#god knows why i keep doing this to myself lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lunarharp · 9 months

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if i just told you i love you would this world change

#witch hat tag #orufrey #these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!!#i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was #some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that #like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god #aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it #ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!#I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE!#tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood.#Why do you keep pulling away from me?#It is because i love you that i do this #the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings #“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want #to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“#oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you #maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me #i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life #until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to #NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!!#........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*

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puppetmaster13u · 10 days

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Thinkin' of WOF Au for DC, but like, it's a Gothamite and Fawcett thing. (And Amity Park if crossover)

Like those are the most magical areas in the world, even if Gotham is cursed as fuck. An unspoken secret of sorts that while they present themselves as human to outsiders, they are all Very Much Not.

Which means hilariously in the league, when everyone expects Batman to be suspicious and short with the new guy- even made bets on it- they are then shooketh when both visibly relax and start talking. And half the shared complaints don't make sense!

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Now Gotham technically has no Queen, nor does Fawcett, but Batman and Captain Marvel are the closest things. Not in the traditional sense of back when they were in separate tribes (& maybe from a different dimension but shh that was millennia ago) but in the sense of, they're the ones patrolling and protecting the cities along with calling the shots in disasters.

Which does sort of change the dynamic they both have in their city. If one of them calls to arms, the city would follow them. They could declare war, and their cities (begrudgingly in Gotham's underbelly's case of strongest is in charge) would follow. And while Billy is oblivious, both Marvel-the-not-hivemind and Batman are. They know they have to be very careful.

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I'm sure we all want Nightwing Bruce but no. Bruce, like both his mother and father and father's father and so on before him, is actually an Icewing. The Waynes however, have a case of melanism running in their bloodline. Thomas Wayne? Only his quills and part of his back were darker, but Bruce? Practically pitch black scales that shadow his eyes.

Now Alfred on the other hand, is a Nightwing. No special powers there, though you would hear many a child protest with how he seems to know everything.

Commissioner Gordon is a Mudwing, big stocky and very tired, which translates to his human disguise as a large trenchcoat. He finds this very amusing. Barbara similarly, is half Mudwing. Her mother was a Hivewing, making her a hybrid between both. Which does ironically mean that Batgirl does in fact have insectoid wings. Though that does ponder the question on if they'd all go by their original vigilante names.

Dick is a Silkwing. Wingless as he watches his parents fall and unable to do anything despite this place supposedly being safe for beings like them. He grows into his own, and his wings, when they come in, are dark Gotham colors through and through, with the deep blue of the sky he's come to crave.

Jason is a hybrid between a Mudwing and a Skywing. He's also an animus- not that he knew that. He doesn't find out until he's dying, telling himself to not die, to get back to Gotham, to his dad, his family- And then he wakes up in his Coffin, alive.

Now Cass, raised to be the perfect killer, is also a hybrid, just one between a Nightwing and a Rainwing, egg set out under the moon. Which succeeds, partially. She can't straight up read minds, but combined with her talent in reading body language on both human and inhuman bodies, it's a near thing.

Tim is a Seawing, borderline abandoned by his parents who seek treasures and more wealth as he's trapped back in a city where the water is dark and poisoned. But he's Gothamite, through and through, and he adapts. Scales darker than the original blues he was born with, and glow shifting to that sickly white of the Gotham's Bats.

Now Steph, is a full-blooded Rainwing, and can in fact change her scales, but can mostly be found in purples and golds. Though for a short time she was in another set of colors, thought dead before she slithered out of the shadows older and wiser than before.

Damian is his father's son, but he's also an Al-Ghul. The not-quite dragonet is half Icewing, and half Sandwing. And struggled to adjust at first, to a place so different from his first home where the only other dragons were blood related. But like any Wayne before him, he adjusts, and he adapts.

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Billy wasn't a Beetlewing originally, and perhaps he would have hesitated if he'd known it would change him, would change his body and the last thing he had of his parents. But his friends, his Team and new family help. And he can pass as a Silkwing like their sort-of foster mother. All six of them can do so now, even if the others look more like hybrids themselves thanks to not being the Champion. They might not be, but they're his family. And that's enough.

#dc #dcu #batman au #batman #captain marvel #billy batson #gotham #wof #wings of fire #fuck it #prompts #batfamily #batfam prompts #dragons #dragon au #who knows why they can turn human or make people believe that's what they are #could be an animus thing could just be a gift from the City Spirits themselves #Gotham's no-man's land arc would be hella different me thinks #dragon cities gotta stick together after all #Billy when first seeing Batman: Oh thank fuck another dragon I keep having to stop myself from asking questions bout wtf they're talkin bou #Bat(oh god another vigilante child)man: ... Oh I understand that perfectly come to this place at this time & I can give you a powerpoint on #human stuff because if your home is anything like Gotham then humanity and aliens are a bit horn-scratching strange #Does Batman adopt Billy? No.#Billy & Co ends up similar to Barbara & Steph lol #They're not adopted but here have rooms & credit card & a college fund & anything else u or ur foster parents might need #y'know i bet martian manhunter would get along with most dragon people over the 'so how do human again'#also just in case someone wants to #dcxdp #dpxdc #also had a random idea that this could be a fun white-collar crossover

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majorpatheticcas · 8 months

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"c'mon, sweetheart. studying's for nerds."

"Consider me as a nerd for now, then."

"no can do."

"Why's that?"

"your more fun than a nerd. and it'd be a waste if we don't get some fun, doll."

"And it'd be a waste of time and effort just to pleasure ourselves. And plus, I need to study this for tomorrow."

"C'mon.. a bit of fun won't hurt."

"...Fine."

|| Second week in school and shits are getting more difficult from one subject to another lmao. And this big guy is constantly going around my mind during class hours help ||

But then suddenly I had the motivation to draw this shit sooo.. here's another one for @didderd <3 Your boy is 100% distracting me from my studies but I couldn't care less 🤌

#anywho I got lazy and didn't do the background because I just doodled it at lunch earlier today lol #I myself don't know why his always popping out of nowhere during class #but shit that god knows what I'm thinking.#I'm still working on my assignments sooo #yeah.#but I will be able to post some little drawings or doodles to keep you guys entertained!#that's it for now cuz I have 9 more assignments to finish #and I am going insane because I need to make a whole ass report #ALL BY MY FUSJBDNF SELF 😰#So take care and have a wonderful day!#don't forget to take care of yourself like how I did lol #tac #tac sans #insert self x sans #sans #sans au #didderd fanart

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that-was-anticlimactic · 4 days

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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap #bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU #lol idk why my head is so bad today #the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it #i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do #oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse #sorry guys needed to rant #the inadequacy was strong today #something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like #i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but #my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m #missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids #who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me #for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry #that felt good actually #idk what came over me #imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags #sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh #okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is

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discocactusblogs · 26 days

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🕯️

#how to keep hopeful when you feel like God's not going to give you the one thing youre hoping for #how to keep from being angry at God because you just don't see movement in your life in this one area #yet when you pray for God's will #He assures you you're where He wants you #I have never wanted this thing before and now that I'm older I find myself longing for it #It's hard to listen to my parents when their only answer to everything is “pray about it” as if I havent been doing so for years #It's hard to take their whole “be patient” speech seriously when my mom married at 21 #My dad only slightly understands but I feel like its different at the same time #I was perfectly fine in church until the Pastor told a story about a married couple and the whole church was laughing while I nearly cried #I am the only single lady in my church on top of the only single person in my age group #I'm not even sure why God gave me this desire for marriage and a family #I feel like “God why would you give me this burning desire to have a family and marriage that glorifies and honors you if you weren't going #to give me said thing?“#I'm asking God to help me enjoy being single but at the same time I feel myself starting to grow bitter and thats something I dont want.#I know not everyone is called to be married and thats what's got me messed up and angry because if I'm not called to marriage #why did He give me the desire for it? I feel like that's just cruel and I know God isn't mean or cruel #also sorry Narni for stealing the way you rant lol #I feel bad everytime I post a rant and using tags seems to work better so I don't feel so bad

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non-un-topo · 6 months

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"It's not dysphoria" I say as I write an entire assignment on my own invisible queerness and gender identity, and as I feel like tearing my skin off and crawling into a cave forever

#i love that this seems to happen every october sdfghfd #those who have been here long enough know the pattern by now #but what am i gonna do about it? nothing probably. idk maybe something when i'm 45 #i would be more okay with all this if i wasn't fucking 5'1 with the biggest girly baby eyes ever #god when cis people say 'but you're so pretty' all sad like it's a shame i'm not dolling myself up.#maybe i can pass as an 11 year old boy. and maybe passing isn't the point. but i would at least like a CRUMB.#....ah. that's why i'm so messed up rn. probably this assignment / research topic i'm choosing #and also having to keep my partner's transition a secret. it's not hard i just worry that someone in the family will find out #that's probably why i've procrastinated working on this assignment for so long lol. it's too personal.#i also had one of those days yesterday where i felt like everyone was scrutinizing me. and maybe a few old men actually were #but i mean who cares? but still can't queer people just exist without being a spectacle?#without cis people constantly trying to 'figure them out'?

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disdaidal · 8 months

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Sometimes I really kind of envy you native English speakers who make writing and posting fics seem so fucking easy. With near perfect grammar and hardly any typos. Or those of you who are capable of writing & updating your fics whenever the muse hits you just right... and not like, once in six months. Actually, try two years lol.

Whereas me, a non-native speaker, who occasionally struggles even with basic English grammar:

I'm fine. Totally.

#personal #okay so i've been writing this one piece of fiction for a while now #actually two but i've seemed to put the other one on hold for a while at least #(i may have mentioned this already like five times during the past two weeks but my point is i'm still working on it)#many thanks to @ihni who recently gave me some words of encouragement <3 and ofc @catzy88 who gave me even more insp *saatananauru*#and i'm actually really kind of enjoying it because there's no pressure to write it and post it #i write it in small sections. whenever i feel like it. giving myself enough time to plan it and think about it. even getting new ideas #and for once i'm trying not to keep editing and fixing it as i go. i just write whatever crap comes to my mind and just let it flow #i try not to think about how many mistakes and typos i make because that way i'm never gonna get it finished #but at the same time... when it's finally time to go through it #fix typos. missing words. possibly poor grammar. i know i'm just gonna hate it so fucking much lmao #but i'm really trying my best here okay. and i'm trying not to rush it. for once #because i used to write like this as a teenager. when there was nowhere really to post your original stories (thank god for that)#so i did it in my notebooks. and i quite enjoyed it doing that way #and i'm not sure why i'm even rambling this because most of you are never gonna read it anyway lol. so who gives right #but it matters to me and i'm feeling good about writing again so here i am rambling about it. no matter if you care not. so cheers mateys <

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hello-puppy · 9 months

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she asked me about my age/pet regression last night and now everything feels different and she probably thinks im gross and pitiful and she probably doesn't like me and she probably doesn't want to be around me anymore,.

why do i feel worse than when i was regressing secretly? isnt being open supposed to be a good thing? isnt vulnerability supposed to be freeing? why do i feel so disgusted with myself for coping in a way that is healthy and that helps me understand my emotions, and what kind of emotions i'm experiencing? why do i hate myself for being me? now i have to talk about when im regressing and when i'm not and i have to explain everything and now i have another thing to have anxiety over, that's actually supposed to have the opposite effect. regressing was good.... in private... without eyes, without ears, without judgement. and now i've ruined it again. i've ruined everything. everything is fucked up because of me. again, and again, and again.

#meblog #bpd #borderline personality disorder #possibly avpd #avoidant personality disorder #why do i hate myself after speaking about anything lol #agere vent #petre vent #bpd vent #avpd vent #i'm so DONE. im so done i'm so done i'ms o done.#i keep telling myself i'll never get closer to her #and yet i keep telling her about myself #because i love her #but love fucking kills me #i don't know what to do anymore.#god #please kill me #please save me from everyone and myself

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bangcakes · 2 months

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#im literally so NDJDJDJJDJDJDNDN #idk how i didnt see this b4......... but like LOL why did i think things could only develop from seeing each other in person #like if we message.... its pretty much the same as like those brief interactions we were havin anyway b4/between/after class #also.... much more doable JJDMDDJD #god i feel so....... !!!!!! fool.....#idk i think i just need to worry about it less....... things will progress still ... ya NDJDJJDJDJDJDJD #idk this is the first time im experiencing this.... so im just ???? clueless #plus like i havent wanted to keep in touch with anyone since high school. so its like. trying to do that while also having like adult #responsibilities is hard djdjdjsjkdjdj #hhhh anyway #proud of myself for coming this far lmao. thought i was broken for awhile bc i like. didnt know that you were supposed to pursue crushes #i thought it was just a fun thing JDJDJJDDJD until one of my friends in 9th grade was like oh so are you gonna make a move ???#and i was like lol wut #but now i understand. i really do. it only took 29 years LMAO GOD.#personal #wait i should clarify that my friend said that to me while we were in 9th grade JDJDJDJD the way i wrote it sounds weird

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frazzledazzlin · 1 year

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hope u guys don't mind me being a little queer sometimes and talking to myself in the tags, it helps clear my head since people can filter out rant posts easily