2021 cross-stitch piece. I found the two character images online, and unfortunately I don’t know who the pixel artists were.
Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon is special to me since it’s what got me interested in the Japanese language, which had a massive impact (lol, get it) on my life. I love the character of Impact, the giant roller-skating robot in Edo-period Japan who’s a famous singer in France and a movie star in the US but who still makes time to smash evil when he’s called upon! His theme song just plain makes me happy, and let’s face it, we all need this kind of robust silliness in our lives.
At some point I had the thought that he would absolutely be bros with the King of All Cosmos, and then I realized that no one could stop me from cross-stitching that. So I did.
Making this piece is almost certainly the gayest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve had sex with other men.
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Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon
JP release: 7st August 1997
NA release: 16th April 1998
PAL release: 18th April 1998
Developer: Konami
Publisher: Konami
N64 Magazine Score: 90%
I remember seeing the scores for Mystical Ninja in N64 magazine, but it didn’t seem like my kind of game. I was very wrong about that – Goemon’s first N64 game is kind of a hybrid of Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time, mixed with edo era Japan and a gloriously absurd plot of musical performers trying to turn Japan into their stage.
The game starts out in a Zelda-style town, but what’s impressive is that this is from before Ocarina of Time. You can swap between Goemon and Ebisumaru (plus more you meet along the way) at any time, each with their own set of weapons and abilities. These are uses sparingly throughout the game, so for the most part you can play as who you prefer.
Connecting each town is a large overworld with some nice locations. The first one I encountered brought back strong childhood memories as I recognised the music from Krazy Konami Racers, but the rest of the music in the game is also great, with lots of great tracks throughout the game. I was bopping my head to quite a lot of the music which mixes classical and modern instrument sounds.
Dungeons also play a big part in the game. While there are map/compass items to collect and keys to find, they’re a lot more platform-oriented than Zelda dungeons. One downside is the game’s camera (which can be turned holding R and using the c-buttons), but it’s something you get used to. While there are some bottomless pits, other areas just have you fall to a section where you work your way back – although one handy thing is that there’s no fall damage.
There’s also a variety of other sections, including multiple giant robot boss fights, which treat you to a song each time you use your giant robot, Impact. Each starts off with an arcade-style section to build up your health and ammo before taking a first person perspective as you shoot and punch your opponent. It’s a lot of fun, although they do become more frustrating the longer they go on.
Goemon is an incredibly charming game that’s still a ton of fun to play. Some of the puzzles do have a sign flat out telling you what to do, although these mainly relate to Ebisumaru’s camera item, which reveals hidden things, so I would probably get stuck without being reminded that the object exists. Even with that, the main story is amusingly silly and the game likes throwing new things at you. It’s a great game.
It’s a clever game, not only because there’s simply so much to do, but because you’re never quite sure what’s going to come next. Mini boss? End-of-level boss? Ludicrous sub-game involving a big yellow man and some falling shrinking pills? Erm, yes, quite. Mystical Ninja is a supreme example of game invention.
- Tim Weaver, N64 Magazine #14
Remake or remaster?
An updated version of Mystical Ninja would be great, with a better camera and fine tuned controls. A bit of extra side content would also be welcome. And perhaps a quest log as instructions are a but unclear at times.
Official ways to get the game.
There is no official way to get Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon.
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Gaymer Asks 3, 14
3. Favorite boss?
There was a game called Mystical Ninja: Starring Goemon that I used to rent over and over again from Blockbuster as a kid. I didn’t have the N64 memory pack that this game needed to store save files, which meant that I was limited to my own personal 64-bit purgatory of endlessly replaying however much I could get through in a single sitting… so the big boss fight from the game’s first act is permanently burnt into my brain. Essentially, you summoned a giant mech named Impact (complete with a magical girl-style transformation scene and a musical number in Japanese that’s been stuck in my head for over two decades), trampled a series of villages on tank-sized roller skates while fighting off an army of robots, and then engaged in some mech-on-mech violence with a kabuki-themed robot named Wartime Kabuki Robot Kashiwagi. They just don’t make ‘em like they used to.
14. Worst game you’ve ever played?
As a gentleman of a certain age, I’m afraid that I had the dubious privilege of playing the famously awful Superman 64.
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Name: Sasuke
Trainer Card Number: 518
Gender: Male
Series Of Origin: Ganbare Goemon
Type Specialty: None
Numel and Polteageist: In the “Mystical Ninja Staring Goemon” he’s listed to like Japanese Hot Baths and Japanese Green Tea
Xatu: His Sasuke Impact
Lucario and Bisharp: Kunais and the fact he’s a robot so he’d have an affinity for steel pokemon that fight similarly to him
Golurk: Golurk is an automaton, so basically a robot.
@thefluffyfurret requested this over a year ago, and then my life went to shit, so I’m getting to it now
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I dunno, do you think Goemon Impact will be a great pred, 'Cause he's you know, a Giant Robot :T
(I've seen him kinda nommed some heros on some games like Ganbare Goemon 2 and 4, and Mystical ninja starring Goemon)
I don't know too much about the character personally but from design alone, yeah I could see it! Didn't know there was actual vore content of him; that's pretty cool!
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Why that new Goemon mii costume in Super Smash Bros Ultimate is giving me feels
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