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#good luck to everyone trying to gif this episode lmao
mymycorrhizae · 2 years
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The Boys | Herogasm
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bronx-bomber87 · 4 months
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Happy Weekend everyone :) Exciting we got some BTS I can't wait for the first promo for the premiere. When we get our first crumb and we can all lose our collective minds. Ha Till then we are hitting another fav episode of mine. The one where really it’s Tim and Lucy on a date. Chris and Ashley just happen to be there. So many reasons I love this episode from the date to the work stuff it's all very good. Off we go.
4x12 The Knock
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Our couple actually gets the cold open. They’re headed to the beach for a call. Lucy mentions how it sucks to be on the beach but not be able to enjoy it. That she can’t dive into the water. Tim is more than happy to stay away from the water and the beach. Forgetting he’s dating a lifeguard….(Sure he would love the ocean more if a wet Lucy Chen was in it) Lucy giving him crap saying how on brand this is for him. To hate one of natures greatest gifts lmao God I'll always love how she speaks her mind around him. Especially in S4. It's glorious.
Tim corrects her and says it’s the ocean not the beach he hates. Lucy can’t help but get into psychology mode. Telling him a fear of the ocean is related to not being in complete control of his environment. I mean that’s pretty damn spot on for Tim. We know what a control freak this man is over everything. (I can relate. heh) Tells him good luck dating a lifeguard LOL So much sass so early in their shift. Tim’s reactions through out this portion above are too funny.
Throwing his hands up and shaking his head at her analysis of him. Not fighting it BTW. Progress ha He used to be so anti-psych before her. Lucy can’t help but psychoanalyze him. Not only for the water but for Ashley let’s be honest. This flirty sass is only the beginning with this episode. Never be over how very vocal Lucy is about Ashley. Literally giving Tim breadcrumbs all over the place she’s not right for him. Also that she is not a fan. None of us are Lucy...
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They make their way to Ashley. Saying she wasn’t expecting them to send their best. And hottest. (I mean she's not wrong. They both fine af.) Lucy is not about this flirt fest. So very transparent my friend haha Awkwardly does a *ahem* Trying to get Ashley to direct them to why she called. Asking where is the thing she called about? Tim can’t let it go when they’re walking towards it.
‘Did you hear her say the hottest?’ Wants so badly for Lucy to recognize he’s attractive. Trust me babe she knows. Painfully aware of it really. Something she has to consistently push down in your flirty moments. I bet you that look she gives in 5x12 was everything for him. When she was shamelessly checking him out. The validation he had been chasing forever. Part of him that just needs to know she finds him attractive. Oh Timothy. She does that’s part of the problem for her especially this season haha They’re walked up to a severed hand. Eww.
Tim’s point about the ocean being proven in this moment. Ashley is just standing there while they bicker like a married couple haha Which is basically this entire episode honestly. Really this season but there is a heavy emphasis on it in this one. Tim asking her if she wants to go in now? Such a shit. I love him so much. Lucy being the exasperated one this time lmao. Look at her reaction above. Annoyed wife status. Idk how Ashley could be around them and not wonder if Tim was in love with Lucy? SMH. Third wheel in her own relationship when Lucy is around. Another theme of this episode.
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Tim comes up after Lucy is done talking to Chris. They were theorizing what the story behind the hand could be. He takes off and Tim immediately notices ‘the look’ and he comments on it. Asking her what’s that look? Lucy is defensive and says 'Nothing.... What?' It’s here we see jealous Tim emerge. Welcome sir please stay awhile. Noting she wanted to strangle Chris last week. Now she’s sweet on him?
Lucy can’t help but give him grief for his old school verbiage. Haha He’s the old dude from UP time and time again. I mean this scene really is just Tim speak for jealous. He doesn't like Chris. Never has never will. Lucy deflects said jealously into making fun of him. Tim not even trying to hide how he feels about this situation. Liked it better where she wanted to strangle Chris. He knows that look and isn’t exactly excited about it.
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Ashley comes up saying she’s all done with her paperwork. Asking if he has any plans tonight? Tim tells her no. She goes on to tell him her friend won 4 raffle tickets to a fancy dinner thing. Tim being skeptical asks what that entails? She tells him it’s called OSIA. Lucy’s interest is now piqued. Ashley continues on to say it’s a beach pop up. 12 fusion meals and wine pairings.
You can see Tim doesn’t look excited. He tells her he’ll have to think about it. Ashley asks him what there to think about? Lucy jumps right in cause well it’s Lucy. Saying the control freak in him doesn’t like to try new things. (Well he does just not with you Ashley...) You're not the one he's going to jump off cliffs for. Cause well. You know. The vapid quality you bring to this whole thing… Seriously how is Ashley not constantly threatened by Lucy? Tim gets defensive and says he’s not a control freak. Ok honey…..Lucy is enjoying this so very much. Look at her above. Challenging him to proof he is not.
Tim changes his tune and says he would be happy to go to her fancy dinner thing. Funny Tim was a hard no till Lucy called him out. If I was Ashley I would be thinking it was weird Tim only said yes to spite Lucy but ok LOL Honestly the control freak in him to control this moment by saying yes haha My god Timothy. To show Lucy he's not one if he goes. Not the reason to go to a fancy place with your GF. To show up your ‘platonic aide.' but you do you Tim.
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They return to the station and Tim gets a phone call. It’s Ashley saying her friend bailed on dinner. She starts suggesting another friend and Tim looks at Lucy. Knowing if he has to do this dinner thing he at least wants her there. Not some random other couple if he can help it. Unconsciously reaching for his safe space in this instance. I.e. Lucy. So he casually says Lucy been pining after that place all day. Lucy TOUCHES his forearm during her excitement.
If a gif could sum up their dynamic/personality in one moment it would be this one one. Heh Her excitement and his need for her to chill on said excitement. Sunshine x Grumpy at its finest. Tim then makes the biggest mistake ever. (He just doesn’t realize it yet…) Spots Chris and tells him Lucy needs a date to a fancy dinner. Oh my love you’re going to live to regret this one. Saw a funny post about this moment. 'Congratulations you just played yourself.' HA It's true though... Does his fake Chris smile to get him to come with.
So desperate to have her there with him he invites Chris. Someone he can't stand. You're a hot mess Timothy. I love you. The clown agrees to said dinner while Lucy stands there and watches this all unfold. She is stunned into silence mostly lol Tim gets off the phone and says’What? Don't be such a control freak.’ The shade Tim the absolute shade. Who is this man? Also let’s note they’re doing a work flirt inside this ‘double date’ before it even begins. Only these two…
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So begins the date where a third and fourth wheel called Chris and Ashley just happen to be there for the ride. Really this entire portion is just one giant display of their bond. I love it so much. We get to see their exquisite connection front and center. That seamless flow of theirs and how they lean on one another naturally. Tim starts out real strong saying how he doesn’t understand why a restaurant would be on a beach? Oh my grumpy old man. Lucy isn't phased by this but Ashley is. Their first course arrives and Tim looks so very confused as their server explains it.
This is their first married moment of the night. Tim asking if any of that was English? Lucy steps in. Says she can translate for him. All he needs to know is it’s made of mushroom. Which she knows isn’t his favorite. She knows his various likes and dislikes. Because of course she does. This is her work husband after all. Lucy knows all the things. It’s the way she naturally leans over and he tells her to take it. He leans back and lets her snatch it up. I have a feeling this isn’t the first time this has happened during a meal. They’ve just never had an audience before. This is touching on our 'you know me so well. too well.' OTP moment.
I love him just letting her eat off his plate. Like it ain’t no thang... Just a normal day. Nothing to see here people. Totally normal platonic partners right here. It’s Ashley’s face while Lucy does this that makes me laugh. She is picking up on a vibe so hard. It’s written all over her face. Then there is clueless Chris to her left. Not noticing the dynamic between them. He is a wet match in a damp cave folks. Ashley however is picking up on it right away. You’d have to be blind not to or be Chris at this point LMAO Ashley feeling every bit the third wheel. Says she didn’t know he didn’t like mushrooms? Tim tells her it’s ok. (it's ok cause his wife knows…)
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Chris brings up he’s not much of an adventurous eater. But did have curry goat one time in Jamaica. This prompts Tim to come up with a story about Lucy. Because he’s on a date with her and not Ashley right? Tim starting off with ‘Was his name Gerald?’ It’s the way he’s looking right at her when he says this. It’s so cute. They're like a couple on their honeymoon swapping stories with a couple they just met. Lucy trying to stop her enthusiastic husband from embarrassing them by sharing too much.
Tim could not be more adorable with how excited he is to tell this story. Look how animated he is above. Only Lucy brings this side out of him. Let's also note how how his eyes basically never leave her face. Lucy’s sheepish ‘god shut up don’t....’ Trying to cut Tim off from telling this story. Married moment number two coming right up. It's the way she's reacting that is so precious.
A wife trying to stop her husband from embarrassing her with a story. This scene is just so damn endearing. It's a testament to the seamless flow that is them. That bond no one seems to really understand but them. The inside jokes and how they’re finishing each other sentences. That lovely ebb and flow they have. If you didn’t know the context of this scene you’d think they were the ones in a relationship.
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They're behaving in a manner that strongly resembles a married couple. The fact that it's in front of their dates tickles me pink. They’re basically screaming their feelings in this moment through this story. The looks they give each other while the other is talking. *heart clutch* The smiles and looks of love. Chris and Ashley's reactions are what make the situation so amusing. Like two outsiders looking into a world they don’t understand. At all. They don't speak the language and it shows.
They get so lost in each other and in this story. They don’t pick up on the vibes across the table. Ashley being confused and threatened. Chris being well clueless and pretending he knows what’s going on. How either of could watch this chemistry filled display and not walk away from the table is beyond me. Their dates are on a date with each other right now. They just don’t realize it.
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What's being depicted here is their profound bond, their history, the looks, the touches and laughter. They barely look at their dates towards the end of the story. If you needed a 'Tell me your ship is married without telling me they are?' This is that in spades. Look at the way they are smiling, laughing and looking at each other toward the end of this story. He is sporting his Lucy smile in the gifs above.
Never smiles for anyone the way he does for her. His heart reaching his eyes and lips just for his girl. Tim is so damn pleased with himself for teasing her. Sheer joy out of telling an embarrassing story involving her. Straight flirting right in front of their dates. Tim is so in love with her in this moment. I mean the man took a small comment from Chris and turned it into as story about Lucy. One from a long time ago no less. Nothing soulmate like at all about this behavior.
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Look at these two in these final gifs. All heart eyes, smiles, and giggling. That Tim smile loud and proud. They're like two idiots in love who can’t help but project that love to everyone around them. Haven't torn their eyes from one another. They’ve completely forgotten the others at the table. Faded into their own flirty world. I know some people said they felt second-hand embarrassment. I didn’t I LOVED seeing this. I love her laughter feeding off his amusement asking 'Why?' Him replying 'It's funny.' laughing with her. It was only funny to them LOL I’m dying it’s so good.
Ashley is not pleased. Can’t say I blame her. Lucy is bringing out a side that is foreign to her. What happens when you're blah and bring nothing to a relationship. You get second hand Tim. To me this episode is as just one step closer to showing they’re supposed to be together. Shows the depth of their bond at this point. That magnetic draw they have to one another even with others around. Even when those people are the ones they’re supposedly on a date with. They're oozing cute newlywed vibes here and I was so happy to watch it.
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We return to them now having a spirited debate about experimenting on the dead. It's stemming from the case they're working on. A mad man has been taking severed limbs trying to reanimate them. Married moments 3 and 4 are arriving at the station. It’s the fact that their bodies are now pointed at each other. Effectively shutting out the others at the table. Ashley inserts herself back into the convo finally getting them to break of from one another. (Seriously Ashley all the signs were there. Should cut this off after this dinner alone.)
She asks Tim if he hasn’t volunteered to be an organ donor then? Lucy answers for him cause wifey knows the answer. Telling Ashley all about it. How he wants his ashes spread over Dodger field LOL I love her knowing this detail. It’s one thing to know someone’s dislikes in food. It’s another to know info like this. Lucy knows him like the back of her hand. He didn’t even care she answered for him. Tim could not be cuter saying his ashes would mess up the PH of the grass. LMFAO. I love this man sfm everyone I really do. Lucy replying like only a wife would.
Making fun of him for calling in the first place. I love these two so much. Also adore how relaxed and comfortable Tim is. His body still pointed towards Lucy. You know she is the reason he’s so relaxed. Why he is having fun. It's because his person is there. Bringing out the best in him. Making jabs and bantering back and forth with him. Chris awkwardly adds in ‘I like the dodgers…’ I’m rolling. No one cares little dude. Tim going back to being a little reserved with his ‘Yeah..’ reply. Tim makes one last jab at the food. How ridiculous it is. Ashley gets up from the table and Tim tries to apologize but she’s out out there.
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The next day they’re sent to the county morgue. The guy who’s been working on dead people has been linked to here. They figured out he was using the morgue for his experiments. Because it’s for people who aren’t identified and get buried by the state. Pretty sad but right up this deranged guy's ally. Once they arrive they see blood on the floor. Follow it to where they find him hold up in a room. Trying to get more body parts.
This next section is a lesson in how not to have any personal space by Tim and Lucy. Also how far they’ve come professionally with this moment. Chester the crazy person has a room of people hostage. Tim takes off his body cam and slides it into the room. Opens his phone and makes his way back to Lucy.
Tim asks her what their options are? I LOVE Tim trusting Lucy’s instincts. Asking for them instead of testing them. This scene is so intimate. From their soft voices to way he guides her into place. Places his hand on her lower back and she trust him to do so. Then takes a glance at his phone. Talking out her options with him. Adore how they're so in sync in this scene. How they move together. Gets me right in the feels.
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I saw a post (link inside that) awhile ago about how Eric and Melissa took them standing together to another level. How they took the initiative to be like 'Hmm the fans would love this.' So they made it this intimate moment we all know and love. I adore them doing this kind of stuff. Knowing it’ll drive the fans crazy in the best way. Gah the way he’s intensely looking at her as she processes her thoughts. Like a proud husband waiting for her to make her call. This moment shows they have the same amount of chemistry inside their job as they do outside of it. Nothing changes. This scene was *fans self*
Tim waiting for her to make her decision. Knowing she going to make the right one. His trust in her implicit at this point. The silent communication going on here is out of this world. Also look at this man’s jawline. Could cut glass on that thing. Peppered with stubble too. Yum Tum. Thought we made it through a review without me ogling Tim didn’t you? You're welcome. Lucy comes up with a bad ass plan where no one gets hurt. Tim blinding him with his flashlight. Chester erratically shoots at it. Lucy takes him out with her taser with him distracted. They arrest Chester and save the hostages. BAMF'S
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Lucy is leaving the station when the clown catches her. Chris telling her he wasn’t really feeling last night. Yeah cause she was on a date with Tim not you… (You'll never compare but sure go ahead putz.) Lucy apologizing to him. Saying her and Tim spend so much time together. They just have a shorthand. It's so much more than that. If by shorthand you mean deep emotional connection and bond. An intimacy that can be felt just by the way you look at each other and silently communicate.
Where you finish each other sentences, make each other laugh, have inside jokes no one else gets, throw heart eyes at one another and clearly are so very in love. Love each other warts and all. Then sure let’s call all that a 'shorthand' Lucy. Whatever helps you sleep at night LOL She ends up setting up a do-over with Chris. Bleh. But she can’t have Tim right now so he’s it atm. Just a distraction for her nothing more. Like a snack you don't super love but it's there. So you pick at it not expecting much enjoyment out of it other than filling yourself up.
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Tim has Ashley meet him at the station to apologize. She points out how he spent the entire time talking to Lucy. Well I mean he did…. Tim telling her his job is unpredictable. His entire career has been that way with his jobs. That at the end of the day likes his creature comforts. I hate that Ashley was always trying to change Tim. There’s compromise and there’s someone who doesn’t fit with you. Like trying to shove square peg into a round hole with them.
Lucy would be so happy to do those things with him. Also she’s just not worth him going out of his comfort zone for. Lucy is the only one to get him to do that. As we see in S5 the things he's willing to do for Lucy vs what HAS to do for Ashley. Lucy loves Tim for everything that is him grumpus and all. Where as Ashley tries to alter Tim and things she doesn't. Get him to fit what she wants out of a man. Just not the right one for him to do any of those things. It's telling af how Tim gets defensive when she calls Lucy his partner.
The denial is so real Timothy. She sees his freakout and he reels back saying that’s not the point… it kinda is though haha I swear only reason Tim was with her was to show how right Lucy was for him. How Lucy adds to him and Ashley only subtracts. He was so ready to just settle for he since he wasn’t going to get what he really wanted. More we learn about Ashley more we see him settling. Giving up parts of himself for her because he doesn’t think he’ll get those things anyway. (Marriage, kids, stupid in love happiness) Not till Lucy...Thus ends our marriage moments episode. I truly love this one.
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Side notes-non Chenford
Nyla being pathologically happy cause of the pregnancy hormones is hilarious. I love it so very much.
Thank you thank you to everyone who supports these reviews. Your likes, comments and reblogs give me life haha see you all in 4x13 :)
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ro-written · 11 months
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Who Killed Markiplier?
Episode 1: *Thunder Crash*
A/N: This is basically a remake of the first WKM video but with the reader/viewer's thoughts and actions lol
Warnings: Cussing, Second Person POV, spoilers???? if you havent watched WKM go do so now lmao, someone dies, light angst, you're a simp for Damien
Word Count: 4.6k ... Blame Mark
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I felt tired.
Drained.
Worn out.
I felt…
Fuck I didn’t know what to feel anymore.
Only if he dictated it. 
He had me running here and there, playing all types of roles. My head felt as if it was spinning at all times. 
All this running about and yet I still can’t run away from him.
The mansion was…grand. To say the absolute least. Tall, sprawling, intimidating. Something you would only see in films. Fitting for an actor, I suppose.
You wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for Damien.
You wouldn’t be at the party if it weren’t for Mark’s invitation, yes. But Damien was the only reason that truly sold you on going. You knew Mark by…proxy…of sorts. He seemed like a well-enough guy, if not a bit full of himself at times, but not a complete jerkoff. At least, not when you were around him. 
Damien dragged you along to a few of Mark’s parties in college. They had been childhood friends and Damien had been your closest friend in the entirety of the school, having met in a Political Science class. You knew going to these parties would make him happy to see his best friends, but also made him nervous. Therefore, you would attend with. Just as someone to be next to him so he had someone at all times. Even though I am not a party-goer either…
“Oh bully!” A booming voice shook you out of your thoughts. You were suddenly face-to-face with a man in what looked like safari expedition gear. He had quite an impressive mustache, as well as a shining monocle. “And here I thought I was gonna be the last guest to arrive.”
You gave a gentle smile as he put his hands behind his back and bowed a bit.
“My friends call me the Colonel. You’re welcome to do the same, should it please you.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Colonel.” You have heard of him before. Damien’s eccentric hunting friend. He was part of the trio of best friends that Damien was a part of. You had also heard that he…well, it was better to not poke around in other people’s business I suppose. 
“After you.” He gestured towards the door, inviting you to enter the lavish mansion.
The grand door opens, and you are met with a young man who seemed to be around your age.
“Ah, bonjour! Welcome to Markiplier Manor. Your invitation please.”
His hand stuck out, awaiting the letter you had received only a few days ago. On it had your name written with a title. District Attorney. I will never get used to it.
“Very good, very good. Right this way. Good luck at the table tonight. I shall fetch you a drink forthwith.” His polite smile graced his features as he nodded and turned away. Looking forward you could see Damien talking to a man you were unfamiliar with. Just seeing him was enough to relax your shoulders and allowed you to take a deep breath.
“Oh,” he noticed you walking towards the two of them. “There you are, old friend. How are you settling into your new office?”
You smiled at his concern. Always watching out for everyone. It’s what makes him a good mayor.
“It’s a little…new. But I’m just glad the hard work paid off.”
“Now, I know it’ll take some getting used to, but there’s no one I would rather have alongside me to protect this great city of ours.”
His words make your face burn. Ever since you two were in undergrad, he always had to say these little comments that made you flustered. You just always chalked it up to the fact that it’s hard for you to simply take a compliment. So you simply nod and smile, giggling slightly at his enthusiasm and the wave with his cane.
“Now, I’ll see you at the table soon, but try not to rob me blind again.” He rolled his eyes in exasperation as your eyebrows shot up.
“Maybe be better at the game and you won’t lose so much Damie,” you laughed. He smirked and nodded.
“We’ll catch up,” he leaves you as he walks off, probably towards the Colonel that had walked in behind.
With his presence gone (something that left a piece of you feeling disappointed, although you would never admit such a thing) you took it as an opportunity to explore around a little. Every piece of furniture, every bit of decor, every inch of the house was elegant. It screamed “money” right in anyone’s face who walked in. The lights and color template of the room made you feel warm and cozy. Or maybe it was the lingering excitement of being in Damien’s presence. 
You moved from the entry room into the dining room, where someone you could only assume was Mark’s chef was working in silence. You walked up to him, ready to introduce yourself, when he moved to speak before you could.
“If you’re looking for hors d’oeuvres, I’ll get ‘em when I’m good and ready!”
Your smile immediately fell as you jumped back away from the man. He began to walk away, and as you walked behind him to move on to the next room, he swung back around.
“And stay out of my kitchen!” His grating voice threatened.
“Now, now,” A voice came from behind. “Let’s not be rude to our guest.” The butler had returned with a tray of drinks and stood giving the cook a very disapproving stare. He turned to you and put a hand up to offer his apologies.
“So sorry about that,” he grabbed a glass off the tray. “Here’s your champagne.”
“Um, it’s quite alright. You would be surprised how often I get yelled at in my line of work.” You lightly laughed and grabbed the offered drink.
“Enjoy your evening.” He smiled and turned to walk away.
Right before you could continue exploring the house, a voice came from atop the stairs.
“Welcome, welcome, one and all!” He was dressed in a red robe with his hair gelled back. “My name is Markiplier. Thank you for joining me on this auspicious evening. So good to be surrounded by such close and trusted friends.”
His posture stood confidently, slowly stepping down the staircase closer to where you were standing. He is exactly how I last remember him. So confident in front of an audience. It was like he was born to play this role.
“Now, this evening, it’s not all about the poker. It’s not all about me. It’s about you.” He pointed towards you and smiled. It took you aback for a second before you realized he was referring to everyone, but you just so happened to be standing the closest to him.
“So drink up and be merry! Life is for the living! And who knows? I could be dead tomorrow.” He laughs out, and you laugh lightly, surprised at his dark humor. It wasn’t something you quite remember…but people change over the years. Especially when you haven’t seen them in a while. You took down your champagne as the night’s festivities commenced.
Through the haze of all the alcohol, you rinsed Damien at poker, watched as he did a keg stand, lost at beer pong, flipped off the butler (and can not remember why for the life of you), and were suddenly smacked by the man Damien had talked to before. That’s what put you on the ground, staring at the paintings on the ceiling. Your head bobbed around until Damien’s figure came into your line of sight. You blinked and suddenly, he was right in front of you, lightly patting your face.
You blink again, and this time you were falling into your bed, facing towards the clock. 
Onl–…only 1 am?????? The paarrrrty needs to keep go-going……..
You woke up to an annoying ringing and a killer pounding headache.
Groaning, you sat up, reaching over to turn the alarm bell off. You stretched your arms out above your head and moved side to side, attempting to wake your body up and cure its soreness. Standing, you quickly changed before heading out to greet everyone, and definitely not make fun of their hangovers.
Right outside your door stood the butler from before, holding a tray with one glass of…some mixed substance.
“Ah, good morning. Hope you’ve had a good night’s rest.” You wiped the sleep from your eye a bit and smiled at him and his thoughtfulness.
“I’ve prepared for you a seltzer with cocaine. Best thing for the morning after, if you ask me.” Your smile dropped and your eyes widened a bit. You took it, out of courteousness and held it as he moved away.
Behind him, looking over the rail, was Damien. He stood in front of the enormous windows, casting a glow around his body. He was fully dressed with his hair gelled back and his cane at home in his right hand. He turned around to look at you, a smile on his face.
“Ah, there’s our little monster! You really knocked ‘em dead last night.” Your face heated up at his words, smiling and shaking your head as you set the…concoction the butler gave you on a side table. “I haven’t seen you go wild like that since our days at university.”
“Well, the little monster doesn’t get to let loose like that very often I suppose.” You cocked your head to the side as you look into his bright eyes.
“Good to let the beast out every once in a while, eh, old friend?” You let out a little huff, glancing down at the white rose pinned into his suit jacket. “Then again,” He started, looking down at the ground in confusion. “I’m-I’m still not exactly sure as to what we’re supposed to be celebrating here.” You nodded, agreeing with the sentiment. It did confuse you, but you were just an outsider. The fact that Damien seemed to be confused about the party piqued your interest. 
“I mean, it’s good to have the gang back together, but…out of the blue like this seems…” He trailed off, getting lost in his thoughts as he looks over the banister downstairs. “Anyway, now is not the time to become conspiratorial. Life is ours to choose, as I always say.” 
“Yes, you’re never-ending motto. I remember you frequently telling me in university.” You laugh, eyes twinkling. You pick on him for it a lot but, if you were being honest, it was something that got you through the toughest of days.
“I have some work to finish, but I’ll meet you at breakfast. We’ll all catch up soon.” With a nod, he walked off to do whatever executive work he decided to bring along with him. Always busy, that one.
You reflected on his last sentence. We’ll all catch up soon. It felt heavy to think about. After everything that happened between Mark and the Colonel, and Damien attempting to play mediator, the statement held much more meaning than one may realize.
Suddenly, you find yourself at the bottom of the stairs. You glance around at the lavish manor, hands behind your back to keep from knocking into anything. One of these portraits must be worth my pay for the next five years. You turned around to eye a knight’s armor that gave you an odd feeling being near. Like it was watching you just as you watched it. You started to back up when a sudden noise made you swing around. Before you knew it, a body was dropping right in front of your eyes and landed on the ground with a resounding thud. 
Your heart dropped to the very pits of your stomach.
Mark.
Thunder crashed throughout the mansion as you stood staring at his gaping face.
“Did anyone hear that lightning?” You turned to come face-to-face with the man Damien had been talking to before, the one that had hit you last night.
“OH MY GOD! THERE’S BEEN A MURDER!” Another clap of thunder resonated off the walls.
“Excuse me,” the butler came around the corner. “But did you hear light–OH MY GOD MURDER!” Crash.
“Did you–? MUUUURDER!” The chef yelled, pointing at Mark’s lifeless body. Crash.
You were suddenly being pulled closer toward the first man, wearing a Sherlock Holmes deerstalker hat.
“What the hell happened here? Who’s in charge around here? Trick question: the guy. And he’s dead now, which makes ME in charge. So you better listen up good, bucko. ‘Case you haven’t been paying attention, there’s been a bit of a…killin’.” Everyone looked around, waiting for the next thunder crash.
Silence.
“And you’re my prime suspect. So you better get to explaining right quick as to the what, where, when, and why you happen to be here upon this man’s death!”
Your mouth opened and closed repeatedly, trying to create the right words to tell this guy it wasn’t me. Your brain was short-circuiting, with no thoughts except the image of Mark falling right in front of you.
“Sir,” the butler cut you off before you had a chance to speak. “The body is cold. He’s been dead a while.” You blinked in awe as, who you assumed to be, the detective laughed.
“A likely story! That I happen to believe completely. All right, you’re off the hook for now, but I’m a detective, and–”
“Oh yeah?” the chef interrupted. “Prove you’re a real dick!” The detective pulls something from his robe.
“Here’s my badge. Asshole.” He turned to you, a series of pictures falling from the badge. “Ah, those are my old partners. Don’t ask me about them. Fine! I’ll tell you.”
Damien, where are you?
“Each one of them died. Each death more tragic than the last. A few of them even died in ironically hilarious ways.” You cocked your head, looking towards the cook who gave you an ominous wide-eyed stare. 
“Which made it all the more tragic. But hey, you look like you’re up to the task. You’re my new partner.” Your heart lept from your stomach to your throat, as you shake your head violently. He just laughed.
“That’s what all my old partners used to say. Right before they died.” You glanced at the cook again, and he seemed nervous for you. 
“All right. Hand me that fingerprinting kit behind you, partner.” You turned to grab it but it was nowhere to be found. Turning back around to ask where it was, you found that the detective already created a closed-off crime scene. 
“Thanks, partner!”
You squatted underneath the police tape, watching as the detective inspected the body. A pair of footsteps signaled to you another presence entering.
“What the hell happened here?” Damien asked, face and voice riddled with concern.
“Oh! Mr. Mayor. I’m so sorry. There’s been a murder.” A crash echoed as the butler informed Damien of the previous moments.
“A murder?” Clap. “Who?”
“It’s Mark.” The chef broke it to him. You looked at Damien, eyebrows drawn. You didn’t want to know how he felt. They were childhood best friends.
“I’m afraid he’s telling the truth.” The detective inputted from his squatting position. “Mark’s been…killed.”
“Why? Who would do this?”
“That’s exactly what me and my new partner here are here to find out.” You squinted at the detective as he looked toward you.
“Um, excuse me. I feel like we should call the authorities for them to handle this matter.” The butler chimed in.
“Look, buddy, as far as you’re concerned, I AM the authorities.” The detective once again pulled out his badge.
“The fact of the matter is, I believe the killer is right here amongst us in this very house. With that freaky lightning storm outside, none of us would get very far, anyway.” You nodded along with him, lips pursed together.
“In the meantime, we’re stuck here. But I’m gonna get to the bottom of this. The rest of you, get back to your rooms, hunker down, and pray to God you’re not next to be murdered.” Crash.
“I’ll…I’ll check on our other guests.” The butler notes, walking away.
“I’ll get back to cooking. All this death made me hungry.” Odd man.
You moved to go toward Damien, still staring at the white sheet on the floor. His mind seemed to be racing a million miles an hour.
“I…I-I need to talk to the Colonel about this.” He gripped his cane as he stepped backward, then proceeded to walk purposefully away. Your chest hurt seeing him that way.
“All right, partner. It’s time to get to work.” You squatted down in front of the detective. “Judging by the temperature of the body that I measured rectally…which is obviously the most accurate way to get the inner body temperature of a corpse. That’s a fact, totally procedure. Don’t tell anyone I did it.” Man, this guy talks.
“I am sure Mark was killed around 1:30 a.m. last night.” He stared off into the air as if reading some sort of clue written in the room. Suddenly, he jumped up, finger-pointing toward you.
“So what were YOU doing at 1:30 a.m. last night?” 
“I…I was in my bed. You had knocked me down, Damien checked on me, and then I was laying in my bed. I remember seeing the clock as I fell asleep.” You managed to rush out, your authoritative voice switching on just as it would do in a courtroom setting.
“I’m gonna ignore the strange fact that you sleep with your eyes open.” You stood up, shaking your head and rolling your eyes. “But it checks out. So, we need to figure out where everyone was and what they were doing around that time or, at the very least, who saw Mark last.” You nodded in agreeance.
“You need to get out there. See if you can piece together the story of what happened last night. I’ll stick around with the body and run more…tests.” You watched the strange man as he went down, sniffing his fingers. Where the hell do Damien and Mark find these people?
You duck under the caution tape, walking towards a room that seemed to have quite a commotion stirred inside.
“Oh, how can you be so flippant?”
“Flippant?! I’m taking this matter very seriously.” You peeked through the crack in the door to see Damien standing there yelling at a familiar voice.
“Oh, don’t give me that horseshit! I know you hated him, but…goddammit, he reached out to you!” Damien’s voice, the pleading tone behind it, made your heart clench. 
“Oh, what do you want from me, then?” The voice inquired back lackadaisically. 
“Wh–I want you to care!” The sudden shift in his voice made you jump. You had never heard Damien yell in that way before, especially not toward his friends. It scared you, making you realize how there’s still a lot to the man you have yet to learn.
“Just because I’m not weeping like a child doesn’t mean that I don’t care.”
“I can’t believe you.” Damien pointed his cane at the other man. “You come find me when you pull your head out of your ass!” He suddenly turned and almost walked right into you, stopping just at the door. You took a step back, scared at how you were just caught eavesdropping. 
“S-sorry…”
Damien aggressively grabbed the door open and brushed past you, not saying anything past a whispered: “Excuse me.”
You decided to muster up your courage and step into the room to face the man he had been talking to. The one that was causing him so much strife. You turned the corner only to be met with the Colonel sitting in a chair, hat down.
“Damien, I don’t–oh.” He looked up to realize exactly who he was talking to. His entire tone shifted. “Ah! Good to see you again! You were quite the rapscallion at last night’s festivities.” He stood from his chair to greet you.
“But…you’re probably here to help the detective with his ‘investigation of murder.’” Crash. “Anyway. I’ll help you, I’ll tell you what happened to our dear friend Mark.” He seemed to be exaggerated in his movement. As he flailed his arms around, pretending to be Mark from last night.
“‘Oh, look at me! My name is Markiplier now! Forget all my friends or the people that helped me along the way; just look at my money! Oh, I need to pay people to be my friends! Ha ha ha! You like me? Too bad! Oh, glug glug! Oopsie poopsie! I can’t hold my booze. Gotta go off to the little boys’ room. Who wants to join me? I’m gonna go up there upon my stairs. MY house has more than ONE staircase. Oh, look at me and how great I AM! Oh no, I'm falling! Aaah, I’m dead.’” 
You stood staring at him as he finished up, what you could only assume to be, a little ranting session about his frustrations toward his once-friend.
“And that’s what happened. Probably, anyway. So, if you need to corroborate this story with anybody else, just be on your way and investigate the entire house. Go now. I’ll be here when you’re done.” With his hand flicks, you made your way out of the room, very confused to say the least.
Just before you left the room, however, the butler pops out from the doorway.
“Come with me. I need to show you something. Now, if you’re looking for answers, there’s really no mystery at all.” He winds you down a hallway, walking with purpose towards…something.
“There’s not a single detail of this house that I'm not privy to, and not a single guest that I have not personally vetted.” He stepped to walk in front of you, leading the way. When suddenly, he jumps around toward you, finger out in front.
“Now I warn you: what you are about to see is not for the faint of heart. A domain of evil this is…” he leads you to a set of stairs descending into what seemed to be some sort of basement or dungeon. “...but in we must go. … You first.”
You stepped down the stairs into a cellar. There was an entire wall dedicated to holding wines, with some bottles sitting on the center shelves. Your heart raced as you looked around, looking for any clues as to what may have happened last night. Looking down, you found a broken wine bottle. 
“Why did you–”
“AVERT YOUR EYES!” The butler came rushing in around you towards the shattered glass. “I’m so sorry you had to see this! Master would be so displeased! If only he were still alive!” A sobbing came from the man as you slowly stepped back towards the stairs. Then, finally deciding it was okay, you ran up them to get far away.
Making it to the top of the stairs, you turn to your left to see the chef in the kitchen, chopping away at something. You decided to question him about where he was last night.
“I thought I told you to stay out of my kitchen!” You jumped, stepping back, a knife held tightly in his hand.
“I’m just…helping the detective question people.” Your eyes flicker between the man’s eyes and his knife. 
“Oh. You’re helping that dick with his little investigation, huh?” You nodded, hands in the air to show you were unarmed. “Well, I might look like a sweet and innocent man, but some people with short lifespans might think otherwise. I can’t imagine why, can you?” You shook your head, jumping back a step.
“Last night, after I got rid of all of the evidence…” You held your breath. 
“...of that delicious meal I prepared, and wiped down all the fingerprints…” Your eyes widened. 
“...from those filthy dishes. And sopped up all that blood…” Your teeth clenched. 
“I retired to my room at 1:00 a.m. and left my little buddy in charge like I always do.” He turned to present the lifelike statue sitting on the counter. He gave it a little kiss on the cheek before putting his arm around it like an old friend.
“He sees everything. Why don’t you ask HIM what happened last night?” You shifted toward the statue and began to watch the video from the cameras in him.
The footage flipped back further and further in dates and moved locations around the manor til it finally found something of value. The detective talking to Mark.
“Abe!”
“Mark! Good to see ya.”
“Great to see ya. Look, I’ll cut right to the chase. Chef, butler, good?”
“Chef's an asshole, but he’s clean. Uh…butler, he’s a new guy. Also an asshole, but he’s clean.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
The footage cut.
You stepped away from the “Little Buddy.” Looking around the kitchen, the chef you had expected to be staring you down was no longer around, having seemingly disappeared into thin air. Skeptically, you stepped out into the hallway to see if you could find anyone. Passing by a set of double doors, you decided to walk outside to get a bit of fresh air. 
The day was so beautiful. The sky was clear and the birds were chirping. You could see over the entire town. The town that you and Damien were in charge of keeping safe. The realization has hit you more than once, but every time it hits you with a baseball bat right in the gut.
You could hear someone’s footsteps pacing around nearby, and you followed the sound over to where Damien was swinging his cane around, deep in thought. He finally turned to you, startled. It was the first time you had seen him since he snapped earlier. He let out a gentle sigh as he walked towards you.
“Look, I’m sorry you saw that argument with the Colonel. I lost my temper and it wasn’t right and…he must be in shock.” He looked down to the ground as if trying to figure out his words. 
“Don’t apologize Damien. You are under a lot of stress right now. I can’t imagine how it all feels for you.” You offered him a smile as you rubbed at your palms, a slight nervous tick.
“The Colonel’s an eccentric; it’s his best quality and his worst. But he’s my friend, and…so was Mark.” You looked down, at a loss for words on how to comfort him. 
“I know I’m supposed to be a leader in this scenario, but I can’t help but feel lost!” His voice shook as he continued. “I’ve known Mark for years, since we were kids! … And he’s just gone?” His eyes pleaded to you. They were begging you to say something, but you didn’t quite know what to say or offer him. His face firmed.
“I don't have any answers right now. I just need to be alone…to process all of this.”
“Of course Damien…take your time.” Your hand twitched, aching to reach out and rub his shoulder with some sort of semblance of sympathy. But you held back.
“We’ll talk soon, but I need to think.” He walked away, head hanging.
A sudden whisper from behind you made you whip your head around to a bush.
“Hey! Partner! Get over here, now! Hurry up!” You raced forward as the Detective started walking into the manor.
“You’re not gonna believe this; I can barely believe this! The body: it’s gone. It’s just fucking disappeared. Look!”
Sure enough, as you walked into the gathering room, the taped outline of the body was all that was left. Nothing else remained as evidence of the crime.
Mark was gone.
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cadaceus · 2 years
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C3E04
Farewell to old friends, but not without some shenanigans. We learned some new information this episode too that has me side-eyeing everyone and everything! I can’t wait for next week but until then, here are my liveblogs for Campaign 3, Episode 4 of Critical Role. Spoilers beware!
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- Oh! Travis is there! (Also all of this merch is so cute I may need to put some items on my wishlist lol!)
- Oh, Travis is no longer there :(
- I love Imogen and Laudna’s relationship so much 
- Ooh so this is a recurring dream that Imogen has
- It was Orym who found Bertrand first... oh my goodness...
- “It’s not your fault, [Dorian]” “I know.” “Do you?” Awwwe precious loves. Fearne and Dorian is an underrated friendship
- “Bertrand can buy his own sandwich” ASHNTON NOOO LMAO
- Oh noooo, the coin was from FCG’s old friend Dancer! I can’t tell how upset they are about it being lost, I hope they aren’t too sad... poor Orym seems to feel so guilty though! It’s okay Orym! :((
- Liam rolling a 1 and then using Halfling Luck to get a 20 SDAFGHJKSL ICONS ONLY
- Dorian (accidentally?) hitting on this person in the bar and the twins waggling their eyebrows is so funny dhjkd
- “Right, we hate the rich, don’t we? Yuck!” DORIAN LMAOOOOOO
- LIAM’S FACE WHEN JENAYA SAID “fill me up” I AM CRYING
- Side note: Robbie and Ashley both look so good tonight, I keep getting distracted
- I don’t know which is the better one liner, Dorian’s “I’m still working on your song” or Ashton’s “Thanks for the job”
- I’ve seen the theory that Oshad Breshio/”The Anger”/the bodyguard that Orym is looking for will be Travis’s new character... or maybe his new character will be a member of the family that was attacked? 
- Milo is my new emotional support NPC
- “It’s alright, I deserve that” “No you don’t, I was messing with you!” God I love FCG and Orym’s relationship so much already LOL
- FIRST ESSEK MENTION OF THE CAMPAIGN YES IT WAS OOC BUT I’M COUNTING IT ESSEK MY BELOVED  😭 😭
- THE SHADOW BAKER?? I love this guy sfghjklkdk
- I made the mistake of trying to brush my teeth while listening to this exchange and the Shadow Baker going off about pies made me nearly spit out my toothpaste because I was cackling too hard sfghjksl
- It was the pies mention that made the Shadow Baker send them towards trouble, let’s be real here
- Awww, I wanna keep going! This was a fun ep and I can’t wait for next week! :)
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