#god just the thought makes me wanna try to kms again

[fuck-your-proana-blog]

Hello, same anon here as the previous anon, god, thank you so much, I am so screenshotting your reply. I already try my best not to end up on ana tags, it's a last resort, but every other day my mental health gets so bad I just need something, anything to distract myself and I don't have close friends I could vent to, and that's the only other thing I can think of. Plus at least sweetspos are nice and understanding, and I don't usually,,,get that from anyone, so yeah. I am already supposed to get some sort of social anxiety treatment, but they're extremely inefficient and slow with it. And they just shrugged when I told them I wanna kms. I thought I'll just throw whatever destructive coping mechanism at that, and when I no longer wanna die, I'll fix them, but now my hair is starting to fall out (I think. Unsure though.) and I am not better at all. And two people I used to be close friends with had restrictive EDs, and I guess this is my way of feeling close to them. And I'm turning 18 later this year, and that feels scary as fuck, and I thought if I lose stupid amounts of weight I can at least look childish. Okay, sorry, at this point I am just rambling, but I've been keeping this to myself for what feels like ages. Anyways. Thank you again for your reply so sosososo so much. It helped a lot.

I'm glad my response helped and I'm proud of you for working towards health. I distracted myself from my abusive childhood experiences (C-PTSD stuff) with weight loss too, and it quickly spiraled into anorexia- and it did the absolute opposite of making me not want to die, so don't convince yourself and ED will improve your life, it never will. I felt like I "deserved" to suffer, that somehow if I suffered enough it would make right what was broken in me. If I could just be "thin enough" it would fix all my problems, so I used behaviors and buried myself in my ED to avoid dealing with the real problems in my life. From what you've said it seems like you're doing the same, so please get help. I don't have any friends either so I come onto Tumblr to vent and find support as well. I know weaning yourself off of harmful tags is difficult, that it feels like a proper distraction from your other suffering, but it will not help. Please believe me, I've been battling these demons for almost 14 years- almost as long as you've been alive- and all it did was waste my life and make me mentally disabled and even more withdrawn from the world- as well as give me countless health problems I will never recover from. I may be in recovery, but my body will never fully recover from the hell anorexia put it through. I lost hair, have multiple damaged organs that require meds and outpatient care frequently, severe GI issues, I almost lost my teeth, needed multiple surgeries, developed osteopenia and had to do PT over and over as I continuously damaged my body with over exercising and starvation. It may feel like a "good" distraction now, but it's not. It will ruin your life more than it already has if you don't get help. I know growing up is hard, but it will only be harder with an ED. Sweeatspos are NOT "nice and understanding," they are another trap for you to fall into created by disgusting pro ana blogs to convince you your life will somehow get better if you get sicker. It won't. Anorexia ruined my life, my body, everything I had. I am just starting to get my life back in my late 30s. You're young; your mind and body can still fully recover if you make the necessary changes now- don't end up like me. Please, get help. I know what it's like to feel like no one cares, especially when you're suicidal, because I've been there. I just got out of the hospital after an attempt in November actually, and as soon as I attempted I got help and went to the hospital because I realized I didn't want to die- I just wanted the pain to stop, and I get the feeling that you're in the same boat. So really harp on your healthcare team about medication, therapy, anything you need to get better. If you feel you'd be safer in a hospital, GO. I've been hospitalized over and over throughout my life when I was most in danger from myself and even if it doesn't "fix" you it will get you more urgent physical and psychiatric attention by a medical team that will take you seriously and keep you safe. Don't wait until you can't fully recover like I did. Get help now, let them all know you're in real danger- it can bring discomfort to truly let people know how badly you're suffering, but you won't regret it. After all my time suffering I finally "came out" about my ED when I was hospitalized the last time to my close family and have only received support and love from doing so. I don't know if that will be your experience as I don't know any about your family, but I know having people irl who know my story has helped me cope, and if you can share your story with those who love you they could help you and support you in regaining your mental and physical health as well.

Your future doesn't have to be full of starving and pain- but you do have to choose, every day, to get better so it won't be!

#anti pro ana #tw ED #tw restrction #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw anorexia

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 26 - Old Messages, pt. 2.

--------------Congo's point of view--------------------

I had promised myself there would be no more between me and Andy, but already the next day, I knew it was impossible to keep. I wanted him more than ever, and breakfast was almost impossible to get through. Marius was sweet, lovingly sitting on my lap, trying to feed me breakfast pancakes, while I was trying to pretend to read the morning news paper. I was mainly trying to avoid eye contact with him. I had never cheated on a partner before. And the burning feeling in My stomach was awful to bare. I had tried reading a few lines of the paper, but I kept getting interrupted by visions of Andy and I kissing in the forest last night. It was impossible to concentrate in anything. It was impossible denying I wanted more. The whole day I was wandering around aimlessly, I couldn't get Andy out of my head, and being with Marius made my guilt grow every minute. So late afternoon I decided to drive 2 km to a small mountain town, located behind my dads house. Not even the fresh air could clear my head, even though I tried my best. The evening seemed to run at snail speed, so I decided to call it a night already around 9. It was early for me, and Marius did question it a bit. I couldn't sleep however, thoughts of Andy and how this situation could possibly turn in my favor, were racing my mind. I had loved him 10 years. 10 whole years. Since the very first night I met him. And now he had finally fallen for me. But being engaged to a vampire, was a deadly cocktail, at least for the one standing in the way. I knew I needed to get as far away as possible, but he was my Andy. It's safe to say I hoped and begged it was him on the line, when suddenly my phone lit up in the dark bedroom later that night.

Andy: I miss you. A lot. I wish I could wrap your arms around me, and fall asleep like that. Safe. I sit here looking at the pics of you and Marius… all I can focus on is you… Your lips Your beard How I wanna run my fingers through your hair Your chest Your upper arms I love you I just wanna see you again. I know I need to shut up and move on. I don't wanna hurt you. I know I said everything yesterday… but I just keep running it on repeat. I just wish there were some way we could be together… and no one getting hurt. I just really need you! Close. Always. You keep me calm. You always made me feel safe. You were always so nice to me…. took so good care of me. I miss you so fucking much!! Miss your smell…. I love you.

Congo: I love you too.

Andy: You have no idea what those words mean to me.

Congo: I know what it means to hear them from you.

Andy: <3 I'm so in love with you!

Congo: I'm so in love with you too.

Andy: What are you doing now?

Congo: In bed.

Andy: Were you sleeping? Did I wake you up?

Congo: No, I couldn't sleep.

Andy: Oh… why not?

Congo: Thinking of you.

Andy: Good or bad?

Congo: Both, I guess.

Andy: What was the good?

Congo: YOU.

Andy: (He sent a smiley with stars in it's eyes) And then what's the bad?

Congo: That I can't have you.

Andy: I know! (Smiley crying on the floor)

Congo: What are you doing? Just sitting around in your room?

Andy: Yeah… can't sleep. I'm too restless… horny… confused…

Congo: I guess I feel sort of the same. Plus, it's too hot to sleep.

Andy: Take some clothes off.

Congo: I'm already naked.

Andy: :3 DAMN (followed by a row of blushy and pervy smileys)

Congo: You are crazy.

Andy: You love that about me.

Congo: Yes.

Andy: You make me hard!

Congo: By telling you I'm naked?

Andy: Yes!!! Of course!! You are fucking hot!!! GOD! That bulgy chest of yours!!!!!!!

Congo: What more?

Andy: Your big warm arms.

Congo: Anything else?

Andy: Your kind eyes… Your sexy beard Your strong upper arms Your v of muscles above your jeans line! Your firm ass Your muscly thighs GOD! I fucking want you so much!!!!

Congo: I want you too.

Andy: How much?

Congo: So much that I'm touching myself.

Andy: (Crying smiley, followed by a smiley leaning against a wall) First one was a finger spass… sorry…

Congo: What does the second one mean?

Andy: I wish I was outside your bedroom door!

Congo: Me too!

Andy: I want to feel your naked body against mine… making love to you all night and morning.

Congo: Mmm yeah… I would love that. Feeling my hands all over your perfect body. Tasting your skin. Feeling myself grow inside you.

Andy: Fuck!!! I wanna taste you too… and feel you so badly!!!!! You're so strong and warm. I can't get enough of your warmth! I wish I could push myself inside you, and just live in there…just merge with you… Are you still touching yourself?

Congo: Yes.

Andy: DAMN! I wish I could crawl under your blanker and give you a blowjob. I really wanna swallow you, taste your cum again. Mmmmmm! Tell me how you touch yourself…

Congo: I am slowly stroking my dick, and pulling lightly in my balls. Thinking of you. Wanting your hands and mouth on me.

Andy: Fuck yeah!!!!!!!!!! Wait… what are we doing? I;m so hot now I'm almost burning up!! And I'm touching myself I'm so hard it almost hurts!

Congo: The sweat is running off me. I want you so bad I think I'm gonna scream out your name soon!

Andy: FUCK!!! We need to cool down!

Congo: I know. How about we take a shower? Together. I mean, as together we can. I'll go jump in my shower, you go jump in yours… We jerk off with the thoughts of each other, and when we are done, we meet up here again? You can go to your bed as well, and we can keep talking till we get tired enough to sleep, or simply keep going till we fall asleep?

Andy: Yes! I'm in! I really need to cum! But as I'm quite challanged on that some days, I really need help… this might do :3 just the thought of you makes my insides buzz and my heart pound!

Congo: I know! I feel the same way about you. I'll meet you here in 10-15 minutes. I love you.

Andy: I love you too. (20 minutes later) I'm back!

Congo: Me too.

Andy: :) you make me smile and get butterflies in my stomach.

Congo: :) you too.

Andy: Really??? :D

Congo: Yes.

Andy: I'm melting!

Congo: :)

Andy: Did you cum?

Congo: Yes :) you?

Andy: Yes! Could almost not stand on my legs, that's how good it was!

Congo: Perfect!

Andy: Yes! :3 I kept thinking of your face :3

Congo: Only my face?

Andy: More or less. Only one time I thought of you sucking me. The rest of the time, I just pictured your smile… well, your profile pic here mostly…

Congo: You make me so happy.

Andy: Why? :)

Congo: Because now there's no longer a single shred of doubt in me. I know you are in fact in love with me too. That it's not just lust and a crush. I mean. You didn't just focus one me naked or fucking you. It was my face. Me as a person.

Andy: I told you! :)

Congo: I know, but it sounds too good to be true. Well, it is, since we can't be together. It stings in my heart every time I think of it.

Andy: :/ I don't want you to get hurt, or get bad health because of this. If its easier I'll stop writing these things to you, and we will somehow rewind time till before I told you… at least imagine that part…

Congo: No. Please. Even if it makes things a million times harder, I need to know you love me too. You did the right thing. We will find a way to control this, cause we have to. But for the rest of this night, let us just go to bed, and pretend to cuddle, how does that sound? No bad vibes before sleeping :) Let's keep it light.

Andy: Sounds nice. I would say perfect, but perfect would be you laying next to me, in reality…

Congo: I know sweety. Let's crawl to bed at least this way.

Andy: Alright, I just need to finish eating my bread…

Congo: You're eating? (Back then Andy had a lot of trouble eating. He had gotten of alcohol after around 10 years as an alcoholic, and his stomach wasn't used to solid food. On top of that he had a lot of anxiety around food, so it was a rare thing to see him eat more than a bit of fruit salad or a small bowl of cereal with milk or yoghurt)

Andy: Yes, a big piece of bread with butter and raisins :)

Congo: That makes me happy <3 thank you.

Andy: You don't have to thank me :) I don't wanna die any longer, remember? (he also used to be very suicidal)

Congo: Yes :) but that's also almost too good to believe.

Andy: :) just give me 2 minutes to get done…

Congo: Sure take your time.

Andy: (A few minutes later) I'm done, but I have raisins all over my mouth, I'm gonna go brush my teeth… Congo…how heavy does Marius sleep?

Congo: Pretty heavy, why?

Andy: Uhm, I'm in my own bedroom, so A surely wont hear me. Maybe if you think it wont wake up Marius, I could call you, and we could whisper a bit to each other? Or just be on the line, so we can just feel each other near? Or is that stupid?

Congo: No, it's not stupid. I would very much like that :)

Andy: :D I'll be right back!

Congo: Yes.

Andy: (Another few minutes later) Can I call now?

Congo: Yes :)

Andy: :D

We talked for about 45 minutes that night, till I no longer got an answer. I could hear him breathe deeply, and it was comforting knowing he was safe asleep. I kept pressing my phone againts my ear, as if I was trying to get him closer to me. I fell asleep much later with a smile on my lips, but a heavy heart knowing it was all wrong, and we had to stop.

#I know it's lengthy sorry #but there's theoretically way less text #just the format is long #sorry #unicornmanes #Congo Shaw #Andy Shaw-Thompson #Andycorn

[kalims]

I just like really need to get this off my chest, so please. I don't care if you're just gonna read this but I'm so sick so I just wanna let it all out

ever since online started, my first thought was: yay! no more school. cause I thought it'd be easier for me. news flash, I was completely fucking wrong. for the last, what? two years my mental health has been crashing down, sometimes there's times where I think: oh. this is actually okay, I think I'm gonna be fine but then the next moment I'm bawling my eyes out about something I never wanted to live my life doing.

school sucks. it took me years, semester after semester to get used to it. my first year was horrible, I was behind everything. I ignored everything, I procrastinated my works and I thought when it was finally time to pass them: I'll never get past this. but im here, somehow I'm here and yet again I'm facing another wall. i feel hopeless again. and this year. it's the most hopeful I've been, I've been better. so much better than this is the first time I've ever been truly proud of myself. but now I don't know anymore.

my grades came and I'm ashamed to say they aren't high, funny how I'm insecure even about a few numbers thats supposed to decide my life course.

it's unhealthy but when I face things like this, the only thought I had was how much I wanted to die. im humiliated of myself because I'm so fucking pathetic, I can change my life right now but I can't and i don't even know why. it's funny cause i keep telling my freind that I'll kms but I'm still alive, cause im too young. and i don't know how to disappear. I'm trying to stay alive because for once, I want to be good in something that no one will ever surpass me in.

my mom's facing me right now, she's laughing. I can see that she's holding in her laughs at the face of my tears.  she's comforting me but I can't take her words to heart. it goes out of one ear and out of the other.

and as much as I love everyone I've met with all my heart, my freinds, I love them so much and I appreciate them. but sometimes I feel so lonely because no one has ever said nice things to me, to validate my feelings, but I was okay because I was always used to being left with my thoughts and just passing one of it with a few jokes. I hate that no one was ever willing to ask me: "are you okay? do you wanna talk about it?" without me asking for it first. maybe some people did ask me about it, I cant remember. thank you for them.

even if I did receive one of them. I probably chose to brush it off. god I make no sense right now.

to the strangers, people, online and irl freinds I have. I'm so sick, my best freind. I always played as someone she could trust, I hate that I'm talking to her behind her back rn but I couldn't fucking careless right now because I can't tell if I'm just on my period. whenever I rant to her about topics I'm interested in (an anime, genshin, just topics I love) she always just sends one worded replies like "what" or "okay" one time she even told me that she couldn't give a shit about things she didn't know about. a few days ago, idk when. she asked to rant about her book, which of. I didn't even know about. I told her "sure. do you even have to ask?" and then I let her send me lengthy messages, I even made comments about it.

I'm so sick telling other people the exact same words that I want to hear.

okay let's put it simply. I'm the therapist friend, I always wanted to take psychology. I'm the girl that asks google on how to comfort someone so I can provide better comfort. I'm selfish for wanting to be comforted myself but who the hell am I anyways? I don't have a lot of irl freinds, sometimes in online I feel isolated cause I don't really ever fit in. I'm not pretty, I know I can be smart if I actually put in the effort and if I wasn't so lazy, I'm not rich, in fact my family isn't very wealthy. I look at other people and the only thing I can do is stare in envy because I can never get it.

I don't know how to make myself look good, I don't know shit about makeup, I don't even know anything about basic information I'm supposed to do. I know I won't able be ever let outside my house to hang out with friends because my parents are strict.

I hate that all my friends are better than me in one way or another. I always thought to myself: I want to live another life. because i was truly, upset, and unhappy in this one. no matter how many times I feel happy there's always gonna be something that's gonna drag me down again.

when I finally choose to open up to my parents, the thing they always do is laugh at me. they treat my words like it's a joke, maybe it's just a common reaction but I'm sensitive. that sounds oddly like a pick me but I want to be honest with my feelings without using jokes to dismiss it.

I love them, but I hate them because they always choose to try and force my feelings out of me. they threaten to take away my phone when I dont talk to them and it's exhausting to talk about something that I don't wanna talk about to someone like them.

I'm tired. I'm tired of being a big sister, I'm tired of being a daughter, I'm tired of being a freind, and I'm so fucking tired of living. it sucks.

I'm so tired of being yelled at because I didn't have the energy to finish a school work that I didn't want to do in the first place. I'm tired of being called that it's my fault for having a bad grade. I'm so fucking tired of putting up with everything. I'm so tired that I'm always the one being blamed when my brother does something wrong. I'm so tired of never really having anything for myself because if I ask for something it will only burden my family, so I'd be content with everything I have even if it isn't a lot as long as I'd be able to do the stuff I love.

"it will pass", I believe that saying but I just want it to end right now. I don't want it to pass. it sucks that I can't do anything right now. all I can do is drag myself to my desk and let a bunch of things confuse me. everything I do, it always ended in disaster. as much as i hate to say it, it really is all my fault.

my parents stay silent but I can't tell if their silence is worse then when they're scolding or screaming to me about something. I hate them so much because of the non-existent psychological pressure and torture they put me through. I lie to them, just so I can save myself from that again.

for now. I'll just force myself to not play anything until I finish every single fucking thing. I don't care if I end up staying up for days but who cares anyways? I just hoped my parents would've let me down slowly instead of blaming it all on me on one go. I sound so edgy rn. honestly there's a lot more but i don't have the energy anymore. this prolly means I won't post for a while. thanks. bye.

#—rosa talks

[virtue-and-beneviolence]

HEEEEEEEEEY WASSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUPPPPPPP I AMELLED AN EVENT DON'T TELL YOU WERE PLANNING ON HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME ???????? WELL TOO BAD CUZ THERE ISN'T A SINGLE EVENT IR ASK GAME TO EVER ACCURE WHERE IM NOT INVITED I'LL INVITE MYSELF. WHEN THERE IS AN EVENT, THERE IS VIOLET.

WHY AM I SCREAMING ????

I HAVE NO IDEA

Anywho, (hopefully i do this right) ahem ahem

So speaking from experience i've been blessed with enough patience and sanity to deal with very toxic relationships with partners who i recognized soon enough had quite the unhealthy behaviours so for the longest time ever i haven't really acknowledged having a deal breaker but then i found out mine are gaslighting and guilt tripping once i figured out the methods they were using i called it quits woth no second thoughts or lokking back these are the only stuff i couldn't even bare the idea of accuring once again especially from my partners and i just can't into words the amount of pain that comes from this one even with all my other fucked up relationships i bared with. (Im sorry for the long ass paragraph it should've a short answer i just felt like elaborating)

My toxic trait most of my partners can't deal with, Okay so i donnu how to put this into words so im gonna try to explain it, you see i have a thing in my world there has to be a time more often than rarely where i just can't and mustn't deal with anyone, it comes naturally uninvited and cannot be explained thoroughly, and it's a bigger level than alone-time, it's when i just need myself in the progress it's like my charging port to keep sane (TW: SUICIDE IDEATION) and not kms, and in this time i don't wanna deal with a single living creature nor deal with social media, it's just pure me and my organs cuz if that life break gets interrupted i will lose the small amount of sanoty im keeping, and that doesn't exclude my partners which i knew and know lots of poeple will find annoying and unbearable when randomly without a warning your partner isn't responding and is practically ignoring you i understand how shit that gets so i try to explain it to my partners beforehand without going into details.

That was weird wasn't it ?? Sorry i spoke too much it would've felt odd if i didn't elaborate i kinda wanted to avoid any misunderstandings

Ahem sorry

He said you're only as good as you are when you are with me So I hope you know better, know better than to leave I said hey you With your world painted blue I said fuck you

ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴇᴀʟʙʀᴇᴀᴋᴇʀ ᴇx ɪs…

ᴛᴀᴋᴇᴏᴍɪ ᴀᴋᴀsʜɪ

You know, you're stronger and more intuitive and inspiring than you give yourself credit, Violet. It's not easy to sniff out a toxic person as fast as you did with Takeomi. You were onto his bullshit and I think that made it easier to cut the cord. But seriously. For him to make such a big deal over you missing a single event? To take another woman in your place? To try and tell you that it was your fault he did that all? I wish I was there to see you laugh in his face. Sigh. Motherfuckers like Takeomi really don't have much to offer to keep people around so they rely on underhanded bullshit to keep partners around. Thank god you saw through that shit, Vio. You were the best thing he'll never get to have because you got away just in time.

𝒩𝒶𝑜𝓉𝑜 𝒯𝒶𝒸𝒽𝒾𝒷𝒶𝓃𝒶

I'm glad you met Naoto though. You need someone with a good head on their shoulders. Wise and caring. And above all, an understanding introvert who can take your recharging disappearances in stride. Let him take care of you for once. You don't need the weight of the world on your shoulders, let him in and share that. Naoto is a clear communicator, so be honest and open with him, and I think you're set for life.

#tokrev dealbreakers #babes mwah ily #i'm sp mad you've dealt with such toxic ppl #point me in their direction i'll fuckin fight for you babe. #I like to think naoto gets to arrest omi on some underground gambling and tax evasion in this scenario too hhehehe #tw: sui ideation

[s3plan]

trying not 2 kms liveblogging

i probably cant bring myself to do it bc just the thought like concrete images and scenarios that play out in my head when i actually try to think through how i would go about killing myself and i imagine myself dying just makes me so sad in a way i cant describe other than the heaviest sadness i could imagine. oh god im typing like when im manic huh. well whatever theres this one poem or art piece that was floating around on here for a while called smthn like “the saddest poem ive ever written” that (at least to me) describes dying halfway peacefully in first person pov and whenever i think of it or see it i just fucking break down completely. and in the poem they say its cold and maybe it shows the regret u feel right before dying. i dont wanna be cold if i die i wanna feel like im being hugged again for the last time ever. i dont wanna die i just wanna get close enough for anyone to care or even just fucking see.

[television-pil0t]

I be goin though my page 2 hours after posting like “damn girl what happened to you” completely forgetting I have bpd 💀💀 once second I want my bf to fucking die, the next I want to kill myself, the next I’m throwing up having a severe panic attack, the next im begging for my bf to fucking TALK TO ME, the next im like “the fuck am I begging for a white mans attention when I can literally just go fuck LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE?! I’m incredibly attractive and don’t deserve to be treated like this and I won’t stand for it any more I’m gonna break up with him” then I’m like “lol nah he said he loves me false alarm guys” then I’m like “god hates me and my punishment and this” then I’m like “I’m so happy I love being alone” then I’m like “WHY AM I SO ALONE I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY” then I’m like “I never wanna speak to a single person ever again” then I’m like “all my friends hate me and I’m alone and gonna kms.

Bpd is crazy💀 sometimes I genuinely doubt I have it but writing this shit down has helped so much. I swear to god if I didn’t have this page I would have been single because I probably would have split on my bf and I would’ve been lonely from cutting off my friends.

I swear this account genuinely helps so much. Like I communicate with my bf but he doesn’t have to know when I literally cut myself because he’s not paying enough attention to me. That’s fucked up and weird. I don’t want him to know when i think he’s annoying and weird and off putting and when im genuinely mad at him because he goes through the same shit every year and calls it “healing” as if he doesn’t cry about the same shit every year and I’m fucking sick and tired it. Im never telling him that because thats so fucked up??

I know my thoughts and feelings are fucked but I can hide them and move on so much better when I say it here. Like I’m getting my anger out BUT NOT ON HIM. So he isn’t “scared to talk to me” anymore. Like. I want him to talk to me. It’s so infuriating when I see him post and hang up and do this and that and only show me love from 10-12pm and I know sometimes is wrong but he doesn’t tell me. It’s more than infuriating I wanna beat this shit outta him. Yet like it’s my thing to type shit here and hid it from him he can do the same thing and I’m not gonna trip about it. He probably feels the same way. I swear every since we started dating I genuinely think he has bipolar disorder but I’d literally never bring that up unless he said something about it. Even then Imma be like “oh really. Wow? Maybe” like I’m not gonna be like “yeah dumb ass look at you.” Like. I know things I say in here are bs and fucking insane and the worst side of me but I don’t want him.. OR ANYONE to see the worst side of me. I don’t want this to get out because I like my friends and my bf even when they piss me off. I don’t want him here because mf would probably think I genuinely hate him but I don’t I just have my own personal issues that I gotta scream about and then I go back to “oh hi baby I love you” type shit.

I’m a very lovey person when it’s shown to me. I’d he doesn’t reciprocate it then I stop until he does.

“Hi baby”

“Hey dameon.”

… like I’m not about to keep doing that shit if your not gonna do it back. That’s so awkward.

“Heyyy baby!!”

“Hi.”

“How ya doin sweet boy”

“Fine.”

“Awe what’s the matter pumpkin”

“Nothin. Just scrolling.”

“Awe ok sweetheart how was your day”

“Fine.”

“Did you eat babe?”

“Mmhm.”

Like??? No. If your not gonna work with me then your not getting the work. Treat people like you wanna be treated type shit. Your 17 if you have some issues speak up, text me, or just say I don’t wanna talk about it but don’t make me think that I’m crazy for your fucking wack ass tone. That’s just me. If he’s giving me 1 word responses I’m gonna do the same until he cheers the fuck up. I can’t try to help when he gives me nothing to help him with. I can’t solve a problem when I can’t see the issue. He’s almost a fucking adult. When I have a problem I say “just not feelin it today”

“Oh what’s wrong”

“Not sure”

Or something like that. Like I’m saying YEAH there is something wrong but I don’t feel like talking about it so HE doesn’t feel like it’s just autism.

We both have it I just know how to actually deal with talking to people and the only time he leaves the house is to exercise himself to the point of exasperation like retard. Or to the forest or to hang out with his friend/sibling.

Once again. Shit I’d never say to him and quite frankly would rather kms than for him to know I think that of him but it feels like a weight off my shoulders to say. Me and the 3 people that follow this page💀💀 

[malaak]

how is Ramadan less than a month away 😐

#i just looked at my calendar . what the fuck . what the fuck #this is gonna b my first ramadan without my family im already dreading it #no dates no tamr hindi just me breaking my fast w 20 cent ramen 🙁 not even going to the mosque for isha bc theres no mosque here #god just the thought makes me wanna try to kms again #n i hate my family but i miss waking up at 3am and making su7oor for everyone :(( and giving them hot tea 🥺 #i wanna have a family again so bad but like. a nice one this time #ض

[donaweasley]

Rain and Fire

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader

Plot:

Our Avenger Loki is here again! Sam and you had been teamed up with our favourite trickster to derive data from an old HYDRA base, and take it out.

Everything goes well, until the weather starts posing problems of its own. But as they say, some blessings come in (stormy) disguises!

Warnings: An annoying Sam, and maybe a cliché plot?

Read time: ~22mins

(I'm sorry, I went on scribbling, and had a hard time trying to pull the brakes!)

“How much farther is it?” Loki had to shout to get heard over the deafening sound of the wind and the rain.

“GPS says it’s 28 minutes away,” (Y/N) shouted back.

“Did no one check with the weather guy?” Sam sounded more pissed off than the Asgardian drama queen.

“Apparently, they did”, (Y/N) quipped “and they presumed that it would be the perfect day for a little romance with the bad guys.”

Sam, Loki and (Y/N) had successfully executed their mission, and had ever since been trying to reach the safehouse. The original plan was to have the Quinjet ready as soon as they gave the green signal. But with the recent twist in weather, there was no way that it could be deployed.

So, here they were now, trying to find their way to the safehouse which was a decent 15 kms away from the location of the mission. If exhaustion wasn't enough of a barrier, the storm definitely was, easily making their destination seem double the actual distance.

After seemingly a millenium, they reached what looked like the flimsiest buildings of all time.

“I’m not staying in there,” Loki declared as soon as he set eyes on it.

“Me neither,” Sam echoed the trickster’s thoughts.

“I’d rather stay out-”

(Y/N) never got to finish her line. A bright violet light filled the neighbourhood, instantly followed by an ear-splitting crack.

The close proximity of the thunderclap made her scream and jump involuntarily, only to earn a chuckle from Loki.

“What? I didn’t grow up with the God of Thunder!!” she snapped. “Okay, I-I’d rather die of that roof falling on me than be charred by another one of those.”

“There’s no way I’m goin’ in there!” Sam stood his ground.

Another crack shattered the air.

“Fine, I’ll accompany you. But only to make sure that you stay safe,” Sam stated nervously as he darted behind her into the house.

“Are you going to stay here and have a chat with your brother?” she looked over her shoulder, and shouted at Loki.

“Well,” he sighed, “guess I’m not really a fan of that either. So...” he shrugged.

“Yeah,” Sam smirked, “I know you’re dying to get inside,” he finished with a wink, earning a tight-lipped glare from the God.

Once inside the “safety” of the house, the three of them stared at their shelter for the night. If the roof falling in was what they were initially worried about, they were now concerned about being suffocated by the horrid smell engulfing the place.

“This is the filthiest safehouse that I’ve ever seen!” (Y/N) scoffed.

The floors were damp and creaky. Thin trails of water leaking from the edges of the ceilings had left their stains on the walls. The way the wind fought against the windows, it seemed unlikely that they would be able to sustain through the night. The wood in the fireplace was home for wild mushrooms. And a pungent smell of damp and rotting wood hung heavily in the air.

How the place had been holding itself over the years was a big mystery.

“Are you sure this is the one?” Sam looked at the place with disgust.

“You wanna cross-check? Feel free to do so,” she hissed. “What are you doing?”

Her attention was diverted by Loki who was staring at the fireplace intently, with one hand extended towards it. Just two seconds after the question, a blazing fire appeared out of nowhere.

“You’re welcome,” Loki offered a “benevolent” smile at his companions.

(Y/N)’s lips fought hard against a grin that threatened to spill out. She was not only grateful but was thoroughly impressed with Loki’s wide variety of skills. But feeding his already swollen ego was something that she preferred to refrain from.

This may also be fanned by the fact that she had been harbouring a steadily growing fondness for the God of Mischief. She hated to admit it even to herself; after all why encourage a dream that is eventually going to be crushed by reality? There was no way that he - a God, an Asgardian, someone with such refined tastes, an arrogant ass - would ever return her feelings.

So, instead, she decided to swallow all her feelings, and continue as co-workers. But are feelings actually that easy to swallow? Especially when you’re living everyday under the same roof?

“Yeah, thank God someone knows magic!” she rolled her eyes, and walked past him to examine the rest of the house.

“Oh, you don’t really have to thank me, mortal,” Loki grinned, and in the blink of an eye, he was completely dry as if he had never stepped out in the rain at all.

Once (Y/N) disappeared into the adjacent room, Sam nudged him in the ribs, and whispered, “Hey, care to use that same trick on me? By the way, that was one good move!”

“Don’t!” Loki raised a finger at him. “Either you stop your nonsense or I turn you into a goat! Your choice.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s not gonna impress her.”

“And why would I even try to do that?”

Sam simply gave him a sly smile and a you-can’t-fool-me look.

Loki’s ears had the faintest hint of red. “Alright, I have no idea what you’re talking about but hush. Now!”

“I will, if you just tell her.”

“Tell who what?” (Y/N)’s voice hit Loki like a whiplash out of the blue.

She eyed him up and down, and stated (more in frustration than in surprise), “You’re dry!”

For a few seconds, he stood frozen, scared that she might have heard more than what he’d like her to.

Sensing Loki’s comical state, Sam stepped forward, “Tell you!”

“Me?” Her eyebrows laced together in confusion.

“Yeah! He wanted to tell you how much he-” Sam’s words waltzed out of his mouth only to be stopped roughly by Loki’s loud voice.

“I DON’T THINK,” he noticed how he got her startled and instantly dropped his voice to a more polite range, “that’s how a lady should be...told.”

“Will any one of you sensible beings tell me what’s going on?” she was losing patience now.

And it wasn’t something to be blamed on her. They were exhausted from the mission, had to walk for over two hours in the storm, they were drenched and shivering, and what they got for shelter for the night was a rotting old house. The only food that they had were the few protein bars that she had packed while leaving the compound. When they’d receive any backup was absolutely uncertain.

“Well,” Loki responded with an uncharacteristically shaky voice, “I was suggesting that you could take the couch while Sam and I could rest in the other room.”

She narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. Was that all the fuss about? “Works for me, yeah. I’m sure any place here would be damp and filled with bugs.”

“That’s the point, actually. The couch can be moved near the fireplace, so you'll be warm,” Loki explained.

“Wow! You do care a lot about her comfort!” Sam exclaimed dramatically.

“That’s what a smart gentleman does, Sammy,” she defended Loki.

She defended him! Loki’s brain malfunctioned for a few seconds as it wondered if she really did compliment him or if she was simply pulling his leg. She was usually nice to him but when it came to shooting sarcasm and teaming up with others for a playful bully time, she seemed to quite enjoy her share.

“Well, good to see you two warm up,” Sam left the room with a sly smile, leaving both Loki and (Y/N) flustered.

Hardly a couple of seconds later, he returned. “Hey, use some of your witchcraft to dry me off?”

“No,” Loki deadpanned.

Sam shook his head and disappeared back into the room.

“Care to clean this bed?” His voice bellowed across the rooms.

“No,” the sorcerer shouted back.

(Y/N) chuckled at the banter. Surely, Sam had a way of pissing people off if he wanted to, and Loki was his latest toy.

Her amusement was replaced with awe as a green light appeared around her, and soon her dripping form was dry, just like Loki’s.

“I said I won’t do it for him,” he answered her silent question.

“Thank you,” she laughed at the silly way these two fought, “but y’know, I don’t think he should be left all drenched.”

“Maybe for another hour?”

“I know he pisses you off but...please? The house is already damp enough. Don’t want to add a walking piece of dampness to it,” she winked.

How could he refuse that face?

He sighed in defeat, “Fine! Just a few minutes more.”

She huffed and held her thumbs up at him.

--------------------------------------

Loki wasn’t a man of his word but he did keep the promise that he made to (Y/N). Sam was lying flat on his back, still soaked, but snoring softly, when he used his magic on him. Additionally, he also used his talents to make sure that his side of the bed was clean while neatly avoiding Sam’s side.

It was almost 3 AM, but sleep seemed to have abandoned Loki for good. The thundering was but only another means to keep him tossing and turning on the hard mattress.

Just as he felt like he was finally drifting off, he heard murmuring and the clank of something light from the living room. Quietly, he stepped out of the room to check on (Y/N).

He found her standing behind the couch with her hands on her hips, her back towards him. The top half of her suit was lying on the back of the couch along with her tank top and the utility belt.

Loki gaped at her form with boyish wonder: her hair was pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head, a black sports bra covered her torso, giving her a feminine yet strong look, while the leggings from her suit elegantly hugged her curves. The glow of the fire gave her an aura that Loki could identify with only something divine.

Either he had wondered something aloud or she had sensed someone because she suddenly turned on her heels, and froze. A distinct red tinted her ears and cheeks as she stood enchanted by the fire dancing in those green eyes.

Loki was the first to snap out of the trance that the rain and the fire had conspired in the room. He cleared his throat and apologised.

“I...I heard some noise, and so...came in to make sure that you’re alright. I should have knocked,” he spoke with his gaze focused on the floor.

Had it been any other team member, perhaps she wouldn’t have been so uncomfortable. But somehow the man managed to pull out all the deepest feelings inside her. That was something really unnerving.

Her hands instinctively folded in front of her chest. Shifting on her feet, she stammered, “Well, it’s my fault actually. I thought you guys had dozed off. So...didn’t bother locking the door,” the last few words were muttered under her breath, more to herself than to Loki.

“What were you doing anyway? Are you alright?” his voice was laced with genuine concern. His eyes, however, fleeted between her face and the floor.

“Ugh...it’s this back pain. It’s getting worse and worse,” she grumbled while reaching into her bag that was perched atop the couch. “I was wrestling with this,” she waved an analgesic spray in her hand, “but I guess my arms aren’t in their best shape right now.”

This time Loki looked directly at her. He took a couple of slow steps towards her.

“May I?”

“Ya, sure,” she nodded with a blush, and turned around after handing him the can.

“Right here...and here,” she pointed towards the affected areas.

She held her breath as the spray seeped into her skin.

“I’d warned you to leave that big guy for me,” Loki spoke softly as he carried on with his ministrations.

“It was fun,” she huffed, “and he had pissed me off.”

“And what about this?” Loki handed her the can.

“Part of the job,” she said as she turned to face him. “Thank you!”

“Any time!” Loki smiled.

He smiled, which was unusual because he would always be found wearing a smirk or a devilish grin or an exaggerated simper.

The awkwardness was gone. But the air was heavy with something else. It was comfortable yet overwhelming.

Loki slowly leaned forward. Her breath hitched in her throat but she did not protest. Rather, something inside her refused to protest. She liked it but was equally scared.

What Loki did made her heart swell. He reached behind her to get her tank top. Handing it to her, he turned to face away from her.

As she slipped into the garment, she wondered how somebody so arrogant and smug could be so gentle. She wanted to scream as her feelings for him reached another menacing level.

“You may turn,” she couldn’t afford more than a whisper.

Loki was beautiful, she had always observed. But the flames did something to that face, to those eyes. He really looked like a God now - mesmerizing and powerful yet gentle and loving. She felt like, at that moment, there was no way one could associate him with the title of the ‘God of Mischief’.

“Get some sleep,” Loki interrupted her thoughts, causing her to blink, “Call me if you need anything.”

“Actually, I can never sleep through a thunderstorm,” she confessed.

She no longer bothered if he’d make fun of her because something inside her heart assured her that he wouldn't, that she could confide in him her worst fears and her fanciest dreams.

“Yes, it’s rather disturbing. I’m not fond of it either.”

“Really? And I thought that you’d be quite used to it.”

“I’m used to it, yes, but not a fan of it,” he explained with a smile.

“Right,” she nodded. ‘Idiot, me!’

“So...are you going to spend the night sitting here?” he asked.

“Guess I don’t have an option,” she shrugged.

“May I join you?” The words slipped out of his lips before he could rethink about it. “If you don’t mind, that is.”

“Why would I mind? I’d love your company. A company,” she quickly tried to cover her slip up. “Not that your company is bad. It’s quite good, actually.” She sighed heavily, “Sorry, it’s probably exhaustion. Just-”

He laughed softly. “That’s okay.”

She shifted her bag to a table, and plopped down on the couch, only to feel slightly embarrassed by her own action as she observed Loki sit down gently, in a way that could have only been taught in palaces.

A few minutes passed in silence. Not an uncomfortable silence where one feels the urge to fill the space with meaningless words, but a pleasant one. Loki noticed the way she winced at each clap of thunder that landed somewhere nearby.

“My brother can be really annoying at times,” he remarked.

“Hmm? Oh!” She laughed. ”We both know that’s not your brother.”

“I can tell you it is. He’s really irritating.”

Her smile faltered as her eyes narrowed, and Loki could tell that she was doubting herself. He simply raised his brows at her.

“Trickster!” She leaned forward to hit him playfully on the arm but quickly settled back as a jolt of pain seared through her back.

“Why don’t you lie down? I’ll be right here,” Loki had lost his humour, concern etched on his features, as he gently held her arm and helped her to get comfortable.

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine by morning,” she nodded lightly. “And I’m rather enjoying this...” she gestured between the two of them, “conversation. Unless you’d like to...” She pointed to the other room where Sam was peacefully sleeping through the storm. She wondered how.

‘’He snores a lot,” Loki scrunched his nose.

Damn! All (Y/N) wanted to do was to reach up and kiss the tip of his nose.

“Yes,” she chuckled, “and pisses you off, too!”

“That, too!”

She noticed the way Loki’s lips pursed and...was it her or was he really blushing?

This time the silence was indeed uncomfortable.

“Umm,” (Y/N) cleared her throat, “About all that teasing...actually...”

“I’m sorry, I-”

“I’m sorry, it’s all becau-”

The words vanished almost as quickly as they were uttered. Each person stared at the other, thoroughly confused.

“You...were saying?” She raised a hand towards Loki.

The words seemed to be caught in his throat. “No, you go ahead.”

“Okay,” she nodded nervously and gulped. Darting her tongue between her lips, she began what looked like a confession.

“I know that Sam has been getting on your nerves lately. Others, too. I know it’s really annoying.” Her gaze hardly moved away from the flames.

Loki shifted in his seat.

“I’m sorry, it’s because of me,” she confessed.

His brows knit together as he leaned slightly forward, curiosity reeling him in.

With a fleeting glance at him, she resumed, “I may have accidentally said something during our latest girls’ night out. I was drunk, and eventually, they got to that stupid part where they were discussing guys, and they cornered me, and I...” the words rushed out like a bullet train, eventually slowing down to a whisper, “might have...well I did...slip something out.”

“Like what?”

A narrow - very narrow - ray of hope cracked through his doubts.

She observed the suspicious way in which he eyed her.

“That...that’s classified! Until...you tell me why you apologised.”

“I didn’t!” Loki tried to keep a straight face.

“Liar! And that’s a really poor one coming from the God of Lies,” her laughter came out in wisps of warm breath.

Defeated, Loki looked at his lap where his hands were fiddling with each other.

“I thought...” His hesitation only fed her curiosity. “I thought it was because of something that I had...well...confided in Thor. And him being the big-mouth that he is, he’d probably bellowed it across the compound, although he keeps denying it.”

“And...what was it that you’d confided?”

“There’s no escaping this, is there?” Loki sighed. His ears were a bright red by now.

She smiled and shook her head. It was either the dancing flames or her eyes really did dance with playfulness and curiosity.

“Please don’t get me wrong. I respect you a lot. You...your thoughts, your talents...I never meant anyone to make fun of...” He was practically stumbling through his own thoughts.

“Loki,” she held his hands in hers, “it’s okay. I trust you. I know that you’d never do anything that would hurt me.”

The sincerity in her voice and the warmth of her hands gently brought him down on stable ground. He weighed his options between telling her the truth and covering it up with a well-devised lie.

He chose to go with the truth.

What could he lose? If he really knew her, she wouldn’t misunderstand him. She wouldn’t sever their friendship. There was nothing to lose here, really, except for what he had already lost to her.

Looking into those eyes that anchored him down to Midgard, he finally spoke, “I’d told him that I...that I like you. A lot.”

A barely audible gasp escaped her throat.

When she did not flinch, he got the courage to continue, “I’d told him that I think too much about you to be considered normal. Or something like that. That I’m beginning to like Midgard, all because of you. Well, mostly because of you.

I’d asked him if this was what he felt for Jane. And I’d asked him a way out of this because...I cannot live with this odd feeling swelling up in my chest every now and then. Nor can I lose you because of anything stupid that I might have said just now.”

Neither noticed when their hands had slipped into each other’s.

“You’re not offended, are you?” he asked cautiously, searching her eyes for any sign of anger or panic, but finding none. Instead they were glistening with moisture.

‘Did I make her cry now?’ he worried.

“Sounds like the God of Chaos is going through a pretty chaotic time himself,” she chuckled.

Loki couldn’t gauge her reaction. So, he simply stared at her, speechless, waiting for her to unveil the mystery.

“At the night out,” she intertwined her fingers with his, intentionally this time, “I’d said that if I ever had to go on a romantic mission with anyone, it’d be you. I like you, too. A lot! As in, damn! You boost my heart rate every now and then. Like, right now, my insides are doing somersaults,” she chuckled nervously.

Whether it was the happiness shining on her cheeks, or it was the faint rush of blood to her face as she finally confessed her feelings, or it was simply Loki’s love for her, he did not know. But to him, she seemed to be more attractive than ever before.

‘She likes me. She likes me back. She wants to go on a romantic mission with me. She-’

“Wait, what’s a romantic mission?” he wondered aloud.

(Y/N) laughed. “Oh, it’s just a silly made-up thing. Gibberish of the drunken minds! It’s like, umm..y’know, the kind of silly plots that they show in movies? Like, where the guy and the girl are forced to stay together for safety, and all those suppressed feelings of love come flowing out...”

“Like taking shelter in an abandoned, old, rickety house on a stormy night?” Loki smirked.

“I guess so. And like staying up all night in front of the fireplace, confessing their feelings for each other? Yes. Sounds like it,” she added.

“Maybe not a silly gibberish after all.”

“Maybe not.”

“Tell me,” Loki’s voice had almost drowned to a whisper, “what happens next? Do they kiss?”

His hand moved up to gently palm her cheek. A pleasant shiver ran through her as she leaned into his touch.

“Usually they do,” she barely heard her own voice as they leaned in.

“May I?” his question fanned her lips.

“Yes, please.”

--------------------------------------

A buzz from his phone woke Sam up. Although it was pitch dark outside, the storm had ceased, leaving only a drizzle behind.

Not seeing Loki beside him, he tip-toed to the living room. The sight that he saw pulled a satisfied grin across his face.

He pulled out his phone to see the missed call, and dialled back.

“Hey Tony,” he whispered after a few seconds, “Yeah, thanks. I’ll tell them...Yep, they’re doing great. Just great! Tell the team to keep their bucks ready...Yeah, I won the bet. Oh, and tell Thor that it worked perfectly! The guy deserves a big treat.”

Putting the phone back in his pocket, he went back to bed with a large grin.

‘They’ll know when the Quinjet arrives’, he thought to himself as he turned on his side.

It was then that he noticed how clean the other side of the bed was. Although he wanted to give the sorcerer a piece of his mind, he decided against it.

‘Let them have their moment’, he thought. After all, the entire team had been waiting for this exact moment!

--------------------------------------

In the living room, oblivious to the weather outside, oblivious to Sam and his almost-interruption, Loki and (Y/N) were lost in each other.

Since the moment that their lips had connected, the world outside had become a blur, a muffled lullaby. The rain and the fire that had been witnessing them through the night, were now reflected in their kiss.

They had been looking for a home, and they had now found one when, ironically, they were forced under the roof of an old decaying house.

Loki had one hand on the nape of her neck and the other around her waist, wrapping himself as tight as possible around her. He felt like he had been thirsty for thousands of years, and had finally found water. He wasn’t letting her go. Never.

(Y/N) was seated on his lap, her legs wrapped around his slender waist, just like Loki had imagined when he had pulled her on top of him. Her hands now explored his chest and the night hidden in his hair.

They had waited for long, pined for long and now, at long last, they were on the same page. Nothing else mattered.

A whirring sound, gradually nearing the shelter, woke them up from their frenzy. It was the Quinjet, they realised with much disappointment.

“Damn!” (Y/N) breathed.

“I’d like to court you properly,” Loki whispered on her lips, his breathing erratic and heavy. “Will you allow me to?”

She rested her forehead on his, their eyes still shut.

“Of course, I will!” She whispered back, panting just as much as him. “Just for the record, you’ve already won my heart.”

A smile touched his lips. He opened his eyes. “And you have mine.”

“Ahem!”

Startled, their heads shot towards the source of the noise.

Sam was leaning on the doorframe that led to the inner room. Smugness dripped from his smile.

“Sorry to interrupt but we gotta go.”

(Y/N) jumped off Loki’s lap, and landed on the floor rather awkwardly. Loki was standing beside her in a split second. They both looked like deers caught in the headlights.

“We...uhh...it was...um...we just...” (Y/N) scratched her brain for a random explanation. Just anything!

“Were making out,” Sam grinned. “I know. I came in before to tell you that back up was on its way here, but...didn’t think it’d be appropriate to disturb you two.”

The new couple’s faces were as red as tomatoes.

“That’s okay, we’ve all been waiting for this. The way you two looked at one another...it’s a surprise that we had to wait for so long! Now, chop chop! The jet’s not gonna wait for us all night!”

As Sam walked towards the front door, Loki and (Y/N) glanced at one another.

“Let’s continue this at the compound, shall we?” Loki smirked.

“Most definitely!” she grinned.

With a chaste kiss, they gathered their belongings, and jogged towards the jet hand-in-hand, hearts racing at the prospect of the new chapter that just got started.

“Someone’s got spring in their steps,” Natasha called as they both stepped inside the jet.

“Just take us home,” (Y/N) blushed.

“That impatient? Fine!”

***

#loki #loki love #loki x reader #loki x avenger reader #avenger loki #loki kiss #loki fluff #loki confess #loki x reader fluff #loki of asgard #loki imagine #loki (marvel) #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #mcu loki #loki x reader kiss #loki x reader sweet #sam wilson #the falcon imagine #loki fanfic

[secrelty-z]

Haikyuu Boys

Playing with their hair

Paring: oikawa x reader / bokuto x reader / kenma x reader / kuroo x reader /

A/N: Kenmas was specifically for @fangirlingtrash go give her a follow and check out her stuff! Also Bokutos wasn’t that good but oh well😭

Tags: @come-on-shitty-boys @nekxrizawa @miyaniacs @h00dedhijabi

Warnings: None

Fluff

*sigh* i love this man

god i love his hair

but sis ur funny

he will NOT let you touch his hair

you’d literally have to POUNCE on him to get to his hair and touch it

ngl i feel like his hair is lowkey just the way it is. maybe he does blow dry it more but TELL ME HIS HAIR ISNT SO SOFT IN REAL LIFE

bruh that shit would feel like touching the MF CLOUDS

UGHHHHH i just wanna flatten his hair w my hand let go and see it ✨swish✨ back into place

this dudes a disney princess istg

you guys would be sitting on the couch together and you’d be like:

“Tōru?” he hummed back a response as he kept scrolling on his phone. Your boyfriend was currently sitting between your legs while you were watching a show. “Can I play with your hair?” Oikawa immediately got up, eyes wide he stared at you “Don’t you dare! We’ve talked about this! I spend precious time doing my hair!” “Oh ya?” you respond while inching closer and closer until your noses we’re almost touching. The moment Tōru tried to get up and run for it your reflexes kicked in. You grabbed onto his neck and wrapped your legs around his torso bringing him down. “NO! Y/N-CHAN GET OFF!” he was trying to get up without hurting you but you just grabbed his head and dug your nose into his hair, taking in his sent. That’s when he let out a squeal, “I’m not letting you go this time!” Tōru stopped moving, sat up and just whined while you started playing and patting his hair. Tōru fell asleep that night while you were trying to make mini braids all over his head. Let’s just say he looks adorably stupid with wavy hair.

he would want you to play with his hair

sis we’ve all seen fanart of him w his hair down

BUT JUST IMAGINE

I-

ngl don’t hate me for this but i feel like his hair wokld lowkey be damaged

...oops

THE AMOUNT OF GELLLL

after a shower would be the time do play/do his hair

blow dry it 🥺 braid it 🥺 give him pigtails 🥺 

and he’d just look at you like 🥰

gtg kms

Bokuto finished changing after his shower and plopped next to you on your shared bed. You looked up from your phone and saw how messy Bo’s hair was. You sighed and pushed his hair back, giving it a slicked-back look then resting your hand on Bokuto’s cheek. Bokuto turned his head so that he could kiss your palm and nuzzle into your hand. You couldn’t help but squeal, “BOKUTO STOP BEING SO CUTE!!” you said as you lightly pushed him. He looked at you with the cutest puppy dog eyes and just went “play with my hair.” You couldn’t say no! You guys put on your favourite show and started watching while playing with bokutos hair. Brushing it, putting it up into pigtails, he even lets you curl his hair. Once you were done he wanted to match so he tried to make your hair look the same as his, and to be honest he did a pretty decent job. You guys ended up making tiktoks and took photos together.

kenma hates it when people touch his hair 

but he really liked it when u do it 

even tho he’ll never admit it

he finds it relaxing 

but he’ll never tell u that

 his hair would be super soft 

literally like SILK

tell me im wrong

u cant 

cuz im not 

Kenma was gamming as usual and Kuroo was on call with him- as usual. He, Kuroo and some other guys were playing Call Of Duty. You were bored but you didn’t want to bother the boys. So you went and sat behind kenma quietly. He was eyeing you while trying to focus on the TV. Not saying anything as you wrapped your legs around his torso and gave him a kiss then went it for the kill. Kenma hated it when people touched his hair. So he was lowkey shook when you dug your fingers in his hair. He let out a squeak and Kuroo asked what that sound was. Turning around kenma glared at you, “that was Y/N.” It took everything in you not to laugh. Sneaky brat… Kenma thought to himself as he continued gaming. Not bothering to mute himself and tell you something, he let you do as you please wanting to know how this was going to go. You sat there happy as ever that Kenma wasn’t swatting away your hand this time. Eventually, he started relaxing and leaning back into you. When the boys ended the game Kenma took off his headset and turned to look at you. Leaning on you, but not squashing you, he rested his chin on your chest. “Do it again...,” he asked blushing while hiding his face in your chest. You almost burst. You grabbed his face and gave him an Eskimo kiss and started playing with his hair as he fell asleep.

man this man 100% wakes up and boom thats his hair for the day 

if u like playing with hair 

then you chose the wrong man 

im telling u, u cant put ur hand in his hair and be able to take ur hand back out

but if you brush it 

✨chefs kiss✨

youd just want to play with his hair and hed just keep saying 

“next time” “meh maybe later” 

then you’d get fed up 

sit him down

and do his hair 

lots of screaming

lost of ranting

lost of kuroo screaming OW THAT HURT

basically so chaotic

“Is this necessary?” Kuroo asked with a whine. “Yes, Kuroo! I can’t take it anymore” you say as you dramatically pretend to faint on Kuroo as he pushed you off him. “Fine but you better not mess up my hair” You looked at him with the most confused/disgusted look and pushed him onto the bed. He fell with a ‘Oof’ and you sat next to him. You started brushing his hair and on my lord, “Kuroo when the fuck was the last time you brushed your hair? 50 years ago?” After brushing his hair- which took 30 minutes- you started styling it. It started out as just a down look, you tried giving him a perm, begged him to shave his hair into an undercut but ended up deciding on a slicked-back look. Kuroo lowkey started admiring himself in the mirror and thought it would be fun to dress up while you were at it. He wore a suit and you wore a cutie short dress and did your hair as well. You guys started goofing off and even decided to go to McDonald’s at night while wearing your formal clothing and took pictures. It was definitely a day to remember. 

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #kuroo #kuroo tetsurō #kuroo x reader #kuroo fluff #kenma #kozume kenma #kenma x reader #kenma fluff #oikawa #oikawa toru #oikawa x reader #oikawa fluff #bokuto #kotaro bokuto #bokuto x reader #bokuto fluff #writingfreakk #haikyuu headcanons #kuroo headcanons #kenma headcanons #oikawa headcanons #bokuto headcanons

[fluffybunnyartist]

Hey!! Again I can't get enough!! I really appreciate you putting Actually time and effort into our asks! My ask! Can we get a Michael Myers (other SLASHERS) as a meaner more scary yandere?? Like just a more realistic darker version of them with a cute innocent S/O NSFW IF YOU WANT!! AGAIN NO RUSG

Hell ya!! NSFW: Blood, gore, implied sex and noncon.

MICHAEL MYERS

Whatever you did to catch this man's attention you're either one lucky bastard or one unfortunate SOB. Hes extremely possessive and in the first day of him showing you your his you'll be covered in hickies.

You can kick and scream all you want. He has you in his clutches and he needs you. You better learn how to behave. He doesnt like hurting you but will if you dont act nicely.

Friends? Murdered. Family? Pushed away. Any boyfriend/girlfriend? Killed 3 days ago. No one is allowed near you unless you're working or buying groceries. He does know when to let it go.

God forbid anyone flirt or bully you. They're tortured and killed. Only he can do that. Speaking of which his idea of flirting is stealing or murdering people for what he needs for you. That rich family down the street? Murdered and you got some nice shiny jewelry covered in blood.

Now he will wait for consent to fuck you. Hes not a complete monster and you're the only one he loves. But he will grope you, rub up against you and mark you however he pleases. When he kisses you he doesnt expect you to kiss back. Just sit back and take it. Hes still a dom but hes a bit cold. You talked to a cashier for too long and hes left you naked tied to the bed with a vibrator in for an hour.

All in all you're his little doll and hes never loved anyone like you. Just let me play with you Y/N, you'll enjoy it I promise.

JASON VOORHEES

He'd tear anyone to shreds to get to you. You remind him a bit of his mother, so sweet and kind and he wants you. He needs you. So everyone else is slaughter with blood and guts sprayed across the cabin and campgrounds as he carries you to his place.

He ties you up to a bed and a chair during the day so you can sleep at night. Hes very kind, despite slaughtering your friends. He'll treat you like a delicate bird or baby deer. Petting you softly and feeding you from his own plate.

Stay in Pamela's good graces. Mainly be nice to her boy! Dont do drugs and no escaping! If you try he wants hurt you. He'll put you into a timeout. Do it too many times and he'll bend you over his knee and spank you li km e a naughty child. So you're not in much danger.

He's very sweet to you once you get to know him but like Michael he refuses to let anyone come over or near you. He'll chase everyone away. You dont need them, Y/N! All you need is me. He loves to cuddle you. Sweet little pets and even kisses.

Hes more likely to take off the mask if you've earned his trust or promise kisses. Then he'll stay unmasked around you. But only you! He doesnt really make you work but he does appreciate if you clean house a bit.

He always makes sure to have consent before touching you any where other than your hair. He doesnt wanna upset you.

THOMAS HEWITT

Something about you caught his eye. And now here you are at dinner. With your dead friends seated on one side and the large man wearing you best friends face on the other.

Be kind. Dont insult them or itll lead to you being punished. Thomas already made clear that he wants you and he wants you alive so they wouldn't risk killing you but being forced to do hard labor and chopping your friends up for dinner isnt killing you.

He'll spoon feed you the stew made of people. And at dinner you're tied down until further notice. After that you'll be tied to Thomas's bed. He'll feel up on you and touch you no matter how much you squirm. He just cant believe a beautiful creature such as yourself is in his bed. Laying with him!

He likes to cuddle you a lot and he'll grind on you and hump you a ton. Hes never had a sexual outlet before so it's a common occurrence when he just masturbates over your naked body. He loves seeing the look on your face as he cums all over you.

He may actually fuck you without your consent. You're his right? His to take? And he loves you so much. He promises to make you feel good. Just let him in.

BUBBA SAWYER

The fact that you survived one dinner is enough for Bubba to make you his. He'll give you plenty of kisses straight off the bat. He makes sure you're fed and bathed. Usually you're tied up for these.

He doesnt talk so it hard to understand him but he likes to cuddle with you. Sometimes if you cut yourself or get cut he'll lap up the blood and sometimes he likes to bite you.

He can and will kill and eat your friends. If you try to run away or escape you leg or legs may be butchered or mutilated courtesy of Drayton telling Bubba that he needs to so you dont run away again.

Now he'll probably fuck you while you sleep or are so tired you dont know what's going on. He's not so great on consent but that's bc if his upbringing and not out of malice or need to prove your his.

Probably one of the more innocent ones and the only reason he harms you or does freaky shit is bc of his brothers. He likes to make you jewelry out of body parts or steal some from victims.

He'll have Drayton marry you too so you both can have kids together! And he wants lots of kids! He's so happy he found you!

BO SINCLAIR

You're tied up in the chair until you can behave yourself. You get bathroom breaks but only he can take you and hes right inside with you. He'll face the other way he just doesn't want you escaping.

He'll gag you if you keep making noise. He wont glue your lips together bc what if he scars them? You're his perfect little doll. He doesnt want you too injured. So stop struggling in those bindings Y/N. It wont help.

Within the first few days he'll be on top of you grinding and groping. Touching you wherever he can. He loves your body and he wants to make you feel good. Dont you wanna make him feel good too?

Hes aggressive though. He may love you but he wont hesitate to scream or yell at you if hes thinking you're acting like a bitch. Hell come back later being softer and kissing you.

He'll get you to marry him. How can you say no to him? He'll take care of you and your kids! Hes so excited to get his little nuclear family started! After the chair you'll be chained up in his room. Maybe he'll take you for a drive if your good. But hes another one to lock you down fully or cause it so you cant escape.

No he wont cut off your limbs! But maybe if you cant see the exit you wont be able to leave him. Remember even though he loves you he still gets off on your pain a bit.

VINCENT SINCLAIR

More or less Bo thought you'd be good for him and he locked you in the studio where Vincent spends all his time. At first he doesnt know what to do. He leaves you food and water and let's you use the restroom but ues not sure.... but you are really pretty.

Awkward cuddling. Usually when you're asleep he'll nuzzle up to you gently. He doesnt wanna wake you but he wants to be close to you. He'll start drawing you and soon he'll be enamoured with you.

During the day hes polite and kind and offers you things to keep yourself occupied. But at night he let's his fingers and lips wander wherever he wants. Usually you tire yourself out by crying or trying you escape. So you're really conked out by the time he starts to touch you.

He wont mutilate you if you try to escape no. He'll cripple you. He can just carry you where you need to go. He can help you with whatever you want! He can bring you food and water! You can have everything you've ever wanted! But you have to stay here with him.

#bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair #bubba saywer x reader #bubba sawyer #michael myers x reader #michael myers #jason vorhees x reader #jason voorhees #jason vorhees imagine #vincent sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair #thomas hewitt x reader #thomas hewitt #slashers #slasher x reader #slasher

[hella-gay-trash]

Your favorite non-binary dad in a towel is back.

[They/Them]

TW// Death, ED, self harm, suicide etc.

This year has been incredibly hard. Not because of the pandemic. It has only affected me in one way; my grandmother was tested positive and passed away a week later..

But I’ve been struggling a lot with the way I look and present myself. My ED got a lot worse; it’s gotten to a point that I can’t even tell anymore if it’s my physical chronic illness or if I can already call this bulimia. I’ve also began cutting myself again. I was clean for about 2 or 3 years. Now it’s just.. 2, sometimes 10 days that I can go without cutting myself. I’ve always self-harmed myself, by scratching off my skin etc. but cutting used to be something I did once a year. Not once every other day or week. I’ve also had about 4 attempts of suicide this year.. instead of 1 every year around may or june.

I’ve also stopped talking to quite a few of my friends. Two of which I personally decided to stop talking to. There’s no bad blood between us- at least not on my side. I just think it was for the better but I’m glad they got each other. A stable and healthy friendship. They deserve it. Other ones were removed from my life because they turned out to be the worst people possible and my ex best friend decided to leave me after my grandmother passed away and I was on the edge of another suicide attempt. No one is obligated to stay with me. No one. Even during a breakdown. BUT he went out and called me by my deadname and called me an awful person and so on. Everyone thinks it’s just because he was jealous of the other guy I was talking to at that time so yeah, i don’t know what happened there. It just feels so wrong because I loved him more than anyone during our friendship (platonically). But then he ended up being the person who would’ve pushed me off the edge to kms..

So yeah, this year was filled with a lot of loss. Especially through death but also by life choices.

Another thing is...: i don’t remember the last time I was sober for more than 2 days. I’ve been drinking almost every day since september. My liver is starting to struggle I think bc one day I woke up and threw up bile. So .. that’s something, I guess. Thought about staying sober until christmas but had a really shitty day later on so I only stayed sober for roughly 3 days.

Now onto some good news: i’m in a happy relationship for the first time in 3 years. It’s scary and i’m very nervous and god it’s gonna be one hell of a ride but I really wanna try to be with them. To make this last. So.. wish me luck, I guess.

#me #trigger warning #selfie #my face #queer #non binary #enby #they/them #green hair #rant

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #404

“death doesn’t answer when i cried for help”

The person you had the strongest feelings for dies, do you care? I'd be fucking devastated. It wouldn't feel real. Is there something you’re happy about at the moment? A few things. I'm still on that high of my APAP mask working, like I'm actually getting some fucking quality sleep, and I think I'm noticing the effects of my TMS therapy finally, too. My PTSD has most notably been much more bearable, and my interests are beginning to spread again. Do you want someone dead? No. Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? I mean yeah, I think that's pretty normal, even for someone without my issues. Have you ever fed or taken care of a stray animal? Oh, many times. What is something you tend to worry about? My health and future. What is something you do that is unhealthy? Sit at the computer for way too long. I'm absolutely certain my vision is as poor as it is partially because of me endlessly staring at screens. What is something you do that is good for you? I'm not afraid to prioritize my mental health. What last caused you to force a smile? I was watching a Mark video for the first time in a while and was just reminded of how much I love and appreciate that moron. What was the last video game you played? Was it fun? Because you said "video" game, I guess I'll exclude computer ones, in which case I'm pretty sure it was Silent Hill 2. Given it's one of my all-time favorite games, of course I think it's fun. It's one hell of an emotional ride. What is something not many people know about you? The fact I was a dancer for many years would probably surprise people once they have a good idea of me and what I like. What word describes your basic style? Lazy, honestly. I dress for comfort, and given that's usually just pj pants and a tank top... yeah, I don't put much effort into my clothing when I'm going most places. Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? She kinda beat around the bush, but yes. Have you ever wanted to kill yourself? On more than one occasion. If yes, what convinced you not to go through with it? Well, I did OD once, but on the other occasions, it was the fear of the unknown that deterred me. Have you ever rejected a guy, only to have him push the issue by asking “why?” and insisting that you just need to get to know him better? Omg no, thank god. I would NOT handle that well. Is there something that you believe everyone should do and you can’t believe that some people don’t do it (e.g., recycle or go to the dentist regularly)? I didn't know 'til a survey question asked it that there are people who don't brush their tongue when brushing their teeth. Like holy shit dude, there are SO many germs on your tongue, clean that shit. Regarding the last good choice (healthy choice, kind choice, selfless choice, etc.) you made, what was your real motivation behind it? Ummmm the nearest that comes to mind is I guess taking my meds? I mean I do that every single day, but it's still a healthy choice for me. The motivation was because I am very serious about doing what I can for my mental wellbeing. What is something that you have had to practice at to get the hang of it? If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay, what’s something you are currently practicing at and trying to master? I really can't think of something for the first half of the question, but I can tell you that right now I'm attempting to force a routine of applying a therapy technique called "opposite action" into my daily life, where you, well, do the exact opposite of what your depression tells you to not do. It is WAY harder than it sounds, but I'm doing it with reading 30 minutes a day! Have you ever gone to the store to buy something, like a video game, when it came out at midnight? Not to my recollection, no. Regarding the last novel you read, was there a romance included? If so, was it central to the plot? The last novel I finished, yes. It wasn't central to the plot. Have you ever done relaxation meditations or listened to relaxation guides or positive-thinking/healing recordings? No, except in therapy when different therapists wanted me to experiment with it during a session. They just don't work for me. Do you have any interests that are also often shared by children? Yeah. Those are the one I'm especially self-conscious about. there something that could be a solitary activity but you really only like to do it with other people (e.g., watching movies, playing video games, etc.)? Watching movies or TV. Are you satisfied with the interior design or decoration in your home? Or do you think it needs a total home makeover? A makeover would be nice... Is there something that you’d like to own but you can’t find it anywhere? If not, can you a remember a time when you wanted something? Did you ever end up finding it or did you eventually stop wanting it? OKAY SO I actually have seen this custom-made once long after deciding I wanted it, but it was RIDICULOUSLY expensive. There's a location in the Silent Hill games called Heaven's Night, and I'd love love LOVE to commission someone to duplicate the neon pink sign of it to hang in my room. Hopefully one day I could still do it. Who makes you smile the most? Probably my cat, honestly. What piercings do you want/have? I've talked about the piercings I have, but I'll talk about those I want. My #1 is absolutely collarbone dermals, but as I've explained a billion times, I want to lose weight so the bones are more prominent for the sake of contrast; you can't really see my collarbones now, so I just think it'd look pretty dumb and random to just have random piercings somewhere around there with no dimension. I also want way more in my ears, dermals in my back dimples also once I've lost weight, my right nostril for the dozenth time (but this time I'll wear a hoop), and while I'd absolutely adore an undereye microdermal as well, it'd be pointless with glasses. :/ What's your favorite website? KM is my pride and joy and really feels like my online home, so despite using sites like YouTube more, that 'ole RP site has to be my fave. Do you own a fish tank with fish? No. I had fish bowls (AWFUL idea) as a kid, but never tanks Do you like the movie 300? Never seen it. Do you pop your knuckles? NOOOOOOOOOOO. I absolutely hate the sound. It makes me cringe and shiver. Do you have Photoshop? Yes. It comes in the Adobe CC photography bundle I have. Do you use tinypic or photobucket? I used Photobucket back in the day. Now I just upload to imgur. What’s your favourite song from the 1980s? You're talking to someone who adores classic rock/metal, haha. How about the 1990s? There are way too many songs to choose from. Have you won anything recently? No. How often do you make Excel tables? What for? Never. What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? There was a poor fawn as roadkill on the highway recently. :/ Are you always available or online? Preeeetty much. Do you have dietary restrictions? Or do you just eat what you like? I can eat whatever. Do you prefer gold, silver or steel jewelry? Or no jewelry at all? Steel. I'm allergic to silver, and I think steel is more subtle than gold. Have you been binge-watching any shows lately? If so, what? No. If you dye your hair, do you do it yourself or go to a salon? I do it at a salon. If you have any, do you like your in-laws? I don’t have any. Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? If they had a good reason, no. Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? As a kid I did because I thought Mom was meaner to me than my siblings, lol. What’s the best physical feeling in the entire universe? ........... This question is a setup lmfao. Have you ever grown a berry bush? No. Have you done something new to your hair recently? No. It's been the same for quite a while. I wanna dye it badly. Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? I'm diagnosed with generalized and social anxiety, so yeah. I take Klonopin once and day and Ativan as needed for attacks. One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? HA, the first thing to come to mind was being noticed by Mark by making a viral (in the community, anyway) gif of he and his doggy. I shit you not, I couldn't sleep for three days lmfao. What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? That I gained fucking seven pounds in two months at my last doctor appointment. I wanted to scream. How often do you have late nights out? Never. I'm a homebody. If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? No. It would absolutely make me less productive. If you had the ability to change the weather, what would you change it to right now? Cool with a nice breeze, mostly clear skies, crisp air... That'd be nice right now. Is there something that you really need to do, but can’t seem to get motivated to do it? I say it all the time: finish decorating my room. It's funny, because I KNOW I'll feel more at home and cozy with my bedroom more personalized. Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? Paranormal Entity. The ending was... a lot. Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? Not that I can think of. .-. I hope I can achieve some... Have you ever had food poisoning? No, thank God. What are you listening to? "The Man Who Made a Monster" by Dance With the Dead. Do you think there will be a WWIII? I find it inevitable at some point down humanity's future. People are too hateful for it not to eventually. Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? Yeah. Has someone ever liked you that you never thought would? Maybe? Idk. In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Yes, in some instances. Has one of your friend’s boyfriends ever tried to cheat on them with you? Yes, when I was around 12. And I let it happen. It's one of my biggest regrets. Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse? Of course it is. Emotional abuse can cut just as deep as some physical blows, or even deeper. Do you shop at Sephora for make-up? No. Zelda: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I'm actually not into TLoZ. Do you own a rosary? I did as a kid growing up in a Catholic Sunday school. If you were homeless, how would you cope? If I had no loved ones in my life and no sign of things getting better, I'm honestly preeetty sure I'd end my life.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''under the graveyard'' by ozzy osbourne

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: I dunno how to thank you for the surprise 🎁 as it’s still giving

Liam: what’s her fave scary movie? I never did get as far as jumpscares and chill

Edie: I wish I coulda taken 🧨 to her for you, see if she melted cool too

Edie: All I know is she hasn’t learnt a single thing from any of ‘em, which is unsurprising

Edie: Curtains open? ✔️ Door unlocked? ✔️ Home alone? ✔️

Edie: She should know only virgins survive 💀

Liam: asking for it from her hairsprayed roots to her painted toenails

Liam: but I left her standing for the 6 sequels

Edie: ☢️ fumes makes it even more of a shame

Edie: and that for her, alive, but at what cost

Liam: the twins play with dolls? you could melt her lookalike for me

Edie: I knew you’d like it

Liam: I like that she thinks it was me, that I’ve ever cared

Edie: Yes, you’ve really been biding your time in the shadows 🧛‍♂️

Liam: what shadows, you’re lighting everything up 🔥🎇🎆

Edie: That’s you

Edie: literally and you know, gay shit 😳

Edie: How’d I miss you, when did you drop the box off?

Liam: when I sent you hunting, in case the gay shit was turning too hardcore

Edie: Was it?

Liam: not for me

Edie: not for me

Edie: I’ve not stopped thinking about you since we met

Edie: as you can see

Liam: numbers don’t lie, you’ll see I’ve been listening to your tracks since you sent them

Edie: If I sing loud enough will you come find me

Liam: if I don’t show up rapid enough would you lose your voice

Liam: before that happens I wanna hear the thoughts you’ve been having

Edie: If that happened, I think I could still show you

Liam: what you could do is where my thinking stops

Edie: What are you doing today

Edie: Thinking is overrated

Liam: my dad unlocked his memories of me and wants to make more

Edie: Great timing

Edie: Is he at least taking you bowling?

Edie: The single dad’s first and last idea of what to do with their kids to seem ‘fun’

Liam: was about this time last year, scrolling back

Liam: he’s taking me ⛺️

Edie: Thank God for campfires

Edie: don’t forget your 🔦 for the scary stories

Liam: and the faked found footage

Liam: don’t forget about me

Edie: It IS a great location, give him that, but I’d need an invite for top marks

Edie: I couldn’t

Edie: How are you feeling about it though, really

Liam: scary stories do start with 🚗 and you’d fit in the boot easy

Liam: how long can you hold your breath?

Edie: [send a video as you did with the staring contest]

Edie: I’ll find the nearest body of water and work on it

Liam: long enough to fool him, but I’m not gonna tell you not to play dead in your 🛁 like a killjoy

Edie: What else can I do in your absence?

Edie: we’ll be having about as good a time as each other, that’s something

Liam: to Alexis or to me

Edie: Both if I do it right

Liam: how extra she is will make up for everything I’m not

Edie: you are everything

Edie: sorry

Liam: only from behind a lens or a screen, sorry

Liam: take away the sfx and yeah, we’ll be having as good a time as each other

Edie: Are you afraid?

Liam: I’m not anything, that’s what I’m trying to get across to you

Liam: you’ve got killer eyes with so much behind them, I don’t

Edie: There’s something

Edie: here, between us, even if it’s not of us

Edie: it’s real, we should follow it ‘til it isn’t

Liam: 🦎🧠

Liam: reflex behaviours ain’t enough for someone as braindead as Lex

Liam: you’re smart

Edie: they’re enough for me

Liam: if I had anything to give you, I would

Edie: I don’t want anything

Edie: I’m not like her

Edie: Whilst you’re around, I want to be around too, that’s it

Edie: you don’t have to do or be anything, I swear

Liam: I want to want things

Liam: but I don’t have the cheat codes for 🐒🧠

Edie: However small that bit of you is, it clearly exists, to even want it at all

Edie: I have nothing to lose with trying with you

Liam: yours is massive

Edie: I’m younger, there’s time for my hope to die

Liam: I’m not letting that happen

Edie: Protect me

Edie: and let me try for you

Liam: I have nothing to lose, already lost it

Edie: has it always been like this or could you access 🐒🧠 before

Liam: my ma didn’t raise a 👶 psycho, I used to react normally to stuff

Edie: You could again then

Edie: not saying it’d be easy or any patronizing shit like that though

Liam: but are you saying you’ll help me or any gay shit like that

Edie: Yeah

Edie: don’t worry, my god complex won’t make it culty

Liam: offer it me and I’ll drink it

Edie: Going ‘round acting like my cunt is magical seems like a Lexie kind of move

Edie: Everyone else is boring, you’re not, and I’m not, if nothing else

Edie: I’ll be better company than her or KM or any other twat

Liam: it was, doing the most to make herself killable is her only move

Liam: but I couldn’t do it and you were already better company anonymously

Edie: She’s a grief thief

Edie: and I’m definitely doing more than call her next time

Liam: she don’t matter, it was never about her

Edie: no, ‘course not

Edie: it’s about you for me though

Edie: I’ll fuck up anyone you want

Liam: start with my dad and I can skip this guilt trip

Edie: Okay, let’s think

Edie: it wouldn’t take a lot, if he only manages once a year as an average

Edie: has he got a new missus?

Liam: she wasn’t his but he liked my sister more, thinking about it

Liam: not that I know about, maybe it’s how short he is

Edie: a kid that isn’t here is easier to love because there’s less to do, nothing to do now

Edie: you reckon he’d call it off for a potential hook-up then?

Edie: might be desperate

Liam: there’s no calling it off, he’s too scared of my ma still and she’s had these days circled and !!ed

Edie: She’ll fuck me up if I ruin your bonding sesh?

Edie: I could catfish her instead but how exciting can a middle-aged man ever feasibly be 🤔😒

Liam: big tesco is gone, how many other places do you wanna have to avoid

Liam: I know something else you can do for me

Edie: I’ll take my chances 👊

Edie: Go on

Liam: if you set up to record and I stream it as often as the fucked wifi will allow we can kid ourselves I’m at your window 👀

Edie: We’re definitely doing that

Edie: You have the best ideas, seriously

Edie: not knowing when you’re watching and what you’re gonna see… 🥴

Edie: mine isn’t as good but [one of the nights he’ll clearly be away like if not tonight, tomorrow or whatever] you should be able to see this comet really clear at [a time] we can watch together

Edie: I’ll take the stream outside

Liam: your idea overtakes mine by miles, I’ll lose my dad in the woods or something before then

Liam: and if he stays MIA I’ll try and call you, when you’re not busy talking to Lexie

Edie: There’ll be a pub or something nearby, failing that, find a high point and push, you can be back by the time he regains consciousness

Edie: I’ll leave her alone now, if you want

Edie: I just don’t like her for you

Liam: she’s not for me, you can have her to do what you want with until I get back

Edie: 😈

Edie: She’s not invited to that either but I’ve got some ideas

Liam: me too

Edie: Surprise or secret?

Liam: neither, I wanna spend time with you, in person

Edie: When are you back?

Liam: 4 days

Edie: 4 days, I can do that

Edie: just about

Edie: patience isn’t my strong suit but I’ve been waiting a lot longer to meet you, it feels like somehow

Liam: when he drops me off, I’m yours

Edie: You won’t regret it

Edie: Summers not over yet, there’s so much we can do

Liam: I won’t regret focusing on you instead of school either

Edie: School is a different kind of torture

Edie: at least now I can see you every day

Liam: torture walking away after I have seen you

Edie: I won’t make you

Edie: we can stick together

Liam: we will

Edie: I miss you

Edie: even though I’ve not actually met you in person yet, and you’re not gone either

Edie: still

Liam: [send her your own version of the staring contest footage like I’m going nowhere bitch]

Edie: There’s something behind them, I swear I can see it

Edie: Do you believe me?

Liam: I said I’d keep your hope alive

Edie: It’s okay if you don’t, I know my 👀 don’t deceive me

Liam: your eyes are something else, they’ll wear my zoom and pause out on this 📷

Edie: I wish I had the words to explain how you made me feel, and I could explain it so good that you could feel it back

Edie: because it feels really good

Liam: we’ve got time, for you to find words or show me without

Edie: if 🎇🎆 wasn’t so overdone

Edie: or maybe when you’re on a 🎢 the second you drop and it feels like the world has fallen out from under you and there’s nothing you can do

Liam: when you’re finally coming up after waiting twice as long as usual for the 💊 to kick in and thinking you got scammed

Edie: exactly like that, but you’ve just taken a 2nd and you know it’s going to get even more intense

Liam: I’ll hunt for 🍄 while I’m here, you trust me not to accidentally kill you, yeah?

Edie: I do

Edie: have you done lots of 🍄s?

Liam: made tea out of some but fuck all happened, they were probably from big tesco, I was younger and didn’t know anything

Edie: 😆

Edie: Me either, but more because my dad only deals in synthetic crap, not because I’m young and don’t know anything

Edie: not a total drug noob, only hold my hand if you want to

Liam: I only got them up bc my sister wanted to put a twist on the tea parties she forced me into as a 👶 I was a drug noob

Edie: How annoying they didn’t work, that would’ve been fun

Edie: maybe more for your sister than you but still

Liam: she was 💔 but it ended up being fun after I cheered her up with my 👒👙 recreation

Edie: How could that not cheer anyone 😅

Edie: when you’re back I’m gonna need to see that myself, honestly

Liam: I’m not gonna fit in the one from then, but I’ll be able to get another 👙 close match to the 👶 pic or show you the vid of us if not

Edie: I’d like to see it, I bet you were real cute kids

Liam: she was

Edie: do you have lots of videos of you guys as kids?

Liam: not really, either they didn’t want it to be like they were hoarding the happy shit for when she wasn’t here anymore, or they thought they wouldn’t have to bc there’d be loads more of it, I don’t know

Edie: Either makes sense, you’re not planning for that to happen and then I can see why you wouldn’t want to when it becomes apparent

Edie: I wish I’d known her more than just another face and name at school, she sounds cool

Liam: you can get to know her, from me picking up my first 📹 there wasn’t much that didn’t get videoed, it was how she wanted it

Edie: I respect it

Edie: and you do have a good eye, you made me look 🤩 from the most basic footage

Liam: you don’t need editing, but I was trying to show off to you

Edie: I thought you were impressive before that point, but it still worked

Edie: especially when most act like face-tuning a selfie is a great feat of skill

Liam: [a selfie facetuned to a pisstakey degree so it looks wild]

Edie: [very much imagining that pillow face filter/handsome squidward]

Edie: 😱 catfished again, gdi

Liam: this has to work, me and you meeting, I can’t rewind to before we talked as if we never have

Edie: There is no going back

Edie: It will work, we’ll make it

Liam: it gets thrown out casually and fucking constantly, but I haven’t found anyone like you before

Edie: It has to mean something that it was you, and me

Edie: it’s so improbable, and we could’ve gone our whole life living in the same place and not ever getting to know each other

Liam: it means I’m not letting go of this, it’s me and you now

Edie: I want that too, I need to

Edie: nothing else makes sense, it’s not complete, it’s not right, I don’t want it

Liam: even if I’m 🤖 I’ll be trying to override my shite programming, harder than I’ve done, to do this right

Edie: 🍄💊 aren’t the only things that can rewire us

Edie: I’m not going anywhere, I won’t leave you, even if it takes forever, even if it never happens

Edie: trying with you is better than feeling like a failure with anyone else

Liam: anyone who’s made you feel like a failure is getting worse than the Lexie treatment

Edie: we’ll make sure the school doesn’t find the hit-list 😏

Edie: it’s like, everyone is so comfortable, and they do the same boring shit every day and never get tired of it, but none of it fucking matters

Liam: 🏫🔥

Liam: I’m down to make everyone uncomfortable

Edie: They need it

Edie: not that they’ll appreciate it but that’s not the point

Edie: I wanna make you feel everything

Liam: you’re so alive, that’s the point for me

Edie: I can be that

Edie: and I can share

Liam: I wanna be a reason you are

Edie: I’m so mad at your dad, full offense

Liam: get in line, but cut in front of me so I can 👀 at you

Edie: You can do more than look when I’m really in front of you

Liam: I keep thinking about what happens if I can’t

Edie: There’s still things we can do

Edie: that only require you to want to

Edie: and you can tell me if you don’t

Liam: I don’t wanna tell you things that’ll make you feel bad

Edie: I don’t wanna make you feel bad either

Edie: or force you to do something

Liam: you won’t, I’m not 😡 at my dad for forcing me to do this instead of being there with you

Liam: block works for negative emotions too

Edie: Okay, but still, it’d make me feel bad if you felt like you were performing for me

Edie: we don’t want that

Edie: when we do meet, you control it, okay?

Edie: Do what feels right

Liam: no crap ARG acting, I can agree to not do that

Edie: Good

Edie: so, you leveled up with drugs, what about girls or did that first nightmare put you off fully

Edie: I mean like, do you hook up with people or is it all ❌

Liam: she put me off, or how desperately I could tell she wanted me to want her did, she’d touch me and nothing would happen and she’d look at me like 🥺

Edie: It’s pressure

Edie: but I don’t think any boy has met her expectations, judging by how fast she gets through them so

Liam: pressure I piled on myself in the first place, thinking about my sister and how nobody ever wanted to touch her, like it was catching or when the lad she was into wouldn’t ask her out and I asked him why and he admitted it was bc he was shitting himself she’d drop dead, so I thought I should, bc she wanted to live those cliches and fucking couldn’t, I don’t know

Edie: People are shit

Edie: they don’t do or say the right things and they can’t handle the stuff you and your sister had no choice but to

Edie: and it’s fucking unfair there’s so much stuff she wanted to do and didn’t get to

Edie: of course the weight of that is going to make that near impossible

Edie: it sounds horrible but you aren’t dying though, and neither am I

Edie: so make the list, see it through, but the pressure is off with time

Liam: r/emo teens would have a post like, we are both dying, just at a slower rate than her

Edie: 🙄 they can do one, I’m never dying

Liam: yeah, please don’t

Edie: I promise

Edie: my ma’s wife died and I can barely remember her but enough that it fucks with my head

Edie: like she was always there, and some memories I have, she would’ve been, and it’s like, fragments, if I try really hard

Edie: but it could all be made up, I don’t know

Liam: I remember her so vividly I think I know what she’d do or say if she was in memories she’s not, but do I

Liam: or am I just lying to myself bc she should be there and it’d be less shit if she was

Edie: You were close, you did know her that well, that’s obvious

Liam: maybe she’d wanna tell me I fucked it and not to do all the shit I’ve done with her name attached to it

Edie: maybe

Edie: but right or wrong you’re the one that’s here and still has to do shit

Liam: if she becomes a fragment to me I don’t wanna be here

Edie: I don’t know if it’ll happen, I don’t think so though

Edie: I was a toddler, you weren’t

Edie: you have more to keep hold of

Liam: if I live for 50 more years then I won’t, I’ll have new memories pushing out the old and outdated tech

Edie: You aren’t relying on just your 🧠

Edie: You have 📷🎞📹📼

Edie: and you can make that last forever

Liam: do you have that of your step-ma

Edie: Yeah, she was more camera-shy than my ma, but there’s still lots of it

Edie: and she’s everywhere, you know, throughout the house and stuff

Edie: memories are important but so are those more physical, tangible reminders

Liam: my ma’s kept her room but she don’t exist downstairs, as if the 🚪 is to a hidden level and you have to earn your way there 💎💰❤️

Edie: It’s good you have somewhere

Edie: and your memorial

Liam: you should meet me there, my house, on day 5

Edie: okay

Edie: 😍😸🤩

Liam: pick a time bc I’ve stolen the place

Edie: I just hope it’s a time you’re there and not just your ma because who knows how much of me will be left to come back to at that point

Liam: I’ll be there to protect you, get used to that

Edie: I’ll try my hardest but wow

Edie: Right now that still gets me so

Edie: I’ve never had this before but I love how it feels

Edie: As for a time how’s [a time so early to prove how badly and ASAP we wanna see him] or [a more socially acceptable suggestion] if not?

Liam: [soz to his mother but we are obvs picking the early af time and so soz to his dad too if it means he has to bring you back early] is cool with me

Edie: Serious?

Edie: I’ll see you then

Edie: should I wear something so your ma doesn’t hate me forreal though

Edie: 👒👗🥿

Liam: she’ll be happy I invited someone over, wear what makes you feel how you want to

Edie: 🎩🦺👙🧤🩰

Edie: Cool though, I’ll bake her something, tell me if she has any deadly allergies or hates now, like

Liam: 🚫👓🕶🥽🤿 I’d hate it

Edie: I know what you wanna see, don’t worry

Liam: everything

Edie: everything

Liam: ㊙️

Edie: 🎋

Liam: I wish you were here ​🌠​

Liam: I could be filming you instead of what’s going past the car window

Edie: definitely B-roll compared to me

Edie: but think of all the laughable monsters you can stick in the frame 🏞👹🏞

Liam: I’ll think of you laughing

Edie: I won’t use my wish on hoping you think about me then

Liam: unless there’s another specific thing you want me to imagine you doing

Edie: If I tell you now, you’ll know

Edie: you’ll have to tell me what you thought about when you get back instead

Edie: see if it came true

Liam: or I’ll show you when I get back, make it come true

Edie: that’d be a lot of wishes coming true

Liam: we’ve got a couple of weeks before summer ends

Edie: There is a lot we can do in a couple weeks

Liam: even more if we don’t waste time going back and forth between my house and yours

Edie: Another thing I can do before you get back

Edie: find somewhere to stay

Liam: you won’t even have time to feel tortured without me

Edie: and where’s the fun in that, right

Edie: you still need to hurry 😜

Liam: it’d be popular on the thread, beautiful girl in ⛓ but I’ve probably got competition enough from other lads with your tracks blowing up

Edie: you have literally no competition

Liam: I still need to hurry though 😏

Edie: only ‘cos I only want you and I’ll be lonely and bored

Edie: some of these dms could fuel an incel-gone-rogue storyline though, they wildin 😅

Liam: I’m about to subvert the cliche and make my dad turn the car round

Edie: + XP

Edie: power move on 💯

Liam: [sends her a virus or something] don’t click it, but do what you’ve gotta until it looks irresistible to the 👹

Edie: the sexy singles in MY area have prepared me for this moment

Edie: not to hit you with the 🥺 but you’re so sweet sorry

Liam: if Lexie’s denied me 🥺 off you forever, I’ll hit her with a 🔨

Edie: Tempting, very tempting

Edie: [showing him the bratz doll she’s found in some charity shop moment]

Edie: 🍀

Edie: If this works as a voodoo doll she’ll be 🥺 for the 🔨 by the end of today tbh

Liam: I’ll be 🥺 if you keep working this hard

Edie: gotta make you proud

Edie: also if I can find a way to get it into her house when I’m done fucking with it it’s game over 🤣

Liam: [tell her about some way that you sneaked in so her parents didn’t know about it when you were going out so she can use that]

Edie: [pretend we are not thinking about that lmao] 👍👍

Edie: you wouldn’t even need a ladder

Liam: don’t be upset

Edie: I’m not

Edie: you’ll sneak in my window soon

Liam: we’ll have a place of our own, just me and you

Edie: what do you want

Edie: town, country, cursed, uncursed

Liam: pick the 🏡 making you feel like you’re home and you don’t ever wanna go

Edie: 🥰

Edie: no spoilers whilst you’re away

Liam: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edie: don’t break my willpower I barely have

Edie: I wanna give you all the surprises and it might be a fixer-upper

Liam: I’ll stop testing you, I know you’re gonna pass

Edie: You don’t have to, I can take it, like

Liam: you’re gonna say no spoilers on how you’re gonna prove it and break the 🖤 I don’t have

Edie: Never

Edie: I don’t quite know what you want yet but I’ll do anything you ask, you can test that

Liam: you’ll do anything for me

Edie: I will

Edie: I’m probably not supposed to say that, right

Edie: but it’s true and you should know

Liam: abusing what you’ve said would fall into letting your hope die, which you know I’m not gonna do

Liam: you can trust I’ll keep you safe

Edie: I trust you

Liam: that’s what I want

Edie: 🌠🧚‍♀️

Edie: Does your da still live in Dubo?

Liam: Greystones

Edie: Fancy

Edie: Not going to find anything like that for us

Liam: a holiday cottage that’s empty’s easy pickings

Edie: let’s go

Edie: this place is trash

Liam: when school starts everyone’ll have gone out of them all

Liam: and most don’t change their alarm codes from the default

Edie: we’ll have the whole town to ourselves between 9-5

Edie: can we can we 😍😍

Liam: Yeah, if they’re not gonna treat them like somewhere they wanna be more than a week out of the year, why shouldn’t we

Edie: so wasteful

Edie: why would you even want that kind of money

Edie: I want what you said, somewhere that feels like home and you never wanna leave

Edie: no matter how nice the location or whatever else of anywhere else, home is still the best

Liam: it’ll be homey, how you said, things around that remind you of me and the memories we’ve made in it

Edie: It can all be real, can’t it

Liam: or pretend if you want 🏠🧸🎠🍭

Edie: I’m never opposed to pretending

Edie: it’s weird

Edie: I feel like I know what I want already but that’s a new thing

Edie: like a ⚡️ hit and everything makes sense now

Edie: maybe it’s superpowers

Liam: what else do you want

Liam: a garden to bury Lexie in and

Edie: obviously 😏

Edie: NOT a basement to bury the kids in though

Liam: they’ll be with us, getting their wellies on so they can splash in the massive puddles

Edie: and go rock pooling

Edie: and then take the dog on a massive walk so we can come home and fall asleep on the sofa in front of an old movie

Liam: you’ll be watching the movie I’ll be looking at you

Edie: but then I’ll look up at you

Liam: and we’ll both be thinking about how we’re gonna edit the footage from today bc we don’t wanna cut nothing out

Liam: except maybe the dog getting bullied by a 🦀

Edie: 🤭 save his shame at the dog park

Liam: kids’ll have no fear

Edie: all they’ll know is love and good times and fun

Liam: we should bury something other than 💀🦴 they can dig up when they’re not 👶

Edie: an actually cool time-capsule

Edie: just with all the things we want to show them, that they won’t remember, or happened before them

Edie: if we get the right storage, we could even bury the 📼s

Liam: yeah, we can do it right

Edie: why not us

Liam: we’re different, we already know it

Edie: you make different feel alright

Edie: well, better than actually but you know

Liam: if I can’t do this with you, I’ll never be able to do it, more pressure than 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 sorry, but if we’re keeping it real

Liam: this is the closest I’ve come to a rebooted 🧠 since it was fucked up

Edie: If we can’t we’ll just 💀💀

Liam: you promised you wouldn’t and I already should’ve

Edie: Then I can’t fail

Liam: you test too well

Edie: and we’ve got time

Edie: if you don’t feel it straight away

Edie: have to give me a fair chance yeah

Liam: I’m not just saying I’ll meet you bc I know you want to, that’s more of a chance than I’ve given anyone in years

Liam: and you can have all my time after if you ain’t decided you don’t want it, I’m not lying about handing it over to you either

Edie: The only way that would happen is if you were a massive disappointment

Edie: and I know you won’t be, so all I have to do is make sure I’m not

Edie: It’s going to work, I can feel it

Liam: [shows her that he’s been playing her songs over and over during this entire car journey because of course he has and also let’s pretend he’s rigged up some way of counting how often he’s watched those not blinking or breathing vids so he can show her that too bc he wants to feel something honey and he wants her to know]

Edie: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edie: I need to write you more

Liam: who sorts your shows for you, you should build on this hype

Liam: and give me a chance to see you perform live

Edie: I don’t have management, but I’ve done a lot of gigs with the same people at the same places so we kinda hook each other up, keep in the know

Edie: There is a show [a few days after his bday moment] in [a town a few over]

Edie: I weren’t sure if I could get there but we can, if you wanna see me

Liam: [deets of people he knows who might or might not be genuinely helpful for booking stuff and letting you play places cos might as well make use of all those connections boy]

Liam: cool, I’ll get us there, even if none of the @s I dropped on you go anywhere else longer term, but they should, you’re mindblowing

Liam: by next year they’ll have built a festival round you here and my dad will have to give camping a fucking rest

Edie: You’re actually incredible

Edie: No one ever takes my shit seriously

Edie: I mean family, friends, it’s just this fun thing I do to them

Edie: but you get it, there’s no alternative, I have to get this shit out, to say and show it

Edie: Only if he buys a 🎫 but he’s not getting VIP with you

Liam: I understand

Liam: nobody respects mine, which I get when there’s probably 45k off the thread running round with a camera and I ain’t got your talent with it

Edie: You do have talent though

Edie: but I respect it regardless

Edie: we have to make cool shit together

Edie: not just 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶

Liam: I’ll put together something to play behind you at the show, how long are you gonna be up there

Edie: it’s 15 if you’re lucky 10 if you’re not, so you need 5 songs prepped to go but you might only play 2 or 3

Liam: what songs, are you surprising me

Edie: [send him a list of 4 so clearly one is a surprise]

Edie: so you can compliment them with what you make

Liam: 🤩

Liam: wtf did I listen to before you hit me with your link

Liam: you’re fucking sick at this

Edie: idk but I can soundtrack your whole life now

Edie: all I can write rn is 🥰🥺 cos that’s how you’ve made me

Liam: I’m down but if we go with it you should probably have less 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶 to soundtrack the lives of

Edie: okay just one

Edie: the perfect 👶 with the perfect life

Liam: perfect bc she’s got your 👀 and 🧠 and 💓

Edie: so we might need to have two

Edie: I want them to be perfect like you

Liam: 👶👶 wouldn’t ruin you physically or musically, she can have a brother

Edie: 💕👦👧🐶🧒👱‍♀️💕

Edie: that feels good

Liam: I used to really want a 🐶 when I was younger and my ma got me one of those 🤖 ones, it's probably still barking in a box somewhere

Edie: Awh, we’ve gotta find him and free him!

Edie: I had so many weird robot toys but they’ve all been used for parts by now for sure 🤖💔

Liam: he's not been melted, gotta be some proof I felt things before

Edie: You did, you clearly did

Edie: when you talk about your sister, it shows

Liam: I'd offer to talk my dad about you and see what shows but he's too easy to trick

Liam: most people are if it stops at a convo

Edie: Not caring is more convenient

Edie: not even like people are trying to be bastards, but if they don’t know what to say or do then it’s easier to take you at that one convo and pretend

Liam: I don't remember him ever not being his own bonus level of crap, but it's like you said, nobody else is loads better

Edie: Did he stick around, when your sister got sick?

Liam: for a while, when hospital wards covered in shit like 🌞🌈🦋 wasn’t a fuck you and 👨‍⚕️👩‍⚕️ had answers he didn’t mind hearing

Edie: ‘til it got really real and really hard

Edie: gotcha

Liam: he’d show up with a 🎈 before the end so that makes it alright

Edie: 🤡 energy

Liam: ordered pennywise but charlie chalk showed

Edie: [sad clown noise voice note like womp womp]

Liam: [a video or pic of his dad like putting the tent up or something with that voice memo playing over and his eyes crossed out like miss you because bringing that detail back from when we first did these two]

Edie: [it’s a good detail, so we must, just adding some more detail like a red nose or whatever so you can have a lil back and forth here]

Liam: [add clown shoes or something boy because we love a cute back and forth, very JJ of you]

Edie: [not seeing those parallels for no reason later lmao, fully clownify this oblivious man soz not soz]

Liam: [honestly deserved I’d rather have an Ian than such a wet wipe of a person]

Edie: [tbh, wet hen]

Edie: you were not lying though, your da is so short

Liam: not lied about nothing

Edie: I’d never guess you were related

Edie: too bad for mine we look like him

Liam: I’ll ask for the 🎁 of a tube full of spit but he ain’t as happy to do what I ask as you are

Edie: Spoilsport

Liam: won’t be harder to be a better dad than him, however fucked I am

Edie: that’s the thing

Edie: it doesn’t even take that much

Edie: I could do it better now

Liam: I’d stay, even when it’s ugly or I don’t know what to do, I could make you that promise now before we’ve met

Edie: Me too

Edie: It’s like, the least you can do and loads don’t even do that

Liam: maybe I shouldn’t bother getting my 🖤 back, keep caring about nothing instead of only caring about myself

Edie: you’re not going to be like that

Edie: you weren’t before

Liam: how are you this sure

Edie: I don’t know how I just am

Liam: it’s gonna be the longest 4 days

Edie: [a timer you’ve made as you can]

Edie: 🥺

Edie: make him keep you busy, and I’ll keep busy with all the plans and surprises

Liam: I’ll keep busy thinking about finally seeing you

Edie: and watching the stream when you can

Edie: I’ll make sure it’s entertaining

Liam: let me know when you’re set up

Edie: I will, not home yet

Edie: hope my fam only embarrasses themselves in entertaining ways too if you see them

Liam: not calling you an 🚑 but I’m calling it you’ll steal every scene better than they do

Edie: 😇

Edie: I better

Liam: at most anyone else is gonna register to me as a shite ARG sound effect 👻🚪

Edie: That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about my fam

Edie: they might disagree but that can be explained away as the wind or house settling noises

Liam: you’ve got my full attention, inexplicable at first but it’s making more and more sense

Edie: 🌌

Edie: Random or fate, I want it

Liam: there's nothing to convince you of

Edie: Nope

Edie: You’re perfect

Liam: I’m buffering bc I ain’t used to it but I don’t want you to ⏸⏹

Edie: I can 0.25 speed though

Liam: don’t

Edie: I 👂 you

Liam: seriously, I’m still here when I can’t work out what to say

Edie: I’d feel if you’d gone 👻

Liam: not a feeling you've gotta get used to, I'll stick with protecting you

Edie: Promise?

Liam: I've already committed to drinking whatever you wanna pass me and a drop of your blood ain't gonna make wine taste any worse but I dunno how you're gonna deliver it

Edie: You going to your dads 🏡 at all?

Liam: if I insist we’ve got to, to check the post

Edie: then do

Edie: no need to tell me his address though 🔎

Edie: it’ll be waiting

Liam: a drop, yeah ❌🧛‍♂️

Edie: it won’t be dripping out onto the carpet

Liam: the jumpscare my dad would get isn’t worth draining you

Edie: fake 🩸 for the scares only 🤞

Liam: there’s a bigger cliche that’d make this official whenever you want, but it’d only scare off the lads in your dms

Edie: do it

Liam: [idk how teens are making shit facebook official when facebook is dead but do something so people know you’re claiming her sir]

Edie: [probably a feed photo or something on insta I imagine, which would actually make you die because now it isn’t just private so clearly it’s not just a prank, han]

Liam: [yeah and probably also commenting on whatever she’s been posting lately in a way that’s obvious you’re a thing ™️ not just a fan of the bops]

Edie: [when I’ve already had to stop you saying ily, as if that’d be the wildest thing lmao but now truly 😖 we’re deffo crying wherever we are rn]

Edie: [do the same energy back because that’s your safest bet atm]

Liam: [loving imagining everyone’s IRL and online reactions tbh]

Edie: [it’s all the drama mick]

Liam: you’ll really have to skip big tesco now like

Edie: I’ll survive

Edie: you can forage for us 🌼🌿🍄

Liam: and if any families show up I’ll check their tents for 👶🐶

Edie: I bet there will be loads of cute 🐶🐶

Liam: when pick your fave out of the photo line up I’ll grab it

Edie: make sure it’s not a biter

Edie: you aren’t allowed to bleed out either

Liam: I dunno what being careful looks like, but to come home to you unhurt I’ll try copying what my dad’s doing

Edie: 🐒 see 🐒 do

Edie: evidence please

Liam: [all I can imagine is a David style wildlife documentary so do that please, soz not soz to his dad who is never gonna see this]

Edie: [that is literally exactly what I imagined too so yes]

Liam: [if the first time she hears his voice is when he’s doing a David impression though I will kms cos I think it is]

Edie: [lmaooooooooooooo oh you guys]

Liam: [keeping it #goals before JJ even exist as a couple byeeee]

Edie: [also the way we know your phone is blowing up right now, send the funnier ones through like]

Edie: 👀

Liam: [send the one from Lexie and the one from your mum for the very different but extra energies LOL]

Edie: Is she sOoOOoOOo happy for you

Edie: not your ma, obvs

Edie: missing those hands, barely

Liam: 😱 for you, I think she’s mixed you and the twins up and you’re 9 to her

Edie: 😒 She wishes I was

Liam: my ma is 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 that’s honestly worse

Edie: I could be anyone, like

Liam: in russia

Edie: maybe she’s done some light stalking

Edie: not hard enough to find anything off-putting but enough to know I’m ‘real’ or whatever

Liam: done the ma version and asked her mates if any of their kids or kids mates know you

Edie: 🤞 no fuckers dobbed me in

Edie: prefer to make my own impressions, bad or otherwise

Liam: she don’t have many left who know what to say to her, you’ll be able to put either a good or bad word in for yourself

Edie: Did she go to any groups, during or after?

Liam: yeah, any of them gonna know you

Edie: nah

Edie: my ma did too but their timelines wouldn’t have overlapped

Edie: not saying they gotta go shop for hats right now

Liam: 🚫💍 with the 👶🐶 is it, you're gonna chuck me then

Edie: never 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Liam: she's been living in dubo since uni, she ain't gonna force us to march us down the aisle, but my ma's still northern irish enough to be pleased if we did

Edie: have you ever thought about it?

Liam: I had to when my sister brought it up, like loads of things I probably wouldn't have otherwise

Edie: You have time to think about everything important, that makes sense

Edie: what did she think about it? All the 👰💍🤵

Liam: it's on us, she couldn't think of anyone she'd accept a 💍 from

Edie: It is a pretty important part of it, when you really think about it

Edie: people who fantasize about it only think about the dress and the diamond and everyone staring at them

Edie: not the actual person they’re legally binding themselves to

Liam: she wasn't short of stares and you can wear what you want when you're dying 👑💎 everyday if you feel like it

Edie: Why not

Edie: though if you’re already sick of the stares

Liam: 👀 that weren't from a specific lad

Edie: What’s he doing now

Edie: he’d be out of school, right

Liam: [more deets than you should know or admit to knowing about this random boy years later because that's your brand]

Edie: She could do better

Liam: people are gonna be saying that about you

Edie: that you could, probably

Edie: I don’t care what they say

Liam: the lies they tell don't matter unless you think there's any truth to them

Edie: I believe you

Edie: and you say you want this

Liam: I can't do no better than you, Edie

Edie: There is no one else

Edie: even if I wasted my whole life looking from now, no one is topping you

Liam: even if you wanted to, I'm not gonna let you waste your life

Edie: I don’t

Edie: I want real and happy and you

Liam: this is real and I’ll keep you happy

Edie: I can’t wait to meet you

Edie: I don’t know how I haven’t seen you in person or heard you speak or all the things that come with it

Edie: I feel like I’ve known you forever

Liam: I should know more about you

Liam: what secrets are you keeping from the people who've known you forever, start there

Edie: Aside from the 💍👶🐶

Edie: Well, you know my dad is a dealer, yeah

Liam: I know he’s a dealer bc he’s supplied me at some raves and your dad bc people talk

Edie: Yeah, so the other’s dad is too, and they were raised together, which is like super fucked up of my ma, whatever

Edie: but if I’m getting stuff, I go to their dad and I hang out with him

Edie: he wants to be more involved, but they hate going to see him, it’s really sad

Liam: I’ve bought off him before too

Liam: don’t you wanna hang out with your dad

Edie: He’s not interested

Edie: And idk, I think my ma loved Caleb, but I don’t think she ever loved Drew

Liam: he don’t sound like he can love or be loved, anyone who could have you around and ain’t saying yeah to it is fucked

Edie: Maybe

Edie: his mum did leave him

Edie: I’d love to find her but there’s nothing to go on

Edie: Caleb is cool though, but they’d all be mad at me if they knew

Edie: Your turn

Liam: send me what there is and I’ll help you look, fresh 👀

Liam: my ma would be upset if she knew anything I’m up to

Edie: I feel that 😏

Edie: your secrets are safe with me

Edie: All I’ve got is a name, and when she was last seen, [give that info]

Edie: Maybe Caleb’s ma would know more, as she informally adopted them, but she also likes to pretend I don’t exist so

Edie: she’d not tell me

Liam: we don’t have to ask her, I’ll go round when she’s not in, see what there is to find

Edie: you’re so hot

Liam: what do you do when you’re hanging out with Caleb

Edie: smoke, usually

Edie: and ask him about when they were all kids, the cool shit they got up to

Liam: did he love your ma back

Edie: Yeah, they had the twins later so it definitely meant something

Edie: they’d probably be together but Billie’s ma had just died, it wasn’t good timing

Liam: have you ever tried to get them together again

Edie: not since I was a kid

Liam: now you’re not and you’ve got me, perfect timing for another go

Edie: you’d really help me?

Liam: yeah, you want happy and I said I’d keep you feeling it

Edie: [picture of your happy face ‘cos genuinely v overwhelmed]

Liam: [obvs put that as your phone background and show her and everyone else that it is]

Edie: [I definitely have a pic I can send you I wonder if there’s like a phone background generator ‘cos that’d be fun to do]

Liam: [oooh I hope so]

Edie: [If not we can change mine and screenshot fr though]

Liam: [unrelated but zeoob does fake tiktoks now btw so JJ and flatwhite energy will be even funnier]

Edie: [omfg, no way, gonna die]

Liam: [I haven’t found a background one yet though people be thinking I’m trying to design one for my phone, nay nay]

Edie: [yeah I don’t know how to search it either, we can just do it on mine though]

Edie: can I have a new one for mine?

Liam: [do send her one of the many pics of you I have where we’re on the grass]

Edie: I’ve never seen someone as cute as you

Liam: [send her her own pic back like HELLO look at you and this image]

Edie: you’re next level

Liam: your level but you completed it faster and unlocked more shit

Edie: [ARG where they make fake games as is a thing]

Edie: I wanna do this

Liam: so let’s do it

Edie: I’m home

Edie: just setting the stuff up and then I’ll storyboard as I stream

Edie: tune in when you can 💕

Liam: 🔁 bc you’ve said you’ll feel when I’m not