#grishaverse crack

[neptune-scythe]

you've heard of what type of person are [insert characters] at a haunted house

but allow me to present

The Crows in an escape room:

Kaz is the person who figures everything out immediately but won't say anything to anyone (they think it's because he's being a dick but really he's too smart for his own good and doesn't want to ruin the experience for the others by escaping in 10 minutes and doing everything himself), or he'll solve something while no one is looking and just go "oh wow look this just opened all by itself how crazy you should do something about that"

Inej and Matthias are calmly solving the clues and methodically writing things down, though Matthias gets frustrated early on, but he hides it well. Inej isn't as invested, she's just there to have fun with her friends and exercise her brain

Wylan is extremely invested. he wants to escape and starts getting flustered almost immediately and is more frustrated than Matthias and way worse at hiding it

Jesper and Nina are playing with the props, having conversations and making jokes. they both start screaming and jumping around excitedly any time the group solves something, even if they did nothing to contribute.

Nina is the person who keeps saying "come on guys we have to focus" and then immediately gets distracted with something that looks dick shaped and won't stop making jokes about it.

Jesper will be paying zero attention to the room and then take one look at something and solve it immediately and go right back to being silly

Kuwei is the one who looses all hope after five minutes and won't stop saying "we're all gonna die" and cannot be convinced otherwise. he doesn't do much to help just kinda sits there being a downer

#grishaverse #six of crows #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper Fahey #nina zenik #wylan van Eck #matthias helvar #kuwei yul bo #six of crows shitpost #six of crows crack #grishaverse shitpost #grishaverse crack

[waldensblog]

Shadow and Bone, Season 1 Episode 7, "The Unsea"

#shadow and bone #gregverse #grishaverse #the darkling #ivan kaminsky #genya safin #grishaverse crack #shadow and bone crack

[eggsaladstain]

shadow and bone season 2 but it's just memes

(season 1 version)

#sabedit #socedit #shadow and bone #six of crows #grishaverse #shadow and bone crack #kanej #wesper #shadow and bone meme #alina starkov #nikolai lantsov #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #mal oretsev #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar #kanejedit #edits

[hiddenvioletsgrow]

im sorry but this is the funniest scene in the whole show. mal looking like he woke up from the worst nap ever, alina acting like she didn't just do the ONE thing she promised not to do and nina doing kaz's bombastic sideeye because that was not natural

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #sab #alina starkov #nina zenik #malyen oretsev #six of crows #malina #mal oretsev #shadow and bone season 2 #shadow and bone crack

[octobers-veryown]

You can love a character & still admit when they’re wrong. I love Kaz Brekker but I acknowledge his flaws (none, he’s perfect) and I can hold him accountable for his wrongdoings (he’s never done anything wrong in his life) an call him out on his actions (which are always right).

#kaz brekker #kaz dirtyhands brekker #incorrect six of crows #Incorrect six of crows quotes #incorrect quotes #grishaverse #incorrect shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #six of crows #six of crows cracks #inej gafha #leigh bardugo #incorrect book quotes #book tumblr #incorrect grishaverse #grishaverse edits #kaz Brekker edits #soc edit #soc memes

[jazzkrebber]

Jesper: someone get this piece of trash out of my living room!

Wylan, to Kuwei: you heard him, move it

#wylan's hatred for kuwei will never not crack me up #six of crows incorrect quotes #soc incorrect quotes #wesper #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #wylan hendriks #kuwei yul bo #six of crows spin off #soc spinoff #shadow and bone season 3 #shadow and bone #six of crows #grishaverse #shadow and bone season 2 #crooked kingdom #ruin and rising #siege and storm

[grimbanes]

My Soulmate is Capitalism. (Kaz Brekker x GN!Reader)

Summary: "Of course I believe in soulmates - I have met mine. Capitalism is my mistress and I lay with her every night, I hold her close and she sings me promises of riches beyond any man's dreams." OR after a successful heist, everybody celebrates but kaz chooses to sit with the reader and they have a funny conversation.

WC: 2k

Genre: crack fic. pre-relationship, coming to terms with feelings, the rest of the crows being funny. you/your pov. kaz might be a lil ooc. reader and kaz are besties with a lot of tension.

A/N: i wanted to write something light hearted because my notifs are blown up rn, but this is gonna be a first part or prologue leading to confessions within a day or two. so stay tuned, i hope you enjoy this because there's more to come for this one. i wanted to try something more dialogue heavy for once. i forgot how funny kaz could be but i was reading chapter 2 of SOC again and my god hes so funny.

TW: violence, usual six of crow warnings, kaz laughing.

“So you admit that you’re the thief?”

The young man in chains wanted to laugh, he really did. It wasn’t in his nature to laugh at idiocy - if he made a habit of it, he’d be laughing permanently and that seemed rather tiring. 

“I’m a vigilante, of sorts,” He replied smoothly, adjusting the shackles on his hands from where he let them rest between his legs, being sure not to touch his bad leg even when both were chained to the rickety, barely held together chair he was perched upon.

“You gonna give it to the poor?” 

“I am the poor,” Kaz said. He had to egg him on. His entire plan was resting on the fact that the Stadwatch were full of the most kruge hungry, lazy, arrogant fools to ever be shoved from the womb of Ketterdam’s damp streets.

It earned him a fist to the face, cracking down against his scarred cheekbone and he felt dizzy - recoiling from the rising tides that filled his tight lungs, daring to attempt to drag him under the murky, corpse riddled depths. It was only a moment of touch, but a moment enough that it numbed the pain that should be blossoming through the nerves in his face. 

“Filthy street rat,” The guard scoffed at him, shaking his hand to evidently ease the pain from hitting him. Soft bastards. 

“Street rat, urchin, pickpocket, they’re all the same. You can think of something better now, can’t you? Let me give you a hand: I prefer the term businessman, opportunist or even idealist, on a good day, ” The young man in chains taunted, leaning back into his seat and making himself comfortable, only the weight of rusting metal clamped around his bare skin giving him any discomfort.

He needed the officer closer. Just that little bit closer.

He didn’t miss the slight hobble in the guard’s right foot, or the consistent shaking in both of his hands. Perhaps he had skipped a meal or was otherwise unwell, either way, it posed an opportunity for him that had the young man scheming. Like any skilled thief, he could take himself out of his chains in mere seconds with the gentle caress of cool metal, a flick of the wrist and a soft praise, the lock would bend to his will and snap open, but not yet. With guard in his space, he could set the rest of the plan into motion and trust in his schemes to carry the others to do their part too. 

The Stadwatch officer reached to fist his hair and Kaz braced himself, tongue in cheek and eyes locked on the hand reeling back and preparing to be delivered swiftly into his nose. A single second window was all he had. So he counted. He waited three seconds, inhale, exhale, inhale, and with a loud clink, his wrists were free. Kaz lowered himself down, arms shooting out to wrap around the officer’s hips and he hoisted himself up to his full height, the chains on his feet clattering away and he was dropping the officer onto his back with a heavy thud, dust filling the air in the dark room. 

He didn’t hesitate to grab his cane from where it was left propped against the wall and raised it with a confident grip, the weighted head connecting with a sickening crack to the side of the man’s head. Exhale.

“Can’t have this tarnishing my perfect record,” Kaz mumbled, taking an uneven step back and leaning heavily onto his cane, stoney eyes scanning the surrounding room. It was dark out, possibly. Around four hours he’d been sitting with his eyes closed, counting every second and minute that passed, as he’d been stripped of his hat, coat, gloves and cane. He pushed his bare hand through his hair, away from his face. Right about now they should be-

The door threw open, and expecting Jesper, Kaz opened his mouth the mutter a threat about almost being late but instead, he was met with the one person who managed to make him hold his tongue. The one person who had him on his toes, who encouraged his behaviour, the only other person who knew what it was like to be raised by Ketterdam. You. With your mischievous smile, dirt smudged against your cheek and eyes sparkling at him with so much mirth that it had him wanting to return the pure joy you always seemed to radiate. You were always at your best when your pockets were full of trinkets that didn’t belong to you.

“Where’s Jesper?” Kaz inquired instead, stepping past you and out of the door and he didn’t even want to think on why the soft scent of morning dew flowers even managed to stay clung to you in dangerous jobs like this. He hobbled down the narrow corridor, leaning majority of his weight into his cane as his leg began to ache, the cold chill of the room set deep into the broken bone - he’d definitely been sat still for too long, it was nearly unbearable. 

“Covering Wylan’s escape,” Your voice chimed from behind him, quiet steps masked in time with his own uneven gait. He eyed you from the corner of his alert eyes and he thought you were possibly the most addicting thing he had ever laid his eyes upon, even in dim light, in the face of danger, the possibility of death still thick in the suffocatingly stagnant air. 

Kaz couldn’t find it within himself to be mad that Jesper had gone against his explicit orders to stick to the plan, no detours, no changes. That only meant that you had done your best to adapt to the change, to do your part and still come for him, and you had done it well - he figured he owed you a drink. Or a necklace. Or a bullet between your enemy’s eyes. Whatever he could do, he would do it for you, just to show he valued your set of skills in his arsenal. The entire plan rested on Jesper breaking Kaz out of interrogation before the Stadwatch completed the paperwork and locked him in a cell for Ghezen knew how long.

┕━━━━━━━♔━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┙

You collapsed into your seat with a sigh, head tipped back and the sound of the bottle of whiskey was already being passed around, glasses clinking and the unshakable adrenaline remained buzzing under everybody’s skin. Another successful heist meant another fifteen thousand kruge in your coffers. You heard the seat beside you be dragged out and the smell of dark coffee flooding your senses, warming your sinuses. Your eyes flickered open in the warm lighting, falling upon the familiar figure that seemed to always be in your shadow as of late.

Kaz slid a cup and saucer your way, bitter dark coffee swirling in the fine china and you felt yourself ease a little more. He had a way about him that always left you feeling a little recharged - maybe it was the fact he always brought you a cup of coffee when he made himself one, always waking you up and giving you the illusion that it was him doing it. Clever, really, the sly bastard. You held onto the little plate with a smile, fingers hooking into the handle as Kaz sat himself beside you, cane rested against the table and his usual coat and hat abandoned somewhere in the club.

“Boss will have our heads for being in the club after hours, you know,” You teased.

“I am the boss,” Kaz muttered in retort, his usual eyebrow quirk present as he stared.

“Oh yes, of course, my apologies, Master Brekker,” You pressed, giving him a little nudge with your elbow and not missing the slight quirk of his own lips, barely present other than the way only one side of his mouth raised. 

The young man rolled his blued hyacinth eyes in his usual manner, his entire being just screaming familiarity and you felt comfortable. At ease. Brekker could handle himself in a gunfight, a fist fight and any game of wit. His tongue was sharper than most knives, his words the coldest bullet to explode your brains against your own floorboards and that was a comforting thing in the Barrel. 

“Do you believe in soulmates?” You found yourself asking, swirling the dark coffee in its cup between your hands, holding it close to your face and studying the young man beside you. 

"Of course I believe in soulmates - I have met mine. Capitalism is my mistress and I lay with her every night, I hold her close and she sings me promises of riches beyond any man's dreams,” Kaz spoke with utter sincerity, sipping his own coffee and studying down at the manifest in front of him, pen in his other hand. 

“Geels was right, you do only talk in metaphors,” You mumbled with clear disappointment, eyes cast upon your friends across the room as they drank their alcohol and made merry, celebrating the night’s events. 

Beside you, Kaz stopped writing. In fact, he set his pen down altogether and a sigh left through his nose. You didn’t want to turn to look at him, didn’t want to show your disappointment - it was very rare you ever got a real answer from him, one that wasn’t a deflection or some mirror of the reputation he spent so long building. Sometimes, you just wanted a conversation but you knew choosing Kaz for that was foolish to begin with. 

“As I said to Geels, that wasn’t a metaphor,” Kaz offered the truce, rather than submitting to his usual silence whenever he had upset someone. 

“Is this your way of telling me that you quite literally sleep with money in your bed?” You asked, perplexed and turning your head to fully look at the Barrel Boss’ side profile. 

“Yes.” Kaz sipped his coffee, leaned back in his seat and tapped a gloved finger against the surface of the table between you, “Thousands of kruge make my pillow and keep me warm in the night.” 

And you laughed. You laughed louder than you ever had, hand slamming against the table and full body tipping forward, coffee set aside as you nearly choked on it. Kaz Brekker had told a joke and it was devastatingly funny, the deadpan delivery more than enough for you to be sent into a room filled with giggles. It had the others across the room staring at you with perplexity, glancing between both you and Kaz and you didn’t miss the way his body shook just that little bit, a hint of a laugh in his body language and smile hidden beneath the cup of coffee he was sipping on. 

“You are so lucky that I adore you so much else I would be sticking a bullet through your brain right about now,” You giggled, miming firing a gun at him with your fingers and you snorted again, gripping onto the edge of the table. 

“Careful voicing your affections so loud, one might think you’re being sincere,” Kaz’s smile seemed to shine in his eyes, leaning a little closer to your space and it set you off again, your hand slamming against your hand in an effort to stop your little outburst. 

***

“They flirt with violence?” Nina dared question, whiskey in hand and staring at the exchange with confusion fused with joy, knowing damn well she could use this against the both of them in future. I mean really, who could adore anyone with a haircut that bad? She shook her head, utterly flummoxed. 

“I don’t know what’s more unsettling, seeing Kaz smile or seeing Kaz make someone just as bad as him laugh like that,” Wylan shuddered, yet unable to look away.

“I think it's sweet. It really shows that there is somebody out there for everyone,” Inej smiled, eyes softening as she studied the exchange and holding her hand above her heart.

“Demjin made somebody laugh, I think we should take them both to a medik,” Matthias grumbled, earning himself a shove from Nina. 

“Well I think-” Jesper dropped into his seat, leaning into where they had huddled inwards and grinned. “It’s creepy. I mean c'mon, imagine if anything happened between them. He’d go absolutely feral. It's so human.. I don’t like it.”

#crack fic #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #six of crows #grishaverse

[realmbrekker]

Netflix cancelled Shadow and Bone and told us we'd never get a Six Of Crows Spin-Off, it's been two days and I still cannot believe it. I sobbed, got angry, tried repressing emotions, I honestly don't know how to get through this.

I am losing all my favourite characters and ships at once.

And for what.

We fought and trended so many times on twitter, we were #1 on the platform for like a week in many countries, what else do you want Netflix ? If this wasn't enough, then what would be ?

A great show like this, with good representation for poc, disabled people and LGBTQ+.

Those stories has helped me go through so much trauma that I cannot even begin to explain it. It has been what kept me alive for years, now. And to see them rip it off so emotionlessly makes me mad as much as it breaks my heart.

They don't even have the decency to contact the actors and writers, they all learned it through socials. This is how Netflix treats their employees and subscribers. So disgusting.

But again, we've been there again and again, I was there for Anne With An E, I was there for The Society, for Julie And The Phantoms, First Kill, Winx Fate, Lockwood & Co, Warrior Nun, only one of those fight lead to something. And I am tired.

#wyd ? i am building a bomb to throw in their headquarters. #i have learned through Leigh Bardugo's voice messages on her canal and hearing her voice crack like that crushed my heart. #the fact that the spin off was WRITTEN it was entirely written it was already there just waiting for a greenlight we never got to have #and we don't even know why. #those books relived a part of me it brought me back to life and I own it all to so many characters and actors there. and it's gone now ?? #we really did everything we could. I was on the front line every day showing them how much we cared but they didn't. #shadow and bone #six of crows #six of crows spin off #save shadow and bone #anti netflix #grishaverse

[stromuprisahat]

Baghra: "The Fold is his creation!"

Alina, whose third of education takes place in library, full of all kinds of books:

#Grishaverse #Shadow and Bone #The Darkling #Alina Starkov #Darklina #Baghra Morozova #The Fold #crack #ish #V

[greensaplinggrace]

the man deserved to rest in peace 😔🙏🏽

#aleksander morozova #the darkling #shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #myramblings #sab crack

[yolixpan]

Crack Fic Idea

A fic where every Grisha knows that Aleksander is the Black Heretic and they just let their General believed he is fooling them:

Older grisha instructing the new generation into acting surprised when a new Shadow Summoner appears after the old one went MIA some years ago.

Them not asking much questions of how is Aleksander related to the old Darkling.

Facilitating documents/records so he could claim to be his own son/grandson/nephew.

Lying to the Tsar and the nobility about the phisical description of the last Shadow Summoner so when their General show up again, people don't pay too much attention to it.

Messing with the royal paintings for the same reason.

Telling the new generations to look the other side when/if a new Darkling comes with an old lady with the same facial features and said they aren't related.

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #grisha netflix #the darkling #alexander morozova #crack fic #ben barnes #headcanon

[neptune-scythe]

Pinterest did a funny putting these two on top of each other in my feed

#grishaverse #six of crows #crooked kingdom #shadow and bone netfilx #kaz brekker #dirtyhands #the bastard of the barrel #six of crows shitpost #six of crows crack #grishaverse shitpost #grishaverse crack

[waldensblog]

This is a Darkolai crack clip from my larger SAB s2 crack video, thought you might enjoy!

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone season 2 #darkolai #grishaverse #gregverse #grishaverse crack #the darkling #nikolai lantsov #the darkling x nikolai #aleksander morozova #aleksander x nikolai #shadow and bone crack

[eggsaladstain]

cannot stop laughing at the thought of kaz brekker going abroad chasing a big payday only to end up embroiled in a civil war in a country he doesn’t give a shit about facing off against shadow monsters and countless other horrors way above his pay grade with essentially a long stick for a weapon

genuinely the trailer is so fucking funny because you have alina flexing her powers and shooting light out of her hands and inej twirling her blades and jesper shooting with deadly precision and wylan with his big flashy explosives and matthias looking jacked in an mma fight and then there’s kaz just wailing on some dudes with his cane and swinging it around like a baseball bat

#kaz brekker #grishaverse #shadow and bone #six of crows #sab season 2 #inej ghafa #alina starkov #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #matthias helvar #sab crack #shadow and bone crack

[goatsandgangsters]

new (silly) headcanon that the reason aleksander has a secret tunnel cluttered with So Much Random Stuff is that he has a lucrative side business as an antique dealer, so he just holds onto his furniture and goods for a couple centuries until it's valuable

#grishaverse #aleksander morozova #shadow and bone #the darkling #'moi soverenyi we need funds to make more corecloth for the field keftas' #/cue him selling off his writing desk from 300 years ago and a couple oil paintings from artist friends who passed 70 years ago #of course there's also Serious Character-Based Meta I could write about his cluttered basement tunnel #and the fact that he was nomadic for several centuries and now finally has a permanent place #but. we'll stick to the crack joke posts for now :p

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

What I headcanon (unless it's canon) the crows sexuailies as and how they come out you Part 1: Wylan (PRIDE 2023)

A/n: I have so many gay fics in my drafts you guys have no idea what's coming for you

Warnings: coming out, crack, swearing, I think that's it? You have been warned!

Wylan: Gay (male! reader)

The two of you obviously weren't in a relationship yet

but you've both been very close ever since the ice court heist

you're the one who's believed in him since the beginning

you never cared that he was a merchant's son, he was so strong and to you've never judged people on their upbringings only how they acted after

and wylan was very thankful for this

slowly realizing he fell in love with you

you did too but he didn't know that ofc

boy was he a mess

he already knew he's gay, it's just that he's never really had tell anyone about it, or be more open about it

the only person who knew was Jesper and he was surprisingly quiet about it

it was because he understood not wanting to be out right away

anyways

so if he asks you out he's also coming out at the same time

and that's terrifying for him

he's literally killed people, and this is what gets him imao

but it's nerve racking nonetheless so when finally racks up the courage to ask you on a date he's a mess

hands shaking, sweating, eye dilated, messy hair, you name it

but he was still doing it which was more then most people could say

mark my words wylan is the bravest crow

he gives you a single rose that's blue and red mixed together

he made it in one of his experiments

he was trembling but then he asked you; "What do you think about gay people?"

You just smirked at him; "I am gay."

"Me too. Do you want go out?"

your dumbass thought he meant going outside

"um- no."

"What do you mean then?"

this went back and forth till eventually he just got fed up

"LIKE A DATE Y/N!"

"Oh, of course."

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Grishaverse taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover @brekker-zenik @alohastitch0626 @brekkers-desigirl @emmsamultifan06

#crack #six of crows #shadow and bone #grishaverse #wylan van eck #wylan van eck x reader #wylan van eck x male! reader #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #six of crows x rwader #delusion writes #fic of pride 2023