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#grief was like hello again
torments-my-obelisk · 9 months
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DSOD is such a funny movie. Kaiba comes on screen in his giant fucking space station molded into his company logo and I just laughed. He’s so dramatic. He misses his rival and is so obsessed with getting some closure for once in his goddamn life that he spent well over a billion dollars to excavate a cursed puzzle and build a space elevator to the afterlife but the minute anyone says anything about ‘hey maybe that’s a little unhealthy’ he’s snapping and snarling and telling them to fuck off. Except the cube guy. He’s has a duel disk and is also full of unprocessed grief so he can stay. Yugi Moto looks them dead in the eye and says “first of all, I’m only here because you both blackmailed me. Secondly, fuck you both for that, by the way. Thirdly, I’m gonna kick your ass”. Card games ensue, meanwhile Yugi tries his absolute best to show Kaiba the pharaoh is gone and maybe he needs to spend some time reflecting on his emotions and yes the invitation is still open to talk about Him BUT THEN THE NARRATIVE PROVED KAIBA RIGHT?!! AND THE PHARAOH COMES BACK AND YUGI HAS TO LOOK KAIBA IN THE EYE AND TELL HIM THAT HES SORRY FOR DOUBTING HIM?? WHAT. What Kaiba takes from all this is that a) his horrid coping mechanisms work after all, b) if he just fucks around enough and spends all his money he really can be king of the world and c) the best option is definitely to finish that space elevator and fucking. Go to the afterlife I guess. To duel his “hated rival” or whatever. Fuck off
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juriyuna · 10 months
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suddencolds · 2 months
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#not snz and not a vent... just passive musing#had a dream two nights ago where someone who i used to know (and love a little) wished me goodbye with a#kiss to the hand before i flew away from them forever on a magic chair#which is very stud//io g//hi//bli-esque and frankly very unserious but#the feeling of grief i felt saying goodbye to a friendship which i had once held so close to me - and which i know can probably never#be as close as it was at that point in my life - stuck with me for a long time even after i woke up#it's been something i've been thinking about for awhile... but the dream felt like such a concrete and painful severance#i think that like a childish part of me wants to hold the people i'm close to at#the same distance and trust that they will stay there forever#but logically i know it's natural that the people i met under certain circumstances might drift apart once those circumstances change#for one or both of us... i guess friendship really is just a lucky convergence at one point in time where everything aligns#like i know this and i have known this for awhile but god does it hurt#especially those kinds of goodbyes that feel so gradual... not like a clear severing of ties but just a gradual disappearance#i think i probably have to not feel so hung up over what i used to have. and for the most part i am not; life goes on#but for those people?#i sometimes just miss them#there's a special kind of hurt knowing that i could reach out to them and say hello and that they would probably respond but that it might#never be quite the same again
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narryffdreaming · 5 days
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danothan · 10 months
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i keep wondering why my schedule has been so wonky lately as if i didn’t quite literally get into a car crash less than a week ago
#danbles#car accident mention#hello from 5 in the morning#we’re fine everyone’s fine the other person’s insurance is allegedly going to pay for it#but i think it was my first real look at death so i’m still trying to process it#weird guilt feelings for smth that wasn’t even my fault#grief is a weird thing to process i’ve found out!#i’m not used to being angry yet it keeps coming back#it’s very hard for me to care abt things rn#but ik it’s just one of those things i have to ride out. i’ve certainly been thru worse#and the fact that i can confide in my interests is a good sign that i still care at all. and i will care again#i’m rly lucky that i’ve had my sibling to talk to abt this but that’s also bc they were there#and got it worse than me! nothing hospitalizing thank god but we’re still healing#anyway i don’t need sympathy. talking abt this with anyone other than my sib has been rly irritating (is currently in an irritable state)#but i think i just wanted to let ppl know that i’m going thru smth. idk how that helps but it does#i think i just cant reconcile with the idea that i couldve lost someone i care deeply abt and everyone else is just moving on#ah fuck that’s what it is. im angry abt how insignificant a lifechanging event actually is#i don’t want anyone to care but i do think i need someone to know that it’s not normal rn#like i just need to throw it out there into the void that smth Has happened#and then i can go back to a new normal#alright it’s 5:30am now i think i should go to bed fr#also this got rly heavy but i dont wanna freak my friends out. like i’m okay and i’ll be okay#each day has gotten easier so far#and it doesn’t mean i’ve been pretending to be happy#it’s a rly weird duality idk how to explain#like apprently i was laughing a lot during the actual crash! emotions are weird man idk!#christ it’s almost 6 now OKAY GN FR peace and love everyone#normal is right around the corner 👍
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cowskulls · 4 months
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hi again
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thebadtimewolf · 4 months
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can we point out that 15 in one ep did what martha did in s4 and sat a tennant doctor down to talk out their trauma and then she left them alone with a donna behind to have her own adventures or are we gonna ignore that...
im just saying 15martha is coming
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crunchycrystals · 1 year
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i hate interpreting "give me back my girlhood it was mine first" as being about just virginity mostly because it feels so much more meaningful if you allow yourself to interpret it as your younger self and the childhood innocence you had that got taken from you but also because i hate the idea of calling someone's virginity their "girlhood"
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talonsandwings · 1 year
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hey neil and craig great show um how do you expect me to just go to sleep tonight
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pillowenvelopchair · 6 months
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Hi again!! This is my other analysis/ramble on SWRD which was written by @un-local (hi again), this time I'll be mainly talking about D and Fia for this :0)
The way everyone is written out is so interesting. I've noticed some small things that I could maybe link up to some other stuff I've noticed from my other ramble. Again, probably not a lot of new insights, just me going insane.
Darian’s grief
We don't meet D until chapter 11 (well, we do in chapter 5 but he’s not properly introduced there so I’m not counting it) and when we do meet him he leaves quite an impression
D, when we meet him in chapter 11 he is absolutely just pissed because of Rogier.
Rogier had gone after the thing that had made his brother rot from the inside out. And now that Rogier's gone to fuck around with it, he’s going end up like his brother. Rotting from the inside out.
Rogier knows what happened to Devin so why would he still go for it?
It strengthens his beliefs, almost. That TWLID should all be expunged. He does it earnestly but it’s not only because the Order casts them out but also because (though, it is probably his main reason) he doesn’t want anyone else to end up like his brother. It's a sort of revenge, for taking his brother away from him.
"He remembers the glint of his armor catching the firelight. The way his hand clung unsteadily on the hilt of his sword as he gathered himself, after his tirade. The wavering breath he took. Darian was as stoic as they came—made of beautiful stone, it truly seemed at times—but in that moment, even his voice shook." -Chapter 5
D is very similar to Rogier. He whole heartedly believes in something and puts his whole being into it. His resolve on the Order and his goal to expunge Death strengthens after his brother rots after they've messed with Death.
Both of their goals were made/strengthened by a loss that had broken the both of them.
Yet despite that, their goals are complete opposites. Neither one of them is willing to back down on their beliefs, wholeheartedly believing in everything that they strive to do. They have lost so much that they can't afford to back down and it breaks everything that they have.
D still cares
“—Damn fool, could never let it go, could you?” He makes to cast another incantation. “Searched for Death, and you—” His gauntlet, ablaze with an amber glow, comes down once more.  “—Fucking found it,” he snarls. Another surge of light. Another impact of his hand. Another ferocious cry. “You bastard, you should’ve left it alone—” There’s a shake in his voice, as he forces the words through his teeth.  Still, Rogier remains unresponsive. " -Chapter 11
(This entire thing makes me so sad oh my god. You can just feel D's hurt here)
D still very much cares for Rogier, and it really shows despite what has happened between the two of them. Notice how he's the first one to help Rogier when Magdalene enters the hold, and how he's the one saying the incantations to heal him, despite spitting out grief-filled bites toward Rogier.
I think in this moment he got flashbacks to Devin. The same vines that have taken his brother away are taking away another he cares about (me once again reaching).
Despite their differences in ideology, D still holds onto Rogier and what they had in the past.
So he heals desperately, spitting out all of his anger, his grief towards a man he had thought would have known better.
"It’s all too obvious that this is not for her eyes. It’s personal, it’s raw, and it is entirely not her business. She looks away into the hearth, beset with an absurd urge to slink away. To let D scream at him in peace, till his voice gives out." -Chapter 11
“This,” He jerks his chin down to Rogier, “This is why you don’t meddle with Death. It ruins you, in ways you can’t even fathom.”  “It takes everything from you.” -Chapter 11
“Heed the lesson,” is all he says. And after another moment of standing over Rogier’s unconscious body—in a way that distinctly strikes her as hovering—D leaves the room. “We’ll see if he makes it to morning,” he says, pausing at the doorway. -Chapter 11
Magdalene is just a bystander for the two exes fighting lol (well, it's just D being mad at Rogier, really, Rogier isn’t particularly mad at D but Rogier still bites when D does). She's just tired, give her a rest (with some prawns too).
“I will help.” It’s less of an offer and more of an order. Before Magdalene can respond, he continues. “I will accompany you, as your brother-in-arms. Help you vanquish the Death in that place,” He pauses. She can’t see his eyes under the helmet, but she feels his gaze on her all the same. It’s liable to catch her on fire, how intense it feels.  “No more, you understand?”   At that, Magdalene slowly nods. “Thank y—” But D holds up a hand. His voice has a new kind of friction in it, one that stops her.  “Don’t.” His hand falls. “It is my duty. Nothing more.”  So he says. The other motives he has, he seems loath to discuss them. In fact, he seems loath to even have them. So once again, Magdalene gives him a slow nod." -Chapter 15
Anything he does that opposes the Order, I believe he tries to reason it to think that it's still within the Order. That it is still within his duty to assist Magdalene with acquiring the knifeprint. That this is all within his goal to expunge TWLID (even though by doing this he's helping Rogier to save TWLID).
He suppresses his own personal desire to help Rogier. To him, this is just probably one last favor for a dead man (this is me rambling lol).
Masks, people, MASKS!
Also really like how D's mask hides his expressions:
"His helmet tells her nothing of his expression as he looks back at her."
"She can’t see his eyes under the helmet, but she feels his gaze on her all the same. It’s liable to catch her on fire, how intense it feels." -Chapter 15
"He regards her, but his helmet reveals nothing. -Chapter 16
“Take well the lesson, friend.” Despite the blank expression on his helmet, she can feel his eyes burning into her. “That's how you end up, when seduced by Those Who Live in Death.” -Chapter 16
We don't know what facial expression he's making, only his tone of voice and body language give us a hint of what he feels. It adds a veil of mystery to him almost. But to Rogier? It's obvious.
“Then spare me the sermon.” The huff Darian gives is animalistic, and wholly agitated, but it’s a tell: a self-righteous tirade was exactly what he had planned."
"Abruptly, the scrape of a chair fills the room. Darian takes a seat before him, the racket of his armor announcing it as he does. There’s a furrow in Darian’s brow. He only meets Rogier’s eyes for a moment, before he looks off, to somewhere far away. His expression changes, into one he’s seen many more times. He’s got that intensity in his eyes that says he’s thinking. That swallow he just did, the way his eyes never stay in one place, that jerk of his lips—it tells Rogier it’s a conundrum of some kind, that Darian’s in. Darian rests his free hand on his knee, taking in a deep breath. The fingers of his other hand tap against the helmet tucked under his arm. Ah. What Darian needs is permission. Rogier feels his brow raise a little, as a smile forms. “So, you have other matters on your mind?” -Chapter 18
Rogier immediately recognizes D's body language, not only that but also the language that D uses. Rogier immediately knows what D wants with or without the helmet (probably used to reading people's body language because of him being an ex-noble and his whole politics thing)
He immediately knows what D needs just by watching his body language, even after all this time.
When D removes his mask you know shit's real lol. This is something deeply personal to him, to both of them. So he removes that one last guard and reveals his face bare.
Just for a moment
“She’s hardly got the decorum you did,” Darian says, making one of his toothless little jabs, “but at least she could keep her mouth shut.” “Rogier can't help but arch a brow. “Interesting, coming from the man who spends half the battle grandstanding. Tell me,” he says, with a pleasant grin and a sly tone: “How long’d she fight alone, before you finally thought up a witticism and really started swinging?” -Chapter 18
It's bittersweet, how they go back to their old banter. They fall back to their old patterns and Rogier teases him like how he would (probably) used to in those bygone days. D even laughs after Rogier says this. In that moment it felt that "everything that sets them apart is inconsequential." (Ch. 18)
But that moment doesn't last long before reality catches onto them. Their principles and their faith come back and it just shatters that moment.
Trauma feeding into his beliefs
"Finally, Darian sighs, and his entire stance slackens. “I suppose it doesn’t matter.” He says it with such defeat, as though the deathblight in Rogier has killed him already. It makes a sort of sense, all of the sudden, that he would think that. It was always all or nothing with Darian. One thing or the other, but never both. Holy or heretic. Ally or enemy.  And apparently, either wholly saved or wholly dead." -Chapter 18
Darian is a man who believes in extremes, never in between (and so does Fia with regards to TWLID). He wholly believes that the Order is correct, that it is the truth of the world. I doubt having his brother being taken away by Godwyn's roots helps either.
But he refuses to listen to what Rogier has to say, because "there’s no room in Darian’s faith for uncertainty, for questions. There’s no room for examination, for adaptation. The answers can never change, and he can never be wrong. If the Order is infallible, then so is he." (Ch.18)
As of right now, he refuses to change. He cannot accept anything that is heretical, that opposes the Order he holds up. I think that it's hard for him to let go of his beliefs for just a moment and hear out Rogier because of the loss of his brother.
"And apparently, either wholly saved or wholly dead" (Ch. 18). D truly believes that Rogier will die because he has seen firsthand what happened to his brother. It’s taken Devin away from him, so why would Rogier be an exception to it?
Fia
“A puppeteer if he ever saw one.  Takes one to know one…” -Chapter 12
Rogier needs control. And he does have some semblance of control. It's sort of why he’s overthinking everything once he's stuck in the hold. He needs that control to be able to feel safe (ahh... nobility and politics...). Also Fia is quite literally a puppeteer, the whole Deeproot fight is just her puppets lol.
Played like a fiddle (Magdalene)
Fia is someone who truly is a mastermind. She's sort of the one who's controlling the curtains, so to speak.
She heard everyone's troubles, she knows so much.
She was able to get Rogier’s fragile walls to break. She even sort of manipulates Mags to get the knifeprint saying that it’s to further Rogier's goals (without telling her it also furthering her own goals), she was even able to kill D of all people and gets part of the rune mark of Death (you go, girl).
"As she enters Hewg’s domain, a voice stops her. “If I may?” Fia. She stands in the doorway across from her, her hands delicately resting on its frame. Without a word, she beckons Magdalene over.  In her room, Fia seats herself on the bed. Magdalene hovers a few paces away, until Fia wordlessly opens her arms to her.  Without preamble, Magdalene falls onto her knees before the bed, accepting the embrace. Fia wraps her arms around her. Magdalene lets herself sink further into Fia's arms, closing her eyes. That’s the thing with Fia: her touch is slight as a ghost, but entirely tender. It’s entirely unique to her. Magdalene feels the tension in her body begin to dissipate." -Chapter 14
Fia is someone who is naturally calming. Her velvety voice and entire aura beckons you to be relaxed within her presence. She whispers words to you when you are at your weakest (girlboss, manipulate).
She uses it to her advantage here with Magdalene.
Magdalene has witnessed something that's traumatizing as hell. She saw how "there’s blood, but up close she sees there’s also... there’s tendrils, vines, something black wrapped around his legs. They’re piercing them, burrowing into his trousers and boots." (Ch. 10)
Body horror in media is one thing but to actually see something like that with your very own eyes? Yikes.
Magdalene in the hold is just disassociating the entire time. "She lets numbness take her" (Ch. 11) as she and D try their best to salvage whatever they can. She sort of wants to escape the situation, probably to try and process everything that's happened so far.
When D leaves the room her body goes lax but her mind doesn't (crazy how she's able to stay up for so long, she literally fought Godrick and helped out Rogier). No one knows what'll happen to Rogier later, and it's probably making her super restless. Also, the whole traumatizing experience of seeing someone you know do something that fucks them doesn't help at all.
Magdalene afterwards, is sort of aimless again. She doesn't know how to help. She's not like D or Cohyrn who knows incantations or is she book smart like Rogier. She's just someone who's woken up back from the dead and trying her best (good lord someone give this girl real food and a bed).
So, Fia whispers words of how she could help Rogier, carefully hiding away the fact that this would also further her own goals. She kind of gives her a new purpose (albeit a temporary one). This is how she can help.
And it works. Magdalene immediately sets out to find the knifeprint for Rogier. (I also think in part that Mags HATES being useless, it makes her restless)
Their game
The game Fia and Rogier play reminds me of two animals circling each other. The both of them observe carefully for when the other one pounces. It's familiar to Rogier, who's practiced in political schemes. Yet both of them never pounce. This is like Rogier's political fight in here lol
Small slip
At the doorway, she turns back. “I know it makes you uneasy, but I think I’d like to visit you again, sometime.” She speaks with such gentleness—despite everything, it’s soothing to him. He could get lost in it once more, so easily.  -Chapter 26
Rogier almost slips with how Fia talks. Her voice velvet almost gets him trapped like a fly to a spider's web (I saw MindfulExorcism's comment on this and it just stuck with me, I probably would've never noticed that if I didn't read their comment). I really like this part a lot.
That's all for my crazy rambles again!! I swear the more I look there's like a billion other things I want to talk about lol. Happy Saturday everyone, have a good rest!!
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abyssaldyke · 6 months
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What the fuck are they putting in those idle phone games I played one of those water pouring ones for like a week and achieved haven't left the house in months levels of depression so fucking fast it was scary
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rosielav · 1 year
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Listening to Hello from the Hallowoods episode 57.
Someone please tell me (no spoilers) that The Omen gets to be happy :'(((( I'm CRYING!!!!!
Blease....
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the-official-account · 10 months
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Trying to love people who don't do poetry is hard, because I don't know how else to communicate the absolute ferocity with which I am willing to endure life for the chance to have had them in it
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jamminvroomvroom · 1 year
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delusional-mishaps · 1 year
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MY TUMBLR FOR YOU PAGE IS ALL FUCIIGN SUN AND MOON FNAF I HATE SUN AND MOON FNAF PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE AUUUUG HUAGH😫
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h0estar · 1 year
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i sincerely hope mha's storyline in the manga is progressing well. i havent touched any mha related content for over a year now bc i chose my mental health and happiness 😀👍
i'll catch up to the manga when i'm ready 😍 (i'll never be)
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