#guess I'll tag it negative too

[chayannesegg]

honestly I think it’s kinda interesting how phil’s relationships with wilbur, tallulah, chayanne & tubbo are all reflecting back into his view of sunny tbh. like he has such complex delicate interwoven dynamics with all of them and it all gets thrown onto sunny, this poor kid who he loves in theory, but in practice is a stranger to him. 

like wilbur left tallulah in phil’s care and didn’t come back. even now way after he was initially supposed to, wilbur hasn’t returned (that one day aside). and phil, who had already taken on a big commitment watching tallulah, has been left permanently with two eggs in his sole care. and even though he loves tallulah and wil, and won’t want them out of his life, this is a stress for him. it’s a big undertaking for anyone, to care for two kids alone, but especially since tallulah required a lot of changes in his life.

for better or worse, in many ways phil sees chayanne as an extension of himself. they’re similar in a lot of ways, and often on the same page, and it means phil often struggles to catch up when chayanne’s emotions aren’t on the same page as him. we’ve seen this week, phil having such a hard time understanding the depth and breadth of chayanne’s grief. when he catches on, he usually does a good job empathising and talking it through, but when he doesn’t, he really doesn’t and it can be hard to watch. 

the same is NOT true for tallulah. he has, through hard work and practice, learnt how to identify her emotions. he had to. she needed it. she would have been miserable otherwise. she desperately needed asked for the emotional care and birthdays and consideration that chayanne would never ask for. and he’s good at it—tracking her moods, knowing what upsets her & what she cares about in a way that doesn’t come as naturally with chayanne (or sunny or tubbo or anyone else really expect maybe wilbur). but that took A LOT of time and effort, months of work, and I do think he’s a bit wary of the idea of having to do that again, even when it comes to people he loves like chayanne (or god forbid tubbo).

now tubbo is not wil. tubbo is not phil's son. but he’s still not dissimilar to wil in phil’s mind. whatever the backstory is, phil introduces tubbo to tallulah as an old friend of him and wil’s. he makes tubbo his kids’ godfather. he calls tubbo his boy. he looks out for him. but past those first few weeks, their relationship doesn’t progress. they mean a lot to each other bc of their pasts, but they don’t put any work into upkeeping their relationship and phil in particular doesn’t reflect at all on what how that changes their dynamic. and it does change it—this is clear in purgatory, with phil having zero trust in tubbo to protect chayanne and tallulah, and after, with tubbo endlessly poking at phil’s sore spots trying to illicit a reaction he’ll never receive. 

it's also clear in the way phil has no understanding of what’s going on with tubbo. if he’s struggling to grasp chay’s emotions, he’s not even touching what’s going on in tubbo’s head. tubbo’s death makes no sense to him. it’s sudden. it’s random. it’s illogical. it’s stupid. he wasn’t joking about having two lives? he still took a death bet with richas? he’s not come back? he can’t come back? he’s left phil with distraught kids for no reason with no warning. he doesn’t see the erratic suicidal behaviour, the unending depression, the desperation to be loved. he doesn’t want to see it. he doesn’t want something to be wrong with tubbo, but he also doesn’t even know how to see what’s wrong. he’s annoyed he’s having to deal with it and he desperately desperately wants to believe this is all happening for no reason.

bc at the forefront of phil’s mind is still his love for tubbo. of course, phil would drop everything to help tubbo (if he could recognize something was wrong). of course, he would care for sunny as his own. of course, he would make the same sacrifices he’s made for wil. and he assumes he’ll have to. he thought that sunny would now be under his care. that he’d have to figure out the logistics of a third egg to care for. with wilbur, phil was the only person who could ever have taken care of tallulah. the only person he trusted, the only person who knew tallulah enough. now this isn’t true for tubbo. it’s a genuinely illogical assumption for phil to make: three eggs would be a genuine burden on him; they've never spoken about it; there’s a long list of people who would tubbo expects for sunny before; and he doesn’t even know sunny well enough to name these people for her as comfort.

but still in the moment, alone with tubbo’s eggs and dealing with everything he left behind, phil can only think that the exact same thing that happened before will happen: he alone will be left to care for another scared hurt kid of someone he loves.

and here we come to sunny. a kid whose dad he loves. a kid whose dad he doesn’t understand. a kid whose dad is suddenly gone like his son is gone. a kid who would need him like his daughter needs him. a kid who his son needs to protect. a kid he cares for. a kid he can’t afford to care for, a kid he wasn’t expecting to care for, a kid he doesn’t know how to care for, a kid he would care for if he needed to, a kid he doesn’t know why he’s been left to care for. a kid who is somehow a reflection of all these people he loves but not someone he knows at all.

idk i think this tension comes out in the a lot of the comments phil makes of and to sunny. he doesn't know them well enough to distinguish them from his relationships with other people. and as long as no one challenges him on that, we'll continue to hear these misplaced comments from him, that come across so insensitively, even as he tries his best to genuinely help them and their dad.

#qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp sunny #suicide #philza neg #qphil neg #i guess i'll tag out of an abundance of caution even if i don't intend this analysis meanly #that said he is absolutely being unfair to sunny and hurting her bc of this and he doesn't even realize #and won't realize unless someone else talks to him about it #lest sunny just snap at him some day which i do think is what we're currently headed to #fun fact: i intended to do more analysis of his actual comments but it got too long so instead you just get this :) #even tho i think this covers too much in too little time and could reference more canon events lmao #but it's already a behemoth #oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #also nothing is ever going to justify the 'maybe i won't look for your dad as hard' comment fuck him fr for that #cw wilbur soot #won't delete this but warning he's mentioned here

[anxiety-elemental-kay]

And Take Away Its Pain: A Comparison of Masculinity, Trauma, and Queerness in Warcraft and Warframe

First, I want to shout out my friend Silriven at BluSky. (If any of you are mean to her I will Find You.) This thread she wrote recently reflecting on if/how she still likes Anduin as a character was what got me started writing this essay. She talks about the fandom response to Anduin, and the ways both the fandom and writers contradict themselves in discussing the character. The reason I wrote this essay is because I can think of another character and video game that work as a counterpoint to the way Anduin is portrayed.

Even before this specific thread, I made made a thread on BluSky comparing Warcraft and Warframe much earlier because both these games had major update reveals at around the same time. Not only that, but their content served as an interesting contrast between the different games' stories, and my own reactions to each.

The War Within[1] trailer and related announcements were revealed at Blizzcon 2023, around the same time as Digital Extremes, the developers of Warframe, held Tennocon 2023, which included a thirty minute demo of their next major story update, Whispers in the Walls.

For those unfamiliar with either/or World of Warcraft and Warframe, I’ll give a quick summary of the trailers.

In TWW trailer trailer we see Anduin Wrynn sitting by himself in a desert. Anduin is a character the players have known for a long time, and last time we saw him he chose to disappear in response to a trauma he suffered in that expansion’s story. Here his face is dirty, he’s grown out a beard, and his hair is cut short. He has a vision of something that looks like a star calling his name. A second character appears, an orc named Thrall. The two talk; Thrall is calm while Anduin is angry and confrontational. They discuss the visions they’ve been having, how someone at “the heart of the world” is calling out to them. (Anybody who’s kept up with Warcaft's story even a little bit will know this voice is the Titan Azeroth, who lives inside the planet Azeroth.) When Thrall touches Anduin’s shoulder, Anduin has a brief flashback to when the ghost of his father touched his shoulder. Anduin draws his sword and declares “I’m not that person anymore! I have no Light! Not after what I’ve seen, not after what I’ve done!” Thrall replies “You are not your past, Anduin” and expresses his trust in Anduin, who struggles to not cry, and lowers his sword. Both of them experience a much stronger vision of the star calling for them, then Anduin accepts Thrall’s hand, and Anduin pledges to stand with him. They both express confusion at who could be calling out to them. (It’s Azeroth you dinguses!!!) The trailer ends with a cool shot of a giant sword sticking out of the desert, before switching to The War Within expansion logo.

Now, the Whispers In The Walls showcase was a full demo including gameplay, but to keep the comparison as fair as possible, I only talk about the opening three minutes [2]. You can see the whole showcase here.

In the Whispers preview, we open with a cutscene. We start with some spooky eldritch speech, then we shift to someone the player will have heard of before, but never seen, Albrecht Entrati. Albrecht checks a beeping pager, and then an old computer, both out of place against the stylized sci-fi future setting of Warframe. He is followed by his feline companion. He gives his cat some pats, then he sits in a sci-fi casket, where his kitty also curls up. A second character, who we’ll learn later is named Loid, approaches Albrecht with his head bowed and eyes on the floor. Albrecht reaches up to Loid to touch his cheek, and wipes away a tear with his thumb. (Remember this moment, it's important for a point I'll make near the end of this essay.) Albrecht's dialogue is subtitled as (Quiet whispering). Then Albrecht lays down, and the casket closes. Loid raises a hammer as the casket makes loud sounds and lights flash, before he finally brings the hammer down to smash the casket. The screen cuts to black, then the gameplay starts.

Comparing these two teasers at the time, I thought about how Whispers was much more effective at building a story hook by creating mystery. Even if I limit myself to that opening cinematic, we have one character, Albrecht, who we’ve heard a great deal about and is important to the story, but we’ve yet to meet him in-person. The contrast of his 90’s tech and fashion against the more fantastical technology common to Warframe’s universe is stark and creates interesting questions. We’re introduced to this relationship Albrecht has with Loid. I don’t know who these people are or what their circumstances are, but I see genuine love and conflict. I’m already invested in learning more and seeing what happens to them. It’s a great hook! I actually rewatched that opening three minutes a few times while writing this because I have brainworms!

The TWW trailer is about creating a hook based on seeing where beloved characters are now, seeing what’s become of them when the player wasn’t looking. Azeroth the Titan is speaking to the main cast, which is clear to the audience familiar with the game but not the characters for unclear reasons. Anduin is still suffering, unable or unwilling to heal from his trauma. Thrall wants to him to come out of hiding. Anduin agrees to. That’s it. What’s the story hook here? Anduin seems to have gone nowhere in the years since he was last seen, and I have no sense of where his story (or Thrall’s, or Azeroth’s) might be going. I don't even know why Anduin changes his mind and chooses to help Thrall. What, just because there's another big threat to the world? The last one wasn't enough to bring you out of hiding? It’s just stuff happening, a general sense of vague Peril. I can't even get that excited about the shot of Sargeras' sword! Blizz should've thought to address that earlier, like, when the planet got stabbed! That was cool and exciting! Our planet got stabbed by Warcraft Satan! Then it's ignored for years until now, after people kept asking what was going to happen to it. The trailer tries to build a mystery about where the visions are coming from, but it's the Titan Azeroth, the players figured it out right away, there's no mystery. I don't have any reason to feel like the writers care about the story, setting, or characters. I’m left feeling nothing for any of it but a vague sense of disappointment.

Even more, the TWW trailer feels like it’s deliberately avoiding adding any details. Anduin talks about how he’s lost his Light, how he’s “not that person anymore” which is not a bad way to take his arc, but I can’t connect it to when Anduin was enslaved by the Jailer in Shadowlands. I know where his trauma comes from, but the trailer makes no effort to explain or expand on how those specific events affected him. I’m not even going to explain what any of that means to people unfamiliar with Warcraft because it doesn’t matter! In both dialogue and in visuals, the trailer gives little texture or meaning to what Anduin is feeling. In the Whispers trailer, I know Loid is sad, not just because Albrecht is leaving, but that he has to have a role in that departure. I don't know what happened to Albrecht at this point, but the emotional hook is there along with the questions about the story. I care because I believe these two characters are in love. Why should I care that Anduin feels he's lost his Light? I have no sense of what this loss means or feels like. I have no sense of what he's struggling with, or what he might face in the future.

Since those trailers were released, Warframe had its promised Whispers update, and I’ve played the full quest and leveled up the linked faction, which contained more story. While I know I’m being unfair comparing a trailer to a full release, I will continue to do so anyway because 1) I’m a bitter old faggot, and 2) the full story of Whispers makes the comparison between Loid/Whispers as a whole and Anduin/TWW even more interesting/saddening.

This is your warning that I’ll be spoiling the quest Whispers In The Walls. Eventually. I've got some foundation I want to lay first.

I found a tweet thread by Christie Golden, one of Warcraft’s major writers. She links a TIME article about a woman struggling to raise her son to be gentle and kind in a world that encourages anger and violence in men. Golden lists Anduin (among others) as an example of nontoxic masculinity in fictional media. In her replies she goes on to expand on her thoughts.

Here’s the tweet by Golden that stuck out to me: “Too often men and boys who gravitate to the gentler side are automatically perceived as being gay, whether they are or not. ALL men/boys should be able to display these qualities, just like all girls/women can be tough and fearless and athletic if that's who they are.”

What’s wrong with being perceived as gay, Golden?

To be fair, there is a point here about assuming someone’s sexuality based on their personality or behavior. That is nonsense, and assigning traits to someone based on an observer’s opinion isn’t good. I even agree that not all straight characters should be one thing and all gay characters should be another! The problem with Golden’s statement is the implicit bias, being “automatically perceived as being gay” is framed as something bad. Why shouldn’t straight men and boys look up to a gay character? Can they not see themselves in a queer character? Why?

This is another reason why the comparison between TWW and Whispers is so interesting, because Whispers is gay. Sure, there are people who will argue Loid and Albrecht weren’t in love, because no one explicitly says they were together, but if you’re paying attention that’s unneeded. Loid refers to Albrecht as “my Albrecht”, and later, in a diary entry, we hear Albrecht refer to Loid as “my Loid”. There's a moment in the quest where we watch a recording of Albrecht, and he says, “I need Loid to understand why I had to leave. Without him. Why I forced him to destroy the device after I had gone. And why I could never say the words he so needed to hear.”

If you listen to the codex entry “Albrecht’s Notes: The Aftermath” about what he went through after coming back injured from the Void, you get even more. Albrecht describes Loid as “crooning motherly” and how “Loid nursed me then” back to full health. His descriptions, and the voice acting, are entirely earnest. There is no sarcasm or veiled disdain as he describes Loid in these feminine terms. The affection Albrecht both received, and gave, was genuine.

“The agony bit deep, but it was clean. Blameless love bled up from me.

I had decided to live.”

Yes, yes, this section is partly for me to be snappy at the people in the Warframe community who insist Loid and Albrecht aren’t a couple. What I want to demonstrate here is mechanically how Warframe tells its audience these characters are in love without needing to spell it out. Why it’s reasonable (and valid) to interpret characters as queer even if they don’t list their labels on their bios, so to speak.

To bring this back to the character of Anduin Wrynn: while he’s never been officially portrayed as queer, his story, at least in its earliest years, very much was.

Though we don't see much of Anduin in-game early in Warcraft's life, his first story plays out in the supplementary comics and novels. There’s a conflict between who Anduin feels he is and who he is expected to be. He’s expected to become a warrior like his father, Varian, but Anduin finds wielding weapons difficult. He's unable to reach Varian's standards for who he should be. Instead, Anduin chooses to become a healer, in Warcraft terms he chooses the priest class, and focuses on spellcasting and support. At one point, as Anduin is about to leave home to go and train in healing magic, Varian reaches out and nearly breaks his son's arm in his attempt to force him to stay. Varian is horrified at what he's done, and Anduin leaves.

Anduin's story is literally about rejecting the traditional masculinity his father represents to pursue his own, alternative path. We see how the life Varian's lived, a warrior's life full of violence, has poisoned his relationship with his son, how his toxic masculinity was a destructive force. Varian’s story in parallel is learning to accept Anduin’s choice, and learning to understand that his son is still powerful and capable, even if he’s not “strong” in the way Varian himself is. In addition, Anduin is one of the few characters who objects to the war(craft) between the two player factions and wants to find peace between them. Anduin’s story was, in theme if not in content, very much a queer narrative! It's about challenging tradition and finding a path that's more true to who he is and what he believes in.

This was why I connected with the character of Anduin initially. I started playing Warcraft in late Wrath of the Lich King, after ICC came out. When I first met Anduin he had a default human child model, and he said and did basically nothing. Then Cataclysm was released, he got his own teenager model, and a whole questline to himself. Suddenly he was someone with agency, wants, and personality! And then Mists of Pandaria came out and Anduin got to be a major focus of an entire expansion!

Anduin was absent from the next expansion, but the one after, Legion, Anduin returned with an adult model, and his father dies during the story's prologue. While he didn’t get the same focus he did in Mists, in Legion Anduin still had a whole storyline about becoming king, accepting his new role, and making peace with his father's death. It's smaller than his role in Mists, but it's a storyline I enjoyed!

I’ve literally watched this character grow up in real time. It’s a powerful experience!

(Side note: there’s a lot that can be said about Anduin as a monarch, what kind of state head he is, how he treats his people, and is an aspect that largely goes unacknowledged in the canon story. I'll shout out Silriven again, this is a topic she's gone a good job of discussing before. I want to acknowledge this part of his character, but I consider it beyond the scope of this specific essay. I do think making him king, making him someone who extracts taxes and sends people to die in war, does have a major impact on his character, his masculinity, and how he processes trauma. However, talking about monarchy, even a fictional one, is its own topic and needs its own space to explore. It's something to keep in mind whenever discussing any major character in Warcraft who is also a major political leader.)

Through all this I would say I saw Anduin as queer. At no point does he express serious romantic interest in anyone, nor does he appear to be under any pressure to find a partner through either societal or political norms. The themes of his stories made me think he was gay, especially as the only other character he grows close to is another boy. Anduin was a comfort character for me.

This began to change in the expansion after Legion, Battle for Azeroth.

Anduin begins to wear a set of plate armor, looking more like his warrior father, and the role he once rejected, than the priest he chose to be. He leads his armies in a war that he used to be wholly against, a contradiction he never fully confronts. When he punches Wrathion, a childhood friend who reappeared in the last expansion patch, players responded with praise in real life. “Manduin” punched Wrathion, who Anduin claimed was responsible for his father’s death. Which he wasn’t, and can only be seen as responsible through a Five Degrees of Kevin Bacon type web. I'm not sure why Anduin says this, unless the writers wanted to either smear Wrathion or erase the history of friendship the two had previously. Or, maybe they didn't want to bring up any legitimate reasons Anduin might be angry at Wrathion, like abandoning him. If I had a nickel every time one person abandoned another to go on an ill-fated time travel adventure, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't much but it's weird it happened twice.

(Here's a tangent: Imagine if Albrecht ended up in alternate Draenor and/or Wrathion ended up in 1999. Those stories would've gone VERY differently.)

Since I’ve brought him up, it’s time to talk about Anduin and Wrathion.

This topic is. Divisive. In the Warcraft fandom.

Wranduin, the ship name, is something that appeared in fandom mid Mists when the two characters first met. Anduin was curious about who this Wrathion person was and set out to investigate. Long story short, their families had a long history of conflict, and Anduin had every reason to be suspicious and mistrustful of Wrathion. Was openly mistrustful of Wrathion. They continue to hang out together through the rest of the expansion.

This all leads up to a particular moment in the novel War Crimes, taking place after the main events of Mists of Pandaria. Anduin and Wrathion continue to spend time with each other in that book, playing games and discussing politics. When Anduin expresses how tired he is, Wrathion declares “I shall, if asked politely, take you on my back and ferry you to fascinating places, where we will have adventures that will age your father ten years in one night.”

I've never read any of the books myself, but I’ve seen this passage passed around online and it stands out to me. It feels genuine, two teenagers who are close friends but also bad at vulnerability and Feelings, making a connection and finding comfort in each other. I’m not even asking anyone to see a romantic angle to this, just to understand the emotions of the moment. It feels specific to them.

I was in the Warcraft fandom during Mists, I thought their relationship was interesting, and it could make for an interesting romance. Despite ideological differences, they were very much kindred spirits. People born into power who’ve also suffered immense loss of agency. Both were forced to grow up quickly, had their lives endangered at young ages, and both want to protect the world they live in, even if that means different things to both of them. That tension, the clash between their ideals and their personalities, the potential for connection and division both, was what made their relationship so interesting.

Then Wrathion disappeared for several expansions, came back in BofA, and the first thing that happens is Anduin punches him in the face. We never see them in a scene together after this moment ends.

It's worth noting that while Wrathion isn't human (he's a dragon in disguise) his humanoid form makes him one of the very few non-white characters in the main cast. They reintroduce him by having a white man, who was once a friend, punch him in the face. This is an action Anduin has never apologized to Wrathion for.

There’s another Warframe character I want to talk about briefly: Ticker. She’s a trans woman.

She's been in the game much longer than Loid and Albrecht, but like them, her identity is never explicitly stated, but at the same time it's unambiguous. She has a deeper, more masculine voice, has a masculine appearance (Old Mate rank spoilers, but if you know you know) while her body language is very feminine and she uses exclusively feminine pronouns and terms for herself. One her voice lines when you speak with her is “A person gets told a lot of things over the course of a life. Who they are. Who they should be. Amateurs, lecturing a professional.”

She is a trans woman, she has some of the best lines in the game, and I love her.

My greatest disappointment with Ticker is that she isn’t involved in the greater storyline associated with her zone. We do meet other good characters (Eudico in particular is a lady character I adore) but Ticker’s exclusion sticks out to me. Sure, one could point to Smokefinger as also being largely absent, but Ticker’s role in the story is to help pay off people’s debts so they don’t suffer more than they have to. This is something she has to do in secret (to her boss’s boss, not to the player natch) or risk facing harsh punishment herself. This could tie directly into the area’s larger story about a workers' union violently revolting against its hyper-capitalist overlords. Why isn’t she in Vox Solaris DE??? By the way, the player sides with the union.

(Side note: Blizzard is an American studio, while Digital Extremes is Canadian. I can feel a potential discussion of these two countries, labor unions, and these two games, but like the point about monarchy in Warcraft, that needs its own space. There's definitely things to talk about, but I'd need to do real research before I could begin to approach it.)

So looking at Ticker, then looking at Whispers, this update shows growth to me. Warframe is showing two men in love[3], both characters and their identities are treated with respect by the narrative and other characters. Yes, this isn’t the same as depicting a canonical trans woman, but I’m inclined to be patient and kind when I sense that creator(s) are earnest about portraying experiences that aren’t theirs. We all have internal biases we need to uproot, it’s a journey that will last our whole lives, and one that will inevitably end incomplete. We can all and always learn to improve our art, as well as our compassion and understanding of other people. For me, forgiveness for earlier depictions that were poor or problematic is easy when I believe the creator(s) are making a sincere effort. We all make mistakes, and we all grow. Hopefully DE will add another canonical trans person to their game who will have a bigger role.

I’m hammering this point home because I have never felt this level of sincere effort from Blizzard.

I know I’m comparing an middle-ish game studio to a massive AAA company, and I do not care. Whether it’s because of the writers’ cowardice or a producer’s mandate, Warcraft takes only small steps to be inclusive, while Warframe is genuinely trying. (DE also updated skin shaders specifically so darker tones would look nicer in their new lighting system!) It's things like this that make Golden's talk about Anduin being an example of nontoxic masculinity ring hollow. Only one of these games seems willing to engage with marginalized stories, with people who live outside of the strict roles we're assigned. The concept of "nontoxic masculinity" cannot exist if one is unwilling to engage with queerness. Allowing men to embrace more gentle behaviors also means not shaming anyone for being gay. Allowing men to do and be things that aren't the pinnacle of traditional masculinity means understanding and embracing that men can and will engage in more feminine behaviors or roles, and this doesn't diminish their gender identity. These concepts are linked.

(I know this is a very binary way of framing these concepts, but let me tell you, Blizz is NOT ready for that discussion.)

Warcraft has added gay characters or made some existing characters gay, but never anybody in the main cast, nothing that would get a major spotlight. Anduin could’ve been an easy solve for this, whether he started a relationship with Wrathion or someone else, it doesn’t matter! Having a major character in a game as large as World of Warcraft would've meant so much. Instead they hide their queer characters in secondary roles, in supplementary media, and made them into easter eggs in the game. Never major characters, never the focus of the story. Nothing they would, for example, show off at a major convention in 2023.

Moving away from talking about queerness for a moment, something that struck me watching the Whispers demo again is that DE isn't afraid to make their new character flawed. I don't want to say unlikable necessarily, because I did like Loid right away, but he's also rude to the established character traveling with us ("Resume your duties, construct!) and then dismissive of the player. He's supposed to wait for an "operator" to arrive at the labs, and thinks it's obviously not the player. By the end of the quest (which I'll talk about in a moment because yes it's relevant) Loid comes to accept that the player is the one he's meant to work with. When you level up the related faction in the full release, Loid eventually tells the player that his role was to care for Albrecht, and it would be his honor to extend that same service to the player. This arc is sweet and feels earned because Loid started so abrasive, the writers weren't afraid to make him abrasive, and even by the end I wouldn't say he's flawless. In fact, in the next update, Dante Unbound, DE has hinted that Loid will have to confront the established character he was rude to in Whispers. Loid feels like a person who's going through shit, in the way that people go through shit. Not with grace, but trying his best anyway.

I bring this up because one of the long standing issues with Anduin as a character, which has gotten worse as time goes on, is the unwillingness to give Anduin flaws. I wonder if this connects back to the point about the lack of specificity about his feelings or experiences in TWW trailer, why Thrall's simple "You are not your past" feels so strange, and why the trailer seems reluctant to acknowledge Anduin's anger as a problem. Anduin has, for a while, been positioned as a moral core for the game, the character who is primarily interested in peace for unselfish reasons. Part of the reason I enjoyed Anduin as a character in Mists was because, sometimes, he got to act like a shitty teenager. He'd be sarcastic or smarmy or do something objectively dumb, like run off to fight a major enemy of his nation on his own. This is especially true when interacting with Wrathion, which includes Anduin using the taunt "You're what, two years old?" To which Wrathion replies "Two in DRAGON years." It's very endearing! Look at these brats, they're believable teenage friends to me. Yes, Anduin is one of the few peace-seekers in the story, he tries so hard to be good and kind even to his enemies, but in moments like these he still feels like a person.

We could look at TWW and say Anduin is demonstrating anger issues, which would be interesting because, like in the example of almost breaking Anduin's arm, this was something Varian struggled with. Except it doesn't feel like the trailer recognizes this as a flaw. The moment goes by and is quickly forgotten. I can look at Loid in Whispers and I recognize where his bitterness comes from: he felt abandoned and so pushes others away. The one detail I did like in TWW trailer was the comparison between Thrall touching Anduin's shoulder, and Varian's ghost doing the same in the past. That moment felt like a trigger for Anduin, reminding him of that moment when he was so vulnerable, but also of his grief for his father. (Nevermind we had that story in Legion about Anduin coming to terms with his grief. Let's ignore that.) It's the most sincere moment of the trailer, but it doesn't follow through! As soon as the second vision dissipates, Anduin takes Thrall's hand and pledges to help. Why? Again, "because there's another big cosmic threat" isn't a good enough reason. What does he feel in this moment? Why did he change his mind now?

Nontoxic masculinity doesn't mean "flawless person". I would still say Loid is a good example of nontoxic masculinity, regardless of if or when he does engage in more toxic behaviors. I'd say as a character Loid is a better demonstration than Anduin of nontoxic masculinity because he's capable of self-reflection, realizing he did something bad, and correcting himself. One interpretation of events in the story of Whispers (because much of Warframe is open to interpretation) is that the local eldritch horror was feeding off of Loid's resentment towards Albrecht, and this was fueling its assault on the labs. Only in reminding Loid of Albrecht's feelings for him, specifically in a way Loid had been deliberately avoiding, can the player begin to take down the bad guy of the quest.

This is a great time to move to my last point about Whispers’ full story: the ending.

I know we can talk about ludonarrative dissonance about two games where the player regularly enacts mass murder and trying to square that with certain story themes. Listen. Hear me out.

In Warcraft, the solution to the final boss is always kill them. (Or arrest them in the case of Garrosh in Mists. In truth this was only a stay of execution). Part of this is the limit of always putting an expansion’s conclusion in a raid. There always needs to be a big fight in a specific kind of setting with specific player expectations. I wish Blizz played with this more; maybe we can only seal away the bad thing? Or maybe the goal is to hold something off while an NPC does a magical ritual that saves the day by some other method? I’m sure there are possible, creative solutions other than “hit bad guy (or his toes if he’s big) until bad guy falls over”.

How does the player save the day in Whispers in the Walls? I’m going to cover this in detail because it’s one of my favorite moments in the whole game.

You spend much of the quest fighting off The Murmur, constructs summoned by the local eldritch horror, called the Indifference (among many other names[4]) which is trying to break into the labs the quest takes place in. The final encounter, the story's climax, has the Indifference possesses a Vessel, one of many unfinished biomechanical giants Albrecht created and left scattered around his lab. The evil Vessel moves in to attack the player, who then possesses a Vessel themself.

The player’s Vessel holds up a hand, and we see a button prompt.

I'm stealing a point from another Tumblr user because it's great. Go read their post and the replies if you're curious about this particular moment!

This button prompt isn’t unusual. There aren’t many quick time events in Warframe, they're not a part of regular run and gun gameplay, but they do appear. If you’re like me, you’ve gone into the accessibility options and toggled button mashing off because wrists hurt. This prompt isn’t unusual to see for me.

But if you didn't use that accessibility toggle, you'll still get this specific prompt. It will be unusual that you're being asked to hold to interact with the scene, rather than the usual smash a button to make thing happen.

So you hold the button, the player’s Vessel reaches out, and when I first played I got excited because I think I’m powering up a big blast to destroy the enemy Vessel!

Then this happens:

I encourage everyone who can to watch the video for the full effect, but I’ll still describe it here:

The background music is ominous, and as you hold the button there's a heartbeat sound. The player's Vessel slowly reaches toward the enemy Vessel. When then the prompt button disappears, the scene goes quiet. The player Vessel gently holds the enemy Vessel's face, mirroring how Albrecht did to Loid at the beginning of the quest. As the music changes to a calming vocal track, we see the enemy Vessel's face change, drop from aggressive to lonely longing. The camera backs away as the two Vessels slow to a stop, posed to echo that "memory of love". The camera switches to Loid, who holds a hand to his own cheek, then looks back at the Vessels. He understands the connection too.

This kind of thing isn’t unheard of for Warframe either! I'll keep additional spoilers to a minimum, but a previous main story quest, The Sacrifice, has similar themes. In fact, my favorite moment from that quest involves a monologue by a major villain about how he is literally unable to comprehend the idea of empathy or compassion. He doesn’t understand why the player character, in a moment of vulnerability and understanding, is able to do what he couldn’t, with all of his violence and brutality.

“And it was not their force of will - not their Void devilry - not their alien darkness. It was something else. It was that somehow, from within the derelict-horror, they had learned a way to see inside an ugly, broken thing —

— and take away its pain.” [5]

In a story where the primary antagonist is a mysterious entity called “The Indifference” we don’t defeat it with force. With hate. What’s the opposite of Indifference?

It’s old man yaoi love. We defeat Indifference with love.

I don’t feel like I was cheated out of a cool moment. I suspect some people did. It’s not like Whispers didn’t have cool moments! I’m not even going to argue that this moment was uncool, just that it brought up different and unexpected emotions in me! It was an interesting and affecting twist on how we expect these encounters to go. It’s moments like these that tell me that Warframe's writers, for all their flaws, are putting genuine thought and emotion into their game. They’re thinking about characters and themes, trying to follow them through even with the scattershot way that video game design demands writers work.

Writing this description reminds me of a moment in Shadowlands, the expansion that traumatized Anduin. It takes place in (surprise!) the Shadowlands, the afterlife of Warcraft’s universe. Thrall, the second character we see in the TWW trailer, meets his mother in Shadowlands. She died when he was a baby, and now that he meets her in these weird circumstances, they begin to create the bond they couldn’t have before. In particular I found this conversation they have touching. A mother who didn't get to know her son, and a son who never knew his mother, finally get to connect. “I knew who you were the moment I saw you,” Draka tells him, “Do you really think I would not recognize Durotan's eyes?"

“Come, I wish to know more of your life, all of it,” she says to him, sounding tired.

It’s such a sweet moment, and bonus points for focusing on Draka, a woman who was functionally fridged prior, who now gets to be a character with personality and (some) agency in Shadowlands. It’s such a perfect demonstration of everything that could’ve been interesting in Shadowlands, what was and is interesting in Warcraft’s story, and what’s so often set aside or overlooked. Can they continue to have a relationship when the current conflict is over? Questions like this are interesting, but Shadowlands doesn’t engage with them at all, and it's poorer for it.

In Warcraft, trauma is aesthetic. Pain is aesthetic. It doesn’t matter what caused Anduin’s suffering in TWW trailer, all that’s important is that we know he’s suffering. We know he's important because he’s a main character and he’s sad about something. But, like, not sad in a way that would make him cry. That part is critical because we all know boys don't cry, right? That bias feels implicit in much of Warcraft's emotional moments. How much more touching would Thrall and Draka's reunion be if Thrall was allowed to cry at finally getting to meet his mom?

Loid does cry, at the beginning of Whispers' quest and during the story of the faction associated with the update. His emotions, and thus his story, feel more genuine and engaging for allowing him that vulnerability.

Warframe wants to engage with specific traumas, how they can make us bitter towards others, perpetuate our own and others’ pain. The point of pain is to understand it, because in understanding, that pain can be taken away. Warcraft has no interest in taking away pain, and it has no interest in understanding it. It’s not about emotional connection, because that requires a vulnerability and a capacity to self-reflect that Warcraft has no interest or courage to engage with. Pain is aesthetic.

Whispers is setting up a longer story arc for Warframe. At the time Whispers was revealed, Warframe was celebrating its 10th anniversary, and the previous main story quest wrapped up the storyline the game told from its release. In this way, Whispers is again an interesting comparison to Warcraft’s The War Within. TWW is also meant to be the start of a new story arc that will last several expansions. I know which story I’m excited about, and which one I feel nothing for.

Loid was a character I met for the first time last year, he immediately felt like a person, and I was emotionally invested. As a player I so badly want Albrecht to finally say the words Loid needed to hear. Anduin Wrynn is someone I’ve known for years, but is now a cardboard cutout. I don't feel compelled to follow his story because... what could it be? Warcraft doesn't seem interested in any conclusion or goal for him. He just is.

I have a lot of complicated emotions about World of Warcraft, as a game and as an influential piece of media. I played the game for many years, and it was an important part of my life. In many ways I’d say it's still a part of me, even after I stopped playing the game itself. Part of writing this essay was following up on some thoughts I shared with friends on BluSky, but part of it feels like exorcising a demon, or bleeding out poison. Part of me grieves for Warcraft, what it meant to me and what I thought it could have been. In Warframe though, I've found a place of comfort and compassion. In between all the space ninja nonsense and vast quantities of horrific violence the player commits, Warframe offers growth, and a way to let go of what hurts us.

—

I'll take a moment and shout out an excellent video essay by Shaun on Youtube called Andrew Tate: How to be a Real Man. It's a great resource for a more general discussion of masculinity in the real world. The video is a criticism of Tate and his approach, why it appeals to some men, and further dissects what masculinity means, and what nontoxic masculinity means. (Is it an inbox full of pictures of Aragorn?) It's a good dissection of masculinity as a concept, and one I'd recommend if you're curious about the topic of toxic/nontoxic or negative/positive masculinity.

—

Yes not only do I have my paragraph long asides I've now also added footnotes. This isn't a peer reviewed journal, you're not my mom, I do what I want!

[1] One of Warframe’s major quests is also called “The War Within” which might be confusing to a reader who knows Warframe. Don’t worry about it, I’m talking exclusively about the upcoming Warcraft expansion here.

[2] For bonus points, if you haven't played Warframe, go to 20:55 on the demo video. You'll see a logo and release date for Whispers In The Walls, hear the live crowd cheer, and the creative director will start to speak... until she's interrupted by something in the game. What you see and hear next is almost exactly as it is in the final release, including the music, minus an extra line of exposition from Loid. This wasn't just a stunt for the convention. I fucking LOVE Warframe.

[3] To be honest this is part of a personal measurement I use to gauge how queer friendly a work is: if they have queer women do they also have queer men? A good example of why I use this is Mass Effect. That franchise always had queer women and an option for lesbian romance, but only in Mass Effect 3 did they add one (1) queer option for a masculine Shepherd. I am a (nonbinary) lesbian so on the one hand I don’t want to dismiss all queer women in media as “pandering” and queer men as “valid”. It’s more of a guideline to estimate how willing a piece of media/creator is to transgress heterosexual norms. Depicting men who love men is seen as more transgressive than two women in love by the gaming community at large. The reasons for this are complicated and they all suck.

[4] hey kiddo

[5] I wanted to avoid spoilers for other Warframe story quests, but The Sacrifice is, again, an interesting point of comparison for Anduin's story. The Sacrifice is, largely, about a character coming to terms with his grief over the death of his son. If you see the whole video I link there, you'll see the player presented with three options: Wrath (We use this memory. It fuels our wrath), Acceptance (We accept this memory and move beyond its reach), and Emptiness (We return this memory to the Void and find peace in our emptiness.) I just wish Anduin's grief over Varian was, at any point, treated with this level of nuance and care.

#kay writes things #warframe #warcraft #anduin wrynn #loid #i'm a little hesitant to tag this #since i could get some real negative attention based on what i've discussed #and the nastier parts of both fandoms #whatever i wrote thousands of words i'll share it #for me and my friends and i guess the rest of you can read it too

[daz4i]

need a boyfriend but also romance is disgusting but also I'm obsessed with it and want to feel it but also i don't want to commit or feel constricted by a limited relationship but also sometimes the idea of belonging to one person is nice but also no it doesn't i am a person not an object but also yes i am or at least i would be if i could but also i would never trust anyone enough for that but also i wish i could but also

#being arospec and having bpd sure is an interesting combo let me tell you that #sometimes i wonder if my identity in that regard is tied to my bpd. like the belief i won't be able to handle a relationship #bc i know no matter how well i could ever manage my symptoms it won't be enough to make me love someone enough for a steady relationship #so i just conditioned myself into not having romantic feelings in the first place. or something #i guess. i want the good parts of a relationship. but I'm not capable of handling the other parts #which is kinda sad bc i really do want the good parts. but i don't wanna hurt anyone and ik i would #anyone includes myself bc ik if i put too much work into someone I'll absolutely get tired of at some point i will end up feeling robbed #why am i even thinking abt this rn. idk i was perusing some tags and the romantic posts on them made me 😬 #do i need to tag this as a vent. is it even a vent. ig? just not a negative one? eh jic then #vent #i should've been asleep an hour ago oof 😳

[i-am-a-fucking-nerd]

have a horrible headache and usually headaches are a combo of things (esp not eating/sleeping enough) which could be the reason i have one today but. also i smoked thu which was 2 days ago and usually i get a headache 2 days after smoking. and im just. i already wrote a diary entry talking abt it and how i feel guilty and bad for like a million different reasons but now i'm also just incredibly frustrated w myself bc why do i do this!!!!!!!!!!!! i can go weeks and months w/o smoking i don't NEED to do this!!!!!

#smoking #tw smoking #havilah's thoughts #addiction #tw addiction #nicotine #like i feel like i Know that i can just not smoke idk why i sometimes do it anyway bc it's literally only negatives #i've never had a.... i guess a 'strong' smoking habit? like usually it is weeks and v often it is months btwn cigs #i just sometimes get mad and wanna do Smth that will make me feel more bad but also kinda better????????? it doesn't make sense i know #this time i felt Particularly guilty bc just a little bit ago i was hanging out w my friend and he hugged me and told me he's glad i haven' #been smoking a lot lately and a buncha nice things i'll keep to myself but. i just. and then i got home and had a letter from my grandma #that was so so sweet and my grandma used to smoke and she quit before i was born and she used to tell me when i was a kid how horrible it i #and now i have a headache and i /hate/ headaches and it felt dirty and i felt slimy for hiding it from my roommate n for feeling like i was #lying to ppl that care abt me #i know i felt calm too. i know it somewhat feels nice. the sensation is diff from anything else and i like it. i know i sometimes need to d #smth that feels. like. drastic and like it's gonna kill me w/o killing me #but it just. i KNOW that it's not worth it later!!!!!!! i know that i feel horrible and the negatives outweigh the positives by a lot!!!!!! #but i never throw away the pack. it's like. idk. idk what to do to just Not do it. #anyway uh. lemme put additional warnings for what i ended up saying in the tags #suicide #suicidal ideation #depression #i guess idk. just covering my bases i guess so ppl don't see smth they don't wanna see

[arklay]

MISSED SEEING YOU ON MY DASH LEAH I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL 💙💙

aaaaaa thank youu bones 🥺🥺💖💖 i have been experiencing the horrors but i'm starting to feel better and like i could probably have the energy to scroll again lmao i have so much stuff to catch up on though i'm like oh no...

#asks. #nuclearstorms #honestly was really nice to be off of here for a while cause it was just bringing so much like pressure and negativity into my space for #some reason?? and like stepping back after everything that happened last month was so so needed omg... but i missed seeing you!! and all my #lovely moots!! i think too december in general is the worst month ever in existence i am not a fan of her <3 but yes hehe i have a #specialist appointment tomorrow so i'll be so conked out when i get back but might try to do some picrews afterwards 🤔 bet you didn't miss #my ramblings though omg i have some stories. like okay. so i have almost all the achievements for stray right? but i was doing #speedrun and making great time for the achievement and then i broke the facking game in the second last chapter. like. are you joking me??? #and i reloaded checkpoint. nope. restarted chapter. nope. i just broke clementine and i don't even know how but rip i guess i'll try that #again soon!! OH also i 100% re4 as well... idk if i mentioned that on here i can't remember what date that happened but i beat highest #difficulty. you can say i'm somewhat of a gamer myself. but am feeling a bit better and like i think too like cause i've been active on twt #but i think too it's tagging posts instead of just like clicking a button like i was so so tired that i just couldn't even be in the like #okay i need to organise things mode? idk if that makes sense but yes hiii hi hello!!! i have all like tracked tag things in queue rn just #in case like anyone was wondering!! i have seen them!! #and i hope you're doing well also!!! 💖💖💖

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm once again feeling very hopeless about things (my mental health, to be exact). it would be great if that could stop happening.

#my husband will call the psychiatrist for me tomorrow. maybe I'll get an appointment. I probably won't #and even if I do eventually get to talk to the psychiatrist... what if he just dismisses me. that's what usually happens. #then I'll just be.. done #no next steps after that #but I guess everything is fine #everyone says so #I guess it's fine that I'm scared of everything #and that I can't do anything #maybe that's normal #maybe I don't need help at all #that's probably what the guy will say. that I'm exaggerating and making it up etc #like the therapist who told me to just fucking do things when I *think* I can't. #so yeah it's probably my fault bc I'm useless and just too fucking stupid to know how not to be scared #anyway. everything is fine and I am just being dramatic probably #other people need help more than me etc etc so why don't I just shut up #personal #negativity #or whatever I don't know how to tag this

[wildcard-rumi]

I am genuinely surprised by how little content for Tales Of Arise I've been able to find. I figured since it's been a year, there'd be more but hey, I guess not. And I just don't have the energy to create my own... Which sucks cause I wanna this game as much love as possible.

#i was also surprised by how much negativity people have for the game #like yeah a lot of people like it too but the sheer amount i've seen is insane #yeah it has it's issues and the story is pretty cliche but i still enjoyed it... #it kinda sucks seeing so many people shit on the thing that's brought you the most joy you've felt in months ngl #i wanna write stuff for it just so there's more in the tag #but i haven't had the energy or motivation to write for so long and it's not like anyone would read it anyway #i guess i'll just have to stick with my own thoughts... #delete later

[cosmicgraves]

gonna be real honest, not trying attention seek or anything, and i know this blog is half-assed, and i'm an adult with adult life shit so i can't be here all the time...but literally not feeling anything but invisible within the tumblr rpc anymore. bet $5 i could solo my dean blog again, pop out a promo, and have everyone up my ass in a day...🙃🙃

#idk man maybe i'm on the wrong side of the rpc or something #but there's so many posts floating across my dash on a constant basis with 0 notes #hardly anyone comments on anything unless it benefits them anymore #and at least on /my side/ there's rarely supportive anons for no reason #there's little to no fun being had at all anymore #so much serious 'don't even look at my blog unless you do this this this and shit' #i am afraid to reblog things from my own mutuals without getting blocked lmao #the rpc is just a bunch of eggshells and i'm tiptoeing my way around trying to find another solid piece to stand on for awhile #and maybe i'm just getting too old for it or something #but like where else is my outlet supposed to be when it's been this for 10 years :c #idk i'm just rambling and sad and mad and work has me stressed life has me stressed and i am just tired :// #tbd #negativity // #i guess #sorry if you read tags #i'll be somewhere

[noxtivagus]

i'll just ramble a bit again in tags ><

#🌙.rambles #🌙.vents #YEAH I DON'T THINK I SLEPT VERY WELL 💀 #i rlly do hate being negative like this here i'll fix it sometime during the break but i'll cope rq by doing this before i do yeah #i'm v aware of how being negative affects others 😭 but like oh man it rlly isn't good to bottle things up either but #i don't really have anyone that i can vent to? i mean. i don't want to when i know that others have their own struggles too #i'd much rather listen to them. i'm fine on my own i just need to write it i think. so tumblr tags ily i'll fix my spam account soon fr #i write a lot to myself i talk to myself yeah i barely talk to others as much as i talk to myself. dumping someway somehow in #a place that only. those who rlly want to or seek to read this in some way wld know of the things i write. an interesting thought #i guess one way of putting it as well is i'm like the ocean. or the sky; which is. quite like an ocean too. with its depth #i mean i really just want to be authentic n myself but some experiences that hurt me stuck this sort of.. idk smth in me still that #subconsciously there's always this barrier there's always this. yeah. so one of my idk one of the things i struggle with is #do you know the real me? the me that you know that you like /p is it idealized? is it just the things i've done for you or #the image you have of me that you.. yeah? i hate that doubt bcs i do want to believe n when i do i. cry bcs that means a lot to me #I'M RAMBLING. hdfjaslkdfj :c i mean i'm human too n i'm not immune to doubt sob ffxiv has that one quote w minfilia that. rlly gives me hop #i grew up feeling lonely often despite still having friends. acceptance.. i relate to hermes a lot fr :c #i think i'm more honest here on tumblr than directly w others. yeah definitely. i'm more of a listener w others #oh god fr i think i feel especially helpless inside bcs there's sm things that just feel so similar to a certain time in my life i've #buried a bit. i genuinely don't remember the last few months of 2020 n early 2021 well at all i distracted myself from. certain stuff #listening to vg osts is such a comfort rn oh man. living legacy. don't think twice. radical dreamers. kiss me good-bye 🥹 #i was gna write smth but i forgot. oh well i shld finish this article critique anyways so i'll work on that now

[elmhat]

DSMP TUMBLR SIMULATOR

🟩 escapedwarcriminal Follow

On vacation! Check out the fancy hotel :)

🦆 stabbyduck69 Follow

gufys please mass report this he's trxying to fucking dox me and also kill me pls guys

7 notes

❌ god Follow

I just finished writing my latest book! To thank everyone who stuck with me through this process, I'm giving away one copy to a random follower! All you have to do is reblog 😊

#bookblr #writeblr

2,963,086,652,755 notes

🐝 what-if-bees-had-nukes Follow

Anyone know where the boomerville residents went?

🐝 what-if-bees-had-nukes Follow

No one replied so I guess I own their house now

3 notes

🥇 dreamsno1traitor Follow

.

#I'm actually so sick of these mfs #no joke if I have to spend another day around these people I might kms #one more comment about how "evil" he is and I'm gonna snap #I can't believe I used to be friends with them? #they're so bloodthirsty for no reason #sorry just needed to vent #can't say any more than this or I'll blow my cover #neg

2 notes

🧁 the-girl-who-burned-your-tree Follow

New strawberry cake recipe! (Safe for pigs)

Try out this delicious dessert that all the family can enjoy!

Keep reading

#baking #recipes #I just wanted to make something that my friend can eat too #he has some rather unique dietary requirements

130 notes

🐷 bloodforthebloodgod Follow

"average person destroys 1 government a year" factoid actually just statistical error. average person destroys 0 governments per year. technoblade is an outlier and should not have been counted

💿 fuckdream123 Follow

this is so fuckign disrespectful to doomsday survivors take this down you egotesticle fkng prick

45,687 notes

🟩 escapedwarcriminal Follow

@warden-of-the-vault How's idiotville idiot

🟩 escapedwarcriminal Follow

Wait you can't reply cause you're in IDIOTVILLE

5 notes

🪶 philzaminecraft Follow

My good friend has entrusted me with looking after his lovely dogs, haha! 😂 Do any of you fine young people have advice for me as to how to take care of this many hungry hounds? 🤔 I look forward to hearing from you.

From Philza Minecraft.

P.S. Please also instruct me as to how to increase the number of messages I receive in response to my questions. This internet website is a tad confusing. I had enough bother attaching the photograph. 😂

89 notes

🐷 bloodforthebloodgod Follow

woke up to the dash full of drama again. sigh

🦆 stabbyduck69 Follow

fucking Die

🐷 bloodforthebloodgod Follow

oh so you're the one sending all the anon hate

🦆 stabbyduck69 Follow

i don't send anon hate i'll hate to your fucking face bitch

🦆 stabbyduck69 Follow

please go out with me

11 notes

🔱 warden-of-the-vault Follow

🔥 murdered-yo-fave-pet Follow

But fr guys, as much as we're memeing around in the tags dream is actually out there and he's dangerous. If you see him call me or sam immediately. DON'T fight him. You'll /gen die.

6,210 notes

🐈 antthecatmaid Follow

won't be around for a while, going on vacation!

🐈 antthecatmaid Follow

fuck I'm back fuck fuck fuck

27 notes

💿 fuckdream123 Follow

i'm too sad to commit terrorism like what's the fucking point anymore

6 notes

🧨 zombiepresident1 Follow

World's First NFT Burgers

(Ignore the poor photo quality, my good camera got confiscated by authorities)

"An explosion of the senses, and I don't just mean that time the place exploded!" ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

"So much better than Quackity's horrible grimy SHIT FUCKING RESTAURANT" ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

#reviews are all from verified sources #don't look into it #someone blaze this I have no money

204 notes

✨ quirky-cake-duper-teleporter Follow

Genuinely fuck dream.

✨ quirky-cake-duper-teleporter Follow

Ignore this I wasn't in my right mind

16 notes

🐷 bloodforthebloodgod Follow

The Teletubby and the Pig

Fandom: Original Work Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Technoblade, Dream (me and my friend) Additional Tags: Pandora's Vault Prison, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort

Summary: idk man I'm bad at summaries, just something I wrote with my friend to pass the time (he was too embarrassed to post it)

284k words so far

-> Read here!

#I actually wrote this a while ago but I wasn't allowed to post it for legal reasons #don't worry though I'm planning to murder the legal reasons soon #writeblr #original fiction

35 notes

💍 im-from-the-future Follow

WARNING - PLEASE READ

My murderer showed up at my house today. Police refused to arrest him. I feel sick to my stomach, I don't know where he is or what he's doing, if he comes back I have no way to protect myself. Please stay vigilant and don't trust anyone you don't know.

🥕 catsncarrots Follow

i'm so sorry to hear that karl :( hey what's the new pfp?

💍 im-from-the-future Follow

No idea

43 notes

🥚 baddestboi-withahalo Follow

we all accepted the prison way too quickly. there's like no safety measures? are we forgetting someone DIED THERE? and i've literally seen the main cell myself and it's a mess. pretty sure there was some real blood on the walls too. idk just doesn't feel right

🔱 warden-of-the-vault Follow

I'm tired of people reblogging posts like this without checking their sources. There are some obvious red flags here. For starters, op claims they've witnessed the main cell personally, but if you actually check the prison's rules, visits have been banned for several months now [x]. The prison is armed with state of the art security measures, including lava, barriers, and numerous manual searches, to name just a few [x]. Speaking as an authority on the prison myself [x], I can safely confirm that these security measures, as well as the prisoner, are in perfect condition. Don't be so quick to buy into conspiracy theories.

🥚 baddestboi-withahalo Follow

I LITERALLY WORK THERE????

🔱 warden-of-the-vault Follow

Not anymore you don't.

972 notes

#long post #I wasted so much time on this and every second was worth it #dreblr #dream smp #dsmp #dashboard simulator #lore thoughts #dsmp dashboard simulators

[naughtynoodle056]

Being a fat fetish artist is weird sometimes cuz I truly genuinely want to explore topics related to fatnesss and weight gain that aren't necessarily in a kinky context but rather vent pieces/think pieces I guess? But I always feel like I fundamentally Have to only post it in fat fetish circles because I feel like if a Normie™ found out I have a Silly Goofy Feedism Kink they'll disregard anything I have to say about fatphobia and society cuz I'm like, too cumbrained to have any good takes, I guess xD. I have a thing I've been sitting on for a while that's kind of a "Feedism being the savior from an impending ED" sort of thing but I'm kind of scared to post it given it's so heavy compared to my usual subject matter but also,,, I'm a Feedist Artist with a pretty distinct artstyle I think? So if I post it outside of NSFW circles I might get chased off with pitchforks and shit because I'm not a Normie™, too.

I may be a feedist that is barely 100 pounds and can still fit a size 1 but I'm not like.... Oblivious, lol. It's not lost on me how gaining can negatively affect someone's self esteem, especially in a world that is still viciously fatphobic, and I wanna explore those things in my art cuz I have explored heavier themes in the past, I guess I'll just tag it with like 45 warnings if I do post it ☠️

#noodle talks #rambles

[tyungelic]

★ warm blood

★ — pairing. fem!kai x fem!reader

★ — tags. non-idol au, afab!kai, fem reader, smut, established relationship, vampire!kai, blood play, menstruation mention, thigh riding, fingering, messy sex

★ — summary. kai is the girl of your dreams, the only one for you, but lately you can’t help but wonder if she’s hiding something…

★ — word count. 3.4k words

★ — author’s note. hopping on the fem!txt train~ i had so much fun writing this one happy early halloween i hope you enjoy~

“Unnie!” Kai greets from down the block with arms wide open. You give her a big hug and she squeezes you tight. You stay there for a moment, giving her all your warmth. You cup her face with your hands and kiss every individual beauty mark on it.

“Missed my pudding,” you coo and Kai smiles shyly, the tips of her ears turning red. You take her hand in yours and you shudder.

“How on earth are you so cold?”

“You know what they say— cold hands, warm heart.”

“Oh, so what does that mean for me?”

“Hm.. it means whatever you want it to mean,” Kai teases and squeals when you go to pinch her.

“You didn’t bring an overnight bag with you,” you point out.

Kai face falls and she hesitates, “N-No, sorry. Something came up and…”

As she trails off with averted eyes, your heart sinks.

“Why didn’t you say something? I had the whole day planned for us.”

“We can still spend the day together, it’s just that I can’t stay over. Sorry, I really thought I could but something came up last minute.”

You were never the type to hide how you feel. You know your face says it all, and Kai looks to you with sympathetic puppy dog eyes.

“Next time, unnie. I promise,” she says.

You find that hard to believe. She said next time last time too, and the time before that.

This sours the entire day for you and no matter how hard you try to not be stuck inside your head and live in the moment, you just can’t. How long was she going to keep doing this last minute? You want to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, despite how warm, soft and welcoming Kai is, she’s a very private person, so you don’t expect her to share every minute detail of her life.

But private and closed off are two different things. Was she not being honest with you?

Kai’s chilly hand on your knee brings you right back to the present moment.

“Are you okay?” Kai asks softly.

You hum and take another sip of your coffee, but you know Kai sees how you really feel. How could she not? You’ve been filling the cafe with negative energy for the past half hour. There’s a tense silence between the two of you. Kai looks like she wants to say something, but doesn’t.

You’re starting to wonder if this entire date was a bust. After all this, you just want to go home alone.

You finish your drinks and exit the cafe, you reach for her hand but something about it feels bittersweet.

“Guess I'll start heading back,” you say.

“Wait,” Kai starts. “I need to tell you the real reason why I didn’t bring an overnight bag.”

You’re doubtful, but willing to hear your girlfriend out. You give her a look that says ‘I’m listening’ and she proceeds, clearing her throat.

“I didn’t bring one because I want you to stay over at my place tonight,” she announces.

You pause, “… Really?”

“Yes, really! I’ve always wanted you to come see my apartment, so I wanted to surprise you.”

You narrow your eyes. Did she really have this planned all along? Her and her friends did have a penchant for tricking you for a quick laugh. Maybe this is just one of those times.

You have to give her credit for being such a good actress.

“You have pads at your place, right?” you ask.

“Yep, I’m always prepared.”

The nerves start to hit as you approach the apartment building where Kai lives. This is your first time seeing her apartment. What does it look like? What does it smell like? You don’t know much about Kai’s place at all, other than the fact that she splits the rent with her older sister.

“Lea’s out of town, by the way,” Kai clarifies, and you give her a look.

“Oh? You trying to get up to something tonight?” you ask with a wink. Kai laughs, you initially said it as a joke but that nervous smile is all you need to see to know that you’re both thinking the same thing.

You’ve been wanting to get Kai alone and on a bed since the moment you started dating. You were instantly attracted the moment you laid eyes on her— tall with long legs, beautiful slender hands, and the cutest nose you’ve ever seen on a person. She was like a model, no, a Greek goddess. And yet despite her being a goddess among mere mortals, she’s so warm, kind, and humble.

You really feel so lucky to be with her.

You’re welcomed by a nicely decorated two bedroom apartment filled with warm orange light from the setting sun.

You ask where the bathroom is and run to it to so you can freshen up and change your pad. You spray on a new layer of cologne, fix up your hair, and undo the top two buttons of your button-down to reveal more of your décolletage. You might be on your period, but you still want some action. You’ve been waiting for the moment for months now.

You emerge from the bathroom feeling like a new woman and Kai takes notice.

“You look fantastic,” she says and presses a quick kiss to your neck. “I’m gonna take a shower. You can wait for me in my bedroom.”

She disappears into the bathroom and you make your way down the hall to bedroom. It’s just as cutesy as you expected it to be. Her bed is riddled with stuffed animals, how she manages to sleep on it, you can’t quite figure out. She has an electronic keyboard and a drum kit too, as expected of someone who loves music as much as she does.

You fall onto her bed, making sure not to crush any of her plushies with your body. You stare at the ceiling, wondering when you’d be looking up at Kai from this exact angle. It could be any minute now…

Time ticks on and on… and before you know it, it’s been thirty minutes since Kai first went to the bathroom. You don’t want to rush her, you know you take your sweet time in the shower too, but you could’ve sworn you heard the water turn off ten minutes ago. You figure she’s just shaving… or, maybe she’s in need of some company.

You smirk and undo one more button on your blouse before opening the bathroom door.

“Kai, I—”

You freeze in the door, shocked at the sight of Kai sitting on the toilet lid with her nose buried in your used pad.

“What the fuck.”

Kai quickly tosses your used menstrual pad into the trash bin, looking at you with wide eyes.

“Unnie, I-I’m sorry this isn’t what it- You weren’t supposed to find out like this.”

You stand in the door, frozen in shocked silence.

“I think we should break up,” she blurts out.

You hear your heart pounding in your ears. A mixture of rage and confusion fill your body.

“What?” you ask in quiet anger. “I just caught you smelling my used pad and you’re the one who wants to break up?”

“Unnie, please listen to me. This has gone too far. I’m sorry, but I can’t be around you anymore. I can’t explain, but trust me it’s for your own good.”

You’re taken aback by how desperate she sounds.

“Did you bring me here to break up with me?”

“No! No, I would never do that to you.”

“Then what? What’s going on? What are you hiding from me?”

Kai freezes, “I-I can’t tell you, it’s—”

“—Kai, just stop. No more excuses. Whatever you’re hiding from me, you need to tell me right now.”

Kai falls silent and fiddles with her hands, looking down at the tiled bathroom floor.

“I can’t promise that I won’t judge you,” you continue. “But all I want is for you to be honest with me.”

“You’re right,” Kai relents with a sigh. “Unnie, I’m… I’m a vampire.”

You stand there in stunned silence.

“… You’re what? Is this a joke?”

“No, no it’s not a joke, I promise. Just… look,” Kai approaches you and opens her mouth wide to reveal her fangs, sharp as daggers. You can’t believe what you’re seeing. You reach forward to touch her teeth for yourself, your fingers brushing against the softness of her lips. You survey her teeth with laser focus. Kai whimpers as your thumb brushes against one of her sharp teeth.

“Are you liking this?” Kai asks.

“I think so,” you say, mesmerized by the sight before you. "Are you?"

Kai nods slowly, as if in a trance.

It all adds up when you think about it. Kai never had a huge interest in food, certainly didn’t like garlic, plus her skin is always cold… Now that you think about it, you’ve never seen her look in a mirror either.

This is exactly like one of your high school fantasies come to life. You’ve had many a naughty dream about a sexy vampire girl whisking you away and taking you for herself. You had no idea something like this could actually be real.

And to be honest, it’s really turning you on.

“Unnie,” she says softly, eyes half lidded and dark as she stares at you like a prey animal. “This is dangerous…”

Your heart races at her saying that. You don’t want her to resist, to deny herself of you— you want to see what she can do with these teeth of hers.

“How?” you ask softly and you can tell she wants to do something. Something has shifted in the air, but Kai grabs your hands and puts a stop to it before it can continue.

“I’m sorry, I can’t…” she says.

“Why not?”

“I… I don’t want to hurt you,” Kai says, sounding guilty. “I get so hungry for you, unnie. Sometimes I just want to…”

“Bite me?”

“Not just that,” Kai says shyly. “I don’t just want to bite you. I want to drink every last drop of you and suck you until there’s nothing left, but I can’t do that to you. I love you, unnie. I really don’t want to hurt you.”

“What if we’re careful…?” you suggest, and Kai looks at you with wide eyes.

“Careful?” she echoes. “A-Are you sure you can trust me to do that?”

“Sure, you’re always so careful with me,” you cup her face and Kai nuzzles your hand.

“Thank you for trusting me, unnie. I promise I’ll be careful with you.”

Kai leans in to kiss you, soft lips pressed against yours. Your kisses deepen as her hands roam your body and your arms wrap around her neck. She presses you up against the wall and leaves kisses from your ear and down your jaw.

“I can smell your blood running through you,” Kai murmurs against your skin.

“H-How does it smell?” you can barely contain your excitement.

“Smells so good…” she takes a deep inhale and sighs, warm breath hitting your neck. The throbbing between your legs is growing to be unbearable. You squeeze your thighs together, yearning for Kai’s sharp fangs to penetrate you.

“Kai, please bite me,” you whine. “I want you to taste me.”

Kai drags her tongue along the side of your neck, slow and warm and wet, and you moan and shudder under her touch. Within seconds, her fangs pierce your skin and your body jolts. It stings, you feel the pain spread through your veins. A burning sensation that engulfs your body as you break into a sweat, but after the initial shock, the burning settles into an arousing warmth that settles between your thighs.

It feels good, so good. Kai sucks and gulps at you hungrily as her fangs drive deeper, moaning against your skin. Your core continues to throb as she drinks from you, devours you like she’s been starving all this time just to indulge in the pleasure of tasting you.

You moan your girlfriend’s name, slowly rutting against her and she pushes her knee between your legs, bumping it right against your throbbing clit.

The thought of a woman so sweet and so gentle like Kai turning feral just for your blood, for your taste, turns you on like nothing else quite has.

Your vision starts to blur and you begin to feel lightheaded as your girlfriend continues to drink from you. Your orgasm is slowly approaching, you can feel it creeping closer, the coil at the pit of your stomach getting tighter and tighter.

“Kai… Mm, ’m so close…” you moan, words slurred as you slowly begin to fade out of consciousness. The last thing you hear is Kai’s muffled whimpers and moans as she cums, her fangs still deep inside you as she clings to your body as tightly and rides out the waves of her orgasm.

You startle awake and see Kai sitting right by the bed with a large stuffed Molang in her arms.

“Oh thank god, you’re okay,” she says with a sigh of relief.

“What happened?” you mumble as you rub the sleep out of your eyes.

“I may have gone a little too far,” Kai says sheepishly.

“Looks like we’ll need a safe word for next time.”

“Next time?” Kai asks, sounding hopeful. If she had a tail, it would most certainly be wagging right now. “Did you like it?”

“I loved it, pudding.”

Kai’s eyes glitter and she squeezes your hand in hers.

“So, when can we do it again?” you ask and Kai hums.

“I dunno… I’m not really hungry anymore after last night. I’ll have to see how long this keeps me satiated. I’m so full I probably won’t have to feed for another week or so.”

A whole week until your girlfriend sucks your blood again? You aren’t sure if you can wait that long. You’d never experienced anything like that before. You want to do it again and again; you wouldn’t even mind becoming your girlfriend’s personal Capri Sun for the rest of your life.

Then again, she did almost go overboard last night. It’s better to be careful, so maybe touching yourself to the memory will have to do for the time being.

“I’m sorry for lying to you. I didn’t want to freak you out, but the more I was around you, the stronger my cravings became and it all came to a head when I saw your pads. You’re even more delicious than I thought you would be, unnie. Your blood is so filling, I couldn’t stop myself.”

“I wanna keep you full,” you say and Kai jumps into your arms.

“You keep my heart and my tummy full,” she coos in her exaggerated cutesy voice and covers your face in kisses.

Who knew finding out your girlfriend is a vampire would make her even more… endearing?

The next time you’re with Kai is at your place.

You’re sitting on the couch watching TV, waiting for her to finish up her evening shower. After a while, she emerges from the bathroom with only a pair of panties on and settles onto your lap.

“Unnie, I’m hungry,” Kai says, voice soft and needy. “I need to have you...”

Without a word, you take her hand and lead her to your bedroom. She pushes you onto the bed and climbs on top of you.

“Can I bite you somewhere different?”

“Where?” you ask.

“It’s a surprise,” she says, though it becomes less of a surprise when she yanks your sweatpants off and tosses them to the floor. She pulls your panties off too and shoves her face between your thighs, earning a moan from you.

“You smell so good even when you’re not bleeding,” she says with her nose pressed against your pussy. She gives it a kiss and moves onto the place she wants to give more attention. Kai gives your inner thigh a nice, slow lick with the flat of her tongue before biting into your skin.

You’re still not used to the sharp pinch of her fangs breaking your skin and drawing blood. You flinch and Kai quickly withdraws.

“Are you okay?” she asks, studying your face.

“I’m fine, pudding. Just stung a little.”

“Okay, unnie,” Kai presses a kiss to your inner thigh. “Remember, say pickle chips if it’s too much.” You ruffle Kai’s hair and you feel her smile against your skin briefly before sinking her teeth back into you. You throw your head back and moan as she sucks and slurps at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh.

She sounds as hungry as ever, whining and moaning against your body. Through half lidded eyes, you can see her touching herself through her panties, and it makes you throb even more. You roll your hips, grinding against nothing as Kai continues to drink from you.

You shut your eyes and reach down to gently rub your clit, surprised when you feel Kai’s cold, lithe fingers on top of yours. Your eyes flutter open and she looks up at you with dark eyes. She doesn’t break eye contact as she continues to drink your blood. Her screwing her eyes shut as she rubs herself is all it takes for you to come undone. You writhe against her, toes curling as Kai continues to devour you through your orgasm, giving you another one in the process.

Once your body goes limp, she retracts her fangs and looks up at you with her doe eyes, a mess of blood around her mouth and coating her lips.

God dammit, she looks adorable.

“C’mere pudding, let me touch you,” you moan and Kai practically jumps at the chance to get on top and straddle you. She greets you with an open mouth kiss, her tongue sliding against yours. For the first time, you taste your own blood on your lips and you don’t exactly get the appeal until you’re tasting it from your lover’s mouth.

“Fuck me, unnie…” Kai says with pleading eyes. “Please, need you to fuck me.” She grabs your hand pulls it toward her wet, aching pussy. You suck in a breath, turned on at just how wet she is. Her dark pubic hair is drenched, sticky and wet from her arousal. You don’t hesitate to give your girl exactly what she wants and shove two fingers into her dripping core.

She whimpers and is quick to do the work herself, hips moving fervently as she grinds herself against your fingers. You watch as she rides, whimpering and mewling as your name leaves her lips in squeaks and moans.

“Feels so good, want you… wan’ you so bad…” she pants, desperate and drunk off of own pleasure. The way she clenches and throbs around your fingers could make you cum by itself. She’s so wet, her juices dripping down your forearm as she continues to fuck herself on your digits.

She finally cums hard, squeezing around your fingers and getting your hand even more wet. She rides out another two orgasms just by using your fingers, you curl them in just the right spot that has her shaking and moaning. She whimpers as your soaked fingers leave her core.

“More… need more…” Kai moans. She sits with your bare thigh between hers and begins rutting against you. She rests her head on your shoulder and bites into your neck, groaning as she sucks your blood. The pain paired with the sensation of her pussy getting your thigh so slick and wet has your mind reeling.

She arches her back and cums all over your thigh. You feel every throb, ever pulse and flutter of her pussy against your skin as she continues to ride out her orgasm. Your body is glistening with sweat and you’re hurting in at least three places you weren’t before this all started, yet you feel like you’re floating on a cloud.

You collapse onto the bed and Kai curls up next to you. You pet her hair and she sighs, happily.

“Got your fix?” you ask.

“Mhm,” Kai nods. “Got my girl dinner and dessert all in one.”

You both giggle and you kiss the tip of her nose.

“You should eat me out on my period,” you say.

“I was gonna before you passed out on me last time!”

“Next time then,” you say.

“Really?”

“Really.”

🩸 taglist: @cherrypeeking @nightlytyuns @huckleberrykai

#hueningkai smut #txt hueningkai smut #kai hard thoughts #txt smut #tyungelic : my fics 🪽

[ao3statistics]

I was really surprised because I really thought that more than 90% of you guys were gonna choose the last option.

But we all like to matter and give our opinions on things and although this is a blog that I try to keep fairly objective apart from small comments here and there, I'm happily surprised most of you guys want to know stuff about the person behind this blog.

My favourite DC ship is actually pretty common:

Yes. Jondami. Jonathan Kent and Damian Wayne. Almost all fanfictions I read are either Jondami, general or Damian/Jason (all of them both romantic or as friends - I don't care, I just love their dynamics so much!).

In case you haven't guessed yet: Yes. I'm an absolute Damian fan. Like... I don't read DC fanfictions without him at all. Jason comes in second but Jon is lovely, too.

Now, you might be wondering (or not) why I haven't done any charts with Jon yet if he's one of my favourite characters... the reason is simple. He's a tagging nightmare on Ao3.

I started looking into that more closely recently though and I will upload two things the following weeks: A tagging "guide" for Jon as a character specifically and a general tagging guide for Ao3. No worries, I'll keep it short and simple.

I'd love to know how you think about Jondami though!!

Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts (both positive and negative, however I won't tolerate any hate (especially not towards Damian as a character or Damian/Jason)). Cool? Cool.

#ao3statistics #personal #ao3 #dc comics #ao3 fanfic #statistics #poll #tag bonbon: #ironically #the person behind this statistics blog #majors in linguistics #many years ago #i shipped raven and kyd wykkyd #but there's like #no fanfictions for that ship #at all

[duckprintspress]

Thanks so much to the people who've already helped spread the word, it's making a big difference already.

The exact amount of the junk pledge is $2,015.

To overcome it's malicious impact, we need to hit an "actual" amount of $15,515 (instead of our real goal of $13,500) - as in, we need to raise enough over our actual goal to cover the money that'll disappear when this fake pledge is removed.

Someone also suggested in the tags that we report it - we absolutely did. :) Here's what I wrote to KS:

"My campaign has 50 hours left and I just got a huge spam pledge for $2,000. This is absolutely insane, and I'm furious. How can you guys let this happen? When this pledge becomes nothing but air, my campaign either won't fund at the last minute because people who WOULD have backed to help get us over the line will think we're already funded, or it won't get cancelled til after the end and then the money won't exist and we won't actually be able to afford to do our project. I'm absolutely livid. I knew y'all were having problems with spam pledges but jesus f-in christ KS you need to resolve this absolutely immediately or figure out a way to make it up to loyal users like us. It impacts KS too, since if we crash and burn at the last minute because of this spam pledge, y'all can't collect your fees. This pledge and it's timing entirely screws up my ability to get last-minute pledges, and even having it there for a few hours will have a substantial negative impact on my ability to run this campaign.

"If this can't be resolved immediately, please PLEASE extend our campaign a day, anything to make up for the damage that this will do to my ability to get my project funded.

"This is the kind of problem that, if KS can't get it under control, I don't know how I'll be able to continue using the platform. Another person I know has had over $10k of spam pledges on his campaign in the last few weeks, and was initially told one of the pledges WASN'T spam and it took over a day to actually resolve. Can you think what it taking over a day will do to my project?

"Sorry, I'm ranty, but I'm livid, and the useless chat bot, my inability to get a human in chat when I've got an urgent problem, the utter lack of FAQ support for what to do when I get a spam pledge like this, and the irrelevant categories on this form I'm filling out now, plus the dozens of uncontrolled spam messages I've gotten about my project across four different platforms, have all combined to make me feel like KS either doesn't care about the spam issue or has zero ability to control it, and honestly neither of these conclusions is heartening when they relate to a company that has taken thousands of dollars in fees from me over the last few years."

I. Might have been a little angry, lmao.

However, their support staff doesn't even get to the office until 9:00 AM Eastern time (one hour from when I'm posting this), and then they'll have however many other e-mails to get through before mine. Our 48-hour window starts at 9:37 am. The odds that the junk pledge will be gone by then are EXTREMELY low. The person I mentioned in that message, it took over a day to get rid of a junk pledge and KS initially told them it WASN'T a junk pledge, so ya know that was awesome for them. I'd been feeling pretty lucky that it hadn't happened to me yet - this happened to them about three weeks ago - but well. guess my luck had run out.

Anyway, if anyone has other questions or comments, I'll see them in tags or you can drop us an ask. The outpouring has already been incredible, folks have pledged (or increased their existing pledges) to a tune of $303 since I put up the post an hour and a half ago, which means we're only about a thousand shy. I was teary-eyed before because I was upset about the junk-pledge, and now I'm teary-eyed instead being grateful about how awesome people are.

Thanks, everyone.

We'll overcome this dipshit scammy bullcrap!

#duck prints press #unforth rambles

[angelsanarchy]

Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N One-Shot Series PRT 27

Tagging:@roryculkinluvr@thatsthewrongwallcraig@icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06@shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl @s-0lar @kristennero-wallacewellsver@ophelialaufey @mayathepsychic1999 @x-prettyboy-x @rorylover71 @auggiethecreator @tempt-ress @blacksoul-27

Jack goes back into treatment without fighting Dr. Carty. He suspects he'll be in for a long stay but they decide to only keep him for little under a full month. They felt like too much time in the facility could set him back in the other areas to which he's improved. Once he got back on his medications, his body physically felt different. He felt like he was getting back to a content calmness in his skin again. The stitches had healed over and every time he looked at them he felt mortified thinking about what had happened with Y/n.

Dr. Carty had made mention to him y/n agreeing to let him add her as a contact. He hadn't received any calls or visits from her but he didn't expect to.

"What are you worried about Jack?" Carty pulled him out of his head.

"I guess whether or not I can fix things with Y/n or not. I feel like she's smart enough to know that she doesn't need the additional stress in her life." Jack explained sadly.

"Well then it's best to develop a plan in advance to deal with both outcomes." He informed.

"How?" Jack asked confused.

"Well if she doesn't want to forgive you or doesn't think she can handle you, you need to accept that and find a way to move forward. You can't make people stay Jack. People will come and go but you can't let that destroy you. You have to be okay with being alone." Dr. Carty had a point, as bummed out as it made him.

"I mean I know that on some level I just don't know if I'll bounce back that fast if she writes me off. I might need to like...check back in?" Jack scrunches his face.

"If you ever feel like you can't handle things on your own, you know you can check back in. That doesn't mean this place is forever, you're learning that now." He explained. Jack looked down at his hands.

"Have you thought about what happens if she does forgive you?" Carty asked seeing Jack sit back in his chair.

"I mean...I guess shit can't like go back to normal, can it?" Jack said unsure of what he was going to do in either instance.

"No it can't. The best thing you can do is acknowledge your behavior, not make any promises that it won't happen again because you know this is for life and just try your best to communicate your struggles with her." Jack laughed darkly.

"What woman wouldn't want an absolute headcase?" Jack asked making Dr. Carty sigh.

"Jack, you can't consider yourself less than because you have mental illnesses. If you continue to do that, you will constantly live in a state of self deprecating negativity. Just be yourself. Stop letting these drugs, these diagnoses define who you are." There was a knock at the door and one of the hospital admins came in.

"Mr. Thurlow's ride is here." She said softly. Carty gave her a nod and she exited as he looked Jack over.

"Are you ready?" He asked and Jack nodded.

"I'm ready. Thank you for...everything." Jack shook Carty's hand and he nodded his head.

"Focus on the list of things you wanted to accomplish once you got back home Jack. Don't get distracted." He pressed as Jack walked out of his office. The ride back to the house felt longer than the ride to the hospital but when he enters the house, it feels different. He drops the bag by the steps and looks around, seeing the kitchen has been cleaned up and their is a note on the counter.

"I cleaned up the house so you didn't come home to a bunch of blood and shit. You also had a ton of things dropped on the porch so I moved them to the attic. I got groceries Friday when the Doctor told me you were coming home. I'm working night shift this week so please don't go to the house."

Jack pulled out his phone and sat on the couch for what seemed like two hours trying to figure out what to text her. He finally settled on

Jack: I'm home...thanks for cleaning the house and filling the fridge.

He regretted it the moment he pressed send. She was quick to respond though.

Y/n: No problem.

Her response was simple. He wished she would have given him more to work with.

Jack: Do you think maybe you'll have time to talk sometime this week?

Her response didn't come as quickly as the last. He started smoking a cigarette on the porch and started pacing.

Y/n: Look Jack, if this talk is going to be full of reminders of how fucked you are in the head and how you warned me that I deserve better or whatever self deprecating bullshit..you can save it. What I really deserve is a sincere apology and what the fuck reason you decided to come off your meds. I don't want to have a conversation without real accountability.

Jack read the response and felt like he still had a chance to salvage this. He felt like she was giving him an opportunity to really think about what he was going to say the next time they were together.

Jack: Okay.

His answer was simple and direct. He was listening to what she wanted from him and he wanted to be ready for that conversation once they had it. He owed her all of those things and he wanted to give them to her when she was ready to receive them. Until then, he grabbed something from the fridge and climbed the stairs to his bedroom where a brand new, color-coded pill case sat with a little white bow on it. He smiled to himself before taking the bow off and filling it with his meds.

#Jack Thurlow #Jack Thurlow x YN #Jack Goes Home #One Shot Series #Glass Houses #Glass Houses Series #Rory Culkin #Culkin Cult #27/38

[ifthetreefalls]

I DON'T LIKE APOLOGIZING FOR THINGS I CAN'T CONTROL, BUT I THINK THAT'S THE ONLY REAL WAY TO START. I'M SORRY THAT I HURT YOU. OR, THAT THEY DID. IF WE WERE EVER GOING TO HAVE THAT CONVERSATION, IT SHOULD'VE BEEN THROUGH ME. BUT I WASN'T THERE. I'M SORRY I HURT YOU. I NEVER SHOULD'VE MADE YOU CRY.

THE TRUTH IS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. SOMEONE TOLD ME I SHOULD WRITE EVERYTHING OUT, BUT IT'S SO HARD TO PUT TO WORDS THE THINGS I ONLY FEEL IN PIECES.

I'M JUST SCARED. BASICALLY ALL THE TIME.

WHEN YOU CAME BACK, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I SPENT THE PAST ALMOST DECADE OF MY AFTERLIFE THINKING YOU WERE GONE. THE STUMP END WAS SPENT WATCHING THROUGH A SCREEN. AND ALL THAT TIME, I WAS SCARED YOU WOULDN'T WAKE UP. BUT ALSO MAYBE SCARED YOU WOULD, BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT'D MEAN FOR ME. AND WHEN YOU DID, I STILL DIDN'T KNOW. OR, I GUESS I DO, BUT.

I COULDN'T HATE YOU, AS YOU WERE. AND IT'S BEEN LIKE THAT FOR YEARS. I COULDN'T BE ANGRY AND BLAME YOU FOR BEING GONE. I GOT TIRED OF THAT BEFORE THE FIRST MONTH. I REALLY ONLY BLAME MYSELF, FOR NOT FINDING YOU SOONER. I COULDN'T PUT THAT NEGATIVITY ON YOU. I STILL CAN'T. OVER TIME, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW YOU WERE SAFE AGAIN. EVERYTHING ELSE EVAPORATED.

I CAN'T JUST BE THE PERSON I WAS BEFORE I HAD TO WAIT FOR YOU. I CAN'T BE THE PERSON I WAS BEFORE I WAS WORRIED. IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE, I'M JUST GONE, NOW. AND THEY'RE ALWAYS HERE, MAKING IT WORSE. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH THEM, AND YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH ME. I'M TOO FAR OUTSIDE MYSELF TO BE CAPABLE OF ANYTHING BUT MINDLESS LABOR, ANYMORE, BECAUSE IF I THINK TOO MUCH, I FALL APART. WHEN I SEE YOU, IT'S EASY TO FALL APART, BECAUSE YOU RIP ME INTO TWO CAMPS. AND THAT SCARES ME. WHAT IF ONE DAY, I'M TORN, AND I DON'T COME BACK? I CAN'T PUT EITHER OF US THROUGH THAT. I WON'T.

I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GO THE WAY YOU DID. BUT I KNOW I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, ANYMORE. NOT THE WAY YOU WANTED ME TO. I'M A MESS. I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU WITHOUT BEING TAGGED OUT, WHICH IS WHY I'M FORCED TO WRITE THIS AFTER THE FACT. AND YOU DESERVE MORE STABILITY THAN THAT. YOU DESERVE A LOT BETTER THAN I'M CAPABLE OF GIVING.

I'M SORRY FOR WHAT'S HAPPENED. I WISH EVERY DAY THAT IT REALLY WAS JUST A HURDLE TO OVERCOME, BUT IT'S NOT. IT'S PLAGUED ME FOR SO LONG, AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO STAND BY AND WATCH ME CONTINUE TO FAIL AT SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS EXISTING. I DON'T WANT YOU TO KEEP GETTING HURT ON THE NEVERENDING CAROUSEL OF MISSED ACCOUNTABILITY WE CALL MY FRACTURED PSYCHE, WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO MIGHT NOT COME BACK ONE DAY. IF THERE WERE SOMETHING TERMINAL IN THE AFTERLIFE, IT'D PROBABLY BE ME. AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU DRAGGED ALONG FOR THE RIDE. IT'S MORE CONFUSION THAN IT'S WORTH. IT'S MORE THAN I'M WORTH. IF I'M EVEN A REAL PERSON ANYMORE.

I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. I'M THE ONE WHO LEFT, FIRST. I'M THE ONE WHO'S GOT EVERYTHING WRONG, AND I'M THE ONE WHO CHANGED EVEN WHEN I SWORE I NEVER WOULD. AND I'M SORRY.

IF I COULD GO BACK, I WOULD. I MISS BEING NORMAL. I MISSED YOU, TOO. BUT AT LEAST NOW I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT, IF YOU DECIDE YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME ANYMORE.

I JUST HOPE YOUR FUTURE IS HAPPIER, WHEREVER YOU FIND IT. I'LL ALWAYS CARE ABOUT YOU, NO MATTER WHAT. EVEN IF I CARE TOO MUCH IN THE WAYS I SHOULDN'T. I RESPECT THE WAY YOU FEEL, AND I'M.. HONORED THAT I COULD MATTER. THAT EVEN AFTER THIS LONG, YOU'D STILL FEEL THAT WAY.

I'M JUST SORRY YOU COULDN'T TELL IT TO THE VERSION OF ME YOU WERE PROBABLY HOPING TO FIND.

I DON'T KNOW.

PLEASE BE SAFE.

#IF YOU WANT TO READ IT.