#great way to start my day tbh

[mattodore]

found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...

i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…

#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down ! #river dipping #i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭 #none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page #which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done? #obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet... #i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭 #like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics? #i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑‍💻 #like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then #i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things #i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭 #like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain. #so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably #said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷 #and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more #i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!! #i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with. #...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just. #sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding. #i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!! #theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together

[fayamn-moonlit]

Can we get a round of applause for that guy? Must be hard to create a Tumblr without knowing how to read.

Also... Dammit like... If you're looking for content you can, you don't have to contact people you obviously don't give a fuck about. Feedees and feeders aren't porn dispensers.

#a great way to start the day #tbh I wondered if I didn't put feeder in my bio #but no it's right there

[theygender]

I may be considering the crime of... Getting a business degree 🤢

#i Like my new job where i get to play in excel all day and i also like having financial security for the first time in my adult life #i was originally thinking about switching my major to sociology bc its another area that im interested in #but my mom may have talked me into considering a business degree as an option since sociology isnt a great fallback option... #the thought of majoring in business makes me gag tbh. but i mean... i DO like data analysis and there IS a masters for data analysis #and the bachelors degree in information systems would teach me new things about computers which might be cool #and they have an international business program that links in advanced study of foreign languages and cultures #and theres even a certificate program for sustainability that includes direct work with grassroots programs #AND all of this is intentionally made to be accessible to people who are already in the work field so i wouldnt need to quit my job... #...all of this plus a sociology minor (or double major if i can pull it off) is starting to look pretty good actually #BUT... can i withstand the pain of spending the next few years in classrooms full of business majors 🤔 #real talk tho i was wanting to use my social work degree to go into policy anyways which could mean government OR corporate #...if i get a business major i could potentially speedrun the process of getting into corporate policy to make a difference that way #and my sociology minor (or major) would still support that #fuckin. trojan horse the companies i guess #i am rotating the idea in my mind with the emotional state of that gif of someone trying kombucha for the first time #rambling

[sweetdreamspootypie]

*scream*

(ventpost)

"you know you're getting a bit old for meeting people if you want kids"

WHO'S FAULT IS THAT?!

Who chose to raise us in the middle of the the fucking woods?!

Who actively deliberately isolated us from our ethnic community because you were embarrassed by how we were failures and your internalized self racism makes you think all brown men as skeevy and you specifically wanted to keep us away from them and put effort into achieving that and cutting us off from all community connection?

Who let me switch to correspondence school and study alone at home because I said I was bored, instead of giving a single solitary fuck about me and noticing I was obviously depressed?

Who raised us abstinence only to the point that any mixing with the 'opposite' sex was unacceptable?

Who actively shut down any attempt I made to develop or act on hobbies or personal interests, because the only think I should be doing is studying?

Do you think that somehow the negative effects of keeping kids at home only allowed to do schoolwork and chores and unable to drive unable to leave the house unable to get a job unable to engage in hobbies unable to engage in community unable to leave the house... somehow the negative effects only apply if you're deliberately doing it for patriarchal cult reasons?

Bitch managed to raise us fully traditional entirely by accident

With a good dash of learned helplessness with constant messaging that were incapable of managing to do anything or survive by ourselves

I've only been out the house for 3 years! And 2 of that was the last year of the degree and the first year of the job being a new grad Covid nurse in peak Covid!

I've only been able to breathe for one year!

I've had one year of freedom and I've been using it to learn how to be human for the first time!

And you've spent that year telling me to break up with everyone I happen to meet!

Don't fucking tell me I'm too old now

You were supposed to help me!

You knew I wanted kids! Why didn't you help me earlier!

You did everything you could to keep me isolated because you were projecting your own trust issues onto me and never stopped to think what effect that might have when you're raising someone!

Why does generational trauma have to be so mundane

#Vent post #Negativity #My posts #My life #Aka I have spent one single evening with my family #Day 1 of a full 30 days #Luckily I'll be with my dad not my mother #The way he doesn't care about me is a lot less sharp for me these days at least #He saves that all for not giving a shit about my sibling #I'm going on a quest to reconnect with my family and heritage #This is a great start #.... She's not wrong tbh #But it's still a sore spot #Haydn's parents bought me supplies for the hobbies I want to try #Ive wanted to do them for 10 years #But I've only just now got the freedom and support to start #I'm a beginner now at everything #But I'm starting. #I'm starting. #Just let me live. #Without making mundane things into stress. #Haydn's mum is so nice. #I know mine is stressed and has a hard life too #But she's miserable for the same reason I am #Right #Flight tomorrow #Gotta sleep #And think morw positive thoughts #My birthday just gone is the best one #Thank you for making me feel loved

[deus-ex-mona]

s. s ave me, meoto…

#n o t me clinging to meoto to retain my sanity bc g o o d l o r d today was the worst #today was truly a very bad; very horrible day indeeeeeeed #man. today truly was a comedic tragedy in every way possible. i’d laugh if i were anyone else tbh #first i couldn’t start my workstation bc we were out of this cleaning acid thing. #t h e n this other branch lab sent over a precise amount of [reagent] that we needed to make the cleaning acid thing #*and* what’s worse was that they also demanded like. 1/5 of the acid we mixed. like bro. make it yourself mans. #but the worst part was when i tried to use a dropper to poke this sediment out of [tube i was supposed to be cleaning] #bUT THEN HALF OF THE DROPPER MELTED BC THAT BUGGER CAN’T HANDLE HIGH TEMPERATURES AAAAAAAAAAAAAA #stupid new droppers man. the old droppers could handle 100 degrees just fine. s o now the tube is clogged with melted plastic and it’s just. #life’s *really* great sometimes yk~~~~? (ʘ‿ʘ) #and so the night shift dude who came to take over the workstation against expectations seemed kinda pissed that i hadn’t started anything #and im just there. with my intestines wriggling about like internal abdominal worms. tryin not to cry in the face of my mistake. #while he’s fumin’ away like a freakin’ chimney or sth. like. man. no one asked you to take this workstation. you came here on your own. :( #anyway i ditched him and left for my break to calm myself down only to be approached by some random terribly lost middle aged to old lady #who was looking for directions to *somewhere* but she only spoke chinese aaaaaaaa #and i can’t read maps/i don’t even live in the area of my workplace so i have no idea if the lady managed to make it safely #but. lol. the lady showed me her message screen when she asked me for directions to her destination #and by pure coincidence the person she was texting is apparently related to someone with the same first name as me #the cons and cons of having common names man. i hope the lady managed to find her friend with the same name as me though lol #anyways. pls hw im begging. pls drop the crossfade for lxl birthday tmr i n e e d more meoto to carry on— #s o b s this is what im living for now ig. meoto………..

[blujayonthewing]

Hi friend! What are your 3 favourite things you've ever made?

GREAT QUESTION I gotta chew on this one...!

I think number one favorite might be my Red Robe; I wish it had pockets, but it's super comfy and I drafted the entire pattern myself

honestly I REALLY love this spiral earring I made for my Caduceus cosplay; I like to just wear it around, the only reason I don't more often is that it's held together with magnets and I'm afraid I'll lose it

third might beeee the cloak of the manta ray? I drafted this pattern completely from scratch AND designed the gold accents myself where you can't see them in the DMG illustration AND the whole outer layer is waterproofed so it sheds water, I'm really proud of it

#THIS WAS A REALLY HARD QUESTION kdjfhkdgfj it's hard to narrow down #not even in a 'everything I make is so great' way but just in a 'I'm really bad at picking Favorites of anything ever' way lmao #two days from now I'm gonna suddenly remember some amazingly dope shit I made in high school or something aahaha #I also have a lot of answers with asterisks like-- the melliwyk art doll I started made(? makes?) me SO happy?? #but I still have never finished her :'D #conversely I've made a couple of sets of armor that-- one of them I'm REALLY proud of but it doesn't look good on me #and then there's my white dragon vex armor made me feel really fucking cool at the time but now I look at it like 😬 #lots of cosplay stuff tbh that I'm like 'at the time this sparked all the joy BUT now I just wanna improve on it' haha #I mean tbh I'd love to make a new cloak of the manta ray with a heavier fabric with a better drape too #god I have GOT to make more stuff I have way too many unfinished projects #or projects I've done Once but I'm like I COULD IMPROVE ON IT! I NEED TO MAKE MORE THINGS!! #anyway thanks for asking <3 #about me #husband #me

[dadbots]

August… time to get spooky.

#dadbots.txt #this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes. #I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh. #idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs. #best way to describe it LOL #been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just. #where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda. #just one of those moments yknow. #it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest - #- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing. #I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it. #I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month - #and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really. #don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often #and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow. #maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year. #not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat #though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all. #won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well. #and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really? #shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year. #I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now. #let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way. #hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽

[chqnified]

I found a use for me having spent 11 years of my life learning Chinese. I can actually understand WayV lyrics

#Youth with you #and that's great. #tbh i also was able to watch without subtitles when they came out. #also yuqi's accent is >>>> #rambles tag #i only say this now because the only wayv song I'd properly listened to for ages was love talk. but the English version lol #and then i remembered they had bops I'd barely listened to so i went and re-listened then was shocked i understood the majority of thelyric #one of my friends said she'd find me even hotter if i did Duolingo. so. uhm. i re-logged into my 7 year old Duolingo account #i basically skipped all units to the very last big unit test in Chinese (think there's 57 levels?) passed first time lol #oh then j did french. passed level 197 (? think it was that. the last one) after the 3rd try. #the pain in the ass thing about the french one is the translations can be translated multiple ways but not all are accepted 🙄 #also idk where tf me àcènts go like wtf. #anyhow. my goal is to finish those last units and get the final trophe 🤩 like yeah i already knew i was fluent but still #i also re-started korean and started greek because at one point i did try to learn greek #and Spanish but. kind of. can't be bothered with Spanish. because it reminds me of being 6 again. and i hate that lmao #i can't believe i tried to learn korean 6 years ago. has it been that long since i gave up lmao #i re-learnt to read <3 i can read just slowly now. #anyhow. idk what I'm talking about anymore #said friend said im peak hot in society now. it worked lmaoo #going to attract everyone with my 2 day Duolingo streak 🤩

[thebeautifulfantastic]

i really want to be one of those beautiful girls who always have impeccable hair and natural-looking makeup but the truth is most days i truly don’t have the desire to put anything more than the bare minimum into my appearances

#i’m pretty simple tbh #i have great fashion taste (and am willing to admit it hehe) and i like to look good so i put care into choosing what clothes to wear #but i never really cared at all about makeup besides lipstick and eyeliner #(my best friend who is one of the most beautiful people i know would always wear black eyeliner and mascara and i just loved the look) #on a good day i accept myself the way i am but other times it’s hard to feel beautiful #i don’t know why but the thought of having to set aside time to do my makeup every day make me cringe a little bit inside #and then i see my little sister and my cousin and so many other girls and i’m like ‘belle you gotta step it up for people to start seeing yo #you differently and as more attractive.’ #i remember when i was Little enough for my mom to do my hair every morning (and i had long hair) she would do all these fancy braids with it #and after a while i’d just… had enough of the fancy hairstyles. no more sitting still while someone braids my hair for me #so i got a shoulder-length haircut and never looked back and i’m FINE with just wearing my hair loose and natural every day now #but it’s quite think & dry & curly so it’s not always that easy #anyway traditional beauty standards SUCK #it shouldn’t be like that but it is. and i think a lot about the notion of ‘femininity’ and especially feminine beauty standards that are pl #placed on hispanic women and wonder just how much of that was passed down to me through my mother #i swear i will get a pixie cut and/or keep my hair short even if it is partially out of spite #belle speaks #this post is sponsored by tiktok LMAO

[astrxealis]

hey guys heyy granblue fantasy has a persona 5 collab event rerun right now please play gbf for gbf and for p5 so true so real

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა gbf ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა p5 ໒꒱ *·˚ #so my best friend. one of them. we tried to get her into p5 around end of 2021 i think or early 2022 #she was going to get into it but it wasn't a priority so she never really did aside from starting a bit #but she's that kinda friend that yk. reciprocates things :] so me lune and her try to be good friends frfr #anyways right so she's the one that got me into persona and the one that lent me p5r so i could play. tysm for that fr LMFAO #BUT YEAH w the p5 event <3 and she actually really did play a bit #that in a span of. Just A Bit. rank 30+ ... she hasn't played in a few days now tho after finishing the p5 event p quickly woa #BUT TBF yeah super busy fr. but tbh idk i really like the way we interact w our interests! means a lot frfr #i almost forgot what this post originally was. sorry for rambling about my personal life (not really sorry LMFAO) #GBF AND P5 SO TRUE !! can ffxiv please have a collab with gbf one day. it happened with ffxi. cmon. #and the guys in charge of gbf.wiki have done xiv references for april fools... hey..... #and a lot of people like gbf and ffxiv both (great taste) #wait there's something else i wna ramble about. fe3h and ffxiv

[molotovmetro]

Nothing will make you feel dumber than the first days of college oh my god

#molotov talks #i had to answer questions and i feel like i just dont have the ability to really comprehend shit in the way thats expected yet #like i know they probably dont expect me to be perfect on THE SECOND DAY but im beating myself up over it #it started off a lot more intense than i expected tbh #and tbf my high school education was far from great ngl #so yeah i feel real dumb rn <3 #it will probably get better though

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Day 121 and I find myself in need of opinions. I've asked my Discord, but asking my friends to make a decision is like asking a cat to play the trombone XD So! Just in case my resident opinion haver doesn't make a decision, the options are below the cut :) Please come have an opinion! I collect them! Like stamps!!!

A) The one closest to what I was envisioning when I decided this piece was going to have a background

B) ...eh

C) Still encompasses what I wanted to have in the background, while also adding a lovelier view of the lake and mountains than A

D) Not really what I wanted to have the background as, but it has the best view of the lake and the forest and the mountains

I may also decide to do away with blend styles on the line art and go with hand-picked colors instead, just because some of those lines are too dark and some are too light and what I have now is the best of the blend styles for making the lines actually, you know, visible. But that's a lot of work on top of the already unfamiliar metric boatload of background art I'm going to be doing, so I may decide to leave it as-is, too. Idk yet, I'm still undecided on that one.

#the great artscapade of 2022 #bobbi's being weird again #art #my art #legend of mana fanart #elazul #princess pearl #calling all opinion-havers #I would like to harvest my opinion crops now plz #also I spent all day playing Echoes of Mana on my iPad (because I refuse to add another mobile game to my phone roster) #(even though I started it there) #and it's kind of fun! you know for a mobile game with gacha elements #but I'm enjoying the story and I got three of my Legend of Mana babies in the gacha :3 #which I think is all of them in the game rn? #male MC female MC and Sierra #male MC is named Shiloh and female MC is named Serafina and I like those names better than the manga names #I don't remember the male MC's manga name tbh #the female MC was named Emu #Serafina is way better imo #and the male MC doesn't have a weird obsession with Questis Trepe! :D #no idea what that was about #the manga was weird y'all #my biggest beef is that the ''level complete!'' music is THE SAME SONG THEY USED IN KHUX #JUST WITH A SLIGHT RIFF DIFFERENCE #WHY #it's the same whistle tune and the same string/drum BAMP! BAMP BAMP!! in the background and it DRIVES ME NUTS #SQUARE Y U DU DIS 2 ME #doot dee doot dee doot dee doo~ doo doot doo~ (BAMP! BAMP BAMP!!!) repeat ad infinitum #why are we reusing KH tracks for a Mana game Square? #explain plz

[itstimeforstarwars]

Maybe it recommended it to you because it saw all the other cultural books that are/can be taken as child raising books?

Very likely, but it sure does recommend a lot of uncomfortably puritan books to someone who checks out books that almost exclusively range from critical of christianity to outright hostile towards christianity. And the almost is only because i also check out a lot of star wars books on hoopla, which in general do not talk about Earth-related religions.

#asks #anonymous #I’ve been reading a lot of communist theory lately bc political science stuff #that and also a lot of climate justice stuff #i almost double majored in political science and environmental science #and the intersection of the two is where my primary interest lies #tbh it probably keeps recommending Christian parenting books cuz most parenting books are Christian parenting books #can’t tell you how many times I’ve started reading what seems like a perfectly science-based book #only for it to be like ‘and make sure your kids get in the habit of praying early!’ #or ‘bringing your children to church is a great way to help them understand the value of community!’ #which like. sure. if you’re into that kinda thing i guess. #idk the prevalence of christianity is already overwhelming in my day to day life it’s annoying to see it in my recommendations as well #the last book i returned was ‘my life as a whore’ what’s not clicking hoopla #lmao

[lastoneout]

Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.

I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.

I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.

#people when the disability is disabling *surprised pikachu face*

[ouchhq]

i had such a shitty dream jfc

#i have no idea why but i had this dream that i was going on a date with my cousins cousin (not related to me) #and idek why him its not like i like him or anything tbh but whatever #and i remember it was for breakfast at this cafe and he sat down at the table and i told him i was gonna go get something and when i #returned he had left #like just taken off… and i knew it was because he actually didnt like me and thought i was ugly and not worth his time #i mean i knew it bc it was my dream lol #and i was sk humiliated but also in my head i was like oh it makes sense i am ugly so i cant blame him #anyways good morning to everyone else too what a great way to start another beautiful day :-)