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#gonna try to start posting stuff here again
attleboy · 20 hours
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okay so it's been a bit... sorry about that??? ^-^; here's a quick doodle dump to make up for it with a brief (for me) explanation of where i've been at the end <3
some things that were meant as ask responses but i never felt like posting
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scattered bits from a lore headcanon comic i have no plans of finishing... set when jax first joined and ragatha was still new, before shit happens (queenie abstracts) and things got worse for them...
idk i like thinking about the possibilities and i like it when characters start out hopeful and get it beaten out of them so i'm giving jax and ragatha that treatment in my head :)
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here's the "behind the scenes" stuff i mentioned in the second of my raggedy ann tadc crossover posts
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and here's me giving pomni varying levels of a hard time
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old aggie board stuff
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one of my first ragatha and pomni drawings on the left (nov 2023) and a lil redraw on the right.... (mar 2024) pls... don't mind my old ragatha design i didn't know what i was doing
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and for those who like my sona, doodles inspired by the mafia roleplay/au(?) that's been around... not actually part of it, but i was part of a mafia roleplay myself back in 2020 so idk, consider it an acknowledgement of my roots :D
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OKAY so where i've been... well at first it was a normal break, but then i figured i'd extend it until finals were over so i wouldn't get distracted! probably should've given some warning but ehhh i got busy fast and getting to go off grid for a bit was relaxing :)
anyway i'm all done so i'm back more or less??? still fatigued from studying for weeks straight so idk when i'll pick up the pen again but that'll be soon i hope... and bc i drafted this before it was posted YES i've seen the episode 2 trailer!!! very cool i'm very excited!! gonna try and get ep 2 hype art out before it drops!! :D
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mattodore · 5 months
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found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...
i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…
#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down !#river dipping#i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭#none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page#which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done?#obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet...#i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭#like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics?#i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑‍💻#like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then#i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things#i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭#like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain.#so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably#said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷#and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more#i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!!#i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with.#...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just.#sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding.#i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!!#theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together
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raiiny-bay · 4 months
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my favorite edits - 2023 edition 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9
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themyscirah · 4 months
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This week's Outsiders fucked heavily imo
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You don't understand. I am so in love with you. I need you.
I've cried until my eyes burned and my throat was raw, at the thought of you not being mine, and at the reality that you have no idea how far my infatuation goes. Not even an acknowledgement of the fact. You're just that oblivious, which rides between the lines of being sweetly endearing and frustratingly maddening.
I know society wouldn't approve of it. I know the others would be horrified if they knew, if they found any evidence that pointed to what happened. They'd worry for you. Ridiculous. Only I can worry for you. And I already know, this was the only way. This had to happen. I would've cried harder if it hadn't, I can't imagine it having ended any other way. You don't understand how much I needed it.
We HAD to be together! We were made to be! Why couldn't you notice that sooner?!
I didn't just want to be by your side like a delicate accessory. I didn't just want to spend time with you in the way lovers do on a warm summer night. My love goes deeper, so much deeper, I needed more. You wouldn't have understood.
It was fun, the weeks I had you confined to our own private paradise. Locked away for safekeeping, so you wouldn't escape. But it was torturous to myself, even: keeping myself on edge, denying myself what I truly wanted to do to you. I won't forget how lovely your scared-yet-sensual screams were, the marks I made on your skin; gentle bruises and bloody scars that, I'm sure must've hurt, but nowhere near how much my heart had been hurting for your love.
My heart was racing, my vision blurry, my tongue ached, and I could never not drool from thinking about it. I dreamed of it since Day One, as wrong as most people would presume it was. I've always known my love wasn't content at staying harmless, I knew my love would grow to be more violent. And I knew what I had to do: I had to eat you. Not just in the sexual way, the literal way. I wouldn't—couldn't—be happy until I was chewing on chunks of your soft flesh. Until I spilled your warm blood on my bare body, exciting me and stirring something within. Until I was stripping the skin, peeling it away from tendons and bones, touching your interior as gently as I had your exterior.
So I did, on one particular evening. You poor thing, you had no idea what was coming. I took my time, because it's rude to wildly gobble everything up in one sitting like a starving animal. It took several days, but I did it. I ate every last trace of you left, cutting up your body carefully. Measuring the serving sizes of your corpse, though I did treat myself to a bit more than usual on some days—I just couldn't help myself. The taste, the flavor...
Now there's people wondering where you've gone. It's unusual, it's unlike you, they say. I can only smile innocently and say I know nothing when they ask. They're the ones who don't need to know anything. Why does it matter to them? You're fully mine now, I've made sure of it. You'll never be anyone else's. Ever.
I still sigh happily when I think of it. You have no idea how happy this has made me. You wouldn't have understood. ♥
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biracy · 7 months
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Tbh I should probably take a break. I almost definitely won't but I should, yknow
#idk i don't have much 'real stuff' happening irl besides like. job hunting and college applications. so it's hard#but i think if i at least ease off some time on here n read a little more n watch more movies i might start to feel better#haven't really liked where my head's been at lately it feels like whatever persona is The One Who Blogs is 'taking over' more#to put it in a very dorky comic book-sounding ass way LMAO but that's how i feel! like i'm losing my own 'voice' yknow#my mental health is Bad my physical health is also Not Great n i kinda feel like ass. if i'm being honest#idk i feel like i'm crashing from whatever high i've been on for the past couple of days n i'm not Really super happy w myself#except the media literacy posts those were good. but like the more discoursey stuff i'm not proud of#again sorry to like. publicly vent LMAO i'll be fine i'm good. i'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this#but again. sorry abt the Shite i was posting earlier today i wasn't really in my own right head#just kinda wanted 2 get all that off my chest idk if it's clear that i don't really have anyone i feel like i can talk to right this moment#i'm very socially isolated irl and i'm so scared of becoming socially isolated online too just bc i'm an idiot who doesn't think b4 he post#NOT to make it sound all about me or whatever but it's true. i'm very very scared of losing people n right now this is My Space#i'd forgotten just how bad it felt. in this Specific case it is kinda my fault tho LMAO don't worry i've apologized as best i know how#okay i'm done. i'm done. i'm gonna go watch tv and go to bed i hope#open mick night
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spook-e-snail · 10 months
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Hi so uh, sorry if I owe you art rn in art fight. One of my friends just ended up in the hospital so it's kinda hard for me to focus on drawing rn
I'll get on it as soon as I can just give me like a week!!
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monty-glasses-roxy · 7 months
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Ya know, I was gonna add onto that post about the ask and be like "Hey in the meant time... Let me briefly explain what I use Tumblr for and how I'm currently feeling about things that have been happening for a long while now. Here's what I'm planning to do now and why I'm doing it."
But ya know what? I don't want to spend ages thinking how to explain something I have already said. Long and short is that I'm tired man. I've remembered why I was always hesitant to post artwork or talking pieces or fanfic before. Like, it was different when I was making it, the making was always for me, but when I share it here, it really fucking sucks to get silence, when a cookie cutter incorrect quote or I dunno pronouns Delilah wouldn't and didn't.
That's the shorthand of this. I'm annoyed. I'm upset. It makes you wonder if what you made didn't matter but it did. Of course it did. Notes are just a number, yeah, but I don't want to reduce myself to asking for people to talk about something with every post I give a shit about anymore. I'm tired. I'm done. No more kicked puppy in the window wondering why no one will come out and play. People don't want to play? That's fine. It's a valid choice, even if not the one I was hoping for. My fun isn't everyone else's fun and that's just life. I'm just not going to keep asking people to come out and play when know that people don't want to.
I'm doing it anyway. I'm playing a different game now. A singleplayer one, with an optional multiplayer. My game, my rules. What does this mean for the blog? Nothing. Don't worry about it. Stay tuned because this new game is better than the last one and one I've been meaning to play again for a long while now. If you notice a difference in the type of posts? Well.
Feel free to break the silence.
#(I'm upset but I'm trying to make a point. that's the intended tone I'm not going for anger or anything)#I have plans. I've made a decision.#I'm redirecting my upset back into what I was doing before#I'm gonna stick to it. it's important.#this is all I'm saying on the subject now#it's NOT just about that one recent post that's just what brought it to my full attention#I'm more aware of myself now. I'm more aware of the WORLD now.#that's what these meds have been doing to me. they've made me more aware than ever#and now I'm making steps to make it better.#in EVERYTHING!!! including here#tumblr making me sad? fix it.#I don't want to leave here but I'd be lying if I didn't think about that as a possible solution#I'd lose more than I gained if I did that so like shit am I leaving#time to start sharing things that REALLY matter again#stuff that is MORE than what I've been doing lately#I may start on this tomorrow or later tonight because I'm not in a positive enough mindset#but yeah. I'm reviving my old resolutions with new enthusiasm#because it was silent. I got nothing for it. but hoping for otherwise was different#it wasn't so people could share in the joy with me it was the opposite.#so I'm going back to that.#when I can lift my spirits today or tomorrow I'm going back to it with all the energy in the world!!#I'm gonna give it EVERYTHING because it DESERVES everything and no one else is gonna fucking do it are they?#why won't they? that's what I wanna know.#that's the real question to me.#that's enough for this post I think. if you made it this far then congrats#if you're a moot or friend you know where to find me. I'm fine just feeling really strongly about some things#gonna dive in the deep end to get this right now and I'll probs need some help if anyone's up for it#but anyway. I have stuff to do. I've said what I needed to say#time to move on and do something better.#just you wait gonna blow all your asses out of the water with this one
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zemnarihah · 11 months
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ive obtained a guitar
#my mom had one that she said i could take. and for the longest time i was like no i should wait until ive been doing bass longer before#adding smth else. but then i was like. right now im rlly enjoying doing music and i have the time and the desire to do it. so like.#it seems silly to not. so i have it im gonna try and learn over the summer and see if i can keep up with both. and then when school starts#again if it comes down to splitting time between them ill have a few months in each of them almost like 7 on bass. and they're similar#enough to eachother that i think a lot of stuff will probably cross over right? idk i was looking into it and it seems like a lot of more#experienced players will play at least a little bit on the other as well. and i also saw an article that said learning the other will help#improve more on the first one as well#i mean the thing is. it is just for fun. but also i think it would be so cool if i could get to the point where i can make my own songs jus#to post on here or smth. i think that would be rlly fun but like if i never do. i still just like it and its fun so its fine if i suck#but ya im gonna do it if it ends up ruining everything i can just quit like whatever#the sad thing though is. its an acoustic waahhhh#if i keep going obviously i eventually am gonna get an electric bc i was trying to think of songs i could learn on acoustic and i literally#could not think of a single one i like. LMAO my parents had a copy of sheet music for stairway to heaven (i think my sister must've tried t#learn it at some point?) so i took that too. bc it was literally the only one they had besides a big book of mormon ones lol. so im gonna b#that guy that only plays stairway to heaven lolllllll
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ezraphobicsoup · 5 months
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they (or i guess me) put the music in the water and called it a day it sounds nice but it’s lying it’s not actually 12/8 it’s just 4/4 but it’s q little dancey tune
#so let me set scene it’s about an hour ago and i’m like huh i should try some independent compositiony stuff that’s be fun#n i did some low dissonance pretty standard stuff then j thought about our wives under the sea and how the book is in sections based on the#depths of the oceans and the zones and i was like sure i could write music about that so that’s what i have started doing but now i am tiref#and a bit confused and i don’t know where to go from here but if i sfop now will i ever do this again? i mean maybe now that i’ve tumblrd it#djdjdsjdhdhdhhdhdhddd i should also go to bed though but like. hhhh i have so much stuff to do and i can be not doing stuff now and it’s#excusable but like at every other point i’m just procrastination i think ok not gonna lie not sure what words i’m saying here#hhhhhh there’s so many songs in my head and i don’t even know what when#no that’s a lie i do but it feels incomprehensible it’s just so much noise so much noise#fuck this is gina be perplexing in the modninv oh well hello sorry can’t br bothered to fix typos#i don’t actually know who i’m directing this at i think moresp myself#need to remember chiquitira for the fuckin. surprise i can’t say what that is here woooooii spooky#ok yeah no fuck i’m gonna. i’m gonna go to bed ig well it’s been fun#hhh goodnight gingham other words other words that feel ingenuins ;that’s not a word) to say in this state#but but still love lots of love abd stars us what i can think of#?? and yeah ok will sleep will sleep that’s mr sleeping right now zzzzzzz#fuck i missed the heart ok ok gingham <3 i will go and rest and then i’ll see this and go waaaaygtyyggg#composition chronicles#silly hours posting#gwaaaaaa
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hurricanek8art · 7 months
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Sorry I'm not really posting stuff (even if I mostly just reblog) I'm still trying to cope with losing my dog, and then one of the horses got into the feed and gave us a scare (she's fine, just an idiot, but I'm used to that) and my sleep schedule has turned into a nightmare because of the stress.
I'm in lurk mode until I can somewhat function again. I'm here I just can't bridge the social interaction gap. Sorry! 😖😖😖
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sm-baby · 5 months
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I want to see all the carnival AU bios again, but finding Zooble's is too hard, even when using the search. I hope there's a more organized way to view them.
(Trying to come up with nicknames that said characters would give my characters.)
CARNIVAL AU MASTERPOST + BOUNDARIES
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Augh... I never know how to organize stuff! But here is a mini master post of the TADC Info Cards (edited):
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The Main Cast (Minus Zooble :C)
Zooble ( Plus Zooble!!! :3)
Shiny Cards ✨
Lesser AI
THE GLOINKS!!!
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Level layout
OFFICIAL COMIC:
Your best friend!
Jesterly duties
The hallway
Crying
First clue
Special event!
Foul language
CONCEPT ART:
The Tent
The Funhouse
Cutscene
Pomni expressions
Character design
Meet Pomni
ALT character skins
LOREEE:
Neck pieces
Neck pieces (prt 2)
Neck pieces (prt 3)
Silly Frilly
Toxic Positivity Duo
Quick Ragatha Doodle
The Rabbit
Non-sentient Pomni
Pity Laugh
DOODLE DUMPS:
First look
Meet Jax
Meet Ragatha!
Meet Kinger
Meet Able
Zooble's room
Theatre shinanigans
Thanks for listening
Jax Doodles
SILLIES:
Final boss Pomni Theory
Ofcourse you would
Shoulder Pads
Ribbun real!?!?!?
omg showtime teeheeh ehehehe
CUTIES!!!
Carnival AU meets Original
its ok she's not drowning
The Amazing Digital... Circus???
A Christmas Carol Play!
Carnival Freakshow AU Merge!! (Freakshow AU by @hootbon)
Whore Pomni Inside joke
shitpost doodles
SCANDAL!!
SCANDAL!! (alt)
Flirty non-sentient pomni Inside joke (TW For suggestive themes): NON-CANON
Start
Context
Flirty non-sentient pomni (shitpost)
Pomni..........
Memory storage restart
the silly!!
no you're not.
oh god
someone paid me 10 bucks
╔══ ❀•°❀BOUNDERIES/FAQ❀°•❀ ══╗
"Can I make OCs In Carnival?" - Yess!! Multiple people already have and they make me so happy! do whatever, as long as you're happy and having fun!! " Can I make NSFW?" - Yas and slay, just be sure to warn and spoiler it, etc. etc. be responsible when posting NSFW! " Can I make Fanfics?" - Yes and please show me!! that would be lovely!! " Can I dub/voice your stuff?" - Yes but, I have only one rule... show me pleaaasseeee pls pls pls 🥺🙏 " Can I ship the characters/self ships/ OC x Canon?" - Aughh.. this is gonna suck to explain cuz its a lot to ask.. You're allowed to ship any ship! My only boundary is that it doesn't include either Pomni or Caine being with others who are not eachother! For example: Ragatha x Jax ✅ Pomni x Jax❌ Kinger x Queenie✅ Kinger x Caine❌ As long as the ship does not include Pomni or Caine individually, I'm all aboard!! I respect Jax x Pomni shippers, as well as Kinger x caine shippers, I just don't like them myself and don't want to accidentally stumble upon them in the tag! I do apologize if that's a lot, it just makes me uncomfy! Bounderies can be very tight! :')
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bi-sapphics · 1 year
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i have my next account ready for after i turn 18 and move blogs  🙏
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thecherrygod · 1 year
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maybe i should ignore the fact that commute to therapy would most likely than not be too long and actually start getting therapy huh
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teddynottss · 19 days
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• — MY SHORTS DONT HAVE LACES — •
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PAIRING(S): theodore nott x fem. reader !!
WARNING(S): smut
SUMMARY: Hermoine is aware of y/n’s feelings toward theo, therefore when she gets the chance, hermoine makes it her job to get them close to eachother
A/N: i hope you enjoy this and check my most recent post with tom riddle please show it some support 😭🙏 (this is edited)
——————————————————
You and Hermione were in your shared dorm, getting ready together for the pool party thrown.
You put your matching black swimsuits on and put your hair up so that it doesnt get wet from the water.
“Hermoineeeee” you sigh. “Is- is uhh is, is theo gonna be there?” You ask hesitantly.
Hermoine had always been aware of your feelings toward theo and she made no effort to stop teasing you about it.
“Ugh, y/n, yes he is” she spoke as she rolled her eyes.
“Do i look good, should i tie my hair or keep it in a claw-clip like this? Omg idk what to do i feel so ugly. Should i change this swimsuit?” you complain
“Y/l/n, one more word i swear. You look gorgeous, ur perfect. How many times do i need to tell you that?” She said.
You jump into her arms before she could finish, “god hermoine i love you” you say.
“Yeah i know bla bla bla bla, now we have a party to get to and boys to impress” she winked before dragging you out of the room.
You get to the party and ur eyes immediately begin scanning the room, in search of theo. In no time you spot him, sat in the hot tub with cormac, harry, ron, ginny, and luna.
Hermoine notices your intentions and grabs your hand leading you to the hot tub, “hermoine, no, im not ready yet!!” you sigh.
“too bad” she says before jumping in the hot tub. “shoot, y/n, there’s no more place for you, but im sure theo would be more than pleasured to keep you on his lap” she giggled.
You and theo didn’t hate eachother, you weren’t friends either. However, there was always tension between the two of you, even Neville could catch it.
He patted on his lap, gesturing for you to come over “c’mere” he said. You drag ur feet in the water and adjust ur sitting on his lap.
Looks and smiles exchange between everyone in the tub and you begin to feel the tension form. Cormac, next to you, starts talking about his previous experience with the ladies and other stuff.
And while ur listening, trying to act interested in whatever he’s talking about, you feel something poke from under you.
You also feel theo’s hands wrap around ur waist from under water which makes you let out a loud gasp, loud enough for the people in the hot tub to hear at least.
Everyones heads turn around to you, “sorry guys, thought i saw a bug” you laugh it off and all ur friends go back to their conversations.
The poking from under you only got more annoying, so you turn ur head, “theo, the laces of ur swimsuit are poking me, can u do something about it?” You speak.
“Cara mia, my shorts don’t have laces” he whispers to you, you could feel his breath on ur ear. “Fuck theo” you say.
He looks at you and then says something again “i say we get out of here darling before i can’t control myself anymore”.
You immediately jump up, and theo follows you. “If you’ll excuse us, we have some business to manage” he jokes pointing at the both of you.
“Get out of here man” Ron laughs.
“God please no” this, from Luna.
“Off you go” hermoine says smiling.
Theo then grabs your hand, two towels, and starts leading you back to his dorm. On ur way there, he wraps one of the towels around you, making sure you’re not cold.
When you get there, the Slytherin boy wastes no time locking the door and smashing his lips onto yours, immediately also allowing his tongue to slip in.
The kiss was not sweet, it was slow yet passionate and hungry. The boy was practically eating your face off while he has you pinned on the wall.
In a sudden movement, theo slips his hands under your thighs and carries you up into his arms. He carries you to his bed, the kiss ongoing, and makes you lay there.
He wastes no time unclasping your bikini and sucking on your tits. Your fingers meet his hair and you start tugging at it as he sucks on your nipples.
He leaves kisses on your boobs and cups them while he moves back up to your lips. They meet again and this time the kiss is faster, deeper, and hungrier.
“I- i.. fuck” he says in between kisses.
“Mhm?” you wonder.
“My friend down there, fucking hell, he needs attention.” the boy explains.
You laugh and start working your way, trying to remove his shorts. He turns over making sure to provide you with enough space to take control.
You make your way down, leaving kisses down his ab lines. You slowly lower his shorts and begin trailing his v line with your fingers.
You then remove his shorts completely and for a second, you are taken back by his large size.
His wet, throbbing cock was now inches away from your face. You begin by licking his tip, slowly and carefully before taking him in all in one go.
To that, he gasps, his hands then move to your head guiding you, he grabs onto your hair and leads you.
He even makes you gag a few times when he hits your throat, which you pinch his thigh for that.
You speed up your movements as you wanted to be the one to make him cum first, and you wanted to be the one that makes it happen faster.
“Cara mia” he spoke. “Im gonna.. soon. Im gonna.. fuck”.
You mumble a quick mhm as you speed your movements.
“Fuck you’re so good at this”. he praised
You smiled to yourself before he finally came on your mouth, he squeezed your hair as he released.
You move back up to him and stick your tongue out to show him you swallowed it. You then start kissing him again, slipping your tongue inside, his hands wrapping around your waist.
“You know ur actually gorgeous, youre so perfect. A goddess i swear” he said as you were sat on his lap, staring deep into his eyes.
“Tell me something in italian” you ask.
“Hmm? Something like what ehh?” he smirks.
“Anything” you smile.
“Well.. ti scoperò finché non potrai più camminare.” he said in a whisper.
“And that means?” you wonder.
“I’ll fuck you till you cant walk” he spills.
“Oh is that so?” you giggle.
he nods and then you give him the look of affirmation before he slams into you, which makes you let out a gasp before adjusting yourself to his size.
You then start working ur hips in sync with his, riding him while his hands roam ur body, touching every bit of skin he could get his hands on.
“Fff.. fuckkk, you look too good like this” he praised. “dannatamente perfetto”. (fucking perfect)
you smile and in a sudden movement, he flips you over so hes in control, he starts speeding and you grab onto the sheets for dear life.
He leans in and kisses you, you moan into his mouth and his swollen tip hits your spot, the one that sends you to the moon and back.
“FUCKING HELL!!” you scream, “THEODORE IM GONNA CUM”. He speeds up his movements and guides you as you release.
“è stato fantastico, bellissimo” (that felt amazing, beautiful) he spoke slumping on the bed next to you.
“You really gotta start teaching me italian so i can understand what ur saying” you chuckle.
“Oh yeah? What if i dont want you to understand what im saying” he teased.
“Uhh oh, we might have a problem then” you both laugh as he hugs u tightly, kissing ur temple.
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obscurevideogames · 10 months
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Tumblr’s Core Prodct Stratgy
Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on trying to keep our sinking ship afloat for as long as possible. This means desperately trying to copy every new fly-by-night social media app that some multi-billionaire sh*t out during their daily Peloton routine. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. If you find the things we say here worrisome, please understand that is our exact intention. You've outgrown our target demographic. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
The Diagnosis
It's lookin' pretty bad y'all!
After somehow losing hundreds of thousands of users during the great pr0n purge of 2018, we started to wonder if anything could be done to get back to where we were. We even brought in a management consultant who charged us a ridiculous amount of money. It would make you sick if you knew how much, but we got a few nice meals out of it at least. Anyhow, we handed this guy the app, and HE HAD NO IDEA HOW TO USE IT! It was f*cking hilarious! But suddenly it all clicked -- our users are a bunch of stupid idiots who can't even do basic arithmetic. I mean, they spend all day looking at their phones, so what do you expect?
Tumblr’s best feature is its unique content and vibrant communities. But who cares, right? We're just as happy getting traffic from people sh*t-posting memes, vague-booking, giving out-of-context hot takes to news events, and spewing whatever random thought is in their head at the moment. Plus that stuff doesn't p*ss off Apple.
To keep this thing going we need new people. And by "people" we mean teenagers, like we used to have back in the good ol' days. Unfortunately we're all in our 40s now, so we have no idea what they want. But teenagers are so cool! Imagine if they talked to us like we're one of them? We're getting hard just thinking about it.
Our Guidng Principls
To make Tumblr cool again, we must address these huge glaring issues.
People can look at a blog without logging in. How is that fair to all the poor schlubs who had to fill out forms to get an account? Also we haven't figured out a way to force ads onto the personalized pages yet. But we swear that's not the main reason.
People can see content they are looking for or linked to. People can keep up with blogs they follow. But the problem with this is, people don't know what they want. We know what they want! We're smart. We wrote this damn site, remember?
Promote posts that incite pointless conversations. Posts that are guaranteed to bait every troll into responding. Isn't that why all your Magat relatives love Facebook so much? We can do that!
P*ss off your content creators in every way possible (see #2).
Create algorithms that throw an unending barrage of irrelevant content in your face. Have you seen Instagram lately? We could do that so easy!!!
The app is slow. The website is slow. Obviously this is because of GIFs. Facebook and Instagram don't allow them, so why should we?
Conclusion
Our mission changes on a day-to-day basis. Right now we're super jealous of all the attention that new Threads thing is getting. We're still not sure what it is, but we're gonna download it after work.
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