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enhanced-operatives-division · 22 days

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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one #i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking #and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped #i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format #anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head #idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope #im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT #ieytd #john juniper #reginald crane #junicrane #starstruck #i expect you to die #<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that #the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH #also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two #make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL #GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga #thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry

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clumsyhusky06 · 1 year

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I've had turtle tot brainrot for a while so I decided to make some little guys from painted cardstock!

the whole crew!! I love them

they are so small!! tiny babies!!

#rottmnt #rottmnt turtle tots #turtle tots #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt leo #rottmnt raph #long tailed raph is one of my favorite little addons <3 #leo had to be redone from scratch 4 times. he was giving me so much trouble the little shit.#in character for him tbh #god i just became aware of the fact ive been sitting here for 6 hours doing this. damn #my art

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zoros-debt · 7 days

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pretty boy roronoa zoro

#omg i have time to draw now #it's been so long #ive been wanting to continue my wip zonami art #but here's a zoro as my warmup #and now my wrist needs a break #it's been hurting from the coding ive been doing a while ago #should've rested before i got back to drawing but i was too excited about my free time #one piece #roronoa zoro #zoro #my art #my stuff #im reminded by how much my colouring sucks oh god

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mariemariemaria · 4 months

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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

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bucksbisexual · 2 years

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warning: men would rather do anything BUT express their feelings for u

(but if u know where to look you’ll get there before they do)

#the eclipse #the eclipse series #asianlgbtqdramas #thai drama #asian drama #roa*gifs #uhhh how do i tag this #it's been so long actually #like. im pretty sure i was jobless the last time i giffed a bl #just how fast the night changeeeees #i cant find the wiggly line on my laptop god i hate it here #ANYGAYS! will catch up tmr dw #also. the colouring.. lets not talk abt it #ive been giffing anime only for the last like. 6 months. i forgot how skin tones work

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toaster-selfships · 1 month

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Send me good wishes yall. I'm going to try and work on some late work when I get home but I'm chronically bad at doing that without an energy drink but I'm not ready for the impending doom of selling my soul to energy drinks so I can function

Uuhhhhhhhhh I accidentally went on a tangent and there's a whole vent in the tags oopsies

#i already get an energy drink every time on my lunch break at work. but thats partly cause im not too fond of my current job anyways #i dont need perfect grades just. as long as theyre passing i dont care #and are still passing grades after whatverr the finals do to it #im going to a trade school anyways gpa doesnt matter. ive just. QUITE LITERALLY. spent my whole life smacking my head into a desk-#-cause of school. and im so desperate to get my ass outta here. It'll be so much easier cause i will be free from family too #once i get my own place that is. I honest to God would rather sell my soul to two jobs and come home to peace and breathe #than this hell now. being at school is tourment and being at home is tourment. cant wait till im actually HOME. and not some. house.#home is where the dodge challenger that i will sleep in is. home is where the heart is. and my heart isnt anywhere here.#just. one more year. i can get my license at my brithday which is all the way in decemeber but. one more year from now #and I can scrape by and graduate and say adios.#i refuse to acknowledge the scenerio of not making it cause. fuck it we ball or something. am i using that saying right #i already did my time in prison(summer school)#i dont know about yall but summer school was honestly one of the WORST expereinces ive ever been in. horrible.

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cloudbells · 22 days

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I'm sorry I gave everyone the impression that I was gonna be active allie when I first joined this fandom 😔🙏🏿 I planned on it but I should have warned the masses that my life often loves to backhand me away from my interest.

#me my mine #TMI i joined therapy again recently and it's taking up all my mental energy and im trying not to quit it 😩🤞🏿#when i die the first thing im gonna do is rip god's throat out with my teeth for giving me all these PROBLEMS 🤣#shower thought of a (culturally) christian #also my name is not allie i just wanted the alliteration #i actually dont mind giving out my real name if i havent already but i feel like people would be uncomfortable with it #for reasons that are too long to tag but anyways im 99% sure ive said my actually name here at least 7 times #also in case it wasn't clear im not really christian #i grew up as an evangelical yes but it's been so long since me and my family have been active in religion #my dad likes to call us “spiritual” now #you may be thinking “user cloudbells whu do you overexplain so much when you're inactive for more than a coupoe weeks?”#and to that i answer “still working that out”

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dont-be-late-to-the-dance · 5 months

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Tried to get back into my Serrennedy childhood friend AU. And if I am allowed to be very personal on main for a moment, I think my being unable to work on a fic where Leon has a shit load of trauma because of my trauma is Something

And I'm realizing there's probably a lot more to unpack than I thought. I thought the reason trying to reread any of it and working on the draft for the next chapter was simply because I wrote it while in the traumatic situation, so it reminded me of it.

I didn't ever intentionally channel what I was going through into the fic… but it slipped in. Leon's hair not being washed often enough. One of the many, MANY traumatic things that happened this year was our landlord illegally having our water shut off, which we pretty much just lived with because we didn't think it was worth fighting. So I did go an extended period of time without bathing. (We had a gym membership where we could shower, but I have sensory issues with showers so :/)

Leon having no one except Luis. That's not a more specific trauma, but I've struggled with feeling lonely for a long ass time now, and the more recent big trauma fest definitely worsened the problem, because literally no one knows the full extent of it. I can't really talk about it because some of it is stuff that's been slowly building for years and the trauma dumps would have their own trauma dumps. Even with a couple close friends, that already know the background and wouldn't need all the context, I haven't felt like I could talk about it because a lot of the most traumatic elements are almost entirely self inflicted, which makes it embarrassing to admit to. (Things would have been traumatic no matter what, but it could have been significantly less traumatic.)

The dirty hair and loneliness are currently the only connections to my personal trauma that I'm aware of, but I'm certain more of it slipped in that I'd notice if I reread all of it. After having the realization about those, I just had to close everything I had open related to it because I'm just. Not ready to unpack all of that.

I think unpacking it will be necessary and therapeutic, but it'll be messy and probably get worse before it gets better, and the one very amazing event that served as my lifeline to keep going and not just give up on life when I was in the thick of the bad situation is in less than a week, and there's absolutely no way I'm going to risk jeopardizing my enjoyment of it by falling apart before it.

#i feel bad putting this in the main ship tags but i really need to get this off my chest #it's been festering for a long while #serennedy #serrennedy #rlly wish i was a fictional character so someone would make a post psycho analyzing me #bc the childhood friend AU is def a unique convergence of a Lot of trauma bc it's the only one that hits me so fucking hard #seriously it hits me HARD. ugly sobbing every time ive tried to revisit it. even tho other things w pieces of trauma don't do that to me #the piece of the rockstar AU that has luis sleeping in his car because he was evicted? absolutely 100% certified Heather's Trauma™ moment #and yet the rockstar au just makes me HAPPY. no tears #ok im done w this topic now. gonna get off here and have a geddy lee therapy session #(letting myself ugly cry while listening to a specific rush song) tonight but tomorrow will be happy #god i hope i don't wake up embarrassed i posted this tho

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quackitytheduck · 17 days

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#im doomposting that's it. ive falled into the doom trap #its so over man #ive been here for so long and its about fucking time everything fell apart bc why wouldnt it!!!!!! obviously!!!!!!!!#god dude. fuck #fuck everhthing man #vent

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crimeronan · 11 months

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So I THINK I know already.. but which songs on the Princess Luz playlist are about Hunter?

i've got so many OC asks to answer but i am so slepby and i'm a sucker for music so i reply 2 this quastion instead. i don't think i actually even posted the playlist over here so here it is. that girl sure can sad. sorry for making your life suck so bad luz i swear i love you so much

anyway. u probably DO know, it's pretty obvious what songs are about hunter versus belos versus luz's self-hatred. but i will give u the names and most relevant bits of the lyrics because i FUCKIN LOVE ME A GOOD CODEPENDENCY TRAUMA SONG WITH POETIC NONSENSE LET'S GOOOO WOOOOOO

people who haven't read the main fic can glean at least some of the vibes from these snatches of lyrics probably. sorry for making everything edgy horror about sad people. i will do it again.

gun in my hand - dorothy

why did love put a knife in my heart in my bed, in my head, in my heart was it for redemption or was it for revenge? was it for the bottle? was it for the ledge? was it for the thrill of pushing my hope to the edge?

chasing twisters - delta rae

i lost hope when i was still so young had an angel on my shoulder but the devil always won (...) feel the lives that i have taken, what little soul that i have left and oh, my God, i'll take you to the grave the only love i've ever known, the only soul i ever saved

frozen - within temptation

i can feel your sorrow, i sacrifice you won't forgive me but i know it'll be all right it tears me apart that you will never know but i have to let go tell me i'm frozen but what can i do? can't tell the reasons i did it for you

politics of love - rise against

i hear your voice in the wind it follows me, it cuts right through the noise as we spin on dance floors made of ice so rest your hand in mine steady now, ignore the sound of breaking lines the cracks beneath our feet as time runs out

heavy in your arms - florence + the machine

are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine? who is the betrayer, who's the killer in the crowd the one who creeps in corridors and doesn't make a sound my love has concrete feet, my love is an iron ball wrapped around your ankles over the waterfall

ship to wreck - florence + the machine

don't let the curtain catch you 'cause you've been here before the chair is an island, darling, you can't touch the floor and oh, my love, remind me, what was it that i said? i can't help but pull the earth around me to make my bed and oh, my love, remind me, what was it that i did? did i drink too much? am i losing touch? did i build this ship to wreck?

close to heaven - breaking benjamin

hate, lost inside, i dare to dream, faithless lies caught in the web, i will face the weak within so i'll stay unforgiven and i'll keep love together and i'll be yours forever, i'll sleep close to heaven i'm coming home, i'm coming home, i'm coming home

#then arguably 'shot in the dark' and 'the flowers' are also tangentially about hunter but MOSTLY about luz herself #'things i have loved i'm allowed to keep i'll never know if i go to sleep' hunter gets to be the things she has loved #'i wish it was over and i wish you were here' also about hunter. the rest of the song is just about being terrified and desperate though #sorry ive been listening to the same handful of bands for the past 15 years. i will continue to do so #just like i will continue to make edgy horror stories. sorry luz and hunter.#she's SO FUCKING SAD. JESUS. time to go reread the blanket snuggling i guess cause GOD.#replies #music #long post #horrible mindscape trauma pals #princess luz AU

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