#god they have a million ship names idk all of them

[rosesradio]

may i ask why ppl hate caleo so much? I'm reading ToA rn so idk if it's based on stuff that happens there, but in HoO I didn't really catch anything that would make it this "don't touch with a ten foot pole" ship, yk?

/gen

Hi !! Thanks for sending this in. I feel like I and others have kinda gone through some things in the anti-caleo tag, but I'm gonna go through some of the reasons with as much textual evidence and objectivity as possible. (minus my inevitable unorganized rambles, they're contextually relevant, stop looking at me--)

That being said, this is completely a matter of opinion, as all shipping is. I don't mean to say that you are "allowed" to ship or that you're "stupid" for shipping xyz, I couldn't care less what you ship--let's all just be nice to each other.

That being said, let's start with the two most common reasons why most people dislike caleo:

1.) the age gap

2.) their "bickering to lovers" dynamic is not written well/they seem to dislike each other/etc

The easier one to start with would be the age gap. Now (warnings for rent-lowering gunshots around my blog), I meant what I said when I said I don't care about ships. Most of my beloved mutuals ship the nastiest shit imaginable, and I am very anti-censorship (but that's several other posts). I generally have preferences for healthy ships when it comes to a Fluffy Endgame (dark fics with toxic ships are different to me).

That being said, I don't typically enjoy ships with a large age gap, and most other people find them unappealing as well. I could be persuaded with some (nipollo and rachel/apollo, i'm looking at you), but caleo just kinda grosses me out in this regard, probably due to other aspects of their relationship.

(Some people say she's "mentally fifteen", but I don't really buy that--if she were like a faerie or something, maybe, but I see her more as Edward in Twilight--looks young but has wisdom beyond her years. There's no definitive answer on this so it's not something I would like to debate (none of this is lol) but I thought I would mention it anyways.)

Although your question is about ToA, I'm only going to cover HoH through the first ToA book, because I'm still reading through the ToA books (though I know the big spoilers). I know caleo takes on a bigger role in the second book so i might come back and do a part two to uh...complain about their dynamic more? lol

so, without further ado--

The House of Hades

So, this is the first impression we get of Calypso from Leo's perspective--the highlights to keep this from being 1 million years long (it still will be lol)--

"She looked maybe fifteen, about Leo's age, and, sure, she was pretty; but with that angry expression on herface she reminded Leo of every popular girl in every school he'd ever attended—the ones who made fun of him, gossiped a lot, thought they were so superior, and basically did everything they could tomake his life miserable.Leo disliked her instantly.

---

The girl clenched her fists. Leo was pretty sure she was going to march down the crater and punch him in the face.

---

"Show yourself!" the girl yelled at the sky, completely ignoring Leo. "It's not bad enough I am exiled? It's not bad enough you take away the few good heroes I'm allowed to meet? You think it's funny to send me this—this charbroiled runt of a boy to ruin my tranquility? This is NOT FUNNY! Take him back!""

--pg 213 of The House of Hades pdf.

Now, keeping in mind that I read this for the first time at 13 and he was my book boyfriend (Or Whatever), I was not a fan of this, but even now that I've grown out of that, this still rings unfavorable to me.

He compares her to his bullies, the ones who made fun of him and created insecurities within him. And, making no effort to clear her name from this association, what is one of the first things she does? Screams at the gods for sending someone so conventionally unattractive. One of Leo's biggest insecurities in the books is not being as conventionally attractive or built as the other guys in the seven. One of his other insecurities is not having a girlfriend when everyone else is coupled up. So the solution is not to have him learn self-love and/or the love of friends, but to instead give him a girlfriend--the build-up time of which is short and intense. Not only that, but his love interest insults one of his biggest insecurities.

We're off to a great start.

Of course, I can't really blame Calypso for being pissed about the wreckage and about being sent another hero instead of being freed from the island. I would be pretty pissed, too, but she still treats him pretty badly, seemingly because he's not the "right" hero.

(For this next bit I am going through their time together in House of Hades and just noting anything that rings as a red flag to me--which is not a stretch as it's pretty much every other line lol. The brackets [] add context for dialogue, the parentheses () is my commentary, though most of these speak for themselves imo)

""Oh-gee-gee-ah." The girl pronounced it slowly, as if Leo were five years old.

---

She looked like she was about to answer but stopped herself. "It doesn't matter. You'll be gone soon. You're obviously a mistake."

That was harsh, Leo thought.He'd spent enough time thinking he was a mistake—as a demigod, on this quest, in life in general. He didn't need a random crazy goddess reinforcing the idea

---

"What am I supposed to do, then? Sit in the sand dunes until I die?" [Leo asked]

"That would be fine...." The girl threw down her trowel and cursed at the sky. "Except I suppose he can't die here, can he? Zeus! This is not funny!"

---

She looked the same age as him, but he wondered how old she really was. (age gap thing, delicious!)

---

"Would you be sweet," [Calypso said], "if they laughed at you by sending another hero, but a hero who looked like—like you?"

---

"Three thousand." Leo's mouth felt tingly, like he'd just eaten Pop Rocks. "Uh, you look good for three thousand."

---

"And now...the worst insult of all. The gods mock me by sending you." [Calypso said]

Anger bubbled in Leo's stomach.Yeah, typical. If Jason were here, Calypso would fall all over him. She'd beg him to stay, but he'd be all noble about returning to his duties, and he'd leave Calypso brokenhearted. That magic raft would totally arrive for him. (heartbreaking to hear about leo's insecurities but also...he is so gay for jason jdskjfs--)

But Leo? He was the annoying guest she couldn't get rid of. She'd never fall for him, because she was totally out of his league.

---

Despite the gifts, Calypso obviously didn't want to see him. One time he poked his head inside the cave and she freaked out, yelling and throwing pots at his head. (how to treat an abuse survivor 101)

Yeah, she was definitely on Team Leo. (this honestly just reminds me of the Echo scene and, honestly, I'd ship him with Echo Big Time over calypso)

He ended up pitching a more permanent camp near the footpath, where the beach met the hills.That way he was close enough to pick up his meals, but Calypso didn't have to see him and go into a pot-throwing rage.

---

"They are completely fireproof," Calypso promised. "They'll stay clean and expand to fit you,should you ever become less scrawny." (the prev part about her repairing the clothes was actually sweet in a platonic way...could have gone without the body-shaming !)

---

Then he remembered that this annoying fifteen-year-old girl was actually the immortal daughter of a Titan."

--pages 214-227 of The House of Hades pdf

Now, at this point I'll say that their relationship actually becomes quite sweet once they get past the frankly horrible section of time where they want each other to die. They're both lonely, they come to some understanding...I suppose this is a matter of opinion, but the romance aspect does feel forced. Time is different in Ogygia so it's hard to say how long Leo was there, if I were to estimate I'd say 3 weeks, but given that it's like 19 pages (and the text is larger on the pdf copy lol), it does feel rushed. Man do I wish they went for the platonic angle, but Richard could never.

The Blood of Olympus

Everyone's favorite book! lmao.

Now that our lovebirds are in Lovebird Territory (i guess), the amount of toxicity dwindles, but let's bite:

"'Sit tight, Sunshine,' he told Calypso's picture. 'I'll get back to you, just like I promised.'

Leo could imagine her response: 'I am not waiting for you, Leo Valdez. I am not in love with you.And I certainly don't believe your foolish promises!' The thought made him smile. (I guess this is supposed to be sarcastic, but way to reintroduce the concept of her really not liking him?)"

--pg 64 of The Blood of Olympus pdf

So, most of this book has mentions of Calypso from Leo's pov, and I gotta say (forgetting entirely that this doc is supposed to at least try to be subjective)...they neutered my boy. I often don't reread past MoA because of the caleo content, though what glimpses I've seen shows that his pov has experienced a massive shift. I think having so little page time and such an intense relationship buildup causes some readers to dislike how fundamentally she alters Leo's pov.

Additionally, I've seen some posts about Leo's suicide ideation. That is not something I want to go in depth about on this post, but I did want to draw attention to this excerpt I caught:

"Now the Argo II was approaching the end of its voyage. Leo's whole life – his childhood with Tía Callida; his mother's death in that warehouse fire; his years as a foster kid; his months at Camp Half-Blood with Jason and Piper – all of it would culminate tomorrow morning in one final battle.

He opened the access panel. Festus's voice creaked over the intercom.

'Yeah, buddy,' Leo agreed. 'It's time.'

More creaking.

'I know,' Leo said. 'Together till the end?'

Festus squeaked affirmatively.

Leo checked the ancient bronze astrolabe, which was now fitted with the crystal from Ogygia. Leo could only hope it would work.

'I will get back to you, Calypso,' he muttered. 'I promised on the River Styx.'

He flipped a switch and brought the navigation device online. He set the timer for twenty-four hours.

Finally he opened the engine's ventilator line and pushed inside the vial of the physician's cure. It disappeared into the veins of the ship with a decisive thunk.

'Too late to turn back now,' Leo said.

He curled on the floor and closed his eyes, determined to enjoy the familiar hum of the engine for one last night."

--pg 224 of The Blood of Olympus pdf

I'm not going to draw any definitive conclusions on the subtext of this or his plan with the physician's cure, but I will say Leo definitely needs therapy and the support of his friends over his want of a girlfriend. (And I'd say this regardless of ships--even if it were my beloved valdangelo. If Leo's mental health isn't addressed, it just makes it seem like a lazy fix-all)

I'm not going to pretend to be the best writer or understand character arcs better than our good friend Richard, but I think one of the reasons why Leo's character arc failed in this final installment is that Leo got what he wanted instead of what he needed. The best character arcs will display what a character wants, but by the end of the journey, a character will realize what they really need.

For example, in Gravity Falls (great show btw), towards the end of the series, Mabel wants to stay in a magical bubble created as a trick by Bill Cipher so she can stay in Gravity Falls forever. In the end, however, she realizes that what she really needs is to go back home to California with her brother, where they can get through high school with the support of each other.

If Leo had undergone an arc in which he really wants a girlfriend, but later realizes he needs to love himself first, that would have been really great and nice for kids to see that they don't need a significant other to make them whole.

Additionally--surprisingly--there were no glaring red flags for the rest of this book. They have a general vibe of "she doesn't really like him and he's a silly little guy" that I feel like is just rick pulling a "can I copy your homework?" with percabeth but it came out Wrong, but that's a matter of opinion.

ToA: The Hidden Oracle

""Here you go." Leo handed her a glass of lemonade. His expression seemed darker and more anxious, as if...Ah, of course. Leo had rescued Calypso from her prison island. In doing so, Calypso had lost her powers. Leo felt responsible."

--pg 239 of The Hidden Oracle pdf

This seems like something they'd have to work through, which is possible, but also a very intense thing to put on a relationship between an already traumatized 16 year old (and his over 3000 year old girlfriend, etc.) I suppose if this was written through in a thoughtful way I'd understand, but it's kind of one of those things that makes me look at them and go...realistically, at best I see them lasting 6 months to a year.

(tbh a lot of the ships outside of percabeth don't seem to have that...well, percabeth longevity--i mean just look at how jiper broke up. not that Richard would break caleo up atp, of course...unless...)

Final Thoughts (unless I return after finishing ToA but no promises)

And so, we conclude. I think I learned some stuff by revisiting canon instead of just remaining amongst online fandom & my memory of canon. Honestly, I can see why people would like this ship--I still hate it the most out of any pjo ship, but I gotta admit it had its sweet moments. Just as I pointed out red flags and had opinions stated as subjective, other people could point out what they consider green flags and why they think the ship is great.

To conclude (my English teachers quaking in their boots rn), myself and other caleo haters dislike the ship due to the age difference, the rushed nature, and the enemies to lovers dynamic being written in a way that ultimately gives the energy that our love birds do not like each other. I hope this dive into the foundation of their relationship clarifies some of these things for you, and thanks for the ask!

#anti caleo #pjo #leo valdez #i didn't send this to my editor and think a lot into it what are you talking about #rose's asks

[witchboyjimin]

20 questions for fic writers

stole this from my best friend. if you'd also like to do it, please go for it and tag me in it huhu

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

60! which is. a lot of works but i've been posting since 2015

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

623,307. i hope to hit 1 million words by the end of 2025 >:)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

everything is kookmin these days but once upon a time i wrote other bts pairings and before that i wrote for ikon and got7 (and before that aka before ao3: exo, bap, block b, beast, harry potter, naruto, kingdom hearts....god idk there are a lot of fandoms lol)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

i like how desperate you seem (in the way you look at me) if i get in, i just might drown i glow pink in the night shine a light through the dark the moon keeps calling out to me, but i only ever hear your name

5. Do you respond to comments?

no, but i did promise myself to respond to comments again in 2024. starting with the ones left on my latest fic.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uuhhh...probably i might not make it. simply because it's an mcd fic and spoilers! jk is dead throughout the fic and the fics ends like that...

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

lol i think pretty much all of my fics end with a happy ending aka the pairing ends up together, happily in love. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

100%. lot of fandom drama involved with writing exclusively btm!jm. i've gotten anon msgs telling me to "kms", people hoping i get raped, murdered, my body never found etc etc. you name it, i've seen it. all because they hate that i write btm!jm.

i do think fandom has gotten less insane over this very recently but i am also just way less available and have a much smaller social media presence so lack of access to me has probably reduced the hate, too. plus i'm not actively part of fandom these days so people care about me less, which is great!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

it's my favourite thing to write! i do need to get back into it though...also was not aware there are types of smut? i guess the rly nasty kind rjfkndk i like pretty much most kinks/fetishes and think it's fun to explore them.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i have written three crossover fics! >:) two were bobby (ikon)/jimin and one was jaebum (got7)/jimin.

craziest one was probably oh boy, don't be shy since it's basically bobby finds jimin's dildo and then dp's jimin :D

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

multiple times.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, i used to allow translations but it got to a point where people would ask to translate and then never come back to link their translations. plus, i've had people link me to fics that were translated without my permission. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes! two of them :)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin kookmin

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

god, i have so many wips i want to write that it's always like...whatever sticks. my current wip tracker has 30 fic ideas on it. i rly want to write this mafia au but i have 2 supernatural aus i also want to write very badly...

there is also a collab fic i rly want to write with my friend bee, which i hope to finish, but idk if we will. i just rly love writing hurt/comfort jgfkd

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm very good at writing emotion. it's important to me that the reader feels and understands what my characters are feeling and feels that connection to the fic. i'm also good at writing porn for this reason. i'm also very good at worldbuilding and i will put in the research and care to ensure my worldbuilding makes sense and is as accurate as possible and failing that, as believable as possible. moreover, i am just a dedicated researcher. because i write for a korean boyband, it's important to me that i do the research into korean history, customs, current social etiquette etc. it's actually a huge pet peeve of mine to see people just make stuff up or have the fic be entirely westernised/americanised but the boys are all in korea.

i think i'm also good at consistent characterization and at pacing/flow in my work. these are both rly important to me and i've worked on them a lot over the years. i think this also lends to me being pretty good at plotting a fic out so that it's not long and drawn out or that i'm not taking the time to explore certain aspects i've introduced. balance is important!

i think i'm also pretty versatile. i can write different genres pretty easily (eg. i love writing action sequences and am good at making sure the pacing is rly fast and then slowing down when something romantic or suspenseful happens) and am good at like setting a certain vibe/tone for a fic.

finally, i am dedicated to improving. i don't think fanfic writers necessarily owe this to readers (fic writing being a hobby) but writing is really important to me and so it's important to me that i improve and challenge myself.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i need to read more! i need to expand my vocabulary and learn how to better write metaphors. my imagery could use work, my dialogue definitely needs work. i want to write my characters with a more unique voice versus everyone kind of sounding the same. i want to make sure each character has their own "quirks" the way real people do.

i need to learn to write better description, too, as i think setting can do a lot for setting the mood/tone for a fic. a lot of my short-comings just come down to me reading too little so i need to read more and i need to dissect my favourite fics and books and pinpoint what i found compelling about them.

i also need to challenge myself to write more plot-heavy fics and to be unafraid to write characters who are unlikable or appear irredeemable. i want to write fic that has one main plot but a million little subplots and i want all of these things to come together coherently. i want my work to explore themes that are important to me!

i don't care so much about grammar but probably, i need to get better at that too haha

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

since i write fic for bangtan who are korean, i don't think it's ever necessary to write dialogue in another language. it comes across as cringey (derogatory) and borders on racist imo

19. First fandom you wrote for?

uh, beyblade? lolololol

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

i think it's my favourite rn because i just finished writing it lol but sorry about the blood in your mouth (i wish it were mine)

i am also very fond of i thought he remembered me; he took me back so tenderly because i love writing space aus! sci-fi is one of my fav genres!

#writing memes #this is just for me lol

[jaggededges123]

20 questions writer meme.

Thanks @snarkivistfic for tagging me!! i really love doing these <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

208! on this account XD all of my answers will be for this ao3 account.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

477,998. i'll hit 500k by the end of niecest weekend <3

3. What fandoms do you write for?

well, right now, mainly mdzs and a little bit for ace attorney. i've been known to write for arcane, and a little for svsss and star trek snw. everything else is for assorted various fandoms as the whims come and go, but those are the main ones.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Punishment Most Sweet, niecest pwp 2.2k.

Too Close for Comfort, niecest pwp 4.9k, for the love of god read the tags before diving in.

Iridescent, smutty and romantic niecest longfic, featuring canon divergence right from the very start! it's 109k.

Prey, niecest (and nhs/tentacles) pwp 6.7k. once again, if you get squeamish, read the tags first.

Any Other Name, niecest omegaverse pwp with bitching and bottom nmj, 6.9k.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

absolutely! i always do unless it's a hate comment or something like that. i really love getting to interact with people who love the same characters i do; tbh it's one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic in the first place.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Final Entry. i genuinely cried while writing it and i have a secret, alternate ending stashed away just for me because it was so difficult to handle at times.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think that the one that has the most uncomplicated happy ending is A Thousand Ways to Say I Love You, tbh. most of my fics end happily though, in varying degrees. it's because i'm a sap XD

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not usually! i have a few times, but it's not very common for me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

over half of my fics include smut, and it's of various kinds. i am a creature that thrives on variety, so it's difficult for me to do one thing over and over again. i have some things i won't write, but even things i'm very neutral towards or even mildly squicked by, i'll usually still give them a go at least once.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i haven't posted one yet, though i've had a disco elysium/mdzs crossover in mind for probably a year now? idk if i'll ever get to writing it because i'm too intimidated to write disco elysium fic, but the vibes are good for myself at least.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! once again, it's Final Entry, translated into Chinese. i nearly cried when the translator asked to, it was so sweet 😭💖

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! when i was young i tried to write with someone else a few times and it really didn't go well, but now i don't think i would be opposed to the idea. it seems a little difficult, because of writing speeds and styles and everything else, but if someone wanted to try with me then i'd probably be game.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

well, okay. i think empirically, i have to say that it is niecest. i've never written this many fics for a ship before ever. honorable mentions to xisang, which anchored me into the mdzs fandom, and miamaya from ace attorney which is my most recent obsession.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

well, i have about a million wips, and so it's unrealistic to think that i would ever be able to finish them all. but on my other account i have a xisang modern au that's just told through poetry written by nhs, which i hope to finish someday but the "write poetry" juice is not terribly common for me, alas. i don't think i'll ever finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think internal monologues are my biggest strength when writing. it's certainly the part that i enjoy the most, and i think that definitely shows through even after i've edited it all. also, i think i'm pretty good at smut tbh, and at turning smut into opportunities to showcase where the character(s) is(are) at emotionally. and... writing very long sentences XD

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue 👍 which is fucking hilarious because when i was a teen, i could write dialogue all day long and it was my favorite part of the process. but now it's nearly always like pulling teeth, and i'm often not satisfied with it even when i'm done.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i think the only language i'd feel comfortable doing that for, if it were more than just a word here or there, is Spanish. i love seeing it in fic though, when i'm reading! but yeah, i'm just not enough of a polyglot to feel comfortable pulling it off myself, generally.

with mdzs/untamed fanfic, i operate under the assumption that the characters are all speaking Mandarin Chinese unless otherwise specified, so i'll use a specific dialogue tag if it's important that they're speaking in another language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the ranger's apprentice series--i loved it when i was younger. none of the fanfic remains, unfortunately. when i was a young adult i got embarrassed by what i'd written for it and burned the notebook holding my earliest fanfic, and then through the internet i've lost another long one that was for that same series and universe. i still have an original novel i wrote that was loosely based on that fanfic, though.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

i think... for now, it's still Iridescent. that might change with my next longfic, but since it's currently my only very long fanfic that's finished, it's difficult not to be attached to it.

thanks so much for tagging me again, snarkivist! this was really, really fun <333

as for who i'll tag, i think it will be @foxyyaoguai, @kaz3313, and @monroeknoxwrites. you don't have to do it if you don't want to, and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it, feel free to put me down as having tagged you! i'd be delighted to see your answers!

#tag game #long post #coffee fic feed #i guess it counts? #i really love doing these 🥰

[semi-imaginary-place]

rewatching stampede and yeah glad to see that in every trigun iteration time isn't real. Elendira was there as a child when rolo began being experimented on which was 25 years ish before the present. Vash and knives grew like 10 years in a year but elendira has been stuck as a child for decades. Nico-chan gained years in months and idk about his lifespan now. And roll is plausibly his chronological age he's chronologically at least 35.

Info on vash is above luida's clearance level. And to her knowledge plants are clones from an original cell. Independants are birthed from other plants. Its like f2 hybrids

i still hold by that Plants were probably a result of human experimentation (Luida comments that vash's dna is mostly human though that's not saying much since most of human dna is the exact same as banana dna), but conrad at least doesn't seem to know how plants were created from humans given he's spent all the time since the crash trying to recreate independent plants, or give humans Plants' self sustainability.

Forgot elendira is from the study of clones, one in a series. So the one that met Rolo might have been a different clone/experiment than the one met at the end on season 1. That said conrad implies that the surgical experiments to modify existing humans preceded (to some extent, again rolo and the elendira look alike) the clone series so who knows how old livio and nico-chan are. Once again time is fake.

Ah back to the impregnation imagery. In maximum this was largely centered around knives, him burst from a Plant's primary abdomen in his "revival" the way the earth fleet independent was colonized by tendrils. In Stampede that imagery in centered around Vash instead. Knives and Conrad want to inject souls inside of plants. This is done by Knives connecting/stabbing Vash which sends out roots/tentacles which pierce the other plants abdomens and cause them to swell up like a pregnant person. Also the whole vaginal penetration and egg and sperm imagery with the gate and core while flowers bloom on a giant woman made of their combined powers.

Knives was searching the ship logs because he had a suspicion Rem was hiding something and found Tesl but given Rem was a navigator I wonder when she found out about Tesla. In Maximum I think it's likely Conrad told her when he found out about the twins.

Kni is so stupid all he had to do was pet vash on the head a bit and say he did a god job and vash would have been eating out of the palm of his hand.

Also I was paying attention to the gun shots this time and yeah Vash shoots his gun like 4 times at non-Knives targets and then is emptying barrel after barrel on Knives the few times they meet.

Millions knives, thousands forks, hundreds spoons. Conrad picks up teen(?) kni like a stray kitten off the street. Kid proceeds to name himself millions knives and vow genocide and then starts a cult. Conrad deals with so much.

Thinking about how (to him at least) knives was betrayed and abandoned by the two people he loved most

#Trigun

[howldean]

aren't fans kinda doing exactly what that article was talking about now to jensen? like we've literally been down this road before, shouldn't we kind of all know better than to project onto these dudes? especially when he has never labeled himself as queer and has been called het by his friends, + referred to the queer community as "that community" -- idk, it just seems like people setting themselves AND jensen up unnecessarily

i have absolutely no idea why i of all people have been by some force of god, nature, or reason, deemed the best and most qualified person to answer this question but ill roll with it

i don’t really give a shit. and to what degree it can be considered projection when these guys make a Living putting themselves in Situations. eh. but in regards to “that community” if jackles is homophobic still he does a GREAT job of hiding it because he gave me a genuine smile when i told him my name is dean and patted me on the back in a one of the guys way. so really eh. sparkle on jackles it’s wednesday don’t forget to be yourself. keeps talking anyway

first of all i think that everyone should get to do whatever they want forever until the end of time. second of all i think that to some extent by being not only an actor but actively engaged with your fandom you open the door to people being parasocial freaks about you. if you have boundaries, you’re a multimillionaire who goes to golf opens in hawaii who owns a half million dollar stove you can tell people they’re making you uncomfy. it’s also the nature of the acting celebrity experience to be host to speculation about who you’re with. it’s no one’s business but yours, and i think people waste a lot of time infighting about how much thirsting or speculation is allowed. if you don’t like shipping real people then don’t be around people who do and if you do then there’s this wonderful thing called ao3 i think you’re gonna enjoy.

let’s also acknowledge that this is welcoming discourse through a fucking buzzfeed article. we’re not exactly scholars here. be serious

in terms of homophobic jackles allegations, people have been DYING to know if that man is queer since his twink days. not for nothin but literally back to his soap times he’s mentioned being comfortable with the idea of playing a gay character. however he is also a cis white man from texas with a father who thinks drinking out of straws is gay. of course he’s a little homophobic, that’s what cyberbullying is for. but also people can grow and change and i really don’t think that proves things one way or another as internalized homophobia exists AND a shift in language is good and ideal regardless. so if he wants to platonically kiss his male bestie and get stage boners from him and call him his and his wife’s boyfriend and *gestures to the manifesto* then that’s literally his prerogative. and if he thinks he’s doing some bruce springsteen clarence clemons shit then a) how dare he and b) he needs to be put down c) you will NEVER be them. you work for the cw

ultimately, i really don’t mind regardless. if he’s straight congrats. if the j2 love tunnel beard wife theory is correct what the actual fuck but congrats to you guys i guess. if some jenmisheel throuple situation is happening congrats. but i don’t waste time overthinking the ethics of behavior that people online engage in. i personally believe that no one should be forced or pushed to disclose their identity if they don’t want to. but if something ever is said in any given manner i know that im going to have a WONDERFUL time on the internet about it

this is not a comprehensive Statement in any way, just some current thoughts. it’s past midnight and i’m not bothering to proofread

#2024 and we’re still asking this shit like actually?? #literally my personal experience and the way he treated me as a trans man named after a fictional character matters so much more to me than #speculating if his nail art makes him fruity. who gives a shit #answering asks

[shiningnikki-addicted]

my sn opinions, bcuz I need to share 'em

A LOT OF SPOILERS Dodora is getting way too much sets Nikki is too cherished by everyone - the player is the god, not Nikki MOMO IS NOT A CAT RAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEUGH *growling noises*/satire we need to have some designing lessons in sn, because I want to be a designer in future, but I don't know how to design :') Qin Yi is the worst character, he was being sus in (also he was in a SECT) the cloud-water visitor event (which is not canon, luckily) and he was just weird all the time + he was k1ll1ng (censored, bc tumblr would be mad), Nightbane did it as well, but he at least didn't take away a life of a LITERAL FISH (also from what I heard, Qin Yi k1ll3d his goldfish when he was 10yo, Idk really) Desire is NOT Lilith's mother (I saw many people saying that she is like her mother and Nightbane is like her father), Nightbane did create Lilith/Ashley (he abandoned her/them tho) and Desire "created" Nightbane, not Lilith (also Desire wasn't in a relationship with her creation (sorry, I don't want to write his name for million times daily), she wasn't in a relationship with anyone, she only tried to seduce Leonid) Aeon x Loen is a mid (AVERAGE, NOT BAD) ship, Aeon x Modric would make more sense Lilith x Mercury is a proship, since Lilith is not adult thanks yall for reading that lol

#shining nikki #shining nikki spoilers

[coyotevallie]

normal oak for the ask game mayhaps 👀 (or myabe cecil kanagawa,.)

I LOVE TUEM BOTH SM SO IM GONNA DO THEM BOTH :D!!!!!

fav thing about normal: ohhhhh my God just the entirety of his relationship to the doodler . its just so poetic and good and complex and i dant wait for them to do more w it (NOW THAT IVE GINALLY CAUGHT UP WAHOO!!!!! FINISHED EP 26 THIS MORNING!!!!!!)

fav thing about cecil: oh hes just so pathetic and stupid and whiny i love him . i love when trans guys suck and are the worst and nobody likes them . i love how suckydummystupid he is ❤️

least fav thing about normal: unsure . probably the vomiting early on that grossed me out a little . cant homd it against my babygirl tho

least fav thing abt cecil: HE HAS SOOOO MUCH CHARACTER POTENTIAL AND THEY DID JUST ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN IT . WHAT A SOCIETY WE LIVE IN TODAY

favorite normal line: oh thats hard . probably Objectively jrs we have to help it but he has so many funny lines

fav cecil line: "Revenge? Never! Why, Junebug, you’re my closest friend!

Well, second-closest, after…

(SNIFFLING)

after… Daddy…" i love when men go sniffle snif aheem aheem awhimper

fav normal friendship: i think his frienship w scary is so fun and silly foreva

fav cecil friendship: i honestly just really like his sibling relationship w cass (: i think its real interesting . also i like hcing that hes queerplatonic with nova and that hed be friends w rita

fav normal ship: i am an oakworthy ride or die ❤️ they remind me of me and the gf

fav cecil ship: i think him and juno have something going on that needs to be addressed

worst normal ship: idk i havent seen any that bothered me . im not that far in the fandom tho

worst cecil ship: not the worst ship per se more like worst Ship Portrayal but when ppl write porn w him and juno but make their age gap like fifty million years i get annoyed

random normal hc: he has an ant farm and he tried to name all the ants but couldnt tell them apart and got really sad about it

random cecil hc: he has a croptop labcoat that is like SO useless . this boy is NOT!!!!!! following lab safety regulations

unpopular normal opinion: idk what the norm opinions are ......

unpopular cecil opinion: jokes abt him and min are unfunny actually

song i associate w normal: like any oh hellos song . it just seems like his vibe

song i associate w cecil: death by glamour hearts

wahooiey

[classicstupid-tom]

you can really tell im gay

anyway fhdhdhd hero costumes!!! wowie!!! i didnt have anyone to model todoroki for me and i wanted them to be together so!! thought might as well make him look accurate!! (yes I photoshopped his hair lol)

#ill take better pictures in 20 years when my bf gets a switch and he can model for me #animal crossing #animal crossing new horizons #acnh #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #bnha #todoroki shouto #todoroki shoto #izuku midoriya #deku #tododeku #todoizu #god they have a million ship names idk all of them #my animal crossing clothes #acnh clothes #qr code

[theslowesthnery]

i don’t rly understand what you mean by problematic.. like you enjoy something in fiction but not when it’s real, but what exactly is it??

i would like to know why exactly you feel entitled to that information. like you want me to list every single thing that i like that contains things that are not good or acceptable in real life?

fine, okay

- naruto. i don't approve of child soldiers.

- fullmetal alchemist. again, child soldiers.

- gunsmith cats. not a fan of the author's clear love for lolis - "legal" (read: over 18) or otherwise.

- hades. i don't approve of abusive parents, and there are many things in greek mythology that are not okay in real life: incest, rape, pedophilia, bestiality and infanticide to name a few

- tekken and soul calibur. i don't actually like real-life violence, and i'm not a huge fan of the ridiculous, over-sexualized outfits of the female characters.

- dead by daylight. do i even have to say what all in this game is not okay in real life?

- marvel comics. ...actually beta ray bill is perfect and has done nothing wrong in his life.

- legend of korra book 1. terrorism is not actually good, and neither is oppression and brushing aside the concerns of oppressed minorities because they dared to criticize you. cheating on your significant other and then acting like none of it was your fault and not even apologizing is not good. telling your brother to not be interested in a girl because you're interested in her but have no intention of actually dating her (because you already have a girlfriend) is shitty. threatening to burn someone's face off is really bad actually. literally everything that mako does in book 1 is shown in either positive or neutral light and i agree with none of it lmao.

- transformers MTMTE. there's violence, there's characters making questionable decisions and generally not being black-and-white good or evil.

- manifest destiny (comic series by image comics). colonizing a continent is not good. murdering an entire tribe (and possibly species) of sentient bird-people is not okay. conspiring to sacrifice an infant to some sort of evil god is not okay.

- shigurui. i don't approve of literally anything in this manga lol don't read it it's horrible and soul-crushing.

- blade of the immortal. the author has a thing for torturing (fictional) women, and it becomes apparent as the series goes on.

- fatal frame games. i don't support sacrificing people, even though the characters in these games had very good reasons for it, it's not like they were doing it for laughs.

- silent hill 2 & 3. please don't make me list everything in these games that is not okay in real life.

- outlast 1 & whistleblower. bro

- final fantasy 9. i'm getting tired.

- undertale. besides the things that are obviously bad and shown in a bad light? idk my brain's not working anymore.

- deltarune. ditto.

- soul reaver 1, 2 and legacy of kain: defiance. all the characters in these games have very grey morality and do questionable things sometimes for good reasons, sometimes for bad reasons (sometimes intentionally, sometimes unknowingly). a character who's presented as a villain in one game is presented as an ally in the next, and a character who acts as your ally in one point might be an enemy later. you have to confront the fact that the past self you idolized was actually a piece of shit and kill them, and not in a metaphorical sense.

- bloodborne. i don't approve of using the blood of some random "god" you discovered in a labyrinth underground to start a religion. don't murder entire villages. don't do human experiments.

- okami. i really don't like the lecher character type, so i'm not a huge fan of issun. but amaterasu is a perfect protagonist that does nothing wrong.

- tera. i like the elin race (they're so fucking adorable), but i don't like the sexualization of them. the game also suffers from a VERY bad case of bikini-armour for female characters (the castanic race has it particularly bad), and i think it's kinda gross.

i know there are more things that i like (tv shows and movies for example) but i can't be arsed to list anymore.

for tropes and stuff, i like hurt/comfort and whump A LOT. i like drawing my favourite characters hurt, bruised and bleeding, i don't know why. i like angst. i like the BDSM aesthetic, and like drawing (or just thinking of) my favourite characters in bondage, and since a lot of the anti rhetoric comes from radfems and swerfs, they think that those things - and kink stuff in general - are Normalizing and Romanticizing abuse and rape.

oh yeah, and i like M/M ships even though i'm not MLM myself, which means i'm a fetishizer. also i have M/F ships, which means i'm homophobic.

i like ships with size differences: deunan and briareos, sans and toriel, cyclonus and tailgate, asterius and theseus have the biggest size differences, and some antis say that that's normalizing and romanticizing pedophilia. some of my ships also have age gaps: deunan and briareos have one of 9 years, sans and toriel's is not officially known but i headcanon it to be decades if not centuries, kakuzu and hidan have an age difference of about sixty years if i remember correctly (can't be arsed to check), cyclonus and tailgate have a practical age difference of a million years, and asterius and theseus have this interesting situation where most people (myself included) headcanon them as having been about the same age when theseus killed asterius, after which theseus went on to live for at least a few decades more before dying, so in the afterlife theseus is quite a bit older than asterius. and again, age gaps of more than like three years are pedophilia according to antis.

also asterius and theseus are like. the quintessential enemies-to-lovers ship - theseus killed asterius for crying out loud! kakuzu and hidan kinda hate each other (though they do, on some level, also care about each other). cyclonus and tailgate did NOT have a good start. amon bloodbent the lieutenant in the finale of legend of korra book 1. so sometimes i like messy ships, or ships that didn't have the best start. which, y'know, is normalizing and romanticizing abuse.

is that good enough?

#fandom discourse cw #shipping discourse cw #anti discourse cw #fucking spanish inquisition over fandom stuff and fictional interests

[bonky-n-steeb]

𝐵𝑅𝐸𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐸

𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝙾𝙽𝙴

𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙆!𝘽𝙐𝘾𝙆𝙔 𝘽𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙀𝙎 𝙭 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍 | 𝙈𝙊𝘽!𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙑𝙀 𝙍𝙊𝙂𝙀𝙍𝙎 𝙓 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍

𝗦𝗨𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬: Your life is as good as it gets. The perfect husband, the perfect daughter, the perfect job. But what you are unaware is that your husband is a deadly assassin and your long-lost friend, now a fearsome mob boss is hell bent on getting you back. But what you don’t know can't hurt you, right?

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦: psychological disorder, PTSD, domestic abuse, yandere, obsession, violence, cursing. If you find any of this triggering please DNI. Also inform me if I left something out.

ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇᴛᴀ ʀᴇᴀᴅ, sᴏ ᴀʟʟ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴀʀᴇ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ

Oh, lawd! i have to post everything again! Send me all your energy. If you wanna be tagged, just inform me!

Also, I’ll be changing the story by a little, (or by a lot, idk) from my previous version.

You were feeling like John Travolta from the music video of Stayin’ Alive. Vibing to your own rhythm, living your own freedom. Attending college miles away from your hometown, you were the captain of your ship. Though you loved your parents more than anything, you were glad for the freedom granted upon you.

Your Freshmen year had just begun and you had already made a few friends. But what you didn’t want to accept just yet was your crush on one of them, Bucky. With his steely blue eyes and boyish charm, even a goddess might fall for him, and you were just a mortal. You were simply happy with being friends as you believed he would never like you and well, a little crush never hurt nobody.  

Completing your shift in a local bookstore, just outside the campus, you were walking back, lost in your own thoughts. What caught your attention was a group of howling high schoolers; from the look of it, they were barely a year to two younger than you. A group of tall and popular kids were bullying a skinny, helpless dude; ufff the usual cliché you thought to yourself. What you failed to notice though was his bleeding nose.  

You were a kind soul, always helping others, but you were no fool. All alone in an unknown town, you weren't going to confront the burly teens who were twice your own size. After giggling and cracking some stupid jokes on the poor dude trying to impress a girl, they left him and that’s when you noticed all the blood. You quickly crossed the road and walked towards him. He seemed smaller than he was as he was crouching down and trying to rub all the blood.

“Hey! Pinch your nose, don’t disturb it by rubbing.” you said while bending down. “Uhh, okay... thanks!” he looked at you with big doe eyes and you were utterly mesmerized by the blue oceans he had for his eyes. “Do you.. Do you need something else kid? Where do you live?” you asked giving him a candy and your water bottle. “I’m no kid!” he exclaimed and you flinched.  

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. You are helping me and here I am shouting at you.” You could clearly see remorse in his eyes and you wondered why would someone hurt him? “yeah, yeah.. It's Okay... now have this candy, the sugar will help you feel better.” you said with a soft smile. “thank you so much... and by the way I live two streets across. I mean I can go by myself, I'm a grown-up.. But...” he trailed off and you helped him get up.

“I’m Steve” he tried his best to smile and you followed by sharing your own name. And with that his chatter train began, he explained that he was just trying to help another girl getting bullied, when the bullies decided to change their target and chase Steve instead.

“you should wear your own mask first and then help others wear theirs.” you quipped and instantly bit your tongue. “Hmm, what?” he asked genuinely curious. “what I meant is that you did what is correct and very brave, but sometimes you gotta think for yourself too. But these are just my thoughts.” you shrugged. “I’ll remember that.” he said with a genuine expression. And after a million thank yous he finally went in his house. By the size of his house, he seemed rich and you wondered maybe this wasn't that cliché.  

☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎

The next day, you were walking back the same road, when you thought of Steve. He really was a kind and sweet person. This world needed more of people like him. And just then you saw him smiling brightly and waving at you, his nose bandaged. He had a huge box in his hand.

“Heyyyyy! Thank you for helping me yesterday. So I just... kinda got this as a ... a token of appreciation. I considered you might like donuts, so I got you this.” He said rubbing his nape. His cheeks had become so red he looked like a ripe tomato. “well, if you haven’t already given me diabetes by saying so many thank yous, after eating sooo many donuts I’ll surely get it.” At that you both chuckled and the atmosphere became lighter. As you picked a donut, he looked at you with such admiration you thought you would melt then and there.

Suddenly with a stern expression you asked “what if it’s drugged?” His eyes widened and he stuttered, “I... I would never do that ...” he looked down and you thought he might cry. “hey waittt.. don’t get so sad.. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I was just joking. I have this really bad habit of saying things when I shouldn’t. God I just ruined everything.” You just made a mental note not to joke around him, he seemed to be quite emotional. Though it was going to be difficult to tame your tongue. “don’t be. I just take things too literally.... anyway let’s have some donuts what say?” He said with such shine in his eyes you wondered whether he was sad just a moment before.

You both walked up to your university campus, munching on donuts. You both shared things about yourselves. You told him how you were passionate in becoming a doctor. He on the other hand talked about his struggles in studying. “will you help me? You are so smart and bright, will you help me study if I have a doubt or something?” he asked giving his big doe eyes.

You weren’t going to agree at first, you had just met him a day ago. But after looking in those calm blue pools of his eyes you agreed. Seeing the joy on his face, you wondered whether he just won an Oscar.

What you didn’t know was that Steve had already fallen in love with you, yes love, he was convinced that you were the one for him, his one true love. Not a moment had he been able to think of anything but you since he had met you. You were everything he needed and wanted and much more. He was simply desperate to spend more time with you.

☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎

It had been around six months since you met Steve. Over the time you two had turned out to be best friends. While Steve had fallen even more in love with you, you had fallen hopelessly in love with bucky. While you always told bucky about Steve and vice versa, you never confessed to Steve about your love for Bucky, thus furthermore increasing his hopes. You desperately wished to make Steve and Bucky meet. They were two important people in your life and you more than anything wished that they got together well.  

Today was the day when you decided to arrange a small meet and greet at the park where you and Steve met every day. You and Bucky walked together towards the tree where you usually sat with Steve waiting there for you. You knew both would like each other, but somewhere deep within your gut you were getting a not-so good feeling about this.  

Steve’s eyes lit up seeing you but as they turned to Bucky, it felt as if all the energy had been sucked out of him. You didn’t like that one bit. “Bucky!?” Steve exclaimed in half disappointment and half fear. “You both... you both know each other?” you ask bewildered. You tried chuckling to lighten the mood but by the looks of it they were sworn enemies, but you prayed that you were wrong. “yeah, we know each other a little too well... Uh... We were good friends once.” Steve quietly admitted.

All this time Bucky had his jaw clenched, dragging in a deep breath he began. “I knew it! I knew it would be you, you little fucker! You want to have everything don’t you? Goddammit! I had this feeling it was you but I thought it was too much of a coincidence, but no. fate had to be so cruel.” you were shocked to see Bucky's sudden outburst. You wondered what conspired between the two, as either hadn’t ever mentioned the other.  

You were snapped out of your thoughts with Bucky calling your name. “let’s go. I don’t want to see him even for a minute more and neither do you.” Bucky started pulling your hand but you stopped him “Bucky no. I guess you have some misunderstanding; Steve is a good person. And you don’t get to tell me who to talk to and who to not.”

Suddenly Bucky turned back to Steve, anger written all over his face. “You didn’t tell her, huh, did you? Don’t worry I'll tell her. Steve is the son of Joseph Rogers and he is the freaking Don Corleone of this area. Do you know how my father died? Steve’s father had him killed just because unknowingly he provided shelter to his father’s fugitive. Steve just pretends to be a caring, emotional person but he is a snake behind that mask, so is everyone in his family.” towards the end Bucky was in tears and you were in utter shock. Now that you tried to remember, Steve never really did tell you much about his family. And the fact that Steve wasn’t denying any single allegation made you want to puke your guts out.

“You have taken too much from me. But not this. Not her. Not the woman I love more than anything.” Bucky said it out loud in the heat of the moment. You were too dumbstruck to even blink. Did Bucky just confess that he loved you?  

Bucky turned to you and held your arm with such softness you wondered if he was just now screaming his lungs out at Steve. “I know I can't tell you who to be with, and I promise I never will in the future, but trust me you want to be caught up with him or his family. And still, if you choose him, well then, I can’t be with you.”

You knew you had to make a choice then and there, there was no going back, and you chose Bucky.

#chris evans #sebastian stan #mcu #marvel #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier x reader #the winter soldier #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #mob!steve #dark!bucky #mob!steve x reader #dark!bucky x reader

[hnychn]

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃 [𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍]

summary : it was painful to watch eren become the very person he swore to protect you from

warnings : gender neutral reader, angst (when is it not), season 4 anime spoilers, a bit of jean x reader but nothing is specified,

word count : 2k+

a/n : i kinda don't like this cause idk if the feeling came out as i wanted it to, but i also don't know how to fix it and make it better. i kinda played around with eren's titan abilities and the memories he inherited, but anyways lmk what you thought.

attack on titan masterlist || navigation

Philtatos.

That’s what Achilles was said to have called his love, Patroclus.

Most Beloved.

A word often spoken between the two as the salty ocean breeze filtered through the open windows and Achilles held Patroclus as if he were the moon holding his tide and Patroclus held Achilles as if he were brightening his world like a thousand golden urns. A word spoken between gasps and puffy lips as the moon peeked through the curtains and guided the two lovers. A word so precious and valuable it was the only word Achilles could cry as he held his lover’s body in the aftermath of the Trojan War.

But words too often spoken, are meanings too often lost.

“If it ever came down to you or the world, I’d choose you over and over and over.”

Much like Patroclus, you cherished the words so rarely dripped from his lips like a drop of water spilling over the edge of a cup. You held Eren tighter, pressed more kisses to the curve of his lips, held his face closer to your own when he let those rare words slip from his lips. When he spoke those words, it was as if a million stars had suddenly been dropped into your dark abyss of a universe and guided your way through life; each sparkle capturing a piece of your breath and stealing your heart and soul with no intentions of giving it back.

Eren embodied the golden urns that spilled from the sun that guided Patroclus’ path to Achilles in the afterlife; he was bright, warm, home.

When Eren lit up your word as he did, when he lit up your path and guided you to him, it was easy to call him home. He was your person. Your person who waited for you with open arms and a cup overflowing with love waiting for you to take and cherish and keep. It was easy for you to mold yourself into his arms on harsher days when he pat your head and whispered, “It’s you over the world. Always” into your ears when you wanted to scream and cry and set fire to the world.

He promised you protection; a secure future filled with love and hope and freedom and forever. It was easy to believe him when he put his life on the line for you when he was on trial. Screaming and thrashing and struggling to get to you as members of the military brigade twisted your arms behind your back and threatened to end your life on suspicions of knowing Eren’s secret. It was easy to believe him when he held you close later, with the moon’s light filtering into the room and the cold breeze cradling both of your bodies. It was easy to believe him when he held you close, his hands fisting the back of your shirt as if someone would burst in and steal you from him at any moment, while his words tickled your ear and warmed your heart, “I will protect you. You are my world.”

But words too often spoken, are meanings too often lost.

You could remember the day his words started lacking their once bright luster. Not long after retaking Wall Maria, you felt the salty ocean breeze against the curves of your face and the cool ocean water against the heels of your ankle. You smiled as you watched Connie and Sasha play in the water and looked over to Eren to do the same; but the sparkle in his eyes, or rather the lack thereof, is when the warmth of his words started to burn out like a flame too long exposed to the harsh winter.

"The world is against us. . .and I won’t let them win.”

Your back was turned to him, pressing against his firm chest that once grounded you in reality and assured you of safety; but now it only frightened you and summoned a churn in your stomach you didn’t know was possible in Eren’s presence.

It was as if your mind recognized it sooner than your heart did. As if your brain could recognize the small changes in your lover, the way his eyes slowly dimmed and were no longer the same jade green that reminded you of the soft grass that tickled the pads of your feet outside of your childhood cottage but had turned into a stormy grey that reminded you of the storms that sunk ships and shattered the hearts and trust of many.

But your heart refused to acknowledge it. Eren had placed a veil of red in front of your heart that blurred all sense of rationale you had. You could see the way he seemed to withdraw into himself more, his words became more scarce, his affection became rarer and rarer as the days passed. Your eyes could register the lack of sparkle in his when he looked at you, but your heart was under his control and refused to acknowledge it.

It was painful watching the person you love most slowly fall out of love with you.

Your heart ached when you looked him in the eyes and were faced with the heartbreaking reality that the stars that once lit up your whole universe were now slowly dimming and simmering away.

And then he disappeared.

As if he were whispers of dandelions floating in the wind, he disappeared, leaving nothing but a stem of the flower he once was in his wake.

You cried and screamed and thrashed about when you first found out, and despite his arms wrapped around you in an effort of comfort, Jean wasn't Eren. You pounded against his chest and screamed at him to let you go, to let you leave and find eren. Because it had to be a mistake, Eren wouldn't just leave you behind . . . right?

The blinding veil had been ripped from your heart and left it shattered. You spent several days locked in your room with only a few shirts Eren left behind to comfort you, his natural scent fading away as time passed, just as his love did for you.

Though, just as Patroclus did, you soon found your peace (though it wasn’t as heartwarming as reuniting with your long-lost lover like Patroclus, peace was peace and you would accept it as it came). It took a while, but with the help of your friends and Jean, you were able to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart and tape them back together.

But the process of healing is not a simple task.

There were days where you wanted to scream at the stars at the top of your lungs, there were days where you wanted to lock yourself in your room again and cry until there were no more tears for you to give, and there were days where you wanted to shatter Eren’s nose as he did your heart. But you took those days with unwavering confidence and picked up your pieces when they fell again.

You picked them up until there was no more need to pick them up because time had healed you. And while it did hurt to accept it, it was a part of healing.

And so, you accepted that Eren had chosen a life without you.

Eren didn't know whether to be happy or not to see you.

Happy you were alive. Happy he was able to see your face one more time. Happy you had made it out alive from the problems he caused.

His soul ached for him to reach out to you, to hold you close and pepper kisses to your face, and never let you go from the protection of his arms. He ached to take your hand in his and feel the way they fit so perfectly together as if they were made of the same mold. Eren ached to feel the soft pads of your fingers against his cheeks and hear your reassurances that, yes, he was good.

But he stayed put.

And he allowed you to look at him with those beautiful eyes he once loved looking into during the darkest nights that were filled with a love words could not tie-down, but we're now filled with confusion and laced with anger and an array of emotions Eren couldn’t blame you for. Eren allowed you to walk out the door of the airship and into the back where he could hear screams of joy. He let you walk away from him; the echoing sounds of your footsteps getting quieter and quieter as you walked farther away from him.

That was the only time Eren questioned whether what he was doing was right. The more steps you took away from him, the more he had to restrain his body from grabbing you and chaining you to the front of the ship. His body screamed at him to yell, speak, kick, grab you, tackle you, do anything to stop you from leaving.

But he didn't, and he allowed you to walk away.

Eren stared blankly at the metal flooring of the airship as he heard the cheering abruptly stop, and his heart sank. He prayed and prayed to the gods he didn't believe in for someone else to have been hit, that it was someone else bleeding onto the cold floor; because Eren knew he wouldn't be able to go to you. Not with Levi in front of him.

His prayers went unanswered as Jean walked in with two kids, his eyes were red with unshed tears and his hands gripped their clothing as if it were the only thing grounding him to this reality. A reality where you had been shot. A reality that Eren had seen and could have prevented.

Everything seemed to go blank then. It was as if his body shut down, his lands going limp in his lap. The sounds of Mikasa and Armin running out of the room were only white noise, but the sound of your name falling in screams once they saw you were as clear as day.

It was then that Eren realized he was but a pawn in the grand scheme of the memories he held. There was no alternative for him, no way for him to save the people he loved; leaving him to experience loss not once, but twice.

Eren tried to soften the blow of your loss by convincing himself he didn't love you, that your love was nothing but puppy love he clung onto for a small sliver of a normal life, but seeing you again for the first time in years reminded him how much he loved you.

The way you stood with confidence and fought on foreign land made his heart beat with the remembrance of the nights he held you close in his arms and whispered promises of protection and love. Promises of a world of freedom and independence.

"It's you, you, you. Always you,” words once whispered with a love Eren could only dream and long for in the present where you would no longer be there to hear them.

There was no doubt in his mind, in another universe, one where titans didn't roam the earth and the world wasn't against them, Eren would have chosen you in a heartbeat, over and over and over. In a world where his only worries would be what to eat for dinner that night, Eren would hold you close and cherish you just like he wished could in this universe.

But as the memories he inherited played out just as he knew them to and the feeling of losing you weighed heavier on him than it had when he first saw the memory years ago, Eren knew there was nothing else keeping him from becoming the very thing he promised to protect you from.

A monster.

And when Connie walked into the room, his hands stained with your blood and his eyes dripping with the horror of losing someone close, Eren knew what he had done.

Eren chose the world over you.

taglist: @hells-glory-hole @ashveil @stickystrawberrysyrup @420-uwu @kaiwai @the-trash-mammal @dprhvn @noodle-m-c-doodle

#attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #eren x reader #eren yaeger x reader #eren jaeger #eren jeager x reader #eren yeager #team eren #angst #attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan headcanon #subtle jean x reader

[mentally-unavailable]

How To Court A Cryptid: 101 Chapter 3

PREVIOUS CHAPTER or NEXT CHAPTER

Content warning: Cursing, threats of violence, minor violence, transphobia and homophobia, leftist/anarchist views (Not really a warning, but for those who don’t agree with those views), smoking

“Hello chat! How are we doing today!?” Tommy yelled into his mic, talking to chat as he started his stream. 

I sat on the side watching him talk to the chat, I couldn’t see chat but I could tell they were questioning why the lights were off, since Tommy kept smiling and trying not to giggle. 

“Why are the lights off?” Tommy asked squinting at chat, I then rolled into the camera’s view.

“Well, typically cryptids like dark places where they can’t be seen” I said rolling in and leaning so I could see chat.

Chat then went 1 million miles per second they were all spamming cryptid and being amazed that I was real. I started to laugh really hard because some of the chats messages.

“Well, chat this is the Dream SMP discord cryptid; also known as- Can I say your name?” Tommy asked looking over at me. I smiled,

“Uh, I prefer Bas or bastard here on the innerwebs, but if you want sure you can say my name. Just don’t give like my home address or whatever” I said looking at chat smiling. 

“what? Why would I- never mind. Okay chat this is Bastard.” Tommy said smiling looking over chats messages “Hey, can we turn on the lights?”

“UGGGHHHH, I guess” I said getting up and walking over to the light switch. I turned it on and saw Tommy walk over to see and stand next to me. I gave him a confused facial expression.

“Chat wants to see the height difference, you goblin” He said smiling looking down at me. I quickly stood my tippy toes, easy with the boots

“Okay, fit check, as you can see I have the superiors fashion sense chat. Tommy here has none, write that down” I said walking back to my chair.

“I do not! I have a great fashion sense!” Tommy said looking at me offended I started to cackle like a hyena

“Yeah, to be fair though, you are a teenager who live that streamer life style so I understand” I said after catching my breathe from laughing, Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah yeah” He said crossing his arms, I looked over at chat

‘Gamer Bf and Alt s/o goals’

‘Are you a boy or a girl? I really can’t tell’

“Ew, I will punt you straight into the sun you heathens” I said with a face

“HEY! Don’t threaten my chat!” Tommy yelled at me

“They were shipping us. Ew, he is like my little brother. This isn’t sweet home Alabama people” I replied

“Okay fair enough, also chat they use they/them pronouns, respect that please” Tommy said looking at the monitor

“Thank you, so what are we gonna do?” I asked leaning back on my chair and grabbing the container of brownies.

“We could go on the SMP and mess with people” Tommy said grabbing a brownie and popping it into his mouth.

“Cool, give me the grand tour” I said popping a brownie into my mouth

Tommy then booted up Minecraft and got onto the SMP server, he made sure to show on stream

“Okay, lets show the cryptid how to be cool” Tommy said moving his character around

I looked over at the camera unamused, I looked at the stream and saw my face. I started to get uncomfortable and looked down.

“I am being perceived and I don’t think I like it...” I said picking at my nails

“You okay?” Tommy said looking over at me, I smiled and shook my head yes

“It’s okay, I’m just use to being blurry not in 4k resolution” I said chuckling

“Oh hey Dream is on” Tommy said looking on the list,

“He’s the sever owner right?” I asked looking on scream

“yes” Tommy said

“So, he’s like a goverment?” I asked smirking

“what are you thinkin?” Tommy asked looking over at me

I smiled before shrugging and setting down the container

“Well, as an anarchist, I don’t really like the government. So, maybe I could attack him while screaming ‘ACAB’ or ‘Down with the government bitches’ idk. Wait- will that get you in trouble. My bad” I said cutting myself off worried I said something that will get Tommy in trouble. He started laughing, more wheezing

“Omg, yes! Let’s do it!!” He yelled moving towards Dream and others of the server. I smiled,

‘Cryptid says ACAB?’

‘Anarchist? Technoblade might like this!’

Some of the chat said amazed I said something like that,

“Yes, chat ACAB all the way, demolish the government! Consume the rich people!!” I yelled excitedly

“Okay, how do you wanna do this?” Tommy asked

“Okay, I’ll attack while you get us into VC and you scream then I yell ‘ACAB bitches’“ I said scooting him over so I can take control of his character

“Okay good” Tommy said getting into the VC “Here we go!”

“By the way, I’m bad at Minecraft” I yelled before we joined and attacked Dream.

“AHHHHH” Tommy yelled

“ACAB BITCHES” I yelled after him attacking Dream

“Huh? Tommy! What the Fuck?” Dream yelled before he pulled out his own sword and started swinging

“Oh fuck!!” I yelled trying to get away

“Move!!” Tommy yelled before he died

“Uhhh, my bad” I said smiling at him, Tommy rolled his eyes

“Tommy what the hell man? Why did you attack me?” Dream asked

We both looked at each other before I smirked and leaned into the mic

“Tommy is no longer with us” I said deepening my voice

“What!? Tommy did you get hacked? I’ll open your stream” Sapnap said with Dream and George agreeing.

Tommy muted himself, turned off the music, then got up and moved the camera zooming in my face and then ran and turned off the lights. My face was only illuminated my the screen light, Tommy then hid, I was confused before he looked at me and winked. I turned and stared into the camera with a dead look.

“AHHHHHH!? WHAT THE FUCK!???” Was all we heard from the others, as we both started laughing

“The cryptid is real!?” George yelled 

“Y’all have Discord Admin energy bitches” I said before we quit the VC and started wheezing. I started coughing and grabbed out my drink from my bag. I opened my Monster and chugged. Tommy kept wheezing so hard,

“Omg, did you guys hear them!? Omg that was so funny!” Tommy yelled, I chuckled

‘Dream: What the fuck!?’

‘Sapnap: GOT EM!’

“Dream is actually our Discord admin” Tommy said between laughing

“Ah, cool. He doesn’t have it actually, but now knowing. HMMMM” I said looking at the camera smirking

“Yeah, and Gogy is his discord kitten” Tommy said putting everything back to normal

“An I oop- Wait, that’s georgenotfound right?” I asked

Tommy leaned back into his chair giggling “yup, he’s the bestest man ever” he said smiling

“I thought that was Philza Minecraft?” I asked having a confused face

“Wait! Phil is on! Do you wanna meet the biggest man? Philza Minecraft” Tommy asked

“I thought you were the biggest man?” I asked smirking

“I am, well- we share the title anyways” Tommy said as he joined the VC

“Tommy, we just had your stream open!” we were met with,

Tommy started wheezing again, I smiled ‘Brothers’ I thought

“You’re going to get banned” A voice said; ‘Technoblade’ I thought remembering his voice from some of Tommy’s streams.

“Chaotic little shit” Philza said laughing

“The cryptid is real! Oh my god I have to tell Quackity, he thought you were using photoshop or whatever!” Wilbur yelled laughing

“God has let me live another day, so, I’m gonna make it everyone's problem” I said snickering, while I felt my face heat up. ‘God I feel like a zoo animal’ I thought smiling awkwardly

I don’t know any of Tommy’s friends really, and they don’t know much about me. Only that I’m Tommy’s scary friend and what they’ve seen from pictures and probably dumb stories he told them.

Tommy took control of the game, making sure the stream was entertained. He answered with giggles.

“Did you really bite a kid in school for picking on Tommy?” 

‘FUCK’ I thought, making a surprised face

“Well you see there! Uhh-” I tried to say

“They also threatened a dude with a Selenite knife once!” Tommy chimed in

“Yeah, that’s true, but both fuckers deserved it okay!” I said as I felt my face get hotter from embarrassment

“God your both equally feral” Phil said laughing, Wilbur giggled and Techno stayed mostly silent besides a small laugh. Tommy explained he was ‘awkward around new people’. ‘Social anxiety. MOOD’ I thought smiling.

“I personally prefer ‘unhinged’ but pop off I guess” I said shrugging

“Feral cryptid! Feral Cryptid” Wilbur chanted, soon the chat also spammed it

“So, this is THE Philza Minecraft” Tommy said as if he didn’t just say I bit a person and threatened another with a knife. “An honor right?”

“Hello, pleasure to meet you” I said smiling awkwardly

Phil laughed, Tommy looked offended “This is Philza Minecraft! Creator of Minecraft! Show some respect!” Tommy yelled

“Didn’t that other dude make the game?” I asked confused

“Yeah, but he was a wrongen. So, we joke that Philza made it instead” Wilbur explained

“Oh, yeah he was a fucking bigot right?” I asked, everyone went quiet “Should I have not said that? My ba-” 

“no, no” Wilbur said giggling “No, that was perfect. I wouldn’t have said it but you hit the nail on the head”

“Ah okay” I said with a small smile

“They are very radical” Tommy said smiling, I laughed awkwardly

“We heard” Techno said when amusement

I ended up taking off my jacket, revealing all my tattoos on my arms

‘WOAH!’

‘Are those real?’

“Yes, chat they are real, some are done professionally, others are stick and pokes. Don’t do it unless you know what your doing” I said raising my arms to show off my art

“Yeah, they piercing their own nose though!” Tommy yelled

“Oh, my god, that is dangerous.” Phil said worried

“Yeah, most I did myself or my sister did. She wanted to be a tattoo artist at one point so I just let her do whatever on me. Don’t worry they were done safely, mostly” I said laughing

“what does the skull say?” Techno piped up, I smiled, showing the camera my tattoo on my right fore arm. It was a leopard skull with grapes running out of the left eye socket dripping liquid. Under was a chalice, the piece was surrounded by a diamond. 

“It’s a piece dedicated to the god Dionysus. One of the first I ever got done professionally. And yes chat it hurt like a bitch” I said showing the tattoo

“Hello!” two voices popped into the call

“TUBBO!” Tommy yelled, I snapped my head towards the screen

“Tubbo? Isn’t that the guy you were calling when you broke your wrist?” I asked, Tommy wheezed

“Oh is that (y/n)?” Tubbo asked, I smiled

“Hey bubbs, how are you?” I asked

“Wait you both know each other?” Ranboo piped in

“Yes, you see some time ago, we were at the skate park. I was skate boarding and Tommy was on the phone with Tubbo. Tommy then wanted to do a trick. So, I take the phone and Tommy then fails miserly and breaks his fucking wrist! We were on call the whole time to and at the hospital” I said laughing

“Ah, sounds about right” Ranboo said

“What does that mean!?” Tommy yelled, Tubbo was laughing

“I’m good (y/n), thank you for reminding me of that” Tubbo said between laughs

“wait your name is (y/n)?” Wilbur pipes in, Tommy looked scared for a second

“Yeah, that is my name. I go by Bas or Bastard on social media though” I said shrugging. 

“Bastard?” Phil asked confused

“Can I promote myself?” I asked looking over at Tommy, he nodded smiling

“Yeah, I go by Cryptid_Bastard. I post art or whatever” I said relaxed

“That fits you” Tubbo said, I smiled

“Thanks bubbs” I said smiling

After a few hours we ended the stream and said goodbye to everyone. Me and Tommy leaned back in our chairs and sighed.

“Well, that was fun. I like your friends” I said smiling,

“Yeah, you can come on another stream another time if you want” Tommy said smiling, I nodded my head

“Yeah, well I need a break. I’m gonna go on a walk if you don’t mind. You wanna come?” I asked as I stood up and stretched

“Nah, I’m gonna chat with Tubbo for a bit” He said, I nodded before grabbing my bag and leaving the room. I walked out and said hi to his parents and informed them I was going on a walk. I walked out the door and towards the street. After getting to the sidewalk I grabbed out a cigarette and my lighter. I lit up, and took a deep draw. I ended walking towards the park while smoking,

*VRR VRR* I heard as my phone started vibrating in my bag. I dug around a pulled it out, it was notifications from twitter. I unlocked my phone and opened twitter, I had a whole wave of people following me and commenting on my art. I smiled before getting ready to tweet. I opened the camera and angled it to show me, I had my cigarette in my other hand making sure not to show it. I smiled taking the picture before typing and posting.

Cryptid_Bastard

*insert picture of you*

Welcome everyone, welcome to my corner of the internet! (:

I turned off my phone before walking towards the park.

‘Chaos isn’t so bad’

A/N: I hope y’all liked this. I’ve introduced SOME of the romantic interests! LET’S GO!! I’m gonna go hibernate for like a million years now. Stay hydrated! :P

TAGLIST: 

@teenage0jealousy

@smolbox-png

@yourimaginaryfriiendd

@venusliily-blog

@mega-trash-cringe​

@jaciahbabes

@ponyboytoddandthebatgreasers

@ahmya-4

If you would like to be added please comment here:  Taglist for HTCAC:101 (How to Court A Cryptid: 101)

#mcyt x reader #dream smp x reader #x reader #x gn!reader #x punk!reader #x alt!reader #Technoblade #Wilbur soot #MCYT fanfiction #dream smp fanfiction #Philza minecraft #Tubbo #Tommyinnit #Ranboo #How To Court A Cryptid: 101

[ironasss]

NO WAY HOME SPOILERS

Saw no way home on the 23rd, sent my friend this email:

AHHHHHH OH MY GOD I JUST SAW SPIDER-MAN HOLY MOTHER*language*ING *language* OH MY GOD LIKE I KNEW TOBEY AND ANDREW WERE IN IT BUT OH MY GOD I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LIKE A CAMEO(which is interesting, because i thought Charlie Cox would have a bigger role) AND I KNEW EITHER AUNT MAY OR HAPPY WOULD DIE BUT WHYYYYYYY????????? LITERALLY AS SOON AS SHE SAID "with great power there must also come a great responsibility" I KNEW IT WAS HER JESUS JAMIE FOXX OH MY GOD HIS HAIR OK BUT VENOM????? See, would this have been explained if I had watched Venom: Let There be Carnage? GET h*ward STARK'S MOTHER*language*ING FACE OF THAT MIT WALL WTF PUT TONY ON THERE NO ONE KILLS ABOUT JOHN SLATTERY Is marvel just like, really reaaaaallllllyyyyyyyyy team cap? because, a) like all of team Iron Man is dead(except Peter, but hey, he doesn't exist!) b) the statue of liberty has a shield. why. GIVE IT A WIDOW BITE OR AN ARC REACTOR Also: DUM-E? I also knew he was in it but GAH IT WAS SO SAD And then at the end, oh my god, at the cemetery, I GUESS SPIDER-MAN ISN'T COMPLETE WITHOUT AT LEAST TWO FUNERALS HUH EXCEPT NOT A FUNERAL, BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS Happy. Why. LOOK MAN I KNOW YOU WERE FRIENDS WITH TONY STARK. b ut d i d yo u h a ve t o ru b h i s de a th i n m y fa c e l i ke th a t I had a close friend die recently. this feels like that. OR WHATEVER IT IS HE SAID, IDC IT WAS SAD And ok, hold on. You know that set photo, Andrew Garfield said was photoshopped? Ima be honest, I thought it was. I had full confidence he was in it, but liKE I SAID I THOUGHT IT WAS A CAMEO But then, I saw the exact moment that was, and i SWEAR I COULD JUST SEE THE PURPLE SCREEN BEHIND HIM OH MY GOD And the movie theater we went to *language*ing SUCKED like you know how usually they play something related to the movie, cast interviews, moments with the character(s) in past movies if they're a returning character, a comics history if they're new? (like there was comics history when I saw Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings(2021) and Eternals(2021), and a feature thing with Nataliahashalie's past movies before Black Widow(2021), and all of them had cast interviews.) Question: why do people deny Agents of SHIELD being canon, when Maria Hill exists? (like obviously Coulson exists, but people are like: hE's sTIlL dEaD! aGeNTs oF ShiElD iSn'T rEaL!) OK BUT A MILLION YEARS ON INSTAGRAM I SAW THIS POST, AND I DONT REMEMBER IF IT WAS ORIGINALLY INSTAGRAM OR ORIGINALLY TUMBLR OR TWITTER BUT Someone was like, what if when MJ falls, Andrew Garfield Spider-Man catches her? AND THEN HE DID JHEJDGEWUIDG:UDHLKUQ *dies* ANYWAY SINCE IM SEEING IT AGAIN ON THE 28TH AFTER I SEE VENOM AT THE ALAMO ILL GET THE FULL EXPERIENCE!!!!!!!!! Also: i hate my brother hes an idiot and hes arguing marvel with me. HJJHGHJDG DIDNT SEE IT THE FIRST TIME BUT I SAW IT IN LIKE IMAX AT THE THEATER THE DOCTOR STRANGE 2 TRAILER THATS AMERICA CHAVEZ WITH THE STAR JACKET ITS GOTTA BE IDK IF YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS, BUT SHES ONE OF THE YOUNG AVENGERS SHES FRIENDS WITH KATE BISHOP(I ship them actually) AND SHE CAN OPEN LIKE, MULTIVERSAL SPACE PORTALS IN THE SHAPE OF A STAR SHES SO COOL IF SHES MCU, THEN THEY HAVE MOST OF THE YOUNG AVENGERS theres David(prodigy), Billy(Wiccan), Tommy(Speed), Teddy(Hulkling), Kate(Hawkeye), America(Ms America), Patriot(FORGOT HIS NAME HE WAS IN TFATWS), Noh-varr(Marvel-boy) and SOMETIMES Nate(Iron lad, but if the MCU was gonna do it they would probably make it Harley Keener) and..... I feel like im missing one? lemme think, i got wiccan and speed and their bfs, hawkeye and her bf, america and patriot... OH YEAH LOKI!!!!!!! o h m y g o d WHAT IF THEY DO KID LOKI Anyway. all the mcu is really missing is David and Teddy now, SO (guess theres the dillema of Billy and Tommy not existing....) OH MY GOD IM SO EXCITED FOR JARED LETO AND JARED HARRIS

#mcu spiderman #spiderman no way home #spoilers #no way home #no way home spoilers #spider man spoilers #tom holland #tobey maguire #andrew garfield #peter parker #peter benjamin parker #spiderman #spider son #daredevil #matt murdock #Matthew Murdock #netflix daredevil #charlie cox #doctor strange #stephen strange #benedict cumberbatch #agents of shield #sinister six #otto octavius #alfred molina #norman osborn #willem dafoe #Shit who else #Oh yeah #curt connors

[rhysismydaddy]

Unholy Matrimony Pt. 1 (Nessian)

Nesta’s part of the Damnation Series.

OOF this took so long sorry. I rewrote it, changed it, then deleted it entirely about 9 times. I literally started writing the version before you, from scratch, on Sunday. All parts are linked below, so I’m only tagging people on this version! To go to the next chapter, there is also a link at the bottom <3

ALSO, an important caviat: Nesta is an only child in this one! I originally wrote it for her to be adopted and not know it, but it wasn’t really relevant to the story, so... idk. Just ignore that plot hole I guess.

Parts 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 -- pls like each part I’m insecure

______________________________________________

~Cassian~

“You’re getting married.”

The glass of bourbon halfway to my mouth pauses, because despite being known for being rash and unpredictable, even I’m surprised by the sudden change in conversation.

My eyebrows raise as I look over at Rhysand, my best friend and Capo, trying to figure out if this bastard is serious. His tone says he is, but that doesn’t make sense, because before a few seconds ago, the word “marriage” was in neither of our vocabularies.

He’s been single for as long as I have, although I’m starting to suspect he’s got a bird in the city. He’s too damn happy these days, and the other day I saw him laugh at something on his phone.

Which is weird, because we both know long-term commitments don’t really do well with our lifestyle.

We were raised to not give a shit about anything except the job. We kill without remorse, live in the shadows, and whatever other shitty euphemism you want to use. Settling down in some suburban, picket-fence prison has absolutely no appeal to Made Men.

Don’t get me wrong, most of us get married at some point. But never for love.

Some men choose a bride that’s pretty and sweet. Someone who will donate to charity and help clean up their image. Governors’ daughters, women from old-money families, and social princesses make up this category.

Some men marry to advance their station in the Family. Second sons who will never inherit the business marry daughters of Underbosses to get a nice boost to their status.

And then there’s the ones who are forced to marry by their capo--ie. me-- so they choose whatever attractive woman that’s in the Family and available. Those are always the happiest.

But regardless of the reasoning, marriage in the mafia is heartless, political, and for me, unnecessary.

I know I’ll have to pick someone eventually, but there aren’t a whole lot of desirable options at the moment. Not many of the other Underbosses have daughters that are over the age of fifteen right now, and I have no interest in doing the child-bride thing.

Plus, there’s no way I’d marry someone outside of the family. At my rank, it isn’t an option.

That leaves... a widow?

The only one I know is Ianthe, and considering I highly suspect she killed her last husband and the fact that she’s crazy, there’s no way in hell I’d legally bind myself to her for life.

So he must be joking.

I take a pull from my cigar and look over at Rhys with narrowed eyes. “Uh huh. Sure. To who, exactly?”

“Volchonok.”

The Wolf Cub.

The cigar snaps in my fingers.

“You’re fucking kidding,” I say, honestly hoping that’s the case. He’s either that or insane, and I’d hate to lock someone who’s like a brother to me in a padded room.

Rhysand’s unflinching gaze doesn’t change, but his tone morphs from that of my friend to my boss. “You will marry her, Cassian.”

“She’s a fucking Russian,” I spit, not understanding. That should be reason enough for him to be joking.

In our world, being Russian is a crime similar to stabbing the Pope.

We’ve been at war over New York with them ever since they decided to try and get a stronghold on the east coast, and I’ve killed more of them than I can fucking count. Now I’m marrying one?

“Yes, she is, and so is her father, Alexei Olov.” Aka the Bratva Boss responsible for blowing up half of St. Petersburg last year when the local police refused to buy his weapons. “You will marry her, move to New York full time, and run the city with her by your side.”

“Why? Two or three more years, and we’ll have the city anyway.” Every day the Russians get weaker, and I’ve been responsible for pushing them out of my city block by block.

So there has to be a reason we’re suddenly okay with the enemy.

Rhysand sighs. “It was his idea, not mine. Orlov has agreed to sell our coke in Moscow and Seattle instead of his usual dealer and will supply us all the weapons we need for five years. There will also be no more midnight raids, bullshit arrests on bullshit charges, or missing shipments. He’s offering you a dowry, too.”

I don’t need his money, but the old fashioned term makes me laugh.

“Yeah? And how much does he think his wolf cub is worth?”

His lips twitch. “Ten million.”

“She must be a real pain in the ass, then, if he’s going to pay me that much to take her,” I chuckle.

Not that ten million dollars is anything but pocket change for the man. Orlov may be losing the fight in New York, but the bastard is richer than sin. 

Selling arms to half of the entire world will do that to a person.

“I hear she’s beautiful,” he says, trying to tempt me to not fight him.

“Then you marry her,” I shoot back, not ready to give up the argument.

“I don’t feel like it.” Fucking typical. Rhysand sighs. “You and I both know we can work this deal to our advantage, so what will make you say yes?”

He could order to me to say yes and I’d have to, but he hates enforcing that kind of authority with me.

So I think it over, make a show of lighting a new cigar. “I want Sera.”

It’s a burlesque club in New York I’ve always been a little envious of, owned by Orlov and operated by his men. I’d tried to buy it a few years back but hadn’t had enough leverage on the Russian to strongarm him into selling.

Now I do.

Rhysand--the only one who knows about my failed attempt to buy the place--nods and tells me he’ll make it happen.

“When’s all this happening, anyway?”

He looks like he might laugh. “Wedding is in a month, but she’s flying in tomorrow night.”

A quick laugh forces its way out of me. Also typical of him to give me absolutely no time to change my mind.

Well, I have a month. That’s already longer than any relationship I’ve ever had. 

Sighing, I stand and shake his hand, cementing the deal before I can even lament the loss of my bachelorhood.

~Nesta~

“Chto sluchilos?”

I slide my gaze to my father, because seriously, that’s the stupidest fucking question I’ve ever heard. 

What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Everything.

“Nichego,” I lie, assuring him for what feels like the tenth time as I look out the window. The plane picks up speed and lifts off, taking me towards an uncertain future, an uncertain place.

I might have told him nothing’s wrong, but inside, I’m screaming.

Three days ago, I woke up to find a marriage contract on the pillow beside me. There was a blank space where my name had been typed and a pen waiting for me to remedy that.

I still haven’t.

I’m not signing anything until I meet this... Cassian. 

God, what an Italian name.

An image springs to mind, one of a slumped-over, hairy-chest beast with slicked back hair and a gold chain. 

I know it’s stereotypical and hopefully incorrect, but I’ve never been to Italy and Alexei strictly forbids me watching movies that portray Italians as anything except revolting. 

But looks aside, there’s one thing I don’t need to guess to know. 

My future husband will be like all the other men in my life: controlling.

Men in the world I live in take what they want, don’t ask for permission, and feel like they’re entitled to anything and everything. I’ve dealt with it my entire life, so it’s more amusing than anything at this point.

I guess I’m a bit non-traditional in that sense, considering most of the women around me have no problems taking orders from their fathers or husbands. But Alexei and I figured out pretty early in life that wasn’t going to work for me.

As he frequently likes to tell me, I started telling him to fuck off when I was five.

What did he expect? All the kids I hung out with were the opposite sex and at least five years older than me, so my vocabulary and mannerisms became pretty... colorful early on.

Regardless, I’m just not looking forward to having to deal with yet another man who thinks he can control me.

“Ty vresh',” Alexei accuses, lips twitching. You’re lying. 

“Konechno.” Of course. 

Of course I’m upset, but I understand what’s happening. I might have found out about it three days ago, but I’ve known it was coming for far longer.

As the only child of the great Alexei Orlov, Wolf of Moscow and Pakhan of the Russian Bratva, I’ve been told my entire life that I will one day be used as a pawn to gain more power.

It would--should--piss me off, but I’ve also been told I’m to one day take my father’s place and run his company.

So by gaining more power for him, I’m also doing the same for myself.

Not that I really give a shit about that kind of thing. I started officially working for Alexei years ago, and I already have enough money saved to never have to work again. 

But in the Bratva, there’s no getting out. I was put in this world by birth, and the only thing that will take me out is death. 

In case it isn’t obvious, I’m not a typical business woman. 

My father is an arms-dealer. 

A less than legal one, if you believe the heinous lies the media spreads about him.

He sells weapons to governments, private armies, and whoever the fuck else has the money to buy. 

He’s also built himself a shipping empire to haul said weapons around the globe, runs the drugs and prostitute rings in Moscow, and has enough real estate to rival most small countries.

It probably sounds like I don’t care, and that’s because I don’t. 

I like what I do in the sense that I have a mind for business. I went to business school and graduated at the top of my class, and I enjoy running the clubs and hotels I have. Trained by Alexei himself, I’m ruthless in negotiations, enough so that people started calling me the Wolf Cub by the time I was twenty. 

But despite being good at it, I’m not particularly fond of the aspect most people think of when they picture my career in the Bratva. I detest drugs, have never hired a prostitute, and don’t really enjoy selling arms to bad people. 

The alleyway meetups, the broken bones and bullet holes, and the blown up houses are all a little tiring to me.

Sure, it sounds exciting. And for a while, it was. I used to lose myself in the chaos, used to enjoy coming home with busted knuckles. But I honestly just got tired of it.

Right now, I don’t have to deal with it as much because Alexei’s still alive. But when he dies and I officially take over the family business, I’ll have to be more involved. Even if the thought makes me want to sigh.

I pull out my laptop and look over the financial report for Sera, my newest club in New York. As predicted, everything’s running smoothly. 

I turn the laptop around to show my father, grinning when he pulls out his reading glasses and leans closer. 

“Starik,” I tease. Old man. 

He flicks my forehead, then reads the report and nods. Then he turns to his phone, probably playing Angry Birds or some shit, and leaves me to work.

The plane ride goes by quickly, and by the time we’ve landed in Chicago, I’ve gotten ahead on my schedule for next week, slept, and changed into what I’ve chosen as the “meeting my future husband” dress.

It’s simple and sleek, the black material clinging to my curves without being obscene. It’s long enough to hide the holster on my thigh, not that I feel in any danger with four personal guards stationed near me at all times.

My heels click as I make my way down the plane stairs and across the tarmac to the waiting sedan, and once my luggage and belongings are unloaded, we head to the Italian Capo’s house.

We’re meeting here, finalizing the contract, and then Cassian and I are flying to New York. 

My new home.

“Try to look happy,” Alexei tells me, his heavily accented English almost ridiculous to hear. He speaks English only when he’s in the states, and considering he hasn’t come here since I graduated B school two years ago, he’s a little out of practice.

“I’m ecstatic,” I say, intentionally using a word I know he doesn’t understand.

His eyes narrow, because it isn’t the first time I’ve used this trick, but he doesn’t call me out on it. We continue to ride in ecstatic silence, eventually pulling up in front of the Capo’s... house.

It’s almost obscene to call it that, considering it’s fucking huge. Like obnoxiously huge.

I heave a sigh, step out of the car, and take in my surroundings. The neighborhood’s quiet, likely filled with friends of the Cosa Nostra too scared to make any noise. 

A butler--seriously, a butler--opens the door and welcomes us inside, and as soon as I step in, I have to repress the urge to roll my eyes.

The amount of dirty money in the air is suffocating. It drips off the vaulted ceilings, down the artwork on the walls, across the marble floors. It’s in the little details of the crystal chandeliers and the mahogany staircase. 

Ridiculous.

One look at Alexei’s disgusted face says he’s thinking the same thing.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re rich. Grossly so. Alexei could have ten houses just like this, if he wanted them.

But he doesn’t. He owns property all over the world, but most of it is commercial or apartment complexes--property that makes him money, in other words. This, however, is a massive waste of capital. 

The butler leads us further through the house and into an office where four men wait. 

One is immediately identifiable as their lawyer, his over-priced cologne making me have to resist the urge to sneeze. The humongous man in the corner is hired muscle, if the boxy shape of the guns under his jacket is any indication.

The man behind the desk is obviously in charge, so I’m guessing he’s the Capo. Rhysand or Rhyland or something weird like that. He takes me in silently, bright eyes not seeming to miss any details. 

That leaves the man leaning against the desk to be Cassian Azara.

My fiancé. 

Our eyes meet, his golden gaze beautiful and wild, and I have to remember to keep my expression bored. 

Because the stereotype, the horrible image I’d conjured up in my mind, couldn’t be further from the truth.

For one, he isn’t hunched-over. He stands tall, leaning a hip against his Capo’s desk with obvious confidence. But I see more than just self-assuredness in his eyes. He seems a little too rough around the edges, wild gaze almost like he’s daring someone to swing at him. 

If the confidence didn’t already make him attractive, his looks sure as hell get the job done.

His hairs long and dark and curly, half of it pulled up in a rouge manner that clashes with the suit he’s filling. He has a few days’ stubble, too, like standing still long enough to shave just isn’t an option. 

His shoulders are impossibly wide, narrowing down to trim hips and legs long enough to make him tower over everyone in the room. 

His knuckles are tattooed and split open, and there’s a cut above his eyebrow that tells me I was correct to assume he’s a fighter by nature. 

Usually, that would be a deterrent for me, but there’s something about the way he’s dressed in a dark suit jacket and crisp white shirt while also looking so untamed that has me cocking my head to study him some more. 

He studies me, too, beautiful eyes taking in the long blonde hair and bright blue eyes offset by pale skin. He looks at the dress like he can see everything underneath, and I have the strangest urge to blush. Jesus, he’s toxic.

He’s attractive, is what I’m getting at.

Which is not what I had planned on, considering I’d been trying to think of a plan on how to not sleep with him, but suddenly that’s all my mind can focus on.

His lips twitch like he knows what I’m thinking, and I realize we’ve just been standing here staring at each other for a bit too long.

So I turn back to Alexei and shrug like I’ve seen what my future husband has to offer and aren’t impressed in the slightest. 

I toss the marriage contract on the desk, grab the Capo’s fancy little fountain pen out of his hand, and sign my name on the blank above my name. 

Cassian watches, but I ignore him entirely until the ink has dried. Then I look up at him through my lashes and wink, turn on my heel, and leave the room.

~Cassian~

I think I’m in love.

Fuck.

She hasn’t said a single goddamn word, but the way she looked at me has me feeling itchy all over, anticipation and nerves rolling through me. I feel like I feel before I fight or something exciting happens.

Like I’m primed and ready and need it to happen now. 

Nesta Orlov, my bride to be, is nothing like I expected. 

I was fully braced for some meek little woman, similar to most of my friends’ wives, to come in and smile and say hello. 

But nope. Nesta didn’t smile; she came in like she was walking onto a battlefield. 

And she didn’t smile. She looked me over, clinical blue gaze noticing too much, and left me feeling winded. God, she’s beautiful. Just looking at her made me hot.

She also didn’t say hello. 

Just signed the contract and left, like this was nothing more to her than a boring business deal. I mean, that’s what it is, but... I don’t know, I expected more of a reaction. 

I’ve heard from some Underbosses that their wives cried or raged when they were forced to sign, but shit if that were the case with Nesta. She honest to God looked like she didn’t care.

Alexei, on the other hand, does look a little pissed about the situation, but I couldn’t care less of the old man’s opinion. He’s signed the contract, so to me, he’s irrelevant. Regardless, he and Rhys proceed to iron out some of the details about the wedding and other shit I’m not paying attention to.

Then they shake hands, and the Russian warlord turns to leave. 

He reaches the door and looks over his shoulder at me, and there’s amusement in his cold gaze as he mutters, “Udachi.” Good luck. 

As soon as he’s gone, Roman and the lawyer follow, leaving me alone with Rhys. 

He slides the contract to me, and I sign my name next to hers, making this shit official. 

“This should be interesting,” he comments, vague as usual. 

I sigh, because I have a feeling interesting isn’t going to cover it. 

_____________________________________________________

NEXT CHAPTER

Tags: @elorcan-trash @januarystears @emikadreams @sjm-things @santas-dwynwen @thebitchupstairs @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @shinya-hiiragi @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @ireallyshouldsleeprn @highqueenofelfhame @rowaelinismyotp @nahthanks @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @masstrash @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace

#nessian #nessian fanfiction #acosf countdown #acosf #nesta archeron #cassian #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acosf fanfiction #a court of mist and fury

[vagrantblvrd]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Late-night and also half-assed AU idea times?

The one where Luke gets sent back in time (Because Reasons) to Clone Wars era shenanigans.

Also Because Reasons Obi-Wan is put in charge of keeping an eye on this kid, idk, Biggs Antilles because everyone is so hapless in the Star Wars universe when under pressure, like seriously.

Anyway.

Obi-Wan is suspicious like a suspicious person and so is Anakin and Luke is kind of losing his mind because he never knew (suspected, but never had proof) that old Ben was a goddamned menace and all his lectures to Luke about same are like, wow, dude, wow.

Oh, and also his dad.

And Ahsoka?

And all the clones and everyone else and he’s like, ;____________________; at what could have been, you know?

But also not sure if he’ll ever get back to his time - he really hopes so because there’s this Mandalorian with an adorable kid - and oh, God, he needs to check on Grogu in this time stat, but yes.

Shenanigans in which Luke desperately tries to hide his real identity because everyone’s iike “He feels like Anakin,how strange, and Luke in the corner like “Hahaha, yes, STRANGE. :DDDDDD

And then adventures in which he ends up having to save Obi-Wan more than he ever expected to when he woke up twenty-something years in the past, and oh dear God is that his mom? (Leia looks so much like her. Mostly the angry part right now, because Anakin and recklessly endangering his life and uh, oops, he didn’t mean to eavesdrop???

But like. Luke is kind of bleeding again (he,too, recklessly endangered his life alongside his father and Obi-Wan) and thought medbay was this way and -

Wait, why are you looking at him like that?

Anaking and Padme worried Luke’s going to at them out to, idk, the Jedi council or whatever about their ~forbidden love, and Luke is just.

“What.”

So then the thing about attachments and how they’re bad because emotions is explained to him and Luke looks at his father who clearly loves his mother so much. Thinks about the nonsense about attachment and how scared it would make someone like Anakin, and Obi-Wan -

Luke loves him, but the man’s made mistakes. (And, like. Luke gets it, he does. Some adventure with Obi-Wan and sharing of past loves because they weren’t sure they’d make it out alive and why not share this thing with someone kind of friend-shaped, and anyway,)

Luke is like, okay, wow.

Because one, the thing about attachments is bullshit - show him one Jedi master who isn’t attached to their padawan for starters - and anyway.

Not his business who they love, an then he scurries off to medbay before he bleeds out in hallway or wherever, which is where Obi-Wan finds him and is like  >:((((( at the bleeding thing and :| about the attachment thing but also *SIGH* because Luke reminds him of this padawan he had once, what was his name???

Anyway.

Yes

Also, though, also.

Them taking Luke to Coruscant to meet with the Jedi council because they have no idea where he came from - Luke floated the possibility of time travel being real to Obi-Wan once, but as a hypothetical and really, never mind him - and anyway.

Luke being like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ as they ~question (interrogate) him because he has read up on the Jedi Order and their rules and whatnot. And where he might have been in awe of getting to meet all these Jedi masters once, now he just feels. Pity. He feels pity for them.

It shows, a little, and they call it arrogance for someone so young to think they know better than the entirety of the Jedi council and yet?

Luke doesn’t care.

Which kind of makes him a threat in their eyes, this incredibly powerful Jedi who appeared out of nowhere and shows so little - if any, really - respect for their Order.

And, they realize, who both Obi-Wan and Anakin like.

Ahsoka too, but she’s a padawan, young and such, doesn’t know better.

But also, also, after all the fun-times had with the Jedi council Luke walks out to find Palpatine talking to his father and his mother while Obi-Wan stands by and chips in with a comment or observation every so often and he is like !!! because he never expected this???

Somehow after hearing stories from people, he just. Didn’t expect the fall of the old Jedi Order to take place in a tastefully appointed waiting area, potted plants and chairs and such Maybe one of those little fountains you see in an office sometime for the soothing sound of moving water and whatnot.

Anyway.

Maybe it’s his own personal experience with the man in the throne room on the second Death Star with the dramatic lighting and so on, but it’s a wee bit jarring.

He has one of those “episodes” as the others call them, and gets hustled out of there posthaste while Palpatine is all, “Oh, dear, I do hope he feels better,” and Luke does all the meditating exercises so as not to blurt out that hey, so, that sith lord everyone’s trying to find? RIGHT THERE.

Because lack of evidence and such.

And it’s like.

After seeing what things were like, he’s just. He’s stuck here, probably, right? So. Maybe he can fix things, even a little.

(Right the wrongs that Palpatine wrought and so on.)

And while he’s doing that it occurs to him that Din, okay, Din is alive in this time. And he told Luke about the attack that killed his parents, about being rescued by Mandalorians, and is like.

Can he change that too? Should he? Searches everything he can only to realize he’s too late to do anything about it. That the attack happened before Luke arrived in this time and he has this.

This little breakdown in a library or some such somewhere, because all that fretting and whatnot he did about whether or not he should intervene was for nothing, a moot point because he was too late, and it’s like.

Existential crisis time because if he changes things more than he has, will he even exists in the future? Will Leia?

Will any of their friends exist, and on his way back to the quarters he’s been given he runs into Padme - perhaps sneaking out from visiting Anakin - and she’s surprised to see him, maybe a little worried too.

(She knows his views on the whole attachment thing, yes, but her and Anakin have kept their relationship a secret for a long time now and old habits)

Still, she notices he’s obviously not doing well and they talk for a bit, Luke asking her a hypothetical, like if she could go back in time to  change something to save someone she loved from suffering, would she?

And of course she is like. No, because doing so negates their choices and how would it affect others and so on?

Luke is just, right, of course.

But then she goes on and says, as a person, not a politician, a leader, she absolutely would.

Luke is like, oh, because of course that makes sense, doesn’t it.

Good of the many and so on and anyway.

He goes to his quarters and thinks on it for a bit and realizes, yes okay, the thing with Din was mostly selfish - he wants to say he wouldn’t have done it, but he still doesn’t know  - but Palpatine, okay, Palpatine.

How many million, billions, maybe more, lives was he responsible for? (Luke has his own count for the dead, and monstrously high it may be, but Palpatine is at the heart of all of it.)

So.

He he starts laying the groundwork to expose Palpatine, or maybe just build up, idk, say a Rebel Alliance to oppose him - and discovers that oh, would you look at that.

Because Padme and Bail and their closet conspirators who know something is coming, that Palpatine is surely part of it, but they don’t know the full scope of things.

And honestly, even Luke doesn’t, but.

They think he’s a spy or whatever, and there are all these shenanigans in the meantime, and Luke doing what he can to prove that he’s really on their side, and anyway, anyway.

He plants seeds here and there, everything Leia taight him, everything he picked up, and goes to Obi-Wan for help because his former master and watchdog, and anyway.

Before Luke gets to see if anything he’s done in the past pays off he gets booted back to his time.

Or a version of it.

Ripped back to his time and this moment where he’s sure he’s dead - in the middle of a space battle or collapsing temple somewhere and glowy doohickey, something like that, or, okay, Palpatine trying to kill hi again for the first time - and anyway.

Super disorienting.

Especially when he opens his eyes and Obi-Wan is there along with his father and is that Ahsoka?

But, like.

Older.

Also, though, Din.

And Grogu and Luke is very confused?

But there’s no time for that, as Padme and Leia run in and tell them the Imperials found them, did you get him? Yes, oh, good, and now with the running???

In which they do the running to a familiar ship Luke knows well, and also a few others he likewise knows, and anyway.

They escape just in time because an Imperial fleet was looking for them, and anyway.

Luke is super confused, but that’s okay because exposition time in which he finds out all those seeds he planted worked.

Palpatine was exposed, but didn’t matter because he had contingency plans, you know?

Order 66 never went into effect because someone - Obi-wan was prompted to go back to Kamino and ask after the clones, any...special features that may have been added and anyway.

Palpatine never got his clone army, but he made up for it with battle droids and conscripts and the Empire didn’t win? But neither did the Alliance.

Not yet, anyway, and they’ve been fighting for years at that point. No Death Star - at least not a completed one - and anyway, yes.

Alderaan’s still there, Leia doesn’t have to pretend she can see it in the night sky, and anyway.

A lot has changed but so much is still the same, and everyone, okay, everyone thinks Luke an idiot.

(They’re also not surprised by that, because Skywalker, but yes.)

This whole thing of Luke’s original memories clashing with this new timeline - he keeps his old ones, but it makes for a confusing time, you know? Some point where Luke gets this faraway look and turns to someone - maybe they were dead in that original timeline - and tells them how different everything is.

If they’re feeling brave enough, and honestly most people in Luke’s life are that brave, they ask what he was thinking about to get that look on his face and he’ll tell them about terrible future that didn’t come to pass.

One he feels a little guilty for missing sometimes because those other versions of the people he knew, loved, are gone and he’s the only one who remembers them? But then he’ll see one of them, or someone who was dead in that other timeline and realizes it’s not as simple as that.

Looks at the life he knew before and the one he’s learning now and can’t decide if what he did was the right thing?

But then he’ll catch his parents on a balcony somewhere lost in on another’s eyes and these soft smiles and the love between them that’s grown over the years. Or see Obi-Wan walking about with Cody, and soft smiles and quiet laughter and hundred dozen little moments like that and thinks, selfishly, he doesn’t truly regret it if these people he’s come to love get something like that, you know?

And, then, of course, then Din finds him, or maybe Luke goes back to their quarters on whatever ship or base they’re at then, and he’ll be waiting for him.

They were on the cusp of something when Luke got thrown back in time, but things changed once he got back.

Slow, awkward, because different timelines and experiences, but something new and good, and anyway, anyway.

Din’s there and Luke is being a little (lot) selfish in wanting to keep whatever the two of them are building between them, and Din seems to want the same, and anyway.

Yes????

#star wars nonsense #dinluke #time travel shenanigans au v2 #i have ~feelings regarding time travel okay #sorry #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #long post

[ofbloodandbullets]

So it’s recently come to my attention that not everyone in the world has actually watched The Old Guard (WHO KNEW?!) so I’m going to try and do some info dumps about the world, the general canon and Andy’s history, personality, powers etc.  This will ... probably get kinda lengthy. 

Also: MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS FOR COMICS & MOVIE.

The first thing you need to know is that for the main part, the history and the world that TOG takes place in is the exact same one as the real history of the world.  It’s set in modern day, though the plot points stretch back to 7k+ years ago.  It’s also important to note that there is a lot of historical inaccuracies and some things in canon that conflict themselves so it’s best to just take it all with a grain of salt and just go with what works best for your particular preferences etc. 

The main difference between reality and TOG is that in TOG there are a very minute like .00000000002% of the population that are immortals.  Now, it’s important to note that these people can die but they resurrect pretty close to immediately after they die no matter the amount of damage done.  Now it can take some time to fully heal or reform, depending on how extensive the trauma (being blown to bits or burned etc. will take longer to fix but there’s no amount of damage that we know of that can actually keep them dead).  

There are times when, for reasons unknown to the characters in character (or to us as readers  of the comics / viewers of the movie etc) that the immortality just stops.  There’ll just be a time that they suffer injuries that just don’t heal, and they die.  There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to this, be it age, number of times they’ve died, whatever.  Now, I have my own entirely headcanon and personal preference based theory which you can find HERE but it’s totally just a random idea that I had that I liked to explain the loss of Andy’s immortality in the movie (that doesn’t happen in the comics) and lets me say that she regains her immortality post canon so that I can nudge things back in the direction of the comics for post movie plots and so on.

Andy is, as far as we know, and as far as she knows, the oldest (human) immortal, coming in at around 7,000 years old.  She was born into a tribe, the Scythia (hence what she’s generally called: Andromache the Scythian).  A nomadic warrior tribe that I headcanon to be a matriarchy, Andy was betrayed by the ‘queen mother’ when she was sixteen and killed in battle because the leader feared that Andy posed a danger to her continuing rule.  This person was practically a mother to Andy and it was a horrific betrayal.  What was almost as shocking to Andy was the fact that she got back up again after being literally stabbed in the back and killed.

In the vein of trying to thwart prophecies making them happen, Andy killed the matriarch and took her placce ruling the tribe, eventually becoming a God King to her people and ruling over them for hundreds of years until her loneliness absolutely overwhelmed her and one day she just vanished.

At some point after this, she began to dream of a woman, feeling a pull towards this stranger that she couldn’t begin to explain.  After dozens, maybe hundreds of years, she managed to track down the woman in question (Noriko in the comics, Quynh in the movie) and realized that they’d been dreaming of each other.  (In the comics she meets Lykon before Quynh/Noriko, whom she had also been dreaming of).  

Now, the connection between these immortals isn’t explained in canon, and for a long time, Andy, Lykon, Noriko (and eventually Joe, Nicky, Book) thought they were the only ones but there is a scene in the second set of comics that implies that there are other ‘packs’ of immortals.  I headcanon that it’s a ‘like calls to like’ / kind of Sense8 simpatico type thing - like minded souls drawn to each other, which is why Andy and the others didn’t know about the other immortals, but again, that’s just entirely my thoughts on the matter. 

Lykon is the first to succumb to the loss of immortality, a short couple hundreds years after he and Andy find each other.   He dies on a battlefield, one that he and Quynh/Noriko and Andy fought on like a hundred/thousand before, champions for the abused etc.  Skip forward a couple hundred years again and enter Joe & Nicky, a Knight and a Muslim warrior who kill each other on the battlefield only to both wake up and spend (an unspecified amount of time) hunting and killing each other before eventually Andy & Quynh/Noriko find them.  In time, Joe & Nicky realize that they love each other.   (Important to note that Quynh/Noriko and Andy were also lovers).  In the movie, when the first major surge of witch hunts began, Quynh/Noriko and Andy go to help the women that stood accused, only to be captured and accused of witchcraft themselves.  After being hung, drowned, burned at the stake and coming back to life every time, the witch hunters settled on locking Quynh into an iron coffin and dropping her into the ocean.  (In the comics, Noriko is lost at sea during a massive storm that had thrown their ship entirely off course with Andy having no clue where they actually were at the time.) 

Joe & Nicky arrive in time to rescue Andy, but Noriko is already gone and despite spending decades tracking down every person even remotely involved in the so called ‘investigation’ into the women’s inquisition and punishment, Andy wasn’t able to find anything about where Quynh could be. 

Cue angst & depression & guilt for ages after.

The trio still steps in over the following decades, trying to help prevent the worst of atrocities, but Andy quickly begins to spiral into an, at best apathetic, at worst, entirely distant and withdrawn mindset and steadily begins to lose hope that they’re actually making any difference at all.

Skip ahead a century or two and enter Book; a Russian conscript who had been forced into the fight after being convicted of forgery.  Hung for desertion, Book spend days dying over and over again as he hung there, unable to attempt an escape until the troops finally packed up and moved on.   He and Andy, Nicky and Joe meet up and Book kinda reluctantly joins their little group.  It’s revealed that Book dreams, still, of Noriko/Quynh and while he can’t tell where hse is, dreams of her still dying, drowning on the floor of the ocean over and over and over like she had been for the last hundred or two years.  

Book returns at some point to his mortal family which ended in disaster when his last remaining son was dying of cancer, cursing and screaming at Book for ‘choosing not to save him’ by making him immortal too, even though it’s something Book had no ability to transfer or make happen.  Between his nightmares, losing his son and a number of other factors, Book decides he wants to end it all but no matter what he tries, doesn’t die and stay dead.

Eventually he’s approached by a pharmaceutical company that has figured out what he is and wants to run tests on him to see if they can unlock his healing / immortality for other people.  Merrick’s company works in league with an ex CIA agent whose wife died of a horrific terminal disease who hopes that they can find a way to keep anyone else from dying if they don’t have to.    Initially it was just supposed to be him, but he’d set up a display to stream for proof of what he was / they were and the corp decided they wanted all of the immortals.   Book ends up betraying the team, and he and the others end up locked up and tested on / killed / experimented on etc.  

There’s another character introduced in the meantime, the first new immortals in centuries, an American soldier named Niles.  There’s a lot more that goes on here, but the main point is that in the movie, Andy stops healing from her wounds shortly after she tracks down Nile and is put into incredible amounts of danger when Merrick (the leader of the pharmaceutical company) captures Andy, Joe, Book, Nicky.  Book is devastated, Nicky and Joe are furious, Andy’s just tired.

Eventually, Andy and the others break free with Niles’ help, destroy the lab they were originally held in etc and set out to try and hunt down any other proof, lab results, anything that Merrick got his hands on during the tests.

The group meets and settles on a hundred year exile for Booker (which I think is one of the stupidest things - like, the man’s clearly desperate and depressed and lonely and mentally unstable so by all means let’s isolate him for a fully century) and at the end of the movie we see him stumbling home to his apartment six months later to find Quynh standing in his apartment, pouring and drinking a glass of water which is a whole power move considering how many millions of times she died by drowning.

In the comics, Quynh/Noriko was driven entirely mad and to the point of wanting vengeance against Andy for abandoning her and spends a while gaslighting Andy and torturing her physically and emotionally and what not until she manages to isolate Andy from the other immortals and scoops in to ‘rescue’ Andy.  IDK what they’re going to adapt this to in the second movie, 

Again, via the link posted above, my Andy slowly begins to regain her immortality (again, IDK what they’re going to do with the next movie).  

Uhhhh yeah.  So I .. think that’s the majority of what you need to know for canon info about Andy.  THIS is also an important PSA regarding my Andy’s history & her longest lasting relationship that has nothing to do with canon at all but that is part of Andy’s bg in every verse, even if it never comes into play.

#CHARACTER INFO. #BIO. #HEADCANON. ( do not reblog. )