Rewatched Contagion, meant to do data coding while I did it. Did … some data coding, but not a ton. No idea how much, because i wasn’t doing it in a linear way. No, that would make sense. But I now have 82 fully coded emails and 542 that have been in some way recorded and, in general, probably one of the more comprehensive datasets of this kind currently going in the world. Now I just need to finish it. And do pivot tables.
Can’t tell if I’m laughing about this or crying because my shoulders shake all the same, but guys, get you a fam like mine.
I did my undergrad in engineering because my grandfather always wanted an engineer in the family and my brother had quit a year before. I didn’t sleep for 4 years, lost my health, and topped my major. I started with the promise from my parents that I could do whatever I wanted afterwards.
My dad, over the years, expressed that he wished I had a science PhD and after innumerable discussions, I conceded. I’m doing it on full ride at a top university. Haven’t slept in 8 months, developed an eating disorder, insomnia, and unbelievable lack in concentration.
Now, when I admitted that I’m not enjoying this and I’m breaking inside over a long time coming, I’m being told that I’m selfish, only thinking about myself rather than thanking them for the beautiful future they’ve set up for me because my life is utterly perfect.
COVID-19 is not a joke, guys. I’m terrified as heck and all my classes, clinical, and residency have been cancelled. I am working extra hours at the hospital and we only have a few cases but it is so scary. No one deserves to die in isolation hooked up to a ventilator and no healthcare professional deserves to have a lack of protective equipment (I wore the same surgical mask for two 12-hour shifts). Please be safe and self-isolate, everyone!
Had a 4-hour video call with internet friends.
now it’s 4:33am
I want fish fingers tomorrow for lunch
and actually start working on my chapter 2
They’ve added 1.5 hour weekly meetings to make up for 3 half days of clinic (3 sessions total). And 1.5-2 hour weekly sessions to make up for 1 half day of CCLS (3-4 sessions). These sessions will prove worthless but we still have to do them, including whatever busy work assignments they decide. Since they don’t want to give us a refund.
Another professor added lab review sessions (2) for our final exam.
Exam Monday and Tuesday.
My mom is sick, but we don’t know if it’s sick or Sick™ yet.
So I need them to stop changing my schedule every few hours so I can have some shape of consistent and control.
When really I just want to curl up and watch the rest of Stranger Things because their problems get solved within a few episodes.
Back on Tumblr for the first time in like an eternity. 💖
- I’m applying for graduation for my Master’s in 2 weeks 😱 I’m SUPPOSED to walk in San Antonio at the end of August; we’ll see how that goes…..
- I’ve been at my new job for just shy of 3 months and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Very very grateful that I held out for a position like this rather than jumping at the first thing offered to me after becoming unemployed last year.
- I was laid off from my part-time job due to COVID-19. I’m thankful for my full time job, but this is going to cause some setbacks in my goals (buying my house, going to France next year). It’s shitty but I’ll deal. 🤷🏼♀️
- Just like probably everyone else, isolation and social distancing has been tough on me. I miss my friends and family, and I think my cat is sick of having me around 24/7; to stave off some of the horrible anexity I’m facing, I took a road trip yesterday - I simply drove around the Twin Cities reminding me of all the good things (and still being safe). Mental health is important, y’all!
I’m happy to be back! I truly hope everyone is staying safe and healthy - if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out!! Now I’m going to be spending the rest of the day catching up on allllllllll the content that I’m behind on. Reblogs HERE I COME.
this is so sick i do not care about getting a pristine A in this class anymore lkdsjhfsdnfsdfjoisdjfkmsdf
This semester I get to study Popular Fiction and that is something I have always been waiting for. We study not only books as a text but also cinema and music. I have had ‘The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency’ since ages but now I am studying it in detail and it is going very good so far.
#JustSold :D #PSYCHOLOGY major stickers :D https://www.redbubble.com/people/fill14sketchboo/works/32743874-psychology-major?p=sticker
March 29th, 2020
It is a beautiful morning here. The progress of Covid-19 is bad, but very much under control and we are using the free afternoons to video call relatives. It is a bittersweet time for my career as I do not have the resources and mental peace when I need them most. I am trying to make the best out of whatever I do have.
Goals for today:
1. Most Important: Remind myself of the beautiful creature I am, and just because the bureaucrats messed up my documentation (its a long story), does not mean I deserve to be broke and feel guilt. I am enough.
2. On the work side: Take it slow, see how things go.
3. Enjoy the Sunday. I deserve a break.
It’s almost midnight and I am still here..sitting on my bed with the night light still on. I feel sad and the world feels too heavy. And I don’t have anyone to see or to talk to. I tried to speak to my father last night. I told him my sister got into graduate school… we ended up in a fight. I am sad. I wish I was loved. It’s funny… being an adult and longing for a life you never even got as a child.
So there are some pretty big storms on top of everything here in Indiana.
I’m getting the feeling we pissed off all the old gods and this is all them syncing up their retribution attacks to the same schedule.
my anxiety is so bad and so high right now. I did a breathing exercise and it helped with my heart rate but not the constant thoughts about how I’m just going to fail and how I’m worried my 2 years of hard work is going to go down the drain. I’m trying to study for my comprehensive exams for my masters degree — which consists of multiple essay questions that we are given 5 hours for per day. they are next week, thursday and friday. i have been looking at the study guide and our syllabuses and i am so damn anxious about doing poorly —- even looking at the questions feels overwhelming each time i do. my classmate said he doubts they would fail anyone considering the circumstances, but i don’t trust that. i have awful test anxiety as well as generalized anxiety, and a ton of imposter syndrome. i don’t want two exams causing me this much stress when i have so much else to focus on. it’s like i cannot focus well enough to study and i cannot focus on anything other than the fact that i am not actively studying because I am so worried. ugh this sucks.
good afternoon!!! it is 1:40 pm here; i’ve been struggling trying to create a useful and inspiring daily routine that makes me feel good amidst all this covid-19 craziness. i’ve been finding it difficult to stave off general anxiety as folks here seem to not be taken public health precautions seriously and we’ve developed a lot of cases very quickly. with that in mind I think either today or tomorrow i’m going to take the time to work on creating a daily schedule for me and Rebecca that works and actively schedules in fun/engaging/creative pursuits. however just for today I am going to
- enter four practicum reflection entries (only managed two because reading my own short hand took years off my life)
review necessary edits for journal submission revisions tidy the kitchen feed my sourdough starter
I am just so tired.