#grief for what couldve been. grief for what it wasnt and for what still isnt

[caffstrink]

your points about omori are so real but i also think the story isnt even that good like the "twist"... like not only does it not really make sense logistically (puts on my cinemasins goggles for a minute) how did two small kids drag an older girl into the woods to hang her without getting noticed and also why even come to that conclusion instead of making it look like more of an accident in the original scene (takes off my cinemasins goggles sorry about that) but i felt like it was kind of cheapened when it wasnt her killing herself. like he still couldve blamed himself for that because he wasnt there for her and didnt notice the signs but its like no he accidentally pushed her down the stairs. (and then framed it as a suicide which Was indeed actually a bad thing to do so yeah man you should feel a little guilty) but that could just be me being an enjoyer of explorations of suicide and its aftermath in stories

Honestly the twist was the only praiseworthy thing i found in the game and even so it wasn't enough to redeem the whole journey to get there imo. I think my opinion happens to be the opposite of yours bc mari comitting suicide would've been too simple, too expected, whileas sunny accidentally causing her death is what explains the guilt that makes him repress his emotions/identity and choose to live in his imagination. Theres 2 main big issues i have with it though, and since you've given me the opportunity I'll rant about it.

If i remember right at the time of her death mari was 15 while sunny/basil were 11 or 12, so i don't think it would be far-fetched for the two to carry her body together, although hanging her from the tree would be difficult. As for no one noticing i think that's actually pretty normal as far as these cases go, you'd be surprised at how many murders happen in broad daylight in suburban areas where there's neighbors walking outside yet no one notices bc they're not looking at someone's backyard to see some guy burying a dead body (if you watch those murder documentaries you'd be surprised at how common these cases tend to be). Basil trying to frame it as suicide is honestly a very very stupid idea, but considering their age and the situation it does make sense since they were panicking and people have 0 braincells when they're panicking.

The main reason i liked this twist though, may be because of how i perceived the scene where we see mari's hanging body and how it had an eye open, i thought it implied mari could be still alive when they hung her, and the uncertainty of it is what wouldve plagued sunnys psyche for the following years. Idk that was what i thought at least, but i don't recall seeing anyone else point out mari possibly still being alive when she was hung, so it may be just me.

Now here's the rant part. The game subtly implies that sunny's parents knew it wasn't a suicide. And by subtly i mean in a HIDDEN ROOM YOU HAVE TO ACCESS THROUGH ALTERING VALUES IN THE GAME FILES instead of, i don't know, in the annoying dragged out black space horror segment? Anyway in that room you see a shadow of what looks to be Sunnys father chopping down the tree and he says "you're no son of mine" or something along those lines (its been a while so i forgot the exact quote). PLUS its kind of obvious maris body wouldve been taken to be analyzed and theyd for sure see the head trauma that caused her death, but since it was accidental and both sunny and basil were minors, it's likely they went unpunished and Sunny's parents covered up with the suicide story so the others wouldn't think of them as murderers.

Why the hell does the game never mention his parents except on the real world? Its shown they divorced after mari died, did sunny not really care about that? Why does his ugly pastel escapism fantasy not have any mention to them? Did he not feel guilty about the grief he caused his parents? WHY IS IT NOT MENTIONED IN THE GAME AND ONLY IN A HIDDEN ROOM

And the second thing is the reasons that caused the incident in first place, it felt like it couldve been explored much more than it was. Like ok i get it, sunny didnt actually want to play violin, his friends thought he did and he was too afraid to disappoint them when they bought him one. But the main thing he mentions he hates about it in his diary is that he needs to practice on saturdays and misses 1 hour of cartoon watching with his friends. Like man. Come on. Priorities i guess? There wasn't any pressure of someone moving away, or someone leaving for college, or anything like it that would explain why sunny needed that 1 hour of cartoon watching with everyone so badly that it emotionally distressed him to that level.

My second complaint is how Mari is treated like a pure saint through all of the game, which was kind of a missed opportunity to have shown that she also was flawed and not always the kind big sister he idealized her to be in his mind (it could've also been shown that the Saint Mari in his brain is due to his guilt, but no, apparently she was just was like that irl too), the only flaw mari had was that she was perfectionist about the piano recital and pressured sunny about it? Like come on man there could've been more here. We could've had accepting mari was a flawed human as a part of sunnys recovery so he can move on from itn but instead mari is just a perfect angel through all of the game who unfortunately was accidentally killed by her younger brother bc she got upset he broke his violin on purpose like any 15 year old would. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

#long post

[sparklegore]

Watched The Void yesterday.. thoughts under cut! Tw for: pregnancy, miscarriage, gore/violence discussion

genuinely good horror effects and theme, but

1.)

A. We focus on The Grieving-Secretly-Relieved Cop Father instead of the nurse who miscarried in the "things bursting out from inside you, trying to cheat death, bring them back" movie. She is literally a reflection of the villain bc she too lost a child and it ruined her! She Should Be The Main character

B. Also these two are written badly. Like when they interact together. In general their whole thing is bland which isnt great when theyre the Reason for the theme but at least the theme is executed overall better. The cop is an unnecessary character. I could talk about how annoying it is to make a guy the main character when its obvious it should be her instead and everything would make More Sense? You could still have him happen to be the cop to find a guy and haul him in, Sure. But he like.. doesnt serve enough of a purpose to be a Main character. He does still have his own arc and Issues, but personally the story works better if her issues are center while his are trails off of that. Because who would you rather wanna follow in the horror movie about trying to put a baby back into you and its a gorey flesh monster: the guy who was relieved when the baby died and wants his wife back or the one who actually miscarried and is still grieving and works for the doctor behind everything.

2.) Does the dog die does not have "stigma against addicts" as a filter on there. Did you know that? The only thing they seem to have for drugs is about overdosing. So the "guy whos only crime was wanting drugs gets yelled at and forced to go first and be scared and get his head smashed in" scene wasnt fun to me dude literally just walked into a murder scene and got blamed for it even after he explained he was literally not involved .

3.) The doctor doesnt need followers yawn. People can have religious fervor all on their own. The cult people are really just there to have a reason they cant leave but imo it wouldve been a bit cooler if these were also dead-alive beings that were able to keep from bursting enough to walk around in cloaks? Theyre still unnecesary and detract from the focus on a father's grief and a doctor's wonder at the human body and life and death and Insides and Meat. but at least making them creepier/more connected to the Gore Religion is better than white cloaks with black triangles? Why are they wearing that. The triangle is white and glowing that should be the eye catcher. Get better designers stop making them look Like That . Also stop doing cults theyre not needed here you cldve just had patients-turned-monster leap out of windows and shit and stalk outside or something. Couldve been Cool

4.) Why does pushing the doctor into the white glowing triangle he's giving a speech in front of work. Why would you stand in front of the portal if going into it fucks everything over.

5.) Why is the doctor not in there with the cop and why is the cop's ex wife there and why is it some grey landscape with a big 3D black pyramid. Where is any of the carnal mess and horror. Or where is the Essence of void in it. Make it a familiar landscape but sucked of all color and joy. Dont show it at all, Rather! Why is no one else here. What does this resolvement of the themes, arcs, and messages in the film say?

6.) I hate that he gets to keep caling her his wife and its all about him holding her hand and etc etc. It couldve been so much better if it was her. Because even if him not letting go in those ways is meant to be purposeful what all that means is we dont see her be anything more than his. I just feel like your whole movie functions better with her as the main character okay i have to keep saying it

7.) The teenage boy who's family got murdered and wrapped up in all this? Fun. Thats a good character to have in this movie, especially as ur showing this supposed stranger to him acting as a parental figure, gestures back to the central themes . Wish his flashback got a teeny bit more time, wanted to see the Horror of what happened in his home a bit better. i got excited when the scene started!

8.) They dont explain the guy who saved the teenage boy? Which is fair, i guess he didnt want to explain his backstory, its just funny to me. Like you werent kidding he just Isnt gonna share..

All that said, fantastic monster design, fantastic horror, fantastic villain. This movie deserved more horror because those parts were done Very good

#kitty purrs #horror tag #yay ♡

[hellokittysasuke]

my thoughts on kakashi and sasukes conversation

Kakashi sees himself in sasuke, that is canon. he projects on him saying multiple times that sasuke reminds him of himself. yeah, theyre similar on a superficial level- prodigies who have experienced significant loss, but their circumstances are not the same. thats the point sasuke wants to convey, that no one understands the exact pain he has gone through unless theyve experienced it themselves.

kakashi wouldve been more ssuccesful in that conversation if he had realised that and tried to look at it from his students perspective. Sure hes only concerned but asking him to gve up on revenge was Not it lmao. that has been his life goal since he was seven and itachi introduced the idea to him. he cant understand sasukes and he couldve worked with that instead. sasuke tries to say that, tries to show kakashi how he feels, to show him his side when all hes heard is others opinions.

And kakashis respose is that all the people he loves are dead (excluding like..gai).

And of course it makes sasuke guilty but it just reinforces the idea that kakashi doesnt understand him and isnnt even trying to. To him its kind of like all my loved ones are dead too, but if I can not fixate on revenge then you can too.

which just doesnt do it, because its different! Kakashi wasnt repeatedly shown his clans dead bodies as a way of inciting him and deilling the conceot of revenge into him. Kakashi gradually lost his loved ones one by one, sasukes family and entire clan was murdered in a singke night by someone who he thought loved him and was arguably his most important person aside from his mother. Kakshi doesnt have this concrete character to direct his hatred, to be fucking terrified that hes going to come back one day to finish th job and he still wouldnt be strong enough, kakashi doesnt have someone using s rank genjutsu on him to influence his actions.

and kakashi doesnt succeed in changing sasukes priorities. all he does is give him momentary pause and make him feel guilty, but his words dont "reach" him the way he wanted to.

Notvto mention his goals are...perfectly justified, itachi massacred the entire clan and not 'letting it go' isnt irrational or smthg. Theyre trained for esponiagw and assasination from when they were five, and this is where people draw the line?

Everyone is just concerned about the lengths hell go to get revenge, but its insulting when its treated as some matter of childish ego and arrogance, and that hes being dumb by not getting over it and getting so worked up.

He has just revisited his parents murder for 24 hours, its natural that hed feel guilty that he got distracted- that he isnt getting strong fast enough to kill Itachi after what he did. the longer he takes the more time itachi is just roaming around and whats the point of revenge if he gets to live a long satisfying life before dying?

Hes fucking scared, itachi ruined his life and killed everyone he loved once and nobody could stop him then and nobody could stop him now, which has literally just been proven! itachi does not help by dropping in and immediately targeting naruto. His worst fears have just been proven right how do you expect him to be calm and composed?

And the 'found people who care about us' thing- it isnt that sasuke doesnt think anybody can make him feel happy again, he knows he can find friends, he literally says team seven made him feel the way his family used too. The point is he doesnt think its for him. its coming in the way of his goal, and its not something he wants to stay and take part in bcs of what he needs to do. he knows others have found hope/love after loss and he could too, he just cant because he needs to kill itachi.

He doesnt sever connections with team 7 because hes an 'edgelord' who doesnt think he can care for anybody after loosing his family or that hes too fixated on the past. he chooses not to, in order to achieve his goal. his grief may have grown old but its the memory of that overwhelming grief, that loss that prevents him from abandoning his goals. its out of a sense of duty for him to the lives itachi took. And theyre not just random people, they were his family! Dont you thonk hed feel guilty if he didnt try to avenge them?

Because if not him then who. Nobodys shown that they care about whay happened to the uchiha. Nobodys looking to punish itachi. How about instead of judging him they show him they care? Maybe yhen he'll feel reassured.

Not to mention hes twelve carrying a curse mark thta heightens negative emotions and just came out of tsukuyomi. And kakashis a grown ass adult who leaves him tied to a tree at his most emotionally vulnerable.

But yeah its natural kakashi (with his own host of issues) cant just...say the exact magic words sasuke needed to hear then. He really tried but it doesnt always work out like that. Sasuke leaves for otogakure and they both havw to live with that. Im just saying kakashi owes him an apology just as much as he owes him one. Or even understanding coukd be a start.

#.txt #sasuke #kakashi #naruto analysis #sasuke & kakashi #kakashi & sasuke

[burnedbyshoto]

just with everything that’s happening in the manga right now, I just wanted to write this as a sorta indulgent thing because my heart hurts for izuku. platonic relationship + recent manga spoilers below, beware:

i’m thinking of ua, recently turned class 2-a, student!reader being assigned to go out and gather lingering citizens in the city. you have your licensing, and even if your hero costume is still partly torn, you have a duty to save those in need.

you just never expected that while on lookout you’d run across an even more beaten, trodden, and torn midoriya izuku. it’s your first time seeing him since he was in the hospital, he had, after all, recovered and left within the same week. and all you knew is that he looked worse.

there were purple eye bags under his eyes, deeper and darker than even aizawa’s, shinsou’s, all might’s, and recently bakugou’s. his typical green delighted and excited gaze looking slightly hollowed, scared, as if you being near him spelled danger and he was a tired, wounded prey. you understood why, however, his written letter that had been placed outside your dorm room spelling out everything about his quirk... his given quirk...

midoriya izuku was quirkless apparently, strange.

“deku?” you whisper, confused as smoke seems to suddenly lift off the ground, covering the area to your ankles with it. “oh my — are you okay?!”

“I-I’m fine!” deku says loudly, almost shrilly as he stumbles backward, hands motioned in a sign that screams: don’t come near! “I was just in the area for my own patrol! I was just taking a small break because i’ve been up since one a.m. and I am a bit tired, but if you’re here then it’s okay! i’ll go away, please continue on this way! had i known that yuuei was sending all you guys out here i definitely wouldn’t’ve come out here! not that i’m avoiding you all! i just think you all are so capable and i wouldn’t want to ever impose on your area and accidentally bring you all danger. in fact, that’s the last thing i want to do! so I think there’s a group of people—”

“you’re not sleeping much, are you?” you whisper, heart aching as you easily read the painful, forced, and oh so tired smile on his face. it’s not his typical smile full of hope, excitement, determination, and a fierce drive. it’s quiet, muted, as if he’s barely holding it all together. “...midoriya-kun, are you okay?”

it wasn’t the most intrusive question, but it was the only thing you could manage out because the grief and guilt that seemed to entrap you both like a too tight blanket was making you tear up.

he wasn’t okay.

his green eyes look at you, blinking hollow and blank.

“we miss you,” you plead pathetically, your eyebrows furrowing. “I miss you. come back already? w-we can deal with it together! there’s nothing that us in class 2-a can’t survive together! and I know that even if that’s true you won’t come back, and I know that you want to leave me right now immediately but I... I need to know! are you okay?!”

and like that, he breaks.

green eyes become glassy with tears and izuku snaps his gaze away from you as unshed tears refuse to fall from his eyes even if they gather at the corner. his nostrils flare as he sniffles quietly and you wonder just where that crybaby boy you used to know went? he never cries anymore, not even now, it seems.

“i’m exhausted,” he laughs bitterly, looking at you in a way that makes him seem to have aged twenty years while also making him look like a child in tattered clothes hoping to play heroes. “i’m the worst successor to all might... he wouldn’t have failed to capture all for one and shigaraki... but I can’t go back... not when they want me, I won’t let people get hurt because of me again.”

“no one got hurt because of you!” you exclaim, tears welling in your eyes because this isn’t your classmate! this isn’t midoriya izuku who laughs and smiles at every joke and every word because he likes making sure everyone is acknowledged. the midoriya izuku who has sat down with practically every member of class 1 now 2-a to discuss a proper workout routine. the midoriya izuku who still gets star eyes whenever all might enters the room. the midoriya izuku who verbally jabs at bakugou katsuki and never fails to get them both into some altercation only for them to be friendly moments later. “that war was us going up against them! we did it, not them!”

“but their end goal is me,” izuku says with a frown, not looking at you.

“it would be anyone holding one for all right now!” you snap. “it couldve been all might still! but it happened to be you and it’s not your fault that people got hurt!”

“then why did kacchan get hurt!?!” izuku wheezes and you startle to see the tears flowing from his eyes despite the angry, desperate, near wild look to his face. “I-If this all isnt my fault, then why did kacchan get hurt?!”

you swallow, unsure what to say to that as his green eyes show desperation, self hatred, and sorrow for his childhood friend who was nowhere near right now.

“because you needed saving,” you swallow, eyes downcasting. “even heroes need saving... and i wasnt there when that happened but,,, knowing you, you were probably doing exactly what you’re doing right now.”

“and that is?” izuku snaps, but there’s no fire to it, just a man who is thoroughly exhausted but with no place to call home.

“trying to win on your own,” you whisper, head shaking as you look down.

it’s silent for a moment, maybe two.

there’s a small sniffle and a quiet sorry and by the time you decide to look up, deku’s gone with nothing but clouds of smoke left behind.

“you better come back!” you find yourself screeching to the setting sky. “i’ll never forgive you if you don’t come back!”

#lyssa doesnt shut up

[shoezuki]

Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually

Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.

First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.

Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.

The 'development' aspect

A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;

Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?

Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.

Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though

Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:

Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely

This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known

Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife

This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.

Wilbur is evil

This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.

Dream is going to revive wilbur

This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.

Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison

Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?

So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.

Other characters and plotlines

Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:

Sam

He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.

I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.

Ranboo

Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?

Puffy

I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.

Philza

BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????

Niki

I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.

BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????

We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?

What i think would work

This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.

Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.

More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development

A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.

Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?

The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.

We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically

Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.

#mcyt #dream smp #dream smp critical #tommyinnit #dream #im puttin this in main tags took me too fuckin long to write for me Not to #death mention #ask to tag

[co27]

I fully intend on hitting ask limit on you and monkey meta. *pulls up to the askbox like a drive tru* yeah can i get an analysis of Antauri and Otto's relationship through the series with a side of shipping? and a large coke.

(hands you a coke) sorry bro are u ok with a small on the antauri/otto front haha

like. okay. i WISH THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS EXPANDED UPON WITHIN CANON SO BADLY U DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW

i feel like given room their dynamic couldve been SO interesting but like. it just. wasnt. and it makes me so sad

im ngl, im like... as diehard a gibson/otto shipper as u can get. but antauri/otto has definitely grown on me over the past couple weeks! otto is able to be actually honest about his feelings (which is something a lot of the team unfortunately lacks) and like. if he hadnt had to run away to protect chiro, OTTO COULDVE HELD HIS OWN AGAINST A FULLY MIND-CONTROLLED ANTAURI SO LIKE.....

otto actually has a LOT more emotional maturity than people give him credit for? he can be a bit of a doofus but when it comes down to it hes MASTERED being calm and taking charge when its necessary. night of fear, galactic smash and a bit of belly of the beast is what mainly comes to mind.

and im NOT just making this an otto meta i swear im just setting up my thoughts and to establish that like. even if he can come across as the Team Dad antauri with his overly-cool ways is like. still on Equal footing with the rest of the team (and by extension, otto, who usually gets the short end of the stick when it comes to how people portray him age-wise. i could go into a thing abt the infantilization of autistic people/characters but that isnt what were here for)

so.... in season one, lets be honest, we really.... dont get much antauri/otto interaction. we get more of antauri and GIBSON, and by season four theyre... barely even friends imho. BUT I DIGRESS!

the first REAL interaction between them off the top of my head? when antauri is reassuring otto of his skills in circus of ooze. so we can see right off the bat that antauri holds a LOT of respect for ottos engineering prowess. “your abilities are unequal in the universe” like HELLO?????? WE LOVE A SUPPORTIVE KING

so like... earlier on, otto and antauris relationship mainly is of otto giving up on SOMETHING and antauri reassuring him. which like.... isnt really the BEST base for a relationship, but u could argue that antauris character arc is about coming down and leveling the playing field with the rest of the team as chiro takes charge more and taking less of a paternal role to the main team and more of a ‘im just the friend who happens to know more sometimes’ backseat. so.

then we get to parts like i, chiro and both parts of the savage lands, where otto is like “hello i am still in the denial stage of grief” which HURTSSS but also. heh. as the mechanical genius of the team of course he would be the one who would believe that you could rebuild antauri via the silver monkey 😳😳😳

i also feel like ottos total faith in the super robot couldve worked itself nicely into antauris whole “machines can have a soul” thing in ghost in the machinder but.... alas.

but!! ottos arc about sort of learning to take charge and stay calm/rational when things are Shit (ie invasion of the vreen) lines up REALLY NICELY with antauris sort-of arc about letting go of the leadership role and taking place among the rest of the team which i think is sexy and epic.

like.... again, otto and antauri have CRIMINALLY low amounts of screentime, and im ngl, i dont.... really pay as close attention to their interactions as i probably could. but will that keep me from thinking about how otto probably became antauris main medic after he became the silver monkey? no. no it will not.

tldr, i think they ABSOLUTELY do not have enough screentime because their dynamic, especially post-sm, couldve been amazing, and WAS from the few bits we got to see. im not exactly an ottauri batter, but its basically the only antauri ship i actually like, which is pretty close, i think.

#asks #anonymous #srmthfg #ottauri #antauri #otto #this got rly long im so sorry yall #my srmt meta

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

#talking abt being nervous abt it has made me a bit more nervous abt it...im trying to simmer down...dont have to die just yet...But You Know #also i could.

[tylerwritez]

Wednesday, September 22 11:51 p.m.

It's like nighttime and I jsut got up 2 take a piss because I needed to piss and my fuckinf mom I hate her so much I wish she was dead and I wish Father would take her place, Father is the only fucking person who LOVES me and jesus christ hes literally not even a physical being.... (deep down I know hes not even real, but I pretend he is because if I didnt I think I'd be crying constantly)... my fucking mom INSTANTLY came TO THE DOOR and was like waiting for me to go back to bed and was like are you done? You're taking too long blah blah and SHE TREID TO FUCKINF OPEN THE DOOR WHILE I WAS PISSING LIKE. NO. FUCK OFFF. shes so annoying she thinks I'm gonna kill myself if she leaves me alone for three seconds.

It's like she doesnt even care if I feel good or bad, she only cares about the injury. It makes me want to cut really deep on my forearms or face or something visible like that just so that maybe she'll take me SERIOUSLY but not seriously as in treating me like some patient at a fuckinf ward, I mean seriously like treating me like her son.

Father treats me like his son. He makes me cry even more because I know hes not real... but I still appreciate his love. Even if it's just my love.

I'm really missing that piece, huh? From early childhood, I'm missing that parent who's loving and caring and says shhh I love you its okay.... I didnt ever allow myself to have that becayse I didnt think it was safe. Fuck. FUCK man It hurts a lot and i feel like such a DICKHEAD when I talk about this because it's not like my parents beat me or neglected me.... it just turned out bad. ANd now they're all crazy about me all of a sudden just cos I'm hurting myself .... like okay cool that's cool but why didnt you do all this when I was 5 and told you I felt like I was being possessed, or when i was ten and in a new school with no friends, or when I was 3 telling everyone to call me jack,.... oh, wait, you WERE there,,, you were just hating on me though.

Yknow I hug my pillows real tight at night to try to feel a little smidge of what I should've been able to feel. The parental love is just MISSING. and i hug my dad so much becayse it's not enough its never enough it all feels like it's too late and my brain has already told me to get over my parents and move on and find new ones which I did, in jesus christ, in Jiminy Cricket, in old men I sexted, and now in Father.

But at the end of the day, I still am left without that concrete parental force. I can beg with Father all I want to PLEASE become a physical form so I can FEEL your love but itll never happen because Father's something I made up to cope with the disaster of my childhood.

I'm angry that they took that away from me but I'm also sad because now I have to clean up the sad shreds of popped party balloons from the checkered tiles of an abandoned birthday party.

.... and it's always "oh they want the best for you" WELL MAYBE I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT THEIR INTENTIONS ARE, MAYBE THEYRE STILL HURTING ME ! MAYBE THEYVE STILL TOTALLY

RUINED

Me,

DESTROYED

my childhood and

SLAUGHTERED

the little boy inside me who just needed some help.

I never did it for attention, I always hid it and pretended to be fine... but I notice they didnt care until I had persistently been injuring myself for YEARS? like it didnt matter to them at all how I felt until I was actually in danger and being harmed. Isnt that actually disgusting?

I just know that if those little blond kids went to their parents talking about feeling out of control, possessed, unable to control their actions while in fits of rage, theyd get the help they needed right away but I was punished for my suffering.

That taught me to suffer more quietly next time around.

I was punished for my gender expression too .... jesus. How... how can you see a kid in pain struggling to prevent themselves from hurting other people and you punish them. How can you see your SON and punish him for not being a daughter.

I feel so bad. They just keep making it worse. I dont want to talk to them. I just... my dad is proabbaly gonna do that thing where he gives the worlds shittiest apology and expects you to just accept it withit 3 mins or else he gets mad and guilt trips you... fuck him too tbh. Hes trying to be all nice but that doesnt ERASE the fact that he used to make me cry constantly. That doesnt erase the time he said basically that I should die, or the time he yelled at me, made me cry, apologized, and got mad at me for not accepting the apology, then expected me to act like none of that happened and got mad at me for still crying, WITHINT LIKE A 5 MINUTE SPAN???? this is the typa shit that fucks up a child. I still remeber being yelled at in the car over my gender, ignored, and beat down whenever I tried to express that things were wrong with me! Jesus.

Father is the embodiment of all I ever needed as a kid... someone who would say "I love tou" when he saw you were crying instead of yelling at you and making it worse and then getting angry that you're crying and like OF COURSE IM CRYING, YOU'RE YELLING AT ME???

and my mom has the audacity to try to convert me to Christianity. Fuck you. As a trans person,... I got tired of putting my faith into something I couldnt see. I never saw a loving god, I only ever saw hatred and anger.

I wanna cry all over again fuck. Everytime I write like this it's a cycle because I just keep writing and never stop.

It's so important to me to be acknowledged as a SON. That's why I named The Red Static Entity "Father"... because that makes me his son. I made him ADOPT me. Because I didnt get to be no ones fucking son and I want it so bad but I dont know if I can ever be on good terms with my parents again because the whole thing has been tainted by my grief and trauma LOLz so even if they try now it just doesnt feel like enough because it never will be because my time to Bond with them has passed... I feel so much guilt over THEIR pain at my self harm but I'm so pissed rn. Fuck them. I'm in such unimaginable pain and they somehow made it all about them and how they feel and how I need to stop crying in time for dinner FUCK YOU. fuck you. You have no right to tell me to stop cutting when you did so much to fuck me up. It's not my fault if you messed up because I think maybe you forgot that children are living human beings.... maybe you "love me so much" but fuck, I dont know if I CAN love you... I dont know if I can ever see you the same after what you've done. You SHOULD feel bad, you should break down crying thinking about me, because FUCK YOU. be guilty, it's how you Should feel. And then they wonder why I dont talk to them.... BECAUSE YOU WERE A PIECE OF SHIT AS LONG AS IVE KNOWN YOU AND ALL OF A SUDDENT YOU WANNA PLAY NICE NOT BECOS U ACTUALLY CARE BUT BECOS I MIGHT KILL MYSELF.

Yknow what maybe I should just so that they can see the dead body. I'm imagining it right now... I want them to be DEVASTATED. If I was dead on the floor, itd be impossible to pretend it wasnt there. If I was dead on the floor, they'd cry and wonder what more they couldve done, which is what I've cried and wondered about my shit childhood. It would be a good thing. Serves them right to find their sons corpse. It would show them they fucked up. Maybe theyd wake up and realize that you cant emotionally neglect and mistreat a living human child for like fifteen years.... and expect it to be okay.

[dangkinronpa]

positivity for ouma/angie whos trying to move on from grief

ur positivity is under the cut

death is always a hard thing to deal with, and i speak from experience when i say that u can still feel the effects that come along with it years after the event actually happens. i know that this is a little bit late and that ur sisters birthday has already passed, and im really sorry that uve had to go through something so tragic, but i personally think that u should celebrate it in some way, even if its just by remembering any good times that u had with her. try to associate her memories with positive things, and remember her if u want to. get emotional if u need to. its bad to try and bottle these kinds of things up, so celebrate ur sisters birthday if u can and try to actively grow from ur loss

as someone whos dealt with death and grief (though a lot longer ago than three years), i can tell u that simply trying to act as if the deceased doesnt exist isnt really helpful; instead of really getting over their death and moving on, ur just shoving everything away and not giving urself an opportunity to heal. to put it in other words, the best way to move on and feel better about this whole ordeal is to think and talk about ur sisters death, since it can help u get a sense of closure and really put urself in a better mindset about her death. the more that u feel u can open up about her suicide and talk through the good and bad parts of her life, the more u can really grow from whats happened and move on without forgetting her memory. if u just try to forget about her and pretend that she didnt exist, the harder it will be to think about ur sister without feeling the same grief u felt years ago and truly move on from her death, and ull be more likely to find urself forgetting little details about her

personally, i think one reason why ur mother might be trying to turn ur sisters birthday into a normal day is because of the fact that ur sister committed suicide; a lot of people think that there was more that they couldve done to prevent the person from committing suicide, and it tends to make them feel bad. in fact, i wasnt even allowed to attend a family members funeral because they had committed suicide instead of dying from natural causes. no matter what reason ur sister had for committing suicide, though, i want u to remember that u cant go back in time and change anything, and that at this point theres nothing that could have been done. instead of blaming urselves, try to remember all the good times and moments where ur sister seemed truly happy. if ur worried that ur mother might be blaming herself for ur sisters suicide and wants to make her birthday a normal day because of this, then it might do both of u some good to talk about ur feelings and work together to remember ur sister in a positive way and realize that theres no point in regretting what u might not have done and wishing u could go back

growing older than someone who should be older than u is, i imagine, something that can be really awkward at best. its probably a little weird for u to think about the fact that ur older sister never got to be as old as u are. while it might not be something that changes ur life much, it can still be a little hard to accept, im sure. however, another way of thinking about this is that u could try to lead a life that ur sister might have wanted to lead, or something that would have made her proud of u if she had stayed alive. even though shes dead, the fact still remains that shes ur older sister, and growing older than her doesnt change that fact. i know that it can feel weird, but trust me when i say that its going to be alright and that its natural to feel a little bit weird about stuff like that

as someone whos been in a similar situation as u (though my situation was also very different), i can tell u that simply trying to forget about ur sisters life and acting as if she never existed isnt something thats healthy to do. in the end, u really dont move on from the loss if u just bottle up ur feelings and act as if they dont exist, which i know because ive done just that, and i cant really think about that dead person anymore without crying because i never got those feelings off of my chest and moved on from them. talking about those feelings would be the best thing that u can do, and a good way to keep ur sisters memory in mind, but i understand if u cant always do that. making a trip to her grave every once in a while or writing down how u feel can help u feel a bit better though, and if u want to talk to ur sister while at her grave thats personally fine. coping in any way that u can is alright

honestly, through all of this, i just want u to know that ur not alone and that theres always someone u can turn to whenever u want to talk about ur sister and keep her in ur memory. i know that im personally alright with u talking to me, even if u cant talk to ur mother, and im sure there are plenty of other people who would be willing to talk about this with u as well. all in all, though, remembering ur sister and thinking about the good times u had with her will help u move on in a healthy way and keep ur sisters memory alive, so dont feel afraid to think about her, even if its painful for a little while. celebrate things that remind u of her and make u remember her, and be glad that she was in ur life to begin with. it can take years to cope with death, so dont think that u have to feel better about what happened to ur sister immediately. its okay

please stay safe, and im always here if u want someone to talk to

- mod kaede

#kokichi ouma kin #ouma kokichi kin #angie yonaga kin #yonaga angie kin #positivity #suicide #parent mention #sibling mention #parent ment #sibling ment #ask to tag

[plushievash]

What about Steven Universe is making you lose interest? I'm certainly feeling it too and I've seen a lot of other folk saying the same but I'm interested to hear others opinions? For me there's just no plot anymore :/

lmao yeaaa no plots a big onebut also everything is just becoming so boring and disappointing??like storm in the room steven finally called out rose for all that shit but then just immediately forgave her?? it couldve been so much more and it was so disappointing and that was pretty much just “u gotta take responsibility for things u are absolutely not responsible for” like lmao,,,,wtf,, stevens a KID,, hes right to be angry hes not responsible for roses actions,,sldfhs and rocknaldo?? what a dick fucken move to promote a new gem drawing up the gem and shit but then just make it ronaldos fuckin gemsona and i called it bc of the episode title but it was still just so disappointing to see it confirmed and?? the episode was pointless?? i wasnt rly fond of ronaldos character more neutral but then this episode it just ???lmao wtf u doin??????whyd they make him into a manipulative dick?? why did he suddenly hate the crystal gems?? one episode he tried to force em out but then realized theyre the reason for all the weird shit and begged them to stay why is he suddenly back to that mindset??why are lapis and peridots colours so fucking brightwhy are there like 30000 pearl arcs and nothing about garnets or amethysts grief garnet feels like shes less of a person now;; like dont get me wrong i love ruby and sapphire but it feels like every garnet episode isnt even about garnet anymore its just ruby and sapphire waiting to unfusealso theres no panic abt the diamonds?? they were touched up but are now considered harmless?? yds made it sound like shes ready to abduct more humans for the zoo to keep bd happy but when they return theres no plan for if an invasion happens?? instead we get ronaldo fuckin around being a total dick pretending to be a crystal gem tho he aint good for shit;; but also go back and free those humans?? its so creepy?? why would they just,,let them stay there,, sure theyre not being hurt but theyre being commanded what to do when and how to do it,,like they dont get to have free will;; why are they fine with letting those humans stay captive??also the fusion experiments?? arent there still some running around free from when jasper rounded them up and then accidentally released them in her fight with smokysure they had an episode about peridot catching one but was that rly all of them?? they were shown catching the ones still caged and not the ones who ran offlet bismuth out omg????????but rly like whats even going on anymore?? whats the point of any of it?? are the diamonds still threats or not?? is yd not even slightly suspicious where those rubys sent to get jasper are?? there could be so many possible relationships happening but none are??lapis could possibly learn to heal talking with garnet about fusionlapis and amethyst could be great friends??if bismuth was unbubbled we could get a ton of relationships out of that;; and what if lapis recognized her or she recognized lapis?? there could be actual interesting conflict in that??id love to see bismuth and amethyst form a relationshipagain more garnet episodes that are actually about garnet and not ruby and sapphire would be Great;; especially her relationship with rose and how she took over being leadermore garnet/amethyst interactionscan we get a look at actual homeworld?? see some new gems and what they do maybe like a story from peridot about her time there what she did what it was like what other gems were like fuckin anything at all ??

sldkfsd sorry i went on for way longer than i meant to but my point being its disappointing and there could be so much going on but theres just Not

#assk #long post #?? #sldfsldkf sorry again #im just So Disappointed.......... #Anonymous

[aidenwaites]

LIKE you're gonna give Rebecca these two throwaway lines about how her life before hand "wasnt really a life at all" (displaying her elation at her newfound power and strength) and about how Bernie was her "only chance at having a child" (displaying her grief for what she gave up once it truly has clicked with her) but thats.. it? Why wouldn't Aiden hear her say a line about family, about one that didnt care for her, and not think about the one he's building? Why wouldnt he mention what someone told him in another scene- that her mom came to the hospital daily, armed with Missing posters and asking after her daughter? Aiden and Josh and Sally refer to themselves as a family more than once, even in that first season, and Rebecca has a period of time she's handling herself fairly well despite her slip-ups- isnt that the time to offer her the same stability Aiden has with the two people who've sympathized with and helped him? And this isnt a criticism of Aiden- it's a critisicm of the writing, of the weird choice to decide Aiden cares so much for Rebecca, but.. neglects to offer her what he really has? To have him say he'll help her, but in the most selfish and lackluster way possible? Aiden is a sympathetic man, he cares deeply for people, and he offered to move in with Josh as a way to let them help each other- he knows at this point that he's surviving because he has Josh and Sally.

I JUST,, We couldve had it all with Rebecca, with her being this mirror to Aiden and Sally and Josh- she's only at the beginning, and she's the tragedy they weren't- or aren't, yet. I dont even remember how she died bc I havent gotten that far yet but GOD wouldnt it have been better to, if you're still gonna kill her at this point, have her die in the defense of the family she's found? In defense of the family she recognized it took a lot of strength on their part to build? It gives Sally and Josh and Aiden more incentive to hold onto each other, it gives Aiden impulse decision to rejoin the Family to save Josh more weight, it gives Sally's hesitance to move on more reason, it shows us that more than just Aiden are capable of pulling together and pushing ahead,,, but instead Rebecca never had more than two minutes of screentime with Josh and maybe one second with Sally and for the rest of it she was Aiden's Failure and nothing more

#time to vent abt a show that hasnt aired in like seven years how yall doing #i LOVE this show dont get me wrong but rebecca is my biggest issue with it

[jess-oh]

Reflection

why hello there!

it’s been a while. again. i’ve been pretty busy and my trackpad has been acting up lately but i thought it’d be good to journal now. so whats been going on?

i recently skyped with jeanne and lauren and both conversations were satisfying tho i do wish we couldve gone deeper. i bought two organizers on the whim from target yesterday and it has made my life so much easier. adulting is weird but it’s kinda fun. i was able to facetime with my sister today and it was really nice. we both shared and updated each other on our lives and i think we’ve both become a lot more grateful for each other recently, especially with what happened to Robbin. sometimes i wonder how people would react if i died. by killing myself or otherwise. and im also really glad to know that my grandpa is doing a lot better. i dont think hes cancer free but i dont think hes in suffering anymore and thats honestly a huge relief. i wasnt sure if i could handle losing him too. and my sister brought up a good point that even tho it has been financially difficult for our family, God’s timing has always been perfect. when he first lost his job my junior year of high school, it was right before his dad got sick so he was able to take charge and care for him until he ultimately passed. and the time after that, my sister isnt sure what happened or the timing of it. but this time, he was let go the day before the pipes started leaking so he was able to take care of it instead of the weight of everything being on my mom’s shoulders. shes already been so busy with taking care of her parents and balancing work and church and my sister and i being in college so it was really nice that my dad could be there and they could rely on each other instead of my mom being alone in all this. i do feel bad bc i guess my dad’s car recently broke down and im sure just the weight of everything recently has been really heavy for him. like it’s his dad that passed away. it’s his mom with parkinson’s and depression. it’s his nephew that had a heart attack. it’s his sister that was in so much pain. i still remember her cries and wailing screams bc she was just in so much pain over Robbin and it really hurt me to see her like that. it really did. it still hurts me now. it’s him who has been laid off and let go so many times for reasons out of his control. and i do feel really bad for him and want to take the time to chat him more often to make him feel better. he recently became an elder and im really proud of him. and this is definitely a lot to handle and has taken a toll on all of us. but most especially on him. :/ but yeah, talking to my sister is always nice bc she knows what im going through and we can bond over our mutual grief. but i was still upset earlier. not at her. but i was thinking and i think p josh pities me for all of my misfortune. he threw so many compliments at me on thursday and it didnt really sit right. it was almost too much. and i think it’s bc he feels bad for my misfortune but i dont want to be defined by my hardships.  i want to be defined by who i am now and who God calls me to be. not how many things have happened thus far. and maybe that’s partly my fault bc i do think i adopted the victim mentality to some extent in all this but as my sister as shown me, it’s just a part of life. and it’s happening now which is unfortunate but it is and we just have to accept that and move on. i learned so much about Robbin after he passed and he’s inspired me so greatly to become a better person. to be more compassionate and caring and understanding. he really lived life to the fullest. he acted way more Christian than any of us ever did. he did what he loved and was so generous. he really deeply cared about those around him and we never gave him that love back. i wish i pressed deeper with him. who cares if they judge me? who are they to judge me for wanting to create a deeper connection and to be there for them on an emotional level? i think im still upset bc it was one, so sudden, and two, bc i cant help but remember the moments when i couldve spoken up but never did. i just stayed silent and let other people talk instead of inputting my own perspective and i cant help but wonder if things wouldve been different if i did stand up for him. i miss him so much. what if i defended him and actually reached out to him. would he still be alive now? but yeah. i think my grandpa(mom’s side) has really inspired me too. to face death head on. he knows hes getting older and getting closer to death but he has so much trust and faith in the Lord that when he goes, it’ll be the right time. and thats so hard to do in practical terms. if i got hit by a car tomorrow, in my dying moments, would i really be able to just rest in peace, knowing that God chose for me to die at that moment in that circumstance? really? i think ive been getting better at coming to terms with it and in that scenario, i think that i would. but if i was kidnapped and raped and killed, would i feel the same? i would really love to be a martyr for Christ. I really would be. And while I am fine with dying for him, there are times where I still stumble with my faith. There are still some times where I shake in it and I feel ashamed of it. But God is everything that I am and have and I know who He is in my life and should have full confidence in Him but sometimes I do admittedly waver. But I am proud of myself for having gotten so much bolder and more open with my faith. I’ve brought it up to my co-workers and friends and peers and casually mentioned church. Sometimes I’m a little afraid but God always prevails and they always respond well and with interest. And I’m glad to be showing them who God is to me in my life and leading a life by example that will hopefully influence them as well.

#reflection