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jymwahuwu · 8 months

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Unable to get the idea of crossdressing!reader in the military off my mind😣

Instead of the men just taking you at separate times, what if they make a deal? 👀 A deal so that precious darling no longer had to go on the battlefield but only needs to stay at maybe a secluded hut(?) Or a special tent only certain members (and enemies but 🤫)

Since pregnancies will be a bit easier since doctor Luocha is here, it's easier to know who's the father after the baby is born too! Nobody can resist the glow you have as a pregnant mama so the more, the merrier, that's what they said🤭

-💦anon (going feral over Dan Feng's voice in the new animated short, he's so HOT)

I...have not tagged it for now. This topic is a bit darker than what I usually write about... ppl who want to read can read here🙏🙏🙏

CW: yandere, non-con, sexist, forced pregnancy, war (mentioned but not described), (implied) gangbang

💦 anon I love you and your brain cells 💓😚 (I’m also screaming for that precious Dan Feng clip. This dragon is so hot 🥺)

Let me think about this… crossdressing darling…

You join the Cloud Knights to contribute and protect Xianzhou, but there are restrictions on joining the army. Perhaps during a battle with the Denizens of Abundance, some Xianzhou ships received Shuhu's gift (curse) of fertility, causing the Cloud Knights to temporarily make such discriminatory arrangements. So you put on Xianzhou's usual male clothes and bribed the soldiers to join the army.

You did well, within your capabilities, with your weapon, whether it was a bow or a knife. Your performance is better than that of ordinary soldiers. Maybe you got a little carried away and forgot to try your best to hide your identity, and even sent him some comments. Jing Yuan looked at you.

The general summoned you to the tent that night. You stood in the tent uneasily. The lamp reflects your shadow, and the dark shadow falls long on the ground. He wants to know why you were so bold as to break the rules and who helped you. You pretend to be calm and ask him why he has such a ridiculous idea. However, at the general's words, tears flashed in your eyes.

He tells you to take off your clothes. To check.

“Please,” you sob. "Please don't do this."

The general slowly unbuttoned your clothes and caressed your private parts. You ended up sucking his cock that night and your mouth was sore.

Ah plus, Yingxing! He used to laugh and drink with you and hold your shoulders. He has a crush on you and built you a unique weapon to give to you, but he learned this news from the general. He hates betrayal - did you know that doing so might cause Abundance's curse to actually take effect? He headed to the tent. His cock in his crotch was so hard as he watched you being pinned to the ground and being bred.

And Dan Feng. You dealt well with his frustration of being out fighting all day. You were trembling and submissive as you poured him wine. He thought it was good. His two dragon cocks slowly stretch you. Witnessing the hot seed leaking out from between your thighs, it occurred to him that you might actually be pregnant under Abundance's curse.

Your weapons have been destroyed and your identity hidden. Luocha helps check and retest whether you are pregnant. He gently reassures you not to be afraid. You are preparing for pregnancy, eating nutritious foods, and shaking slightly in fear of pregnancy. Eventually, your belly will swell up with your baby💕💕💕

#alani.answers

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bomberqueen17 · 23 days

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ugh

I can't sleep and I'm just sort of stewing over how unprepared I am to be entirely on my own managing my own healthcare. blech.

Did I mention, Farmsister was suffering from hip pain and went to her doctor and was diagnosed with the exact same problem I have?

Diagnosed, I said. Yes! Her doctor actually investigated the cause of her pain, diagnosed her, referred her to a physical therapist, but also came up with a plan of treatment. Told her physical therapy often can't resolve this issue, so after a set amount of PT, if there wasn't enough improvement she'd refer her to an orthopedist instead.

Imagine that. My doctor was like "you've got intermittently debilitating pain? You should go see a doctor about that." and that was that. I went to a physical therapist because that's what she recommended, but I don't have a plan, I'm just spending $150/wk to work out in a room full of other people. I guess I'll ask my PT if there's a plan or like timeline or like, idk, something we should look for, or what. IDK what a realistic goal is. Pain-free seems out of reach. I'd settle for largely functional, I guess? But I don't know, and I guess I'm on my own to figure it out.

And the same with the ADHD! She was like "oh, your insurance isn't going to cover it and it's probably going to take months of waiting, but you had better go see someone about that", and refused to engage any further. So I messaged the psychiatrist today and he doesn't check the messages on that platform so I texted the admin who was like oh usually medication is adjusted at follow-ups, and I'm like well in the three minutes he talked to me it didn't come up I guess, so then they texted back that he says to try taking two pills a day for a couple days and then schedule a follow-up.

I've asked around, and usually I guess the regular adderall pills, you take in two doses at separate times. But if the point is that I'm trying to see if a higher dose helps, I'd probably better take them at the same time??

It's just that when the small ineffective dose wears off four or five hours after I take it, without my ever having had a good phase, I get horribly drowsy and also get this kind of gross formless yearning that I think might be a dopamine crash, where I roam the house in itchy horrible discontent trying to think of something that might help me, but it's not candy and it's not reading a book and it's not napping, and I guess I understand why people turn to drugs or self-harm because the feeling is awful, spacy and wrung-out and aimlessly needy.

But I guess it's up to me to research what that is and what to do about it, and then at my $250 three-minute follow-up appointment in three days or whatever I'll tell the psych what I want prescribed to me, because it's sure as shit not like he's going to have any fucking advice for me.

And like. Laugh out loud at the notion that my primary care physician would give a single shit about this. Maybe I didn't mention this on here either but literally the only thing she has looked into about me is that my blood tests came back with a fasting blood glucose level of 5.7 (idk what units, just that she's fixated on that number) and it is exactly entirely that post circulating about """"pre-diabetes"""? She has put in my chart that she wants to start me on Metformin!! Christ all fucking mighty, it could not be more obvious that she took one look at my fat ass and was like "this bitch eats only candy! I'd better scare her straight!"

Ma'am fuck off. She wants me to get my blood retested in July and I am figuring I'll take advantage of having to have a visit then anyway to get the ADHD stuff entered into my main chart, and I'm also going to tell her that since she was so disinterested in literally any of the conditions actually debilitating me (my hip pain and my ADHD) I had to research those so I could treat myself, and in the course of researching that I found out about the fake "epidemic" of "pre-diabetes" which isn't a thing, it's a fucking PR gambit to sell drugs, and so if she prescribes me diabetes drugs when I do not fucking have diabetes I will not be taking them, and I will also be looking for a new doctor, because I do not appreciate her fixation on treating a condition I do not have while ignoring things that are literally preventing me from leading the life I want to, wherein I can do things like, stand/walk as much as I like and can also like, perform tasks.

So there's my timeline.

(Yeah my insurance won't cover blood testing a second time in a year so that's gonna cost me $200ish, and the phone doctor visit she insisted on to discuss the results last time was $45 and it'll be that again for this one, but I mean, eventually I'll hit my deductible maybe.)

I don't know, people tell me that they have medical professionals that actually listen to and treat them and give them like actual good actionable advice on how to improve their various health conditions but as far as I can tell that all sounds fake and isn't a thing.

Unfortunately, I am too fucking debilitated by my Can't Think Good disease to do a competent job at caring for myself, so I guess I'm just going to have to fucking muddle through somehow, or something.

Probably I should put together my citations on how Pre-Diabetes Is Fake so that when I unload that on my doctor I can do so with fucking footnotes at least. Lord knows I can't sleep at the moment so I might as well do something productive.

#about the author #whining #adhd

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victorgrwrites · 7 months

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And now for a controversial headcanon.

Durge is older than Gortash. Gortash (based on too much document diving and running around in game and internet research and guesstimating) is about 27. A rode-hard-and-put-away-wet 27 year old whom I like WAY TOO MUCH, FUCK MY LIFE.

Based on Blood in Baldur's Gate, Durge is at least 31.

So my Durge (Jack) is a 40 year old half elf who is genuinely kind of sick of running the damn Bhaal cult, cause if it was just killing he'd be fine. But now he's got all these uppity fuckers who want to argue over how to kill, and what kind of murder is appropriate for Bhaal, and why is Sarevok even calling Orin's murders 'girlish', the dogmas say let your murders be elegant, and now why is SHE getting pissed for him getting in Sarevok's face on her behalf???

He can't win, he hates it, he wants to kill them but he shouldn't. If he wanted control, he would have been born a son of Bane. Enver is good at this kind of thing, this just pisses him off. There is a lot Enver is simply impressive at.

And now here comes his butler to admonish him about his time with Gortash, of course he's going to retest his aim by stabbing him through the base of his neck. And then to make a point, he's going to kill a few people and end up in Gortash's bedroom.

Anyway, the long and short of it is Durge is a tired and frustrated murder hobo who doesn't see a reason to care about authority and pretense when everyone (including himself) is just walking meat waiting to be butchered. It's also why he's more than happy to watch Gortash parade around, showing off his machines and machinations like Jack is the only one that matters. It's fun, and it feels nice, and what else does he have to do until the end of the world?

#bg3 #gortash #durge #durgetash #HCs #If he can make Gortash squirm with his murderous ways even better #Though it's also a surprise and a bit of a delight when he fails to do so from time to time #And it really only works because they both know this ends in one of them dead #Jack starts to panic when he sometimes hopes it's not Enver who dies first

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mj-iza-writer · 5 months

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Day in the life prompt. This was another request. I'm doing this as day in the life of Caretaker and Whumpee with Caretaker.

Then, Whumper and Whumpee with Whumper will be written in a different story. I think this will be too long if I do it all here. I also want to write Caretaker with a recovered Whumpee as well, but I know I've written several already. I enjoy that trop a lot. - Mj

I'll tag as # day in the life whump addition

Caretaker woke up and got ready just like any other day. They made their way down the hall doing their final adjustments to their outfit.

They quietly peaked in on Whumpee, who seemed to be sleeping comfortably. It wasn't quite time for them to get up, so Caretaker quietly closed the door again.

Down in the kitchen, Caretaker started their pot of coffee, and prepped breakfast. They also prepared Whumpee's morning medicine to have with breakfast.

Just before waking up Whumpee, Caretaker wrote the agenda of the day on a whiteboard so Whumpee knew what to expect today.

Whumpee woke to Caretaker gently shaking them. Their eyes fluttered open to a smiling face.

"Good morning Whumpee", Caretaker whispered.

Whumpee stretched and tried to go back to sleep.

"No, no. We can't go back to sleep, it's time for breakfast. You can have a nap later if you want", Caretaker gently pulled Whumpee to a sitting position, "come on."

Whumpee yawned and gave a tired look to Caretaker.

"I'm glad you're finally getting better sleep", Caretaker smiled as they swung Whumpee's legs around to help them up, "I'm sure your doctor will be happy to hear that as well."

Whumpee nodded, "I think that medicine they recommended helped, I didn't have any nightmares either."

"That's good, I'm glad", Caretaker grinned.

Whumpee was left to get ready.

Whumpee pulled on the outfit they lovingly called their comfy outfit. Loose fitting sweats, a long sleeve shirt that hid all of their scars and bruises, lastly, they found a pair of fluffy socks.

Whumpee looked into the mirror when they were all dressed.

"Well, I blend in a little. I still look frail and sick, but at least people can't see my injuries", Whumpee shook as they thought back to those days.

"Whumpee, I'm plating breakfast", Caretaker called to them, "please hurry a little if you can."

Whumpee practiced a breathing exercise to calm themself, then left the room.

They stopped at the board to read what was on the agenda for the day.

"Ugh, another doctor appointment today", Whumpee kept reading, "Ooh, that sounds good for dinner though."

Caretaker looked out at them, "oh good. Just in time."

"What doctor are we going to today?", Whumpee looked at them concerned, "I thought I was done for a while."

"Just a quick follow up with Doctor Pete, one of your test came back, and it needs to be retested", Caretaker looked over the board, "let's get breakfast and take your medicine. We have a while before the appointment."

Whumpee followed Caretaker to the table where breakfast was waiting.

Nothing major came up from the doctor... thankfully. Doctor Pete wanted to do a just in case test to make sure nothing was missed. Whumpee seemed to be healing really well.

On the way home Caretaker treated Whumpee to a sweat stop.

Whumpee now had a pound of candy sitting on their lap, and a big grin to go with it.

After lunch, Nurse Casey came by.

She watched over Whumpee while Caretaker took a break.

Caretaker went out for some errands and a few friends wanted to meet for coffee.

Nurse Casey did physical therapy with Whumpee, then let Whumpee lead the afternoon activities until Caretaker got home.

After Nurse Casey left Caretaker allowed Whumpee to have some private time to do whatever they liked while they worked in their office.

"I find it's important to let you have some personal time so you can become a little more independent. Though I will still be nearby in case you need me", Caretaker often said, "I believe you could become smothered with too much attention from me, and that could cause negative results and stress. Plus, you've spent the last few years around people with ill intentions, so I'm sure some peace and quiet is appreciated."

Caretaker encouraged Whumpee to pick up hobbies and interests as well. There was a good chance Caretaker would already have anything you could think of on hand. If not, they were happy to order it if you wanted.

Caretaker worked in their office for a while. They had to update Whumpee's care charts and journals as part of the care. They kept everything neatly filed in case the courts or detectives needed information.

This day, Whumpee had pulled out a puzzle and was working on the dining table.

Caretaker peaked in in time to see Whumpee blankly looking at a piece.

"Doing okay Whumpee?", they walked up beside them.

"Um, yes, I just realized my life has become like a puzzle. It feels impossible to put together though", Whumpee looked up.

"Yes I suppose it does", Caretaker took the piece from Whumpee, "sometimes it's good to work on puzzles together though", Caretaker placed the piece down into the puzzle Whumpee was working on. It was a perfect fit, "having a team to help you get the pieces together makes things a little easier."

Whumpee looked up at Caretaker with a, thankful expression, "thankyou", their lip quivered.

"You're welcome, Whumpee. I'm always here for you", Caretaker turned, "I'll be in the kitchen preparing dinner and getting your evening meds together."

That night, Caretaker brought Whumpee's last pill for the night to the bedroom. Whumpee was resting in bed already, but sat up to take the medicine.

Caretaker sat on the edge of the bed as Whumpee took the pill. Caretaker listened as Whumpee talked. They smiled when the pill seemed to be working.

"I caught that yawn", Caretaker grinned, "your eyes are getting heavy."

Whumpee nodded tiredly.

"That medicine seems to help you wind down a lot", Caretaker helped Whumpee lay down, "it works pretty fast for you as well."

Whumpee nodded again, "my whole body is untensed as well", they yawned, "I like that feeling."

"I'm glad", Caretaker covered them, "I'll be in my office for a while, then I'm going to bed. Call if you need me, okay."

Whumpee nodded, "thankyou Caretaker for taking care of me. I appreciate you so much for helping me."

"You're welcome Whumpee", Caretaker started to leave, "get some sleep."

Later, after Caretaker finished their notes for Whumpee's day, they made their way to Whumpee's bedroom to check on them.

Whumpee snores lightly as Caretaker pulled the blankets up again.

"Goodnight Whumpee", Caretaker looked over the sleeping Whumpee, "you are an honor to take care of."

Caretaker yawned, "it's time for bed", they stretched as they walked to their bedroom, "then we'll do it all over again tomorrow", they smiled.

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all. @villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath @porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13 @notpeppermint @weirdthingweee

#day in the life whump addition #caretaker and whumpee #whump community #whump stuff #whump writing #whump ideas #whump #whumpee #whumper #whump scenario #caretaking #oc #caretaker #thanks for the ask!#ask answered #prompt request #prompt response

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butterfly-casket · 3 months

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Sometimes breaking down and crying to your primary care physician....works

I was desperate for answers at the end of 2023. I mean, it's been 3 years and I still don't have answers. I had lost all hope, as I was gaining new symptoms, and still no one had any idea what could be wrong. Until I read about MS, and it fit nearly all of my symptoms. I scheduled the first appointment I could to discuss it with my primary. After scheduling it, I realized I had only scheduled a 20 min appointment, and spent 4 hours getting all of my symptoms typed out with dates of when they started, how long they lasted, when they got worse. I typed out a script to communicate to my doctor all of the most important/relevant information in the most condensed form possible. I was ready to be in and out, spend 5 minutes getting him the information, and the next 15 discussing with him the plan of action.

Instead, my doc was pissed that I was even there. I had only seen his NP up until this point and he was so upset that I, a person with so many issues, had come in to see him personally the Friday before his Christmas break. He made sure to spend the first 5 minutes of the appointment interrupting me to express his frustration, and I started to feel like he wasn't going to help me at all.

I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself as I started shaking out of fear, and then the anger-override kicked in. I whipped out my symptom list, and his demeanor immediately changed. I told him as calmly as I could in the moment "THAT is my symptom list. Are you just not going to help me?"

He started saying "Well its just that you're going to try and make this appointment take 3 hours—" I cut him off to say "No, I wanted to make this appointment 20 minutes but you just spent the first 5 putting your problems on me." *cues the flood gates* "I've had doctors, nurse practitioners, specialists all innaccurately record my symptoms, if they ever even recorded them at all. I have to walk with a cane, I haven't been able to work for a year and a half, I have NO income, I am just trying to survive and I've been dismissed and not believed over and over again, to the point that it's effected my medical records. It makes EVERYONE think I'm fucking INSANE. I just want some help. I just need some fucking help. I just need some fucking answers. Please."

He started getting in my chart and got to business. He immediately ordered about 8 retests and 6 new ones. He got me a referral to Neurology, ordered X-rays, a swallow test, and MRIs to check for MS.

I went to the Rheumatology appointment I already had scheduled a few weeks later. I felt like the doctor was actually listening to me for the first time in forever. He made a point to record every one of my symptoms as I listed them. He seemed to care. I just came back from my swallow test today. The person performing the test acted like he read through my whole chart and was asking me a lot of questions about my other issues. He asked me if I had the MRIs yet before the test, and when going over the results he said "If it does turn out to be MS, come back to us. We will help you, figure out what works for you."

I've been terrified of being too direct with my doctors, I wouldn't even tell them the diagnosises that I thought it COULD be out of fear of them going "You've just been looking up things on the internet, I'm giving you a munchausens diagnosis." But I was desperate. It was a real cry for help. And thank fuck he saw that. Even if I still don't find answers, I've brought to their attention the mistreatment and carelessness I've been dealing with and they have decided to change that. Hopefully I will be treated like a normal human being and get my symptoms recorded correctly.

#insane slur #tw insane slur #butterfly-casket #disabled #disability #multiple sclerosis #medical malpractice #medical maltreatment #disabled rights #doctor #doctors #PCP #medical records #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #chronic illness

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escapingrealtiylovinginsanity · 3 months

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Joe Velasco: Magic Carpet Ride

There is now a second part to this Disclosure. Both can be read as standalones.

You drop onto the couch with a huff. Exhaustion was the only emotion you could feel, echoing up your body from your toes in harsh waves. You had been working overtime at the forensic lab since you started there almost eight months ago. The scandal and retesting of forensic evidence for the last two years of narcotics and some homicide cases that involved Narcotics was almost over. Five people had been fired and prosecuted, turning on their outside accomplices, leading to big arrests. There was talk of IPB leaving soon and letting the lab get back to having its own autonomy. Not that you had ever experienced that at this lab. You had come to help following the breaking of the scandal. The stress and micromanagement had been so much that you wondered if you were crazy for accepting and then continuing to stay. But finally, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

“More over time?” Joe looked up from the files that he had spread over the coffee table. You groaned in response leaning back onto the couch and dropping your bag on the floor. After late night shifts you had gotten into the habit of stopping and subsequently staying the night at Joe’s house. You both often used the excuse that his apartment was just closer to the precinct and therefore more convenient. You had been doing this, non-defined, label-less relationship for just shy of five months.

“I just feel like I can’t say no. The money and experience, it’s too good to pass up.” Joe hummed while taking a sip of his beer, analyzing your slumped form on his couch. You had yet to take off your coat or shoes and he could feel the exhaustion radiating from you. The tap of the bottle being placed back on the coffee table was the only warning you got before your legs were swung up into his lap. He unzips your boots and pulls them off setting them down neatly on the floor. His strong hands start rubbing your feet.

“You need to learn. You’re going to burn yourself out at the rate you're going.” His hands are talented, and you lean further back against the arm of the chair.

“If you weren’t being so nice to me, I would point out that you were up doing paperwork. But since you are, I’ll just smile and say you're right.” He paused his ministrations.

“Really?” He was surprised that you gave in so easily. You were headstrong and liked to argue just for the sake of it sometimes. He hadn’t expected such an easy win.

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel the effects of working so much.” His hands started moving up your calves stroking them absentmindedly. “I was thinking about it today actually. You know I’ve lived in New York for almost a year, and I haven’t even seen the touristy places. I’ve been talking about going to Coney Island since I moved here and I’m not closer to going than I was when I lived ten and half hours away.” You sigh before shaking your head at yourself. The idea that has been flashing through your mind won’t settle. “I’m going to use a sick day tomorrow. I just don’t think I have it in me to go back to the lab.” You had been working mandatory six days a week. Joe was right, you were feeling the burnout.

“I think that is a good idea.” You reach for him, and he leans over you. You cup his cheek pulling him in for a kiss. It is slow and soft. His mouth was hot and followed the lead of your lazy kiss. It broke with a few lingering pecks on the lips. “You ready for bed baby? You look like you're falling asleep sitting up.”

The two of you headed to the bedroom. Joe offered you a shirt to sleep in which you refused, teasing him that he is like sleeping against a furnace at night. You stripped down to just your cotton underwear and climbed into his arms reveling in the feel of his bare chest pressing against yours, your bodies tangled together. You had called the lab while getting ready for bed telling them that you wouldn’t be coming in the following morning because of food poisoning.

Joe turned off the bedside lamp blanketing the room darkness. You had told him to wake you when he left for work, and you would head back to your apartment. You feel a kiss pressed to your temple before you're tucked under his chin. You barely have time to smile against his neck before you’ve drifted off.

Something doesn’t feel quite right as you start to wake up the next morning. It takes you only a moment to realize what it is. Your body is no longer curled into Joe’s warm chest but the sad replacement of his pillow that only held trace amounts of his scent and body heat. The other was the sun was much higher in the sky than it should be. Had Joe not woken you up when he left for work? You found that hard to believe. Had you slept through his wake-up call, and he had given up? That also seemed unlikely but with how tired you had been last night, maybe?

Joe walked into the bedroom, freshly showered and dressed in street clothes holding a cup of coffee. “Oh, good you’re awake, I thought I might have to wake you before you slept the entire day away.” He set his cup down sitting next to you on the bed. You sat up against the headboard watching him in confusion. He leaned over to kiss you and you made a face at the bitter taste of coffee still lingering on his lips.

“Joe, what time is it, should you be at work?”

“I guess your food poisoning was contagious.” The absurdity of the statement and your still half-asleep brain took a moment to process his meaning.

“You’re playing hooky with me today?” You smile letting the covers drop from your naked chest. “You’re overdressed for the occasion.” Your greedy hands slid from his chest down towards the buckle of his belt. His hand caught yours pausing its movements on his lower stomach.

“Sorry baby, not this time.” You tilt your head in confusion, searching his eyes. “We are already running behind, and we still have to stop at your apartment for you to get some clean clothes.”

“Late for what?”

“Coney Island.” You hadn’t thought much about your words last night. You had just been thinking out loud. Joe was one of the easiest people for you to talk to. While he had been sitting on the couch listening, he had felt a sense of guilt. He after all was part of the reason that you that you hadn’t been out much. You were working a lot but when you weren’t you had been hooking up with him. Sure, you went out to bars and the occasional place for food but mostly you guys spend your time in his apartment. He liked being around you, you were good company and the sex between the two of you had gone from great to better. There was an undeniable chemistry between the two of you. He didn’t want to tarnish a good thing by making you think that he didn’t care about what you wanted to do. You were new in New York and had mostly been willing to tag along with what he wanted to do. He hadn’t thought about the fact that he had seen most of the city quickly because he had been around doing detective work while you were stuck in a lab trying to help clean up a mess that wasn’t yours.

“Jose, you going to show me the world on your magic carpet?”

You hadn’t been so giddy to get out of bed in a long time. The next hour passed in a blur, going to your apartment for a quick shower and to get changed before climbing back onto Joe’s motorcycle and speeding off for Coney Island. It was the perfect day, sunny and 75 degrees. The ride gave you some long-missed color to your cheeks and a happy thrumming through your veins.

You guys spent all day there and Joe let you have the full experience. The arcades, the overpriced greasy fried food and then the over-sugared snacks, the attractions, the rides, and he even tried his hand at a few stall games. He had won a stuffed animal now tucked into your purse, only its bright head peeking out of the top of the bag. It was dark now and all the lights had been turned on. There was only one thing the two of you had yet to do yet. “You sure you don’t want to do the Ferris Wheel?” Joe persisted as you shoved another piece of the elephant ear in your mouth, powdered sugar staining your lips.

“I’m afraid of heights. I know it sounds like a cute idea, but I’ll probably end up leaving a bruise on your arm.” He laughed at this before pointing at the rollercoaster that was at least twice the size with his hand that wasn’t holding your plate of fried sugar.

“Let me get this straight, you will ride a rollercoaster that is twice as tall and way faster, but you won’t ride the Ferris Wheel. Baby, that makes no sense.”

“I don’t have time to be afraid on the rollercoaster.” You say with a shrug. “If you want to go on I will. I was just giving you a fair warning.” He smiled brushing some sugar off your cheek, then kissed your lips sucking the sugar off them.

“We will save that for another day then.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

When you guys get back to Joe’s apartment you are both happy and blissfully tired. The day had been long but had left you with a new energy. A readiness for what was coming your way in life. It was probably the best date that you had ever been on. It brought up questions that you had been refusing to ask yourself. You knew that Joe wasn’t seeing anyone else, or you were pretty sure at least. His work schedule might not have been as busy as yours now, but it did come into play at random moments. If he had time to see someone else, you would have to be a bit impressed.

The way he acted with you was so intimate, and personal. You weren’t official but after a day like today, you felt like you were.

“Hey Joe, I was thinking,” He hummed his acknowledgment from where he sat on the couch. You were about to just ask him what you guys were. Tell him you wanted a label, a defined serious relationship to build off. When his green eyes meet yours, panic fills you with what the conversation could cost you. How good things are right now. How perfect this hooky day had been and the promise of another one to come.

“What is it, sweetheart?” He prodded when you don’t continue. You lose your nerve and think of a pastime that would be a lot more pleasurable. It was already late at night, and you were about to make it later. You sink to your knees in front of him.

“I was just thinking that you deserved a reward for this amazing day.” You push his shirt up licking a stripe above the waistband on his jeans. You smile when you hear the hitch in his breathing. You rub your hand over the crotch of his jeans and can already feel him starting to harden.

“You don’t have to.”

“I know, but I want to show you how much fun I had.” You start to undo his pants and slide them down. Despite his words, his cock was already half-hard and looking for attention. “Don’t you want me to show you, baby?” He didn’t have a chance to get words out when you took the tip into your mouth rolling your tongue around the head. He cursed shifting, forcing his cock further into your mouth. You moan around it. You tease him at first focusing on the sensitive tip sucking a caressing it with your tongue. When he’s fully hardened, and you can taste his precum you take more of him in your mouth and start bobbing your head.

You know your jaw will hurt later but you don’t rush through it. You stay teasing until his hand has gathered up your hair in his fist and he is tugging at it, telling you to look at him. His moans start bouncing off the walls and he tries to keep himself from thrusting up to meet your lips. That’s when you take him as far as you can his tip brushing the back of your throat. He hisses and you increase your speed. You know he is close when his thighs start to tremble, and he can no longer resist the urge to thrust upward. He gives you a warning and tries to pull back, but you follow him as he comes. You swallow and continue to lick at his shaft for a minute longer. You pull back with an audible pop. He swipes his hand over the coffee table making his files and papers go flying onto the floor as he lifts you up onto it pulling your legs over his shoulders to return the favor.

If you had been able to focus on anything, quite an impossible task with Joe’s mouth on your clit, or any time immediately after, you would have noticed that one of the papers on the floor was the answer to the question that you had been too afraid to ask.

Relationship Disclosure Form: Manhattan

That ending was not what I wanted it to be but it’s close enough. I have a second part for this planned. I also have a couple of multiple-part series I want to write for Joe. So, keep a lookout. I’m going to keep writing self-indulgent fics unless anyone has any requests. If you like Nick Amaro, I have started writing for him too.

#jose velasco x you #jose velasco x reader #jose velasco #joe velasco #joe velasco x reader #joe velasco x you #law and order svu #svu #Joe velasco imagine

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thelunastusco · 1 year

Text

syscourse and “but science SAYS--”

If there's one thing in syscourse we could convince people to accept, it'd be:

Requiring "scientific proof" of a subjective internal experience is more ableist, anti-science, and harmful than that experience could ever be.

Science isn't meant to be an ideological attack dog.

"What do you mean, TLC?"

Science falls into three branches: natural, social, formal. Natural = earth/space, biology, physics, etc. Social = psychology, history, etc. Formal = math, computers, etc. Applied sciences are things like medicine. Formal sciences aren't empirical.

Let's focus on natural and social sciences for now, since they do the empirical evidence thing. Natural science is about what you can see, taste, touch, hear, and put into a lab to study. It involves hypotheses, and being able to test them, retest, replicate results, etc.

This is why science doesn't really play with things like religion. It can't prove there is or isn't a god, because it can't-- at present-- put "god" into a lab and study them. It can however stick a human in a lab and see what the brain does when people pray!

Religion is a subjective internal experience, but science CAN test physical stuff like brains. Science can see what parts of the brain light up when you do, feel, or think XYZ. Science can't always tell you what that data MEANS... but it can get the data and move on to guesswork.

A hypothesis is a guess. Testing is what scientists do to see if it's right. If the data shows the guess might be correct, they retest and see if the data can be replicated. They then report findings. A visual:

If it can be replicated consistently, a hypothesis might become a theory. Or even a law! Here's another visual:

This is how we got the theory of evolution, the theory of relativity, Newton's first law of motion, etc. Because science took things that could be seen, tested it to death, and either made logical inferences from buttloads of evidence or actually observed the thing in action.

Social science is a bit more wiggly, but the same idea applies-- it's something that was seen and recorded (history) or that can be put in a lab (psychology) and studied. Let's focus on psychology, for reasons. :P Psychology, as a science, focuses on a few things.

What they can see on brain scan and blood work-- ruling out tumors, toxins, etc, or seeing how a brain reacts to XYZ, for example. What they can see in behavior-- if someone is agitated, catatonic, harming themselves, etc. What that person reports-- hearing things, losing time.

The first two things are physical stuff that can be seen, recorded, studied. The last? Nope. If someone claims to hear things, you can get a brain scan of what's going on when they hear things. But you can't say they are or aren't hearing things, because you're not in their head.

How does all this apply to plurality? We're in the hypothesis stage. Science hasn't "proven" much of anything about plurality. Yes, some systems have been put in a lab and studied as much as they could be studied, but there's a lot of data that is internal experiences--

And there's a lot of aspects that can't ethically be studied. For example, the concept that only trauma causes systems to form. It would be difficult to study for a lot of reasons, but ethics is a huge hurdle there. Traumatizing kids on purpose is usually frowned upon.

What CAN science do? They can take traumagenic and endogenic systems, and scan their brains during things like switching, or see what it looks like when parogenic systems focus on creating a system member, or compare all that to (self-proclaimed) singlets.

But science can't prove that a system didn't form the way the system claims it formed. Science can take down the system's history, and observe their brain and their behaviors, but they can't see what's going on inside the system's head and how or why they operate as they do.

The best science can do is "this system reports a history of no trauma, their brain scans are consistent to what we see with switching in other systems, and we can observe changes between system members"... for now, anyways.

None of what science currently has on plurality is enough to push any one idea past the hypothesis stage. Science can, and does, say that trauma is "usually associated" with disorders like DID and OSDD. But that's correlation, and--

Only in regards to systems who have, for some reason or another, ended up in a medial setting.

Science has yet to fully explore beyond plurality as it exists in medical settings, because there's been little reason or demand for it to do so. Why waste the money and time?

Thus, there's little "scientific proof" of nontraumagenic systems... not because they don't exist, but because the studies haven't been done yet. There's been no reason to study systems who, by and large, don't seek medical help for their plurality.

Requiring systems to "scientifically prove" their existence is absurd, at best. SCIENCE doesn't even require "scientific proof"-- all that is required is self reporting, because science accepts "yeah this is probably a thing" and that it's mostly outside science's wheelhouse.

Demanding "scientific proof" of a system's existence is ableist because it implies that only things that can be physically studied are "good enough" to "count". It implies self-reporting isn't good enough, and that internal experiences don't "count".

Demanding "scientific proof" is anti-science because it displays a serious lack of understanding in [1] what counts as scientific proof, [2] what can be scientifically proven, and [3] the entire scientific method. It's a fundamental ignorance of what science can and can't do.

Demanding "scientific proof" is harmful because it does nothing to help systems, the plural community, or singlets truly seeking to understand. It just sows division, hatred, misinformation... and does bigots' work for them. Not to mention the distress over being fakeclaimed.

And ultimately, it can be turned on "system exclusionists", too. Because guess what. There's little "scientific proof" ANY type of system exists. Again, most "proof" of systems existing at all is held together by self-reporting, duct tape, and tiny pool of good therapists.

Trauma-formed, not trauma-formed, y'all are in the same leaky boat heading towards sharp rocks. "Science proves" that systems are probably a thing, because systems SAY SO and because there are some funky brain scans showing SOMETHING going on that singlets don't usually have.

Science is supposed to be for examining the physical things we CAN study, and helping us understand the world around us. It is beautiful, but it has limits, too. Sometimes those limits shrink as science evolves, and gets better funding and better tools. Sometimes not.

Regardless, it doesn't exist and function as a weapon to be used against people who have something going on in their heads that science can't fully see or study-- and probably never fully will. Science isn't something to unleash on fellow systems as a "gotcha".

Especially considering the fact that NO SYSTEM is in any position to do so.

"Scientific proof" puts ALL systems of ALL origins in the same damn boat. And y'all can either start handing out lifejackets and start paddling, or sink.

Your call.

#syscourse cw #syscourse #actuallyplural #actuallymultiple #endogenic systems #plurality #information #pro endo #endo positive #sysmeds fuck off tbh #no science does not PROVE endogenic systems are 'impossible'#no science does not SUGGEST they're 'impossible'#science doesn't give a shit #science showed that in a TINY study on AFAB Europeans diagnosed with DID that they could predict with about 70% accuracy which had DID #that means NOTHING #not in the grand scheme of things #and there are studies being done with parogenic systems that will be very interesting #but as of right now there's NO science proving that ONLY trauma causes systems #like we cannot stress enough how fucking impossible that would be to study #the best they can do is 'well we tested nontraumagenic systems to see how they compare to traumagenic systems'#and to compare/contrast those studies #which still proves nothing beyond yeah it looks similar or no it doesn't look similar #WHICH STILL #PROVES NOTHING #a headache caused by a concussion will look different than a headache caused by dehydration #they'e both still gotdam headaches

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thedandelionthief · 3 months

Note

can you tell me about ocd rui/nf the hc interests me

yes indeed i can

i will say the hc mostly started as me a year ago interpreting every character i possibly could with OCD to cope with my own diagnosis. however. i do still think it holds up a little bit

i think rui would be very insecure about his relationships and decisions. little thought here (i have not read the recent rui event yet so sorry) but i could see him worrying a lot about whether he made the right choice regarding wxs.

also definitely had worsened obsessions about hurting people after the wonder halloween event. we see how he became really withdrawn after the incident, and though it got resolved by the end of the story, i doubt (if we're going with the idea that he has OCD) the peace would last. he would definitely stay up all night testing and retesting inventions and ideas to make sure they weren't going to malfunction. his mind may even exaggerate the event. he would try and be all nonchalant when he asks tsukasa how badly he really hurt him, but they both know it's the third time he's asked this month.

i think a lot of his compulsions would be more subtle or inward facing, so people wouldn't realize just how he anxious he is about certain things.

#kanade also has OCD by the way #sekaiposting #my hcs #adrien 🫐#mail

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mpregandproud · 1 year

Text

Isaac (Part 9)

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9]

It has been four years since I gave birth to my quintuplets. Isaac and I moved to a bigger house where we could live with our children and also have more space for ourselves. Our life had stabilized a lot. We had both progressed in our jobs, enjoyed a family that was the envy of the world, and still loved each other as much as the first day.

Our deal with Lucas came through, I gave birth to two children. To thank us for the gesture we had with them they named them Daniel and Isaac, and we were named godparents. After them came Tom and Hugo, for whom I gestated triplets. And as the saying goes, there are no two without three, my friend Ray wanted to be a single father and asked me as a favor to gestate his baby, a beautiful girl. In a matter of five years I went through four pregnancies and gave birth to eleven babies, six of them Isaac's and mine.

My parents and my sister did not fully understand my work as a surrogate. They didn't understand how, having a partner and being so happy, I could be carrying other people's babies. But I wanted to do our family a favor. And, well, not only that, Isaac and I enjoyed sex more than ever when I was pregnant. It was a win-win.

The idea of becoming parents again was always on our minds. With our children we discovered that we adore children. So after the third surrogate pregnancy we decided to stop for good and focus on ourselves. We had no shortage of requests to repeat the process, but there was no turning back, the decision was firm.

The first step in this new stage was to get married. We got engaged in the spring and the wedding was at the end of the summer. The ceremony was full of children, many of them carried my genes or grew in my belly. It was kind of like a family reunion.

Isaac wore a tight white suit that fit him like a glove. Since we met he has become even more handsome. In my case I wore blue, but my body is the proof of so many pregnancies. My hips, narrow when I played soccer, scream to the world that I have given birth to eleven babies. My chest, though it has decreased, is still much larger than it once was. And the belly is there. I tried to lose weight between pregnancies, but it was getting harder and harder. I'm lucky that Isaac, for some reason I don't quite understand, is extremely attracted to big bellies.

We tied the knot and went on our honeymoon to an island paradise. In the evenings we would escape to the beach to fuck between the sea waves and the sand under the moonlight. According to a local legend, the couple that came together between the moon and the sea would be graced with the greatest of gifts.

When we returned home I was able to verify that the legend was completely true. In a routine check-up they found that I was pregnant. So many pregnancies later I no longer had morning sickness, so if it hadn't been for this test I wouldn't have found out I was going to be a dad again until a few months later.

By the time I was three months along, I had a big, firm belly. I knew this meant I was expecting a lot of babies, but it wasn't until I was retested that we found out there were six children. We had them repeat the test, so that what happened last time wouldn't happen, and the second time the result was the same, six more children.

Happiness flooded our house. We enjoyed pregnancies so much for our friends in bed, but this was very different, these were our children. It was the best way to start our marriage, expanding this precious family we have formed.

Isaac is the man of my life, of that I have no doubt. He made me accept my true sexual orientation, and he made me discover that I could be a surrogate father. He has supported me in all my projects and loved me unconditionally. He has given me five beautiful children, which in a few months will be eleven. Can I ask for more? I am living in a dream from which I don't want to wake up.

The End… or not?

#mpreg #mpreg story #pregnant man #pregnant guy #male pregnancy #pregnant #man pregnant #gay #Isaac

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lovelyrocker · 10 months

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Consequences Part 2

RPF

Warnings: Talk of Cheating, STD, Language, Angst,

Parings: Timothee Chalamet x Reader

Word Count: 1,244

Two weeks was how long you had to wait for the test results to come in. Timothee and you both got tested for every other STD it was possible to get tested for safe measures. He’d only known the extra for several days before he’d slept with her. Not long to know where and who someone had been with.

Your home was cold the last few weeks. Timothee had been staying in the guest room. You didn't talk to one another aside from one or two words here and there. You could hardly look at him. All of the feeling and rage that you thought you’d pushed aside when you found out he cheated was filling you now. Yes, when you found out he cheated you cried and was pissed. But those feelings quickly faded when you saw how much his actions were eating him alive. You saw that it really was a mistake and he learned from it. You had no doubt that he would never do that again.

Now you were enraged that he could even think of cheating, even if he was drunk. You were betrayed and so hurt. And now, you are terrified of having this disease. This constant reminder of someone else’s careless actions. Someone who was supposed to love, take care of you, keep you safe.

You both sat in the doctor’s office in front of the desk, waiting for him to come into the room. Waiting, more waiting. Timothee’s leg bounced with anxiety. He fiddled with his fingers as he absentmindedly looked around the office. He was scared. But unlike all the other times you would hold him and assure him it would be okay, you didn’t. Because you didn’t know. You weren’t even sure you were going to stay with him after this. Deep down he knew that, too.

The door opened, making both of you jump as the doctor walked in. “Good morning.” The doctor said cheerfully. It made you roll your eyes. “I have both your test results here.” He said placing two folders on his desk. He looked up at the two of you. “Are you sure you want to do this together? Normally we do this separately.”

“We’re sure.” Timothee answered, rubbing the palms of his hands nervously on his jean clad knees.

“Alright then,” He opens the file. “We’ll start off with Ms. Y/L/N.” He looks over the paper in his hand. You’re holding on to your bag tightly, heart racing. “All of your STD panels came back negative.” You and Timothee both exhale in relief as the doctor’s eyes scan the page. “No HIV or anything like that.” He looks up at you. “You are a little anemic so I would make sure you get more iron in you. You can get over the counter supplements.”

You nod your head. “Okay.” You take another breath. “Is that all?”

“Yeah. You are a very healthy young lady.” He placed the paper into the folder and grabs Timothee’s. “Now Mr. Chalamet.” He lifts the page out of the manilla folder. “Your STD panel came back inconclusive.”

“Inconclusive? What does that mean?” You ask before Timothee can open his mouth.

“Most of your results came back negative.” The doctor explains. “But Your HIV results aren’t clear.”

You reach over, taking Timothee’s hand, entwining your fingers. He squeezed you hand with both of his. “So, what do we do?” You ask, looking at the doctor.

“We will do another blood draw. Retest.” The doctor looks at Timothee. “I’ll be honest with you,” His hand tightens around yours. “You have some abnormalities with your white blood cell count. Have you been sick lately?”

Timothee shakes his head. “Just tired. With my work, I-I-”

“You could just be overworked.” The doctor looks over the page again. “I don’t want to take any chances. We will do another blood draw and run a few other tests.” The doctor closes the folder. “Do you have any questions?”

Timothee swallows hard and looks at you then back to the doctor. “Can you not sugar coat it?” He says finding his voice. “What are the odds I'm infected?”

The doctor takes a breath, removing his glasses. “It is harder for a woman to give it to a man, but you admit to not using protection. All it takes is one time.” He exhales again. “But your white blood cell count shows something is going on. The results do align with being infected, yes.” You felt Timothee go rigid. “Even though you haven’t passed it to Y/N doesn’t mean you are in the clear. But these results can mean a dozen other things as well. Is it probable because you were exposed, yes. Is it 100% positive, no.”

“When does he get retested?” You ask.

“Right now.” The doctor stands. “Follow me and I’ll show you to the lab.”

You hold his hand as you follow the doctor and watch him squint when the nurse sticks the needle into his arm. You drive back to the apartment, Timothee showing no sign of emotions the entire drive. He doesn’t talk or even look your way. He doesn’t comment about your results or even look away from the car window.

When you got home, he walked into the apartment and straight to the guest room. You followed him, opening the bedroom door. He was laying in the bed, back to the door. You didn’t say anything. You crawled into the bed behind him and wrapped your arms around him. The moment you embraced him he broke. The tears fell down his face as he sobbed hysterically. You didn’t say a thing, just held him. Timothee cried until he had nothing left in him. No tears, no energy to let his body be wracked with his own fear and self-loathing.

When he finally calmed, he just laid there with no emotion on his face. You still stayed silent. You just let him know you were still there by holding him tight, as close as you could.

The room had been quiet for a long time, you thought he’d fallen asleep. You were surprised when you heard his voice groggily speak. “I’m sorry.” He says, barely audible. “I’m sorry I fucked everything up.” He turns in your arms and his eyes are puffy and red. He looks exhausted. You fight the tears that you know he can see fill your eyes. “We were supposed to be together forever. Just you and me. We were supposed to have a family and grow old in the city.” He begins to cry again. “I messed it all up and I am so fucking sorry.”

You pull him till your foreheads meet. “Shh.” You whisper. “Stop it.” You wipe away his tears. “You’re not alone.” I pull him close, tucking his head beneath my chin. “I’m here, with you.” You kiss the top of his head. “I’m not going anywhere.” You feel him hold you tighter.

You could feel the fear pulsing through him. Before you were ready to leave Timothee, to let him and his cheating self, deal with the consequences of his action on his own, all alone. Which was how you felt when he first cheated. Alone.

In your arms now were the broken pieces of the love of your life. And there was no way in hell you were going to leave him alone. No matter what.

Part 3

#Timothee Chalamet #Timothee #Consequences #part 2 #reader insert #timothee x reader #fan fic #fan fiction #RPF #Angst #language #talk of cheateing #STDs

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tomorrowxtogether · 1 year

Text

BEOMGYU: “I don’t want to lose to myself”

TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Name Chapter: TEMPTATION comeback interview

2023.02.10

The object of BEOMGYU’s affection, and that which he wrestles most passionately with, is himself.

You said you retested your MBTI a few months ago and this time you got I[ntroverted].

BEOMGYU: I’m still mostly like I was whenever I’m around the other members, but my personality has changed a lot since debuting. It used to be that, if I had time off, I would go out no matter what, whether to see friends or go shopping by myself, but ever since I debuted I can count on one hand how many times I’ve gone out to see friends. I used to really look forward to meeting new people; now I feel a little awkward in those situations. I have a perpetually public-facing job so now I like spending my personal time quietly on my own. I think I like that sense of absence. (laughs)

I feel like you have the opposite energy, too. You create a fun atmosphere when the situation calls for it, like when shooting variety shows.

BEOMGYU: If I’m set to film a variety show for three hours, for example, I privately make up my mind to act crazy during that time and absolutely nail it. I can feel that I’m losing my energy while filming lately. But still, I’ve enjoyed variety shows ever since I was little, and I want to be entertaining, so I try not to hold back. I really like watching 2 Days & 1 Night and if you watch the people on it, they really go all out. They make their own stuff throughout, inventing their own rules, like, “Whoever loses should jump into freezing water.” I think that’s when I understood that, when it comes to variety shows, the more all-out you go, the more fun it is.

Since you’re so notable for your energy on your own variety shows, do you feel a sense of responsibility when you do other shows?

BEOMGYU: A little bit, maybe. The other members are pretty shy and feel some amount of pressure when it comes to variety shows. TAEHYUN used to always say, “I’m really grateful you’re there to carry us on variety shows. I’ll go along with what you’re doing. I trust you.” That eventually made me feel responsible, which made me feel like I had to be the one to carry the show no matter what. (laughs) Now I think about how I need to keep the other members’ energy up while having fun myself, too. I’m always looking at the plan whenever doing a show and thinking, Hmm, so that’s the vibe they’re going for; I should do this or that—because I know you have to put in an effort for every part.

What was it like getting ready for the year-end performances? In the behind-the-scenes footage for 2022 MMA you were so passionate that you personally asked for a reshoot of the prerecorded parts.

BEOMGYU: We really put every last ounce of ourselves for every awards ceremony. We absolutely had to put on a good show this time because we were working on it even when we were in the middle of touring. It was like a war zone. But there’s so many different variables at awards ceremonies that you never know how it’s going to turn out, even if you prepare 200%. So, I think we have to try again if we have a chance whenever we look different performing than we have in mind or there’s a part we mess up. All of us are really ambitious about our performances, so even if I feel satisfied with where we’re at, if someone else isn’t quite satisfied, I don’t make a stink. We just say, Sure, let’s do that again, and follow along. Because we know we all have to find no problems with the performance for it to be perfect.

I bet you really wish you could’ve done the part where you use a lighter to set a rose on fire and throw it back.

BEOMGYU: I thought that was the best part, actually. I was supposed to take the rose and the lighter out all in under five seconds, but the rose got all crushed in my clothes so it wouldn’t come out. I had to improvise to save the moment, so I just stared at the lighter and pretended to throw it away. I was half losing my mind (laughs) but I just thought, If you don’t have teeth, use your gums, and did that. It was too bad, but more people than usual told me it was a good performance. It made me feel better to think the performance was decent after all the passion we put into practicing for it.

People said that they can tell how carefully you study when they saw your cover of V’s performance for “DNA” by BTS at 2022 SBS Gayo Daejeon. It was also well-received for how incredibly well you adapted it to suit you specifically.

BEOMGYU: Heheh. (laughs) I’m always really determined to do a good job when I cover their songs. I really wanted it to be good this time, too, so I watched videos of their performance so, so many times when I was practicing. I can’t do it like they can, but I still wanted to do it as closely as possible, so I kept thinking about his attitude, starting with emulating his facial expressions, and what they wanted to express through the song. I was inwardly proud because the response after was really good.

You tend to put a particular amount of effort into the way you express yourself on stage. Did the way you study come about as a result of all your experience?

BEOMGYU: I try not to forget how I first felt when I heard a song. I base my studying on the things that come to mind when I first heard a song or saw the rough choreography—things like how certain parts should be expressed or the parts I really want to bring to life. And I usually get better at things while shooting music videos. When it’s captured on camera, I check how it looks and think, Oh, maybe it would look better if I did it like this? And make lots of adjustments myself.

Can you use “Sugar Rush Ride,” the lead single off your new album, as an example?

BEOMGYU: For this song, it’s really all about attitude. I felt like I had to be sort of a sexy, crazy guy. (laughs) For example, for the part that goes, “Come here more, let’s play more,” I had a really serious vibe at first. But, I mean, when we shot it, I tried acting more like a crazy guy. (laughs) I added a sweet-and-salty feel by laughing my head off then pulling a straight face right at the end while I make a beckoning motion with my hand, and people really seemed to like that a lot better, so I made some adjustments. I’m trying different things like that to come up with a decent final version. And the vocals were harder than I imagined. The part that goes “saenggak-eun” in the intro aren’t low enough to sing easily and aren’t high enough to use my chest, so it’s a really ambiguous pitch for me. The pronunciation of “saeng” and “gak” is vague, so when you sing them together, it feels like they get caught in your throat. That was a bit challenging, and “gimme gimme more” is just three words long but I had to make my voice lower and rougher than I expected so I could sound sexy, and I had to make the ending sound like it’s spreading out. I had to think carefully about how to bring out the emotions in detail.

What were you trying to express through the lyrics you wrote for “Happy Fools” (feat. Coi Leray)?

BEOMGYU: I wrote the part in the first and second pre-chorus that goes, “I’m like a butterfly / A honeybee who’s always working.” I’ve been that kind of butterfly before, too. (laughs) There was a difficult period after I debuted where every day felt the same—like running on a hamster wheel. That’s the feeling I was writing about—the feeling of going to work every day and the Sun already being down whenever I got off and the feeling of wanting to see the sunset. Ants and bees work nonstop, so I thought about how many things they might be missing in life, not knowing how beautiful the sunset is or how nice and cool the breeze was.

Your idea of happiness changes every year. What does happiness mean to you at the moment?

BEOMGYU: That’s hard for me again lately, actually. I used to try and look for happiness around me in easy ways, but lately, rather than chasing some vague idea of happiness, I’ve felt it’s important to deal with the situations immediately facing me and do so wisely. It’s possible for negative emotions to creep in when you’re busy like this and there’s less time to sleep and there’s limits on how you can deal with the stress. I always end up regretting it later on if I let those emotions take over me. But if you get a grip on those passing emotions and overcome them, time keeps passing anyway, and you don’t have to pay any mind to unnecessary things as a result. I feel more relaxed lately after practicing that.

It sounds like you’re learning to control yourself rather than being pushed and pulled by what’s around you.

BEOMGYU: Exactly. Haha. (laughs) So these days it feels like I’m spiritually enlightened. (laughs) I managed to let go of a lot of emotions, and rather than holding onto my immediate thoughts or concerns I’m living for one thing: wanting to do a good job on promoting this album with the other members—just being healthy and having a good time while doing what we want, without worrying about what other people think. That’s how I want to do things.

SOOBIN said recently that it must be fun to live the way you do.

BEOMGYU: I think I live a fun life thanks to the other members, though. I’m always having fun and feeling strong, even when I’m mentally and physically tired, thanks to them. I can rely on them so much that it makes me think I would’ve had a really hard time if I had been a solo artist rather than in a group. I feel like we’re really family now.

Given how often you share specific details of your life with your family when you were a kid in Daegu, it seems like your past memories play a big part in how you maintain your current level of happiness.

BEOMGYU: Music might be the only way to revive memories of the past, don’t you think? I can listen to some music that’s tied to a memory and, no matter how bad I’m feeling, that memory comes back to me and I feel happier for a bit. It’s weird, but when I listen to my cover of “Wonder” now, all my thoughts, worries and feelings from that time come back to me and it actually brings me comfort. It’s calm and sad songs rather than upbeat ones that make me feel like I’m being empathized with so I can slowly break out of feeling like I need to be comforted.

I guess your dad knew that and that’s why he made you a playlist called WHEN COOKEY SLEEP.

BEOMGYU: I share a streaming account with my dad and he makes playlists for me now and then. He continuously adds music to playlists that he’s categorized, like songs that are good for sleeping or that I have liked ever since I was little. He never said it directly, but it made me feel he’s always watching over me without having to say a word and he’s always been there for me.

Why do you so carefully choose to cover songs like “Wonder” and “you!” that reflect your tastes and sentiments?

BEOMGYU: The only thing that lets me fill up a whole song with my voice and express myself completely in video is a cover song, and that’s why I wanted to express myself in that way. I wanted to show people what kind of voice I have and I felt that genre would showcase my voice best. We make the songs on our albums as a group, so we have to sing in a way that harmonizes with the idea behind each song and with all the other members. My cover songs are a slight rebellion against that limitation. (laughs) With “Wonder” I wanted to show a side of me that was different from the bright me everyone knows, while “you!” was about expressing how thankful I am for certain people. I thought MOA would really like it if I could shoot “you!” in Japan, and I was lucky enough to be able to film it in Tokyo.

I feel like you’re someone who knows what he wants, what’s happening around him and understands himself really well.

BEOMGYU: I reflect a lot on myself—how I feel at a given moment, and even what I can do if I feel personally underwhelmed about something regarding an album we made. I think that’s possible because I continuously look back on those seemingly insignificant thoughts and feelings instead of overlooking them.

What made you think during the world tour that you’re “nothing without MOA”?

BEOMGYU: I couldn’t be a part of all the performances during the tour because I wasn’t feeling well. I really revealed my vulnerable side to MOA. But they cheered for me all the same when I got back on stage, they smiled with us when we sang happy songs, cried with us when we sang sad songs, and seeing that filled me with so much strength. I could feel that they were understanding of me no matter what was happening with me and that they love me. So partway through when I had to leave the stage I thought about how the people there had been waiting just for that day, and I decided I had to at least try to make it to the end of the performance even if I felt like I reached my limit and had to get off again, and went back on stage. Most importantly, I didn’t want to give up on myself and admit defeat.

You also said that only made you more certain why you do the work you do and made you love it that much more.

BEOMGYU: I was actually a little more accustomed to MOA not being there because of the pandemic stretching on and on so long. Spending that time together laughing and crying made me think I shouldn’t assign any particular meaning to the past three years when we couldn’t see MOA. I picked up a paper airplane at the last concert that said, “I was having a hard time and feeling sick but I’m better now thanks to you guys.” It was really, really comforting to me because it was the exact same thing I felt. That I’m no different from anybody else and can still be such a big source of strength to someone, and that I can get strength from this many people—I felt that’s the sense of meaning that exists between singers and fans. That’s when that idea really solidified for me: I have to put even more effort into my singing and dancing for these people.

#txt #tomorrow x together #230210 #weverse magazine #beomgyu #choi beomgyu #The Name Chapter: TEMPTATION #The Name Chapter

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thruheavenandhighwater · 2 years

Text

Everything [part three]

[[PART ONE]] [[PART TWO]] [[PART FOUR]] [[PART FIVE]] [[PART SIX]]

Pairing: Robin Buckley/ Female Reader

Retested By: NA

Word Count: 2,409

Summary: The promise of a new school year brings a harsh end to your perfect summer and threatens your friendship with Robin.

Robin Buckley Masterlist

Stranger Things Masterlist

Series Masterlist

~~~

Summer turned to fall faster than anyone would have liked. The heat was still there, allowing you to pretend for one last day that summer would be never ending. But when the sun set and you left Robin's house in the front seat of Nancy's car, you couldn't help the ball of dread that settled in your stomach on the drive home.

"At least it's senior year," Nancy said, trying to pull you out of your silence. "As long as you don't pull an Eddie you'll be done with school in nine short months."

She was right, as usual. But you weren't upset about having to go to school. You actually liked school. And you looked forward to carpooling with Robin each day. What you were dreading was the finality of senior year. This time next year you'd be a high school graduate. You'd be prepping for courses at the community college and probably still trying to decide what to do with your life.

The carefree fairytale of this summer was ending. The endless days at Steve's pool were over. Driving around with Robin and Nancy well into the middle of the night was over. Being able to see Eddie's band play every Tuesday at the local dive was over. Sure, you'd still be able to do those things sometimes. But the joy of teenage impulsivity had dwindled each day the calendar crept closer to the first day of school.

You and Robin were the last two of your group still in high school. Eddie had finally gotten his act together the last half of the previous school year and managed to graduate by the skin of his teeth on his second try. He always said it was thanks to Nancy and Jonathan for kicking his ass into gear. But you all knew it was all him. As soon as someone other than his uncle believed in him, he could do anything.

Robin picked you up in her mom's car. Bowie played quietly from the speakers as you drove across town. "I'm not ready for this," Robin sighed as she drove. "I want it to be summer again."

You agreed silently. You didn't trust yourself to speak. You were afraid you'd reveal just how much you were not looking forward to senior year and make her mood worse. And there was nothing you could think of that would be worse than dulling Robin's beautiful shine, even by accident.

When you found each other at lunch you could tell Robin's day was not going well. She was slouched even further down in her seat then normal as she picked at a bag of potato chips in front of her.

"What's up?" You asked quietly, nudging her with your elbow as you reached to grab a chip from her bag.

She groaned, dropping her own chip back onto the table. "I hate senior year."

"And why do you hate senior year?" You probed gently.

"AP history is gonna kick my ass, the syllabus was, like, 100 pages long." She started, crossing her arms over her chest. "I got seated next to the most annoying kid in band. Oh, and the AC in Click's room isn't working so have fun with that."

"Oh, honey," you cooed. "It's only the first day. It'll get better." You placed your hand on her knee under the table. You had to admit that you were shocked when she jerked her leg away.

She stood from the table and quickly gathered her trash. "I'm uh…" she started as she backed away from your table. "Library. Going to the library." You started to stand, ready to join her. But she quickly stopped you. "Just gonna grab a book and head to study hall." She told you. And then she was gone. And you were left alone in the middle of the cafeteria.

The ride home that afternoon was quiet. But it wasn't the comfortable, calming quiet you were used to. It was awkward. Robin's hands were tight on the steering wheel as she stared through the windshield. You pressed yourself as far into the passenger side door as you possibly could. Your touch earlier had scared her and you didn't want to risk doing it again. So you sat in silence, stiff as a board against the door.

You spent that evening in your room. Completely alone and shut off from your parents. Your mother had asked what was wrong when you told her you weren't hungry at dinner time. You didn't even try to come up with an excuse. She mumbled something about public schools being a breeding ground for germs on the other side of your bedroom door before you heard her footsteps retreat down the hallway.

You rolled over to lie on your back on top of your comforter. You were in the same position you'd been two months ago, the night you and Robin had secretly shared a bag of rainbow colored candies after Nancy fell asleep. You stretched your hand out to the side. It came to rest in the spot that Robin had fallen asleep that night, her body curled so tightly against yours. Tears pricked painfully at the backs of your eyes as you slowly moved your hand over the soft fabric. You weren't sure what exactly you had done to cause Robin's reaction at lunch, but you were determined to never make that mistake again.

The rest of the week was much the same as the first day. Robin would pick you up, you would try to make conversation, and you would pray to whatever God would listen that you could undo whatever it was you had done. She no longer sat next to you at lunch, instead opting for the opposite side of the table. Your conversations were surface level at best. School, homework, her work schedule. You'd even resorted to asking how her parents were just to get something out of her.

You decided not to go to Nancy's house on Friday. It had been decided over a week ago that the three of you would have your inaugural girls night of the school year at her house that night. But you just couldn't do it. You'd made things weird with Robin. So when she called to confirm what time she'd pick you up you had your mother tell her that you weren't feeling well.

"Why don't you want to go to Nancy's?" She asked after hanging up. "You always have fun with those girls."

You sighed as you walked away from her. Your feet took you slowly down the hallway and into your quiet, dark bedroom. And that was where you spent your night.

Monday at lunch Robin seemed chipper. You had a glimmer of hope that whatever had happened last week was forgotten. Ancient history. But the moment she sat down on the opposite side of the table and started telling you about her day, that glimmer was snuffed out unceremoniously.

"So, Joey kinda asked me out," she told you with a smile. Your heart sank to your stomach. You felt your throat go dry instantly at her words. The smile she wore as she tore open a bag of Cheetos was enough to bring you to tears.

"Who-" you started, your voice catching in your throat. You took a drink of the school provided milk and cleared your throat before continuing. "Who's Joey?"

"He sits next to me in band."

"Last week you called him the most annoying kid in band."

She shrugged and popped a Cheeto into her mouth. "I don't know," she started as she chewed. "I guess he's grown on me."

Now it was your turn to make an abrupt exit from the lunch room. But you didn't have time to sloppily gather your trash before bolting away from the table. You didn't even know where you were going. You just had to be away from there. Away from her. Never in a million years did you think you'd ever be running from Robin. But here you were.

You found yourself outside of the library. Tears started to rain down on your cheeks as you opened the heavy wooden door. You made your way to the far back corner of the library. A corner that nobody uses. You sat down, your back to a shelf as your shoulders heaved with sobs. You knew you were being loud in the one place you were supposed to be quiet. But you didn't care. It didn't matter. Nothing seemed to matter in that moment.

A few hours later, after sixth period, you ran into Robin in the hall. You stopped her, touching her arm for just a moment to halt her quick pace. "I gotta stay late after school," you told her. Your eyes were trained on your tennis shoes as you spoke. "So just head home without me. I'll walk."

"I don't mind wait-"

"Don't worry about it." You cut her off. "I can walk." And with that you turned to walk away from her toward your next class.

You didn't want to walk away from her. You never wanted that. From the moment you met her all you could think about was how to get near her. Not in a creepy way. But in a "you have the most immaculate energy and I want to be around you forever" way. But knowing that she was going to be going out with some kid named Joey was too much for you. Even his name seemed to make you angry the more you thought about it.

That night you called Robin and told her that you wouldn't be needing rides to and from school anymore. You lied to her, which you hated. But you hated the truth even more. You knew that you couldn't tell her that you were so desperately in love with her that the idea of Joey having his dirty little hands all over her at the movies made you physically sick. You couldn't tell her that seeing her with him might just be enough to kill you. So you lied. You told her that your mom was going to let you use her car from now on.

"Are you sure?" She asked quietly. "Thought you liked riding with me." She sounded almost hurt over the phone.

"Yes," you answered. You felt your chest tighten as you spoke. "Just makes sense this way, in case I have to go in early or stay late again."

She agreed hesitantly. You wanted to scream into the phone. But instead, you simply told her that you weren't feeling well and had to get to bed.

You felt lonely as you stood at the bus stop on the corner the following morning. There were half a dozen middle schoolers standing with you, but you felt lonely. You wanted to be in Robin's car. You wanted to listen to Bowie or Springsteen as she tapped her fingertips on the steering wheel. You wanted back what you had shared this summer. But as you stood a few feet away from the rest of the small group waiting for the school bus you knew you would never get that back.

When the bus arrived you climbed on behind the middle schoolers and walked to the back of the bus. Slouching into the old seat, you rested your head against the window with a sigh.

The bus smelled weird. Like vomit and Tang. You hated it with every fiber of your being. Combined with the dark pit in your stomach, you thought that this has to be the worst day of your life. You'd lied to Robin to avoid her and now you were being punished by having to ride the worst public school bus in the world.

This was how it had to be, you decided. You couldn't fix whatever had happened with Robin last week. You couldn't go back and relive your perfect summer. You couldn't tell her that you loved her.

So you accepted that this was how it had to be. You on the bus instead of riding with Robin. The sounds of younger kids yelling at each other instead of Robin's favorite music.

The old bus lurched to a halt outside of the high school. The brakes screeched, drawing the attention of almost everyone who was outside the school. You silently hoisted your backpack over your shoulder as you stood to exit the falling apart vehicle.

You threw a glance over your shoulder as you shuffled forward. You looked forward at the green backpack of Gary Bryant in front of you before your head snapped to the side. Her blue eyes were opened wide beneath her blunt bangs.

You halted, your feet gluing themselves to the black rubber mat that ran along the length of the bus. Your eyes focused on hers. Her jaw fell, her mouth gaping as she looked at you through the dingy bus window.

"Move it," a boy groaned, pushing your shoulder harshly. You mumbled an apology as you tore your eyes away from the girl whose eyes had drawn you in since the moment you met her.

Your feet felt like cinder blocks as they carried you ever closer to the door of the bus. You wanted to run away. Or disappear. You just didn't want to have to face her once your feet were on solid ground.

She came to you as you disembarked. Her hand found your arm, her fingers wrapping lightly around your wrist in an attempt to stop you. She spoke your name just above a whisper as you pulled yourself free.

"Gotta get to class," you told her. You allowed your eyes to meet hers for just a moment. You'd never seen Robin look hurt. The way her eyebrows knitted tightly, her lips parting as she tried to speak again. "Bye, Robin." You sighed as you turned to walk away.

You listened for the sounds of gravel displacing beneath her old high tops. But she didn't move. You turned back for just a moment. Your resolve started to fade when you did. She just stood there, hands raised to her sides.

With a small wave, a wiggle of your fingers in her direction, you were gone. You hated to walk away from her. You hated that you couldn't even tell her why. This was how it had to be because somehow you had changed everything.

~~~

I'm not gonna lie to ya, fam this one was hard to write. This part, more than any other in this series, touched home for me. This part is based on what actually happened in my own experiences. Happy endings, sadly, aren't a guarantee. Sorry for a bummer chapter. Hope you'll stick around for the rest of the story anyway!

Feedback is always appreciated! If you'd like to be tagged in future Stranger Things fics, please let me know!! Have a good weekend!!

Tag List: @oo0lady-mad0oo @uncrownedqueeen @alonezz @goawayrvse @messuhp

#robin buckley fanfiction #robin buckley fanfic #robin buckley x reader #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things x reader #my words #she's s bit of a bummer #sorry

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