confessions in plain sight *stozier*
So this is for @ceftali in @stoziersecretsanta gift exchange! Sorry if this is late for you, but it is officially two hours into Christmas for me! This is my first time writing these characters so I apologize for any OOC-ness that happens. This is also my first contribution to the fandom, I hope you enjoy!
Note: bold lettering is Richie’s handwriting, words in [brackets] are actual song lyrics. Does contain swearing.
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The sun beat down on the group, water dripped from their hair, and despite everything huge smiles were on everyone's faces as Mike told a story from the farm. Today was the first day of summer, so all of their backpacks crowded the space as well. Soon enough the group would be dry enough to get dressed and hang out in the club house until dinner time.
"Look, all I'm saying is that half of the problems in horror movies could be fixed if the characters weren't such idiots. I mean, really? If you see the murderer, why would you scream so he sees you?" Eddie's voice was the only noise as the group headed down into the club house. "Y-yeah. But you have to t-th-think that it's for dramatic e-effect. The character's can't always have a s-s-satis-satisfying ending." The group's leader argued further with Eddie, the two of them continuing their debate in a corner of the clubhouse.
"You're actually going to be starting school with us next year, Mike? Maybe now you'll actually believe us on how crazy school can be! All the stories we've told you about Richie and Bev are true, and Richie told me he's got some crazy stuff planned for our senior year!" Ben's excited voice came from another side of the clubhouse, Mike and Bev sitting in front of him on bean bags the group had added when winter made the ground too cold and hard to sit on comfortably.
Stan watched all of this happen and then his eyes fell on Richie, who was unusually quiet as he sat in the hammock, reaching into his bookbag for something. "What are you looking for?" Richie jumped at Stan's voice, but quickly pulled a comic out of his bag. "Nothing but the newest X-Men comic, Stanny my boy, you'll never believe the kind of shit Storm cooks up this time!" Stan peered down at Richie, but the boy's grin seemed genuine so he shrugged and sat down, looking over Richie's shoulder.
~
"Alright, we'll see you tomorrow! Meeting at my house at four, right?" Beverly had already made her way up the ladder, but Ben was still waiting for an answer from Richie and Stan. "Haystack, you know I'll be there. Can't let your mom miss me too much!" Stan's hand reached out to smack Richie before he could stop it. "Tell everyone Richie has been uninvited." Ben simply laughed at their antics and shook his head as he climbed out into the little bit of sunlight left.
"We should probably head out soon, did you want to come over for dinner?" The blonde stood and brushed imaginary dust off his shirt and khakis. "Uh, hell yeah! Mrs. Uris makes the best food around here! Don't tell Ben I said that, his mom's cookies are good as hell."
"Yeah, yeah. C'mon Trashmouth, I think mom is making meatballs and spaghetti squash."
~
Stan's house had been Richie Tozier free for about thirty minutes when Stan noticed Richie had left his bookbag next to his bed in his haste for dinner. The zipper was mostly undone and everything was one trip away from being all over Stan's floor. The boy rolled his eyes and bent down to zip it up when a small notebook caught his eyes. The book itself was simple on the outside, but it looked like a bunch of random things were also stuck into the book, making it thicker than it needed to be. It also looked like it was almost full, a slim part of the back of the notebook was still flat.
"Just leave it alone, Stan, it's none of your business." The boy brushed his teeth and put on his matching blue and white striped pajamas before climbing into bed. Minutes seemed to drag on forever before Stan stopped fighting himself and turned on his lamp before he grabbed the notebook. "It's probably just some dumb jokes Richie's thought of...or maybe some songs he's working on?"
~
'Science HW due Thurs 28th'
'hang out after school @ quarry'
'[Somewhere I'd never ever known, right at the back of my head, it hit me like a flashlight lighthouse beam of light]'
~
"Seems like it's just somewhere for him to put all his thoughts. Wonder who the song's about..."
With the idea that the book was just a glance at Richie's mind as it worked a mile a minute, Stan continued reading.
~
'Bev is the best!! girl offered me smokes even after i had to convince her skipping mrs. hepburns class was a good idea.'
'FUCK BOWERS'
'Math HW due Tues 4th'
'[Cause you talk to me and it goes over my head...]'
'operation: get haystack the girl of his dreams
walk her to class!!
maybe walk her home sometimes?
don't offer too much help bc bev hates that!
write more of his sappy poems'
'gotta stop with the your mom jokes, not funny anymore'
'why is history so boring? REMINDER: ask ben to explain'
'start saving money-no more big spending at the arcade'
~
Stan scoffed at the thought of the curly haired boy giving up his favorite past time. "What's he even need to save money for anyway? He's already gotten that truck of his."
~
'work @ 12-9 sat, sun and @ 5-12 mon, wed, fri'
'do i have an "it" factor? don't wanna miss out on making my mark on the world.'
'i don't even think he knows he does it. soft little smile on his face when he gets to a difficult problem, who does he think he is???'
'ma and dad fought all last night again. big bill asked what was up but i didn't want to talk about it. comedy is a good distraction'
'work @ 12-9 sat, sun and @ 5-12 mon, tues, wed, fri'
'glad i saved up some money, had to buy groceries again. ma's getting real bad again. haven't seen dad in a few days.'
'can't believe i got lucky enough to have such good friends. billy invited us all over for a horror movie marathon, ben and bev were put in charge of snacks. seems operation: get haystack the girl of his dreams is in motion. good for him! now if only i could get bill, mike, eddie, and stan lovers...'
'[you've been on my mind boy girl since the flood]'
'ma passed out on the couch last night, guess it's a good thing i'm a lot bigger now. carried her to bed then went for a drive.'
'i swear he gets prettier the more i look at him'
'haystack just told me he scored a date!!!'
'HW due wed 18th'
'dad came home last night. got a good earful from him. maybe i should just stop talking? not like i got the nickname 'trashmouth' for something good. wonder if anyone would even notice'
'taught myself how to make chicken alfredo, actually got ma to eat with me.'
'i think i'm gonna tell him'
'nope. not gonna tell him. there's no way it would end good. out of all of our friends he's the least likely to want me'
'they say it is better to have loved and lost than never to love at all. but then it's 2 am and all you can think about is him, and you know he isn't thinking about you'
~
Stan snapped the book shut and quickly shoved it back into Richie's bag, thoughts flooding his mind.
"Who is this boy Richie is crushing on? Is it Eddie? Eddie does yell at him a lot...and they have a bunch of classes together."
"I didn't know things had gotten so bad at home. Mrs. Tozier used to be a saint.."
"Is Richie okay?"
He couldn't pin point why, but as he clicked his lamp off, Stan's chest hurt, but before a tear could escape his eyes he rolled over and pulled his covers up to his chin.
~
"Hey Rich, you left this at my house last night." Stan held the bag in-between them, his eyes refusing to meet Richie's, his chest still tight like the night before. "Stan the Man! My savior, got some important goods in here!" The blonde's eyebrows raised, finally looking at Richie's face just for the boy to look away quickly. "Can't lose my comic so soon now can I?"
"My mom made cookies!!" Ben walked into the living room, plate piled with chocolate chip cookies in his hands. "Ben Handsome, you are nothing if not the son of a saint, if you know what I mean." Richie dived for the plate, one cookie already in his mouth and three in his hands.
"Beep, beep, Richie!" Eddie scoffed and bumped the boy's shoulder, taking one cookie from Ben's plate. Stan watched as Richie's shoulders deflated, and the brunet ate his second cookie much slower. Before he could say anything Mike and Beverly's voices took everyone's attention towards the TV.
"We're not doing more horror movies, we did that like two weeks ago!" Beverly was swatting at the movies in Mike's hands, trying to reach across him to put her VHS into the VCR player. "She's not w-wr-wrong Mike. Let's just do the Disney marathon." At Bill's words Mike sighed and gave in, backing away from the TV so suddenly that Beverly fell forward slightly.
"Did you see that foul play my good man? Foul play I say!" Richie nudged Bill just to be shrugged off as the boy grabbed a cookie and moved to sit on the couch.
~
"I think I'm gonna go ahead and head home you guys. I'm getting one of those notorious Tozier headaches." Richie stood behind the couch as the credits to Bambi played, bookbag slung over his shoulder.
"Yeah, yeah, bye Richie."
"See ya, Trashmouth."
"I think I'm gonna head out too, gotta help my mom clean up a bit before my aunt stays with us."
"Dang, bye Stan."
"Have fun with that Stan!"
~
"Hey Rich, think you can give me a ride?" The boy nodded and started his truck, hurriedly throwing a couple things behind the bench seat of his truck.
"Only the best for a prince, amiright?" If Stan didn't know better he'd say Richie's ears had gone a little pink. His truck started and he pulled out of Ben's driveway onto the road.
"Are you actually getting a headache Richie? Cause if not, I wanna talk.."
His hands gripped the steering wheel a little tighter but Richie put on a smile and glanced at Stan.
"Always knew you could see through me. Don't know if we can have this conversation without your mother though, she wanted to be the one to break the news."
"Oh shut up asshole." Despite his words Stan felt himself smiling as Richie snickered.
"I just want to say I'm sorry first. Because I shouldn't have pried. But I thought it was just gonna be stupid stuff. Maybe some black mail material."
"Wait, you read my fucking journal? Stanley that's fucked dude! I would never do that to you. I can't believe you went through my bag. Guess straight cut Stan isn't as honest a man as I thought. Dude, what is your problem?"
A red light had stopped them, and Richie was able to look at Stan in the eye now, his brown eyes angry, but also coming off as slightly panicked.
"Look, I really didn't mean to get into your heavy shit. I thought it was just gonna be full of those little doodles you do in class and some new song lyrics. I didn't read too much of it Just a couple pages, maybe three tops! It's just got me worried about you."
"What did you read Stanley? Worried I'm sick? I can't really say I'm surprised." Brown eyes rolled and he clicked his tongue as he pulled forward.
"Sick? What- no. I'm worried about your mom and dad."
"You know that's none of your fucking business. We're just fine at the Tozier residence. Nothing has changed, Went works all the time and Ma takes care of the house. Don't start talking like you know anything about them. Get out of my car, Uris."
"Rich-"
"No, I said I'd give you a ride home, and here we are. The Uris residence. Go help your mom clean up and figure out how to stay out of other people's business."
Stan sighed and hung his head as he got out of the truck, only turning his head towards the street when Richie sped off, a cloud of smoke following him.
~
"Beverly, I really messed up the other day."
"Sweetheart, Richie is known for the theatrics, don't let it get you down."
"Yeah, Stan, that boy is like a rubber ball, he'll bounce back."
A shaky hand worked it's way through blonde curls, brown eyes bounced around the room, landing on Bev sitting in the window smoking, the radio sitting next to her turned down quiet enough for them to talk over, and Mike sitting criss cross on the bed.
"Stan, what even happened? I have never seen you this worried over some little fight with Richie."
"Look, I know it was wrong, but I accidentally read his very personal journal." Stan cringed as he said the words, already feeling Mike's eyes on him when Beverly whipped her head in his direction.
"How do you accidentally read someone's journal man?"
"What did you read Stan?
Mike and Bev spoke at the same time, and Bev's cigarette was out before Stan could explain.
"Look, he's just got some shit going on at home, and he doesn't want to bother us with it...andIthinkhemighthaveacrushonEddie."
"What was that last part?"
"I think he mighthaveacrushonEddie."
"Stan, breathe sweetheart we aren't gonna yell at you."
"I think he might have a crush on Eddie and I'm not sure why I'm upset about it."
Mike and Bev shared a knowing look over Stan's down tilt head, Bev's eyebrows raised in a silent question that Mike answered with a nod.
"You may be one of the smartest most oblivious person I've met Stanley Uris."
"You've had that boy wrapped around your finger since you became friends in second grade."
"Guess you just didn't realize he had you around his finger as well."
Mike's words stung at first, but when Beverly pointed out who Richie's crush was, Stan's face lit up like a light. His cheeks dusted with pink as he met their eyes.
"You're being serious. Fuck, now I've really messed up. He thinks I hate him!"
~
"This is such a bad fucking idea. He hates you right now Stan." With a sigh the boy threw the first stone at the second floor window. It took three stones for Richie Tozier to open his window, and only one glance to see Stan before he was retreating again.
"Wait, Richie! Please, I just want to talk. Can we go for a ride?" Stan watched with bated breath as the shadow at the window hovered another moment before it retreated.
"Called that one."
And then Richie was climbing down the siding of his house.
"Be careful! Why didn't you use the front door dumbass?"
All Stan got in response was an eye roll and a thumb pointing to the car in the drive way, Went was home.
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh. Let's go. Been itching to go somewhere anyway."
~
The only sound in the truck was the two boys' breathing and a soft static from the radio. Stan swallowed air and watched as they passed the movie theatre.
"Look, I really am sorry. I just want you to talk to us more. You're acting like some shitty parenting is where we draw the line, have you completely forgotten that fucking clown?"
"I know. Sorry for being a brat the other day. I just don't like people to see that stuff, I have a reputation ya know? Comedian first, dumbass second, and softie never." Richie turned left, leading to the outskirts of town.
"Yeah, wouldn't want to ruin this perfect "class clown" persona you've got going on."
"Stanley Uris, did you just use air quotes to describe my entire personality to me?"
A chuckle escaped Richie and the truck air suddenly felt much lighter.
"You're a lot more than that you know. You're more than some shitty but perfect timed your mom jokes. We keep you around for a lot more than a laugh."
"What else am I good at Stan? All I do is mouth off and tell bad jokes." Brown curls came down from Richie's bun as he shook his head, leading the two of them past a sign asking visitors to come back to Derry.
"They may be bad jokes, but they still make us laugh. You're always the first one to put aside time for any of us, all we have to do is ask. And- stop shaking your head. Who took the time when we were all younger to listen to Eddie explain which of his inhalers were for what and how to administer them? Who learned how to cut hair just to help Bev save money and keep it trimmed? Who helped Mike shear the sheep when Spring started just so he could hang out with us sooner? Who practiced endless tongue twister with Bill to help with his stutter? Who did all that? Richie Tozier did. You give us everything and never expect anything back. All I wanna do is give back. God knows you deserve it."
"Hey now, don't bring the big man into this conversation." Despite the levity of what he was saying, Stan could hear the tears on the other boy's voice.
"I didn't mean to make you cry. You just have such a big heart, and I think sometimes you don't know what to do with it...I saw the notes about a boy. You know we wouldn't judge you for that! Shit, none of us batted an eye when Big Bill came out as bisexual, so why would we care. You deserve to be happy, Rich. I just want you to be happy."
The more he spoke, the quieter Stan's voice became and the louder his blood rushed in his ears. Silence enveloped the truck again, and soon the tires came to a stop over a patch of grass.
"Did you mean all of that?"
Richie Tozier was not a small boy anymore, he was all long limbs of 6'2, and had developed a jawline sharp enough to cut a man, but right now, in the dim light of his dashboard, swallowed by a grey hoodie and hunched over, Richie Tozier reminded Stan of that scared boy in the sewers.
"Every last word. And I think you should know that a little birdie told me that I might be the inspiration for some of those lovely lyrics in your book..." Glasses nearly flew off Richie's face with how quickly he shot his head up, worried brown eyes magnified by the lenses.
"Bev, that bitch."
"I wouldn't say that quite yet. She pointed something else out to me too. She said I've had you wrapped around my finger since we met in second grade, but she also said that you've had me wrapped around your finger for a while now too. And I've got to say, she's right. Can't believe she knows me better than both of us. But yeah, Rich, you've had me wrapped around your finger since you told my mom at age six that she had better get used to you because you'd be around for a while."
Richie put the truck in park, unbuckled and shifted to be more in the middle of the truck, and the yellow of the radio highlighted the pink on his cheeks perfectly.
"Stan...I don't really know what to say. Still can't believe she ratted me out like that."
"Say you're gonna let us in more. Say she was right. Say you want to give this a shot.”
"I want to give this a shot. I'm pretty sure I've been in love with you since we were twelve." A warm hand gently took Stan's as he spoke, squeezing gently before he scooted just a bit closer.
"Slow down there Tozier, I've only just opened my eyes to the fact that you might be it for me, let me catch up before we start tossing the L word around. Buy me dinner first at least."
A genuine chuckle and Richie moved back to his seat, his hand still in Stan's.
"How bout a late dinner at-", brown eyes glanced at the clock,"-nearly one a.m?"
"Lead the way, Tozier. I'll be right with you."
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