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j0hnj4ej3n · 11 months

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nct dream taking care of you when you're sick

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: mentions of food, not eating well, vomiting, fainting, covid and a pregnancy scare, let me know if i missed out anything

Notes: hello everyone! i’m back from my family holiday and will be posting more now~ here’s a little something for you all hehe <3 hope you all enjoy reading it!! if any of you have any requests, do feel free to send them in, till next time, have a wonderful week ahead everyone <3

𔘓Mark:

When Mark finds you curled up under your blanket on the couch when he gets home, he’s already worried. Because one, you’re usually excited to engulf him in a hug and two, it’s summer and he’s sweating from the short walk back from the bus stop but you’re wrapped up like a burrito, unmoving and pale. “Babe? You okay?” Mark comes to sit by you, instinctively pressing the back of his hand to your forehead. “Dude, you’re burning…” “I’m fine Mark, just need to rest,” you mumble out. You’re sleepy and cold and finally comfortable on the couch after feeling unwell all afternoon. You’ve been really busy recently, with classes and your part-time job and it seems your body is finally breaking from your packed schedules and lack of sleep. “You’re running a fever babe, come on,” Mark says as he lifts you up bridal style, together with your blanket still wrapped around you into your shared bedroom. He tucks you in properly, making sure the room isn’t too cold for you and even filled a jug of water and placed it beside you on the nightstand along with your cup. Mark digs through the box of medicine you two have in the kitchen cabinet and rushes to offer you ibuprofen for your fever. “I’ll go shower, be right back okay?” Mark tells you as he leans in to give you a kiss, but you’re quick to put your hand over his mouth, gently pushing his face away from yours. “Don’t, I’m sick. You can’t afford to be sick,” you say as Mark pulls your hand away from his face, holding it in his instead. “Don’t care,” he mutters out before swiftly stealing a peck, earning a frown from you. He only chuckles as he pulls the blanket up to make sure you’re properly tucked in. “Don’t worry about me babe, I’m a lot stronger than you think,” Mark tells you almost smugly, hitting his chest twice before flexing an arm to prove his point. “Shut up smelly, go shower already…” you jokingly nagged as you laughed weakly. And even though Mark was really busy himself, he stayed by your side as much as he could. Studying beside you while you rested, running out to get takeout for the both of you. He makes sure you’re drinking enough water and taking your medicine regularly. At night, Mark doesn’t let himself sleep before you do until your fever is finally gone and you’re almost recovered. And he was right, despite sticking right by you while you were sick, juggling his part-time internship and classes, Mark was still holding up well. In this time, you couldn’t help but be grateful for your lovely boyfriend who took care of you dutifully despite his own busy schedules and you wondered if you could love anyone more than you love Mark Lee.

𔘓Renjun:

You stir awake as you feel someone slightly shaking you. You slowly open your eyes to meet your boyfriend’s kind ones, they’re laced with both worry and adoration. “I made you some tea, it’s supposed to be good for your throat. Drink it while it’s hot.” Renjun tells you as he helps you sit up, holding the cup against your lips as you take small sips of the warm tea. “Thanks love,” you whisper out as much as you can since your voice is still strained, your sore throat preventing you from speaking at your normal volume. Renjun offers you a small smile, brushing your hair out of your face, “Did you sleep well my love? Feeling better?” “Mm, just a little better.” Renjun frowns slightly at that, he puts the tea on the bedside table and pulls you up slowly so you could go wash up for breakfast. While you’re beginning to brush your teeth, Renjun stands behind you, gathering your hair together before tying it up into a ponytail so you can clean up without your hair getting in the way. He places a soft kiss on your shoulder before leaving to heat up your breakfast. He doesn’t close the toilet door on the way out, afraid you’ll have another fainting spell since you are still recovering. You think your immune system hates you because once you’re even just a little unwell, you would get fainting spells but Renjun has gotten used to it and is always so alert. It makes you feel bad because he’d get so worried but you also feel so safe and thankful because you know Renjun would be there to catch you if you fall, quite literally. “Here, I made some soup, it should be easier for you to swallow,” Renjun tells you once you come out from the toilet. You haven’t been eating well since your throat hurts so much so Renjun has been sweet enough to cook or buy soft foods to make sure you still get enough nutrients. He joins you at the dining table, though he’s just eating bread with jam. Renjun looks at you as you take your first sip, chewing his bread while looking at you with expectant eyes. You sigh as flavours explode in your mouth, warmth spreads down to your chest as you swallow. “It’s so good,” you tell him and a proud, tight-lipped smile appears on Renjun’s pretty face, “Thank god, eat up then.”

𔘓Jeno:

You were never someone who had a big appetite, so when you fall sick you practically have no desire to eat anything. It’s really bad, you know but you can’t stomach too much food in fear that you might throw up. All you want to do when you’re sick is sleep all day. But Jeno can’t bear seeing you being sick and not eating or drinking enough, so he takes it upon himself to try and get you to eat even just a little. So now the two of you are on the couch, you’re wearing a hoodie (jeno’s hoodie) and pouting while curled up beside him, hugging your knees to your chest. Jeno’s holding a bowl of porridge in his hand and a spoon in the other, gently blowing the porridge that’s on it. “Aaa,” Jeno says as he moves the spoon to your lips. You look at him, eyes round and almost glistening with tears, “Jeno… I can’t, not hungry.” Jeno sighs, looking at the bowl and then back at you before he says, “You didn’t even eat much baby, you need to eat…” You feel miserable, your head is pounding and even with the hoodie on, you’re still cold. Everything is tasteless and you really don’t feel like eating. But you also know that Jeno’s right and you just feel bad because he’s trying to take such good care of you. “Just two more mouths? Just two and we’re done,” Jeno says as he smiles at you, wiggling the spoon in front of you. Okay, you thought to yourself, you could do two more. Jeno just wants you to be well, he knows it’s not like you asked to be sick so he’s willing to do whatever to get you well again. Whatever you need, he’s ready to do it just for you if it means you’ll feel better physically and emotionally. You slowly open your mouth and Jeno pushes the spoon gently into your mouth. He scoops up some more porridge, remembering to make sure there’s some minced meat on the spoon too before he blows on it. And after you finish the last bite, Jeno gets up to do the dishes, not before he pats your head, cooing out a “Good job~” at you for the last two bites you managed to eat. Jeno returns after doing the dishes to see you nodding off on the couch. So he joins you, pulling you to lie on top of him as he runs his fingers through your hair, soothing you into a deep sleep.

𔘓Haechan:

“Oh shit!” was the only thing Haechan managed to say when he saw the way you were hunched over the toilet bowl, throwing up. He rushed to hold your hair back, firmly rubbing your back as you were calming down after throwing up your lunch. You’ve been nauseous all morning and after eating lunch, your stomach started churning. You wondered if it was the sashimi you had last night that was making you feel funny. Haechan passes you some tissue to wipe your mouth with after you rinsed it, bending down to look at you, gently brushing your hair out of your face. “Are you okay? Still feeling nauseous?” he asked timidly and you nod. You wanted to ask him if he was feeling fine since you both had the sashimi together, or maybe you just had a weaker stomach. But before you open your mouth to ask, Haechan blurts out, “You’re not pregnant, are you?” The two of you look each other dead in the eye for two seconds before you burst out laughing. “W-what? Baby, I’m serious,” Haechan says as he tugs your arm to get you to stop laughing, “My period just ended like two days ago, so we haven’t done anything recently. Plus, we always use protection anyway.” “It’s not 100% though…” “Don’t worry babe, you’re not going to be a dad that soon.” Haechan scoffs at that but you can tell he’s not convinced. “I’ll take a test to be sure if you want,” you suggested but Haechan shakes his head. “It’s fine, but if you puke again I’m taking you to the doctor,” he tells you as he holds your face, looking at you worriedly. You were fine for a while but you do puke again, your throat burns and your stomach hurts. So Haechan rushes to take you to the nearest clinic. You were right about the sashimi, it was food poisoning but Haechan was fine so you guess your digestive system doesn’t really accept raw food too well. “I told you I wasn’t pregnant babe”, “Damn, why am I kind of disappointed though?” “Shut up, you wouldn’t know what to do if I was”, “Of course I would, we’d get married and have a family together. I mean, sure, it’s a little early but I’d be so ready babe.” All week, Haechan made sure you remember to stay hydrated since you did continue to throw up a few more times. He would cook food that was more kind to your stomach and set alarms so you two would remember it’s time to eat your medicine. Thanks to Haechan, you were still able to laugh even in your miserable state and got well really quickly. And you wouldn’t tell him, but you think you fell more in love with him knowing that he had already thought of a future that had you in it.

𔘓Jaemin:

You’re finally done with your shift at the cafe and you’re ready to close up for the day. You’re tired and you’ve been having the worst headache since your classes ended. You soldiered through your evening shift despite that but now you’re feeling even worse. You’ve been pushing yourself to work almost every day after classes for some income, so you can pay rent on time without depending on your parents. But as finals draw near, your stress is through the roof. You haven’t been eating or sleeping well and you think it’s finally taking a toll on your body. You’re taking your apron off when you hear the bell from the cafe door ring, “So sorry, we’re close-” “I know, I’m here to pick my lovely girlfriend up from work~” Jaemin stands in front of you, adorning the prettiest smile on his face. And you instantly relax, smiling back at him. “Hi honey, ready to go?” “Yeah, just give me a minute”. You tell him as you rush to the back to get your bag and turn off most of the lights. You rush back out to meet Jaemin when your vision starts to blur, you stop in your tracks as your hand reaches out to hold anything to keep you steady. You try to stay standing as your surroundings start to swirl, your vision blurry and dark. Jaemin is quick to react, rushing to you. “Baby? Y/N, what’s wrong?” Jaemin calls out, he holds you by your waist with one arm as the other comes up to hold your face. He looks into your eyes, his own laced with concern and he can tell you’re kind of blacking out. You blink hard a few times, holding onto his arm as your vision slowly clears. “Are you okay? Have you eaten anything?” Jaemin asks worriedly. You shake your head slightly, trying not to trigger another near fainting spell. “Been having the worst headache and I haven’t had the time to eat after class today…” “Y/N, how many times have I told you? You have to eat no matter what.” You can’t even look at Jaemin because you feel bad that he has to nag at you constantly for something as simple as having your meals on time. Jaemin sighs and brings his hand up to hold your face, tilting your head upwards so you’re looking at him. “You had a long day, let’s go home hm? I’ll cook you something yummy,” Jaemin says in a whisper just loud enough for you to hear. And you nod, closing your eyes as you lean into his touch. He lets go of your face and engulfs you in a hug, you let yourself melt against him. When you’re with Jaemin like this, for these few seconds every one of your burdens fade into nothing and even your head stops throbbing for a while. When you pull away Jaemin is smiling down at you like you’re the single, most precious person in this world. He carries your bag and slides his hand into yours, interlocking your fingers together. You get home and Jaemin feeds you a bowl of delicious beef noodles, nagging once again about how you need to stop skipping your meals. And he goes on, endearingly. “You have to sleep earlier too, go to bed when I do for a week straight. That should fix your sleep… AND if you have a busy school day, don’t put your availability down for work. Just rest at home for a bit this week. You’re always making me worried about you baby, what do I do with you?” “Alright alright, I got it…” “I love you y/n, I just want you to be well and healthy and happy. We have to grow old together, you know?” Jaemin says as he looks at you, eyes sparkly with a slight pout on his face. You pinch his cheek, “I got it babe, I love you too”.

𔘓Chenle:

You’ve been lying in bed all afternoon, you feel cold and you’ve been sneezing and coughing non-stop. You were afraid that you caught covid again but your self-testing kit says otherwise. You put on some soothing music and tried to take another nap. That’s when you hear your front door open, Chenle is back from his basketball class. “Hey babe,” he greets when he enters your shared room but when he sees you all curled up on the bed, he does a double take. “Hi Chenle,” “What’s up with you? You feeling okay?” “No… I feel like shit.” Chenle chuckles at that as he walks up to you, ruffling your hair. “Do you want to go to the doctor? I’ll take you.” You shake your head as you look up at him, “Can you go wash up, then come cuddle with me?” Chenle frowns and says without hesitation, “But you’re sick, what if I catch what you have?” With that, you frown too. “You’re the worst…” Chenle laughs at your expression, “I’m just kidding.” Even at a time like this, there is no escape from your boyfriend’s teasing. He goes to shower and comes back out within 10 minutes, adorning another basketball jersey with his towel around his shoulders. “Have you eaten anything all day?” “No, I’ve just been laying here.” “You’re not hungry?” “I am…” “Why didn’t you text me to get something back?” “I was resting!” You raise your voice a little which causes you to cough. “Okay, chill. I’ll go make you something, after you eat then we can cuddle.” You look at him with your puppy eyes, purposefully exaggerating, “You’re the best~” “Shut up, don’t look at me like that! That was not what you said just now anyway.” And even though Chenle just made you some porridge and bok choy, you were really grateful. It was simple, homey food but you love whatever Chenle cooks so even though you’re still feeling under the weather and it’s a little hard to eat, you finish all your porridge. After Chenle does the dishes, he joins you back in bed and cuddles you as promised. You still feel sick but for some reason, with Chenle around you feel a little better. In the few days that you took to recover, Chenle calls his mum to ask for a herbal soup recipe and makes it for you until you feel better again. On the fourth day, you’re fully recovered but when you woke up, Chenle was shivering beside you even though he had practically snatched the whole blanket and wrapped it around himself. “You okay babe?” “Feel funny, it’s so cold.” Chenle got sick, turns out he did catch the flu from you. You feel so bad, “I’m so sorry… you actually got sick taking care of me…” “Don’t be silly babe, I'll be fine.” So you do your best to take care of him too and nurse him back to health like he did for you.

𔘓Jisung:

“Are you feeling better baby?” Jisung asks you when you wake up from your nap and you shake your head. He sighs and pats your head. After you texted him saying you’re having a fever last night, he came over early this morning to come take care of you. Jisung even got you breakfast, but you didn’t eat much, which Jisung understands. You went back to sleep shortly after and Jisung went out to the pharmacy to get you some ibuprofen and vitamin C drinks for your immune system. Jisung doesn’t let you move an inch until you feel better even though you are fully capable of doing minor tasks yourself. He’s always going, “No, don’t worry about that. I’ll do it.” “Just stay in bed baby, I’ll help you.” And he’s making sure you eat well and drink enough water. He stays by your side all day and night, keeping you company and making sure you have everything you need. Even after you finally get up to shower, Jisung blows your hair for you. “Tell me if it’s too hot,” Jisung says before he blows dry your hair. After that, he combs your hair for you and it makes you feel so sleepy. “Tired?” “Yes… I’m sorry Ji, I’ve just been sleeping all day…” You apologise, feeling bad that he’s over at your place and you can’t spend any proper quality time with him since you’re feeling unwell. And that he’s been running around doing everything for you. Jisung shakes his head, frowning just a little. “Why are you sorry? You’re not feeling well, it’s not your fault. You need rest so you can recover quickly,” Jisung tells you as he smooths your hair down, patting the top of your head before he begins to tuck you into bed. “Will you stay the night?” You ask him timidly, he hums in reply. “I’ll stay with you until you feel better, baby. I’ll be right here when you wake up tomorrow, don’t worry.”

#nct dream #nct dream scenarios #nct dream reactions #nct dream fluff #j0hnj4ej3n

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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AITA for refusing to file for disability in order to pay bills?

I quit my job right when COVID started surging in 2020 because my boss refused to mask and I'm immunocompromised; I also didn't wanna bring that home to my partners (I'll call them Fox and Rabbit), one of whom is also immunocompromised, or our then-toddler kid either. (Plus, my boss wasn't paying me consistently on-time or the full amounts I was owed, but that's another can of worms)

However, I wasn't able to find anything work-from-home (I have auditory processing issues that make phone jobs impossible, plus we didn't have internet so I was just hotspotting off my phone to get online), and because of lockdown, safety concerns, and lack of a vehicle, I couldn't really get an in-person job either, so I did as much as I could taking care of household budgeting, conflict resolution, and looking after our 3-4yo kid along with Fox (who did most of the actual housework, as I wasn't able to be outside my room much because I was severely allergic to the pets there at the time).

Rabbit (kid's bio-parent) became work-from-home after a brief stint on unemployment due to their employer fucking around, staying over with their coworker/other partner (I'll call Rose) for the internet, and our other roommate contributed to rent until he moved out, so we were able to stay afloat and safely isolated for a while at least, and I started teaching our kid to read and write as my main share of the household contribution, which everyone at least claimed to be fine with.

Fast forward a bit, and both me and Rabbit got extra people in the household mix; a partner who I'd been involved with online for some time (Chomps) moved in with us, and Rabbit married Rose and moved in with her officially, with the kid staying on non-workdays with them and otherwise being looked after mostly by Fox and I. Eventually, with leases on both our places running out but with all of us outspokenly committed to working together, we all moved into Rose's parents' house (while they were overseas on vacation; they wanted caretakers there to look after Rose's younger sibling, who is disabled). Rose's parents--who are also polyam and very well-off--offered to bankroll a new home for all of us so we didn't have rent to pay for a while and could just catch up on things. Chomps even secured a decent-paying job. Things were going very well!

Then, a significant wrinkle came when Chomps needed to quit due to COVID concerns (anti-vaxxers in a high-risk environment, no vaccines available for small kids yet so we were mostly worried about the kid as we'd all been vaxxed at that point otherwise). At the time, everyone agreed that was a good idea! So, everyone braced for financial belt-tightening, and Chomps quit.

At this point, I was barely eating one meal a day out of guilt for my inability to contribute much, but I was also homeschooling our then-pre-k-into-kindergarten-age kid, and helping cook food and handle chores. Due to both Rabbit and Rose working from home and complaining of connection issues whenever anyone else used internet, me and Chomps could barely job-hunt (our phones didn't really get signal out there either), and without the ability to drive or a consistently-available vehicle, we worried constantly about providing for the household. Still, Rose and Rabbit reassured us that it was fine and getting handled.

Until one day it apparently wasn't, and Rose started getting onto me specifically (having been jobless for a couple years at this point, only getting two interviews despite putting in literally hundreds of applications) about filing for disability. Her opinion was that I could "just be on it until [I] got a job". That is not how disability works, and I told her as much, and refused to even start that process instead of continuing to look for work that I could feasibly do (which, frankly, was already taking as much time and effort as a full-time job, just with no financial benefit).

Granted, I could probably qualify for disability benefits, since I have physical and mental issues that make my range of possible employment pretty limited (though, as I'd been able to put in hundreds of applications to things I was sure I could do, it's far from impossible for me to work). However, the type of disabilities I would most easily and likely qualify with are the kind that would also very probably have my autonomy removed (this has been confirmed by two doctors and a therapist independently of one another). Plus, I'd be unable to marry Fox (as we'd agreed to do years and years ago) or get a job again without risking the loss of any benefits I could manage to secure, and also making it incredibly hard to recover those benefits if/when I further deteriorated down the line due to age, injury, or other factors and actually couldn't physically work.

So, while continuing my (unexpectedly unsuccessful) hunt for employment beyond a once-monthly gig that paid ~$75 (which is how I bought my own essential toiletries and groceries), I homeschooled the kid (which was a success, to the point that they later rolled into 1st grade with reading, writing, and math proficiency well above their peers!!), did most of the house troubleshooting and repair, and used as few resources as possible to minimize my impact on household finances, to the point that I averaged eating only one meal each day for years. Still, AITA for not just biting the bullet and giving up on the job hunt to prioritize securing disability payments?

(It's been about two years since that point and our current situation is stable despite partial dissolution of the polycule, with Fox and Chomps both working and paying the entirety of my portion of "rent" on the place Rose's parents bought her, while I continue to job-hunt with help from the state's vocational rehab dept. Fox and Chomps reassure me every time that they can see I'm doing my best and they're happy to take care of me as needed; I still feel fucked up about not being able to contribute financially and take care of them and everyone else in the same way, and wonder all the time if I made/am making the right call by refusing to pursue disability benefits unless I absolutely physically cannot work.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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nimblermortal · 11 months

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Nimblermortal's Covid Survival Tips 2023

because what's the point of having this if I can't make it easier for the next person?

First symptom for me was a mild sore throat. This started around noon; the next morning I woke up with no symptoms but feeling terrible, which I interpret as the medical "sense of impending doom" that is a real symptom.

Charmin toilet paper. This stuff is softer than Kleenex. Get you a whole roll and a shopping bag. Don't have a runny nose for a symptom? Don't care, it'll come.

Blankets you can kick on and off. I spent two days "cycling" - chills, fever, then lucidity. You need to be able to both vent and huddle.

If you are scientifically inclined: Keep a thermometer nearby. I regret not taking my temperature during the cycles, I'm really curious about whether I was running hotter or colder during the hot stages. That said, you will definitely not have enough energy to take your temperature during these stages.

Some sort of infinite podcast. It doesn't matter what it is. Honestly I recommend Critical Role even if you don't like D&D live plays. You do not care what is going on here, the point is white noise that you don't have to change. Make sure the device is plugged in. I could only nap while there was white noise happening - and when I say 'nap' I mean 'I don't know if I slept or not, just that I was face-down and some time passed'.

Advil. This will lower the fever. If you can, wait until the second day - the fever helps burn out the disease, but this only applies to the first 24 hours. But don't let the fever get too high. I ran a steady 101 F/38.3 C for two days, which is fine. You can take one every 4 hours up to 6 times a day. For me the best effects only lasted 2 hours and I was ready by the fourth (but also a stubborn pig who tried to hold out; there's no advantage to this after the first 24 hours).

Small dishes. People kept trying to feed me and I couldn't finish anything. Small dishes, plain foods, let yourself have the ability to win at meals. (Note: this may not apply to you, but I'm the sort of person who used to be sent to elementary school with a single small potato because the cafeteria was too noisy for me to eat but I needed to win at lunch.) If you're preparing just-in-case, you could put some in the freezer

Immune boosters. My aunt swears by Sambucol, which is elderberry and vitamin C and zinc. Zinc matters more if you are male. My take on the Sambucol advantage is elderberry taste good.

Non-caffeinated tea. Something that goes down the throat easy. I had a sore throat to start with, then after the cycling I've got a progressively increasing cough; warm beverage nice. (I also craved a masala tea in the middle of the cycling, so caffeine might be nice, but you probably want to let yourself sleep.)

Vicks vaporub. Apply directly to the forehead liberally once the coughing starts. The package says you can do this 3 times a day.

Don't worry about cough medicines unless you have one you trust implicitly. Mum says they're not very effective, so you want that sweet, sweet placebo effect.

Someone to watch over you. Partly to make sure you don't get it worse than I had. Mostly because when I'm weak and sick I get clingylonely and I need someone to assure me I am loved. I had the same problem with the vaccines - shivering under the blankets calling weakly for Hyacinth because I was alone and Sad. Honestly the covid has been less intense but longer.

Recovery time. Covid heals a lot slower than comparable sicknesses. Whatever you think your return-to-work day might be, add at least two days to it. (I thought I was getting away with something last Wednesday, tried to work Thursday, and survived for one hour.)

More recovery time. This thing heals very slowly. I haven't had symptoms in a week - aside from having to plan for being able to do single-digit numbers of tasks in a day. And 'digesting a meal' is a separate energy task from 'eating a meal' is a separate energy task from 'preparing a meal' is a separate... (No really, I had to plan energy expenditure for digestion.) At a week out, I am still having to make room for daily hour-long naps and activities interspersed with lying down - though at least now I can embroider with a TV show during these periods. Give yourself lots of time, even when it feels stupid.

#Nimblermortals Senf #coronavirus #I actually drafted this last week and then stuck it in Drafts for a while #but now there's this other thing circulating so...

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dckweed · 2 years

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okay babes, y'all asked for it and as a people pleaser i can't help but to deliver..idk if y'all are ready for this no, no...y'all are ready,but are y'all deserving? everybody say 'thank you kara' bc this has been literally the only thing on my mind for days, and if im being quite honest with you, i 100% have plans for part three and four already. y'all im doing a whole series lmao.

p.s. bob newby did not deserve that death. also i am officially on stranger things 3 as of last night!! also omg tumblr in dark mode?? so much better! also p.s. my whole family is sick, started with my one year old, then she took out her daddy, my sister, my brother and myself. my mom is the last one standing. we're 95% sure it's covid for the third time (me and her have extremely weak immune systems). also i love this gif of him dacre is literally so pretty.

warnings: MINORS DO NOT OPEN! sexual plot, meet the family plot, dad!hopper, honestly ngl billy is 100% about to be super 'i want to make love to you' bc he is 100% lovesick for reader. please use condoms, this is for fictional pleasure only. definitely AU where all the weird freaky shit doesn't happen after the first and second seasons bc idk what's going on in the third yet. reminder that i don't usually edit/proofread.

PART ONE. part three

'..SIR, THATS MY FUTURE WIFE..' billy hargrove x female!hopper!reader

It had been a few weeks now since everyone had found out about you and Billy, you had decided that you would let everything cool down about the situation. The two of you weren't the only thing that the entire student body of Hawkins High could talk about anymore, and you felt like your father could finally look you in the eyes again. You were trying to plan a nice family dinner between you, your sister and your father. It wasn't quite going according to plan, somehow, you had managed to burn the pasta noodles just a tad.

"Um, Y/N," Your dad said after taking a bite of his plate, he was wearing his work uniform, about to do another night shift. "I think you bu-" You glare at him and he shuts up. "Nevermind, it tastes great."

"Thank you, dad." You say, taking a chunk out of your garlic bread. You gave Eleven a smile, she was eating across from you without a complaint but you could tell that it must have tasted bad by the look on her face. "..is it really that bad?"

"No-" The girl had started to say, though your father's voice interrupted her. "How about I order a pizza instead?" You sigh, slumping back in your chair, closing your eyes for a brief moment before you got up to clear the table, washing the dishes and disposing of the burnt mess you had accidentally concocted.

After a while you heard the doorbell ring and you heard your father's heavy footsteps on his way to answer it. You faintly heard a brief conversation and turned off the kitchen sink just as the door closes, finishing drying the last dish just as he makes it to the table, two boxes of pizza in his hand. One for him and El to split, one for you because he always remembered your favorite, just like Billy.

You sit wordlessly, giving the two of them clean plates for their slices before you open your box, your mouth watering. If you were being honest, this was definitely more appealing than what you had made. You had been stressed the past few days, trying to work your dad up into a really big step in both of your guys' lives and you couldn't help but crave one of your comfort foods as a way to help ease your overwhelming discomfort with this new part of your life.

After a while, and just as your dad sits back in his chair, arms stretching behind his head in a way that you knew to mean that he was stuffed, you decide that now is as good a time as any. With a shakey breath you drop your pizza crust into the box and turn in your seat to face him.

"Dad, can I ask you something?" You ask, head cocked to the side, what you hope is a charming smile on your face. El continues to eat her pizza, curious as to what was about to happen, though secretly she was ready to get to her sleep over with Max at the Byers' house, you had made the arrangements, wanting an evening to yourself and she had readily agreed, tired of hearing about you go on and on about how in love with Billy you were.

The chief looks at you almost suspiciously, his mustache damn near twitching in nervousness, because that was what you did hear lately, make him nervous. God, he knew you were a teenager, hell he knew you were an adult now really, but you terrified him now that you were out in the world experiencing..things. "Yes?" He replies tentatively, almost as if he was unsure of his own answer.

You close your eyes taking a deep breath and you can almost feel him tense, and you can practically feel his dad brain yelling at him run away, to abort mission and go straight to work.

"It's been a few weeks now, and I know you're not exactly fond of the idea of him," You say, and fuck you were ready to run away yourself, abort mission and hide under your bed for the rest of your life, but you don't, you just cringe and shoulder on. "but i would really appreciate it if you would please let me have Billy over for dinner tomorrow night."

Your father is silent and you look up at him, his mouth is working but no sound comes out. You can see the red in his face, just underneath the stubble on his face and god you knew your face was just as red.

Eleven looked between the two of you, eyes wide and confused, what the hell was going on? He was never this awkward about Mike coming over, and why were you suddenly so awkward? Her pizza was abandoned at this point as she took mental notes to ask Max and Joyce later this evening.

"Daddy, please." You beg, turning to face him completely in your chair. You give him the big, begging doe eyes that used to get you everything you wanted as a child and he can't look away from you, though he still wears the pained expression. "I don't ask you for anything, ever, i take care of you and El and i cook and i clean and i don't ask you for a thing, except for this..would it really be so bad for you to meet him face to face? Man to man? He's really not so bad dad, I think you might actually get along." Okay so maybe you were really laying it on thick, but you knew you were making a valid point, you took care of three of you, and you kept up your grades at school, you were a good girl and you never asked for too much, so why couldn't he just give you this one thing?

You seem him make an almost angry face and he sighs, rubbing a hand down his face as he lets out a loud, almost terrified groan. "Okay, okay, dinner, tomorrow." He says and you squeal excitedly, though he holds his hand up to stop you. "His ass is here by five-thirty or he isn't allowed inside. Understood?"

You nod vigorously, standing from your chair and wrapping your arms around your dad, hugging him tightly. You feel him pat your back and you give him a kiss on the cheek and you feel him smile. "Thank you, thank you!" You say, jumping up and down. "I love you!" You look up at the clock on the kitchen wall. "Shit, you guys better get going."

You see them both out, giving El a hug and your father another kiss to his cheek, you watch them drive off before happily closing the door, headed towards the kitchen to finish cleaning up.

After an hour or so you settle yourself into your bathrobe, putting your hair up and away from your face as you put on a facial cleansing mask, all of the stress of the past few weeks had made you break out in a string of pimples and you wanted to get rid of them before they became so much of a problem that you needed makeup to cover all of them.

You hummed to yourself in the bathroom mirror, the shower water heating up behind you. There was nothing better than a self care night, and personally you had gotten used to doing them with your sister but you did enjoy having the evening alone.

You're so engrossed in what you're doing that you don't even notice the front door opening and closing, because stupidly, you hadn't locked it. It was Hawkins, what really went wrong here? And you certainly don't notice the sound of boots coming down the hallway, your the man humming along to a tune, finishing off a piece of your pizza crust.

He finds you in the bathroom and leans against the doorway, watching you for a moment. He couldn't help the small smile on his face, just something about watching you doing something so simple as putting whatever the hell that was on your face brought him so much happiness he didn't know how to describe it. Honestly, he knew he was in love with you, he was one hundred percent gone for you. He knew that weeks ago, hell, he knew it over a month ago when he had just looked at you and wanted nothing more than to tuck up into his arms and never let you go. He knew it when you had taken him into your arms and held him, letting him know that you were there for him, taking care of him and the bruises his father had left silently, though he could see the hurt in your eyes that it brought you, the sadness. He knew he was done for right then and there because he had felt safe, he had felt safe and loved and protected.

"You really should lock your door, sweetheart, you never know what kind of creep could just wonder in." He sees you jump, but immediately relax as you recognize his voice. He can't keep the chuckle from coming out.

"Says the creep that walked into my house." You say, turning around to face him. You lean against the counter, taking him in. You smiled, happy to see him, no visible bruises either, and he seemed like he was in good spirits by the grin he wore on his devilishly handsome face, it was one that you absolutely adored, the kind of grin that reached his eyes and lit up the whole room, the kind that looked like pure unfiltered happiness. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugs, moving from the doorframe to make his way to you. "Well, I dropped Maxine off at the same time your dad dropped off El, i thought I'd come by and see my girl while she was alone.." He says, before gesturing towards your face. "What's going on here?" He pokes your forehead, and you roll your eyes batting his hand away as he rubs some of the substance between his thumb and forefinger, curious.

"I have stress pimples, I need to make them go away, face masks help." You say turning back to the sink. You were just getting ready to wipe it away when he startled you. You reach over to get a clean rag, wetting it with warm water.

"What's got you stressed,?" He asks, actually curious as he comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he settles his chin on your shoulder, watching you. "hmm, baby?"

"My dad. I finally asked him to meet you." You say, wiping your face off as you lean back into his embrace, totally relaxed in his presence. He raises an eyebrow at you in the mirror. "He says you better be here tomorrow night for dinner, five-thirty and not a minute later or he won't let you in."

Billy chuckles, kissing your neck gently. "I'll be here at five then, surprise him." He says and you hum happily, finishing with your face before you sef the rag down, turning around in his arms before placing a slow, gentle kiss to his lips. He hums, his arms tightening around you, resting his forehead against yours when you finally pull away. "I missed you.."

You give him a love dopey grin at his words, suddenly remembering the shower running behind you guys. "Want to get in with me?" You ask, wiggling your eyebrows playfully.

Billy laughs, but happily shrugs off his jacket and slips his skin tight tshirt over his head, watching as you take your robe off, already completely naked. He can't help but watch you, admiring your body as you step in to the tub, the water already the perfect temperature.

After a minute or two he gets in after you, his arms going back around you as you let the warm water run over you, and now him as he stands behind you, your body pressed against his, erection he didn't even realize he had pressing against your ass.

You hum appreciatively at the feeling, turning around a small smirk on your face. "You really did miss me, huh?" The two of you hadn't had much time for each other, your dad had briefly grounded you for sneaking out, and though you'd seen Billy throughout the school day, you couldnt risk getting in trouble again, though that didn't stop you two from sneaking in a quickie in the back of his car again, and a few days ago the two of you had fucked in the boys locker room, Steve had almost caught you guys too, though thankfully he was completely oblivious and just needed to grab something from his locker that was one row over from where you two were. It didn't stop Billy from fucking you the whole time he was there though, your back pressed against the lockers, his hand over your mouth as his cock slid in and out of your sopping wet pussy.

God the memory had you fucking squirming.

"Baby, just looking at you gets me hard." He sighs, running his hand through your hair, tilting your head back so it would get wet. "But to answer your question, I miss you to the point that I crave you..I want nothing more than to have my cock buried deep in your pretty fucking cunt," He says, his voice that husky low sound that you just loved so much. You rubbed your thighs together at his words, feeling your face flush in response. "but im not going to fuck you in the shower, infact im not going to fuck you at all tonight.." You whine almost sadly at his words, pouting up at him. "tonight i want to make love to you, slow and sweet in your bed, wrap you up in my arms and let you know how much i care about you, let you feel how deeply in fucking love with you i am, because i am so very, very in love with you, y/n.." He didn't feel scared to say it, admit it out loud, because he already knew so deep down in his soul, he knew it and so did Maxine because as much as the little shit annoyed him, she knew him too well.

You're taken aback by his words, looking up at him. Of all the things that had ever come out of his mouth, that was not at all what you were expecting to hear in that moment. You knew he loved you, you had known it for a while now in the way that he listened to you, and let you talk, in the way that you unabashedly had all of his attention twenty four fucking seven, but god, to hear him say it? Fuck, you didn't think you'd ever been more turned on by him.

"Billy," You say, voice soft, he looks almost scared of you in that moment, of what you're going to say. He looks like a child that knows they're about to be told that they couldn't have the candy they wanted. "baby, i love you too, ive loved you from the moment you first smiled at me.." You say, standing up on your tip toes to plant a sweet, loving kiss on his lips.

He relaxed at your words, your touch, and melts into your kiss, letting it become one of passion and heat. Before you know it he's reaching behind you and turning off the water, his hands going to the back of your thighs, squeezing as a way to tell you to jump, you do so immediately mouth still moving against his.

Billy carefully steps out of the tub with you, planting his feet firmly on the floor, grabbing your towel off of the hook before wrapping it around you, drying off your back as he starts walking out of the bathroom and do the room across the hall, he had known it was yours by the two beds, and he knew that yours was the farthest closest to the wall in the back of the room, the bigger bed.

He lays you down gently, breaking the kiss to slowly climb on top of you, reattaching his lips to the skin of your jaw and working his way down, leaving soft, gentle hickies below your collarbone, even going so far as to plant one above each of your breasts, which he then subsequently spent time sucking on, taking each nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them, biting them ever so gently with his teeth.

He watched you, the way that you bucked up against him, your hands grasping onto any part of his skin that you could get to. He felt his cock grow somehow even harder as he heard your soft, breathless moans and met your eyes, he winks at you, making his way even farther downwards as he spreads your legs, both hands planted on the insides of your thighs as he dipped his head down to your glistening pussy.

He hums at the sight, letting his thumb rub up and down over your folds, groaning as it comes away glistening in your arousal. "Always so fucking wet for me baby girl.." He groans out, voice deep and husky. "So fucking perfect for me.."

You moan at his words, his touch, bucking your hips up ever so slightly towards his face, begging him to give you something, anything to release the pressure building up inside of you, fuck you just wanted to feel him. "Please, baby, please..do something.." You groan out, your voice embarrassingly whiny, but he seems to love it as a smirk crosses his lips.

It must be what he had wanted to hear because almost immediately his mouth is on your pussy, his long tongue running up and down, circling your clit before sipping inside of you, it was agonizingly pleasurable, your toes curling, hands gripping his curly hair tightly as he suddenly takes your clit into his mouth, sucking on it with fervor.

Your hips buck against him wildly and he tightens his grip in your thighs, digging his fingers in before he lets one side go, bringing one of his arms up to rest across your lower belly, holding you in place as he uses his free hand to push one of his fingers into you, moving it in and out slowly.

You let out a string of moans, each one becoming louder and louder, each chant of words becoming a little less understandable as he added a other finger, and then another, curling them inside of you as finger fucked you, still sucking on your clit with a passion.

Within moments he has you cuming, your body shuddering against him as he holds you in place, groaning as your yank on his hair harshly because fuck he did love it when you played with his hair.

Once you're settled he crawls back up towards you, hovering above you. He takes your face in one hand, bringing the other one up to your mouth. "Open." His voice is gruff, but eagerly you do as told, taking his fingers into your mouth, sucking and swirling your tongue around them as if they were his cock. He has to close his eyes, keep himself from cuming all over you right then and there because fucking hell he hadn't ever seen a sexier sight than that before. "Taste good princess?"

You nod your head, looking at him. "So fucking good, baby." You say, your voice throaty from moaning like you had been. He moans, the hand that's gripping your face tightening as he leans down to kiss you, moving so that he's between your legs again, though this time you feel his cock brush against your still throbbing pussy, and involuntarily you moan, your body pressing up against him. "Please, Billy, I want to feel you..please baby.." You beg again, though you knew you didn't really have to.

He's quick to oblige, his own need to feel you around him, to fuck you until he can't anymore taking over. Though he keeps to his word, he's not rough like normal, he glides in and out of you with short, deep thrusts shifting so one of his arms is wrapped around your body, holding him into his chest. You cling to him, legs wrapped his waist and arms wrapped around his torso, a moaning mess under him once more.

You moan his name repeatedly and he can't take his eyes off of you because you just looks so fucking beautiful underneath him like that, your face flushed, relaxed, you look like you're in total fucking bliss with that dumb little smile you get and he can't help but to fall in love with you more, after a good while he feels you start to come undone again, your legs tightening around him as your hips meet his with each thrust.

You groan a string of words as he rides you through it, his pace steady and unwavering, though three words from you is suddenly all it takes for him. You look up at him, eyes meeting his, your hands in his hair and fucking hell you really do look beautiful. "I love you, Billy.." It was a whisper, but fuck within a second of it leaving your lips his pace faltered and he was cuming inside of you, hot thick spurts hitting you so hard that you could feel it start to drip out of you before he had even pulled out.

He lays on top of you for a few minutes, wrapped in your embrace as you both calm yourselves down. He plants slow, sweet kisses to your cheeks, slowly moving all over your face as he tells you he loves you over and over again..

You woke the next morning to a pounding on your door, scaring you awake, Billy even jumping next to you, lifting his head up to look around wildly. He had slept hard with you wrapped up tightly in his arms, pressed against his chest, and at some point during the night you had gotten up to get his things from the bathroom and to close and lock your door, hoping your father would be so exhausted that you'd be able to sneak Billy out without him noticing in the morning.

Clearly you had been wrong.

He pounds again and Billy gives you a panicked, wide eyed look.

"Y/N Hopper, you've got five minuets to get your ass up out of that bed, out of this room and get it into the kitchen, am i understood?" You heard him say, his voice thick with some kind of emotion. You weren't quite sure if it was anger or something else. "You too, Billy!" He gives one last pound to the door and the two of you share a wide eyed, terrified look.

Quickly you throw Billy his Tshirt that you had thrown on last night, and he catches it, shrugging it on before pulling his pants up over his boxers. You shrug one of your night gowns on over your head, before pulling your robe over top, trying to make it look as if you hadn't been doing anything, though you knew he was too smart to fall for that.

You give Billy a quick kiss before opening your door and leading him out to the kitchen. Your father sits in his chair at the table, arms crossed as he stares at the two of you, you feel his eyes boring into yours for a few minutes, the silence radiating off of him terrifying you to your core, and you could tell Billy was nervous too. Your father's gaze moves to him next, and after another moment he finally speaks.

"Go get dressed, Y/N, give us a few minutes together." He says, dismissing you with a stern look. You give Billy's hand a reassuring squeeze, and do as told, not wanting to cross him any farther.

He waits until he hears your bedroom door shut before gesturing to the chair closest to him, your chair. "Sit down, Billy." He says. Billy does as told, not wanting to fuck this up and end up even farther on his bad side. "Now look, I wasn't exactly expecting to see you until this evening and boy was I surprised to find your car in my driveway and my daughter's bedroom door locked." He stayed quiet, not wanting to yell because he had gotten the sense from you that Billy's home life was a constant battle, and he knew that yelling would most likely make him defensive. He wanted to speak to Billy like a man, like you had asked him to. "The whole time I was working I was thinking about what I was going to ask you, and i had it all figured out finally..I figure now is as good a time as any.."

Billy looks up at him, nervously, quietly.

"Now look, my daughter hasn't come out and said it yet, but she is head over heels in love with you, Hargrove, and that's fine and all, but you seem like the type of boy who likes to break little girls' heart's.." He says, and Billy's eye go wide, he didn't think the man would know his reputation, boy word really traveled, huh? "So, Billy, are you planning on breaking my little girls heart?" Your father knew at the end of the day that he couldn't stop you from being with him, he had raised you too head strong for that, but he wanted to know what he was going to deal with if or when this thing went sideways.

Billy shakes his head, looking at him. He shifts in his seat, trying to think of the words to say. "Sir, I know what my reputation says about me," He says, keeping his voice quiet so you wouldn't hear. "but only I know how I truly feel, and as far as im concerned, that is my future wife in that bedroom back there." He sees a change in Hopper's face, he hadn't expected that level of an answer at all. "I know it's sounds crazy, and I know that we're young, but when im with her, it's like..it's like i feel like an entirely different person, a better person and i want to be a better person in every fucking way because i want to be everything that she wants me to be and more." Billy says, the truth just spewing out of him in ways that he didn't even know, but he knew that he meant every word. "And when I'm not with her? It's like i can't even breathe properly, like very part of me is being broken down bone by agonizing bone until I see her again, even if it's just passing in the school halls and she gives me that beautiful little smile of hers, it's enough to breathe life back into me until the next time that I see her or until I get to hold her in my arms again..sir, with all do respect, I am completely, irrevocably in love with your daughter..and i will never, ever break her heart, infact she could break mine and i would still feel the same way about her at the end of the day."

Hop is silent for a moment, and Billy continues on. "And if I do mess up, if i do hurt her in some stupid way, i will gladly let you beat my ass to a bloody pulp, I would welcome you with open arms and a smile on my face because i would probably fucking deserve it for doing something so stupid as to ruin what I have with her." He finishes, glancing back towards the hallway. He meant every word of what he said, he could feel it in his soul.

Hop stares at him for a moment longer before nodding in approval, sticking his hand out for him to shake. "Then I guess we have an agreement." He says, Billy grips his hand firmly, nodding. "Sweetheart, come in here please!"

You come within a moment, staring at the two of them. "Yeah?" You ask, fidgeting with your hands as you stare at him, unable to read either of their expressions, but you can feel the emotions in the room and if made to nervous.

"Billy here is going to spend the day since it's the weekend," He says, giving him a look that says he has no choice. Billy breathes a sigh of relief, shooting you a small smile that makes you visibly relax. "He's going to help me clean the junk out of the spare room, if he's going to be staying over I'd prefer you have your own privacy away from your sister."

You had told your dad in few details about what was going on at Billy's house, and you knew that this was stemming from that, and the fact that he seemed to like him, you could tell your father was more at ease than he had been in weeks, you knew this was an open invitation for Billy to stay as often as he wanted, and you wondered if he was taking it as such.

"We'll leave your old bed in there, I'm sure Max will want to spend the night with El eventually.." He stands from his chair, tossing you his keys. "Speaking of, why don't you go they the two of them, bring them back here, she can stay for dinner too, I'll call your parents, I'm sure they won't mind hearing from me."

@dakotazzzzz @annoyingexboyfriend @ttsbaby01 @rainwritesworld @angelbbygrl @peakascum @meltedcandiedacid

#stranger things #stranger things smut #stranger things s2 #billy hargove smut #billy hargove x reader #hopper #billy hargrove #stranger things s3 #smut

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daughterearth · 2 months

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I was in my friend's room when this person decided to "call me out" on my weight gain. In the 10 mins she lectured - telling me I was going ugly and needed shape wear and my beauty was going to waste. Telling me I need to get my slim figure back for the convocation ceremony. To start exercising so that I can shine like I did in 1st and 2nd year of med school. I still had a month! She told me.

After she left. I tried to stop but burst into tears. A strong huge wave of shame washed up on me. Everything in my psyche about being ugly and unlovable was spoken back to me. A resonance?

Little does she know. There is no way my body can stay the same as it was when I was 18-19 to when im 24. I had an eating disorder those years. I was underweight. I counted the calories of each morsel I ate. And I fantasised about food and I feared it at the same time. I was so fucking depressed I wanted to kill myself. I injured my coccyx because of being underweight. Eating made me sick. And water retention made me look normal. She knows nothing about my immune system was so weak that I caught COVID 3 times and I was so physically and mentally exhausted.

I was a people pleasure. Had tonnes of childhood trauma I never mentioned. I was anxious as hell. I had no self esteem and thought that I had to work myself to the bone to be worthy of it. Yes, I looked whatever she defines as good to wanted to kill myself. I hated myself so much during that time.

I sat there crying while my friend had to run and errand and my mum called. Somehow she was this and was so kind and loving to tell me that when we love people we really don't look at what they look like or how much they weigh. She asked me if I could ever think of saying these things to anybody and I knew I could never.

I'm really grateful for having my body. She is beautiful and gorgeous and a good person. Many days when I'm lying in bed, I hold her and think - what a gift. She breathes, she thinks. She has hunger and satisfaction. She also feels love and rage and powerful and vulnerable. She has my laugh and my eyes and my hair. She wants to live and really love and be loved. She's beautiful. I know her because I live in her.

I'm sorry to anybody who has ever been made to feel less. I'm sorry to anybody who was just looking for a kind word and a loving hand. It's a miracle we are alive. It's a miracle that we can love and hurt and grow. I don't know how but I genuinely hope that you find in yourself a home to feel safe and to be belonging to it. I hope you feel deeply connected to this wisdom that is innate. I hope you take every step to deeply love yourself and anchor in yourself. And I hope we all go home just to find it was us all along.

#a day today #ed #ed recovery #suicide mention #tw #mental health.#i feel so grounded #and happy that im so healed in a way by this interaction #i love kow things which used to trigger me so bad #are getting easier to pass by #im so grateful to my body

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maximoffcarter · 2 years

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Only love can hurt like this.

Pairings: Wanda x reader

Summary: What started as a normal day in y/n's favorite coffee shop, turned out to be the start of her new life.

A/n: It's been a while guys. I gotta give credit to this game called 'a new life' (I actually spent $3 to buy this to only make me cry). But I gotta say it's a beautiful story even with the alternative endings. This is angst, had to come back with angst of course, cause why not. I hope you guys enjoy. If this goes well...there might be a second part...

Warnings: covid mentioned, angst.

Moving to New York was definitely a new beginning for y/n; away from her family, studying arts, living in the dream city, everything was perfect or…everything should be perfect. But it wasn’t…why? She didn’t know, she was confused. How was it possible? If her mother knew she didn’t feel 100%, she would ask her to go back and tell her again how it wasn’t a good idea. But she was willing to accomplish her dreams, she was willing to find that happiness she was lacking. She could do it.

She was on her break from class, she felt she was about to pass out since she hadn’t eaten anything at all. She was used to it, but the longer she went without eating, the worst she felt. She finally found a table away from people, it was her favorite place to be, a small coffee place where she found the best coffee and best sandwiches, it was the reward she waited all day to have.

She was focused on her sandwich and her drawing, the people around her completely ignored, she was in her own world, just like every day. She was focused on getting the last details of her drawing that she didn’t notice a brunette standing right behind her until she heard the angelical voice.

“Is this seat taken?”

Y/n looked up and her whole world once again stopped. She probably stared at her for a little longer than intended, nodding as she smiled. “Yes. I mean- no. It’s not.”

The brunette chuckled as she sat down and looked at y/n. “I’m sorry, all tables and seats are taken.”

“No worries, I could always use some company.” Y/n chuckled. She then tilted her head as she stared at the girl. “Aren’t you…I know you from somewhere…”

“Wanda Maximoff.” Wanda smiled.

“Witchy powers?” Y/n smiled.

Wanda raised her brow. “Thought only Stark say that.”

Y/n chuckled. “I’m sorry.” She shrugged. “I actually think your powers are pretty cool. The most powerful of them.” She said almost quietly as she looked back down.

Wanda blushed as she looked away. “I wouldn’t say that but…thank you.” She then looked up again. “You draw?”

Y/n nodded. “I study arts. I kinda have to.” She grinned as she looked back at Wanda.

“Can I see?” Y/n smiled as she handed the iPad. Wanda gasped softly as she smiled. “This is beautiful…uh…” she looked back at y/n as she chuckled. “I don’t think I caught your name.”

“Y/n…y/n y/l/n.” She smiled as she extended her hand for Wanda to take.

“Nice to meet you.” Wanda smiled.

_______________

There was not a single minute where y/n didn’t think about Wanda. Hours and hours talking, completely ignoring the fact that she had missed her two last classes of the day just because she wanted to stay with that beautiful green eyed. After exchanging numbers, Wanda had left, and y/n noticed Wanda had left her wallet just beside y/n’s coffee. She didn’t know if she was happy or worried that it had happened, but the moment she got a text from Wanda the next day, she knew for sure she was happy.

Witchy: please tell me u have my wallet and I didn’t give anyone free pass of it…

y/n: oh, why? U got a thousand dollars there?

Witchy: more like $5, is it enough for something?

y/n: could def buy myself a coffee ;)

Witchy: go ahead then, all yours :)

y/n: is there a place I can meet u, so I give it back? Without the $5 of course

Witchy: ahaha what if I take with me another $5 and we meet at that coffee again? Need to try that sandwich u had

y/n: sounds just perfect. 2 pm tomorrow?

Witchy: see you then!!

And suddenly, the sandwich became Wanda’s favorite food, or maybe the girl became her favorite person ever.

The following days, Wanda would wait y/n in the same table, at the same hour. It was now a routine for both of them. It wasn’t long after everyone at the compound heard about the new mysterious girl, and they had invited her over for a party. Pietro was happy that after all, Wanda was finally able to have a genuine smile on her face.

_______________

It wasn’t Wanda’s first time in y/n’s dorm, but after weeks of knowing each other, this time it felt so much different. Her eyes couldn’t leave y/n, she kept trying to concentrate on the guitar, but it was almost impossible, but she didn’t feel too guilty about it because time to time, she noticed y/n staring at her too. Wanda smiled as she played the guitar and y/n looked up from her drawing.

“I’m bored.” Y/n sighed.

“Hello bored, I’m Wanda.” Wanda grinned.

Y/n playfully rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Wanda.” She looked at the TV that was forgotten for a moment. She had entirely forgotten what they had been watching, but now the news plays on the screen, and y/n’s heart stopped for a moment as the details of a new virus were now all over the world. She looked back at Wanda then.

“You know…there’s a rumor going around that at the end of this semester, we are going to be studying from home…” y/n looked down at her hands. “They won’t let us stay in our dorms.”

Wanda looked up. “Is it because of the virus?”

Y/n nodded. “It’s spreading fast. The scholarship helps me with school, and I’m running out of savings.”

Wanda nodded. “We will find a way for you to stay here.”

Y/n shrugged. “Maybe…” she chuckled as she looked back at her iPad.

“How’s the drawing going?”

Y/n looked up and smiled. “It’s going great.”

“Can I see?” Wanda smiled.

“I uh…um…” she cleared her throat. “I just-“

“It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“When it’s done.” Y/n looked at Wanda and smiled.

Wanda nodded. “Sounds perfect.” She then continued with the guitar.

Y/n stared at her for a while, putting her iPad away and sat on her bed, tilting her head. “You play beautifully.”

“It’s nothing…just…some chords I remember from YouTube. And it comes included with having powers.” Wanda chuckled.

Y/n chuckled. “Right.” She sighed happily as she stared at her. “Wanda…”

“Yeah?” Wanda looked at her.

Y/n chewed on her lip nervously. “Can I kiss you?”

Wanda smiled widely, putting down the guitar carefully. “Yes.”

Y/n smiled as she stood up and walked to Wanda. She sat down beside her on the couch, she placed her hands carefully on Wanda’s neck and brought her closer to her, finally connecting their lips together. Both girls smiled softly, chuckling as the smile stopped them from kissing, but they weren’t even mad about it, not being able to help it. Wanda pulled her closer until y/n was on her lap, Wanda wrapping her arms around her waist and hugging her tightly as she kissed her.

“Is this even real?” Y/n asked against Wanda’s lips, her hands running through Wanda’s hair.

Wanda nodded. “I believe so.” She chuckled. “Is it…too soon to ask you to move in…with me? To the compound?”

Y/n furrowed her brows. “You mean-“

“I-I just…like…not to my room of c-course. I can…ask Stark to give you a room and then you can just-“

“I like the sound of that.” Y/n smiled. “Room or not, I think I’d still go to you every night if it means I’ll have you close to me.”

Wanda giggled. “Yes. I want that.” She pecked her lips softly. “I’ll talk to them today.”

Y/n smiled. “Thank you.”

_______________

Two whole months went by since the pandemic had started officially, it seemed like the whole world, the whole universe had stopped. Everything had been calm inside the compound, the whole routine had changed for them, but they had to admit it was good to not have to fight aliens, or crazy people every single day. Everyone seemed to be safe for now.

Wanda and y/n became much closer, making their relationship official, being together every single moment of the day -yes, even when y/n was in class, Wanda was right beside her.-. Y/n’s favorite thing to do, was watching Wanda train every day. Little by little, Wanda became more in control of her powers, and she loved watching that smile of proudness in Wanda.

But things were still happening in the outside world. She was even more stressed than she was before, she knew no one was immortal here, she had come to care about everyone who had decided to stay here. But mostly, she was scared to lose Wanda; she had come to find that her lack of happiness, was that she was alone in the big city, and the moment she met Wanda, she finally felt complete.

Wanda stretched as she finished her routine, turning her head to find y/n staring at her and then putting her focus back on her notebook. Wanda smiled as she found it cute, how she was always around Wanda and her journal went everywhere with her. She had found it funny how she had met her with an iPad, and she was now carrying a notebook around. Wanda slowly made her way to her, not even making the effort to be quiet as she noticed y/n had all her attention on the notebook.

“Detka…can I ask why you always have that around you?” Wanda grinned as she knelt in front of y/n.

Y/n looked up at Wanda and blushed. “Well…it’s my journal.” She laughed nervously. “I just…feel better having it with me.”

Wanda nodded. “That’s cute.” She smiled as she leaned in to kiss her forehead. “C’mon. I need to take a shower.” She stood up and proceeded to help y/n.

“Yes, you need it.” Y/n laughed as she wrapped her arm around Wanda’s waist.

“Mean.” Wanda chuckled as they started walking to the door. “Why you always sit on the floor?”

“It’s cold and comfy.” Y/n looked at Wanda as she smiled.

_______________

Y/n had been laying in the same position for the last few hours. She looked at Wanda and smiled, she looked so in peace and her breathing was the only thing that helped y/n stay calm and not panic. Her mind was filled with many thoughts, she had been trying to sleep but an impossible headache had taken over her, and it was impossible to even move.

She felt Wanda moving, which made her look up at Wanda again, smile forming on her lips. “Are you awake?” Y/n whispered softly.

“Yeah…I can feel someone staring at me and her thoughts are a little louder.” Wanda smiled as she opened her eyes and looked down at y/n. “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

Y/n looked away as she laid her head on Wanda’s chest again. “I think the whole pandemic caused me anxiety.”

“It’s understandable. It’s a scary world.” Wanda played with y/n’s hair as she kissed her forehead. “But I’m here to protect you.”

Y/n smiled. “I know…but I’m still afraid.”

“I know.” Wanda sighed. “How long have you been getting these headaches?”

Y/n looked up at Wanda. “I- not for long. I think it’s the anxiety.”

“Are you sure? I can call Bruce.”

“I’m okay.” Y/n smiled. “I just want all of this to be over.”

“It will. At some point.” Wanda smiled. “We can travel then.”

“Travel?” Y/n chuckled. “You want to travel with me?”

“Of course. We can go anywhere…we can…make more memories for your journal. Not only the boring adventures we have here.” Wanda laughed.

Y/n laughed as she shrugged. “Meeting you was a new adventure.” She smiled. “I’m just glad the world is calm and…you get to stay with me.”

Wanda nodded. “You said it yourself. I’m powerful, I can take care of myself.”

Y/n nodded. “Yes. But I want to be selfish and keep you to myself.” Y/n leaned in and kissed Wanda softly.

“You have me.” Wanda kissed her lips again. “C’mon. Let’s get some sleep.” She hugged y/n tighter as she kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

_______________

Wanda moved from her current position as she tried to find the right spot to go back asleep, but the moment she didn’t feel y/n, she opened her eyes and looked around the bed and then around the room. She sighed as she noticed a small light on their desk, and her lover sitting right there.

Wanda sat down on the bed and rubbed her eyes, she was too sleepy to walk all the way to the desk, so she stared at her for a moment trying to find the right words to say; she didn’t want an argument or anything.

“Love? What time is it?”

Y/n turned to looked at the clock as she heard Wanda’s voice. “Fuck.” She whispered softly. “4:30 am.”

“Why are you up?”

Y/n sighed as she placed her hands on her head. “I uh…have to turn in a project. For work.”

Wanda sighed as she stood up and walked to y/n. “Detka…you’ve been working with them for 3 months…is it necessary? all this stress? You need to sleep.”

“I need to finish it before tomorrow.” She then looked at the clock. “Well…in 6 hours.”

Wanda massaged y/n’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head. “You’re already ahead. And you need sleep. You haven’t been feeling well.”

“And you think I’m sick?”

“I’m not sure if sick but…it’s definitely not common. Your headaches, the breathing-“

“Anxiety attacks. Nothing to worry about.”

Wanda turned the chair so y/n could look at her as she raised her brow. “I worry, because I love you.”

Y/n looked up at Wanda and nodded. “I’m fine I just…I guess it is stress.”

Wanda tilted her head. “Really?”

“Well…the breathing…”

“I know. I will call Bruce.”

“Wan, I-“

“I don’t want a no for an answer. If you won’t take care of yourself, I will.”

Y/n smiled softly. “Okay.”

Wanda smiled as she kissed her forehead. “Good girl.”

_______________

“Are you saying-“

“She’s positive. We don’t have to take her to a hospital but…she needs to be in quarantine. You should get tested too.” Bruce took off his glasses and looked at Wanda. “She’s not okay. Not…delicate but…we should’ve started treatment days ago.”

“I know I just…she kept saying it was stress and anxiety, and-“ Wanda sighed as she felt tears in her eyes. “She’ll be okay, right?”

Bruce nodded. “We’ll take care of her. I’ll stay.”

Wanda nodded. “Thanks.”

Wanda closed her door and got her phone out as she walked to the bed. The room didn’t feel the same anymore, some of y/n’s things were gone now, since they had moved her to a new room. Natasha joked and said it was the lonely room starting from now, since none of the had gotten the virus. Steve was the one who went in and helped Bruce check on y/n, since they both had said they didn’t want anyone else to get it.

Wanda felt lonely and devastated, she didn’t think y/n would be able to get the virus. She was sure she had gotten it in that stupid meeting that they made obligatory, where else could she get it from? But that didn’t matter anymore, she was sick, and they were apart…

Wanda waited for y/n to answer the videocall, trying to contain her tears just by the thought of her being alone and sick. She smiled the moment y/n appeared on the screen, feeling her heart beating fast.

“Hey, pretty girl.”

“Hey witchy.” Y/n smiled softly. “How are you?”

Wanda chuckled as she tried to hold back her tears. “I should be asking you that.”

“I’m fine. Full of meds.” Y/n chuckled but was interrupted with coughing. “Sorry…I’ve had this cough since I was locked here.”

Wanda nodded. “I know. Bruce told me he had you with oxygen too.”

Y/n nodded. “Kinda low. I needed it. But no intubation until now. And…” she coughed. “…only a few more days.”

Wanda sniffled as she nodded. “I can’t wait.”

Y/n smiled sadly. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

“None of that. Forget it. You’ll be okay.” Wanda let some of her tears roll down her cheeks. She licked her lips slowly as she tried to stop the sobs. “We’ll get over this. We’ll be able to go out. Travel. So you can continue your journal.” Wanda smiled sadly.

“Yes.” Y/n smiled. “We will.”

“Have you been able to draw?”

Y/n nodded. “From my memories…yes.” She smiled. “I love you.”

Wanda furrowed her brows but smiled. “I love you more.”

“You know…” y/n stared at the screen for a moment and re-thought her words, not wanting to make Wanda sadder. “I miss your cuddles.”

Wanda giggled. “I miss hugging you and kissing you.” She smiled. “I can’t wait to do that.”

“I assume you tested negative.”

“I did. I’ll still get tested again after you finish quarantine.”

“I’m glad you didn’t get it. With that steamy contact we had a few days ago.” Y/n smirked.

Wanda laughed. “You’re an idiot.” She stared at the screen as she smiled. “My idiot.”

Y/n smiled. “Your idiot.”

_______________

“Are you sure?”

Bruce nodded. “Apparently. The doctor said after 10 days the virus was gone. Her cough is not entirely gone, but she’s no longer contagious.”

Wanda smiled. “Thank you, Bruce.”

Bruce nodded. “She’s getting a shower, but after that…all yours.” He chuckled as he walked out the room.

Wanda couldn’t help but smile even bigger at the news. She was finally going to be able to see her lover, not on a screen anymore; touch her, kiss her, hug her. She knew y/n still needed to rest, but she couldn’t be any happier. Wanda waited patiently on their room, looking at the door as her leg bounced.

The moment the door opened, Wanda jumped from the bed and into y/n’s arms, hugging her tightly. Y/n laughed as she wrapped her arms around the brunette, burying her face on Wanda’s neck. Wanda cried out of happiness as she held y/n, kissing her head, and feeling relieved.

“I missed you.” Wanda cried out.

“I missed you too.” Y/n smiled as she pulled away, gasping as she felt Wanda’s lips on hers. “Baby, I-“

“He said you’re not contagious. I just wanted to kiss you.” Wanda chuckled.

For the rest of the day, both girls stayed in their room cuddling and enjoying each other’s company, something they had been wanting for the last few days. It has been almost 2 whole years of both of them being together, and 15 days had been the longest time they had been apart from each other.

Every single night, Wanda stared at y/n and made sure she was okay. She kept checking for headaches, fever, anything. She knew she still had medicine, but she was still worried that y/n’s coughing was not gone. But she trusted Bruce…she was okay.

_______________

Another month went by, time going faster than they ever expected. Wanda had been working on a bucket list for both of them to accomplish as soon as the pandemic was over. She didn’t mean to keep y/n locked but she was truly afraid for her to go out, so she had said that if she needed to control her bosses’ minds, she would definitely do it.

It was around 3 am when Wanda felt a lot of moving on the bed. She thought she was dreaming until she felt y/n hitting the bed, she rapidly turned around and noticed y/n had a hard time breathing. Panic washed over her as she wasn’t sure what to do, she didn’t know when she had started screaming or how badly she was calling for help, but not even 10 seconds later, Steve, Bruce, Pietro, and Natasha were at the door.

Wanda tried to grab y/n but Natasha and Pietro kept pulling her back so Bruce could work on her. Wanda’s whole world stopped, she swore she could hear voices, but she didn’t understand what they were saying. She again started screaming when Steve carried y/n out of the room. She was unconscious…she was…

“Wanda…”

Wanda opened her eyes and looked around the room. It had been a nightmare? She turned to her side and found it empty, making her heart shutter. She then looked back at Pietro, and she felt her eyes getting teary.

“Where is…what happened?”

Pietro sat down beside Wanda, and he sighed. “Apparently covid affected her lungs badly. They found clots on her lungs and…they were spreading.”

“Were?” Wanda asked scared.

“There’s nothing they can do.” Pietro looked down at his hands. “She has a machine that helps her breath. Her heart can stop any moment.”

Wanda felt her soul leave her body at the words, shocking her head rapidly. “This can’t…no. Pietro-“

“Go to her, Wanda.” Pietro looked at her.

Wanda didn’t waste another second and ran out of her room. She didn’t even need him to tell her where she was…she could feel her…barely. As soon as she arrived to the room, her whole world stopped as she stared at her. Wanda sobbed softly, shocking her head. Y/n turned to the door slowly, offering a sad smile.

“Witchy…”

Wanda walked to her and sat on the chair beside her bed. “Y/n…”

“I’m so sorry. I-“ Y/n coughed. “I c-couldn’t…stay…l-longer.”

Wanda shook her head. “No…don’t apologize. We didn’t know…”

Y/n nodded. “I w-wanted to…s-stay.”

“You’re here. And I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Wanda sobbed as she held y/n’s hand. “I love you. Oh, y/n. I love you so much.” She kissed her hand repeatedly.

Y/n smiled through her tears. “I love…you m-more. Please…forgi-forgive me.”

Wanda nodded. “I do. I forgive you, you did nothing wrong. You were nothing but sweet to me, you gave me love…you were always here. I’ll always love you.”

Y/n smiled. “Me too…” She turned her head slowly and pointed to the small table. “Would…would y-you…keep it s-safe?”

Wanda turned to the small table and smiled as she saw the journal. “I promise.”

Y/n smiled. “Thank you…f-for…everything.”

Wanda laid beside y/n, carefully moving closer to her, and wrapping their hands together. She kissed her over and over, all around her face as she cried.

7 hours. It lasted 7 hours. 7 hours until her heart had stopped entirely. Wanda had stayed with her and never left her side. She didn’t want to let go. She tried to read her mind, but it was blank…she was gone. She couldn’t feel her anymore. Her lover…had left.

She seemed neutral the next day, they had prepared a small ceremony just between them, in the back of the compound. She had tried to stay calm, not saying a word, not letting anyone come close to her. When she finally had the moment to be on her own, she finally had the courage to look at y/n’s journal. She carefully and slowly opened it, smiling at the beautiful drawings. She had only seen y/n using her iPad until she found out about this journal.

She remembered she had once joked about how she had gone back to the old ways and had gotten rid of the technology; y/n had only laughed. Her heart stopped as the next pages were drawings of her; sitting, smiling, laughing, training, sleeping. But then…she got to the most beautiful part; drawings of many of their times together. Memories they had made together in all this time. They were perfect.

Wanda sobbed as she kept looking at them, finally getting to the last part, which was them on a videocall, and then them cuddling, but…it was an unfished drawing. Her heart shutter as she noticed, and then her eyes laid on a small note.

Beautiful witchy,

I wasn’t able to say this when I was with you, and I know I’ll regret it, but in case I’m not able to ever do it, I am writing this note. I love you, more than words can explain. You were that part of me that I needed to feel complete; the moment I met you, I knew you would be the reason of my smile, of my laugh, of my happiness…I knew you would be my whole world.

I am so sorry I didn’t listen to you. I am so sorry that we never got to do all the thing we said we would do. I hate the thought of leaving you, and if that’s the case, I hope you can forgive me.

I’ll be with you everywhere you go. I know you like to write, not always, but you have a pretty handwriting…so continue this journal for me. Live. Love. Don’t stop yourself from growing. The world will soon need their heroes again, and you are the most powerful, so please. Keep. Going.

You are the love of my life, and I will always be grateful for the memories, the love, and the time you gave me. It was the best part of my life. You were the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. I love you to the moon and back.

Forever yours, your idiot.

Wanda breathed heavily as she read over and over the note. She didn’t know where or how she started running, she could hear people calling for her, but she ignored everyone. She ran through the woods, away from everyone. The journal had been the only thing she had taken with her, the only thing that mattered.

She kept running until she tripped and fall on her knees, breathing heavily. She sobbed loudly as she hugged the journal, feeling a pressure on her chest that grew each moment she cried. She finally let herself scream, a red blast surrounding her, making a big hole around her where there were once trees.

Her eyes were now red, that pressure was still inside her, but she felt tired, she was exhausted. Did she do this? Most likely, but she didn’t care. She hugged the journal tighter, sobbing.

“Crying won’t bring her back.”

Wanda slowly looked behind her, her eyes turning red the moment she saw a figure behind her. “Who are you?”

“The name’s Agatha Harkness. Nice to meet you, dear. I finally found you.” Agatha smirked as she walked to her.

“Found me?”

“There’s a lot we need to discuss, but first…” Agatha knelt in front of her. “Crying won’t do anything, hun. I have a better solution for you.” Wanda furrowed her brows. “I can teach you…and tell you all you need to know.”

Wanda tilted her head as she stared at Agatha. “I-“

“Do you want her back?” Agatha raised her brow.

Wanda nodded. “I do.”

“Then come with me. Let’s have a chat.” Agatha stood up and extended her hand to help Wanda.

Wanda looked at the journal for a moment and took a deep breathe. She looked back at Agatha and grabbed her hand, standing up slowly. She would keep going. She swore she would. Anything for her lover.

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda mcu #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff/reader #wanda maximoff/you #wanda x you #wanda x reader #scarlet witch x reader #scarlet witch #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #fluff but angst

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becoming-happy-for-myself · 5 months

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Day 56 / 75 Soft 🍁

Starting Weight: 72,3 kg / 159 lbs

Last weeks Weight: 70,7 kg / 155 lbs

Current Weight: 70,2 kg / 154 lbs (- 2,1 kg / 4 lbs since the beginning)

⚖️ : My weight has gone down - even though I just started my period, went to an all-you-can-buffet two days ago, and in general ate a lot of food (and snacks!). So I was very surprised to see my weight go down and obviously very happy! Hoping to continue this trend next week and FINALLY get under 70 kgs. The last time I was under 70 kgs was pre-covid...🤞🏻✨

🚰 : The 3 liters of water is still very dependent on the day. Some days I don't mind it at all, other days I have to chug half a liter before bed.

🏃🏻‍♀️ : I’ve been continuing on varying my workouts, so that's still going strong. Also today is the first time I've done the whole 45 minutes on the crosstrainer / elliptical on setting 5! This I would in the past only be able to do for 5 minutes on and off, but now I can handle it for the entire workout. I love seeing these kind of changes 💪🏻

🍓 : Like I mentioned in the weigh in section, I've been eating more around the weekend. But since this is around my period I'm totally fine with it. And during the week I've been eating more meals with different vegetables, so I think I've had a pretty good balance overall. Going to be more strict again once Monday rolls around, which mostly is when my cravings become less noticeable anyways. 🥦

📖 : Still reading the english version of “Fourth Wing”, while I’m waiting for the German version of the second book to come out ✨

Only about 2,5 weeks to go with this challenge (even though I know I'm going to continue with most of these new habits). Let's goooo 🤍

#lose weight #weightloss diary #healthy weightloss #check in #weigh in #75 soft #becoming that girl #transformation #becominghappyformyself #consistency #abnehmen #abnehmblog #abnehmtagebuch #food diary #weightloss #weight loss #weightloss motivation #healthy eating #balance

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brightgnosis · 11 months

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I hate talking to my Mother in Law about anything concerning my health. She either just doesn't comprehend literal child level explanations of my stuff, or she walks out halfway through a basic conversation for no reason, and it drives me nuts every single time ... Tonight, though, she made a comment that outright made me want to actually smack her for the very first time ever since I've known her, and I hate it.

My digestive nonsense started shortly after my Husband and I got married. I finally got a diagnosis of Gastritis after quite literally nearly starving to death and dropping 70 pounds+ in a matter of just 2 months. It presented like a typical case, and I even responded to medications to a point- but only to a point, though. We'd change meds, and I'd get a little better, and I'd plateau again.

We've spent like 8 years trying to figure out what on Earth was wrong, but none of the tests were showing anything. We had to put a pin in it, though, when I became bedbound with other problems post pre-Vaccination Covid contraction absolutely wrecking my body, in order to focus on what the hell was wrong with me then. Because honestly my being bedbound and highly suicidal and all that jazz was a much more pressing concern since I was able to eat most things by that point, with limited exceptions, as long as I was very careful. And so that's what we've been focusing on near exclusively for the last 3 years of those 8 years in total.

Well, now that I'm finally Fibro stable and Human again, and we've got my Thyroid sorted, my PTSD's all good, my Uterus is no longer yeeting itself at light speed every 5 seconds, and I'm not suicidal (etc, etc, etc)? We decided to get back to figuring out why I still wasn't responding properly to routine Gastritis treatments. And first thing she did was order a Gastric Emptying Test.

Turns out the issue hasn't been Gastritis- or, maybe it was actually as some point, and it just stopped being so after a period. We don't know. What we do know is that it's now an atypical case of Gastroparesis. Huzzah! I have new meds. They're working amazing. I can actually eat food again without counting hours or avoiding x or y or z nonsense, etc. It's been amazing.

We finally shared all of this with my Father in Law and Mother in Law tonight while out on the back deck ... And my MIL straight up goes "would have been nice if she could have figured that out seven years ago" ... Like excuse me?

First of all, get the number of years right if you're going to make a snide comment ... But secondly, you're not the one whose had to live with the condition the whole time. So you don't get to be snide with my doctor who I'm perfectly happy with and have loved my treatment from "not figuring it out fast enough" for your standards apparently ... And finally: You definitely don't get to be snide about it when it literally took my Husband and I two whole years to even get you to remotely comprehend that what was wrong with me wasn't going to be solved by you pushing a bottle of fucking Pepto Bismal at me every time you heard me vomiting in the bathroom in excruciating pain in the first place.

I'm so annoyed right now. How dare she ???

#Multigenerational Households Are Fun Until They're Not #Personal #2023 #Alphabet Soup #Gastritis #Gastroparesis #Body TMI #Trigger Warning

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certifiedceliac · 10 months

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“Developing a food allergy/intolerance/restriction as an adult is very hard and everyone's process in adjusting is different. Even if you feel like things won't get better, it will become more normal, and you will be ok. I promise I promise I promise.”

I have a question. How long should it take for things to feel more normal? Maybe I have a few things conspiring against me, but I just can’t feel normal. I was diagnosed with celiac without ever having symptoms (or at least without having symptoms I ever tied to consuming gluten). I was so skeptical when I got the call from the doctor that I laughed. The reason I was tested was as part of diagnostic work up for type 1 diabetes diagnosis that landed me in the ICU at age 35. My DGA and TTG were through the roof but I was very skeptical. I’d been eating bread every single day! The endoscopy came back as Marsh 3C so I started coming to terms with the fact that I was, indeed, in danger.

That traumatic series of diagnoses was all in summer of 2020. I’ve had to use insulin, started eating low carb, and have been avoiding gluten. The first two I got used to. The gluten avoidance through is honestly the one bothering me more. The fact that I can’t really eat out anymore, not without worrying a lot, because even if the place has a gluten free menu or markings, restaurants have been in a pinch since Covid and have taken a lot of shortcuts. I don’t really eat at friend’s houses. I don’t want to go traveling to places where I can’t know for sure that I’ll be able to find gluten free food. It’s just been miserable, I’ve been waiting for it to get more normal, but isn’t 3 years a long time?

I’m paranoid because I don’t have symptoms (I don’t know what it feels like to get glutened) but my antibodies have plateaued above the normal range and I can’t seem to get them to go lower. I’m sick and tired of having my world feel so small because I can’t eat most food. It doesn’t feel like it’s getting more normal, it feels worse and worse as the world slowly goes back to pre-lockdown socially while it feels like I’m the only left in food lockdown.

Thanks for any advice :(

Gosh that sounds like a ride and a half. I'm so sorry that your journey so far has had so many challenges. My answer is a little lengthy, so I'm putting it under a break.

To answer your question anon, it's really something that just depends. In my case, I was initially diagnosed with celiac in 2014. At the time I was also dealing with diagnosis and removal of a pituitary tumor, so because of that I kind of treated celiac as an afterthought--I already felt terrible in a million other ways, so I was pretty lax the change. I wasn't really given any education on how to adjust my diet or eating habits, or the risks associated with continuing to eat gluten. I sought a second opinion from a doctor that ended up knowing jack about celiac disease, and was given an IBS diagnosis instead (because I'd been eating GF for a year, they found no damage to my intestines, and I wasn't eating gluten at the time). From 2015 to 2020 I was back on eating gluten, but after I started having severe symptoms (again) I was rediagnosed by another (much better) GI team.

I have a few additional problems now because of the untreated celiac that I probably wouldn't have had I been better educated the first time around, and I'm pretty bitter about that sometimes. But I've also been very lucky to have such a good support network of people that understand and care about me, and that makes a lot of difference.

What I'm trying to say is that, while it will get better, it doesn't always feel like it. There are days that I really struggle with anxiety around eating in front of others, frustration over the lack of convienence, and the feeling of exclusion (or at least seperation) from meals with family, friends, and coworkers. I relate to you with the lack of symptoms--I've only been truly glutened once to my knowledge, but additional GI issues I have always have me on high alert. I'm also currently dealing with unexplained elevated TTG/IGA levels, despite being extremely strict nowadays.

Doing my own research and starting this blog really helped me to focus on the things I can do rather than the things I can't. I also just kind of brute force my way through things that gave me anxiety before, like taking my food with me to friends' houses or restaurants. I've been through so much, I no longer care what people think lmao

Basically your mileage is going to vary. I wouldn't say that these things have a set timeline, and I personally think the mental part of dealing with a diagnosis like celiac takes twice as long to heal from compared to the physical part. It sounds like you're struggling especially hard with feelings of loss and detachment. That's not uncommon, but you may benefit from talking about all of this with a therapist, or just reaching out to a friend to say you're struggling.

Give yourself credit--you've gotten so far from where you were. And remember, even if you feel isolated, you're not dealing with this alone.

#i hope this helps #it was written as very stream of conscious so if it doesnt make sense i appologize #im in a place now where most days are good! but that doesnt mean theyre always good #mod laura #asks

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theretirementstory · 4 days

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21/04/24. Another day in Paris. It was an early start, I was out of bed at 5:30am and by the time we got back in the evening it was after 7pm. Boy was I tired! However, I am going to Paris for the next part of the CAR-T cell therapy on Thursday April 25. I should be staying in the hospital in Paris for 3-4 weeks. I am just praying that the food is good.

Now it’s time to do my tax return as it has to be completed by May 23 and I don’t want to send an email saying I am in hospital again! I have all of the information it is just a case of finding where to put it on the forms.

Had a catch up chat with Rosie who lives In Poitou-Charentes. Anie messaged to see if she could visit, she brought me a delightful bunch of muguet. While I was checking on a crumble I was cooking, there was a knock on the door. I opened the front door to find a huge bunch of muguet tucked into the door handle and Marlene was disappearing down the drive. I dashed out to speak to her and her husband before they left. I was so happy to receive these lovely gifts.

I had to have a platelet transfusion in Troyes on Monday and before they would let me leave the hospital in Paris on Tuesday I had to have another platelet transfusion. Can you believe I was booked in for another in Troyes on Friday afternoon. Well I got to the hospital on time, then after a blood test I was told I couldn’t have the transfusion on Friday I have to return on Monday morning. I was so angry but as I have found no amount of anger changes the stance of these people. Coming back in the taxi, I had to sit in the back, by the time we got home I was feeling travel sick! So Monday at 8:45am it is, what’s the betting that it will be more than one transfusion and I will be there all day 😩. I think I will need my case packing this afternoon!

Monique came to visit, she brought me lilac from her trees and three delicious cakes, bought at the most expensive cake shop in town! I cannot believe how well we get along and how we can sit and talk for hours when Monique only speaks French and German 🤔. She stayed for about 3 hours by which time we had put the world to rights.

I spoke to a cousin in London, who is terrified that WW3 is about to break out. To be honest if it does there is not much you or I can do about it and if someone pushes the button we may not even have time to worry. Just one thing I would like to know, in case this should happen, was Andrew Hillier from France 24, born in the North East of England? 😂

Anie called to see me again, bearing more gifts. This time it was pain d’épicés and a jar of homemade soup. The pain d’épicés contained walnuts too, it was absolutely delicious.

I needed some pj’s to wear in the hospital so I popped to Gemo in town and got a couple of pairs of pj bottoms and four t shirt tops as I need tops with short sleeves. I was given the sheet advising what I can eat on the protected feeding plan. Now I will be on this diet while I am in hospital but was told there is a washing machine available to wash my nightclothes. As I will be expected to remain in my room, being so far from home that I won’t have any visitors, I wonder how my pj’s will manage to get washed? Answers on a postcard please 😂😂.

The doctor from Paris phoned me just to say he had all the scan results and providing I don’t have Covid, he will see me on Thursday. Oh gosh it’s exciting and terrifying at the same time! I am hoping that I will be able to do my blogs but as some of the risk factors are neurological and I may lose the ability to write (temporarily) I will have to wait and see.

I have had two deliveries this week, the first was four books from another cousin in the UK and the second was a card and two magazines from a friend in the UK. I finally managed to package up, again, the gift I sent her last year which was refused by UK customs and returned to me.

“The Trainee Solicitor” has been stressed again this week! Having to keep one eye on training the new recruit and the other on dealing with his cases I guess he is looking a bit like Marty Feldman! Anyway it’s the weekend and a time to clear your head ready for the forthcoming week.

“The Reconnect Navigator” is going to be doing a new role at work until such time as a replacement is found. All experience and I think it will be rather interesting too. Her new Dr Marten boots have rubbed her feet and made them very sore. She went out on Friday evening with friends, I do hope she didn’t have to go barefoot!

“The Photographer” has his children this weekend. On Friday evening he had prepared a cottage pie with red wine jus and cheesy mash. Apparently the children really enjoyed it and my grandson had second helpings! On Saturday they met up with “The Trainee Solicitor” and “The Reconnect Navigator” for lunch, so I imagine that was a great experience too, as both children adore them! I was sent photos on Friday evening, of both children playing with large cardboard boxes. I love imaginary play where the box can be your home, a car, boat or plane it’s just wonderful to see children playing this way. Of course I love to see them as they are growing up so quickly, apparently my grandson can count to ten in French.

“The Jetsetter”, has been continuing with the day job until she goes away again. Not long now girl, I will be thinking of you on the day you fly but don’t you be thinking of me 😂.

The music this week starts with a song from a married couple. It was released in 1988, it’s Teardrops by Womack and Womack.

The second song is from 1997 (that was a good year😉) it’s by Savage Garden and it’s “To The Moon And Back”.

On my travels I have noticed that lilac, laburnum and the candles on the horse chestnut trees are all in evidence. I think they are probably a few weeks early. My cherry tree has lots of cherries starting to appear. Let’s hope that no heavy frost comes and kills them off.

So I will do my best to get a blog out to you next week. I am staying in the Saint-Antoine hospital in Paris. The nurse who was doing the transfusion said “ oh you are going to be staying on the floor”, I replied “Well I am hoping for a bed actually” to which we both had a laugh. The hospital is older than the one in Troyes, the room is probably going to be smaller and the “salle de douche”, in the room I was in on the day unit, was tiny, I could have taken a shower while sitting on the toilet! Maybe that’s how my pj’s will get washed 🤔.

The photo at the top of the blog Is the barrière du trône and this final photo is somewhere in the 12th arrondissement.

Jusqu’à la semaine prochaine.

#barsuraube #troyes #Paris #france #nature #trees #photography #cooking #80’s music #90’s music #architecture #andrewhillierjournalist

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phiralovesloki · 23 days

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April-ish Goals

So, March was kind of another bust. Residual COVID exhaustion, plus spouse got sick again, and littlest has once again decided that sleep is for the week. So April will be more about fine-tuning and getting back to where I was. No new goals.

I managed to bathe the kids about twice a week, which is still way better than I'd been doing, and I worked out about once a week. So I will try to keep up the twice a week for the kids' baths and maybe up my workouts to twice a week. But otherwise, just still keep trying with those.

I did not eat well this month either, so it's time to try to hop back on that wagon. I really don't want to take meds to manage my blood sugar, not because I feel like doing it "naturally" is better, or because I love denying myself food I enjoy, or anything like that. It's just that I already take 3 different meds daily and I don't want to add to it if I don't have to. So back to reducing my sugar intake. Luckily, I had my little Easter treat yesterday (4 Cadbury Creme eggs in a row) and should be good for a while.

The house is not a complete disaster, but I need to get back into the swing of things with it. Primarily, I need to get back to dropping the kids off at school and then immediately doing my daily chores. Today I had to take littlest to a doctor's appointment during that time, but tomorrow, I will try again.

Teeth are doing great, though! Still going strong on that goal, and I'm very proud of myself.

Gonna ditch the "getting rid of stuff" goal for now. I need to settle back into the groove with everything else first.

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fwacchi · 2 years

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Hello! How are you? I hope your doing well! I wanted to request Kaida, Ibrahim, Kagami and Kenmochi with a sick reader. I recently got covid and am in need of comfort 😪😪 Thank you!🥰

hello, I'm doing quite good! I usually post the requests according to which one I received first but I just couldn't ignore this request :( I hope you will get well soon, lovely anon <3

HOW THEY TREAT YOU WHEN YOU'RE SICK

genre: fluff

pairings: Kaida Haru, Ibrahim, Kagami Hayato, Kenmochi Tōya x gn!reader

Kaida Haru

He’s the type that would rush you to the nearby clinic as soon as you say you’re feeling sick.

Just a little flu or fever that would probably go away overnight? He does not care. He would bring you to the clinic to get you checked up and buy medicines.

He wouldn’t right out tell you, but he thinks he would get sick too if he stays near or touches you for a long time.

It’s not that he’s super hygienic or anything but it’s just that who would be able to take care of you if he gets himself sick?

So after tending to you, he would frequently wash his hands or sanitize them to make sure your sickness doesn’t get to him.

But don’t worry, if you need a hug, he will definitely give you one <3

Ibrahim

Doesn’t panic as much as Kaida. He would ask you how you’re feeling and if you want to go to the clinic.

If you want to, then he would bring you to the clinic and get medicines.

But if you don’t, then he’ll make a quick trip to the pharmacy to buy medicines and some fever cooling patches to bring down your body temperature.

He’s the type that wouldn’t leave your side when you’re sick. Even if you fall asleep, he still stays by your side and frequently checks if the fever cooling patch is working. It usually lasts for 7 to 8 hours but if he feels like it isn’t cold enough, he will replace them.

Would make porridge or soup for you as it is easy to eat and digest. Idk I think he’s really good at making porridge.

Kagami Hayato

Would suggest you stay overnight at the hospital even though it’s just a mild fever. You have to tell him that taking medicine and sleeping it off is enough to get better.

Would stick a thermometer in your mouth to make sure it really is a mild fever and nothing else.

He will tell you to go and lay down on the bed before going while he goes out to buy medicines and food.

The type to give you food and medicines on time.

There’s no refusing to eat medicine because he will force feed it to you if needed.

Don’t worry, he just wants to see you get well soon.

Lots and lots of cheek kisses to encourage you through your fever.

Kenmochi Tōya

He’s not the type to rush you to the clinic, but instead would take care of you himself for a few days and if the fever doesn’t go away, only then will he bring you to the clinic.

Fills up a bottle with warm water and reminds you to drink them frequently to stay hydrated.

Unlike Kaida, he doesn’t believe in catching your sickness through touches so he cuddles and kisses you without hesitation.

You must eat three meals a day and make sure to take your medicine.

You can’t eat when you’re down with a fever? Sorry but with Kenmochi by your side, you will have to eat. Even if it’s just a few spoons, he will make sure you eat as you shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach.

Instead of fever cooling patches, he sticks to using a cold wet towel.

Would wake up a few times in the middle of the night to place the back of his hand on your neck and forehead to make sure your fever isn’t getting worse.

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umichenginabroad · 2 months

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Madrid Week 5: I been in the kitchen, whippin, whippin (cheffin?)

Holaaaa a todxs otra vez! Niko back here with week 5 of the Madrid blog, sorry that I’m a day late :). This week’s blog will have less to do with Madrid/Spain/Europe/culture, and more to do with a little personal project of mine while abroad: learning how to cook (well).

I’ve always had cooking as a part of my life, and that’s thanks to my Mom, who always made the most delicious meals growing up from all sorts of cuisines. On a typical Sunday evening, my Mom would pick a recipe — either something new, or a family classic — and enlist me and my sister’s help in preparing it for the whole family. I learned a good amount this way: how to dice an onion, how to chop an onion into slivers, how to caramelize an onion… along with various other skills that don’t have anything to do with onions.

In high school, right before COVID hit, I decided to teach myself how to bake bread. It seemed like a kind of impossible task, of sorts — something that only professional bakers who woke up at 5am knew how do to, or grandmas who somehow always had the skill. I don’t remember how my first loaf turned out, but I’m guessing it was just good enough, because I found a new passion in baking from that point onward. I kept challenging myself to go for more complicated pastries, culminating in my proudest buttery achievement: a 3 day baking marathon that yielded some perfectly flaky homemade croissants.

In baking, I found joy in the precise imprecision of it all.

Many people I know have told me that they see baking is a science; All of the ratios have to be perfect; There’s no room for error. While it’s true that if you add too much flour you’ll dry out your dough, or if you overload on the butter you’ll end up with a crispy puddle instead of a cookie (that also destroys your baking sheet) (speaking from firsthand experience), the more I practiced, the more I was able to bake using feeling and intuition instead of trusting a recipe. I could tell what dough felt like when it needed a little more kneading, or what it looked like when it had risen just enough. Through baking traditional Greek breads and desserts, I also found a new avenue for connection to my heritage. The gratification I received when I got a delicious final product — and one that I could share with family and friends — was all that I needed to continue having fun with the hobby.

Now, flash forward a few years, I’m a freshman in college. I’m in a dorm (Bursley T_T ), no kitchen access in sight, and eating exclusively in dining halls. Baking fell to the wayside, aside from the casual holiday cookie produced during breaks. Flash forward another year, I’ve got an apartment with a very functional kitchen — but now I’ve overloaded myself with classes and other extracurriculars, bought a dining plan, and treated mealtimes as activities to be completed as efficiently as possible so that they wouldn’t interfere with everything else I had to do in a day.

Needless to say, I wasn’t doing much baking, and the same was true with cooking — once a week I’d maybe make some dry chicken breast in a pan with some crudely chopped red bell peppers and call it a night. Last semester, fall of Junior year, at the peak of my business with school and extracurricular responsibility, I found myself in the kitchen even less.

I was satisfied with this rhythm. I enjoyed dining hall food for the most part (much to the surprise of most friends), and I really was saving time that I spent on other things. However, part of me looked at friends that were regularly home-cooking delicious, healthy meals for themselves (or for their entire co-op) and felt a pang of jealousy. Mealtime can be a sacred ritual for connection — both with yourself and with others — if you want it to be, and that was something I wanted to be able to foster.

The turning point in this cooking journey revolved around Monday night game night, the CFB championships, Michigan vs Washington. My cousin had invited me and my sister over to watch the game, with the promise that he would chef us some of his world famous confit chicken wings. My cousin is probably one of the best freehand chefs that I personally know. If you give this man some simple ingredients and a couple of spices, he’ll pull out some random cooking technique I thought only existed in high end French bistros and make some truly creative — and delicious — food, based solely on his experience and earned intuition. I think of him and flavors kind of like Remy from Ratatouille with the cheese and the strawberry, y’all know what I’m talking about.

This was the type of cooking that I had always sought after but never figured I was capable of without going to culinary school. Impressive, but something that only professional chefs who woke up at 5am knew how to do, or grandmas who just always had the skill…

Before leaving my cousin’s house (and after Michigan had won the natty 😎), I asked him how he learned to cook freehand so well. He told me that, although he had always been around cooking in his family, his skills truly blossomed when he was abroad in London for a year — when he was forced to cook for himself. He mastered simple dishes, without using recipes — pan seared chicken breast, roasted vegetables — which served as a launching pad to trying more and more complicated dishes, each time committing the cooking experience (and result) to memory and drawing upon it for the next plate.

So, flash forward to present day. Essentially, I said “Bet.”

I’ve got a bunch more time now that I’m abroad, and groceries here are significantly cheaper — meaning I can get more ingredients at a higher quality and set aside a few hours to truly explore. The first week or two, I was pretty much just doing chicken and red bell peppers, and maybe some rice. But since then, I’ve started exploring a little more — risotto, Bolognese, spatchcock chicken, basted steak — and the process has been incredibly enjoyable. I can feel some sense of intuition forming, and I find myself relying on recipes less and less with each meal cooked — having my baking experience as a backdrop gives me confidence that I'm on the right path.

dishes from my first week or two cooking freehand

Those that know me well know that I find a lot of pleasure in learning a new skill. To be honest, I do a lot of random stuff that doesn't really have much of a common thread, which is why I’m somewhat of a “Jack of All Trades, Master of None”. Cooking freehand is the newest addition to that list of random skills, but I think it’s one that’s here to stay. Not only is it fun and delicious, but incredibly utilitarian.

In the words of my cousin: “It means you’ll never have to eat bad food... Not everyone wants your homemade candles or scarves, but everyone can f*ck up a home cooked meal.”

Facts.

The biggest item on my food to-cook list is to make Avgolemono soup with homemade chicken broth, which is a Greek soup dish that holds a special place in my heart — one that my grandma made all the time. Stay tuned for the results in a future blog. Per usual, check out the image descriptions for a little inside scoop on the meals I've cooked so far.

In other news this week, I saw one of my favorite DJs Interplanetary Criminal, continued on with classes, and some friends from Arlington VA, my hometown, visited for the weekend from their other study-abroad-cities in Europe (including Emma, who's house I stayed at in Granada!).

See you all again next week!

Hasta ahora,

Niko Economos

Aerospace Engineering

Universidad Carlos III de Madrid

Madrid, Spain

#UmichEnginAbroad #IPEUC3M #NikoEconomos #IPEWinter24 #Spain

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rithmeres · 11 months

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Hello Bryn so I started following you for your Trigun art (love love love ‘em) but your spring rolls pic just gave me so much personal and Trigun feels… sorry I’m about to ramble.

So my good friend is Viet and we lived together during Covid lockdown. We made and ate SO MUCH Viet food. It really is a whole event. A participatory art. I live alone now and I miss eating as a communal ritual.

Which reminds me of that Stampede scene where Vash finally started eating again “I deserve to eat, right?” They were eating together too—all of them, including the three random dudes that were on the sideline. There’s just something so natural and comforting about sharing meals; it’s making me kind of sad because Vash often had to eat alone (ex. when he first came to ship 3 and when he roamed around the desert). Vash was hungry for a family/community and now I can see that being one of the points of episode 4.

Happy eating together!!!

i feel the same way 😭😭 sharing food isn’t just about food, it’s healing. to be welcomed in, to be looked after, to participate together in the creation and consumption of what makes us so human

my roommate of four years was viet (i can’t even call her a roommate, we were so much more than that, she’s family) and she helped teach me how to cook and for us food wasn’t just what we ate, it was what we did. it was how we loved.

i’ve never seen someone eat so much in my life, countless shared meals, whether it was just the two of us or we were cooking for thirty other people, howl’s-moving-castle-breakfasts on weekends, hurried dinner leftovers scarfed down in the car while i drove the 55, hours-long hot pot feasts until we’re sweating and stuffed, wicked cold ice cream eaten on the curb downtown as midnight approaches, entire rainy mondays spent making phở, sandwiches with too much maggi seasoning packed in paper bags for hikes, inviting the boys over to gorge on wafer-thin bánh xèo, she’d chop tomatoes for my bruschetta because the smell of them made me sick and i would juice lemons for her when her hands were chapped and bleeding. and i’ve never had an easy relationship with food but something about lyss made eating feel so simple and right.

since she moved away and i eventually moved too i don’t have that same community anymore and i’ve struggled to eat well since losing it. i didn’t know what i had until it was gone. she never forced me to eat or chided me for not eating, she would just make really good food and share it with me. and i would eat it. i could eat it. eating was easier when she was around. so making dinner tonight was like a ritual, putting on the apron she gave me and making spring rolls for the first time in months and accidentally pouring out too much fish sauce just like she would do; and even though i don’t get to share spring rolls with her anymore, the time and the food that we shared together has changed me. and it’s okay. it’s easier to let myself eat and laugh when i can be the one to provide a meal for the people that i am with now, even if they’re not the people who make it easy, so for now i will do just that and maybe someday again i will be able to cook and eat with someone who makes it unburdensome.

#the tristamp food conversation dealt me 1 d20 damage it really could not have come at a worse (or better) time #local tumblr user repeatedly knocked flat by carefully handled themes of shared meals and disordered eating in anime #i have. an entire video about this thing exactly #personal #lyss tag

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norcalbruja · 3 months

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The good and the bad with Namor/Kukulkan, also various Loki musings

Jan 30, 2024

What's up, so you know how Namor/Kukulkan had a pretty uptight reaction to custard/flan because that's colonizer food, and he's very choosy about "food history" because he (as a snake spirit) doesn't need to eat a lot?

On January 10, I finally had the time to go to my favorite Mexican place again, and I bought sopes and tacos.

Whenever I give offerings to the spirits, I usually split off a few spoonfuls, or I eat one piece and leave them the other, so that day I went "what's up Kukulkan, I finally went to my favorite Mexican place! You want some?"

My dude just lit up and started laughing, and it lasted for a good few hours. At risk of sounding Not Mentally Normal: When spirits have strong reactions to things, it's like the spiritual equivalent of smells hanging around for a while. In this case, sopes. <3

Kukulkan was very happy and very full for like, the next week or so.

A couple of weeks later, Kukulkan stepped into my meditation and was probably trying to help me out with [Insert so many problems in my whole fucking life] in return for the sopes.

Loki immediately barged in and yelled, "HEYHEYHEYHEY!!! FUCK OFF, DANGER NOODLE, I'M HELPING HER ALREADY!!! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER!!!"

So Kukulkan was like "Ah, so YOU do? She spent years hating you for messing up all her meditations! It doesn't sound much like knowing!"

And Loki went, "HATING ME FOR YEARS IS STILL KNOWING THAT SHE HATES ME! WHY ARE YOU JUST SWANNING IN AND TRYING TO HELP RIGHT AWAY???"

So the Water-Spirit called Thor, Odin, and Haik to try and separate these two again. Unfortunately, the fist-fight actually happened this time, and Kukulkan turned into a giant snake to strangle Loki. Loki retaliated by freezing the coils that were wrapped around him, which is the first I've seen of Loki's ice powers.

If anything emphasizes how little Normal/Mythical-Loki resembles Marvel-Loki, it would be how extremely hot-blooded he gets. If Dionysus is like a frat-boy who gets Really, Really Perceptive, Loki is his frat-brother who always gets in trouble for starting shit--and is Really, Really Perceptive in a brutally honest way.

So that was a stalemate, and Eric Draven tried to talk Kukulkan into like... trying to fight/argue with people less than he does right now, but he got bitten for his troubles.

Apparently this would have hurt a lot more if he was still alive, but his main problem was that dead spirits don't "heal" the same way as living ones. and it's terrifying to see someone walk around with gaping and NON-BLEEDING bite-marks on his neck/chest like a zombie. Hades had to come in and heal him because, well, he's the god of the dead.

I remember thinking how Lugh and the Morrigan of the Irish gods hate each other this much. Every time Lugh tries to say more than two words to me, the Morrigan bolts over and goes "MINE!", and then they start screaming at each other about shit that quickly stops being about me.

So I went, "Loki. Man. You gotta chill out about Kukulkan offering to help me. He's technically helping YOU! By giving you less work! You know I'm still cautious about how you can use your 'Marvel connections' to help my art get off the ground, right?"

I don't know if that was the wrong OR the right thing to say, because Loki started sobbing in a rage and going, "I DON'T GET TO FUCKING HELP PEOPLE, CYBORG!!! THE DANGER-NOODLE BARELY HAS TO DO ANYTHING! HE JUST WALKS OVER AND HE'S HOT AND EVERYONE LOVES HIM! ME, I'M FUCKING LOKI! OHHHHHH, I DID RAGNAROK! OHHHHH I SHIT-TALKED THE GODS! OHHHHH I HAD A WHOLE HERD OF KIDS THAT EVERYONE CALLS MONSTERS!"

And I'm like "Okay, Loki, I think we need Odin to help you calm down."

To Odin's credit, he was not surprised to find Loki being a mess in my spiritual "room."

Last week at the bowling alley, my manager and about three or four of my coworkers were joking about Covid and how "if you get Covid, spread the love so everyone can have a paid vacation!"

I am one of VERY few workers who mask, and it also made my blood boil because my sister caught Covid earlier this month and she has been BONE TIRED after going up the stairs and walking for a few minutes. This is not a fucking cold or a flu.

And the bartender was like, "Is Covid still even real?"

So I could not RESIST being petty and saying "My sister has Covid."

Motherfuckers stopped and stared at me for a good couple of seconds. Partly because they thought I said I had Covid, but the energy in the room plummeted and I'm just thinking "Oh. NOW you all act like I've got the consumption. *angry inner laughter*"

It made my sister bust out laughing when I texted her about it later.

Loki was also very pleased and laughed a lot--not just because it was petty, but because it was TRUE.

In my acting studies, I used to have a hard time with comedy because I can't seem to HARNESS humor very well, at least when I had to do it IN REAL TIME and not in writing or across the screen. I constantly had to force myself not to laugh at my own jokes, I have made jokes that were poorly timed or went too far, and some jokes that I thought were just average end up getting a WAY better response than I expected.

This might seem obvious because the folks on my spirituality blog don't see a lot of HUMOR in my constant financial/spiritual troubles, but like... I don't have my shit together.

Not even my DREAM-SELF has her shit together--her exploits are hilariously bad luck sometimes. In addition to the dream where I got a deal with Marvel and started working with Tenoch Huerta, my LATEST dream involved me auditioning as a singer for my former theater prof... and begging my phone to STOP HAVING TECHNICAL ISSUES AND PLAY HOZIER'S KARAOKE TRACKS, PLEASE!!!

I was mad when I woke up, but I couldn't avoid laughing because my good luck for getting a Marvel contract clearly didn't last very long. I said affectionately, "Oh, Dream-Me, we're back to going nowhere."

Meanwhile, in my WRITING, people constantly found humor in very dark and angry/depressing pieces.

Which, um... my theater prof has mentioned is something you need to do in dark works, because that's how people get through it without needing therapy. You have to find humor/lightness in dark works.

Yesterday while I was getting the groceries, I saw a crow pecking at a plastic bag with the telltale "take-out box of leftover food inside," and I was like "ehhhhhhhhh, why are crows showing up so often??? It might be a crow, but it might be a sign from Odin or the Morrigan. Guess I'll help this dude out."

So I untied the bag and opened the box, and I figured I'd stop by after getting the groceries to see if the crow was back.

Odin laughed in surprise/glee, and he told me, "You know this isn't actually Hugin or Munin, right?"

And I was like "Of course I don't literally think every crow is you or the Morrigan, but I figured I'd help out JUST IN CASE. Worst case, the crow is a normal crow and it gets food. Best case, someone up there helps me out."

Unfortunately the light rain IMMEDIATELY got harder soon after I got inside, so... the crow would have had a really soupy meal.

So today I was eating lunch and feeling shitty about my life again, and I asked Loki, "hey man, do you want some lunch? I figured since you had a shit time fighting with Kukulkan, you might as well eat something. And, you know, you claim to have Marvel connections... because you're a character in the stories."

And he just said, "No. I don't want anything."

And I'm like "Why not??? Do you not like sinigang???" (Filipino soup, it's very sour.)

He told me, "No, everyone TAKES THINGS from you. They take and they spring things on you, and they always tell you to DO STUFF for them, and you're terrified of asking your mom to go out and eat by yourself because you know you're just going to worry about her for two hours. You have lunch with the spirits more often than you have lunch with your fucking family. And then they're surprised when you're mad at having two houses' worth of stuff in one apartment, or at giving up and staying in that shitty ancient apartment because you never have time to yourself. You can barely fucking move, or garden, or DO ANYTHING. I'm not gonna take MORE from you to get you into Marvel, Cyborg."

And I was like "Okay, Loki, OUCH. But... thanks for that last part?"

So I've been poking around at Lokean writings, and my experiences DEFINITELY fit with other people's experiences.

For one, people agree that when Loki is not a god to mince words. He will tell you exactly what he thinks, and exactly what he thinks of OTHER PEOPLE. This was primarily why I used to hate him so much--he kept shit-talking EVERY OTHER SPIRIT in the damn room, and he constantly told me "You're too fucking nice and you think everyone else is gonna be like that, too. NO. THEY'RE NOT. IT WILL HURT AND YOU WILL STILL MAKE YOURSELF BE NICE, AND THAT'S GONNA WEAR YOU THE FUCK OUT. It's even worse because you had the insane luck to get spirits who are nice to you and feel bad for you!"

He is also a god of mental illness, as tricksters often are. Maybe Loki's attempts to shake me out of my niceness was because he knew that I'd eventually have thirty-year-overdue suspicions of being autistic/ADHD? If Dionysus, god of mental illness and considered by other tricksters as 'the trickster that everyone pretends is not a trickster,' has said "you know why you're so bad at interacting with people, you just can't get insurance for that sweet DIAGNOSIS," Loki the confirmed trickster would know what's wrong with my head.

Speaking of which, the FIANNA of all spirits (they are an Irish warrior-troupe led by Finn MacCool, and are famous for going on long sea-voyages or getting taken to the Otherworld) warned me quite a while ago that my path is not going to be a straightforward one. They said something like "you're gonna go from Point A, to Point 31, to Point D, and finally to Point B, and it's gonna be rough for a while."

Since Loki has told me he's got "Marvel connections" because he's literally in Marvel as a fucking character, this... does not bode well for all those steps between Point A and Point B.

#personal gnosis #unverified personal gnosis #pop culture paganism #loki deity #loki

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