#guess we could take a break-

[mitamicah]

Sort of a sequal to this drawing (x) this time with yellow wig + daisies :3

#it started out as me taking a break from “serious” art to catch up on a reference I really wanted to draw #and suddenly I could just see this working with the flowers x'D #fun fact: I had wanted to make this a series for a while and my original idea was different coloured boleros #I guess it still can be but we could also go for “just” kä looks in different colours :3 #be it rainbow #or - here me out: the käärijägenderflag :3 #I am done babbling in the tags again x'D #almost :'D #I wasn't sure if it would be fair to submit this so close after the collab #but it seemed to already have died out a bit with the collab so here's my sketch for you x'D #maybe-maybe not you like it x'D #jere pöyhönen #käärijä #mine #my own art

[friendrat]

The problem with the church today is that so many "Christians" do not actually believe in redemption.

#unironically christian #i say this because of all the people who make comments about people's testimony #like saying they don't believe that only fans girl who was saved and baptized was really saved #like... reading through the comments it becomes clear that the “Christians” don't actually accept her #like... my brother in Christ... your good deeds are as worthy as my used pad #that is straight up in the bible #you are not better than her and you do not deserve redemption more than her #her salvation is between her and God #and yes... you say that time will reveal her fruit and you are correct #but guess what #ananias was called to extend a hand to paul *before* his fruit showed #and he was a frigging serial killer who was out for ananias's blood the week before #you do not get to pick and choose which converts you get to except #you are not God and thank heavens for it because if you were we would all be doomed #*deep breath* #i am just so sick of this... farse... that Christianity has become #Christians need a wake up call #oh! and and when you act like its impossible to accept that she could be saved you belittle God's power #you call into question Jesus's blood and it's ability to cleanse and if that is false your salvation is worthless! #also also you go against the things clearly written in the Bible while wearing the title of Christian #which means you are misrepresenting God's nature and intentions which means you are breaking the command to not take the lord's name in vain #wow... i thought i was done at the deep breath... guess not😅 #rat rants

[fisheito]

Dude i don't know

#journey to a nu world #but why didn't we see dante uh. elaborate #cuz all we know about the demon king is that he's the biggest hoe in the world and that's causing world distress #so if dante just PURCHASES eiden is that like.... establishing world peace bc eiden is no longer on the prowl or.... #does he just want demon king as a personal assistant or...... #dante's throwing money at problems and i would like to fully understand his thought process here 👁‍🗨👀 #also blade if dante trusted u to secure the briefcase full of money #WHERE IS THE MONEY? DID U TAKE IT OUT AND LEAVE IT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SO U COULD FILL THE BRIEFCASE WITH FLUFFBALLS #or was dante in on it from the beginning #knowing the demon king wouldnt even care about money as currency he would just . um. i don't know #dante gonna seduce the demon king out of world domination #by breaking the ice with a case of money? yeah i guess that's a pretty good convo starter #dante #eiden #blade

[abirddogmoment]

some thoughts about the pressures of trialing in dog sports and the emotional environment of trials, partially inspired by this post by the beautiful @mongrelization

this post happened to come at a time when I was at a decision point in my trial career with mav. he had just started refusing jumps (i thought it was a training issue at the time, i now know he was in pain) and he wasn't having fun. we were disconnected in the ring, with him choosing to go visit friends or just blow past obstacles without attempting them. it was frustrating and it was such a stark contrast from our training runs (not flawless but immeasurably better than our performances in the ring) and i was making jokes (as everyone does!) about mav being the worst, etc, etc.

except they weren't jokes.

they sounded like jokes and they even felt like jokes in the moment, but looking back i can confidently see that i was frustrated and resentful and the "lighthearted jokes" from other competitors and from myself were just fueling the fire. i saw darcies post shortly after a particularly frustrating trial where we just couldn't connect, i was trying to decide whether to push through and fix our issues or give up completely on agility.

her post wasn't an epiphany, i probably would've gotten there eventually, but her post that said, essentially hey its fucked up to make those jokes about your dog and its fucked up for people to make those jokes about your dog and thats not how a trial should be - something clicked. its NOT how it should be.

i took a break from trialing in everything and cut training way back and just took all the pressure off of mav while i got my internal emotional environment back on track. im a really competitive person and its hard to consciously dial that back, but more than that, it's legitimately embarrassing when things go wrong with people watching you. if your default is humor about it (like mine), its a hard shift to not make jokes about your dog when things go wrong. but its an important and necessary shift.

i started trialing him again after about 3 months off, very lightly. i stopped entering full weekends and opted to do half-days or only saturdays and he fucking THRIVED. i made time to meet all his needs before trials, i prioritized his happiness over technically correct courses, and i got over the embarrassment of excusing myself from a run if it was going downhill. i fixed my internal emotional environment and that fixed our disconnect and made every win more meaningful.

the thing is, i am 100% sure i would not have fixed my emotional environment if i was actively competing and practicing the same patterns. i absolutely had to take that step back to fix myself. you can't make meaningful change if youre still in the middle of it acting it out.

i lost out on trials with mav and that sucked so much in the moment. i had awful FOMO watching my friends compete and finish titles while we did little low-pressure walks at home. but ultimately i gained something so much more important, and looking back i can't bring myself to regret that at all.

#anyway here are some thoughts #its vulnerable dont look at me #i guess the tldr is: if youre stuck in the same pattern and things arent working #take a meaningful and legitimate break #(not a 'oh ill stop trialing and drill these skills' NO) #(an actual break where you take the pressure off you and your dog) #mav hurt himself from a freak accident that could happen to literally any dog that runs #if i had kept the pressure on i wouldve ruined the relationship we had built through training #take the break and take it for the right reasons (your and your dogs' emotional wellbeing) #you cant make meaningful change if you're actively practing your same patterns #i am so so so so so done with dogs lookjng miserable in the ring #if you are not having fun #of your dog is not having fun #if the vibe is 'frantic stressful manic' then i dont want to see it #(if you come at me about DrIvE i will block is2g this is not the post) #i want to see CONFIDENCE i want to see CONNECTION i want to see DELIGHT i want to see actual goodnatured HUMOR #i want to compliment you on the fsct that your dog looked happy #if (dog forbid) you lose your dog tomorrow #will looking back on your trial history bring you comfort? or will it make you sad because #you were always hoping that 'the next one will be better'? #and its okay if the answer is no #but if the answer is no - fix your shit #disclaimer this is not at anyone #this is a reflection of my personal Trauma #if you feel you must roast me about this consider: do not

[rocksinmuffin]

Hi, could you do Grovyle from MD? I will accept anything you're willing to give me. I am but a mere orphan child hoping to receive some sustenance of that man

Grovyle has trouble sleeping.

He always has. It’s not going to change just because he can finally hear the roar of the wind or the crash of the waves along the rocks below. This world is so alive but it gives him little relief. It only strengthens his resolve to save it. Makes him feel restless because every second not spent working towards a better future is a second closer to the ruined timeline he knows.

You, on the other hand, seem to have no trouble falling asleep now. You look so peaceful, curled up in a nest of dried grasses, expression soft and chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm. It’s a stark difference from the restless sleeping form he remembers and not just because you are no longer human.

This new form suits you, Grovyle thinks. You’ve always had a fire burning deep within you. It burned bright in your eyes even when everything else around you was dark and cold and dead. Now that fire burns inside and out, manifesting in the form of powers you didn’t have as a human. It’s good, Grovyle decides. Strength suits you. Though it’s weird that he has to look down to meet your eyes instead of craning his neck up.

He wonders if you would miss anything from your old life if you could remember it. Not the world itself, obviously, because the two of you had resolved to change it, but maybe some of the little things. Would you miss being human? Would you miss your height? Your hair? Your fingers? Your lips? Would you miss your friends? Would you miss Celebi? Would you miss…? …no, it’s better not to follow that train of thought.

Would you miss him? He strikes the thought from the record but he thinks it anyway. Do you miss him like he misses you?

Grovyle thinks you look happy here. Much happier with your new partner than you ever were with him. He’s not jealous, not really. He’s glad you found someone. He’s relieved to know you weren’t alone all this time because even as he’s spent every second working to fulfill your mission, not a moment went by when he wasn’t thinking of you. So, yes, he is deeply grateful to your new partner for being there for you even though it hurts to know how easily he can be replaced.

It hurts to know how forgettable he is. And that’s not fair of him to be upset at you for that. You’re the victim, you lost everything, but did you really have to forget him too?

He takes a sharp inhale of breath and closes his eyes. He keeps them closed even as the deep ache in his chest passes. He listens to the wind and the waves, concentrating on the sounds of the beautiful world he is fighting to protect.

Your gentle breathing is the last thing he remembers before sleep finally claims him.

#ask #anon #sinning #pokemon #pokemon mystery dungeon #pokemon mystery dungeon 2 #grovyle #reader insert #I don’t say what Pokémon the reader turned into because we all kind of like to imagine our own #and saying explicitly what pokemon the reader is could break the immersion #but I kind do basically imply the reader is a dire type so sorry of that ruins it for you #my torchic player and mudkip partner bias is showing #I guess this is meant to take place one of the nights when the player their partner and grovyle are getting ready to go to dialga’s tower #forgive me it has been forever since I have played the game so I am going by memory here #long post

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #im like so happy rn. but also terrified #bc like. uh. gotta go back to the real world of having a job after bein in school for 3 years DNDNJDNDNDNDN #and also like. my boy problem. like NDJFJDJDJJDJDJDJD #big transitions oml #i can only do 1 thing at once and like so sorry to me but the job search thing is kinda taking a back seat NFNDDJFN #OH I HATE TO SAY IT. AS LIKE. A USUALLY CAREER DRIVEN PERSON BUT.................. #JDJDJDJDJDJDDDJDNDNDNDNDND I CANT EVEN SAY IT............ #but rn ya. my priorities.... im ashamed NDNNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNNDDNDND #but.... HHHHHHHHHHH its the more fun thing so !!!!!!!!! #but gah..... i also am like takin a break bc its like christmas n who the fuck is looking to hire rn lmao #the time between xmas n new years isnt real so !!!! #and also !!! i think i deserve a break after 4 months of non stop work !!!!!!!!!! #also like the faster i resolve my boy problem the easier itll be to focus #on job searching ????? #or like god i guess i could do both. my mom keeps being like.... youre both looking for jobs... why dont you ask him to do it together NDN #um.... 1. hes my competition LMAO. we literally had the same gpa down to the decimal #(tho this may no longer be the case bc we got our grades for the semester n mine went up. idk the state of his. would be fuckin funny if it #was still the same tho JDJDJFJDJ) #and 2..... LOL ID RATHER DO LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE WITH HIM........ #god idk where this post is going. but 1. i wished him merry christmas and he answered back with a 'merry christmas 😄' which !!!@@@ #from a reserved/grumpyish guy...... im just kind of like NDNNDNDNDNDND IDK. IDKKKKK. LIKE IM HAPPY ???? BUT IM ALSO LIKE FREAKED OUT ?????? #i dont think i'll be able to deal if he actually likes me back #and 2. i like have a draft message of like. asking him to hang out JJDJDJDNDNDM #if youve been following these posts.. maybe u remember me askin him if he wants to keep in touch with me n our mutual friend and he said #he would. so that friend is like. going away for a month and like ok lets be real. if i have to wait until feb to see him i'll um Die JDJJD #so i have a message planned. IDK WHEN IM GONNA SEND IT. BUT IT WILLLL GET SENT. I JUST.... HHHHHHH I HAVE TO GET THE NERVE.... #but .... ya idk i hope he says yes but i'll also get if he says no. may be awks just the two of us. maybe we're not ready LMAO IDK. ive bee #alone with him maybe like. 30 mins max. and like the convo keeps going but there are pauses. IDK. maybe i should stop thinking and go to be

[chennnington]

It's kinda pathetic how I just googled "how to call in sick" cause I have never done this in my entire life. What do I say? How hard will the doctor judge me? Will she agree that I'm sick enough? Do I just go "okay" and go back home to my desk and work if she thinks I'm fine? And even if she agrees I'm sick enough, is there any paperwork? Do I have to make any additional phone calls? Won't it be easier to just work instead of trying to figure this out?

#by now I think I know how things work and I have some coworkers I can ask who won't laugh at me #my main issue is that it'd feel like lying #I mean sure I cry at work every day or feel paralyzed and I have some physical stuff going on that may be the result of stress #but I'm also alive and breathing and my job is just being on the computer and reading and typing #you can pretty much always do that unless you're in a coma #and a doctor is mainly focused on physical health. maybe they have the same opinion on mental health as the external dude? #like 'we all have problems. deal with them yourself and don't bring them into work cause that affects the entire team' #I guess you could call 'pull yourself together' my life motto cause I've heard that from so many people for my entire life #and as they say: if you have the same problem everywhere then you might be the problem #I guess I just have to try harder instead of whining and running away #I always sucked at running anyway #and I have an entire weekend to beat myself back into shape for the next week #haha actually I have a sword seminar and tournament on Sunday so others will do the beating up #unfortunately it's unlikely that I'll suffer any serious injuries that'll put me in hospital #but maybe breaking a few fingers would be enough for a short break? #cause with my lack of proper gloves that's not impossible #but then again I once broke my hand and it didn't count as being sick and I just kept attending my college lessons #maybe if they break all my fingers so I can't type. but that's unlikely and takes at least two hits I think

[keeps-ache]

i'm sitting here thinking 'oh i should draw something' while forgetting that i am actually in the middle of drawing a something. the wonders of the human braaain

#just me hi #it's so painstaking to do the rainbow text thing but by golly i'm going to do it #//guess who is having trouble staying on task again. me :3 #i am like weirdly shaky rn so that might be a symptom of whatever is impeding me here but Auh #i'm going so so fast in my brain but going in very slow slow circles physically #this is Not very fun! #i've tried videos and music and just taking a short break but it's not working todayyy #it could also be that i've been staying up til 2-3 a.m. routinely for the psat week or so but we'll never know for sure huh #//been thinking about the sky again #like usual! like all the time :) #it's so pretty. how does it do it? we'll never know #clouds stars far away lands and wishes in a spying glass #daydreaming all the time‚ i like how we call it 'head in the clouds'‚ it's a fun phrase :> #sooomewhere over the rainboow way up highhh #there's a land that i heard of once in a lullaby #i'm still learning to sing that song lol #the high notes still get me! someday i'll get it smooth though :3 #//okey i'm going to try n draw now. bbbbbye :33

[skyward-floored]

*kicks at the dirt*

I wanna play botw but our gamepad’s joysticks are so screwy it’s basically impossible :(

#rambles from the floor #sigh #was gonna take a writing break #remembered I can’t play botw #so here we are #I was in a botw mood... #I guess I could play mm but I was kind of stuck on it #hm #idk

[domesticmail]

.

#will be breaking up with my boyfriend soon because this situation is straight-up untenable #and then i guess i'll be moving! #i feel so weird and unhappy but ultimately i think i'll be happier alone #working on myself alone #working on my life alone #because he is just. not conducive to any of it #he rightfully pointed out that i have flaws i need to fix but he also #goes on screaming tirades and ignores me for days #so i feel like ultimately i am justified in leaving. #i know i have issues and i need to work on them and I AM! #if that isn't enough for him that's okay #but it's not okay to oscillate between screaming at me and giving me the silent treatment #i mean my god. #this is not a relationship. #this is me letting myself get berated #and then disrespected #and tbf i've allowed this behavior for two years so he is not entirely to blame #i have had many chances to leave and i've always discarded them because i thought we could work it out #but yeah i've reached the point where i don't think it's work-out-able #i mean he straight up told me our relationship is not important to him and that i'm not important to him #i don't understand how that could possibly be a GOOD thing in a relationship #and i'm honestly a little saddened that i let myself think that was okay for so long #i may have flaws but i'm not abusive or manipulative. i'm just lazy #but i take care of my responsibilities too. #so ultimately i'm just not okay #i'm not okay with any of this and i'm finally okay saying that #it doesn't make him or i bad people #it means we're not compatible and probably haven't been for a long time #i am unhappy here #he is unhappy here

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan? #to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks

[the-trans-dragon]

What if they didn't put ads every 3 posts. Three posts between ads, literally. Not even counting the ad for Tumblr Live.

Also what if tumblr didn't know what city Im in. I do not want my location tracked or stored anywhere unless I give explicit ongoing permission, like with my GPS app that I allow to track me only when the app is open, and then it deletes the data (allegedly) when I stop giving permission.

#ugh i do SO much to try to keep my location private. i use an android with all the tracking things Off (except for my weather app #which is a highly specific app that does NOTHING except provide weather; and i have the location turned Off so it doesnt even know where i #live). my tumblr email is not connected to any real life stuff because i made it when i was very closeted and made a new email and password #for it and never linked them to anything else. i have bare minimum apps. i use firefox and duckduckgo. #for shits sake i use a small barely-known map app because any Map App that has had large success under capitalism is inevitably going to #start selling private info or working with a cheap security system designed to allow quiet data leaks. #i guess i use gmail and gphotos but my phone doesnt HAVE a native Photo App. i have to use one i download and im too damn skittish to try #i guess i did get netflix recently....sigh.... i figured they WERENT tracking me because they email me EVERY TIME I USE NETFLIX to alert me #that OHHHH A NEW DEVICE IS USING NETFLIX AAAAA WHAT IF ITS AGAINST NETFLIX POLICY OH NOOOO. so i figured they didnt have a way to ID me. #UGH. CAN I PLEASE EXIST WITHOUT BEING MONITORED FOR FIVE SECONDS. can i please access Social Media which is a shitty substitute for actual #human connection but its the best i have--without someone noting my location and then trying to sell me things??? can i please watch film??? #i cant go to a theater because my region does NOT believe in covid and not even medical staff attending Very Ill Patients wear masks anymore #stupid fucking homophobic transphobic anti-vax society has made it too dangerous for me to access most Not-Online forms of enrichment. and i #cant even use the Internet (a magnificent ASTONISHING human creation) without being tracked and advertised to. #ugh.. #humanity is just so cool and brave and kind and amazing and yet we have taxes and advertisment IDs and traffic and medicine shortages. #its not like the ads even work. even when it shows me stuff i DO want. i cant fucking afford things. i already have spent too much money on #things that i dont need like Good Food and Entertainment and Juice. ugh....okay i do need food and liquids....Good food even. my body cant #survive on College Foods like it could in the past. And i might literally die if i dont buy juice... #and i guess its really really really heartwarming to have good entertainment to take breaks from all the stress.... its not like i havent l #..... like im so frugal. thank god my partners encourage me to buy myself things. i have been so much healthier since giving in and buying #Non-Water drinks instead of just Chronically Drinking Less Than A Bottle Of Water A Day. my partners are so good and sweet 😓 i shouldnt be #upset with myself for letting them convince me to take care of myself. that isnt fair to them or me so i will stop doing that now. #my faith in humanity is mostly just knowing that my partners exist. theyre so sweet. if people like them exist--then i have faith in humanty #no pressure lol. they are both so good and perfect regardless of how much energy they have to spare for Being Good. they are just inherently #very dear and good to me and for me. but just because i have faith in humanity doesnt mean im gonna stop complaining the whole time!!!!!! i #will whine about the bad stuff forever!!!! and BITE IT if i ever get the chance. but i will complain until the bothersome things go away. #if i complain my whole life with no results then...! so be it. i will whine and it will be art somehow. #sorenhoots

[solarisposting]

screaming myself hoarse til I pass out we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts!!!

#not about j we're good - about the friend who i haven't shut up about in the 14 years i've been on the hellsite #the fun part is that i know his forever career and his forever whereabouts and it will break my heart into shards for the rest of my life! #and goddamnit we weren't romantically together but instead together as part of a weirdly codependent friend group of four and we were #near identically weird and fucked up emotionally and in our humor and how we spoke and how we meshed and i will NEVER fucking get over it!! #i'm still agog that i sent you a last chance hail mary sort of letter like the lyrics in this song about how i think about you often and #have always believed in you and been rooting for you like all the rest of us who knew you before things got really bad because you were and #are such a fucking incredible person and musician and friend and so smart and creative and LOVABLE! i said that in the letter without #realizing alanis said that in one of THE best lost love songs of all goddamn time! #i wish i could tell you one more time - right now today immediately or better yet five years ago - how i have always loved and admired you #and everything about you. even now. all the way out here in iowa i am still loving you with everything i have in me every single day #knowing i will never speak to or see you again [i think about you all the time but i don't need the same] and i finally started to admit #that to myself and my friends and my therapist in 2021 and i'm more at peace with it than i ever was or thought i could be in 2019 and 2020 #but i know it's gonna take my whole lifetime to get a grip on it and accept it. and it'll stop hurting one of these days. i know it will #i don't think i've ever loved a friend as much as I loved you. i think you were the best friend i've ever had #and that's one of the nastiest parts of it - we were good friends and you did seem to like me plenty #but i think i was the w-h-auden_morelovingone.txt by a mile. i was a weird obsessed stage 10 clinger. #and that's surely a large part of the dwelling and the fixation. if things had been more equal then maybe it'd be very different now. #guess i'll die because i sure ain't finding out!! #HELLO LOVES HAVE SOME RICH NUTRITIOUS ANNIE LORE ON THIS FINE FREEZING COLD SUNDAY AFTERNOON! #ann with an ie #<- this was a nightmare to type out and feel but i wanna keep it around for whenever i get the balls to talk about it in therapy again

[artemisbarnowl]

Having a totally normal one* after waking from a dream where I just relive life with my ex. It was so normal and fine and we did things such as lay around in bed and make plans for the day, go to the Korean supermarket on the corner, go to a friend's house together.

#*if it were in the evening i would be drinking enough to finally drink dial and just fucking ASK all the questions i am making up answers to #what did you want? what do you want now?? honestly could you find it in your heart to hate me and never wanna see me again? #because me saying 'i don't think we should talk for a while' and you saying 'id really like to be friends' are obviously Not It #omg im going to spend my birthday alone for the first time....nearly ever and im just going to go to work and be miserable #i havent been able to stop chewing on the idea of me visiting when i head down to see the fam for christmases #i want him to want me back sooooo bad!!!! #i still think about that dream where i made him pasta #would i take him back? depends on what he said #as much as im pathetic im not an idiot and id need clear evidence to show that he 1. knows what he wants (involving me) and #2. is going to ask for it #because i don't think i ever heard him say a single thing about what he wanted for our future #never said 'hey i want to see you when are you free for me to come up?' #is probably fucking dating now anyway and doesnt WANT me to remember him on new years (our best guess anniversary) #or ask to call because i want to ask questions that will be hard to answer #when all ive ever wanted is the TRUTH #not the strategic answer just the gods honest truth #and i suspect that is 'i dont want to date you i havent for a while i didnt know how to stop or what i wanted instead' #and then i could go home break every object in ny house and move on #try a dating app ot something else to attempt to look forward instead of back #so as you can see -totally normal one

[david-watts]

I think over covid my m*ther was using the situation to make me not hate her for being a kinda terrible person but I'm having realisations because currently I don't have the threat of my grandmother hanging over my head. how fucked up is it that she refused to let me pursue university on my own terms

#I wasn't allowed to consider music I wasn't allowed to go to another city because I would have to live in a dorm alone #I originally intended to attempt to go to a foreign uni just so I had a chance to escape and on the night where they had all the uni info #there was a booth with info on how to get into a yank college and I took the leaflet because it was a foreign uni #and when my m*ther saw it she screamed her head off at me. that's not right!!! #after I realised I couldn't do that because I wasn't capable of doing all I needed to on my own #I was trying to delay it by maybe six months so I could get my shit together by pointing out I NEEDED a break from education #like I'd gone through a horrific grade twelve and ok we all know what my experience with education is at this point #I was not ready to attend uni! I needed time away from educational settings but was I allowed to do that? no! #actually I wanted to take a gap year anyway since like. 2016. just to decide what I wanted to do #guess what I got in response to that? 'you aren't taking a gap year because you can't get a job' #because apparently the only reason you take a gap year is to work. #it wasn't even a financial thing but even if it was that maybe should've been explained #so I got shoved. into a degree I did not want. I'm completing it but at this fucking point man #I can't cope with it?

[heartbeetz]

Trying to find an apartment with a friend and a job in the area we wanna move to but it's so so so hard. I have no money for that. And no work experience or credit. But I've been told I need to either start paying my father rent to keep staying here at his place (again, no money or job + he's really not the kind of person you wanna be stuck living with), or get kicked out in potentially a matter of weeks. Scary and stressful...

#I was given the ''get a job here and start paying me rent in january or gtfo'' talk... #but I'm hoping he'll be a bit lenient bc he sees me actively seeking something else #his wife is no help. she wants me out or paying rent too. so nobody here will defend me even a little bit #some of my father's FRIENDS will. they've said it's good that I'm taking a well deserved break after college #but does that matter? no ♡ #he says it's depressing and overwhelming to have me here at home... just another thing to weigh him down... #which I guess I kind of get bc I AM just sitting around the house not working or going out much. but come the fuck on I'm ur kid #I could go stay at my mother's place if I absolutely need to but it's a studio apartment and she's got many issues I don't wanna deal with #last time I stayed there for even just over a week we started fighting pretty damn bad and it was unbearable #had to have a friend drive several hours to pick me up and take me back home #friend and I recently tried requesting tours of some places but no call-backs yet... #ugh... #scary scary scary.... :(((( #negative #delete later maybe