#good thing i have therapy in an hour i'll just talk about THIS. not really of course but like. haha. unless
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You get high with them- 🍃 🚬
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Luffy
You of course bought some edibles the last time you were on land. Now chilling jn bed you ate some and Luffy came in- Assuming the gummies were just normal candies he partook in some before you could give the warning.
He ate a easy 400mg and now is laying next to you as high as a kite. His gum gum abilities also being messed with by the edibles as he is quite literally dropping over the sides of the bed.
"My face feels heavy and fuzzy" He hums, blinking at you slowly.
You smile at him and giggled at his reactions.
"You're absolutely fucked up-"
He nods at this and just giggles as he lays there. Clearly a giggly high.
Sanji
You offer Sanji a bit from your joint while sitting in the kitchens. He accepts figuring it won't be that bad-
Sanji and you will talk with you for a while as you two shared the joint. When it hits him however- it hits him hard.
"This feels weird" He smirks at this and passes the joint back to you with a smirk. The man shows a whole new side of himself- were where he is just so chill and open! Super cool too.
"Yeah I do see Chef Zeff as my father. I'll never let him know since that would boost the old man's ego way to much- But I love the old guy"
Will come up with amazing cooking ideas and actually prepare them, often having music playing as he does so.
"(Y/N) I just got an amazing idea- what if I cake the creamy cheese sauce from the pasta and add it to ramen instead and top it with spicy seafood, a soft boiled egg and green onions. A cheesy spicy ramen"
Zoro
When you first offer to zoro he absolutely refuses- It isn't until a few weeks later when he sees you at it again does he agree. You make him a small joint to start out with and the two of you sit on the main deck under the stars and pass it back and forth.
He will start to get a bit chattier. Talking to you a bit more about random things- He smiles and giggles a bit more.
"This is a new experience for me- I usually don't want to dull my senses"
You take another kit and cough a bit, Waving the smoke.
"But you drink a fuck ton" You pass him back the joint and he nods.
"Touché"
Eventually however he gets sleepy, immediately turning into the sleepy high. Just laying on the deck half asleep and joining in humming a song with you.
Usopp
Truth be told- Usopp is the most open to the experience. He lies saying he does it before despite being fairly clean. However is interested in the opportunity!
Will be the one wanting to try a pipe- Which you will happily provide and the two of you will sit in the bottom haul of the ship and pass the pipe back and forth-
Usopp will actually start to yet honest with you- really really honest. It turning almost into a therapy session between the two of you.
"Man I really miss my Mum... she was just an amazing person and it makes me upset to think she only heard about how her son was a lying mess up instead lf someone great"
He admits, sadly looking at the pipe before taking another rip of the pipe.
"I'm sure she's proud of the man you are Usopp. You are a good guy and an amazing pirate" You praise, patting his shoulder.
He nods at this and smiles. Defiently a honest high Ironically.
Nami
Nami is no beginner- In her time away from Arlong she used to smoke to feel a bit of stress relief. So when you offer she comes prepared with her favorite bong.
Sitting together the two of you will talk for hours while taking massive hits of the bong. Eating snacks stolen from the kitchen as you play records.
"So- You think that Buggy can take off his dick?" You question watching Nami take another massive rip from the bong, holding it in for a good second as she nodded and releases the cloud of smoke.
"Abso-fucking-lutely he can. He said he would take every thing apart and I saw how small he had himself flying- There is no way he hasn't sent his cock through the air"
"Wait- so if every part... do you think Luffy can stretch his?"
You both burst out in hysterical laughter and continue to talk mindlessly. Nami is Defiently the social butterfly of highs, just laying out the best of conversations.
Buggy
You get caught by Buggy smoking at first- however he is fine with it and interested in what you could possibly be doing.
Buggy is more then willing to smoke with you, thinking this will be a fun experience for you all. It's an experience all right-
Let's say in stupid thoughts you guys get hotboxed in his bedroom. Buggy has his hair down and will be talking about random philosophy and sounding intelligent unlike his normal Goofy self.
"You know, I've always wondered how the system of devil fruits work?- if one can exist at a time say I die. Does that mean another Chop Chop fruit will appear? Who controls this?.. Does that mean a plant knows when I died?"
You nod at this, also curious of this question.
"You know, I never thought of that... wait wait- so Does that mean a plant is closer to a God then anything else if it knows when you die?"
You two will talk for hours about random questions, before stumbling to get some snacks in the middle of the night.
#x reader#one peice x reader#one piece#one peice live action#buggy the clown x reader#buggy one piece#buggy x reader#monkey d. luffy x reader#luffy x reader#one piece luffy#zoro headcanons#zoro x reader#roronoa zoro#one piece nami#nami#op nami#usopp x reader#god usopp#one piece usopp#sanji x you#op sanji#sanji x reader#one piece sanji#vinsmoke sanji
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cw: literally just fluff with the tiniest bit of suggestive talk.
when shoto finds you in the evening circa 7 pm, you're sprawled on your belly on your bed, your laptop in front of you. you've been doing retail therapy for the past hour, without really needing the therapy part of it, adding things you don't expect to buy haphazardly. shoto immediately calls out your name tentatively when he doesn't see you upon entering, and you quickly call back out to him with a "good evening babe!"
shoto pokes his head into the room, sees you and smiles.
"hey, sweetheart."
you look up from your computer and beam at him, and he grins as well. from the look on his face, you discern that he hasn't had a particularly hard day and you're thankful for it. he dips down to kiss you on the forehead, and you close your eyes affectionately.
"how was work?"
"unremarkable." he replies. you giggle at the specific word usage and he shrugs. shoto disappears into the bathroom, then reappears moments later in different, more comfortable clothing, finally settling into the bed next to you.
"did you have a good day today?" he's moved in close, his chin pressed softly on your back as one hand pats your butt then squeezes.
you give him a look, but keep shopping.
"got home much earlier than usual and got bored, so alas."
"catch any villains?" he asks. it's so matter-of-fact that it's almost hilarious and you laugh.
"no, did you?"
he shakes his head. you click through the catalogue again while shoto continues to use your ass as a stress ball but doesn't explicitly ask for sex, then moves to laying his head on it.
"what do you think of this dress?" you ask.
"perfect."
you give him a look. "you barely looked at it!"
he shrugs, then buries his face in your butt and bites it gently. "you look pretty in anything."
you roll your eyes.
"sho!"
he rises up a bit, then smiles at you, eyelids low and dreamy as though he were to fall asleep. maybe he is tired, and absolutely, he is very cute.
"yes, sweetheart?"
"stop buttering me up." you tease. he shrugs again, then lays back in position.
a few more moments pass in silence, with the click click of you adding more and more things you'll never buy to your cart, and suddenly shoto speaks.
"did ___ call you yet?" he asks.
you raise an eyebrow.
"no?"
he twists his mouth to the side. "midoriya's worried he's getting dumped for real this time," he says. his hand has moved now, and he's gently stroking the length of your legs, palm rubbing over your thighs idly.
"i'm sure it'll be fine," you offer.
"mm."
you look at him again, and see the faintest worry in the small thin line of his lips.
"are you that concerned about them?" you ask.
"a little.... i hear breakups in friend groups are contagious."
you give him a blank look, and he returns it, and then you laugh.
"you think i'll dump you if she dumps him?"
shoto frowns.
"maybe."
this actually brings out a big laugh from you, and you shift; he rises and sits back, legs crossed and waiting.
"i am never dumping you. not because of that, not ever. don't be silly." you remind him, a genuine smile on your face. he seems reassured by this, leaning in to cup yours, and giving you a longer than usual peck on the lips.
"promise?"
"promise."
he pulls you into his lap and rearranges your laptop on yours. you continue your scrolling as he presses his chin to your shoulder and wraps his arms around your waist. you finally make it to the cart, frown at the price and close out. you let out a sigh.
"well that was fun," you joke.
"you're not gonna buy it?" shoto asks, raising an eyebrow.
you turn to him and stammer.
"i mean, the price-"
"use my credit card."
your face warms. "a-are you sure?"
he bites gently at your shoulder again.
"don't be silly. of course."
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inked #1
Summary: bucky is Shit At Talking so he just writes to his best friend. who he is absolutely not in love with. nope. it's just a therapy project. really.
Warnings: cursing, just bucky being his angsty cynical ass self
Word count: 350
A/N: i have like 15 excerpts from letters like this lying around my drafts for weeks so im just letting them free into the world. very loosely kind of like alex turner's letters to alexa chung. i hope this should be easy to write and remains drabbles since it's kinda low effort and im not really expecting people to read this hehe
This is bullshit.
Never been good with words. Could have been, if I spent more time in school instead of the docks. Steve managed to find something for himself out of his art. I got busy trying to keep things around me from going to shit.
For the record, these are not love letters. Christ, do you know how long it's been since I wrote one? A hundred fuckin years ago, and I can’t even remember her name now.
But I need to get out of therapy, and Raynor says this is a step towards that. Just an outlet.
It’s homework, is what it fucking is. Like I’m back in middle school.
I fucking tell you, i don’t even know why I’m doing this now. I should be asleep. The crackass of dawn isn’t even happening for a few more hours.
I don’t think this is going to be a regular thing. Contrary to what the doc says, most days I don’t know what’s going on in my head. If I do ever manage to figure it out, I'm guessing you'd already be long gone.
It’s useless, is what I’m trying to get at here. If you haven’t already cracked that. If there's any god out there that hasn't already deemed me unsalvagable, you'll never have to read these.
But it's the middle of the night and I know you're awake. I can hear you teetering around out there. I wonder if anyone else can hear you, or you know I'll be listening.
Anyone else, I'd have closed my damn eyes and pretend I couldn't hear.
But in a few seconds I know I'm going to pull on a shirt and go looking for you to see what you want at fucking 3am. I want to know why.
I know you have them too. Nightmares. Nothing I can fix-- same as you, with mine. Truth be told, there’s nothing about you I want to fix, anyway.
But if you're out at 3am, trying to be quiet, I know you're looking for the homemade bread. It's above the microwave.
Give me a few seconds. I'll join you.
I know where they've kept the good olive oil.
here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing!
anyway, if you want to send in prompts for future letters, please do!
#Bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfic#mcu fic#bucky barnes angst#bucky barnes fluff
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movie!FNAF Incorrect Quotes: Part 2
Happy Thanksgiving!
WILLIAM: The first step to every successful murder is to have fun and be yourself.
•••
VANESSA: Avenge my death
MIKE: But you're not dying...
VANESSA: AVENGE ME!
•••
VANESSA, over the phone: Do you see the blue wire?
MIKE: Yeah? *reaches for it*
VANESSA: Don't touch it
MIKE, yanking his hand back: Start with, 'don't'!
•••
MIKE: I want to sit in a comfortable chair, watch television, and go to sleep at a reasonable hour.
•••
MIKE, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.
•••
MIKE: Okay Google, how do I get revenge on those who have forsaken me?
Google: The best revenge is letting go and living well.
MIKE:
MIKE: Bing, how do I get–
•••
MIKE: Kill me now
ABBY: Sorry, no can do. I need your help with my homework.
•••
WILLIAM: I'm never donating blood again! The second you walk in, it's just one invasive question after another!
WILLIAM: "Where'd you get the blood?" and, "Why is it in a bucket?"
•••
MIKE: I have to admit something to you guys...I slept in jeans last night
CHICA: Mr. Cupcake, kick him out of here
•••
VANESSA, watching Mike doing upper-body exercises: He's been going at it for a while. I wonder where he finds the motivation
MIKE, under his breath: I'm going to get so good at hugging my baby sister
•••
ABBY: Then what are you saying? Find new friends?
MIKE: I'm not saying find new friends, I'm...
MIKE: Yes, I am. Find new friends.
•••
VANESSA: *Trying to sneak past her dad*
WILLIAM: Don't even think about it
VANESSA: How'd you know?
WILLIAM: I'm your father. I know everything. Now, where have you been?
VANESSA: I thought you knew everything.
[if this was the movie, this would be the part she got choked]
•••
MIKE: Shh! Did everybody hear that? Do you know what that sound was?
ABBY: What?
MIKE: That was the sound of my patience shattering into a billion little pieces.
•••
MIKE: What doesn't kill you, gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor.
•••
VANESSA: THE FLOOR IS LAVA!
ABBY: *helps Mike onto the table*
GOLDEN FREDDY: *kicks Mike off the table*
VANESSA: As you can see, there are two types of kids.
•••
GOLDEN FREDDY, narrating: And that's when they became horribly lost.
ABBY: Are we lost?
MIKE: No!
GOLDEN FREDDY: He lied.
MIKE: Stop it!
•••
VANESSA: Esto es tu culpa.
MIKE: *sighs* I know, I know!
ABBY: Wait, you speak Spanish?
MIKE: I know the phrase 'this is your fault' in every language spoken to me.
•••
MIKE: It's so hard to be a single mom when she’s not your biological daughter and are an adult man.
•••
[After building the infamous fort]
ABBY: It's moments like these that I'll never forget
MIKE: With enough therapy, hopefully, someday I will
•••
ABBY: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering.
GOLDEN FREDDY: Abby, what's wrong? Are you okay??
ABBY: Mike stole my garlic bread
•••
VANESSA, helping Mike after he got knocked unconscious: Aww, you poor thing
MIKE, completely out of it: Don't bring my finances into this
•••
VANESSA: Do you ever worry you'll regret the things you're doing now, in the future?
MIKE: No, I just regret everything instantly
•••
MIKE: I need caffeine.
ABBY: Doesn't it give you anxiety?
MIKE: Yes. But it also gives me energy. So I can feel anxious longer.
•••
MIKE: Where's my sister?
GOLDEN FREDDY: Don't worry about Abby
MIKE: Oh, I'm sorry, have you met me?
•••
ABBY: I cannot stand her.
GOLDEN FREDDY: Me too.
ABBY: You've no idea who I'm talking about.
GOLDEN FREDDY: Solidarity, sister.
•••
ABBY: Let's do something scary!
MIKE: We could go to bed early and be alone with our thoughts.
•••
VANESSA: What could be giving you anxiety?
MIKE: Um, let's see...Every aspect of my life
•••
MIKE: You think that disapproving glare works on me after after all the times I've seen it?
•••
ABBY: Please? For me?
MIKE: Don't do that. You think every time you say "Please? For me?" I'll do whatever you want, well, not this time.
ABBY: Please? For me?
MIKE: Okay.
•••
WILLIAM: Tell me what I want to know and I'll burn your house to the ground.
MIKE: Um, don’t you mean 'or'?
WILLIAM: Fine. Tell me what I want to know OR I'll burn your house to the ground.
ABBY: Well, which is it? That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction.
•••
MIKE: Wait a minute! We don't go TOWARDS the scary sound!
ABBY: Yeah, we do. We always do.
MIKE: I really hate that about us
•••
WILLIAM: I got bitten on my walk today by a Doberman
VANESSA: Oh no! Imagine if that had been a small child
WILLIAM: I'm pretty sure I could fight off a small child...
•••
MIKE: Quick question; how does someone relax? I'd like to try it
MIKE:
MIKE: I still need answers, aha
VANESSA: You okay there, buddy?
MIKE: Nope
•••
MIKE: Hey, can you keep a secret?
VANESSA: Do you know anything about my life?
MIKE: Good point.
•••
MIKE: Did you know that cutting out caffeine from your diet can help eliminate over 60%...of your will to live?
•••
MIKE, dumping out a shopping bag full of Lunchables onto the table: Tonight, Abby, we feast.
•••
MIKE: Help! I'm drowning!
VANESSA: Calm down. We're only in five feet of water!
MIKE: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!
•••
MIKE: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
•••
WILLIAM: I feel like the young are out to get me.
•••
MIKE: If you don't pay my bills, I don't want your two cents.
•••
VANESSA: Do you cook?
MIKE: Yeah, I made a cake once.
ABBY: Yeah, it was good!
MIKE: Really?
ABBY: Don't make me lie twice, Mike
•••
ABBY: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.
GOLDEN FREDDY: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?
ABBY: Yes.
GOLDEN FREDDY: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.
•••
ABBY: Remember that time you dared me to lick that swing set?
MIKE: No. You said, "Wouldn't it be funny if I licked the swing?"
And I said, "Abby, don't lick the swing set." Then you replied, "Don't tell me what to do." And you licked the swing set.
•••
MIKE: This could work. All we need now is a bad cop.
VANESSA: I can do bad cop.
MIKE: I've only seen you do mildly irritated cop.
•••
ABBY: Did you lose your job because of me?
MIKE: Nah. The manager's a vampire and he wanted me to join his legion of the undead.
ABBY, under her breath: I knew it
•••
ABBY: In my defense, I was left unsupervised
VANESSA: Wasn’t Mike with you?
MIKE: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised
•••
[At Mike’s funeral]
WILLIAM, as Steve Raglan: *places his hand on Mike’s casket and sobs* How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed.
•••
VANESSA: You fainted. Do you remember anything?
MIKE: Only the ambulance ride
VANESSA: There wasn’t an ambulance. I drove you
MIKE: But I heard a siren?
VANESSA: That was Abby
ABBY: Sorry, I got scared
•••
VANESSA: Hey, guys, what are you watching?
ABBY: Kitten football. It came on and I’m invested. I think Mike’s getting into it too—Aww look. Snuggles fell asleep!
MIKE: SNUGGLES WAKE UP AND GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!
VANESSA:
ABBY: I think we’re invested in the game for different reasons
•••
ABBY: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they're loved. Mike has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for him.
VANESSA: By forcing him to have fun at a party that he doesn't want to be at?
ABBY: I knew you’d understand
•••
VANESSA: When we go out, I expect you to be on your best behavior
MIKE: That’s right. Listen to her, Abby
VANESSA: Mike, I was talking to you
••••
VANESSA: Where can I find this, “friend zone”? Because I need friends.
•••
ABBY: Do you guys have any healthy stress outlets?
MIKE: Screaming
WILLIAM: Murder
VANESSA: Manipulation
ABBY: Okay, screaming it is
•••
VANESSA: How are you feeling these days?
MIKE: Oh, much better now that I’m back in denial
•••
Movie!MIKE: Thirteen year old me would be both horrified and in awe of me
Game!MIKE: I'd punch thirteen year old me
#josh hutcherson#mike schmidt#mike schmidt fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf#fnaf movie#mike and abby schmidt#fnaf incorrect quotes#incorrect fnaf quotes#incorrect quotes#funny stuff#i tried#happy thanksgiving
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I will like if Jaune is Adrian's donor and Pyrrha was alive and with Jaune. Pyrrha would were an " I am not the step mom I am the mom who stepped up shirt" and take a ton of selfies in it while holding Adrian.
I love this idea, I really do, but just so you know, the reason what you're about to see is because "I'm the mom who stepped up" reminded me of my favorite character from my absolutely favorite podcast.
I present to you and all the good folks at home,
Pyrrha Nikos as Ron Stampler
=================================
Blake: So what is Pyrrha Nikos' plan for Adrian Cotta Arc?
Pyrrha: Adrian...? Oh! Adrian! Cotta! Arc!
Blake: You step-son.
Pyrrha: Yeah! I'm making him some instant oatmeal because that's what he asked for. But then Jaune pointed out that I need to put water in with the oatmeal, and I can't just put the packet in the bowl. Which, uh, is really getting into the nitty-gritty there, and I don't exactly need that extra flourish, but I'll do it anyway, because I love my step-son. Adrian. Cotta. Arc.
Blake: Pyrrha?
Pyrrha: Yeah?
Blake: Adrian hasn't been at the table for the last hour.
Pyrrha: Oh... Then I guess somebody's not getting their instant oatmeal.
Pyrrha: Arin- Adrian? Adrian? Where are you at... buddy?
Adrian: (Outside) Uuuuuuugh...
Pyrrha: Mommy? I mean, Adrian? Is that you?
Blake: You should probably head outside and check.
Pyrrha: (Sees Adrian) Hey, Adrian. I know that... I haven't been there for you. Because I wasn't married to your husband- MY husband, your dad, before you were born to your moms, who both died and I've written several pages of words, trying to emote on paper what I can't always do in person. And I'm working on that.
=================================
Pyrrha: (Knocks on the door) Uh, hi, Oscar! It's me, Pyrrha Nikos, noted supporter of men and-
Oscar: (Door swings open, Haggard) I'm... I've been trying my best to make magical weapons for you, but it's just... there's so much I have to put into just one part of each weapon and-
Pyrrha: That's great! I appreciate you and your hard work!
Oscar: ...Yeah, no, I'm very convinced by that. You sound like a real ally. What the fuck do you want?
Pyrrha: Uh, I was wondering if you could help me... again?
Oscar: ...Wow. Huge surprise. What is it?
Pyrrha: I was wondering if I could talk to that doctor you menioned. That "Doctor Not Oz"?
Oscar: (Actually surprised) Oh! Uh, yeah, sure, just come on in, get comfortable, okay?
Pyrrha: Should I close the door?
Oscar: Yeah, yeah, please close the door. I'll just grab Doctor Not Oz.
Pyrrha: Should I sit on the couch, or...
Oscar: Sit wherever you want. Just be comfortable.
Pyrrha: (Sits down)
Oscar: (Magically dyes hair white)
Oscar: (Pulls out crooked glasses)
Oscar: (Puts on buttoned, green coat)
Oscar: (Sits, Reaches out hand) Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm Doctor Not Oz.
Pyrrha: Uh, so, my name is Pyrrha Nikos.
Oscar: Pyrrha, I am so glad to see you here. Attending therapy is very important, if not the most important first step to admitting you need help. Everything you say between us is strictly confidential. Let's talk about your mother.
Pyrrha: That's actually the biggest thing to get into right away for me, so-
Oscar: Okay, okay! That's fine! Let's talk about anything else. How are you feeling right now?
Pyrrha: Scared of my mom.
=================================
Yang: (Walks out of the woods) Oh, uh, hey, P-Money! How's, uh... How's it going?
Pyrrha: (On the verge of tears) Uh... It's going.
Yang: I was gonna help Ruby make some weapons. You want in?
Pyrrha: Sometimes, I feel like my emotions are the weapons!
Yang: Come here, Pyrrha! (Hugs, Cries)
Pyrrha: (Hugs, Cries)
Nora: (Comes out of the woods, Instantaneously hugs and cries) I don't know what we're hugging and crying about, but I am in!
Weiss: (Struts out of the woods) Hey, guys, good news! I fucked so much that I'm no longer able to be one-shotted!
Pyrrha: Holy shit...
#rwby#dungeons and daddies#pyrrha nikos#blake belladonna#weiss schnee#nora valkyrie#yang xiao long#oscar pine#arkos#my answer#my answers
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as a former gifted kid who just realised that they're not as "gifted" as they were told they were, who had to rely on their "natural" ability to understanding lessons, which in turn led to them never forming actual study habits, who is barely hanging by a thread with their academics and is honestly just completely lost and don't know what the hell they're doing most of the time.....
please spare us some advice sloot on how you were able to learn how to properly study and recover from the burnout 😭 (if that' okay with you. Hope you enjoyed ur day today and tomorrow!!)
Well I think it depends on what you're studying and struggling with, but I'll give you the advice that helped me
Apps/programs like Anki help you remember and incorporate frequency training, so you don't learn everything at once and overwhelm yourself. I use flashcards for the bulk of my language studies.
For Japanese, I use Bunpro because I love its grammar lesson setup and again, it incorporates frequency training. I use Anki for Kanji and sentences in Russian and Japanese and I'm doing a little Italian for funsies.
For languages in particular, immerse yourself as much as possible in the language. Films, podcasts, YouTubers, tv shows, music, as long as it's in the language and ideally without subtitles if you want to be based and challenge yourself. Babies and kids learn fast because their brains are still forming connections, but ALSO because they hear the language constantly. Also, THINK in your target language. First you'll think smth in your native language, and then if you can, try to convert it to your target language. It'll be slow at first but the more you do it, the better you'll get.
For grammar, drills are inevitable. They're boring as fuck but translation and grammar practice are impossible to memorize any other way imo.
For math...get a tutor and drill the fuck out of your formulas, or find someone who specializes in math bc I don't lmao.
Instead of studying with multiple choice examples, to really learn turn it into a freeform question. Because multiple choice and testing well does not equal learning, and if you're in college you are there ideally bc you want to LEARN. You can combine flashcards to memorize important key bits. For example, let's say you need to study for an intro psychology exam. Your flashcards for psychoanalysis can have questions like: why is psychoanalysis a significant subject in the history of psychology? (with the answer card having bullet points like: laid foundation for modern therapy, emphasized subconscious's role in the mind, trauma, psychosexual relationship, id/ego/superego as "map" of the mind). If you can answer and bring up at least two or three of these points, you have a good understanding of the material.
Pretend you're teaching someone else the subject you're studying. I swear to god, I would pretend I was tutoring my f/os and I would even talk to the babies at my daycare job about what I was studying in Japanese that week. I would teach my dogs and my fish and my snails. As long as you're talking out loud, you're making yourself summarize the thing you're studying and realize what you need to work on. If you can explain it in simple terms to someone who knows nothing about it, you've studied it enough.
Use a Pomodoro timer to give yourself small breaks. Also it's nice to use apps like Forest or just an Excel sheet to track how much you study each day. Like I wanted to track how much I study languages, so I made an Excel sheet to track how many minutes I study since there are some general estimates of how many hours of studying it takes to reach higher levels of fluency in certain languages. Plus it helps me stay motivated to see how much I've studied each month.
On that note, ten minutes of studying is better than zero minutes. Instead of beating yourself up for not studying an hour or more, or even thirty minutes, make time to do small study sessions frequently.
If you're studying Japanese in particular or another language with a writing system you need to memorize like kanji, you NEED to divide your study time writing or else you will get overwhelmed. Like grab a kanji workbook, and pick one to work on. Write it a few times on a practice sheet or the practice spaces in the workbook, then go do something else for ten or twenty minutes. Then go back and do more kanji. The whole point is to frequently write the character so that you develop muscle memory and can remember the basic stroke order.
Don't make your notes pretty, make them useful. I love color coding so much but you need it to work to your advantage. Like I personally do blue for titles, red for important key info (usually just underlining in red or adding a little red star).
Don't be afraid to get stupid, because stupid silliness helps you remember. You know I know the Russian word for fish (it's рыба, or "reeba")? Because in my flashcards for beginner Russian, I made a shitty Microsoft Paint edit of Reba Mcentire's head on a stock photo of a fish. If it helps you remember, it helps you remember.
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dad on a saturday
annie woke up lightly hungover next to ryan in her bed. she didn't remember him coming over, but still had her panties on, so they didn't fuck. she probably texted him and then passed out didn't wake up. she checked her messages and confirmed it. good girl, annie.
but she took her panties off now, and climbed on top of ryan to wake him up. she'd make up for it now. and he was already hard -- morning wood -- so she had him inside her before he was really awake.
"hey there," he said. she was already grinding on his cock.
"shut up and let me fuck you," she said.
"ok," he said.
she rubbed her clit as she bounced, and soon she was gasping and he was unloading inside her.
ryan went to the shower immediately -- he wanted to hit the gym. annie stayed in bed, dozing and leaking peacefully. then her phone rang. her dad was calling her on facetime.
"hey dad," she said.
"still in bed? rise and shine, kid!" he said. "i was wondering if you wanted to come to an antique car show with me."
"sure," annie said. "when?"
"i'll pick you up in like a half hour?"
"i might need longer than that," she said.
"well, hurry up," he said.
"okay." she got out of bed and walked with her phone into the kitchen, forgetting that she'd paired her ipad and iphone together -- it was an app therapists used for remote clients and she never remembered to turn it off -- such that as she wandered into the kitchen, looking for coffee, she saw her father's face on the upright ipad on the counter, and in the smaller window, her full body and her exposed bush.
her mind flashed briefly to ted's daughter, and she resisted the urge to cover herself with her hand.
"sorry," she said, chuckling casually. "my phone and my ipad are paired."
"kind cool," he said.
"sorry about my bush," she said.
"bush is fine," he said. "i've seen those before."
and so she talked with her dad for a few more minutes like that, bush out, feeling increasingly confident as she did. then she hung up and finished getting ready for the day. he was at her door as she finished getting dressed.
she'd followed her father in the family business, so they talked about their current patients. she told him about the slap. he told her he'd been punched a few times. it was a sign that she was pushing the right buttons.
they looked at old cars and then went to lunch. she asked him how her mother was.
"your mother is your mother," he said. "you can ask her yourself."
"she wouldn't tell me," annie said.
"maybe so," he said. "how's ryan?"
"i don't know," she said. "we don't talk, really."
"do you have sex?"
she laughed. "yes."
"well, maybe that's all you need. do you really need a lot of people to listen to you? aren't you the one who listens?"
"yes," she said. "but so are you. and when you are i are together we manage to fill a conversation."
"i think if you feel like you need more people to listen to you it's not a judgment on your boyfriend it's a judgment on some insecurity. what are you doing wrong lately?"
impulsively, annie admitted to having sexual feelings about ted.
"well, that's normal," he said. "just let the energy of that feed your work."
"i'm a little worried there's no work to DO," she said. "honestly, the problem is his wife."
"that's facile," he said. "and never the case."
"i think i found the one time it is," she said. "and i think i keep him around for my own reasons."
"well, figure that shit out," he said. "tell carlos."
"that's your solution," she said. "not a more fulfilling romantic relationship. just more therapy."
"works for me," he said. "if your mom and i didn't fuck we'd be divorced. that's all we really need from each other. we don't even need the company. i have my friends, i have you and your brother."
"what hope is there for me if that's your romantic outlook?"
"romance isn't everything." he said. "it's barely even a top five thing."
in the late afternoon, annie snorted some adderall and cleaned her apartment. then she smoked weed in front of the TV, wondering if ryan would come over and whether or not she had the energy to fuck.
she got an email from jim. jim as in, julia's boyfriend? she checked. he'd emailed her professional account, meaning he'd looked her up. "just wanted to see how you were doing, you seemed pretty tipsy last night, hope you're well, we should hang out soon! -J"
"i was fine," annie replied. "not very drunk at all. just enough to make good decisions." she smiled at herself and sent it.
"want to get coffee next week?" jim wrote back, very quickly.
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Acquaint Yourself With The Avengers
Prompt number: 29 "That's all? Easy."
Fandom: Marvel
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!reader
Rating: E(veryone)
Word count: 4.2k+
Warnings: Maybe some swearing. Slow Burn? Reality TV show hate. Bucky (and readers') self hatred. Talk of death.
A/N: Hey guys! I feel like I've been gone forever- work is killing me! But I'm back for Fictober and I'm really hoping I'll finally do the whole month. This is part 1 of 2 I think- but I'm open to writing more in this universe. Part two will be up in a few days if not tomorrow. I have never watched a reality TV show, so please bare with me for the mistakes I no doubt made.
“This has to be a joke,” you deadpan, throwing the joke of a contract onto the table in front of you. Steve murmurs in agreement on your left, and an increasingly uncomfortable Bucky shifts in his seat to Steve’s left. “Tony, reality shows are crap. What were you thinking?”
“This is coming from higher up than me,” he rubs his temples, giving away his exasperation. Over the years Tony started to slowly step out of the spotlight, no longer seeking out media coverage. “It’s directly from Fury, and the few Congress members that are still on our side. Since the Accord drama our ratings have been dipping, we need them to see that underneath it all we’re just human.”
“And if I don’t agree to it?” your voice hardens as you have a staring contest with the billionaire.
“Then you’re out.”
“So you’re telling me if I don’t exploit my life, if we all don’t exploit our lives- we’re kicked to the curb. Just like that? Years of work and helping people just flushed down the toilet?” you’re on the verge of angry tears.
Your mother had drilled into your brain since you were a young impressionable child, that reality shows were trash, that they did more harm than good. The worse things people did on these shows the more famous they got, it teaches young children that they’ll get rewarded for their bad behavior. You wonder what she would think of you now, about to agree to become that trash just so you can continue to help the people that are bound to talk shit about each and every one of your friends online.
“I agree with (Y/N/N),” Steve finally speaks up, quickly glancing at Bucky’s clenched fists. “Bucky shouldn’t be subjected to having twenty cameras shoved in his face, not so soon after rejoining society.”
It’s been a month since Bucky came to live with everyone at the newly built compound, he had spent the previous three months after the Accords in Wakanda receiving the best help Shuri could provide. You wouldn’t say that you and Bucky are friends, but you two are definitely friendlier than he is with most of the team. You’ve never pushed him to talk, you two can sit in peaceful silence, something Sam does regularly because of his experience with PTSD and the benefits of talking about it.
“You’re just worried that more people are going to start speculating that you're dating him,” Sam joins the conversation, referencing the newest gossip article published today. Some ‘news’ site wrote a fifteen paragraph article speculating on a non-existent romance between the super soldiers, stemming from one single photo of Steve standing half in front of Bucky and pushing a camera out of his face on the way into a restaurant- for a team dinner.
“On the topic of relationships, I don’t really want a bunch of cameras in mine and Clint’s,” Natasha speaks up from the other side of the table, Clint nods along.
“The last thing people need is hours of footage of Vis and me to analyze and bully us about, I already get enough judgment and hate,” Wanda adds, crossing her arms over her chest. Vis rests a comforting hand on her soldier, he’s learned enough about human emotions- especially Wanda’s- to know not to add anything.
“You guys are overreacting,” Sam rolls his eyes. “Plus this could be a good time to promote things we’re passionate about, like group therapy for Veterans.”
“It sounds fun,” Thor booms, you roll your eyes. No one will say anything about him, he’s conventionally attractive, has a sexy accent, and he’s a literal God. He has nothing but adoring fans.
“All publicity is good publicity,” Tony grimaces. “We can’t go any lower, we’re already at the bottom of the barrel.”
“Peter’s lucky he’s a minor and anonymous,” you pout, out of the corner of your eye you can see Bucky crack a small smile. With that one final comment you're signing the contract, because at the end of the day you’ll do whatever it takes to be able to help those in need. Everyone has a similar vein of thought, all signing their own contracts.
Later that night you're sitting in the living room with Bucky, the News is playing in the background, but neither of you had been paying it any mind. You’re too focused on coming up with worst case scenarios about the impending reality show. Bucky can practically hear the gears whirring in your head, he keeps glancing over at you to make sure you're okay. Not that you notice because you're too wrapped up in your own little world.
“What if they edit it to make one of us the villain?” you ask out of nowhere, this is the first time you’ve broken the peaceful silence in the months you’ve been sitting with him. “Sorry, forget I said anything, I’m gonna head to bed.”
“It’ll be me,” Bucky whispers when you stand up from the couch. “They’ll take this opportunity to show everyone what a monster I am.”
“You aren’t a monster Bucky,” you squat down in front of him when you see that he’s staring at his lap. “You can’t be blamed for what Hydra made you do. And anyway, they usually pick an unsuspecting person on one of these shows and edit it so their words and actions are all twisted. They ruin people’s characters, not make hard hitting political statements.”
“You think they’ll target you?” he asks it like it’s a question, but it’s more of a statement.
“Yeah I do,” you sigh, standing up and plopping on the couch beside Bucky for the first time. “I’m mysterious, or at least that’s what Tony and Peter keep telling me. I don’t have a big social media presence, I do my best to avoid the paparazzi when I go out, and I very rarely speak at press conferences. If they don’t make me the villain, I’m worried they’ll hyperfocus on me until I slip up and become one.”
“I think it’ll be Vision, since he’s a robot,” Bucky adds after a minute of silence, and you can’t help but smile at him.”
Before you know it, Wednesday rolls around, and the fifteen person crew shows up to invade your lives. You start to get overwhelmed by the ten cameras they are setting up, two in a confessional area, and the other three in the living room where you are all supposed to do your opening scripted talk- where Tony will explain why you guys are doing the reality show Acquaint Yourself With The Avengers. On top of those cameras, the crew are setting up hidden and security cameras to catch the action when they aren’t there filming on the main ones. Once you're all seated on the couches- your stuffed between Bucky and Sam- the PA, Alice, comes over to talk to you all.
“So filming will happen Thursday through Tuesday most weeks, unless a big event falls on an off day, crew leaves by ten PM at the latest, and the hidden cameras will go dormant after midnight. No children will be in the final product- as requested by Scott, we can evaluate on a case by case basis if any of the rest of you choose to have children down the line and want to show them. Are there any questions?” she asks, but gives a look that screams not to ask any. “Well if there aren’t any, we should get to shooting, we’re already twenty minutes behind.”
You say your two scripted lines in the beginning scene and then zone out through the rest, you’re a little worried your face will give your lack of enthusiasm away, but none of the crew says anything so you assume you're fine. Soon enough, you're dismissed, but not allowed to go far because the first interviews for all of you are about to take place in the dining room. You and Bucky both stay firmly planted on the couch while most of the others go to the kitchen to get something to drink, or lurk in the dining room to watch said interviews- Steve being the first to be interviewed.
“Just act like the camera’s aren't there,” you say unhelpfully when you notice his gaze shifting uneasily from one camera to the next. In reality you too are struggling with them watching you from every possible angle.
“That’s all? Easy,” Bucky deadpans, a laugh bursts out of your mouth and his eyes twinkle.
“Did you just make a joke,” you laugh again, this time far quieter. For the first time since the camera crew arrived you forget they’re there, too lost in this one real moment with Bucky, too lost in his gorgeous crystal blue eyes. It’s the first time you’ve ever seen him let his guard down with anyone other than Steve.
“And if I did?” he asks playfully, leaning in closer to you, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Then I’d say do it more often, it’s a good look on you,” you grin back at him, and you're only broken out of your trance when Alice calls for Tony.
She calls you after Tony, hair and makeup come rushing over to give tiny last minute adjustments to your appearance after you're seated in front of a ring light. You start to fidget with the hem of your shirt as the PA flips through her paper to get to her list of questions about you, the suspense just making your anxiety skyrocket.
“To start off we’re just going to ask some easy and basic questions to get you warmed up. So (Y/N), you’ve been with the Avengers since it was first formed, tell us what that’s been like, and make sure you put the question in your answer.”
“I’ve been with the Avengers since 2011, I was the second one Director Fury recruited, right after Tony. I’ve loved all of the good deeds we have been able to do for people all over the world, and I’ve made some lifelong friendships too. It’s amazing being able to do something you love with the people you love.”
“Good good,” Alice nods, looking down at her questions. “Now tell us how you feel about all of the new auditions to the team since then, and don’t hold back.”
“We’ve had some pretty great people join since the seven of us were originally put together, not only are they good, friendly people, but they are also all very skilled at what they do. I love watching the team grow, it just means that we have more skills and manpower to be able to help even more people,” Alice rolls her eyes at your response.
“For this next part we’re going to put up article headlines talking about how you’re the most private Avenger, even more so than Natasha. So just tell us why you’re so private.”
“There isn’t all that much to say, I’m just a private person,” Alice makes a keep going gesture from behind the camera. “I’ve always been pretty private and I was only thrust into the limelight when I joined the Avengers Initiative. I do my job to help people not to get recognition, that’s what my career has always been about. I never felt the need to post a lot of selfies online or make a tweet about the workout I just did. People are allowed to do those things, and there’s nothing wrong with that, I’ve just never understood why people would care what I’m doing in my day to day life.”
“Do you feel safe in the compound?” the question comes out of left field and you aren’t sure why it’s being brought up.
“Of course I feel safe! I’m in a highly secured compound with my fellow Avengers, there’s nothing safer.”
“One last question, everyone is dying to know, what’s your relationship status?” Alice even seems like she’s interested in the answer.
“Like I said before, I am a very private person, but I suppose I could answer this. For the whole two people wondering about my relationship status, I am single at the moment. I’ve just been really focusing on my job, and I’ve learned that people don’t necessarily like coming second to my job and my friends.”
“Thank you,” Alice smiles. “Can you send Bucky over next?”
You do as you’re told, search out Bucky and send him on his way to the dining room. Instead of heading to sweet freedom, your room, you loiter and watch Bucky’s intro interview. “Sergeant Barnes, what has it been like joining the Avengers and how has everyone treated you?”
“It’s been okay and mostly everyone-” Bucky gets cut off by Alice.
“Make sure you put the question in your answer.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bucky is clearly starting to get agitated with all of the focus and cameras on him.
“Say something like joining the Avengers has been really good, it’s helping me get better with teamwork again blah blah blah. The team has welcomed me in and it’s reminiscent of my time in the Army, something like that,” Bucky gives one nod, turning back to the camera in front of him.
“Joining the Avengers has been really good, it’s helping me get better with teamwork again,” you bring your hands to your mouth to stifle your laugh at Bucky repeating you word for word. “The team has welcomed me in and it’s reminiscent of my time in the Army.”
“Okay,” Alice draws the word out at Bucky’s lack of originality. “Who would you say your best friends on the team are?”
“Steve,” Bucky responds without thinking, and Alice tells him to mention at least one other person. “Other than Steve, probably (Y/N).”
You're shocked, but flattered, by his response. Sure, he may have just said that because you were right there and staring at him, but maybe he meant it. Maybe all of those nights on the couch with him meant something to him.
“Oh really?” asks, clearly liking whatever spin she’ll eventually put on this conversation in editing.
“Yeah, she um, she was the first one to really welcome me and spend time with me,” he rubs his neck nervously.
“Just like (Y/N), you’re really private too,” you take a step forward seeing that the questioning is starting to put Bucky on edge.
“Cause it’s no one's business,” Alice, thankfully, doesn’t push.
“Are you ever worried you may do something to put your team members in danger?”
That’s enough!” your voice comes out firmer and louder than you imagined it would, drawing the attention of the rest of the Avengers. “Bucky isn’t going to sith there and take your abuse, his interview is done.”
You hold your hand out to him, and he jumps to grasp it, gripping it like it’s his lifeline. You’ve never touched Bucky before, and you keep your brain from running at how warm and nice his right hand feels in your own. You lead him out of the room, away from the prying eyes, and the now constant camera presence. You pull Bucky to your favorite room in the compound, the library. You deposit him on the comfy chaise lounge in the middle of the room while you go grab two books. You come back with Harry Potter for you, and The Hobbit for him, you had heard him talking to Steve about the movies once and learned he read it back in the day.
Little do you know, the littlest action of knowing Bucky’s favorite book on top of the way you stood up for him out there means more to Bucky than he’ll ever know how to express. It thaws his frozen heart just a little.
#fictober23#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky fanfic#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#kat rambles#bucky barnes imagine#marvel fanfiction#marvel imagine
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I know you could do amazing things with Steddie and 03. “What the hell is that and why are you wearing it?” or 08. “I look at you and I think, ‘sunshine. Literal sunshine.’ It’s annoying.”
oh my god. literally two ideas sprung up and i wanna do em both so i'll keep em short
The evening was a mixture of highs and lows. Eddie had managed to convince Steve to see one of their shows. They weren't the only ones performing tonight, the bar was filled with the other acts. But Steve had found a good spot for himself. One where Eddie was easily able to see him while on stage and he seemed really into it. That was the high.
The low came when this other dude started putting the moves on Steve. Steve probably didn't realize it, straight as an arrow he was, but Eddie could see it clear as day. It didn't help that Eddie saw a bit too much of himself in the guy. He had long hair too, just darker and more straight. Eddie had actually been planning on asking Steve out. Like on a real date. Tonight was the night for it. He was sure he'd get his heart broken but he was kind of a masochist like that.
Nothing was going to happen while this other dude was talking Steve's ear off though. He only broke away to take a piss he'd been holding for two hours and he had half a mind to tell Jeff to watch Steve but he didn't.
So he only had himself to blame when he returned from the bathroom and saw Steve wearing that guy's jacket.
“What the hell is that and why are you wearing it?”
"Chuck here noticed I was a little cold and gave me his jacket. Wasn't that nice?", Steve smiled.
Eddie barged in between them, glaring down Chuck. "I'll fucking kill you." He practically tore the offensive clothing off Steve and pulled him off to a different part of the bar, freezing in place when he realized what he'd done.
"That was crazy. I'm crazy. I'm sor-mmf."
And Steve was kissing him. Did he slip on some booze and go to heaven?
"Took you long enough", Steve breathed against his lips.
"I..was that? Wuh? Were you-!?", he jabbed his thumb back at where Chuck had been standing.
Steve rolled his eyes. "In case it wasn't obvious, yes, I was trying to make you jealous. I know what it means when a guy offers you his jacket."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Oh. Now what are you gonna do to keep me warm?"
And the second idea!
"Eddie, what the hell is that and why are you wearing it?”
"Um they're called sunglasses, Steve."
Steve knew what they were he just wondered why Eddie was wearing them in the dead of winter. And at night. Indoors. When they were about to start a movie.
"I know it's called 'Starman' but I don't think it'll actually cause blindness."
"Oh these aren't for Jeff Bridges, as dreamy as he is. These are for you."
Steve pointed at himself. "Me?"
"I'm just gonna come out and say it, man. You have the most handsome face this side of the Mississippi. You're literally dazzling. I look at you and I think, ‘sunshine. Literal sunshine.’ It’s annoying.”
Eddie flicked a popcorn kernel at him in mild irritation. Steve rolled his eyes but couldn't hide the flush coming to his cheeks.
"So what, I'm so handsome that it's annoying?"
"Yes!", Eddie groaned. "It's like, we get it, your face was carved in great adoration by intelligent design, but the rest of us have lives to live. And it's damn near impossible with the visage of yours even in my periphery."
All Steve was hearing was that Eddie found him so attractive that it was distracting.
"So until any one of those deities up there blesses me with selective blindness, the shades stay on in your presence, Your Highness."
Steve removed Eddie's sunglasses without a second thought and smiled as his eyes bulged out.
"I think you need a little...what do we call it when we make Mike and Hopper spend time together?"
Eddie swallowed, looking like he was trying to memorize Steve's entire face. "E...exposure therapy."
"Yeah, that. I think you could benefit from some of that. What do you say?"
"Only if I can get a doctor's note excusing me from strenuous activity." Eddie didn't even know how words were coming out of his mouth. He felt like he was on autopilot.
Steve gave a very deliberate glance at Eddie's crotch. "Not all activities I hope."
"Holy shit."
#i guess im writing confident manwhore steve today LOL#thanks for the ask!#apo writes#stranger things#steddie#am i projecting a lil bc keery's face is legit distracting?#yes
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It was a day.
It always is, but today especially...day-y.
(students were difficult and I got robbed)
a student threw a chair on Tuesday (this isn't super abnormal, 12-13 year olds have issues). This particular kid, GS, has a really hard time managing his emotions and making good choices. He was making nazi jokes, other kids were mad, I tried to get him to leave class and he threw a chair.
The chair broke (part of it is plastic).
Students were upset. This particular student has known issues with his emotions. He picks at the worst things looking for attention, and he'll just keep digging.
He has huge emotional regulation problems. (he could use therapy, and support, he can't get these things unless he gets more support than he's getting at home).
So this happens, and it's not out of the ordinary really. It's a big emotional response, but this kid has big emotional responses. He's not a bad kid.
Parent emails the principal. Principal comes to watch my class.
And, she's good about it. She comes into 7th hour, she doesn't tell me what it's about. She watches for a bit, leaves, comes back at the end of the day.
And she's kin, she asks questions, she doesn't assume anything. She's actually REALLY good. I really like her, and she's really supportive and we talked about it
I feel awful afterwards. (i don't know why, I just..do).
I feel awful about my job sometimes. I feel like an imposter. I have a huge imposter complex. (I'm actually a decent teacher, I really am).
I don't feel like it.
So, I'm wrung out and I get home and a man stops me in the parking lot. It's getting late, it's dark, Felix is with me.
He wants my phone to text a friend. His car got towed, he needs moeny, etc...he wants me to give him money, and...I hand him my phone. He venmo's himself 80$, pretends it doesn't work, and gives the phone back. He deleted venmo, which is weird.
So, he sent himself 80$, it's not going to come out of my account for a few days. I disputed it, I filed a police report. (not that I really need the police involved, but filing a report opens up so many things, and it's an online form).
and sure, it's 80$, I'll live. I have 80$, but it feels lousy. I would have given him $20. 80 is more than I'd give a stranger.
It's also he's between me and my apartment, Felix is with me. What do I do? get back in the car? pick up Felix and run? he's heavy. I'm tired.
I'm so tired. In the long and short of things...does it really matter? It's 80$, I'll be fine. I don't think he was going to hurt me (I shouldn't have handed him my phone).
but like...if it was just 20$, I would have given it to him. That's fine. It's the violation, taking the 60 I didn't want to give.
I also really hate being approached by people who want money. I just loathe it.
and it's the parking lot of my building. I live here.
(also venmo is REALLY unsafe, because he was able to send himself money without me doing ANYTHING) while we made small talk about our kids.
And he made small talk about his kid, while stealing from me. Dude. just...I hate it.
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AITA for intervening in my friends' relationship poorly?
All right. This has a lot of context that I don't know is relevant but I'll include it:
A (25m), D (25f) and I (23f) have been friends since high school. We all went to university - they to schools that were far apart but within 4 hours driving distance, and I some way farther. We all stayed friends. They have been dating and monogamous since they were 13, and while I had some brief romantic tension with A in our last summer before leaving (and also have had crushes on both of them, as is the way with bisexuals in high school) we all decided that was stupid and went on our merry ways. I have never regretted that decision and to my knowledge neither have they. I'm now in a very stable long-term relationship.
We communicate via text and they've come to visit a couple times. A studied in another country for a year, forcing he and D to be long-distance. When he came back, they bought a house together with money they'd saved and borrowed judiciously, and now live VERY far away from me. I can't reach either of them except by phone. That's all fine and good.
The issue is this: it's not a good relationship anymore. D has severe mental health issues and needs to see a therapist, but neither she nor A believes in them really (although A has been depressed before and benefited from treatment) and we grew up in an environment where that was highly stigmatized. (I've encouraged she AND A separately to get her in, but I know it's hard when you're suffering to make an appointment and also treatment costs a fortune D does not have). This has led to A feeling trapped, and while he still loves her, he wants sexual gratification elsewhere and a life that's more stable and happier than the one where he's been supporting her mentally/emotionally, doing all the cooking and cleaning, providing transportation, etc. for the past two years.
I understand that, and I worry about her.
Here's where it gets tricky. He comes to me and says he has been having sex with people online for relief, never in person, just via text and skype. I say okay, I get it, so why don't you get out of the relationship? Well, he loves her, and is worried about her mental health if he leaves; she's fine when she's not depressed and unable to talk to him or function executively; he's not afraid to get out if the situation gets toxic (i was making sure it wasn't abusive).
I say okay, so don't feel guilty, but you need to be kind to D and HELP HER GET THERAPY. (I feel like the asshole here because I did not discourage this enough or tell him to just cut ties.) over the next several months, he does not adjust behavior, continues to tell me these things but begins to explore sex work (to help her get money for therapy - they both work other full time jobs but they pay the mortgage).
He still has guilt but is really enjoying the attention he's getting from people online. I begin to have guilt because while I initially fully endorsed it as an escape from what definitely appeared to me to be a bad situation for him, it now feels to me like he might be giving up on her but happy staying in the relationship while doing this behind her back and I might have had some hand in encouraging that. He also tells me a LOT that I worry I should be telling her.
I know he still loves her, but he's definitely needing some outlet there and not talking to her about it because he's afraid of how she might react (she's depressed, anxious, etc. and has a towering temper and a lot of self-hate, although so does he). I asked whether he'd talked with her about bringing someone else into the relationship for sex if not more, and he said yes - but they'd have to be someone both of them trust and that's not possible when they haven't got anyone like that where they live.
I don't know what to do and I really feel like I encouraged A to continue on this path of not communicating with D. I want to make sure they both know they have me to rely on, but D talks to me much less than A because of the aforementioned mental health difficulties. If we were all in the same place I feel like I would know what to do (encourage them each face-to-face to talk to each other!) but she's inaccessible to me because of the phone barrier and I can't get her perspective. I feel like I'm handling this all wrong and I'm worried about both of them. So I guess:
AITA for encouraging A in his brand of infidelity and not talking to D about it?
What are these acronyms?
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I feel like I should jjust give up on all my "good" qualities and stop trying to be a "good person" and fighting sgainst all my bad qualities. I. I start to feel like there's nothing good coming of it for me, and not enough good for anyone else to actually keep bothering with me.
I feel like the positive things I get told the most is that I'm nice, and that I'm beautiful.
But. Apparently I'm not enough of either for people to... stick around.
I don't know. Even now I don't know what to write. Cuz it might might people unhappy. But.
Maybe I'll try to let what I feel out, for just this once;
I do my fucking hardest, successfully too most of the time, to make people happy, to help them, to make them feel comfortable around me. Cuz all my life no ones ever done that for me. In school people gave no two shits about me, unless it was to make fun of me or get their homework done easier. FOR 9 DAMNED YEARS. Then I switched schools. I guess I had friends. Friends that, as soon as they were not forced to be in the same classroom as me either cut contact or essentially bullied me online. Since then I haven't made friends in person. My own mom has been there for me. As in. Provided for food, entertainment and ignoring my existence otherwise. I got hugged by her for the first time I can remember when I tried offing myself and telling her that I thought I wasn't worth anything and she didn't love me. She graced herself to hug me long enough so I stopped crying and then pushed me away and went back to watching TV alone telling me to go cuz SHE NEEDS A MOMENT. My dad is just inept. Nice. Trying his best. I guess. I used to see him once every 2 weeks, and we talked like 2 hours maybe, where he left me completely to myself otherwise. The person I had contact and an actual "friendship" with the longest eventually started using that friendship and manipulating and breaking apart my entire friend group to just fucking use me as his damned sex toy whenever he felt like it. And I didn't realize for what? 8 or more damned years. That friend group is now so splintered and fucked that I don't even know what the fuck to do about it. Do I still want them? Do they still want me? Pretty sure they don't enjoy me around anymore tbh. Newest friends I made are from therapy or from tumblr, and it's like 5 people in total, 1 if which I haven't talked to in 2 months as I assume she doesn't give a shit about me anymore, at least not that I could tell. And I still really really damned like her but I wish I fucking didn't cuz it's fucking tearing me apart. I suppose I got used to her being there for me and when she wasn't when I was at 2 of my absolute lowest points my mind just broke or something idk. 2 of them I met in therapy and one of them is nice but doesn't have time, which is okay but also annoying to be honest, but it's not her fault I suppose, and the other ignores me whenever she can. The newest 2 ppls I met are nice but I feel like they either are scared of me, I guess at this point rightfully so or don't actually care.
I keep saying that I'm not super likeable when you stick around me for too long and everyone always tells me they don't think so but somehow the only people that seem to have sticked around for years either did cuz they had no choice or in one case because they didn't actually like me and just enjoyed my body.
So. My honest feelings, no one actually cares about making me happy. I want to be treated the way I try my hardest to treat everyone else. I. I'm tired of having and making friends. I can't bear it. I can't bear being alone either. I have been for too long. I. I want this to end, not my life, just this this this dambed conflict of everything. I feel such conflicting things. I'm trying my hardest to make things right for everyone. And I feel like I am not getting enough back to even keep me going until 30.
Love is conditional. And I don't think I am capable of meeting these conditions. Besides all my hatred for how I'm being treated. I still only blame one person. Myself. For just not being good enough.
I wasn't wanted in this world. I was conceived on accident. And I feel that in the way my mother treats me.
But I hoped that maybe someone else doesn't.
Maybe I'll be able to hold on long enough until I can find someone that does want me. Maybe.
I hold so much hope. For such a hopeless person. Such a hopeless world. I wish I could give up.
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OH BOY I need some AIR after playing Cloutchase Vol 2!!!!
Time for the customary screenshot dump! Spoilers under the cut!
But first, some spoiler-free teases to further encourage you to play the game yourself first!
Aight here we go
Hrrrrrrrrrrrrgh I started with Amino and then had to wash it down with Discord cause oof the cringe flashbacks to middle school
They really went all out on the accuracy didn't they. It just like me fr (derogatory) (inaccurate)
We need to talk about this split second of dialogue btw- I caught it just in time oh my god WHAT- they should kiss I think
I played this with a friend actually and she gave Kik a Beetlejuice voice and it was amazing. My friend did all the voices actually and I did the narration and she was great and accurate it was a real fun experience. I've never even heard of Kik before this but she HAD and knew what to do XD
THE FREAKIN WARRIOR CATS ROLEPLAY. I know EXACTLY how it feels to be dragged into a WCRP when you've never read the books or know anything about the series, more middle school trauma for you there
Amino's route was positively perfect I have no notes I am going insane I am going feral I need therapy I need a monkey onesie-
Moving on, Muffy was in Discord's route! That was so neat to see! Also the crypto ending was so funny look at this:
We also need to talk about Twitter X. Just look at him
Amazing. Perfection. He is disgusted with us, as he should be
Ok in regards to actual Discord, I freakin love him. Again, I was playing this game with a friend, and she said his trans experience was so relatable to her. Then I spoke with another friend and he said the same thing. We all agree he's very gender looking, even tho two of us are femme XD
When we finished the Good Ending my friend said that Discord's feminine persona looked a lot more fake than initially thought now that we knew the truth, and that's honestly great character building. The maze was such an interesting way to get to know Discord better too, even if all the mythology reference were askew lol
I think both versions of Discord are incredibly cute and adorable but Masc Discord is my favorite cause he just looks so much more comfortable in his own skin if you know what I mean? Or maybe I'm just projecting idk
I've actually hit 12 photos already so idk why Tumblr wont stop me from adding more. Maybe it's different on desktop than mobile idk
Anyway I loved both routes and I wish I could gush about them more but I have a certain social experiment session in an hour (shoutout to the two people who actually read through my experiment tag) so I'll just leave it here
But gosh I loved these two they were amazing I want to play them again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
LAST NOTE BUT THERE ARE ACTUALLY A PAIR OF CREEPY TWINS AT THE END OF THE SHINING HALLWAY BTW
Calling it now it's Thesaurus.com and Dictionary.com (two of MY ocs that I haven't even DESIGNED yet ffffffffffff now that Webtoon's done I guess that's my next project)
#socialstuck cloutchase#socialstuck#cloutchase#cloutchase volume 2#amino socialstuck#amino cloutchase#discord socialstuck#discord cloutchase#not tagging anyone else cause that'd be spoilers and you can see the tags despite the cut
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through the hourglass 195. brb x oc
a/n:hm. not really fond of this one but oh well(comments and reblogs are super welcome and encouraged!! they make my nights they really do<3)
pairing: plus size!oc x rooster
warnings: none uwu
goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)
chapter
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(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! )
taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @novastories @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix @lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls
@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 @lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2
@emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale @leobabbyyy @booklover2sblog @winter-run @ktjmac @graciereads @bigpoppajes @taytaylala12
@caitsymichelle13 @becks-things @caatheeriinee07 @fanboyswhore9 @jesfreedark @katiemcrae @lilmonstrjedi @hobiismyhopeu @teacupsandtopgun @insominac23 @gh0stsgoodgirl @mygyn @chavivaelisheva @kmc1989
-
The waiting room had this very weird picture of a woman holding a dog, it looked like she was holding it by it’s hind legs as it walked on the floor with the ones in front, kinda like a weird…person. Rooster stares at it for hours, well not hours, probably a few minutes since he got there.
He bounces his leg anxiously, huffing quietly while leaning back on the uncomfortable plastic seat as it creaks under his weight. He’s twenty minutes early but he doesn’t mind because the parking area was empty when he arrived, making it easier to stay inside his car for five minutes before getting in.
He rubs his wedding band, looking down at his watch to check the time before sighing, straightening his pose with his hands interlocked between his legs. The secretary was looking at her computer, the other people there were busy playing with their phones or reading, but he was too fidgety to do anything like that.
And Bea knew.
-
Beatrice peeked into the closet, watching her husband lean his weight against the wall, partially clothed with a shirt on his hands, “...Roos?” he snaps his head up with a gasp, eyes wide and she immediately shows her palms to him, “It’s okay!It’s me!I’m sorry,I was just…checking on you because you said you were going to change and have something to eat but you uh…are still here.”
His chest moves as he breathes, dropping his gaze to the shirt, furrowing his brows only for him to rub his eyes, “Are you okay?’ she asks and he takes a while to reply.
“I think my nervousness came back.” he laughs with his hands still on his face, “I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?”
Rooster lowers his hands, giving Beatrice a small smile. "Yeah, I'll be fine," he says, "Just feeling a bit anxious about the therapy session."
Beatrice steps leaning against the wall next to him, gently brushing his hand with her fingers. "It's okay to feel nervous," she says softly, "Therapy can be overwhelming, but it's also a brave step you're taking."
He nods, resting his head on her shoulder. "I know," he says, "I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”
She hums, kissing the top of his head once he’s resting on her shoulder, “I think it’s because you’ll share the darkest parts of you that you haven’t in a very,very long time Roos.” she whispers against his scalp, “Maybe unravel some demons that have been hidden inside, you know?” he makes a face once she says it and she stutters a bit, “It’s not bad. You know that, some of the stuff was out before,wasn’t it?”
“Some of it, yeah,” he mutters, “I…just don’t know if I’ll be okay talking about my mom’s passing, or even my dad’s for that matter. Not as deeply.”
She hums, still holding his hand as she looks at her feet, “You can always tell the therapist your boundaries,Roos. You guys don’t have to talk about it now.”
Rooster takes a deep breath, "Yeah, you're right," he says, "I'll let the therapist know what I'm comfortable with discussing." he clicks his tongue against his teeth, “How long until you felt comfortable with therapy?”
Beatrice smiles, dropping her head a bit while sighing. "A few months,I blurted a lot of stuff out first, then got told some truths by Dr.Varma…then I started to get better. But it wasn’t until I met you that the changes were more visible."
Rooster nods, listening attentively to Beatrice's experience with therapy. "I'm glad you found it helpful," he says, “...you never told me what Dr.Varma says about me."
Beatrice smiles warmly, leaning her head against his. "What do you want me to say?" she says, “She was just happy I was happy…she also said you were one in a million." she grins,kissing his cheek as she rubs his hand, “You are though,I tell you that often.”
He does appear more relaxed, sighing quietly before looking down at the shirt on the floor. He picks it up, turns it a bit on his hands then slips it on as he straightened himself from the wall, “You do.” he smirks, running his hands down his torso to fix the creases, “And does she know I adore you and call you gorgeous all the time?”
Beatrice chuckles, nodding. "Yes, she knows," she says, "I may have mentioned it once or twice during our sessions." She winks playfully at Rooster, “And that you can be…relentless.
Rooster grins, tucking his shirt in. "Well, it's true," he says, "You are absolutely gorgeous, inside and out. And I can be a little bit relentless."
Beatrice blushes, feeling a warm rush of affection for her husband. "Just a little,huh?" she says, "I love you, Roos."
"I love you too," Rooster says, pulling her close for a sweet kiss once he’s done dressing up. "Thank you for being here with me, supporting me through this."
"Always," Beatrice says, wrapping her arms around him,. "I'm so proud of you for taking this step, and I know you'll do great in therapy."
Rooster leans his forehead against hers, smiling softly."I don't know what I'd do without you." her gaze softens and she opens her mouth to reply but he cuts her off, “...I mean it, you…are such a strong positive force in my life,I really am glad you are here with me.” he pauses, “...it makes it easier when you aren’t alone.”
She tuts quietly, cupping his cheeks, “Aw,Roos.” she kisses his forehead, “Baby, you are very strong, you know that right? You are unbelievably strong. And this shows how much.” he smiles sweetly, looking away from her, “Promise me you’ll do what feels comfortable,alright? And not push yourself too much.”
“...I promise.”
She grins,kissing his lips, “Good.”
-
And he’s back at the waiting room. Leg still bouncing as he waits. He huffs again,crossing his arms over his chest as he stares down to his watch, his session will begin in five minutes, so that was good.
He chews the side of his nail randomly, then pauses because he never did that. He just hides his hand under his bicep again until he hears a voice, “Bradley?” the secretary calls, “The doctor is waiting for you.”
“Oh uh,” he blinks, “I thought I’d be up in five minutes?”
“The last patient left a bit early, so you can go in,” she gestures to a hallway, “He’s at the last door down his hallway.”
Rooster nods, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He stands up, offering a small smile to the secretary, grateful for her reassurance. "Thank you," he says, "I appreciate it."
With Beatrice's words of support echoing in his mind, Rooster walks down the hallway,digging his hands in his pockets. It looks a lot longer than he expected, maybe that was his own mind playing tricks on him. There were paintings of different kinds adorning the walls: landscapes, dogs, fruits, even another lady and a strange dog staring back at him. He frowns, looking away before he sees the door at the end, swallowing nervously to speed up his steps until he’s right in front of it. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, jawline clenched, before knocking softly.
"Come in," a calm voice calls from inside.
Rooster enters,peeking from the door, finding a comfortable and inviting office with a cozy atmosphere. The therapist, Dr. Paulson, is seated behind a desk, he looks a middle-aged man -maybe in his 50s or 60s - with thick glasses that cover his eyes,short, and he's dressed in a professional yet casual manner, wearing a button-up shirt and khaki pants.
The office is tastefully decorated with soft colors and plush furniture, creating a calming and safe environment. There are shelves filled with books on psychology and personal growth, as well as some calming artwork on the walls.
As Rooster steps further into the room, Dr. Paulson smiles warmly, motioning to the seat across from his desk. "Please, have a seat," he says in a gentle voice, "I'm Dr. Paulson. It's nice to meet you."
Rooster takes a deep breath, feeling a mixture of nerves and relief as he sits down. "Nice to meet you too," he says, his voice slightly shaky, "I'm Bradley.”
Dr. Paulson nods, offering an understanding smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bradley," he says, "Thank you for coming in today. How are you feeling?"
Rooster takes a moment to gather his thoughts before answering, tapping his fingers against the chair’s arms. "I'm a bit nervous," he admits, "I haven’t been to a therapist since I was a teenager."
Dr. Paulson leans back in his chair, his kind eyes showing empathy. "It's completely normal to feel nervous," he says, "Coming to therapy can be a big step, especially if it's been a while. But I want you to know that this is a safe and confidential space where you can talk about anything that's on your mind."
Rooster nods, appreciating the reassurance. "Thank you," he says, "I just… I know there are things I need to work through, and I want to be a better husband and father."
Dr. Paulson nods understandingly. "It takes courage to acknowledge that," he says, "And I commend you for taking this step to seek support. Why don’t we start small? How about we start from you, then go all the way to your family? Would that be alright?"
Rooster takes another deep breath,this time scratching the wooden arms with his nails. "Yeah,that’s fine." he says, watching as the doctor grabs a notebook “You uh, you’ve been helping a lot of the personnel at the base. They were the ones who told me about you."
Dr. Paulson nods, jotting down a few notes in his notebook. "Yes, I've had the privilege of working with many individuals from the base," he says, “ I'm glad they recommended me to you."
Rooster glances around the office,analyzing the decor. "Yeah," he says, "They spoke highly of you, said you're really good at what you do."
The therapist smiles humbly. "Thank you for the kind words," he says, "I'm here to support you in any way I can. Now, you mentioned feeling nervous about therapy. Is there anything specific you'd like to talk about today or any areas you feel comfortable starting with?"
Rooster looks down at his hands, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "I guess I want to work through some past experiences," he admits, "Like my time in the military and... losing my parents at a young age."
Dr. Paulson nods understandingly. "Losing a parent at a young age can be a very impactful and challenging experience," he says, "And being in the military comes with its own unique set of challenges. I'm here to listen and support you as you explore these experiences and any emotions that come up."
Rooster takes a deep breath, finding some comfort in the therapist's words. "Okay…”
-
Beatrice chews her nail as she waits for Rooster to come home, she’s pacing around the living room, the three dogs are busy surrounding Nicole so they don’t really care much about what’s going on around them, in fact they are all busy watching tv alongside the toddler to care.
As Beatrice paces anxiously, tapping her hands together and only stopping when she hears the sound of the garage door opening.She holds still, she hears the roar from the Bronco slowing down to nothing, the car door opening and closing, soon followed by his feet walking up to the side door.
She turns to see Rooster stepping inside, his back to her as he places his keys aside, turning around to meet her gaze. He looks tired but also relieved, as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, a little smile on his face. The dogs, sensing his return, excitedly rush to greet him, their tails wagging and tongues hanging out which meant that Nicole was aware of it as well.
The little toddler slides off the couch and waddles past her mother to her father, her little arms going up and Rooster wastes no time in picking her under the armpits.
Beatrice smiles warmly, her worry easing a little as she sees him. "Hey," she says softly, "How was it?"
Rooster's tired smile widens as he looks at Beatrice, holding Nicole in his arms. "It was good," he says, "A little overwhelming at times, but I think it was really helpful. Dr. Paulson is great."
Beatrice steps closer, wrapping her arms around Rooster and Nicole, giving them both a gentle squeeze. "I'm so glad to hear that," she says, her voice filled with relief and pride, "I knew you could do it. How are you feeling now?"
He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, measuring his thoughts. "I feel... better," he admits, "I know it's just the beginning, but I'm hopeful."
"You're doing great," Beatrice says, leaning up to place a soft kiss on Rooster's cheek, "I'm really proud of you."
Rooster turns his head to give her a loving smile. "Thank you," he says, "I couldn't have done it without you."
Beatrice's heart swells with love for her husband and their little family. "We're in this together, remember?" she says, echoing her words from earlier, "No matter what, we're here for each other."
Rooster nods, his gaze filled with gratitude. "I know," he says, "Anyway,” he clears his throat, “How was your day? What did you do?”
“I went to the Hard Deck.”
“Oh?”
‘Yeah,I uh, you know, wanted to see Penny before we go there tomorrow.” she crosses her arms over her bust, “She’s saying the corpo guys stopped coming over.”
“That’s good right?” his wife doesn’t seem comforted, “What?”
“I just,” she clicks her tongue while sighing, rubbing her neck, “Something in me is like…telling me something is off,Roos. I don’t know,I know I said I don’t want to be stressed because of the twins but, Penny said the cameras didn’t get anything but…” she pauses, “...I’m just,voicing my thoughts,sorry.”
Rooster listens attentively to Beatrice, then reaches out to gently hold her hand, rubbing her knuckles. "It's okay to voice your thoughts,gorgeous" he says, "If something doesn't feel right, it's important to pay attention to those instincts...we both know that."
Beatrice nods, appreciating his understanding. "I know it might be nothing," she says, "And I don't want to stress over it unnecessarily, especially with the twins on the way. But I can't help but feel a little uneasy."
"I understand," Rooster says, "Maybe we can talk to Penny together and see if there's anything specific that's been bothering her. It's always better to be cautious, especially when it comes to security."
Beatrice smiles gratefully at him, feeling comforted by his support. "Thank you," she says, "I'd really appreciate that. But… after tomorrow,right? Then we can," she moves her free hand a bit, “Relax I suppose.”
Rooster squeezes her hand gently. "Always," he says, "We're a team, remember?” he coos, kissing her forehead, “Now,come on,I’m tired and need a bath.”
#bradley rooster bradshaw#rooster bradshaw#bradley bradshaw x oc#top gun maverick#bradley bradshaw x reader#bradley bradshaw x female reader#bradley bradshaw x named reader#tgm oc#tgm fic#tgm fanfiction
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Today turned out to be Pretty Bad™ stuck down very awful bad memory lane and I just wanna clarify to ppl why I may not always answer dms/asks etc. I've only really told one person on here the big details about this, and I won't go into all the details here either but it'll be enough to explain why. I hope anyway. Idk why I'm doing this.
I'll give a quick tl;dr here because it is long and also goes into very triggering topics such as self harm/suicide.
Basically I used to have a very close best friend, who I'll call shithead, back in early 2018 until late 2022 who extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive and just very overall toxic. If you've ever seen me refer to a "shithead" in tags or whatever then its about the person imma talk abt here. I was essentially the person they turned to to talk them out of doing things to themselves, if you get me. As well as a lot of other stuff. Ended up getting therapy (but not for the right reasons tbh) and also got a bad coping mechanism where I tend to not talk to people, I keep my distance and its smth I wanna tackle but it's difficult. So if you haven't heard back from me it's not cuz I don't like you, I am fighting with my brain. Also I kinda question if I actually am a good person or not because of stuff that I did in retaliation to this person.
I'll get into details now under the cut but yeah don't read if self harm/suicide/toxic dynamics are something you don't want to hear about for whatever reason.
As above, in early 2018 I used to have a different fanfic blog for a different fandom. I won't go into detail about which fandom and what the blog was but it was fairly popular. This is how I came to be friends with them. And like at the beginning it was fucking great! We became fast friends and we had a lot of shared interests. They introduced me to a lot of games, TV shows etc. But that's also where the problems started.
They were one of those types of fans. The "very possessive over certain characters" type of fan. If they liked them and had a crush on them then you couldn't do the same cuz character belonged to them. Which at the time I didn't rly like but I used to be friends with someone in high school who was also like that about characters so I assumed it was just a thing ppl did. However, it escalated to if I had a character I liked then they'd for some reason not like them and in fact hated them. This was kinda draining cuz they never wanted to talk abt stuff I liked, without actually directly saying so. They'd just shit talk them the whole time or say they hate them. So I stopped talking about what I liked. Later, they'd suddenly really like said media or characters and only then was it fine to talk about them. But in turn they'd be possessive and if I said oh okay I'll step back from them they would make me feel like I was being stupid because "no they didn't say I couldn't like them".
Anyway thats not rly the worst of it of course, the actual bad stuff is now so again, final warning for self harm/suicide. Will square off the triggering sections.
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They struggled with their mental health a lot. Like a lot. I'd be there for them to listen, offer help and support because I like to take care of ppl and make sure they'll be okay. Except it escalated to them using me to talk them out of harming themself and killing themself. And this was almost everyday/night. And need I just say they were an hour ahead of me as well btw. I went to university in 2019 originally and by December I was completely burnt out because I spent every day and night making sure they didn't fucking do anything to themself. I got at most 2-3 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and I stopped doing my hobbies and uni work because I just had no drive to do them anymore. It was clear I was also suffering mentally. I was suicidal and thinking of harming myself as well (and unfortunately I did do so a couple times). But I prioritised them. Everything was triggering for them, and I mean that. I had a long list pinned to my wall of everything I was to avoid mentioning because it would trigger them.
They never took care about my own mental health btw, which I'm not saying they HAD to but I know it was because they just didn't care. And they said as much too. They said because they are autistic they have no empathy and therefore do not feel anything about my mental health. So I suffered basically alone.
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I dropped out of uni in early 2020 and in fact went home the weekend lockdown began in the UK. Things were not good. I was still trying to be support for shithead, I went to therapy and started medication for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get better so I could take care of them. Which like. Never do that. Never go to therapy so you can be someone else's therapist. Go to therapy because YOU want to be better for YOURSELF.
We were in in a bigger friendship group spread across a few discord servers and they all broke down one way or another. One instance there was an argument between shithead and a bunch of others who were comparing who had it worse during ww2. The others were Americans but were also of Jewish heritage with family who were affected by the holocaust and shithead lives in a country near where the holocaust happened with relatives who went through a famine. Either way it was just not gonna be a good conversation. Shithead left, I stayed and like I already don't rly talk to people much in groups because its overwhelming but I did do a little bit. Someone who was friends with shithead and still in the server told shithead I was talking to the others and in turn I basically betrayed shithead. Hindsight I wish I had just left the server ages before and like maybe j shouldn't have talked to the others idk. I regret it either way and think abt it a lot.
Another few shitty things I did in response to how shithead would treat me is giving them the silent treatment, giving short answers etc. I wanted them to feel bad, but it would round back to me being told I'm a coward and horrible to them. Which maybe I was but frankly I was scared of them.
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Things began to rly break down when they showed me their fresh self harm wounds, blood and all, because they were "bored". I didn't talk to them for a few days and their apology wasn't much of an apology, more just making excuses again (aka I have autism so it's not my fault). I started talking less and less because by this point my brain had had enough ig and began to close off from them and just ppl in general.
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In 2022 I finally returned to university and thats also when I finally stopped talking to them. A few months ago I finally blocked them on everything. However, I still struggle with communication and don't rly do it much. It's difficult to maintain friendships and I don't trust easily. I plan on going back to therapy whenever i can because this is just unresolved. But yeah idk I'm sorry to everyone who I haven't responded to, or take a long time to respond to.
One thing that is good tho is that like, after shithead I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't rly watch or hyperfixate on anything. But last year around this time I came across an Aaron Hotchner x plus size reader fic and I've been obsessed with him since!! And now here we are, got a blog and everything for a fandom finally after so long :) so it's not all bad.
But yeah that's why I struggle keeping up with messages and asks. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you've read this far then thank you and you mean a lot. Big hugs to yawl and I hope yawl have a lovely day, and if not then please take it easy 💖💖💖💖
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i mean how sam always seems to have the final say, sam and his new gf got colby with someone they picked, sam dominates opinions during interviews even if colby speaks sam always has the final say, he says things like people shouldn’t live life via a book (talking on christianity whilst sitting next to his christian best friend) but then lives his own life via self help books and preaches them at every chance (whats the difference?). the structure of their videos now are basically everything sam wants to do (rituals and such), it was him and his family who made the financial decisions for the both of them and they share a bank account (this was probably smart when they were 16 and im sure they have personal accounts too)
i also saw people on twitter saying colby looks like hes starting to figure it out. how also sam would not have made it half as far in his career without eye candy colby standing beside him. how sam treated kat and how many colby is seeing similarities with his own relationship with him.
colbys codependent on sam so he would never walk away but i hope sam isnt taking advantage of him or manipulating him in anyway to make colby stay around.
a lot of this isn't really manipulation. at least i don't believe it to be.
sam is a control freak who thinks he's always right/is too stubborn to listen to others. and colby goes along with a lot of what sam says bc one, that is his best friend and business partner, and two, colby doesn't see himself as intelligent like sam so sam's able to get his way a lot bc colby won't rock the boat/trust his own opinions.
it would be manipulative if sam fed into those insecurities colby has and told him "yeah we should go with what i want bc your choices are poor" but colby actively deciding to go with what sam says just bc he thinks his idea is good is not sam being manipulative.
for everything else, i'll break it down how i think it is.
colby was going out with ms singer, k's other friend, before all going out with m. and that didn't work out so that's why k introduced m to colby and they hit it off. that's not really sam playing a part or manipulating colby to date someone just bc. i think that was just happenstance tbh.
sam just talks a lot more than colby. i personally think also as of recently colby seems disinterested in a lot of the outside content they have been doing, and i think that's from burnout and the fandom et large just constantly berating him and it tiring him out.
the christianity/self help thing is just sam being hyprocritical. it's also why i find his argument of not like astrologers to be stupid. just bc it don't make sense to you doesn't mean it's lesser than. i think it's dumb to read a book written by (basically) a get rich quick scheme artist who hasn't had any hardships but knows therapy speak relatively well, and for some reason that makes them qualified to tell me how to live my best life. but hey, to each their own lol
the structure of vids… eh, i think they both agree to that layout. and i think part of that also comes from the comments and what some ppl want as well.
sam's family being involved has less to do with sam and more to do with colby's family just not taking his dreams and career seriously. not to mention, sam's dad was already retired by the time snc were getting started so it makes sense that that man knows a thing or two more about business. and also he tried to be in their lives and it seems as if colby's parents (minus his mother) didn't so again, not really sam.
and the boys, i would assume, have both the business account and their own personal ones. they just talk about and use the same business account more (probably for tax write offs lol).
i do think colby wants time away from the brand and business, but i don't think it's sam's doing that makes him want to leave, at least not fully. i think the over working and the constant long hours/having little to no time off has definitely put a damper on things for colby. and some of that is also tied to sam wanting them both to constantly work and needing to do something "productive" at all times. but i think that's also why they have reduced their work load a lot.
i think in the long run colby will not be in this business as long as sam might want him to be/will be. colby seems about ready to dip out to me sometimes, but i think that also comes from the pressure of the fans and how mean they can be. how invasive they can be. how careless they continue to be towards someone they claim to love. colby keeps a lot inward, and this tied with his own personal struggles (along with his cancer and such), i think colby wants time away that he feels like he can't take. and whether that's bc of sam or other facts is not something we really know 100% about.
i believe they are both very codependent on each other, mostly bc, as they have mentioned, they are the only ppl in their lives they feel they can be 100% themselves around. not to mention every bad and good moment in the last 10+ years has had each other in it, so of course they are gonna rely heavily on one another. i do hope they eventually take some time to be by themselves, away from one another. just to get some space. i don't think that's happening any time soon, unless something major transpires.
but short answer, no. i don't think sam is being manipulative towards colby. i think colby can make his own decisions, regardless of sam. he actively chooses to be with sam daily. i'm sure if he didn't like it he would have left by now lol
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