#guess I need to learn spanish sooner than I thought :

[capisback]

Spanish is now the official language of bisexuals

#interesting #spn #supernatural #canon destiel but in spanish #I'm loving this lmaooooo #destiel #15x18 #bi #bisexual #guess I need to learn spanish sooner than I thought :/ #cap talks #og cap

[fanfoolishness]

Interview with a Fic Writer

Tagged by @novantinuum, thank you!

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How many works do you have on AO3?

242 works. The actual fuck??? Wow, me. Of course, this does span about 9 years, so I guess that's not that insane?

What’s your total word count on AO3

549,737! But that averages out to only 2271 words per story, haha. You got me! I think I have less than 10 fics that have more than 1 chapter. I love one-shots, what can I say?

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oh, you want to get into this? All right. We'll get into this:

The X-Files, proto-fandom, ur-fandom, first OTP ever... yeah, 15-year-old me went. WILD. Many horrible Mulder/Scully stories, and some Doggett/Scully and character study stories as well. Mostly not very good, but with occasional flashes of decent writing. Really had a difficult time writing romantic feelings between 30+ year-olds given a) I did not date in high school and b) was 17 and not an emotionally stunted FBI agent.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - not a huge volume of stories, but definitely some very angsty Spuffy and Spike tales.

Harry Potter - just one published fic (Lupin grieving Sirius), and one with Snape and Harry having a heart to heart I could never quite get right.

Then came the dark times (vet school) where I was exhausted and hard at work for a few years and I thought, horribly, I might have outgrown fandom. Thank god for...

X-Men First Class and the undying love of Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr! I'd never fallen for a slash ship before but my god I fell hard for this one and wrote my first fandom smut and my first real AU (mutants with zombies) that I never finished.

Then.... let's see...

Quantum Leap drabbles!

Two Avatar the Last Airbender fics!

Agents of SHIELD fics, mostly focused on Coulson and FitzSimmons, and super angsty.

Bioshock Infinite sads (god I love writing the sad bad dad)!

And then the juggernauts of Mass Effect (my longest fic to date with 30 chapters!) and Dragon Age, which were endlessly productive and are still productive given the variety of different protagonists you can create, different choices, and different relationships to canon characters. I'm still working on a Hawke/Varric fic in the back of my mind here.

There's one random Gravity Falls fic (wish I could have got a little more obsessed with it, or gotten into it while it aired) of Stan sads, and one tiny Avengers ficlet of a sad Tony and Peter.

There's one Wheel of Time fic! Dammit I wanted Rand and Tam to reunite so much sooner than they did.

40-odd Steven Universe fics! So many SU fics!

One random Schitt's Creek fic of David and Patrick!

And finally, The Mandalorian, with 47 fics. Phew!!!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. The Invitation, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin finds himself in dreams that seem realer than real, reminding him of his loss, but he begins to find a sense of hope again. A promise is kept.

2. The Outstretched Hand, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin is a man of action, but sometimes, the quiet finds its way in. Din reckons with the aftermath of the events of Chapter 14, the Tragedy. (My very first Mando fic!)

3. Not the Sentimental Type, Steven Universe. Priyanka Maheswaran has long prided herself on keeping her emotions in check. But a mother's love can only grow, and sometimes it expands to people she never anticipated. Like the Universe boy.

4. Translation, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin was a man of few words, but many languages. Some might have thought the Child had no language at all. Din Djarin and the Child grow to understand each other.

5. Full Disclosure, Steven Universe. Just as the world begins to recover from Spinel's attack, Steven starts having nightmares. The more he ignores his fears, the worse they become, until he's left with no other choice but to ask for help. (My thoughts on what would drive Steven Universe Future, and I wasn't far off.)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really try to! Even sometimes years later if I realize I've missed some. I appreciate each and every one, and have definitely made friendships through comments <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, hell... I'm too lazy to link these but if anyone wants to read them let me know or find them on my AO3!

A Stopped Clock from Bioshock Infinite has Booker DeWitt ravaged by Korsakoff's amnesia from his long-standing alcoholism. Is Columbia real or imagined? Hard to say.

The Viscount's Way shows Varric Tethras having become his parent, and a cruel, hard viscount of Kirkwall.

Songs in the Key of Red shows how Cullen fared under the dark future in Redcliffe in DAI, and they write happy endings, don't they? shows what happened to Varric. Both horribly depressing in different ways!

Two by Two, Hands of Blue shows a not unexpected end to lyrium addiction :( Poor Cullen, he got a lot of angsty developments, didn't he?

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written?

Never really got into crossovers or AUs. Just... meh for me!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, I don't think so.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Charles/Erik, Shepard/Garrus, Shepard/Liara, Shepard/Tali, a mess of different f/f femShep drabbles, and most of my Dragon Age pairings have gotten sexytimes. On the other hand I helped start the NoRomo Mando tag for the Mandalorian to help find non-pairing Mandalorian content. Depends on the pairing and the fandom, for sure.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, thank goodness!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so! There used to be a Spanish-language wiki linking to some of my old X-Files stories XD

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but friends and I definitely will beta each others' things to help with sticky points.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

ALL-TIME? Just, why? So many ships I loved in years past turned out to have pretty damn problematic elements I didn't see at the time, so it's hard to say... Mulder/Scully actually has a ton of issues, Buffy/Spike obviously has issues... so maybe Hawke/Varric (except not canon!) or Garrus/Shepard or Brosca/Alistair.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Still need to finish my Hawke/Varric fic for after Adamant! I have 3 chapters written that I haven't posted. Maybe posting them will help inspire me....

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and POV writing from different characters; I feel fantastic writing Steven and Greg, though totally at sea trying to write from Connie's POV, randomly. But I think my dialogue and emotional beats are what people tend to tune in for. When I do write romance, it's usually very sweet and silly and pulled from life. I also love writing nature scenes and settings to help establish mood. Mood and emotion and catharsis are my bread and butter, and I like my poetic prose.

What are your writing weaknesses?

What the hell is a long, well-thought-out plot? Like what even is that???? My longest fic with 30 chapters is basically "Shepard has PTSD and hangs out with her crew. They have some funerals." THAT'S IT. How the heck people actually come up with plot that ties into the lore of a fandom I genuinely have no idea and it's the biggest thing that's held me back from finishing original work. I can come up with a setting and characters and then trying to make them do stuff that's more than just talking to other characters and deepening their relationships with them... how the fuck???

I also definitely have 10-20 words that I am in constant danger of reusing like every other paragraph, LOL!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't speak any other languages so I always avoid it as much as possible. I've seen people describe sign differently in fics and picked one way to depict it that made sense to me for Grogu, but that's about it.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The X-Files, of course!

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Towards Another Day, the tale of how Cullen went from being a templar in Kirkwall to commander of the Inquisition, is definitely up there.

Reverberations is one of my rare multi-chaptered fics and one of my favorite for the catharsis at the end. It makes me tear up every time. 5 times Din and Grogu encounter the Dark Side, and one time they find the Light.

Either a world for the birds (Steven develops a closer relationship with his Uncle Andy, learning birdwatching along the way) or on the subject of rocks (Steven and Jasper finally reach a peace) might take the prize for favorite SU fic.

__

Tagging (if you’re super bored and would like a fun thing to do) fellow writers:

@lastwordbeforetheend, @runrundoyourstuff, @honestlyhufflepuff, @art3mys, and @fake-starwars-fan if you would like to play!

#fandom #writing #on writing #fanfiction #damn look at me go #memes

[carewyncromwell]

Cinderelly, Cinderelly, night and day, it’s Cinderelly~... ^.^ Okay..before I jump into the next part of the Cinderella AU, here’s your usual appetizer of random historical/etc. notes!

Although carriages were developed centuries earlier, actual coaches like the kind we think of from Cinderella stories were first developed in the late 16th century in Hungary, specifically a little town called Kocs. (The word “coach” and its alternatives in other languages, such as the German Kutsche and the Spanish and Portuguese coche, are thought to have been derived from the Hungarian kocsi, meaning “of Kocs.”) They then really caught on in the rest of Europe after Queen Elizabeth I of England started using them in the 1580s. The terms “coach” and “carriage” are often used interchangeably, but if one wanted to pin-point the advancements coaches specifically made in contrast to carriages of the past, there are a few differences one can pick out in how they’re built. Coaches generally are four-wheeled enclosed vehicles with doors and/or windows (glass was added in later centuries), and often include a “boot” seat on the outside for a footman and/or luggage to sit on. Coaches also generally have a reputation for providing a smoother ride than previous modes of transport because they’re suspended between the wheels rather than directly over or beside them. After the invention of the coach, one can find carriages (royal ones, in particular) adopting some of these same attributes.

Sadly wheelchairs really weren’t a thing in the 16th century. The first self-propelled wheeled chairs were developed in the mid-17th century and refined in the 18th, with sedan chairs or litters (A.K.A. chairs you carried) generally being used by the nobility prior to that. But there’s no way in Hell I’m not going to give McNully the independence he deserves, so I used a completely anachronistic design inspired by this antique wheelchair I found online, made circa around the 1840′s. Hey, this is a fantasy world anyway, so bleh. :P The flower detailing on the wheel is supposed to evoke an emblem I see being on Florence’s green and gold coat of arms (get it? “Florence?” “Flora?”). You might also notice that McNully has little Snitch-like “wing” frills on each of his buttons! XD

Another fun thing I learned while doing research -- although cloaks were often worn for warmth during the medieval period and beyond, in England during the Elizabethan era, their use was actually actively discouraged and even prohibited, as they were associated with criminals and rebels! Therefore it was common for a lot of English noblemen and women to wear thicker clothing made of wool and accessories like muffs, gloves, and even jackets for warmth instead. I tried very, very hard to find historically accurate examples of period-worthy jackets and capes for women around the time of the Renaissance, and was very frustrated to find a lot of fantasy-esque costume pieces or historical clothing from later eras that were simply mislabeled -- but I did find one lovely recreation of a 16th century wool jacket, so that’s what I used as reference for Carewyn’s jacket in this sketch, though I personally imagine it as a dark red, so as to better blend with her burnt orange and beige servant’s uniform. Bill’s uniform is based off a real castle guard uniform from early 16th century France, though with a much simpler color palette (I see Royaume’s colors being blue and red). Like with McNully’s chair, there’s a crown on the chest of Bill’s uniform, which I see being on Royaume’s coat of arms (“royaume” is literally French for “kingdom”).

In her canon, Carewyn was born when Jacob was nine years old. Although in most of Carewyn and Jacob’s canon post-Portrait-Vault, they end up being only two years apart in age, that’s only because Jacob stopped aging while trapped in a Portrait for seven years. From Carewyn’s fifth year on, Jacob and Carewyn in canon therefore act much more like contemporaries, even though Jacob actually kind of ended up partially raising Carewyn alongside their mother Lane.

Previous part is here – whole tag is here – Katriona “KC” Cassiopeia belongs to @kc-needs-coffee and I hope you all enjoy! xoxo

x~x~x~x

Every day over the next week, Carewyn met Orion at the gate of the palace of Royaume, and the two would spend an hour or so together. Orion would ask her about life at the palace, Carewyn would playfully respond, and sooner or later, they’d end up getting diverted and talking about something else completely, whether the upcoming Winter Festival, the language of flowers, art, poetry, the meaning of life, music, fencing, or (after seeing a rather beautiful eagle flying overhead) what it might be like to fly. Carewyn honestly wasn’t entirely sure what Orion got out of their meetings besides entertainment, and naturally she couldn’t afford to indulge in such entertainment too long, when she had so much work to do around the castle and she still had to find out where Jacob was positioned. But she had to admit, with the King and Queen having invited Iris over to stay in one of the guest suites at the palace for the remainder of the month, Carewyn didn’t mind having an excuse to stay far away from her cousin. Lately Carewyn had actively planned her days so that she could clean the guest suites at teatime, when Iris would be in one of the foyers with the King, Queen, and Prince on the opposite side of the palace. She did not want a repeat of the other day, after all...particularly since she’d also need time to change out of the nicer, collared dresses she’d wear when spending time with Orion.

Orion, meanwhile, was of course getting a bit more than entertainment out of his and Carewyn’s meetings. Through speaking with Carewyn, he’d sussed out some very helpful information about Royaumanian culture, the dynamics within Royaume’s royal family, and both their and their country’s financial state. One day he told his closest confidantes at court, Skye and McNully, some of what he’d learned...but Skye didn’t react quite as favorably as Orion had expected.

“...I gave Lady Cromwell a copy of the sheet music for ‘No One is Alone’ last week -- you remember the song, of course? And from what I understand, Prince Henri and the castle staff have quite taken to it. Not that I’m surprised -- Carewyn has a very soothing voice. I’m sure she performed it very well. But the Prince listening to the words at all is a good sign -- I even asked Carewyn if the Prince enjoyed them, and she said she believed so. She also found their message meaningful...one of Florence’s best-loved anti-War songs, and one about looking through another’s eyes and forgiving past grievances, no less! That can only be a good sign, for Royaumanians to take heart in it. It surely must have been fate that Lady Cromwell and I collided at the market -- I had a feeling we were kindred spirits, when she came to my aid, but now I am most assured of it. I might hazard a guess that she wishes for peace just as much as I -- for the sake of her brother fighting in the field, yes, but also selflessly for the sake of others, not wishing to see any other person in pain...”

“She sounds like a perfect knight in shining armor,” said Skye, her voice oddly cutting.

Orion looked up at Skye, startled by her tone. Her arms were crossed over the chest of her faded blue linen dress.

“Anything else you want to tell us about the fair Lady Cromwell,” she said rather icily, “or are you actually ready to talk about how you plan to end this War?”

Orion blinked slowly. “...I thought that we were already discussing that.”

“Really?” scoffed Skye. “‘Cause it sounds to me like you were busy gushing over your new conquest.”

“Conquest?” Orion repeated. His confused tone then melted into something more soothing and indulgent, “Oh -- no, Skye...you misunderstand me. I have no interest in courting Carewyn -- she’s just my contact point, with the palace.”

Skye gave a very loud, disbelieving snort. “Ha! Right, of course she is -- that’s why you can’t stop gushing about ‘Carewyn this’ and ‘Lady Cromwell that.’”

“Skye has a point, Orion,” said McNully, though his voice was a lot less confrontational. If anything he sounded almost sheepish. “I mean, about 85% of your report was about Lady Cromwell. You used her name over ten times just in the span of a minute.”

Amazingly Orion’s calm, hard-to-read expression didn’t crack. His hands clasped lightly in front of him.

“Lady Cromwell plays an essential part in this strategy. I’m an outsider looking in, without her insight -- a ship sailing blindly, without the light from a lighthouse to give me direction.”

“A lighthouse for a lost ship -- oh yeah, those sound like the words of someone who’s focusing on winning a war and not swooning over a pretty face,” said Skye scathingly. “Maybe instead of always running off and playing dress-up, you could actually bother to do your duty and go help fight on the battlefield for once!”

Orion’s lips came together tightly, but it didn’t make his expression any less composed. McNully shot Skye an uncomfortable, faintly disapproving look.

“Easy, Skye,” he murmured. “You know Orion -- ”

But Skye didn’t seem to hear McNully. Instead she tore into Orion.

“Face it, Orion -- you just like being treated like a commoner again and being able to make believe that you don’t have any responsibilities or worries...well, guess what? You’re not a commoner anymore! You’re the Prince of Florence -- you reckon little Miss Knight-in-Shining-Armor would take kindly to that, when she finds out?”

Orion’s dark eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly upon Skye’s face.

“Carewyn’s not an unreasonable woman,” he said softly. “I’m certain she would understand the reason behind my secrecy.”

This, if anything, only seemed to make Skye madder.

“Of course she would,” she muttered sourly. “Little Lady Royaume can do no wrong in your eyes, can she?”

She turned on her heel and stormed out, leaving Orion feeling very resigned and confused. McNully gave a heavy sigh, before facing Orion with a more serious expression.

“She’s overreacting, as usual,” he said, “but she’s still 60% right. It’s risky enough for you to get this close to anyone right now, when your position as Crown Prince is threatened by the likes of Lord Malfoy. He’d frankly love to have something like that over you. But someone from Royaume? The granddaughter of one of the most powerful, wealthy, and feared noblemen in their country? Orion, that’s dangerous.”

Orion leaned his hands on the table, looking down at the map of Florence and Royaume laid out on top of it.

“McNully, I assure you...my objective has not changed,” he said very levelly. “Everything I have done is for Florence -- for peace and balance. I admit, Lady Cromwell is a fascinating woman, and certainly one to be admired...but I spend time with her to gather intelligence I can obtain nowhere else. That is all.”

McNully looked doubtful, but didn’t directly address it. Instead he said, “I understand she’s your eyes and ears inside the palace, and the intelligence you’re getting is valuable...but don’t forget, she isn’t on your team. She’s on Royaume’s. And right now, Royaume is kicking our tail out there, on the battlefield.”

Orion’s dark eyes drifted away from the table as McNully leaned his arms on the table himself.

“It’s getting bad again,” he murmured very seriously. “I know you said the palace of Royaume’s strapped for funds, but somehow or another, they’ve scrounged up enough to get more cannons, and their troops have been moving them around every couple of hours so that our men never know where they’re going to be firing from next. It’s been very effective. Whoever’s been giving Royaume’s King and Queen military strategy lately, they’re a bloody genius.”

McNully clearly was irritated about this, given the flash that shot through his narrowed eyes.

“Your father sent me a request for a counter-strategy this morning. You know it’s likely if the strategy isn’t one he can execute on his own, he may ask both you and me to join him there, on the front lines.”

Orion did not respond. His expression was as unreadable as ever, but there was something oddly detached and avoidant in his posture.

“I know you don’t want that, and you know I have faith in you,” said McNully, “but your strategy is a slow burn, Orion. It requires both patience and time...and we might not end up having as much of those as you think.”

Once again, Orion chose not to answer. McNully sighed again.

“You know I’ll be right behind you in a coach, if you need me,” he said tiredly. “Just...mind that you use your head as well as your heart, all right?”

Orion threw on his black traveling cloak and headed back to Royaume not long after, hoping to meet up with Carewyn for an evening stroll. There was a notable chill in the air -- if it got much colder, he thought that any rain might instead come down as sleet or maybe even snow.

When Orion arrived at the gate, however, he was met not by Carewyn, but by KC. She was dressed in a high-necked gown made of black velvet and holding a leather-bound book and a stack of parchment in her arms.

Orion tilted his head slightly to glance at the piece of parchment on the top of the stack, which had several “X’s” scattered over an oddly familiar map.

“Plans to bury some pirate treasure?” he asked pleasantly.

KC gave a lightly amused snort. “No, just military plans.”

Her lightly freckled face then grew a bit more serious. “I guess you’re here for Carewyn?”

Orion had been ready to ask more about the military plans KC was holding, but decided not to circle back to it when she changed the subject.

“Yes. Has she been detained?”

“I guess so...” said KC. Her lips twisted into a concerned frown as she looked out at the darkening sky.

Orion’s eyebrows knit together over his eyes slightly. “You seem concerned.”

KC bit her lip. “Mm...it’s just...well, you see, one of the royal carriages broke down earlier today, when the Queen was riding through the country with Lady Yaxley.”

Orion raised his eyebrows. “Lady Iris Yaxley, do you mean? Carewyn’s cousin?”

“Yes. No one was badly hurt, fortunately, but the Queen, Lady Iris, and the coachman and footman were forced to ride the horses back and leave the carriage behind. When they got back, they asked the royal carpenter, Charlie Weasley, to go fix it. Charlie said that he probably wouldn’t have the proper tools to fix it here at the castle, so Carewyn offered to ride out with him, so that their horses could drag the coach together to the Weasley family cottage, about forty minutes away. The problem is,” she said with a deepening frown, “they left over two hours ago, and they’re still not back yet. Bill headed out after them on his own horse not long before you got here...he’s Charlie’s brother, so he knows the route they would’ve taken...”

Orion’s dark eyes had narrowed significantly.

“Which road did Sir Weasley take after them?” he asked, his calm voice nonetheless touched with the faintest edge.

KC pointed. “Northwest -- toward the mountains.”

Orion nodded. “Thank you.”

And with this, he turned on his heel and rushed back toward where he thought he might find McNully’s coach. He needed to borrow a horse.

Setting one of the black horses free of the black coach, Orion rode off toward the mountains, his slightly-too-long dark hair flapping freely behind him. The road was well-marked, but it soon veered off into dense woods as it migrated up toward the mountains. Orion had never gone so far west into Royaume before, let alone far from Florence before. Despite himself, he had to acknowledge the beauty of the landscape. The views of the castle below were breathtaking -- it looked as tiny as a toy, and yet the infinite glass windows made it sparkle like some diamond-like beacon in the darkening sky. He wondered if his own palace in Florence looked so beautiful to others, at a distance. As much as he himself hadn’t been raised a prince, it was difficult for him to look at his own palace as anything other than a cage.

As he went further uphill and the sky darkened, it also grew colder. Orion was starting to see his own breath on the air. He thought of Carewyn alone in the cold, perhaps hurt, and had to take several deep breaths to sooth his nerves. He was never in a right state, when he let his thoughts run too wild or his fears chatter too loudly.

Finally Orion caught sight of two familiar ginger-headed men, standing by an overturned coach, covered in mud and missing one of its back wheels. One of the men was the tall, freckled castle guard from the other day who Carewyn called Bill, dressed in his high-collared blue and red patterned uniform tunic and matching white feathered, blue-velvet hat -- the other was much stockier, but no less freckled, dressed in a burgundy-colored tunic and loose brown pants and boots, and he wore his ginger hair in a ponytail not unlike Orion’s when he was at court. When Orion approached them, Bill immediately reacted with suspicion -- Orion explained what KC had told him and asked where Carewyn was, and was incredibly startled to hear her voice coming from over the edge of the cliff.

“I’m down here!”

Orion couldn’t help but feel a flash of concern. He raced over as if to look over the edge, but Charlie lashed out an arm in front of the taller man to stop him.

“Uh, I wouldn’t look over if I were you, mate,” he said, having trouble biting back his laughter despite himself.

He pointed at the broken carriage. Hanging over one of the doors was what looked like the burnt orange and beige skirt of a dress and several wool petticoats.

Orion blinked a few times in great surprise, his tanned cheeks darkening with a faint blush. Bill, however, reacted with anxiety.

“Carewyn!” he shouted over the ravine. “Are you in your underwear down there!?”

“Ugh -- well, I couldn’t very well climb down into this briar patch and wrench this wheel loose in my dress, could I?” Carewyn called back up rather haughtily. “At least my bloomers are slightly akin to the sorts of trousers you all wear.”

“You’ll catch a death of cold out here!” said Bill.

“I’m all right,” Carewyn reassured him. “Ulk -- ugh -- I have the wool jacket Andre made for me on...”

Charlie took a step forward, his eyes moved up toward the darkening sky pointedly so as not to look over the edge as he called down,

“Bill’s right, though, Carewyn -- it’s getting colder by the minute...and it’s getting dark too. Are you sure you can lift that thing up and over all by yourself?”

“Ugh...I admit, it’s a bit difficult!” she called back. “But I think I can manage.”

Recalling Carewyn’s blatant refusal of help in retrieving her horse, Orion -- still fighting back a slight blush -- called over the ravine himself.

“We do not question your capabilities, Carewyn,” he said patiently, “but would you like our help?”

“Ugh -- don’t be silly,” said Carewyn, sounding faintly haughty. “You, Charlie, and Bill would break your necks, climbing down here. And I’m still in my undergarments -- I have no interest in anyone seeing me prance around without proper clothes on, thank you.”

“It’s no use,” Charlie muttered under his breath, “I’ve tried to offer her help for the last hour, but she keeps putting me off, saying she’s fine. I don’t get why she feels like she has to do everything by herself...”

“Probably because she’s always had to, Charlie,” said Bill quietly. His voice betrayed a lot of sympathy and sadness as he exhaled through his nose.

Orion’s black eyes deepened with some compassion for Bill as he called back over the ravine to Carewyn,

“Your points are well made, my lady...but we’d still like to help you.”

“Ugh -- you can help me by leaving me my dignity and not looking over while I’m only half-dressed...ack...”

“Would you accept us doing more than that?”

“Urgh -- I am...sorry to have made you and Bill come out all this way -- but I’m all right, really.”

Bill glanced at Orion out the side of his eye, and then back at the cliff. Despite his distrust of the man, the eldest Weasley was sort of glad he wasn’t the only one who disliked how reticent Carewyn was to accept help.

“You don’t need to apologize,” he said earnestly. “I was -- we were worried about you, Carewyn. You and Charlie.”

He and Orion glanced at each other. Bill wished the other man’s expression wasn’t so hard to read. The castle guard tried to twist his uncomfortable frown into a smile that Carewyn would hopefully be able to hear over the edge of the cliff.

“Come on...let’s get you and that wheel up and over so you can get back into your dress.”

There was a silence. Then Carewyn said a bit more quietly,

“...You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Wha -- oh, come off it, Carewyn!” said Charlie exasperatedly. “To hell we do! You think I was mucking about, calling you my pal and saying I needed to figure out a nickname for you? Now let us help you, or I’ll consider making that nickname an irritating one!”

There was another silence. Then Carewyn sighed very loudly and tiredly, and Orion couldn’t help but grin, because he could tell she’d finally given in.

“Oh, all right,” she said begrudgingly. “But I don’t really know how you’re going to help, when you can’t look at me.”

Orion closed his eyes.

“Describe your surroundings, Carewyn,” he said. “Paint a picture for me, with your words.”

“...Well, I’ve gotten the wheel out of the briar patch. I’m trying to roll it back up, but it’s as large as me, and the downward slope and the ice is making it difficult. Plus the wheel isn’t in great shape -- all of its spokes are broken, so there isn’t much for me to push up on, while rolling it uphill.”

“I would’ve told her to just forget it, but it’d be much easier for me to carve a new wheel if I have framework from the old one,” Charlie explained. “I’m already going to have to make the new spokes and hubcap completely out of wood instead of using any gold or metalwork, but it’s still going to take a lot of time...even more so if the old wheel framework can’t be saved...”

Orion considered the matter, visualizing the set-up down below on the inside of his eyelids. “...What’s left of the wheel...is it made of metal or wood?”

“Wood...but there seems to be some sort of metal lining around the rim, held on by nails.”

“That’d be for durability, I reckon,” said Charlie. “Wood alone would get chaffed badly on the ground, moving in a constant circle down cobblestones or over anything rocky.”

Orion opened his eyes and looked over the broken coach. His gaze lingered on the thick leather straps coming off of the front that no doubt would’ve attached it to their horses. Then he abruptly got up, rushing over to undo the straps from the carriage.

“What are you doing?” said Bill, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Orion quickly knotted the long, thick leather straps together with several complex-looking and strong knots.

“Carewyn,” he called over very calmly, “I’m going to lower this down to you -- use the buckle and loop it securely around the inside rim of the wheel, so that it’s tight. Give it a light tug when it’s secure.”

He blindly tossed one end of the rope made out of leather straps over the edge of the cliff. After a minute, he felt a light tug at the end.

“Gentlemen,” Orion murmured to the Weasleys, “I’ll need you to hold this, for just a moment. Carewyn,” he added, as Charlie and Bill both grabbed the end of the makeshift rope and he let go, “I’m going to need you to step onto the wheel yourself and hold on.”

“What?” said Carewyn. “Orion, you can’t lift both me and the wheel -- it’s far too much! I’ll climb up and out myself -- ”

“Not to worry, my lady -- none of us will be doing the lifting,” said Orion serenely.

He led both his black horse and Bill’s chestnut horse over by their reins, and -- taking the makeshift rope from Bill and Charlie again -- he looped the end under the straps of both his and Bill’s saddles. He gave several tugs at all of the connections to make sure they were tight and secure before mounting his horse.

“Sir Weasley, if you would assist me.”

Catching onto Orion’s idea at last, Bill rushed forward so he could jump up onto his own horse.

“Mr. Weasley, you may want to have your hands ready to help Carewyn climb out when she gets close to the top,” said Orion over his shoulder. “Sir Weasley, together now.”

With a lot of effort and strain, the two horses were able to lift Carewyn and the broken wheel up and out of the ravine. Once Carewyn was out, all three men averted their eyes so she could put her dress back on. Once she was suitably redressed in her orange-and-beige dress, snood, and dark scarlet wool jacket, she, Bill, and Orion helped Charlie secure some makeshift posts he’d carved out of some nearby tree branches under the broken coach so that their four horses could lift it up off the ground and help support it without its second back wheel. Then the four hobbled the coach up the mountain the rest of the way to the Weasley family cottage.

The home of the Weasley family, affectionately nicknamed “the Burrow,” was built up against the side of a hill. Attached to the house was a large farm with sprawling pastures and short, rustic wooden fences. Its roof had clearly been patched up multiple times over the years with whatever kind of wood was on hand, making it resemble a patchwork quilt.

When the group arrived, Bill and Charlie’s youngest sibling and only sister Ginny immediately ran out to greet them -- she’d seen them coming up over the horizon and was beyond thrilled to see that it was her eldest brothers. Bill and Charlie’s teenage brothers Percy, Fred, George, and Ron soon followed along after. Fred and George -- who were identical twins -- were quick to crow that Charlie had brought them an early birthday present (namely, the coach), and Percy scolded them that clearly it was for work and they should let it alone. Orion and Carewyn ended up staying back at a distance, both faintly baffled by the amount of warmth and noise emanating from the seven siblings as they chattered amongst themselves, constantly stepping on each other’s feet and interrupting what everyone else was saying. Neither of them had ever encountered a family quite like this before. When Bill and Charlie’s parents, Arthur and Molly Weasley, emerged from the house, however, Molly very quickly bustled every last one of them inside, including Orion and Carewyn.

“In you go, the lot of you,” she said in a forceful, but very warm tone of voice. “You all look like you need some supper-- ”

“Oh -- no, Mrs. Weasley,” said Carewyn very quickly, “I couldn’t impose -- ”

“Nonsense, dear!” said Molly, as she took Carewyn’s hands and led her inside. “Why, you’re positively freezing! To think, you came all the way out here without a proper muff for your hands...”

“I had to help Charlie with the carriage,” Carewyn said, her eyes drawn away awkwardly rather than looking at Molly, “I couldn’t hope to have my hands free, using a muff...”

“Then both of you should come inside and get warm,” said Arthur, startling Orion with an amiable clap on the back. “Any friend of Bill and Charlie’s is a friend of our family.”

Carewyn had never been the subject of such coddling and generosity before in her life. Her mother had always taught her to treat people with respect and compassion, of course, but she had been a soft-spoken and understated person, and their family life had always been very quiet. And of course at the Cromwell estate, it had been less modest and quiet, but far less affectionate as well. Never had she ever visited such a loud, crowded, and faintly uncomfortable place that still nonetheless felt like a home, full of warmth and love.

Even Orion found himself feeling a bit unsettled by the Weasley family’s overwhelming hospitality. He’d been in plenty of unruly, crowded, and loud settings like this before -- but none of them had ever been quite this...well, jovial. It made it so that Orion yearned for peace, quiet, and returned distance, and yet also couldn’t help but marvel at the positive vibes that rippled off of this family and how much they could give, despite clearly having so little. When dinner was served, Orion had to politely decline a bowl of beef stew because he didn’t eat meat, and Molly Weasley immediately handed the bowl off to Ron so she could set about making Orion his own plate, piled high with cheesy mashed potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, and roasted cauliflower seasoned with garlic and chives.

The Weasley family and their guests sat in an uncomfortable, messy half-circle around the large brick fireplace, laughing and talking as they ate. After supper came the dessert of hot, fresh apple dumplings, and after dessert came some hot tea and scones. After all, said Molly Weasley, having guests over was a rare treat, so they were going to celebrate appropriately. Neither Carewyn nor Orion could remember ever having felt so full in all their lives.

As everyone enjoyed their scones and tea, stories and songs were swapped around the fire. At one point in the evening, twelve-year-old Ginny -- who was perfectly thrilled to have another girl around, for a change -- begged Carewyn to sing for them. Apparently Bill had told his family all about her lovely voice. So, with some encouragement from Charlie, Arthur, and Molly, Carewyn bit back a broad, amused grin, took a deep breath, and started to sing.

“Mother cannot guide you...now you’re on your own.

Only me beside you -- still, you’re not alone...”

Orion had thought to himself that Carewyn must have done the song from his youth proper justice while singing for the Prince, but hearing her sing it in person, seeing her smile at him and her eyes sparkle as she did so...it was a completely different matter. As before, Orion felt all of the tension in his shoulders ebb off of him, as easily as dirt was washed away in warm water. He bowed his head and closed his eyes, tilting his head a bit so that he could hear her better, as his breathing and heart rate slowed. Even with his eyes closed, he could hear a smile in every word Carewyn sang...even when she likely wasn’t smiling at all, he thought. How could she be smiling, when lines like “sometimes people leave you half-way through the wood” and “people make mistakes -- fathers, mothers” rang with such emotion and pain? Was that pain visible on her face? Orion thought not, given Carewyn’s sense of grace and composure...but he heard it, all the same. He felt it -- her heart, aching with a kind of deep, blazing empathy Orion had never encountered in anyone else before.

When Carewyn came to the end of the song, Orion opened his eyes at last. The Weasleys all clapped, delighted, but he barely heard them as he turned to Carewyn.

“...That was remarkable,” he murmured.

Carewyn smiled. “I’m glad you think I did it justice.”

“Mm,” said Orion. “I’ve...never heard anyone drown like that, before.”

Carewyn couldn’t bite back a laugh. “Perhaps I didn’t do it justice then, if I sounded like I was drowning...”

“You were drowning in the words’ meaning,” corrected Orion. “Enveloping and submerging yourself in them -- allowing them to pull you in and take your breath away.”

He smiled, his black eyes very soft upon Carewyn’s face.

“It was...very moving.”

Molly’s face spread into an indulgent smile as she reached forward and patted Carewyn’s hand. “It was absolutely beautiful, dear.”

“Orion’s right, Carewyn,” agreed Arthur. “Your feelings really came through. I could tell the words mean something to you.”

Carewyn offered a polite smile, even as her eyes drifted away. “...I suppose they do.”

“It sounds like a lullaby, sort of,” mused Ron. “Even if it talks about your mother not being around.”

Ginny tilted her head toward Carewyn, Ron’s words prompting concern.

“...Do you not have a mother, Carewyn?”

The rest of the family went very quiet -- some like Percy shot Ginny warning looks, while others like Molly and Ron couldn’t help but glance at Carewyn in similar concern.

Carewyn’s gaze had drifted off onto the fire. Although she was turned away and her face was stoic, however, Orion could see her eyes rippling like turbulent ocean water, before she closed them solemnly.

“...I had one,” she answered softly at last. “She died when I was twelve.”

“Was she sick?” asked Ron, very hesitantly.

Carewyn bowed her head and gave a single, silent nod. Everyone in the room knew what that meant. The Plague had swept through both Royaume and Florence several times, over the span of the War -- one of the worst years was about nine years ago now...probably the same year Carewyn had lost her mother.

Orion’s black eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly upon her face. Molly looked like she wanted to envelop Carewyn in the biggest hug and was only holding back the urge because of her husband’s tight, reassuring squeeze to her hand.

“Oh, you poor dear,” she murmured.

Carewyn raised her head at last, her expression once again touched by a small, resilient, pretty smile.

“It’s all right,” she said gently, her eyes only briefly grazing each of the Weasleys’ faces. “I’ll always miss my mother...but I’m getting along all right. And I still have Jacob.”

“Your brother?” asked Percy, and Carewyn nodded.

“He left for War the same day he and I moved in with our grandfather,” Carewyn explained.

“Your brother must be quite a bit older than you, then,” said Orion.

Carewyn glanced at Orion out the side of her eye, smiling slightly. “Nine years older, yes. You know...you actually remind me of him, a bit.”

Orion raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

Carewyn was forced to stifle a giggle behind her hand. “Jacob is also the sort to do things in his own clever way. Only he’s a lot more aggressive than you -- and more talkative, and arrogant, and overprotective...”

“And uglier,” inserted Fred.

“And smellier,” added George.

“With a long crooked nose and ears like a bat’s.”

The younger Weasley siblings were all laughing now. Carewyn had to cover her mouth to stifle her giggling.

“No!” she choked. “I don’t mean it like that! He’s wonderful, really. He’s just...well, an absolute idiot about how to interact with other people. He’s completely brilliant, mind you -- he could give you whole lectures about anything from geography to mathematics to physics...but coming up with spontaneous gifts for no occasion at all, just based on someone’s interests? He’d need some prodding, to do something like that.”

She smiled at Orion, who couldn’t help but grin fully in return.

“It was truly nothing at all, Carewyn,” he said. “With your love of music, it felt like that song would be something you would appreciate.”

Arthur glanced at Orion curiously. “Where is that song from, Orion? I’ve never heard it before.”

“I learned it as a boy,” Orion answered. “I would hear it sung outside the window of the workhouse, sometimes.”

Molly looked very troubled. “Workhouse? Orion dear, you don’t mean to say you grew up in one of those terrible places?”

Orion felt Carewyn’s gaze on him. When he looked back at her, her almond-shaped blue eyes were rippling with concern as well, though much gentler and more empathetic than Molly’s. He tried to offer her a smile.

“Let’s just say the words spoke to me as well, at the time,” he said lightly. “Not just to me, either...all of the boys there, one way or another, were where they were because of other people’s ‘terrible mistakes.’”

Orion’s gaze drifted down to his own hands as he lightly clasped them in his lap.

“...The War doesn’t touch you the same way here, but...the closer you are to Florence...the more the reality of it hits you in the face, every day. Even when you’re not on the battlefield itself -- even when you’re just at the border -- you, and the ones you care for, run the risk of getting caught in the crossfire. And on the border of Florence and Royaume...in those towns where it’s hard to tell where one country starts and another begins...tensions are like gunpowder. One spark from the tiniest match can set it ablaze -- can make everything implode, and force you to start all over again.”

His face was unreadable, but his black eyes were endless, rippling with the recollection of the fire and smoke -- the red and blue colors of Royaume, on the saddles of horses -- the life leaving his mother’s eyes -- his own heavy, terrified hyperventilating...

He closed his eyes and took several very deep, measured breaths before continuing.

“In such a place...one can find people desperate enough to want to lash out at others, to avenge their pain,” said Orion solemnly. “But there was one sweet old woman who owned a flower and herb shop near the workhouse. She’d had to rebuild her establishment several times over the years, and from what I understand, she finally had to leave town not long after I did...but every time she caught wind that the army was coming to town, looking for new recruits...she’d sing the song just loudly enough that we boys could hear it through our window.”

He absently played with the crudely carved circular charm on the cord around his neck in one hand.

“And although there were those who still enlisted afterwards...many others did not.”

Carewyn’s eyes widened.

“‘While we’re seeing our side,’ ” she sang again, more softly, “‘maybe we forgot...they are not alone. No one is alone.’ ”

Orion’s lips spread into a smile as he looked at Carewyn, his black eyes rippling gently as he nodded.

“So it’s against the War, then,” murmured Charlie. He glanced at his parents, who both looked concerned.

“Did that woman with the flower shop give you that?” asked Ginny curiously, indicating the charm around Orion’s neck.

“Yes,” said Orion. “She gave it to me one night when I tried to run away, to soothe my nerves. Its effects wore off by the next morning, but I’ve never really had the heart to throw it out.”

Percy sputtered, looking very pale. “Th-then she was a witch?”

“Whoa,” said Fred and George, looking almost too eager.

“Did she turn all the army into pigs?” asked George.

“Did she lure you in and try to cook you in a soup?” said Fred.

Orion smiled indulgently. “Of course not -- ”

“Well, thank Heavens for that!” said Molly, shooting the twins a very reproachful look. “Magic isn’t something to make fun of, you two -- it’s frankly a wonder you weren’t hurt, dear...”

Orion frowned. “There was no danger, Madam Weasley, I assure you.”

“No danger! Orion,” Molly scolded him indulgently, “I applaud your courage...but nature has its own way of things, and any magic that twists it out of shape is more dangerous than it’s worth.”

To the Weasley family’s surprise, Carewyn actually spoke up.

“Mrs. Weasley, men tend fields, plant seeds, domesticate horses and dogs...treat illnesses and injuries...cut hair and wear makeup and put on heeled shoes to make ourselves appear taller. Would that not also be twisting nature’s intent?”

Molly actually faltered somewhat. “Well, yes, but...that’s very different from magic, Carewyn! Magic is...well, it’s wild. Uncontrollable.”

“It’s untamed chaos,” said Arthur more levelly than his wife. “A kind that’s done a lot more harm than good.”

“But it still can be used for good,” said Carewyn very firmly. “And if it has that potential, why must we treat it as though it and all of its users are inherently reprehensible? If magic can be used to save lives, or heal the sick, or even just calm a scared boy down after something horrible...”

She glanced at Orion out the side of her eye.

“...Then it seems to be like any other weapon or tool, or even any other person -- something that could protect or hurt.”

Orion felt like his heart was being flooded with warmth, and his entire expression melted with pride and something like affection as he stared at Carewyn.

She truly is a woman to be admired. The memory of Skye’s irritation and McNully’s warning rippled over Orion’s mind and he found himself faltering. Admire...yes. Anyone could grow to admire such a woman, couldn’t they? To respect and esteem her...to...grow an attachment, to her... Even I? Could I...?

The Weasleys exchanged uncertain looks amongst themselves.

“Come to think of it,” said Ron thoughtfully, “wasn’t there that old myth about fairy godmothers who grant you wishes?”

Fred brought an arm roughly around his younger brother’s neck and put him in a rough choke hold. “Aww, ickle Ronnie wanting a pwetty new dress?”

“‘Oh fairy godmother, I just gotta have a new dress for the Winter Festival!’” said George in a high-pitched squeal.

“Geroff!” growled Ron, as he pulled free.

“Oh, but that would be fun!” sighed Ginny. “Dancing at the Winter Festival, in the prettiest dress you’ve ever seen...you’re going to the Festival, aren’t you, Carewyn?”

“Probably not, Ginny,” said Carewyn gently, “I’ve got so much work to do...”

“Oh, but you have to!” whined Ginny. “The Festival’s tradition! Right, Orion?”

“So I’ve heard,” Orion said modestly, “but I’m afraid I’ve never attended a Winter Festival either.”

“What?!” said all of the Weasley children except Bill in thoroughly aghast unison.

“It’s the biggest celebration of the entire year -- ”

“Everybody in town will be there -- ”

“ -- well, aside from the noble tarts -- ”

“ -- but hey, who needs them?”

“Everybody makes the best mince pies and hot apple cider -- ”

“There’s dancing and singing and games and gift-giving -- ”

“You just can’t miss it -- ”

Before long, they’d completely gotten off the topic of magic all together, so the Weasleys could tell Orion all about the Winter Festival. Carewyn took the opportunity to start carrying dishes into the kitchen so that she could help Molly clean up. While she did so, Bill pulled her aside.

“Carewyn...can I talk to you? Alone?”

Carewyn blinked, but nonetheless put down the dishes she was carrying and followed Bill off into a secluded corner.

“What’s wrong?” she asked in concern.

Bill bit the inside of his lip, his brown eyes drifting over in the direction of the fireplace where the rest of his family was sitting with Orion.

“Carewyn,” he said slowly, “who is that man, really?”

Carewyn’s eyebrows knit together. Bill ran a hand over the undone collar of his tunic absently.

“He’s hiding something, I know it. And I’m sure you see it too. He dodges questions he doesn’t want to answer, and as much as he’s even told us tonight about himself, he never gives important details. He lived near the border, but he didn’t mention what town he’s from. He lived in a workhouse, presumably after losing his parents, but he never said what he lost them to.”

“Those things might not be easy for him to talk about, Bill,” Carewyn said softly.

“Yes,” said Bill in a bracing voice, “but he also hopped the walls of the palace, completely ignorant of how tight royal security is and why, has enough time to chase after you most every day, and gets paints from people he can’t identify and learns songs from people who, from the sound of things, practice witchcraft.”

Bill crossed his arms. He clearly was trying to be considerate to Carewyn’s feelings, but couldn’t hold back his concerns.

“Look, I...I understand you like the man. And I understand why -- Ginny and the others seem to have taken to him pretty well, too. But there’s no reason for someone to hold back that many secrets, unless they’re up to no good. He could be a cad, or a criminal, or maybe even something worse. Judging by his stance on magic, he could even be a magician himself...”

His brown eyes narrowed slightly upon Carewyn’s face.

“I’m just...worried about you, that’s all,” he said lowly.

Carewyn considered Bill for a long moment. Then, reaching out a hand, she gently took hold of Bill’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“Bill...I understand how you feel. And I’m grateful, truly grateful, for your caring. I hardly deserve it, and it...it means a lot to me.”

Bill frowned deeply, ready to say something, but Carewyn cut him off.

“But believe me when I say that people don’t just keep secrets because they mean to do harm. Sometimes -- for some people -- they’ve had to learn to hide themselves and shield their hearts...so much so that even when they encounter good people, it’s hard for them to let their guard down. Sometimes they’ve known so much pain that, even though they’re kind people, they’ve numbed themselves to a degree, just to protect themselves. Lied so much...that it becomes second-nature. Or worse, lie because they don’t know who they can really trust...because so many people have hurt them that they don’t know what trust even feels like anymore.”

Bill’s expression lost some of its edge, though it still looked wary.

“...And if he is a magic user?”

“Then he’s one of the good ones,” said Carewyn firmly.

Bill still looked a bit unsure. Carewyn squeezed his shoulder a bit more tightly, her eyes resting there instead of on his face.

“Bill, my brother is only alive, thanks to magic.”

Bill was startled.

“The Plague swept through our whole house,” said Carewyn lowly. “First the landlord and his family -- then my mother...and then Jacob. We were living hand-to-mouth, and I didn’t have anyone else to go to...so I went to the Cromwell estate.”

Bill’s brown eyes became a little smaller, darkening with grim understanding.

“...You went to your grandfather.”

Carewyn nodded. “He disowned Mum long ago, but he was still our family, so I thought he might be willing to help us. He agreed to take Jacob and me in and nurse Jacob back to health, so long as we paid back his generosity. Grandfather then tracked down a witch who could cast a spell to save Jacob’s life.”

Bill’s eyebrows furrowed. “Lord Cromwell hired a -- ?”

“Do not repeat this, Bill!” Carewyn said very sharply and urgently. “To anyone, do you understand? No one.”

Her eyes then softened visibly, becoming grimmer and sadder.

“Jacob was dying. There was no other option.”

Bill looked like he was in pain, just hearing this second-hand. He swallowed, and then gave a nod.

“So that witch saved your brother’s life,” he said quietly.

Carewyn nodded, her eyes full of emotion despite the stoicism of her features.

“The spell she cast bound Jacob’s life to Grandfather’s will. Jacob was brought into the house on a stretcher just after dawn, and within a half-hour...he was up on his own two feet again.”

Carewyn closed her eyes. She could still remember Jacob’s blazing, relieved smile as he barreled down the stairs and threw his arms around her, cradling her like a baby.

“My Wyn -- my sweet Wyn -- ”

Not long after that, though...Jacob’s arms were yanked away -- all of him was yanked away -- held back by Blaise and Claire and Pearl’s husbands, who all had work to together just to restrain Jacob as he fought to reach her, screaming and raging like a mad man --

“WYN! NO! GET OFF OF ME -- WYN! I WON’T LET YOU -- CAREWYN!”

Carewyn opened her eyes, the soft longing fading from her face completely and leaving a much more stony expression behind.

Bill himself, however, looked more troubled than ever.

“You said your brother left for War the same day you and he arrived at the Cromwell estate,” he whispered shakily. “Do you mean that, right after saving your brother’s life...Lord Cromwell immediately sent him off to War -- all while knowing how few men return home alive?”

Carewyn’s lips came together tightly.

“Grandfather sent him to the front, so that Jacob could start paying back the debt I owed him,” she said, her voice very soft and oddly distant. “After all...a man who wouldn’t die, so long as he willed it...would make an excellent soldier.”

Bill looked horrified.

“Then...” he whispered, “...then Jacob’s only alive because your grandfather decides whether he lives or dies? You only know your brother’s still alive after so many years at war...because Lord Cromwell is bound to him through magic, and he’s holding his life over your head?”

Carewyn withdrew her hand from Bill’s shoulder and turned away.

“Carewyn...that’s monstrous!” said Bill, and he was unable to keep his voice from rising. “I didn’t even know magic could do something like that -- but -- but that’s nothing, compared to...”

He couldn’t restrain himself. He actually threw an arm around Carewyn and pulled her into a hug from behind. The small ginger-haired woman stiffened like a startled cat.

“Bill?”

Carewyn looked up at him -- were those tears, in his eyes?

“Have you...never told anyone else, about this?” Bill murmured.

Carewyn tried to turn around, her blue eyes welling up with regret and pain. “Bill...”

She brought a hand through his hair, trying to soothe him the way she used to for Jacob.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I -- I didn’t mean to upset you -- I only wanted to explain why I’m not scared of magic...please forgive me.”

Bill closed his eyes to try to hold back both his righteous anger and his tears.

“Forgive you?” he repeated in a choked voice. “For what, trusting me with the truth?”

“For making you worry unnecessarily,” Carewyn said forcefully, trying to ignore how uncomfortably her stomach was squirming.

Bill opened his eyes, looking both flabbergasted and more upset than ever. “Unnecessarily?”

He roughly grabbed both of Carewyn’s shoulders and forced her to look up at him.

“Now you listen here, Carewyn Cromwell,” he said, taking on the sort of tone he only ever used with his younger siblings when they were being rowdy, “you may get to decide if you want to interact with me or not, or rely on me or not, or accept my help or not. But you don’t get to decide whether I worry about you or not. And from here on out...”

Bill’s brown eyes were blazing with resolve.

“...I’m going to worry about you. Because I hate the thought of someone feeling like anybody else worrying about them is somehow a problem.”

Carewyn was left speechless.

Bill’s face broke into a broad smile through his tears. “Until your brother’s back from the War, Carey, I’ll be looking after you for him -- no arguments, no dismissals, no saying you’re fine on your own. Got it?”

Carewyn looked at Bill, perfectly stunned. Then her gaze fell away toward the floor.

“...It sounds like...I really don’t get a choice in the matter, then,” she whispered.

“Nope,” said Bill, grinning broadly.

Carewyn was unable to fight back the weak smile prickling at the sides of her lips, nor the emotion flooding her eyes, even as she kept her face turned away.

“...And I suppose ‘Carey’...is a suggestion of a nickname you plan to give Charlie, for me?”

Bill’s eyes sparkled fondly. “Well, every one of my siblings has a nickname, in case you haven’t noticed.”

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #cinderella au #carewyn cromwell #orion amari #murphy mcnully #skye parkin #bill weasley #charlie weasley #percy weasley #fred weasley #george weasley #ron weasley #ginny weasley #molly weasley #arthur weasley #katriona cassiopeia #charles cromwell #jacob cromwell #my art #my writing #GAAAAHHHH BILLLL #I LOVE YOU SO FRIGGIN' MUCH MY PRECIOUS BOY ;~; #you go be a good big brother and best friend for carewyn you wonderful thing #also ooh hoo hoo~ orion you can claim you're not crushing but you aren't fooling anybody hahahaha #you'll figure out what you're feeling soon enough >D #we're learn more about how magic works in this universe as time goes on of course #but yeah rest assured there's still a lot to unravel in regards to what happened to jacob... >> #and of course this part is another reminder that charles cromwell is a no-good son of a b****

[abuttoncalledsmalls]

Take A Giant Step - Chapter 6

Warnings: Alcohol, Angst, Anxiety, and Language

Pairings: Frankie Morales x f!OC

Word Count: 2K

A/N: Here is Chapter 6! If you would like to be tagged (or un-tagged) in upcoming chapters, please don’t hesitate to let me know. Shout out to the AMAZINGLY LOVELY @yespolkadotkitty​ for beta-ing this! Please enjoy. <3

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

Banner by @yespolkadotkitty​

“So let me get this straight - you know nothing about mixed martial arts, but you are going to a mixed martial arts match tomorrow night?”

“For the seventeenth time, yes Jeff. I am.” I rolled my eyes and picked up my container of fried rice. We sat in his office partaking in our weekly ritual of Takeout Thursday. Every Thursday we would order out for lunch and catch up on non-Gallaway related business. I told him about dinner at Arianna’s with Frankie the week before and how he invited me to the match.

“Things sound like they’re getting serious, eh?”

“We’re just hanging out. Like friends do.”

“Mags - he is inviting you to meet his friends. The men he served with - the people that know him best. That is kind of a serious deal. He’s probably going to ask them what they think about you.”

“You think so?”

“I fucking know. I do the same thing. Why do you think I call you at three in the morning to ask what you thought about so-so? It’s so that you can let me know if I’m sleeping with a psychopath or not. It’s very important.”

“Well, homies help homies - always. Even if it is for stuff like that.”

“Exactly and I’m trying to help you. You need to tell him that you want him. I know sometimes those words are hard to find. If that’s the case, just suck his dick. A blow job is just another way of saying ‘I care about you’.”

“Jesus Christ, Jeff. You know the entire Shakespearean cannon by heart and that’s the one piece of encouragement you give me?!” He straightened up in his chair and placed down his chopsticks. 

“If Billy Shakes thought of that, he would have used it. I’m pretty sure the best Shakespearean advice that could be given in this situation is to tell Frankie about your feelings sooner rather than later. Because this will they/won’t they shit is going to kill everyone.”

***

The next evening, Frankie picked me up from home. I was tying my Target knock-off Keds when I heard a knock at the door. I shot up to answer it. There he was in his usual outfit - a grey t-shirt, blue jeans, work boots, and his baseball cap. I was secretly relieved to see that his beard was growing back in. He stood in the doorway with a shy smile.

“Hi, Maggie.”

“Hi, Frankie.”

“You ready to go?”

“Yeah.” I grabbed my phone, wallet, and keys. I locked my front door and we headed out towards his truck. He opened the passenger side door for me and waited until I was buckled in before he closed it. He hopped into his seat, started the engine, and then we were off to the Venture Area.

“Your shirt is funny.”

“Is it,” I asked looking down at it. I was wearing a navy blue t-shirt with bold white lettering across the chest that read SPORTS. I decided that jean shorts and my knock-off Keds went well with it. Frankie didn’t really give any specifics about what was proper attire for this kind of thing so I had to guess. I could only assume that his comment signaled some approval.

“I know I shouldn’t be nervous about meeting your friends, but I still am. Just a little bit.” 

Frankie turned to me and flashed me a comforting smile. “The boys will be on their best behavior. If not, I’ll kick their asses.” I giggled softly. There was no doubt that he could do so. He was part of the special ops. It was just difficult imagining this sweet and reserved man engaging in violence. However, there was that saying about still waters running deep.

“Tonight will be fun,” he assured me as we pulled into the Venture parking lot. Once he parked the car, he got out and went around to open my door for me. It was such a little thing to do, but it was really nice. I thanked him and we started to head towards the venue’s entrance. Two men were standing just off to the side of our destination. One was taller and had blonde hair. The other was shorter with dark hair. They were both yelling “Fish! Catfish!” I glanced at Frankie and noticed that his entire face was lit up. He was clearly elated to see his friends.

As we got closer, the shorter man came up to Frankie and hugged him. They exchanged a greeting in Spanish and then laughed. The taller man came up and gave his capped friend a hug as well.

“It’s been forever, Catfish,” said the taller man.

“Yeah. I know.” Frankie turned toward me. “This is, uh, Maggie Lawrence. Maggie, this is Santiago Garcia and William Miller.” I said hello and shook their hands.

“So, this is the famous Maggie,” declared Santiago. He was the shorter of the two men. He had dark, expressive brown eyes. His hair and beard were black with a peppering of grey throughout. He had a certain swagger and strong aura of confidence.

“Well,” I began. “I’m nowhere near as famous as the infamous Santiago.” 

William laughed out loudly. “Not even five minutes in and she is busting balls. Maggie, you’ll fit in fine. We’re just missing Benny, my brother. You’ll meet him after the fight,” said William. 

“We should go in,” commented Frankie.

“I don’t want to get shitty seats again,” grumbled William. The four of us headed into the arena.

***

After the fight all of us, including Benny, went out to a local pub called The Circle. We got a table in the back which was the absolute correct call to make. The adrenaline and booze made the boys a little rowdy. The beer flowed as freely as the conversation did.

“Maggie,” started Benny. “You’re a smart girl. An artsy girl. What are you doing hanging around with this guy? The only poetry he knows is by Poison.” Santiago and William laughed while Frankie blushed.

“Didn’t you know that the verses of Brett Michaels are now discussed in the highest of academic circles?”

“What?” The confused look on Benny’s face was priceless.

“I’m fucking with you, Benny. I enjoy hanging out with Frankie because he’s sweet, funny, smart, and handy.”

“Awwww, Fishie is sweet and handy,” teased William. Frankie turned beet red.

“I’m gonna go order another round for the table,” Frankie got up and headed over to the bar. William and Benny were still laughing at the conversation. Santiago motioned me to come over.

“They’re going to talk and laugh for awhile. Let’s move down to the end of the table and chat. So I can learn a little bit more about you.” We moved down the table some. 

“We’re really glad that you were able to come out tonight,” said Santiago.

“I had a lot of fun. It’s been great getting to meet you guys. Frankie was so pumped that you all were coming to town.”

“We were pretty excited that we were going to see him. It’s been a while. I know he was really looking forward to introducing you to us. He talks about you a lot.” I bit my lower lip and could feel my cheeks blush.

“I’m not that interesting. He probably only mentioned me like once or twice.”

“No. I’m serious. You didn’t have to help him get all of those gigs or even hang out with him.”

“I did - do - it because I really like spending time with him. He’s amazing. I think he deserves the sun, moon, and stars.” 

Santiago smirked. “He feels the same exact way about you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Catfish. Frankie. Francisco. He likes you. A lot. You are the only thing he has talked about for the last two months. It’s been nothing but ‘Maggie this’ and “Maggie that’. I feel like I’ve been talking to a sixteen year old girl instead of a forty-two year old man.” 

I giggled nervously. “How do I know that you aren’t fucking with me?” 

Santiago looked at me with his mouth open. “You seriously have not noticed the eyes he has been making at you all night? He’s smitten! He desperately wants to make a move but is terrified that you’ll turn him down. This poor man has been through enough to last him two lifetimes. He keeps getting dealt one shitty hand after another. That’s taken a major toll on him and his confidence. Look, we see a great guy when we look at Frankie. But he can’t see that himself. Benny, William, and I have seen that he’s been so much more happier since you two met. I have to say that it looks like he makes you pretty happy too.”

Santiago went on, but his voice started to fade into the background. Frankie had been hiding his feelings for almost the same reason I had been? It felt like a light had been turned on and I could finally see. Francisco Morales was interested in me. There was a chance that this could happen. That surge of hope that I was suppressing was coursing through my body again. I had a shot!

When Frankie came back, Santiago smiled and winked at me. I returned to my seat, pretending that nothing had happened. As the night went on, the guys shared various stories from their army days. A majority of them were centered on drunk pranks played on one another on the base. Their laughter and joy was so infectious that I felt like I fit in. I caught a quick glimpse of Frankie. I’d never seen him so happy and relaxed.

“It’s getting kind of late. I think I’m gonna call it a night,” yawned William.

“Awww. It’s the old man’s bedtime,” teased his younger brother.

Everyone stood up and began to say their goodbyes. Santiago slipped out to pay the tab while the two brothers were giving us hugs. 

“Make sure you keep Fish in line. He needs it from time to time,” warned William. 

“Oh, I will.” I turned to smirk at Frankie, but found that he was busy speaking with Santiago. After William and Benny left, I went over to the two remaining men.

“You ready to head out?” asked Frankie.

“Yeah.”

“It was great to meet you, Maggie. Catfish is really lucky to have you around.”

“I don’t know. I think I might be the lucky one.”

***

The ride home was mostly quiet. The soft pitter patter of raindrops and Journey underscored the drive. I was still reeling from my conversation with Santiago. It was only when the truck stopped in my parking lot that I snapped back into the moment.

“Your friends are a lot of fun. I really enjoyed meeting them tonight.” 

Frankie blushed. “They’re good guys. They liked you too.”

“I got to speak with Santiago a little bit. He’s a charmer that one.”

“Always has been. He’s been able to talk himself out of anything for the most part.”

“I can see that. He’s very open concerning how he feels about you guys.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I wish I could be like that - open with my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes this intense passion for someone or something consumes me. It feels like an incredible force of energy that is desperate to leave me. It wants to go out into the open and be free, but I can’t let it. The fear of showing that vulnerable side - that passion - is so risky and overwhelming.” Tears were starting to sting my eyes. “The very real possibility of rejection and hurt is so prevalent that it’s just better to hide and be safe -” 

I was cut off by the most tender kiss of my life. Frankie pulled away and looked at me with those soft brown eyes. Time stood still. I went back in and we kissed again. And again. And again. He then gently kissed my forehead.

“It’s okay, Maggie. It’s safe. We don’t have to hide from one another anymore.”

------------------------------------------------------

TAGS:

@larakasser​

@absurdthirst​

@yespolkadotkitty​

@fioccodineveautunnale​

@wickedfrsgrl​

@agirllovespasta​

#Frankie catfish morales #Frankie x OC #catfish x oc #Francisco Morales #Frankie Morales #Triple Frontier #Catfish Morales #Frankie morales fanfic #Francisco catfish morales #abuttoncalledsmalls #Takeagiantstep #Catfish morales fic

[slytherinliththorne]

Rowan as in the tree

“Dios los hace y ellos se juntan”* part 1 of  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

*God makes them and they get together, proverb in Spanish.

A/N: This is my first attempt at hphm fanfic and oh boy has it been a while since I wrote fanfic. This is a mini series of Lith’s main group of friends, the Werewolf Support Squad, how they met and some moments together before the whole Circle of Khanna thing. Also, wand lore is from Pottermore.

Shout out to @tsikuri and @whyareallgoodnamestakendammit for giving feedback <33

---------------------------------------

Diagon Alley was surely a strange place. The wizards and witches hurrying in and out of the shops, their robes and hats displaying a wide variety of colors, the smells coming out of the stores, some pleasant and some not so much. It somehow reminded her of the markets she used to visit back home, yet Lith felt overwhelmed.

Curiously, the most comforting place had been the store she had just left. The way the wands were stocked in an organized mess, the overall welcoming feeling that she got. Many had surely stood in that room and she was just another one. Inside, she was relieved to feel like someone completely ordinary. One of thousands of wizards who, like her, came to buy their first wand.

Yet that coziness faded as she tried wand after wand. Redwood, pear, laurel, hazel. She barely remembered the woods she had tried, much less the cores or the size. She had grown impatient, but did her best to keep a small smile on her face.

“Willow wood and unicorn hair core.” The shop keeper, Ollivander, had introduced the fifth wand to her, overly eager, as if completely sure he had found a match.

“Many confident wizards insist of trying this type of wand, but I have found that my willows prefer those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn,” the man had said with a smile, “It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow.”

Lith recalled those words as she closed the door, getting back into the cold air. The weight of the wand felt especially heavy. She knew it shouldn’t have bothered her so much, but for some reason it did. ‘Great potential?’, way to place more expectations on her. 

Lith had been overthinking about expectations the whole time after getting her letter. She was Jacob Thorne’s sister after all, the sister of the boy who had endangered the whole school and was therefore expelled, the boy who ran away to supposedly join Lord Voldemort, whoever that was. The whole British Wizard community probably knew who she was and had a very little opinion of her.

She might have spiralled further into her thoughts if an excited voice hadn’t interrupted. 

“Oh my! that’s a willow, isn’t it?”

Lith looked up to the source of the question and found a very unexpected person. By the robes they were wearing and the list of items in their hands, she guessed she had stumbled upon another Hogwarts student.

They didn’t wait for Lith to answer before speaking again. “I came about an hour ago to buy mine too. I was so nervous, but I was paired with beech wood, unicorn hair core, 9 inches, reasonably springy.” The stranger laid their eyes on Lith’s own wand and beamed. “Did you know that willow has some sort of healing power? It also has a reputation of enabling non-verbal magic!”

“Oh, really? Wow” Lith tried not to sound impolite. “How...how did you know?”

“I grew up on a wand-tree farm, so I'm familiar with wand woods. I also love reading about wand lore. My name is Rowan Khanna, first year and future youngest professor of Hogwarts, nice to meet you!” Rowan extended their free hand towards Lith.

“Rowan? As in the tree?”

“Exactly.” Their smile was so warm that Lith couldn’t help but smile too.

“I’m Lith,” She shook their hand and added, a bit hesitant, “Lith Thorne.”

Now it was Rowan’s turn to look surprised. “Thorne? Like the boy that was expelled last year?”

“...yeah, that Thorne”

Lith knew she most likely would get recognised when she first arrived in the country, but it still made her uncomfortable. Apparently, her discomfort had been obvious.

“Oh! Sorry! I didn’t mean to be intrusive. I guess it still is a touchy subject…”

“It is.”

An awkward silence followed Lith’s dry reply. She didn’t mean to sound that way, but she was used to getting defensive when it came to her family, especially Jacob.

“Well...have you already got everything from the list? I could help you find what you are missing.” Lith’s eyes widened for a second. Was Rowan still trying to be friendly? 

“My dad is actually shopping for me, he has been to Diagon Alley before. He dropped me at Ollivanders and told me to have fun while he got the rest.” 

“Maybe he wanted to revive the old days.”

The mood brightened.

“That must be it.”

“My parents wanted to accompany me the whole trip but I convinced them that I should shop by myself, since I’m all grown up now.” Rowan giggled. “You had never visited Diagon Alley?”

“No, most of my contact with the Wizarding World was in Mexico and it wasn’t like this, at all.” Maybe it was because the mention of her brother had been quickly dismissed, but Lith felt safer talking to Rowan than before. “Do you know where the Leaky Cauldron is? I was supposed to meet up with my Dad there after I got my wand…”

“I know where it is! Maybe I can come with you so you don’t get lost?” Lith thought this was highly unlikely, since even in new places she had a pretty good sense of orientation, but she agreed anyway.

They walked together to the Leaky Cauldron, and when they found that Lith’s father still hadn’t arrived, they took a seat and continued talking. She learned that Rowan had never had any friends, which could explain their weird behavior, as if she didn’t quite know how to act around someone their age. Lith saw herself in Rowan. Her only friend had been Jacob, and he had disappeared. 

Normally, she would be too nervous to strike a conversation with anyone, but when she had a feeling that the other person was just as incapable as her, she became able. It was a strange thing that Lith had noticed in herself. 

They looked at the menu briefly before ordering. Lith was amazed at all those new beverages that she had never tasted, but ended up ordering a Tongue Tying Lemon Squash, just to be safe. Rowan had a butterbeer and was surprised when Lith didn’t choose one for herself.

“But it says beer in it. It literally says beer.” 

“It has a bit of alcohol but that’s okay, nothing happens if you have just one or two.” Rowan must have found Lith’s reaction amusing, since they were laughing at her drink.

“Yeah well I prefer my drinks with zero alcohol.” 

She allowed herself to relax a little. They drank and chatted until Lith’s father arrived barely carrying all of her supplies. He had gotten the books, the robes and all the other stuff she could have never remembered from the list.

Rowan and Lith said their goodbyes and promised to meet at the train the next week.

-----------------------

Lith basically clinged to Rowan’s arm as they made their way through the crowd. She had initially opposed the idea, but now she realized how convenient it had been.

As promised, Rowan had been there at Platform 93/4. Their parents waited besides them and both looked at Lith’s way when their child started to shout for her. She felt very small in front of the family, and maybe a little ashamed. They were, after all, a complete family.

“You must be Lith, Rowan hasn’t stopped talking about you since they got back.”

“Mom! She didn’t need to know that!” Lith could see Rowan pretended to be mad at her mother.

“Pleased to meet you Mrs. Khanna.” She had tried to sound as polite as possible. Lith’s own parents watched the conversation behind their daughter’s back.

“The pleasure is all ours, right dear?” Her husband had nodded lovingly. “And you are Lith’s parents, aren’t you?”

“That’s right! Daniel Thorne, nice to meet you!” Her father had always been a bright person, with no problems when it came to meeting other people. Her mother, on the other hand, was colder towards strangers, behavior that increased after Jacob’s disappearance. “This is my wife, Perla, we are very thankful at Rowan for keeping Lith company last week.”

“No problem at all, Mr. Thorne.” Rowan had answered as bright as Lith’s father.

“That’s great, but you are going to miss the train if you don’t get going.” Rowan’s father had interrupted.

“Dad, the train is right there, we won't miss it.”

“You can never be too sure.”

Both sets of parents had helped their children get ready to board the train and waved goodbye as they hopped in.

So there she was. Holding Rowan’s arm for dear life as they tried to find an empty seat. The train seemed full with students, all from various years, but Lith could recognise other first years by the hint of excitement in their eyes. Or fear.

“Maybe we should have boarded sooner.” Rowan commented, passing another occupied cart.

“You don’t say?”

It took them some time to find their desired seats. But just when they were about to give up, they passed a completely empty cart. They looked at each other in relief and quickly got it, placing their luggage on the shelfs and laying down.

Rowan peered through the window,scanning for something. “Look! Our parents!”

“Where?”

“Right there! By the column!”

Lith moved over to the window, next to Rowan and quickly spotted two familiar faces who recognised her too. Both first years waved and waved at their parents until they were no longer in sight. They relaxed back into their seats.

Lith finally took time to examine the inside of the train. Back in Mexico, she had only used the metro and she wasn’t sure if these types of trains existed anymore. All of it was curious and new, and it made her nervous.

“So what now?”

“Hm?”

“Do we just...wait till we arrive? How many hours is it going to take anyway?”

Rowan smiled. “Eight hours, and yeah we basically just wait.”

Eight hours? Yikes. Rowan must have noticed her distress and added.

“We can get sweets if you want, the trolley lady always passes with sweets for everyone to buy.” Rowan’s suggestion sounded tempting. “I also brought a few books to read during the trip, I could lend you one.”

“I think I do want those sweets, I have been craving chocolate since I woke up.”

Perhaps spending the day getting a sugar overdose wasn’t what Lith had planned at all when she got her letter, but it sounded like a good plan. Especially with a potential friend beside her.

#werewolf support squad #dios los hace y ellos se juntan #rowan as in the tree #lith thorne #rowan khanna #hphm merula #hphm mc #hogwarts mystery #hogwarts mystery fanfic #hphm fanfiction #last time I posted my writing I was still in middle school #yikes #I hand't read Harry Potter at that point #my writing #ig #im 🤡🤡🤡 #Harry Potter Hogwarts mystery #hp hogwarts mystery #jacob’s sibling

[lovemesomesurveys]

Animals Do you prefer cats or dogs? I’m a dog person for sure.

If you had to choose, which animal would you like to be reincarnated as? A dog. 

Some say peoples personalities or looks resemble animals. Whats your animal? Probably a sloth, ha. 

Books Which book series was the first you read? As a kid I loved Nancy Drew, The Babysitter’s Club, Sweet Valley High, and Goosebumps.

What was the last book you read? I’m currently reading Autumn’s Game by Mary Stone.

Would you rather write a book or direct a movie? Write a book.

Characters Which TV show/movie/book character do you think you are most like? Hmm. I don’t know.

Which superhero is your favourite and why? Iron Man, Spiderman, Ant-Man, Star Lord, Thor.

What's your favourite fairytale character? Is Alice in Wonderland a fairytale?

Dreams Do you usually remember your dreams? I’ll remember it briefly and then it like vanishes. My dreams are like a Snapchat.

Are most of your dreams good, scary or just plain weird? Just plain weird, man.

What dream that you've had has stuck in your head the most? Describe: The nightmares or the ones that make me wake up crying and shaking don’t like to vanish, unfortunately. Those get saved to the camera roll.

Emotions What emotion do you find yourself trying to hide from others? I’m definitely not as good at hiding my emotions anymore. They took over and control me now.

How emotional/sentimental would you say you are? A lot. I’m so damn moody.

Do your emotions control you or do you control your emotions? Like I said, they definitely control me. 

Fun What do you do for fun? May not be considered fun, but my days are spent checking my social medias, watching YouTube, watching TV, reading, scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, spending time with my family, lounging around, and perhaps a little coloring. I like doing those things, though, so it works for me. 

Which is more fun: cycling, watching tv, roller coaster ride or cooking? Uhh, the only thing I like out of those choices is watching TV.

What is the funnest game to play? I love board games.

Geometry Nearest square thing to you? The throw pillows on my bed.

What was the last circular thing you ate? Cookies.

Is there anything triangular in the room you're in right now? I’m sure, but nothing triangular is popping out at me at the moment and I don’t feel like really looking around and thinking about it.

Height Are you taller or shorter than average? I’m 5′4, which is short, but not shorter than average I don’t think.

Is your Mum tall or short? How about your Dad? My mom is about 5′5 and my dad is about 5′9.

Do you wish you were taller or shorter? I wish I was taller.

If... If you became pregnant or your partner did, what would you do? Well, I can’t get pregnant, sooo.

If you lost something your friend lent to you, what would you do? I would feel really bad, first of all. I’d be nervous to tell them, especially if it was something that was special and unique. I’d of course have to tell them, though, and I’d replace it if possible. If it wasn’t replaceable... I don’t know what I would do. All I could do is apologize immensely and somehow try to make it up to them. I’d be super careful if a friend lent me anything, though, regardless of what it was. I also probably would just not borrow something that wasn’t replaceable or expensive to avoid all of that.

If you had to talk about 1 subject for a minute live on TV, which one? Yikes. That minute would feel like forever, I have no idea. Pass.

Jokes Do you normally tell jokes or listen to the jokes? I’m not a joke teller except maybe some cheesy, corny one I might have heard now and then. 

What is your sense of humour like (dry, dark, sarcastic etc)? I laugh at a lot of things. I like puns and clever humour but I also like dumb things and dry things too. I think it's just really easy to make me laugh. <<< Yeah, pretty much.

Kisses Do you put x's in your text messages? No.

When did you last have a kiss? 8 years ago...

Does your grandma give you big sloppy kisses when she sees you? No. She gives me a big hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.

Language How many languages can you say 'hello my name is...' in? Three.

What language do you think sounds the nicest? I think they’re all unique and interesting.

What language do you want to learn more of? I’d love to be fluent in Spanish. I can only speak and understand a little. Brushing up on it by helping my mom do her Duolingo everyday for the past few months has been helpful.

Marriage Do you ever want to get married? No. I truly don’t see that happening for me.

Church or Registery Office? Dream wedding?

Names Your closest friends names? I don’t have any friends.

What names would you ever call your kids? I don’t want to have kids.

What name is the cutest for a little black and white doggie? I’m someone who needs to see and get a vibe from the dog first before naming them. And not just something that has to do with their color. 

Order Are you tidy? I’m not a messy person, like I don’t have clothes or stuff on my floor, I put my dishes in the sink after using them, I throw stuff away when I’m done, etc, but my room has become disorganized and a bit cluttered. I just have too much stuff and not enough space.

Do you colour code things or put them in alphabetical order? No.

Do you have any form of OCD? No. People throw that around loosely.

Promises Do you make promises often? No.

What was the last promise you made? I don’t even remember.

Do you plan to keep that promise?

Quizzes What types of online quizzes/surveys do you like taking? I like surveys with random and interesting questions that allow me to elaborate. And vent and ramble, too. I like ones like this that are divided up into categories. Themed surveys are fun as well.

Have you ever made a quiz? What was it about? No. I made a survey once a longggg time ago.

Have you ever taken an EQ or IQ test? If so, what did you get? I’ve taken IQ tests and got “above average.”

Responsibility Do you class yourself as 'responsible'? Not as much as I should be at 31 years old. :/ These past few years especially I really feel like I haven’t been responsible with a lot of things that I should be. 

What do you think defines a 'responsible' person? Someone dependable, keeps their commitments, and handles their business. They get shit done.

What is it that you are responsible for? Paying my bills, taking care of myself (haven’t been doing very well with that...), my doctor appointments, cleaning up after myself...

Secrets Do you have a lot of secrets? Not really. I’m quite boring.

"A secret isn't a secret if you tell one person." Is this true to you? Uhhh, that does make sense. You think of a secret as something you don’t share with someone else. I guess if it’s something you tell someone or a few select people that you trust that you wouldn’t want getting out to anyone else it could still be a secret, right? Something you don’t want everyone to know. *shrug*

Thought Provoking If you knew you had a high chance of dying, would you kill yourself before disease riddled you unable or hope for the best? Jeez. I don’t want to think about that.

Choose a box: 1 has a large amount of money, the other either a wish or fear of yours come true. Which do you pick? The money is tempting, but I might go with the wish...

An angel comes to you and offers to show you one thing from the future or the past; past or future and what is that thing gonna be? The future terrifies me, I’d be afraid to know a lot of things regarding my future. But I already know my past, so I don’t know what I’d ask them to show me. I don’t knowwww.

Unlucky

Would you say you are more unlucky or lucky? I don’t believe in luck. I would say I have had a lot of bad cards dealt to me and I also am fortunate in other ways. 

A leprechaun pops up and offers to plant some luck on you but it could go either way. Risk it or dismiss it? Dismiss it.

Violence When did you last hit or punch someone? I haven’t hit or punched anyone.

When did you last get hit or punched? Never.

Are you more likely to be verbally aggressive or physically? I’m not an aggressive person.

Warnings Do you listen when someone gives you a warning? I want to say I would likely listen to a warning, but I guess it would depend what it was about.

What warning has someone gave you that you wish you'd have listened to? That I should have taken care of some things sooner and not ignored/put them off for so long.

What warning has someone gave you you are glad you didn't take? I’m blanking right now. XXX

Have you ever had sex? No.

Have you ever accidentally saw someone having sex? No.

YouTube Do you go onto YouTube? I spend a lot of time on YouTube.

What is your favourite video of on YouTube? I don’t have just one favorite, I have a ton. I’m especially into ASMR.

What channels do you go on the most? I’m subscribed to several people---ASMRtists, vloggers, lifestyle videos, Disney related channels, a mukbanger, a drama commentary channel, and a channel that does videos on abandoned places and the rise and fall of former businesses that are no longer around.

Zodiac What's your starsign? Leo.

What are the traits of that sign? Do you have them? Leos are described as being very opposite of me that’s for sure. I don’t believe in that stuff anyway, though.

What zodiac sign do you think you suit the most? I don’t care.

Number 1 Name me 1 person who has changed your life for the better? My mom.

Name me 1 object that's in your kitchen right now? My Keurig.

Name one creature that freaks you out/scares you? ALL bugs.

Number 2 2nd person that you talked to today was... I haven’t talked to anyone yet, it’s 820AM and my mom is asleep and my dad and brother are at work.

What is 2 times your favourite number? 16.

You and two of your friends have got in trouble with the law. Who are the 2 friends you have got in trouble with and what did you do? No friends, sooo.

Number 3 3 words that don't describe you at all: Healthy, ambitious, confident.

Who is 3rd in your contacts list on your phone? I don’t feel like checking.

In 3 more days, what will the date be? It will be January 25, 2021.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #categories

[devil-kindred]

Get to Know Me - raisinghellinotherworlds

Saw @pd3 do this and though I’d give it a go!

-

1. Name : Siren (it’s a pseudonym!)

2. Nationality: American

3. Age: 27

4. Birthday: January 29th

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign): Aquarius

6. Gender: Female

7. Sexuality: Heterosexual

More below the cut

[[MORE]]

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

For the record this is the only recent picture of myself I like and this is about as much of my face as you’ll ever see bc I know my angles.

9. What do you/did you study?: I went to school for a Bachelors in Arts with and emphasis on Sciences but never finished it bc 1) college is expensive and 2) I don’t know what I want to do career-wise so there’s not a point in going back anymore.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?: I’m a service desk associate at a department store. Something where I could deal with less people bc boy does this job push my patience sometimes.

-

11. What is your birth order?: Firstborn/Oldest.

12. How many siblings do you have?: Technically four, but only two living.

13. Do you have good relations with your family?: My immediate family. My siblings are closer to each other (but they’re only two years apart) but we get along. I also have a good relationship with my parents though I’m not as close to my mom as I could be it’s hard to forget the not nice things your parent say to you as a kid.

14. How many friends do you have?: Lots though only a few I see/talk to on a regular basis.

15. Your relationship status: Single.

16. What do you look for in a SO?: Intelligent, kind, has a sense of humor.

17. Do you have a crush?: I guess.

18. When was your first kiss?: WHY *sighs* I was... 25.

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?: I’ve... never been in an actual relationship? I’d like to say serious.

20. What are your deal breakers? Being rude, cheating, and treating me like a child/you know what’s best for me/someone in need of saving (new flash, i am not your princess peach/some damsel in distress. If you need to rescue someone I am not your girl).

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21. How was your day?: It’s still early into the day and I go to work in about an hour and a half and I get to close so we’ll see!

22. Favourite food & drink: French Fries. Or anything with potatoes. I’m a fiend. And Dr. Pepper or Coffee.

23. What position do you sleep in?: On my side/stomach on the part of the bed that’s against the wall.

24. What was your last dream about?: It was... highly NSFT and no, I will not go into detail.

25. Your fears: I’m not a fan of spiders or bugs of any kind really, I hate clowns, and I don’t like thunderstorms. Or tornados.

26. Your dreams: Move, either out of state or out of the country.

27. Your goals: See above.

28. Any pets?: A bird, Momo.

29. What are your hobbies?: Writing, playing video games, and reading (fanfic or books)

30. Any cool places in your area?: I’m sure there are but I live in a town surrounded by corn and other farmland so... it’s anyone’s best guess.

31. What was your last awkward situation?: The other day when a customer stared at me for a solid three minutes when I explained that due to the pandemic we’re no longer offering one of our services in an effort to reduce contact.

32. What is your last regret?: That I didn’t realize the true nature of some people who I no longer speak to sooner.

33. Language/s you can speak: English, Spanish (I’m so rusty though), a little bit of French, and a teeny tiny bit of Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.): I believe in my many things so yes.

35. Have any quirks?: Uh... I mess with my hair when I’m nervous? & the more nervous I get my (already high) voice gets higher and will go up several octaves the more nervous I get?

36. Your pet peeves: People in my apartment building slamming the front door all the damn time.

37. Ideal vacation: Somewhere with nice scenery and where it’s calm.

38. Any scars?: Quite a few small ones on my head from a car accident when I was just a baby (I went through a window- got a few scrapes but other than that was unharmed) and one on my hand (it’s on both sides of my hand too) from when I was toddler and got bit by a dog.

39. What does your last text message say?: “I’ll let you know when I get some gameplay posted!” I have a sideblog for casual TS4 gameplay. Was telling a friend that I was going to post new stuff soon.

40. Last 5 things from your search history: No thanks! It’s all just checking if a word is really a word and spelling anyways.

41. What’s your [Device] background?: Lockscreen is a wallpaper from FFXV ft. The Chocobros; Hope Screen is Sam & Evie.

42. What do you daydream about?: Writing mostly.

43. Describe your dream home: Decent amount of space, a library room to hold all my books... good lighting, comfy.... preferably NOT in the middle of nowhere.

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion: I am not a fan. Particularly of Christianity but everyone has their own beliefs and in that regard, to each their own. Just don’t try to convert me bc the answer is f*ck no.

45. Your personality type: INFP.

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done?: Climbed onto the roof of the shed when I was little because I got something stuck up there.

47. Are you happy with your current life?: For the most part!

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life: Gymnastics, Ballet, etc.

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49. What does your wardrobe consist of?: Lots of t-shirts, jeans, shorts, flats, boots, etc.

50. Favourite colour to wear?: Black or Blue.

51. How would you describe your style?: Extremely casual.

52. Are you happy with your current looks?: Kinda? I really need to cut my hair because it’s gotten so long it’s annoying. But I can put up with it until it’s safe again bc pandemic. My hair is not that important I assure you.

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?: Oh God, could I be taller? Like at least 5’3”? Which is still teeny but better than my 4’9” ass.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos?: I have 3 piercings and three tattoos (two finished, one in progress)

55. Do you get complimented often?: Maybe? I’m oblivious to the point that you could have a flashing neon sign with the compliment written on it and it would probably still go over my head.

56. Favourite aesthetic?: Biker Chic!

57. A popular trend that you dislike: Neon.

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58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?: Blessed Be - Spiritbox.

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like: If I like a song, I like it. But if I have to pick one, I know everyone hates Despacitio. I know, ok but I really like the original version bc I like the sound. Latin music always has a fun groove to it.

60. Favourite genre?: Rock & Metal.

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?: Type O Negative, Pallbearer, Ice Nine Kills. Give me all the goth rock/metal and just fun metal in general.

62. Hated popular songs/artists?: Oh boy... don’t hate me but I um... don’t care too much for T Swift? And I’m not a fan of country.

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5: Devil’s // Door - VCTMS, Karasu - The GazettE, Path - Apocalyptica, I Walk the Line - Halsey, Drumming Song - Florence + the Machine

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?: I can kinda play bass but I’m still learning so it’s just like... the very bare basics.

65. Do you like karaoke?: I’m very self-conscious so no.

66. Own any albums?: Yes, though majority are digital.

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?: Yes. I have it on for background noise in my room in which case I don’t pay attention to it, but I have XM radio in my car where I listen to Octane/Liquid Metal/Turbo.

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68. Favourite movie/series?: The Dark Knight trilogy or Hellraiser or Nightbreed.

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc: Horror, Sci-fi, and fantasy.

70. Your fictional crush/es: Too many. Look at my OCs and their SO’s and you’ll find a bunch of them.

71. Which fictional character is you?: My friends would say Mira Jane from Fairy Tail. My bestie says Mercedes from Fire Emblem Three Houses (minus the devout part bc... I do not have nice feelings re-religion. You do you though!).

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so: Yes, and once again you’ll be reading for eternity. So I’ll sum it up as too many to list.

73. Favourite greek god?: Apollo.

74. A legend from where you live that you like: It’s said that before big disasters happen in the town I live in + the surrounding areas, that you’ll see a panther. Supposedly one has been seen before at least 4 different bad things that have happened over the years. I’m in the midwest though so take that as you will.

75. Do you like art?: I do but I don’t really have a favorite. ... I am kinda partial to Van Gogh though.

76. Can you share your other social media?: I have a Pinterest but since my other social media has my name (which I also share with an OC whoops. That’s what I get for being indecisive and going the first name the name generator gave me) I’d rather not. If you ask and we’re friends I’ll probably give it to you but...

77. Favourite youtubers?: I don’t really watch too many anymore but I’ve been watching a lot of jacksepticeye’s gameplay. Aside that I tend to just watch channels like PlayStation Access or Outsidexbox.

78. Favourite platform?: Instagram

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?: More than I should, I’m sure.

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? Uh, if I had to list them all you’d literally be reading this for eternity. To sum it up, I mostly play RPGs/JRPGs, open-world, survival horror (my fave), and a few (emphasis on few) FPS. Favorites are (once again with a limit): Bioshock, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Until Dawn, Silent Hill 2, and Fatal Frame.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts): do you know how f*cking hard this question is as someone who’s a bookworm? Ok, ok um... Gotta have a limit or I’ll never shut up... um... Three favorites: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, Horns by Joe Hill, and American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

82. Do you play board/card games?: On occasion! They’re best with bigger groups but alas, my apartment is rather small and I don’t have a lot of space for multiple people so I don’t play them often.

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? No, but it sounds fun.

84. Favourite holiday: Halloween!

85. Are you into dramas?: As in, tv dramas? Kinda? I have a friend on lived in SK for a time and got into K-dramas so I watch them with her from time-to-time when she visits.

Would you use a Death Note if you had one?: No.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?: Oh boy... make everyone get along, ensure everyone could live their life to the best possible, etc.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?: Possibly.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?: I’m going with mythical instead of strictly paranormal but... a vampire!

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?: As in to my body? Cremate me. To my stuff, give my books to a good home and take care of my bird.

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?: Most people call me by my middle name already since I got tired of people calling me the wrong name (& I like my middle name better) and insisting my first name was actually a nickname (it’s not, it’s the same as the musician I’m named after) so if I were to eventually be bothered enough, I’d have it legally changed to my middle name.

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?: I don’t know to be honest. I’m fairly happy with my life so I think I’d just not switch.

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo: 🌊

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true: I took karate classes for several years, I’ve never dyed my hair, I’ve had two jobs thus far.

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95. Cold or hot?: Cold I guess? If we’re talking in reference to seasons give me cool (aka Fall).

96. Be a hero or be a villain?: Hero because being a villain would mean I’d have to be mean to people and I can’t even pick the mean options in video games without feeling guilty so...

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?: um... no? I’m not quite certain what this means but I’m going to go with no?

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?: Shapeshifting!

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?: Immortal.

#get to know me #get to know siren #my face #please DON’T REBLOG #my apologies to anyone on mobile #i put a read more and it shows up if i view my blog in my web browser but isn’t showing when i view it in the app!

[marbledaesthetics]

Only on Principal | afi | part ii

masterlist part i

pairing: ashton irwin x ofc

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, slow burn, mutual pining, fake (semi-coerced?) relationships, injuries, implications of anxiety

word count: 4.4k

a/n: sorry this took so long, I just recently restarted classes and I never have the time to write. I wish I could say the next one will be sooner, but I haven’t even started it (oops). I do have an idea of where this will go moving forward, so hopefully, once I can get around to writing, it will go quickly. 

~~~

It’s nearing 10 o’clock when Ashton pulls up to the building Hylla described, a brick building with tall windows, two stories high. The sign above the front door reads The Ink Pot, but he passes it by in favor of following the small alley to his left, as per her directions, where he found a small side door.

He hesitates before knocking, knowing he’s a few minutes early. He’d spent the past week kicking himself over the way he had treated her, and he was anxious to see if she would still be upset by it.

The door swings open, snapping him from his thoughts, to reveal Hylla, holding a mascara wand and small, squirming dog. “Hi, you can come on up, I’m not quite ready, yet.” She motions for him to follow him up the stairs just inside the door. “You can chill wherever while I finish up.”

Hylla disappears after setting down the small pup, who immediately scuttles over to Ashton, at the top of the stairs. He crouches down and scratches its ears lightly, giggling when it attempts to climb into his lap. “Well, hello there.” He moves to sit on the end of her couch, leaning back down to continue petting it.

Hylla comes back a minute later, shaking her head in amusement at her dog, who is now lying on Ashton’s foot while he scratches her stomach. “Are you being needy, Karma? Worst guard dog I’ve ever seen,” she teases, laughing as the dog gets up and barrels into her shins.

“What breed is she?” Ashton asks, brushing a bit of dog fur from the bottom of his jeans.

“A mini Australian shepherd. She’s super smart, but she’s also a total brat.”

Ashon giggles, and she immediately yearns to hear the sound again. She mentally scolds herself, reminding herself that she needed to keep their relationship amicable for the next eight months.

“Are you ready, then?” Ashton asks, breaking the slightly awkward silence. He stands and slides his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah, I just need to put this little one somewhere she won’t cause trouble.” She herds Karma into a corner of the kitchen full of dog things, closing a baby gate to keep her there. Upon watching this, Ashton notices that most things he could see are baby proofed.

Gesturing to the nearest baby lock, he asks, “Do you have a kid?” then quickly backtracks. “Wow, that was really blunt, sorry.”

Hylla just laughs, brushing it off as she pulls on her shoes. “No, like I said, Karma is super smart, but she loves causing trouble. She knows how to flip light switches, open cabinets, doors, the fridge, so: baby locks.”

Ashton laughs, a full sound from deep in his chest. “That’s amazing. In theory, that would be great, but I could see how she could make a mess, though.”

Hylla makes a small noise of affirmation, and they head out. They make small talk on their way, allowing the radio to fill stretches of comfortable silence.

Ashton parks a few blocks from the coffee shop, giving them a chance to be spotted before they enter. He gives Hylla a small, reassuring smile before hopping out of the car, opening her door. He helps her out of the car, lacing their fingers together as they make their way to the shop.

A handful of fans recognize Ashton, but none make a fuss about Hylla’s presence, being kind without prying.

They choose to sit at a bar along the front windows, keeping an eye out for the paps that were bound to arrive. They continue to keep their conversation light, occasionally speaking to fans that approach.

After some time, they notice the herd of paps outside had grown to a size plenty more than sufficient for their purposes. They meet each other’s eyes before rising from their seats in unison. 

Ashton takes Hyllas free hand in his, squeezing lightly. “You ready?”

She smiles back and nods, using her drink to gesture for them to leave.

As soon as the door opens, they’re overwhelmed by flashes. Ashton makes a point of ignoring the cameras, leading Hylla toward the pier, where it would be more difficult for the paps to follow.

Hylla tries to keep her head down, knowing there are already enough pictures of her face for Twitter to find her. The noise was overwhelming, with questions being shouted over each other, and Hylla is forced to press closer to Ashton to keep her balance as they fight their way through the crowded sidewalk.

One man pouches forward, gripping her arm tightly and asking a question she doesn’t quite hear. She freezes, eyes going wide as the man’s grip grows tighter. Immediately, Ashton puts himself between the two, dropping her hand in favor of pulling the man’s off of her and pushing him back. As soon as she’s freed, she stumbles back, heart still racing, and watches Ashton shoo away everyone who hasn’t already taken their cue to leave.

Once they are gone, he turns back to her, concern pinching his features. “Are you alright?” he asks softly, lightly brushing his fingertips over the bright red marks left on her elbow. 

“I’m okay,” she says quickly, “just a little shaken up— I wasn’t expecting that.” Her reply comes almost too fast for Ashton to believe her, but he just nods, drawing her closer to him, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead before continuing toward the pier. 

Their silence is comfortable as they walk, filling the long stretches between bits of small talk.

Occasionally, a fan will ask Ashton for a picture, and Hylla happily takes the photos, opting to stay behind the camera, despite several invitations to join them.

They eventually find themselves at a picnic table, their gazes drifting between each other and the water.

“I’m actually kind of surprised we didn’t get more questions today,” she mentions, absentmindedly running her nails through the groves in the worn wood.

Ashton shrugs, drumming his own fingers on his thigh. “They usually aren’t the type to pry, but those pictures are probably trending by now.”

“I suppose it’s nice how they don’t track you everywhere. I imagine that would get old.”

“It can when it happens a lot, like when we’re on tour. Usually, it screws up plans more than anything.” He pauses for a second, taking in the sounds of the boardwalk before looking back to her. “So, I still don’t know much about you. Where are you from?”

“I grew up in Long Beach. My mom grew up in the LA area, but my dad is actually from Puerto Rico.”

“Puerto Rico, I think you might have mentioned that last week.”

She raises her eyebrows a bit, shocked he remembered. “Yeah, I did.”

“Does that mean you speak Spanish?”

His voice is genuinely curious, but Hylla can’t help but tease, “How original, no one has ever asked me that before. But, yes, I speak Spanish.”

“Well, I’m sorry I asked,” he says, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “I feel like you mentioned your mom, too. Are you a family-oriented person?”

“Yeah, my entire family is pretty close.”

“Mine, too. Do you have any siblings?”

“Two brothers and a sister, plus a few cousins I’m super close with.”

Ashton gave a quick glance around, making sure everyone was out of earshot before speaking. “This whole thing must be hard then, not being able to talk about this.”

“A little, but I’m honestly so busy I don’t get to see them half as often as I’d like to even have to avoid talking about it. I assume it’s gonna get even harder with this being public now.” Hylla spoke quietly, also concerned about potential eavesdroppers. “This probably isn’t the place for this conversation.”

“You’re probably right,” He said, standing up from the table. “Should we move this somewhere more private?”

He held out a hand, which she took, lacing her fingers in his as they made their way back up the pier. “What other things should you know about me?”

“Well, apparently you speak Spanish. Any other fun talents you’ve been hiding from me?”

“You already know I do art. That takes up most of my time.”

“Other than tattoos, what kind of art do you like to do?”

“Uh, a little bit of everything, I guess? I do a lot of digital things because they’re the easiest to get to clients that commission me, and I can print them into stencils. I paint, sometimes. As long as I have a pen and something to write on, I’ll doodle. How about you? Any random talents you’re holding out on?”

“Nothing spectacular. I can whistle really well, but I suppose that goes with the music thing.”

They spend the rest of the walk back to the car chatting, talking just enough to fill the silence. They had almost made it back to the car when they saw a few more paps; though, they appeared to be less pushy than the ones they encountered earlier.

Hylla’s first reaction was to ignore them, avoiding direct eye contact, but Ashton smiled at them, politely telling them he would answer any of their questions. She was honestly surprised they left graciously, allowing the pair to go about their business.

Ashton opened her door for her, allowing her to climb into the passenger seat before getting in the car himself. Neither of them spoke until Ashton pulled into traffic. “Are you doing okay? I know all of this can be overwhelming.”

Hylla shrugged, running her fingertips over the seams of the center council. “I’m fine, I wasn’t really as prepared for dealing with them as I originally thought, but it’s something I’ll just learn with time, I guess. Honestly, the fact that they just left when you asked them to really shocked me.”

“They aren’t all quite as pushy as the ones this morning,” Ashton assured her. He made quick glances at her while he drove, debating whether he could hold her hand without people around. “The shoving and mobbing is something we hardly ever have to deal with around here, and security is usually with us in places where the pushy ones like to show. Speaking of which, how’s your arm?”

Hylla hadn’t really had much time to think over the morning’s events, so she was surprised to see how dark the bruises were when she looked down. “It looks worse than it feels. It’ll probably be pretty sore tomorrow, though.”

“Once we park, I can take a look at it. I might have something at home that could take care of them.” He couldn’t help but feel guilty, partially responsible for what had happened. “We probably should have iced it earlier, stopped it from getting this bad.”

Hylla shook her head, shrugging off his concern. “It really doesn’t hurt, Ash. It’s not a big deal.”

“I know, but I hate that they hurt you. I should have expected something like this.” He speaks quietly, shifting his eyes back to the road.

“This isn’t your fault, Ash,” she said, not even thinking as she put her hand over his on the gearshift. “You know that, right? I signed up for this. This whole thing doesn’t need to make me your responsibility.”

Ashton’s fluttering heart sank at her words, feeling pushed away. “I know that we really aren’t that close, that I don’t necessarily need to, but I’m still worried about you, and I still care that you got hurt.” His face is red as he pulls into a park’n’ride, catching her gaze before quickly averting his eyes. “Is it okay if I take a look at your arm?” His words are cautious, not wanting to overstep any boundaries or make her uncomfortable.

“That’s fine, Ash.” She twists slightly in her seat to face him more and whisks the knuckles of her uninjured arm over his cheek to bring his attention back to her face. “And, thank you for caring, even if you don’t really have to.”

“Of course, Hylla. I’m not about to just ignore you as soon as we aren’t in public, even if I technically can.” He speaks softly, but with a tone of finality that affirms his words. 

Hylla hums softly in response, taking more reassurance from his words than she realized she had needed. 

He takes his time inspecting her bruises, softly grazing them with his fingers. Ashton sighs, his tone softer when he continues. “I know I wasn’t particularly pleasant when we first met, scratch that, I was a total douche, and there isn’t an excuse for that, but I really would like us to be friends, to be able to enjoy each other’s company if we’re going to be spending so much time together.”

“I completely understand why you acted the way you did that first day; I probably would have reacted the same way if our roles were reversed. You didn’t get a choice in the situation, and I was the person they were forcing onto you, so you lashed out. I’m not upset about you having feelings, Ashton, and I also want to be able to enjoy each other’s company throughout this.” She paused in a way that suggested she wasn’t done talking, but couldn’t bring herself to suggest that their relationship could go further than just friends.

Hylla was snapped from her thoughts when Ashton’s gentle hold on her arm trailed, taking her hand in his, drawing her gaze back to his. “I’m glad we both want that.” He wore a light smile on his face, gently stroking her hand with his thumb as he spoke. “Those bruises are getting kind of gnarly. Want to maybe get some food and head back to mine so I can clean them up?”

His tone is meek, bracing himself from the rejection he feared, expecting her to ask him to just bring her home. Despite her reassurance that she understood, he still was worried he had screwed over anything that could have ever possibly happened between them with his behavior.

“That sounds good.” She squeezes his hand, smiling at him. He sighs lightly with relief, taking her acceptance of his offer as a good sign. With a small, mischievous smile, she mutters, “Feels good, too.”

Ashton barks a loud, sudden laugh and throws his head back, completely caught off guard by the change in mood. He continues to giggle as he pulls back into traffic, heading toward his house. “A pun at my expense? Already?” He trails off into a fit of giggles, his smile growing further. “Oh, you are just gonna love the guys.”

Ashton falters, worried he’s jumped too far ahead of himself, despite the fact that they both knew that she would be meeting the guys sooner rather than later, but Hylla's unfazed. “It’ll probably be even harder for you to keep this from them than it will be for me to keep it from my family.”

Her comment throws him— he hadn’t even considered the fact that he couldn’t tell the guys about the nature of their relationship. “I guess we never did finish that conversation, did we?”

She shrugs off the question, hiking one knee to her chest and leaning against the door. “I don’t really know what else to say. I mean, it’s going to suck keeping this from them, but what more is there to dwell on, really?”

Ashton takes a quick glance over at her, sensing that the situation bothered her more than she was letting on, but decides not to push the matter. “Tell me about them.”

Hylla tilts her head just enough to stare, quirking her eyebrow at his request. 

“They’re clearly important to you, so, tell me about them.” She smiles, shaking her head as she thinks.

“Well, Kendall is the oldest, she’s 28. She loves to tease, and is bossy as hell, but her heart is always in the right place. Micah’s 26. He can be a little protective, but lets me get away with everything because he’s a total softy. Kian’s only twenty, but protective to the point of overbearing and likes following the rules. He loves playing tough guy, and hates acknowledging that I can handle myself. Issac and Lydia are my cousins, but we spent so much time together as kids that we’re practically siblings. Lydia is 27, and Issac’s my age— actually, he’s two days younger than me and I will never let him forget it.”

Ashton smiles as she rambles, listening attentively to her stories with the people she cares so much about.

She trails off in the middle of a story from her childhood, blushing when she realizes they’ve stopped in Ashton’s driveway. “Sorry, I got a little carried away.”

“Don’t be. They sound amazing.” They both exit the car, walking up to the house. “I wish I got to see my family more, but the guys are like my brothers, now.” 

Ashton opens the door for Hylla, stepping in behind her and dropping his keys into a bowl by the door. He kicks off his shoes, and Hylla follows suit before continuing to stand awkwardly, unsure of how to proceed.

Ashton shows her to the kitchen, telling her to make herself comfortable before disappearing upstairs to grab some things for her arm. Hylla perches herself on a stool at his counter, pulling out her phone to see the pictures of them starting to trend.

Ashton returns carrying an assortment of first aid supplies. He chuckles lightly when she shows him her screen, mildly impressed that they’ve already seemed to have identified her, along with several of her socials.

“Twitter really is better than the FBI, aren’t they?” He nods, pulling a stack of takeout menus from a drawer.

“What are you feeling for lunch?” he asks, flipping several of the menus to face her.

She glances up from her scrolling, returning her phone to her pocket. “I’m not picky, but I’m always a sucker for Thai.” She pulls a few menus from the stack, allowing Ashton to pick from those.

Once they’d placed their orders, Ashton sits facing her, inspecting her bruises again. He holds her arm gently, careful not to put more pressure than necessary on the sore area. He rubs a balm over it before wrapping it with a soft ice pack, smiling at her gently.

“You really need to stop feeling so guilty about this, Ash.” Her words stun him, and he meets her eyes again. “This is not your fault, and your guilty face is making me sad.” She jokingly pouts at him, earning herself a giggle.

“I know,” he sighs lightly and sits up straighter, twisting to face the counter, “but I can’t help but feel bad that being around me got you hurt.” He has his own small pout, fuming over the incident.

“It’s a bruise, Ashton. It’s not even that bad.” She moves the compress, poking it harshly to prove her point, but the small wince she makes nullifies it. “Okay, maybe it’s a bad bruise, but I’ll be fine. I’ve probably given myself worse bruises running into tables, so you can stop worrying so much.”

Ashton resituates the compress, holding it there to keep her from moving it again. “Was awful to you that first day, and now this happened. I can’t help but think that you're gonna hate me if this sort of thing keeps happening.”

“I’m not a dog, Ash. A few bad days aren’t gonna train me to hate you.” She chuckles a bit, smiling warmly. “I already told you that I’m not mad about you being in a mood that first day and that this isn’t your fault. You don’t need to be so hard on yourself.” She reaches out to cup his face, rubbing her thumb over his cheekbone soothingly.

Her touch feels natural, and Ashton has to restrain himself from leaning into it. “I’ll try to stop worrying so much, but you need to leave your ice pack on so it actually starts healing,” he teases, placing his hand on her knee, brushing the inside of it with his thumb.

“Deal.”

They remain in a comfortable silence for a bit, enjoying each other’s touch within their own little bubble, until the doorbell rings, startling them both. They jump apart guiltily, breaking their worry free bliss, and they both flush. Ashton sighs lightly before moving to answer the door, already missing her touch.

Hylla readjusts in her seat, trying to process the moment they shared. She ached to return to it, to pursue a romance outside of their contract without regard for the consequences, but she chastised herself, unable to push her worries from her mind. No matter what happened between them in private, they would be forced to regularly see each other until their contract expired, and she wasn’t sure she could keep something like that to herself for so long.

Ashton comes back with their takeout a minute later, firmly refusing to allow Hylla to pay him back for her meal. Once they are both settled with their food, he rekindles their conversation for a third time. “Tell me more about your family.”

Hylla thinks for a moment on what she should start with, surprised at how interested he is. “Well, my dad’s family is from Puerto Rico; They moved here when he was eleven. My mom’s family came over from Southern Europe before the first world war. They’re both deeply connected to their cultures, so we have a lot of strong traditions. Between running the shop and now this, I don’t get to see them half as often as I’d like, but we try to make a point of doing big family dinners as often as we can— which you will most definitely be getting dragged to at some point in the near future. There is no way they will let me get away with not bringing you around more than once, now that we’re public.”

Ashton chuckles, heart fluttering at the prospect of meeting the people that were so important to her. “Well, I’ll give it a week at most before the guys start showing up here unannounced to try and meet you, so I guess we’re even there.”

“Speaking of meeting people, we’re going to need a solid story of how we met because my family will pick up on anything that doesn’t quite match up, so our details need to be on point without seeming rehearsed.”

“The guys won’t necessarily need details, but if the situation seems weird, they’re gonna start asking questions we probably won’t be able to answer.”

“So we need details and a vibe.”

They sit quietly, only the sounds of their chewing disturbing the thoughtful silence as they run through scenarios. They occasionally bounce a few ideas off each other, shooting down the ones that would spark too many questions, before settling on meeting at a farmers market they both occasionally shop at.

They discuss the details of the meeting, occasionally jotting down details to remember, until long after their food has been finished. The conversations strayed frequently, and Hylla longed to hear more about the man beside her, who she suspected was holding something back, giving few details of his own life when she tries to reciprocate his curious nature.

Even after the details had been arranged, their conversation flowed easily, but Ashton remained reserved, worried if he shared too many of his own experiences, he’d lose sight of what he has in common with Hylla. He could recognize so much of himself within her— valuing her connections to her family and culture, the strong sense of creativity she pursued— despite the fact that they led completely different lives, and he clung to that connection, terrified she would lose what little interest in him he hopes she has without it. 

What Hylla does learn about him is mundane, but she adores the knowledge, nonetheless, They exchange random favorites— foods, movies, authors— and other small things, keeping their conversation light until Hylla decides she’s stayed her welcome.

Upon arriving home, she immediately takes Karma for a walk, taking some time to think over the predicament Ashton presented. She’s close with her family, and has never been good at hiding things from them. If one of them directly pointed out something was weird about the couple, she isn’t sure she will be able to keep up the act.

Her worries continue to pester her as she sets things up in the shop for the next morning, and while she attempts to sleep. Eventually, after giving into her insomnia, she pulls a sketchbook from the pile on her desk and settles back on top of the comforter to draw.

She doesn’t pay as much mind to what she’s drawing as she does to blending each part into a single piece. She starts with thin line work, dainty lines flowing to the edges of uncompleted figures, but quickly switches to thicker, bolder marks, all but overtaking the delicate start to the piece. When she comes back from her place deep in her thoughts, and takes the time to examine what she’s done, she is shocked at the wholeness of the piece. Even without the detailing of a finished piece, it seems cohesive and clear-cut, as though it told a story.

The upper half of a wolf vaguely encircles the dainty, loopy outline of a girl holding a flor de maga, a Puerto Rican hibiscus flower, as though using it as a pen. The wolf’s teeth are bared, but its expression is soft and curious as it faces the girl, who appeared to be unbothered by the beast’s presence, focused on the image below them. In roughly the shape of a tiara, vague figures of half sketched people struggle toward a man holding a flag, standing firm against strong winds. The piece bleeds with emotion, feelings of passion, admiration, understanding, and inner strength.

Hylla stays up until the wee hours of the morning, shading and adding details to the piece until she feels as though she’s done it justice. It’s raw, and she doesn’t quite understand why the textures and patterns work together, but everything fits together in a way that satisfies her. Finally, she moves the sketchbook to her nightstand, sprawling out on the bed to get some sleep before she has to open the shop.

~~~

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[ofaylin]

⌠ BAHAR SAHIN, 19 CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, AYLIN KALELI! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (hair pulled back with a chanel ribbon, lycra boots with razor blades in the heel, champagne and french macarons in a bubble bath, wiping your tears with a $100 bill). when it’s the (leo)’s birthday on 8/3/00 they always request their FRENCH FRIES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. 

hi, hello, i’ve been sitting on this idea for a while and i was going to wait until june but with all these new characters i just got too excited ?! so, fuck it, i’m here now, i can’t help myself. for plots, feel free to message me here on tumblr or hmu on discord @ #kati7600, but check out her intro below the cut ! // ty @gallagherintro​

INSPIRATION.

bex baxter – gallagher girls

carmen cortez – spy kids

blair waldorf – gossip girl

cher horowitz – clueless

torrance shipman – bring it on

jackie burkhart – that 70s show

BACKGROUND.

both of her parents work for the national intelligence organization of turkey, they’re big shots and they make a lot of money! she has two older sisters and she’s born into a world of wealth and expectations. it won’t take her long to learn more languages than years she has lived, and waking up early to run drills and do obstacle courses with her sisters is routine.

picture perfect on the outside, the household within goes through turmoil. her mother is promoted to the director of the NIO and it puts a strain on her parent’s relationship. her father starts taking more business trips, and aylin and her sisters spend nights sitting on the top of the stairs, listening in on phone conversations. aylin’s the youngest, so she doesn’t really understand what’s going on and needs to have it broken down. 

aylin had always LOVED her parent’s love story – they met on a mission and they were partners for years, it’s all very romantic. so the divorce leaves her confused. how could you stop loving someone? how could you just give up?

both of her parents are an active part of her life, the divorce is...fairly amicable and they share custody. the only thing aylin doesn’t like is her father’s new girlfriend, young and totally uninvolved in the world of espionage. the girl could be her sister. aylin spends her time split between two houses, half-belonging to each, but her parents feel GUILTY so aylin quickly learns how to use that guilt to get what she wants, whether it’s freedom or material goods. 

she’s a little spoiled, but it doesn’t satisfy her. nothing really does, it just makes her feel sort of empty, so she works harder, filling time with books and training with her older sisters who tell her cool stories from their spy prep schools and teach aylin things they’ve learned when they come home for breaks. aylin long for the day when she’s not splitting your time between other people’s homes and she’s in a place that she can really call her own.

she goes to the same spy prep school that her older sisters did in london. she’s competitive from the get-go because she’s a kelali and people already expect things from her to begin with. she smiles when people call her by her sister’s name or mention her mother, but inside she’s seething, eager to prove that she’s good because she works hard, not because she’s someone’s sister or daughter.

it’d be a lie to say that aylin didn’t step on a few toes, and the way she skyrocket to valedictorian is a little less than savory – she reports her competition for illicit activities, and...perhaps she planted something in their locker idk!!! 

she has her pick of spy prep colleges across the nation, but her mom really encourages her to choose gallagher. why? that’s weird, her mom never went there and neither does the rest of her family! but aylin really likes the idea of a place that’s all hers and she’s always wanted to see america, so she chooses it. she’s a bit smug about being ahead of others because she’s been reading books on espionage since age 4, and if you don’t know sixteen languages, stay out of her way. 

PERSONALITY:

PROUD. aylin is a very proud person, she grew up in an affluent household with important parents. when faced with a challenge, it’s her pride that tends to motivate her to be the best because she feels like she has something to prove, and she’ll turn her nose up at you until she gets it. this also makes her stubborn.

INTELLIGENT. aylin was raised in an environment where she was being trained since her childhood, knowing about espionage since she could speak, but she also has an iq of 122, so not quite genius level but she’s getting there. she’s the head cheerleader type that you’d be surprised is actually really good at math.

HARD-WORKING. queen of taking on too many extracurriculars at all times! honestly she tends to overexert herself until she burns out, but she wants it all – the exciting social life, the straight As, the meaningful connections, the parties, when does she sleep? maybe never.

SNOBBISH. honestly, she doesn’t mean to come off as a snob but she definitely does because she hasn’t really known anything other than crystal dishware and fancy clothes. she doesn’t even comprehend that other people don’t come from the same place of privilege that she has.

FUN-LOVING. the girl you want to party with! just because she’s a good student, she wouldn’t want you to think that she doesn’t know how to have a good time. aylin operates in extremes, so she parties just as hard as she studies and has a tendency to get carried away, but let it be known that she’s doing this for herself and not for anyone else’s attention.

MANIPULATIVE. aylin will step on toes to get what she wants, and she’s not scared to fight dirty. she tends to stay in the lines of what’s legal of course, but if she sees a window into getting what she wants, she’ll say what she needs to in order to get it. honestly, she can be a bit callous with the way she uses people and doesn’t always understand the effects of her actions. she would tell you that the ends justify the means. yikes.

INDEPENDENT. doesn’t need you or anyone else and wants you to know it. her confidence is genuine and real, and she doesn’t attribute any of her accomplishments to her family name – she’s not insecure about it, she knows that she’s good at what she does.  

HEADCANONS.

started school early, so she’s a bit young for her grade by a year. she sees this as a positive thing and will brag to you about how she’s younger AND smarter. annoying.

acts like she really likes healthy food and eats a salad in public ( will tell you that’s her favorite food ) but she’s weak for things that are greasy and fried and will be pigging out in secret. her favorite food is french fries but you probably wouldn’t guess that about her ! 

languages she knows: english, french, turkish, arabic, german, kurmanji, italian, dutch, spanish, mandarin, japanese, latin, hindustani, malay, russian, bengali. some are better than others and some she reads more than she can really speak. 

taught herself to skateboard since coming to america since it seemed like the thing to do based on watching american films. she will ride her little penny board in high heels and loves it ! and you thought i couldn’t make her more annoying !

tons of expensive lingerie but u can look but don’t touch. 

bisexual but still not interested in you. 

leo with a virgo rising and cancer moon. i am so SORRY ! 

WANTED CONNECTIONS. 

SERENA TO HER BLAIR. literally her best friend ever, but they probably have a sort of on-off friendship because they’re strong personalities and get in each other’s business. however, when it comes down to it, they’ll always put the other first and they love each other immensely, would kill a man for the other. but they’re also pretty competitive too. 

GIRL SQUAD. i just want her to have a couple close girl friends that are all close...you know. i would love if one of them was more subdued and totally chill about everything, maybe a wallflower type, and then another that’s kind of nerdy ? but also cool, you know. i’m just dreaming. 

EX/BESTIE. aylin and this person used to date like forever ago, but mutually decided that they made better friends than romantic partners. they care about each other a lot, and they probably make jokes about how they USED to date. a healthy ex connection basically !

ON/OFF THING. because for every healthy ex i also want something kind of toxic. essentially it’s not good for either of them and they just keep going back to each other because, well, it’s a place of comfort or whatever. they drive each other fucking crazy though and no one can keep up with whether they hate each other’s guts today or if they’re all heart eyes.

SWORN ENEMY. but for a justified reason, like aylin probably screwed them over for something academic or even in a campus club or something. if your character went to a spy prep school, maybe they’re the person that aylin screwed out of the valedictorian role ? might submit a WC for that cause. fun.  

PROJECT. like my fair lady, be aylin’s eliza doolittle, let her she’s the man you, whatever. essentially, your character might by shy, nervous, or new to the spy world and aylin wants to give them a metaphoric ( or maybe even physical ! ) makeover and help them get acclimated, teach them the ways of the world. i’m also picturing that pic of the lesbians, u know what i mean. i can’t find it, but i google searched “girl doing the other girls makeup, gay” 

FORBIDDEN FRIENDSHIPS/LOVE. idk something totally not allowed. if this was sooner i’d want her ass to have a crush on a witness protection kid. however, her parents work for the turkish NIO, so perhaps your muse’s parents or family have been involved in something rivaling that so they’re not supposed to get along. 

MARRIED COUPLE FRIENDS. these are friends that are so close that they’re practically a married couple?? i’d love to do a platonic m/f thing with this, where they fight and get on to each other like they’re married but love each other like it too. lil grandparents of their friend group.

CRUSHER. someone who has a crush on her, probably because they’re fascinated with the idea of her and not her true problematic self. she’d probably be kinda rude to them and i’d love to plot this out long enough for that crush to turn to dislike once they recognize the selfish parts of her or notice she’s been making fun of them. maybe a flipped scenario.

ONE NIGHT STAND. maybe after a few too many drinks, they hooked up. something recent so we can make it super awkward and potentially funny. 

SET-UP. your character’s parents are close friend’s with aylin’s and they’re trying to set aylin up with your character. aylin and your character are NOT compatible at all and it’s hilarious. 

OVERSEAS. they met while they were both abroad together one summer, and they accidentally got into some trouble with international police maybe just for being too drunk on the streets or acting stupid, climbing stuff. aylin considers your character a liability and has avoided them since, disregarding the fun times they had.

RIVALS/ENEMIES WITH SEXUAL TENSION.

EXISTING CONNECTIONS.

NAZ FARHI. her cousin. the two of them don’t NOT get along...but aylin really thought she would come to a school and be the only one of her family members there and then naz showed up ! determined to make it clear that she’s the best. 

JO TRAN. rival/dislike. took one of the upper-level courses because she could and her attitude got on jo’s nerves because what doesn’t get on jo’s nerves. aylin’s just the epitome of everything that pisses jo off. 

KASSANDRA SUTTON. bad friend to. one of those friendships where one person takes more than they give, and it’s not ON PURPOSE, but kass is really just so easy to take advantage of, aylin’s ALWAYS running to her when she needs a favor. 

#gallagher:intro

[detectivejigsawpines]

ORN-Part 2 (Reaching Out)

Trigger warning: reference to suicide (very brief).

Ford stared at the phone, still clutched in his hand, in astonishment.

The mystery caller who had spent years (somehow following his trail from Backupsmore all the way to Gravity Falls, no less) contacting him, only to hang up without speaking, had finally said something.

And even though the words he’d spoken were in Spanish, which Ford had never learned (why bother when Latin and Ancient Greek were available?), the voice sounded very familiar, which was the tiniest bit reassuring for some reason.

Unfortunately, even though Spanish was derived from Latin because it was a Romance language, he was stumped as to what those words had actually meant.

Ford realized with a growl of frustration that it was late, and the town library (which was probably the best place he could go to get them translated) was therefore closed.

It would certainly be nice, he mused to himself, if there was a way to readily find information from the comfort of your own home in situations like this.

The next day he put aside his research on the weirdness of Gravity Falls, which was hitting a bit of a roadblock anyway, and headed straight for the library.  He was eventually able to locate a good Spanish-to-English dictionary and start reading through it.

It would have made things easier if he’d been able to actually see the words the mystery caller had spoken, and how they were spelled, but he was able to make a few educated guesses.  About ten minutes later Ford wrote out what he thought was the correct translation in his journal, under his entry on the silent phone calls-and at once his pen fell from his suddenly nerveless fingers.

Lo siento, hermano.

I’m sorry, brother.

********

There was only one person in the world who it could possibly be.  Well, technically there were two, but only one of them would have a good reason to say that to him.

Slowly it sank in that his mystery caller was the one person he never expected to hear from again, and that he had just told Ford the one thing he never expected to hear from him.

He noticed that his hand was actually shaking a little, and his stomach churning with multiple emotions.

Frustratingly, until or unless Stanley called him back, there was nothing he could do to reconnect with him, because last he’d heard from Mom, Stan didn’t have a phone number.

He went home and spent the rest of the day shooting anxious (or alternatively baleful) glances at the phone as he tried to go through his normal routine, torn between willing it to ring so he could get some answers, and kind of hoping that it wouldn’t.  And then feeling horrified and disgusted with himself for the latter because what if that message had been some kind of final goodbye?  Like maybe Stan was planning to never contact him again, or was about to-

No, he couldn’t think like that.  Stan was incredibly fond of life, he’d never-

But there was no way he could be sure of that, was there?  There were probably lots of suicide cases (just thinking the words made him cringe) where the...victim was one of the last people you’d expect to do something like that.

But come on, even if Stan did feel guilty about what he’d done all that long ago, which he apparently did, surely he wouldn’t feel bad enough to do that.  Even if Ford could hold onto old hurts for so many years, that didn’t mean Stan would-

By the time his phone finally rang again, nearly two whole days later, Ford was a bundle of frayed nerves.

Hurriedly he snatched it up and practically yelled into the receiver, “Hello, this is Stanford Pines!”

There was another silence at the other end of the line.  After a second it occurred to Ford that there was a chance it was someone else entirely, like maybe his mother or a telemarketer (the only other people who called on a regular basis), and he had just frightened them by shrieking into the phone.  He cleared his throat awkwardly, and said in a more civilized tone, “...Um, hello?  Sorry about that.”

There was no reply, but whoever it was hadn’t hung up yet; he could faintly hear what sounded like a car driving by on the other end of the line.  Ford swallowed and decided to take the plunge.

“Stanley?  Is that you?”

This time there was a small gasp, one that sounded familiar now that he was looking for it.

“Don’t hang up!” Ford said quickly, just in case.

Another pause...and then a (maybe more gravelly than he remembered, but still recognizable) voice said softly, “...Hey, Sixer.”

There were a hundred things that Ford wanted to say.  And ask.  And yell.  And probably curse.

He chose to go with, “How did you get my number?”

“Mom,” Stan replied simply.

Ah.  Of course.  She had brought up Stanley a few times, telling him how his brother was doing even when he insisted he didn’t care and didn’t want to hear it.  It sounded like she’d been trying to persuade Stan to reach out to him too.

He chewed his lip, searching for more words.

“I, um-was waiting for you to call back sooner.”

“Sorry.  I got...caught up.”  More cars were in the background; was he next to a road?

Another pause.

“...What did you want?” Stan finally asked.

“You’re the one who called me, Stanley.”

“Oh.  Right.”  An awkward cough.  “Guess I just...wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Is there a reason why I wouldn’t be?” Ford asked, still trying to process that.  That meant that all those phone calls were his brother’s own unique way of checking up on him?

“I dunno.  Besides the fact that you suck at taking care of yourself.”  A half-hearted laugh, probably accompanied by him sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck; he tended to do that when he was uncomfortable.

He was hiding something.  Stan was a much better liar than Ford nine and a half times out of ten, but he could tell he was hiding something.  All he said in return, though, was, “Listen to the pot calling the kettle black.”

More awkward laughter from both of them.

Oh geez, they were actually doing small talk.  That felt so wrong; neither of them had ever needed to do small talk with each other.  The alternative, however, was to rip the bandage off the wound that he had to admit to himself had never actually healed, and he didn’t know what would happen if he did that.  Most likely Stan would hang up again and this would be the last conversation they’d ever have.  And while the more self-righteous part of him said that was fine by him, he didn’t need anybody either, the rest of him was frantically whisper-screaming for that to not happen, please please please no-

“So you’re doing okay?  Mom says you got a house.  And a research grant.”

Ford shook his head, bringing himself back into the moment.  “Yes.  It’s in Oregon.”

“Whoa.  You got all the way away from Jersey.”

Ford’s jaw clenched a tiny bit.  “Yeah.”

“Good job.”

“...Thanks.”

And then, out of the blue, he said, “You should come visit.”

“Just take some time off-” Mom told him once while he was in college that Stan had started a sales business of some kind, maybe he was still doing that, and surely it wouldn’t be hard to take a break- “and drive up and see it.  It’s a nice town, very interesting, has all kinds of unique phenomena.”  Ford realized that he was starting to babble and shut his mouth.

A longer silence lasted between them, long enough for him to ask, “Stan?  You still there?”

“I’m here.”  To his surprise, Stan sounded...apprehensive.  Afraid, even.  Something Stan never was, except perhaps in situations regarding Pa.

“I-I don’t-you’re probably real busy doing important science stuff, I don’t wanna bother you.”

“You wouldn’t,” Ford insisted.  “I’m...kind of in a roadblock in my research, actually.  Maybe it would do me good to take some time off.”

“You don’t need me for that.”  Somehow the resignation that entered his brother’s voice now hurt worse than the fear had.

“Just think about it.”  Even though before today the idea of inviting his estranged twin to come visit him would have been the last thing on his mind, suddenly Ford very much wanted it to happen.

Maybe it was the fact that Stan had been sort of reaching out to him for almost five years now, even if he’d never actually spoken to him.  Maybe it was because he’d said he was sorry, even if it was in another language.

Maybe it was lingering fear and not wanting to never hear from him again, as ridiculously sentimental as that probably was.

“...Maybe,” Stan finally said.  “S’not like I’m that busy right now.”

Ford exhaled, trying to think of a way to be more persuasive without being pushy.

“Do you need my address?”  Seconds later he wanted to kick himself; too eager, that was way too eager.

“Nah, I got it written down somewhere.”

“618 Gopher Road,” Ford said anyway.

“Yeah, that sounds right.”  Stan swallowed again, loudly.  “I, um, I gotta go.  These calls aren’t cheap.”

Then all that was left was the dial tone buzzing in Ford’s ear.

#Gravity Falls #flipside AU #stan pines #ford pines #young stan and ford #knuckleheads reconnecting #phone conversation

[meximorrita]

Hi, I was wondering I could request Noir from Spider Verse with the song “Box of Secrets” by Zarif for the songfic requests?

Hi, anon! Of course you can! I am so sorry this took an eternity. But I really had troubles finishing it due I was out of inspiration, but oh boy, I AM BACK!

This is my first time writing for a Marvel character so I am sorry if this is not the best. Also this was translated from Spanish since that's my first language so I am sorry for any grammar errors you may find, but I pray you enjoy it.

Spanish version here (X)

Also anon, I wrote this with a gender neutral reader, I hope you don't mind.

_____

BOX OF SECRETS Spidernoir x GN!Reader

You were having a peaceful time chilling with the Spider family at May's living room. You could swear you almost forgot the pressure of being a superhero, you haven't felt like an ordinary person in a long time. Yeah, you were distracted by the conversation but mostly because you were too busy glimpsing at Noir. You had to admit it, the mysterious, serious and gentlemanly Spiderman got your eye from the first moment you saw him. Meanwhile Noir was paying attention to Porker who was trying to explain some jokes to him, it wasn't working as you could see. Peter only seemed highly confused and kept asking any sort of questions.

"...Tell us why, Y/N" Peter B's voice called you out. Shit! What had he said? He was staring at you as well as the others. You prayed that they didn't realize you were eyeing Noir."I-I am sorry, what was that?" You asked. Peter rolled his eyes "Pay attention. I am not that old for you guys to ignore...Am I?" You moved your hand in a "So so" gesture. He pouted. Gwen brought back the initial question "We were wondering, why is it that you never take your mask off? I mean, it has total sense in your Universe but here it has no use."

Right, the mask, you hadn't given it a thought yet. Peter B. And Gwen didn't wear them most of the time, even now they weren't wearing them. "Uhm" you mumble looking for an explanation "well I think is a bad habit" You laughed nervous "Since I'm always wearing it, I only get rid of it when I'm taking a shower or about to go to bed" you shrugged trying to lessen importance to it "But I don't know why am I the only one being questioned here. These two" You pointed at Noir and Porker "Never take them off as well"

They joined the conversation. "Literally I am a pig." He said kinda bugged." I don't know what were you expecting" "What about you, Peter?" Penny's sweet voice asked "A hero's identity is a precious secret. This mask is the one thing standing between those rotten eggs out there and my home." Everybody went quiet after his answer "Peter, you aren't in your Universe you know?" Miles pointed out "Here nobody has idea of who you are. Plus, we already know you're Peter Parker" Noir was muted for some time and finally said "That's quite right but, still, It isn't going off." "As you want" Peter B. responded.

A little bit of chatting later, bedtime had arrived. Miles had school the next day and, frankly the rest of the team needed to rest. That's how Peter and you were left alone. "Woah Peter, you really like being mysterious, uh?" You tried to start a conversation "I'm guessing being a private eye had something to do with that". "Fella" his low voice answered you as he accommodated his hat in the right place "After all I've seen, it's a miracle I'm not inside a wooden kimono. I like to believe luck's always been on my side. " You nodded slowly. You couldn't help but feel sorrowful for his unfortunated life. You just couldn't sit there arms crossed, you felt the urge to do something about it, maybe that intriguing man needed a friend. Even if you felt like it was a stupid idea you had to try it.

Open up your box of secrets

Take one out for me

"Hey Peter!" Your voice went up as an idea crossed your mind "I don't feel like sleeping and I think there's a place near by where we can get an egg cream, wanna go?" You couldn't believe what you had said but it was the best you could come up with. Your heart was beating fast, why? You were hanging out merely as friends, nothing else. But if that was so, why did you expected him to accept so badly? Noir gave you a susprised look "Well, that sounds like a good idea." You sighed in relief. "Awesome!" You walked towards that place wearing your spider suits but people just took a quick look at you thinking you were nothing more than spiderman fans.

The place was nothing out of the usual and you could count at most 5 people there. You ordered the egg creams and something to eat. At first, it was kinda uncomfortable due Peter's serious nature and also because you still felt uneasy to be having dinner with the man that had caught your attention. The conversation slowly went better; Peter talked to you about how was like to grow in the middle of the great depression while you chanted about your family and your hometown. Of course, you were the one doing the most part of the conversation but he didn't seem to mind, actually, you could tell he was gladly listening to you by the amount of questions he came up with. "Yeet?" "It's just a meme" "A meme?!"

I'll show the number on my ticket

And take one home with me

Oh the night just got better and better. Eventually the conversation took you to the top of a building. It was a quiet night for New York, the lights of the city danced right under your feet and a small breeze got to you along with the night bustle. Now you were so happy, having Peter next to you, being so honest and open with you made nothing but make you smile tenderly at him. Sooner or later the conversation stopped, leaving you contemplating the view in front of you. "Peter" your sweet tone interrupted the silence "Why did you tell me all of that?" You questioned. Noir kept his gaze to the horizon not giving you an answer. He waited a few seconds meditating his answer. You were right, he barely even knew you but he poured his heart out without hesitating. "Being honest, I have no idea. You are so kind and true. I guess I trusted you enough to tell you. Of course, I omitted the most disturbing parts." That was so sweet coming from him but his tone on the last sentence made your heart sank. Behind his words you could perceive so much pain and rage, you wanted to cry. "Peter, you are a box full of Secrets. Thanks for sharing it with me." You put your hand on his and looked him right into his eyes offering him a soft, comforting smile "If I had to guess, I would say that all it needs to get information from you is an egg cream" you tried to lighten the mood and shook your head playfully.

"Well Peter, I can assure you that I feel the same way about you, like if I could tell you anything" Peter froze flustered at your unexpected words. That was so weird, so unusual comming from him. "You know what?!" You continued "Since we've got so personal. Here goes one of my secrets" you pulled your hand away from his and took it up to your face. Will you ever learn to not have such dumb ideas? Maybe one day but now you were sure to show Peter a part of the real you by removing your mask. You smirked subtlety "This" you pointed at your bare face "is my face". You obtained no response from the suited man.

Noir was astonished at your revelation. You were far more attractive than he had imagined. The first thing he focused in were your bright eyes than seemed so captivating that night. Later he took notice of your tempting lips curled in a precious smile. "Holy..." you could barely hear it "I know, fighting the crime makes you look 10 years older" you laughed nervous "What do you think?" You finally questioned. "I think" Noir interrupted his response so that he wouldn't stumble over his words. "I think you are a total knockout" he said softly. You felt flustered and he noticed it "Well, thank..." "But in that case you should know my identity as well" he added before taking off his mask without hesitating. Your heart slipped a beat when you finally saw his eyes, they showed so much affliction yet so much spark and determination. You noticed his dark hair messed up because of the mask. You studied the various scars decorating face, they led you to his striking lips that you've ached to kiss since you met him. You were speechless before this man. "I know it looks bad but, c'mon it isn't that bad" His words bewildered you "What?! Did you just make a joke, Peter Parker?! You?! You know? After your face this is the second revelation of the night. I've seen everything now" Peter let out a cute laugh that you adored "I may know one or two things about joking. Porker isn't an awful teacher." He explained "Now, It's my turn to ask, what do you think?" "I think I wouldn't mind to kiss that face of yours" You said almost instinctively. You didn't move an inch but Peter only got closer and closer until your lips melt in a cherished kiss. What a way to end the night. "Peter now more than ever, you're a box of secrets" you said before meeting your lips again.

Show me show me what you got

Take it take it soak it up

Open up your box of secrets

Take one out for me

#again i am so sorry if this is shit noir is my fav spider and i feel i messed it up #also you have no idea how much time i spend trying to translate it uuugh #mios #x reader #into the spiderverse #spider-man noir #spider-man noir x reader #marvel #spidernoir #spidernoir x reader #anon #respuesta

[sxgitta]

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻

                repost, don’t reblog !

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

FULL NAME. alexander gideon lightwood-bane NICKNAME. alec, big bro/brother ( by izzy ), alexander ( by magnus ) GENDER. male HEIGHT.  6'0 (182/3) AGE. i keep alec at canon age, usually. show canon/wiki says 24, book wiki says 23. so around there.  ZODIAC. virgo SPOKEN LANGUAGES. fluently she speaks english and i would assume spanish. any others i guess would depend on verse, or if for some reason i decide he maybe knows a little of something else. idk. time will tell, i guessssss, lmao. he is also trying to learn indonesian for magnus.

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

HAIR COLOR. dark brown/black EYE COLOR. blue (book)/hazel(show) SKIN TONE. tan from hispanic descent/caucasion BODY TYPE.  athletic/average. VOICE. deep, but soft. rugged. DOMINANT HAND. right handed, i think? someone tell me if i’m wrong, i never paid attn. lmao. POSTURE. she stands straight, head held high, as shadowhunters are trained, somewhat like a soldier in most cases. SCARS. i would say thanks to the iratze, alec doesn’t have any scars. but if i can find anywhere that says he does, or when i somehow someday finish the book series, i will change it. TATTOOS. None, outside of runes. BIRTHMARKS. none. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). his height, probably. and his deflect rune.

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 !

PLACE OF BIRTH. idris. HOMETOWN. new york city, though she’ll always consider idris her home away from home and hometown, like most shadowhunters. SIBLINGS. izzy lightwood, jace herondale and max lightwood. PARENTS. robert lightwood and maryse lightwood, though given her father’s infidelity and the fact that she’s known about the secret for years before any of her siblings, he’s a touchy subject for a while. he did forgive him eventually ( as he walked him down the aisle, according to the show ).

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 !

OCCUPATION.  per canon, shadowhunter in the new york Institute previously, currently the Inquisitor in Alicante.   CURRENT RESIDENCE. Alicante. CLOSE FRIENDS. jace is his first and foremost parabatai/best friend. next would probably be magnus. he’s a lonely boy.   RELATIONSHIP STATUS. married forever & ever. FINANCIAL STATUS. pretty well off, since the lightwoods seem to have built up their family name after some generations of the tarnish that was brought on it with their ancestor, and are once more considered an influential family, leading to assume they’re definitely wealthy in terms of what mundanes would consider when it comes to money, not to mention his current job status. DRIVER’S LICENSE. no, and i don’t think she should be trusted behind the wheel of a mundane car either. lets just say the lightwoods/herondales are HORRIBLE drivers, since they never needed to learn. lets leave the driving to simon. CRIMINAL RECORD. as far as i know from canon/books/show, i don’t think he’s ever been convicted or accused of anything. VICES. magnus is his one vice.

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. gay. PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. alex can be pretty emotional, but he can go either way between a submissive and dominant role when it comes to emotions. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. alex can be pretty dominant sexually, but he can go either way between a submissive and dominant role when it comes to sex. probably depends on the mood between magnus and him. LIBIDO. he’s definitely got a high sex drive, and is no stranger to giving into desires, but as it generally is, it’ll depend on his mood and magnus.  TURN ON’S.  light bdsm, semi public sex, usually willing to try any/most things with magnus. TURN OFF’S. humiliation or degradation, airway restriction, lack of communication ( stole those from izzy, lmaoo. ) LOVE LANGUAGE. talking sensually, physical touching, small gestures (aka the breakfast scene). RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. izzy’s very affectionate, whether it’s with gentle touches or words, and will always be touching magnus in even the smallest of ways or giving small words of compassion or compliments. whether it’s a hug, a hand on a shoulder, cheek kiss or anything else, she’s almost always touching magnus in some way. though at first he did have a hard time being that way, as the issues with his parents scared him a little, and affected his influence and judgment when it came to any kind of tendencies or affection toward magnus. sex definitely took a while, but he felt ready sooner than he thought.

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. WAR OF HEARTS AND I GET TO LOVE YOU BY RUELLE 100% !!!! CHANGE MY FUCKIN MIND !!! HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. training, attempted cooking, shopping LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. left PHOBIAS. arachnophobia, umbrellaphobia or pellebaphobia ( though not extreme ). SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. very high VULNERABILITIES. anything magnus or family related.

TAGGED BY: @runegiven thank you bb ! i did my best, lmaoo. TAGGING: @fvckingmagic @cantsingtm @unlockedinme and anyone else who wants to do it !

#ic info

[goddess-of-writing-wars]

Meme Tag Game

We were tagged to do this by @classy-mc ! Thank you! 

The rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to get to know better.

Admin Yukari’s Answers:

•Nickname•: Jen, Jenni, Ice Queen (by my aunt Lily), Bitch-chan (by my lovely sister), Admin Yukari

•Height•: 5′1″

•Last movie I saw•: I just saw the Fruits Basket reboot anime in theaters, so I think that counts!

•Favorite artist•: I’m a fan of Yana Toboso’s art. She’s the mangaka for Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji!

•Song stuck in my head•: “The reason why” by Ayasa. God, that violin is beautiful in this track. Makes me feel like I’m in a Chinese drama haha.

•Do I get asks?•: For this side blog, I do. It’s necessary for it to be alive and fulfill its purpose. 

•Other blogs?•: My main account is @rengeance. 

•Following•: For GOWW, it’s 1,765 followers currently! 

•Lucky number•: 18! It’s my birth date, IkeSen!Kenshin’s birth date, the year I legally became an adult, and the age when I first started college! 

•What I am wearing•: A sky blue t-shirt that a good friend of mine designed for our group to wear for GradNite at Disneyland in my high school senior year and grey sweatpants. It’s been a lazy day for me. 

•Dream job•: Honestly? Pay me to play video games and sleep lol. That’s a fantasy, but anyway, I’d love to be corporate lawyer that travels frequently from the U.S. to Japan! And on the side, I’d like to be a writer for video games. 

•Favorite food•: I have an undying love for soup dumplings or dumplings in general. It’s good comfort food.

•Dream Trip•: I want to go to Japan and buy merch haha Just kidding, I want to do other activities while I’m there too, like visit shrines and onsen.

•Play any instruments•: I used to play the clarinet in middle school. Now I just play the piano.

•Languages•: I speak English, Hmong, and Spanish! I want to learn more languages though, like Japanese, Mandarin, and French! 

•Favorite song•: 7 Rings by Ariana Grande. It’s a mood. 

•Random fact•: I have a pet betta fish named Zuko! :) He’s my precious baby and he’s 2.5 years old now! 

•Aesthetic things•: French manicures, golden jewelry and embellishments, black heels, red lipstick, collections of manga books, sharp winged eyeliner, organized workspaces, color-coded items, white marble floors, crescent moons.

•Tagging•: Uhh, I tag everyone who actually read through this! Feel free to tag me in your answers later too!

Admin Toreishi's answers:

Quick note: Omg, I just noticed this sitting in the drafts. I don't even remember if Admin Yukari told me we were tagged for this. So sorry for not getting to this sooner!

Nickname: In my childhood, Crazy because I guess that rhymes with my name, Tracy. Nowadays, I have adopted the Japanese romanization of my name, Toreishi and, of course, Toreii for my side blog. Other nicknames include Tori and Yukari, and old username I no longer use.

Height: 5'0"

Last Movie I Saw: Wasn't it Sanada Brave Ten? I think that was the last movie recommendation I shared on my blog.

Favorite artist: Anyone follow Minoru Joeling? She makes amazing fanart. I bought a body pillow of Noctis and Prompto from her once, lol.

Song Stuck In My Head: The disgusting music that plays at work over the intercom.

Do I Get Asks?: Very rarely. Honestly, I prefer dms instead.

Other Blogs?: @toreishi & @toreii

Following: 260 & 845

Lucky Number: I don't believe in lucky numbers. I have bad luck.

What I Am Wearing: Pajamas. I'm trying to go to sleep right now.

Dream Job: I want to travel the world and eat food.

Favorite Food: Noodles, in general. Lo Mein noodles are my favorite.

Dream Trip: Obviously, Japan. My trip is fueled by history and my undying, eternal love for Hijikata Toshizo-san. Also, I guess I promised Mitsuhide I'd bring him flowers. Maybe that will appease his angry spirit a little.😆 I need to make an attempt to bury the hatchet with him. Other than that, I also would like to revisit France and Spain and maybe explore other parts of Europe like Vienna or Frankfurt. Maybe go back to Toulouse. I had a very short stay there after I got off the train from Paris. It looked pretty cute there. Very quaint where I was at. I'm also hoping to explore other parts of Mexico. I am so tired of visiting my family. I want to see other places than Durango and Coahuila. Take me back to Acapulco and Playa del Carmen, at least.

Play any instruments: No because my parents thought I would be irresponsible. They shattered my dreams of learning to play the violin.

Languages: Español & English. Doing a very bad job of teaching myself Japanese.

Favorite song: Grande Amore by Il Volo

Random fact: I'm always hurting myself at work. I'm currently nursing two ugly scrapes on my right forearm.

Aesthetic things: Blues, blacks, grays. Soft, comfortable clothes. Cats. Stress shopping. My collections. Housewares. Facials. Baths. Music. Reading. Dating these fictional men.

#tag game #personal #the goddess declares #admin toreishi speaks

[xadial]

You got me to do them, your turn!! I dont care i you havent reblogged them, im asking you ALL the hozier asksssss

welcome to ramble city

‘Hozier - How tall are you?

you’re so cruel hmph. the top of my head would be 1068′ 1.5″ off the ground if i was stood riiiight on top of the eiffel tower

Wasteland, Baby! - Have you ever fallen in love?

that’s a very very strong word to me and i didn’t let myself feel anything at all until a few years ago, which is weird to say but it’s true in a sense. the answer is complicated i guess? i had one crush for so long that it just pissed me off eventually, and then there’s the shallow kind of ‘oh she’s pretty’ crush i’ve had on a few girls. there’s only been one time where i thought i genuinely might if i got to know them well enough and it’s the most terrifying thing i’ve ever felt. (all of it was however an excellent boost to the amount of poetry i wrote dskjfghsd)

Nina Cried Power - What protest, today or in history, do you wish you could write a thank you note for?

i mean stonewall is the only one i can think of? extinction rebellion is sort of a contentious one because while they do an incredible job they did plan to disrupt heathrow airport by flying drones around it which is going to lose them a whole load more public support than it’s going to gain them

Almost (Sweet Music) - What’s your favorite style of music? Favorite song off this album?

ohhh! lots of complicated percussion/instrumentals in the background (think gold or believer by imagine dragons) and i have a soft spot for violins that can make you feel such powerful but intangible emotions (like in the intro to ‘cypress queen’ by the last buffalo). my favourite song off this album? i can confidently say that they will all in turn be my favourite, one by one, when the universe thinks i need them.

Movement - If you could move anywhere in the world at this very moment, with no restrictions, where would you move to and what lifestyle would you live?

i’ve thought about this one for a while and i honestly don’t know. i wouldn’t want to be in the type of suburbs where grey suddenly becomes the only emotion and you can taste the futility of life every time you breathe (which is a lot of places, my home probably included but for the fact i’ve lived there all my life so i see it as an exception). i wouldn’t want a mansion or a massive house? just somewhere cozy, probably, but for me i think having good friends live with or near me would be the most important thing. oh but very little light pollution and an awesome view of the stars and maybe the aurora borealis/austrialis 

No Plan - What’s one spontaneous thing you did that you have good memories of?

i managed to sneak out at one in the morning to meet a friend who was high on mdma. i know i’m tiny and i should be more scared for my wellbeing than i am but it’s such an incredible, ethereal time and if the world wasn’t slightly rotten at the core i’d go on so many walks around that time. plus mdma makes you really really affectionate and sappy so i was just walking next to a compliment machine with free weed for three hours, which is a very rare and novel experience

Nobody - What’s your favorite thing to do when no one is around?

be ten times more gay and also do a fuckton of spontaneous dancing/humming/singing, also talk to myself at full volume, and also be utterly unpresentable and thoroughly enjoy it

To Noise Making (Sing) - Do you play an instrument or sing? Do you want to learn an instrument?

i do sing. i sing as well as i play football, and in year two (i was five or six) my infant school brought in football coaches, and we were given instructions for some simple moves, and i was enjoying myself when i was called up to the front by the coaches to show the rest of the year my Moves, so i showed them all proud and stuff until a few seconds later the coach pointed at me and said, ‘watch this kids! now you know what not to do!’. everyone can sing. some never should.

As It Was - If you could go back in time with the knowledge you had now, but you had to redo the last ten years over again, would you?

honestly i don’t know. i hate how i was for a good five years of that past ten but i’m very happy with my life as it is right now, so i’d only do it if i knew i’d end up with the same friends (and maybe slightly better grades fsdjfkgsk)

Shrike - What’s your favorite plant or flower?

i don’t have a specific one but apple blossoms, sakura trees and willow trees are definitely special to me. i also love forget-me-nots becuase, huh, that’s half my life summed up. AAAARGHHH i swear i have a favourite but i can’t remember it for the life of me!! (also!! my parents caved to my hippie bee-loving attitude and they’re planting pretty much all the grassy space in my back garden with wildflowers which i’m ecstatic about too, we got enough seeds to cover it all for like £8)

Talk - Who is one writer/artist/creator that you wish you could talk to, dead or alive?

okay i know richard feynmann is a physicist but he wrote books too so technically it counts if i say him. i have so many fucking questions and so little time and if there’s a guy to argue about quantum physics about it’s him

Be - Where is your favorite place to be? In general? Right now?

i want to be home in my room with its incredibly messy decorations and slightly precarious bookshelves with a couple of my friends, in winter, snowing outside because climate change is a thing of the past, curled up with fleeces and hot chocolates watching either killing eve or otherwise something heartwarming and also gay

Dinner & Diatribes - If you could give an angry speech to anyone in the world right now, dead or alive, with no interruptions, who would it be?

ben shap*ro ben shap*ro ben shap*ro ben shap*ro ben shap*ro ben shap*ro ben shap*ro ben shap*ro be

Would That I - What’s your biggest ‘would have, should have, could have’ moment?

most of it comes down to studying or school related stuff. i remember resolving to give up completely on even trying to go to school in year ten and it lost me a whole year, not even of just education, i barely remember anything from it full stop. i also bitterly regret not trying for a scholarship to this fancy boarding school in year six/seven because i don’t know how much different i’d be now but i definitely would be more well adjusted and self disciplined and hopefully ‘smarter’ in the ‘more knowledgeable’ sense. i was a coward and i still am but my god am i better now. i guess it still taught me to be scared shitless and push forward anyway for fear of regretting backing out

Sunlight - What is the weather like where you are right now? What’s your favorite kind of weather?

gorgeous belfast almost-impending-drizzle. it hangs over your shoulder like a permanent threat to destroy your paperwork and turn your awesome fluffy hair into an impeccable drowned rat cosplay

NWFWMB - Have you ever went through a natural disaster?

me, i’m a natural disaster

Moment’s Silence (Common Tongue) - What’s your favorite tongue/language?

i love spanish but i’ve never learned it much beyond school! i also love hearing spoken mandarin? there’s something about it and the way the sounds that makes me v happy. also no joke arabic is the prettiest language i’ve ever heard spoken and im booboo the fool for not realising it sooner like, DUDE??? HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS????

#youre welcome for the essay uwu #you get emo and self-defense-mechanism-humor all in one!! #thats you now #;3 #ask.lex #angel

[justalittlemango]

30/01/2021 - Stress and Anxiety.

Been a while since I posted on this blog in particular. I usually use my private Twitter to vent but I feel this may be best written in one entire post.

I guess this is going to be an appreciation post, for myself.

I am constantly stressing and worrying about things I’ve done in the past, how people view me, and then other such issues like money, creating and adding to my portfolio, finding jobs for my placement year, university grades, coursework, my side hobbies like learning a language and working out. I worry about these things a lot. It’s a lot to maintain in my daily life.. and then there’s my biggest worry and cause of stress: my boyfriend and love.

More recently I’ve been stressed because of my sleep habits. I seem to keep waking up for no utter reason. Feeling very tired. Feeling like I’m choking on air or something? Maybe I have sleep apnea? Who knows. I haven’t been diagnosed or anything.

Some friends I’ve spoken to have said they are really proud of me for how I’m handling all these worries and stress. Especially considering I’ve been ditched by my boyfriend with no closure whatsoever, just constantly wondering if he even still wants to be in a relationship with me or not... and it’s been like that for over a month now. He won’t give me closure. He keeps disappearing, and I’m not sure why.

At this point I can’t afford to waste my energy thinking about him. Like, sure, last year I fell in love with that boy. I thought he was amazing. Sweet. Funny. Cute. Adorable. Heart of gold. And at times in 2020, he hurt me, and it happened a final time over the Christmas period that I’m still reeling over. He made a remark about something I had a legit anxiety attack over in a public server, and of course I exploded at him for doing that. The alcohol probably didn’t help. I told him ‘my friends used to tell me I deserve better, and I never used to believe it, but now I do.’ - and that’s what I said that seemingly caused his long absence. He was put on new meds and has stopped taking them.. apparently.. I can’t really trust anything he says.

I guess it’s not the end of the world if him and I don’t work out, but I just need to know the answer sooner rather than later. Sometimes I wish I could just call an end to it myself. But anyway, enough about him, he doesn’t deserve my energy after what he put me through. He is a sweetheart and I love him, but this is not going to be something I’ll find forgiving when he returns. Anyway, plenty more cuties out there who I will meet. Loyal ones. A real lad. One who can communicate rather than run away and ignore me.

Anyway.. about me. 2020 was not a perfect year for me. I made quite a few mistakes. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of almost 5 years, which was huge for me. That took a crazy amount of courage. And I feel that.. the circumstances were unfortunate, but I’m proud of myself for making that decision and genuinely believe it was for the best. As does he now that some time has passed. I fell in love with my current boyfriend and all things was okay for a bit. Until he ditched me because I wanted to play with these new friends. Deleted me. Blocked me everywhere. Abandoned me. And then complains when someone out of the blue comes around and comforts me and treats me right. Yknow, for a long time I used to feel super bad about that.. because it hurt my current boyfriend.. but that was him trying to guilt trip me I swear. He broke up with me. Of course I was going to go with someone. Just I happened to do it quickly.

I got my karma though. The one who was comforting me was not for me. I couldn’t feel genuine emotions for him, I didn’t love him. So after 3 months or so, we split up and ended all communication. That was a move I was dreading for a very long time, so I’m very proud of myself for coughing up the courage to be able to not let it drag on. I wish I stuck to what I said with him though, that I was going to remain single for a while so I get my head straight.. heh.. if I did that, I wouldn’t be feeling so hurt and stressed out right now! I’d be a lot better I imagine.

So yes, after all that, it felt shit for a while. I felt so lonely. Didn’t have many friends. My ex had his bf (now ex-bf) in his room quite often and I would hear and see them having fun. No jealousy in me really.. just felt strange. Like how quickly things can change in a year. I’m proud of myself for getting through that time period where I really felt like I was on my own. I got through it, albeit with the assistance of alcohol and a good friend of mine that I know online.

2020 was the year I cracked my group chat anxiety. I used to be scared to play games and participate in voice chats with my friends online because I would have really bad anxiety. But now I enjoy doing it so much. And I genuinely feel like this has had a great benefit of how I will be in real life too. I am yet to put it to the test! But that is one of the greatest things i’m proud of. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to do all that. Most times at the start with the assistance of alcohol, but more recently, no alcohol needed. I am anxious for a few mins, and then I start to mellow out.

More recently I’ve made a lot more friends and tried to put a lot more effort in. And I feel this is something I should be proud of. Even at rock bottom, I still am determined to fix things. That’s one thing I’ll praise myself on: persistence and dedication. 

I’ve learnt so much about love, emotions and relationships the past year. I feel that as much as this all hurt me, I will be a better man as a result of all this. I have more experience now. I know what to do next time. I know how to avoid being hurt. I’m proud that I am keeping up with my university work and portfolio stuff, my workouts and Spanish work also, despite all this going on. Despite barely sleeping recently because of my anxiety and stress. I am proud that I still know what’s important and I’m trying to maintain my composure.

2021 then.. going to be a great year. I feel it. Starting off a bit rocky.. but I need to see what happens with my current lad. Most likely end up breaking it off. And tbh, I don’t think I’ll need much preparation for that. I’m going to try new things. Experiment. I might try a dating app at some point in the summer... see about getting a placement for next year and have a great time next year. My family is in good health. I am in good health for the most part.. I have gained quite a few friends and some are doing a great job at looking after me. 

Things are good. I am letting a 27 year old man, who is acting like a 12 year old, make me feel like shit. Like no. I can’t let him dominate my mind like this. I deserve better than that. I must make it a challenge to NOT think about him so much in the night time when trying to sleep. He’s probably the reason why I can’t even sleep well. So, it’s February in a couple days. Lets leave all that shit behind in January. No more thinking about him so much in the nights. No more losing countless hours of sleep. More enjoying the present moment. More stepping outside my comfort zone. Spending time with friends and family. That’s whats important. Making memories. Having fun. No stress or anxiety, just good vibes.

I shouldn’t worry about money either. That’s all sorted. I most likely am not going to the US now so I can use that money if I struggle. But I’m spending wisely right now. So I will be good! I got some good games that I need to keep playing. Friends I enjoy playing with. Living in my parents house having a good time. Portfolio work will come along smoothly, there is no rush! Same with the coursework, there is no rush! It’s all such early days, and extensions are there for a reason! I don’t want to compare myself to anyone now. Especially not my ex. I need to leave all these unhealthy habits behind in January, so Feb and the months onwards can be better.

[concretelygay]

Is assuming a police department is bad judgemental?

This is a big question and I’m not going to answer it. I’m going to wonder about it.  My first thought is what do we know about the police department? Do we know their history? Do we know how people feel about them? How they act with people? Are those last two questions in cohesion? Do we know who makes up the department? Are the old, young, white, black, hispanic, latino/a? Do they speak English or Spanish? Do they speak a different language? Are they American? Are they from Hong Kong? Do they work for the town, a state, a country? Does any of these demographics matter?  Who originally called the police department bad? Did they have an experience with the police? Are they okay? Do they feel taken care of by people in their life? Are they sad? Are they angry? Did someone they know have an experience with the police? Is this person poor or wealthy or somewhere in between? Do they have a lot of friends or just a few? Are they Black, Indigenous, or a Person of Color? Are they white? Are they mixed race? 

Why did I think of mixed race when I thought of person raising the point of police being bad but not when I thought about the police? Am I even ready to tackle such a question? Why do I care if it’s judgemental? Richard Rohr said not be judgemental what do feminists say? Why do I care so much what the feminist philosophers say? Am I just trying to find right still? I got really off topic. Let’s see if I can sort through some of these thoughts and why they may or may not be important. 

Thinking about the police does feel important. Because if someone is being really mean and harmful and you’ve tried then it’s time for a boundary. But that’s a super individual subjective point that I’ve outlined. Like how do you know when someone is being mean and harmful? What does you’ve tried mean? That’s normally the rabbit hole I get to with this stuff is for me I don’t feel hurt by the police. I see how other people are hurt though and those people are sometimes working with me. So I could become unsafe. It is so hard not ask is that bad here. What do I mean by unsafe? I guess I mean that by working with the police on something I could become pro police? What does pro police mean? I believe that there are better ways to keep people safe other than the current model of policing. But I don’t understand how talking and working with an officer of the law in America reverses the above statement. I do not understand why they are on a binary. I would not mind saying to any police officer I do not trust your field or the company you work for. I would also say that most corporate data scientists. And I am one. I actively believe if we worked on replacing policing with community services and other things that communities that tend be over policed are asking for we would have a safer community. But does that mean I can’t work with police officers?

My best guess that from my side if I keeping an open mind on the police officers reaction then I can work with a police officer. Because if they are willing to work with someone who believes their job is not working then they will. My best guess is many people don’t believe a police officer will work with someone who believes their job is not working. I have no reason to assume that. I would work with someone who believes that high education is really messed up and should be torn to the ground. I guess I don’t love higher education all that much let me think of another profession. I have a really strong love of small businesses and bakeries. Maybe I could say I would work with someone who wants to close all small family owned bakeries. Could I tell them data that might prove that small family owned bakeries should be closed? I don’t know. It would be really hard. I would want to have a relationship with this person before I did that. I would want to trust and see their humanity. I would want talk about their reasons for wanting the data. I would want to know their history. I would want to judge them. 

I don’t know what the question I’m supposed to ask at this point is. I would want to be skeptical and negative about a small bakery hating person. I would imagine maybe some police officers would feel this way toward me. What would I want the bakery hating person to do? I guess I would like them to get to know the bakery that my dad owned for many years. I would like them to ask about all the care my dad put in to making that business good and safe. I would like to ask the workers that came and went through my dad’s business and how they felt. I would like them to work there and see. I would like the to slow down and trust my humanity.

But what about the reason that person hates small bakeries. To be dramatic what if someone in their life died because of food poisoning and they couldn’t even afford to pay for the funeral because even though they won the suit the bakery didn’t have the money to pay the family. Maybe the bakery tried to cover it up and never even said sorry. Maybe the bakery slandered the family and blamed them for the death of their family member. Maybe the whole town turned on the family and other families like them because this the family wanted a proper apology for the accidental death caused by the bakery. Maybe this family has shown that bakeries across the country are killing people like their family and others and never taking responsibility. 

Okay I think this analogy is getting off track. But I guess the hole I’ve found myself in is that I can see on the polices’ side the love of their career and their livelihood. I have lived most of my life with someone with that same passion (my dad). I have seen when retirement came and that passion was not available the changes that occured. I have seen the defensiveness of working long hours and holidays even when I feel like valid points against those habits were made. I have lived, been raised by, and cherished those personality traits. 

But I have also seen the fear in people’s eyes as they have been approached by police. I have heard voices crack. I’ve watched proud, amazing, genius people shrink under the gaze of police. I have heard stories of lives destroyed by the criminal justice system. I believe them. I hear them. I am feeling my experience of their experience and it feels not right. I can only imagine what it feels like to feel their experience. 

Can both be true? Can one be more true? Can one need to matter more right now? Can I not have any answers and still demand change? Can I post this widely? Will I be kicked out of organizing spaces for questioning whether all police are bad? Will I be shamed by family for believing an old institution should be destroyed? Is my questioning a privilege that others don’t get? Does my questioning undo my action? Can these words and thoughts really be bad? Is that binary thinking what got us here? Shouldn’t I try something new?

I have questions. I’m not sure all cops are bad. I want to hear what they have to say. But I also don’t believe in the police force. I want to tear it down. I want it to be done sooner rather than later. I think muddling through without the police for awhile will be better than having them. I want the individual police officers to find jobs that are fulfilling. I don’t want them to struggle in poverty. I want to befriend them, learn from them, and commune with them. I want Black people to feel safe. I want their voices to be more important than mine right now. I want to find ways to step aside. I want to use my privilege to make the world safer for all. I want to learn from Black communities because I think they have knowledge that I need to learn. I want Black people to feel safe around me. I want to be healed so I am safe to be around. I want to get better. I want to be transformed.

I am using a lot of I statements and that probably means something. I feel disconnected from a we. There is no we that I can use and feel okay using. That makes me sad. 

This got away from me. But I’m happy I wrote it.

#fuck the police #not all #questions #not sure #police #defund the police #richard rohr #wonder