#good evening friends :-)

[bluenumbernine]

looking at ruben with captain armband content on pinterest. thinking very hard

#good evening friends #erisa:talks

[aneverlastinghalloween]

#halloween #halloween vibes #happy halloween #an everlasting halloween #halloween forever #halloween aesthetic #vintage halloween #all hallows eve #october #i love black cats #black cats #cat art #is it halloween yet #good evening friends

[mothram]

#diana's music diary #good evening friends #I slept a lot again and feel sick still but I feel good... #brain feels awful and fucked up... everything's blurry and foggy rn and I'm seeing a lot more today :/ #It's not really freaking me out though? I feel too good to care... I'm excited for today and hope to write something finally!! #yesterday was really really good so that's why I feel so good.... we had lancer... I talked to friends a lot and just had a really nice day #did I use this song already? oh well.. there is bound to be repeats at this point #let's try and make today good as well despite everything.. I love you friends :3

[namitha]

There is something about this evening that feels particularly ecstatic. Maybe is the way the light holds on to the sky at the end of the evening or maybe it's the breeze carrying notes of jasmine..

.

#an evening walk #sky photography #my photography #Summer monsoon evening.. #good evening friends #5:51 pm #June 22 #live in the moment #art of living #live colorfully 💚

[sbrankos]

Love yourself and believe in your light ... And whatever dark times come, don't let that light go out ... Have a nice evening ...

#good evening friends #romantic night

[laughingcatwrites]

As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.

For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.

But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.

Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.

#I'm so proud and happy for my coworker and I've been trying to figure out how to let him know how amazing I think he is #what gets me the most is that he's keeping this super down low to avoid giving any hints to his kid #he has a lot of queer friends so he already is known as an ally but there's always a chance it will be different if it's family #and he took that chance and crumpled it up into a ball and slam dunked it into the garbage for three points #and decided that even if his kid wants to hide it from him for the rest of his life he will still do what he can to make their life better #pflag #parents doing their best #parenting win #good news #allyship

[zamusvstheworld]

I went through an old loves chat looking for lost pictures of my deceased kitty.

#oof i know #why #this is derailed my evening #if obsessing about people WAS ACTUALLY a job #i think im just fantasizing about having lasting relationships of any kind #all i ever wanted was to feel understood #and here we are #good evening friends

[rubikor]

they were her people

#genshin impact #furina #lumine #paimon #i don't think i'll ever stop being sad for her #i just want her to be loved omygod pls give her real friends #they really isolated her even now that she's free to be herself #she just has her job and that's it plese give her good friends

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[ionomycin]

wild strawberries

#artists on tumblr #back from my trip to finland #it was nice to see my family #and my one friend #but it feels good to be back #it's super hot here #and i dont know if any of my friends have time for me #but i just like this place a lot #even if i'm just walking outside on these same streets #that i always walk #i feel a weird sense of peace being in another country #far away from everyone and everything i grew up with

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[beybuniki]

re-read the 200s and I love their awkward phase in-between animosity and rekindled friendship :) bakugo has an awkward way of expressing his interest and worries regarding deku’s quirk and deku in general it’s so funny to follow

#also love the petty rivalry they need that !!!!!!!! #he’s even scolding all might my boy is stresseddddddd #the way he’s ‘eavesdropping’ on deku and shoto because he can’t trust deku to come up with a good lie himself but god bless shoto’s trust #in his friend #anyway funny phase I love awkward neither friends nor rivals phases #I think this is from last week I just colored it :) #bnha #deku #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#selfie bee #good evening friends!! how are you doing! C: #I'm very very sleepy I got a new ikea office chair and I build it all myself #I think it went okay! I don't think I pulled the back screw tight enough and now the back is a bit loose #I can probably fix it but I can also ignore it for the next 18 years #thats how long the old chair held up!! in germany it could now drink vodka and drive a car!! #not at the same time that is illegal! not at the same time!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ* #but the day is not over yet my uncle asked me for a big art quest and I do not want to disappoint #he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it #my uncle has started to get tattoos a few months ago #as far as I know he has now gotten 3 note clefs 3 stars a flower and multiple birds #he also started getting piercings but so far I managed not to know exactly where #I think tattoos are super cool (´｡･v･｡｀) I wish I had a good idea for a tattoo but the last time I was very sure about getting a tattoo #it was heath ledgers face as the joker #at that point I was 12 and would not see the actual movie for two more years #a muppet tattoo is a way better idea!! he asked for the count van count! that is also one of my top 3 muppets ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡ #I always thought I knew a lot about muppet lore but since I started looking up muppet pictures I think there are still a lot of secrets #can the muppets from the Sesame Street actually leave the Sesame Street? #I think Kermit is both on the Muppet Show and on Sesame Street but he is also like the boss muppet #he might have special abilities #I hope you're having a good day friends!! C: #I think I'll post a Sherlock comic later this week #miss you!! ♥♥♥

[stil-lindigo]

the machine.

a comic about being a 'creator' online.

creative notes:

#in light of recent online 'success' i feel like this may come off as ungrateful #just wanna say that all the comics i make in this series are written about experiences i felt in 2022 #which was a rough year personally and creatively #and i very luckily don't feel this way anymore #and this also isnt to shame anyone who DOES feel this way #its easy to start to feel like all you are is a vending machine of art #and like thats all you are to people #theres nothing human to you #it can be a bit of a pit #and on some level this damage is self inflicted but social media really doesnt help that feeling #this wont work for everyone but having friends around you who you can talk to about stuff that ISNT art #going outside for dinner #maybe walking around #its good for when you need that feeling to go away even a bit temporarily #youre a human being #not a mindless content creation machine #and i hope anyone who feels like this now can get to a place where they have a healthier relationship with their own work #good luck to all of you #and thank you for reading #comic art #its 10pm #stillindigo art

[namitha]

Slow down, take a deep breath and shift your attention to your surroundings..🌳🌿☁️ What a beautiful world we live in, don't we? 😀

.

#all i want is to live quietly in a corner of nature..🌳🌿☁️ #nature #my video #nature heals☘️ #good evening friends

[sbrankos]

Good evening

#good evening friends #beauty