#growth over comfort

[absentlyabbie]

i've developed some interesting methods of handling having a relationship with my mother who made my childhood/teen years misery and committed more than a little abuse.

as an adult, we have a very different dynamic, her daughters (sister and i) have confronted her with a lot of her bullshit and the things she both did and enabled. for some she has been sorrowful and even sometimes apologetic. she's a better mother to me now than she ever was when i most needed one. so i'll never actually trust her again, and she'll never be much deeper than surface level in my life, but we have something mostly good now, and on my terms.

however, she is very definitely one of those "i don't remember it that way" and "i did the best i could" mothers in a lot of areas, and has also always been the type to (probably unconsciously) emotionally manipulate the people she's hurt into catering to her hurt feelings about it instead.

over the years i've learned to get really comfortable with just not indulging it.

is she having a bad day, seems sad and upset? i'll give her a hug, try to make her laugh. if she throws broad hints it's a surge of hurt feelings about having driven one of her children to cut her off? well i'm just gonna stand there and not acknowledge or entertain it.

"well, apparently i was a bad mother" or shit like that? i'm just gonna look at her for a second, and i might either shrug or even nod, but i'm not saying a damn thing. i'm not awkwardly, uncomfortably, painfully contorting to her guilt trip nonsense. i'm not apologizing or trying to soothe her or reassure her or minimize it.

like, yeah. you really were. you know it, glad to hear it. we've definitely had that talk.

best kindness, most generosity i can offer her in times like that is not maintaining eye contact to bluntly tell her "yeah, you were." she can go ahead and feel bad about it.

it's not on me to make her feel less bad. she should feel bad. and i am definitely not someone she gets to seek comfort from about it.

hopefully someday she'll inch past just "poor me, i'm so sad and angsty about it" towards, like, examining the whys and acknowledging what she actually did wrong and work actively to be be better. in a few places, some of that has happened.

but that's her work. her job and responsibility. she can do that shit on her own time.

i say all this to offer a shoulder of solidarity to others like me. if you maintain a complicated relationship as an adult with the parent who hurt you and did you wrong as a child, that is okay. you get to choose how and if to thread that needle.

but you don't have to accommodate emotional manipulation and guilt trip garbage. stonewall it. walk away if you need to. don't apologize. don't try to make it better. that's not on you and it doesn't have to be. it's okay.

#to her perhaps dubious 'credit' #this has shown genuine results #she has over the years pulled a lot less of that shit #of laying emotional traps to try and make me comfort her about how horrible she was to us as a mom #because she doesn't get the desired result #it's not an easy thing to make a choice to continue having a relationship with a parent like this #who caused you serious harm and painful long-lasting damage #especially not always intentionally generally not maliciously #the abuse was the abuse and it doesn't matter why #how she conducts herself now is what determines if i give her any chance to be any kind of decent mom now #and it's SO HARD at first #because that's your mom you LOVE your mom even through all the shit #you're hardwired to love your mom and you hate to see your mom hurt #instinct is to Make It Better #but that's not always the correct response it can be downright detrimental #to yourself and to her own personal growth towards being someone better #so you teach yourself to just Let Her Be Upset #she should be upset and in a case like this it may in fact be good for her #and it's just not my damn job to make her feel better and i don't mind making that plain #you grow more comfortable with it over time #hold your ground and your stance gets stronger with each step-back not taken #abuse mention

[dearjewels22]

real shit. meditate on this word.

#life #quotes #feelings #potential #live now #live well #change is inevitable #growth #healing journey #healing #heal your life #keep moving forward #don't stop #savage time #beast mode #go hard #go getter #stuck #comfort zone #get out of your comfort zone #get out of your head #believe in yourself #confidence #confident woman #fight on #stay strong #be strong #inspiration #faith over fear #save yourself

[sbd-laytall]

Warrior Nun | 1.03 | "Ephesians 6:11"

Supernatural | 9.11 | "First Born"

#it's about the hesitant hand because it's their first hug #yes I know that Sam and Cas have technically hugged before this but Cas's mind was broken and Sam never hugged back so I'm counting this #also these episodes are amazing for relationship growth #Bea comforting Ava and Cas comforting Sam #Cas telling Sam that nothing is worth losing him and Bea telling Ava that she believes her because Ava isn't dishonest #Cas being an angel and Ava having the Halo plus Sam starting the series as someone who does pray and Bea being a nun #I feel like even though Sastiel was never canon the parallels are apparent okay #I will never not fangirl over Avatrice's hug because they're so freaking cute #avatrice #ava silva #sister beatrice #warrior nun #sastiel #sam winchester #castiel #castiel supernatural #supernatural #spn #gifs are mine #my post

[shoku-and-awe]

Found more old photos of farmstand vending machine produce! These were called 水前寺菜 suizenji-na, or Gynura bicolor, which sounds a little vaginal. I like it.

Obviously it was the purple that attracted me, but unfortunately that disappears once it's cooked. I just treated it like spinach and sauteed it up with olive oil and garlic, but if I see it again, I'll do like they apparently do in Okinawa and add it to miso soup or blanch it lightly and dress it with ponzu. Yum.

#japanese food #life in tokyo #vegetables #also -- my old kitchen!!!! #it had something i will pine for til the end of my days: #an extra section of counter (the size of a cutting board) that you can pull out like a drawer #i could live to be 100 and never get over being able to produce more counter space on a whim #sigh. #i have such a weird mix of feelings for that place #only having lived there during the pandemic #it was my safe refuge #but also a prison #but also a beautiful and comfortable place to live #that represnted a lot of growth for me #overall i'd give cookie jars about a B #farmstand vending machine

[lonestardust]

9-1-1 : LONE STAR I 1x08 ‘Monster Inside’ : Owen and TK have a heart to heart.

#needed to bring this here because i can't stop thinking of their paralleling conversation here #and owen telling him about the hereditary illness 😭 #'I can’t marry carlos knowing that i have a death sentence hanging over my head' and 'I can't fall in love with one more thing that i #know I'm gonna lose dad..' #vs 'son we all have a death sentence handing over our heads' 'there is no guarantees.. not for anybody.. It's okay to love him even though #you might lose him' and 'you're not going to postpone anything you're just gonna move forward with your life' 😭 #Owen comforting tk when he's spiraling about lose hanging over his horizon. making him see the silver linings despite it all.. and actually #his growth this time of not having wanting to hide things from tk anymore.. telling him that he needs him as much as tk needs his dad.. #this is so huge and they both deserve it #but also its the fact that tk also grew through his love for carlos and keeps growing more in love with him #— how he feels invincible with this love because 'it's infinitely more powerful than the fear of losing it' 😭 #but those 48 hours are gonna put him and carlos through the wringer.... between the euphoric high of getting married and #the devastating low of potentially having their future together jeopardised because it might come with a time limit #thank fucK we know everything is gonna be fine other wise I'd have been spiraling so bad because THEY DESERVE A FUCKING BREAK #911 lone star #tk strand #911 ls #ronen rubinstein #rafael silva #carlos reyes #owen strand #tarlos #monster inside #1x08 #4x16 #Rob lowe

[coldshrugs]

you look nothing like my dreams

#io/estinien #io laithe #ffxiv #i am so sorry. i'm sorry. is this cringe? #i found a pose for the kiss by klimt and i'm weak for it so #here i am #they are just. so soft together #i will never get over their parallels and growth. and the comfort and ease they offer each other?? #ANYWAY #i'm allowed to post mush because this has been the most brutal month i've had in a few years & i need serotonin #azia gposes

[weshallflyaway]

We need more heroines who rather than looking at a man and thinking "I can fix him," turn around on their heel and think "I deserve better than needing to fix him".

#I want to see girls walk away from bad situations #I want them to be in love and still know that it's not enough #I want heroines that prioritise their own wellbeing over a man's growth and comfort #I want girls to learn that it's okay to not give your whole self up to heal someone else's hurts

[todayisafridaynight]

which character in Yakuza do you think has the best development?

everyone gonna say im biased but genuinely daigo has my favorite character development throughout the series

#snap chats #he's the only one with any real notable character growth tbh if i may be so daring to say #aside from kashiwagi too tbh. i also really love his change but bro's here for like three games so 💀 #i think its just that his is more abundant #he goes from a punk to being a responsible man and i love it every time i acknowledge it #like yeah he fumbles around a bit but we see him figure things out and sort himself out and it's really great to watch #it feels satisfying almost- even if he ultimately has to end the thing he fought so hard for in the name of kiryu #tho daigo willing to end it opposed to be obstinate and continue to fight against it is pretty big for his character #idk i just dont think people give daigo's character the credit it deserves #like hes not loud or overly flashy he's very much in the background but i guess thats why i love him #like his changes dont come with a kind of fanfare or obvious Aha moment on screen- its just something you notice over time #well maybe except in Y2 where we DO get that pivotal This Is His Changing Point moment #but after that we just see him grow and try to get comfortable in his new position as chairman #sorry i have Daigo Lover disease. its terminal i was watching a clip of him earlier and felt my heart grow three sizes

[winterf4iryy]

i’m actually so happy i’m back in my kpop phase

#i mean ive been listening to it since 2020 #but like #maybe a year ago i stopped paying close attention to my favourite groups and news and comebacks and stuff #and also i stopped watching their content on youtube and all that #i thought it was really over #which was really sad to me because it was so short lived #and i remember being such a huge fan in quarantine #like it’s all i listened to #it’s all i watched #it got to a point where i didn’t even remember what other entertainment i consumed before kpop 😔 #and all the groups i was a fan of really helped me through quarantine and my junior year #but i guess that period when i grew out of it was character growth?? yay we love that #but now it’s back and i actually am so happy bc it’s so nostalgic :’) and i remember how comforting kpop is to me #and also just how gooooood the music is #idk im just happy! #im listening to it more #and im watching content on youtube (it’s not the only thing though😭 i made sure to not do that again) #but yeah #i had a theory that i just rotate through my comfort media and i feel like this is proving it #i think my maze runner phase is coming back #everything is so full circle #anyways #˚｡ ⋆୨୧˚ dear diary… 💌

[dbssh]

my take on starscream and windblade is i genuinely think their dynamic by the end of the series rocks. when starscream is incredibly fond of her and respexts her and sees her as not only an incredibly capable leader but a fundementally good and better person. and windblade is like 😬 starscream? well shes dead now so we never ever have to unpack all that. so uh. lets move on.

#SHE DOESNT FUCKING LIKE HER. #like i think if stsc had lived windblades general opinion wouldve been girl im proud of you and your #growth or whatever but like can you retire or something. stay away from me. #like i think wb meant it when she said she wanted stsc to get better and believed she could. but i dont think theyre ever going to be #friends. im of the opinion that death + the haunting is the best ending for starscream #and that its really the only environment for her that is conducive to fully truly healing and being at peace #like idk i think she was miserable and there would be no future in which people let her 'escape punishment' nor one where shes interested #in doing that even with bee and windblade in her corner. and i just idk #i think she needs space to be alone out from the public eye #and away from all the pressures that kept her spiraling over and over her whole life #and i just. the way exrid was set up i just dont think there was room for her to do that on cybertron #but i dont think shes healthy enough to realize that and leave #and i think 'noble sacrifice that returns her dignity and gives her comfort' #and 'true freedom to be herself no more and no less with the company of someone who actually likes and cares about her with no #responsibility or risk to her physical or mental health' #is like. really the best of both worlds i think it was good for her. #fix its where she gets brought back are cute and all but honestly i dont know. would she even want that. it would change everything #when shes finally for once comfortable and at peace #yk sometimes death is a GOOD THING IN NARRATIVES and she DIDNT EVEN REALLY ALL THE WAY DIE so like i thibk its fine. #i miss her tho. god i miss idw.

[seventh-district]

why have i suddenly been gripped with the desire to get back into fishkeeping

#Seven.txt #fish stuff #fishkeeping #fish keeping #fishblr #i’m not complaining cause i’ve lowkey missed feeling so passionate about the hobby but. my brain couldn’t have picked a less convenient tim #me: trying to spend less money and manage my time better #my brain: hey hey hey you know what you should do? you should get back into a really expensive and time-consuming hobby!!! it’ll be fun!!! #and i mean. it’s not like i truly ever got out of it i just sort of dialed back the number of tanks and fish i have over the past few years #so i’ve currently got a bunch of empty tanks and equipment sitting around collecting dust #i do still have three fish that i thought would be my last for a While. i’ve had them for a number of years and they’re all old by now #so i’m just trying to help them live the rest of their days as comfortably as they can #well. Paprika and Thing One are near their end but in spite of the Mystery Growth on Thing Two’s head that little guy is still doing fine #so he could still be here for awhile. who knows. but anyways #fishkeeping was one of my first really intense and long lasting special interests/hyperfixations so it’s such a strange feeling #to have it come back so strongly and for no obvious reason. but. that’s the nature of fixations i suppose! #insert Drake and Josh ‘I do not control the hyperfixation’ meme here #anyways. the project to finally set up the 75gal that’s been sitting empty for years is finally underway!!! so that’s exciting! #now i’ve got to make a list of things i need and find somewhere to set up a quarantine tank. hrmmm #and also cry over the fact that the filter i need is 200 dollars ahahahaaaaa why did my brain have to latch onto this hobby oh my god #oh man. i’ve gotta order the snails and activated media before the weather gets any warmer or they’ll cook in the bag on the way here ugh #This Post Brought To You By- me sitting here refreshing my email every 10 mins. waiting for Cynthia to let me know if she still has #these two adorable Sakura Ranchus avaliable to purchase. i mean. they were listed in Sep. 2021 so i will be Shocked if she still has them #but maybe the universe will smile upon me and i'll get lucky!

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Do you ever listen to someone speak and marvel at how smooth, free-flowing, and free of pauses it is?

Because I sure do. I can’t do that.

Maybe that’s why I feel like most people’s speech is insincere even when it isn’t… because it sounds like how I would recite or read a script. That explains why I view people who aren’t native English speakers, have a heavy accent, and take long pauses to think of the words they need to say as being more trustworthy… because my cadence is similar to theirs; and we both stumble over words.

#I feel like that little kid “If you ever had a dream where— you want— you wish— if you could— you want….” #I’m not that bad; but I come very close to sounding like that sometimes LOL #I feel like I spoke more smoothly as a little kid… #but that’s probably because my verbal communication is almost at the same level it was at when I was eight years old #Like those people who have a growth spurt but end up being on the short side as adults because they stop growing immediately after #I figuratively shot up to 5’0” in third grade and never grew past that point #(with regard to clarity and flow specifically; not vocabulary… my vocabulary has definitely grown a LOT #but that’s only because I get sick of writing or talking in the same way for longer than a year… which is why I currently sound #like a pretentious 20th century englishman whenever I write fiction) #I have no “real” vernacular because I don’t feel comfortable with having a personal vernacular… #because using the same patterns of words over and over again for the same situations counts as para-scripting and feels fake #(to me) #sometimes I hear someone use a new word I’ve never heard in conversation; and I say “Cool! I’ll use that word myself.” But I later realize #it’s not just a fun one-time usage of a word; but it’s a catchphrase they say all the time and forsake any common synonyms of the word #— I assume — solely for the purpose of sounding smart to others (their behavior usually justifies my assumption; because these people #act like they’re better than everyone else) #And sometimes I catch myself doing the same thing; and I switch to a different word or format than I’ve been using; out of nothing #but embarrassment and twisted perfectionism #Or sometimes I come off the high of using lofty words and want to speak in a more commonplace way #and after awhile of that I start thinking “Wait a minute wait a minute…. Now I’m just trying to sound cool and normal. #This isn’t how I talk.” #But the truth is I really feel spoken language is an insufficient medium for communication. #I want a language in which the speakers pry open each others’ chests #rip out each others’ hearts; and rub them together #But at the same time it kills me that I cannot do the same amount of tonal shapeshifting when speaking #especially when my default (socially-acceptable) speaking voice sounds extremely airheaded #I’ve been trying to use larger words and more archaic sentence structures in speech lately and it feels good #but also like I’m trying to show off (even though I’m not and that’s just how I’d prefer to speak) #even then… all my speech patterns are copied from somewhere #It’s been a years-long identity crisis and I want it to end

[lightthatibecome]

Something that I've been trying to do more and more is not letting my mistakes define the rest of my day and it's been really REALLY hard, especially in sales and customer service, but I allow myself a couple seconds to be mortified/cringe at myself and then shake it off.

Literally. That's part of what helps, shaking it off in public view, because it reminds me that Nobody Cares about your fuck up but You, and nobody bats an eye at the weird full-body wring after. It is LIFE-CHANGING. I stutter greeting a guest, a make a mistake on transferring their plans, I say something stupid and weird? It's fine. It is truly fine. The anxiety lasts a second because I have given myself concrete proof that everyone usually minds their own business about 98% of the time.

Let yourself cringe at your mistakes and then move on. Don't agonize over them. It takes work but it makes all the difference.

#Ive made so many friends because of this too. just letting people see you make mistakes and move on also makes them comfortable enough to+ #do the same around you. i feel like thats very important. ive had so many people praise my workint style- more than ive ever had before+ #and ive turned from over-apologizing to saying sorry and then thank you for being so understanding. thank you for your patience #its wonderful i love this job so much and i like the growth ive made over just EIGHT DAYS OF WORKING HERE!!!! #also t×rget is the only place that claims diversity and actually lives up to it which is an insane difference between other jobs ive had

[radiates-confusion]

Hello! We're on our final 3, with Day 27: Flat, going pretty well! I did this whilst on a 2 1/2 hour - turned 3 1/2 hour - journey with shitty WiFi, which was pretty fun, so I actually had this finished by like.....2pm?

I have mixed feelings about this one, but I dont think It sucks tooo bad. The bush should've been more saturated.

#artist #art challenge #aec's drawing bonanza #illustration #fun fun times #I kinda wanna get better at drawing landscapes tbh #cause I have wild images in my head #I just suck ass at doing them #maybe I'll focus on that after this is over #Idk #this has been super fun though #it's built my confidence in my art in a weird way #I'm more comfortable with the speed I draw at now #that's for certain #I can also appreciate the works I spend more than like an hour and a half on more now too #Damn #I thought this was gonna be portfolio growth #not character growth #I'll take it tho #love that non-traumatic character development! #people deserve more of that. #anyway #hope you enjoyed the #unhinged tagging

[prettieinpink]

HAVING AN INTENTIONAL ROOM

Your room is the most important place in your life. You sleep, wake up, heal and experience many emotions just in your room. You have to take care of your room, so it is spiritually the ideal place to grow into the best version of yourself. 

KEEPING YOUR ROOM CLEAN 

Keeping your room free of mess is an act of mindfulness and self-discipline that supports your overall journey and connects you with your higher self. It helps with promoting clarity, and cultivating inner balance and is an everyday self-care ritual. 

Make your bed every day. You have to respect the place in which you sleep and heal.

Hang up clean clothes after the day or put any dirty clothes in your laundry hamper, avoid tossing them on the floor. 

Find a place for everything, and know where everything is. If you do not know where each thing in your room is located, you either have too much clutter or you’re disorganised. 

Tidy up your room daily, neatly putting everything away in its place. If needed, buy a few organisers. 

Don’t leave rubbish for extended periods. Treat your room like a temple, don’t disrespect it, and pick up after yourself. 

Try to avoid eating meals in your bedroom. We forget the dirty dishes over time, and it stinks and attracts unwanted bugs. 

Change bed sheets regularly. Once a week at the most, for more hygienic reasons though. 

Remove unwanted items on your bedside table. Keep it minimal and intentional with anything you want to place on it.

Regularly clean up the dust in your room, using a duster or a damp microfiber cloth on all of the surfaces. 

ENCOURAGING GROWTH IN YOUR LIFE

A room designed to encourage inner growth serves as a physical reminder of your commitment to self-improvement, personal development, and overall well-being. It creates an environment helpful to improvement, self-reflection, and positive change.

Keep specific areas of your room designated to one task in your life. For me, my desk is for productivity, my bed is for resting or relaxing and my bedroom floor is for mindful activities. 

Throw away any items that do not serve a purpose to you anymore. Avoid keeping items that bring you painful or harmful memories.

Minimise the presence of technology in your room. I suggest having zones in your room which is device-free or having a time of day in which devices are not allowed in your room. 

Create a vision board poster in your room that you can see every day, which helps to visualise and motivate you to create your dream life. 

Place meaningful quotes, affirmations, mantras or prayers as reminders of the values, mindsets or intentions you wish to cultivate in your life.

Display personal achievements. If you won any awards or certificates, place them in a way in which you can view them every day. If you have done something in your life that you think is an achievement but have no award to display, just simply create your own. Buy some balsawood and glue it together to create your own medal. 

Place items that align with the habits or routines you want to cultivate in your life so that they are easily accessible. Put a workout mat in the corner, always have your journal on your desk or have a cold water bottle ready to go when you wake up. 

3. DECORATING YOUR ROOM TO REFLECT YOU

Decorating your room in a way that reflects your true self brings a sense of authenticity and comfort. It creates a nurturing environment that allows for self-expression, reflection, and personal growth which ultimately contributes to your journey of inner development.

Make a mood board or vision board of how you would want your room to look, how it supports you and how it makes you feel. Choose a colour scheme in this process as well.

Add candles or incense that you think embodies who you are, or who you want to be. For example, if I want to be a cleaner person, I would choose a candle that smells like fresh linen. 

Put up posters of things that you like, people who you look up to or anything that expresses who you are.

Add a canopy to your bed while you sleep. So cute, and I believe it helps protect you from any unwanted energy entering through you while you sleep. 

Add a rug, even if you already have carpet, to enhance the cozy ambience of the room. 

An ottoman at the end of the bed can elevate your room to look more expensive, if needed, it can also be an organiser for your extra things. 

Put life in your room, adding low-maintenance plants or flowers can liven it up. A little extra, research some plants or flowers meaning’s and pick one that resonates with you. 

Display any of your favourite jewellery, bags, clothing pieces, or make-up around your room. A nice way to appreciate what you have, without actually using them. 

#becoming that girl #clean girl #green juice girl #becoming her #that girl #that girl lifestyle #glow up #glow up era #pink pilates girl #dream girl #dream girl life #pink pilates princess #it girl #it girl energy #it girl tips #dream girl tips #feminine energy #feminine journey #that girl energy #that girl routine #wonyoungism #hyperfemininity #hypergamyblr #self improvement #self development #self help #self care #self growth #self love #inner strength

[theambitiouswoman]

Emotionally healthy people are quitters ✨

Emotionally healthy people are quitters. They make choices that align with their well being. Quitting a relationship, partnership or job that makes you unhappy is a sign of self awareness. If someone stays in something bad for too long, it's not because they're strong, but because they're afraid or have low self esteem. Being emotionally healthy means having awareness, setting boundaries, and knowing when it's time to move on from situations that no longer serve you. It's about prioritizing your mental and emotional health over sticking with something that's causing you harm or making you unhappy.

Emotionally healthy people also tend to have good communication skills. They express their feelings and needs calmly, openly and honestly. They also look for guidance and enlightenment because they understand that seeking help is a sign of strength not weakness.

They make decisions out of self love rather than attachment or fear. When you prioritize loving yourself, you make choices that align with your happiness and growth, rather than staying in situations out of comfort or insecurity.

Recognizing when you have an unhealthy attachment or that your feelings may not be conducive to your well being is important. It allows you to take a step back, evaluate the situation objectively, and make choices that are in line with your best interests.

Sometimes holding on can lead to more pain and struggle than necessary. It's a sign of emotional maturity to recognize when a situation is no longer good for you and to have the strength to let it go.

Things that are genuinely right for you should not cause you harm or emotional pain. Choosing pain is a sign of a lack of self love. Recognizing the need for change, prioritizing self love, and making healthier choices is how you begin to change your life.

Reframe your mindset from “this is hurting me because I love it” to “this is hurting me because I do not love me.”

#emotional attachment #emotional intelligence #attachment issues #self love #self healing #self development #self help #self improvement #self awareness #self care #self esteem #personal growth #personal development #personal improvement #levelupjourney #girlblogging #dream girl journey #dream girl tips #dream girl guide #self confidence #advice #relationships #healthy relationships #toxic relationship