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#good evening i am going the fuck thru it
ofmccnlight · 5 months ago
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𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐊  /  the  saddest   memory   drabble  .  𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆  /   @dolors 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒  /  none  ! 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐂.   /   some  nights   in   the   cellar   are   harder   than   others  .
itʻs become a tradition of sorts , between luna and her father , to make bets on raindrops . it was a simple enough game , easily accessible at all times , and quiet enough to be played while they hunkered down to observe whatever creature had caught their fancy . the two of them could sit for ages and watch the water chase itself downward and any time luna won , her father would press a kiss to her forehead and croon ❛ yes , thatʻs my luna ! the brightest thing in the whole sky . cleverer than i by leaps and bounds , ❜ and then —
well , the point of the story there is that luna has always been very adept at finding ways to keep busy . 
❝ i think that one is going to win , ❞ luna says , pointing at a water droplet . the walls were often damp and leaking here , like this part of the house was built beneath a bathroom or kitchen . it was a prime spot for this particular pastime .
❝ youʻre a sharp one , miss luna , but clearly the one on the left has the advantage here . ❞ comes the reply , in a voice thatʻs much shakier than lunaʻs own . 
she doesnʻt blame him . mr. ollivander is considerably older than she is and likely a lot less used to these kind of situations . luna had umbridge before she had the carrows . mr. ollivander had neither . mr. ollivander flinches when the door at the top of the steps swings open and the voices of upstairs drift downwards . luna does not . 
mr. ollivander was right in this , however . the water droplet luna had chosen was much further behind than the one he had chosen . luna merely shrugs . ❝ sometimes , itʻs nice to hope for the unexpected . ❞
mr. ollivander smiled that sad smile of his , the one that luna didnʻt particularly like , and patted the spot next to him on the ground . she happily acquiesced , going so far as to lean her head against his shoulder . spending such long stretches of time with one another did wonders for building a friendship . with no one else around , they took comfort in one another . here , as mr. ollivander patted her head with grandfatherly fondness , luna could almost pretend that she was back at home with her father . 
ALMOST , but not quite . 
the door at the top of the steps swings open and luna feels mr. ollivanderʻs customary flinch against her hair . she gives his hand a gentle squeeze before she gets up , electing herself to collect their meals . she was the younger one , the spry one , of the two of them and itʻs easier for them both like this  . 
her head tilts sideways as she tries to listen for whoever was chosen to bring the meals downstairs . itʻs not footfalls that she recognizes . the stride is longer — not the shuffling gait of peter pettigrew , who typically bore this burden . this is a sturdy pace , unrepentant and unhurried and reaching the bottom with a muttered lumos . 
luna flinches . 
mr. ollivander makes a noise of confusion behind her but luna is frozen by the pair of eyes staring at her through the slats of their cell . they are frigid , icy blue and ringed with gold and with just the slightest hint of laugh lines at the corner and they are so ACHINGLY familiar that the air rushes out of lunaʻs lungs in an instant . for a split second , luna can almost imagine that those are her fatherʻs curious eyes twinkling down at her . 
almost , but not quite . 
LUCIUS  MALFOY goes through the motions of the role pettigrew usually played , unlocking the cell and placing the tray of food at itʻs opening . he carefully steps back out and checks that the door is locked behind him . through it all , he does not raise his wand against her and she does not make him have to . 
he spares her one final look that she cannot read before he spins on his heels and walks right back up those stairs again . 
the door at the top of the stairs closes softly behind him , much gentler than the slam theyʻre so used to from the others , yet the sound it makes echoes through the empty walls regardless . luna and mr. ollivander flinch in tandem this time . after a moment , luna unfreezes and brings the food over to their spot without a word . mr ollivander tucks in without a question . heʻs very polite like that . luna likes him all the more for it . 
they sit together , eating in silence , and watch as the droplet that mr. ollivander had chosen reaches the ground first . 
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skogenflicka · 17 days ago
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anyway hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii besties i am back from the ocean/rainforest i saw so many big trees and spent so much money @ ikea which was very fun also im quitting my silly little office job and my last day is tomorrow 😽💕
#technically being let go bc the person they hired to be the second half of my half shifts wants full time so obviously#they're going with the full time person but like honestly i do not mind at all like i wasn't gonna be there super long term anyway#and this gives me more time to do the things i actually WANT to do and not feel like im dying from being overworked#i mean i will have to find another part time probably minimum wage customer service job to make up the difference in income#but for now i am going to REST and enjoy it <3#like ok i spent two months there i got a good amt of the office experience i want and i have my freelance stuff to focus on so im satisfied#honestly probably just gonna walk down to the cafe @ the end of the street that my little brother has worked at for like three years#and take his little barista job now that he's gone for college and other college baristas will be leaving within the next month#also its literally all college age + 20 somethings that work there and im so like dying not interacting with people my own age#also they know me thru my brother lmao so like even if they dont need anybody now like they'll still know who i am#but when i was texting with my boss deciding what to do since they hired another person i was like fuck yes i'll actually have time#to study for the jlpt :)#well apparently registration is fucking closed bc slots literally filled up within five minutes of it opening#like ok. guess im never getting this certification but whatever#anyway who;s ready for me to be mentally ill on this website but in a fun way all the time again <3
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mean-gemini · 5 months ago
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“Ex radfems” who call radical feminism a cult are So funny like yeah there are many issues with online radical feminist spaces and they can become really echo chamber-y especially if you’re never exposing yourself to non-radfem content etc etc but like ..... a cult???? Really???? You were brainwashed by a group of women who don’t agree on shit half the time anyway????
#idk sorry just spend a long time scrolling thru that ex radfem blog that’s going around rn and like she does make some good points but first#of all she’s so vague abt so much of it and like refuses to clarify what she means and second of all the cult criticism is honestly just#laughable and she gives no evidence for how it is cult like#I truly don’t think radical feminism discouraged looking into other perspectives like there are so many different perspectives in radical#feminism even in the somewhat insular online spaces we are always fighting abt some shit which means obviously we all have some different#perspectives lmao#it’s not like if u have a different perspective ur gonna get totally ostracized like some ppl might give u shit but i feel like it’s pretty#rare for someone to get like entirely excommunicated from radfem spaces and if they do it’s usually bc they said something rly fucked up#not bc they like . agreed with one aspect of liberal feminism or queer theory lmao#she also framed it as like these opinions and stances only exist online and if u get offline you will realize how misled you were and like#from personal experience I do not agree with that lol yes I got into radical feminism mostly thru tumblr I won’t deny that but then I was#not on any social media for years and spent that time learning from women some of whom were radical feminists and some of whom were not and#I am still a radical feminist lol like I got out of the ~tumblr echo chamber~ and still hold mostly the same views as I did before bc i#arrived at these opinions thru learning and critical thinking not thru brainwashing or whatever lmao#and now I’m back in the tumblr echo chamber and have managed to maintain my opinions even the ones that are controversial on radblr#idk anyway I guess also what I’m saying is it’s good that we’re always disagreeing abt shit on here bc it keeps it from becoming a hive mind#in this house we are pro feminist infighting#also forgot to add that her other big criticism was that radfems don’t read any non radfem theory and like maybe it’s just me but I feel#like that’s rly not true either? like idk I read A Lot so maybe other radfems do only read radfem shit but#I have read queer theory I have read some of the like mainstream libfem girlboss type of stuff I have read trans memoirs and all that#I’ve read all manner of environmentalist writing and anti racist/anti colonial writing (although admittedly not as much as I should but I’m#working on it) and lgbt history etc etc like I have read the shit I arrived at my current opinions by reading the shit#I’ve probably read more non-radfem theory than actual radfem theory honestly#anyway idk#plenty of ex radfems have valid criticisms I do get it and I honestly don’t even know if I fully consider myself a radfem anymore#but it’s certainly not a fucking cult lmao
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pepprs · 5 months ago
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i was gonna make a completely different post but in the middle of it i got a phone call that i shouldn’t have answered and it was so.. distressing so now im making a post about that. what the fuck. long vent in the tags sorry
#not to like talk bad abt ppl on here but... i don’t even know where to start im sweating and shaking so bad. it was this kid who’s in my#cohort at school who i like never talk to and i shouldn’t have answered i should’ve just let it go to voice mail. im so upset. we like never#talked and the ppl in my cohort were kinda shitty to me so i already don’t have a good impression of him and h called me the other week and#i never returned it Bc i thought it was a mistake and he just called again so i answered to set the record straight and i shouldn’t. its#this particular kind of person i havent been around for a long time and im too upset to do anything now. im so upset for no reason um. like#the kind of person who... idk just says shit but is insincere. says things supposed to be sincere but there’s this undercurrent of like#malice and joking and whatever and he said smth shitty abt my degree actually as a joke but it wasn’t a funny. and i felt vulnerable and#pathetic talking to him and i shouldn’t have answered. he was saying all these volatile things lkke. how he’s trapped in a major he hates an#and his gpa is higher than it’s ever been bc he’s cheating and how he does smth shitty to waiters at restaurants.. idk idk. but idk why he s#said any of JT like i just am fragile and delicate and it’s this particular LJKE kind of person that can be very dangerous for me and i get#very weak. and he was asking Abt like my poetry but almost sneeringly and what building had the most democratic architecture and what the f#fuck. like it’s nothing it was just a phone call but i feel very used or something. like he said he was going thru his list of contacts and#just calli bg random ppl he hadn’t talked to in a while and i pretended i didn’t even know who he was and that his number wasn’t in my phone#when it is and i knew which is shitty of me but i did it as like self defense i guess and . god i am so upset rn. it’s not a big deal but i#havent interacted w insincere ppl like that who don’t take me seriously in SO long and i really.. feel sick rn lol#purrs#it was so fucking out of body. god. he was like is mundanity a word Ur an english major u should know and i was like haha not anymore and he#was like yeah now ur a major that nobody knows abt and no one can ask u for ur expertise on anything bc ur doing smth no one understands. ok#delete later
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jairoglyphs · 9 days ago
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ok i have decided i am emotionally developed enough to start seeking out an actual partner again instead of just being a whore but that just means that i’ve finally admitted to myself i want a partner and i’m ! a widdle sad abt it ngl,
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Okay, so. My memory is kinda rusty and I don’t really remember details so I could be wrong here or forgetting shit. But wasn’t the part of the movie w that sandstorm scene before Jim runs into John in that garage and John tosses him the keys? Headcanon that if John is some sort of supernatural being, he can turn into sandstorms or something and that’s how he just...randomly appears places.
#or else it's bc he's gay or bi or and lgbt people walk fast as fuck?#gay who walks ridiculously fast...can confirm that that's not entirely unlikely x'D#random thought and i don't have anything else to post for now so bye#that just popped into my head earlier and i was like Hmm#yeah i could be totally wrong and this could be totally wrong but i mean...it's an interesting thought i guess?#i swear to god w this blog and basically every single sideblog i run i come back once in a blue moon and randomly post some shit and then#just like#poof again for who knows how long lmaoo#me posting stuff is like somebody leaving burning dog shit on people's porches once in a while and running away#typing that made me laugh way harder than it probably should have. i think i may be a bit over-tired#i've been trying to fix my disaster of a schedule and have been dragging my ass out of bed a few hours sooner than usual#for someone who has routinely pulled all-nighters of varying lengths (6 am to sometimes 7 8 or even 9 or past) for over a year now#and who's used to sleeping in to 2 or 3 pm#oof. but it's necessary and it's really nice to finally be up and actually eating something before 4 or 5 pm#and the sooner i get my shit together the better bc not only am i sick of all my trainwreck bad habits but i go back to uni in the fall#and even tho i have no 8 am classes...that would be really rough and probably disastrous if i didn't start fixing my shit asap#i've been thru what i'm calling hell-year but i think i'm finally done recovering and good thing. not only for its own sake#but bc man am i SICK of sitting around and being unable to do much or even fix my own bad habits. i want to do at least some stuff now#okay i'm rambling and it's 4 am and i should make myself go to bed soon while it's still early (yes 4 am is early by my standards).#also jesus christ adhd brain. i go from writing a smol post to going on a giant ramble and changing topic a bunch#whoops. whatever
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wingedbeings · 7 months ago
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loterally so so funny how a normal amt of pain n other physical symptoms 2 experience just wen doig normal things is none like on god?? u r for real right now?? cannot even imagine that tjat just sounds fake i won't lie <3
#hai maybe dot rb this one this is hust a funny rant bc im flarig up again n i sont want rhis to be all like oh look whos havig a pity party#moss.exe#just so tired of how i wil rly just do anythig and my body is like die <3#everytig in here does not work i try to do anythig n i just experiencr so mant funny things#literally too dead 2 even try n wtite it all down just from 2day like <3#im just giving up at tis point i cant do anything whatsoever w out my body protestig n theres no way of predicting how it'l act out at any#given momrnt n doctors dgaf around here in tje public sector n dont even kno abt my conditiongs so its like <3#just convinded im gonna end up dying before 30 at rhis point el oh el#like im still deteriorating so so fast n no one fives a shit so its like oh wel rjis might as well happen <3#still need to get tested for ms too but wel <3 again doctors in the public sector dot give a fuck n wil just not run Any actual tests <3#every tim i go 2 sleep its like <3 tis might kill me but wat can u do <3#whatever whatever i am just repressig it <3#just goig to sleep thru this flare up bc luckily antipsychotics r stil good for one thig n thats knocking u tf out even if they dont do any#thig else <3#hope im able to walk tomorrow el oh el i need to get groveries <3#literaly dont hav seriuus reactions to tis one i'm fine im good <33 jut repress this one w me baby#its al just funy to me at tjis point <3#lik i cannot afford 2 die rn but wel what can u do <3 esp w covid rn its like <3 i wil just repres it <3#medical neglect tw#g*d mention tw#death mention tw#god mention tw
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pepprs · 4 months ago
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i still have 2 more sources to a) find b) read and c) annotate and its 12:30 and ive just burned like 1.5 hrs on tumblr and i work at 10 tmrrw and have 2 hrs for another final project thing immediately after that and i didn’t get confirmation that i can have an extension on this. wadever
#purrs#quite litcheraly have been on the verge of a breakdown for like 2 days over this stupid shit i want this semester to be over so bad. the#only thing getting me thru finals (and it’s embarrassing but here it goes) is watching compilations of the riffs in no good deed from wicked#on yewchewb like idk whats wrong w me i don’t even know the show i jsut um. am thinkjnf abt it a lot which is cringe but also a distraction#from how much i fucking hate this but that’s a distraction from actually getting it done so im just in a... checkmate? stalemate? idk what i#its called my brain doesn’t work anymore. but im frozen in place w mtself. i wuld like to attack ♥️ i am barking and snarling and growling l#like an angry little dog. at this stupid shit like why does it have to be 6 sources. THAFS a little much i was so busy this semester i#didn’t have time to read academic journals or whatever even though ive known this was coming since january and couldve done this at any#time but i didn’t ABD now i am filled with hate. i hate this class so fucking much it’s unreal and ykw im glad they capped it at 6 credits#out of the blue but even if they didn’t i would never willingly put myself thru this again. i wish **** 410 a very die#ok im gonna try to finish this now i guess i can’t let myself go to sleep w/o it done. but know that i am very miserable#and i still have the 5-8 pg paper and the prac reflection questions to do after that HELPPPP 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#AND AN ENTIRE DAYS WORTH OF DISHES TO AND THE DISHWASHER TO UNLOAD ALL BY MYSELF. PAIN AND SUFFERING TO TESSKIND
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months ago
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sapphirewolf100 · 23 days ago
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Everything is loud™️
#I’m so stressed. but I don’t wanna show it.#I hate appointments bro. my mental state when it comes to these things ain’t necessarily good rn I’ll admit bc I legit just don’t care rn#like I’m tired of pointless convos when it comes to like yknow my depression/anxiety#like it won’t truly go away and certain stressors still cause them to flare even tho I am on meds.#and then like. it just piles on. I see my health as a chore. it’s an endless cycle of phone calls or having to go thru different therapists#some of those said therapists may not ‘get it’ or don’t click with you in the sense that you can be comfortable speaking of your traumas to#deadass at this point it’s like I just wanna be left the fuck alone. I’m tired of taking care of this shit. I don’t feel like it#I don’t feel like putting up w/ other people when it comes to this. it’s exhausting. a consistent fucking cycle#It’s always a fucking fight for my health in this damn country or for anyone else who struggles too I swear to God#idk I’m just stressed n depressed and it feels like every time I turn around I have to go do shit. I don’t feel like it anymore.#I had that wave of depression hit me like a week ago now I’m drifting back to it#if it ain’t one thing it’s another. consistent fucking cycle#I’m gonna try n get myself to sleep so I don’t stay up too damn long.#I’m gonna have to have an alcoholic drink or two by the end of the week so I can get my ass up in the morning#I know I keep pushing thru shit but I’m so fucking tired of it. deadass#neigh personal things
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cieplutko · 5 months ago
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it's so depressing to see your own phone slowly becoming outdated. another app became too advanced for me to update... this isn't the end of the world obv but ah man
#I already went to look for an affordable new phone and xkom is currently having a sale on xiaomi9#For 670 instead of 1000 which is really good#And I think I'll go for it...#I might have to do a bunch of commissions or ask my parents to lend me some money so I don't stay with like just spare change in my account#I feel bad now tho. Like I'm spoiled. Even tho obv my phone went thru at least 6 screen repairs and is now way slower and laggy and#I recently even started having problems with missing text messages and not getting notifications and all that which is worrying#But then again maybe it's not really so bad and im just deep down looking for justification to buy a new phone#And like then on the other hand its not like evil for me to want a new phone right...? I've had this one for uhhh 5 years I believe and even#Back when I bought it I was still living off waitress paychecks so it was already super outdated#I've always been jealous of people who can take good quality pictures on their phones But also that is not a necessity obviously either#Idk. I'm so lost jfc. I have enough to buy it in my bank account rn#Oh but hey on the other hand there's only 2 weeks left until next paycheck so I should be fine#Maybe I could take emergency commissions too so I have enough money for bus and food and all that stupid daily stuff#But then again maybe I just shouldn't buy it at all. Rn I don't have any emergency expenses or anything but that might change v suddenly#I don't fucking know........... God how the fuck am i working almost every day and still have so little#Maybe I should just go back to living off my parents#To have them buy me everything like my brother does#He makes twice as much money as I and brags about it constantly#Nd somehow my parents don't mind buying him groceries and toiletteries while he spends his money on new tech and guitars#I don't fucking know it's so frustrating#Some of my unemployed friends even have way better phones and clothes than I... Really makes me think what the fuck am i doing wrong#Jfc ok that was a long ass rant I feel so fucking conflicted and sad lol sorry if u read all of this..#maurycy talks
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vibeforce · a month ago
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achievements of the day: woke up, still alive, was able to eat breakfast, took morning meds, did all kitty essentials, went to drs appt, finally caught up w toh, tried to be kind to self and let myself rest, talked w insurance again, ate dinner, took antibiotics, took night meds, brushed teeth
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garlique · 4 months ago
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no offense but if im actually entering genuine autistic burnout and not just stressed abt finals im gonna be so pissed
#honestly i truly dont care what my deal is right now as long as it is DONE by june#and yes of course im scaring myself by reading accounts of autistics who burnt out and didnt recover for months or years#i know that like it PROBABLY wont last much past the end of june because thats when im gonna get to settle into my summer#so even if it is genuine burnout idk i think i will be fine soon#but if i enter genuine long term burnout i truly dont even know what i could do because like#there is no way i could do school#there is no way i can go home#like. if im going into burnout and it continues thru next semester i can see like. how it could ruin my entire future#or at least what i want to be my future rn#and yes yes yes i know i am aware that failure is not that bad and once i fail once it'll be easier to do it again and#that if my life derails rn it will be fine because im fucking 20 i have so long#but i dont WANT it you know. i want to keep going#that the whole reason why i havent given up this semester like i just straight up dont want to#i dont think failure will actually be good for me . there . u know#i really really really dont want to be burning out i dont want to acknowledge it i dont want to deal w it#everything is so hard now i had to be in public for like 20 minutes longer than i thought i did earlier today#and the shutdown that it caused derailed my entire afternoon#which like ... is not good and is not normal for me ive been way better at dealing with things in the past its weird and scary and weird#bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh whatever i'll deal w it and if i unalive So Be It you know
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