#gonna go to my doctor and see if she has any referrals and if not go through my insurance since I only have less than a year till 26
my PA for ajovy got denied (booo) but the reason it did was bc a neurologist needed to prescribe it which i already had an apt set up for and gad yesterday (yay!) and the appointment went really well and i like the provider a LOT of migraine management (YAY!!!) so now i am once again waiting for an ajovy PA to be approved lmao
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8 months Lupron, 1 month add-back
I've discovered that I'm now slowly growing a very small amount of dark facial hair that isn't super visible but I'm p sure it wasn't there before, and I mean if you're hoping to do testosterone later on or if you're using testosterone as your add-back then this is probably a desirable effect for you, but I'm using estrogen and progesterone as my add-back for a reason lol
(I didn't know this was something that could happen!! Bc it turns out that it's not about your testosterone on its own but your testosterone in proportion to your estrogen and my testosterone has hardly budged while my estrogen has gone way down, and I'm still working on how I feel about this but it might be helpful info for someone else)
I don't think my body shape has changed at all, since I feel like my fat has redistributed since starting Lupron, and I know for a fact that my bra size hasn't changed either, but it can take a few months to begin to see those sorts of changes with estrogen
Progesterone helps with my digestive issues but the two days on, two days off with Jencycla is causing some :^) flip-flopping of symptoms and I need to talk to my gynecologist about that, like if I could do every-other day to help even it out, although this is preferable to when I was on Depo and it would wear off after a couple months and things would get worse for weeks on end instead of only for like... half a day
Ever since my 2nd shot (my 1st 3-month shot that I got in October), my site (left arm) keeps getting a lil bit sore on and off when it shouldn't be even though that's never happened to me with stuff like Depo-Provera and flu shots and even my COVID shots stopped hurting after the first few days, and I had pain go down my arm when she did my most recent injection (April) which also has never happened to me before when getting any sort of injection, but I have muscle and nerve issues in my arms due to scoliosis so I think I'm gonna ask if we can try a different site like my thigh next time (July) so we can see if it's actually from the Lupron or if it's only from my shoulders being fucked up (or even if my body is just angry at me for always using the same site!!)
(I think I had mentioned that my arm kept getting sore in a previous update?? But I'd been spending a lot of time at a friend's house around that time where the way I sit on his couch puts weird pressure on my site so I thought it was from me being stupid and sitting wrong, but I haven't been to his house in a few months now and it still happens so it's probably not actually that)
I said last time that we weren't sure if I would transition to doing my shots at home bc I don't have the pain that I did when my Depo would wear off, but bc I've been having to go to so many appointments for other things, doing my shots at home might help take stuff off my plate
I still haven't had a consult with the anesthesiologist to talk about laparoscopy bc I haven't heard from anyone, I don't know who the doctor is so I can't reach out directly, and I called my gynecologist's office last week to ask if they knew what was up with the referral so I could maybe get my consult booked, since my gynecologist was hoping to have the surgery done before my next injection, but the receptionist doesn't know who the anesthesiologist is either, so she was gonna talk to the gynecologist and get back to me
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1 week from today is my last day in the apt. I’ll put the whole description of the situation below a read more if you haven’t heard about this yet.
Please continue to share and donate as you can.
eB@y Listings (more to come): https://ebay.com/usr/dandyc60
GFM: https://gofund.me/978fb41c
V$nmo: @.clbrown91
I also have Chime, so moots if you do, too and wanna transfer that way, DM me.
Hi, I'm Cassie. I'm 32, and I have a laundry list of mental and physical disabilities that have made it impossible for me to work any longer (since September 15, 2022). I have undergone a lot of testing and am still working out with some providers exactly what is causing all of my symptoms. Most notably I am switching PCPs for the 2nd time in a month (but at least I’m just switching back to where I should’ve just stayed at the office my mom still goes to and a doctor I know from when I went there as a teen/young adult) and rheumatologists for the second time in 3 months (because the one I actually liked left the practice). I also need to see dermatology, but the soonest new patient appointment at any location in their network (that takes my insurance) when I called them in December 2022, was in SEPTEMBER 2023, so that’s gonna be awhile.
I managed to escape January and February's rent at my current apartment thanks to the donations I received on this fundraising page. However, there was a hearing on April 4 before the local judge for my eviction due to non-payment of rent. I was able to explain to the judge and rep from my rental agency (who went to school with my mom; small town) what was going on, and the judge agreed (as did the rental agency) to what’s called a pay and stay. I had 10 days (until April 14) to pay them all the back-owed money and then could just keep paying every month. Of course that did not happen and earlier this week a notice was taped to my door that I will be forcefully evicted May 1 at 12:01 am if all back owed rent and and their legal fees (which I don't plan to do at this point because it’s just a game.)
Going forward, my plan is to obtain a larger vehicle that it would be more possible to live out of (a van or or larger SUV). If anyone local (Central PA) has any leads on somewhere or someone that might have a relatively inexpensive minivan or cargo van-type vehicle available, please let me know. As I, unfortunately, totaled my car last Wednesday (April 19) coming home from Urgent Care no less, I no longer have that trade value to rely on even. So I need to come up with at least $3k to just buy an old but operational van and ideally as soon as possible so I can start figuring out what I can keep with me, what will go to storage, and what I can sell or donate or throw away.
The county in which I reside doesn't have any emergency shelter resources where I'd be welcome as a queer, single, disabled, atheist. The only shelter in the county is run by a religious organization, and they require you to attend and actively participate in religious services to stay there. There are a few smaller organizations, but they are all for very specific populations (single mothers, domestic violence survivors, recovering addicts, etc.) or already have years-long waiting lists (including getting a section 8 voucher which isn't even accepting applications and hasn't been for over a decade because there are that many people on their waiting list). The local LGBTQIA+ organize does have housing grants, but they require you to have proof of at least some income to get them. My therapist is trying to get me into the county behavioral health case management program which may open some other doors, but it is not guaranteed. She sent the referral almost 3 weeks ago and I have heard nothing since; I know they’re already overworked, so I was probably just too complex of a case to add to someone’s work load.
List of my disabilities (I am more than happy to field questions regarding these and how they affect my ability to work, etc. via email, twitter, tumblr ask box, etc.):
Rheumatoid Arthritis (for which I am on immune-suppressing medications that have side effects including chronic fatigue and increased susceptibility to all illness - including the one I have right now which only immune-suppressed people ever get)
Fibromyalgia (for which I have adverse reactions to the first 3 of 4 medications on the market. l am titrating up on the 4th and final medication on the market and crossing my fingers at this point. I am in Physical Therapy two times per week; was three for many months to help with stability and strengthening).
Osteoarthritis (in almost all of my major joints; knees, hips, elbows, shoulders, as well as throughout my spine). My right knee has given me problems all my life (for a reason I don’t really want to get into today); I tore my labrum in my right shoulder in June 2018 and had it repaired surgically on December 21, 2018. When I went in for my follow up first thing was ‘You’re allergic to adhesives. That should NOT be that red or itchy.” Oops. Second thing he said was “Had to check your wrist band after I got a look inside your shoulder (cause the surgery is done face down) to make sure I had the right patient. The inside of your shoulder looks like you’re in your eighties.” I was not even 28 at the time.
Hypermobility Syndrome (which causes instability and proclivity to injury; it also means that the ways I’ve learned to sit that a comfortable to me are probably absolutely wild for anyone else. My PT caught me sitting in a chair with the soles of my shoes together and the outside of my feet against the floor and looked at me like I was insane. I also dislocate joints without realizing it on occasion.) - it's probably actually hEDS but the closest doctor that'll test and adult for that is 90 minutes away.
PCOS (I’m not on Metformin ER to help control this, though I haven’t seen many changes yet. I am under the care of an endocrinologist for this).
ADHD (for which I am medicated with a stimulant - the one that’s been making the nation’s neurodivergent population rage because it’s been on back order for a year)
Various Attachment and Trauma-Based mental health disorders including cPTSD and clinical anxiety. I also believe I am autistic and am about to have an evaluation with the local center for autism and developmental delays as the neuro-psychological evaluation I had at the end of that year was a waste of time and gas money, but that’s another story for another day).
Recurrent Occipital Neuralgia (which causes headaches and difficulty moving my head/neck)
Chronic Migraine (at least 2 or 3 per month; I have Imitrex, but it can only do so much).
Severe seasonal allergies (especially to tree pollen). Like severe enough they had to put intermittent asthma in my chart to get a rescue inhaler approved cause they get that bad.
I am also excessively nearsighted (with astigmatism) to the point where my ophthalmologist has warned me that my retinas are so thin they could detach at pretty much any second.
Even with the new plan going forward, I will still need to pay for phone service (which will like increase so I can use the mobile hotspot feature) as well as car insurance the new vehicle. I hope to be able to afford a campsite at a local campground with electric access for at least part of the summer. If I do not have that option, I would at least like to purchase a small rechargeable (preferably solar charging) generator to have electricity available without killing my car battery every night. I will also continue to need gas money to get to and from appointments and the pharmacy and such and money to purchase necessities not eligible for food stamps (i.e., toilet paper, paper towels, etc.).
More about me for anyone that doesn’t know:
I'm a gray-aro/ace cis-female. Much closer to ace and aro than not.
I'm single (see above) and have no children (nor any interest in ever having any for a variety of reasons; I’m going to ask my OBGYN next time I see her if she can at least take my ovaries out so the PCOS will stop, because the Endocrinologist refused that option).
I don't have pets because my apartment doesn't allow them, but I would love to eventually obtain a service dog (mobility and anxiety/PTSD cross-trained, preferably) and/or have cats. I think if I get a van and get it set up properly, I will probably get a kitten in June. My cousin’s cat just had a litter the other week.
I don't currently use any mobility aids, but my bad days are starting to make it obvious that I will need to in the nearer future than I would like. I got a handicap parking placard just recently which is the first real step in that direction.
I enjoy cooking and baking, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to complete such tasks due to pain. And will be impossible living in a van, though if I get a camp sight I want to get one of those single burner propane camp stoves. I also plan to try to have a mini fridge and microwave in the van itself.
I write fanfiction (which you probably knew if you know me).
I went to college for three years, but I don't have a degree. I was a social work major, and the major classes weren't at all transferable and I could not get through field placement junior year. I've considered going back to school, but at this point, I'm not sure what good it would do, and money would be the ultimate factor.
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Hey my friend.
I'm a single woman in my mid twenties living with my family in S country where mental health is not considered important. I've tried getting help many a times but it didn't helped much.
I'm a introvert by nature. I don't have friends. Not able to fit myself in societal norms. Lost my best friend and my sister a year ago. She was the only one who understand me. After her death i was devastated. Not focusing on my career, family n further life. For coping i start to follow celebrity activities. From last 9-10 months watching every interview of them again n again, obsessing over them, reading wattpad, active on twitter, religiously Staning that artist. Feel sad when their song doesn't perform well or some other famous celebrity say something bad about them. That was not me. I regret everyday I behave like this. But this is the only thing make me feel something other then hurting myself. If I don't do do that celebrity worship and try to distract myself only thoughts came to my mind is to hurt myself.
Also I'm doubting my sexuality too n nobody is gonna accept me with that in my country.
I know I'm not able to express my feelings well but I'm trying so hard. Please help.
Hey there,
Firstly, you need to try to give yourself some more credit as I feel as though you were able to express yourself quite well in your Ask that you sent us.
I am so sorry to hear that you lost both your sister and best friend. It’s never easy when you lose someone no matter under what circumstances and especially if you don’t have anyone else like friends or family you are close to that you can count on/ depend on when things get really bad and you are just really needing to talk to someone.
Whilst I don’t feel as there is anything wrong with obsessing over certain celebrities and following them on social media, I can understand why you don’t like this aspect of yourself or the fact that you feel like you have to do this behaviour in order to not hurt yourself. Have you checked out some of our pages on our website? We do have some helpful pages like on a list of distractions that you could give a go when the need to want to hurt yourself arises. We also have pages on alternatives to hurting yourself and reasons not to. I encourage you to check them out if/ when you have the time to.
It can be so hard if where you live isn’t really supportive or knows much about mental health. It’s great that you have tried to reach out for help though in the past, I am just sorry that it didn’t work out so well for you. That must have been really frustrating to go out of your way to get help only to not being able to get it in the end. Have you tried to see your local doctor or GP to try to get a referral to see a counsellor or a therapist? There are also some helplines and web counselling services you can give a try too if you haven’t already! We also have a page on getting help which may be helpful to give a read.
I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!
I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!
Take care,
Lauren
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big tw for talking about disordered eating, medical procedures/problems, mental health issues, and pet health/death below
hahaha I am about to fucking light myself on fire
so like for the last two years my doctors have been trying to get me to lose weight because apparently the only thing that will fix my idiopathic cranial hypertension is weight loss OR a spinal shunt, which they also keep acting like a shunt is like some sort of life-ruining medical procedure that I absolutely do not want to undergo so that's fun and not giving me severe anxiety
but like losing weight is NOT going well bcs it turns out I have a LOT of trauma from growing up severely food insecure and trying to restrict my food intake any further than I already do legit triggers my ptsd and makes me freak out which is GREAT
though it's a fun paradox because it makes me freak out in a way where I just stop eating, like them constantly saying I'm "overweight" makes me want to stop eating forever, like just thinking too hard about it makes me shut down and not eat all day until my fiance makes me and I have no idea how to process any of that (like I'm not kidding just seeing the word "overweight" on my referral is making me want to die)
and I keep trying to eat healthier but that's not going well bcs I'm disabled and I have adhd so I already only eat two meals a day if that, like I legit only started reliably eating breakfast six months ago or so, and I can't just Not Eat so the food I make needs to be easy and that means like freezer waffles and uncrustables and frozen dinners and ramen and boxed macaroni and shit right stuff they keep telling me NOT to eat
and also this year we've been pretty poor due to my fiance losing his job so like I CANNOT afford healthy food sometimes like it is just frozen dinners or nothing
which is also frusterating bcs my neurologist and primary doctor's only suggestion for how to lose weight is not eating like I'm not kidding my neurologist just told me to skip lunch and my primary suggested intermitent fasting which like!! I ALREADY DON'T EAT THREE MEALS A DAY AND THAT'S NOT WORKING SO???
and like I know there is nothing wrong with being fat or having any body size at all, but I'm only like 150lbs which is apparently, according to every doctor I've seen, way lower than the threshold when this is supposed to become a problem, like they KEEP saying "we just don't see this problem in people your size" and it just makes me want to scream bcs then ofc they're like "but you should lose weight" cuz like you can't have it both ways fucker!! it's either a weight problem or it isn't!!
and on top of all of this not only did one of my dogs die, my other one's health has basically degraded to the point where he's gonna have to go too and like WOW try managing all that fucking nightmare shit while also trying to manage all of my health problems and lose weight it's fucking hard okay
and ALSO we are legit only just getting my sleep schedule under control bcs I just Don't Sleep and have nightmares constantly when I do, and the only thing I had that helped was my dog because she was a german shepherd and for the last 10 years every time I've been anxious at night I just think about how she would protect me or at least let me know if something was wrong but she's gone now and my other dog is deaf and basically blind and has severe dementia so he can't protect me
and all of that anxiety stems from trauma from an attempted break in that happened like 10 years ago when I was home alone with nothing but my dogs to protect me so like, they were my safety blanket and now one's dead and I just can't fucking deal with it and I know once my other dog is gone I'm just going to be having debilitating anxiety every single time I try to sleep so yay
so like yeah try losing weight when you're basically falling apart at the seams due to all of these fucking problems (and I don't have a scale in my house because I know it would be unhealthy and make me lose my mind so I can't be sure but I'm pretty confident that I've actually gained weight recently which is making me feel SO MUCH WORSE)
anyway the final breaking point is apparently that my insurance doesn't cover a nutritionist, so if I want to go to one, which with all of this trauma and adhd and shit I should probably go to someone who can at least help me figure out how to eat, so if I want to go I have to pay $75 for the consultation and then $50 for every follow up appointment and I just do not have that kind of money with my fiance's new job paying less and having to cover all of these medical expenses for my pets(bcs we just had to deal with a serious infection my cat had and that shit was not cheap lemme tell you) but like I NEED to go see this doctor
idk man sure makes me want to curl up and fucking die
(also I've tried to go to a new neurologist but every doctor that could refer me to one has told me that's basically impossible and refused to help so yeah guess I'll just go die then)
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If we hired you to fill a gap on a popular day with a couple of other days of work, and then you cut your own availability on that popularly day during your first week so we had to shift some plans, and then cut that entire day out of your availability so we now have to move students we already assigned to you... do you think that makes a good first impression?
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all my fault
Request: spencer and y/n are married, and they’ve been trying to have kids, and then she finds out she’s pregnant. a few weeks into the pregnancy, she has a miscarriage, and at the hospital the doctor said it’s bc she had an abortion as a teenager, and it fucked up her it yet us. spencer didn’t know she had an abortion, and blames her for the death of the baby, and they end up sleeping separately for a while and they have to grieve by themselves. spencer ends up talking to emily about it bc of her experience and it has a comforting ending!
Summary: when reader has a miscarriage after trying to have a baby with spencer, and things about her past are revealed and leaves things rocky within their relationship.
CW: miscarriage, pregnancy, mention of abortion, spencer’s rly harsh at first, teenage pregnancy, mentions of surgery, a cervix condition that i kinda made up, depressive thoughts, negative self-worth, HAPPY ENDING. *please let me know if i’ve missed anything*
A/N: i’ve been working on coming up with a series, which i posted last thursday! i’m sorry i haven’t been as consistent with my schedule, this summer has really taken a toll on my mental health and school is about to start back up. i promise i’m not quitting writing, but my writing might become a bit more sporadic in terms of my posting schedule. i’m still not sure if i like how i’ve executed this piece, so please let me know what you think!
IMPORTANT A/N: this contains serious topics centered around pregnancy and abortion. reader end up blaming herself and it is a very triggering subject to some. if you aren’t comfortable with those kinds of depressive thoughts PLEASE DONT READ. i don’t want anyone to be triggered by my writing. your mental health matters. you matter. do not read if your sensitive to the subject matter, please!
———————————————————————
when you and spencer checked the third pregnancy test and saw those two, very clear lines on the stick, you felt an unbelievable amount of joy.
“oh my god,” you clamped your hand over your mouth, your eyes welling with tears.
“y/n…” he held his breath, holding your free hand with both of his own.
“you’re gonna be a dad,” you huffed out a laugh as his arms flew around you.
“and you’re gonna be a mom! we’re gonna have our own little family,” he cheered as he breathed in your scent, elated from the news he had hoped for since you said ‘i do.’
spencer had wanted to be a father since he met henry, you remember how attached he was to the child who wasn’t even his own. you hadn’t always wanted children, only when you were absolutely ready for them. now, you were more than ready.
your arms flew around spencer’s neck as his went around your waist. he dropped to his knees and began pressing kisses against a bump that wasn’t even visible yet, praising you and your body for carrying his child.
because it was so hard for you to get pregnant, spencer decided to baby you every chance he got. you didn’t do the dishes or sweep, you weren’t allowed to reach for high shelves or even step on a chair to do so. he was worried about you and the baby, so you let him. you found it endearing.
the perfect man that you married was so worried about the little bean inside of you, worried for your safety, that it drove him a bit mad. who were you to complain? each time he’d do one of the new little quirks like not letting you lift anything above 10 pounds, you just smiled to yourself and brushed it off.
being pregnant was something that you had lost hope for, in all honesty. spencer had been talking to a few friends who had adopted children prior to finding out you were pregnant. if this hadn’t worked out, the two of you were going to look into adoption.
spencer had planned your doctors appointment for 6 weeks after your last period. the appointment was in three days. and then the perfect outline you had for your future went down in crumbles.
you had been having pains in your lower abdomen, and you figured it was just because you were pregnant. you went to the bathroom like you normally would when you felt queasy, kneeling by the toilet in preparation for what was to come. only nothing came.
you decided to just go pee and get back to bed. there was a pain that wasn’t like you’d felt before when you were peeing, like someone had been pulling your intestines out of your body. when you looked down, you felt your stomach drop.
“spencer!” you cried out. “spencer, hurry!” you felt tears well in your eyes until he ran up beside you. his hand was on your thigh as the other one was trying to steady your shaking hand.
“what is… oh,” he looked in the toilet to see blood inside of it.
“spencer… what happened? i don’t know what happened. everything was doing so well and the baby-we just found out and now they’re-wh-what’s gonna happen?” you rambled out, unsure of how something this horrific happened so quickly.
“i-i don’t know, my love,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i don’t know. but we’ll go to the hospital right now, okay? we’ll get answers.”
you just nodded. you couldn’t speak anymore. you felt your throat closing in on yourself. you cleaned yourself up and got dressed. even looking in the mirror with spencer’s arms around you, you didn’t feel anything but guilt and worry.
spencer’s touch would usually be something to ease your mind and take away the thoughts of everything else around you. only this was something wrong inside of you. you were the problem this time. and you didn’t think anything could fix this feeling.
“let’s get to the hospital, yea?” you nodded as he held onto your hand, trying to ground you to himself as he guided you to the car.
you were silent the entire drive to the doctor. there was nothing to say. there was nothing to do. there was just… nothing. you were numb.
“hey,” he spoke up, “we don’t know what happened yet. there’s a chance it’s just a fluke, right? the baby might be okay.”
“what’re the statistics, spencer? tell them to me,” you ordered as tears flowed from your eyes.
“y/n…”
“tell me! why don’t you want me to know?!” you accused him, looking over at the man driving as he but his lower lip. “1 in 4 women who experience bleeding during a pregnancy are fine. 25 percent. the other 75 percent of people have either a miscarriage or serious complications. those are the statistics.”
“y/n…” he sighed, “it’s not your fault. you didn’t want this to happen. besides, there’s still a 25 percent chance that nothings wrong.”
“whatever,” you rolled your eyes and opted to look out of the window for the remainder of the drive to the hospital.
-
“alright,” the doctor entered the room. “we have the results from the test and we’ve examined the ultrasound pictures. i’m so sorry, but you’ve had a miscarriage.”
what were you supposed to feel? an overwhelming sense of sorrow? like a failure? like the one thing you wanted most in the world fell through?
“how-how did this happen?” you spoke through the tears. “we were so-we were careful. i didn’t lift heavy objects, i didn’t do repetitive motions, i just… we tried so hard to make this work,” you shook your head in disapproval, as if you wouldn’t accept the answer that had already been proven to you.
“there’s proof of an abortion when you were a teenager. there was severe damage done to your cervix that wasn’t assessed pre-pregnancy. now, we can repair the damage within the next two months, but it will still be difficult to become pregnant after the surgery,” the female informed you.
“then what’s the point of getting the surgery?” you scoffed, looking at spencer who was just staring off in space.
“while getting pregnant will still be difficult, maintaining the pregnancy is much more likely. the fetus would be more protected and secure after the surgery,” she explained with a pitiful smile, you couldn’t help but wonder how she could smile after giving you the worst news of your life.
“right,” you nodded curtly, allowing her to sense the mood of the conversation.
“i’ll leave you two be. i’m so sorry for your loss,” she gave the both of you a pitiful smile before exiting the room, the only sound audible being the closing of the door.
it didn’t feel real. it felt as though you were in a nightmare. only this time, you wouldn’t wake in spencer’s comforting arms. you wouldn’t hear the soft soothing voice of the man you love trying to calm you down. you wouldn’t feel the solace he would provide by merely being himself in your proximity.
the drive home was eerily quiet. there was an inkling of animosity between you. looking over at spencer in the driver’s seat, he had a dead look on his face, the only sign of previous emotion being his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. he didn’t even look like your spencer. he looked like a stranger in the drivers seat with a cold expression that you could barely read.
you knew this was something you should talk about. when the nurse came back in the room it was only to offer a few referrals go therapists that specialized in this kind of grief. clearly, any couple should talk about losing an unborn baby. but you knew that’s not what spencer was truly upset about.
you waited until you shut the door to your apartment before saying anything.
“maybe we should talk about it?” you whispered, not knowing how he’d react.
“about what? the fact that you’ve lied to me for our entire relationship?!” he wouldn’t even turn around to face you. “i thought we were in this together, y/n. we aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other - especially not any that just killed our child!”
“hey…” you winced at his words. “why would you say that?”
“that’s the truth! your choices when you were a teenager just killed our child! my child!” he finally turned to face you, and you wished he hadn’t.
“do you think i knew they would botch my abortion, spencer?! do you think that’s what i wanted?!” you stepped closer to him, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
“i don’t know what you want anymore, y/n,” he shook his head, clearly exasperated.
“i want you. i want to get the surgery to fix my cervix. i want to grieve our child. i still want kids… with you, spencer,” you tried to ease the mood, calm him down. you reached your hand out to cup his cheek before he dodged your touch, afraid of touching you. “but you don’t want that?” you whispered so quiet, too afraid of the answer to raise your voice.
“i-“ he sighed and bit his lower lip. “i don’t know.”
“right. of course you don’t,” you shook your head before sitting on the couch, dropping your face in your hands.
“what’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed as he took off his coat.
“it means that: of course, you’re making this about you! it can’t be about us grieving our loss together like the doctor recommended?!” you peeked between your hands at the man you still didn’t recognize.
“maybe we shouldn’t grieve together since we can’t even have a conversation without getting angry at one another,” he tried to reason.
“the only reason i’m getting mad is because you’re blaming me for my baby’s death,” you spat back at the doctor before you.
“because it’s your fault!” he stood strong in his belief. “when you were a teenager, did you or did you not have an abortion?”
“i did,” you admitted.
“and the nurse said that in said abortion, they screwed your cervix up! if you didn’t have that abortion, our child would still be alive! we would be on our way to become happy parents!” he accused, rubbing salt in the already stinging wound. “it’s your fucking fault!”
“stop saying that,” you shook your head and dropped it back in your hands, trying to hide the tears that began to flow down your face.
“it is, y/n! i can’t believe you’re even trying to say this isn’t!” he chuckled, clearly getting under your skin.
“shut up, spencer!”
“i can’t, y/n!” he sat in the chair across from you before standing back up, too hyper to sit. “no wonder it was so hard for you to get pregnant.”
“spencer,” you begged him to stop, meeting his face with your teary eyes.
“y/n,” he stared you in the eyes, and you saw a glimpse of the man you loved for a second before he retreated to the bedroom.
you sat on the couch in confusion of what had just occurred.
when you were 15, you’re boyfriend was adamant about taking your relationship “to the next step.” you didn’t think you were ready to have sex, but you wanted him to stay with you. so, you gave in. it just so happened to be that you were one of the lucky girls that ends up getting pregnant her first time in spite of birth control and a condom. you couldn’t tell your mom about your pregnancy, she’d have your head on a pole.
so, you earned enough money from your job to get an abortion yourself. you went to a clinic and had your boyfriend’s mom come with you to sign as your guardian. was it smart to get an abortion that cheap? probably not. but you had no other choice. your mom had made it abundantly clear that if she caught you fooling around with him that she’d kick you out.
you were 15. you were young and still had to finish high school. there was no support system for you. you would’ve been on the streets with a little baby - not to mention the amount of debt you’d go into for just giving birth to a child in a hospital. it was the only choice.
and now you were being berated for making the only choice you even had - and by the person you loved most in the world.
you curled into yourself on the couch, laying your head on the arm and crying into the fabric. you released all of the tension and turmoil. you held onto the cushions as if it were the man that you wanted - no, needed to comfort you. because as much as you’d hate to admit it and try to fight those thoughts, part of you thought that spencer was right. it was your fault.
you fell asleep on the couch that night. you didn’t have the strength to get up to grab a blanket so you just sucked it up.
spencer didn’t sleep at all. he was used to having you curled into his chest, or himself on yours. he felt terrible about how he had talked to you, but he was too stubborn to admit anything just yet.
in the middle of the night he went out of the room to grab a glass of water. he saw you curled up in a ball, you head resting on the arm of the couch as you slept. it was the most peaceful you looked in the past 24 hours. but you began shivering as you slept. you were probably too exhausted to get up to do anything.
he went to the hall closet on a detour and grabbed your favorite, soft blanket and laid it on top of your body. after placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he went into the kitchen and made his glass of water before taking one more glance at you. you had snuggled into the blanket, pulling it up to your chin with a gentle smile that always appeared when he kissed your forehead as you slept.
maybe he didn’t screw up too badly, after all.
the next few days were spent avoiding one another. spencer couldn’t face you after knowing you had kept something so dire from him for the entirety of your relationship. you couldn’t face him after he made you feel as though it was your fault you lost your baby.
you would stay on the couch all day, barely eating or drinking anything while spencer would go out - only mentioning the library or the office to do more paperwork. eventually he just started sleeping at morgan’s house - probably because he couldn’t stand being around you.
you didn’t know how to grieve your baby, you were hoping that spencer might help, but that clearly won’t be happening. on top of that, you were worrying about your marriage. he couldn’t even look at you, how was he supposed to talk to you and sleep beside you?
a lot of times, it’s perceived that the only reason women were put on this planet were to have children - of course that’s a false notion, but it didn’t make it sting any less. your body had betrayed you. you had betrayed yourself.
it was only 12 days after spencer left when he came back home, if he could call it that anymore. once he walked into the living room, he saw you curled up in that same position on the couch. you had a blank stare that was directed towards the black tv. the only evidence that you were doing something was the empty water bottles surrounding you - certainly not enough considering he’d been gone for over a week.
when he entered you didn’t even flinch. your gaze stayed on the empty screen and your face remained vacant of any emotion.
in all honesty, morgan was the one to tell spencer he should check on you. spencer hadn’t told him everything about your argument, he knew he was in the wrong. but he was just so angry. regardless, he was here now, and it’s a good thing he was.
you hadn’t been taking care of yourself. spencer had morgan and savannah checking on him, but you had nobody. he only realized this when morgan pointed it out. and as upset as he was, spencer would always love you. your expressionless face only worried him more. your clothes had been changed from when he last saw you, but he doubts you’ve had a shower.
he stayed silent as he began picking up the empty water bottles from around the table and couch. you looked at him quizzically with furrowed brows.
“what’re you doing?” you asked, your chin already quivering as tears threatened to stream down your face.
“i’m trying to help,” he whispered as sensitively as he could, making eye contact with the most pitiful face you’d ever seen.
“i think you’ve helped enough,” you rolled your eyes before resuming your serious stare-down with the television. “you can leave.”
“no, i can’t,” he replied, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch while being sure not to touch you - he didn’t know if you were ready for that.
“you already did,” you brought to his attention, briefly looking at him. “just go.”
“y/n, i-“
“i don’t want to hear it! what’re you gonna say that could make me feel worse, spencer?!” you let the tears fall past your waterline. “i know it’s my fault. i know i screwed up! and i’m sorry! i’m so sorry!” you replied with far too much sincerity, the tears streaming down your face before he scooted closer to you, planning on wrapping his arms around you. “stop! don’t come near me!” you pushed his shoulders away. “it’s my fault,” you lowered your voice significantly before wrapping your arms around yourself.
he had called emily as soon as he got back into the bedroom. he knew she had previously had an abortion when she was a teenager, and he just needed to hear her side of it. part of him didn’t even expect her to pick up the phone.
“reid, what’s wrong?” she immediately answered.
“i-i think i need to talk to you,” he whispered in a hushed tone.
“right now?” she asked in a mildly concerned tone.
“if you can? the sooner the better,” he answered honestly.
“alright. you want to meet somewhere or just come over?”
“can i just come over? it’s really personal and i wasn’t sure who else to go to,” he began tying his shoes and hoping she’d agree.
“of course, come on over,” she replied in a worried voice.
“ok. i’ll be there in twenty.”
he quietly left the apartment, not before sparing you a regretful glance. he lost his child, but you also lost your child as well. he just couldn’t control his anger. and partially, he thought he was right.
how could you not have told him about something so serious? the second you had began having issues getting pregnant, maybe you should’ve been open about previous pregnancies.
“hey,” emily greeted before giving him a hug after seeing his teary eyes. “come inside.”
“thanks,” he sniffled before stepping into her apartment.
she guided him into her living room and sat down on the couch beside him. they sat there for a few silent minutes before he was able to work up enough courage.
“y/n was pregnant,” he whispered, barely audible if she weren’t right beside him.
“was,” she pointed out, already feeling as though she knew the rest of the story.
“she uhm-she miscarried two weeks ago,” he somberly admitted for the first time to someone else. “the doctor said it was because she had an abortion when she was a teenager that somehow ruined her cervix.”
“and that’s why you felt like you needed to talk to me?” she gathered, she was a great profiler for a reason but this was far more obvious.
“i was pretty harsh. i-i told her it was her fault,” he bit his lower lip as he grimaced. “i really rubbed it in, too.”
“spencer… “ she sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. “you’re mourning a life, right now. obviously, that would raise tensions and emotions would be heightened. but… have you apologized? for telling her it was her fault?”
“no?” he replied after thinking about it. “i was going to do that today but she’s… she’s not in good shape. i’m not saying she needs to be perfect, but while i was at derek’s i can tell she didn’t take care of herself. she barely drank any water.”
“did you ask her why she had an abortion? why she didn’t tell you? did you ask her anything about how she’s feeling?” emily asked once more.
“no,” he cowered down, feeling even worse about the truthful answer. “i was just… selfish. i didn’t think about how she’s feeling. i just-i feel so bad now, seeing what state she’s in.”
“when i got an abortion it was because i wasn’t ready for a child,” she began to inform him. “i was a child, myself. how was a child supposed to take care of another one? my mother would’ve been disgraced. i basically had nobody there for me. i kept it a secret because having an abortion is so controversial. i knew people would look at me differently for making a responsible decision for my future.”
“god, i feel so bad,” he began to tear up himself. “i love her so much and i told her these horrible things.”
“make it right, spencer,” she gave him a supportive smile and pat his thigh before he stood up.
“i-i have to go,” he wiped the tears from his face before giving emily a hug, grateful she would listen to him at such an ungodly hour.
he quickly drove back home, where he decidedly belonged in the first place. he never should’ve left home. he never should’ve left you. you were his home, and he didn’t know how he could possibly lose sight of that.
“y/n,” he cooed as he entered the apartment once more. it was noticeably a bit more clean. the trash was taken out, the dishes were done, and your hair was wet from a shower - he assumed. “hey,” he smiled when he saw you sitting on the bed, cheeks still red and tear-stained with red, puffy eyes.
“hi,” you sighed as you brushed your hair, spencer sat down beside you.
“how’re you feeling?” you shrugged. “i need to apologize to you,” he admitted, placing a hand on your thigh. “i’m so, so sorry for what i said. telling you that it’s your fault that we lost our child… i-there’s no excuse. i was clearly upset, but so were you. what i said was so out of line, and i’ll never be able to express how sorry i am to you.”
“you’re right,” you shrugged. “it was my fault.”
“no,” he rubbed his thumb on your skin. “it was not your fault. i’m so sorry i made you believe that.”
“when i was 15 my boyfriend at the time pressured me to have sex. we used a condom and i was in birth control but i still-i still ended up pregnant,” you began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “i couldn’t tell my mom because she would’ve kicked me out, so i saved up some money and had his mom take me to a cheap clinic. she signed as my mom and i got the procedure done. that was the end of it,” you finished tears streaming down your face. “a few weeks after the procedure i started having pains in like my lower back, but i didn’t think anything of it. so… it is my fault. i shouldn’t have gone to a cheap clinic, but i couldn’t live on the streets with a baby and no way to clothe or feed them.”
“y/n,” he got your attention, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “you were a teenager who had no other choice, love. it’s not your fault, it’s the clinic’s.”
“i just… it hurts so bad, spencer,” you shook your head in defeat before he wrapped his arms around you. “not even just emotionally, my body physically hurts so bad. i don’t know what to do and i thought i lost you and i didn’t know what i would do without you because i didn’t think you loved me anymore because it’s my fault,” you ranted out, sobbing into his shoulder before he moved the two of you around the bed to lay down, you on his chest.
“i’m so sorry you had to go through that, and that you’re still dealing with the repercussions,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “but know that i’m not leaving you. i love you and nothing will ever change that.”
“there’s nothing we can do now,” you whined, clutching to his shirt as if he’d disappear once more.
“we can go to the recommended therapy. we can get that surgery to fix your cervix,” he reminded you, rubbing circles onto your back as you sniffled. “then, if you’d like, we could try again for a baby.”
“so you still want to be with me?” you whispered by his ear, clearly worried of the answer.
“of course i do,” he said as if there were no other option; there wasn’t. “i’m so, so sorry, love.”
“the reason i didn’t tell you is because,” you sighed as you shuffled on top of spencer, now sitting on his lap and facing him. “because there’s this stigma that comes with having an abortion - and i didn’t know how you’d react. i also didn’t know it didn’t go well in the first place, but that’s a different story,” you chuckled. “i’m sorry. i should’ve told you about something so serious.”
“you don’t have to apologize,” he brushed a strand of hair from your face. “that was from your past. this is our future, we shouldn’t get caught up on it and allow it to ruin this.”
you nodded, “you’re right. are-are you staying here, now? or are you going back to derek’s?” there was an obvious look of hope in your eye that spencer never planned on squashing.
“i’m staying here,” he smiled. “home. you’re my home.”
“you’re so cheesy,” you rolled your eyes as a laugh left your lips.
“i’ve missed your smile,” he pressed a kiss to those very lips, your smile not going away but growing even bigger.
“i’ve missed you,” you pointed at his chest. “please don’t leave again.”
“i won’t. ever again,” you held your pinky out, he smiled and wrapped his own around it. “i’m so sorry.”
“we’ll work at it,” you sighed. “we’ll build back the trust and fix my stupid cervix and then maybe try again for a baby.”
over the next few months spencer and you had been going to therapy once a week, mourning the loss of your baby and working through your other issues.
five months after you found out about the miscarriage, you had the surgery to fix your cervix.
one year after you fixed your cervix you and spencer began talking about having a child. you were extremely nervous, rightfully so. you voiced your concerns to spencer about what if the surgery didn’t work? what if your cervix wasn’t the only issue? and he replied by reminding you that you would both take this one step at a time.
seven months after having the conversation with spencer about having children, a miracle had caught up to you.
you were pregnant.
taglist:
@averyhotchner
@greenprisca
@muffin-cup
@spenxerslut
@spencerreid9
@spencyreidpls
@spencerreid9
@spencersmagic
@calm-and-doctor
@the-local-pendeja
@spencersrose
@spencersmagic
@shemarmooresfedora
@pastelbabygirl19
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Stomach Bug Ch1
Morning Sickness
idea from @beautiful-disasters-sunshine this is the first fanfic I’ve written in years. If it’s bad let me know I’m just trying my best since I like this idea. In this fic Mari and Dami are 17/18 and Hawkmoth has been defeated so there’s no fighting during this pregnancy. dialog heavy so sorry in advance.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
The rare occurrence of a quiet and peaceful morning was always nice to have in a city like Gotham where despair and misfortune seemed to thrive. Occasions like this are often cherished but everyone knows to be wary as anything could ruin the moment, such as the retching and coughing coming from the bathroom that had two very concerned women and equally concerned miniature god standing outside the door.
“Marigold, are you okay?” Ivy asked gently knocking on the door wincing as she heard another painful retch from the other side of the door, “Darling open the door please.”
“I’m-” another broken cough was heard breaking the weak voice in the bathroom, “I’m… okay just some food poisoning I think.”
“Mari sweetie you’ve been puking your guts out for a week.” Harley said leaning on the door frame, “I don’t think it’s just some food poisoning. You need to see a doctor.”
“You’re a doctor,” Marinette said, her sickness seeming to have finally come to an end as she flushed the toilet.
“I’m a psychiatrist hon there’s a big difference.” Harley said looking at Ivy concerned as the sound of running water filled the silence as Marinette brushed her teeth, “We’re taking you to see a doctor if this was just a stomach bug you’d have gotten better by now.”
“She’s right Marinette,” Tikki said, settling onto Ivy’s shoulder as they all watched the door, “It’ll make us all feel better if you just see the doctor.”
Silence filled the area as they all waited for Marinette to reply before a soft sigh was heard and the door clicked open revealing an exhausted young woman, “I don’t want to be a bother.” she mumbled averting her eyes from the two women before her.
Ivy let out a soft sigh moving forward and pulled her close to her chest gently running her fingers through her hair as Tikki floated down to press into Marinette's neck to give her some comfort, “You are and never will be a burden to us, Marigold. We care for you and want the best so please don’t think something as unavoidable as getting sick is a burden.”
“She’s right darling we love you and want you to be safe and healthy so please let us take you to a doctor that’s licensed in medicine,” Harley said, stepping over to hug her effectively squishing Marinette between Ivy and herself.
Marinette closed her eyes and just took a moment to sort through her thoughts and take in the warmth of the two women that adopted her. Her life had been just on the wrong side of crazy for so long, Hawkmoth terrorizing everyone for having emotions, her friends and family turning on her because of one liar determined to ruin her life, having to hide her relationship from not only her very perceptive mothers but her boyfriends equally perceptive and just a touch insane family. All of that and now being sick with something just to put the cherry on top of an already bad situation. “Okay,” she mumbled after a prolonged moment and turned to bury her face into Ivy’s chest and breathed deep taking in the subtle earthy and floral notes that clung to her, “I’ll see a doctor.”
“Thank you,” Ivy smiled gently, kissing the crown of her head, and looked over at Harley with a measured look, “go and get ready and we’ll head on over to the clinic,” she said as both women stepped back to allow her to head over to her room.
Once she was gone and out of earshot Harley leaned over and in a stage whisper said, “10 bucks says she’s pregnant.”
“I’d disagree if not for the fact she’s trying to hide her relationship with the Wayne brat.” Ivy chuckled, shaking her head, “Let's hope it is just a stomach bug and not a stomach bug .” she said giving Harley a look as they went to change into more civilian clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves.
The three women made their way into a small clinic and got checked in taking a seat in the corner out of the way of others. Marinette was seated between the two nervous and practically sweating bullets as she gripped her sweater while her mind raced. A soft pressing on her thigh from Tikki gave her some ease as she stared down at her trembling hands. What if she was really sick and the financial cost would put her mothers in debt? What if she wasn’t sick and this was all a waste of time? What if they already think she’s being a burden and are waiting for her to get called in so they can leave her? What if-
“Miss. Isley-Quinzel?” A nurse called cutting through Marinette's internal struggle.
“Ah here!” she said jumping up her face beat red as she quickly made her way over to the nurse with her mothers following close behind.
“I’m sorry only one of you can come back.” The nurse said looking at the two women.
“I’ll stay this article was gettin good,” Harley said flopping back down into her seat and reopened the gossip rag she was reading. Ivy shook her head smiling and placed a comforting hand on Marinette’s shoulder and walked with her into the small room.
“So Miss what are you in for today?” the nurse asked closing the door so they could all have privacy and took a seat.
“I’ve been throwing up for the past week,” Marinette said taking a seat on the paper-lined table keeping her head down.
“Any other symptoms?” the nurse asked looking over the file in her hands, “fever, headaches, muscle pain?” they asked.
“No nothing like that… I have been getting more sick after eating, maybe I have food poisoning?” Marinette asked.
“Are you sick after eating every time or only certain foods?” the nurse asked.
“I’m not sure I haven’t paid much attention to what I eat that’s causing me to be sick,” she mumbled.
The nurse nodded making some notes, “well just to rule it out I’ll need you to take a pregnancy test.” they said, grabbing a little plastic cup and handing it to Marinette, “bathroom is just to the right of this room go fill this cup and we’ll see if we can get you some answers.” they smiled and opened the door to let Marinette out.
Marinette turned scarlet and then pale as she walked out of the room and went to the bathroom. Ivy watched her leave before pulling out her phone and sent a quick text to Harley, ‘Marigold is taking a pregnancy test. She looks terrified.’
‘I really think she’s pregnant. She’s been sick and she’s been turning away from some of her favorite foods.’ Harley shot back after a few moments.
Ivy nodded putting her phone away as Marinette came back and took her seat on the table once more. She seemed to be running through the worst possible scenarios as her face slowly morphed from a sickly pale to an even sicklier green as they waited for the nurse to return with the results.
What felt like hours to Marinette was only a few minutes as a doctor came in smiling softly to Marinette and Ivy. “Hello, I’m Doctor Beau.” She smiled pulling a seat over and looked over the file given, “You came in for problems with nausea?”
“Yes, my daughter has been throwing up all week and we’re concerned,” Ivy said as it looked like Marinette wouldn’t be able to speak without being sick again.
“It is quite concerning and as you know we do have to rule out certain options before we can administer tests.” Dr. Beau nodded looking over the files once more, “The pregnancy test we had your daughter take came back positive.” she said gently trying to gauge the two women.
Marinette went stock still as tears began to well in her eyes clouding her vision as her world seemed to come crashing down around her. Ivy moved quickly to stand by Marinette wrapping her up in a hug and stroked her hair and back. “It’s okay Marigold,” she soothed, grabbing some tissues to clean her face, “It’s going to be okay just breathe.”
“I can’t tell you what to do Miss.” Dr. Beau said, gaining Marinette’s attention, “However, I can give you some pamphlets and a referral to a nice OB-GYN, they can help you make the choice best for you.” she smiled gently getting up and wrote a quick script before handing it to Ivy along with some pamphlets.
Everything after seemed to happen in a blur. Marinette didn’t fully process anything until she was being seated on a soft couch and felt two bodies pressing firmly to either side of her. “Mari, sweetie, please talk to us.” Harley’s accented voice softly sounded from her left broke the dam on her emotions as she let out a broken sob.
“I’m- I’m sorry.” she cried curling in on herself as the two women quickly wrapped her up in a firm hug as Tikki pressed into her cheek all three talking over each other trying to soothe her.
“Marigold it happens.” Ivy said gently holding her face, “We’re not mad, disappointed, or upset with you.” she said wiping her face, “We are here to help you and support you in any decision you decide to make.”
“Do ya know who the daddy is?” Harley asked gently, rubbing her back trying to get her to settle down just a bit. Marinette took a shaky breath, her face blotchy and nose stuffy as she nodded her head, “Here’s what we’re gonna do okay hon. I’m goin to go make you some calming tea and you are goin to call your boyfriend and tell him to come over here. Okay?” she asked looking in Mari’s eyes.
Marinette nodded scrubbing her face with her sleeve as Tikki pulled her phone up for her to take.
~.~.~.~
On the other side of Gotham seated for breakfast and contemplating the benefits of mass homicide, Damian was eating his food as his family did their best to make him go off the deep end.
“I’m just saying!” Jason said munching on some bacon, “Maybe if he got laid he wouldn’t have a stick so far up his a-”
“That is enough Jason,” Bruce stated firmly as he rubbed his eyes exhaustion clearly written all over his face.
“You just don’t want to hear my reasoning,” Jason said flicking a piece of toast at him.
“No, I want to remain ignorant of my child's sex life. I already had to deal with Dick telling me everything I rather not hear your speculations.” He glared as the table fell silent for a few blissful moments as they all turned to look at a shameless Dick who just smiled and shrugged before a loud ringing cut through and all eyes turned to Damian as he pulled out his phone.
“Hello?” he asked his usual annoyance bleeding through before he seemed to pause as the other person on the line spoke, “What’s happening?” he asked as he quickly got to his feet, worry clear on his face as he rushed out of the room, “I’m coming habibti please stop crying.” was the last thing the other Wayne’s heard before the front door slammed shut.
“What...” Jason started staring wide-eyed at where Damian just vanished through
“...just happened?” Dick finished looking just as confused before everyone turned to look at Bruce for his reaction.
“Habibti means my love,” Bruce said in lieu of an answer as they all then turned to look at Tim as he tapped away on a tablet.
“Already tracking him,” Tim said as silence settled back over the room as everyone tried to process what just happened. In the opinion of everyone gathered it took much too long for Tim to tell them where Damian left in such a hurry before finally looking up at everyone and said, “He’s at Harley and Ivy’s.”
~.~.~.~
Damian quickly knocked on the door, his clothes a little disheveled and his hair a bit messy from his mad dash across the city to the apartment housing the Isley-Quinzels. Ivy opened the door and stepped aside to allow him to enter and watched as he ran over to Marinette who was on her fourth cup of calming tea her tears now dry but her mind still frazzled.
“Habibti, are you okay?” he asked, dropping in front of her as her eyes began to well with a new wave of tears, and sobs began to wrack her small body once more. Damian quickly picked her up holding her close and rubbed her back as she choked out apologies sobbing into his shoulder. “Habibti, you're making me really worried; what happened?” he asked, trying to get her to look at him.
Marinette took a slow shaky breath before pulling back and looked at him, her bluebell eyes filled with unshed tears before she softly croaked out, “I’m... pregnant.”
Damian’s eyes widened just slightly as he took in what she said a cold chill settling over his body as he stumbled back falling into the chair Harley quickly moved behind him to catch him. Marinette let out another sob and moved to get out of his hold only for him to hold onto her tighter, “You’re pregnant?” he asked just above a whisper as he stared through her.
She nodded biting her lip hard as she waited for him to shout, shove her away, anything to show his anger. Instead, he pulled her even closer burying his face in her neck, and let out a shaky laugh, “You’re pregnant.” he muttered, “I- I’m going to be a father.” he said, pulling back to look at her.
Tension seemed to leave Marinette like snow melting at the beginning of spring as she weakly smiled at him nodding, “If...” she coughed to clear her throat and scrubbed her face with her sleeve again to look at him, “If you want to...” she mumbled.
“Of course I want to Habibti.” Damian breathed hugging her tightly before pulling back to look down at her stomach and gently ran his fingers over the covered flesh, “I can’t believe this.” he muttered looking at her with awe.
Harley and Ivy smiled watching the two have their heartfelt moment before deciding to break it, “What’s your dad gonna say?” Harley asked cutting through the tender moment with as much grace as a blunt axe.
Damian felt another cold wave wash over him at the mention of his father as his eyes widened, “My family doesn’t know about you.” he muttered looking at Marinette.
“They’re going to think I did this to trap you,” Marinette mumbled her face going to a sickly green as she shoved her way out of Damian's arm and ran into the bathroom slamming it shut as retching filled the apartment once more.
“You have to tell them.” Harley said watching Damian, “before she starts showing she’s small so it’ll be obvious soon enough.”
The apartment fell into silence with the only sound being Marinette’s morning sickness for a long while before a ringing cut through and Damian pulled out his phone. Father clear as day showing on the screen for the awaiting call. Damian stared at it until it went silent and then lit up with another incoming call from Bruce. “I have to answer don’t I?” he asked looking over at Ivy and Harley.
“Unless you want them all stormin in here then yeah,” Harley said, sipping some of the tea she made for Marinette.
Damian sighed and took a deep breath before answering the call, “Hello father.”
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Bakugou's Wedding Studio
Katsuki's
by KiriBakuHappiness
(AO3 link)
Bakugou Katsuki / Kirishima Eijirou
Wedding Planner / Engaged AU
Fluff/Humor/Light-Angst/Romance
Rated T (for Katsuki’s colorful language)
Word Count: 6315
Author's Note:// I really don't know where this story idea came from but I just had such an overwhelming urge to write it so now all of you are going to have to read it - enjoy!
Katsuki has never been to a wedding before.
The fuck would he waste his time going to one of those dumbass things for? To watch relatives who he didn't know and had never cared to meet before cry disgustingly and blow snot into rags in celebration of someone else in the family getting to have bland missionary sex for the rest of their pathetically monotonous lives?
Or did the joy come from listening to people whisper about the decoration choices and chuckle in disdain about family drama or was all the fun wrapped up in making sure someone's estranged uncle didn't get too drunk and try to piss on the bride's gown or -
Where the fuck was the fun in any of it?!
Fuck. Katsuki hated weddings - and he's never even fucking been to one before but that hardly matters because he gets the overall fucking gist of them just fine on his own. He's seen all the damn movies.
The weepy vows and the overly-edited wedding photos and the drunken hook ups in the coat closet or bathroom with someone who may or may not be a distant cousin or, fuck; it was all so very cliché and annoying.
Unfortunately, Katsuki's mother was a fucking wedding planner - so guess who knew way more about weddings than he'd ever planned to know?
You're a fucking genius. It's this guy.
Just shoot his damn brains out now. 'S not like he's gonna need them much after suffering through all of this shit.
"Katsuki," his mother swats at his arm and abruptly pulls him full force back into the wretched reality of this entirely undesirable situation. "Are you listening? This is important to me - I'm really counting on you for this one, kid!"
Katsuki barely holds back a groan. Barely.
He might be reaching 24, but his attitude still felt like that of an angsty teenager most days, and all of this unnecessary needling really wasn't helping with his high blood pressure that his doctor kept insisting that he had.
He shifts in the uncomfortable plastic chair by the edge of the hospital bed and tries to pay attention - he does - because his mother got hit by a car not three hours ago, and while that was so insatiably fucking hilarious to think about on its own, the resulting chaos that had ensued after such a laughably out-of-bounds incident that had dragged his ass head-first into all of this was most certainly not.
"I could do this shit in my sleep if I had to. I was forced to go with you to meet-ups like this all the damn time, remember?" Katsuki grumbles bitterly as he proceeds to flip through the scarce few channels on the television screen hanging up in the corner of the room.
Mitsuki snatches the remote from him when he passes over the same dull history channel about sharks for the third time since he'd arrived with a bag full of hastily packed shit from the house after he had gotten the call from the hospital.
"Yeah, when you were seven." She turns the television off and tosses the remote out of his reach into the other vacant chair on the far side of the room. Katsuki scowls and watches it soar away, briefly mourning the loss of the only thing getting him through this conversation with his mental stability still in tact.
"How fucking hard can it be?" Katsuki continues to gripe as he slouches further down in his seat, throwing his feet up to rest his boots on the bed with his ankles crossed. "'You want this piece of shit flower, or this piece of shit flower? You want this dumb table set up, or this dumb table set up?' I think I can fucking handle it."
His mother sighs and runs a hand over her bruised face, but he can still see the smirk that she's so desperately trying to hide in her palm. She can't fool Katsuki - she might sell lovey-dovey bullshit day in and day out to poor saps who waste all of their hard earned life savings on some big dumb party that most of their guests who are invited to attend are too drunk to even remember the next morning anyway - but she's just as much of an asshole as Katsuki is.
Mitsuki was just significantly better at hiding it in front of her important valued business clients.
"Just... please be on your best behavior, alright? And wear something nice. A sweater, maybe? You do own nice clothes, don't you?" His mother goads as she finishes organizing the gigantic black binder open on the bed sheets in front of her before she slaps it shut with a satisfied grin that stretches the bandage on her cheek.
"Oh yeah," Katsuki snorts with a condescending roll of his eyes. "Want me to get my finest jewels out of the damn vault, too? Maybe hunt down an endangered cougar and wear its scent as fresh cologne?"
His mother's hand comes up to her face again, but her shoulders are shaking. "How did I ever raise such a charming gentleman?"
"Beats me, you're a fucking bitch," Katsuki counters easily as he lumbers up to his feet. He reaches for the binder but his mother is quicker and she snatches it up to hold it close to her chest.
She's giving him her most serious look now.
Ugh. That means they're officially done fucking around.
"I mean it, Katsuki. This client was a referral - I really need them to have a good experience," his mother repeats for what must be the seventy-billionth fucking time.
Katsuki melts back into his chair with a disgruntled whine that could have come from a five-year-old's temper tantrum. "The fuck can't you just reschedule this shit for if it's so damn important?"
"Because the couple needs to be married and on a flight in exactly two months. Do you know how fucking long it takes to plan a wedding, Katsuki?"
He does. "No."
His mother smacks the binder against the top of his head before she finally holds it out for him. "Don't screw this up, wise-ass."
How fucking encouraging.
Katsuki snatches the binder from her with another overly-dramatic roll of his eyes as he shoves himself up to his feet again and starts for the door. "Hope you get a bed sore, devil woman."
"Love you too, you little shit!"
-
His mother's office building is way too fucking fancy for Katsuki's taste. Expensive wooden flooring and tall ceilings and Rome-inspired pillars and some kind of old fucking statue of a half-naked woman right at the damn entrance with her stone breasts all hanging out.
Was this supposed to be a wedding planner's studio or some kind of fucking art museum? Katsuki can't even tell anymore.
He supposes that it has been a pretty long time since he's last been back here, and he can't ignore the fact that his mother's dumb business has come a long way from being the dinky little hole in the wall that it used to be.
Still, the statue feels like a bit of an over kill. Katsuki can't stop staring at it. Where the fuck were her arms? And why did her eyes look like that?
Were they... moving?
His body tilts dangerously far to one side as he eyes up at the woman's face with a squinted gaze. She was definitely tracking his movements - this statue was seriously fucking cursed or something. It probably came to fucking life at night, creepy ass piece of -
"Uh... am I interrupting something?"
Katsuki nearly staggers over his own two feet as he hurries to try and right himself before he whips around to spot the culprit who has so suddenly decided to sneak up on him.
"Hah?! Fucking hell, make some damn noise next time!" Katsuki reprimands with a harsh glare. He hates being fucking spooked like that.
The man in front of him grins a wide, toothy smile. "Sorry, man! I didn't mean to startle you! Uh, is this... the Bakugou's Wedding Studio -"
Oh shit. This is the guy that Katsuki is supposed to meet with today?
His sharp gaze takes in the plain jeans with the rip in the left knee and the dark V-neck combo that he's wearing; a pretty casual get up considering the dumbass shirt and tie that Katsuki's hag of a mother seemed to think that he desperately needed to wear for this. She was so full of shit sometimes.
Fuck, was this guy still talking?
"- so I hope that's okay and everything!"
Katsuki has no idea what he's going on about, but it doesn't matter. He waves a dismissive hand around in the air, anyway.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you want, Red. You ready to do this or what?"
The guy blinks in surprise at him and one of the hands he's had pushed down into the pockets of his jeans suddenly reaches up to touch at the stupid spikes of red hair styled on the top of his head before he laughs boisterously.
"Alright, a man of action - I like that! Let's do it!" Red cheers, thrusting a fist up in the air and beaming another ridiculously happy grin. What a fucking nut job.
Katsuki leads him around the creepy statue lady and across the wooden floors of the studio towards a set of black leather couches set up in the corner by the large bay windows overlooking the street below. He slaps the binder on the table and flops down onto the couch before he mindlessly flips it open to the first page to pull out all of the dumb introductory forms.
The faster they get through this shit, the quicker Katsuki can go home and take these uncomfortable clothes off - gotta keep his eyes on the prize.
Red plops down on the couch next to him, still smiling that mega-watt grin. Katsuki is used to seeing that stupid fucking look on his mother's more sappy clients' faces.
It's all about the fucking love, right?
Definitely not about all of the money.
"This place is really nice," Red compliments unnecessarily as his eyes sweep across the studio. "Did you decorate it yourself?"
Katsuki snorts at that. And then he rehears the question in the back of his mind and he cackles again because holy shit - that's the funniest fucking thing anyone has ever asked him. "Hell no. Just filling in for my mom or whatever. 'S her place, not mine."
"Oh, are you... not a wedding planner then, or?"
Shit. Backtrack - fucking backtrack.
"Hah? 'Course I am! You think I come here and do this shit for fun or something?" Katsuki snarks back as nonchalantly as he can. He really needs to just get this over with.
"Where's your wife-to-be, anyway? Shouldn't she be here nitpicking all of this shit over with you?" Katsuki grumbles absentmindedly as he yanks out a pen and finally settles down to do quite possibly the most boring thing to have ever been invented.
"Nah man, I just told you! My ah... husband-to-be had something come up at work, so he couldn't make it in today," Red explains again anyway, entirely unperturbed with having to repeat himself. "It's just me!"
Gay? Huh. Katsuki wouldn't have ever guessed.
"Whatever, just make sure he doesn't call and complain if he doesn't like what you pick out," Katsuki warns as he flips the pages of the binder to the first horrible section of a long list of equally horrible things; the venues.
"Don't worry about it, dude!" Red reassures with a confident thumb thrust into his puffed out chest. "I've got a great sense of style!"
-
So.
That was a fucking lie.
Red's got something - but it ain't style. A brain tumor, maybe.
"You want to do what?" Katsuki can't help but ask incredulously. His pen stalls in his casual note-taking as he raises an eyebrow and lifts his cheek off his clenched fist to better stare at the other man so that he knows just how ridiculous his dumb request sounds.
"You don't think that'd be awesome?!" Red expels with just as much disbelief, sitting up now with his hands thrown out wide in the air as though to adamantly argue his point. "First the ceremony, then the reception - or whichever one comes first, I guess I already forgot - but then, boom! Paintball tournament! It's fool proof, man!"
They've been at this for two hours now and Katsuki thinks there must be something seriously wrong with this guy. He's kind of starting to think that he isn't even really engaged. There's just no fucking way. He's literally a child with adult spending money.
"My mom ain't gonna plan a fucking paintball tournament for your wedding, I'll tell you that right now," Katsuki snorts with a further bewildered shake of his head at the very idea of it as he resettles his cheek against his fist again.
Red beams a mischievous sort of grin as he casually leans over to elbow Katsuki in the bicep. "Buuut your mom's not my wedding planner, you are! Right? C'mon, I can totally tell that you're way cooler than she is!"
Huh. Red's got some kind of a point there. Maybe not a complete one, or a valid one, but it's the start of something intriguing for sure.
Katsuki flicks his pen around in his fingers as he entertains this woefully horrible temptation to fuck with this painfully typical wedding design that Red's husband-to-be seems to be so dead set on having. Katsuki can't help but agree with the idiotic manchild; maybe that's what weddings need more of these days in order to be less shitty.
Some kind of entirely chaotic activity that causes real physical harm.
Besides, his mother did tell him that he was meant to do whatever it was that the customer wanted - whatever they ask for, just tell them you can do it and then figure it out from there! - and this overly enthusiastic redhead sitting on the other end of this leather couch from him wants a fucking paintball tournament at his wedding.
This temporary gig might be a lot more interesting than Katsuki originally gave it credit for.
"Alright, Red... you've piqued my interest," Katsuki concedes cautiously as he pens in a little added note at the bottom of the seventeenth modified color scheme they had finally settled on. "You want a paintball tournament, I'll give you a fucking paintball tournament."
"Woah, really?!" Red lights up like a fucking Christmas tree at that. "Oh man, you must be the best wedding planner ever!"
Katsuki tries not to look too smug. What a horrible fucking compliment, anyway. But still - Red's got the right idea. Katsuki was the fucking best.
He might not mind working with this idiot for the remainder of this project, after all.
"What other kind of crazy junk you want?"
"Oh, dude! I've got lots of ideas!"
-
A wedding generally takes anywhere from 200-500 hours to fully plan and execute. Katsuki's currently got about 10 1/2 logged with Red over the course of their past few meetings together, which only left a bare minimum of around 189.5 more hours to go.
Still, it wasn't really as painstaking or horribly boring as Katsuki had been expecting it to be. Despite the moron's horrendous sense of style and apparent fucking colorblindness, he did have a shit ton of incredibly dumb wedding event ideas to spout off endlessly about, and Katsuki was almost having trouble narrowing down which horribly inappropriate ones to choose to include in the draft proposal from their long ass list.
He couldn't believe how much he found that he really didn't mind walking into his mother's wedding studio in preparation for another long session with the weirdest client he's ever had the misfortune of meeting. This wedding was gonna be fucking awesome if Katsuki had anything to do with it.
His unusually optimistic attitude about this unfavorable situation changed rather abruptly when Red finally walked through the door a half an hour later, though. He wasn't alone this time.
Red's Fiancé was... not what Katsuki expected.
Not that Katsuki had really been expecting much of anything. To be honest, he'd almost forgotten that the dumbass even had one. But of course, it takes two to fucking tango, and here the lovebirds are now sitting on the opposite couch together from the one Katsuki had chosen.
"I read over the draft proposal last night and - " Red's Fiancé gives Red some kind of half-sympathetic/half-grimaced look. " - while I appreciate the eccentricity, I really don't think my family wants us to have a Slip N' Slide at our wedding."
Your family is fucking lame then, Middle Part. Katsuki crosses out the Slip N' Slide note in his binder with a disapproving scowl.
Red's face burns with a bright flush of color as he reaches a sheepish hand up to rub at the back of his head. "Ah, yeah, sorry about that! I went a little overboard with it. It was just really fun planning everything out with - "
Red blinks for a moment as his face smooths out before he glances in Katsuki's direction for what might have been the very first time since they had arrived. "Oh, I guess I've never really gotten your name before!"
Katsuki shifts in his seat and doesn't look up. "Katsuki."
"Right, Katsuki! It was really fun planning with him these past few sessions; he's gotta be the best one in the city or something - I was getting so excited for the wedding!"
Tch. Katsuki was sorta getting excited to see all the tom-fuckery come together, too. But whatever.
"I'm sure it'll be just as exciting," Middle Part tries to satiate like a parent calming down an obnoxious child with a condescending pat on Red's knee. The tone grates on Katsuki's nerves for reasons he can't even begin to come up with.
Middle Part turns back to Katsuki, then. "But in a more... traditional sense, if you know what I mean."
Katsuki's eyes narrow down at the binder in his lap, but he knows he's got a job to fucking do - his mother would have a damn heart attack or something if he didn't do what he was supposed to be doing right now - so he simply tears out the draft proposal form, crumples it up into a little ball, and tosses it carelessly over his head to land somewhere on the wooden floor behind his couch.
Back to boring old fucking business.
"Oh, I'd also like to go over the color scheme one more time? I'm more of a pastel person and the reds are all very... bright."
-
Katsuki can't stop thinking about it.
He hates that he can't stop thinking about it, but that doesn't make it any less true that he can't stop thinking about it.
Katsuki didn't know up-from-down about Red - fuck, he hadn't even been paying close enough attention to have ever caught the guy's real name - but something about their session yesterday with Middle Part didn't sit right with him.
It was all-in-all a very typical meeting. His mother would have been fucking ecstatic with the outcome. They changed the color scheme to something more pastel spring-timey and replaced the red Hibiscus flowers with some boring ass Tulips and they even had to go back and pick a different venue cause Middle Part had some kind of damn phobia of the fucking water or some shit and truly seemed to believe that the scenic lake-side cabin property that Red had chosen out on the outskirts of the city would be too much of a distraction for him to focus on The Big Day.
Pretty much everything that they had planned out together in their earlier sessions had to be changed. And throughout the entire fucking process, Red didn't say another damn word the whole time.
Not to give his opinion. Not to express any kind of interest or growing excitement. Not even to protest. He merely sat there with that plastered on goofy grin, with Middle Part's hand wrapped tight on his knee, and didn't say a single damn thing.
Katsuki can't stop fucking thinking about it. When he'd first met Red, he was certain that guy's COD was going to be suffocation from forgetting how to take a pause inbetween his incessant ramblings long enough to remember to breathe.
It wasn't even any of Katsuki's damn business. He knew that. And he didn't fucking care about the relationship dynamic of a newly-engaged couple that he didn't know and hadn't even met for more than a few hours. It just felt like such a big damn fucking waste of time because obviously this was all going to end in some kind of a divorce.
Middle Part was stiff and proper and had a huge stick up his ass, and Red was just so loud and expressive and wanted a fucking rock-climbing wall at his damn wedding. It was like watching some suburban soccer mom tame a real-life Rolling Stones Rockstar or some shit.
How did those two fuckers even meet in the first place? Fall in love? Get engaged? It didn't make any sense to Katsuki, and it was really starting to piss him off.
During their next session together a few days later (sans Middle Part again, who just had to run off and attend some hoity-toity business garden party or something else that happened to be more important than planning his damn wedding), Katsuki literally couldn't stop himself from asking, "You really want a boring ass wedding like this?"
Red stops mid-babble with his glass of champagne poised at his lips that Mitsuki had vehemently demanded that Katsuki supply for this next meeting - because how could he have ever forgotten to do such an important part of this overall incredibly lame process?
"Oh, I mean... it's not really supposed to be an actual party. It's more of a serious thing, you know?" Red tries pathetically to explain the purpose of a wedding to a(n unlicensed) wedding planner, rubbing sheepishly at the back of his neck. "I guess I got a little carried away with it all before. Sorry if I wasted your time or anything, I told you I'm no good at planning this kind of stuff..."
There it is again. That incessant needling in Katsuki's gut that he'd noticed also happened when Middle Part had placed that hand on Red's knee and didn't let go of it for the entire time that they were sitting together on that damn couch.
Katsuki purses his lips into a thin line to prevent himself from saying anything asshole-ish, because he's sure that one of the rules to being The Best Wedding Planner Ever was not to insult the Fiancé.
"That's why I really need your help here, man!" Red continues on, unbothered by or just too plain stupid to recognize Katsuki's silence on the topic. "You're so talented; I just know you'll make it the best day ever!"
It slips out before Katsuki can even think about stopping it. "Shouldn't that be your new husband's job or something?"
Red blinks over at him in surprise at such a statement, and Katsuki blinks down at the binder in his lap because - fuck - even he knows that was way totally out of line.
"Let's just fucking finish picking out the - "
It's the movement that he spots out of his peripherals as Red leans forward to place his glass of champagne on the table that causes Katsuki to stiffen and finally snap his eyes up from where they'd been glued to the binder.
Shit, Red doesn't look good. His brows are furrowed and there's an uncharacteristically obvious frown on his lips as he watches the bubbles in the champagne glass float up to the top. Katsuki waits with held breath for him to do something more, his heart pounding in his chest, and eventually Red looks at him again and offers him an entirely forced apologetic smile.
"Sorry, I'm just... I'm not really feeling that great today. I think I'm gonna have to cut this session short, if that's okay."
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Katsuki's big ass mouth has gone and done it again. He doesn't even have enough time to try and salvage anything or react to such a sudden departure before Red is leaping up from the couch and scurrying across the studio towards the front doors.
Katsuki watches him leave with his pen hanging limp in his hand and his mouth slightly parted.
His mother was totally going to fucking ream him for fucking this one up.
-
"You said what?!"
Katsuki tosses an exasperated hand up in the air and glares harder from where he's standing at the foot of the bed in the master bedroom. He hasn't even taken his denim jacket off yet. "You didn't have to fucking meet this guy, alright?! He was pretentious and boring and - "
Mitsuki snorts with an angry roll of her eyes. "Newsflash, you fucking psychopath - you don't have to like the clients that you work for, you just have to do your damn job! He's not your Fiancé, this isn't your wedding!"
"I fucking know that! He just really fucking pissed me the fuck off!" Katsuki yells back, red-faced and frantic as he forces fingers to tangle through his explosive hair.
"You have to fix this, Katsuki - "
"How the fuck am I supposed to do that? Why's it gotta be my responsibility to convince this guy to marry that total fucking d-bag? It's gonna end in a divorce, anyway!"
"That's not even any of your fucking concern, moron! Let the divorce attorney deal with all of that crap!"
"It's not fair for Red!" Katsuki continues to argue adamantly none-the-less, slapping the back of his hand into the palm of the other for emphasis.
Mitsuki blinks over at him now, eyebrows scrunching in the center of her face and - shit, he doesn't like that look she's giving him at all. "Who the fuck is Red?"
"T-the fucking guy! The one I've been dealing with this whole damn time, the - "
"The guy who wanted to have a dunk-tank at his wedding?!" Mitsuki asks incredulously. "If you ask me, that's not fair to anyone getting married."
Katsuki glowers over at her as he shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his coat and curls them into tight fists to try and pull himself together.
"Least it would've been fucking entertaining to watch..." he grumbles bitterly, but fuck, he knows the old hag has a damn point.
Mitsuki's looking at him especially closely now and it's making Katsuki squirm under her laser-focused scrutiny. He clenches his jaw to combat the uncomfortable bout of feelings rumbling in his stomach and flings his hands (still secure in his pockets) out once more in a baiting sort of gesture.
"Fucking what?" Katsuki spits defensively.
"Oh... my god," Mitsuki leans back into the pillows on her king-sized bed like she's just been given the most horrible news. "Don't tell me you fell in love with a fucking client, Katsuki."
Katsuki's entire face scrunches up unpleasantly at that accusation like he's just swallowed an entire lemon. "The fuck?! Are you outta your goddamn mind!?"
"Are you?! Katsuki, he's engaged!" She whips one of her purple satin pillows at him. "You're supposed to be planning his wedding!"
Katsuki's hands are too tangled up in his pockets to prevent the assault and the pillow smacks stupidly against his chest and tumbles to the floor at his socked feet. "That's what I was trying to fucking do!"
"Really? Cause from what your dumbass just told me, it sounds a lot more like you've taken some kind of damn interest in this fucking guy and want to ruin his marriage before it's even started!"
Katsuki blinks at her because he doesn't even know what to fucking say in response to that. It's so totally outlandish and stupid. He's not fucking in love with Red - he doesn't even know that asshole! They've been in the same room together for approximately 25 hours - 4 1/2 of which Red hadn't even spoken a single damn word for!
Mitsuki heaves a deep sigh and pinches the bridge of her nose. It's like she can't even fucking look at him right now. "Just go, Katsuki. I should've never fucking asked you to do this for me in the first place."
Fuck.
Katsuki shifts his weight restlessly from one foot to the other. He knows he's an asshole, and he knows his mother's a batty fucking bitch, but that's why it always makes his stomach twist so uncomfortably whenever she looks at him like that - or rather, whenever she doesn't look at him like that.
Assholes needed to stick together, damnit!
"Mom, I'm fucking sorry or whatever, I just - "
"I know. Now leave. There's leftover soup in the fridge. Grab some when you go." Mitsuki picks up the magazine she had been perusing through before he'd so brutishly trampled his way into her room and she starts reading it again like he wasn't still standing there staring at her, and that was just the end of that.
Katsuki had fucked it all up. Someone's marriage, his mother's new client, her expectations of him - all of it. Fucked it right up from the ground up.
He clenches his jaw again and exhales a hard, agitated breath through his flaring nostrils before he snatches up the pillow on the floor and chucks it onto the bed as he stomps over to the door and finally leaves.
-
Katsuki has only ever bought flowers twice before.
Once when he got suspended from school for getting into a fight, and once when he totaled his piece of shit car trying to out race some idiot who had egged him on at a red light. Both times his mother had received them with the very same reactions - an incredulous stare, a long thoughtful pause, a heavy reluctant sigh, and forgiveness.
Lilacs were her favorites - and Katsuki only fucking knew that cause his old man used to drill it incessantly into his damn head all while growing up before that asshole had to go and die of brain cancer. ‘Whenever your mother is angry with me, I always buy her Lilacs. They soften her right up!’
That was the only reason why Katsuki was clutching onto such an embarrassing collection of recently purchased Lilacs as he pushed his way through the door of the Bakugou’s Wedding Studio a few weeks later.
He gave his mother time to cool off, and he went and got the damn flowers, and now he just needed to find the batty bitch.
There were quite a few people here today milling about on the furniture and perusing through the catalogues - some guy sitting next to his soon-to-be-wife was ogling the damn statue like he’d never fucking seen boobies before - and honestly, Katsuki would have turned around and walked right back into the street if he hadn’t spotted his mother’s head bobbing by somewhere in the background of all the fucking chaos.
Alright Katsuki, it’s fucking show time.
He regrips the Lilacs in his sweaty fingers as he maneuvers through a crowd of bridesmaids who are all screeching about something or another at a decibel that only fucking dogs can hear, before he finds himself suddenly face-to-face with his mother’s urgently frantic energy.
They both stop at the same time and stare at each other for a moment. Mitsuki breaks the silence with a click of her tongue again the roof of her mouth and a sharp turn of her gaze onto anything else in the room that isn’t him.
“I’m kind of busy right now - “ She tries to breeze past him but Katsuki just steps in her way and prevents her from leaving.
“Here.” He thrusts the Lilacs up into the space between them. His jaw tightens and he tries not to think about how fucking ridiculous he must look right now.
His mother’s list of reactions is consistent, at least; an incredulous stare that drifts down to eye at the Lilac bundle, a softening of her features as she takes in all of the different little purple petals - she’s probably thinking about dad, just like Katsuki does every time he has to wander into that damn flower shop on the other side of the city to purchase these stupid shits - and then... a heavy sigh.
She reaches out and takes them from him, and his hands dive back into his pockets purely on instinct and flustered nerves. Mitsuki looks up from the Lilacs and catches eyes with him again.
“They didn’t go through with it,” Mitsuki informs him. As if he even fucking cares.
“Hm.” He grunts back in some kind of forced response.
Mitsuki sighs again, softer this time, and runs the pad of her finger along the lush flowers. “Well... I’m sure business will be fine without them. I really wasn’t expecting such a rush like this today, so - “
“Uh... hello.” A voice interrupts from somewhere outside of their private family bubble.
Katsuki and Mitsuki both whip around and - holy motherfucking shit - it’s Red.
He’s wearing a leather jacket over a plaid shirt today, and his obnoxious spikes are loose and under the protection of a bandana. He grins sheepishly at the pair of them, his cheeks are already dusting with flushed color. “A-again, I guess. I just wanted to come by and apologize for wasting so much of your family’s time with... everything. I really hope I didn’t cause too much trouble for you.”
“Wait, you’re Red?” Mitsuki chimes in before Katsuki can even rub two brain cells together enough to spark any kind of a thought.
“Huh?” Red blinks at her in confusion before suddenly he’s laughing so loudly that people’s heads are starting to turn in their direction. “Oh! Haha, yeah I am! You can call me Eijirou, if that’s easier for you. Red works fine too, though, I guess!”
Eijirou.
“Anyway,” Red clears his throat, and he looks uncertain as he shuffles his weight around restlessly. “I know it was a bit of a shit show, but I really want to make up for it! I know some people who are recently engaged and I recommended your studio to them! Katsuki was so great with everything, and my friend Denki really wants to do something with zip-lining for his wedding!”
“Zip-lining?! Look kid, I appreciate the business, really, but - “
Katsuki elbows her hard in the ribs with a sideways glare sharp enough to cut glass. His mother eyes him back and they stare at each other for a long time, having one of their infamous telepathic arguments, before Mitsuki throws her hands in the air in added exasperation.
“Zip-lining, touch-tank, hell, I’ll order some fucking panda bears from the local zoo if they want it,” she declares to the heavens above.
Before Katsuki has the chance to snap at her, one of the dog-whistle bridesmaids is summoning her over from the other side of the room, and his mother beelines it towards them in an obvious attempt to escape. Katsuki watches her leave with a scowl.
“I, uh,” Red clears his throat again, and it causes Katsuki to snap his gaze back onto him once more. “I actually stopped by earlier this week but you weren’t here. I was kind of hoping to catch you, I... wanted to thank you.”
Katsuki blinks at him in disbelief. “Hah?! For fucking what? Ruining your goddamn wedding?”
“Ruin it?” Red’s head shoots up from where he’d been intently watching the tips of his sneakers. “Dude, are you for real? You didn’t ruin anything, you saved it! You saved me! I was always taught growing up that a wedding had to be perfect, and beautiful, and professionally photographed. And I was always told how stressful it all was and I was really nervous to come here and try to figure it all out - but when I was planning my wedding with you, it was... fun! And exciting! I couldn’t wait for it to arrive so I could watch all of my friends and family having the best time together on the most important day of my life!”
Katsuki can really only think to blink at him again, because truly, there must be something wrong with this fucking idiot. Nobody in the history of ever has probably been this excited for a botched wedding.
“Anyway,” Red shifts again, grinning that sheepish smile of his that squints his eyes and makes the flush on his face that much more prominent. “I know I was like... just engaged a few weeks ago or whatever but... do you want to maybe go play paintball with me sometime?”
Holy shit. Red was fucking asking him out on a date. Is that what was fucking happening right now?
There must be something wrong with Katsuki, too, because - “Sure, why the fuck not?”
Red is beaming again, and Katsuki’s heart is racing in his chest like some kind of dumb prepubescent child, and Katsuki’s never been to a fucking wedding before, but if he can manage not to fucking screw this up just like everything else, then he already knows that his and Eijirou’s wedding is going to be the best fucking one in history.
He’s already planning on it.
-
Author’s Note:// AHBXHBAXA - Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this dumb little short story! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated but never expected! <3
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really want to cry i had an at home sleep study done way back in may but my doctor never called me about the results so since june ive been trying my best to call at the very least every 2 weeks sometimes more to talk with her (and i know she has the results! she confirmed when i messaged her in the patient portal once that she has the results) but every single time the office says shes not available and they’ll have her call me back later but she never ever does the only time she did was when i sent a patient portal message instead of talking with the receptionist (ig i should try that again idk) but it was in the middle of when i was in class i didnt see it and then she wasnt available when i called back right after
so i finally decided to just give up on holding out hope for this and decided to get a new primary care doctor in massachusetts instead of chicago since im more likely to be around here regardless for the next few years (maybe all this could be solved easier if i could schedule an in person appointment with her but i literally just have not been in chicago since june and wont be any time soon!) but all the doctors are sooooo booked up around here and also i just really value going to a doctor thats not gonna be bad about fibro or eating disorder stuff or be fatphobic so ofc after getting recommendations about that in local groups that narrowed things way down (and honestly is depressing bc even the most recommended at least one person has some horror story with them) and i know the doctor i chose is a lot less booked than others but even then i wont be able to see her til may
a whole fucking year since i first tried to get this stuff figured out :( and thats not even to actually find out thats just to go to a PCP so i can hopefully get a referral to go to a sleep study (ideally in person the more i read about at home ones they seem largely pointless) so Maybe i can have this figured out by the end of the summer
i swear to god i get more and more convinced i have obstructive sleep apnea and the presumed effects of that affect my life in so many ways im so so so sick of living like this and it takes such a toll on my ability to be successful in school/life/etc and now i have to go through Yet Another semester not able to do fucking anything about it and even with the promise of an appointment in may its still so uncertain what will come of that
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Hi! I love going through your ADHD tag. A lot of it is so informative but I like reading your personal experiences and seeing that I'm not the only one feeling the way I am. So, thank you for putting that out there! I had a question for you regarding the diagnosis of ADHD and, please if you feel uncomfortable or don't want to answer, please feel free to just ignore this! For over 5-6 years, I've been quite sure that I have ADHD. However, in the past (and currently, actually) I haven't been in a position to seek out a therapist or get a diagnosis. I've also heard it's really expensive to get a diagnosis. Would you be okay with talking about how you found someone to talk to about a potential diagnosis and what the process of getting a diagnosis looks like? I found some stuff online but it's been pretty vague and generally along the lines of "it differs on a case-by-case basis." Thank you, again, for the tag and for all the stuff you write! <3
Hey there Anon! Happy to share my experience.
Ok, so here's the privileges I had which might mitigate the value of my advice in some situations but 1) I'm in the US (specifically, the northeast) where ADHD is taken pretty seriously and while not spoken of openly in all professional circles, getting a diagnosis in most cases doesn't run up against cultural taboos that would prevent treatment 2) I have health insurance through my job and 3) I was in a position to seek therapy when I got my diagnosis for unrelated life stuff. It was the therapist who referred me to a psychiatrist who got me meds and later I found this AMAZING psychiatrist in my area who helped me work through multiple medications until I found the right fit (however, she had a 4 month waitlist before I could work with her. Worth it! But I had an ongoing prescription during that time, I just wasn't sure it was the right one).
Gonna cut here to go into more specifics:
- I was diagnosed when I mentioned to my therapist (while pretty much shaking with fear that I would look like some kind of amphetamine addict looking for a fix or a kid looking for party drugs) that I kinda sorta maybe had ADHD destroying my life and she basically went, "Oh yeah, that's been obvious since Day 1 when you wouldn't look me in the eye while speaking." So... lol, basically you're probably not nearly as subtle as you think to a trained professional if you have it.
- When I dared to ask if she could help me get medication her response was, "Yeah, sure, here's a number, call them and tell them I sent you as a referral." It was that difficult.
- That person kinda sucked and there's a bunch of annoying bureaucracy BUT when I mentioned this to my general practitioner doctor he was like "If they suck I can hold you over with prescriptions until you find a new person." No, he did not question me. Literally no actual medically trained person I've ever spoken to has shown any concern that I might be lying or faking or whatever, they've all be scrupulously helpful and even apologetic at all the hoops.
- The first time I tried Adderall I had a near out-of-body experience with how easy life suddenly became. Fear of emails just melted away. I got a week's worth of work that had been HAUNTING me done in an afternoon. HOWEVER, that level of euphoria only happened the one time, and that's pretty universal that you'll cry with relief the first time you use it then if you don't get the right medication you will chase that high incorrectly. For me, the correct medication turned out to be extended-release, 25 mg (relatively low) generic adderall and this is after a year of the "fancier" Vyvanse that was supposed to be smoother (and it was, compared to single release adderall which made me want to chew nails I was so stressed).
- The downside with ANY single release for me though, it turned out (even relatively smooth Vyvanse) was that when I crashed at the end of the day I absolutely craved alcohol, or sugar, some kind of pick-me-up. I thought I was an alcoholic. I was legit scared by how bad I needed alcohol at the end of the day, until I switched to slow release and the cravings just melted away. I still like drinking but the craving went away once I was no longer crashing and I've been so much better since.
- My advice to people is: if your circumstances don't preclude you (financially, culturally, etc.) drop a few inquiries to psychiatrists in your area. They will not laugh at you. They will not report you. Just say you think you have ADHD and you'd like professional help seeing if your self-diagnosis is correct and getting medication if so (which is why you need a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Therapists can't necessarily get you a prescription). Every medical professional I've worked with has been enormously helpful and understanding, your brain is lying to you when it says you're going to get arrested or something for just asking. That is dumb. That is desperation-brain, not reality.
Put out a few requests so if someone is overloaded or busy you have backups. You will have to do a couple scary professional emails or calls, maybe speak to your insurance, but I PROMISE you it is worth it. The light at the end of the tunnel is you have to do this one scary thing but the reward is this thing will never be scary again after.
And it is totally, totally worth it.
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Fromage
1x08
Hannibal Lecter x reader x Will Graham
Hannibal Re-Write Series Masterlist
Word Count: 2.8k
Warnings: spoilers for hannibal, murder, snapping someones neck,
Author’s Note: You have no idea how pleasing it was to completely erase that scene of Will kissing Alana from existence.
I took lines directly from the script so some may seem familiar.
Official Episode Summary : When the BAU investigates a murder in which the victim's vocal chords are exposed, Hannibal learns the killer acted to gain his attention; Will turns to Alana as a distraction from the noises in his head.
I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director
Tag List: @llperfectsymmetryll
(not my gif)
You sat on the ground at the bottom of the bed, thumbing through the new book that Will had gotten you for Christmas. You were already mostly finished with it and it was very good so far. Will laid on his side beside you, working with an old motor. The dogs were sprawled around you in various stances and places.
You didn’t even notice when Will stopped, you were so engrossed in your book. You didn’t notice anything until he spoke.
“Do you hear that?” You put your head up and leaned hard into hearing as you tried to find a noise out of the ordinary. The steady snores of some of the dogs, Will’s sock covered foot tapping the ground. Nothing weird.
“I don’t hear anything,” you said. He stood up and looked out the front door window and turned to you.
“You don't hear that whining?”
You listened again and still heard nothing.
“No. Is it faint?”
“I’m gonna go walk around out front and see if I see anything,” he said and you nodded. He grabbed his coat and you heard the front door click shut. You listened again and still, heard nothing. You tried not to think anything of it and went back to your book.
A few minutes later Will came back inside and you perked up to see if he had any dog with him.
“So?”
“It stopped. I think I might call Alana or someone to come look with me,” he said absentmindedly.
“I could just come.”
“Don’t you have work?”
“Hannibal won’t kill me if I’m a few minutes late. I think he likes the both of us enough,” you promised and got up. “What, do you want Alana to come instead of me?” you asked. It wasn’t judgy or playful. He couldn’t tell what it was.
“No you can just come. It’s cold, grab a jacket.”
You walked outside together through the barren lands outside of the house. You liked Alana, you really did, but you also were pretty sure that Will used to be in love with her before you met. You glanced at him, your hands shoved in your pockets. He was wearing a beanie that you liked but it covered his curls which you weren't a fan of.
“Why are you thinking about Alana?” Will asked.
“How did you know I was?” you whispered sheepishly.
“I know that look. Like you’re trying to have the courage to ask me something you might not like the answer to. The last time you did that you asked me about my crime scene thing.” You nodded.
“I’m thinking about her because I know you two used to be close.”
“She was close with Hannibal. Actually, I’m pretty sure they almost dated so if you’re going to worry about a boyfriend worry about him,” he said.
“Wow, touchy much?” you asked but he nudged you playfully. “I don’t like Hannibal that way.”
“I think Hannibal looks at us both in a different way than he does with other people,” he muttered. “As for Alana, I don’t like her the way he likes us,” Will digressed. You nodded.
“As long as I don’t hear about the two of you making out behind my back,” you said. He shook his head.
“When I did like her, before I met you, she thought I was too broken to date,” he said. You scoffed.
“Yeah well I can disagree there with proper evidence to back it up.” He laughed and nodded, putting his arm around your shoulder.
“I don’t think we’re going to find anything. You should go to work.” You nodded.
“Walk back with me?”
“Sure.”
-
Hannibal sat in therapy, across from Bedelia. He clasped his hands on his crossed leg.
“I worry I’ve made Franklyn feel powerless. His obsession with me is interfering with his progress,” he explained. “He wants to be my friend.”
“Are these the opportunities for friendship you spoke about?” she asked, referring to a prior session.
“I’m considering referring him to another doctor.”
“Referrals can be complicated. I referred you to another psychiatrist. You refused,” Bedelia said.
“I’m more tenacious than Franklyn,” Hannibal promised.
“Why were you so tenacious?” Hannibal considered this a moment.
“I feel protective of you.” This admission makes Bedelia feel uncomfortable but she hides it well.
“Who else do you feel protective of?” she questioned, eager to avert the subject smoothly. Hannibal thought about his answer here too, careful where he tredded.
“I suppose I feel protective of those who support me as a colleague, psychiatrist and as a human being like you do.”
“And the other names that come to mind are?” Hannibal knew the answer. He also knew Bedelia also knew the answer he was thinking of.
“I suppose Will and Y/N,” he stated simply. “I’m not sure.” She nodded, realizing how his demeanor changed when you and Will were brought into the conversation.
“The Grahams.”
“They aren’t married,” Hannibal corrected politely.
“But that’s what they’re referred to as, from Will’s colleagues,” she said simply. He nodded.
“I suppose.”
Although he knew it to be true he couldn’t ignore the feeling in his chest of distaste. ‘The Grahams’. It felt wrong even if he thought of the two of you as a unit. He sighed.
-
Hannibal approached you at your desk.
“Would you care to go on a trip to a string shop with me?” he questioned.
“In an attempt to widen my cultural mind?” you asked. “Or simply to go.” He shrugged.
“I would like to meet the man who runs the shop. You don’t have to come if you’re busy.” you shook your head.
“I’d love to come. I don’t know anything about strings though.”
Hannibal spoke a bit about his intent in the car but most of it went over your head. You nodded along and when he pulled the car up to a small string shop you were amazed that this was all the hype was about.
Hannibal got out of the car and opened your door for you.
“Ever the gentleman,” you teased. He nodded proudly as the two of you walked inside. You looked around a bit.
“Keep your gloves on,” Hannibal said. You had on your winter gloves and he had on surgical type ones so you didn’t question it, just nodded in agreement. A man walked in and you recognized him although it took you a moment to place him.
“You’re Franklyn’s therapist. Dr. Lecter. Nice to see you again,” Tobias said. He turned to you. “And you’re the girl who has no romantic interest to him.” He shook both of your hands and you nodded, smiling politely.
“Tobias right?” you asked.
“Yes.”
“Your strings are all gut,” Hannibal pointed out.
“I also carry steel and polymer strings, if you prefer,” Tobias said. He walked around the room but you stood close to Hannibal, just in case.
“I prefer gut. Harps found in the tombs of Thebes strung with gut still made music after 2000 years. Wonderful music you were making,” Hannibal said.
“I didn’t hear you ring the bell.”
You looked between the two of them. You wondered why Hannibal had brought you. Perhaps it was simply because he wanted company despite you not knowing anything about strings.
You stood near him and he watched each of your movements in the side of his eye.
-
You walked in the door to your home tiredly after getting back from the string shop. You were exhausted from trying to follow the conversation but Hannibal said at the end he appreciated you coming so you must have done some good as a buffer of sorts.
You looked to your left and immediately saw the large hole in your wall, just above the fireplace. You put your bag down. Will stood in front of it, holding a hammer. He turned to you.
“I can explain.”
“You better start. Like right now.”
You walked up to the wall and stuck your arm through it.
“I thought I heard an animal inside,” he said.
“What kind of animal?”
“Might’ve been a racoon.”
“Might’ve been?” you questioned, turning around. You weren’t angry per say but rather inconvenienced. Will would likely want to fix it up himself so you wouldn’t have to pay anybody but still. It was a hole in your wall.
“By the time I knocked a hole in the chimney, it crawled out the top.” You let out a sigh.
“Well, at least it got out,” you muttered. You took the hammer from his hands and waved it a bit. “I’m keeping this.” He nodded.
“You’re late,” he said.
“I was at a string shop with Hannibal.”
“What?” You walked over to the kitchen, putting the hammer away in one of the bottom cupboards.
“A string shop. With Hannibal,” you said slower.
“Huh,” he muttered.
“Why?”
“There was a murder today, some guy played some other guys vocal chords like a cello. Just odd Hannibal went over there today.” You shrugged.
“He needed an instrument fixed, I tagged along.” You walked back over to the wall. “Although I wish I had stayed back to talk you out of doing that.”
“I’ll fix it,” he promised.
“I know. And it’s okay really. You were just trying to help an animal which I understand,” you said simply. Even so, your eyes lingered on the chimney hole and you had to wonder if there was even an animal to begin with.
“I was actually going to go to Hannibal’s,” he said.
“Oh?”
“Yeah I wanna talk about this murder with him. You mind?” You shook your head.
“Of course not.” He nodded and grabbed the keys.
“I’ll be back before you’re in bed!” he called.
Then you were alone in your home that had a hole in it’s wall. You sighed.
-
You were in the office. It was just another day. Hannibal had an afternoon appointment with Franklyn and you were to wait in the waiting room working. There was nothing about the day that seemed eventful.
Will called you earlier in the day saying he was going to check out a string shop owner, teasingly. He didn’t elaborate but you worried for him a bit, naturally, as you worked.
It wasn’t until a little way into Franklyns session that you heard the door open. You looked up and noticed Tobias walk in. His ear was bloody. You stood up.
“Can I help you Tobias?” He shook his head and grabbed your arm, dragging you out from behind the desk. You panicked and started to move away but his grip tightened.
“Go inside,” he said. He shoved you in the office and you stumbled in the patient entrance. Hannibal and Franklyn stood up. Hannibal was keenly aware of your presence.
“Tobias?” Franklyn asked.
“I came to say goodbye Franklyn.” You were quiet but Hannibal’s eyes caught yours and he gave you a clear ‘stay still’ warning with his eyes.
“What do you mean goodbye? Oh my God, is that your blood?”
“I just killed two men. The FBI came to question me about the murder.” Your head immediately snapped to him.
“What?” Your heart raced so fast you could hear it in your ears. Had he killed Will? Was Will dead?
“You have to turn yourself in. This plane is going down. Let it be a controlled descent. You can get back up in the air again. There is rehabilitation for everyone,” Franklyn said but you barely heard it.
“Franklyn, Y/N, I want you to leave now,” Hannibal said steadily. He watched your eyes. You were worried for Will. He knew the feeling.
“Stay right where you are,” Tobias stated.
“You’ve done something horrible and I know you wish to god you didn’t, but you did and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Only thing you can change is your future. You’re probably scared. Probably feel like you’re all alone,” Franklyn said, taking a step forward to try and calm Tobias.
“I’m not alone,” Tobias said.
Hannibal caught your eye. He mouthed something to you, very subtlety. ‘Turn around.’ You shook and did as you were told, turning around very carefully so that Tobias didn’t snap.
“That’s right. You’re not alone. Nothing has happened in our friendship that you and I can’t recover from.” There was a snap. A body fell to the floor and you turned around. Franklyn was between Tobias and Hannibal, in arms reach of both of them.
“Go outside Y/N,” Hannibal said and you were gone before Tobias could reach out and grab you. You stood outside and frantically called the police, your heart still pounding, tears threatening to fall. You heard commotion in the room and waited outside, hoping it was Hannibal who came to get you. Your mind was scrambled.
The door opened and Hannibal stood in front of you. You rushed toward him, hugging him tightly. He hugged you back. He had blood all over him and you could see a dead Tobias on the other side of the room.
“If Will is dead I was scared I would lose you too,” you whispered.
“Come inside. We’ll wait for Jack to come,” he said quietly. You nodded and let him lead you to the desk where you sat down together. You sat on the floor in front of him and you were quiet, the only noise being yours and his shuddered breaths.
Eventually the FBI came and you stood, just beside Hannibal in case you needed someone to catch you in the worst event. All you could hear was Will’s voice in the phone call, laughing at you and joking that you had been to see a man who killed people. You shook, your hand tight on Hannibal’s shoulder.
Jack walked inside and behind him followed Will. You let out a sigh of relief, barely able to hold back tears as he walked over quickly. He hugged you firstly and you buried your face in his neck, inhaling every part of him that you had worried you would never feel again.
“I was worried you were dead,” Hannibal said as you pulled away.
“You had reason to worry,” Will muttered, demonstrating his wounded arm. You stood between the men and sat on the desk, still shaken. Will put his hand on yours as he leaned against the desk as well.
“Tobias Budge kills two Baltimore Police Officers, nearly kills an FBI Special Agent, and after all that his first stop is your office,” Jack said.
“He came to kill my patient,” Hannibal said.
“Hannibal’s patient told him he suspected a friend was involved with the murder at the symphony. Hannibal told me and I investigated. I got him involved,” Will explained. “Your patient. Is that who Tobias was serenading?” Will asked.
“I don’t know. Franklyn knew more than he was telling me. He told Mr. Budge he didn’t have to kill anymore. Then he broke Franklyn’s neck. Then he attacked me,” Hannibal said.
“And you killed him,” Jack said.
“Yes.”
“And this is how it happened?” Jack asked, looking at you. You were put in the spotlight and you were unprepared. Your mind flashed to Hannibal telling you to turn around, as though he knew Franklyn was going to die the second he did.
“Yes,” you muttered. Jack nodded and moved off to study the crime scene.
“I feel like I’ve dragged you both into my world,” Will muttered.
“I got here on my own,” Hannibal stated.
“And I would have been here eventually,” you promised.
“I appreciate the company,” Hannibal said and you glanced at each other, shaky smiles all around.
1x09
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TW/CW: Suicidal ideation (without intent currently).
TL/DR: I am trying to find a doctor anywhere in the state of Pennsylvania that accepts UPMC for You (medicaid) and is willing to at least try solve to my medical mystery. Preferably a family doctor with connections to a rheumatologist and possibly neurology and/or pain management. One that will actually listen and not give up and actually care that I'm in acute pain. I feel like my own body is trying to kill me. I have for a month or more.
I want every single blood test you can do on a person. Every possible imaging study you can do. A sleep study. Another Holter monitor. LITERRALLY EVERYTHING because I am so tired of 'try this, try this' I want to know for sure exactly what is causing this.
At this point I just need a single doctor to either tell me I'm dying (which is what it feels like is happening) or one to tell me what's actually wrong and causing all this and how we can actually treat it while dealing with the immediate pain.
I'm tired of going to ERs every week. I'm tired of doctor's who are more afraid of the DEA than they are of their patient's dying. Because I don't want to wake up with this pain tomorrow morning. I cannot live life like this.
This pain and the fact that no one in the medical field (other than my PT) seems to care about it at all. This pain that my current PCP respond to "I want someone to actually figure out what's wrong with me." by saying "We don't know." as if it is not literally her job to figure that out. I went through the entire appointment saying "What about the pain I'm in right now?" And all that happened was she took me off Lyrica which had side effects I couldn't deal with and prescribed Savella instead and told me to come back in a week once I titrate up to the correct dosage. What about that week? I don't have enough meds from the ER to last until next Tuesday ma'am. I was there on Saturday and they are legally only allowed to prescribe 3 days work of narcotics. He did give me 10 days worth of flexeril for which I'm grateful, but that on its own isn't enough, and my PCP won't give me anything at all. I literally told her my previous family doc only checked my TSH level not T3 or T4 (thyroid hormones). Did she order the additional tests? Has she ordered any tests at all in fact? NO. And she keeps saying insomnia when I tell her I have to take the oxy and flexeril to be able to sleep through the night. THAT'S NOT INSOMNIA. THAT IS ME BEING IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT I CAN'T SLEEP. At my appointment today I told her that almost every morning when I wake up in excruciating pain, I wish I wouldn’t’ve woken up at all; that death feels like a better option and that that thought scared me as someone with a history of suicidal ideation and attempts, and she literally did not care an ounce.
My Rheumatologist keeps trying to give me prednisone which DOES NOT WORK! And says take 2 Aleve twice a day. If Aleve worked for my pain do you think I would have been to the emergency room FOUR times since March 16th? I wouldn't have requested to see you sooner if Aleve did anything.
Not one person has cared about my sudden onset fatigue spells that keep getting more frequent to the point I'm hesitant to drive very far unless absolutely necessary because one of these times I'm gonna actually pass out. That's probably what it'll take for the medical professionals to care. Me falling asleep while driving. I think this may be POTS, because I also get random bouts of 'benign' tachycardia at the most random times.
They just keep slapping labels on things instead of just actually checking or even asking me half the time. I'm about 80% sure I have EDS, but apparently the closest person that will even test let alone diagnose someone over the age of 18 is in Philadelphia and I'd need a referral from my Rheumatologist to see that person.
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Midnight Mass Ending Explained
https://ift.tt/39I2zkp
This article contains spoilers for Midnight Mass.
Ending a horror story is hard.
Perhaps no one knows that better than Mike Flanagan, the writer-director behind horror hits like Doctor Sleep, The Haunting of Hill House, and The Haunting of Bly Manor. After observing the occasional less-than-enthusiastic reaction to the endings of some of his other projects, Flanagan decided to end his latest, Netflix series Midnight Mass, on his own terms.
“I didn’t want to come up with an ending that I thought would please people,” Flanagan told Den of Geek and other outlets prior to Midnight Mass’s premiere. “I wanted to come up with the ending that would have the most to say down the line.”
So what, exactly, does the ending of Midnight Mass have to say? Let’s explain just what goes down in the conclusion of Midnight Mass and assess what it all means.
What’s Up with Mildred Gunning and John Pruitt?
Monsignor John Pruitt a.k.a. Father Paul (Hamish Linklater) was, by all indications, a good Christian man.
“The thing we kept coming back to is that authentically, through-and-through evil people are very rare. We’re all way more complicated. The humanity of Father Paul was something that was baked in relatively early,” Flanagan says.
Though Pruitt is not a bad man, per se, he is a deeply flawed one. A long time ago, before the “war” (probably World War II or The Korean War), Pruitt hooked up with the married Mildred Gunning and fathered their daughter Sarah Gunning out of wedlock. That is obviously a big no-no for a priest and Pruitt lived with the guilt of denying his daughter for decades.
Pruitt finally got a chance to alleviate that guilt when he came across a curious creature in Damascus. In this fictional universe where the concept of a vampire is clearly not well known, John Pruitt made the understandable mistake of confusing a monstrous vampire for an equally monstrous angel. After all, the angels of the bible are so visually terrifying that they make a habit of telling those they visit “be not afraid.”
Pruitt thought this angel had granted him the gift of eternal life, just like the Bible promises. He then decides to share that gift with his congregation. The priest’s major sin here though is pride. He didn’t share the angel’s gift with his congregation out of pure benevolence. He did it because he wanted many more years of life in his prime with Mildred and Sarah at his side. Catholicism means everything to Pruitt. And yet, he would cast it all aside for another chance to have the family he wanted.
“If you showed up and asked me, I would have taken this collar off and gone with you. Gone with you anywhere in the world,” Pruitt tells Mildred after she’s been vampirified.
That’s a touching sentiment from the artist formerly known as Father Paul but it’s unfortunately a destructive one.
“When it became clear that Paul could do bad things with pure motives, the show came into clearer focus. There’s only one character in the whole show who I think is evil and it’s not Father Paul,” Flanagan says.
Only one character who is evil? Who could Flanagan be referr….ohhh.
What Were the Vampires’ Plans?
Flanagan actually never confirms which character he sees as evil, but Bev Keane (Samantha Sloyan) seems to be the best fit…unless we count the angel, and he just seems to be a hungry, growing boy.
Bev is, let’s say, a real piece of work. As beautifully depicted by Sloyan, Bev Keane is the officious church lady who can’t keep her nose out of other people’s business. After Mildred talks some sense into John Pruitt, he understands that he and his congregation “are the wolves” and refuses to participate further. That leaves a power vacuum at the top, which Bev is more than happy to step into.
Read more
TV
Why Midnight Mass is Mike Flanagan’s Most Personal Work
By Alec Bojalad
TV
Midnight Mass Cast: Previous Credits From Hill House to Bly Manor, Legion & Sherlock
By Louisa Mellor
Now that Bev has a veritable army of superpowered vampires what does she intend to do with them? The same thing that all Bevs want to do: make more Bevs. Bev represents the worst of colonial Christianity and its historical penchant for converting all to its kingdom of heaven…through any means necessary.
When Erin Greene (Kate Siegel) finds out that Bev and friends have merely disabled the boats and not destroyed them, she realizes that their ultimate plan is to eventually take their vampire party to the mainland and create a whole planet of enlightened Christians who just happy to have an insatiable taste for blood and a severe UV-ray allergy.
What Happens to Crockett Island?
Thankfully, Bev’s ultimate goal never comes to pass thanks to the careful plotting of the handful of human beings left in Crockett Island. Erin Greene, Sarah Gunning (Annabeth Gish), Sheriff Hassan (Rahul Kohli), and Annie Flynn (Kirstin Lehman) get to work on finishing the destruction that Bev started.
Ironically, it’s part of Bev’s plan that eventually dooms her and her kind. When one of Bev’s lackeys proposes putting out a fire that the human crew started because the whole island could burn to nothing like in ‘84, Bev’s eyes light up.
“I mean…the church didn’t burn in ‘84,” she says.
Surely this is Revelation. And Revelation means a hale mixed with fire and blood. There will be a flood of fire that ends the world and St. Patrick’s church will be the arc. That’s a great plan and all…as long as something doesn’t happen to the arc.
Welp. Sarah Gunning burns down St. Patrick’s and Sheriff Hassan and Erin Greene (with an assist from Hassan’s son) burn down the rec center. As if burning a church designated as an arc wasn’t symbolically compelling enough, recall that the rec center next to it is equally as symbolic of Bev’s greed. It was Bev who convinced Crockett Island to take the oil company’s money for ruining their island rather than pursuing litigation. And all they got out of that settlement money was that stupid rec center.
With the church and the rec center gone, there are no man-made structures for the vampires to hide from the sun in the coming morning. And that’s how an entire island of 120-ish vampires perishes simultaneously when the sun rises.
Why Do Leeza and Warren Survive?
All of Crockett Island perishes save for two actually. Warren Flynn (Igby Rigney) and Leeza Scarborough (Annarah Cymone) are spared thanks to some quick thinking. Putting the only two remaining non-vampirized children in harm’s way is not an option for Erin, Sarah, Hassan, and Annie. Thankfully, Warren knows of one secret canoe to reach the “Uppards” that Bev’s crew wouldn’t know about.
The canoe doesn’t take Warren and Leeza to the mainland but it does get them away from the carnage to come. The last shot of the series is Warren and Leeza floating peacefully and Leeza announcing that she can no longer feel her legs. This means that the last bit of “angel” blood has likely left her system and with it Pruitt’s vampire legacy is over.
Saving Warren and Leeza has practical, emotional implications for Midnight Mass’s characters but it also has some symbolic ones as well. The concept of witnessing and witnesses themselves are very important in the Bible. As a second-hand text (though purportedly with every word inspired by God) there would be no gospel without witnesses. Good news is only half the battle. Someone to witness and report on the good news is the other half. Now Warren and Leeza can report on the ultimate good news that the world is saved.
The fact that the kids survive while the adults succumb to their own adult nonsense has some major implications for Midnight Mass’s creator
“That last moment of the next generation looking out at the ashes of what the grown ups made – that’s what my kids are gonna get no matter what,” Flanagan says. “That’s what all of our kids are gonna get. I wish it wasn’t as on fire as it it. But it really is. We’re never going to be able to explain adequately to our children what happened to the planet they inherited.”
What Happens to the Angel?
With all of Crockett Island burned to the ground, the world’s vampire nightmare is over, right? Well that depends on how well you think an angel can fly with torn wings. No, that’s not an aphorism or a poem, it’s the real question facing the end of Midnight Mass.
As if saving Warren and Leeza and upending Bev Keane’s plans weren’t enough, Erin leaves one last little gift for humanity before she dies. While the angel attacks her and drinks her sweet, sweet blood, Erin begins systematically, yet carefully cutting holes in its leathery wings. At first the angel is kind of annoyed but his hunger supersedes any level of discomfort or pain he’s feeling.
Later on, while Warren and Leeza watch their home burn they see the angel flying away but in a halted, loopy pattern. The kids aren’t sure if the beast will have time to find shelter before the sun rises. According to Flanagan, if Midnight Mass is a parable (and he assures us it is) then the ultimate lesson of all this isn’t too hard to glean.
“The angel doesn’t represent vampirism or horror but corruption in any belief system,” he says. “It represents fundamentalism and fanaticism. That’s never gonna go away. You might chase it away from your community for a minute. You might send it off to the sunrise and hope that that corrupting ideology will disappear. But it won’t. And the show could never show the angel die for that reason.”
With that in mind, the angel’s flawed flight pattern isn’t so much Inception’s spinning top but rather a promise that evil will find a way. And then we puny human beings will just have to find a way to stop it all over again. If that’s not Biblical then we don’t know what is.
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Knocked Down, Dragged Out, pt. 1
I decided I wanted to post this properly here instead of just a link. V meets a ripper, one that’s too good for the slums of Night city...
“That’s not his real name. I refuse to believe that’s his actual name.”
Really it had been the way that Jackie had talked Viktor up as a whole that made him seem too good to be true, like some unobtainable perfect ripper who would be able to patch V up no matter what shit show they had just gone through time and time again. Good work, trustworthy guy, and cheap? The guy might as well have been a walking contradiction if anything Jackie was telling him actually held any weight. Most of the time you were lucky to get two out of three, and finding someone who was the whole package deal… well V had always figured that they would have a better chance at winning one of those rigged fucking lottery pools than finding someone like Jackie was describing.
“Viktor Vektor? Sure fuckin’ is, his mama gave him that name. Think she must have hated him or somethin’… I’m telling you though V, Ol’ Vik’s the best in town, mark my fuckin’ word.” Jackie said, leaning against the food stall that the two had stopped at for a bite to eat just outside of V’s megabuilding.
“Yeah? There’s ripperdocs all over town, what makes this one so special?” V asked, not bothering to look up from their own takeout container that they were doing little more than picking from at this point.
“What can I say? He’s got the magic touch, make you feel better than you have in years, I guarantee.” Jackie said.
It wasn’t hard to see just how excited Jackie was to be able to introduce V to Viktor, to make a connection between an old friend, and his newest partner in crime. He’d been mentioning that he had a guy he wanted to have V meet if they were going to be working together as closely as they were, they needed someone who could put them back together again after a rough job if they were ever going to really make it big in this city after all. This wasn’t just a doctor to Jackie though, no, this guy was so much more and it showed.
“Come on Jack, is he a ripper or a joy-toy? I really can’t tell with the way you’re talking about him...” V asked.
The laughter that got out of Jackie was a bit surprising to V, but it was deep and genuine so it brought a smile to their face all the same. “Oh man, tell that one to his face, he’ll get a good laugh out of it too.” Jackie said, finally finishing up his own food before he tossed his to-go container into a nearby trashcan as he stood up from his seat. V followed suit, crossing their arms over their chest as they followed after him. Jackie may have been just about as excited as V had ever seen him before, but they still had their apprehensions about the whole thing.
“If he’s so good at what he does, and for fuckin’ zilch compared to the prices of some other docs around town, then… why the hell haven’t I heard of him before? I’m no fixer but I still keep a pretty damn good ear to the ground, especially in this part of town.” They said.
“Simple, cause he deals in referrals only for his appointments. Doc’s gotta be able to trust their patient every bit as much as their patient’s gotta trust them, right? I haven’t brought too many chooms to see him before, so consider yourself lucky V, you’re getting the preem slumcare-healthcare today.” Jackie said.
“Low prices and a short patient list, sounds like a good way to go out of business to me.” V said with a shake of their head, staring down at the ground as they made their way through the streets with Jackie at their side. Just a short walk from their apartment was what Jackie had told them. How fucking convenient.
“Trust me, it ain’t about the money for him, V, you’ll see.” Jackie assured, clapping V on the shoulder and dragging them closer until they were walking side to side with Jackie’s arm thrown over them. They looked up at him, and the excited gleam in his eyes was enough to ease their concerns just a little bit.
Their short walk ended with them standing inside one of the last places that V expected to be that day; a shop front that not only dealt in spiritualism, an already niche interest in a city so grounded and built on the bodies of corporate sellouts, but one that was ran by Jackie’s own damn girlfriend. She might have been the last person they expected to see, but V greeted her with a smile all the same, giving a quick look around the eclectic shop at the trinkets and knick-knacks for sale as Jackie went to lean across the front desk to steal a kiss from Misty.
“Hey baby, Vik ready for us yet?” Jackie asked, and Misty shook her head, pointing her thumb towards the back of the shop as she spoke.
“Not yet, he’s got Laurie down there right now. She was running real late today and… well, you know Vik, he’s not gonna turn her away unless he has to, not when she was as haggard looking as she was when she finally got here. Shouldn’t be long now though, I’ll let you know as soon as his chair’s empty and wiped down.” She said, looking between V and Jackie both before motioning to her own empty shop chair. “Maybe while you’re waiting I could offer you some of my services? On the house...”
“Awwe, ain’t that sweet, V? VIP treatment for the both of us.” Jackie said, pushing himself off the counter and making his way over to the chair to have a seat while they waited.
“I can’t say I’m surprised Jackie,” V said, watching as a small smirk spread on Misty’s lips, and her eyes stayed locked on him as she followed Jackie over towards her chair to kneel down beside him. “I think the shopkeep has a bit of a crush on you...”
“Oh yeah? Maybe I ought to see if I can get her number then...” Jackie mused with a playful wink aimed at his girlfriend, already admiring the hit of a flush on her cheeks with his light teasing.
“If you don’t I sure as hell will...” V said, though no sooner than the words left their lips did V lift their hands up in a defensive way when Jackie shot them the nastiest look he could, silently daring them to continue that train of thought. “Kidding, you know I’m kidding. Not about to step on any toes, especially not yours. Besides, you two might as well be pure sugar, gonna make me fuckin’ puke with how sweet guys are…. You better tip her well though, Jackie, I mean it.”
“Oh I tip her real good V, don’t you worry about that.” Jackie said, cackling to himself before grunting as Misty reached out to place her hand in the center of Jackie’s chest and give him a little shove to get him laying back flat in the chair. She may not have been the strongest person ever, but V knew better than to assume she couldn’t handle herself. Once Jackie was laid back in the chair, he gave her a sheepish grin and the best puppy dog eyes he could muster, but she didn’t seem as weak to them as V was.
“Watch what you’re saying, Jackie, or when V heads down I’ll pull out my acupuncture kit.” Misty said lowly.
V watched as Jackie’s expression quickly morphed into a pained grimace, and he jabbed a thumb up towards Misty as he turned towards V to explain. “She’s still learning...” He said grimly, before tilting his head back to look up at Misty again. “Babe, you know I’m more than happy to let you practice on me, but V’s appointment ain’t gonna last long enough for somethin’ like that. Just introducing them to Vik and getting them in his system, you know?”
“Ooh, that’s right,” Misty said, turning her attention over to where V was busy flipping through a little booklet that Misty had set out for sale on star signs. “You haven’t met Viktor before, have you? Are you Nervous, V?” She asked.
For a moment V paused and looked up in thought, because really their anxiety about the appointment had been coming and going since the night before. They couldn’t quite place why, but it would creep up on them at odd moments. Here and now though, when they were watching Jackie and Misty talk about it with excited looks in their eyes… “No? Not really, why? Should I be?” They asked. “With the way Jackie has been talking about the guy, it sounds like I’m about to have a new best friend.”
“I meant more… well, just going to see a new ripper can be a little stressful sometimes, especially one not as well known. He doesn’t get new patients very often, and there’s not a lot of buzz on the street about him, and that can make some people uneasy.” Misty said with a small smile. “Dr. Vektor’s got a bit of a grumpy face, sure, but he’s actually a sweetheart if you’re doing good by him.” She assured.
“Oh-ho Misty you better be careful talking about Vik like that, would hate to get him griping about people thinking he’s ‘going soft’ or something like that.” Jackie said with a deep laugh.
“Where the hell did you even meet this guy, Jack?” V asked.
“Met him in a fight actually, boxing match years ago that was damn near fuckin’ legendary man. Never met someone who’s given me as big a run for my money… I laid him out flat in the end though, had him seeing stars I think.” Jackie said, but even as he boasted there wasn’t really a smug air around him. He looked more like he was fondly reminiscing on the day he punched his friend’s lights out.
“You know, the more you talk about him, the less I actually believe the guy even exists.” V said. No sooner than they had said this though, a green light accompanied by a low buzzer went off on Misty’s desk, drawing everyone in the room’s attention to it. Jackie patted the arms of the chair he was sat in as he pushed himself up, Misty standing beside him to lead them both to the back room.
“Yeah? Well saddle up, V, because you’re about to meet him.”
What V was lead out to was a rather nasty looking back alley, littered with trash, broken down furniture, and what V could only assume might have been a few straggler Piranhas who had pushed themselves too far, as well as the general homeless. They weren’t sure this was really the ideal place to open a good clinic at, but then again this was the Red-light district, and it probably wasn’t much worse than anywhere else Viktor could have set up shop in the area. V couldn’t help but wonder if maybe the fact that Viktor’s clinic was back here might have been one of the reasons these haggard looking city slummers had gathered there in the first place.
“Misty I’ll be back up in just a few minutes, wanna give V a proper introduction instead of just sending them down all on their little lonesome.” Jackie said, and Misty reached up to pat Jackie’s cheek with a smile before she turned to head back inside her own shop.
“Good luck V!” She called out to them, the door closing behind her only a moment later.
There was a set of stairs that lead down to what V could only describe as an underground basement, and the sheer absurdity of such a sketchy location hosting a good doctor was a little baffling to them. They weren’t worried though, especially as Jackie slung an arm over their shoulder and lead them down into the clinic’s dim lighting. They stepped through the door at the bottom of the stairs, only to come face to face with a gate, and before it’s automatics could slide it open for them, V could see the doctor sitting across the room at a desk, tinkering away with what looked like a cybernetic arm.
The gate slid open and the two stepped in as Viktor looked up at the both of them. A warm smile crept onto his face when he saw Jackie, and he tossed the screwdriver he had been using up onto his desk before holding his hand up towards him. Jackie pulled away from V to go and grip it tight, slapping his other hand over the back of Vik’s in greeting as he all but pulled the guy out of his seat.
“Viky! Good to see you’re still alive and kicking down here,” Jackie said. “Brought you a new customer, that new partner of mine I’ve been tellin’ you about? Well they’re finally ready to take the plunge and get involved with a real ripper.”
“That so?” Viktor asked in a voice far deeper, gruffer around the edges than V ever would have expected from him. He leaned around Jackie just a little to get a good look at V, who had stayed behind a couple of steps while the two friends caught up. “I was wondering why I had a new name listed for an appointment for today. Suppose I should have guessed it was you bringing in a stray...”
V wasn’t entirely sure what they had been expecting to see when they first met Viktor, but the man before them certainly wasn’t it. He was an older man who, despite his line of work, didn’t look as though he had an ounce of chrome in him. Now that V was a bit closer, they could see that what they had initially thought was a cyberarm was actually some sort of external tool glove that Viktor was wearing rather than him actually having anything installed.
That… wasn’t to say that Viktor didn’t look like he could go toe to toe with some of Night City’s most dangerous if he needed to. The guy worked out, that much was clear as day, and V only had to take a quick half glance around the clinic to see some of the more personal areas where a couple of weights had been left laying around from whenever Viktor had last put them to use. And even while Viktor was sat down, staring up at Jackie, it was easy to tell that the man had good height to match his build.
The glasses that Viktor had on were dark lensed, and it made it hard to see his eyes behind them, but really V didn’t need to see them in order to know that his eyes were flicking between them and Jackie both. He was probably sizing V up, making judgments on whether or not he could take V in a fight before the two of them could even exchange a word. V didn’t blame him for that, but it still left them feeling just a tad bit on edge.
Before V could introduce themselves or Viktor could even ask about them, Jackie motioned with a wide sweeping arm towards V and waved them over. “V, I want you to meet Viktor Vektor. Vik, this is V, best partner in crime I have had in a long time now.” Jackie said, trailing off just a little as Viktor stood up to meet V halfway as they approached.
“Uh-hu, it’s nice to put a face to the name… first time here and you’re already a tad bit infamous in this clinic, you know that right?” Viktor asked as he extended his bare hand to shake V’s, and even if his tone seemed almost a tad bit hesitant, the nod he gave and the small smile that came with it took the edge off of his words.
“What, Jackie been shit talking me behind my back again?” V asked, giving Jackie a playful side-eye as they took Viktor’s hand and gave it a firm shake.
“Just heard a few of your more recent gigs is all, if not from Jackie then they tend to run up the grapevine through Misty.” Viktor explained, before he stepped back towards his desk after pointing across the room towards the only part of the clinic that actually looked like it was a professional medical set up rather than an underground gym locker. “Why don’t you go and park yourself over there for a minute? I’ll be right with you, just gotta finish tightening up a few loose screws before we get started.”
V shot a quick look to Jackie, who simply nodded and gave them a little nudge forward towards the operation station before he himself went to lean up against the wall near the Clinic’s front gate. The double thumbs up that he gave them was enough to get them rolling their eyes, but it did put them at ease as they made their way over to wait for Viktor.
The clinic really didn’t offer much in the way of comfort for it’s patients, not in it’s visuals anyway. As V took a seat in the chair and had a look around, the place really only gave off the vibes of a joint where you would go expecting to get some shady, illegal cyberware implanted, only to wake up a day or two later in some ice bath, if you were lucky of course. The only real lighting came from the bright surgical lights hanging over head, and a few neon signs that Viktor had laying around more as decoration than anything else. The Kiroshi display looked as though it had been jacked from right off the street somewhere, and as far as V knew, that may have very well been the case.
V continued to let their eyes wander around the clinic and just take everything in while Jackie seemed more than happy to make a bit of small talk with Viktor while he grabbed a few things off of his desk and got his shit together after his last appointment.
“You’re never gonna guess where I picked V up, Vik, really is a wild story.” Jackie said, and Viktor glanced up at him for half a second before giving an amused scoff.
“Do tell? What kind of crazy did you drag in here this time, Jackie?” Viktor asked. It wasn’t meant as an insult by any means, and V didn’t take it as such. No, the way he said it honestly sounded like someone who had seen Jackie get into his fair share of trouble, and if Viktor was anything like Jackie had described to them, then he had probably been the one to put him back into one piece nine times out of ten. “You ever gonna just meet someone casually in the street instead of landing yourself in a heap of trouble with a complete stranger?”
“Vik if you want meet-cute then this is about as good as it gets in Night City. Found ‘em trying to nab the same damn luxury car as me, couldn’t let them get in the way of a stack of eddies though, you know?” Jackie said, a fond grin on his face as he looked over towards V.
“Fucker hadn’t said two words to me before he had the business end of a gun pressed against my head.” V spoke up, leaning back in the chair just a bit as Viktor finally made his way over after kicking his rolling stool over with practiced ease. “We didn’t even have time to fight about it before the cops were stormin’ us, had us face down on the ground…. We… had something of a man on the inside though, so here we are to tell the tale?”
Viktor let out an amused huff at their rather troubling first encounter. “It’s always just that, isn’t it Jackie? Some wild, lucky break that keeps you from being flatlined and dumped off somewhere in the middle of nowhere.” He said, taking a seat beside V before pointing towards the exit. “Now go on up and let me get to work here. I’ll send V along once we’re through, shouldn’t take too long but we gotta get through all the preliminaries first and foremost. How about you tell me the whole story over a drink later this evening?”
“Yeah, I get it, I don’t really wanna sit around and watch V fill out a datapad anyway.” Jackie said, pushing off the wall and turning to make his way out. “Vik if you really want that drink then you’re on, Coyote Cojo tonight.” Jackie said, pointing at V. “V, I’ll be up in Misty’s shop, I ain’t in a hurry but come find me when you’re done. You’re in good hands alright?” He said before stepping out of the clinic.
V nodded and waved Jackie off a bit absentmindedly as Viktor handed them a decent sized datapad with what looked to be a blank medical file pulled up on it, an editable one. Their lips twitched down into a small frown as they looked it over, scrolling to the bottom of the page and then back up again while Viktor pulled up a few scanners on his own data terminal.
It took Viktor a few minutes to actually look up at V as he set things up, but after only a half glance over and seeing that V was just sitting there, staring down at the datapad in their hands with a confused look on their face, he turned towards them. It didn’t actually look like they had made any progress on it, and if they needed help with anything on it, he wanted to make sure they got it.
“What is it? Is something wrong?” Viktor asked.
V didn’t say anything for a moment before shaking their head, holding the datapad up just a little higher before finally beginning to fill it out, starting by typing in their alias. “No it’s just… well, I’ve been to my fair share of rippers before. Never had one hand me paperwork to fill out though.” They said, and Viktor rolled his eyes, barely visible behind his glasses.
“I’m sure Jackie has already told you a bit about what kind of business I run here, right?” Viktor asked, turning his attention back to the screen to finish getting his system all set up. “I’ll take people in off the street when they need it, but that’s not my usual practice. Most of the time when people come in to see me, they’re regulars, and it’s nice to be able to pull up a basic medical file about whoever I have on my table, at the very least.” Viktor said. “Whether or not you ever end up back here again is up to you, but if you do…. Well, lets just say I’d hate to have you wheeled in half dead and not know if the drugs I wanna use to shoot you full of are gonna fucking kill you or not.”
“...And this isn’t gonna leave your hands after I give it back to you, right?” V asked, the first hint of hesitance sneaking into their voice that Viktor had heard, even if they cut it with a small, somewhat forced laugh afterwards. “Know some weirdo fixers and solos who would pay decent eddies for deets’ like this.”
“I just want to know if you’re allergic to penicillin, not all your deepest darkest secrets.” Viktor said, pausing his typing again to point to the datapad. “Listen, you’re asking the right questions and I like that, really, but if I was gonna sell out and hand my patient’s information off to some asshole who would use it against them, or god forbid some fucking corp, do you really think I would still be set up here in the slums of the Red-light district? Been here for years now, V, and I can promise you nothing said or discussed in here gets past that gate.”
“Ok,” V said, holding up a hand to stop Viktor, a sheepish look on their face. “Ok I got it. It’s just… been a while since I’ve been to a clinic that actually does things by the book, you know? I’m a bit more used to the no-questions-asked kinda joints.” V said, and the amused smile that spread across Viktor’s face as he reached out to finish the set up and grab a jack was enough to put them at ease, to know they hadn’t offended him.
“Oh you can rest assured that’s where the ‘by the book’ nature of this clinic ends.” Viktor said, pulling the cord of the jack until it was long enough to offer up to V. “Listen, show me a bit of trust and let me in V, and I’ll do my damned best to make sure you never regret it. Now do me a favor and jack in, we can make sure you’re systems are running clean before we really get started. You can finish up the file while the scanner does it’s job.” He said. “What all are you in here for today?”
“Just a checkup is all...” V mumbled as they reached out for the jack, examining it for half a second before reaching behind their head to slot it into their port. They felt the buzz and rush of electricity course through the port as the scanner connected and began an automatic scan, sorting through the files on their processor and all the tech connected to it. As little as that might have been, it would still take a few minutes for it to go through everything, so V sat back and let their eyes give Viktor as once over before looking back to the file, slowly filling out every section that they could. “….You take an oath?” They asked.
“Hmm?” Viktor didn’t quite look like he understood what V meant at first, so they pointed towards the pouch that was securely strapped to Viktor’s right leg.
“That’s a Trauma Team satchel there, right? Were you on a TT unit?” They asked, and Viktor glanced down at the satchel that he kept a small variety of tools slotted away in. Scalpels, smaller wrenches… he’d left the screwdriver he used to tighten the joints of his exoglove with on his desk, but there was space for that there in the pouch as well. “Don’t see a lot of corporate level doctors ending up as rippers on the street… or did you just happen to pull that off some really unlucky bastard?”
Viktor paused for a moment, seeming to think back on when the pouch had been given to him, but he ended up simply giving a little shrug. “I’ve, ah… well I’ve had a number of jobs over the years, to pay the bills between sponsored fights and whatnot. Let me tell you though, the reason you don’t see a lot of corporate doctors leaving their positions isn’t because they don’t want to. It’s because it’s not that easy to do.” He explained.
“You managed to get out though… gotta ask why you left a nice cushy job like that for?” V asked lowly.
“Something just not right about killing five people for the sake of one, just because the one had more eddies invested in Platinum, you know? That’s what your contract says you have to do if you sign onto a TT unit; if anyone stands in your way of the paying customer even the slightest bit…. Take ‘em out. Couldn’t stomach it, and I don’t really care if that makes people think I’m weak. I know where my line is, and I’m not going to cross it for some eddies.” Viktor said. He was staring down at the scanners as they worked through V’s system, but it didn’t really seem like he was actually watching them. He was lost in thought for a few brief seconds before he shook his head, sitting up a little straighter as he took in a huff of breath. “So yeah, I guess you could say I took an oath. Not the drivel they all but try to brainwash TT medics with, but...”
“I get it.” V said, and they saved the file that they had finished filling out for Viktor before passing it off to him. Viktor took it and gave it a quick skim before looking back at V when they continued. “It’s respectable. Sounds like you’ve got yourself a real good thing going here. I’m glad Jackie brought me by.”
“...Right, well, people don’t just come to me because they know me for being a good guy. Scans are just about done now, and it doesn’t seem like they’re picking up any critters. Sit up, lemmie have a look at you and lets see what we can do...”
The first thing that Viktor did was go over a few of the details on the file that he’d had V fill out for him, asking questions to clarify a few things and get a bit more history on both their basic physical, and the augmentations that they already had in place. He checked their eyes for proper dilation, their reflexes, took their blood pressure, and apologized quietly under his breath as he placed a cold stethoscope against their chest to listen to their heart and lungs. He took notes as they went, adding his own little addenda to the file so he could look back on them at later time. It was care that V almost found a little… surreal. This kind of care wasn’t unheard of, but damn was it rare down in the streets.
After Viktor finally set the datapad aside, he looked back to the scanner and quickly read over some of the data that had been pulled from it. V sat patiently waiting for some kind of doctor’s order before they heard Viktor give a small, curious hum to himself before he wheeled himself closer to the chair, motioning to V to sit up and turn to the side just a little.
“You’re runnin’ on an older system, been a good few years since you last upgraded your processor?” Viktor asked. “Tilt your head for me, please? I wanna get a look at the hardware you’ve got installed. Have you had any issues with connection errors between your augmentations and your processor? Any glitches with your optics, might come across as a sort of visual lagging?” He asked.
V tilted their head to the side just a little and reached up to make sure that no hair got in the way of Viktor’s inspection. Viktor stood up from his seat and gave a small sigh as he reached out and gently grabbed V by the chin, guiding their head just a little before he leaned in to get a good look at the serial number etched into the external rim of their port. V fought the urge to hold their breath, clearing their throat instead as they thought about Viktor’s questions. “It’s served me well enough over the years, and I haven’t noticed any issues like that. I just haven’t… well, even processors a year or so old can cost a fuckton of eddies. Getting a new one just hasn’t been enough of a priority for me.” They explained as they felt Viktor lightly feeling the area around their ports as while he listened.
“Installment doesn’t seem too shoddy… doesn’t feel loose...” Viktor said slowly, and V closed their eyes as Viktor brushed a thumb over the old, small incision scar that had been left behind when the processor was first installed. His hands were warm, rough from use, but the hold he had on them was about as soft as could be. Viktor gave another little hum as he seemed to consider something, before muttering a quiet ‘Fuck it’ under his breath as his hands slipped away from V, and he kicked off the ground to wheel himself across the room.
“Now, V, most of the time I’m with you on that if the tech serves you well and you’re happy with it, as long as you keep it well maintained there’s really no need to go out and buy every shiny new upgrade that the tech companies churn out every few months. With processors though it’s actually important to keep them fairly up to date, get a new one fitted in every couple of years or so at least. If you start buying newer augmentations and try connecting them to older processors it can cause… complications.” Viktor said, pushing himself up from his seat so he could dig through a couple of his storage boxes. “Now, I have a couple processors in backstock around here somewhere, nothing terribly fancy, but you should find that they give you a higher quality performance overall, as well as talk to any future tech you get better than what you’re currently packing.”
“Well that’s nice, but I’m kinda strapped for eddies right now. Like I said earlier, I really only came in to meet you and make sure my systems were in good working order. Jack said your prices are good but… can’t be good enough for flat ass broke.” V said, knowing damn well that everything Viktor was saying was right. They may not have had any issues with their tech being incompatible with their systems just yet, partially do to the fact that they could hardly afford to get any to begin with, but really it was just a matter of time before what little they did have would fall subject to forced obsoletion.
V watched as Viktor out of the side of their eye as he continued to dig for a few seconds before he seemed to find what he was looking for. He pulled out a small white case and popped it open to check that it wasn’t empty before snapping it closed once again. With the case in hand, he turned and kicked his chair back over, following after it as he held the processor’s case up to show off to V before he sat down with a small grunt. “Eddies or not, Kid, if you want it then it’s yours. Wouldn’t take long at all to switch it out with your old one.
V turned around to face Viktor fully when he said that, eyeing up the case for half a second before shaking their head. “Can’t take a gift like that.” They said firmly.
“Then we’ll put it on a tab for you, I don’t really care either way.” Viktor said with a shrug.
“A tab?” V asked, brow furrowing in disbelief at such an offer. “Viktor you barely fuckin’ know me and you wanna open a tab for an expensive piece of tech?” They asked.
Viktor nodded, and almost more surprising to V than the offer of a line of credit from the doctor was the utter lack of hesitance from him. “Jackie vouched for you, and if he says you’re good for it then… then you’re good for it.” Viktor said, giving a small shrug as he looked down at the case in his hand, before he held it out towards V. “Look, I’m not about to go mad doctor on you and install a new processor if you really don’t want it, but I also won’t feel very good if you walk out of here without an upgrade that you’re long overdue for just because money’s tight. Choice is yours.”
Nothing in the world was free, V had learned that the tough way years ago. The deals that always came back to bite you in the ass the hardest were always the ones where you went in thinking that the gifts you were given along the way were just that. Gifts. There was always a price though, always a small string attached that would unravel everything into a tangled mess if you didn’t watch your fucking back. There had not been one soul that V had ever met that didn’t at some point come back to make demands after doing even the smallest of favors for V free of charge.
For a split second all V could think of were bloody knuckles, busted noses, broken ribcages and being left in the gutters with their eddies wiped from their account after misunderstanding the intentions behind someone’s generosity one too many times. They swallowed thickly as they stared down at the case that had been extended to them. Every instinct in their body was telling them not to take it, to just finish with the basic check up and get the hell out of there before they got roped into a shitload of trouble taking things they couldn’t afford. When they looked up at Viktor again though, the doctor had a small smile on his face so soft and encouraging that it almost looked out of place in the fucked up world they were in. V wished they could have seen his eyes better right then, but even without them they could feel the anxiety in their chest ebb away as they remembered what Jackie had said to them earlier, his voice all but ringing out in the back of their head.
‘It ain’t about the money for him, V, you’ll see.’
Slowly, so slowly, V reached out for the case and took it from Viktor. They popped it open to get a good look at the processor safely nestled inside as Viktor clapped his hands together in a satisfied manner and wheeled himself around so that he could grab a few of his surgical tools. V leaned back in the chair, reaching a hand up to brush against the ports of their processor as they stared down at the device in their hands.
“You said yourself that you would do your best to make sure I don’t regret trusting you,” V said quietly. “And Jackie vouched for you as much as he apparently vouched for me, you know?”
“Did he now? I’m almost afraid to ask what all he said…” Viktor said, motioning for V to roll over onto their side as he stood to get a better angle, adjusting the lights above them as he did so. “All good thing I’m assuming?”
V reached out to return the new processor back to Viktor and shifted onto their side with their back facing him to give him easy access to their ports. “Made you sound like a damn joy-toy with the way he was talking about you. I almost choked when he mentioned something about you having a magic touch...” They said, and the deep laugh that Viktor let out when he heard that made V want to glance over their shoulder, to see the grin they just knew he had plastered across his face. Before they could though, Viktor placed a gentle hand on the side of their head to keep them still.
“Guess I’ll have to thank Jackie later for such a kind review, but for now I’m gonna inject a bit of anesthetic, OK? Once you’re good and numb I’ll get to work. Let me know if you feel any discomfort at all.” Viktor said between a low chuckle, and as V felt the cold press of an injector against the spot just below their processor ports the anxiety came back for half a second until the pain of needles pricking their skin melted into numbness. The quiet praise that Viktor mumbled had V closing their eyes, relaxing into the chair as much as they possibly could. “Good, just try and stick still for me, alright? I’ll make this quick so you’re not laying here long.” He said.
Honestly V could have fallen asleep there just listening to Viktor talk, if he hadn’t been about to take a scalpel to the back of their head anyway.
For a few minutes after that the only thing that V could hear in the clinic was the quiet beep of machinery, and the soft clicks of Viktor’s exoglove as he worked at carefully disconnecting and extracting the processor from V’s head. As he worked, alerts popped up on V’s rather basic optical display about the missing hardware, but V ignore it as there was nothing that could be done while on the operating table. They kept their mind off of it, and tried to focus on other things.
“So… you and Jackie… he said you two met in a ring?” V asked as the silence droned on for a little too long for their liking. They hadn’t been able to tell if Viktor just wasn’t a doctor who liked to get chatty while they were working, or if he just didn’t have much to say to them in particular, but as Viktor gave a low hum and spoke up, they figured they had their answer.
“12 rounds between the two of us. NC Devils had a few of their best fighters lined up that night, myself included. Jackie came in as an outsider just looking to get in on a few pickup fights and make some quick eddies. Rinsed through some of our best fighters before he ended up in the ring with me.” Viktor said, and V heard a small metallic clink, what they could only assume was their extracted processor being set aside.
“He said he won that fight. That true?” V asked.
“I’ve got the second place certificate to prove it...” Viktor said, and the slight hint of indignation in his voice made V laugh, and Viktor’s grip on them grew just a bit tighter to keep them steady. “And then after I could see straight again, I took him out to get a drink. Ever since then he and I have been fairly close. He gets me, I get him, it just works out.”
“Cold-cocked is a bit better than a getting gun pressed to the side of the head, I suppose. Glad to know Jackie keeps a good track record of making friends.” V snorted, staring ahead at the two little beckoning cat statues resting only a few feet away on top of some of the nearby equipment. They had seen a few on Viktor’s desk as well, and could only assume that Misty was the culprit behind them.
“At least it seems like he’s got decent taste...” Viktor said with a hum as he delicately grabbed the new processor in his exoglove. “Hey, listen, after this is all said and done I want you to feel free to come on by again, OK? Wouldn’t do anyone any good to have you flatlining in some back alley because you don’t think you can afford proper care.” Viktor said. “Seen too many people’s lights go out just because they didn’t have the eddies… I’m always willing to work something out if we need to.”
“Yeah… I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks Viktor.” V said slowly, brows knitting together as they felt the new processor click easily into place. Even with their eyes closed their optical display flashed a warning about the new hardware that had been installed, but it flickered away only a few moments later as the hardware quickly began to synchronize with the rest of their system while Viktor moved to jack V back into his computer system and make sure everything was updating and running smoothly.
“Keep still now, still gotta close you up again.” Viktor said, and V held their breath as V made quick work of closing up the small incision that he’d made behind their ear. They shivered as they felt a cool, wet cloth pass gently over the back of their neck and the freshly sealed would after that, as Viktor carefully wiped up whatever blood their was before finally V was disconnected and helped to sit up straight once again. Viktor stepped away from the operation table to go and grab something off his cart. “The anesthetic will last for a while longer, probably wear off in about half an hour after you leave, so I’m going to send you off with some stim to help the healing process and keep the pain at bay. Two whiffs now, another two in an hour. If you still feel like you need to take the edge off after that you can take an additional one, but keep an eye on it ok? If you feel anything more than mild discomfort then I want you to come right back here.”
V was tempted to reach up and touch the spot that Viktor had just operated on, but they knew that probably wasn’t the best idea they’d ever had. Besides, before they could even begin to reach up, Viktor had turned back and held out a small inhaler towards them. They took and gave it a once over before Viktor nodded down to it, so V lifted it to their lips and too two deep puffs off of it. There was no real relief right away since the back of their head was still numb, but V figured that they would be thankful for it later that evening. As they pushed up from the chair and slipped the inhaler into their pocket, Viktor snagged a fresh rag off his medical station so he could clean and the sanitize his exoglove.
“Hey, listen, Viktor….” V started, only to pause as Viktor looked up from what he was doing, slowing to give them his attention. They were sure that Viktor probably had other people he would be seeing that day for appointments, but there was something about the doctor’s nature that was more laid back than pretty much everyone else they had met in Night City. He didn’t seem to be in a rush at all to see V off, just wiping off his took while patiently waiting for V to continue. “I was pretty hesitant coming in here, I don’t know if you could tell, but Jackie was right to sing such high praise about you. If this is really the way you operate, I’ll be back again, I promise. I’ll bring eddies next time to pay you back for the processor and whatever else I might decide to get.”
“You know, sometimes hearing things like that can be payment enough. I’m no charity, so don’t expect me to waive your costs every time you come in of course, but I try to do what I can you know?” Viktor said with a little shrug. “I’m looking forward to it though, V. Will you do me a favor when you head back up and tell Jackie I still fully expect him to buy me a drink later and tell me all about how the hell you two even met, the details I mean. He’s got my number.” Viktor said.
V gave a small nod at Viktor’s request, and a they shifted from foot to foot a little nervously, stuffing their hands into their pockets. “Well, what about me, Doc? Do I get your number?” They asked. “Or does that require a few more visits?”
The amused smirk that V got the pleasure of watching spread on Viktor’s lips suited him a little too well for his own good. It wasn’t like the smug, cocky grins that V was so used to seeing on anyone who had even the slightest bit of rep to their name these days, there was something far more genuine behind it that V couldn’t quite place. It didn’t make them feel sick to their stomach just seeing it, and really that said way more than it should have.
Viktor set the wipe he had been using aside and he made his way across the room back towards his desk. “I don’t think that’s too much to ask… promise not to make me regret it?” He asked, and V watched as he leaned over to grab his holo off it to offer out to V for a scan. Quick and easy way to transfer numbers, and as soon as V saw the gesture, their face lit up with a smile and they pulled their own holo out to tap it against Viktor’s.
“I’ll do my damned best, how about that?” V asked with a laugh as the quick transfer of information completed and they saw the image and name that autofilled into their device as soon as the connection between them was made. Once they were satisfied, they tucked their holo away back into their pocket and stepped backwards towards the gate, giving a small wave as they did so. “Thanks Viktor. I’ll pass the word onto Jackie, and… and you’ll see me again real soon.” They promised.
“Good. See you later V, and take care...”
* * *
“Alright then, let me see it V,” Jackie said, making a motion for V to turn around and show off, like he would actually be able to see anything other than the small healing cut and V’s processor ports. “Viktor really spoil you and give you some free tech?”
“Not free, I’m gonna pay him back it’s just… I guess he figured I’m more likely to be able to come back and see him again if I have a better system running inside me, you know?” V said as they tilted their head just a little so that Jackie could get a better look.
“Mm… well he’s not wrong, a souped-up you is always gonna be better than a dead you. I’m just a little surprised is all. He’s been known to make a deal or two for someone who needs it, but normally he at least waits to see if he’s even gonna see you a second time before he starts doin’ stuff like this.” Jackie said, reaching out to brush his thumb gently over the port before he dropped his hand to his side and gave a little shrug.
“Guess he just puts a lot of weight on your word then, Jackie.” V said with a snort. “I’ll try and bring you credit, I guess, but it’s not like the guy doesn’t deserve to be paid back… fuck Jack, if he’s being honest, really doesn’t care whether or not I actually pay him back for this… you’ve got a yourself a fuckin’ diamond in the rough there.” V said with an almost dreamy sigh. “… By the way Jackie, he told me to remind you that he still wants to go out for drinks later.”
“Right, like I could forget a promise to go drinking, fuckin’ been a hot second since we’ve had a bit of downtime so I think we all more than deserve to cut loose tonight,” Jackie said, before crossing his arms over his chest. “You are coming with, right? Or are you planning on skipping out as soon as we get out of here?”
“I dunno...” V sucked a hiss of breath through their teeth, considering for a moment whether or not it would be a good idea to join the two, if for no other reason than to take the night off after they and Jackie’s recent flux of work, like Jackie had said. “Kinda seems like he just wants to catch up with you, you know?”
“Ahh don’t worry about that V, if he wanted to hang out one on one with just me, he could. We see each other more often than you think though, even with all the wicked jobs we’ve been getting lately.” Jackie said. “I try and stop in to say hello whenever I pay a visit to my Pretty lady’s joint, as long as he ain’t busy anyway.”
“Jackie, I don’t think that-” V started, but Jackie quickly cut them off as he stepped closer and threw an arm around their shoulders to pull them flush against his side.
“Come on V, Ol’ Vik likes you, I can tell. What with him puttin’ in a piece of hardware like that for you on the first date?” Jackie said, and he got that stupid look on his face that he always did then he thought he knew something that V hadn’t quite caught onto just yet. That was very rarely actually the case. “Just come have a couple of drinks. We’ll tell him all about how you and I ended up face down on the ground after a carjacking gone wrong. It’ll be a good time, V, you’ll make a friend, a real friend, I promise.
V gave a small sigh as Jackie pushed and urged them to join in on the night’s outing, something still not quite setting right about trying to slot themselves in between two old friends when they didn’t know Viktor that well yet. There was something about the way that Jackie could talk something, anything really, up that could melt the heart of the toughest gangers in Night City, and it was making it hard to think of any excuses as to why they couldn’t join. Out of the corner of their eye they could see Misty had a look of utter amusement on her face, though she did hide it fairly well all things considered. All they knew is that she wouldn’t be backing them up on this anytime soon.
“Alright, fine, I’ll come out for a drink or two, but don’t expect me to stick around the whole night, OK?” V finally said, holding their hands up in defeat as they caved, and the way that Jackie’s face absolutely lit up really did make it worthwhile.
“Oh that’s what I’m talking about! I’ll set it up, alright? You just run on home to gussy up, and I’ll send you the deets as soon as Vik and I get them all squared away.” Jackie said, giving V a light shove towards the door as he leaned back against the counter Misty was stood behind. “By the time you get settled in with us tonight, you’ll be wishing the night would never end!” He promised.
“I’m holding you to that!” V said, pointing sharply at Jackie and giving the firmest face they could muster, but it quickly broke as they laughed and waved him off. “I’ll be ready, just keep me up to date. Misty, it was good to see you, don’t let Jackie keep you distracted here alright?” They said as they started towards the door, not seeing the light playful shove that Misty gave Jackie in response. Jackie mumbled something in a playful tone to her that V didn’t quite catch as they stepped out into the loud and busy streets of the Night City Red-light district…
* * *
“There, I see his car, Vik’s already here.” Jackie said, pointing towards a small, dark blue vehicle parked right by the front door. “Probably inside already chattin’ someone up.” He said, and V squinted at the car that Jackie had pointed at before turning to pull in beside it.
“Why the hell does Viktor drive a fucking tiny ass clown car looking thing?” V mumbled as they parked and killed the engine.
“The MaiMai? Can’t blame him for liking to keep it simple, not everyone needs the biggest baddest ride on the street, especially if you don’t actually get out as much.” Jackie said with a shrug, getting out and looking over the top of the car towards the driver’s side, with V doing the same to look back at him. “Why? You really got a problem with it?”
“Just hard to imagine a guy as big as him driving around in a tiny ass car like that.” V said. “Also, like I said before, looks like a fuckin’ clown car.”
“Oh Vik loves it. Trust me, nothing’s better than seeing some poor road-raging asshole’s face go pale when they come to try and pick a fight, only to have Vik step out instead of whatever small spindly fuck they were expecting. He towers over them almost every time.” Jackie said. “Seen it happen first hand, kills me every time.”
Just imagining the scene that Jackie had described was enough to make V laugh. They locked the car up and stepped around towards the entrance of El Coyote Cojo, stopping only to playfully jab Jackie in the center of his chest. “Have a hard time imagining you sitting in a fuckin’ MaiMai too. The two of you crammed in a little two-seater like that? Fuckin’ laughable is what that is.” They said, only to be proven right as Jackie cracked up as he thought back to it, and really it had been just as absurd as V assumed.
Jackie shoved V’s hand away before reaching out to sling an arm around their shoulder, hauling them right up against his side as they stepped in. “Come on, burnin’ daylight here V. We gotta get settled in before the crowds start showing up and we can barely hear ourselves talk.” Jackie said, though really he was hardly complaining. He and V had spent a few good night at the Coyote living it up the best way they knew how, and often left stumbling into the streets with their heads and hearts still pounding to the beat of the music that would blast through the bar during the later hours.
There was a moment of adjustment needed as they stepped in from outside into the neon glow of reds and greens that made up a good portion of the decorative lighting in the joint. Beyond the workers, there were a few early patrons who had already made their way there and settled in at some of their favorite spots for a bite to eat and a good time with friends, but the bar was almost entirely unoccupied yet thankfully. Save for one lone body, anyway. Viktor was sat towards the center, making casual conversation with Pepe as he waited for his friends to arrive. With his back to V and Jackie, he didn’t notice as they approached until Jackie slipped away from V to move to one side of Viktor, while V moved towards his other side and the two caught his attention by sitting down on the stools next to him.
“Been here long Vik?” Jackie asked, and Viktor gave a quick shake of his head, reaching out to pat Jackie on the shoulder to welcome him, and when he looked over to V he saw that Pepe had already stepped over to take their drink order to get them started for the evening. He was a little surprised that V had actually come along with them, but when Jackie first mentioned the fact that they would be there, he hadn’t been disappointed.
“Nah... my last appointment ran a bit long so I just got here maybe ten minutes ago? Customer was about as indecisive as they come and took forever to decide what they wanted. Like I don’t tell my customers to at least have an idea what they fuckin’ want before they come in…. They ended up going for a damn set of rippers of all things.” Viktor said with a heavy sigh and a shake of his head, fatigue clear as day in his voice. “They always assume that just because it’s not a big installation that it will be an easy installation.”
“Rippers? Fuck man, that shit’s old-school, nasty work right?” Jackie asked, far from being a medic but he still knew how rough certain procedures were through word of mouth, and from listening to Viktor bitch about them enough times. Anything involving finger work tended to leave Viktor agitated. “Sorry to hear your day kinda went downstairs after we left. Installation at least go alright?”
“Ahh, it ain’t really worth griping over. I’m here now, ready for a drink. Definitely done thinking about cybernetics for the evening.” Viktor said, clapping his hands together to clear the air between them so they could get things started. Pepe had just handed V’s drink off to them, and he looked between Viktor and Jackie to see what they would be having. “Drinks are on you tonight, right Jack?” Viktor asked.
“Said I was buying, didn’t I?” Jackie said, nodding to Pepe. “Open a tab for me tonight? I’ll pay it off before we head out. Figure we’ll be here a good while though. Gotta catch Viky here up on what V and I have been getting up to, and he’s gonna need somethin’ strong to get him through this one.”
Jackie and Viktor both placed their drink orders and Pepe made quick work of getting them prepped and poured out, and Jackie picked his up as soon as it was ready before turning towards the other two. “Alright how’s about a fuckin’ toast first though, yeah? We’ve all got a lot of good going for us as of late, feels like tonight is the night to celebrate it all.” He said, watching as the other two followed suit in grabbing their drinks to raise up, V leaning forward against the bar just to look around Viktor so they could see.
“I mean, sure, that sounds good Jack,” V said. “What exactly are we toasting to though?”
Jackie thought for half a second before thrusting his drink forward just a bit, sloshing it slightly but none of them cared about the small spill it caused. “Let’s keep it simple; to friends. Old, new, ones we’ll meet in the future.” He said, and to that both V and Viktor held their drinks higher, with V reaching as far as they possibly could to clink their glasses together. It was sloppy, messy, so perfect for the three of them.
“To friendship.” Both V and Viktor said, and the three of them took a generous drink from their glasses before settling back down, V flopping back in their stool so hard it almost rocked a little.
Viktor took a second slow drink from his glass just to really appreciate it a little more, before he looked between Jackie and V both, and he motioned for them to get on with it. He had been promised quite the story several times by Jackie at this point and he expected the man to deliver. “Alright… so let’s hear it,” He said. “What’s the story behind you two?”
“Jackie set his own drink down and shifted in his seat so that he was fully facing Viktor with an excited gleam in his eyes as he began to set the scene. “OK, so I’m out there just doin’ a job for Wakako cause she’s got intel on a high-end, absolutely preem vehicle and she wants me to nab it for her. Apparently she had some client lined up wanting to buy it off her, she just didn’t have it in her possession yet, you know what I mean?” Jackie said, before flicking his wrist towards V, who couldn’t have hid the smirk on their face if they had wanted to. “And I’m all set to grab it right? I get there though and this fucker is sittin’ in the car already, trying to fuckin’ high-jack it with some garbage tech that’s supposed to be a kind of damn skeleton key for super cars I guess?”
V quickly waved their hands, shook their head, and Viktor turned his attention towards them as they began to explain their side of the story. “Listen, you can’t fucking hot-wire a car like that, it was just supposed to get the damn thing up and running for me, I was gonna do the rest.” They said, sighing. “I was trying to help Pepe out with Slimy Kirk ‘cause he was in the hole with him for some money. Kirk said I could do a job for him and Pepe would be squared away, and the job was to grab the car. ‘Course it went belly up like every fucking job from him does...” They said, pinching at the bridge of their nose as they spoke. They were about to carry on with the story, but there was something about the expression on Viktor’s face that gave them pause.
He looked… upset. A little confused, maybe shocked, but mostly just upset as his brow furrowed and he shook his head and turned his gaze down to the table. It was such an abrupt shift from happy and relaxed to this that it was almost jarring to V.
“Wait… wait you mean to tell me that Kirk’s still around? Nobody’s gone and flatlined that little rat yet?” Viktor asked, the disgruntled look on his face only partially obscured by the drink in his hand.
“What can I say? It’s on my to-do list, but bigger things keep pushing him further and further down as priority.” V said with a shrug. “Why? You got beef?”
“Well… hardly these days, doesn’t even matter anymore now that I’ve set up shop behind Misty’s, but the fucker took me for about a grand a few years back while I was still looking for a good place to run my clinic from.” Viktor mumbled, and beside them Jackie nodded with a low whistle as he waved a finger at Viktor.
“Yeeeah, yeah I remember that, god never seen you so pissed Vik. Had every right to be though, I’m still surprised you didn’t knock Kirk into next year...” Jackie said, letting out a low chuckle and shaking his head at the memory of it. “Bastard went into hiding for a bit before you could even get your hands on him or something, right?”
Viktor let out little more than an annoyed grunt in affirmation as he tipped his glass back against his lips and took a long pull from it. When he set it aside the ice clanked loudly against the side of the glass and he raised his hand to motion to Pepe for another. “Something like that...”
V looked between Jackie and Viktor for a moment, but clearly they were missing a bit of history here that neither of them seemed to be in too much of a rush to explain to them, so they cleared their throat and gave Viktor a little nudge with their foot to get his attention. “Hey, I mean he’s back in broad daylight again. If you wanted to send a couple of goons his way to get back at him for you...” V pounded their fist into the palm of their hand a few times for show. “I think Jackie and I could make a bit of time for it.”
Viktor shook his head, waving that idea right off without so much as considering it. “No, not necessary. Like I said, it was years ago and I’m happy with where I’m at right now. Besides, going after fixers doesn’t really do you any favors, even if it’s someone like Kirk… great way to get yourself blacklisted if you’re not careful. Lost eddies ain’t worth it.”
“Yeah… you axe one, all the others tend to get a little twitchy when they hear about it...” V mumbled, slouching in their chair just a little. It was clear to Vik that they were disappointed that they couldn’t help, but he wasn’t going to change his mind on that.
“I swear sometimes they know you’re gonna do somethin’ to piss them off before you even do it, don’t know how though.” Jackie said.
“Well…. Suppose if you ever change your mind, Vik, offer will still be there.” V said.
It was clear that all the talk of Kirk had left a bit of a bad taste in Viktor’s mouth, but he smiled all the same as V assured the offer for support would still be there if he ever changed his mind down the line. “Thanks V, I appreciate it, really. Not a lot of people in this city who would have your back just like that no questions asked.” He said, before muttering a quiet thank you to Pepe as his refill was set in front of him. He held the glass up in a much smaller cheers before taking a sip. “...Anyway, so Kirk sends you out on a job and you just happen to run into Jackie, who just so happens to be looking for the same damn car for Wakako?”
“Should have seen her, Vik, not just any car. Aerondight, ‘bout the sexiest set of wheels I’ve ever seen...” Jackie said, and V couldn’t help but snort at the almost wistful look on his face as he thought back to the car that got away. “PD were on our asses in fuckin’ seconds though, and I’m pretty sure the only reason we walked away from that one alive was because of Stints...”
“Couldn’t let us off without a proper beatdown though, better than ending up at the bottom of a fucking river at least...” V muttered, reaching up and rubbing idly at their nose that hadn’t quite looked like it was supposed to since that last little run in with the cops.
“Ok so… so let me get this straight,” Viktor started, setting his drink down before he leaned back in his seat and he motioned between Jackie and V both. “Somewhere between Jackie putting a gun to your head and getting your shit kicked in by PD, you decided that you two were gonna be best buds from now on?” He asked.
“Well, no, actually I still kinda wanted to kick his ass for a while after all that, but then he went and introduced me to Mama Welles and…. Well she asked me to stay for dinner, what can I say?” V said with a shrug, a sheepish grin spreading on their lips as they spoke. “Can’t say no to her, and can’t hurt her baby boy.”
“Awe, come on V, don’t gotta go breaking my heart by telling me you’re friends with Mama and not me.” Jackie said, and Viktor ducked his head at that, hiding the grin behind his hand. He couldn’t hide the way his shoulders bounced with poorly concealed snickering though, and when Jackie lightly kicked Viktor in the shin for laughing at him, Viktor reached out and gave a small shove right back in return. They really did seem like a couple of best friends, rather than a doctor and his patient.
“Learn to make chili like your mom, then I’ll think about upping you on my list of friends, Jack.” V said.
“Oof nasty words V!” Jackie said, giving the most heartbroken sounding gasp he could muster, hand placed over his heart. “Vik, you’re closer, punch them for me.”
Viktor gave V a bit of a side-eyed glance and a thoughtful hum as he circled the rim of his glass with his thumb. Then he shook his head with the barest hint of a smirk on his face. “Come on now Jackie, I don’t think they deserve to die for that...” He said, ignoring the way that V’s head whipped around and the indignant expression they had plastered to their face. The moment V opened their mouth to spit out some sort of a rebuttal Viktor shot them a look, just daring them to argue against him. “Hmm? Got something to say, Kid?”
There were a few beets between the two that seemed to carry on for an eternity, just Viktor staring V down while V looked like the cogs in their brain were frantically trying to churn out an answer to that challenge they had just been issued, at least in their mind. Finally V sat up a little straighter as the looked Viktor up and down before shrugging. “I don’t know Vik… I’ve been in some pretty decent scraps myself….. I think I could take you.” They said, tone laced with nothing but pure defiance.
Jackie erupted into laughter, while Viktor’s expression seemed caught somewhere between complete awe, and utter befuddlement. He almost seemed like he was waiting for V to take back what they were saying, to realize that if Viktor wanted to, he could have dropped them in an instant with a well placed blow, but they just cross their arms over their chest and looked proud of what they had said. That stunned look on Viktor’s face melted into one of admiration for the gutsy little street punk in front of him.
“Oh… I like this one Jackie.” Viktor said, leaning against the bar just a little as he spoke, and he seemed to be trying to decide whether or not he should make them prove themself or not. Given the fact that there was alcohol involved here, he figured maybe that wasn’t the best idea for them, or potentially anyone else in the bar for that matter. “They’ve got a pair.”
“Ehh, they really do have a wicked arm on them too, for someone who’s untrained anyway. They’re bullshitting hard right now, they know damn well they couldn’t take on a pro like you, but… I’ve seen them throw some nasty punched all the same.” Jackie said with a shrug, and just from his praise alone V felt bolstered, and the look on their face was damn near blinding with pride. The compliments certainly did nothing to quell their ego, and they couldn’t help but puff out their chest just a little. “I think you’d actually be impressed if you saw it, Vik.”
Viktor hadn’t looked away from V since he first began to realize just how daring this little streetpunk actually was, and V was beginning to feel like the man’s eyes were about to burn a damn hole in their skin with how intently he was watching them. The lights from behind the bar had them all cast in a deep green glow, and it hit Viktor just right to let V see his eyes hidden behind the dark lenses of his glasses. They had been locked on their own at first, but it was impossible for V to miss the way they flicked down as he glanced them over.
V wasn’t the toughest, biggest bastard in Night City, not by a long-shot. Their augmentations were a rather pitiful minimum, and with next to no bio-enhancemnts to even begin to compare to some of the cybered up tech heads you could find in the slums, the only person there who was less kitted up was Viktor himself who, as far as V could tell, was tech free. With a painful lack of eddies to their name, all they could really do to even begin to stack against the dangers the city held was to stay in shape, grit their teeth, and give it all they could. They had long since learned that even if you didn’t have the shiniest new implants installed, you had damn well better be willing to walk into a dangerous situation with the confidence of someone who did, or you would get chewed up and spit out in a heartbeat.
But… Viktor wasn’t looking for tech. They could all but feel Viktor’s eyes roaming over them now that their jacket wasn’t in the way like it had been at the clinic. His gaze lingered on their arms, their shoulders and chest, the subtle definition of the muscles hidden under the thin fabric of their T-shirt. V pulled their glass up to take a slow drink from it, the burn of the alcohol distracting them from the nerves the felt itching at the edge of their mind.
“Well, Vik, are you impressed? Like what you see?” They asked lowly, and as soon as they spoke Viktor looked back up at their face.
“Yeah… I mean you look like you’re in pretty good shape, from a glance at least.” Viktor said, clearing his throat as he reached for his glass, quickly bringing it to his lips to take what was really the smallest sip he could. “Next time you come in I’d like to take the time and put you through the wringer, do a full physical and see what we can do to improve on that…” He said, looking down to his glass, and finally V felt like they could breath again. “Not that I really wanna talk business right now, came out to spend time with friends and that’s what I plan on doing.”
“Fair enough, V said, before tapping the back of their hand against Viktor’s shoulder. “Hey, I know Jackie said drinks were on him tonight, but let me get your next one. My way of saying thanks for the work earlier.” They suggested with a lopsided grin on their face, all too charming in their own way.
“I like the way you say thanks, Kid.” Viktor said with a small laugh, not caring if it was a little silly since he wasn’t going to be buying his own drinks either way, but he supposed that it really was the thought that counted. "Last one though, I still gotta work tomorrow so I’m not looking to get drunk tonight.”
“That would be a tall fuckin’ order anyway, getting Viktor drunk. Guy’s got the tolerance of a champ.” Jackie said, before he leaned around Viktor to look at V, and he jabbed a thumb towards the front door of the bar. “V, buy the man his drink and then do me a favor after that, will you? Think my holo slipped out in your car, and you got the key. Fetch it for me?” He asked.
“Yeah, I got you Jack. I gotta step out anyway, I’m expecting deets on a job any minutes really.” V said before waving Pepe down and tapping the spot in front of Viktor. “Another of what he’s having, I’ll send you the eddies in just a second Pepe, I just gotta step out real quick and I’ll be right back. You can keep Jackie as collateral ‘till then.” They said, giving Jackie a playful wink as they passed by, fishing their key out of their pocket before they even reached the door.
Jackie watched them go, leaning back on his stool until he almost looked like he was about ready to topple over backwards until V disappeared from his sight. As soon as they were gone, he leaned forward again and turned towards Vik to smack him on the shoulder a couple of times. It didn’t hurt so much as it just surprised Viktor, making him flinch just a little.
“Viiiik, Viky, come on what was that now?!” Jackie demanded, attempting to smack at Viktor’s arm a few more times before the old ripper pushed his hand away and reached for his freshly refilled glass now that he wasn’t being hit.
“What are you going on about now? Not short circuiting over there, are you?” Viktor asked.
“Damn near thought I was, seeing what I just saw. Was that the one and only Viktor Vektor flirting?” Jackie asked, and the shit eating grin he had on his face made Viktor give a roll of his eyes and shake his head.
“I don’t flirt, Jack, not anymore. Too old for that kinda thing, you know?” Viktor said, waving Jackie off. “V seems… they seem real nice. I don’t know them that well at all of course, but what little I’ve talked to them they at least seem like they’ve got their head on straight, and if you’ve taken a liking to them, then they probably have a good heart buried in there somewhere too I’m guessing...” He said, pausing for a moment in hopes that would be enough to placate Jackie, but that goofy, almost accusatory grin didn’t seem to falter from his face. “Fuckin’ get over it Jackie, you’re seeing things that aren’t even there.”
“What about that fancy new rig you set up in their head earlier? Processors don’t come cheap, even older ones.” Jackie pointed out. “They mentioned that they wanted to pay you back for it… bet you didn’t even ask them to though, did you?”
“I’d just rather make sure I actually get to see them for a second appointment than worry about eddies.” Viktor said. “Wasn’t even the newest model, doubt I would have had anyone coming in looking for it, and I really doubt I’ll miss it.”
“...Well, you sure as hell won them over with that smooth move, I can tell.” Jackie said, the smile finally fading from his lips just a bit as he glanced over his shoulder towards the door. He could see V through one of the cracked front windows, kicking the door to their car shut while looking down at their own holo, responding to some texts by the look of it. They were still looking down at the device when they started back towards the bar entrance.
“Mm...” Viktor glanced over when the door chimed with V’s re-entrance. “Like I said, forget it.”
As soon as V made their way over, they stood between the both of them and sat Jackie’s holo down in front of him, and placed a hand on each of their shoulders. “Hey, listen, hate to bounce already but I just got word from one of my fixers about a sweet gig. Should be easy work for a decent chunk of change. Figure it would probably still be best if I can see straight going into it though.” They said, looking to Jackie. “I warned you that I would probably be dipping earlier than the two of you anyway.” They said. They just narrowly missed the little frown that Viktor had on his face upon hearing that V was heading out, probably to get into some sort of trouble elsewhere. Jackie didn’t
“Fine, fine, you’re free to go. Dunno what you’re up to, but try not to catch a bullet, alright? I kinda need you for this next job, alright?” Jackie said with a little snicker, grunting at the hard swat V gave him on the back. “Hey play nice now! S’what you get for saying you’re better friends with my Mama than you are with me. Now scram, V, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, of course, we’ll rock it out OK Jackie? I’ll give you a call first thing in the morning.” V said, letting their hands slip away from the two, before pointing at Viktor as they began to walk backwards towards the door. “Soon as we finish this I’m comin’ to give you what you’re owed, Vik, and maybe we can talk shop about getting a few more fancy toys installed?”
Viktor lifted his head just a little when V spoke to him, and he nodded. “Sure thing, V, just call ahead and I’ll be sure to make some time for you as soon as you’re ready.” He promised, giving a little wave before he finished off his glass that had been ordered for him, setting it aside to be cleaned up while he and Jackie caught up.
V turned on heel and headed out after that, with Jackie watching them until they got in their car and drove away, headed off for what he could only hope wasn’t too dangerous of a mission if they were going to tackle it themselves. As soon as V was gone though, Jackie looked back over to Viktor.
“You’ll make some time for them, Vik? Squeeze ‘em in?” Jackie asked, elbowing Viktor lightly, raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
“Shut it, Jackie, before I wire your jaw shut myself.”
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