Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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Dan hates his Nicer Self.
He does. He really, really does.
The kid is naïve, cocky, strong in the weirdest ways that don't make sense-
And he's such a busybody! Always helping, always jumping into things, and always saying that he's definitely not trying to be a hero.
It's annoying.
It's so annoying.
For instance, Phantom got called in by the JL for an all-hands-on-deck situation right before a super important test. Phantom accepted the call.
But the JL had dealt with threats like this before, a million times-there was literally no need to answer the call.
Yet the little dumbass had.
And now Dan was at home, staying on the other side of the room away from Vlad, and watching the fight on TV.
Phantom takes a hit. Then another. Then another.
Good; he'll learn not to jump when the JL says jump, then.
Phantom goes down, disappears behind some rubble.
Dan doesn't care. He doesn't. Let the kid learn a lesson.
Phantom doesn't get up.
Just like Jazz didn't get up.
Or Sam, or Tucker, or his mom or his dad-
Dan sees red.
He barely hears Vlad as he rips a portal to the fight and steps out, in his own ghost form, and decks the bad guy-some demon named Trigun or whatever, fucking weeb-so hard he knocks the guy back.
The fight pauses.
"You touched the twerp," Dan growls, voice distorting and allowing his powers to manifest at full capacity for the first time in years, "So you get to lose your head."
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cockatrice (part 2)
early access + nsfw on patreon
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werewolf lore drop ahead!!
although werewolves are classified as a shifter-type monster (same as Horangi or the cockatrice) they're actually unique in a hidden way. Horangi is a hybrid whose lineology originates from the first pureblood haetaes, which had zero human in them. In comparison, werewolves originated AS a human-wolf monster, which results in an interesting relationship between the human and shifted 'full-wolf' form.
While Horangi is the same in his human and haetae form, Soap juggles two souls in one body - one belonging to human side, and the other to his wolf. They are both still implicitly him - the souls run parallel with one another throughout his life - but being a werewolf is very much like maintaining a life-long partnership. Soap and his wolf are a great example of a success story, but some werewolves have difficult relationships with their wolf, resulting in only transforming during full moons when they have to.
In some ways, Soap is perfect in the military's eyes as he has a strong connection with his wolf, and happens to come from a long line of larger-than-average specimens (even though he doesn't care too much about his genealogy, preferring to call himself a mongrel breed). In other ways, he's also a nightmare, because his wolf exemplifies the worst in his rebellious streak, featuring recklessness, fickleness towards authority and an extremely low tolerance for boredom.
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