#got the chance to post this yey

[cherryhanji]

oneshot. bang chan x female reader

⭐ synopsis: winter isn't one of your favorite seasons. But what if it's spent with someone who provides you not only smiles, but also those fuzzy feelings and crazy heartbeats?

⭐ genre: roommates to lovers au, college au, fluff, angsty tones

⭐ words: 11k

⭐ warning(s): foul language, mentions of childhood trauma, poor attempt at interpreting kissing scenes aaa

⭐ tags: @starlostseungmin @starlighthan (if u wanna be added on my taglist, u can drop an ask!)

alexa's note: sorry! this took waaaay to long but this is basically a rewritten version of my story "winter shenanigans". i just changed the title bcs i think it's better(?) haha idk i just feel like i need to change it. i wanted to rewrite this bc i feel like i can give it more improvements and make it better than the first version (i hope so) i hope u like it!

a bit of a disclaimer: i never experienced winter, so i'll just write everything what i feel or think about winter and what others do when winter comes. (but i do want to experience it!)

Winter isn't a season you're really not fond of unlike the others. Going out just to flash your new purchased glamorous parka and wasting several dollars for an overpriced hot coffee isn't in your bucket list. Winter doesn't bring you fun playing with snow, making those snowballs and having some snow fights with your loved ones. Walking around the street and feeling the freezing cold air wash your face as you look at everyone who seems to love it. Winter isn't your most loved season especially when the memories it brings you were the ones you really want to forget and leave from the past.

So instead of doing those things people love to do when winter comes, you'll just dwell in the confines of your home, watching those old Netflix series you love watching so many times to the point you memorize every characters' lines. Room heater on and a cup of ramen resting on your hands.

Amidst the season, you and your roommate Lexi always plan on going grocery shopping, agreeing on a day where both of you are free of schedule. The task is dreadful when you try to keep up with the people who seem to love hoarding the supermarket before the season starts. As if they'll run out of everything "they need" during the winter. So grocery shopping is best when you think most of the people were literally out everywhere but the supermarket.

But now, you feel like you are slowly draining out of energy as you look at your roommate while she puts her things inside her big ass luggage bag, a gift from her mother whom she'll be staying with until God knows when.

"Text me please when you arrive, hm?" You said with a small voice, not showing Lexi your soured expression but knowing completely you failed. 

Lexi is like your sister, living with her ever since you started college. So it's really disheartening to know she'll be out of your shared apartment in a few hours. 

The reason is important, and you completely understand it. She needs to go home, but it doesn't get rid of the fact that you'll be away from her, and will make you alone, emotionally and physically. You were never the one to make friends at all, scared to talk to people but managed to befriend some, and Lexi is one of them. Having the same interest and vibes, being able to understand each other are some of the reasons your friendship was built.

"Of course lovely, I will. I know how much you'll miss me. And I'll miss you too." Lexi cocked her brows, giving you a lopsided smile. 

"I really hope you can come back soon. But I think I'll be graduating alone if it happens again." You said. There you are again, you know you sound a bit selfish now, having abandonment issues ever since you were a kid fucks you up real hard, struggling to accept that people really do come and go. You just don't want everything that happened before to happen again.

But you were so aware that it will not happen with Lexi's case. You were just starting to miss the dynamics you used to have while living with her. 

Lexi sighed as she tried to brighten up her smile. You can see that she too, was trying hard to be strong. Going back to her hometown to take care of her ill mother, leaving her one and only best friend from the city and moving to another college is harder than she thought.

"I hope so too. I hope mom will get better so I can just go back here and not transfer to a different university anymore. But I am not sure what's about to happen. But I am really hoping I can come back real soon." She admitted, finally closing the bag she was preparing.

"And y/n, I know how much struggle you feel when it comes to meeting new people. You don't have to force yourself to talk to everyone. But please, don't dwell on being alone, my love. There are lots of people who badly want to befriend you. You're such a sweet girl. I know you prefer being by yourself, but I can see clearly you're happier whenever someone talks to you." she rebuked, Lexi knows you like the back of her hand, notices even the things you never knew you were doing.

"I-I don't think so." You muttered. You sure weren't confident enough to face a conversation with a person you knew you were talking to several times, let alone a complete stranger you never once talked to. One reason you never went to those acquaintance parties Lexi invited you everytime she went. 

You heard your friend click her tongue, making you turn your gaze to her. You sighed as you were met by one of her signature looks, always giving you those whenever she's disagreeing with something you just said.

"O-okay, fine. I don't promise but I'll try, because I don't like to miss you so much like I do now." You scoffed, making her let out light chuckles.

"That's my girl. To think that winter is coming, I want you to find someone you can spend those dreadful times with whenever the season is here." She snarked.

"Nah, will just spend my days here wrapped like a burrito while watching Squid Game." You remarked, Lexi looking at you dirtily.

"Girl, don't tell me you're gonna watch it for the fifth time?" Lexi questioned and you just nod proudly.

"Of course, I will. No one's gonna stop me." You said while your friend just let out a sigh, giving up at your antics.

"Okay whatever. Anyway, Mrs. Yang told me someone already got my space." Lexi announced, making your ears perked up at her news. You weren't against new roommates, you know yourself you can't afford to pay the whole rent and you need someone to share it with. But you didn't expect it to be this soon, you weren't prepared to entertain a new roommate!

"Wait, what? This soon??" You questioned and she just nodded.

"Yep! Don't have any idea who it was but Mrs. Yang told me they're studying in the same university." Lexi exclaimed as if she was the one who will live with the new roommate. On the other hand, dreadfulness starts seeping in you just by thinking of the prospect of having a new roommate. The idea of living with a stranger, and having no idea what will be your relationship with them in the future, starts to eat your mind. But despite that, you didn't show Lexi your weariness, instead giving her some neutral reaction even if your introvertedness is already screaming.

A week has passed and you still haven't met the said new roommate. You didn't even bump into Mrs. Yang, which you think is much better because you didn't have any idea how to grasp some update about your new roommate. "I just want to ask when will my new roommate arrive so I can at least clean the apartment."  "May I ask who my new roommate is? Lexi told me you told her they're attending the same university as me." Questions keep on popping on your mind but in the end, you were glad you never bumped into her and just cleaned the whole apartment in case your new roommate will arrive.

School break was about to start. You were more than relieved to know you completed all the work and backlogs even before the break starts. You may hate the winter, but you'd rather make yourself busy with something else than dealing with your activities or any school related work.

After having a small talk with Felix, you bid yourselves goodbye and started to walk on your way home.

Felix is a blockmate and one of the people you prefer talking with whenever Lexi isn't around. You grew accustomed to him when right after your first activity as partners, he still approached you like you've known each other for a while now, clearly wanting to befriend you. Not wanting to look like a bitch, you just let him be, also because of his bubbly persona. Like Lexi, Felix is the person next to being comfortable. You like the energy he's emanating whenever he's around.

You were solemnly staring at the window of the bus when you felt your phone buzzing against your pants pocket.

from: Mrs. Yang (YW APT.)

hi dear, just a heads up. your new roommate might arrive later or tomorrow evening. just want to remind you so you can prepare his space. have a nice day dear!

to: Mrs. Yang (YW APT.)

thank u for informing me, Mrs. Yang. have a nice day too!

You don't think you were ready enough knowing that your roommate is a guy. You don't have any problems with guys. It's just you feel awkward most of the time when you talk to the opposite sex. But you realized it doesn't worry you unlike the first time you knew about having a new roommate. Thinking about what Lexi has said, maybe it's not that bad to have new friends, besides her, well, also Felix (you consider him as one from now on.)

The said roommate arrived the next day. With his luggage bag and some boxes, he strived to bring them altogether inside even if you offer him a small help by pulling his luggage (you tried to make a good impression of yourself even if you're already feeling awkward as hell)

In the end, he let you pull his luggage when one of the boxes he carried totter from his hold, chuckling awkwardly when it finally fell. Talk about people and their eagerness to bring all of their things at once.

You tried not to sound and look awkward as you showed him the whole apartment, and finally his own space, his bedroom. You did everything you need to do to make it look presentable and clean. You don't have any idea if your new roommate is a clean freak, so you did it just to make things sure. You don't want to have a complaining roommate after seeing their room covered in dust and dirt.

"This is nice. I have never seen a room this clean. Or is it because my old roommate is not that of a clean freak." He said, chuckling. You must admit, his laughs are angelic. You never heard a guy laugh that cute. Or maybe because you never tried to make a guy laugh ever. Well Felix, is a different one, guy is scary when he laughs. Felix is the only one you can use to compare with the other guys. It was like, he is your standard of guys as you've never been with others before.

"Uh, yeah. I did clean it well. I don't want my new roommate to see his new room dirty." You said, showing a sheepish smile, hoping you won't look like an idiot to him.

"Nah, it's good. I am happy to know you gave your efforts in cleaning my new room. And as I can see, I think I won't have any problems with dealing with trash. Though I am not that sensitive to it, but, isn't it better to see your place neat? It makes you feel relaxed." He grinned. 

Something about him appeases you, the way he is talking to you, it was comforting. As if you guys were already friends. He looks friendly and harmless, someone you can easily approach whenever you're having concerns. 

But then again, you tell yourself that typical phrase whenever you meet someone. "looks can be deceiving". Most people tend to act politely whenever they meet with someone unfamiliar. But either way, you'll try your best to have those decent talks with your new roommate.

You don't even know each others' names yet.

"Uhm...Anyways, I'm Y/n! I hope you'll have fun staying here from now on..." You mumbled the last words, encouraging him to continue it by telling his name.

So he flashed you a smile and replied.

"Chan, Bang Chan, or Chris, whichever you like, but Chan is good, though.. I'm certain I will enjoy having you as my roommate, Y/n. And uuh, thank you again for cleaning this for me. I hope pulling my luggage bag inside didn't bother you. I'm sorry again for the small accident earlier, I just want to bring everything inside at once. A habit, yeah?" He chuckled, recalling his habit that led into a small accident at the front door earlier.

"No worries. Doesn't bother me that much.." You admitted. You feel like the atmosphere was slowly getting awkward, the smile on your face is unfortunately faltering. Wanting to not embarrass yourself furthermore, you tried to change the topic, letting him have his own time as he fixed his things.

"Uh, I would like to excuse myself now if you don't mind, so you can fix your things, it's getting a bit late now. So you can also rest." You said, checking the wall clock hanging just beside his bedroom door. The clock reads 10:20 pm and you're feeling a bit sleepy now. Chan just nods, and flashes you a friendly smile.

"Oh yeah, sure! Sorry to delay your sleep, but I'll be good. I'll just fix these tomorrow morning. Good night, y/n." 

"Good night, Chan."

Winter has finally started. Just like usual, you were met by lots of people who seemed to enjoy the little droplets of snow that are starting to fall. And good thing your worn out parka (a gift from Lexi almost three years ago) is still holding on, the zipper was already broken yet you were too lazy to get it fixed. Parkas are expensive as hell and you'd rather stick with this one, especially when you're not going out frequently when the season is here.

Grocery shopping went on smoothly, but this time you were alone. Almost three weeks had passed since Lexi left the apartment yet you still feel the longing for your friend, thinking that it won't get rid that easily especially when she's the only person you do this with and many other domestic things you can think of.

You feel all your limbs starting to give out when the view of your apartment door reaches your sight. Walking home from the supermarket is a fun thing to do, but you realized it was only fun when you have a company, specifically Lexi. Having someone help you bring the other bags. It was exhausting, but at least you came home with your complete limbs. 

You opened the door softly, you felt like breaking into your own apartment when in fact, you just wanted to see if Chan was in. Almost two weeks of living with him and you still feel shy when he is around. You tried your best to not look awkward whenever you talk, because the last thing you ever wanted was to make him think he's making you uncomfortable when in fact it's not.

Chan is a nice roommate. An organized one, you might add. So far, he never did anything to make you a bit distant to him, you were just shy, and the fact that you do find him attractive just adds to the predicament you were feeling. How can you engage with a long conversation when the first thing you always do is stare at his face? He might think you're weird if ever he noticed that action of yours.

You will pass by Chan's room whenever you go to the kitchen, so when you tried to grab some bottled water for yourself, you heard someone talking, surmising it was Chan. Maybe he's talking to someone as you hear other unfamiliar voices. You didn't mean to eavesdrop, but how can you not when you just heard your name in between the conversation?

"I just don't think we can do that now, I moved just two weeks ago, I don't want y/n to be uncomfortable"

"She's my roommate. And I still don't know if it's okay for her if I invite you guys over. Even if I am basically paying the rent too. But I don't want to scare the girl with two other guys she 7barely knew, walking around her house. We're not even that close yet."

Something about Chan talking about you makes you want to hear more. Even if you tried your best to stop, since listening to others' conversation isn't morally right.

"Hmm? Yeah..? She's pretty though, but a bit shy. I don't know why, I want to talk to her more but I feel like she doesn't even want to be near me, yikes." You heard him chuckle. And that's how you stumbled on your feet and almost knocked the big ass vase beside his door. 

Nice, just a nice way to expose yourself.

You heard him finish the call as you tried to compose yourself, making sure you didn't look like you were just literally beside his door, listening to his conversation with his friends.

Him calling you cute confused you, you don't have any idea what you did or what you have for him to call you cute. On the other hand, it made you feel ecstatic as if you just won a competition. A person you just find attractive admits that he finds you attractive too, how can you not hyperventilate by it?

Your eyes widen when you heard the doorknob shuffle, your time to run to the kitchen as if nothing happened just ran out before you even try and now you were met by a flabbergasted Chan, because he never expected you to be there, he just literally thought that the sound came from elsewhere and he's curious to check it.

"Oh, hi Y/n. Didn't know you already arrived. Uhm... How may I help you?" Chan's voice seems to ebb away as your eyes start to focus somewhere else, preferably his exposed arms, he was wearing this shirt that was made into a sleeveless one, his arm muscles tensed when he rested his arm on the doorframe, it's like he's literally giving you the honor to check him out. But it's not, of course. He's toned, and even if this is the first time you saw him showing a bit more skin, you knew that he's the type of guy who spends his time at the gym.

Exactly your type.

You were just fished out of your "checking my roommate out" by Chan's voice calling your name, worry etched on his annoying attractive face. 

"Is there a problem? Was it the noise I heard a while ago?" He asked and you tried your best to gather yourself up before flashing him a smile. Putting an end to "making yourself embarrassed in front of Chan" again.

"Ah no.. I mean, yeah. I just arrived. Uh, actually I just passed by your room then I almost knocked the vase, sorry if that disturbed you." You said, biting the inside of your cheek. God, you think this the most awkward time you ever had with Chan.

"Are you okay?" He said and took a look at you before looking at the vase that just sits perfectly as if nothing happened. The vase was heavy, and you were more than bemused as to why it made so much noise when you accidentally hit it with your feet.

"Oh yeah, yeah! I'm good. Just a bit clumsy." You assured and gave him a small smile. You were stuck in silence when Chan spoke again.

"Uh, may I ask you something?" Chan started, while you looked at him, urging him to continue.

"Uhm, I know I just moved in here a few weeks ago, but I do want to ask if I can bring my friends here? Like, we really need to finish this project of ours and I am the only one who has the most needed equipment and we need to use it. Uh, I promise we won't make so much noise! Uh, I'll tell the--" Chan stopped his blabbering when you suddenly let out a giggle.

"Of course. You can invite them over, I really don't mind. After all, this is also your house." You said. Realizing this is his issue since earlier while talking to his friends. You really don't mind at all. Lexi also did invite some of her other friends here before, sometimes inviting you over which you gladly did, but most of the time you stay in your room. You can do it with Chan. After all, he has his share of paying everything in this apartment. So he can do whatever he pleases, you just hope he's a bit mindful of his surroundings.

"Oh yeah right, thank you though. Uhm.. Do you have some rules, like things you don't like whenever others come in here? You know what I'm saying?" He questioned and you got it right away. He's really considerate. What a gentleman. Makes you want to just jump at him and kiss his pretty lips.

Oh, that's too much. 

He's your roommate, for god's sake.

"Uhm.. Just try not to make too much mess? I'm fine with everything really. Just, that." You shrugged, while he gave you a thumbs up.

"Copy. I assure you, you'll never have a problem with us." Chan grinned. You were slowly running out of ideas to say so you tried to excuse yourself from him, which he gladly let you do so. Too much happened from that short conversation, you think. Him calling you cute, him wanting to talk to you but you were so shy he doesn't know what to do, him almost catching you eavesdropping on him and his friends, you checking him out. You just hoped that he was gullible enough to not notice your lingering stares on his arms, to not make yourself embarrassed. Too much for you, eh?

Can you really keep up with your attractive roommate?

The day Chan's friends decided to come over was just as peaceful as you want it to be. Except his other friend, Jisung if you weren't mistaken, has been the noise provider in the once peaceful apartment, together with Chan's other friend, Changbin.

Chan apologizes over and over again for his friends' enthusiasm, things that you really don't mind at all. 

And as promised, Chan and his friends stayed inside his room to work on their project. You just knew he's a music major, and it was dead obvious as you always hear him play different tunes, some music that's pleasant to the ears, you even had a favorite one, the one he was playing last night, the same music they're currently working on.

Chan just casually playing those music for free, makes you wonder how he looks whenever he works over something. Is he the serious leader type? Is he the one to goof around but does work well? Or is he the quiet one while working but then surprises you with his amazing ideas. 

Whatever it may be, it still makes your heart pound as if you just ran a mile. But why is that? Just thinking about him makes your mind go haywire, are you having a crush on your roommate?

It's incredulous, isn't it?

"I just thought about it but, do you know someone named Lee Felix?" Jisung asked you as he munched his pizza. After working, Chan had invited you to eat pizza with them, ordered right after they finished work. At first you were hesitant, since you weren't really that close, and you really don't have any idea how to open a conversation with them. But the persistence his friends have was indelible, so you just gave in and joined them, and good thing their chattiness saved your sorry ass. Chan was also talkative, one thing you didn't expect. Maybe because he's around his friends. But he's not like the other two, they seem like they have endless topics brought with them.

"Hm, yeah. He's my classmate, why?" You replied, his mouth making an "O" shape as if he realized something.

"I knew it. That's why you look familiar! You were always with Felix after his classes. You may not see me but I always see you with him." He mused, 

"Oh wait, that sounded creepy. But yeah, I saw someone with him, and I realized it was you." he continued. You tried to recall all the times you were with Felix and bump into someone he knew, but you don't remember a thing. Maybe because you were busy thinking what activity you'll do next or what will Lexi cook for dinner.

"Oh well, sorry for not remembering a thing, but are you related to him? Like, friends?" You questioned and Jisung nodded his head in response, pointing at Chan who was walking out of the kitchen, his mouth full of pizza and his hands holding a bottle of water. Like a deer caught in headlights, you chuckled at his astounded look.

"What? Why're you pointing at me?" Chan raised his eyebrows at Jisung who was unfazed by his friend's dirty look.

"Felix is Chan's cousin. They basically lived together in Australia when they were kids. I wonder why Felix never told you about Chan. You guys just met when Chan moved in here right?" Changbin said and pointed at the two of you, you nod in response.

Changbin was right, you didn't know but you felt a bit betrayed by Felix. He was also as talkative as the three, but never mentioned about his hot cousin to you. But what was the reason in the first place? Why does Felix need to mention his cousin to you? 

But you just brushed it off, after all, Chan is already your roommate.

Maybe you can ask Felix about his cousin's ideal type, maybe you can learn a thing or two.

And asking Felix wasn't the best resort at all. It wasn't an option, per se. Your two eyes can see obviously what he likes in everything. Man, you live with the guy. You can literally learn a thing or two, if you were heedful of your surroundings.

Eventually, you become comfortable with Chan, as he is to you. One question and one answer now led into breathy laughs in between long conversations. One asked about their day, and eventually it turned into long talks. You were ecstatic about the progress of your roommate relationship with Chan, and when you say progress, your feelings also go with the flow. 

You finally admitted that you have a crush on your roommate, it was very obvious that Chan is likeable. Aside from Felix, he's the nicest guy you've ever met, his attitude from the very first time you guys met never changed, and you appreciate it. 

You were busy cleaning your room when you heard some soft knocks against your door. You were shocked to see Chan peeking from the outside, wanting to call your attention.

"Hey, Chan. Is there anything I can help you with?" You said as you placed your freshly washed clothes on your bed. He seemed to hesitate answering so you beckon him to go in, as he did eventually.

"Are you busy?" He asked, eyeing those clothes placed on your bed.

"Oh, not really. Will just place these clothes in the cabinet and I'm done. Why?" You asked him. You didn't know if you were just seeing things or his cheeks flushed a bit red before speaking.

"Uhm. I cooked some pancakes and made some hot chocolates for snacks. It's getting a bit cold here and I'm hungry. If you want I can bring you some here." Chan mused. A bashful smile painted on his face. You were speechless for a moment before you gave him a nod.

"Oh! That's very nice of you. But we can just eat it together in the kitchen." You replied.

"Really? I can just bring you some here while you finish what you were doing. Or I can just leave some for you." He insisted but you just shook your head.

"Nah, I'm fine. I can finish this later. It's very impolite of me if I'll do that. And besides, I do feel hungry now that you mentioned pancakes and hot chocolate." You giggled. Chan let out a sigh of relief and invited you to go with him in the kitchen which you gladly did, leaving all the clothes unattendedly and all the other things you need to do. Chan invited me to eat with him, organizing my things can wait.

No wonder you heard some shuffling in the kitchen a while ago, it was just him trying to cook some food. It surprised you that Chan can cook, since he's always busy. Either in his room or out with his friends, telling you that he'll just eat outside or finish his work that you'll never know if he's already done since you always hear him in his room, but it's all fine. 

Maybe he's just a man who is passionate about his work. 

After minutes of arguing that you'll just get your own food, you sat down on the chair as Chan prepared both your and his food, telling you that he was the one who invited you.

Looking at him, his broad back facing you, his shoulders tensing as he continues to move around, made you feel those weird feelings inside your stomach. It may be bizarre, but it felt good, just right.

Imagining him as the caring boyfriend who takes good care of you, cooking you food whenever he wants to, surprising you every morning with those butterfly kisses around your face. Just the perfect relationship every person wishes to have.

While you make your own world of fantasies, the boy who was the subject of it was staring at you weirdly. Hiding the smile on his face as he looked at your flabbergasted one when he called again your attention, the look on your face as if you were caught doing something illegal made him giggle, but he tried to hide it.

"Thinking of something?" He questioned, a smile now visible on his face. You tried to focus your attention on him once again, shaking away all of the thoughts of him from your mind before answering.

"Uuh, just thinking what will these pancakes taste like, also the hot chocolate." You replied, he scoffed jokingly as he placed your plate of pancakes, drizzled with maple syrup and whipped cream on top.

"And now you're acting like some masterchef judge, or aren't you Gordon Ramsay's daughter?" he joked. 

"Hmm, what if I am?" You remarked. He just shrugged and let out a giggle, his dimples apparent on his face, making him look more cute and soft.

Aah, can you not act cute, just for once?

"Hmm. I guess I'm honored and nervous at the same time, have a taste then, Ms. so-called daughter of Gordon Ramsay." He mused.

You happily indulged yourself with the still warm pancakes, humming as the mix of its softness and the sweet taste of maple syrup excites your taste buds, immediately giving a thumbs up to Chan. He flashed you a wide grin before eating some of his own.

"Didn't know you cook this good, Channie." You blurt out, not realizing that you called him in a different way, you were busy delving in his pancakes.

"Not you doubting my cooking skills." Chan replied. Little did you know, Chan was having a little heart attack from the new nickname you gave him out of the blue, yet you still haven't realized it.

"And, I didn't know I had a new nickname now." Chan mused and let out a chuckle. Confused, your eyebrows furrowed until seconds later you realized what you just said a while ago.

"Never heard someone call me that, even my friends." He admitted. Even his close friends never called him that. And he's glad that someone like you managed to get him a nickname, one thing that he'll never mind at all, especially if it's only you.

"Uh-- okay. I didn't realize it. Sorry" You mumbled, but Chan still managed to hear it. 

"No worries, Channie is cute though. I love it." Your eyes widen as you bring your gaze back to him, while his smile  never falters. It's true, Chan loves it. In fact, he wishes you'll just call him by it everyday. It felt like an addition to his energy. 

"Uh, d'you like the hot chocolate?" Chan changed the topic before he felt the silence envelop you.

You did taste the hot chocolate and it was good, the warmth of the drink seeped into you, making you relax. Winter was still ongoing and you're glad that besides ramen and tea, you found yourself a different way of relaxing and making you warm during the season. One point for making a hot chocolate for a cold season.

"Yep! It was so good! So sweet, I love it. Actually I tried making this but I failed big time, I added too much cocoa, it was bitter." You giggled, remembering the first time you tried doing a hot chocolate, Lexi almost barf making you realize you shouldn't make a hot chocolate drink by yourself.

Chan snorted, trying to contain his laugh when he saw you glaring at him.

"Good thing I can make one. I can be your savior," He said, his eyebrows moving up and down. 

"If you insist, actually your hot chocolate is my new favorite now." You confessed. Chan is like hot chocolate, warm, and sweet. He feels homely because of his warm and sweet nature. No wonder you felt comfortable around him in no time. He never once made you feel ill at ease. A pure green flag. That is Chan to you.

Felix went to your apartment several times in the past, but most of it was for school purposes. Activities wherein you were partners, but most of the time he just wants to do it with you, for the sake of copying some of your answers which you don't mind.

But the reason why he is at your apartment today is unusual. And it is the first time he has hung out with you in winter. Weird it may be, but it just happened that way. Lexi and Felix knew each other of course because of the seldom visiting in the past, but not as close as you with being friends with the both of them.

When Felix knew that your new roommate is his cousin, he immediately messaged you saying he'll visit one of these days. It was a long time ago but the free time he only has is now, due to his part time job at the restaurant near his apartment.

There is a fat chance of the cousins meeting at the apartment, but now isn't. Chan went out early to go to his friend's place. And that's the time Felix finally told you that he'll come over.

And here you are, in the kitchen while Felix let you make a room of chaos by helping him make brownies, but sooner he just made you sit and told to watch him. One thing that you agreed on since baking isn't really your thing.

You were too immersed with your phone when you suddenly heard Felix greet someone.

"Hey! You're back!" Your head immediately turned to Chan who looked flabbergasted seeing his cousin being busy in his kitchen.

He then turned his gaze to you, then threw a smile at your direction which you immediately reciprocated.

"You're early…?" You questioned. Chan told you that he will stay at his friend's place for a few hours since they were planning to make a new song, so you assumed he'll be back at night, and it is still afternoon.

"Hmm. Jisung's mom called him for help, so we just finished it there, then we'll continue for some time. It's really not that necessary to finish the song." Chan replied. You were about to speak when you remembered you had another person inside your home.

"What does it feel like when someone replies to your greeting, yeah? 'Oh hello Felix! How are you? It's been a long time? Are you having fun here with Y/n?' Something like that, no?" Felix scoffed, his eyes rolling when Chan giggled. 

Chan went to give his cousin a light bump on his shoulders, apologizing for not greeting him back.

"Sorry dude, I mean, we just saw each other a few days ago." Chan bantered but Felix replied with a raise of a brow.

"Okay. I'll just let it pass, who wouldn't be distracted when you saw y/n first, right?" He quipped, flashing a smirk directed at Chan who was failing to keep a smile. In the end, he just smacked his cousin's arm again. Feeling himself shrinking at the lowkey showing of adoration for y/n. 

Chan knew his roommate was pretty, in and out. He has been harboring appreciation for the girl. Even at that point his friends were pushing him to ask you for a date. But he never did. For him, it was too early to ask you. Living together with you is just as right as rain. Getting to know you, see you, and have more time with you is more than enough for him.

Chan left to go to his room after exchanging a few banters with Felix. And finally, the brownies were already done. So you took all of the baked brownies with you and went to the living room, with Felix hot on your trail, a tub of ice cream on his arm.

"Excuse me, Miss y/n, don't finish all of the brownies please." Felix protested when he saw you continuously eating the bite size brownies, worried that you might finish it all.

It was a minute's worth of fussing over brownies. Of course you were never the greedy one, you just wanted to tease Felix, you ate several pieces, then gave the plate to him, you grabbed some for Chan, but you don't have any idea when he'll come out of his room so you just set aside his brownies.

And the big fat silence took you over. Save for Felix's music playing through his phone. You don't feel like watching tv, and neither do he. You were having fun with your brownies when Felix once again executed his talent: asking questions out of the blue.

"Hey, I wanted to know what you think about my cousin?" You snorted as soon as you heard his question. When he does look serious with his question, and it seems like he is really waiting for an answer, you replied.

"Huh? As a roommate?" You asked. Felix cocked his eyebrow at you, as if silently judging you.

He wasn't clear with his question per se.

"Of… course. Why? You wanna tell me what you think of him as a guy?" And now Felix's face morphed into something akin to ludicrous. 

"You weren't clear with the question, oh please." You cried. With the way you were acting and Felix being the best tormenter ever, you can envision yourself telling Felix what you feel about his cousin. 

"Oh-kay! Fine. What do you think of him as a roommate?" Felix asked again. 

"Okay, I think he's the best roommate I ever had. Very clean, he never leaves a place that contains his mess--" You were speaking when Felix suddenly interrupted your commentary.

"Wait, more than Lexi?" Felix remarked. You know he was just teasing you, Felix knows how much you love Lexi and you were just overstating because it was Chan.

"What?? Of course not! I mean, I have the same feelings for them as a roommate. Maybe I just like the thought of Chan being a good guy who respects others, like his roommate. Besides you, I never interacted so much with guys, but if it's Chan, I think it's okay. I am so comfortable with him, and he's too much of a… gentleman." You remembered the time when you walked in to Chan being shirtless in the kitchen. You don't remember how many times he said sorry for not wearing a shirt. You were just shocked, oh Lord. He's just too sexy to look at. He might think of you as a creep. 

Him saying sorry for being comfortable is so dreadful. 

Even if you told him too many times that night that it was okay, he still wore a shirt the next day. And that made you feel bad. That time you reminded yourself not to freak out by seeing a guy flashing his half naked body.

But how can you do that? Knowing that it was him was rendering you speechless.

"Uhm.. earth to y/n?" Felix snapped his fingers in front of you, making you go back to your trance. Stop thinking about him. Do it like it was easy, huh.

"Oh.. sorry." You chuckled awkwardly, you felt like you were getting smaller. Even though you won't tell him, Felix noticed that you were off the wall when you started talking about Chan.

"Do you like my cousin?" Again, you were knocked senseless by his question. 

Are you really getting questioned by Felix? By your roommate's cousin? In your own apartment? With your roommate in question, which is currently present here?

"W-what? Why are you asking me that?" You chuckled awkwardly, you felt like your mind had gone blank by the sudden questioning. You weren't even sure if you really like, as in like Chan. You just knew you found him attractive.

"Chan has been a nice person ever since, but there's something with the way you talk about him." He said, as if he's that certain with his assumption.

"Maybe because he's just being a gentleman, and I appreciate that, that's it." You replied shortly. Maybe you were really just admiring his personality. You deemed guys being the not gentleman type, except Felix. Many of your female acquaintances told you stories about guys who were being a pain in the ass and just plain rude. And maybe that's one of the reasons why you abstain yourself from talking to other guys, second is just you were a major awkward person.

Felix stared at you for a good minute before smiling and greeted Chan, who went out with his hair damp, maybe he just took a shower then decided to go out.

"Yo Chris, Y/n saved you some brownies, that's for being the best roommate." Felix sneered as you smack him playfully on his arm.

You turned your gaze to Chan and saw a small smile on his face which you immediately reciprocated.

Oh, a thought passed by your mind, did he hear you and Felix talking about him?

You wish he didn't.

A month has passed yet the winter season is still on the run. You were in the supermarket with Chan who just hopped in since he wanted to buy some of his basic necessities and foods he shares with you in the fridge.

You were checking your list when you felt an arm draped over your shoulder. Too stunned, you didn't turn your head right away, to see if it's really him. Because you can literally smell the familiar scent of his calming perfume. And one thing that you wanted to do right now is to just snuggle your face between his neck and sniff his scent, sounds creepy but that's what on your mind right now.

"How about this one, y/n? I think we can make kimchi jjigae for tonight? What do you think?" Chan asked you, turning your gaze sidewards to see his face. Even though you can literally hear your heartbeat loud.

Is it because of the proximity? Or solely because of Chan?

Trying not to sound and look awkward, you patted his hand softly, telling him that you were fine with it. You have no idea if you were just feeling things, but you felt his arms tensed when you pat it.

"Of course, but you'll cook okay? You were the one who's confident with their kimchi jjigae." You grinned. You weren't confident with what you, you were even shocked you managed to contain yourself while being that close with Chan.

Chan didn't even know where he got that confidence. He was panic-stricken when Y/n didn't look back at him, and he really felt how she frozed when he did that. But when Y/n patted his arm lightly, he knew that she was fine, and his heart was beating passionately he could hear it. But he acted cool, for the sake of his pride and unspoken feelings. 

He remember the time where Felix asked Y/n if she likes him and heard her answer, he felt the world ground right below his feet. He knew that her answer probably meant no. She does appreciate him, and he knows that it isn't the same as like, that doesn't mean she likes him as him, and not the person she lives with.

Maybe acting like cool friends won't hurt. Oh, maybe a little, for him. 

Going back to the apartment is not that complicated, you hailed a cab because riding a bus back home while bringing those grocery bags isn't the best idea at all. 

Since Chan knew how to make kimchi jjigae better, he was working alone in the kitchen when Y/n suddenly appeared, shrouded herself with her usual comfortable shirt, her hair tied up in a bun. Something with the way she looks screams domesticity to Chan. A girlfriend watching her boyfriend cook their dinner. The thought alone made Chan smile. Being able to live with her as a roommate is more than enough.

Even if he knew they weren't feeling the same.

But why does he feel like she was staring right into his soul?

You were so amazed by seeing Chan work in the kitchen. He moves dexterously, as if he's really been doing this ever since. Just by looking at him, you can feel your heartbeat briskly again. Everytime you see Chan, there's this familiar feeling that grows as time passes by.

Do you still deny yourself for falling for Chan?

Truthfully speaking, as days passed by and the more you knew about your roommate, the more you slowly realized that you were indeed, in love with your roommate. This wasn't just simply a roommate appreciation feeling. 

It was entirely the same as you expected.

"Okay Chan, I feel like you used to be a chef in your past life." You giggle as you once again slurp again the savory soup of the kimchi jjigae. Chan scoffed jokingly as he took a spoonful of rice from his food.

"Maybe I am. I do appreciate your kind words." Chan replied. You were finally done with dinner and it was such a nice one since whenever you eat with Chan, it was filled with fun and giggles here and there. There was no dull dinner with Chan.

There was a raging snowstorm as per the weather forecast and you were more than irked knowing that there will be lots of snow outside.

"I'll wash the dishes Channie. You go to the living room, I'll be in charge here." You said as you gathered the empty plates and pots. Putting it all on the kitchen sink, while you saw Chan open the fridge and grab a can of drink.

"Want some beer?" Chan asked as he showed you the can on his hand. It was the beers he bought from the grocery earlier. 

"Out of the sudden?" You chuckled at him. It was unusual for Chan to drink beer on a random night. He once told you that he does drink whenever he's at parties. So why beer?

He then shrugged and flashed you a toothy smile.

"Oh, it does help me warm up. It's chilly here. I don't mind having beer, how about you?" Chan stated. It isn't weird, because beer does help you warm up on the inside, and you don't mind consuming one tonight, so you gave Chan a thumbs up before he nodded at you and went to the living room, with two bottles of beer in his hands.

You were never confident with your alcohol tolerance, every memory was shared with embarrassment, so as much as possible, you did drink responsibly. You want to have some time with Chan. You know you can always say no to him, but consuming a bottle won't hurt. Besides, it really does help you warm up.

"Isn't it weird if I drink beer on a winter night instead of coffee or hot chocolate?" Chan chuckled as he chugged on his beer. You knew how much Chan detest coffee, just like you with winter.

"Not really, I know how much you hate coffee, and we just ran out of hot chocolate. Actually, this is new, but I don't hate it. It's been a long time since I last drank beer. But I never expected it to be on a winter night though." You said making the boy laugh. 

"But it is fun!" He countered.

"Yeah, yeah. I just hate that the time was winter. I hope spring comes soon. I hate this season anyway." You accidentally slipped your detestment for winter. You can see how his face morphed into confusion, the bottle sitting on his hand before asking.

"Huh? Why, though? Winter is great! How can you dislike winter?" Chan wondered. For him, winter is great for cuddling. He loves to warm himself up together with his loved ones. Winter is a great time for hot chocolate, too.

Winter is great and better especially when you're with someone who you care for. Giving the warmth that they deserve on a cold winter night.

"I just hate it. I don't know why people are so happy whenever winter comes. It's snowing hard yet they still enjoy it. Or is it just me, because I really hate playing in the snow?" You wondered, ever since you were a kid, you never understood the fun of playing in the snow. It was cold, and probably it'll make you sick.

"Nah, all I see, be it kids or adults, loves playing in the snow." Chan replied. You just smiled sadly as you realized you never once played in the snow ever since you were a kid. You just don't have someone to play with.

"Oh, maybe I was just being bitter." You chuckled as you played with your bottle. Ah, the memories of the past still haunt you big time. 

Winter never did anything to you in the first place, it was just a season that passed by every year. It's just that, someone did taint them badly for you to hate it.

Chan suddenly felt the atmosphere shift into something different. He didn't know if it was because of the alcohol but he can feel that Y/n has something running into her mind right now. He never knew that she disliked the current season. He never knew that she's probably bringing something into her chest. There should be a reason, at least. But if she never wanted to talk about it, who is he to push her more?

But he just wanted to try his luck, maybe he can be a bit of help, even with just the little things.

He can see how much Y/n contemplates with herself. 

"Hmm.. there must be a reason. Do you… want to share it?" Chan carefully asked and saw if Y/n would respond. He knows he's not yet drunk, save for his high tolerance, he can really listen and understand what Y/n would say.

He can be the good listener he always had been.

The thing that bugs you up to this day, whenever winter comes was never shared with anyone else, even Felix, and Lexi. Your father has always been taking care of you, showing you that he can be the best parent you need to have. Filling in the role of a person you love, but left you in spite of that.

"I trust you enough to tell this, Channie." You sighed and gave him a smile.

"The night is young, pretty, go ahead."

Your mom has been your role model ever since. Being the most caring mother that she is, always taking care of you and your older brother, Lucas. She always puts you and your brother first in everything before herself. The most selfless mother you've known.

Your parents had an "okay" relationship when they were together. Doing what every parent should do for their children. You were still a kid back then, so everything you saw made you think that your parents do love each other like every other parents you see from your friends.

Until one day, and it was the start of winter, right after you came back from the mall with your father, you saw your mom packing up her things, altogether with your brother's clothes. You were starting to wonder why, not until your father blurted out the words you never expected him to say. Because all you know is that they love each other.

"Go, leave us. I bet you are happy now, you feel free, yeah? Go ahead. I hope you'll be a good mother to that bastard's son. Why did I even marry a cheater?" 

When you were a kid, the words that you only understood the words leave, good, and happy.

You never understood why your mother and brother have to leave you both. Is  there something wrong? Does your mother hate you? Do they hate living with you now? Why did they have to leave?

Does your mother still love you?

As you grow up, you finally understand all the reasons, your mind slowly opening up to the fact that not everyone's family was made to be perfect. Your father explained to you how your mother cheated on him when they were still together. Giving birth to your brother whom he thought was his real son. A thing that your mother kept until she got pregnant with you. 

Your father was hurt so much by knowing that kind information, but he never regretted loving your brother. The fact that your mother managed to cheat and stayed with him while she's out there doing some kind of infidelity shattered his heart. He did anything to love your mother but all he ever received was pain.

Now that you knew it, it still made you hurt, remembering that cold winter night where your mother was nowhere to be found, you all alone in your small room crying. The experience was traumatic, but you slowly coped with it. But the hate for the season stayed, as well the memory of your mother leaving you.

"I never liked the coldness of the winter. It's because I remember how much I cried for my mother, because every winter, she used to stay with me until I fell asleep, together with my brother. Up until now, it still haunts me. So sorry for killing your joy whenever winter comes." You chuckled as you down the remaining beer from your bottle.

"You know, you never say sorry for your trauma. You didn't want that. No one likes to be left behind. And if hating winter does help you cope up, so be it. It was never a bother for me anyway. Don't be worried about it." Chan said and gave you a heartwarming smile. 

That, that smile is what makes the past cold nights turn into weeks, then months of warmth and cozyness. There were no dull and cold nights whenever you're with Chan. In fact, having him here together with you is what makes you feel better on those cold nights. He never made you feel alone. And you were grateful for having him here with you.

And you were grateful for having those warm fuzzy feelings in your stomach that felt just right. Even if it makes your heart pound like crazy.

"You know.." you started, your eyes focused on the bottle in your hands. While Chan trained his eyes on your figure, waiting for you to continue.

"These past few months, I never felt this happy. I had my share of hate for the season, but I think it's okay now that you're here. So thank you." You said and you can literally feel your cheeks heat up, so you did your best not to lift your face. Not wanting to have any embarrassment happening.

You heard his small gasp and it made you smile. This was shocking for him, you can tell, but it's the truth.

"Uhm.. I don't think I did anything to make you feel better in this season, but I'm glad to know I did some kind of help. It means a lot to me, you know." Chan said and scratched the back of his neck, he can also feel his cheeks heating up. The weather was cold yet their cheeks felt hot at the very moment.

To be someone's comfort is relieving for Chan. Even if he doesn't know what kind of comfort he brings to Y/n, he's glad that she's been comfortable and open to him now. All he knows is that everyone has a struggle with something, and not everyone has the same problem every day. So we need to be kind to everyone.

A principle he had brought with him ever since he was a kid.

But now that Y/n opens up more about herself, he can't help but to be more caring for her. He just wanted her to be happy, just like how he has been ever since he met her.

"You know, I still have something to tell you. I don't know what will happen after but I wanted to tell you this." You started. And you already had warned yourself that you don't have any good relationship with alcohol, yet you still pursue this. There's something with drinking alcohol that makes you do something on a whim. 

Is it called confidence?

Nah, you'll just see if you regret doing this tomorrow.

"Hm? What is it? Should I be worried?" Chan giggled. He was confused but at the same time, anxiousness bubbled up on his stomach. He was still sober, in truth, he never consumed all of the alcohol, too engrossed with Y/n.

That's what love is.

"Uhm… I… Whenever we're together, like this.. I can't help but feel this weird thing. I don't know if it's out of appreciation for your roommate or what. But I don't hate it. It feels good. And I don't want it gone. Is it a crush? love? or just pure appreciation?" You said and Chan clearly hears how obscure your feelings are. Yet, the feeling of excitement is more prominent than worry for your confused feelings. It's dangerous on his side, he knows, yet he can't help but to think that maybe you feel the same for him.

"Are… are you sure? Or is it because you're drunk, Y/n?" Chan asked as he checked on you. When you didn't answer, he stood from the couch across and sat beside you. He looked at you first, before trying to reach your hand, when he didn't feel any sign of hesitation, he slowly squeezed it, trying to make you look at him.

"Tell me, are you sure with what you're saying? Or you're just babbling words?" Chan said and he can feel the frustration in his voice. He didn't want to look and sound frustrated, but the hope in his heart pushed him to do so, he wanted to know if you feel the same or not. Heck, he wanted to kiss you right now, but he doesn't know if it's okay with you. Of course! Who would want to kiss their roommate even without having any romantic relationship?

"I may be drunk, Channie. But I tend to remember the things I say and do when I'm drunk." You muttered and stared at him. When he didn't answer, you continued speaking, telling him the most kept secret you feel about him.

"You know, I do believe that drunk minds speak sober thoughts, and don't worry, I don't feel like I'll regret doing this tomorrow, because I really wanted to tell you that I like you, heck, maybe I already love you, Channie." You finally said it, feeling those weird things happening inside you again. And the goddamn heartbeat that goes fast, whenever he's near with you.

You can see how his face lightens up at the moment, you were never sure about body language, but you felt like he does feel the same.

"Can… Can I kiss you?" Chan was hesitating to ask this, but now that you already told him what you feel, he tried his luck, and when you nodded your head and squeezed his hand. Not wanting to say any words, because you don't trust yourself enough now.

You can feel his face inching closer with yours, his warm breath that smells like the alcohol you just drank. His breath, his gaze, the proximity, and the situation makes you even more drunk. And your mind blanks as soon as you feel his lips plant on yours.

So this is how his lips felt like.

It was so soft, just how you always thought of it, it was like caressing your skin. The fact that your lips were chapped didn't make you conscious because all you were thinking is that, you felt those feelings again, but ten times stronger and it you were fully aware that it was Chan kissing you.

You can feel yourself slowly melting into the kiss. It was pure delight, and you must admit that you never felt this way before. Too grateful that you were feeling this way with Chan and not every other guy.

You can feel his hands moving to your nape, guiding your head carefully as he leaned in more, feeling his lips move oh so slowly as if he was afraid to break you.

Chan finally pulls out, his eyes still closed as he catches his breath, his cheeks dusted with a shade of pink.

His hands never let go of you, as he planted it on your cheeks, making you lean on his touch. You too, were speechless for a bit as you catch your breath, also making it as an excuse for what you just felt, still shy to admit that you were indeed in love with Chan, even though you just voiced it out a few minutes ago.

"So…" Chan started. He was still ecstatic by the fact that she reciprocates the same feelings. His mind went haywire when they finally shared an intimate moment together. A feeling that Chan only dreamt of, not expecting it to happen in real life.

It was like Y/n is a dream come true.

Chan's hand wrapped around yours once again, molding it with yours as if it was meant to be there. You shared a minute of staring at each other before Chan managed to speak.

"You don't have to worry, Channie. Didn't you know you're likeable? I bet every girls you met had a crush on you, but I am the one blessed, I guess." You chuckled. You were certain, with this attractive face and a beau ideal of a boyfriend, Chan had unconsciously made every girls at his beck and call.

"I'm so happy to know you feel that way, because honestly? I feel the same way for you. I was afraid I am the only one harboring feelings but here you are." He shrugged and plant a peck on your knuckles.

"So.. Does this mean we're dating now?" Chan said once he pulled out of the kiss, again running out of breath. There's something about feeling your lips against his makes him want to go more.

Maybe it was because of the alcohol, or pure adoration, or it can be both but you felt yourself leaning closer to Chan until you felt his lips against yours.

Someone like Chan was the person you ever wish to share a romantic relationship yet the one you didn't expect to come. He's too good to be true. But you love it, and you'll make sure not to let it out of your grasp.

"Come on, isn't it obvious?" You chuckled while he just shrugged and hugged you, making you surprised, but relaxed eventually. He's so warm, just like how you always thought about him.

"Okay, so are you in for an outdoor date tomorrow? I may love what we have here, but I wanted to go out and spend my time with you besides going to the grocery store." Chan said, making you chuckle. He's not wrong. You went out with him several times now, but it was all for the sake of groceries.

Having to spend time outside on a winter day with Chan? Nothing gets better than that.

"Of course. I would love to spend a day with you outside, on a winter day."

#finally aaaaaa #got the chance to post this yey #i hope u like it yeey #stray kids oneshot #skz oneshot #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #skz scenarios #bang chan imagines #bang chan x reader #chan x reader #bangchan fluff #skz fluff #bangchan oneshot #bang chan #stray kids #stray kids x reader #skz x reader

[aquiescentraconteur]

My darling, special, girl

It’s Fri-yey. - Yes, you can mock me. Your godmother has been having a prolonged impact on me. I’m starting to believe I really could live off digital marketing, Instagram posts and fake advertisement. She insists on pushing me to be a socialite, or one of those in-vogue influences. Could I? Maybe. Am I? No. 

Anyway, I’ve had a long-ass week, and it shows. My under eyes are suffocated in concealer and Advil has been a long-term friend. In between meetings, new mentoring students and my personal life… I am over this PhD/researcher life. If I had known I would’ve never… okay, that’s a lie. I like a challenge, I feed on it. It’s hard, and most of the times - demanding! But I’m slowly falling in love with it - I can tell. I’ve started a new program - Careers in science - why else would I do that if I wasn’t considering a possible academic path? One thing though, is certain: I will not do it where I am currently. 

Last night was magical - and no, I am not about to describe a sexual encounter with a guy, your mom knows better than that! I had a chance to attend a classical concert, with pieces composed by Brahms. May you have that chance someday. What a show, the guy at the piano - a full Professor from the Music Major - was just…entrancing. The clarinet guy - yes, clarinet - was just spellbinding. It truly felt like magic.

The room - the Noble Grand Hall of Congregados - also helped. Big, lightful chandeliers and old upholster chairs. The ambience, formal and peaceful. I can’t remember a time when my heart felt more serene than last night. Looking around, it felt mesmerizing everywhere I looked: the people, the artists, the walls. There was a standing ovation at the end that seemed appropriate. The performers’ students were completely fascinated with them, you could sense the respect in the room. 

To finish it off, they did an encore of ‘Lullaby’, also by Brahms. 

My sweet angel, I cried. It was explosive, magnetic, and intense. 

When I got home, all I could think about was the feeling inside of me - the clarity I felt about myself. How inspired I was to move on with my life and breathe. I’ll explain. Breathing has been hard for me - anxiety about the uncertain was getting the best out of me. And last night allowed me to confirm something I needed a long time ago: I’m happy in my own company. I know who I am, I love who I am. 

Love, 

Mom, March 15th 2024

[nessinborderland]

The Best We Can

Pairing: Hatter x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Word Count: 1k

Summary: Before, death was imminent, yes, but tonight… tonight you got reminded of your own mortality.

Warnings: mentions of death, injury, blood and panic attack

Notes: @hatterstan-shameblog asked: real hype about the way you wrote my boy danma takeru, just the right balance of ‘charming best buddy’ mixed with ‘manipulative rat-bastard.’ like, you really Get Him in a way that makes my heart smile.anyways, if you’ve got the time and the inclination, i’d love to see what you’d do with a little hurt/comfort.****picture it: 3AM, post-game, him and reader (you) sitting on the counter in the beach’s kitchen. taking gulps straight from a bottle of wine, passed between the two of you. trying to ignore the smell of blood drying on your skin.“what do we do now?” you ask.he pats you on the knee.“the best we can.”****y’know, like. bittersweet. a rare moment of vulnerability on his part. just mess me up, friend.

After 84 years, here I am! God, it’s taking forever to go through all your requests, but I can happily say that there are only about 20 one-shot requests to write :) so YEY! Dude, really hope you like this. I’ve been feeling angsty lately so I just took the chance lol. Enjoy <3

Masterlist

Seaside Paradise Tokyo – or the Beach, as your friend decided to call it – is a ghost town at this hour of the night. The few people that live there with you either died tonight or are passed out drunk. But not you two. 

Not after tonight’s game. 

You don’t think you’ve ever experienced something like this – the never-ending feeling that you’re breathing on borrowed time. Before, death was imminent, yes, but tonight… tonight you got reminded of your own mortality. Your head is filled with the fresh memories of multiple people dying in horrible ways, screaming and pleading for either help or mercy as you look down on them. You can’t stop thinking about how you should’ve been one of them, how you should’ve died tonight.

But you didn’t.

And your savior – the man that made the decision to let everyone else die so you could live – is offering you a bottle of port this very moment.

“Earth to Y/N.”

You’re pulled out of your thoughts with a low gasp that doesn’t go unnoticed by your friend, that raises a brow in concern. You accept the bottle without looking him in the eyes and take a gulp of the sweet wine, swallowing without barely tasting its rich flavor. You don’t have to pretend that you’re fine in front of him – not after he saw you desperately cry and have a panic attack just an hour before – but you still can’t force yourself to look at him.

Not after what happened.

“You’re trembling,” he says, voice low, like he’s talking to a wounded animal. His arm goes over your shoulders, and you flinch and slap his hand away on an impulse. You gasp and stare into his wide eyes, a knot forming again in your throat.

“Takeru, I–”

“It’s fine,” he says with a nod, standing up from his seat at the kitchen counter right beside you. There’s a dark expression in his eyes, something you can’t quite place, but that terrifies you beyond belief. You hear him sigh as he turns his back to you for a moment, almost like he’s leaving, before changing his mind and going back to sitting on the counter, now far from you.

You watch him as he grabs the bottle beside you and takes several long gulps, drops of wine running down the corners of his mouth to mix with the blood on his skin and down his chest. That makes you look at yourself, skin specked and covered in blood that is not your own. You let out out a muffled sob, eyes filling with tears that you thought you had run out of.

He doesn’t get close to you this time, and you’re not sure if you hate or appreciate the gesture. Probably both. He only looks at you when you start crying again – pathetic whimpers that you force yourself to stop. His gaze is soft but his mouth is set in a hard line, and you turn your back to him as you try to calm down, ashamed of your reaction.

You stop crying soon enough and accept the bottle of wine when he offers it to you again – this time appreciating the alcohol as it sets in your stomach – feeling yourself relax almost instantly. 

Time goes by where you just sit in silence, sharing the wine between you until that bottle is empty and he opens another.

“He’s mad at you, you know?” you ask, remembering the moment Aguni woke up to find you all covered in blood and you freaking out to the moment of almost passing out. He had been hit in the head so badly that he was bleeding profusely by the time he hit the floor. You thought he was dead for a moment until Takeru shook you out of your trance and got you three out, killing and sacrificing everyone else in the process.

“Let him be mad,” Takeru says with a shrug, “He has to realize eventually that we can’t save everyone. Not here,” you say nothing in response, handing him the bottle. He accepts it, looking at you from the corner of his eye, “Are you...mad at me?”

“... No.” you hesitated for a moment, but it’s the truth. You’re not mad, you just… wish things were different. Wish you weren’t there, forced to play games and either kill or be killed. You wish you were back home. You wish your friends were not forced to change.

You wish, wish, wish.

“Do I scare you?” he asks again. This time you take a little longer to reply, but decided to give a negative answer. He chuckles – a dry, humorless sound – that resembles nothing of the Takeru you once knew, “You were never good at lying, were you?”

You sigh and shake your head before sliding down the counter next to him. Your thigh is touching his thigh, and you don’t hesitate to lean your head against his shoulder, proving to him that no, you’re not afraid of him.

“You don’t scare me,” you whisper, almost like you’re telling him a secret, “I’m just scared. All the time. I’m scared for me, and I’m scared for you, and I’m scared for Mori. I just- I wish this was all a nightmare.”

“I’m scared too,” he leans his head on top of yours and hands you the bottle. That’s when you notice that his hands are slightly shaking, “I also don’t want anything to happen to us. That’s why I did what I had to do. You can both be mad at me all you want, but I still wouldn’t change a thing.” he waits until you drink a gulp before taking the bottle or himself, “We’re alive because of me.” he says, before finishing the bottle.

“What do we do now?” you can feel tears threatening to fall as you interlock your arm with his, wanting to feel closer. His trembling hand taps your knee, and you feel as he takes a deep breath and stops shaking.

“The best we can,” he says, “As long as we’re alive, nothing else matters.”

#alice in borderland #ima wa no kuni no alice #alice in borderland fanfic #hatter #hatter x reader #danma takeru #aib fanfic #aib oneshot #request #hatterstan shameblog

[marginal4-translations]

Love Holic - Golden Record (Romaji Lyrics & Translation)

Thank you @koizumicchi​ for sharing the link to the kanji with me! ♡

________________________________________

Please do not re-translate or post this translation anywhere.

________________________________________

wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow (You Feel it? Here we Go! Haha) wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow

Subete wo Loving Yeah!

Loving everything Yeah!

Jikan wa itsumo ne Okurete yattekuru Nomikake no SUUPU ni Futa wo shichaeba ii sa, Kimi to futatabi aeta yo, Ano DOA no mae

Time is always Running late All you have to do is put a lid On that unfinished soup I was able to meet with you once more In front of that door

Hon no sukoshi no kake chigai Uwazutta koe to iradachi no tane wo Butsukeau you ni wa, Bokura wa ikitenai hazu nanda

It’s just a little misunderstanding Where high-pitched voices and seeds of frustration Come clashing, We shouldn’t be living like that

Risouron, kanpeki wa yame ni shinai? (um) Hontou no ai tte kotoba no PURESSHAA iki ga dekinai hodo

Won’t you put an end to the ideals and idea of perfection? (um) I’m so pressured by the words “true love” That I cannot breathe

Loving　Kuruoshii atsusa ni Loving　Ue kara shita, oku made! Loving　Shihai sarete Nani hitotsu minogasanai, Youchina EPISOUDO de ii──……

Loving　In this maddening heat, Loving　From top to bottom, deep within! Loving　Being dominated Loving　And not missing out on a single thing, Such a crude episode is fine by me...

Loving　Ai wo shiru beki yoru ni Loving　Senaka awase de nigitta Loving　Tenohira de Kotae awase suru the time around 2 a.m.(Loving)

Loving On nights we ought to know of love, Loving Back to back and Loving With clasped hands, We checked the answer, the time around 2 a.m. (Loving)

Nigedashite ii yo (yeah) Kodomo mitai ni Cay hiza wo kakaeteru Mishiranu dareka no Yasahii wo shinjirareru yoyuu wa nai tte sa

It’s fine to run away (yeah) Like a child, you cry, hugging your knees Ain’t got the luxury to trust The kindness from a stranger, you say

Kimi igai, dare ga iru no? RUUJU KOKO kara, Tsukerareta noroi sa Awaku nureta kuchibiru, Sasaete kureta yasashisa nara

Is there anyone aside from you? If the kindness that supports me Lies in your softly wet lips, A spell soaked up In ROUGE COCO

Kanjouron, itsuka wa yame ni shitai (yeah) Kattou ga, yume wo hiraiteiku no nara Joushiki nado hoshikunai

I want to someday stop the fights swayed by our emotions (yeah) If our conflicts open up our dreams, Then I don’t want to have common sense

TimeUp　Me ni shinai mama demo TimeUp　Ikiru CHANSU mo atta TimeUp　Kitai shiteta Ano hi no kimi no sugao, mou ichido hoshikute

TimeUp　Even though I still don’t see it, TimeUp　I’ve been given a chance to live TimeUp　I’ve been anticipating Your true face from that day, wanna see it once more

TimeUp　Yume wo shirushi shita Stardust TimeUp　Chikatta kazu dake, ima TimeUp　Naiteiru Kimi ga inai yoru ni obiete nemurenai Time UP? 

TimeUp　To the stardust that symbolised my dream TimeUp　For the number of times I made a vow TimeUp　I now weep On nights when you’re not here, I get scared and can’t fall asleep Time Up?

ah…yeah yey yey yey yey …breaking down

La La Love Holic*2 La La Love Holic*2 La La Love Holic*2

Loving　Kuruoshii atsusa ni Loving　Ue kara shita, oku made! Loving　Shihai sarete Nani hitotsu minogasanai, Youchina EPISOUDO de ii──……

Loving　In this maddening heat, Loving　From top to bottom, deep within! Loving　Being dominated Loving　And not missing out on a single thing, Such a crude episode is fine by me...

Loving　Ai wo shiru beki yoru ni Loving　Senaka awase de nigitta Loving　Tenohira de Kotae awase suru the time around 2 a.m.(Loving)

Loving On nights we ought to know of love, Loving Back to back and Loving With clasped hands, We checked the answer, the time around 2 a.m.(Loving)

#rejet #marginal 4 #golden record #my translation #lyrics

[heniareth]

For the OC ask meme: What does your character like in other people?, What was your OC's favorite toy/item as a child?, Under what circumstances do they find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?, How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?, In what situation was your OC the most calm they’ve ever been?, What is your favorite thing about your OC? for your Astala :) I chose one from every category. I hope that's alright. Don't feel pressed to answer all of them if it's too much :)

Heyy!! Thank you so much for the ask, this'll be fun XD Until I play the other games, it's once again time to talk about Astala Tabris.

What does your character like in other people?

On the top of the list is definitely loyalty. There's a special place in Astala's heart for loyal and dedicated people, people she can trust and rely on (almost) no matter what.

Apart from that, she likes people who are compassionate, people who are able to smile in the face of danger, people who can take a joke and fire one right back, and people who are truthful to who they are and stand up for it. If we're talking about looks, she tends to notice smiles. Somebody with a bright smile will almost never not be beautiful to her.

What was your OC’s favorite toy/item as a child?

She had a stuffed mabari that I’ve talked about here (and you’ve probably already read it, so I’m not going to repeat it). But that was her favorit toy, so there’s still a favourite item left XD

On one occasion her mother brought home a very nice pair of red boots for little Astala. They had some spots and smelled strongly of salt and algae, but they were red and warm and to die for. She was only ever allowed to wear them inside the alienage, never when they went to the market or the docks or any other place frequented by humans. Astala understood that her boots were a secret to be kept. She assumed that they’d be taken away from her if the humans saw her running around with something so nice. This made the boots all the more special, like her family’s own little rebellion. The real reason for hiding the boots, of course, was to avoid raising suspicions as to her mother’s illegal dealings. Astala wore them proudly until she outgrew them, at which point they passed on to the kid of a friend of her father’s.

Under what circumstances do they find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

For Astala, killing is acceptable under the following circumstances: the person is actively attacking her and/or a friend and/or somebody who’s defenseless; they don’t back down or flee when given the chance to; and/or they have done something terrible to her or to a loved one. In this last case, the word isn’t exactly “it’s acceptable” for her and more “they deserved it”. Vaughan Urien, who’s the bad guy in the city elf’s backstory, is somebody Astala has killed (partly) out of vengeance. If a person surrenders, however, or if she beats them, she’ll almost always spare them. There are a few exceptions to this, one of them being if the person in question is a parent, which... complicates the matter very much. I’m very much looking forward to what she’ll do with Loghain. On one hand, he’s made a pact with slavers and allowed them to take her people to fund his war. On the other hand, he’s Anora’s father, Anora is right there... and he has surrendered. I really don’t know what will win in this case, her outrage over the injustice done to her people or the memory of how it felt losing her mother.

How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

She definitely has one, although I don’t quite know how to describe it. So I’m just going to show you a bit:

"Why don't we take a moment to introduce ourselves properly? I'll start." Astala sat down cross-legged, straightened her back and affixed a smile to her face. "Hi! I'm Astala Tabris. I come from the Denerim Alienage and I've been a Grey Warden for a grand total of… For how long was I out again?"

"A night and a day," the witch, Morrigan, answered.

"I've been a Grey Warden for four days, then. I like flowers and plum-filled cakes with milk and honey, and I dislike itchy clothing and working at taverns. Alistair? Your turn." She gave him a pointed look over her smile.

Alistair pulled a face. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you do," Astala nodded emphatically. "What else are you gonna bond over if not my terrific style of leadership?"

Alistair sighed, but shifted into a more upright position. "Right. I'm Alistair. I've been a Grey Warden for a year and a bit. I was trained as a templar before that."

"Wonderful,” Astala said, cheerful smile still plastered on her face. “Likes and dislikes?"

"Cheese and… and darkspawn? What do you want me to say?" Alistair threw the stick he had been breaking to tiny pieces into the campfire. "Where did you get this 'bonding activity' from anyway?"

Astala’s smile grew into a grin. "Why, the Chantry-run education program for us poor alienage kids, of course.”

That’s her sense of humor. It probably carries a good dose of mischief and general tomfoolery. She likes to mess around.

In what situation was your OC the most calm they’ve ever been?

At first, I was thinking about this in terms of “in what stressful situation was your OC the most calm”. And while Astala may appear calm outwardly, it’s a mask nine times out of ten.

The most calm she’s ever been is probably a few days after defeating the Archdemon. She’s still in that kind of post-battle haze where she wants to do nothing but lie around, maybe sleep for a while, maybe eat something, and this time she actually doesn’t have to do anything but lie around (Wynne expicitly told her so). The smoke clouds over Denerim have finally vanished, she’s home, her family is safe, her companions are alive and unharmed or have been healed, the Blight is over, Zevran is there... The future is a mystery and she doesn’t know what she’ll do next with her life, but that can wait. Right now, she has a chance to rest, and she grabs it with both hands.

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

I’m very attached with her reluctance to leave anybody behind and her fear of death. It’s something I can relate to and they make for good storytelling; at one point she’ll have to decide which of the two she’d rather do >:) . I also recently decided that if she’d ever have a symbol associated to her, it’s the sea and particularly the waves crashing against a rocky cliff, tunneling through the stone and dragging gravel in and out of the tunnels in an ever-thundering cacophony of sounds. The waves just have something relentless and unstoppable about them, and they smooth out even the hardest and roughest stone. I haven’t worked out yet if Astala is the stone or the waves; probably a bit of both. But I like this piece of symbolism.

---

Thank you so much for the ask!! These questions really are a ton of fun (and I got to share some writing! Yey! :D). It’s also amazing how much they can help to flesh out characters, or to reveal things that I knew but didn’t know I knew, if that makes sense. Anyways, I had a lot of fun with this and I hope you had fun reading it as well ^^

#astala tabris #warden tabris #dao #dragon age #dragon age origins #dragon age: origins #da:o #da: o #da: origins #the warden #hero of ferelden #the hero of ferelden #ask game #for fun #my ocs

[dylanxmin]

painkiller ∣ 3 ∣ J.HS

breakups are habitual, ordinary maybe even easy for some other people, and maybe it could be easy for you, too, if you haven’t been dumped by your boyfriend after finding out that you were pregnant. no, it wasn’t easy even a bit. and a stranger who wants to be your side doesn’t make this all easy for you, at all.

pairing; jung hoseok x reader

genre; angst, fluff, humor, pregnancy au, strangers to lovers au, single!mom au, slice of life au,,

warnings; angst, swearings, mention of sexual intercourse, bratty taetae, bratty jimin bc why not:), y/n doesn’t like kids?, sorry but unedited:( 

word count; 11k+

rating; nc17

a/n; e-yooo? yeah, i take a long, loong break even without wanting it. but can I blame my life and all the thing I tried to handle? (and clearly failing lol),, well, i wasn’t suppose to post this episode now, but I pushed myself and tried to give it a chance and luckily, I finished this episode!! yey!! sorry for being the worst writer ever on this site, but pls don’t hate me, lol. sooo maybe feedbacks?,, love y’all, thanks for reading it!! ♡

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taglist; @xxluckydreamsxx​ ,, @parkminhee​

∣ send me an ask if you want to be on the tag list ∣

Jung Hoseok is the man of hope. He and everybody knows it. But are they okay with this? Maybe most of his friends and family members were okay with this but among them, Kim Seokjin didn't like how he always tried to be helpful and all. He wouldn't have any problems with Hoseok being like that unless he wasn't all over you. Hoseok never admits it, but he knows it. Unfortunately, he knew him well enough to understand how he feels from scanning his acts and looks around you. And Seokjin will do the best thing by opening the topic of you in front of his other friends because then, he would have nowhere to hide. 

''Well, I don't know that but I'm saying this. That woman hates me.'' Jungkook let out a big sigh, the sight of the red-haired middle-aged teacher scaring the hell out of him, sending shivers to his neck. He wasn't the smartest one to figure out things easily, but he knew it. Maybe the way she sizes him up bleakly, or the way her mouth crinkles in disgust. Or maybe even the way she calls his name like she was spitting. Jungkook was sure, his teacher was hating him. ''I'll never graduate because of her...'' 

''Okay, first of all, stop being all gloomy about this and think.'' Jimin snaps his fingers before continuing to talk, ''maybe there is one other way to get on well with her,'' 

''Oh my god. Shut that filthy mouth of yours!'' Jungkook covers his ear, physically abhors from what his friend just implied. ''I would never do... that,'' 

''Jungkook you know who is not going to work as a nurse in a hospital?'' Jin tilts his brows, secretly pitying the boy who has red cheeks in front of him. ''perverts like him,'' 

''Oh, c'mon,'' Jimin whined, staring at the pointed finger with a knot between his brows. ''I said what everybody was thinking. Blame me all you want but you were thinking like me!'' 

Hoseok giggles while watching the way his friends tearing each other apart with their stares, enjoying the chaos more than he should. Probably the drinks he had just hit his head. He poured himself another one while Jin got red because of all the yell he did to Jimin, and the poor youngest watching them with rounded doe eyes. 

''I see you are having a great time over there,'' the tone of his friend alarmed Hoseok, he acknowledged that he is the next target of his. So he holds his arms up, his pupils dilated from the fear he feels. ''Hey... what did I do to earn that look?'' 

Jimin's little 'o's filling the room while darting his eyes over Jin and Hoseok, happy to see how tables have turned. The youngest staring his hyungs curiously. 

''So you say that you did nothing wrong?'' Jin crosses arms above his chest, cock his head aside. ''Nothing?'' he asks once again to prevent his friends from attempting to deny him. Light tension fills the room while they stare at each other in silence. 

''He is talking about the patient of his, dummy,'' Jimin can't wait a little longer and talks before Hoseok says something. He lifts an eyebrow, trying to understand what his friend was talking about. His 'o' shaped mouth leaves its place to a pout. ''What patient?'' 

Hoseok asks but deeply knows who Jin was referring to, but he wants to deny all he can. Wouldn't want to believe that he was being that obvious in front of his friend and also his co-worker. His heart race goes high, can't believe how unprofessional he looked. If Hoseok ever wanted to disappear from somewhere, it wasn't the time where his pants decided to leave his body and him staring his first crush in his pink underwear. After memories of the first grade fill his mind, Hoseok's face goes even redder than ever. 

''You know 'what' patient I'm talking about Hoseok,'' the oldest rolls his eyes, his nose crinkles in shame after seeing the useless attempts of his friend. He is the second oldest in this group after Jin, yet he looked like a three years old boy. ''I'm talking about Y/N, saying it in case you try not to understand once again, for god sakes Hoseok...'' Jin lets a big sigh, shaking his head earnestly. 

When a pair of sweat drips occurs in his forehead, Hoseok uses the back of his hand to wipe. Even though he tries hard not to be obvious while dripping anxiety sweats, everyone in the room can regardable as a smart man, plus they were knowing him for a long time so it was useless for Hoseok to try to act cool. He lets a little gasp, pouting, ''Yeah, Y/N. She... she looks like a good person. Yeah..'' 

''Good enough to makes you want to slide in her pants?'' Hoseok gasps dramatically, facing Jimin's big grin with a hand on his chest. He could die from embarrassment. 

''Jimin-ah! Stop talking nonsense.'' Jimin's hand wraps around his shoulder, rubbing the spot where his hyung just put a punch, it hurts enough to make him regret what he said but he can't control his tongue when he is with them and the alcohol in his veins. ''Don't make me yell again. I'm working tomorrow,'' 

Jimin's knitted brows start to ease, while his grin finds its place on his lips. But he shifts from where he sits, abstaining from hyung's punch before saying what he has in his mind. ''Does Y/N have an appointment tomorrow?'' he sizes the man in dark hair, flushed pink cheeks in joy. Hoseok doesn't want to look curious and tries to hold his body stable, not moving a muscle or landing an eye on Jin. But he is burning in curiosity, his fingertips numb with the memory of him touching, patting your arm fills in his mind. 

The heated body, radiating too much agony. And for some reason, he can't quite understand, but he knows that he hates to see you like that. How many times did he see you before, three? In every one of them, you looked burned out, terrified. He doesn't know what he hates the most. The sorrow in your eyes or the way you startled in every situation. He doesn't know, nor he understands, put logic in it. But he wants to make sure of your well being. Not knowing you or you being his friend's patient won't stop him, he knows it for sure. Unless you want him to stop. 

''It's not that scary, right hyung?'' with the poke on his shoulder, Hoseok tears from his thoughts, and you. But little did you know, the image of your bright stare in the hospital exit never leaves Hoseok's mind. Haunts him every minute. 

''R-right, not that scary,'' Hoseok nods while the thought of you being a witch wanders on his mind. He is sure that he got caught up in your spell. 

How many times can a person make mistakes? Does it have any statistics, or it's up to that person's imbecility? If you try to count the mistakes you made, you probably would drown under them like a used chocolate packet. But thinking about past mistakes could not give anything in return. Therefore, you focused on today and the days that were waiting for you. 

Searching on the internet about pregnancy, reading all the comments about it didn't help you the way you want. Moreover, it just turned you into a confused wreck. To be more clear, you were looking at how a pregnant woman feels about it, and if you were making a mistake for not choosing abortion. It didn't help because they all wrote how good to be pregnant and being a mother. How they felt amazing and the special bond between them and their babies.

The one bond you couldn't feel for a particular reason. 

They all wanted to be a mother, thinking about this a lot and then deciding the time they want. And the ones who got pregnant by accident or without wanting at first, get used to all the hardship with their partner unlike you. 

It was useless, and just remembered how lonely you are. So you had to close the laptop before you broke it. Thanks to your pregnancy brain, you never felt this unstable in your life. It was being on a roller coaster with never-ending ups and downs. One second, you were feeling above the clouds, happiest woman ever, and then bam, something just snaps and you can't ease the need to break something. Preferably someone's neck. 

''Yah! From earth to the woman who is drooling,'' when Taehyung snaps his finger on your face, you flinch with the sudden move. Tearing yourself from your thoughts, you size the lovely boys who are staring at your face. ''What were you thinking that deeply?'' 

''And use this. Geez,'' taking the white napkin from Namjoon's hand, you push it to your drooling chin. It was surprising how much saliva your body produces. Almost equal to a Lama. ''It was nothing. Just... just thinking about work and stuff, you know,'' 

Namjoon tsks, lifting his brows in disbelief. ''And I should believe this?'' you shrug one shoulder, throwing the napkin on the table after folding in your palm. You also read about pregnancy drooling. At first, you did not believe it, but as you can see how much you do it was impossible not to believe. ''Believe it or not, it's the truth I'm telling you.'' 

''Aish... stubborn as always,'' Taehyung rolls his eyes at you, pulling his eyes from you to land on Yoongi who sits right beside you. ''Are we watching the movie as we are all together and no work tomorrow?'' he sizes you all, eyes gleaming with expectations. 

''The one you never shut your mouth about?'' Yoongi asks, showing how he got sick of his countless insists to watch a certain movie with them because he was the chicken in the group. ''It's fine by me but is it okay to watch scary movies during pregnancy?'' he continues after Taehyung nods in excitement, but once Yoongi points at the elephant in the room, his mood visibly fades. 

''I don't think so,'' guessed as the elephant in the room, ''They never said anything about it. Both Seokjin and the internet so yeah, why not. Let's get over with it,'' you waved your hand, trying not to turn this into something big. 

When Taehyung wiggles his body in weal, Yoongi scoots over, landing his arm over your shoulders and pulling you close. ''You can always hug me if you feel too scared, you know?'' he grins, patting you on the shoulder. The daringness of the boy always manages to shock you, leave you speechless. But Namjoon acts before you can say anything, ''If she can't find you, there is always another man who waits for her. Right, Y/N?'' he made the effort to sound sneering. You give the finger as a response, but he finds it amusing. 

''Wait-Who are you talking about? Yourself?'' the ash-blonde haired man's eyes go wide, brows tilted. Pout on the lips looks adoring on him, as cheeks get even more fluffy. You want to laugh but you cover your mouth with your hand before sending menacing eyes at Namjoon. 

''Huh. No, aish... no way. I'm telling this one last time, she is not my type. Sorry, honey but I'm talking about Damian. The man who always tries to get in your pants, remember?'' You shush him off immediately. The level of restraining you had against your anger getting lower by the unabashed smile he sends at you. 

''He is not trying...'' as everyone knew how Damian treated you, always tried to do something for you, you did not feel the need to talk back. Teahyung laughs while Namjoon fills his mouth with the cupcake he bought for you. There is no need to say he ate half of them. 

''That man waits on a leash for you, and don’t even fight me on this. You know that.'' Namjoon said, his voice sounded hoarse because of the cupcake he was rolling in his mouth. 

''I agree with Namjoon-ah on this. I saw it with my bare eyes, he is so whipped for you.'' Taehyung backs up, leaning to steal a cupcake from the plate. Even though you know they were right, you didn't want to talk about him anymore. He had a thing for you or not, either way, you didn't want to think about a man in this circumstance. 

''He can wait all he wants, but we all know this pretty lady only has one man in his heart,'' when he gets sick of the topic and hearing the name of a man his friend's talking about, he decides to step in. Yoongi suppresses you on his chest tighter, wrapping you with his warm arms. ''And that man is me, right?'' 

Humming at his question, you wrap your arms around him and let yourself find comfort in his soothing affection. 

The four of you grow together, got more and more close in time, but contrary to Namjoon and Taehyung friendship it was different with Yoongi. You two met when you both had a bad breakup, and were suffering yourself every day. So, your relationship took a different path after a while, it turned into something more platonic. Neither of you had feelings towards each other but finding comfort and serenity in one another company. It wasn't anything physical if you don't count the comfy hugs, tiny kisses, and holding hands when one of you needed it. 

It happened only when you two felt lonely at the same time, and never crossed the line of friendship. It was a harmless, tiny platonic relationship, and you both loved the way it's going. 

You squish yourself deeper in Yoongi's hold when Taehyung started the scary movie. Between Taehyung's screams and Namjoon's criticisms, you giggled when they started to bicker with each other. And in moments like this, you felt extremely happy. Thankful for having them, the chosen family of yours. It was a great way to have a break from feeling miserable and lifeless. 

‘‘Not right for god sake! I said left, yes, a fucking left!’’ you scream at the man who drives, knowing your words sound harsh, you couldn’t help but not caring a bit as the pain in your inguinal area disturbs you. Yet, your screams and constant curses won’t help the redhead to drive decently, or not miss a turn. Trembling hands help him as much as you while he drips red sweat from his forehead. ‘‘Okay, okay… Can you not shout and leave my eardrum alone. Chill a little woman, geez…’’ 

‘‘Have this burning feeling between your legs, and then try to tell me to shut my mouth. Dickhead!’’ You didn’t know why but you were sure of having a urinal affection that tries to kill you for sure. It started two days ago but it only annoyed you while peeing, but after a while it started ache without even landing your back on the toilet. You could only crawl your legs and press them together to abstain from the pain, yet it was useless. 

Taehyung, the lucky man who is driving you to your appointment, wipes the sweat on his forehead, breathing out from his nostrils in annoyance. ‘‘Sure. I won’t forget that,’’ he snaps back, rolls his eyes at you. His grip on the wheel loose after a while, as he doesn’t want to turn this situation even harder for you. Peeking an eye on you, he decides to melt the ice between you and himself. One hand on the wheel, other reaches out and holds yours tightly, and puts a boxy smile on his face. ‘‘Just hang a little okay? We are almost there.’’ Even though you want to spit on his face one second ago, with the sudden affection your heart decides to melt under his caring gaze. 

You will never get used to these abrupt ups and downs. Not in a million years. 

‘‘Well, I’m not giving birth, don’t I? At least, yet,’’ he giggles, shoulders move a bit with the vibration of his laugh. Thankfully, Taehyung didn’t decline your call when you desperately called him after Yoongi, as you knew you couldn’t handle driving a car in these situations, and taxi drivers always get on your nerves so using them with these hormones wouldn’t end well. Taehyung took the savior role and didn’t lose himself even though he had enough of your filthy mouth, at least he was still driving you to hospital. Not dumping you on the road even though he considered this for a minute. 

‘‘Want to wait for me to park the car or meet you there?’’ he cuts your thoughts while pulling the car in front of the entry. Moving swiftly, you open the door and almost run to the elevators after telling him a simple ‘there’, leaving him behind. Heading to the elevator, you act like you are not having the thought of the man who has a heart-shaped smile. You didn’t even know his name, as you trick yourself into this idea. You press the button after entering the grey elevator with a couple of people, two of them step out with you on the third floor, heading to a different direction. 

While you were walking to your doctor office, for the first time in weeks, you didn’t feel heavy on the heart. Not that you were not anxious, but it was different now. The ball of sweats didn’t crept towards your forehead, heart wasn’t beating like it was going to explode, or the way your eyelids stayed dry. Normally they would go puffy from wetness by now. But here you are, standing inches away from Doctor Kim’s door, and not having a slight terror beating on your throat. 

This is a first for you. And probably for your doctor too as he always witnessed your breakdowns. What a pathetic loser, he must think about you, as you did think just like that. 

‘‘Welcome, Y/N,’’ Doctor Kim reacts by standing up after seeing you, holding his hand up to greet you. You couldn’t help not to mirror his smile, squeezing his hand with a pleased smile, happy to see him. ‘‘You look good. Things have been going good, I guess?’’ he asks, pulling his hand to gesture you to sit in your usual place. For a second, you stay silent, not knowing what to say as you didn’t want to lie for some reason. Knowing he is always caring and sweet towards his patients, he still manages to make you feel special in a way. Probably thinking dumbly, but you feel close to this man, and wanted to share the truths. Even though you were not sure if things have been going good, or the total opposite. Well, you were still dealing with pregnancy hormones, morning sickness, and constant urinal issues - ignoring the unwanted pregnancy -, but you can say you were more optimistic these days? You didn’t know, had no idea… 

Sitting on the black couch where he gestured, you bob your head, gathering your thoughts. ‘‘To be honest, I don’t know how I feel. You know about the pregnancy mind and emotions. I think I’m trying to be better,’’ he gives a polite smile, white pearls appear behind his lips. ‘‘Oh, that’s good news. At least we are trying to overcome the negativities, huh?’’ you giggle, nodding while your heart warmed with the way he mentions ‘we’. Not throwing you under the bus, but also counting himself in, easing your anxiety day by day. You found yourself lucky. 

‘‘So, painful urinates.’’ his expression changes in a minute to a professional doctor he is from a friendly one. Eying the papers for a couple of minutes, he holds out a tiny paper to you before adding, ‘‘Let’s have a urine test, first.’’ he smiles again, and informs you about the floor you should go to. 

You already hate taking these tests, have to pee in a cup and all the humiliation you felt after holding it in your hand in the corridor, in front of all those people. Like it wasn’t enough, you couldn’t drop a little drip in a damn cup. Exhaling the air in your lungs, you wipe the sweats from your forehead. Of course, nothing will work in the way you wanted, have to drive you crazy before. ‘‘Why, why, why exactly I can’t pee?’’ you groaned, lifting your pants and pulling the zip before washing your hands two times - because who would wash one time -, and you exit from the toilet to meet with your friend. ‘‘I can’t pee,’’ you sat in defeat, shoulders dropped dead on your body, and you watched your friend’s laughs and snorts that filled the corridor. At least one of you had fun today… 

‘‘You look all pouty and teary just because you can’t pee?’’ he hits his knee with one hand, lips reaching from ear to ear, while you eye him with a crabby gaze. This man wants a punch. ‘‘Ohh… God, you are so cute,’’ he continues to giggle while arms pull you into a hug, one kiss lands on your hair. Then, he informs you to wait for him, and leaves you there to overthink. It’s funny how life treats you sometimes, when you think. You literally wake up every hour to pee from your comfy bed, but when it’s come to an important task, your urinal system decides not to do the thing that it does for a thousand times a day. Hah, funny! Not that you are surprised, though. Looking at your past, nothing came easy, hence, never left without making a big fuss. You did get used to all the trembling mess in your life, but all you wanted was to pee without having a meltdown. Is it too much to ask? Aish… just when you thought everything going alright, not suffocating you with handicaps on your way and such things like-

‘‘For a person who holds a plastic cup, you look very sad.’’ a honeyed giggle interrupts your overthinking, forcing your attention on itself. And with a slight surprised gaze, you had nothing to do other than facing the oh so familiar sound. ‘‘Do you need help?’’ 

‘‘With this?’’ you hold the cup high, now surprised more than before. Watching the man giggle visibly, after seeing your wide open eyes. 

‘‘What! Of course not.’’ he almost shrieks with a mocking attitude. ‘‘It was a way more general question than it’s heard.’’ finally he stops laughing, giggling after sitting right beside you. Brown gaze locked on you after silence takes over your small conversations, but you don’t feel uncomfortable the way you should. The way you thought you should act if you run into him again, but the annoying fondness toys with your heart. After the day you last saw him, you regretted shortly after the way you acted all needy, as a fragile little girl. You still can’t believe how you felt heartbroken when he didn’t find a way to drive you home. What were you? Some girl who can’t control her emotions or hormones? And no, using pregnancy as an excuse won’t work this time. You had strict rules to obey. No man must go near to your heart. 

‘‘Doctor Kim wanted a urine test?’’ Hoseok tried to look cool, asking nonchalantly and tried to trick himself as he only wondered about this as a nurse. Not out of curiosity about your situation or health. Badly wishing you would fool around and not hit him on the head. 

‘‘Hmm. Probably an infection. He wanted a test.’’ you nod, chewing your bottom lip while his chocolate orbs never leaves your face. While your fingers play with the cup, eyes locked on them as you are afraid to look him in the eye, not trusting yourself enough on not blushing all over while eying him. He had some kind of an effect on you, and you hated that. You really did. He leans closer when you scream internally, ‘‘There is something,’’ he murmurs before the touch of his fingertips lick your cheek a bit, feeling the tremble on his hand while he takes a tiny leaf from your hair. It was stupid to feel, but the scene had resemblance with the tv dramas. Both of you stayed dumbfounded as he dared to touch you, of course, you were too close and air left the tiny space. Under the spotlight you two were frozen, waiting for a miracle to move. Something happened soon after, but you may not call it a ‘miracle’ as it was your dumb friend, who yelling at you from across the corridor. 

‘‘Y/N-ahhh!’’ A couple of eyes landed on Taehyung in disbelief, a couple of ‘tsc’s murmured by the older ones, and immediately the young man shut his mouth. Holding his hand above his parted lips, embarrassment turns his cheeks scarlet, heart beating inside of his throat. But all the embarrassment dies after Taehyung spots you and the man right beside you, hand on your hair, the same scarlet on his face. Then Taehyung visibly changes, and you know what is about to happen that you hated so much. Before you could open your mouth to say something, or Hoseok lands his hand, your friend was there. Taking deep breaths, nostrils getting big with every breath. ‘‘I’m Taehyung, and you?’’ wanting to slap your forehead, or his face, you stood up and Hoseok followed your act. 

‘‘H-hey. Hoseok,’’ Hoseok holds his whimper when the red haired man tries to break his hand in the handshake. He doesn’t understand the situation, or why this man looks like he was about to rip his head off, but Hoseok couldn’t help to push his chest up a little bit to show he is not intimidated by the man in front of him. ‘‘Hahaha, how you meet with each other kindly, huh? Hoseok is the best nurse in this hospital as Doctor Kim said,’’ you try to ease the moment, but the words all sound shrill, ‘‘And Taehyung is-’’

‘‘Taehyung,’’ your best friend for life, wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer to his body. With dreadful eyes you scan his face, then landing on Hoseok, watching the strain on his jaw. ‘‘Nice to meet you,’’ Taehyung adds, and you want to punch him. Oh gosh, you want to punch him so bad on the balls. Until his know-it-all, stupid face reddened. He was forcing your restraining level, pushing you too much with the protective acts of him. Between your internally crisis, you land an apologetic gaze on Hoseok’s, wishing him not to care of your stupid friend’s attitudes. 

‘‘Yes. Yes, of course, nice to meet you, too,’’ Hoseok bids his goodbye after taking his hand from Taehyung’s grip, as kind as he can manage. Trembling left hand finds a way to ease the act by wandering on his hair, ruining it. He doesn’t know why the burning ball dropped at his chest out of nowhere, or why his breaths become so fast. Wanting to punch himself in the face, he can’t get rid of the image of the arm over your shoulders. Blood almost meets with air when he bites down his lip, a feeling clawing his chest, but he doesn’t know what it is. He doesn’t want to learn, either. 

‘‘Ouch!’’ Taehyung voices a hoarse whine, rubbing the skin under his rib cage. An instant ache raised after the touch of your elbow, landing on him with a great aspect. ‘‘Did I play good?’’ he tries to laugh but with the pain he wheezes, playfulness wiped from his face. 

‘‘What was that?’’ slapping him one more time, you raged. Hoseok’s back already lost in the corridor, but remembering how his face dropped down, and a terrible anguish struck your heart. Of course it was only because Taehyung mocked him, that was why you felt this stinging guilt. Yeah, that’s why. ‘‘What was what? I think I played well. Shouldn’t we protect you from the danger going around?’’ he asked like it was the obvious thing. Surprise on the face. 

‘‘Who are ‘we’, exactly?’’ 

‘‘Well, you know. Me, as your best friend, also Namjoon. And Yoongi, not that I can count him as your friend, but yeah… You see, that is we,’’ he points, dropping a quotation mark on the air. Breath, yes just breath and ignore the boiling anger inside of you. It would be the best thing to do. ‘‘And here, drink this bottle. Sure you’ll pee like an elephant in a minute.’’ Before taking the bottle from his grip, you tried to say something, abortively parting your mouth only to close it in a minute as you don’t know what to say. The redhead eyes you as if nothing happened, like he didn’t do anything wrong a minute ago, and you didn’t know which word would shake his mind. Maybe a slap, or even a kick would work but with a living creature inside of your belly, you won’t kick anybody. Even if that anybody boils your blood, inflames your migraine. 

Audibly gulping you drink the water swiftly. Hitting the bottle on his chest, you turn to sit where Hoseok just left. An itchy feeling appeared on your chest, leaning to your fingertips by your arms, and you wanted to do something. Probably it was a dumb idea, but for some reason you had an urge to explain who was Taehyung actually, why he was here and all the question in his mind. Even though some part of you screams at you, writing the sane thing with red color. Why would he have any questions in his mind? Or, why would he want an explanation from you? 

Not knowing exactly if it’s okay to eat diet biscuits, you send another crumb to your mouth, crushing it slowly between your molar teeth. A kid looks at you with wide eyes beside you, she points you to show how scary you look while looking at the floor in a trance to her mother. Which you don’t know what was going on in the world as thinking about nothing was way more entertaining than watching the others. Plain biscuit didn’t put a joy in your mouth, rather it tasted like grass. Not that you knew how grass tasted like, or not that you waited for an explosion in your mouth out of joy. All these useless thoughts wander on your mind, keeping you busy while you wait for your test results. Surprisingly, your dummy friend advised you the reasonable thing, like a broken clock showing the right time twice a day, he used his dusty brain for once. After gulping down a bottle of water, a wave of need had hit you on the inguinal area. All you needed to do was wait for the moment, but you were too impatient to do so. Hitting the table with your fingertips, keeping a broken rhythm, humming to yourself got boring after you started. A ball was going right to the left in your blank head, you were able to hear the sound of emptiness. 

‘‘I don’t want to eat this!’’ in the crowded hospital canteen a voice comes out, beating all the other sounds and tickling your ears. ‘‘No. I said no!’’ when the woman tried to feed the little satan again, he jerked his hand and hit the spoon on the woman's hand. Geez. A cold drop takes a track all the way down your spine, causing you to shiver in shock. The satan in the shape of a little boy started to cry soon after the spoon met with the floor, kicking the table and smacking the food on the ground. You were stunned, speechless for a moment as the scene continued by the little boy having a tantrum right beside you. Calling him with such a bad name didn’t bring you any guilt, moreover, you think it suited him well. Red on the face, constant punch on the air and wobbly screams coming out of the boy made some resemblance with the evil force in him. Not that you knew much about babies or little kids, but this boy looked at least four or five years old, yet he managed to put fear in your gut. 

A bucket of cold water dropped by your head, waking you from the trance you dive into. You had no idea about raising a baby, or taking care. It was hitting you with a wave of truth that you had no ability to look out for a baby, while you can’t even survive from the winter on your own. Never thinking of raising the baby in your belly, you never applied to an adoption foundation, though. What were you thinking? You would get used to this, being pregnant, being a mother? Suddenly you would expect the baby, out of nowhere? 

You were acting foolish, reckless and immature. Always having hard times without a father, how could you think you can raise a baby on your own. And until now, you didn’t know that you had such a dump idea. Did you really want to raise a baby on your own, you weren’t quite sure about it, but you never researched the many ways of adoption. Bitterness floats around your tongue, your grip on the biscuit hardened, until there is nothing but a bunch of crumbs. Cold wet stick on your back, black shirt becoming the second skin while your eyes wander around everywhere. Having multiple panic moments these last weeks, you read much about pregnancy depression, which they mostly said it was okay to feel depressed or down because of the uncertainties of your emotions. They were up and down in a blink, filling your stomach until you threw them out with a retch, waking you up with heavy breaths in the middle of the night. That’s why, you always found yourself thinking if this would be much easier with somebody, with… him. Sticking your tongue between your teeth, you hate yourself for thinking about him, the man who ran away from you with toes hitting his butt. And all these pregnancy hormones were confusing your mind, causing you to barking up the wrong tree. 

While you were feeling under the water, fighting with your thoughts to see clearly, a sweet melody of a laugh interrupted the stinging flood of negativities on your mind. Something snapped, and all the scars started to heal after hearing a simple giggle. 

Holding your head up, letting the soothing tone sail into your skin, kissing all the stitches to heal by soft touches, you eyed him. Growing pains chucked away against the pressure of the thrilling balm, honeyed warmness bloomed in your chest after witnessing the mouth curling a heart-shape. He was close enough for you to see the glowing wriggle in his eyes, and you wanted to curl, cover your body with the thought of its beauty. For a second, you wanted to let yourself find the momentary tranquility under his magic, even though it was black. Even though it was harmful for you, too soothing, too good to be true. 

‘‘H-hi,’’ with a croaky voice popping on your mind, you shake your head to come back to reality. The reality where Hoseok was standing behind the table, a timid smile on his face, feeling uneasy. 

Hands crossing each other's way, you stare him blankly, mouth barely spills the greeting. ‘‘Still waiting for the reports?’’ he asks after coughing to get rid of the hoarse voice, billion reasons wandering inside his mind, telling him not to talk with you after what happened on the second floor, but the unknown reason holds his legs tight. Conversely, the part of him, where the logic was long lost can’t ignore the doleful lines on your face. Hundred promises lost its effect with one glimpse towards your direction. Promising, taking oaths for not talking to you was useless over the way his heart reacted after seeing the way you sit all alone. His guts, senses, brilliant mind were nothing but a bunch of trash when it comes to you, and the more he hated the way he walked over his own promises, the more he found himself in a deep hole, where he can’t think of anything but you. As his friend said before, he was stupid. Hoseok knew this very well. 

‘‘Yeah, still waiting. But, it’ll be over soon,’’ you cracked a tiny smile, scanning his face until a voice cut the moment, but Hoseok’s lips never moved. 

‘‘Hey, it’s Jimin,’’ hand hanging in the air, you stared at the man for a second before reacting. Slightly long dark hair falls on the side of his forehead, a tender smile turns his pupils into half-moons, self-assuredness can easily read. ‘‘The best nurse you can run into,’’ he nods to emphasize his words. But his cockyness fades after Hoseok adds ‘pre’ to his caption, holding your laugh back you cover your palm over your mouth. Hiding your grin back as you don’t want to offend the boy you just met. ‘‘Hi, it’s nice to meet. You can call me Y/N,’’ hearing your name, a light ignites in his half-moons, passing by in satisfaction. 

‘‘You don’t mind if we sit together, right?’’ mischievous glares stare deep in you, like he tries to prevent you from saying no, yet you had no intentions to say that. ‘‘We don-’’

Hoseok eyes you in surprise after you cut his words half, not expecting you to agree on what Jimin just said. The smile on your lips shocks him as well, getting cramps on the heart when you land your eyes on him that softly. ‘‘Of course, that would be good. Having a company sounds good,’’ 

‘‘Where is your…-red haired man?’’ a bizarre tone rises from Hoseok when he takes his place on the chair beside you. Before answering him, the embarrassing scene plays on your mind, sending a bunch of curses to the man who drives himself away from the hospital. You curl an apologetic smile. ‘‘He needed to leave. You know, work calls,’’ allowing yourself to feel stupid, blaring giggle popped out of you. It sounded fake, as you were still ashamed of Taehyung’s behaviours. He only nodded, not adding anything until the black haired one leaves to get something to drink. It was silent between you, but nervousness could cut a wire. Both the way his jaw tenses every other minute, and the way your eyes never land on him more than three seconds, you can sense the awkwardness. Never seeing him like this also disturbed you even though you only run into him for like three times. But as soon as the younger one moved away, chary words spilled by his lips. 

‘‘W-was he the father of the baby?’’ Hoseok asked, knowing he is crossing the line big time, but the vexed part of him clouds his logic. Even though he curses himself being this immature, he can’t help the vain need that grows inside of him to learn the truth. Even before seeing your face getting white, lips parting abruptly with an unexpected question, Hoseok knew he shouldn’t ask the question, but witnessing the way you react, he curses himself one more time. ‘‘Who? Taehyung?’’ As you weren’t waiting for him to ask such a question, he wasn’t expecting you to laugh until your body became involved in your laughter. Stuttering, being unable to complete your word, you hold your finger on the air to ask for a minute to gather yourself. For a moment of thinking Taehyung as the father of the baby in your belly made you giggly mess because of the abruptness of it. You not only want to retch with the thought of it, but also want to laugh until your muscles stop working. ‘‘No! Oh, o-of course, no.’’ forgetting where you were, you burst out. 

‘‘Oh, okay?’’ ignoring the dense relief, Hoseok hesitated. Not knowing what to say in return as you were trying to hold your laugh back. 

‘‘S-sorry but thinking of him as that just wrecked my nerves for a moment.’’ wiping the tears from your eyelids, you continued. ‘‘He is my friend. Best friend to be exact. He did act silly before, sorry for that either. He think he needs to protect me.’’ as you gave too much information at one, Hoseok’s pupils grew bigger, and weren't expecting to receive such a reply. He doesn’t even try to hide his amused smile back, shamelessly showing it out. ‘‘Good,’’ he commented before causing a big, heavy silence between you two. As you eyed him in a moment of confusion glowing in your eyes, weighing the meaning behind the word, you were utterly surprised. Was it just to fill the space, or he meant something else, you never truly understand, but decided to lure yourself into thinking it meant nothing. Otherwise, you were in a state of having no control over your emotions, and god knows what that simple world would do to your mind, playing games until you found yourself curled in your sheets, losing the pitiless game. You had lived that more than once, but in this situation, it would tousle you and throw your parts messily. 

Dropping himself on the chair, Jimin spread the husky mood. ‘‘Here hyung, your latte.’’ He pushed the glass to Hoseok’s direction, smiling sweetly, he didn’t forget you. Putting the scarlet cup in front of you, knowing the pleasant scent devours your nostrils in no time. ‘‘And this is for you. It’s my favorite so I hope you’ll like this,’’ he adds, gaze glowing happily. 

‘‘Ah. Thank you,’’ before taking a sip, you murmur, bowing your head little to show your gratitudes. Risky mood runs away after the hot liquor lingers around your mouth, playing, tickling your tongue over and over until it has lost its ruins. Well, you can say that you liked Jimin without having any lack of sympathy before he even treated you with the oh so familiar taste. It was soothing, alarming your senses to ease kind of a taste, and you remembered how your mother always made a cup of this tea whenever you gave her a tantrum. It never mattered if the tantrum was caused because you wanted a shoe, or rejected by those companies over and over again. And for a split moment your heart jammed between the agonizing longing over seeing her crow's foot while your mother smiles endearingly. ‘‘What is this?’’ 

Seeing how your face lightens with the flush crepting up your face, Jimin waits a second to answer. ‘‘It-it’s my mother's recipe. Why?’’  

‘‘You serious?’’ mouth falling open, having no control over the tone of your voice, you yowled. Without wasting another minute, you gulp down the second sip. Licking the taste out of your lips, a smile beamed to your face.

‘‘W-why?’’ stuttering his words, Hoseok leaned closer. Dramatic dread banged his face in a flash of light, but before he could gather his senses, Jimin’s mischievous eyes caught him. 

‘‘My mother always made this when I felt angry or emotionally sick. Even now,’’ giggling away your embarrassment as you shared much again. Seeing the way Hoseok’s dimple color the side of his upper lips as it gets smaller with the curling smile. His eyes glistened with the dim joy covering over his chest. And it affected you. ‘‘So who made them?’’ you look back as you were able to see the creator of your childish happiness, and attempt stealed a tiny laugh from Jimin’s lips. 

‘‘It’s a secret for now,’’ with a twisted smile curling his face, he swallowed a big sip from his coffee. ‘‘As we need to leave now. Right hyung?’’ Two pairs of eyes land on Hoseok, who was locking his gaze on you with an adoring smile on the corner of his lips. Not wanting to show it on your face, you were heartbroken a little as he just got here. They. They just got here. And you can’t deny that you had fun talking with Jimin, sharing the same recipe from your mother’s was exciting. But you had to gulp down your disappointment after seeing the mealy eyes, you faked a giggle. ‘‘I will be okay if you’re looking at me like that because you think I’m too powerless to be left alone.’’ To be honest, you lied to avoid revealing any kind of negative expression. Including yourself, as you repeat that you don’t need someone to hold your hand and wait by your side. Liar. 

‘‘Did you came here with your car?’’ he was about to turn his back when the idea hit him, and he gestured his body towards you once again. Reminding you of the absence of any vehicles to take you back to your not so lovely, cold home. Whether you were exaggerating the situation of your home, you blamed the loneliness. It made you feel cold in there, like a lost puppy, who can’t find the way back home. ‘‘Uber gonna work for me today,’’ you hinder the unnecessary thoughts of you, smiled naively. Then, ecstasy glowed in his browns. Like he detected something way good to celebrate it with a genuine grin. ‘‘If it’s okay, I’d like to drive you back. I had a semi-promise as I remember?’’ 

This was unexpected. As you stare at him back, lips parted slightly due to the maze you found yourself in, feeling a bit funny. Hoseok felt the urge to continue as you stayed staring as you just swallowed a stick. ‘‘My shift is almost over, so you don’t have to wait too long. But only if you’re comfortable,’’ 

‘‘O-okay.’’ Comfortable? Was he joking or he was that oblivious to the way you move, act like a fool around him. ‘‘It would be fine, I guess..’’ your voice trailed off in the end. Afraid to be a burden on him, you were about to turn down his offer. But a blooming, heart-shaped smile put you back on the place. He wasn’t doing these to look kind, he was kind and really wanted to help you out. Even though you weren’t aware of that. 

Wetting his lips ecstatically, his fingers met with his hair as he didn’t know where to put them. ‘‘Then I’ll be at the front gate in half an hour later?’’ he noted. Waving his goodbye, as you mimicked him back without forgetting Jimin, telling him how glad you are that you met him. His half-moons appeared as he bid his goodbye back, wrapping his arms around you tightly. It surprised you how sincere he was, but you put aside your cold-hearted acts for a second to hug him the same way. Which, it felt nice. Now, you were going to wait for him after seeing Doctor Kim, and get your medicine. You knew he would give you an antibiotica as you were aware of the current situation. Yes, it is good. Think about antibiotics to press down your horror, your anxiety over being driven to your home by Hoseok. That would hold back your mind from whirling around. 

Life was funny. The way it worked amazed everyone in this world as well as you. It was funny because you were a mess not long ago. Agonizing, trembling waves of pain never left your chest for a moment, and you found yourself crying in every possible corner. Opposite to the current emotions howling inside of you. Heart stepped closer to the edge of a skyscraper, almost ready to jump with the non stop thrill pumping out of it. After feeling like ages now, you feel the blooming tiny happiness inside your chest. Besides being a good thing, it was also terrifying as you were broken like a glass, torn into million pieces by the love of your life. At least you thought he was the one. Luckily or not, it came out as a false alarm. He wasn’t the one, and never intent to be. Stop thinking about that imposter you wrecked idiot. There was no way that he could make you sad anymore. Not that you had someone, or thinking about filling his old place. Speaking of the devil’s name, you were not thinking about Hoseok to fill his place, but he helped you in the way he wasn’t aware. You come to your senses, remembering you were still a living, breathing human being. Pregnant or not. It wasn’t the end of the world, and you will figure out what to do. Sooner or later. You always did. 

Maybe this, being all sunshine, a ball of optimism was an effect of Hoseok. Still, you were happy at the moment. Weren’t you?

‘‘Oh. You are here,’’ breathy voice came right beside you, tearing you apart from overthinking. And you made the first mistake by sizing him from head to toe. Seeing him in loose black sweatpants, green sporty jacket and darker shade of green t-shirt keeping a necklace above his chest, cost you. The damn glasses didn’t help you, as well. It tied your tongue how his façade changed with a simple outfit. He looked breathtaking indeed. Landing his beg from his shoulders, he pushed back his glasses on his nose. ‘‘I was anxious a bit that you’d left as it took more than I expected to come here,’’ 

A heavy breath turns into a silent hiccup, hitting you on the chest when his eyelids crinkles with an apologetic smile. This was going to be the biggest mistake you ever made - without counting your pregnancy, of course - and you didn’t pay much attention at the exact moment. It felt warm on the chest, if you had to find an excuse. ‘‘Were you? I just came here, too, so it's okay.’’ Forty minutes wasn’t that long and yes, one can say you just come here. 

‘‘Great then. Shall we?’’ Hoseok gestured to the exit, waiting for you to stand beside him. Both of you ignored the growing awkwardness for as long as you can. He was going to drive you home. It was a long road, and you couldn’t just ditch him without offering him something in return. 

Imitating him, you arrived in his car in the park. Shiny red car awakened your admiration. Not that you get paid poorly, or you knew much about cars, but you were smart enough to understand how expensive this car is. ‘‘Do you want me to open the heater?’’ 

‘‘Huh?’’ staring him like a deer in the headlight, you stopped brushing your hands to your pants. He caught you out of blue. ‘‘No, no. It’s not that cold. Just… just my cold hands, that’s all.’’ sinking deeper in the black leather seat, you gulped. Blinking unaware of how pale your face is, you blurt out a plane smile. Never thought of being a woman who likes his partners in such a power, or in great wealth, butterflies raised inside of you. As witnessing the way he grabbed the wheel like ruling a whole country caught your attraction. Was watching someone while driving count as a kink? You didn’t hope so. Fucking pregnancy hormones. 

‘‘Can you write the address on the navigation?’’ he pleaded, locking his seat belt. As you mirrored him before typing your address with a shaky hand. Since when giving your address stopped becoming a threat, you didn’t care. Finishing the task he gave, you leaned back happily. Anxiety still tried to get away where you pressed it down, wanted to eat your happiness alive and offer you the biggest panic attack you ever had. Fortunately, Hoseok managed to hold you at ease, even without working for it. After ten minutes of silence - and it was long enough for you to have a drip of sweats on your forehead - he broke it with an apology. ‘‘You can take back your apology that you bid for you friend’s behavior, as mine didn’t act very differently,’’ 

Releasing the bottom lip free from your teeth’s torture, you turned your head. ‘‘You don’t have to apologize for Jimin. He was sweet,’’ mentioning of his name, mischievous half-moons came alive in your mind. You smiled with the memory. Which Hoseok catched it with the corner of his eye. ‘‘I almost forgot the taste of that tea my mother made for me. So he did something very good for me,’’ you bobbed your head, continuing to smile. 

With the word ‘mother’, Hoseok’s memory of seeing you on the bench while crying, having a heart-to-heart talk with your mother rouse itself. Rusty weariness still visible in your façade, his heart sank into a familiar ache, remembering how desperate you looked before. Unintentionally he grabbed the wheel tighter, brows snapped together as he had no power to hold back the pain you were feeling. First time in his life, he felt useless and it bothered him so much. ‘‘Is she living far from you?’’ 

‘‘If you call two hours of car ride far, then yes?’’ lifting your brow up, you eyed his genuine smile. Eyes getting thinner with the weight of his cheek, milky teeth appeared. 

‘‘I never thought that you’ll turn out as a lazy person,’’ as your mouth takes the shape of an ‘o’, his giggles suffuse the car. ‘‘C’mon. Beat me if I’m wrong but you are not really thinking its long, right?’’ 

‘‘Well, can’t a woman be lazy in peace?’’ 

‘‘Yep, of course.’ holding his giggle behind, he struggled as you rolled your eyes. ‘‘You are totally. Totally had every right to be lazy. Over a two hours car ride,’’ covering his palm under his lips, honeyed cackles slipped away. He was lucky you found him cute. No. No you didn’t. 

‘‘Rude.’’ you crossed your arms above your chest, shifting your direction out of the car, watching the nearest things disappear in a moment. Cars, trees and buildings fading away until the vehicle slowed down a bit, and then stopped going as the red light blurted out. Knowing it will look childish to put an attitude over something this stupid, but for some reason, you also knew he wouldn’t find this abrupt. You would hold your mind busy with keeping an attitude towards Hoseok if your eyes hadn't caught two girls passing by in front of the car, eating the donut ice cream sandwiches in such a piquant way. You knew it was grilled donut, and you would sell your soul just to have one of them right now. Mouth watered with the sight, and tickling craving increased little by little. Covering every piece. If your lips have been locked together a tiny bit loosely, a drop of saliva would drip to the corner of your chin. You read a lot about pregnancy cravings, but you never had this strongly. Fingertips never itched to grab those sandwiches, tear them apart from the girl’s hand this much. Teeth nibbing the bottom lip, you clawed your palms to hold yourself back. At the verge of crying from the need you feel, shaky breath step in the nostrils. It wasn’t the place for this. Not now. Not in front of him. 

Eventually, the light turned green, car moved far away from the girls. From the ice cream sandwiches. Far away from the sweet, mesmerizing taste. Fuck this shit. You were about to lose your mind, and nothing took your mind from those sinful sweets you craved so much. Bottom lip starts to tremble with the amount of sadness you gather inside, head almost whirl around and you almost give away a big whine. It was so stupid to feel, but nothing was going to change the way you feel as you know about this--

‘‘Here we are!’’ the man on the wheel turned his head to give an eye curling smile. But your reaction confused him. Trembling lip, the tip of the nose got pink. Teary eyes wide open, looking upset. He had no doubt. You were looking like a little girl, and his heart grew soft. ‘‘Is everything ok-’’ 

‘‘Thank you for driving me,’’ the brittle voice came out shaky. First, you think about leaving the car as fast as you can and curl in your sheets and cry as you hold tears back, hardly. But the logical side of you found this cruel. Rude also. So you add before grabbing the door handle, ‘‘Can I offer you a cup of coffee? Or whatever you want?’’ 

Afraid of avowing his thrill, Hoseok bobbed his head. ‘‘I don’t want to tire you-’’

‘‘Hoseok, you drive me back all the way down. This is much I can do for you, so please?’’ If his heart didn’t explode before witnessing the warming scene, it was about to. As you said his name in such a tone, adding the cutting please at the end. He was about to lose his mind. That’s all. 

‘‘Okay but I have to get something. You go first, okay?’’ eyes flickered with bliss, your nod was enough for him as a response. 

Choosing stairs over the elevator, you breathe out. It was tiring but counting this as an exercise wasn’t the worst thing you had done. Still too burned out from the severe need of the particular dessert, you barely hold yourself on your feet. It was a tiring day. Very, indeed. Throwing your shoes aside, panic bloomed out of sudden. The living room looked like a war scene, and the man you just invited forcefully were about to witness this mess. Standing mortifiedly, you moved swiftly. Gathering the used napkins, dirty t-shirts and socks between your arms, immediately you throw them into your bedroom. He wouldn’t enter here, would he? 

Of course he wouldn’t you horny bastard!

Shaking your head, you turn back to collect the dirty bowls and cups from the table. You only be able to throw them into the sink but at least they belong to the kitchen. ‘‘The thing I get hype for,’’ you mumbled while adding coffee to the filtre on your machine. Pregnancy made your life boring. With these simple events, your heartbeats bobbed over your throat. But boring meant a simple life, and simple didn’t bother you that much. Well, you were going to give birth last than eight months later. Simple days didn’t sound that bad now. Thinking about the pain you will feel… Gosh, it was enough to send shivers to your spine. Opening the oven to boil water, you closed your eyes for a second. 

Knock. Knock. 

Your heart-shaped positivity wasn’t late. It was a bit weird for him to find your apartment right away, as it was his first time. But you didn’t want to bother yourself with such a lame topic, as you opened the door, greeting him with a big grin. He was a guest now. You better act responsible for once. ‘‘Welcome-’’ mouth hanging open, you falter. 

‘‘To be honest, I also love ice cream donuts.’’ your real life angel takes a step inside with a box in his hand. ‘‘But I also know how intense and painful can be the pregnancy cravings.’’ exploring his dimpled smile, you stand still in awe. Knees almost gave away with the piercing glee. 

‘‘How-.. how exactly you understand?’’ stuttering the words, his smile beamed bigger. 

‘‘You were looking at the donuts the same way Mickey stared at my steak. Not to be rude, but it was kinda scary seeing you like that.’’ fingers covering his mouth, lovely giggle slipped once more. And, for the thousand times today, you wanted to cry, but this time it was because of the weight of an armful of happiness. Gratitude. Seeing him all giggly, standing in front of you with a box full of donuts, his thoughtfulness warmed your heart. ‘‘Oh. Did I say do something bad? You look like you were about to cry-’’

‘‘Thank you,’’ words come out in a whisper, husky by the shoulder of him covering your mouth. As you hugged him. Without thinking further. Tightly. Well, when it comes to you, acting unresponsible wasn’t new, but with the new situation made everything even worse. Now, emotions were higher, heavier, wider inside. Plus, he was literally working on breaking your senses, you thought. Even though you sensed he wasn’t a person like that. All calculated and acting sneaky to trick you into something. He was doing all these out of sympathy, and how you didn’t know particularly, but it made everything even more irresistible. Him, to be more specific. 

‘‘S-sorry for…’’ after his hesitant arms letting you off, you gestured to the space between you two. The regret now shaped after your temerity, daring to do something like that whirled your stomach. It felt empty, or about to be empty.

His voice mirrored the caringness he puts out, ‘‘Hugging is not something you should be sorry for Y/N,’’ the taller’s heart fluttered inside his chest, like it had wings to do that. Childish joy filled his guts, seeing you can’t press your smile behind. It gave him a weird satisfaction. ‘‘And don’t want to pressure you or anything but are you going to let me in?’’ he tilted a brow, taunting you with the softest way possible. 

‘‘Oh, shit-..I mean ‘m sorry,’’

‘‘I thought we agreed not to say sorry anymore,’’ finding you while standing, open mouthed, and not knowing what to do, he decided not to push you anymore. It was fun to him, seeing you all going wide-eyes, lips parted in confusing, and the blush covering the fair cheeks. For the sake of your nerves, he pushed back the laughter when you gestured him inside in defeat. Though, you looked so cute, for his eyes. Shyness of you, the way you tried to pick the right words to spill them, or the way you get all high color of red when you revealed your true self, unintentionally, caused his desire to know you get deeper. It was too early to feel, but seeing you sitting in front of him with a cup of tea between your palms, eying the floor amusingly anxious, bloomed something in his upper body. 

‘‘Thanks for the coffee. It's delicious.’’ he gently commanded, pointing the cup in your direction to emphasize. Eyes of him fixed on your face, around your lips. A loud gulp trembling inside of your ears, you blinked. Too much. 

‘‘Do I… something on my face?’’ chewing the bottom lip, tap of your nails filled background with tensed noises. When he nodded and pointed to your face, you were surprised. As you weren’t expecting the blurted question would be real. 

‘‘Yep.’’ he touched his own face, ‘‘Little upper side of the lips,’’ 

Wiping the remains of the ice cream off of your face, you wanted to dive into between the floor and never come back. ‘‘Ahh,’’ you murmured a weak thanks, blank space between you and him getting bigger and bigger as the embarrassment filled your cup. Silence fell down on the space, the pressed worry now peeking its head out of you, while you brushed your palm over the leg. You didn’t know what you were expecting when you invited him over, as you nearly know each other, and maybe nothing in common to talk about. But the stargazer side of you hoped you would find something to talk about, and spontaneously you would come out as the funnest, lively person he met. Bet, you were someone he never met before but you did not think it was something to be happy over. 

‘‘So, you have a dog,’’ What again? This is your best shot to find something to talk with him? What a brilliant mind you had over there. Well, how could you blame him if he decides to leave you right now, right here. 

‘‘Ah, yeah. He is living with my family but yes, I can say that I have,’’ he points out kindly. Probably thinking what was wrong with you as you both looked and sounded dumb and the most boring- ‘‘I see you are living alone? No pet or a roommate.’’ he distracts you from the stressing thoughts that wandered around your mind, tiny uncertainty hanging on his face as he was afraid to pass the line.

‘‘I never thought about having a roommate, or a pet. Even though I like them beyond measure.’’ you continued after a pale smile occurring over your face. ‘‘Maybe in the future? Though, my mother would try to convince me not to, as I’m barely holding myself together,’’ you laughed weirdly as you confessed. He joined you with a wide smile. Mouth taking a shape of a heart, something snapped inside. You licked your lips in need. Something was playing with your air, as you hardly inhaled some. ‘‘Would you do everything your mother said?’’ 

‘‘Uhm… Probably, yes?’’ crinkling your brows, you gave a thought on it. 

‘‘But two hours of car ride still too much?’’ 

‘‘Hey!’’ wide smile turned into laughter when you protested, and soon after, you joined him. It was impossible to do anything else. The tone of the laugh sounded familiar, comfortable, euphoric, and joyful. And wrongly, it made you spill, blurt out the things you kept to yourself, without even thinking much. The mood turned into a gloomy one right after you started to talk. But it didn’t disturbed you the way you thought it would. 

‘‘I know… I know it’s not that long, but, as you know, this pregnancy thing is very new for me, and… and probably you guessed that, but I wasn’t expecting this. And clearly not handling it well. I just can’t confront her before I get used to this, and maybe figure it out what to do?’’ exhaling, heaviness of your chest lessened. ‘‘Unexpectedness of this is already hard and trying to handle this alone is even harder-’’

‘‘Alone?’’ Hoseok couldn’t stop himself before letting the word slip, he regrets it right after. When he cut you off, you realized you shared too much. Eying the cup of tea between your palms, as it had something inside and made you spill all of this. But, without having regrets you continued, worried chuckles jerked out by the lips. ‘‘Well, as it shows, when you aren’t the one who had a growing baby inside, it’s easier to run away.’’ 

‘‘Oh… I’m sorry,’’ Hoseok doesn’t know what to say in return. He is sorry indeed, but mostly angry. Unreasonable rage burning his chest, his eyes, his palms, he stays silent. His logic just can’t put two in two when it's come to think how someone can be this… this relentless. Memories of your broken face, voice, comes alive once again in his mind, now, everything makes sense. The hurt on your face, loneliness of your eyes. Now he understands why your voice always sounded so weak, so crushed. The blue never leaves your façade. It breaks Hoseok’s heart, but he is thankful as you opened your heart. He feels important. Someone you can talk to. And the elder promises not to hurt this trust you showed, innerly. He puts his anger aside, and focuses to make your face wrinkle with laughter. 

And, he does it. 

#heartsforbts #bangtanhq #bangtanarmynet #houseofddaeng #btsgoldnet #btswriterscollective #btswritingcafe #hyunglinenetwork #hoseok x reader #hoseok x you #hoseok fanfic #hoseok fluff #hoseok angst #jung hoseok #painkiller #dylanxmin

[wendibird]

SPN 15X14 Observations

So, for whatever dumbass reason, when trying to use my actual television, the cable refuses to work properly 8 times out of 10. BUT I was able to stream tonight’s episode on my computer with my cable network’s app. So, there’s that. Because of that, and since it’s easier for me to type on my keyboard than on my phone, I actually took quick notes and observations during commercial breaks. Here are those, then some more of my thoughts following. (And I’m sorry if any of these seem a bit incoherent. They were more my observations to myself. *LOL*  

(everything else under the keep reading line since I got a bit rambly, and just in case anyone wants to avoid spoilers)

- Brothers being written a bit like characters of themselves rather than just themselves. (trying too hard?)

- Love Mrs. Butters. Actress really good. And the minor ret-con works with what we've seen.

- Sam more concerned about Jack. I think he understands him better, even though he hasn't seen much of him.

- "Ignoring your trauma doesn't make you healthy." (or something like that.) Good quote!

- Waiting for the catch.

- "Enjoy the world you're fighting for." (compare with Kevin's similar line: "I can't enjoy a world I need to save.")

- Mrs. Butters knows Jack isn't human.

- BOY did the shoe drop! But it was Sinclaire involved. Not surprised he took advantage of her natural protective nature.

- Wanted more plot for WHY exactly they still have Thor's Hammer. Have they had it this whole time? Last we saw Sam dropped it in 8X2. Or did Mrs. Butters conjure it up because they might need it? Was cool though that Sam was using it. Because we already know he can.

- Jack figured out on his own how to use the projector. (love that boy!)

- liked hearing him talk about what happened with Mary and how he feels.

- Mrs. Butters knows from experience about needing "second chances" I think.

- Why were they ALWAYS wearing the same clothes during the "We got one!" montages? Assuming it was supposed to have taken place over several days at least if not longer. (I highly doubt they went out on THAT many hunts in one day.)

- Yeeeah... So I get she's protective, but JACK IS BABY! She can clearly see his power levels but she has to have seen how he he actually IS? But she gave him the smoothies from the start, so she's been planning it from almost the start. Hrm.

- idk what anyone else says, I'm thrilled that Sam and Eileen had a date. Also, THIS is where that sweater-vest comes from. Bet we'll see him going for his gun too. (That clip was hotly debated in one of the discord servers I’m on)

- Dean is obviously still having some issues with Jack, but he also seems to know that they're his personal issues and he knows that Jack is good. (Expanding on this thought post episode, I was seeing this as Dean recognizing the difference between what he knows and what he’s feeling. So, yey! Personal growth!)

- DEAN JACK IS NOT A BATTERING RAM!!!

- Dean sees Jack as a weapon. He used him as a battering ram. He'll use him as a grenade to throw at Chuck. (More on this after the notes.)

- Sam sees him as a person. His argument was that Jack was someone he cared about. That killing him would HURT him.

- Also, did they HAVE to go for the fingernails again?!

- Poor Sam, getting tortured. And being the "favorite" of something bad.

- Also, SAM WAS RIGHT! To be cautious of her at first. Too many times he's had things/people seem good and turn out opposite.

- And because Dean had decided it was all okay, they both stopped looking up on her.

- Maybe Sam will realize that he doesn't always have to follow Dean's lead. He can pursue his own paths. (Not talking about them separating. Just, if he wants to look into something, he should do it. If he wants to follow a different lead, he should check it out.)

- I know he lost a lot of confidence last season but I hope he realizes that he doesn't by default make bad decisions.

- Okay, that was a good resolution. I'm glad she's going back to her people.

- Interdimensional geoscope: Dean saw nothing. Because ALL the other universes are gone. *sad-face*

- Love Sam and Jack. Wish we got a bit more. But it was something.

- Also love that Dean tried. That felt real to me. (the birthday cake)

More thoughts! 

So. Overall I liked this episode. It was lighthearted mostly, but touched on some serious topics and wasn’t completely disconnected with what is going on with everyone, despite the random holiday montage. *LOL* (Yes, I know she wasn’t bending time or anything, she was just choosing to celebrate some holidays with her boys regardless of when this is all taking place exactly.) It did feel a bit to me, at the start anyway, like the writing at least was trying too hard to “Sound like Sam and Dean” instead of just them being them. I mentioned that at the start but what I mean is, in this season especially (but not exclusively) I’ve noticed a lot of times where it feels to me like the writing/directing/whatever leads to the sum total of what we see is trying too hard to present this idea of who the characters are, like caricatures of them. The things associated with them get emphasized, sometimes out of proportion. Though in this episode, it only felt like that during the opening scene and maybe a few places elsewhere. Overall I thought the writing and especially the acting on the parts of the main 3 guys and the guest actor were well done and had a lot of nuance when needed. Like, as an example, when Sam and Dean sussed out that this being that they didn’t even know was a bit behind the times, they were actually pretty gentle with bringing her up to speed. And her reaction to realizing that everyone she knew before was dead felt very real. 

I liked what we saw of where each of the characters were emotionally this episode. It was the first one after Jack has been re-souled and it had definitely been weighing on my mind how everyone was doing. (Though I REALLY wish we could have actually seen Sam and Dean’s reactions to Jack tearfully begging their forgiveness last episode. But lacking any other input, I’m headcannoning that Sam gave him a very long, warm hug.)  

I also agree with Sam, I think there’s something more that Jack hasn’t told them yet, probably some details about Billy’s plan that he or her are sure the brothers won’t like. (Now, what exactly that could be is very much up in the air. I can think of quite a few options, but the details aren’t really important to me just now. Just the fact that something about it is weighing on Jack. More than just Mary’s death and the prospect of having to kill God. Which, in and of themselves would be more than enough.) 

Speaking of Sam, I liked that we saw all those little nods to how he feels about Jack, how he’s still worried about him, and seems to understand him. 

I also get where Dean’s coming from. And I thought it was well-portrayed. And let me just say, I am GLAD that he just outright told Jack where he was at. He didn’t sugarcoat it, but he also didn’t blow up at him, or reply with sarcasm or bring up other, unrelated stuff. Dean knows that Jack is trying, but he himself has some emotional stuff he needs to deal with. That he is dealing with. And it’s going to take him some time. 

I do however stand by my observation made during the episode that at least at that point in it, Dean considered Jack a weapon. An asset. He literally used him as a battering ram, and in a more meta way, he’s planning on using him as a grenade to throw at God. Even when arguing with Mrs. B about it, his response was in reference to Jack’s usefulness. Whereas Sam was arguing that Jack meant something to him, that he cared about him, and hurting Jack would hurt him. Now, I do think that Dean’s POV had shifted a bit by the very end. Dean’s love language has almost always been shown by doing things for people, and taking care of them. So him making that birthday cake for Jack really felt to me like him trying to tell him that he does actually care about him. And I think Jack got it. And true, the cake might not have been as neat and pretty as Mrs. B would have made it, but I thought it was beautiful because of all the thought that went into it. (Dean’s more of a cook than a baker too.) 

As a side note, something I thought about after the episode: when Mrs. B stepped in, she kind of took over that care-taker role. AND the research role. She made them lunches, cooked them dinners, decorated for holidays, and overall made them feel comfortable and safe. And she also pin-pointed where monsters were and made sure they were all stocked-up and ready to go. All they had to do was show up and get it done. And yeah, it must have been a nice break from the norm. But I also think about how much Dean finds his identity beyond hunting in taking care of people. And how much Sam finds his identity in researching and figuring things out. And with her doing that, they both took it easy on those ends. Dean didn’t have to make burgers for everyone since Mrs. B made a roast. Sam didn’t have to research since she could tell them where the monsters were and what kind. I almost wonder if both of them were starting to feel like those parts of themselves were all of a sudden unnecessary. (Which makes me a little sad, because it reminds me a bit of the “two cakes” concept in fandom. Who cares if someone else can “do it better”? If you do it, then there’ll be even more of the good thing!)  And as I observed above, Sam also stopped looking into HER. I mean, he didn’t even know what would kill a wood nymph. And I do think part of that also goes back to him having recently fallen back on letting Dean make the big decisions. Because last season so many of his blew up in his face. (Though I don’t think most of that was his fault. But Sam tends to blame himself for a lot.) And I do hope that maybe he’ll remember that he does have good instincts when he listens to them. And he can keep looking into something even if Dean thinks it’s fine. It’s not a betrayal to be prepared. 

ALSO! Being the absolute Saileen hoe that I am, even though we didn’t Eileen in this episode, I was thrilled that Sam went out on a date with her because she was in town! And true, we don’t know what all went down, but regardless, I see it as good that they’re at the very least still friends, and that hopefully Eileen is sorting out her own feelings vs whatever she might think could be Chuck’s manipulations. Even if Saileen isn’t Engame (and honestly, as much as I love it, I don’t think it will be) I would still like for them to be on good terms with each other. (And for her to NOT get fridged again!) 

Another thing I was pondering afterwards and a bit during: I wasn’t surprised that Sam held up to the torture fairly well. I mean, it still obviously hurt! (And again, WHY with the fingernails again?! As someone in one of my discord servers mentioned, we didn’t need THAT particular call-back to the Christmas Episode of Season 3!) But he was listening to what she was saying. And he understood the implications that she had been tortured into acting how they wanted her to act. And Sam understands torture, and how it can mess someone up. And despite what she had done to him, and was trying to still do, he validated what she had been through. He empathized with her. And that.... it’s just SO Sam! 

I will say that the resolution felt a little... abrupt. Like, her expression had changed a little during the fight/argument. Then back from the commercial break and she’s all packed-up and ready to leave and they’re all saying goodbye and wishing her well. I feel like there might have been some more scenes or parts of scenes that were originally there connecting things up more, but were cut for time.

I wouldn’t say this was a groundbreaking episode, but it WAS fun, and it did have some seriousness at it’s core, and I think it did what it needed to do. 

(And I apologize if this is just a big rambling mess. I’m not used to doing structured episode reviews. *LOL* Feedback and opinions are welcome though!) 

#spn 15x14 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #ignoring your trauma doesn't make you healthy #sam winchester #dean winchester #jack kline #mrs butters #i still need more sam and jack

[spacesnail3000]

Brooklyn’s Sweetheart Masterlist

Brooklyn’s Sweetheart

Summary: Bucky and Steve had always been meant to keep her safe and happy. As far as anyone else was concerned, that was their sole reason for being alive. Unfortunately, the things that kept her safe were not always the things that kept her happy. Lately, she was making it pretty damn hard for them to compromise.

Pairing: Stucky x Reader

Warnings: Language, smut (some of which is dubcon), Dark!themes, abuse, drinking, drug use, mobster activities, etc.

A/N: I started this story on AO3 first (you can read it here), but now I have decided to post it here as well! It does feature Dark!Bucky and Dark!Steve, and it does get pretty dark and abusive and twisted, so please don’t read if that isn’t your thing! I will have more specific warnings at the start of every chapter!

Exerpt:

"Sweetheart," Steve pins her with a sharp look, that muscle in his jaw ticking, "Don't make this harder on yourself."

"You said not to go out the front door," she says defiantly, lips set in a pout, "You didn't say anything about the window."

Bucky is immediately on edge from the dark, feral look in Steve's eyes. Without warning, Steve grabs her by the upper arm, dragging her over to the sofa, and yanking her down to lay over his lap. She's too shocked for anything to come out of her mouth except for an indignant little shriek.

"If you want to act like a little brat," Steve growls, "Then I'm sure as shit gonna treat you like one." He looks up at Bucky, who is still standing in the middle of the living room. "How many, Buck?"

"How many?"

"How many times should I spank her? How many does she deserve?"

Well, Bucky has to stop and think that one through.

Chapter Listing: 

Chapter 1: Birthday Girl Gets the First Drink

Chapter 2: Diamonds Are Forever, Those Boys Ain’t

Chapter 3: Pretty as a Picture

Chapter 4: Don’t Get Handsy, Doll

Chapter 5: I Can Teach You Everything I Know

Chapter 6: Be Good for Bucky

Chapter 7: A Force to be Reckoned With

Chapter 8: Cry Baby

Chapter 9: A Dangerous Game

Chapter 10: Goody Two-Shoes Catholic Schoolgirl

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13: Vodka and Cherries and Tears

Chapter 14: A Girl on the Brink of Crisis

Chapter 15: Big Fucking Trouble--With a Capital T

Chapter 16: I Don’t Want Your Shitty Tuna Casserole

Chapter 17: You’re A Beast, Barnes

Chapter 18: I Got an Eight-Ball of Yey!

Chapter 19: That Bitch Is Pretty Fucked Up

Chapter 20: Pretty Baby Loves Getting Spoiled https://spacesnail3000.tumblr.com/post/619549938503811073/brooklyns-sweetheart-chapter-20-pretty-baby

Headcannons:

Headcannon #1: The Sweet Good Boi Hermes

Headcannon #2: The Pearl Choker

Headcannon #3: Steve and Reader’s First Kiss https://spacesnail3000.tumblr.com/post/614697838442610688/hi-i-was-wondering-if-you-could-elaborate-more

Feel free to send me requests for head cannons or drabbles!

I always forget to update this so feel free to send me an ask asking about the next chapter! Chances are I forgot to put it on here lol

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #fanfiction #mcu #steve rogers fic #bucky barnes fic #stucky #stucky x reader #dark!bucky barnes #dark!steve rogers #brooklyn's sweetheart

[asrisgratitudejournal]

Useless

Wow my last post was on 13/06 and today is already 22/06?

How was my last week? Well, not bad. But also not good. Basically got ZERO work done. Did nothing the whole week. Oh nggak deng. Berhasil ngerapiin database excel, but that's it. I think I did it on last Thursday? I don't know why but I definitely am going back to the cycle of "I don't think I can do this. This is very difficult for me. I don't think I suit this." I even made a Tumblr post draft to trick my brain into writing a piece of scientific paragraph 4 days ago? But it just won't work.

Hhhhh sebelum spiraling into the world of negativity where I keep thinking of myself as useless (therefore the post title), let's, first of all, be grateful for things I should be grateful for:

1. My Biore sunscreen is here! It just arrived (like 5 mins ago) from Japan. Finally! Setelah battling nyari-nyari di amazon akhirnya nyampe juga walaupun agak mahal. Dan agak nggak berguna ya, since there will be no more sun anymore, not at least until this weekend. Huf. I hate British summer.

2. Got to have a pretty relaxing weekend. Last weekend, I got to pick up my Exeter stash on Saturday morning, did 20 min yoga with Kalina, did an Instagram live with Bunga (an Indonesian student working on English education in Lampung, apparently she found me via youtube -- wow thank you Edsel!), in which on the live I coughed a lot and my mom commented there telling me to drink water -- God, I love my mom so much), played badminton (a pretty intense session), and ate dinner out with Kalina, Arthur, and Hami (we got decent ramen in Westgate!). As for Sunday, I did basically nothing in the day and went to Rosa's landlord's garden party at 6 pm. It was a lovely evening, even though it's pretty cold outside and there's no sun at all. I got to meet Archu, Gupreeth, Vance (basically the badminton guys), and also new people (Carina, an Indonesian who's now a post-doc and team leader of AstraZeneca -wow-, Dexter, Rosa's landlord who's 57? and love Bob Dylan too much, Coraline, a french linguist student who was Dexter's past tenant, and Tim, Coraline's boyfriend, a German. 2 of Dexter's neighbors also came, but I didn't get a chance to talk to them so....

3. My sister's birthday present has arrived! I bought them TXT's freeze boy version. And it was there yesterday. She didn't get Soobin/Yeonjun as her photocard (she got Taehyun instead) but it's okay, though. Glad she's happy with what I got. Now I currently am still contemplating whether I should buy physical Butter or not because it's pretty expensive, but I really want themmm. Hhhh. Let's see until we got a teaser to help decide.

4. Some of my students passed the olympiad selection! On the weekend, I still take some gigs to teach for olympiad prep online (just so that I got things to do besides my research basically). And 3 of them passed the district selection which means I will have to have more sessions on the weekend! Yey! (Not sad at all to have more works to do because only by doing this side job I feel worth it and useful in a way?).

5. Got a bit productive today(?). I don't know if this is something to be proud of. But as for today, I already made myself work on someone's recommendation letter and also replied to some emails. I also did the laundry this morning! Yesterday I only made myself take a shower and I already considered that as an accomplishment. The bad weather is just adding more excuses for me to not go to the office today and yesterday :(

Let's wish for a better and productive day, shall we?

Best,

Asri

22/06 9 Woodlands Close, 14:38 pm

[darkicedragon]

Yakushiji 71% +85% part 1

Knew I should have made a new post with 85%. XDDD

Uh oh. 8′)

‘ALL RIGHT, LET’S GO, PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW THEN.’

For a second I was hoping we’d see actually granny Tamao, but okay, it’s young Tamao, haha.

Oooooooh?

Whaaaat is with this Tamao side anyway, hm.

Apparently not.

‘And shoot him with the gun you’ll get soon.’

..........Dangerous for himself, or dangerous for everyone else?

Aaaah, happened right next to each other.

Riiiight right right, this is her side, when she goes and ‘saves’ Kurabe from Okino and Hijiyama.

Oooohkay, Fluffy personality needs to be within reception distance of Juro to send messages. ...Which is why she was needed to stay with Kurabe so 426 could manipulate her more often.

Ssssssooooo... Riiiiight, Tamao would have been 426 as well when she gave the lease to Megumi. Makes sense.

And yeah, Miura was only able to see Fluffy when he got close as well.

...Oh, right, of course she hasn’t had the confirmation yet. XD;;;;

Huh, when did Tomi get the confirmation that Megumi was the one who shot her?

....OH, FUCK. Right, that’s what the contract was! I just dismissed it as ‘lying evil mascot to manipulate Megumi’ and didn’t think about it again.

Oooooh nooooo, are we gonna have a mental confrontation? Or a confrontation with Fluffy, ahahaha.

Aaaaaaahahahahahahahahah. Oh no. 8′) Kurabe has been getting 426 memories, not loop 2 Kurabe memories. 8′);;;;;

Haaahahahaha.

Oh thank frick he finally tells her.

Nice. 8′) Buuuut you gave them the chance to actually survive this loop, so yey.

Helllooooo. Haven’t seen you in a while. XD

Oh dear. 8′) Goutoooooo.

Ooooooooh boooooy. 8’)

Morimura, pls. XD

Code in THEM affects the kaiju? I guess if one of them becomes the controller.... (Which hasn’t been picked up again yet)

Upping the ante will make the facility destroy itself?

Mmmmmmhm.

Yeah. XD Just not in the way she thinks he means.

Oooookay. ;-;

Yeeeeeeah, okay. Terraforming does take that long. Dang, was hoping some of the 2188 people were still around. Okay, so the girl in orbit it Inaba.

THERE’S NOTHING TO SHOOT. XDD

Eeeeeeh?

THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE SLINGING BULLETS AROUND WITHOUT THINKING, MEGUMI.

OOOOOH? Or was Fluffy going to try and manipulate her again?

:o

Huuuuuh, is this how she shoots herself?

OKAY. DO NOT LIKE THAT SCENE ENDER. TOO MUCH LIKE ZERO’S LAST REWARD.

:o :o That’s surprising.

Ooooooh, okay. He wanted Kurabe to be back in love with Morimura, like he was, since this was before they had their disagreements.

Yeeeah. But also. He’s not you, sooooo.

Hnnnnng, yesssssss. >8D

‘Oh, good, we’re going back on track with your DNA not influencing ano - NEVER MIND.’

BUT WILL HE?

Could not get aaaaaany closer. XD

*gaaaaaaasp* He remembers A LITTLE BIT, to proteccc herrrrr.

Ooooooof.

Ghhhhhh, the sad music is soooo booooood.

Aaaaaah, the one thing leeeeeefffffttttttttt.

#d liveblogs #13 sentinels: aegis rim

[munchies-for-thought]

My Banshee doing her thing. It works like a charm! Just look at her go!

Jun 15, 2020

So far, this is my favorite way I’ve ever smoked weed. I left the instructions so you can build it yourself on a previous post. This improvised DYI project will be with me as I write all future blogs. Wanna hear the science behind it? Cool! Then keep reading! If you know any cool methods, feel free to let me know!

Getting started

If you skipped my blog on how to make this bong, you might get a bit lost with the terminology I use as I do like to rename things just for the rule of cool. So here’s a quick glossary for those who need it:

Banshee: Weed & The name of this bong

Soul: Weed Smoke

The world: Outer Plastic Bottle

Bow: Inner Plastic Bottle

Quiver: Bottle Cap (Weed Container)

Arrow: One weed serving with this bong

The science behind the Banshee

By following the instructions on the previous blog, you created an aqueduct in which water can move freely within the bow. Once you lock your quiver in place, it’s no longer working as an aqueduct. It now resembles a prison, trapping water inside your bow.

You might not understand at first why it should be considered a prison if the bottom is clearly missing from your bow. Well, before that water can escape the bow, something needs to take its place. Ever since you locked the top of your bow, with your quiver which is fully locked in place and properly prepared with it’s itty bitty holes for the soul to breathe into and out of the bow. There’s barely any air rushing in to replace the water that is pulling down with all its might every time you raise your bow as long as the quiver is locked.

The fight between the water going down and the air replacing it is seen as suction on your quiver holding the banshee. We have just constructed a fake lung with a 2L capacity. This baby will smoke weed better than you ever could on your own!

Loading arrows into your bow

You now understand the structure of this gravity bong, now let’s learn how to use it!

This will only work if the only gas entering your bow is doing so through your quiver. Load an arrow of finely grinded banshee on top, ignite and pull upwards to summon her soul into the bow! Once you start pulling, the air being drawn inside will go through the burning banshee guaranteeing most of her soul is safely captured in your bow. Just make sure you never completely pull the bow out of surface or her soul will escape!

As a significant bonus, you’ll notice any debris will fall down to the water, preventing them from entering your lungs. Yey health!

You may now kiss the bride! Unlock your quiver and quickly wrap those beautiful lips of yours around where it used to be. It’s time to let go of your bow and instead rapidly push your face into it while inhaling, as you do when kissing a banshee, of course. This will push her soul into your lungs since it’s being pushed upwards by the water below your bow.

Stoner etiquette tips

To maximize the high you can get from this method. You’re welcome to try the following, and judge results yourself:

Breathe, don’t suck. Instead breathing like someone finishing their Slurpee, try to think more like a scuba-diver inhaling for oxygen. It actually matters because some people only suck the smoke to their mouth but never their lungs.

Swallow every bit. It’s common for some smoke to just stay on your mouth or throat and never reach your lungs. Swallow once, and take a tiny breath after you have finished inhaling. The movement your throat muscles do is just like the one you would do when pressing that last bit of toothpaste out of its container.

Hold her in, then free her soul. Don’t just welcome her into your lungs and immediately spew her out like its nothing! Treat this lady with respect. Once you have locked her soul within your lungs, give it at least three seconds to settle. Your lungs are very fast in pulling all the THC almost instantaneously. These three seconds just make sure your lungs got the chance to process as much as they ever will be.

DON’T YOU DARE LAUGH Laughing or coughing while mid kiss will probably make you instinctively launch all the smoke away potentially irritating your airways. You might be left coughing for 20 minutes straight if you were unlucky enough to experience this. Wouldn’t wish it even as a prank. Or maybe...

Share the knowledge If you guys have any other method, I would love to hear about it! I don’t really know much people in my country who know or care about this.

#Banshee #lady sylvanas #gravity bong #bong #science #Artificer #weed #dyi #dyi project #marihuana #crafts #high #Smoke weed #third world country #anonymous blog #Stoner #weedlife #ganja #ganjalife #lit #horde #pikachu #dnd 5e #league of legends #mine #420 blaze it #sylvanas windrunner #ranger general sylvanas #sylvanas #420

[blaurascon-kzk]

KZK Discord Digest [Week of July 5 - July 11]

SUMMARY July's coloring page is up now! Featuring a young Thel and two Will-o-Drakes (they are really that smol!) http://bit.ly/kzk-color-pages The coloring pages now have a printer-friendly version. Feel free to print them out, and share with us what you make! We'd love to see em! Kat's doing pretty well in Virginia now, currently working on applying for an apartment for just him and April. Phase 2 voting is done - Canid (Extinct / Other) and Eastern Dragon were the winners! Phase 2A will narrow down Extinct / Other Canids before we move on to the design phase. (Extinct / Other includes Hyenas, Thylacines, Aardwolves, (yes we know these aren't technically canids, sry, but for a design purpose, they look canid-y we're putting them here) as well as some extinct / prehistoric canine / canids that will be decided on soon. Keep an eye out for the upcoming poll!!) Kat is working on sizes for the Direwolf plushy, and there will be a Giant size, per popular request. Given the Direwolf plushies are extremely late, we will be doing something different with them: Preorder people will get them for free, along with 2 skins to match the planned Hellhound and Frostborn preorder skins for the main av. People who did not preorder will be able to buy the Posed Plush / Plush Av pack for 800L for a short time. We will announce when these are available!

______

July 7

KatLast Sunday at 9:57 AM @everyone I know progress has been slow going as of late but Its progress! Its been over a week, almost 2 I think, since getting here. I don't remember. Time has been flying by. But even amidst all the insanity here (my roommates are avid Pokemon go players, and they often have friends coming over to visit so it gets pretty rowdy in here), I've often found the motivation I've been looking for to keep working on things, even if its taking longer than I'd like with distractions. Slow progress is better than no progress at all, so I'll take it.

That said, I've finally gotten July's coloring page done! Please forgive the lateness! This one had a lot of elements that had to interlock and get along. This month's scene features a curious young Thel combing through the foliage of a jungle only to stumble onto a pair of Will O Drakes foraging for nectar. Yes they're really that small!  https://drive.google.com/open?id=1PfjTfO0M2a47arowNzhXD7MWxEDeNfgI <--Folder link with all coloring pages available as multi layer downloads!

I hope you all enjoy, and remember, if you do color them in, PLEASE show me, either here in #art-projects-share or on twitter at my handle: DarkEcoKat. :heart: @everyone Also an update on just. my overall emotional state. I've whinged a lot about my problems, said that moving with fix all of them, and while that remains to be seen, the new scenery, social activity, and just general forward momentum from the move has done wonders.  Other than a tiny bit of anxiety on the 4th (went to a friends' aunts' house for the day, and it was a tiny 2 story rambler with like.. 35 people, too many in a small space @-@) I've been feeling really good. My 'desk' is next to a big set of patio doors so I'm always watching wildlife come and go--Birds, lizards, squirrels, and even the odd Rabbit. And at night I get to watch lightning bugs. Too many fucking spiders tho.

Either way.. none of this would've been possible without you guys. I'm serious. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Your generosity and unwavering support means the world to me <3

Also I know i've yet to finalize current voting on the next phase of the Community Kreeture project, Like I said its been insane here! haha

KatLast Sunday at 10:37 AM @everyone Apologies for the spam, but one last thing to say!

The winning votes of Phase 2 of the KCK project is Extinct/Other, and Eastern Dragon! Phase 2A will be to narrow down 'Other/Extinct' before we start moving on to the design phase.

Direwolf plush: Since it was intended to be a preorder bonus, preorders will get it free of charge, AND 2 exclusive skins that will match the Hellhound and  Frostborn skins that have been planned for the main avatar. The plush versions of those skins will not be made available otherwise. Anyone who didn't preorder will be able to buy the Posed plush/Plush av pack for 800L for a limited time.

I came up with this compromise since its been an eternity since all of this was initially announced (like 9 months ago wtf), and this seemed like a good way of honoring/appreciating preorders, and giving non preorders a chance to pick up the plush/avatar pack.

______

July 9

KatLast Tuesday at 11:03 AM @everyone Hey folks, I made a minor change to the Gdocs folder that holds the coloring pages, to include quick, easy PRINTABLE versions! The direwolf one won't fit nicely on a page due to its ratio, but the others should all print up nice enough to be colorable. I also fixed a few of the files that were... regrettably missing my signature. If you've got those files, please download the newest versions and copy over the new signature layer to them(so as not to undo any progress).  https://drive.google.com/open?id=1PfjTfO0M2a47arowNzhXD7MWxEDeNfgI

______

July 10

KatYesterday at 11:25 AM @everyone I have the sudden impulse to make a 'Giant' Direwolf plush variant. :V Y or N? vote with reactions. :thumbsup: or :thumbsdown: (sadly cant make giants of the other plushies, i lost all the project files to the raptor plush when windows ate one of my HDDs several months ago)

(edit: i added both thumbs for easier voting lol) KatYesterday at 11:34 AM @everyone Today on discord, kayden asked a stupid question and got a really obvious answer, so yes I will be including a 'giant' direwolf plush with the av set. Can't give exact dimensions as I'm sorta just eyeballing it.

That said, i'm still gunna be slow on all fronts in the coming week or two--Patreon, update stuff, release stuff, ect, bc on a whim, I applied for a newly opened apartment complex recently. got preapproved, and the place gave me the option of providing a 'projected' income for 2019 since my previous tax returns don't reflect a stable enough income to facilitate the rent/income requirements. So yey, dealing with maybe moving 'permanently' soon. Will keep you posted.

Also exhausted from migrating all our belongings from the pods to our storage unit (cheaper than the pods rental), sooo tired @-@ Things have been going... alarmingly smoothly since we got here. I'm so used to doors being slammed in our faces. Im just waiting for shit to go pear shaped but it doesn't mean I'm not excited for the possibility of finally getting our own place where we can do our own thing again.

Wish us luck, and I'll keep you guys posted. Thank you all so much for your patience ;; You've all been so polite and patient and respectful and supportive and I dont deserve you guys TTTT____TTTT

#kzk-dd #kzk

[literallyprentissstwin]

Week 10: Monday, July 16th to Monday, July 23th 2018 

bonjour & welcome to this new reading list which is already the tenth one wooow. i´m really really sorry for the delay and i almost couldn´t post it today, but i managed to do so bc i needed distraction. 

so as always, i collected some of my fav fics :) please leave some love to the authors & give them feedback! 

enjoy! 

aileen xx 

1 - Big God by @lotus--writings 

oook wow. the angst was real. it had me shook. but it´s so good. it´s very well written and i loved reading it a lot. interesting plot as well! xx

2 - I Want to Tell You part 3 (Spencer Reid x Reader) by @spencerreidreads this story is really good and the perfect mix of everything. the end aka the convo with PG had me in tears. ooo and spence should finally make a move. well done xx

3 - Take Care of Yourself by @dontshootmespence 

ok, first of all: i never heard of stomach migraine before but they sound suck-y. spence is so caring and soft. i love him a lot. and i loved this fic xx 

4 - Caught Up in the Moment (Spencer Reid x Reader) by @a-bau-tiful-mind

 oooh god, this was perfect and the end was kind of unexpected. also, i can relate to that part about barnes lol. i love the team and spence and Y/N are cute af. great work xx

5 - What Does This Mean? by @spencer-is-too-perfect 

this is a reminder to myself to actually reread this story bc i only had the chance to slightly skim (?) it and i feel really really bad about this, but what i read about it so far sound SO GOOD. reid is just amazing. i def need to catch up on the whole story. 

6 - Infiltrated: Epilogue by @stunudo 

i´m actually so sad that this series is over bc it is so so good. you´re so freaking talented. i loved this epilogue a lot. i love and miss Hotch. i´m def gonna reread this series as often as i can and i can just highly recommend it. great work xx

7 - A Place to Call Home by @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars 

yes, my fav luke writer is back. i´ve missed u heaps. this story was a blessing. i love me some overprotective luke & i love that you integrated a men talk between Luke and Will. i think they have good friendship potentio (@ cm writers!!). this whole thing is perfect. i´m in love. 

8 - Article of Faith: Chapter 21, Chapter 22 by @dontshootmespence 

i seriously can never get enough of this series. it´s just so good and so different (good different!!!). it´s a masterpiece. also i´m living for this relationship billie and spence have. but i´m also curious to see what matt finds out. literally can´t wait for more. 

9 - Pancakes by @ionlyreadfivebookslastweek 

the beginning actually kind of broke my heart. like i felt so so bad. but i´m so happy everything turned out well in the end. yey for happy endings! 

10 - Redamancy: Pt. 10, Pt. 11, Pt. 12 by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo 

i´m so in LOVE with this istg. this series is life and i´m so happy that i came across it. i really don´t have enough words for it. all the plots each parts have are so different and good and cover all emotions. it´s perfect. great job xx 

11 - What Do I Do? by @gabriellewritermua 

i had the privilege to preread this story and i liked it from the very first second. it´s very well written and i loved the plot and the way the characters are written. well done! xx

12 - First Time Out by @dontshootmespence 

ok seriously??? how are people so creative with requests?  like teach me? this was so good and had me at the edge of my seat. a lot of suspense, my favv child Jack and a protective hotch. i mean can it get any better? i don´t think so. well done, nicole xx 

13 - I Will: Pt. 4, Pt.5 (Final) by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo  

again, another reminder to myself yall. i just discovered this multiparter and i really need to start at the beginning bc these two parts here got me hooked and i def need to check out all the previous parts yup. i love me some angst. 

14 - Tie My Heartstrings (Derek Morgan x Reader) by @spencerreidreads 

this story right here is an entry to my challenge, thank you for participating. :) yey, a derek morgan fic. my heart is already happy. but DEREK BOI WHAT ARE U DOING? like ugh, can i smack u? but then again, the ending was so cute i´m in love :)

15 - Smooth as a Bump in the Road by @dontshootmespence 

this was hilarious. i love spence so so much. he´s just so cute and i could hug him all day long. also, i miss his and derek´s friendship so much on the show. great work xx 

16 - The Best Job in the World - BAU x Reader by @curlsincriminology 

i loved everything about this story. EVERYTHING. i also loved JJ in this story like a whole lot, this little legend. perfect! well done x

17 - Talent >> Derek Morgan by @eideticreid 

woowza, another morgan fic. DAY MADE! this one was really good and the plot was really creative. you´re writing is so good, i´m jealous. 

18 - Sweet Lullaby by @tenaciousarcadeexpert 

aww, this one was soo soo soo cute. i def need to see more of matt and his family. this fic gave me life :) 

19 - the hardest goodbye´s are the ones we never get to say by @holoitsmeagaintoo 

this fic is also an entry to my challenge & also to you, thanks for participating :) so so so good. i loved it so much. it´s a really good way to integrate the prompt and the angst was there, i could feel it. well done xx 

20 - Just Us Now - Spencer Reid by @bookofreid 

oh god, Dad!Reid. ily. tho this plot was so so sad :( but i love their dynamic and now i want the writers to give this man a damn child. 

21 - Similar by @spncmshsvu 

okay, wow...wow. this was heavy angst, but i loved reading it. like holy cow, i don´t know what else to say except that i´m speechless and that this story was really well done and that you´re super talented.

22 - Movie Night by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo 

another reminder to myself yey. this story seem to be pretty awesome and i´m sorry i hadn´t have time to really read it. so consider this a reminder to myself for reading it asap. i bet it´s great :) 

23 - rubix. by @uncomfie  

yes, my fav derek morgan writer on earth is back. this is pure perfection. seriously, how are you so talented? i loved it a lot but you probably could already guess so. ilysm  <3 

24 - I´m Still Scared by @dontshootmespence 

this had me at the edge of my seat. also, my fav genius worries too much. the middle of the fic was quite a shocker but i´m super happy that everything ended up being good. 

25 - Graduate With The Truth II Spencer Reid by @alittlelessthanacirclefics

 i´m in love omg. emma and spence are perfect omg. also the end!!!! i´m in love...great work! xx

26 - She´s a secret by @docspencerreid 

another entry for my challenge! thank you for participating! omg this plottwist was so unexpected like seriously. the angst is real. this was so good well done. the end had me shook. maybe do a part two? 

27 - Morality Above All by @dontshootmespence 

ok seriously? please tell me that this isn´t stilla topic today, bc if so, i have no words. JJ was super badass and i miss hers and hotchs dynamic so much. really good story and very well written! 

28 - Roles Reversed by @ionlyreadfivebookslastweek 

this was funny bc i never expected derek morgan to ask spencer reid for relationship advice. this was everyting. 

29 - Cold Nights by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo 

a derek morgan fic, i´m in love. he is so underrated. and this story was so good and i loved it with all my stone cold heart! 

30 - Even You Can´t Save Everyone by @stunudo 

yey, another entry for my challenge! thanks for participating! but why don´t you just stab me in my face? like really. first of all. thanks again for participationg. i´m glad you were a part of this, bc tbh you´re one of my inspo´s on here. beyond that, this fic was perfect. the angst. i feel blessed. well done. 

31 - Familiar Strangers by @illegalcerebral

idk why but tumblr is still being a d** when it comes to those parts of this series. like i was damn sure i saw it in my notes, but it is gone AGAIN: @ tumblr: please fix yourself. so as a matter of fact that i need a lot of catching up bc this series deserves the world and i need to read this bc ELLE <333333 i tagged the whole masterlist so i can reread everything. guys, please read this fic! it´s amazing! 

32 - Second Chance: Part 6 by @docspencerreid

and another remind to me, bc i need to catch up on a lot of parts of this story. but nevertheless it deserves a spot on here. go check it out and give her some feedback bc this story is great! 

so this was last weeks reading list. i really hope you liked it. don´t forget to leave some love and feedback to the authors. see you all next sunday :) (hopefully)

#aileen´s reading list #week 10 #spread positivity #fandom #love #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #too much talent on this list