid to leave you on your own”

She had found him during his lowest time. Having published his fourth album and recovering from the cruelest break up situation. He found her. Solace; clarity. A sense of peace he hadn’t had in ages. For the first time in months, Shawn smiled. When he looked at her, the world seemed to be calm and tranquil. Shawn hadn’t noticed how much she sacrificed for him. Parties, anniversaries, moments that were missed because he needed her. (Y/n) went with him on tour, calming his senses far more than he realized. The young woman begun to worry for Shawn. When they were separate, the struggles became more apparent.

“I said I'd catch you if you fall And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (All) And then I got you off your knees Put you right back on your feet Just so you can take advantage of me”

“(Y/n), we rarely see you. It’s like you’re here but you’re not really here.” Her friends would say to her. Whenever Shawn would call she would be there in seconds just to pick him right back up. Glancing down at her phone, she’d baid them farewell until next time. “Damn, all he has to do is text you once and you go running?” They would laugh and make snide comments. She would get him his favorite food and movie before drawing a bubble bath. A small but not meaningful thank you would escape his lips before she would shower him in love and affection until he was back to himself. “Hey, I’m going out with the guys. Don’t wait up.” And he’d leave her alone. Without a care in the world. “Don’t you want me to be happy?” Shawn would say to her when she asked him to stay home for once, spend time with her lover.

“Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there Feeling so high but too far away to hold me You know I'm the one who put you up there Name in the sky Does it ever get lonely?”

His friends begun to notice his behavior soon down the line. Acting like a spoiled king. Sitting on top of a throne she’d built just for him. Shawn took all the energy from others, leaching himself until there was nothing left of her. It didn’t help the hundreds of thousands of screaming fans and women who constantly chase after the man she loved. And yet, with all that attention, he looked so lonely. (Y/n) would sacrifice anything and everything to make him smile once more. To giggle, or laugh. 

“Thinking you could live without me Thinking you could live without me Baby, I'm the one who put you up there I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)”

It took a long time for her to realize how bad things were getting. A small voice in her head screamed at her, yelling the signs that seemed to be as clear as day. That was until it finally hit her, not fully but hard enough. The crack that had been broken open was just large enough for her to see the damage that had taken shape in her life. Impulsively, (Y/n) packed up her things and called her friend just a town over when Shawn had left for the night to drink with his buddies. She still remembers the way he barely gave her the light of day when he left. Maybe that was the last straw for her as she closed the door for what felt like the last time. 

“Thinking you could live without me Live without me Baby, I'm the one who put you up there I don't know why (I don't know why, yeah yeah)”

When Shawn came home early from the drunk filled night, still sober enough to walk and talk, his eyes fell upon a large envelope with his name on it. Crumpling it open, he reads page after page carefully. Shawn’s heart aches in his chest, glancing up from the paper to see now how empty his apartment had become. “You don’t care for me anymore.. I need to do this for me..” Her beautifully handwriting had said. Instead the young man shook his head in denial, running from room to room, hoping to find her belongings that weren’t there. The warmth that enveloped in the house was gone, ripped away by his treatment and choices. 

Gave love 'bout a hundred tries (hundred tries) Just running from the demons in your mind Then I took yours and made 'em mine (made 'em mine) I didn't notice 'cause my love was blind

He searched high and low for his girl until her friend finally caved in. Shawn bought her everything that she loved and rolled up to the door with hope in his heart. (Y/n) answered, cheeks red from exhaustion and tears. Her eyes grew wide at the side of Shawn. He looked like crap without her, hair longer and mangled. Shawn’s face had a new scruff like he had completely forgotten what basic higiene was like. “Please Shawn-” Her voice croaked. “I can’t keep doing this cat and mouse game.. It hurts too much...” 

“Said I'd catch you if you fall (fall) And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (all) And then I got you off your knees Put you right back on your feet Just so you can take advantage of me Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there Feeling so high but too far away to hold me You know I'm the one who put you up there”

Shawn took a step closer, longing for her embrace the way she longed for him. “Babygirl, I promise-” Voice cracking as tears formed. “I swear on my life I will treat you better, show you just how important you are to me... Please just let me make it up to you.. Let me show you just how much I love you..” If it had been anyone else, she would have slammed the door on their face. But this was her Shawn. This was the man she had always loved, always fought for. Trying to pry herself away would be the toughest challenge yet. And for the first time, she lost the battle and landed back in his arms. 

“Name in the sky Does it ever get lonely? Thinking you could live without me Thinking you could live without me Baby, I'm the one who put you up there I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)”

He’s out late again. Later than normal. Her skin crawls for the worst. But when he stumbles through the door, the ease washes over her. Brian helps him over to the couch with a sullen look on his face and no matter what, he knows he can’t lie to (Y/n). “H-He- He was kissing someone else.. I’m sorry.. I brought him back before it could get worse and nobody deserves this.. I’m so sorry..” The young woman isn’t mad at Brian. He’s the only one who seems to have any sort of sense in this god forsaken world. She thanks him before backing up her things for the second and final time. 

“Thinking you could live without me Live without me Baby, I'm the one who put you up there I don't know why, yeah You don't have to say just what you did I already know (I know) I had to go and find out from them So tell me how's it feel (oh-woah)”

Yeah, you can’t live with out me.. but I can and will, live without you. She thinks to herself as she slams the door goodbye. At three in the morning, (Y/n) drives to the outskirts of Canada, four towns over to were a close friend lives, one that isn’t so keen on allowing the toxicity back into her life. He couldn’t live without her, he’d say to her. But if that was the case, why would he risk something like that? Treat her that way? 

“Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there Feeling so high but too far away to hold me You know I'm the one who put you up there Name in the sky Does it ever get lonely? Thinking you could live without me Thinking you could live without me Baby, I'm the one who put you up there I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)”

The phone calls come in a wave until she finally answers, not allowing him to speak. She mutters a few small words and they both know it’s finally over. Not without the bloodshed and heartbreak though on both parties. This was a chapter in her life that would remain close. Now and forever more. 

(I hope you guys liked this story! please fucking comment! that is all I ask!) 

#fanfic #fandom #fanfiction #fan #angry #such angst #PURE ANGGST #minor angst #angst #leave comments #comment below #mentions of heartbreak #Fluffyness #flirty #fluffy #Conflict #fluff #flirting #PURE FLUFF #mentions of cheating #yelling #shawn mendes x you #shawn mendes #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x fem!reader #Shawn Mendes Imagine #mostly fluff #angsty #Broken heart #heartbreak

[rapunzel-withthegoodhair]

City & Ghost

pairing: shawn mendes x ofc (narrated second person, reader) summary: maybe he shouldn’t call you. but maybe you shouldn’t pick up.  playlist: listen while reading rating: pg-13 (alcohol abuse, swearing, infidelity, older female/younger male, etc)  word count: 5639 status: complete / one-shot

author’s notes: just for clarification, my ofc is 27 in this story to shawn’s 20. not an impossibly crazy difference but enough to throw some hurdles in (especially since she’s married). click the ofc link for more info about Holland :) 

I look in the mirror past the buildings, The sky’s getting light Another piece of my innocence Is the admission I paid there tonight Though it makes me sick, and I imagine her saying “You’re better than this…”

                                                        ///

Nine minutes after midnight and your phone nearly vibrates right off the kitchen counter.

He’s got his own ringtone so you know when it’s safe to answer. The rational part of your brain says, ‘Damn girl just block his number. Have some mercy on the boy. Let him move on. Force him to move on.’ Only one problem with that…you’re weak for him too.

It doesn’t matter tonight though. Alec is in San Diego and the only person you’re cleaning up after is yourself.

“Hey…” It’s all you can think of to say. Maybe you should applaud him for the whole month he took this time in between calls. Maybe you would, if it hadn’t been excruciating. If your stomach wasn’t doing swimmer’s backflips over having him reach out for you again.

“I miss you.” You know immediately that he’s wasted out of his mind. ‘Isn’t he always?’ Your mind echos back. It’s an unfair statement, because he’s only 20 and he’s on tour and why would he call you sober. But lately it’s a little too true.

“I miss you too, baby boy…” God, you wish the words were a lie, dripping from your lips only for his sake. But they’re not. There’s a rusty metal ache in your skin that’s almost too much at times. Like a hangover no pill will fix. “Yeah?” Doubt is strung up in his voice like christmas lights. It’s been so long, he doesn’t believe you. Not anymore. It’s like a knife slashed across your ribs to hear him hurt, knowing you’re the reason why. “What do you miss?”

Your teeth tug at your lip. You should not be having this conversation. You should not be lighting that flame in his heart again. But fuck, it’s such a relief to confess the words to someone. Anyone. Even if it’s just him.

“I miss…waking up at four am to you playing piano.” That morning comes back to you with stunning clarity. He’d tried so hard to be quiet, but his inspiration had been a hungry mistress,  sinking her teeth too deeply into that beautiful skin to be ignored. You’d never been able to find any anger or annoyance in your heart over it though, despite the sleep lost.

                                                       ///

You thought Alec’s snoring was annoying. But apparently, Shawn just doesn’t sleep at all.

It’s a little worrisome. Friday night, the non-profit you work for had hosted a charity Gala. Not only had Shawn played at the event, but the next day he’d shown up at the high-profile, private meet and greet that had been offered as an incentive for ‘diamond tier’ donors, (so they could bring their rich little brats to ooh and ahh over him as well). And later that evening he’s scheduled to play Allstate Stadium. He needs to rest. But for the second night in a row, you’re waking up to piano notes being plucked from the stars while Chicago still sleeps.

You barely know him. Only met him at the Gala. But you don’t know how to cut him loose and your husband is in Houston; won’t be home until Monday night.

You’re madly in love with Alec. Never would’ve married him if it weren’t true (not that the money hurts…). Loyalty has never been a question in the past. Just the thought of another man touching you has always turned your stomach. But…Shawn needs you. And maybe you need him too. Not because anything has been missing. But because your light refuses to turn away from his. It’s instinctual. Something beyond choice or reason.

Leaning in the corridor entryway, you watch his body shift along to the music he’s creating. His strong shoulders beat out a rhythm in lieu of drums. He’s singing so softly and you can tell it’s tearing him apart just a little. To try and keep the beast of raw creativity that beats inside him on a leash.

And I won’t be a product of my genre My mind will always be stronger than my songs are Never believe the bullshit that fake guys feed to ya Always read the stories that you hear on Wikipedia And musically I’m demonstrating When I perform live, feels like I am meditating

Wandering across the living room, you can’t help the smile tugging at your mouth. He’s so fucking beautiful. And it’s not his pale, milky skin. Or his adorable curls. Or even those sexy brown eyes. It’s not his tight abs or his thick arms or his strong back. It’s the light that pours out of him, like a cup running over. The passion for music and life rattling through him like a wooden-track roller coaster. The raw, unbroken way he still looks at the world and smiles. Still feels hope. Still wants more. You’re not sure when you lost that light…but at twenty-six years old, you’re already terrified it might never come back. Maybe it’s that fear that makes it feel as if…walking away from him would be the end of you. Because this is the most alive you’ve felt in years.

You watch him and you wonder, ‘is this how Hades felt when he first saw Persephone…?’

Arms sliding over his shoulders and around his neck, you lean to kiss along his jaw and cheek. Grin when you feel his own smile, almost too wide for his pretty face, matching yours. Despite his happiness at your touch, you feel his muscles tense. He’s so used to being told who to be. Where to stand. What words to say. Which camera to smile into. He’s already bracing himself for the inevitable. Already waiting for you to tell him to keep it down. To go back to sleep.

“Sing it louder, baby.” You whisper into his ear, still smiling hard as your arm stays draped across his chest. “We own the whole floor. Ain’t nobody gunna hear you but me.” You rarely let anyone hear your Kentucky accent. No one is supposed to know your tragic backstory. Not here in the city. Least of all, what’s sure to be a weekend fling with some teen heartthrob superstar you’ll never see again. But you can’t seem to help it. Around him, the refined lady you’ve worked so hard to become slides instinctively back into the Harlan County wildflower you grew up as.

His smile grows until his eyes nearly disappear and the boy leans to steal a soft kiss.

“You sure? S’four in the morning.” His chuckle is low in his chest as he nuzzles at your soft skin. Like a puppy reassuring himself is pack is still there. “Don’t wanna annoy you ‘n get kicked out.”

Shaking your head slowly, your hands gently tip his head back. Dust a kiss to his nose, then in between his eyes. Something about the way he relaxes so completely in your arms, his features euphorically neutral as if he’s just spent a day at the spa, making you feel as if you hung the damn sun in the sky.

“Wanna hear you fuck that shit up.” You flash him a wide smile that he returns without hesitation. Scritching at his hair playfully, you head to the kitchen. He’s been in your line of vision for nearly 48 hours and you’ve hardly seen him eat a thing. But not here, not on your watch. “I’ll make you some breakfast.”

I’m still the same as a year ago But more people hear me though According to the myspace and youtube videos I’m always doing shows, if I’m not I’m in the studio Truly broke, never growing up call me Ruffio Melody music maker Reading all the papers They say I’m up and coming like I’m fucking in an elevator ‘Cause you need me, man, I don’t need you

The Ed Sheeran song sounds good like this. Slowed down and smokey wrapped up in his tired voice. The lyrics are cocky but his passion is too damn infectious, his talent too explosive, for it to come off as anything other than fun (besides, you think to yourself, what’s wrong with a little confidence if you can walk your talk?). Brewing a strong pot of coffee to share, you’d made a whole pan of  scrambled eggs with bacon. Watched him play until the sun was peeking out over Chicago’s skyline to greet you. Then cuddled on the couch as you fed him. Until his fatigue finally started winning rounds. He’d fallen asleep on top of you, his ribs on your stomach as your hand caressed up and down along his spine. Humming softly in his ear, your eyes drifted back to the piano.  

You’d never cared about that stupid grand, had been annoyed at Alec just for buying the overpriced centerpiece to your penthouse living room when neither of knew how to play. It had sat there, doing nothing but collecting dust and looking pretentious. Until it came to life under Shawn’s fingers. Just like you…                                                       ///

“Hmm…wrote a good song on that beauty.” You can’t help but smile at the sound of his own smirk. Every atom in your body had screamed at you not to listen when his new album had dropped. But you had anyway. And your heart had slammed into your chest when you’d heard the chords he’d composed hidden behind your walls first.

“Yeah, you did… proud’a you, you know.”

A long pause follows and you think you hear him swallow. Maybe he doesn’t know…

“Say it again?”

Eyes falling closed, a quiver shakes your bottom lip as you fight the tears. God, he sounds so broken. Over the past year, you’ve spent…maybe nineteen or twenty days together in total. Every time you tell yourself it’s the last time. But then he calls… and you love Alec so fucking much… but…

“I’m so fucking proud of you, baby. I mean it. There’s too much damn talent burnin’ through you. Watching you perform is like… watching a meteor shower.”

Quiet again. But this time the background clinking of glass on glass seems to suggest he’s doing his best to fight off the creeping edges of sobriety. You can just picture him in the dark of his hotel suite, curtains drawn so he can see the city lights. Still wearing whatever he went out in after his show. Hands shaking as he pours himself another round from the mini bar.    

“If you went out onto the roof right now…could you see the stars?” Lord, he’s so drunk. He grew up near enough to a city. He should remember damn well you can’t see the stars uptown.

Leaning over a bit to scratch your leg, you chew at your lip. You know where he’s going with this. You’re still pathetic enough to want to fall down the rabbit hole.

“Probably not. City’s the same as it ever was…”  

“Oh…yeah.” Disappointment drags his voice down into the gutter. “Would you go out anyway? We could just… be under the same sky?”

You’re not sure that’s how it works. According to the pictures on Instagram, he’s in Miami. You’re in the Midwest. Technically, you’d be staring out at two different expanses of space. But you’d do anything for him. And the lie sounds so sweet.

“Course, baby. Always.” Standing, you move to grab a sweater and some shoes. Then cross the room to the penthouse elevator that leads to the roof. That’s yours as well and you’d been in charge of its renovation when Alec bought the place. A small garden sits up there, along with a modest pool and stone fire pit. The accent features play host to the ghosts you try not to look in the eye. But walking outside invites them in like a séance.

                                                      ///

Your hand is in his dragging him up the stairs. Sure you could take the penthouse elevator, but racing down the hall and then up the maintenance stairwell is more fun. The door bursts open and the wind blows you around a bit, your own inertia sending you both spinning until you nearly fall over.

“And this! Is my pride ‘n joy. I designed all this. The garden ‘n the pool. Firepit.” He stands behind you, arms around your shoulders, kissing your cheek as you point out each feature. In the distance, Lake Michigan glints under a breathlessly breezy summer day.

You had planned out the roof carefully. Each feature exists in its own space and yet in harmony with the others. You enjoy showing the place off. All your friends have sexy, sleek uptown apartments. None of them have anything this unique. This tangible and sensory driven. Every new set of eyes laid on the place always mindlessly ‘ooh’s and ‘ahh’s over the space. If they’re feeling extra obnoxious, they might throw out a few technical design terms they picked up from HGTV. You expect Shawn to do the same.

But somehow, he sees the puzzle. Puts the pieces together quicker than anyone else.

“Earth, water, fire… I guess Lake Michigan takes care of the wind.”

“Clever boy.”  Impressed, you match his smile and slowly nod. Absently, your fingers toy with his much longer ones and your head rests back against his chest as both of you take in the city. “I guess those things have always felt the most real to me. The five elements.”

“Five?”

“Mm,” You tug on your lip, trying to remember how elegantly your grandmother had explained it. “Element of spirit. None of it means anything if it’s not alive. It’s the energy we borrow from the universe that allows any of the elements to connect. To borrow from one another. Feed one another. Find one another. Love one another.”

“So…up here….you’re the spirit element?”

Your head quirks and you turn in his arms. Quiet surprise hangs in the air between you for a long string of moments…before your arms finally curl around him. Tilting your head back, you scritch your nails lightly, affectionately across his back. A smile slowly pulls at your lips.

“How’d you figure that out, pretty boy?” It’s overwhelming enough that he’s so beautiful. So full of life. Bursting at the seams with talent and passion. Confusingly good. And so disarmingly vulnerable. The fact that he also understands you effortlessly is near impossible to wrap your head around.

A shrug falls from his broad shoulders and he nuzzles at your nose. He has the best view in Chicago to feast on, but his focus is locked on you. Fingertips brushing down your cheek, they slide up into your hair. In an attempt to curb the game of twister Chicago’s wind is playing with it, his fingers curl around the long strands gently, then fist just enough to clasp it all in place. You’re forced to stand closer to him as a side effect, but you’ve suffered far worse.

“That’s so beautiful. That you refuse to let the city take that away from you.” It’s the first time anyone has seen through your ‘perfectly manicured uptown midwestern wife’ charade. The first time anyone’s suspected that maybe there’s still some part of you bucking against the saddle. Alec has always taken care of you. But Shawn is in your blood, undressing your soul instead of just your body.

Reaching up to grip his neck, you pull him down into a warm, deep kiss. Push open his hoodie and rest your body against his. How the hell he’d sorted the secret language of you was still a mystery. But that was the moment you knew you loved him.

                                                      ///

“You know I’m gunna be in Chicago next week…” “Are you?” The sirens go off in your brain as you lean against the cement edge of your rooftop. ‘Absolutely not. You need to leave him alone.’ This isn’t even about staying loyal to Alec. Shawn deserves everything you can’t give him. Deserves a girl his own age. Someone who is available to anoint him in love every minute of every day like it’s holy oil and she’s his priestess. Keeping him stitched into your bone marrow is thievery. You’re stealing time he should be spending happy, with some pretty young thing as full to bursting with energy as he is.

“You still in the city?” “Yes, love. I’m right here, hmm? Same place you left me.” You feel like an undergrad at Northwestern all over again, listening to your drunk friends ramble in nonsensical circles as they stumble back towards sobriety.

“Didn’t leave you…” He’s pouting like a puppy, but your voice stays even and gentle. Patient as ever. Maybe the one advantage your age gives you with him is maturity. What might stir up a fight with a hormonal teenager, is just another chance to soothe him for you.

“You know that’s not what I meant, sweet boy. I know you’d never leave me. Not… not really.” What the fuck is wrong with you? How long is it going to be until this story shows up in the headlines. Before everyone else sees just how sick and cruel and pathetic you really are.

“I wanna see you. Tell me I can see you.” You hear a sliding glass door open and wind hits the receiver in small gusts. He’s always been a sucker for a balcony. You’re fairly certain he can’t see the stars either, but you’re almost certain you hear ocean waves in the distance. 

“Baby…” One little word. You don’t mean for it to sound so loaded.

“You don’t want to? …Say it out loud then. Tell me you don’t want to see me and I’ll leave you alone.” There goes that pride again, trying to eat him whole from the inside out. He’s the sweetest boy in the world. But every now and then, when he’s stressed and lonely and drunk, his insecurities swim in his blood like piranhas.

Slowly, you drag in a breath. He can’t possibly understand all the ways this is wrong. On fire with his own youth, he knows nothing but chasing desire. Burning regret to the ground as if feeling alive is his only religion.

“S’nothing to do with want, baby. Always want you.”

It takes a few moments of silence but he finally circles back. The edge has left his voice (he’s never known how to be an asshole for more than 10 seconds at a time) but he’s still stubborn as always.

“I know it’s not Alec. I know you don’t love him more.”

“But I do love him.”

“Not enough to quit me.”

His words are a slap to the face and sting just the same. Swallowing, you fight all the instincts you learned from your mother. Lashing out (Oh, grow up and make your own mind up then. You’re twenty not five). Deflecting (you’re the one who called me). Jabbing at weak spots he was vulnerable enough only with you to show (aren’t there a million other girls who’d come clean you up right now? Or boys?). As guilty as the age difference makes you feel… you’re thankful you didn’t meet him when you were twenty. What a disgustingly toxic mess that would’ve been.

Dragging in a deep breath, you rub at your temple. Remind yourself he doesn’t mean it as harsh as it sounds. That he’s just hurt and wasted and trying to prove a point.

“You gunna hold it against me that I’m weak for you too?” You hope he can hear the slight pout in your sad, soft voice. He must, because you can feel the sobriety sweep over him for a moment. Like heavy rain sweeping down into a valley.

“Then what the hell is it Holland?” The sigh falls off his lips more tired, more defeated than angry.

Sometimes, if you drink a little too much wine and think about it a little too long, this shit with him still breaks you down into tears. Sometimes you don’t know why. Your own husband has a whole decade on you. So why is Shawn’s seven years younger always giving you so much grief?

“I have no right to love you…”

“…I don’t understand what that means. Please don’t be self-righteous right now. You don’t… you don’t understand how hard this is without you. You have no idea how fucking… messed up I feel all the time.”

But you do. It’s how you two met.

                                                      ///

Each long evening gown that walks into the charity gala sparkles like a disco ball. The kitchen is buzzing with the refilling of trays and the fizzing of champagne. The donations are pouring in so fast, the attendants can hardly keep up with receipts. And, as usual, you are the spinning wheel of fortunes at the center keeping it all perfectly on track. St. Christopher’s is the largest non-profit foundation in the Midwest. Over the past six years, you’ve diligently worked your way up from undergrad intern to the Publicity Chair’s Executive Assistant. It doesn’t sound exciting but in the heart of a city as busy as yours, you’re essentially party planning for the elite. And honestly…it’s everything you ever wanted. Hell, this whole pop star performing at the Gala thing was your idea. Browsing the Allstate Arena’s schedule last year had led you to Shawn Mendes. Not for any particular reason other than the dates matched up nicely. He’d be in town for a show anyway and likely had the star power to generate enough interest. So you reached out.

Well, not to Shawn personally. Just his PR manager. But still, he’d agreed happily to stop by and you couldn’t be happier with how well he was working the crowd now. Taking pictures, signing autographs, navigating overpersonal questions with an impressively charming diplomacy. If he wasn’t already wildly successful at music, you’d have offered him a job on your team.

Dinner is served right on time, but neither you nor the night’s golden boy get to sit down or eat. You’re checking that dessert is being plated up in the kitchen and that trash is being rotated out fast enough. He’s up on stage, performing a few of his latest hits with his band. You’ve never heard his music before. Pop kind of isn’t your thing. The bluesy rock/folk you listen to is perhaps one of the last remaining hints that could give away your true roots as the granddaughter of a Kentucky coal miner.   

Aren’t you shocked when you march out of the kitchen, only to find him spilling his guts up on stage. A guitar crying in his hands, a microphone his voice is all but making love to. No pop in sight. Your steps slow to a dead stop. The guitar in his hands bleeds out a euphoric set of chords that break open your ribs and pool in your chest.

Nothing physically has changed. He’s still the same, tall dark and handsome kid that walked in two hours ago. No, the change is all you. You’ve woken up. You can see his cracks and all the light pouring out of them. As if he’s holding a nursery of stars inside his chest and their fire is barely contained.  

The powerhouse performance disarms your heart, shatters it into a million little pieces. But looking around, you can see… it’s not going over quite so well on the rich upper class of Chicago. This just isn’t their style. Most of them really only came for the signed photos they plan on giving to their spoiled ass children. And he’s used to working a crowd of teenage girls who hang on his every word. You can see his confidence faltering a bit. Hear his voice backing off from attempting to hit the harder notes. By the time the two-song set ends, he barely gets out a slightly shaky ‘thank you’ to respectful applause before he’s nearly bolted off the stage.

Maybe it’s a dumb idea to walk backstage right now. To check the kitchen and then the green room and then the men’s bathroom. You’re not meant to chase the deer once it runs from the headlights. And this isn’t just a party. You’re at work.

The excuses go on and on in your head. Rationalizing. Criticizing. But your steps continue down the hotel hallway once they’ve cleared the grand ballroom. There’s only so many rooms he could’ve ducked into and most of them are locked, with signs reading ‘employees only’. Your golden, satin ballgown billows behind you as you chase his trail. You couldn’t possibly have lost him. What’d he do? Book a room upstairs and check-in before you’d even gone searching?

Finally, you reach the entrance to the hotel pool. The gym. He’s not in any of those and this is where the hallway ends…What the hell? Head foggy with confusion and stomach turning with worry, you slowly circle back. You checked every single open door, didn’t you?

Suddenly, your adrenaline sharpened focus snags on a door you hadn’t noticed before. The family bathroom closer to the lobby. It’s nearly 10pm. No one will need to use this right now. You gotta hand it to him. Kid’s a genius.   

You find him sitting on the floor, shaking and sweating. Flushed and barely breathing. The sight of you seems to only make it worse and for a moment he tries hard to scramble up on his feet.

“I’m…I’m sorry, I’ll…I’ll be right…right out…” God, he must think you’re here to drag him back. Seeing how unsteady his long legs are, you reach out and grip his arms.

“Hey…” Voice soft, you fight hard to regain your balance in your heels as his weight leans into you. Left without a choice, you slowly help him back to the floor. But this time, you ensure he’s sitting against the wall.

You suffered terrible bouts of anxiety before Alec. Therapy had never worked. The pills made you feel like a walking corpse. Your husband is the only thing that had truly gotten you through. It’s one of the things any marine learns. How to deal with stress at the most inconvenient times. How to pull someone out of their own head in seconds flat. Watching Shawn break down like this, it’s like holding yourself seven years ago and all you can think is that you want to be his Alec. Biting back tears, you fight to be strong for him as you pull one shaking, pale hand up to face your own.

“Can you name your fingers as I touch them?” His eyes fall from yours, the adam’s apple in his throat bobbing as he swallows hard. He doesn’t know you. Not really. And you can see it in his eyes. The same doubt there was any hope you could truly handle this that you’d always felt. He’s honestly just hoping you’ll hurry up and get frustrated sooner rather than later. To just leave already so he can pick up these pieces on his own and not under the watchful eye of an older woman whose job is counting on him getting his shit back together. Very gently tipping his chin up so his eyes are forced back to yours, you touch your thumb to his own. “You know that, hmm? What’s the name of that finger?”

Your voice stays soft. Even and cool. Encouraging. The same river-bed voice your grandmother had used to comfort you before she’d died. Before you’d been left to fend for yourself against a manic-depressive, Oxy dependent mother. In all honesty, you’re a bit surprised. It’s been so long since your grandmother died and you had no idea you’d picked up the ability before now.

Slowly getting the breath back in his lungs, Shawn’s eyes find your hand and his. Seems to realize for the first time that he’s touching you.

“…Thumb…”  

A smile tugs at your mouth and you cup his cheek.

“Good. That’s so good.” Your pointer fingertip touches his own. “And this one?”

“P-pointer…” You nod and he follows each careful touch with a soft murmur. “Ring …index …p-pinky.”

Finding yourself proud of the boy, you flash him a smile. Lean to brush a kiss to his sweating temple. You can’t help but notice that his pupils, blown out a moment earlier, seem to be shrinking again. A good sign that he’s calming.

“That’s really good, love.” Shifting to sit down properly, you twine your fingers through his, hoping to give him an anchor.  “Can you tell me the color of my dress?”

He glances over. Swallows again. This one takes a little longer as his eyes trace the lines of the dress. He’s not stuck on the color. You can tell. He’s just trying to swim through a head flooded with adrenaline.

“Gold?”

“Mmhmm.” Squeezing his hand, you nod. “Close your eyes, sweetheart. Count three things you can hear.”

Resting his head back against the cool tile, he does as he’s told. Squeezes your hand after a moment to make sure you’re still there. Then finally focuses.

“H-hum of the AC…running water in the next bathroom…Phil Collins.” You both laugh softly at that. He’s not wrong. The hotel’s lobby loudspeaker system seems to reach even in here and you notice the song too now he’s said it.

Resting your own head back against the tile as well, you sing along softly under your breath. It’s not long before he’s doing the same, the distraction seeming to help.

You can tell from the lines on her face You can see that she’s been there Probably been moved on from every place Cause she didn’t fit in there Oh, think twice, 'cause another day For you and me in paradise

Turning to glance at him, you realize then there’s no getting him back into that ballroom. And honestly, you wouldn’t even want to. A switch in you has flipped. Work can wait. The influential elite of the city you’re trying to conquer can go fuck themselves. Nothing matters more to you right now than looking after him. You couldn’t explain where the all-consuming black hole came from. Or how it suddenly ripped open inside of you. It’s just there, undeniable and inescapable.

“Do you have anywhere you need to be, love?”

He shakes his head. Yawns and scoots closer. Suddenly, you wish he wasn’t so much bigger than yourself. Wish he was just the scared four-year old he looks like right now and you could scoop him up and wrap him in a blanket.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” You realize how it sounds the moment it jumps out of your lips. You’re sure a hundred girls must proposition him every day. Scared to freak him out further, you squeeze his hand and slowly help tug him up. “Just…you know, some food. A guest bed. Maybe just a few hours away from being ‘Shawn Mendes’?”

He gets through an eager nod and you help him over to the sink.   

“Mmk, why don’t you wash some cold water over your face, love? I’ll grab my things ‘n meet you in the back lot.”

It’s only as you’re turning to go that he works up any words.

“Holland? I…Thank you…” Leaning against the sink, his sweaty curls fall into his eyes. Slowly, he’s starting to look less like a lost child and more like himself again.

“You’re welcome, honey.” Your smile is soft, but full of warmth. You know exactly what he just went through. And to know you helped him pull out of that collapsing star makes you feel like the hero in a fairytale. The storybook princess who just saved the prince. “I’ll be right back for you.”

“I’ll be waiting.”   

///

“I know, baby…I know that…” Swallowing, you push away from the cement barrier of the rooftop. Rub at your forehead a bit as your manicured feet pace tiredly across the cement floor. “I’m sorry. I never meant to be vague or cryptic. I just meant…I can’t leave him for you. I can’t be what you need. I’m not good for you.”

“That’s not up to you.” He insists stubbornly.

“But it is. I’m seven years older than you, Shawn. It’s on me to make that call.”

“That is such bullshit, and you know it. I’ve been fucking…forced to grow up way faster than anyone else I know from the moment I stepped into Hollywood. I’ve been making more money than my parents since I was sixteen. I’ve been on tour since I was seventeen. And I haven’t stopped. I always fucking show up. Even when I feel like I’m walking around in a fucking corpse. I always do what has to be done. I always will. Do not tell me I don’t understand what I’m saying. My body is twenty years old. I’m not.”

Silence follows as his words sink like stones in the river of your bloodstream. You can’t argue with him there. It’s not fair for him to be forced into the responsibilities of an adult, only then to be treated like a child.

And the truth is… either way, you haven’t quite figured out how to truly deny him anyway.

“Text me the details of where you’ll be staying when you get here, yeah? I’ll…sort an excuse.”

“Well, you better pack a pretty big bag. ‘Cause once I have you, I’m not letting you go again.”

Shaking your head a how drunk he is, you laugh softly.

“Baby, please get some sleep, hmm? For me?”

“Mm mm. Stay on the phooone.”

God damnit. That pouty little baby voice is always so unfair. Sighing heavily, you consider threatening him playfully. Teasing that you’ll fly with Alec to New York next week if he doesn’t take care of himself. But that means you’d actually have to hang up.

“If I stay on the phone, you have to drink some water. And lay down. Promise?”

“…You’re really gunna let me see you next week?”

“Course, honey. Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

Yawning deeply, you can all but hear him nod as his voice finally gives in to his body’s exhaustion. The wind interference clears as he heads back into his suite. A sigh of relief loosens from your chest. You’re never crazy about him being outside and up that high when he’s so drunk. 

“Mmk…water ‘n down.”

“Good, baby. That’s good… I love you, hmm?” Switching on your rooftop firepit, you slouch down into the armchair that gives you the best view of Lake Michigan in the moonlight. You’ll stay up as long he needs you to. Even if that’s sunrise. 

“I love you too, Holls… only you.”

#shawn mendes army #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes imagine #imagine shawn mendes #shawn mendes #my writing. #my graphics. #c: holland bryant #story: city and ghost

[seokjingiggles]

Caramel Macchiato

genre: fluff

member: taehyung

words: 1924

One sinful tennis all-star and an adorable puppy to-go please.

It was your final year in high school. Just a few more months of being stuck in this shithole school in this shithole town and then you would be free. You didn’t necessarily know what you would pursue after high school, nor did you really care. You just wanted to get away from the same old cliques, the same old “can you believe she slept with that guy?!,” the same old horny as hell teenage boys that just wanted to get in any girl’s pants…just thinking about the cliche toxins of high school made you recoil as you sat on the cold bleachers facing the tennis courts.

You shivered in the crisp autumn evening. The digital clock on your phone read 5:15 pm. You closed your eyes momentarily and imagined taking a hot bath and curling up under several blankets in your bed with a good book. Your dream could only be fulfilled after dropping off your best friend, the girls’ all-star tennis champion, Julie, at her home. Although waiting for Julie and the rest of the girls’ team to finish practice for the past four years has snatched two hours away from you everyday, you enjoyed having those two hours to be alone with your thoughts and far away from reality.

The soft, repetitive pinging of tennis balls and the shuffling of feet provided serene background noise to accompany your thoughts. This evening, the topic of your imagination was the hot barista from the cafe near your school. The first time you saw him was a week ago while waiting in line to order. He seemed young enough to be in high school, but his appearance was a sinful gift from the devil. You giggled at the thought of his goofy smile and how his eyes crinkled when he gave people their drinks. His somewhat messy brown hair curled ever so slightly under his cap. Under the innocent uniform of a baseball cap and a green apron lay muscular thighs and arms that stretched the tight, black clothing he wore. His jeans had rips in the knees and a little scab peeked out from one of the holes. Every movement of his arms revealed his toned biceps. Within what felt like three seconds, you found yourself at the front of the line, cheeks flushed and eyes wide as the hot mystery barista across the counter smiled kindly and awaited your order.

“Miss? Are you ready to order?” His dark eyes drifted to the growing line behind you.

“Huh? Oh yeah sorry, can I get a…” In your flustered state, you completely forgot what you were planning to order. While you frantically searched the menu for a drink, you could feel his burning stare on you. All you wanted to do was get your drink and scurry the hell out of there.

“Do you have caramel macchiatos here?” you blurted.

The barista hesitated for a moment, chuckled, and said, “No, unfortunately. We only sell black coffee here.”

“O-oh, okay then…I’ll have a tall black coffee I guess.” You hated black coffee.

“I’m just kidding silly! What kind of cafe only sells black coffee? They wouldn’t make a profit!”

As if your cheeks couldn’t get any redder, your entire face became a huge tomato. How could sharing the same presence as this boy make you act so clueless? He was right, who the fuck buys black coffee? The boy giggled at your embarrassed state and grabbed a plastic cup.

“So one tall caramel macchiato. Name, please?” Cup and marker in hand, he glanced at you through his bangs.

“Y/N.” The only thing you’ve managed to say without sounding like a total idiot was your name.

“Y/N,” he repeated as he scribbled your name on the cup.

You reached into your bag for your wallet. By the time you pulled out your card to pay, he had already whisked away to the brewing station.

“Don’t worry,” he called out to you, “it’s on the house.”

Before you could playback any further into the memory of the “Barista Boy Encounter,” you were being pulled off of the bleachers by Julie.

“Y/N, stop daydreaming and unlock the car, it’s freezing balls out here,” Julie whined.

The two of you grabbed your belongings and headed for your car. Julie blasted the heat as you turned on the engine.

It was the boys’ tennis team’s turn to practice now. A few of the boys walked in front of your car on their way to the courts. You knew all of them; the tall one with huge shoulders was their number one player, the annoying but insanely hot fuckboy was known for lying about scores, and the short one hosted the craziest parties on Fridays. This time, however, there was another boy walking with them. He was tall and had long legs and huge hands. The tennis bag slung over his shoulder seemed minuscule in comparison to his tall figure. Someone must’ve made a joke because his mouth widened into a boxy grin and he clapped his hands together.

Julie reached over to the driver’s side and honked your horn impatiently.

“Hurry up, dumbasses!” Julie huffed.

Three out of the four boys ran towards the courts while the unfamiliar one lingered behind and glanced in your direction. Through your dimmed windshield, you got a better look at the boy. His face flashed with confusion as a wave of recognition drowned you.

The hot barista from the other day was also the hot tennis player standing in front of you. With a smirk, he waved at you and ran to catch up with the other boys. You sat in silence for a moment as you recollected your thoughts.

“Do you know that guy? He’s kinda cute! Is he new?” Julie asked, also feeling pretty overwhelmed.

“Remember that barista guy?” You stammered.

“No fucking way! Y/N, he was flirting with you and now’s your chance to have the high school romance of your dreams! Jimin always invites everyone from the tennis teams so if you come with me to his party Friday night I can set you up! What’s his name? Ooh, please let it be something sexy, I swear to god if he’s an Arnold like the last one I’ll scream!” Julie exclaimed.

You pressed on the gas and tried to remember what his name tag said.

“Definitely not Arnold. It was something long and I think it started with a T.”

Julie groaned. “You don’t even know his name? No wonder you’ve only had one boyfriend in your entire life. You have no idea how to flirt.”

The next morning you paid extra attention to your outfit. Now that you knew Hot Barista Dude went to your school and that you had someone to impress, you actually cared about your appearance for once. Senioritis would not be the death of you today. You took a picture of your loose t-shirt, skinny jeans, and oversized jacket and sent it to Julie for confirmation. If you really wanted to get close to this boy, Julie would have to help you. Afterall, she was the girl every boy in the school swooned over. She knew perhaps a little too much about relationships.

You arrived to class with a cup of coffee in one hand and a physics textbook in the other. Once you got to your desk, you opened your textbook to study. Little did you know, someone had plopped into the seat next to yours and was reaching for your coffee cup.

“Starbucks? Really? You didn’t like my caramel macchiato?”

You were pulled from your trance by a large hand snatching your cup and taking a sip from it. His lips wrapped around your straw in the exact place where your red lipstick stained the green plastic tube. Your eyes slowly trailed up his face until you were greeted by two puppy dog eyes.

Goddamnit. It was him.

He swished the coffee in his mouth and returned your cup. “Caramel macchiato with extra caramel and almond milk. Interesting choice.”

“You got all that from one sip? I didn’t know baristas had superpowers.”

He chuckled. “I didn’t know I would get to see the pretty girl from the coffee shop either.” You could feel your cheeks turning red.

Before you could reply, your physics teacher began passing out a physics exam.

You overheard him talking to the barista boy.

“Are you the new student I keep hearing about? I heard you transferred because our school begged to have the number one tennis player in the area on our team. I’m guessing that’s you?”

“Uhhh yeah, guess that’s me. I’m Taehyung.”

“Welcome then! Since it’s your first day, I’ll let this exam slide but make sure to read chapter 14 before next class! Y/N will show you around until you get the hang of things, isn’t that right, Y/N?”

Your calculation of the velocity of a basketball was interrupted by the sound of your name. Taehyung smirked at you and you nodded your head a little too vigorously.

“Sure, I guess I wouldn’t mind giving you a tour of our fascinating school.” Taehyung caught your sarcasm and giggled.

“Okay, back to work!” Your teacher exclaimed and patted Taehyung’s shoulder.

All you could think about for the rest of class was how Taehyung called you pretty. It would be safe to say you failed that physics test.

Finally, the bell rang. Luckily, your next period was study hall so you could get to know this Taehyung guy. Taehyung checked his phone while you were packing your bags. His lockscreen was a picture of a fluffy puppy with its tongue sticking out.

“Oh my god, that puppy is so cute! Is it yours?” You exclaimed hands clasped over your mouth in adoration.

“Yeah! His name is Yeontan! I got him as a present for winning regionals a few months ago. He’s adorable, isn’t he?” Taehyung stood closer to you so you could get a better look at the picture on his phone. His shoulder brushed against yours and you devoured the smell of his crisp cologne. He opened up an album titled “YEONTANIE~~” and scrolled through a few photos. If he weren’t standing next to you, you would’ve been texting up a storm to Julie about how hard you were falling for this boy. From the coffee shop moment to the fact that he doesn’t hold back from blatantly flirting with you to the fact that his best friend was his puppy, all of it screamed boyfriend material.

“Shouldn’t we get going, Y/N?” Taehyung turned to you and playfully tugged on a strand of your hair.

“Yeah, totally forgot we were in school…follow me!” You grabbed his arm and briskly speed-walked out of the classroom. On your way to the library, girls stopped in their tracks and whispered to their friends.

“Holy shit, who is he?” “You think he’s single?” “No way, look at how he’s ogling over the girl he’s with.”

Through the corner of your eye, you could tell that Taehyung was staring at you. You blushed, for the millionth time, and let go of his arm. He lunged forward and opened the library door for you.

“This way, mademoiselle,” Taehyung said in a goofy French accent.

Although the two of you had only known each other for a few hours, there was some connection between you two that made you feel so comfortable being around him.

“Thanks,” you said, blushing.

“The pleasure is all mine.”

Two weeks after I promised I would post…wow good job me ;)

 I wanna make a pt 2 so lmk if you would like one!

Thank you for reading! ♥✰

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