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#goddamn i hate insects
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Corruption/Spiral domain that’s just you going about your life but with mosquitoes buzzing RIGHT in your ear at completely unpredictable intervals
As someone who viciously hates insect buzzing FUCK YOU.
Jk but also I have pulled myself out of a deep sleep at least twice because of an insect buzzing and ran half asleep out of my room in panic incase you doubted my phobia strength lmao.
So, in the spirit of I'm half convinced you guys are aiming to freak me out specifically at this point, good fucking domain 10/10
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cxldblxxded · 9 months
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girl help there's a huge fucking beetle stuck in my windowframe
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sunshinezei · 8 months
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scrolling through tiktok trying to survive the ateez waterbomb edits (follow @/lofimalo on there) there's actually a bunch of my fav editors and edits that are always in the back of my mind bc i have no life i might give recs later but at the same time quick let's look around the room idk who asked
anyway then i remember something bc of a random tiktok in the middle of these abt bugs
bro
u know my reaction when i find an insect in my room / in an area around me?
for me to leave the fucking area
like i never think first to get rid of it i always think BROOO I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE I'LL OPEN A WINDOW FOR U DUDE I HAVE NOTHING GOOD HERE ILL GIVE U SOME TIME SO U CAN LEAVE OK? BRB
and idk i just thought it was rly funny bc what
like why has that been my reaction and i never noticed it was weird
also whenever it's like cold out or rainy or something and i know this shit would suck as a insect i just let them chill like they usually leave when it gets better and i don't have any food or anything out and i make sure to clean well after since i get weirdly paranoid when this happens anyway
AH THIS REMJNDS ME PLS OMG idk if i have like a fear of bugs i don't think so but WHENEVER I SEE AN INSECT UNEXPECTEDLY I JUST FEEL LIKE ITS ON ME AND THE FEELING DOES NOT GO AWAY I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO TAKE MY SKIN OFF OR SOMETHING IDK AND I ALWAYS WONDERED IF IT WAS JUST ANOTHER OF MY WEIRD THINGS BC NO ONE ELSE HAD THAT REACTUON EVER
also feel an intense need to shower
i mean makes sense kinda but still always??
i hate summer btw
just bc i haven't said it in a while <3
this weather is awful and i like wearing my comfortable long-sleeved hoodies and stuff
and going out without feeling rly exhausted and feeling like i need to shower again
i will say i thought of waterbomb when i said i hate summer and thought hm
i mean it's nice people get to experience that yk most of all i enjoyed how much fun ateez looked like they had they all looked so cool and idk i felt so proud of them watching the clips bc idk they're so cool
but those 4 hours of constant ateez waterbomb content on my twitter tl were insane
the comments of "bestie that's a backup dancer don't worry abt him!" under posts that were like KPOP STANS WHO IS THIS had me cryingg
ateez are becoming more popular it's good for them :) they'll be able to do more i bet which is always exciting to think abt <3
do i wish i could attend any events and idk be part of the fandom more than just listening to the music and watching the content and edits commenting my admiration for the people and the fans bc of the community -
im on something here but I've said this before yk when u like the people and u get into the fandom like they post stuff like drawings and u just feel like wow talented people are everywhere
i feel that with this one artist on tiktok whose name is not coming to me rn but i've commented my appreciation for their art before bc it's genuinely unreal how cool it is
also the tweet asking i think it was armys? what everyone's jobs were and there were the coolest professions under there i felt so happy
such a idk like nice community feeling
does make me feel bad that i'm nothing and people stan these groups so they can improve their lives and be what they want
but my happiness for them and gratitude that these people exist and work so hard to help so many people outweighs that
plus unhelpful emotion idk like what do i do with that / abt that
- anyway yea idk there's more i wish i could do but i've always told myself to try and make whoever helps me feel appreciated and that's all i can do
it makes me rly happy and excited for atiny and ateez whenever they do anything bc i just know someone's day is being made rn and it's thanks to them like that's such a nice thought and i'm so happy that happens
i do get immensely sad abt concerts and this stuff in general bc i'm not a fan outside of my phone and headphones yk like that feels miserable bc the sources of my joy and comfort and like a sense of safety and calmness at times are only on my phone
like when you're part of the fandom or u have fan friends u can extend that to each other and it's sweet u enjoy it together
why did this come back to me just wanting a friend again ah anyway
u ever check out a show after a rly long time and u had heard abt it a bit then u realize hey it's not that bad like it's bad but it has its moments? that's me rn with this show im watching and honestly i'm just watching it bc i couldn't find anything else and it's like the closest thing to what i would enjoy so i take what i can get
05:24 30/07/2023
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quillsink · 2 years
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i have…friends….people who…care about me….what is this sorcery.
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wp100 · 2 months
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the dalaran music has been part of World of Warcraft since the Temple of Ahn'Qiraj was a thing
there's a music track in there that has the Dalaran leitmotif playing amongst all the creepy eerie shit
I always wondered why the main track had that one instrument. Always thought it sounded kinda Egyptian-inspired
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kingly-genderfluid · 1 year
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This day can’t get any worse.
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verysium · 4 months
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PLEASE DO BLUE LOCK ICKS IM BEGGING🙏😭🌹
😏 coming right up anon. gonna channel my inner critic and not hold back on any of these.
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RIN
brother complex. not much else to say except that he needs to get a life. not everything is about metaphorically crushing your older brother's dreams and brooding in the dark hate of retribution.
competitive but only because he is a desperate whore for external validation. ignores everyone but craves the attention of a sole person named sae itoshi. was defeated by isagi once and has never let go of it since. has a one-track mind that is impossible to derail. stubborn when he wants to be.
probably a virgin and will continue to be one until his late 30s.
has not known a single day of peace ever since sae ditched him for the popular girlies. as a result, he has developed a very concerning case of social awkwardness. his idea of a conversation involves a brick wall and thirty minutes of you staring at his resting bitch face. constantly looks like that one grumpy cat meme. judges you for your poor decisions but then gets aggressively defensive when you point out his own mistakes.
reeks of so much teen angst that even metallica can't save him. the problem is that he has nothing to back up his emo persona. his insults lack creativity and, unfortunately for him, phrases like "lukewarm" and "half-baked" and "hell" do not make his words carry more weight. uses the f-word but in the most embarrassing context that it makes you facepalm and internally cringe.
SAE
zero social awareness. this boy's head is empty. the lights are not on up there. there are no picture frames or furniture. the curtains are drawn, and there is not a sliver of clouds or sunshine. cannot read body language and does not know what a filter is.
the source of all of rin's stress. he is the original trauma projector, creator of generational cycles. not even subtle about it. "turns out i was wrong. i thought japan was incapable of ever giving birth to decent forwards." sir....with the way you worded that, you knew exactly what you were doing when you gave rin false hope.
swears but it's even worse than his brother. literally called his elders a "fatso and bob cut duo" and "insect turd." i mean....there is a line between what is considered a legitimate burn and what is a first grader making up insults in his coloring book.
has a horrible haircut and no fashion taste. i already talked about this previously, but it was so bad it deserved a second mention.
a freak but tries to justify it rationally. like what do you mean you can tell a person's athletic ability from their buttock size? just admit you have a kinky fetish already.
somewhat of a coward but i'm gonna give him some leniency due to his tragic child genius backstory. tbh he's just an eighteen-year-old boy who needs a goddamn break.
KAISER
alexa please play clown music. this man sets himself for failure and then wallows in self-pity when he actually fails. like what did you expect? you knew what was going to happen the moment you challenged isagi like that. it was most definitely your fault you got violently humbled.
has a borderline god complex (currently calls himself an emperor but has not evolved into a deity yet.) unfortunately, he does not stand on business. cue the dramatic meltdowns when he realizes there is an actual gap between his ability and his reputation. if you're going to lie, at least make it believable.
insecure and mentally unstable. he probably cuts and re-dyes his hair every single time shit happens. no wonder his locks get shorter every time.
lazy when it comes to anything that is not football and expects others to do it for him. demands princess treatment wherever he goes. unfortunately, not all of us have servants with no self-respect like ness.
"it is not enough that i should succeed, others should fail" type of person.
does not wear shoes and even if he does, it's sandals. put them grippers away.
NAGI
a literal sloth who has so much potential but uses none of it. has no intrinsic motivation of his own, so if he's going to do anything, it has to be you behind the wheel, making sure he gets put to work.
does not have a close relationship with his parents, and so he has no sense of community, holidays, or traditions. no fun at all if you want him to do things like christmas shopping or birthday celebrations.
rots in bed all day and then has to nerve to ask you to carry him around. your back better be strong because his 190 cm body is not going to be light.
not loyal (need i say more.)
REO
second male lead syndrome. also known as that one popular guy who's always picked last.
acts like a victim but then when you realistically tell him to how to change his situation he refuses to do so. you cannot ask for advice and then take none of it to heart. no wonder you're still not over your ex.
"i can fix him" mentality. no, you can't. you are a seventeen-year-old child, not a licensed therapist and nagi isn't even all that.
NESS
touch-starved to the point he will stay in a toxic and abusive relationship in order to gain some scrap of affection. just because you were the black sheep of your family does not mean you can lose all sense of personal dignity.
probably stalks all the people he hates. has a burn book like regina george from mean girls. cuts out and glues little pictures of kaiser all over his bedroom. doodles hearts all over it with glittery gel pen. isagi's face and name are scratched out of every team photo.
delusional and prone to mood swings. medicated but at this point, he is beyond saving.
ISAGI
a home wrecker. has ruined more relationships than he can count on ten fingers yet still manages to smile like he's some angelic saint.
solves jigsaw puzzles for a living (not very cool if you ask me.)
has some unresolved anger management issues. probably repressed all his negative feelings when he was younger, so it all comes out when he's on the field. unfortunately, his twilight-sparkle-friendship-is-magic agenda is not going to work if he keeps cussing out his teammates like that. but then again, he is the main character, so i guess his plot armor makes up for his pitfalls.
says that he's a good guy but then holds personal vendettas against rivals he doesn't like. boy was so ready to throw hands when #kaisagi was trending on the internet. but when you actually think about, he's similar to kaiser in more ways than he'd like to admit.
BAROU
has the worst case of high and mighty "holier-than-thou" attitude. isagi put his ego in check, but it still peeks out from time to time.
he was the ugliest baby when he was born. i am not going to hold back on the child barou slander because it is true. no, he was not a cute and lovable bundle of joy. he looked like a demonic gremlin.
he needs to take more risks in life and try cross-dressing. simply imagining him in a maid uniform will not suffice. it needs to be made into a reality.
with how nit-picky he is, i doubt people can realistically stay within a 1-meter radius around him. unless you are a clean freak yourself, his constant complaints will start to get annoying after a time. even if he does have good intentions, he needs to let people have a little breathing room sometimes. a messy room is not going to kill you.
BACHIRA
this boy's brain is smooth. no folds. no gray matter. no intelligence either. his pencil and eraser have been left untouched since day one. if he wasn't crazily good at football, he would be unemployed and homeless in the future. not even a mcdonald's wants him.
one of those people who will do the literal opposite of whatever you say. you want him to stop talking? well, now he's never going to shut up. you tell him not to step on a pile of dog shit? well, now he's going to walk right into it. you want him to quit running around and act normal? well, now it's his life's mission to make you as annoyed as possible. please pray for your hair follicles because at the end of the day, you're not going to have many left with how much he makes you want to tear your hair out.
has the cerebral capacity of a toddler. if he thinks monsters are real, he's going to think anything is real. super gullible when it comes to any form of scam, ploy, or trickery. the only way he would not be fooled is if he's also played the same prank before.
SHIDOU
a brazen pervert. says the most out-of-pocket things and refuses to apologize for them. sometimes it comes out a little too sleazy for your liking.
"to me a goal is fertilization! a shot is the seed and the goal is the egg!! and the birth of that joy i call an explosion!! my genes are gonna knock you up!" let us give ourselves a moment of silence to digest this quote. only shidou ryusei would come up with a sperm and egg metaphor to describe football. (i guess protection means nothing to him.)
has no empathy. if you dislike him or cannot keep up with him, you're a literal nobody in his books. no sportsmanship. no compassion. no self-awareness.
you cannot say "balls" to him in a serious tone without him misinterpreting it as something dirty. that alone should tell you enough. stay the hell away from him.
where do men get the audacity? right here. from this little bastard. he invented the term "shameless slut." boy was getting off during the u-20 arc and on live TV too. no wonder sae said he was disgusting.
and finally, he comes from a long line of cockroaches. he's even got the antennae to prove it.
i think this might have been a little excessive, but i have no regrets about it. you're welcome anon ♡
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strang3lov3 · 11 months
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Joel Miller, Spider Getter
Joel Miller x Reader
Fluff, no smut
Summary: Joel Miller, harboring quite the crush on Reader, takes his role as protector very seriously, except when it comes to harmless little bugs that threaten his girl.
A/N: We all know Joel to be a ruthless, cold blooded killer, but when it comes to innocent creatures, I like to imagine he shows some mercy LOL. Also, this is my first fic, like ever. I was inspired to start writing by some of my favorite writers @swiftispunk​ and @forever-rogue​ so please be gentle with me! 
Warnings: Spiders! But that’s it, really.
Word Count: 1.6k
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Domesticity is nice after nearly a year on the road with Joel and Ellie. You and Ellie are sitting at the kitchen table in your shared home playing a game of scrabble while Joel cooks dinner. You’ve grown very close with Ellie. In every way, she’s like your little sister. She’s sweet, caring, and a great friend, but she also drives you crazy with her silly jokes and teasing. You wouldn’t want your relationship with her to be any other way.  
Joel is a different story. You’re close, yes, but you have a relationship you can’t quite define. At first, he was quiet and standoffish. Still is, sometimes. But now, after your time spent together, Joel is much warmer and welcoming. Possibly even flirty? Maybe, you’re not sure what it is. He looks after you, wraps his jacket around your shoulders when you’re cold, and walks you to and the different places around Jackson. You’ve asked him why he continues to keep such a close eye on you when you’re all safe and sound in Jackson. Joel, ever the southern gentleman, explained to you that where he’s from, men always make sure to take special care of the women in their lives, no matter where they are. Women, he said, deserve to feel safe and welcomed everywhere they go. He takes his role as your protector very seriously, even though he knows you’re well equipped to take care of yourself. 
Except for one thing. He takes his role as your protector very seriously, except when it comes to bugs. He knows that part of his duties as your closest friend and protector is to take care of the bugs that cross your path, but goddamn if it isn’t the funniest thing to him. You, being the strong, brave, beautiful woman you are, can’t handle a little spider or insect? Now that’s just ridiculous. But, everyone has their weaknesses, right? Indiana Jones, snakes. Superman, kryptonite. Your weakness is bugs, as silly as it may seem. 
Despite the silliness of it all, Joel obliged to take care of bugs and spiders for you. He doesn’t entirely know why he does this silly little favor for you. Does he really need to do this for you? You should be able to handle a little bug or two every now and then. You’re a capable, strong, and smart woman! But all Joel knows is that he hates to see your pretty face upset and afraid, and he wants to be the man to make it all better. So, he’s your spider getter. 
Joel is all too familiar with your arachnophobia. The first time he saw you panicked after seeing a creepy crawling spider, Joel was completely amused. He had known you for a few months at that point, and he knew you well enough to know how brave you are. Clickers, raiders, and the other evil things of this world were nothing to you. But heaven forbid an eensy teensy black spider cross your path while sitting around a fire. So the moment you saw a spider get a little too close to your feet, you frantically sprinted ten feet away while screaming bloody mary.
“Really?” He and Ellie shared an amused look, giggling at your little show.
“Get it!” You commanded him. 
“It’s a harmless little spider, just nudge ‘em away from ya,”
“And get bit? No thanks. Please kill it, please, just, I’m freaking out here,” you begged, your fearful eyes pleading with his own unimpressed ones. You looked to Ellie, “Help me out here?” you asked her. 
“This is way too entertaining. Nope!” Ellie grinned at you, then at Joel. He smiled right back at her as they chuckled at your paralyzing fear.
You let out a deep groan. “Please,” you begged them. “I really fucking hate you guys right now.”
“Jesus, girl. You’re somethin’ else,'' Joel grabbed a nearby leaf and scooped underneath the spider, gently placing it among the trees. “You know, he’s probably more afraid of you than you are of him, the way you were stompin’ all around him. Coulda’ smushed him.”
You rolled your eyes. “You’re supposed to smush spiders, Joel. Why didn’t you kill him?” you questioned him, moving back to your place at the fire. “And I am way more afraid of him than he is of me.” You sit back down, pouting at the spot where the spider was before.
“Spiders ain’t done nothin’ wrong. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, now why should he die for that?” He got you there. If you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, you would hope a scary stranger would show you mercy. But this was different. You know spiders are essential to the ecosystem, but they’re creepy and ugly! Why should you care about whether an insect lives or dies? It’s just a bug, after all.
Joel sees the expression on your face, a mixture of disgust and fear. He notices your eyes go blurry as tears form in your waterline and feels a little guilty for teasing you. He moves over to you, offering a comforting squeeze on your shoulder. His deep brown doe eyes and tanned skin are illuminated by the golden light of the fire, and he looks so gorgeous like this. His eyes meet yours as he whispers “It’s alright now, sweetheart. Spider’s back with his spider family, he’ll leave ya alone now,” 
A tear falls from your eye, and Joel understands. He may be bad at dealing with his own feelings, but Joel can be very intuitive to others’ emotions. He knows you’re feeling embarrassed and spooked, so he runs his hand down your arm and to your hand, rubbing gentle circles into your soft skin. “I’ll take care of the spiders for you, don’t you worry,” he promises you. And he kept good on that promise after that night, but never missed an opportunity to tease you a little. 
Ellie picks out three letters to place on the scrabble board. Using an F from a different word, she spells out ‘FUCK’ towards the edge of the board, scoring herself a triple word. “Ha!” she yells, “Fuck, for 39 points!”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re fifteen and you know the word fuck. Ha. ha. ha,” you laughed sarcastically. “My turn now, you little shit.” 
You place your letters on the board, spelling out some mundane word. You count up your points and mark the score on the scorecard. Then, you reach into the letter bag and pull out some more. Feeling something strange in the bag, you hum. “There’s something in there,” you say to Ellie, grabbing the strange item along with your letters. As you pull your hand out of the bag and reveal the strange item, you realize the horror. You drop it and pull your hand away quickly. A big and black spider crawls on the table, and you’re done for. Letting out the most ear piercing shriek man has ever heard, you stumble quickly away from the table, flipping the scrabble board and knocking over your chair. Little wooden letters go flying as you sprint to the other side of the dining room, still screaming. 
Joel turns around immediately and looks over to you, cowering in the corner of the room. “The fuck is the matter with you?” he asks. 
“Joel, my god, get it, get it, get it, PLEASE!” you cry to him.
“Get what?” Joel pretends to be clueless to egg you on, but the mischievous glint in his eye tells you he knows exactly what he’s doing. 
“THE FUCKING SPIDER, JOEL!” you wail, shaking your hands and running to the sink. “I fucking touched it!! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” you scrub your hands with soap and water furiously. 
Joel walks over to Ellie at the table as she’s giggling and picking up the pieces of your mess. The spider isn’t crawling around very fast, it seems to be struggling he notices. It’s ugly as sin, but he knows it’s not dangerous. “This lil’ thing?” he asks you.
“Joel, I am not kidding,” you beg. 
“Me neither. Come on, honey. Looks like it’s hurt. You probably smacked him or somethin’,” He squints at the being, observing the way it moves rather exhaustedly. “It can’t hurt you, you know.”
“Who gives a shit?”
“Look, sweetheart,” Joel says to you as he grabs the scrabble dictionary and a glass cup. Your heart flutters and the endearing pet name. He places the cup on top of the spider and gently moves it towards the thin book at the edge of the table. Once he has the spider trapped between the cup and the dictionary, he brings it over to you while smirking. He lifts it up to your eye line and wiggles it towards you. “He ain’t gonna hurt you.” 
“Ugh, gross,” you flinch as he sets it on the counter next to you. You observe the creature a little more closely, that familiar look of disgust settling on your face again. Joel chuckles to himself, and then picking up the book and cup once again, he walks to the door. He opens it, crouches down and moves the spider to the grass. “Off you go,” he whispers to the being.
“Thank you,” you say. 
“It’s no problem, sweetheart,” Joel whispers to you, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple and pulling you in for a hug. “I’ll never let any bug get you ever again, I promise.”
You melt into him, accepting his comforting touch. Joel may be an ass, but you know he doesn’t like to see you in distress. He pulls you in tighter, pressing another kiss to the crown of your head. He loves this, being your source of comfort and safety. He vows to himself that one day he’ll deal with the feelings he has bubbling inside of him for you, but for now he’ll do this. Keep you and Ellie safe and comfortable, and take care of any spider that dares cross you. 
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shoulmate · 6 months
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"Have you struggled with perfectionism for a long time?"
The words run through Kageyama's mind over and over again.
Coach Suzaku had just been trying to help him through this block, through what feels like a back-slide into his days of being a king and it was unpleasantly close to words he's heard before.
"Yer a goody two-shoes, aint'cha?"
So instead of being on the court, instead of punching through this block and powering his way out of this slump he's here
in the woods.
In the fucking woods.
This so-called mindfulness retreat his manager suggested-not-so-subtly-forced him to attend has lead him here to this non-climate-controlled setting where insects hum invisibly yet constantly and birds chirp at infuriatingly random intervals.
And is that water?
Is that a stream? Is some stupid brook really babbling nearby?!
God he hates this place.
How is he supposed to empty his mind...reset...when there's an insurmountable amount of distraction here!
But not to be considered anything less than the best he settles himself down somewhere and starts to follow the steps that overly-relaxed meditation counselor outlined.
He closes his eyes.
He focuses on his breathing. In. Out.
He tries to empty his mi--CAWW CAWW-
His eyes flash open and he scowls up at the trees cursing the crow-iest person he knows as if it's his fault (miles away Hinata sneezes mid-spike and nearly slaps Meian in the face) and tries to settle back down.
What was the next step? Internally observe? Take notice of what he feels in his body?
Shit. Was he supposed to do that first? Inside sensations then what he feels outside? Or outside-in?
After a few slow measured breaths he feels himself start to relax. He's got a lot of tension between his shoulder blades and his spine but that's fine.
He's supposed to notice the tension and not think about the three different stretches he can use to undo those knots.
Just notice it and move on.
Move on and notice the slight ache in the arch of his right foot because these goddamned retreat-provided-slippers have no support and--CAAAWWWW CAWWW
Kageyama grits his teeth willing himself not to look up into the trees. There's no reason to look for the accursed bird because he's supposed to be letting go and resetting and why isn't this working and what the fuck are these insects doing that they need to be making this much noise and how the fuck is that stream not out of water yet it feels like the whole world must have drained through this wretched forest by now and--cRaAsH--
"Arrghghararrra!!!!"
Kageyama's eyes fly open in surprise at the sudden, loud noise that distinctly sounded like someone falling followed by a screech; a few car-lengths away he sees a leg in the air and hears a groan.
Too stunned to move, Kageyama watches as the leg flails and the person slowly rights themselves.
You hack leaves and dirt out of your mouth, spitting with a grotesque expression until you seem satisfied that it's clear and then defeatedly look around blinking like you need to clear your eyes, too.
When you notice Kageyama--who's gaping at you--you smack your lips and spit again, muttering "perfect. Juuuust perfect."
The words make Kageyama stiffen up though you know you have no idea what he's thinking; you roll your eyes, misreading his reaction.
"Don't worry, hot-stuff." Your tone is sardonic and flat. "I'm not going to harass you...I'm just trying to find my way back to camp."
Kageyama frowns. "How did you-" --his voice is too loud at first, echoing brashly through the green-and-brown wonderland; he quickly modulates it down to match yours that had seemed perfectly balanced with the surroundings-- "How did you get so lost?"
Sighing heavily you perch on a fallen tree, shoulders slumped. "I wanted to do the hike." You wave your hand when he starts to object. "Yeah, yeah, I know. The counselors told us to practice meditation but fuck that. I wanted to hike...especially when everyone else would be preoccupied and the trail wouldn't be crowded."
Kageyama frowns. "Don't you care about practicing, though?"
"Of course I do." You give him a skeptical look. "But I'm also an adult. The point of this retreat is to practice mindfulness...so what does it matter if I take care of myself by listening to my heart and honoring my needs...all-the-while trusting myself...that I'll to do what I need to do and practice what I need to practice, just...on my own terms.
"The repetitive motion of walking feels more like meditating to me. One foot in front of other...it's so much more helpful than sitting still...And that's what it's all about, isn't it?" You earnestly hold his gaze. "Connecting with ourselves and clearing away the other unnecessary thoughts?"
"Don't think about anything unnecessary..."
There's a long not-so-silent-filled-with-the-sounds-of-nature moment.
You glance around awkwardly before giving him a defensive look. "What?"
Different words have started floating through his mind, words spoken to someone else but recalled with surprising accuracy:
"Don't think about anything unnecessary. No matter what, you only need to focus on the ball in front of you."
He overheard Iwaizumi saying it to Kindaichi all the way back in his first year at Karasuno, during one of their games against Aoba Johsai...these words hit him, colliding with yours to make perfect--no. Not perfect sense, just sense.
The stress clears.
His mind refocuses.
Kageyama realizes his mouth's hanging open as he stares at you and quickly closes it. "Nothing, I just...never thought of it like that."
"Ookay, then." You nod with an expression that makes you think he's a little crazy and give a 360-degree scan of the woods. "So...any chance you can point me back in the direction of camp?"
With the startling new clarity of his re-centered mind Kageyama starts to answer, lifting an arm to point you in the right direction when he suddenly realizes
"Nope." He drops his arm. "I'm completely lost."
"Fuck."
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cpericardium · 10 months
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I fucking hate Taylor Hebert. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Taylor Hebert is a piece of shit. A damn bug robbed a bank and she’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Taylor Hebert is already parked there on her stupid giant fucking beetle. She took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to birdcage myself and take that goddamn insect bitch to hell with me. Taylor Hebert has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable used tampon on the street and asked her for her autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking terrorist gave me the autograph and sicced her brown recluses on my ballsack. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the spiderfucker didnt write her autograph, no, she wrote “you’re a stupid asshole, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the skittering testicle witch that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, you worm. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.
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Leon Kennedy headcanons because he has infected my little homosexual monkey brain like the plague
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- Bites the skin on his lower lip as a habit and picks at it mindlessly
- Like he won’t even realize his lip is bleeding
- Leon has sharp canine teeth and is constantly accidentally biting his tongue, the inside of his lip, and the inside of his cheeks like, exceptionally hard (almost always has a small open wound in his mouth, lots of scars)
- Prefers plain mint gum over spearmint gum, usually only chews sugar free gum as well
- Super flexible (which is canon tbh) and he loves doing stretches
- He sleeps and sits in strange positions because of his flexibility so things that are super comfy for him might be damn near impossible for others to do
- (slight chreon) Chris has definitely gotten distracted by Leon stretching because goddamn why he is so flexible???
- Leon prefers thicker soups over thinner ones
- The least picky eater imaginable oh my god he’ll literally eat nearly anything if you tell him it’s edible I stg
- (RE2 Leon and a bit of RE4) A little insecure about his babyface, like if he walked into a bar he would definitely get carded and he’s just kinda like “man :(“
- Used to be a dog person but now he’s kinda afraid of them due to the trauma he has with dog B.O.W.s
- Leon is often compared to a cat by Chris (he thinks the man is very cat-like, especially with how he likes to sit/sleep and his personality)
- Doesn’t smoke but has hit a younger coworkers vape once and his eyes teared up from him trying to hold in his coughing (he liked the flavour though, it was strawberry kiwi ice)
- Prefers pistols and close-combat weapons (such as his knife) over semiautomatic weapons
- Leon is autistic. That’s all I have to say about that
- Violently bisexual but in denial about liking men (he’s already bad with women, he doesn’t wanna think about how it’d go with men 💀)
- Like to sit in ways that stretch out his legs, likes to stand/lean against walls so he can stretch his legs. He takes up a lot of room because of this but he will move if needed
- The only reason he’s still allowed to have his license is because he works for the government
- Usually though the government will provide him transportation for everyone’s safety
- Can only cook really simple meals and can never eat/deal with meat a few days after a particularly rough mission
- He more often than not has nightmares and is an extremely light sleeper
- Leon really doesn’t get a lot of sleep and has to resort to sleep pills fairly often
- His one-liners and jokes keep him grounded as he does missions
- It’s also why he prefers to wear fingerless gloves! The gloves protect his palms but being able to feel things directly to his fingers can be helpful in keeping him grounded and focused on the mission
- HATES insects and will kill them but will gently take spiders out of the room and outside with the cup and paper trick
- If he’s drinking to relax he’ll have a fruity cocktail or something sweet but if he’s drinking to forget/cope he’ll choose something that’ll burn his throat going down
I have way more so I’ll probably make another list at some point <3
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ruru0803 · 5 months
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Unknown Territory: Five x Fem Reader
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Chapter 1
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He looked around in panic, this was not what he had expected when he decided to jump. This couldn't be the future, how could the world go to shit so fast...
He tried all he could but he couldn't do it. He couldn't go back, he was stuck here. He looked around for any sign of life but there was none, for a while he was happy. There were no adults around to tell him what he could and couldn't do, what limits he did and didn't have, no one to say "I told you so...''
But then he found the bodies of his siblings, it upset him to know that the academy had fallen, that his family had fallen and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
"You are not ready."
"You are not strong enough."
"You aren't capable enough."
"I told you so..."
"I told you so...."
"I told you so..."
All he could hear now was his father, it was the last thing he wanted to hear but the taunts wouldn't stop. It followed him even in his dreams.
He hated that the old man was right, he was always "right." Five thought he knew his powers better than anyone, it's his goddamn powers for Christ sake and yet the old man was right. Five never acorned and now he was stuck.
"Here you go Delores, brought you lunch."
Five found the doll a while ago, she was missing her legs and an arm but Five grew to love her, she was a comfort item to him. He had nothing left, no one left. She was the only thing that kept him sane.
"I know it's not the best but it's all we have left."
He handed her a broken plate of dead roaches, he turned towards his plate, cringing a little before gobbling his down. He had ran out of twinkles, it was the only thing left to eat and now there was nothing, nothing but the insects. He was starting to miss home more and more. At least there he had a warm meal and semi loving siblings.
He started to lay down next to his companion, looking at the sky. He had hoped the next day would be better, that somehow he could get home.
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You tried your best to crawl on the sand but that was extremely hard to do when you couldn't get a real grip on anything and with a tail weighting you down. You could turn them into legs but you were too tired to use your powers.
With the castle being under attack and dark forces trying to take over, your father thought you'd be better on land. How wrong he was. It was like a deserted wasteland up here, bodies scattered everywhere.
Your body was starting to dry up from dehydration, your skales were losing feelings and your hands were bloody from the grip you had on the ground. It was not easy trying to survive on your own in an unknown land, it's been weeks now and not a person in sight.
This was definitely not what you thought the land above would look like and you definitely didn't think you'd visit under these circumstances.
You were starting to lose hope on ever surviving, scared to fall asleep at the useless thought that some animal will come and eat you, starving from the lack of food, dehydrated without water. It all just felt hopeless.
"C-come little c-children, the times come to play. Here in the land of enchantment."
It was hopeless to try but your mother always told you that if you felt that you were in any danger, your siren song would get you out of anything. You were too far from anyone in the ocean to hear you and everyone on land was practically dead. You laid down, still singing hoping that comfort would soon wash over you.
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"Come little children, I'll take thee away, into the land of enchantment."
Five suddenly woke up, he looked around confused, where was the music coming from. He calmed his thoughts and focused on the sound and where it was coming from but the more he listened the more his mind went away from him.
His eyes turned from green to silver, he stood up and followed the sound, he was scared he suddenly had no control over his own body. He was stuck in a trance that he was clearly aware of but could do nothing to get out of and that frustrated him. All that training and for what?
"Follow sweet children, I'll show thee the way, through the pain and the sorrows."
The further and further he went from his camp the stronger the trance became until he himself was no longer there.
"Weep not poor children for life is this way, murdering beauty and passions."
He came to a stop, his eyes turned back to normal and he finally was in control of his body.
"The hell was that?"
He turned to leave, ready to head back to his little shelter.
"W-Wait."
He stopped dead in his tracks. Someone else was alive, someone besides him.
"P-p-please help me."
He turned around looking for the voice, he didn't see anything at least not until a hand grabbed his leg from behind making him jump.
His eyes widened at the sight in front of him, if he himself didn't have powers he wouldn't believe it. At first he thought it was a dream but the hand felt so real and the look in her eye was one of distress.
"Please."
She started to drift off in front of him. Causing him to panic.
"Shit. Shit. Shit."
He quickly picked up the little mermaid he found, which was kinda hard because her tail was so heavy but he did his best to bring her to camp.
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You start to stir, tossing and turning. A hand touches your head causing you to jump awake, screaming. Five falls back holding on to his ears.
"Ugh, shut up."
You stopped noticing the blood coming out of his ears.
"Sorry. You scared me."
"I scared you? You nearly killed me."
"Actually, it would have just given you permanent ear damage."
Five looks up and glares at you while still holding on to his ears.
"Doesn't make it better. Got it."
Five moves away from the being beside him and sits farther away from you. He grabs a water bottle from his bag and uses his foot to push it towards you.
"Really?"
Five just shrugs and nods his head towards the water.
"Thank you."
You drank some of the water instantly feeling better, you stopped yourself from downing all of it and used the little bit left to make two ear plugs and you sent it over to the boy in front of you.
"What is this? What are you doing?"
"Just let me put them in your ear."
Five glares at you, suspension in his eyes. You rolled your eyes at him.
"Please."
You direct the ear plugs to his ears, Five looks at you still suspicious of you and your intentions. A small amount of water cleans the blood from the boy's ears while the rest starts to heal the damage you had caused him. Once finished the ear plugs pull away from the boy's ears and disperses into nothing.
Once you were satisfied you started using your power to dry out your tail even more than it already was. You winced in pain as your tail started to split until you finally had legs. The boy's eyes widened before quickly closing his eyes and taking off his blazer throwing it in the direction of you.
"Warn someone next time."
"Sorry."
You cover the bottom of yourself still not able to move because of the pain you were currently in from changing.
Five opens his eyes and studies you for a second, this was something he didn't expect after weeks of being alone, to meet someone that was the same age as him after everything was crazy but to put in the fact that the someone he found wasn't even human was even crazier.
"Can you walk?"
"Not at the moment."
Five stares for a little longer before standing up.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm gonna go look for some clothes for you."
"By yourself?"
Five just shrugs at you.
"I've been alone all this time already, what's an extra hour?''
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"Ugh, Five how much longer are we gonna walk? I'm tired."
Five looked at you and glared a little before rolling his eyes. He had decided to keep you around, thinking that having another person would be nice and while it was, he also found having another person around to be annoying.
"However long it takes for us to find food."
It's been three years at this point you two were a little older now and had moved from place to place to survive. The bond between you two had started to grow.
Five had taught you as much as he could about how to survive on this deserted land, he taught you how to walk, how to fight, showed you where to find water and he was there to give his words of comfort whenever you started to miss your family, at least comfort in the way Five could.
You pulled the wagon that Delores was in as Five walked in front checking the binoculars every now and again.
Five looks at you again, eyes softening at the sight of you. You did look tired and after the long training session you guys had and all the walking you guys did, he guessed it would be fair to give you a break.
"Thirty minutes."
"What?"
Five walks up to you and makes you drop the handle to the wagon before pulling you to the ground with him. He lays down and opens his arms, his eyes inviting you to join him.
"What're you doing?"
"What does it look like? Come here."
You move to lay next to him but he pulls you closer laying your head on his chest, he starts to rub your head gently lulling you to sleep.
He smiled to himself as he watched you sleeping soundly beside him. His gaze suddenly shifts to Delores then back to you then back to her.
"Oh come on Delores, it's not like that."
The mannequin just stares blankly at the boy.
"We're just really good friends. That's it. You've got nothing to worry about."
The mannequin continues to stare blankly at the boy, he then rolls his eyes before closing them.
"I'm not going to sit here and take this."
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"He thought it was so childish that I named him Tigger, he kept telling me to change it but it's my catfish so I told him to choke on a reef."
You turned towards Five after five minutes of not getting any type of acknowledgment that he was listening to you. you found him dosing on off; head nodding off to the side, jumping awake every time his head fell before he started to lean against the tree behind you and falling asleep fully.
Five didn't mean to fall asleep during your conversation but he had spent the night and most of the morning practicing his jumps and trying to find the right calculations to travel back, however all he succeeded in was tiring himself out and being no closer to finding a way out of this wasteland.
He wanted to sleep but you were particularly chatty today. Seeing as he was your only source of entertainment, he didn't want to just ignore you but it's hard to stay awake when you basically tired yourself out and there was no ounce of caffeine anywhere.
You pouted at him, slightly annoyed he fell asleep on you but you couldn't blame him. You watched him train really hard, you had offered to use your siren song to put him to sleep but he declined, saying that he really needed to figure out how to jump back.
You stared at the sleeping boy, torn between waking him up to finish your story or letting him rest. You decided to let him rest, looking around and tapping your fingers against your leg but you were starting to get bored. You turned your attention to the boy beside you and closed your eyes.
You open your eyes again this time surrounded by a building with a table in the center of the room, Five was at the table along with Delores. You rolled your eyes before walking behind the boy.
"Am I that boring that you'd rather have a dream about your doll girlfriend then spend time with me?"
The boy jumped out of his chair quickly turning to face you with a shock look on his face.
"W-what are you doing here?"
You pouted playfully at him.
"You fell asleep on me."
"How are you here?"
You smile at him, you liked keeping him on his toes about the different powers you had as a mermaid.
"It runs in my family. My mom calls it dream walking. As long as someone is in a dreamlike state, sleeping or daydreaming, I can enter their minds but it only works on those who have heard my siren song."
You smile proudly at him as his eyes widened. He tries to touch you but his hand goes through you so he quickly pulls it back to his side.
"I'm not really here, so you can't feel me. You can look but you can't touch."
You laugh as Five shakes his head. He sits down before his eyes shift back in your direction.
"So I can't escape you even in my dreams."
Five was partly joking, he liked having you around and he liked learning new things about you but this was a little much.
"Nope."
"So what did you want?"
You pout again.
"You fell asleep on me, I was telling you about how my brother was being a dick about me naming my catfish."
Five gives you an annoyed look.
"That's what you came here for?"
You shrug.
"And cause I was bored."
Five rolls his eyes playfully at you before sending you a smirk.
"So your powers?"
"Yes?"
"It works if I'm in a dreamlike state, like vulnerable right?"
"Basically."
You nod along to his words.
"And if I were to close my mind off?"
You understood where he was going with this and started to shake your head rapidly.
"Five, no, no, no, no. Please don't, I can't -"
You open your eyes again finding Five still asleep next to you but his mind was no longer available to enter, so you sat there bored out of your mind, waiting for him to wake up.
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"Harder!! You have to do it harder!!"
"Five, I'm trying."
"Well you're not trying hard enough."
You took a breath before throwing a punch at Five, he grabs your arms twisting it so you flipped over and hit the ground.
"This is not what I wanted to spend my birthday doing."
You groaned sitting up and rubbing your back. You turn towards the boy and glare at him.
"Seriously Five. Why are we even training this hard? There is nothing here, no one to fight, no one to protect."
"Yeah that's the problem. We failed them. The academy failed everyone."
You watch as the boy starts pacing back and forth.
"I shouldn't have left."
He stops pacing and balls his fist at his side. You motion at him to continue, sitting on the floor.
"I jumped here cause I thought that I knew what I was doing. I trained hard, I practiced my jumps but 'he' never believed in me."
"Who's 'He'?"
"Reginald Hargreeves, my 'dad'. I jumped because he told me I could never go back and even though I hate him...I wanted to prove him wrong."
He started to pace again.
"I knew I shouldn't have run away from home. I don't know what I thought I would find here but it wasn't this."
He exhales from his nose before turning towards you with determination firing in his eyes.
"I'm going to find a way to get back to before the apocalypse ever happens."
"I thought you couldn't jump back."
"I can't, but I won't stop until I can."
You smile at him nodding your head along with his words, admiration filling your eyes.
Five smiles back at you then walks over to you pulling a box out of his blazer and handing it to you.
"Uh oh. Hope Delores doesn't mind."
You took every opportunity to tease him about the relationship he had with the mannequin, you didn't understand how he could have feelings for an inanimate object but that was none of your business though you were kinda jealous of the thing.
Five just rolled his eyes and nodded his head towards the box. You open it and inside was a necklace with you and Five's birth stones in it.
"How did you?"
Five shrugs and a secretive smile makes its way to his face.
"I have my ways."
You smirk before pulling the boy in a hug, he looks shocked at first but quickly melts into your touch.
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You shook slightly as blood covered your body. Five slowly walks to you and wraps his arms around you in a hug.
He wanted to teach you how to protect yourself, not to become a killer but after joining The Temps, you guys didn't have much of a choice. You guys were much, much older now. The Temps somehow found you and offered you a way out of the apocalypse, Five took it as a chance to figure out who or what caused the apocalypse but everything came with a price.
"It's okay. I got you. I'm here."
To anyone judgmental watching and not knowing any better they would think it was an older man taking advantage of a younger woman. Truth was Mermaids didn't age like humans did. You started aging slower at the age of 20, your body still not catching up with your age and mind, Five however aged normally; or he did until The Temps did a surgery on you guys. They wanted their agents to live forever, no one could die from old age so the only way to get out of a contract was to die by gunfire.
"How much longer are we gonna have to do this?"
"I don't know sweetheart. I don't know."
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"It's not big enough Five."
The two of you started to panic, looking back and forth between the portal and the Temps agents making their way over.
"You have to go on without me."
"Absolutely not."
"Five-"
"No, I'm not leaving you."
Five tries harder to get the portal to open wider pulling his hands further and further away from each other but it barely moves an inch. You both dodge as a fire extinguisher comes through the portal, you quickly grab the sides of Five's face making him look at you.
"You need to go."
Five shakes his head not trying to even entertain the thought of losing you.
"Five. The world needs you, there isn't enough time. They're coming."
"I'm not fucking leaving you."
You watch as the agents get closer and closer, your eyes meet Five's with determination and guilt, you hide it by pulling him into a quick and passionate kiss which he returned before pushing him through the portal.
"Y/n!!!!"
"I love you Five."
The portal closes soon after as an agent sneaks up behind you and knocks you out.
Next ⌛🫧
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nerves-nebula · 11 months
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Sorry if this has been asked before, but how do your turtles feel about spiders? Or insects and invertebrates in general? Do they have any phobias?
What would he do in this situation?
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<3 ur AU!! :3
Also, sorry if this was sent twice. I think my phone is broken </3
Donnie: used to be scared of spiders getting on him when he was younger, but has always thought they were beautiful and interesting from afar in a kind of "wow the beauty and complexity of nature" sort of way. he got way more used to them because of Big Mama and is probably the most comfortable one holding them now (except for mikey but that's different.) Donnie could probably be ok if thrown into a pit of spiders, is what I mean.
Leo: Secretly afraid of spiders but pretends he's not because he's A Big Strong Man who's not afraid of a dumb bug!! no way!! he will try to subtly stay away from spiders if he can, and big mama freaks him out even when she's in human form cause he KNOWS shes a DAMN SPIDER!!!
Raph: Has probably eaten spiders out of desperation before, generally neutral about them since he encounters them a lot while cleaning. He doesn't like them getting on him or near him but he wont freak out if he has to trap one and set it free, or kill one or something.
Mikey: would eat a spider completely unprompted- no thought. Spiders don't scare mikey, mikey scares SPIDERS. he revels in the fact that others get freaked out when he eats or holds insects. he's a little menace.
Splinter: fucking hates spiders and kills them on sight. he hates living in the sewers where there's so many goddamn insects. his rat instincts mean he sometimes eats spiders too, but he's self conscious about that so don't point it out unless you want him to start raging at you.
edit: OMG I FORGOT TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LIKED THIS DRAWING BTW. its adorable thank you !!
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redstringraven · 10 months
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an excruciatingly long ramble about the ‘03 turtles and the enneagram 🐢💜 pt4
[ intro + disclaimers post ] [ pt 2 - raph ] [ pt 3 - leo ] [ pt 5 - mikey ]
don, 5 with a 4 wing
addendums: [ 1 ]
intro
alright, donnie-bear, it’s your turn in the spotlight. which i know you hate, so i’ll try not to keep you too long.
don doesn’t really get to have like… a season-wide growth or 'arc' of sorts (leo’s is a main focus of season four and raph’s is more of a subtle thing you can notice as the series progresses). what’s interesting is, in some ways, being a 5 could explain that. IF we wanted to be charitable and say never addressing the wild shit don goes through was intentional. but i know that’s more self-indulgence or wanting to gently take the writers by their shoulders and shake them on my end.
please, flying spaghetti monster, get these boys some goddamn therapy.
let’s begin.
bare basics of the 5
5s are one of the three withdrawn types (along with 4s and 9s), and they’re members of the head triad (made of 5s, 6s and 7s).
the withdrawn types lack differentiation between their conscious self and their unconscious, unprocessed thoughts, impulses and feelings. their unconsciousness constantly wells up into consciousness through daydreams and fantasies. all three of the withdrawn types respond to stress by moving away from engagement with the world around them and into an “inner safe haven” in their imagination. in other words, they have a habit of “zoning out”.
the head triad may also be referred to as the ‘thinking’, ‘reason’ or ‘fear’ triad. members of this triad are concerned with anxiety; they carry a great deal of fear and are driven by it. they feel they experience a lack of support and guidance, and because of this they often engage in behaviors they believe will enhance their safety and security. they take in and relate to the world through the mind, and they tend to think and plan carefully before they act. 5s externalize it, 6s internalize it, and 7s forget it.
a 5’s basic fear is that of being helpless, useless, overwhelmed or incapable
their basic desire is to be capable and competent
they believe they’ll be okay so long as they have mastered something
childhood take-aways
as you likely expect, we return to the quote from master splinter in things change (s1ep1):
“your path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.”
young 5s tend to be quiet children who occupy their time with books, collecting insects or plants, learning a musical instrument, using a computer, or playing board games or with chemistry sets rather than participate in play with their peers. anxious parents might find themselves coaxing their young 5 into basic activities--joining a sports team or going to a playground--in an effort for their child to be more ‘normal’; these efforts are often met with intense resistance from the 5. the 5 will sometimes feel overwhelmed by their protective figures, and they'll seek out other ways to feel secure and confident.
as children, 5s see the world around them with startling clarity. they elaborate on it in their minds, which will have repercussions later on for better or for worse. these types value independence--or, more accurately: non-intrusion. early on, 5s learn to believe that by not asking much from you, you won't ask much of them; through that, 5s attain safety and a feeling of control. as a way of defending themselves, they learn to cut themselves off from nurturance--any painful feelings of need and longing--by staying in their minds.
something i find interesting about the lesson (s3ep13) in retrospect of the enneagram is what don and leo choose to focus on when teaching a young casey. now, i know in some way the choices were kind of narrative jokes (as well as poking fun at the fact they’re like eight-years-old and trying to teach something complex like martial arts) but i think, in don’s case, there’s a bit more going on.
leo, who in his older years more focuses on strategy, went for meditation as his starting point (likely remembering where his own ninjitsu training might have begun and wanting to do it 'right') whereas don went for strategy as HIS starting point.
one could argue that out of the four brothers, don is the ‘weakest’ fighter (in terms of technique and natural skill, NOT physical strength; i will get to that). rather than focus on where his ninjitsu training began and giving casey the chance to see if his own physical abilities can develop, don goes right into where he knows HE’S capable: the thinking aspect. planning.
splinter says “to survive, you must master these skills”, and here is a young don already recognizing that out of the four of them, he needs to rely on something more than just ninjitsu skills alone.
don’s best tool in an actual confrontation at this point--what would keep him capable and ‘not useless’--would be navigating a battlefield strategically and keeping himself one step ahead of his opponent.
in flashbacks from tales of leo (s1ep19), we can see don’s built himself a little robot car. this, obviously, will serve no form of protection or security in an actual fight or time of emergency; it’s a toy. he’s a child with a still-developing brain and knowledge of the craft. there's no context to if this story takes place before or after the events of the lesson, but it's evident he's already pursuing other areas to (hopefully!) master outside of ninjitsu that could aid him later.
don as a 5
5s can sometimes be nicknamed: ‘the thinker’, ‘the innovator’, ‘the observer’, ‘the sage’, ‘the specialist’, ‘the radical’, or ‘the expert’.
more than any type, 5s want to find out why things are the way they are. behind their relentless pursuit of knowledge is a deep insecurity about their ability to function successfully. 5s feel that they do not have an ability to do things as well as others. they believe in the safety and security of their own minds.
5s are highly motivated by a desire to understand. to them, gathering knowledge and mastering information are keys to survival. 5s collect and horde information like dragons to gold; they want to know at least a little bit about every obscure topic. they don’t want to appear foolish or uninformed, or be humiliated by not having the correct answer. while don’s physically present at the hockey game in the golden puck (s2ep18), he’s got his nose in a book about the sport's history. this could not only be his 5’s desire to collect information, but also an attempt to understand something casey (and maybe by proxy, raph) is interested in.
5s have a presentational or lecture-like “talking style”; if you ask them what they feel, they’re more likely to tell you what they think. due to this, they tend to respond to problems rather than react to them. it’s this ability that helps don stay as the level-head out of the four brothers. like 9s, 5s are able to remain neutral and see both sides of a conflict. but where a 9 might be worried about hurt feelings, a 5 will look at the situation objectively and shoot straight with you (a contributing reason to why raph might respond better to don calling him out than leo or mikey; don is always going to be straight-forward with him, something 8s, as we covered, value). raph and leo, being on the gut-triad, have a tendency to react to their instinct, and mikey doesn’t always slow down enough to exercise his 5 (it’s his security number, and we’ll get to that).
from a narrative/’tope’ standpoint, you could look at don having 'random' knowledge outside of his usual science and engineering expertise as him filling his narrative role as “the smart one”, but his 5 could also serve as an explanation for why he just… can either read or recognize an italian phrase in the darkness within (s3ep14) or why he has a pigeon puppet in search for splinter (s1ep25) that my bird-loving ass continues to be DELIGHTED over to this day. a 5 never wants to be put in a position where they have to depend on others to take care of them. the idea of losing their independence and self-reliance terrifies them. so, they gather all sorts of information and ideas and resources they deem potentially useful later.
and semi-due to this, the average 5 has a bit of a scarcity mentality. they’re careful to measure how much time they’re spending with others in comparison to time they spend honing their abilities to master something or expand their knowledge. this might lead to them hoarding their space, time, and even affection. it’s common for a 5 to have a space that is THEIR space. this could be as small as a specific chair they always retreat to for reading (that they get a little territorial about should you find yourself sitting in it one day), a corner of the garage, or a larger space such as a study or work-room. don, of course, has his lab which seems to be a (questionably) repurposed subway car for the majority of the series. i don’t know how he got it in the lair… that’s a question for another day. and given a 5’s secrecy and independence it, frankly, wouldn’t surprise me if no one knows how he got it in there. we'll touch on that more in a bit.
don’s wing was probably the hardest for me to pin down out of the brothers. i remember on the same site i saw raph being labeled as an 8w9, don was a 5w6. it took a lot of thinking, a lot of reviewing, but i’ve decided i disagree.
it’s possible he might reach for the 6’s influence from time to time, but i decided on 4 for two key reasons:
5s with a 6 wing tend to be more argumentative and will even actively antagonize people who disagree with them and their views (gives me more stockman energy than it does don; not saying stockman is a 5, tho), and
when mikey’s talking about the different freedoms they all have due to leo shouldering most of the responsibility in samurai tourist (s4ep13), he says don’s free to ‘dream’.
mikey’s insight and that word choice are important. again, i can’t help but wonder if the site’s decision to give don a 6 for a wing was to fully put him on the thinking triad rather than give him a foot in the feeling triad.
the 4’s influence brings with it the more surreal and fantastical; 5w4s are more creative and often seek niches unexplored by others, able to tap into the imaginative side of their brain rather than only the analytic. i think it goes without saying that several of don’s inventions are outside the norm and incredibly creative and innovative. the tunneler, whose existence would even be the undoing of the shredder in another world, is a fantastic example of this. additionally, don's limited access to resources forces him to think and problem-solve more even creatively, and i wouldn't be surprised if that fueled and developed his 4 more than his 6.
5s with a 4 wing are sometimes nicknamed ‘the iconoclast’. they’re creative, sensitive, and empathetic. they’re not always sure what to do with their feelings and prefer to process them in solitude. these 5s are more prone to experiencing melancholy, but they’re less emotionally guarded around others and tend to be better at being kind to themselves. they tend to be more creative than the other sub-type; their tinkering with familiar forms, ideas and concepts can lead to startling innovations. they’re often drawn to the arts, and their curiosity and perceptiveness combine with the desire to express their unique and personal visions.
stress & security numbers
don’s stress number is a 7, so in times of high stress and low spirits he’ll begin to express the negative traits associated to 7s. stressed 5s hoard and cling more tightly to things, make their world smaller and smaller, and will turn their attention away from the needs of others. in worst-case scenarios, they might refuse to help at all or even become hostile to the suggestion, as it would require them to use their valuable time, energy and resources that keep THEM safe. they might become frivolous, disorganized and distracted to the point of not being able to complete tasks and stop thinking about the consequences of their behavior. they’ll begin feeling even more inadequate, feel sorry for themselves, and do whatever they can to avoid pain.
these 5s become more impulsive, their minds speed up--restless and agitated--and they feel more compelled to distract themselves. under extreme stress, they might even become aggressive and insensitive in their pursuit of… whatever it is they want at the time.
examples of don’s 7 showing up could include:
his outburst at his brothers at the start of return to the underground (s2ep13), his frustration with himself for not being able to find a cure for their friends below, and remaining confined/isolated to his lab while his brothers continue to go about their lives and other activities
straight up ripping professor honeycutt’s head off in worlds collide pt1 (s3ep5) because he panicked. funny as it was, mikey’s right… that was kind of extreme. aggressive, impulsive, and insensitive, one might even say
we get a glimpse of one of don’s workstations in bad day (s4ep8) and it's a complete mess. it’s possible that leo’s shift in attitude is wearing don down internally. he’s not taking care of his spaces, and he might not be taking care of himself much, either.
in dragons rising (s4ep10), when leo’s hanging off the back of a truck and mikey’s sliding on the hood of the battleshell, there's a pair of dragons in a truck behind them. those dragons rear-end the battleshell, and don doesn’t hesitate to shoot a fucking missile right into the driver’s seat. had those dragons not thought fast enough to bail, they'd be off the census.
also in this episode, after don tries to look on the bright side (saying they stopped half the convoy) and leo snaps at him, he’s turned away from leo for the rest of the scene--he’s even cut out of the frame in one shot. boy has: completely withdrawn from the ‘conversation’ while the others remain engaged and listening.
don’s security number is an 8, so when mentally and spiritually healthy he’ll begin to adopt the positive traits associated with 8s. with the influence of their 8, 5s become more spontaneous, outspoken and physically present. they get energetic, confident, and much more talkative. the difference can be quite striking to people, leading to playful questions like “what’s gotten into don today?”.
secure 5s become more willing to participate rather than just observe. they feel empowered to take on major challenges, and some will even pursue or assume leadership roles. rather than fear the loss of the abilities or expertise that they’ve been careful to cultivate in isolation, they harness those skills strategically and constructively. they come out of their own heads and embrace a deeper contact with their vitality and physicality. they can take on a whimsical or dark sense of humor, and take delight in puns and wordplay. a more mischievous, lively and elfin side of them begins to show through. a 5 who wants to experience the abundance of life without worrying about what they can afford to lose is one on the high side of an 8.
examples of don’s 8 surfacing could include:
whenever we see him engaging in play with his brothers; he’s not only choosing to be present and share his time with them, but he also seems to--pardon the pun--come out of his shell a bit more. examples could include darkness at the edge of town (s1ep6), reflections (s2ep9), space invaders pt 1 (s3ep2), nobody’s fool (s3ep11), and time travails (s3ep17)
in the king (s1ep16) when the champions all battle cry and rush into the fight, he joins them. battle cry and all. fucking dweeb.
suggesting they all go get ice cream in the ultimate ninja (s2ep10); it’s small, but don’s choosing to not only remain present but to leave the lair and do an unplanned activity with the others
any time he exercises that gentleman’s snark of his, but i’m going to choose a class favorite: “nighty night, dragon-boy” from cousin sid (s4ep1)
how giddy and talkative he is at the start of return of savanti (s4ep20).
don’s 8 is subtle, but it breaks his habitual patterns. people who aren’t that familiar with him might think this is just him behaving ‘normally’, but those who do know him understand that he prefers being left to his projects, studies, and ideas. when he chooses to not only be present in the moment and spend his valuable time with his loved ones, it’s him leaving his safe spaces, risking to use up those resources he so carefully maintains and allowing himself to feel good and be confident in areas he’s normally not. his 8’s a little difficult to spot, but it’s there if you know how to spot a 5 dipping their toe into gremlin-mode. and it is highly endearing.
just don’t tell sam regiel that, he lives 24/7 in gremlin-mode, sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally, none of us are safe--
cardinal sins - 5 and greed
much in the way that raph’s cardinal sin wasn’t a surface-level explanation, neither is don’s. because i can already hear some folks protesting in regard to how generous and selfless he is. i hear you, and you’re correct. materialistically, 5s can be extremely generous. … however, as the greediest greed to ever greed once said:
“you humans think greed is only about money and power. but everybody wants something they don't have.”
remember that the thinking and head triad can also be called the ‘fear’ triad, and that types in this triad struggle with and are driven by fear. fear makes 5s shrink inward, and avarice makes them hoard whatever minimal resources they have around them. their greed, their avarice, focuses on their inner resources, their energy, and their time. they’re greedy for knowledge and improving their expertise, and they can easily feel intruded upon and learn to protect themselves by emotionally withdrawing from people.
5s want to conserve their energy and resources in order to avoid needing others too much, trying to take as little from the environment and those around them as possible. they feel as though there is not much of them to go around, and the needs of others can deplete or exhaust them. don even laments in his official profile that he longs for the day he can be left alone to explore his interests, and that maybe someday "he'll have the time he needs".
in new blood (s3ep12) don 'cheats' at their game of ninja hide-and-seek by using nightvision goggles to quickly find his brothers. he's both making up for, in his mind, his natural skill at the game, and he's possibly looking to speed things up a bit so he can return to what HE wants to use his time doing. i think it's also worth noting that in city at war pt3 (s2ep16), don’s the one who asks karai what’s in it for them should they agree to help her. in exchange for the valuable resources the turtles will give to help karai (their time, their energy, their literal safety), what do they get in return?
it’s also important to recognize that 5s consider information a resource. due to this, 5s are extremely private and secretive people. it’s rare for any one person to know everything about a 5; each colleague or friend might have a part of a 5’s story, but no one person or even group of people will have the whole story. 5s might even go out of their way to not introduce certain circles of friends to each other due to an underlying fear that they all might talk to each other and be able to piece together what information about the 5 they have. that information--their lives and experiences--is THEIRS. keeping that hidden away, not sharing that resource, is a method of security.
i think we get a fair amount of glimpses into this aspect of don throughout the series, and the first is quite earliy on, but small. when they meet april (s1ep3), don’s not the one who introduces himself as the tech-wiz in the group. mikey’s the one who talks him up, and don even tells him to ‘cut it out’ (even if he says this playfully or humbly, this is not technically mikey's information to share).
the way mikey reacts to don's pigeon puppet suggests this is the first time any of them have seen the silly thing. as far as we know, he never tells his brothers about the events of the king (s1ep16) or that he got tortured by triceratons (s3ep3)--FOR information, at that!--or about where he went in same as it never was (s3ep21). and the whole time he’s sick in the latter half of season 4, he keeps brushing it off as just a bug bite and then a cold. he’s probably in a lot more discomfort than he ever lets on, but… eh, no one needs to know that. it’s probably nothing. this is both HIS information… and, also, leans into the 5’s negative trait of neglecting their own health in stressed states and minimizing their own comfort. they don’t want to have to rely on anyone for anything.
as with raph and leo, let’s also peek at the other cardinal sins associated with don: with his 4 wing, 7 stress and 8 security, the others in his circle would be envy, gluttony, and lust respectively.
SaiNW and don straight up disappearing
a gentle content warning for mention of death in the last paragraph of this section. i know it’s kind of a ‘dead dove, do not eat’ situation with this being sainw and all, but just so you know it’s coming.
as i mentioned in an earlier section, don’s 5 aids him in being the level-head in the family. sainw!mikey even remarks on this in the episode (that "they really needed that level-head of his"). i mentioned in that same section that mikey does have access to the 5, with it being his security number, but… given the environment of sainw, i think it’s fair to say that all of the turtles would have been in the most unhealthy state of their core number. this would mean mikey’s 5 is closed off, and he’d be leaning more into his 1. they, as a team, had lost their links to any of the positive influence that could have come from the 5’s respond over react nature.
don’s disappearance is left vague, not only to us as the viewers but also to his family. he just disappeared. and when his brothers finally see him again thirty years later, it’s not even their don. they're just as in the dark as we are, meaning there was no big fight or blow up or otherwise ‘obvious explanation’ as to why don would have left without a word.
i discussed leo and raph's types at their highest and lowest points, so let's pause to take a look at don's real quick. at their healthiest, 5s can be described as: participating and visionary, observant and perceptive, focused and innovative. at their unhealthiest, they become: nihilistic and eccentric, horrified and delirious, oblivion seeking and self-annhilating.
the series itself is officially twenty years old, and sainw is one of the most utilized episodes when it comes to the creation of fanworks, so i’m sure just about every reason under the sun has been either touched upon or hinted at or explored to explain why don vanished the way he did. and, sadly, thanks to don’s 5, they could all work in my opinion. it’s painfully simple.
5s, due to their need for independence as well as their reluctance to talk about themselves, are the types of people who will leave the house without a word. if they realize the house coffee supply is running low, they’ll grab their keys and head out to the store. they have a library book that's due soon, so rather than go directly home after work like they usually do they'll detour to drop it off. maybe they just feel like taking a walk; out the door they go. no “hey, i’m heading out, be back in ten!”, no text, no post-it note, nothing. it’s not a reflection on how they feel about you or anyone else, it’s just how they are.
it wouldn’t surprise me at all if don was guilty of this. maybe in the middle of a project he realizes he needs something from the junkyard, flings his duffel over his shoulder and just heads out to go grab it real quick. if no one happens to cross his path between his lab and the garage door, he won’t go out of his way to tell anyone where he's off to or that he's leaving at all. they probably won’t know unless one of them text or call him (rip leo and raph’s stress-o-meters). there’s, of course, a chance his family has caught onto this habit and requested he let SOMEONE know, but… that also means don would have to comply to that. be it intentionally ignoring this request or maybe just being too wrapped up in his work or creative excitement to get what he needs and continue making progress that he just plain forgets to say something, who knows.
sainw!don likely did the same thing, and his exit would have likely been paired with a more unhealthy and stressed state of being. for some reason, a reason we’ll never have, he left their hideout and all dialogue/evidence points to no one happening to cross his path on his way out to learn where he was going.
maybe he just needed air. maybe he was trying to get supplies. maybe he got captured and/or killed while he was out there. maybe there are details surrounding casey and/or splinter’s death that we don’t have that caused him to actually want to break off from the others and go on his own (the 7 in him stopping him from being attentive to the needs of others and withdrawing in full, hostile to helping). maybe he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a genuine, unrelated accident cost him his life and no one knew where he was or even to go looking for him when he never came back. we don’t know and we never will. it's another layer to the tragedy of the episode.
[ryan bergara voice] what happened to sainw!donatello will always remain… unsolved.
i’m sorry, if i don’t meme at least once in this section i will be depressed for the rest of the day, let’s move on.
brains and brawn? you mean don.
this has been commented on in the fandom a handful of times over the years: don’s probably the strongest, physically, out of the brothers. yeah, stronger than raph. there’s evidence not only in-series, but if you consider the enneagram aspect of don and his 5, it opens another perspective into some of the things we might not get to see on screen.
take don’s independence for example. the fact he doesn’t ever want to have to rely on anyone else. sure, yeah, being in danger out on the field--he’s aware of when he needs help and will ask for it in that aspect, as he has recognized that ninjitsu is not the ‘skill’ he has mastered or has aimed TO master… but he’s not going to ask his brothers for help moving things around in his lab (especially given that his lab is one of HIS spaces). he’s going to do it himself, even if he has to spend two days building a one-use pulley system to make it happen. this is the enneagram type who just flat out leaves the house without telling anyone anything. you think he’s gonna wander out of his lab and ask someone to help him move a giant tire if he can figure out a way to do it himself? hell no. god forbid.
think about all the shit don has to move on a day to day basis to build and fix and modify the stuff he does. the average weight of an eight-cylinder car engine is between 400 to 700 pounds (that’s 181kg to 317kg). and the original battleshell wasn’t just a van, either, it was an armored car they ‘borrowed’ from the purple dragons (s1ep1). we see that he has a car engine removed and suspended while he fixes it in lone raph and cub (s1ep24) and it's fucking huge. it’s so funny to think that raph is over here like “i’m gonna be so strong [works out in his free time]” and meanwhile don’s out beside some abandoned car somewhere with the hood propped open like “hmm… i COULD call one of my brothers and ask them to help me strip this engine out and get it home… but i could also not do that [proceeds to not do that and gets it home himself]”.
i acknowledge that some of these can be dismissed as "cartoon physics", but humor me for a paragraph.
given that everyone else was busy fighting, don had to've dragged stockman's robotic arm--which is bigger than him--from inside the building to the outer edge all on his own in return to new york pt3 (s1ep23) so he can cover raph from the roof. we’ve seen don single-handedly lift a metal beam off his person (s2ep20), we’ve seen him stop an underwater fan with his staff and force it to stay still (s3ep9), we’ve seen him jam his staff into solid fucking cement cement (s2ep14), when everyone was getting sucked into the portal at the end of the battle nexus it was traximus--the eight foot triceraton--THEN don keeping the chain anchored to the ground (s2ep26), he’s thrown triceratons around with his own two hands--lifted one out of a vehicle even (s2ep4), he dragged two of his unconscious brothers toward the pedestal in april’s artifact (s2ep21), he and raph are both bearing the brunt of the weight of a slab of roof after the foot’s training building collapses in city at war (s2ep15), he’s been at the top of the turtle chain at least twice in the series when they’re hanging off of something (s1ep2 & s3ep26) which means he’s holding up roughly 720 pounds with just his own damn hands and arms.
in his pursuit to master mechanics while being fully independent in doing so, not needing to rely on his brothers to help him move things from the junkyard to his lab to the final piece, he’s unknowingly made himself the team muscle, too. my brother in bushido, do you even lift? yes.
anyway the entire point of this section is to say that whenever i see 03 don written as the physically weak one because he’s the nerd and not the most skilled fighter, i’m immediately yeeting myself out of the conversation. he’ll scrap with you in the vacant lot behind the arby’s and win.
yet another section about the first half of season 4
since we talked about raph and leo’s perspectives in this area of the show--and since i plan on dedicating a section for mikey in his post--don deserves a lookover as well.
if you were to ask me who was probably coping the worst with the outcome of exodus, it’d obviously be leo. duh. but if you were to ask me who was coping the worst aside from leo, i would place my money on don. the series doesn’t allow him to process like it did with leo, and if you zoom out a bit and look at season 3… there’s not a lot of time, we can assume, between sainw and exodus. narratively, there are three episodes, but two of them (the real world parts 1 and 2) take place on the same day as sainw. in both sainw and exodus, don is the last man standing at the end of the fight. in sainw he defeats the shredder after his brothers have perished. in exodus, master splinter and his brothers are all downed. leo and raph are even lying beside each other again. the whole thing had to’ve been too close for comfort on a variety of levels. a slap of deja-vu he didn’t ask for and that no one else in the room is going to understand.
we don’t get to see a lot of don directly engaging with leo’s shift in attitude throughout the earlier half of season four and, maybe while not purposeful by the writers, i think at least some of that could be contributed to his 5 dipping into his 7. where raph is challenging leo’s attitude shift and starting to push him away by becoming hostile (as a way of protecting himself), don is just straight up not engaging with leo at all if he can help it. in his head, he doesn’t have the energy or capacity to deal with this right now. his own inner resources are low, he’s still healing from sainw and exodus on his own, and not only does he not want anyone to know about that, he just can’t deal with leo’s needs at the moment.
his shared glee with raph over mikey having to do a rematch with kluh (s4ep6) could even be attributed to his 7’s desperate and scattered need for a distraction--a change of pace--oh, thank god, not only will this keep leo’s attention off ME and he’ll stop dragging me into training, but maybe it’ll humble mikey enough to get him to stop antagonizing raph for a day because the air around here is already too tense.
when we get to the opening of samurai tourist (s4ep13), don points out that raph’s right in recognizing leo’s shift in behavior is getting worse, but he does so in a way that's uncharacteristically removed for him.
“leo’s gotten really intense. ever since our final showdown with the shredder, he just seems so… angry."
like... this is an extremely surface level observation for the same guy who noticed that they very well could have been in nano’s position had master splinter not been a good person (s2ep11), or who pointed out to mikey that he shouldn’t call the undergrounders ‘monsters’ when to most people they are ALSO monsters (s1ep14), or who connected the dots that if it hadn’t been for the shredder they never would have become mutants (s2ep9), or who didn’t hesitate to give zog a breathing aid because he knew oxygen was poisonous to him (s2ep19)--just to name a few instances.
don has consistently throughout the series been empathetic and aware of the experiences and emotions and needs of the people they encounter. now, one of the people he knows better than anyone else on the planet has drastically changed, but all he can say is that he seems angry. don isn’t in a healthy enough place to feel secure in using his inner resources to spend on leo. they’ve all likely been focused inward and on keeping himself afloat, keeping his own struggles invisible and minimized, keeping his head down while tensions rise between raph and leo.
again, i wish so badly that the series had taken the time to explore the ripple effect of leo’s damage as well as any healing that the other brothers needed to do rather than simply saying “they’ve all healed, but you, leo, have not”. because i just don’t believe that. i do like that the brothers seem to be responding in their own ways to leo’s shift, with don and raph being on the unhealthier end of that and mikey being on the healthy side, but… yeah. wish we had a half season to explore all of them. guess that’s what fanfiction’s for.
conclusion
as mentioned in part 1, the two books i referenced and heavily pulled from in the more enneagram-focused sections of this project (the parts where the enneagram itself is explained rather than how it applies to the turtles) were:
the wisdom of the enneagram by don richard riso & russ hudson
the road back to you by ian morgan cron & suzanne stabile
oh my god, i can’t believe i only have one post left in this series to do. after over a year of working on this thing to finally see it come to a close is kind of wild. honestly, it was getting to the point i was wondering if i’d do it at all (which is why i just FORCED myself to post the disclaimer post as a way of holding myself accountable jfdkls).
anyway, i’m very excited. mikey’s the last one to go, and--as i had a reason i chose to cover raph first--i have a reason i chose to cover mikey last. the reason might be evident if you’ve been paying attention, too. but i’ll elaborate on that a bit more once we get into the post itself. u-u/!
thank you so, so much for reading yet again, and i hope you enjoy the warm drinks and snacks i set out for you. see you in the next one!
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sunnynwanda · 1 year
Text
Wedding date: Part 3
Part 1    Part 2        Part 4
Villain’s determination is close to failing as the ceremony nears its end. They could feel the gazes directed at them the moment they walked into the church with their ‘date’. They were lucky the bride was about to walk down the aisle, so no one made any comments. The looks, however, said it all. 
The only people smiling from ear to ear were the bride and Hero. And if the bride's smile was understandable and expected, Hero was simply an idiot. An idiot with a survival instinct nonexistent in their system.
“Jesus, read the room, Hero,” Villain whispers, tilting their head to the side so no one can see their lips. Their jaw is tense, lips barely parting as they speak.
“What is it, honey?“ Their archnemesis is unfazed, still grinning like the Cheshire cat. Villain can’t decide if they’re oblivious, overly confident or plain dense. “Your grandmother seems nice - she winked at me when we walked in.”
“God, are you serious?” Exasperation laces Villain’s voice. They pinch the bridge of their nose with ice-cold fingers before speaking through gritted teeth. “Don’t let your guard down, Hero.“
“Aw, don’t worry about me,” Hero is serene as if they’re not surrounded by their rival’s entire family. This was a mistake, Villain thinks. Their hands flex anxiously, and Hero can’t help the fond smile tagging at the corners of their lips. “I’m your enemy, not theirs, remember? You’re the only Villain I ever battle.”
That’s news to Villain. News that makes something inside them flutter with joy. They suppress a growl of protest, closing their eyes for a short moment to calm the insects inside their stomach. 
When Villain finally speaks, their voice is small as they utter the only phrase that comes to mind. “Excuse me?” 
“All I’m saying is I’ll be fine as long as you don’t cause a riot, love,” Hero’s comment puzzles Villain further as they force their attention back to the ceremony, clapping along as the couple walks past them.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Villain can’t even remember who’s getting married at this point. The perspiration covers their forehead. What the hell is going on?
“We should move,” Hero prompts, nodding towards the exit. Villain’s eyes roam over the faces in the crowd as they pass them, searching for any hostility towards their date, but no one dares to look them in the eye. 
The reception hall is quite large, but the dim lighting creates a cosy ambience. Villain swirls the wine in their glass, trying hard to focus their attention on anything other than Hero’s palm spread on their thigh. The wedding’s been going smoothly so far, with only a few strange glances from their family members. So far, Hero’s managed to charm their way into every single conversation around their table of siblings and cousins. Disgusting. Cute.
Ugh, I hate you.  
Villain would sooner die than admit that having Hero next to them felt painfully natural. They were starting to understand why the city loved this bright-eyed puppy of a hero so much. Sunshine personified. Probably why they are the hero. Villain would very much like to slap that cheerful grin off. Probably why they are the villain. 
Deep in thought, Villain fails to notice that Hero has left their side and someone else has taken the place. 
“When I said fuck Hero, I didn’t mean it that way.” Villain chokes on their wine, head whipping around and eyes wide with terror. 
Then dawns the recognition. “Grandma!“
“But you do you, I guess...” Their grandmother ignores the plea completely, shaking her head with the slyest smile possible. “Or should I say, you do them?”
“Grandma, please,” covering their face in embarrassment, Villain presses their palms against their burning cheeks. Why is it so hot in here?
Villain wishes the ground to open up and swallow them whole. Or a bolt of lightning to strike them dead. Or a goddamn comet to crush the venue. Anything, really.
“I’m kidding, darling,” Grandma chuckles, pleased with the effect. “I’m glad you found someone who cares about you.”
“You think they care about me?” Villain can’t help the hopeful intonation, but they pray their grandma won’t notice. She does, of course, smiling from ear to ear and winking at someone behind Villain’s back.
“Can’t you see how their eyes light up when they look at you?" Grandmother doesn’t wait for an answer, standing up and placing a hand on her grandchild’s rigid shoulder. "Especially in battle."
Villain blinks, their gaze absent as they turn in slow motion. The ringing in their ears blocks the music, leaving them in a strange vacuum-like state. “Gran, you know who they are, right?”
“Hero, yes. So what?” Grandma asks, offering them a knowing smile. Villain’s concerns must be evident on their face since she continues almost immediately. “When did you ever follow the conventional ways, darling?”
She pats Villain’s shoulder before walking away and leaving them in the deafening silence of their thoughts. Villain can feel nothing but their heart beating hard against their temples and the walls of their throat. They take several deep breaths and squeeze their eyes shut to ground themselves, only to be reeled off into panic upon opening them and noticing Hero waltzing towards them.
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what-if-queen-camilla · 8 months
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Chapter 30
22nd November, 1995
“Of course you can stay here, for as long as you want to!”, both Annabel and Simon kept promising the poor and completely nerve-wracked Camilla over and over again. She had arrived at her sister and brother-in-law's with Thea at around midday - and while her father, who, following her mother's death last year, had moved in with them as well, had immediately taken the little one under his wings, Camilla had had a good cry in her sister's arms. She wasn't usually one for being hateful but she had to admit that, after everything she had said in that goddamn interview on Monday, she did indeed hate Diana. "Why did she have to do that, Annabel?", she desperately asked her sister. "Wouldn't it have been enough for her to destroy my life? Did she have to go after my daughter as well? And now they want to do these bloody tests with her. I will not allow that, none of those people will touch my child!", she cried. "But maybe it's best to properly clear things up once and for all.", Annabel thought. "It's not like it's going to hurt or something. It's just a PCR test, it will only take a few seconds…" "It's not the test as such, Annabel. It's the humiliation of having to prove it. Being put under general suspicion. As if I was… just another… easy woman who once had an affair with the heir, now trying to foist a child on him. I had thought that, after the tapes, it couldn't possibly get worse but in fact it could.", she sobbed, and suddenly something she had completely forgotten about in between all the worries about Thea: Tom and Laura had most certainly heard the news as well and she owed them an explanation! "God, I need to call the children!", she said and hectically rushed over the phone, grabbed the receiver and dialled Tom's number with trembling hands…
"How dare you???", Charles screamed furiously at both his parents and slammed the door behind him so heavily that the walls of Buckingham Palace rocked and shook. His mother winced in scare and almost spilled some tea, while his father, being just as much of a choleric as Charles himself, immediately screamed back: "How dare WE???", he sneered, looking at his son as if he was some sort of a disgusting insect or parasite. "HOw dare YOU still look your mother in the eyes after you've brought such shame over the family, the monarchy and everything we have been building up over decades?! You're an embarrassment, Charles, you're a loser, you're good for nothing really!", he raged and though Charles had tragically been used to being bullied by him like that ever since he'd been a little boy, it still hurt him to hear these words, but he was determined not to let them get to him this time. His father had broken him too often, he wouldn't allow him to break him again. He had to stay strong this time. For Camilla and, above all, for Thea. "Philip, please, give us a few minutes.", his mother interrupted them, friendly but firmly and to his very surprise, and motioned for his father to leave the room and him to sit down next to her."Mama…", he started, clearing his throat, but The Queen shook her head. "No, Charles. Spare me all of your explanation, I don't want to know. Please just tell me one thing: is it true? Is Theodora your daughter?" She looked at him totally unbiased, only focused on the fact as such which sort of made it easier for him. "Yes, Mama. She is my daughter.", he confirmed, and couldn't help a little smile because it was the first time ever that he could finally, publicly say this. "She is my daughter and I'm so proud of her.", he added and the sparkle in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by his mother, who, however, stayed professionally as ever. "So then the result of paternity test will be positive.", she said. "Y-yes, Mama, it would be, but…" "No, Charles, there's no 'but'. Your country deserves proof. You want them to accept you, don't you? You need their support. And therefore, you need them to believe in you, to trust you. Too many lies have been told. Too many scandals. We cannot afford another one, that'd be the end of the monarchy." "But, Mama, this is not only about the monarchy, this is also about an eight-year-old girl who has just savagely discovered that the man whom she'd considered her father all of her life isn't her father but she's in fact the illegitimate child of the Prince of Wales! Isn't that enough for her to take for the moment? Can't we just leave her alone?" "Charles - I get that you're worried. But the test won't hurt. And if you really love her as much as you've told me, if you want her to be a part of your life, then please listen to your old mother for once in your 48 years and do this test!" Charles sighed. He couldn't remember having heard his mother talking like that ever before. She almost sounded… understanding. As if she really cared and wanted to help. Of course he wanted the public to accept Thea, of course he wanted her in his life… but would a paternity test really help? Then again, what other options did he have?
"So… we have a sister?" William asked, insecurely looking down on the floor, as if he couldn't look his father in the eyes. Charles had driven to Eton to speak to His eldest son right after he'd been to Buckingham Palace and though he was relieved that William had agreed to meet him at all, seeing him so upset felt like a stitch in his heart. He and Diana had their issues without a doubt but the boys had always been his priority and to find his eldest so visibly hurt and disappointed today, made him feel absolutely miserable. Carefully, he reached out and put his arm on William's shoulder, and much to his relief, he didn't jerk away from him. "Yes, William. You have a little sister. Her name is Theodora and she's eight." William nodded, biting his lower lip. "That means you've already cheated on mum… when I was four and Harry two?" It didn’t even sound like an accusation. It sounded as if he was asking completely innocent and peaceful, out of interest and genuine curiosity, but at the same time, heartbreakingly sad. And somehow, Charles thought, he had a right to know the truth. "I'm afraid, that was the case, yes.", he admitted, clearing his throat and pulling William closer. "Wanna go for a little walk?", he suggested, and William nodded in agreement. They put on their winter coats and went outside in the beautiful gardens of Eton College, where William had just started two-and-a-half months ago. "I haven't seen her since the interview.", he told his father, referring to his mother, once they had left the school building, adding: "It's not okay what she did, even if it's true what she said. That sort of stuff doesn't belong in the media." He had said all of this so convinced and confident and had sounded so mature that it almost scared Charles. He was only just 13 and shouldn't have to think of all of this nonsense… God, what had they done to their poor children? "He'd always wanted to make it better than his own father but apparently he'd messed it all up. "And you love Camilla?", William then asked, which took his father by surprise. However, the reply came quick like a shot: "Yes, very much so. She's wonderful." "And Theodora?" William looked at him expectantly. "Do you have a… picture of her? I'd like to see her." "Of course…", Charles murmured, in surprise but deeply touched, pulled a photograph of Thea out of his wallet from about two years ago and gave it to William. "That's about two years old, I'm afraid…" He explained, but William didn't mind. "She looks sweet.", he said thoughtfully, after a few moments. "Do you think I could meet her at some point?"
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