#gravegroves rambles

[gravegroves]

You know what I love? I love that moment in fic where a character fucks up. And I mean fucks. UP! Where the thing that's been building in the shadows, the thing about themselves that they've been warned about but kept ignoring and refuse to work on suddenly rears its head and bites the character in the ass.

That moment where a character says exactly the wrong thing to be hurtful and it's like all the air in the room is suddenly sucked away. That moment where the other character, the one that's been patient finally runs out of that patience and snaps or leaves or just realises that they're done with this person's bullshit.

That moment of Oh. A different Oh than fandom usually talks about. The Oh, shit. I finally went too far and I just realised that it wasn't worth it at all to see how far I could push this person and now I might've lost them for good kind of Oh. It's so painfully cathartic and I love the tightness I get in my chest from it.

And I love it because fic is predictable. Because unless tagged otherwise (insert bugs bunny meme: I wish anyone that doesn't tag unhappy endings a very step on Lego bricks forever) there is a general expectation that things are going to work out. That this character is going to sort out their shit and make everything right again. I live for that stuff. I don't even care if it's cliché. The amount of emotional release I get from a character realising they royally fucked up, doing something about it, then apologising and being forgiven? Mwa! Chefs kiss, 10/10.

#gravegroves rambles #and i bet you guys think i'm talking about Billy #nah brah #the good shit is when Steve fucks up #because it happens so rarely #let SOMEONE apologise to Billy and mean it

[gravegroves]

I get the need to defend something that you enjoy and love and normally I wouldn't bother to say anything, but at this point I have some 30+ asks floating in my inbox asking me to interact with certain anti posts. To share my opinion on why anti person X's opinion on subject Z is garbage or to participate in polls that have added Billy/Harringrove just to fuck with antis.

I haven't really known what to do with them. I try to answer every ask I get, but I think I'm just going to delete them. Some of them are well over a year old at this point. I don't want to reply and put people on blast since most of the asks aren't anonymous, but I just need people to understand that I'm not the person for this. I'm not that guy, my guy.

I've had my fill of answering anon hate. The only thing I ever got from it was the realisation that if I never answer them, all they're doing is screeching at a wall and the mental image of that amuses me.

As a whole, I don't think it benefits anyone in the Harringrove community to interact with antis in any way. Not their posts, not their anon hate (just report them), not their polls. Nothing.

Live your best lives knowing that the antis will scream themselves hoarse for absolutely zero engagement, it's the funniest way to let them know that their opinion doesn't matter in the slightest.

#what do i even tag this #service announcement #gravegroves rambles

[gravegroves]

Hello everyone, I'm back! I'm sorry for my absence and for ignoring every message sent my way. I went in for knee surgery a couple of weeks ago and developed a blood infection that knocked me the fuck out. I don't think I've ever felt so damn awful before, so I haven't even seen the new ST s4 yet! (I walk with a cane now too hahaha)

Over the next week I'll be getting back to people who've written me emails/DM's etc, I promise!

#gravegroves rambles #i almost died #lmao

[gravegroves]

I have this quiet, but persistent headcanon that Billy refuses to be homophobic. Ever.

It's the one part of himself he won't compromise with.

He doesn't know where this stubbornness comes from, if his mom managed to install the tiniest bit of self worth in him, locked it up tight and threw away the key before she left for good or if he did that himself somehow.

But no one has managed. Not even Neil, with all his beatings and hateful bullshit. Billy never ever hates himself for being gay. He hates himself for plenty of other reasons, but never for that.

He doesn't advertise it, sure. He's not fucking stupid. But this silent defiance manifests in many different ways.

Like when he catches Heather and Zoe making out behind the supply shed after hours. Simply taps his nose at Heather's horrified expression and loudly diverts Adam's attention when the guy moves their way to put away the pool noodles.

Or when Tommy nudges him at lunch and repeats the same hushed rumour Billy has been overhearing all week "heard Buckley's a dyke" and Billy, smooth as butter goes "nah, saw her sucking face with a guy behind the diner, she likes them college age" and within another week the rumours are different, but much less fatal.

Or when Billy's in town trying to get cigarettes and he walks past a group of kids calling the Byers kid a fag and Billy doesn't hesitate to scare the living shit out of them, has them them legging it down the street before he moves on without a word, not in the mood to talk to Max's loser friend.

Or when Carl Fucking Tanner calls Billy a pansy for bailing on the party that Friday night and Billy quickly makes him regret it.

Billy isn't a good person.

But that's the one place he won't go.

Because once he leaves this shithole, once he's free from Neil and all the crap that comes with living under his roof, Billy needs one part of himself that he can live with, one part that he didn't betray no matter how bad shit got.

So when Steve asks Billy if he's into guys, Billy answers honestly, unapologetically. Because if this is the thing that's gonna make Steve hate him for real, then Steve was never worth it.

The kiss he gets instead is a surprise, but a good one.

#gravegroves rambles #billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington #headcanons

[gravegroves]

I'm a simple soul. I just wanna ship assholes that are assholes to everyone but their significant other. Gimme Billy looking at Steve like he's the centre of the universe before he puts out his cigarette on the hood of Hopper's truck and wipes the ash off on Dustin's shirt.

#laugh rule #billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington #gravegroves rambles

[gravegroves]

Someone just pointed out to me that my 'thing' is writing Billy interacting with people that no one tends to have him interacting with. Considering that 5/9 of my biggest fic projects are:

•Billy being friends with Ghost Barb

•Billy and Murray being insane while trying to come up with a plan to save Hopper

•Mr Clarke mentoring Billy and helping him get a scholarship

•Billy babysitting Holly Wheeler

•Billy being taken care of by Ms. Henderson (and getting a job with Bob in his records store and Bob didn't die because I said so)

... I hadn't even noticed, but I think they're right.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #gravegroves rambles #holly wheeler

[gravegroves]

I would just love to read a 50k fic about Steve meeting Billy again at 30 in California while on a business trip. Billy's gotten help, has learned to let go, is firmly set on a path of self love and surrounded by a tightknit group of found family that support and love him. Steve on the other hand has grown bitter, having just gone through a nasty break-up, having lost contact with most of the group because of his busy life and obligations and hating the life he let his parents pressure him into in a vulnerable moment of panic about his future.

Steve learning to chill and take every day as it comes and letting go of the need for a luxury lifestyle that hasn't yet managed to make him happy. Becoming his own person by not giving a shit about his parents' expectations and quitting his six figure salary job to 'find himself' (and get himself a boyfriend/Billy). Learning to get past the anxiety of reaching out to reconnect with people he hasn't spoken to in years, like Robin, like Dustin, like Nancy and Jonathan.

Steve guiding Billy through tough times is a Harringrove staple at this point, but I'd love to see one where Steve is the one that gets to heal and pull himself out of the hole his parents dug for him.

#harringrove #gravegroves rambles

[gravegroves]

It's like a switch flips inside Billy's head once he realises Steve's with him for good and Steve doesn't really know how to handle it.

Billy touches more, but he also trips him more, gives him wet willies, pushes him into the pool fully clothed. Shit Steve used to do at thirteen when he and Tommy and the other boys were rough-housing in his back yard. Stuff he doesn't think is typical for couples to do. Not that he knows of, anyway.

But the times Billy is affectionate more than make up for the times when he isn't. Steve can deal with it, even if he doesn't quite understand it.

Billy rubs sun screen onto Steve's back one day, but purposefully leaves a spot uncovered. Steve runs around with a pink spot shaped like a dick on his back for weeks, none the wiser.

"Things are just really good between us, y'know? I keep catching him smiling when he thinks I'm not looking and it just--"

Robin holds up a hand to cut him off. "Oh yeah, no. I'm gonna stop you right there buddy. He's laughing at the dick tan on your back."

And then Steve doesn't talk to Billy for a solid week, because every time Billy tries to apologise he bursts out laughing and Steve slams the door in his face, annoyed and frustrated, not in the mood for immature games. Billy spends the rest of the summer poking at it (one time Steve wakes up to the feeling of a permanent marker on his back and he runs to the mirror to find that the dick now has veins and a smiley face. Billy grins at him widely from the bed while Steve works to douse his anger with the confusion he still feels.)

Steve asks Max about it, but she looks at him like he grew a second head. "Billy isn't playful, Steve."

So he's at a loss.

"Does he do it with anyone else?" Robin asks when Steve finally cracks open about it.

"I don't think so," Steve says slowly, thinking, rubbing the sore spot on his thigh where Billy accidentally kneed him yesterday. "No, It's just me. It's weird."

Robin gives him one of those looks. "Maybe it's his love language," At Steve's blank look she elaborates, "You know, the way he shows affection or whatever."

"But I never did any of that shit with Nancy," The thought of body slamming her into the ground without warning the way Billy's done to him a dozen times makes him feel a little ill. He's pretty sure he would have snapped her in two. "I didn't do that with any of them!"

Robin shrugs, "Maybe that's the point."

Steve watches Billy more closely after that. Watches the way he interacts with Max, with the other kids. With the adults. Even with Robin.

Nothing.

Billy really isn't playful with anyone. Doesn't engage beyond a mild scowl when one of the kids tries to playfully provoke a reaction out of him. Neatly steps aside when Joyce tries to pinch his cheek for running his smartass mouth. Moves with the light shove Robin gives him when he hands her a mug with tits on it that he bought at a yard sale, but doesn't otherwise move to retaliate.

Steve doesn't know what that means. But he wants to find out.

He bumps their shoulders together on the walk from the byers's house to the car parked out on the street and Billy grins, shoves his ice-cold hands up the back of Steve's shirt. Steve squawks and tries to get away, but Billy uses his other arm to hold him in place as they struggle together, laughing breathlessly, probably looking like drunken brawlers to anyone passing them by.

And Steve starts to get it a little, then. As they run out of steam and stand there in the middle of the dark road wrapped up in each other.

Billy's love language is teasing. Poking and prodding and touching Steve in all the ways that won't be looked at twice should they happen in public. Billy's love language is laughing with Steve in ways he doesn't laugh with anyone else. Which makes Steve's chest do weird things when he thinks about it for too long, so he doesn't dwell.

Instead he plans all the ways he can get back at Billy and show him just how much he loves him in return.

The next morning he wakes Billy by drawing a dick right on his forehead. In permanent marker, of course. Downstairs Billy's orange juice has had the whole night to mix with the glob of toothpaste Steve squeezed into it and later in the day Steve is planning to reveal that Billy hasn't hidden his ticklish spots as well as he thinks he has.

It's a start.

#*hand wavey* random thoughts #gravegroves rambles #gravegroves writes #headcanons #harringrove

[gravegroves]

I really like the thought of Steve charming the pants off of Billy. Like, Billy thinks he's so fucking slick, but it's very clear it's an act he usually puts on for show. Steve is charming with very little effort and the image of Billy going red in the face and stammering when his attempts at flirting are met with Steve's own full force charm always puts a smile on my face.

#harringrove #gravegroves rambles

[gravegroves]

I know a lot of people write about Billy's mother in a positive light, but I had a conversation with my mum the other day that made me realise that even though Billy's mother was clearly not at fault for the domestic abuse, leaving your child behind to live in that kind of hell to save your own skin... isn't what a good mother does either.

I really want to read a fic where Billy and Steve adopt a kid and Billy just... realises. That he would jump in front of a train for this child he's held for less than a minute (but waited for for years), more than either of his parents ever really did for him. And maybe his mother reaches out and wants to reconnect and Billy just... isn't having it. He forgives her, but that doesn't mean she gets to be in his life again.

#i'm in a weird mood #gravegroves rambles

[gravegroves]

How do you rate the boys in terms of emotions?

Stoic Billy isn't where it's at for me. If Billy doesn't cry at least 17 times in your long fic I'm probably not going to read it. Billy is hot and cold all at the same time, trying to be cool but so obviously affected that he can barely keep a lid on his shit. He's a fucking mess and it's why we like him.

Steve is difficult for me. Well no, he's not, but there's this weird fan-canon that I see often which casts Steve as this overly emotional, helpless, fainting flower and I don't know where it comes from. Steve hasn't used his tear ducts since he was 6 and a half probably. I can't remember if Steve has ever cried in the series. I think he might have gotten close when he was being fucking tortured by Russians, but those were very obviously tears of pain. He was sad when shit went down with Nancy, but the most we got there was anger or puppydog eyes.

Ironically, despite all that, I honestly think Billy is the more emotionally healthy of the two (not to be confused with mentally healthy, we all know that's a shitfight). It's not healthy to keep your emotions in check at all times and I believe that Billy quickly realises that things gets extra dicey at home if he doesn't let it all out once in a while. Whether that's screaming his heart out along with Metallica while going 80mph on residential streets or finding a nice and secluded spot where he can bawl his fucking eyes out. In my mind Billy went berserk at the Byers house not just because of Neil, but because he hadn't let steam off in a while. He left it too long and the pipe burst (and Steve's face burst with it).

Steve, on the other hand, will keep his issues locked tighter than a bank vault. It's why him and Nancy couldn't be on the same wavelength, because he wanted to forget anything ever happened with the monsters and Nancy wanted to figure shit out. Neither of them were wrong for feeling the way they did, but it was too big of a difference for them to ever work.

Steve seems to have figured out quite quickly that his emotions get him nowhere. He's the stereotypical rich kid with distant parents that probably relied on gifts/money rather than being emotionally present for their child (the same way we don't actually see Steve apologising to Jonathan after their fight, instead he buys him a lens to replace the one he broke or flowers for Nancy to apologise for something he isn't even sure he did).

If Steve and Billy ever got together, it would be Billy that would want to talk and Steve insisting there was no issue to talk about. And then Billy would get angry with Steve for lying... and then he'd probably cry about it. And then Steve would buy him flowers even though he doesn't know what he did wrong.

God, both of these boys need 30 years of therapy already.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #gravegroves rambles #anon ask

[gravegroves]

I will draw Billy with the thickest thighs and the biggest tits and the most L'Oréal'esque mullet you've ever seen and there's nothing you can do about it.

#gravegroves rambles

[gravegroves]

AU where Billy and Heather meet at the hospital and become friends:

Original tweet

#laugh rule #gravegroves rambles

[gravegroves]

Just a casual reminder that if you can find understanding in Billy's actions, can forgive them and build a world of headcanons and fics and art to show how he might go about redeeming himself, you sure as fuck can do the same for Nancy Wheeler.

I know a lot of people are probably just balls deep in stanning Steve Harrington and it feels like she did him dirty (remember how Billy rearranged his face???) and that's why it feels justified to write her as a shallow, uptight bitch. But I'm tired of seeing people disguise misogyny and double standards as 'I just don't like this character'.

You don't have to be a fan of Nancy, but we sure do put a lot of time and energy into portraying Billy as human, do me a favour and try to do that for all the characters, yeah?

#not trying to start a discourse #but holy fuck #gravegroves rambles #saw one too many anti Nancy fics and i'm not here for it

[gravegroves]

Do you prefer Bottom Billy or Top Billy?

I enjoy them either way, but I do have a very big soft spot for bottom Billy. Steve is just so full of potential to become a service top and I really think Billy needs someone to take care of him that way (and then he can praise Steve for being good, because Steve has a praise kink a mile wide no matter what anyone says).

Basically, I look at Billy and think, 'that dude needs a dicking to calm the fuck down'.

But I generally headcanon them as verse, maybe tilted slightly in favour of bottom Billy.

#billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington #gravegroves rambles #anon ask

[gravegroves]

Who falls in love first out of the two, do you think?

I could easily see it I happening either way. But most fics out there depict Billy as being the one falling in love first. So I'd kinda like to explore the opposite, just for fun.

But I feel like that scenario needs distance. Both Billy and Steve need to get out of Hawkins and figure out who they really are when left to their own devices and without parents holding them down.

I'd like to think that they meet at a party, much like the way they did the first time, except this time Billy isn't there to posture, he's relaxed, having a good time and when he notices Steve he nods but let's Steve decide whether he wants to interact or not. He does. And Billy gets to properly apologise, gets to sit in a corner with Steve all night while they catch up and have a real fucking conversation for once. And Steve isn't the guy to fall in love immediately, but he knows himself enough to know that something got kick-started that night on his end.

He could ignore it. Keep his distance and that tiny spark will choke and die without something to feed it.

But they continue to meet up. Coincidentally, they've ended up in apartments only a few streets away from each other (Billy shares with four others and Steve lives alone), so Billy starts inviting him along to surf in the mornings and Steve hates it. Hates getting up before the sun, hates the water, hates the sand. But he does it all because he gets to spend time with Billy when Billy is happiest. Gets to watch Billy excel at something and be smug for the right reasons, but still want to share the joy in it.

And Billy is still kind of a dick. He'll laugh every time Steve takes a dive off the board and comes up looking like a drowned rat, but he's also encouraging, whoops when Steve rides a wave all the way back to shore, goes out of his way to spend time at Steve's because Steve has days where the outside feels too big.

And it's a gradual thing.

Like staring at Billy across a bonfire as he laughs at someone's story, watching the light play across his face and wanting to touch it to see if it burns.

Like feeling privileged when Billy tells him about his mom one night as they recline in Steve's stamp-sized courtyard, sharing a joint between them, about how he found her when he was at his most broken after Hawkins, but she didn't want anything to do with him.

Like knowing Billy chooses not to be bothered by his scars, even if he asks Steve to rub the cream into the hard to reach spots on his back and avoids eye contact all the while.

And then there's the time when Billy is just standing there in Steve's apartment, relaxed and happy and looking like he belongs there and Steve wants to ask him to move in. Kisses him instead. Feels an apology waiting to burst free the second their lips part. But Billy is ready for him and by the time they part there's no apology to make.

Because Steve might fall in love first, but by the time he admits it, Billy has well and truly caught up.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #gravegroves rambles