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#guess who wanted to do this since 2015 and never did it bc reasons
drawnaghht · 7 months
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a reply to @freakova's tags on this post
#this would be a really nice ending honestly#cause YEAH why happened to his parents what gives they’re Usagi’s too#and the fact that auntie adopts the kids it shows how family can be found#+Yuichi know got lil sisters#He’s all about family (miyamoto and auntie) they could have explored it even further
same! would like to know more!!!
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we never really touched on Usagi's backstory besides that his parents entrusted auntie with taking care of him, so I often wonder, if the show had been given a longer episode run, like maybe 30, 40, maybe even 26 instead of 20 - could we have seen more character backstories in general? Cuz there's also Kitsune, who's backstory we don't know at all, and then Gen and Toshiko, who we see explain their story a bit in bits and pieces through-out the 2 seasons. The fact that Usagi immediately goes back to his auntie, because he knows Hana would be safe from the ninja there, says a lot about how much he trusts his auntie. like the show makes it feel like he might actually be the most fleshed-out of all the characters, but his story is hidden almost as much as Kitsune's. I sorta get the reasoning there - their personalities already serve to tell their story a lot, Usagi is a big fan of his own ancestor and idolizes him, while Kitsune is a street-thief and grifter before we see Usagi bump into her puppet-cart and ruin her evening plans. The audience can get a lot of info out of just context-clues, but Kitsune and Usagi are also characters who are most easy to read at first, so we don't get their backstories really explored or opened the same way as Chizu or Gen, because, I can only guess, those stories don't seem to directly tie into the two larger arcs shown during the 10+10 episodes. But lol, would still like to know more, where are the activity books and character pages? a little side novel maybe? why did the age of flash games with extra info have to end before this show aired lol, if only Netflix spent money on that sort of stuff too, maybe we'd have more info besides just the shows on their own 😂😂😅
More theories and rambling below :D
My theory about Usagi's parents is that they died in one of the wars mentioned by some of the older characters in the show :) Cliche, I know! but it seems to sorta make sense. Could have been many other reasons too of course! Maybe they went to the city to find or do something related to the family business or history, but found their end somehow. One of my other theories is that there were gang wars in Neo Edo, around 10-14 years before the series starts. Maybe they found their end there? We don't even know how old his parents would have been, but judging by auntie's look and how she speaks and acts, maybe she's like, around 60-ish? she has raised her nephew for 15 years, meaning since she was around 45, so maybe her sister/brother would have been around 35-40 something when they died. I personally headcanon that it's his mom, who is the Miyamoto family member here, so maybe his dad really was a farmer by birth and thus, the family did not have a name anymore (they've always preferred staying in hiding after Miyamoto died) and that's why they gave him the name Yuichi Usagi with meaning... related to that earlier Senso-connected theory I had ^^;
The "big" wars, mentioned by Lady Fuwa and Armiral Nochi, being recent makes sense tho. bc even though a 1000 years have gone past and Edo (our real-world Tokyo) in this world has been able to embrace some more advanced tech (courtesy of the Ki-stone), perhaps even alien tech, depending on how you view what happened with Miyamoto Usagi in the show's past, some of the culture and tech has sort of stayed in the Edo period. This is mainly because the show creators and staff wanted to keep both Edo sensibilities as well as modern tech and create an interesting fusion on an artistic and story level. One of the older interviews from last year mentions that the crew was inspired by Stan's 2015 story Senso - that what if Edo got to take all that alien tech and use it for themselves? From one of Stan's answers in this 2022 Popverse interview:
"They took one of my stories – Senso, a miniseries I did where Martians invade feudal Japan – and wondered what if they took some of the technology they got from those Martians, how would it affect their society generations down the line?
That was the premise, with the story taking place in a city called Neo-Edo; with Edo being the old name for Tokyo, the capital of Japan. It also takes a lot from Japanese culture, such as vending machines, pachinko parlors, karaoke bars, and things like that. It integrated everything, the old and the new, and I’m quite happy about that."
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So the wars would make sense to be more recent because to me, it seems that maybe with this tech, from a story-world level, they should be further along the line than having just flying cars and airships, right? But wars are one of those things that always and if Edo didn't have those outside influences that we had, maybe they wouldn't have some things, i.e. we don't see phones or trains on the show vs the phone boom we had in the 1980s in the real world and the hi-speed train rails japan is known for now. So they probably would have also missed out on the 60s Space Race between the US and the Soviet Union, which popularized the 1960s "space age aesthetic" for example, which is what we might think of when trying to remember 60s tech and fashion. So the show creates its own retrofuturism in trying to consider all these different elements.
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(images from Flickr, Lehza Vintage)
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(from The Rake, The Olympians)
I wonder if they even considered some cultural things that stuck and became popular before and after the US occupation, such as baseball Harley Davidsons and jazz - what would those be like in the world they created around the city of Neo Edo?
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(from AnotherDesignBlog, Eiko Hanamura on League of Extraordinary Cosplayers, Sally the Witch on Wikipedia, 60s Vintage MENKO on eBay)
We see some semblances of what we could call western influences in how Gen installs new kitchenware in episode 5, how Kitsune looks like she could be a 1970s Harajuku girl, how Admiral Nochi and the Bat Squadron dress etc. It's an interesting balance throughout the show and thinking about it more just makes me more curious about it haha.
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Maybe what happened with the Makkine a 1000 years ago is that a few sentries arrived with Kagehito's ship. Because of the surprise Kagehito expresses about the makkine warbotto self-replicating in the present (the s2 warbotto ep), we can surmise that they didn't back then, so they didn't replicate. Did they leave any ships? In the first season, Kagehito's ship is underground and covered by hundreds of years of rubble and rock. The Mogura Gang helping him then, actually find gold before they find his ship. So if any ships did come through with him those 1000 years ago, it seems that they did not "park" into the same place, or, likely that whatever happened, they were used up by locals.
The show is also quite fast-paced in reality, as we can see from how each episode jumps from POV to POV, or topic to topic and we get a lot of info in a short time, so to me it seems that the story crew REALLY crunched every bit of important info, story or jokes into the episodes, but just, didn't have more time to show or do anything about Usagi's parents.
lol what I'm doing to avoid more brainworms like this is to.... I guess continue writing my fanfic where I try to solve this (the main storyline from the comic i posted haha), but I also realized while writing this... I am waiting to see if I can get one of the new books coming out this or next year that bridges the stories/worlds between Yokai Hunter and Space Usagi, to see if there might be some new connections to be from there about Space Usagi in general, but maybe there could be something there nodding back to SR as well? maybe the new character is inspired by that or somehow bridges those things? lol a fan can hope ;D
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blackbird-brewster · 1 year
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Do you think that jemily could have been Canon? I think back to season 3 how the writers put them in situations like (you.kids.i can see it). What do you think about it?
'Could' have been canon? Sure, I think anything 'could' have been. There was always subtext between JJ/Emily and that played out over the entire course of the show. I think fans (sapphic people especially) have psychoanalysed every single second JJ/Emily shared screen time in the 15 years the show ran and I think we (sapphic folks) will ALWAYS say 'damn Jemily really did happen' (because we want it to be true) But logically, honestly, Jemily was never canon (nor do I think it ever will be). Because the thing about LOOKING for queer subtext as a queer person is....you will always find it or you will create it. There are tons of scenes where I jokingly say 'No heterosexual explanation for this' but that's because I'm queer and I'm biased and I am looking for Jemily, so OF COURSE I see Jemily. (Does that make sense?) Now if you're asking if they ever would become canon. No. I don't believe for a single second that's ever going to happen. Which actually brings to me to something I've been thinking a lot about since Tara was confirmed queer. So many fans are saying 'Oh why wasn't Emily confirmed queer?' or 'Emily's turn next!' and I don't know how else to say this but, I wouldn't hold your breath. I don't think Emily will ever be confirmed queer for a few reasons.
Many people take that little trivia bit 'Emily was supposed to wake up with a woman in her bed' which was leaked in an interview by Kirsten in 2015 and use it as confirmation that Emily IS queer. Ever since then, people have doubled down on analysing every single thing Emily has ever done, looking for queer subtext. (Me included) But here's the thing, just because in one early version of the show, Emily was supposed to sleep with a woman DOES NOT mean there's automatic queerness hiding in Emily. People will say 'oh well the costuming department knew and purposely dressed her like that, 'Paget knew and purposely played Emily like that', 'The writers knew and purposely hid queer subtext in there' None of that seems logical or real, imo. For all we know this mythical scene was just an idea tossed around in a writers room. We don't even know who all knew about it at all, OR when it got nixed (as in, how far down the pipeline did the idea get pulled bc there's a huge difference in this scene being in ONE draft vs this scene getting filmed and cut in editing. We literally have NO further context) Yeah, I talk about Emily being a lesbian all the time, but I need people to understand the difference in head canons/fanon and canon. Canon Emily isn't queer. Nor has she ever been. (Not unless the show explicitly has Emily come out)
Speaking of the infamous AfterEllen interview, SO SO many people say 'Oh well now that it's streaming we can finally have queer Emily! The only reason they never did it before was because of CBS and because that was way back in the early 00s' Again, the interview was in 2015. Kirsten says 'Back when Paget was on the show' which means prior to 2011....but we don't actually know WHEN this scene was supposed to happen. It could have been ANYTIME between S2 (2006) - S7 (2011) For the sake of argument let's say this scene was supposed to happen in S2 when Emily first joined the team. Sure, that WAS back in the early 00s....but this show ran UNTIL 2020. If the reason they couldn't make Emily queer was because 'It was back in 2006 and it was too taboo' well guess what? They had fourteen seasons of the show where they could have made her queer, considering how many main-stream shows have queer characters now. 'It was CBS who nixed it' well, by 2020 CBS had multiple queer characters on their shows. [X] So that's not really an argument anymore either. If the showrunners WANTED to make Emily queer, they really could have done it at ANY time after Emily returned.
Another reason I don't think we'd ever see canon queer Emily is because of the toxicity and cringe of a lot of the fans (Mostly Jemily fans!) online. People have zero understanding of parasocial boundaries and the way fans act online towards the actors is so so so gross. No matter what Paget or AJ posts on social media there will always be 100 replies of people being like 'Jemily is real!' or 'Is Emily a lesbian?' or 'Can you confirm JJ and Emily are in love' (I'm not even going to delve into the ones that are simply sexual harassment bc fans are calling the actors 'mommy' or making sexual jokes directed towards the cast) There was literally one time when AJ posted that one of her friends was missing. IN REAL LIFE. And you know what happened? Jemily stans got in the comments and started begging her to confirm if Jemily was real. ON A POST ABOUT HER FRIEND BEING IN DANGER AND BEING MISSING!!! The showrunners see you. The actors see you. And in NO world, do I think the showrunners would want to ever add fuel to that fire. Let's walk through this: What would happen if Emily is canonically confirmed queer? All of the Jemily stans would say 'OH SHES GAY SO JEMILY IS REAL, ALWAYS HAS BEEN!!' By confirming Emily's queerness, the showrunners would also be subsequently confirming 15 years of JJ/Emily subtext as being queer (whether they want to or not). Which of course has HUGE implications considering JJ has been with Will since S2. It changes SO much of the context of the show and JJ's relationship with Will. The show is simply NOT going to give us canonically queer Emily, because there are WAY too many ramifications of doing so. It would never be just a simple 'Emily is queer' because Emily has WAY too much history on this show. That's why I am so glad it was Tara. Tara doesn't have that deep history with another character. Sure, we can say 'Oh wow, Emily and Tara really were flirting all those years' (I already have head canoned that) but that's FINE bc Emily and Tara were both single all that time. No harm no foul, see what I mean?
I truly believe one of the MAIN reasons we got a canonically queer character AT ALL, was because Aisha would have pushed for Tara to be queer. Aisha has always spoken up about LGBTQ issues and she's also sapphic herself. So I would bet money on HER being the one to present the idea of Tara having a girlfriend now. And I also would bet money, that wouldn't be something Paget pushed for, because Emily being queer wouldn't hold the same importance to her as Tara being queer is important to Aisha. Plus, as much as I love Paget, she has said some really harmful stuff online that toes the line of transphobia/homophobia. I know it wasn't said in a malicious way, but even saying uneducated transphobic shit is still awful to see as a queer fan.
This turned into a long-winded explanation but I think all of these things are important to remember right now and I think they're all worth saying. But no, I don't think we'd ever have canon Jemily.
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check in tag <3
@harrystinyshorts and @aliensyndrome (I think but I can't find the post sjfj) tagged me in this! thank you loves! 💕
why did you choose your url?
this was the first thing that came to my mind when I first installed the app in 2015 (I think?) and it was a bit of a broody 15yo move ngl (it means: 'being there for everyone but not for myself' so basically that I felt like I had no real friends djgjh ) but also bc the alliteration sounds funny in italian
any side blog?
used to have one but i haven't been there in like 6 months bc It was too much work 😔 but I'm gonna try to resuscitate it this summer I think (@tomlinsonhaircuts)
most popular post?
the prince Philip one lmao, followed by the one about Billie
number of mutuals?
I don't know how to check so I'm gonna guess around 30? maybe more
how many people do you follow?
671! I used to always be following like more than 1000 people and it was always a mess djgj so now I try to keep it more manageable
how many followers do you have?
around 2000
how long have you been on Tumblr?
after first starting I used it for like a year but it was just to reblog photos and also skam gifs shdjg then I deleted it bc I got bored and then I installed it again after discovering Louis bc I wanted to know what was up in the fandom (big mistake) and that was around the end of 2018 and I've been using it consistently since then (please help me)
why did you start using Tumblr?
originally it was just bc a friend had it and I was curious!
do you have a queue tag?
nope! I like being mysterious, am I here? am i not? I guess we'll never know 😌
why did you choose your icon? and your header?
I chose this photo of louis like right after it dropped which was in 2019 I think? because I liked it and I like him in white, and i have kept it since then bc now I am attached to it djgjhh I made the header for the spring season! the words are lyrics from two of us that I love! I should make a summer one now tbh
have you ever made a shitpost?
my favorite kind of post!
how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?
I don't like them
do you have a crush on a mutual?
👀maybe
which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
@aliensyndrome @bluelightsaber @twopoppies @disgruntledkittenface @estperpetua @wadey-wilson @yasermalikofficial @louisshomesharry @hotgirllouis @cloudslou and @malortsev are the VIPs😌
have you had a fight/ argument with another blog? who won?
yeah djgjj I don't think there's any winners or losers in those things tbh, except for when someone blocks me for no reason or sends asks to others about me, I count those as a win bc I live in their minds rent free😌😌 (Also I'm not usually the one who starts anything, people just have problems with me djgj)
do you like ask games?
yeah! being on the receiving side is a bit awkward sometimes bc I feel like I have nothing interesting to say rip but I like reading other people's answers
do you like tag games?
yeah!
how much time a day do you spend here?
wayyy too much but it's also bc I have friends here and I talk to them a lot <3 (also bc it's my favorite distraction from studying)
I tag: @comebacksoonboys @parrishlouis @longlive-allthememories @chrysopon @chironmybeloved @liamloveslarry @londonfoginacup @homosociallyyours @thechampagnelovers @aflowersblossom @tomthenetherlands @halo-the-brave @killmygoldenn @daffodiline @daffodils-for-tomorrow @daffodilsforlou @dykelouis @gayvoicetw @exestolovers @foreverfanficaddict @goldenxsunshine @whatagreatproblemtohave and everyone I tagged in the question about the mutuals! ❤️☀️
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mrfutureboy · 3 years
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WIP MASTERPOST
@chickenmcfly1 wanted to hear about the rest of my wips, so i'm gonna make a big ass post about them bc i really am excited to talk about em! i'm going to put them under a read more here because there's a LOT of them.
my full wip list can be referenced here. i already talked about cute redhead, i waited up all night but i never saw the light, jukebox heroes, and who is the man i see where i'm supposed to be in this post, so feel free to check that out as well bc i had a LOT to say about some of those!
i will go down the list as it appears in the original wip post but i will not be addressing the fics i already spoke about. the link to that post is available above!
disclaimer: these are wips so any snippets featured may not be perfectly polished! dialogue may be wonky, i might not have descriptors, etc. they're wips for a reason lol.
now it's time for me to find out if tumblr posts have a word limit lol here we go!
bttf2:
this is basically just an outline of an au where jennifer actually got to be a part of the adventure! that's not the only change but i'll elaborate later. i will be honest, though, this hasn't progressed past marty (bc in this fic it's marty instead of jennifer) getting out of his future home because i dont know if i want to just follow a similar plot to the movie but with jennifer, or completely change it up. because honestly i think the almanac business could be different with her influence.
other than jennifer being a central character and marty getting trapped in his future home rather than her, i wanted to give marlene a bigger part because i absolutely adore her. it's not a HUGE part cuz she's still a side character, but it's more than what she got canonically. tho admittedly atm junior is kinda sidelined bc since doc doesnt use all his juice on jennifer, he's able to knock out jr for the full hour (or however long it is idk). so instead of marty running into his future son, he and jennifer run into their future daughter! so there's no junior in cafe 80's but later jennifer and doc get to have fun w junior figuring out "how the hell do we get him back into his house and get marty out"
i wanted to get marty in the future house bc i think theres a lot of comedic potential in his future self not recognizing himself, plus marty's fumbling over the future technology is always endearing imo. oh, and him accidentally calling lorraine and george mom and dad when he shouldnt be is a good gag.
i did actually share a bit of dialogue from this fic here back when i was randomly posting bits and pieces of wips, so i'll include it here. here's a snippet from the beginning (formatting is a bit weird cuz im pasting it directly from a word doc so the indentations are gone):
2. Jennifer, Marty, and Doc touch down in 2015
a. Setting: Alley in Hill Valley
i. Marty and Jennifer want to explore.
ii. Doc details plan to Marty and prepares him with a change of clothes.
iii. Jennifer asks how she can help; Doc doesn’t have an answer. She insists she won’t just stay in the alley while they do God knows what.
1. “You’re not just gonna leave me here in the alley, are you?”
2. “Of course we’re not gonna leave you here! Right, Doc?”
iv. Jennifer asks for a disguise, then asks about their future kids.
1. “Unfortunately, I didn’t anticipate that you would be joining us, so I don’t have an appropriate change of clothes available.”
2. “You said Marty was the spitting image of our future son, right? Or, uh, the other way around, I guess. What about our future daughter? I could disguise myself as her while Marty pretends to be our son. She probably looks just like me, doesn’t she?”
3. Doc grimaced. “She is also the spitting image of Marty, but with long, blonde hair.”
4. Jennifer blinked. “You’re joking. Neither of our kids look like me? How can you even be so sure they’re mine? Obviously they’re his. Unless they’re just clones. What’s cloning technology like in the future?”
5. “Very efficient, but I can assure you that you are indeed their biological mother. They both have your eyes.”
6. “Of course they do.”
cute redhead: SEE LINK ABOVE
i waited up all night but i never saw the light: SEE LINK ABOVE
jukebox heroes: SEE LINK ABOVE
marty jr and marlene:
oh this one...this one is based off a drawing i did (and have been meaning to redraw digitally) of junior and marlene looking up at the night sky together. this one is one i love but admittedly havent worked on in quite a long time. every time i come back to it i change things up. (I've previously referenced the fic based off it here and here) It's gotten significantly longer as well every time I work on it (not that it's very long at all atm its like 1300 words. but i'm not one for writing super long fics). At its core, it's about the bond between Marlene and Junior and i think it's really sweet. Reading back over it right now, I think it's actually almost done??? so i just need to get my ass back to work.
also i want to say that drawing marlene and junior is much easier than writing them bc i worry so much about characterization in general but also it feels harder bc there's barely anything to actually go off of. which ig means i'm free to bend them to my will but idk i'd rather draw them bc they dont have to talk lol.
it was really hard to pick a snippet to share but considering i've already shared two bits of dialogue i'm going to pick out some not-dialogue:
It was a ritual they had.
One of them would knock on the other’s door late at night with an offering—several bags of snacks, a few bottles of Pepsi Perfect or a dirty magazine, typically—and the other would lead them out of their bedroom window out onto the roof so they could talk. Tonight, Marlene had knocked on her brother’s door with a Ziploc baggie in hand, and Junior’s eyes had lit up as he opened the window for her.
[...]
The unspoken rule about their rendezvous was to never push the other into talking about whatever it was that brought them to the roof. They figured their sibling would get it off their chest when they were ready. Tonight, Junior was more than content to just sit out under the stars with his sister and enjoy her company. Maybe that’s all she wanted. He hugged his knees to his chest and watched police drones patrol the street down below.
marty jr and mjf:
this is a fic i talked about recently! just a goofy fic where marlene and junior hit up "blast from the past" antiques (per junior's request) and this week there's a shipment in of teen magazines from the 1980's, a lot of them which feature junior's celebrity crush, michael j fox! so it's just sibling shenanigans in the store, and then family shenanigans later that night during family dinner. and junior getting embarrassed by his family members the whole time.
honestly i dont remember where this silly idea came from?? if i had to guess, it has something to do with super real mahjong ova having mjf on the back of cocksucker magazine in that one scene but i cant say for sure lmaooo.
this fic is also the one that features the "ha! good luck! you'll never be 5'7"!" dialogue that is referenced in this art post
i dont have much else to say about this so. time for another height-based snippet:
“Hey!” Junior dropped to the floor to quickly pick up the fallen magazines and set them back on the counter. He briefly checked them for damages, then turned back around to glare at his sister. “Give me that!” His arm shot out to take the magazine back, but Marlene was faster than he, and she held it above her head, out of his reach.
“Maybe if you’d had that first growth spurt you wouldn’t be jumping for it!”
“Not my fault those ugly wedged sneakers give you, like, three extra inches of height!”
Marlene gasped. “They’re not ugly! Take that back!”
“No way! Not until you give me the magazine back!”
“You’ve got a whole stack of, like, ten more on the counter!”
Ms. Ovitz rushed over when she heard raised voices. “Hey! No scuffling in my store, kids!” she chastised. Both teenagers lowered their heads in shame and mumbled apologies. Junior shot a glare at Marlene. She stuck her tongue out in return.
marty nightmare no comfort:
this one is basically what's on the tin: marty has a nightmare about doc dying in 1885 and the man himself is not there to reassure marty that he's even still alive. this is post bttf3 bc doc is Not There. and its so extra sad bc marty's actually asleep at doc's when he has this nightmare. sad little marty still sneaking out to spend the night at doc's place even tho doc isn't there. poor kiddo is so disoriented when he wakes up...:'(
i actually was about to post this some months ago but then decided i didnt like my description of the nightmare (and some other things) AT ALL so it still needs to be worked on a bit.
snippet:
Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, Marty scrubbed his tears away and took a few moments to control his breathing. Once he had calmed down, he hopped down off the bed and slowly crept through the laboratory. He couldn’t read the faces of any of the myriad of clocks hung on the wall in the dark, but he assumed it was the middle of the night. He also assumed Doc wouldn’t mind being woken up, considering the state Marty was in. It almost felt childish, but after suffering from yet another nightmare about his best friend dying, he could use a hug.
He bumped into the table and cursed under his breath, then immediately shushed himself. He didn’t want Einstein to wake up and start barking. He was surprised his crying hadn’t woken the dog earlier. He placed his hands along the edge of the table and carefully tread past it. Doc’s bed wasn’t too much farther, now. He squinted his eyes to try and find the shape of his best friend. “Doc?” he whispered, craning his neck forward to get a better look. “Psst, hey, Doc? I, uh, well—I had a nightmare, and I could reallyuse some, ah…reassurance you’re not actually dead.”
He was at the dresser now, and he could see dim moonlight pouring through the window on the other side of the room, illuminating—
An empty bed.
marty nightmare with comfort:
you messaged me about this one in particular and i'm sorry to disappoint but at the moment this is literally all i have written:
Marty woke up with a start in an unfamiliar bed. He half-expected some incarnation of his mother to tell him he was safe and sound, back in whichever good ol’ year he’d stumbled into, but then he recognized the dozens of clocks ticking on the wall next to his head. Oh, he realized. I’m still at Doc’s.
“I would never leave you, Marty. Not intentionally, and not without giving you a head’s up, first.”
which is the very beginning, and then the end. probably not the last sentence of the whole fic or anything but something near the end. for some reason this was giving me trouble and i honestly haven't gone back to it in a long time. it will be very similar to the no comfort one in setting and the nightmare will probably be the same but obviously it will be different bc doc will actually be there.
marty sr and marlene:
i've talked about this before somewhere on my blog, and i actually had this in my drafts on ao3 and was getting close to finishing but the draft deleted b4 could get back to it and so i lost some dialogue but i think i can rewrite it. anyway, this is a bttf2 au fic where marty runs into marlene in front of the courthouse pond after the hoverboard chase with griff. cue marlene mistaking him for her brother! hilarity ensues!
but wait, sonny, didn't you say in your bttf2 au post earlier that marty (and jen) run into marlene? yes i did! because i started writing this fic first, and then was like "wait how would that go down with jennifer" and started outlining that au!
the interactions arent exactly the same which is why i think both can possibly exist at once lol. even if they were the same, they're both my fics and i can do what i please lmao. tho i will say i only started writing this one for ONE joke. which i'm not sure if i've shared before but i will share here:
“Your voice sounds deeper, Junior,” she interrupted, smiling. “How long has it been now since you started T?”
Marty narrowed his eyes. There was only one t-word he thought might possibly be the right answer. “Trank?”
This sent Marlene into a laughing fit that had her nearly bent in half. “Jesus, Junior,” she wheezed. “Is that all you can think about right now? What the hell gave you the bright idea to take such heavy stuff in the middle of the day?”
Heavy. Finally, a word he knew.
Marlene wiped the tears out of her eyes. “I am so going to hold this against you forever,” she giggled, then burst back into laughter. “God, Junior, you’re really something else. I’ll ask you later when you’re sober. You sound really good, though.”
(also i call it marty sr and marlene rather than marty and marlene so i dont get it confused w the marty jr and marlene fic. idk it doesnt make sense but it works for me)
martyjen ear piercing:
this is another one that doesn't have much written, but the basic premise is that jennifer pierces marty's ear in her bathroom with a sewing needle, an ice cube, and a potato. here's a treat:
“A potato, Jen? Really? What the hell is that for?”
“To catch the needle, Marty,” she answered matter-of-factly.
parking lot scene:
this is just the parking lot scene from the end of the movie but with more desperation and crying because i like to crank up marty's emotions :) also there is currently frantic, holy-shit-i-thought-i'd-lost-you kissing. debating on how to end it bc it was just gonna end kinda like the movie where suddenly they arent in the parking lot anymore, but i also did start writing the drive home so /shrug i dunno. i'm really unsure about the actions/dialogue in this one so i have a lot of brackets of alternate dialogue/action lol maybe someday i'll figure it out.
one version of the kiss:
Maybe he could blame it on the adrenaline rush of watching his best friend die and come back to life, but Marty suddenly lunged at Doc, threw his arms around his neck and kissed him with all the urgency he could muster. Doc didn’t return the kiss—he didn’t expect him to. Marty knew in the back of his mind that this was a very inappropriate way to celebrate Doc not dying, but dammit, he had struggled enough in 1955 to come to terms with how he truly felt about Doc; if he didn’t kiss him now, he’d never get the chance to. Before he could even think about pulling away, Doc’s hands—which had been hovering in the air—settled on his back, and he was kissing him back.
riverside drive but make it more desperate:
second verse, same as the first: once again, i like to crank up marty's emotions, so this is a rewrite of marty showing up on doc's doorstep in 1955 but with a helluva lot more crying and desperation. i cant believe marty didnt cry when he saw his best friend ALIVE. this one doesnt have any kissing but could u imagine opening your door to a stranger one night and they fucking launch themself at you to kiss you?? that'd be fucking wild
currently writing a marty pov but i also started writing a doc pov?? so if and when i post it'll probably b a 2-chapter thing including both povs.
doc pov snippet. admittedly there's not much written for this yet but i thought it'd be a bit more interesting than re-hashing what we know with the marty pov, cuz that isn't all that fleshed out either rn:
He swings the door open to reveal himself fully, and the kid doesn’t move. He stares up at Emmett like he’s seeing a ghost. Emmett quickly reaches forward to grab the kid by the shoulders and pull him inside. “Don’t say a word,” he whispers as he moves to usher him inside, but suddenly the kid is throwing himself at him, his arms wrapped uncomfortably tight around his middle.
He can hear the kid muttering against his shirt, which is slowly becoming damp where he’s pressed up against him. Emmett removes his hands from his shoulders, instead letting them hang awkwardly in the air. Why is this kid hugging him? Who is this kid hugging him? This is the strangest practical joke anyone has tried to pull on him. The kid’s muttering doesn’t stop; he seems to be rambling some sort of apology, though Emmett can only make out every few words. He takes a ragged breath and breaks out into a full sob.
Emmett doesn’t know how to react. He has never been a particularly affectionate person with people he knew well, let alone strange kids that nearly knock his door down late at night. Slowly, his hands fall to settle on the kid’s back, giving him a few, awkward pats he hopes are satisfactory in comforting him. The kid’s breath hitches and his shoulders shake with the new force of his crying. Emmett offers him more gentle pats and a soft, yet somewhat strained, “there, there”.
also i know doc does quickly become affectionate with marty even tho he doesn't know him, but i dont think he would be all that comfortable in this instance lol. maybe in a few moments he'll like...feel a strange bond with this kid and like actually give him a comforting hug. and also bring him into the fucking house shfksll. i actually drew this idea first before deciding to try and write it.
title pending 2nd pov:
this is one i like a lot yet am kinda stuck on! it's marty's pov but told in second person bc i read bright lights big city like 5 years ago and i think second person is cool lol. i love how accusatory it feels and personally i connect to it better than first person?? which is weird bc you would think reading "i did xyz" would be a better self-insert than "you did xyz". idk it's like "you did xyz" oh shit i guess i did!! lol.
this fic mostly just serves as a rambling character study of marty post-bttf3. it takes place during a family dinner and is essentially just his (your) internal monologue as he (you) sit there with his (your) new and improved family. it kinda goes through everything: the way each of the family members have changed, jennifer, and some stuff about doc (and clara).
i also think its funny i've called this "title pending" bc most of these have placeholder names anyway lol.
it was hard to choose a snippet bc frankly there are a lot of bits of this that i do really like, but ultimately i'm choosing to share this one bc i remember (part of it) being one of the first things i wrote for it back when it was just ramblings in my notes app:
Your mother asks you about your date. Date? You went to the lake with Jennifer, remember? Oh, now you remember. You remember what happened at the lake, and you remember what was supposed to happen at the lake. You lie and tell her it was fantastic, but you don’t kiss and tell. She giggles and reaches over to squeeze your shoulder and call you a good boy. The truth is, you could barely look at Jennifer. God, Jennifer. Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer. She’s just as beautiful as you remember. Except when you look too closely, she looks a bit different. Something new with her hair? No, it’s more than that. It’s her essence. Jennifer was never one to faint. She was fierce, and headstrong, and much more clever than she let on. She got almost as many tardies as you on a weekly basis, but always argued her way out of detention. She usually pulled elaborate stunts to get you out of it. She called Doc Doc, just like you do. Not Doctor Brown. She knew the difference between dreams and reality. This Jennifer isn’t your Jennifer, but your Jennifer doesn’t exist anymore, so now this is your Jennifer. Heavy.
who is the man i see where i'm supposed to be: SEE LINK ABOVE
sweet 16:
i feel like ive talked about this before but maybe i havent? anyway it's just a snapshot of the end of marlene's 16th birthday where marty reveals they got her a car. in this fic, the mcfly kids are 2 years apart cuz it'd be awful if they were twins and marlene got a car but junior didnt.
this idea is borne of this dialogue exchange:
"The end of the road's coming up, sweetheart. You gotta turn around."
"Roads? Daddy, where we're going, we don't need roads."
"Talk about deja vu."
"What's that, Daddy?"
"Nothing sweetheart. You just mind the road now and hey--ease up on the gas, Marley. The mall's not going anywhere."
i think marley as a nickname for marlene is cute ok
oh:
this is literally almost nothing, but the idea is that marty meets doc in 1955 and is like oh fuck he's so handsome and gets a little puppy crush on him. this is partially me projecting bc i think 1955 doc is so fucking handsome
pretty much everything i have written atm:
Marty was doomed as soon as the door to 1640 Riverside Drive swung open. Like a picture on the cover of a cheesy romance novel, Doc towered over Marty, his posture strong [blah blah blah]. Unlike a cheesy romance novel, Doc was wearing a weird ass fucking helmet and had a crazed look on his face, which Marty found immediate comfort in.
Had Doc always been this handsome?
Surely he would've noticed that Doc was, well, gorgeous.
i think i'm bisexual:
marty and jennifer come out to each other as bisexual. that's pretty much it.
snippet:
"I think I'm bisexual."
Jennifer smiled. "Marty, that's wonderful...I'm bisexual, too."
Marty was instantly flooded with relief and he couldn't help the wide smile that bloomed on his face. "Wow, Jen, that's...that's great! So we're both...God, that's a load off my chest!"
i fashioned you from jewels and stone:
this was mentioned in the post linked above (as companion/draft to "i waited up all night but i never saw the light") so i'm not going to rehash all that, but I will share a bit of dialogue that's specifically in this file:
"Dad? He's not the type to run in and save the day. If George McFly thought he was getting robbed, he'd gladly let them take whatever they wanted. He'd give them a damn tour of the house; make sure they don't miss anything. [If he saw me--well, if he saw me, he wouldn't think there was anything wrong, would he?"]
"What the hell makes you think Dad's such a wimp? You've seen how he's got Biff whipped into shape. Dad said Biff used to bully him in highschool, but he sure isn't taking any of his shit now."
"What?"
"You can't tell me you've never heard the story! Dad laid out Biff at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance and has had him under his thumb ever since. Hell, he's got him waxing our cars."
"No, of course I know that story." I watched it happened, he doesn't tell the other Marty. "I just...he's really not a wimp?"
"No, not at all. Why would you think that?"
hold my hand (just like you used to do):
title comes from "i'm not leaving" by keane. it's not much at the moment, but the idea is that it's about marty's struggle expressing his emotions, especially in front of doc, and letting go of his macho act that he puts on to seem like he's brave and not cowardly. so the beginning will be when marty's 14-15 and about how doc gets him to open up, and then whatever happens by the end will be 17 year old marty grabbing for doc's hand for comfort, like when he was a younger kid. so basically it's about holding hands for comfort. also it's doc's pov i dont think i made that very clear.
the actual first line of this fic is "marty mcfly was a scared little boy" so you can just imagine how marty's going to be doing emotionally in this fic lol.
snippet. again, theres not much here atm:
For a long time, Marty had trouble expressing his emotions in front of Emmett. His face would twist up as he forced himself not to cry, and he'd clench his fists tightly against his sides. Emmett could see it eating Marty up inside, every time. What made the boy think he couldn't cry in front of him? Did this happen every time he wanted to cry?
Emmett slowly reached over to lay his hand atop Marty's, attempting to comfort him. The boy started wailing at the touch. Emmett was about to pull away, startled by the sudden reaction, but Marty's slim fingers clamped tightly around his hand.
UGH I DONT KNOW:
this is something i started writing for @lonepinetimeline to go along with a drawing i gave him for christmas where marty tells doc he loves (romantically) him for the first time. however i was struggling so bad to write it cuz 1) i couldnt figure out how i wanted to start it and 2) despite anything abbey tells u, writing romance and being mushy doesnt always come very easily for me. like sometimes i just feel like it's goofy idk. hence the title bc i was getting frustrated with it. maybe one day i'll be able to finish it for theo <3
couple snippets (not sure if i want these right next to each other):
He knew those big, warm, brown eyes were staring at him, begging him to look into them, and even though Marty knew he'd only feel more overwhelmed, he lifted his gaze. Oh, Marty wanted to cry; Doc looked so earnest. His name was repeated.
"Yeah, Doc, I'm fine, I'm great. Everything's perfect."
Doc's brow furrowed. "You look like you have something on your mind. Would you feel comfortable sharing with me?"
and then the dialogue that the drawing was based off of:
Marty's blush deepened, and he stammered out, "I, uh, love you, Doc."
Doc melted into a warm smile. "Marty, I am hopelessly devoted to you. I love you."
jeez doc you're really quoting grease rn
marty develops a habit of calling doc:
what little i have written in this document pretty much says it all:
Marty develops a habit of calling Doc and leaving voice messages even though he knows he isn't there, going so far as to label and replace the casettes when he fills them up. Emotional ending where after a long time, Doc actually picks up.
"...Marty?"
"Doc? Doc! Doc, is that really you?"
i think marty would call about anything and everything, but obviously he'd tell him about the big things, like what happened after he sent in the audition tape, stuff with his relationship with jennifer (including engagement and marriage and children--yeah, i want to play the long game to make it really fucking hurt). like literally marty ends up buying the garage and paying doc's bills and stuff so he can still call him and so that doc still has somewhere to return to when he does finally decide to come back. maybe this weird obsession puts a strain on jen and marty's marriage cuz it surely has a big financial impact. u know marty literally drops whatever he's doing to go drive to the garage after doc picks up the fucking phone and there's a big heartwarming reunion hug. extra sad if marty's in like his forties so at least thirty years have fucking gone by.
"why would this happen why wouldnt doc just come back, like, the day after leaving again so it's as if no time passed??" well thats not angsty is it lol i want the angst
it's cold (when you're not home):
this, my friends, is the beginning of a sequel/follow up to deal with god! the title comes from "you're not home" by keane (noticing a fucking theme? lol) i don't have much figured out plot-wise because there are a lot of different directions i could potentially go and i'm trying to decide between them. this will ideally be multi-chapter and probably the longest thing i'll ever write, assuming i can figure out a plot and find the time/energy to finish it. in the grand scheme of things, i dont have much done cuz i keep focusing on specific scenes and details.
quick rundown (until im not sure where exactly i want it to progress): this fic begins the morning after marty's been gunned down in the parking lot, with police visiting doc's home to escort him to retrieve both the van and the delorean (which has been found in the middle of the town square with its front end smashed in. coincidentally, the front of the theater is also smashed in). this will lead to doc spending some time at the police station, explaining the situation but without mentioning the time travel aspect bc who the hell is going to believe him? he's already lucky enough he's not getting charged for marty's murder. so the police have questions. the mcflys have questions. literally everyone in hill valley is buzzing over this tragedy.
so the mcflys. theyre in horrible shape as you can imagine. worst of all is lorraine, who will "revert" back to the way she had been in the original timeline (goddamn marty had no idea there were even positive changes after all that. so sad) aka she's gonna take up drinking to try and cope with her son's death. even sober, she's going to be very angry, and she's going to take it out on doc (understandably so). honestly anytime ive thought about this fic ive been focusing on her, doc, or jennifer so i dont have much to say about the rest of the family.
doc of course cared immensely for marty so he's going to try and be there for the mcflys but its gonna cause drama bc lorraine blames him for marty's death. most people do actually bc the terrorist thing seems too far-fetched (combined w doc's reputation it's all just fishy). jennifer is one of few who actually believes doc, though she still doesn't understand what the hell happened...until he comes clean about the time machine.
in talking in the comments of deal with god with @emmaannaelisabeth, she suggested the idea that doc comes clean about time travel (publicly, rather than just to a select few) and that this propels him to becoming a respected scientist and maybe winning awards as well, so i've been thinking about that cuz oh boy, it's what marty would've wanted for him but doc isn't convinced that it was worth it. not like this. also as soon as lorraine learns about time travel she's gonna have a whale of a time...:/
anyway yeah it's gonna be a whole mess and everyone's pretty much going to be having a bad time most of the time. there are a lot of details and even basic plot points i don't quite have yet but it's called a work in progress for a reason.
here's a snippet of a part near the beginning, where doc's visited by a police officer:
"Doctor Brown!" A voiced called from the other side of the door. "It's Officer [Not Parker], here to escort you back to your vehicle!"
Emmett got up on shaky legs and unlocked the front door, opening it wide enough to get a look at the police officer on the other side. He offered a pained smile.
"Hope I didn't wake you, Doctor Brown," he apologized, removing his hat. "Thought I'd take you over before the mall opened. You're not quite parked between the lines," he chuckled.
Emmett furrowed his brow as he tried to process the officer's words. The man was awful chipper for it being fewer than twelve hours since a teenager was brutally murdered in the lot they were returning to. He realized the man was still talking. "I'm sorry, I didn't get much sleep." About two minutes of sleep, to be exact. "Could you repeat that?"
"Not a problem, sir. I said that after I escort you back to your vehicle, I'm going to need you to come down to the station. They've got a few questions about the incident; it's protocol for these kinds of situations. Also got a few questions about the modified DeLorean we found in the town square that's registered you to."
"The DeLorean was in the town square?"
"Smack dab in the middle of the street, by the theater. Which, by the way, had its front entrance completely smashed in. Not sure exactly what happened there, but given the proximity of your car, and taking into account the damage to the front fender of the vehicle, I've got a pretty good hunch."
so which side of the family is he from?:
this is the only other planned multi chapter fic (riverside drive kind of ended up being multi chapter on accident, as well as marty jr and mjf, bc i just kept writing lol. but those r only 2 chapters each (eventually) while this would be longer. ideally. hopefully) and it is a follow up to little high, little low
i really dont have a plot figured out for this yet. i cant decide if i want to just do a stuart little 1 or 2 au but marty and doc swoop in to help out, or create an original adventure that involves tannens because is it even a marty mcfly story if there isn't a tannen? lol makes me feel like im writing for the cartoon where literally every antagonist is some sort of tannen, no matter the time or place. the way little high, little low was written was purposefully vague because even then i wasnt sure how i wanted to go about it later.
i currently have things written in this document to fit either idea. also it's funny because what's here barely has stuart in it at all. there's actually a whole bit mostly written out where marty asks doc why he's so concerned about his future family, and it literally reads like it could be its own fucking fic because it definitely feels out of place in this fic when it's isolated. obviously, if i had stuff going on with stuart before and after, it could make more sense within it, but right now its kinda like "oh okay this is a really nice bit of dialogue. dont know why theyre talking about it in this fic tho"
here's part of the only thing i have written that actually has stuart in it:
"Here he comes now. Stuart, would you come out here, please?"
"Hey Mom, what's up?"
Marty still can't believe he's looking at an upright, talking mouse. He must be gaping at him, because Doc gives him a curt nudge that causes Marty to quickly fix his face.
"Who're they?" Stuart asks as Mrs. Little bends down and offers her hand. The mouse hops onto her palm.
"Stuart, this is Marty, and this is Doctor Emmett Brown. Marty's your cousin."
Stuart's eyes light up. "I have a cousin? Wow, this is amazing! It's nice to meet you, Marty! Can I shake his hand, Mom?"
"Sure, sweetheart, if that's alright with him. Is that okay with you, Marty?"
Marty blinks. He looks to Doc for help but the man is avoiding his gaze. "Sure."
Mrs. Little leans forward, stilling holding Stuart in her palm. Once he's within arm's reach, Stuart sticks out one of his tiny hands. "Put her there, cousin!" he grins, and it takes up his entire face, his eyes nearly squinted shut.
Marty cautiously reaches for the outstretched hand--paw--and shakes it gingerly between his forefinger and thumb. "Right back atcha," he replies weakly.
honestly this fic/series is where i really get to be funny (imo) so i'm gonna share this part i have written just cuz i want everyone to know that i can write humour and have good comedic timing:
"[...] We're always in Hill Valley, anyway, where some generation of Tannen is out to get my hide, and what the hell am I supposed to do about that? But this is New York: no Tannens out East, right?"
"This brings me to my next point."
Marty's face paled. "You're not about to tell me there's a Tannen here in New York City that's itching to pick a fight with me, right?"
Doc shook his head but his frown only deepened.
"Itching to pick a fight with...Stuart?"
Doc winced.
"Perfect."
FOR CRYSTAL BALL:
this was mentioned in relation to who is the man i see where i'm supposed to be in the post linked above so im not gonna talk too much about it. this file is basically stuff i might add into that fic but at the moment is separate cuz its easier to jot down shit on my phone. here's something:
Marty's head was swimming. He could feel his thoughts being read, his memories being manipulated, as if the man in the mirror were physically arranging and rearranging his consciousness.
HELLO IF YOU HAVE MADE IT TO THE END CONGRATULATIONS IM NOW IN LOVE WITH YOU! But in all seriousness, I really appreciate you taking the time to read all of this (compiling this literally took me all day haha) and I hope that you liked at least a few of the ideas in here! I know some are a bit weirder than others (yes i am looking at you stuart little x bttf crossover) and some may be a ship you dont like, but it means the world to me that you took the time to get all the way down to the bottom <3 literally if you want like a discounted commission or a kiss on the mouth i'm offering it to any of yall who made it this far, literally just message me. and tell me which wip(s) is/are your fave!
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dickpuncher420 · 3 years
Text
fic writer review
tagged by @chitsangenthusiast thank u kath <33
1. how many works do you have on ao3?
23! which is. so crazy to me?? no way i’ve written that many stories lmao
2. what’s your total ao3 word count?
144,536 (also like half of that is from this past year alone LMAO??)
3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
only 3: atla, daughter of smoke and bone, and leviathan. and since 2015 ive only written for atla lol
4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?
fumbling towards ecstasy
love language
sunday morning
the kind of love (i’ve been dreaming of)
before the storm
5. do you respond to comments, why or why not?
i try to!! i’ve def been slacking recently, and i generally only respond to comments on a new fic for a certain amt of time after it’s been posted. but i like to do it bc i LOVE when fic authors respond to my comments, so i just want to return the favour to other ppl who might feel the same way! :)
6. what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
LMAO i was about to say none and then i remembered as we fade in the dark, which i wrote years and years ago so i just forgot it existed hfhsjs
7. do you write crossovers? if so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written?
nah, not a fan of em
8. have you ever received hate on a fic?
omg YES i got THE funniest comment on victory lap where this person was just SO MAD that sokka was a dick to zuko abt figure skating, calling him toxic and shit akwhdjwhs like i swear they just completely missed the entire point of the fic it was so funny
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?
FUCK yeah i do baby. idk if i would say i specifically write a certain kind of smut but i am very fond of writing established relationship sex where they’re just very comfortable w each other and already know each other really well. which is funny bc my most popular fic is a first time sex fic but oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
10. have you ever had a fic stolen?
as far as im aware no
11. have you ever had a fic translated?
nope! i did have fumbling towards ecstasy podficced tho if that’s anything?
12. have you ever co-written a fic before?
yes, once, and tbh i don’t think i’d ever do it again djhsjshs it’s just not rlly my jam
13. what’s your all-time fave ship?
i rlly don’t think it’s that hard to guess LMAO
14. what’s a fic you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
ughh i hesitate to say lover come back bc i am still dead set on finishing it one day but i just haven’t made any real progress on it in so long and just arrfgghhdh it haunts me. i have so much of it written already and i don’t want it all to just go to waste :(
15. what are your writing strengths?
i’d say…dialogue and having my writing feel very physically grounded in the moment. personally, i don’t like to spend a lot of time in that sort of abstract, reflective headspace—i prefer to focus on specific, concrete moments and interactions. i try to bring attention to the sensory side of things to make it feel more tangible
16. what are your writing weaknesses?
both over- and under-editing lol. sometimes i’ll rework a line or passage too much when it was much better off the way i’d originally written it. and sometimes i’m so intent on just getting things done and posting that i don’t spend much time editing at all
17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages on a fic?
personally i would never do it myself, and i’m not a huuge fan of it in other fics either. there is one rlly old makorra fic that i love tho that does it and i think it works incredibly well in the specific context that it’s in
18. what was the first fandom you ever wrote for?
leviathan! those books were my first introduction into any kind of fandom stuff, they still hold a special place in my heart
19. what is your favorite fic ever written?
my favourite fic that I’VE ever written is probably victory lap, closely followed by love language. i’m still incredibly proud of both of them, but victory lap wins out in that it was such a huge, daunting project that i never expected to actually complete—and then i smashed out 26k words of the most self-indulgent au i’ve ever written in a little over two weeks and i was like. holy fucking shit. i can’t believe i did that JFHSJSH
also i’m very happy with the way i managed to execute all the stuff about sokka’s feelings and motivations and the struggles of being an athlete. it was just such a fun and fulfilling way to combine two of my biggest interests ^_^
now if we’re talking abt my favourite fic that someone else has written….shit. pls don’t ask me that, i can’t choose >_< i have a favourites tag in my bookmarks for a reason
tagging: @dameferre @goldrushzukka @ofherlionheart @foyal @lesbianvampireboyfriend @quenchyest @zukkababey @badgerfrogzukka
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butterflies-dragons · 4 years
Note
oh j0nryas know about balticon report, they just think he was being coy (asdjkahs same delusion with s/ns/ns), that he was rambling bc he was trying not to give spoilers. at this point he could go on live and say "no dumbasses there is no j0nrya, there won't be, there never was" (same w pedoships) and they will all be like "omg it is definitely happening in twow, look at how he's trying to divert our attentions, we are onto you george hehehe"
OK let’s review, again, chronologically, all the times that GRRM was being coy and trying to divert his readers’ attention regarding the ships you mentioned:
The “It could be very different things to each of those involved” Alternative: “Mind you!”
JUNE 24, 1999 THE HOUND AND SANSA
Moreta12: I understand, I’ve heard your opinion on that. In ACOK, it seems that the relationship between the Hound and Sansa had romantic undertones. Is that true?
GeoRR: Well, read the book and decide for yourself.
Moreta12: I’ve read the book and I’ve debated those particular scenes with a few others. Half say that it’s romantic and half say it’s platonic. I’ve taken the romantic stance.
GeoRR:  It could be very different things to each of those involved, mind you
Moreta12:Yes, but it seem like evidence points towards romantic undertones. Will the Hound appear later?
GeoRR: Yes, the Hound will be in STORM OF SWORDS. In fact, I just finished writing a big scene with him.
[Source]
The “Why are you asking me about Sansa’s sexuality?” Alternative 1: “Are you really asking me when your fave male adult character can fuck a girl, 15 years younger than him, without guilt?” Alternative 2: “Why are you so gross?”
OCTOBER 05, 1999 AGE OF SEXUAL RELATIONS IN WESTEROS
The nature of the relationship between Sandor and Sansa has been a hot topic on Revanshe's board. Sansa's youth has been one focus of the discussion. What is the general Westerosi view as to romantic or sexual relationships involving a girl of Sansa's age and level of physical maturity?
A boy is Westeros is considered to be a "man grown" at sixteen years. The same is true for girls. Sixteen is the age of legal majority, as twenty-one is for us. However, for girls, the first flowering is also very significant... and in older traditions, a girl who has flowered is a woman, fit for both wedding and bedding. A girl who has flowered, but not yet attained her sixteenth name day, is in a somewhat ambigious position: part child, part woman. A "maid," in other words. Fertile but innocent, beloved of the singers. In the "general Westerosi view," well, girls may well be wed before their first flowerings, for political reasons, but it would considered perverse to bed them. And such early weddings, even without sex, remain rare. Generally weddings are postponed until the bride has passed from girlhood to maidenhood. Maidens may be wedded and bedded... however, even there, many husbands will wait until the bride is fifteen or sixteen before sleeping with them. Very young mothers tend to have significantly higher rates of death in childbirth, which the maesters will have noted. As in the real Middle Ages, highborn girls tend to flower significantly earlier than those of lower birth. Probably a matter of nutrition. As a result, they also tend to marry earlier, and to bear children earlier. There are plenty of exceptions.
[Source]
The “Unreliable narrator - Part 1” Alternative: “The much more important lapse in memory that was promised”
JUNE 26, 2001 SF, TARGARYENS, VALYRIA, SANSA, MARTELLS, AND MORE
[GRRM is asked about Sansa misremembering the name of Joffrey’s sword.]
The Lion’s Paw / Lion’s Tooth business, on the other hand, is intentional. A small touch of the unreliable narrator. I was trying to establish that the memories of my viewpoint characters are not infallible. Sansa is simply remembering it wrong. A very minor thing (you are the only one to catch it to date), but it was meant to set the stage for a much more important lapse in memory. You will see, in A STORM OF SWORDS and later volumes, that Sansa remembers the Hound kissing her the night he came to her bedroom… but if you look at the scene, he never does. That will eventually mean something, but just now it’s a subtle touch, something most of the readers may not even pick up on.
[Source]
The “Unreliable narrator - Part 2” Alternative: “It doesn’t mean what you think it means”
OCTOBER 05, 2002 SANSA’S MEMORY
[Note: This mail has been edited for brevity.]
… this is an inconsistency with ASoS more than an outright error. In ASoS, Sansa thinks that the Hound kissed her before leaving her room and King’s Landing. In ACoK, no kiss is mentioned in the scene, though Sansa did think that he was about to do so.
Well, not every inconsistency is a mistake, actually. Some are quite intentional. File this one under “unreliable narrator” and feel free to ponder its meaning
[Source]
The “Unreliable narrator - Part 3” Alternative: “Better ask yourself about Sansa’s psychological state”
NOVEMBER 27, 2007 GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS
Here’s a really particular question (which I realize means it probably won’t get asked in a general interview): In A Storm of Swords, there is a chapter early on where Sansa is thinking back to the scene at the end of A Clash of Kings when The Hound came into her room during the battle. She thinks in the chapter about how he kissed her, but in the scene in A Clash of Kings, this actually didn’t happen. Was that a typo or something? —Valdora
GRRM: It’s not a typo. It is something! [Laughs] ”Unreliable narrator” is the key phrase there. The second scene is from Sansa’s thoughts. And what does that reveal about her psychologically? I try to be subtle about these things.
[Source]
The “The answer is No” Alternative: NO!
APRIL 15, 2008 FUTURE MEETINGS, POVS, ARYA’S ROLE, EASTERN LANDS, AND ASSASSINS
[Will Sandor and Sansa meet?]
Why, the Hound is dead, and Sansa may be dead as well. There’s only Alayne Stone.
[Source]
The “He’s a lot more dangerous than he is romantic” Alternative: “BUT THERE IS SAM!”
AUG. 21ST, 2009 AS SER JORAH MORMONT… - NOT A BLOG
weltraummuell: The Hound Oh please don’t cast an old guy for the Hound, his scenes with Sansa are so romantic and erotic, I couldn’t bear if it’d feel creepy all of a sudden. Well, that’s me making demands. LOL
GRRM: Re: The Hound Old guy? No, but… the Hound is still a whole lot older than Sansa, and was never written as attractive… you know, those hideous burns and all that… he’s a lot more dangerous than he is romantic.  
kestrana: The Hound Yeah its a “girl always wants the bad boy” kind of thing although Sansa seems to pull something else out of him. It feels so wrong sometimes but I want to see them together again tee hee.
weltraummuell: The Hound Hehe, George, maybe you didn’t intend it, but he turned out to be a very erotic character to female readers. Especially since he’s mutilated and dangerous. Makes him unpredictable and vulnerable which is the most explosive aphrodisiac for a girl’s fantasy. ;)
weltraummuell: The Hound And I know from discussions on other board other women feel just the same about Sandor. He’s an absolute favourite with the ladies!
halfbloodmalfoy: The Hound LOL, you’re such a man. To many of us women, dangerous *is* attractive.
GRRM: The Hound But no one has any love for poor old Sam Tarly, kind and smart and decent and devoted…
[Source]
The “That’s interesting...” Alternative: “They are deeply troubled individuals, Harriet”
22 JUNE 2012 SWORD & LASER VIDEO PODCAST
GRRM: I am sometimes surprised by the reactions, of women in particular, to some of the villains. The number of women over the years who have written to me that their favorite characters are Jaime Lannister or Sandor Clegane [the Hound] or Theon Greyjoy… All of these are deeply troubled individuals with some very dark sides, who have done some very dark things. Nonetheless, they do draw this response, and quite heavily, I think, in the case of some of them, from my female readers in particular.
Veronica Belmont: I’m a big fan of the Hound, myself, actually.
Tom Merritt: Of Sandor? Really?
Veronica Belmont: Yeah, the Hound… Maybe it’s not because I feel any compassion towards them, I’m not really sure what the attraction is. Ah, I’m not going to call it attraction, actually. Let’s just say it’s a fascination, perhaps.
GRRM: [Chuckles] Well, I mean, fascination is one thing, but some of these letters indicate that there really is like a romantic attraction going on there. And I do know there’s all these people out there who are, as they call themselves, the “San/San” fans, who want to see Sandor and Sansa get together at the end. So that’s interesting, too.
Tom Merritt: The TV show has sort of played with that a little, and probably stoked those fires.
GRRM: Oh, sure. And I’ve played with it in the books. There’s something there, but it’s still interesting to see how many people have responded to it.
[Source]
The “I guess I don’t understand women” Alternative: “I'm shook”
JUNE 23, 2015 GRRM Q&A AT THE SCIENCE FICTION BOOKSTORE IN STOCKHOLM
Question: “Is there any fan reactions that you have been surprised by, like is there a character that’s more popular than you thought or have people been shocked by something you didn’t think we would be shocked at?”
GRRM: “I’m reasonably certain what people will be shocked by. I knew that the Red Wedding would provoke a big reaction and it did. I was pretty confident that, you know, throwing Bran out the window and then killing Ned in the first book would get reactions, and indeed they did. All of those worked exactly the way it did to the extent that things that have surprised me, they tend to be smaller things. I guess I… Maybe I should not have, I don’t know. How do I phrase this without getting myself in terrible trouble… I guess I don’t understand women, but I was definitely, you know, way back when, surprised by the number of women who reacted positively to characters like Theon and the Hound as dashing, romantic figures. The san/san kind of thing took me by surprise, I must admit, and even more so the women who, and there are some, who really like Theon. So that surprised me.”
[Source]
The “Comfort level of femininity” Alternative: “That's not a reference for romance”
MAY 29, 2016 BALTICON REPORT 
My con friend asked about the Jon/Arya relationship again and brought her (impressive) Game book that had all of her references marked out with little flags. She brought up the Ygritte connections to Arya that Jon saw in her. George did not directly answer yes or no if there would be anything romantic between the two.
George did say, despite what readers see as clues to a romantic relationship between Jon/Arya in the books themselves, he did not confirm this so easily but inferred that what Jon saw in Ygritte was a comfort level of femininity. <<<  She and I obviously discussed these comments after the meeting and this was the general feeling.
My con friend was referring to George explaining Jon’s perception: GRRM replied, “You know, I don’t think it’s a reference for that [for romance]. It’s a reference to a certain physical type, and  a certain indication of what Jon finds admirable. It’s like someone who reminds you of, you know… Other people might be put off by this, you know, hair that looks like small rodents have been living in there. It doesn’t put him off because he is used to that.”
The “I was making up shit.” Alternative: "I wish I can delete that"
MAY 29, 2016 BALTICON REPORT 
After the Coffee Talk just outside the room:
My Con Friend asked about Arya and Jon again. This time GRRM gave some very pointed replies:
GRRM finished (in the hallway now) by saying that he “wished some past things weren’t such strong foreshadowing,” and that he, “wished some new things had stronger foreshadowing then.”
Friend: Ok, if you foreshadowed something in the first book, like, really cleverly hidden, would you then follow through on that hint? For sure?..
GRRM: “Well, this goes with what I said before, the story changes and expands as I write. I wish I was able to go back and make revised drafts, but that’s not going to happen.”
Here is a transcript of the outline discussion and Jon/Arya portion of the coffee talk:
[question about Jon/Arya]
GRRM: “Alright, you’ve thought about this more than I have. I mean it’s simple, Jon is very fond of Arya. They were the two odd birds in the Stark family nest, here. They didn’t quite fit in with the others, they look like each other, they both had the brown hair, you know, as opposed to the auburn hair of Sansa and Bran and Rickon and Robb. So there was always that closeness between them. And, you know, Arya didn’t mind that Jon was a bastard, and Jon didn’t mind that Arya was a tomboy, so there is that closeness there.”
[question about Jon comparing his lover to his sister]
GRRM: “If he did it, uhm… I began writing these books in 1991, and, uhm, I worked on it in 91 and then I got a tv play, so I put it aside to really work on ‘Doorways’ tv pilot and did a tv show in 92-93. In 94 I returned to it [the books] and worked on it. You know, up till then, in my career as a writer, I’d always written the entire book before I opted for sale. That’s unusual. Most writers do chapters and an outline. They write a few chapters, they outline the rest of the book, give that to the publisher and the publisher says ‘oh okay, I’ll take that’.
“As some of you may have noticed, those who have been paying very, very carefully attention, I’m not good with deadlines. And, uh, and I’m not good with outlines, either. I always hated outlines. So with Fevre Dream and with Armageddon Rag and with Dying of the Light and all my novels, I wrote the entire book. I didn’t do chapters and outline. I sat down, I wrote a whole book, and I sent it to my agent and said ‘Look, here’s a whole book, and it’s finished’. That way I ran into no deadline, it was finished before it even went on the market. And it worked well for me. And my initial thought was to do this the same way, but what happened, you know, was in 1994, uhm, when I returned to it and I’m working on it and I’m very enthused about it and I say ‘I really wanna write these Game of Thrones books as the next part’. But I was still in Hollywood and I’d just lost all this groundwork on ‘Doorways’, I was still in… The studios and networks still wanna work with me, so I’m getting other offers, like ‘We want you to write this movie’, ‘we want you to do another tv pilot’. And, you know, I took a couple of them and was ‘Oh god, I gotta have to put the book away again’. Cause I have no deadline [for the book]. You know, when you think Hollywood, they will give you a deadline, you know, they say ‘here, son, write this movie, we want it in three months’.
“So, I said ‘look, if I wanna get back to being a novelist, I’m gonna have to sell this even though it’s not finished’. So I had my 200 pages of Game of Thrones at that point, but they wanted outline. I said ‘I don’t do outlines. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, I figure it out as I go. And that’s how I always did it.’ No, we had to have an outline. So I wrote two pages, a two-page thing about what I thought would happen. It’ll be a trilogy, it’ll be three books, Game of Thrones, the Dance with Dragons, and Winds of Winter. Those were the three window titles. And, uh, it’ll be three books and this’ll happen, and this’ll happen, and this’ll happen. And I was making up shit.
“And I had thought that those two pages were long forgotten, because, of course, the books did sell. They sold in the United States and in Great Britain, both. They sold for enough money that I didn’t have to take any more Hollywood games. So I was able to say ‘no’ around. I had a few less [?] to wind up in in 94 and 95. Once I had, I said ‘no, I don’t want any more movies or tv shows, I’m going to write these books now’. And I started writing the books. And in the process, I pretty much disregarded the outline. The characters took me off in entirely different directions. So, for 20 years I had forgotten that that two-page thing even existed. And then someone in my British publisher, HarperCollins, they got a new office building, uh, brand new offices, and new conference rooms, big conference rooms that they decorated with books and stuff like that. And they named the conference rooms after the writers, so one of the conference rooms [?], and they put up these plastic display cases, including the outline. The two-page outline, yes. [?], they didn’t ask my permission, they just put it up. And in that two-page outline, Jon and Arya become a romantic item.”
“You know, I don’t think it’s a reference for that [for romance]. It’s a reference to a certain physical type, and  a certain indication of what Jon finds admirable. It’s like someone who reminds you of, you know… Other people might be put off by this, you know, hair that looks like small rodents have been living in there. It doesn’t put him off because he is used to that.””
[someone says they have 5 minutes left]
“You know, I was pretty pissed that that outline got out there. It should not have happened. Outlines and letters like that are meant only for the eyes of the editor. They shouldn’t go on public display. And, uh, they also [?] my papers on [?], all my papers and correspondence. You know, I’ve been sending that stuff there for years, and it’d be, you know, available for future scholars or whatever, just like the papers of many other writers. Somehow, in the back of my head I was like ‘yeah, 20 years after I’m dead some scholar will go in and find them’. They’re going in right now!”   ”
[question if he is still going with the 1991 ending]
“Yes, I mean, I did partly joke when I said I don’t know where I was going. I know the broad strokes, and I’ve known the broad strokes since 1991. I know who’s going to be on the Iron Throne. I know who’s gonna win some of the battles, I know the major characters, who’s gonna die and how they’re gonna die, and who’s gonna get married and all that. The major characters. Of course along the way I made up a lot of minor characters, you know, I, uhm…Did I know in 1991 how Bronn, what was gonna happen to Bronn? No, I didn’t even know there’d be a guy named Bronn. I was inventing him along the way when I was writing, ‘Okay, he gets kidnapped. Let’s see, there are a couple sellswords there, their names are Fred and Bronn’.
“It was actually Bronn and Chiggen, and then one of them dies, I flipped a coin ‘okay, who dies? Chiggen dies, cause his name is stupid. Bronn is a better name, so I’ll keep Bronn’. And then Bronn became quite an interesting character and plenty of these characters take on minds of their own. They push to the front till you [?] speech and you think of a cool line and you give it to Bronn because he’s trying to talk, and now Bronn is somebody who says something cool. [?]. That’s how characters grow on you. “So a lot of the minor characters I’m still discovering along the way. But the mains-”
[question if he knows Arya’s and Jon’s fates]
“Tyrion, Arya, Jon, Sansa, you know, all of the Stark kids, and the major Lannisters, yeah.”
This report appears in the following sources:
fattest leech of ice and fire blog [Source 1]
asoiaf.westeros.org [Source 2]  
westeros.org [Source 3]
The “Unreliable narrator - Part 4” Alternative: “I think I had enough...”
DECEMBER 2016 ASKING GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ABOUT SAN/SAN
My question is regarding Sansa Stark. Her sexuality has evolved through every book and yet the memory that seems to stick the more with her in this regard is the night of the Blackwater. So I was wondering if you can expand on your view on what this is, since as before that night her interactions with Sandor Clegane weren't really physical.
The night of the Blackwater, yes. Ahhh... Well, I'm not going to give you a straight answer on that hahaha... Uhmmm, but I would say that ahhh... you know a television show and a book each has its own strengths and weaknesses; there a re tools that are available to me as a novelist, that are not available to people doing a television show. And of course there are tools available to them, that are not available to a novelist, I mean they can lay in a soundtrack, they can do special effects, they can do amazing things that I can't do, I just have words on paper. What can I do, well I can use things like the internal narrative, I can take you inside of territories... thoughts, which you can't do in a TV show... Ahhh... You just have the words they speak, you see them from outside because the camera is external, while prose is internal, and I have the device known as "unreliable narrator"... Ahhh... Which again, they don't have. So, think about those two aspects when you consider that night of the Blackwater. 
[Source]
Most of these questions make me think of Nabokov having to clarified, regarding Lolita, that he didn’t write a romance..........
So there’s that, everyone can draw their own conclusions.  God knows that in this fandom: “We look up at the same stars, and see such different things.”  
Thanks for your message.
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rnegitsune · 4 years
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Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.
I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.
Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one
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After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.
One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.
Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it
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The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.
Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???
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He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.
Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.
The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.
Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.
Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.
I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.
So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.
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@dollsome-does-tumblr​ does this and opened it up to anyone and I am feeling chatty today SO!
Because I co-write a lot with my lovely wife, I might answer some questions including those co-written stories, or I might not, depends on how I feel when I get there.
name:
Megan but I go by Lentils most places on the internet, Shadowcrawler over on AO3
fandoms:
at the moment: MCU, especially Agents of SHIELD and Daredevil; Terminator: Dark Fate; Halt and Catch Fire. Oh and I wrote Dollhouse fanfics a thousand years ago. Sometimes I will watch a movie/show and think “those two girls should be gay” and bang out 2k of fic about it and then never write for that fandom again. (I THOUGHT this was going to be HACF but as it turns out, no, it’s not done with me yet.)
where you post:
AO3, at Shadowcrawler. I also have a tumblr @lentils-writes​ where theoretically I post links to fics/advertise them in the tags, because I used to be real precious about not putting porn on this blog, but fuck it.
most popular multi-chapter fic:
Co-written, it’s definitely mallverse, which is I think the reason most writers definitely hate us because it’s very long and there are a lot of tags lmao. The problem is that every tagged character HAS shown up in a significant fashion at some point so we can’t just...untag them! It doesn’t update weekly anymore because we’re exhausted by life lmao so at least there’s that???
As for a multi-chapter fic that was just me, I don’t tend to do that so much, so actually it’s say you will, my 3-chapter Endgame fix-it where Clint dies instead of Natasha and Natasha and Laura have a past. It actually has over 1000 hits which is very exciting! I feel like it’s...niche in a way that is frustrating but understandable lol. I put a lot of my heart into it and some people really liked it, so that’s gratifying.
favorite story you’ve written so far:
Co-written, I think our SHIELD Dollhouse AU is very underrated for the amount of work we put into it. Author bias evident here because I love Dollhouse warts and all, and it’s a lot of fun translating episode plots as well as the general trajectory of the show into stuff that will work with SHIELD characters. We don’t just rewrite episodes, we really try and rework them as needed. Also it features both Skimmons and my beloved rarepair Bobbi/Kara, though of course they won’t get together until later.
Of my own stuff, I’m still really really proud of the AU where Kara Palamas didn’t die. I think that was a pretty severe misstep of the show and I think I did a good job of fixing it. (I haven’t forgotten Kara, promise!)
fic you were nervous to post:
lolololol I wrote some uh. Terminator pornography last year and. They are very porny! I had co-written a bunch of smut obviously, but that was the first time I’d posted like, PWP all by myself on purpose??? and that was TERRIFYING. Also I was very nervous to post the Engame fix-it because that was my own personal goodbye/tribute to Natasha.
how you choose your titles:
They are always either song lyrics or jokes (such as Three Lawyers and a Baby, my Daredevil Accidental Baby Acquisition fic). My WIP docs are always titled either obvious shit like “RoseJannah horse girls” or memes like “what if we belonged to a fire cult and we fucked haha just kidding unless...?” or “Morgan has two mommies.”
do you outline?:
B and I typically outline for the co-written fics, although it’s more often chapter-by-chapter outlines since that’s how we write them. On occasion we’ve fully planned multi-chapter stuff out in advance but that’s less common. Oh and the one-shots are nearly always outlined as well, just to keep ourselves organized.
When I have written planned multi-chapter fics in the past I have used outlines - particularly for the Kara one and I had to do that for the SHIELD Kill Bill AU because I was trying to follow the format of the movie. For things that are allegedly supposed to be one-shots I almost never outline, which turns out to be a terrible idea when they inevitably balloon beyond my control and become 45k like say you will. That one, I wrote out a list of scenes I thought needed to be in it and then I wrote about 75% of those scenes and then I wrote a bunch more scenes I hadn’t planned for. Don’t be like me, kids!
complete fics:
According to AO3, 89 as of right now. Uh, you do not want me to list all of them, here’s a link, I guess!
in progress:
I don’t understand what the difference is between this question and the WIP questions lmao help????
posted WIPs that I have active plans to continue at this time:
Cowritten: mallverse as I said, and its femslash smut oneshots spinoff and character flashbacks spinoff and older characters/teachers spinoff (these get updated, uh, irregularly), the first half of a Piper/Snowflake SHIELD s7 fic that we are planning on finishing the second half of soonish, SHIELD Dollhouse AU, SHIELD Teen Beach AU, SHIELD Buffy AU. You may notice a pattern!
By myself, I have: Have Your Elf a Merry Little Christmas, a Terminator Hallmark Christmas fic that I ambitiously posted the first chapter of in 2019 and then lost steam immediately (I am going to go back to it sooner or later bc I had some cute ideas for it); the SHIELD Fate of the Furious AU that has one chapter to go and which I do intend on finishing eventually; Three Lawyers and a Little Lady, the Daredevil Accidentally Baby Acquisition AU that is literally just cute kidfic and poly avocados and which I have a bunch of ideas for and just need to buckle down and finish some.
posted WIPs that I have given up on:
Lol so there’s a Dollhouse Caroline/Bennett Doctor Who AU that I wrote purely as idfic and which nobody ever cared about except me, and I think that ship has sailed! RIP darlings. I also had an ongoing Skimmons series waaaay back when where I posted oneshots that were like missing scenes or gay readings for each s1 episode, and I just feel like it would be inauthentic to even try and finish it at this point. (It does include the first ever Skimmons fic to be posted on AO3! Really truly, there’s one fic that shows up as older but it’s an ongoing fic and was updated with the tag way after I posted mine.)
exchange fics due soon/unrevealed:
I haven’t done an exchange since like 2015 lololol I am so bad at them. I am currently working on finishing up my MCU Femslash bingo card, very late, and I do have plans for almost all of the remaining squares!
WIPs that live in my fanfic folder and are incomplete and who knows when they’ll be finished:
“RoseJannah horse girls,” which has been put on hold temporarily but is literally just Rose and Jannah being gay while riding orbaks
half of a Daisy/Gwen fic from Marvel Rising because I know they’re not making any more of those but I stg those two were really gay
multiple fics about Elise Nelson-Page including: avocados Halloween with smol Elise, Aunt Elektra very reluctantly taking smol Elise shopping until she realizes smol Elise also likes weapons (she buys her a fake katana), Uncle Frank is a pushover and spoils the shit out of Elise, and baby Elise has a high fever and everyone freaks out but then she gets better and smile at them for the first time (inspired by baby me lol).
coming soon/not yet started:
“Morgan has two mommies,” yet another Endgame fix-it where Maya Hansen did not die in Iron Man 3 and she resurfaces and she and Pepper kiss and eventually she adopts Morgan
Claire and Colleen go on a nice date to get coffee/tea where Danny doesn’t interrupt them goddammit
Bobbi/Kara Warehouse 13 AU which is sort of like “For the Team” but gayer ft. grappling hook
X-Men: Evolution Tabby/Amara fluff
Cameron/Donna character study disguised as smut
Grace proposes to Dani with a ring made out of the metal from her power source and Carl officiates the wedding 
Dani gets horny watching Grace eat a peach and jerks off and Grace ends up hearing her and then they fuck (I have been calling this “the peach fic” in my head but I gotta stop being delicate about it lmfao it is just porn)
B and I have plans to do a Nico/Karolina Jasper in Deadland AU but we keep forgetting
I MUST WRITE FOGGY AND KAREN SADLY FUCKING IN A CHURCH WHILE THEY MOURN MATT THIS YEAR I STG
do you accept prompts:
uhhhhhh I have on occasion written a prompt for someone before but it’s pretty rare and I have enough trouble writing the shit I come up with in my own head lol. but never say never?
upcoming story you are most excited to write:
I’ve got a bit of the Bobbi/Kara Warehouse fic written and it’s nice to go back to that world. Also I’m weirdly excited about the Cam/Donna smutty character study I mentioned above, I have a lot of what I think are good ideas for it and it’ll be fun.
tagging @unwind-myself @swiftzeldas @swashbucklery @loved-the-stars-too-fondly and, if you want to, you!
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clumsyclifford · 3 years
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hello bella i would like to ask you about future hearts, not in chronological order, and stories for monday -hazel
WAIT i pressed send too early i also wanted to throw a curveball and ask about the newsies original broadway cast recording :) -hazel
yeesh you picked some good ones hazel. okay. i'm gonna put a cut because four albums is a Lot.
send me albums!
future hearts - all time low
the first song from this album I heard: uhhhhhhh i don't remember, but i......hesitantly......say.......cinderblock garden. but i have no idea why i say that. no i don't really know at all.
do I own the album?: nope
my favorite song: don't you go but also if we're counting b-sides which we should be then how the story ends. and........edge of tonight. and runaways. i know that's a lot of songs i don't care.
my least favorite song: satellite i like it but it's unremarkable compared to the rest of the album and the structure of it is just a little weird to me
a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: there were two future hearts songs that for some inexplicable reason didn't download when i bought the album on itunes back in like 2015 when i used itunes and this album came out so i just didnt know they existed for several months, and those songs were bail me out and edge of tonight. this isnt really relevant since i love both of those songs but i just wanted to share. i guess...i think runaways has grown on me. honestly i think thats a result of including it in baby driver fic, lmao
a song I used to like, but now don’t: well i used to LOVE cinderblock garden and now as you can see i don't list it among my favorites. and the same with dancing with a wolf. and for that matter, also satellite lol
my favorite lyric: another impossible question <3 this doesnt really count but the line in tidal waves "say i'm your filthy little, filthy little-" always makes me smile bc when i was younger and my older sister and i would listen to that song whenever we got to that part we'd both yell WHORE at the top of our lungs. and in fact i still do. real talk though, i think the bridge of missing you might be my favorite lyric in here. "grit your teeth, pull your hair, paint the walls black, and scream 'FUCK the world 'cause it's my life, i'm gonna take it back' and never for a second blame yourself" yeah thats the GOOD shit. WAIT I LIE I HAVE ANOTHER ONE: "beautiful scars on critical veins" (mmm and also "roll like thunder, burn like stars") from kids in the dark. mmmm. and all of edge of tonight. man this album has some gooooooood gaskarth lines.
overall rating out of 10: honestly? 10/10. even with satellite. this is such a good fucking album i constantly underrate it but i love it so much it can do no wrong
not in chronological order - julia michaels (this one is gonna be trickier because i haven't listened to the whole album that many times but i'm gonna put it on while i answer the rest of these so hopefully i can have some real opinions here)
the first song from this album I heard: it would've been lie like this i think, because that song was out before any of the other singles
do I own the album?: nope :)
my favorite song: that's the kind of woman, pessimist, lie like this, all your exes. i really LOVE about half this album and the other half i just don't really know well enough
my least favorite song: orange magic just Does Not do it for me. idk man
a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: well i'm very much still working on familiarizing myself with these songs so i might still be in the phase of "didn't like at first" (betcha anything orange magic will grow on me lmao). there aren't any songs that i've changed my opinion on at least not yet
a song I used to like, but now don’t: see previous answer lol
my favorite lyric: "i love myself, but i'd love her more; that's the kind of woman i'd leave me for" from that's the kind of woman (that shit HITS), also "i'll stop checking horoscopes to cope with all my misery" and "you took a pessimist and turned me into something else" from pessimist because it gives me a lot of hope. and "it was you before i ever decided" from little did i know because :') romance
overall rating out of 10: 8/10 miss michaels KNOWS an album. this would probably be higher if not for orange magic lmao
stories for monday - the summer set
the first song from this album I heard: according to my spotify, all my friends! the first time i listened to this album was on shuffle while writing a prompt fic that was entirely unrelated. i know, it's appalling.
do I own the album?: no <3
my favorite song: MMMNNGNHHGJ i think. i think it's figure me out. and missin' you. yeah. those two
my least favorite song: honest to god i want to say all downhill from here but the little bass riff at the end of that song basically forbids me from saying that. so i'm gonna say change your mind instead. it's the vibiest but thats not why we COME to stories for monday now is it
a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: don't know, maybe all in? i can't remember ever not liking one of these songs tbh. ironically maybe the answer to this is change your mind lol
a song I used to like, but now don’t: well i listened to all my friends about five million times when i wrote that fic based on it so it's in the same situation as i think he knows now. i need a little bit of an all my friends break.
my favorite lyric: bro this is literally an impossible fuckign QUESTION!! the entirety of figure me out. "i'm a bit too punk for the pop kids, but i'm too pop for the punk kids" and "i believe there's more to life than all my problems" both are really close to my heart. the bridge of all in about it being 4am in the parking lot we'll be singing blink songs til the sun comes up, that too. wait wait okay and also: "forever nineteen somehow" from jean jacket and "growing up can make you stupid, why is everyone so scared?" from wasted. okay okay i'm done i'm done
overall rating out of 10: fucking 11/10 bro this is in my top 10 albums ever i'm pretty sure
newsies - original broadway cast recording
the first song from this album I heard: no fuckin idea. it must have been the overture because i never listened to the cast recording before watching the bootleg so!
do I own the album?: i do not
my favorite song: mmm i. LOVE once and for all. but i also love watch what happens reprise. and brooklyn's here. and carrying the banner. ugh fuck i love so many of these songs.
my least favorite song: the bottom line reprise lmfao easy
a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: i don't know, i guess i like the bottom line a LITTLE more than i used to but it's a very low bar. wait actually, the overture. i have a much greater appreciation for an overture than i used to.
a song I used to like, but now don’t: i honestly can't think of one. maybe similar effect to something to believe in? i like it SLIGHTLY less but i still really like it so?
my favorite lyric: EASY answer, this lyric is among my favorites in all of musical theatre, i had it written on my mirror for a long time in high school. this part from seize the day: "behold the brave battalion that stands side by side / too few in number and too proud to hide / then say to the others who did not follow through / 'you're still our brothers, and we will fight for you'"
overall rating out of 10: 9/10. fucking banger of an album. i always say this is the best cast recording for a car ride and i stand by that
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musicallisto · 4 years
Text
♬ Pour Your Heart Out (Ashton Irwin)
( I PROMISED I had stopped writing about real people, because, in hindsight, it’s kind of weird to them (esp. bc 5sos used to say they feel sorta uncomfortable with fanfic, I don’t know what their stance is now), and I had done a pretty good job of it for a few years. but then this idea came and as much as I tried to repress it, it wouldn’t go away. I blame @softeninglooks​ and our walk down memory lane for prompting me to write this eventually. I think it’s supposed to give me some kind of closure with the rabid 5sos stan I was in 2015-2018, a parting gift to that teenage girl, a reconciliation of sorts, if you will. In a way, this is all a metaphor for my own state of mind regarding Ashton, whom I adored so very dearly during those years and that I think I’ll always like, deep down. Anyway, y’all don’t care about my Freudian portrait and with good reason, so like, enjoy. )
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word count: 4.0k words
summary: In which you cross paths at the hotel bar with a handsome face you prayed to God you would never see again.
warnings: angst, alcohol, foul language, gets a bit steamy, implied sex (but no smut!). we’re gonna be antagonizing Ashton a lot in this one so if you can’t bear insulting him (which I wouldn’t lmfao) I guess don’t read?
soundtrack: ♬
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FOR A PLACE so upscale and brimming with obscene luxury, New York City’s Fifth Avenue Hotel’s bourbon was horrendous.
Or maybe it was merely because you’d never been an avid drinker anyway. All alcohols merged in your throat in some bubbling fire, until you couldn’t distinguish anything inside you.
Which was exactly why you were leaning your elbows on the bar, mindlessly playing with a finger of whiskey in your glass, the hem of your slit dress hugging the cold feet of the bar stool, and a completely absent look in your tired eyes. Because you wanted to drown all that stirred inside of you - a chaos in your chest, an incomprehensible riot in your stomach. All because the universe and its sickening sense of humor had thrust in your mind memories you’d rather forget, like a knife to the chest.
All because your work had sent you to a gala in New York City on the exact same night he would be there as well, playing in Brooklyn to a crowd of adoring admirers.
Not that it mattered anyway. The day you left, you had accused him of only adoring himself. You were a revolted fury, and you had spat out every single word you could before your mind would go numb and your throat would constrict forever.
You regretted all of it. The fighting, the accusations, the way you had slammed the door when you had left. Something in your chest, however, growled that you still resented him for never reaching out to you.
And just like that you both had returned to your respective nights - he in the spotlight and the unconditional love, you in the business and the casual dates. It was a crash like no other, coming down from the high of being his goddess every day and every night, but you managed. You always did. You were strong, resilient. Stronger than a sudden pang of nostalgia and certainly stronger than the foolish hope that you’d somehow run into him in New York...
And even if you did, he wouldn’t recognize you, anyway. Your hair was different, your face more tired despite the golden hues that the ceiling lights cast on your cheeks. He was different, too - and in all likelihood you would see him on the arm of a young and beautiful starlet. Not that it would matter to you, or that it would break your heart to see someone in your spot, or that it was any of your business who he shared his nights and secrets and tears and laughs with - no, you were stronger than that. You downed your bourbon. Disgusting, and you were still too acutely aware of your emotional confusion for your liking.
A light breeze suddenly breathed on your neck, slightly lifting your dress around your ankles, and the rustling sound of a door opening barely made its way to your ears before you drowned it out. Maybe the alcohol was having an effect after a —
You turned your head around. Your beath hitched. Your vision was suddenly restricted to a single tunnel right in front of you - a tunnel one single silhouette occupied entirely, making his way to the reception with nonchalance, his hair tousled from the autumn wind of the city. Your eyes traveled to his face of their own accord. Before you could make out the outline of his eyes - Gosh, his eyes, you remembered them so vividly, the spark that inhabited them whenever he would play music to you -, you had frantically turned around.
“Bartender, please. Another,” you signaled.
Maybe it wasn’t the best choice to get another drink when you were already starting to hallucinate, but a sudden urge had overpowered you, almost to the point of nausea. The bartender’s empathetic shake of the head did nothing to alleviate the shrill alert that had suddenly overcome you.
“Sorry, miss. The bar is closing for the night.”
“Deliver it to my room then,” you pleaded, and you thought for a moment that your sincerely distraught expression would be enough to convince him. But he shook his head once again as he turned to wipe a plate, his voice dropping.
“I don’t mean to pry, miss, but I don’t think it would be good for you. It’s getting late. Maybe catch some sleep?”
Heavens, you wished nothing more than to go to your room and sleep it all off - to wake up to an empty room and an empty heart, devoid of fear, hurt, and passion, but you were certain now that you wouldn’t catch any sleep that night if you chased it for hours. Not when closing your eyes meant seeing him again, striding towards the reception with his natural ease and focused gaze, that same one he had when he walked up to you for the first time... Almost unvoluntarily, you had turned around once more on your stool. He was leaning on the reception desk and chatting with the receptionist - judging by the bright smile lighting up her tired features, he still had all of his charm and humor. You found yourself observing his back, his relaxed shoulders, then his neck, the ink where you used to leave bruises... his hazel eyes, familiar and stunned... his eyes? He had turned around, mindlessly playing with his keycard, and was now looking straight at you, a glimmer of astonishment pulsing through his pupils. A cold shiver washed over you. You returned to your drink. Empty. Dammit.
You hated them, all the steps that had let you to that moment. You hated your firm for sending you to a gala in New York of all places, on that night of all nights, booking you a ridiculously expensive room in that hotel of all hotels. You hated the bartender for not refilling your glass, and yourself for thinking that running into Ashton would make for a sweet reunion like in the movies. You hated him for walking up to you, footsteps all but timid, bathed in the assurance you knew so well - the one he had after playing a show, when he perspired confidence and enthusiasm, when the blood in his veins pounded against your skin in the dressing room backstage — Godammit, why couldn’t he be in a groupie’s bed, and why couldn’t you actually hate him...
And yet, when he spoke, his voice was soft and warm.
“Y/N?”
You couldn’t have turned to face him, even if you had wanted. The voice that called out your name was that of a stranger. The last time you had heard it in his mouth, it was but a strangled cry, a crack that shrouded what little of his Australian accent remained, enough to remind you of home. There was no space for a home in his voice anymore; he could’ve blended with the locals perfectly if he had wanted.
Somehow, yet... you would have picked him in a crowd of billions. Something about his radiance.
“What are you doing here?”
“Same as you.”
“Oh, you’ve started a band?”
You rolled your eyes. You hated him. Always joking. Always fun. Always affable...
“Work.”
“Of course.”
He had mumbled, his gaze dropping to the empty drink in your hands and its pitiful foamy stains. You almost clicked your tongue in annoyance. He was bitter, unusually so; you much preferred the upfront and unwavering Ashton, the one who had told you without blinking that you might as well leave him, since you hated him so much.
Still, for a reason incomprehensible to you, he hoisted himself up on the barstool immediately next to yours. You could've sworn you heard the vibrations of his heart, though you couldn't tell if they were caused by his post-concert adrenaline, or your warm breath on his tense hand.
“What?”
“It was always work.”
“On your side too, Ashton.”
You almost shivered when pronouncing his name. The chant that used to paint your lips, like a prayer you would whimper in the crook of his neck.
“I know.”
You would've expected an apology, and obviously there was none. There never was any with Ashton, no matter how profoundly he wounded you. Why would he need to? He was so unapologetically himself, so radiant and imperial, like a solar king... and you but a common girl in his wake.
You refused to go over all the reasons that had caused your constant fighting and eventual breakup - you had thought them over time and time again, tossing and turning in a bed too cold. And if you let your mind wander astray, it would inevitably come back to his hand on the small of your back, the devilish grin you heard in his voice when he whispered in your ear, and the pulsing between your legs only he could vainquish... it was the last thing you wanted to think about when you were alone with him, with a luxury suite all to yourselves...
With a stir, you finally looked up to him. The fire in your throat, from all the glasses of whisky, instantly descended to your chest, your stomach, then lower, as your eyes trailed down his figure. He looked tired, but blissfully so; the same disheveled hair, tanned and slightly clammy skin you woke up to in the morning. His eyes - Gosh, his eyes - detailed you with this amused attentiveness he always had. And the top buttons of his shirt, untied, revealed the beginning of a strong torso you had cried and laughed and moaned into until the ungodly hours of the night... a few more tattoos, a face older, eyes and jaw sharper, and yet you recognized the stranger in front of you. You had been everywhere inside of him, seen everything; your body ached suddenly for his touch, his warmth, his burn.
Biting back an expletive and squeezing your legs together to calm the throbbing, you grabbed your glass and... Still empty. Dammit!
You hated him.
And yet the sound of him murmuring your name, soft and tender, like a sunray on your eyelids, was an abominable indicator that you didn't really.
“Come on, I'll walk you to your room.”
He extended an arm towards your shoulder; instinctively you bolted up from your stool. Your hand grabbed your handbag; his, hesitant, fell by his side.
“You're the last person I'd want with me right now.”
You're the last person I'd want with me in front of my room.
“Y/N, come on. You can't stay here and drink all your problems away.”
“Yeah, you'd know about that.”
Low. So abjectly low, even in your slightly ebriated state, even in the irascible torpor clouding your mind. Did you regret it, when his gaze darkened, when his lips - Gosh, his lips - twitched in a scowl?
“Fuck you, Y/N.”
“No, fuck you, Ashton.”
Your voice had raised as he stood up from his barstool; his somber figure, now entirely devoid of its post-concert enthusiasm, facing you like an angered god, reminded you all too well of all the nights spent arguing and making up. This time, however, you would utter your parting words. Or so you promised.
“Fuck you, Ashton, you want to know why? Because you're a self-absorbed asshole who doesn't care about anyone but himself. Everything in our relationship was about you. You, you, you, always you, like you were the goddamn center of the universe, and I swear to God, for me before anyone else, you fucking were. All my friends, all my family, everyone in the whole damn world only ever cared about Ashton Irwin. Everything was catered to Ashton Irwin's best interest. Everything calculated to please Ashton Irwin. Everything to prioritize Ashton Irwin's career, Ashton Irwin's comfort, Ashton Irwin's fun. And you know what? Fuck that.”
Your words weren't slurred, you hadn't drunk that much, even. Why, then, was the world suddenly spinning around you? Why were your tears brimming to the surface of your eyes? Why did you get the urge to fall in Ashton's strong arms and close your eyes forever in his embrace?
You opened your mouth to resume, breathless, but your train of thought derailed for a second when your eyes fell on his dark gaze, piercing through you with the intensity of a titan, and every inch of your skin combusted simultaneously. You swallowed, hard. Where were you? Right, fucking him. No! Absolutely not! Not fucking him! Only fuck him!
“All I wanted was you to see a person when you looked at me... not a freaking satellite. And the worst thing is I didn't even see myself when I looked in the mirror, didn't even hear myself in my thoughts. I was you, entirely you, I had you everywhere on me, in me.”
You inhaled deeply, but still, the tears were threatening to spill. To hide them and simulate assurance, you grabbed your handbag, raised your chin, puffed out your chest. A chest your dress did its best to showcase in the most sensual and classiest way, obviously.
“I would've liked our story to work out, truly.”
Oh, how I wish our story had worked out.
“But we're better off on our own, I guess.”
You were about to turn around when a hand grabbed your wrist, and your heart stopped beating for a second. Heavens, it was the first time in years you felt his skin on yours, and your nerves were seconds away from combustion.
When he lightly tugged on your arm to make you face him, however, you swore something in your core exploded.
“You say that as if you hadn't hurt me too,” he stated coldly.
His eyes, dark golden under the lights, eyeing you up and down, stopping imperceptibly longer than decent on your cleavage... his now harsh features, so alluringly enticing... an interdiction you would be willing to die just to taste.
“You'd never talk to me. I'd never know what was wrong, what you wanted, what you needed. I couldn't guess, Y/N, I can't read your mind! You never told me anything - don't you think I suffered from your silence? I loved you and I never knew if you loved me back or if you resented me!”
“You shut me up. You're so important, why would you bother with my input? Better keep my mouth shut, and save everyone the trouble.”
Without realizing, you had both started striding towards the elevator. Too focused on the argument, on your raising, raspy voices, on the brush of his shaky fingers against your skin, you didn't tell him to leave you alone.
Maybe you didn't want to.
“That's bullshit, Y/N, you know it. I always cared about you, more than anyone else.”
“Oh, really, now?”
“Yes, really! Remember how I'd fly all the way from L.A. on each of your birthdays if I wasn't there, no matter what we were doing the day after? Remember all the songs I wrote you and never sold, because they were gifts to you? Remember all the journalists I told off because they disrespected you? God, Y/N, if you weren't so focused on your self-loathing, you'd see that I sacrificed so much of my career, all for you.”
You pressed the button to call the elevator.
“You're one to talk about self-loathing! And is that supposed to make me feel better about feeling like a burden?”
“Stop twisting everything I say, you know very well you never were--”
“Well that's the thing with you, Ashton! I never know! I never know anything! I wasn't your girlfriend, I was just a you in a song!”
The doors opened. You both stepped in. You furiously hit the forty-ninth floor button. Twenty-five excruciatingly long seconds ahead of you.
“You created this idealized version of me in your head, and because I wasn't as perfect as you thought--”
“I wouldn't call being a self-obsessed prick not being perfect--”
“Will you let me talk? Jesus, I can't believe - this is ridiculous - I fucking hate you!”
“Good, because I fucking hate you too!”
And with that the screaming match died as suddenly as it had started, with two panting hearts suspended in the air, facing each other mere centimeters away.
All you could focus on was the boiling fury pulsing under your humid skin, Ashton's face, contorted with exasperation and yet still as handsome as ever, his breath fanning over your mouth... the unquenchable burn in the pit of your stomach and between your legs, the unshakable pull toward him.
Your mouth and throat, all your soul had spat out all the7y had. Now they desperately needed something to fill them back up.
You took a step forward; he did too. Your lips came together immediately after.
Instead of stepping back, he pressed you closer to his body, as if he had wanted to consume you whole, his embrace erratic and furious. With a swift motion, he had pinned you to the back wall; when he lifted a hand to cup your cheek, you swatted it away and deepened the raging kiss instead; you were two pyres desperately clinging onto each other, kissing and biting and grunting. Your head filled with a flurry of touches and colors, the warmth of his lips under yours and the throbbing of your blood desperate to mix with this, and your unforgettable hate for him and how fucking putty in your hands you were, and as you bit his lower lip and he let out the rawest of moans in your mouth and your entire body trembled, you were not sure if you wanted to devour him or be devoured.
“I still hate you--” he murmured against your parted lips, but you shut him up with your tongue.
When his hands tentatively settled on the small of your back, though, sliding under your dress, you let them in. Maybe you did hate him, but you needed him, you needed him filling every angle and inch of your body, every crack of your soul, every side of your senses, just as much as he needed you.
Like someting out of a frenzied dream, the elevator doors opened, and he broke the kiss abruptly, so much so that you barely bit back a whimper. The somber, sinful look he gave you for a split second, though, was enough to make you shiver in anticipation. You grabbed his arm, making sure not to look at him - he didn't deserve it just yet -, and strode towards your suite.
You had barely turned on the light and closed the door behind you when Ashton swooped down on you like a starved man. His lips found yours like they had so many times before, his grip so mean on your back, his other hand tugging at your hair lightly to keep you in place. Your mind pleaded you to push him away; instead your body grinded against his, and a hundred flares roared everywhere he kissed you and everywhere you wanted him. Would you regret this in the morning? Undoubtedly, but his lips were biting your neck and you were sighing and moaning and praying to God he wouldn't let you go, so you couldn't care less about the shame and guilt you'd feel waking up.
Your dizzy head didn't register he had unlaced your dress until it fell to the floor. Still savoring the ever familiar taste of his tongue, you made work of his shirt - your burning skin couldn't stand the agony of being far from his anymore -, but he pushed you back on the bed instead.
Almost bare on your bed, your hair fanned out like a halo around your disdainful face, your breath erratic, you were traversed by a shiver when Ashton took off his shirt and crawled over to you. Your breath hitched. You swallowed. His face hovered just above yours. He bit his lip, and something growled in your belly.
“Can I--”
“Do it,” you spat, your eyes stern steel.
If you let him see how desperately you needed him, nothing would cure the guilt and hatred you'd wake up to. Better to pretend you were still the mistress of your soul... not to give him the satisfaction of owning you whole.
Though as soon as his lips scraped your collarbone and his hands cupped your breasts, then lower, lower, tantalizingly lower, you forgot every good intention and every strong facade. All that remained were the delicious ache at the tip of his fingers, and his name, like a prayer to a demon.
*
New York City was always a hundred times more beautiful in the dead of the night. Faraway lights pulsed like a thousand stars in the ink sky, and a distant buzzing climbed up along the buildings, slithering into the windows. The light breeze from outside, skimming your bare skin, was enough to kept you awake. So were your thoughts, and the heavy, steady breathing in the bed behind you.
For this night, and for this night alone, you had belonged to him and to him alone, like you had countless nights before. For this night, and for this night alone, you had slipped back into his arms, his strong and comforting embrace, the familiar caress of his skin, and his voice lulling you to sleep.
And the worst of it all was that you had enjoyed it. Sincerely, not as an expiatory, but rather a delicacy.
You couldn't promise that this was a one-time thing. You couldn't promise you would turn your head and never look back. If you could've, you would've up and left in the night for him to wake up alone. It was a worthless pact. You already knew you would break it.
You already knew a part of you, so detestable and therefore humane, would always run back to him in a world of billions.
You exhaled heavily. The flow of air from the street was a welcome reminder that a fresh and beautiful world existed outside of this bedroom where you had abandoned everything.
You didn't hate him. Not really. But you ached whenever someone uttered his name in your presence.
He had been your first love. The hollow in your chest when you thought of him was simply the part of your heart you had given him, all those years ago.
You turned around. His chest rose and dipped peacefully in your bed. As always, he remained unbothered, unatteignable, and maybe it was for the best. You shook your head.
Then your eyes fell on the door instead. Nothing kept you in this city anymore. You could walk away with only your lingering smell and the trace of your nails in his back to keep him company. But running away would be weak, unhonorable, and most importantly an incomplete goodbye that would precipitate you back in his arms the next time you'd see him.
The skyline called out to you once again. The air was getting chillier by the minute, but you remained by the window, quiet. Up above the horizon, the blinking light of an airplane crossed, indolent as a swan, the navy blanket of the sky, and your chest filled with a bittersweet wistfulness.
You would wait for the sunrise.
You were certain, after all, that dawn would break.
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tonyglowheart · 3 years
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This entire thing is a rant, feel free to ignore it, but I saw your post about how destiel fans can’t win in this context, and yeah. So have some rambles.
I’ve been thinking about the fact we (current spn/destiel fans) can’t win all night... I’ve seen so many people talking about how homophobic it is - and while I would very much like to argue, as every point I’ve seen made by a non-spn fan has been wrong so far, if I did everyone inside the fandom would agree and everyone outside would either call me straight or pity me for believing it’s okay.
(Cas wasn’t even sent to hell lmao. He was sent to angel death (the empty), a place he has escaped in the past. Other points, like that meta about spn has been predicting exactly this for months, that Dean ended up sobbing on the floor because he was so upset, like that death means next to nothing on spn, like that there is two episodes left, etc etc. you feel me right? I just don’t want to post wank to other spn blogs atm, we’re getting enough frustration as it is, no need to add to it.
It’s also worth pointing out that the bar is very, very low. Spn is a prominent TV show - not a Netflix show, or indie, or whatever - and it just said “main character in gay love saved the world”. [insert gif of ghostfacers dude saying that gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day here]
I just saw someone saying that spn having Naomi try to brainwash Cas out of loving dean makes spn homophobic (it is a conversion therapy parallel). My first response to that is that Naomi was the villain lmao? I guess we can’t write villains doing anything homophobic because having villains do homophobic things makes, uh - checks notes - villains look homophobic, and clearly we can’t have that.
There certainly are legitimate things to criticise spn about, but this isn’t it lol.
Also now some people are unironically trying to cancel Jensen because “his acting was homophobic, and so he’s clearly homophobic”, nevermind that he’s an actor and his character struggles with understanding his emotions (which I think he played excellently, myself. That scene had a very Dean delayed emotional response), nevermind the support he’s given to us queers in the past. Like. Idek man.
We would have been laughed at if we got no destiel, too.
It would have been worse, had the writers pulled a dumbledore. At this point I also trust the writers not to pull a GoT - they have explicitly criticised that ending in spn’s canon.
Spn’s writers did that by making the main villain of this season, Chuck / God, say GoT had a good ending. To reiterate a previous point I had: villains do bad things because they’re bad. And the bad things they do make them bad. For the people out there not still following, if someone does something in a story and it makes them a villain, that is explicitly telling you the story (and probably the writers) thinks that thing is bad. In this case, Chuck likes to write things for him, and we the audience have been shown and told that is bad.
Apparently thinking a gay confession is good in 2020 makes me straight. Seems unlikely, but whatever. Sorry for the length, I guess I went overboard, I’ve been holding it in lol. Anyway, DESTIEL IS CANON 💚💙 hope you have a good night
Helloo supernatural anon I hope you are living your best life right now. Yeah I’m like..... skeptical and leery myself but having lived through some absolute garbage discourse that is general purity wank, as well as the C/QL greater fandom here and on Twitter I find myself... much more wanting to question the “general wisdom” of things esp in terms of negativity, bc a lot of the time I find.... it’s wrong? Like so wrong. Or at least presents such an incomplete picture of the whole situation and also presents it in such a removed context that words that have meaning and are operationalized in a certain way for a reason, no longer have meaningful usage.
Anyway I don’t... know too much about the specifics of Spn but someone I follow is into it and talks a lot about the Gnostic stuff and that all was very fascinating to me, and I also have been grappling a lot with cultural Christianity bc of cmedia and the way ppl just *clenches fist* unthinkingly or uncritically slap some Christian norms on it and call it a day 😩 help I’m Tired. My thing here being... I actually got tired of the uncritical “superhell”s at some pt bc I am, in fact, incredibly exhausted with cultural Christianity, and because it does seem like, even possibly(?) without the Gnostic stuff it’s different from a “hell” or other Protestant-derived afterlife concept, and also yeah that it wasn’t seeded out of nowhere, it was set up to happen, which then... lends credence to the idea that whatever the current era of Spn is doing, the current showrunners are doing it with purpose.
And idk I just... refuse to believe the concept that ALL of the fans of Spn - esp the ones who have been following it still, or got back into it and are following it currently, are acting under delusion or are fooling themselves into liking it or thinking it’s good or whatever. I personally find that kinda infantilizing and patronizing and playing into issues of dismissing things women and/or other marginalized identities like.
Plus I find the concept that (from what I think I’ve been seeing Spn fans say) that the current era of the show is quite actively grappling with itself, its past, its legacy. to be very interesting and compelling; it hearkens back to like an old lore kind of feeling, of a thing that has grown into a nigh undefeatable monster and realizing that, also realizing that the only way to defeat itself is through grappling with its own nature and transforming and transmuting itself into something else. I personally find that more plausible and compelling than “Supernatural has been actively and continuously queerbaiting for 15 homophobic homophobic years., so right now we’re all very sorry for you because this maybe is no longer queerbaiting but it’s still homophobic and it can never be anything different ever.” I’ve been sort of tangentially aware of Spn thru the years and didn’t we agree, around the time of that in-universe play about Spn and with the lil Destiel shoutout, that Spn has come a ways as far as coming to terms with its fandom and working to treat its fans better? Why the sudden regression into “oh no, Supernatural is and forever will be homophobic and a hate crime”? 🤔 
The rest under a cut bc the ask is already long and then my rambling will get longer-
But yeah I mean..... I get that the legacy of Supernatural has been certifiably Rough, but I think people also forget how different of a time 2005 was? Hell, how different of a time 2015 was, even, prior to, say, Obergefell v. Hodges. Now I’m not saying that to blanket-excuse Supernatural, but like, you look at mainstream shows from the era and... there’s a lot of shit lmao. The fact that Supernatural has existed this long seems to me like.... maybe we CAN look at how it’s developed through the years vs just insisting it is what it was 15, 10, hell, 5 years ago. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s been showrunner changes? Which seems to me like it would... affect things? I mean honestly, I remember back when I got into Spn for a hot second because of Castiel, I remember watching panel, Q&A, etc vids thru the years, and like... I thought we agreed that... it was the fans who were going a bit far pushing the shipping question like literally ALL the time to the actors, who are not in control of the show and.... like at the time.... that could have had personal implications for them? And yes homophobia bad, and people can still be allies despite that, but again like.... I do feel like - from what I’ve seen - that these guys were NOT ready to deal with a lot of that but they’ve (okay Jensen I’m talking about Jensen here) genuinely grown and learned? Also how many years ago was the essay autograph thing that people keep trotting out, like what year was it in and what year of spn was it, and what were the prevailing opinions on LGBT issues and bisexuality then.
I’ve been seeing some murmurings of identity politicsing surrounding ppl who enjoy Supernatural, and I’m sorry that that’s happening to you, it really fucking sucks and it’s also the dumbest way to “make” or “win” an argument because it shouldn’t ever be a final determiner, just factors to consider when considering what life experiences might have informed someone else’s PoV and views as well as maybe how you can better communicate with them. Instead of it being a “weapon” or “tool” to either dismiss someone or de facto validate an argument.
Also yeah I get it that you don’t want to send discourse to spn blogs bc I imagine you guys ARE actively grappling with all the bs rn and it’s a lot. Even just from like, the stuff I see around, I’m like tired of it. I’m genuinely having more fun with ppl who are having a good time with Supernatural than the ppl who are hating on it, even in this sort of backhanded “oh we’re not clowning YOU we’re clowning the writers and showrunners who think you should be satisfied with this,” when... yeah? the people who HAVE been watching the show and therefore... know what’s up.. DO seem to be? And all this based on *fake gasp* context. And that’s where the backhandedness becomes kind of poisonous to me, because it implies that it IS bad, and that you SHOULDN’T be satisfied, but poor little you are but don’t worry, we’re not making fun of YOU for liking garbage, you’re just the hapless victim who is consuming the garbage bc... idk, whatever reasons ppl are coming up with ig.
idk man it’s 2020. Fandom isn’t activism, performative or otherwise, it’s okay to let people enjoy things even if you think they’re “objectively” bad, and like... I don’t know if people can call something bad when they’re not even working with the whole context and instead are dealing with rumor and reputation. 
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jay-art-blog · 4 years
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The crew is here!
As a bit of a nostalgia run I decided to jump on my Webkinz accounts after forever.
Sadly, I learned that after 7 years accounts are automatically deleted so I lost my main, which contained like 30+ webkinz and my second one, which had at least 20. All that remained was my third generation, created May 15th, 2011.
Front: Cream, Taco
Middle: Peach, Cotton cuddles, Princess
Back: Ronnie, Chacha
I had so many Webkinz(not enough to be considered impressive in the Webkinz community as I only got one for my birthday or Christmas) that I made new accounts as a “new start”.
Considering how many children played Webkinz at the time, I’m surprised the mall/outlet Santas have never heard of them, or at least the ones I’ve interacted with.
All I remember about this account is both of my friends accidentally got me a Shih Tzu so I have two. I didn’t ask for anything specific, they just happened to get me the same thing and I named them “Princess” and “Peach”. I’m great with names!
Around Christmas 2012 I wanted to draw a story for these guys. I only drew one page...
Nostalgia is such a weird feeling, sadly the website has changed so I can’t recreate everything I did.
____________________________________________________________
My childhood is a massive blur, but I remember what got me into it was my step-sister’s friend playing Polar Plunge and decorating her pet’s room with a princess bed. I wanted to play sooo bad, but they never let me. On my 8th birthday I received a Lil Kinz White Poodle. I named her Sweety plus my 2nd grade teacher’s name(and accidentally made it my username). I took her everywhere with me and always had her whenever I logged on, hugging her close.
It may be size, but I designated every Lil Kinz I received as children and Big Kinz as adults who looked after them, even educating them.
After jumping back in years later, I noticed some major changes!
Some changes I disliked for personal reasons were
-Doctor Quack is retired so your Webkinz can’t get sick anymore. Long story short, he invented a max potion that made them never get sick anymore. I enjoyed giving my Webkinz a healthy lifestyle so they won’t get sick(e.g. candy lowered their health and swimming raised it), while giving them the occasional treat.
   Or, in the case to add to my age- A marshmallow ceremony for my Total Drama Island thing on my second account, run by my kangaroo and her joey. Loved that show!
-Following that up, the replacement is a Happiness and a “give me attention” meter. It’s fine, but a certain thing bothers me. Your Webkinz will ask you for stuff. Swimming, apples, playing a game, etc. If you do what they ask they get happy, saying things like “You really do care!”(as if I didn’t before??) and “I’m so lucky to have you, (name here)!” If you don’t for any reason, you walked away from your computer, you physically can’t fulfill it(e.g. a job because you just did it and you have to wait 8 hours), or you accidentally tap another pet, they say things, like “I guess we can do something else, then...” or “*sigh* Nevermind, then...” or “*sigh* Oh well...” and it sucks! I feel like my Webkinz are guilt tripping me and that’s not fun because I feel bad that I couldn’t help them out. Every time I can’t help them, I look away from the screen so I don’t see their message. Their disappointment.
-Plants are also immortal now! You can set them and forget them. I liked the responsibility of watering them and removing weeds so they don’t die(it was a lot on my main bc kid me decided to fill a whole yard with as many as possible)
-New Ms. Birdy. I learned that there are people who found old Ms. Birdy creepy. Still don’t see it and prefer it over her new design. That was the face that greeted me with every adoption. Fight me.
    -Dunno if it was the computers I used at the time or they updated that, too, but she also sounds clearer. She doesn’t give the ASMR vibe she gave me as a kid.
-YOU HAVE TO BE A DELUXE MEMBER TO PLAY IN THE MAGICAL FOREST NOW. WHY???
   -I did look at my account like in 2015, or something, only to never touch it after that bc of the ads, crazy lag, and everything suddenly becoming Deluxe only. Even Polar Plunge was one of many Deluxe only games at the time. They changed it back, but not without changing the layout and throwing snowflakes everywhere. 
-I can’t make a wall of bubbles or squeak the ducky in my pet’s face in the bathtub anymore...
-The TVs don’t work anymore. How am I supposed to watch the Monkey and Monkey Show!?
Wowwww, I had a lot to say about that!
Good Stuff!
I like that there are tasks now. I love doing those, though some I’m stuck on as some require me to buy certain things I can only get if I’m a full member, but that’s fine! I like designating certain tasks, like the Spree! one to Peach, since she loves shopping.
I remember during the quick scope in 2015, or something, free play became a thing and you had limited choices(a floppy eared bunny, and something else). Now you have a choice of 8. I tested it with a Leonberger(his name is Wuf Wuf!) and you get a taste of the Deluxe life for a day and then you get as much as you’d expect a free membership, but it’s still enough to have some fun. Ms. Birdy also gives your Webkinz a whole celebration. It’s creepy when she looks right at you, thooo.
  -This was kind of funny. I did it at the same time as the 7 day Deluxe preview thing and where you were limited in some areas, like you can’t buy a room or yard, it double stacked, I guess, and I was unstoppable... for a day. I made a bathroom!
Sorry for the wall!
tl;dr I jumped back into my surviving Webkinz account. Webkinz was great, now it kinda sucks. Old Ms. Birdy is best Ms. Birdy. Change my mind.
Unrelated nostalgia note: Does anyone remember Rainbow Monkeys?
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fallintosanity · 4 years
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What are your thoughts on 7 Remake’s ~controversial~ ending? It’s been a few weeks now since I finished and I legit feel like I’ve journeyed through all 5 stages of grief and finally landed on Acceptance 😅
haha that’s fair! I have a lot of thoughts about the remake, but they’re coming from three different angles. 
(Spoilers under the cut obvs; also this got fucklong even after I cut a bunch of non-ending-related thoughts, and I apologize to those of you on mobile)
From the POV of someone who played and loved the original
Overall, I really enjoyed the remake, ending and all. I replayed the OG prior to the remake’s release, finishing literally four hours before the remake became available in North America, but it had still been months since I did the Midgar parts so it wasn’t too immediately fresh in my mind. Still, I was impressed by how faithful the remake is to the OG for the vast majority of the game. They noticeably cleaned up a few things, like Tseng slapping Aerith, which didn’t age well or stopped making sense with regards to the greater Compilation, which was nice to see. But they also doubled down on some of the ridiculousness of the original. I can’t tell you how much I cackled when the Hell House showed up, or how many times I said to my fiance in joy/disbelief, “They really managed to fit that in!” 
I also love all the little nods to the greater Compilation. I saw one interview excerpt from like... 2015 or 2014 or something that said the Remake is considered canon to the Compilation, and the content of the Remake itself suggests this. While some of the cameos could be considered nothing more than cameos (as much as I love Kunsel, I don’t think his name being dropped means anything other than that they needed a name and wanted to give a nod to him), there are other clear hints that Crisis Core and The Kids Are Alright, at minimum, are canon to the Remake. Hojo mentions “S and G type” SOLDIERs, i.e., Sephiroth-type and Genesis/Gillian-type. (Roche is a G type I am not taking arguments on this point) The description of the Buster Sword says it carries the hopes and dreams of those who came before, implying more than just Zack (i.e., Angeal). Zack’s scene right before he charges the ShinRa army is shot-for-shot the one from Crisis Core, which could have just been a nod, but the fact that he also says the same lines as the original is telling. There’s a lot of lore loaded into those lines. Leslie and Kyrie are both from The Kids Are Alright (which makes me wonder if the third ShinRa half-brother is floating around somewhere). You could make an argument for Before Crisis being partially or completely canon to the remake as well, since someone mentions a previous assassination attempt on the President, which happened in BC. 
But now we get into the issue of whether Advent Children is canon to the remake, i.e., the ending and the thing you actually asked about. ^^; This is where I’m more torn. My initial reaction to the ending was “Oh crap, we went from FFVII-Remake to Kingdom Hearts - oh shit now we’re in Advent Children - oh fuck now we’re in fanfiction-land.” Which... is definitely not what I was expecting from the ending of Part 1. 
On first playthrough it feels a bit like they overplayed their hand with Sephiroth in the ending: “everyone wants a Sephiroth fight in a FFVII game, so we’ll give them a Sephiroth fight”. I’ve seen a lot of complaints about the fact that Sephiroth appears in person in the Midgar sequence, when in the OG all we see of him before Kalm is the aftermath of President Shinra’s murder. I do think Sephiroth’s appearances prior to the ending were done well - the writers clearly intended to emphasize Cloud’s mental issues, and Sephiroth is too big a part of them to ignore. His appearances prior to the top of Shinra Tower both serve as a bone tossed to those who wanted to see him in the remake, and set up the Cloud-Sephiroth relationship a lot earlier and in more depth. You can see how utterly terrified Cloud is every time Sephiroth is around - even sometimes frozen into immobility. Depending on how things go with the Kalm flashback, this may also help cue new players in to just how wrong things are with Cloud. (After all, a SOLDIER First shouldn’t be afraid of another SOLDIER First, should he?) But the final fight against Sephiroth, or at least, a clone wearing Sephiroth’s face, felt premature, out of place, something that’s only there to appease people who wanted to fight Sephiroth now. 
Aside from the Sephiroth thing, I’m reserving judgment a bit on the ending as a whole. On the one hand, I’m deeply curious to see where the story goes from here, and how the writers use their newfound freedom (more on that in a minute). On the other hand, I don’t want this to turn into Kingdom Hearts 4, and I don’t trust Nomura in that regard, especially after all the bullshit that went on with KH3, Verum Rex, and FFXV/versus 13. I love Nomura, but like George Lucas, he desperately needs someone to rein in, edit, and shape his ideas.
I’m also not sure how I feel about all the theories being thrown out there - such as that at least one of the Sephiroths we see is the one from after AC, somehow flung back in time to fuck things up; or that the OG was, 999-style, Aerith seeing into the future and now in the remake she’s taking control to put everything on the path she wants. They’re interesting, for sure, and I think that with careful handling, it’s possible Squenix might be able to pull one of them off - but given what I know of Squenix (again, more on that later), I don’t trust them to do it well. I am, to be blunt, very concerned that later installments of the remake are going to turn into an incoherent tug-of-war between those who want to be faithful to the original, and Nomura’s desire to inject weird Kingdom Hearts nonsense everywhere. 
I say this with all the love to Kingdom Hearts, but it’s a very specific kind of story and it’s not what I want to see in my FFVII.
On a writing meta level
On the meta level, I’m fascinated by the choice to go with the whole Whispers/Arbiters of Fate thing. I don’t know how much of that is pure Nomura-injected BS vs how much was a deliberate choice by the writing team, but for right now I’m going to assume it was mostly a deliberate and unanimous choice. 
I’ve seen a lot of other Remake opinions along the lines of a reluctant, “I guess they had to put the Whispers in there because a perfect remake wouldn’t have been satisfying to everyone. There’s always someone who would have complained.” I... don’t think that’s entirely true. Like, yeah, sure, someone’s always going to complain if it’s not a pixel-perfect remake, but based on the overall satisfaction I’ve seen from OG fans (including myself) regarding the parts that are true to the original, I think Squenix would have done just fine if that was the path they chose. And given how much attention they paid to making most of the game into a nearly-perfect recreation, I think the writers knew it. 
So why’d they go the whole Whispers route? 
My guess would be that the writers were giving themselves freedom, on a meta level, with the Whispers. It’s a way of both poking fun at, and solving, their own dilemma: do we make a perfect, hi-res copy of the original? Or do we change things to make it our own? 
The “change something to make it your own” is a longstanding trope when someone new is put in charge of something old. You see it in everything from Disney live-action remakes to new managers who change their employees’ routines just to “make an impact”. Most of the time, these changes are neutral / un-impactful at best, or outright frustrating / terrible at worst. I wonder if the Remake writing team wasn’t fully aware of this, and possibly tangled up in knots internally about how to handle it. Would it be seen as a bad, “make it their own” change to have Tseng not slap Aerith? What about adding Chocobo Sam, Madam M, and Andrea Rhodea to the Wall Market sequence? What about the changes to how the Avalanche gang reacts to Cloud, now that we have full animation and voice acting and it’s clear Avalanche has no reason to want to keep him around except for Jessie being horny on main? Where’s the line? 
I could see the Whispers being the writing team’s way of making sure they stay in line where it’s important, while also giving themselves the freedom to make the updates needed to allow the remake to work. They’re kind of a meta nod to the audience, a “don’t worry! If we get too far out of line, the Whispers will bring us back.” In that sense, the entire ending where you (the player) kill the Whispers and free yourself (the player) from destiny is you giving the writers permission to continue making those small changes. 
In FFXV, almost the entire ending sequence is a cutscene: Noctis on the throne, being murdered by his ancestors and descending into the spirit realm. But there’s one single quick-time event in there, one point where the player has to take action and push a button. It’s not even difficult, and on the surface it seems pointless. Except, if you don’t, Noctis lives. (Trapped in purgatory maybe, but he’s still there.) If you never push that button, Noctis doesn’t sacrifice his spirit and those of the Lucii to destroy Ardyn and wipe the Scourge from Eos. By asking - requiring - the player to push that button to commit that final act, the game makes the player complicit in Noct’s sacrifice. It’s a powerful moment, and similar to what (I suspect) the Remake writers intended with the Whispers. 
Because they could have left the Whispers in forever. They could have had them be a continuous presence throughout all episodes of the Remake, a little reminder that no matter what tweaks the writers might make to update the story, to “make it their own”, the Arbiters of Fate will ensure things are on track. That things will play out exactly as in the original. But by asking the player to destroy the Arbiters, the writers are asking for the player’s permission to make changes. And by killing the Arbiters, you’re granting it. Because, just like you can keep Noctis alive by not pushing the button when prompted, you can keep the original game more-or-less on track by never stepping through that portal, never killing the Arbiters. But if you do step through that portal and go through with it, you’re agreeing to accept that things might change, thus freeing the writers from the constant double jeopardy of changing things vs keeping them exactly the same. 
On a business meta level
As cool as (I think) that all sounds, the bigger question is, can Square Enix actually pull it off? And here’s where I start to have my most significant doubts. After the FFvs13/FFXV debacle and the hopeless mess that was KH3, I do not trust Nomura to tell a coherent story, even if it’s supposedly a retelling of an existing, well-known story. I don’t know anything about the inner workings or politics at Square Enix, other than that there are politics at play, so in fairness to him I can’t really say it’s because he himself is bad at telling a story, or just doesn’t have the support he needs to convey his vision well. But that gets into other issues with Squenix. We know their last several major games have had long and troubled developments. Someone way more attuned than me to the Japanese video games industry can talk in depth about why; all I know is that it happened (is happening?) and that it’s something of a miracle the remake came out as well as it did. 
On top of that, I’m a bit concerned that even if Squenix can get (and keep) its shit together, it might be up against external forces that constrain how it can tell the story of FFVII in the present. For example, from what I’ve heard, the reason Crisis Core never got ported the way so many other games did, and the reason Genesis Rhapsodos has never been seen outside it and a Dirge of Cerberus cameo, is due to image licensing fights with Gackt, Genesis’s face model. CC established Genesis as a key player in the events leading up to the original game’s story, and enough hints have been dropped about CC in the remake that, like I said earlier, it appears to be canon. But if Squenix can’t reach an agreement to use the character again, they might be trapped in a corner where they either have to completely rewrite the parts of the story involving Genesis, or dance around his existence. 
And on top of all that, it’s just expensive and time-consuming as hell to make games on the remake’s scale. Everyone expects the PS4 to be retired by the time Remake Part 2 comes out, which is going to pose huge logistical issues for releasing it. Squenix has been having a rough time of it lately, from what I’ve heard - are they, as a company, capable of handling all those logistical issues? I don’t know, and that makes me nervous. 
Still, they did do a remarkable job with the remake overall, even grappling with the pandemic around the launch date. So maybe they’re getting their shit together again, and things will be smooth sailing from here. We’ll have to wait and see. 
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ranger-kellyn · 4 years
Text
11 Favorite Excerpts
In honor if it being the 11 year anniversary of the first fic I ever posted, Platinum Bound, I thought I’d list out 10 of my favorite excerpts from everything I’ve posted so far, 1 from something I haven’t posted yet, and then kind of just. Talk about it~
As always, feel free to talk to me about any of my fics, no matter how old or new~ I’m very vain~<3
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1 - Come With Me - Prologue - 03/02/2015 - Completed
A day that was supposed to be filled with sorrow and mourning had turned out to be very lovely. The cold that had long persisted since November had decided to lighten its icy grip on this one day in particular. It was almost a tragedy in itself that the weather failed to match the mood by pouring a relentless downpour. Rain was fit for a funeral. Not sunshine.
The opening to Come With Me has always had a special place in my heart, and while I know my writing has gotten better since then, I always hold up this opening as like...my premium brand, I suppose.  I love the mood the prologue sets up for Siebold’s side of the story.  Mismatched weather.  His parents having the same death date.  A sense of odd relationship dynamics with them.  Clear indication that there’s going to be a lot of conflict with Jean as shown by Diantha, Siebold’d childhood friend, who has a clear disdain towards him.  CWM may not be my BEST WORK, but it’s probably one of my favorites.  ALSO....come on...the restaurant’s name is Apple of The Earth, which is a direct translation of pomme de terre, which is French for potato.  And like???? i just get a little kick out of it every time
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2 - It Takes Two - 12/16/2014 - Oneshot
Siebold chuckled.  “A water dark type?  My, my.  You’ve already put yourself at a disadvantage. Cress shook his head.  “Don’t give away your secret ingredient just yet, Siebold.  Leave something to the imagination, please,” he teased.
If there is ONE THING I LOVE it’s writing flirty banter for these two, and this fic if full of it.  My first fic for Cress/Siebold, staking my claim on the pool noodle that is this ship.  I AM the captain of this pool noodle
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3 - Second Chances - Chapter 7 - 06/14/2017 - Ongoing
“It was supposed to be me!” . . . Shaking, she stopped herself in the front hallway.  Looking over the large, glass-famed map, she felt as though she was leaving her own body as she slammed herself against it in a last ditch effort to feel something other than emotional pain.  In an effort to put a physical wound to her emotional one. 
There’s plenty of happier lines from this fic I could choose.  Ch 10 had a section I was considering instead, but I think this emotionally charged section has always stood out for me. I like to generally characterize Cynthia as someone who is in control of her emotions, or at the very least, is very good at compartmentalizing things, but here, she absolutely loses it.  No rationality.  No seeking help.  Just raw pain.  It was supposed to be me. Because it was!  It absolutely was!  In the previous chapter you learn that Diantha had fully intended to propose to her!  But was instead manipulated by her mother and manager into leaving Cynthia.  While Cynthia didn’t know that, we do, and that makes that line so much more painful to me.  I swear.  ONE DAY.  I’ll actually finish this fic.
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4 - Fortune and Fame - Chapter 1 - 03/23/2016 - Completed
“The best part of that outfit would be taking it off.” Her mouth turns into a smile. “I should think so,” she tells you.
Second person POV is a HUGE pain in the ass, but I still love this silly little fic, and I love this silly little moment EVEN MORE.  What can I say.  I love flirty banter. This whole fic was an absolute experiment, and while it certainly could be better, considering 2POV is not something I regularly work with, I’ve never been too upset with it.
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5 - Stockholm - Chapter 4 - 06/20/2016 - Ongoing
“You’re my mission and my mission alone.  I don’t need outside help,” he tells me. I catch myself about to laugh.  “Figured you would welcome it seeing as whatever you think you’re doing to me clearly isn’t working.” He moves closer, enough for me to feel the warmth of his body, but it’s only when I think he’s looking at my lips do I come to my senses, pulling my legs up to my person, and pushing back up against the wall. “I would say it’s working just fine.”
i like to think of this fic as me playing in a sandbox.  i don’t REALLY know what i’m doing, but i’m having fun, and that’s all that matters. This is a fic I had been thinking about for the longest time.  I abandoned it back in 2016.  I don’t really remember why, but I posted the first update early this year, and I just.  I’ve been loving it since.  I haven’t played in first person in SUCH a long time, it’s just nice to play in the space, and explore a darker emotion I guess.  Game verse Commander Saturn/Dawn is always a weakness of mine
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6 - Shadows of My Heart - Chapter 4 - 02/22/2011 - Completed
Looking at Kellyn, I notice that he has taken his jacket off and is now offering it to me. Shaking my head, I tell him that I can't take it, even though I would love nothing more than to take him up on his offer. He walks closer, smiling as he places his jacket over me. Now, the only thing I hear is the sound of the rain bouncing off of Kellyn's jacket, and the sound my own heartbeat. I'd have to be crazy or dead to not be blushing right now, and obviously my pulse is still going…
if you’ve followed me for a few years, you might think this is a weird pick for me.  i complain about it a lot.  i experience a lot of visceral cringe whenever i reread it (Like i did just now searching for a section i liked) But that’s why I like it.  I love having this visible benchmark of where I’ve come from, and where my ideals have shifted to.  I’ve always written Kellyn as my Ideal Man™© and in this fic he is suCH A “NICE GUY” AND IT’S JUST. SO BAD. I’M SO GLAD I’M NOT WITH THE KIND OF PERSON I USED TO WISH I WAS WITH. This fic is, at best, clumsy.  Younger me was venting a LOT of stuff. Everything I put Rhythmi through in the fic, I was dealing with irl, and NOT handling them well.  I never recommend this for reading, but I list it here because it’s like looking in a time capsule.  
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7 - Washington Blues - Chapter 2 - 04/30/2012 - Abandoned Work
Looking back up at me, the afternoon sun shines on her face.  As if I needed to be reminded that she is very pretty.  “I believe that it is too soon to be giving a definite answer, but,” she pauses to brush some hair behind her ear, “I do believe I am going to like it here.” I nod, liking the answer she has provided.  I put my pink bag over my shoulder, and step down the stairs.  “That’s good to hear.  I do hope you come to love our little band,” I say, putting a little emphasis on “our”.  Hopefully she will start using that term as well.
This fic has been abandoned since 2012, but as I was rereading it just now, I...felt a weird urge to give it a second chance?  Marching band was my EVERYTHING in high school.  It was basically my personality.  It and Homestuck.  If nothing else, I think I might give this fic a redo, because it’s something my younger self would have loved.  I had so many ideas I wanted to explore and I think it would be a fun space to explore. Just reading it I got the most tactile memories of band camp, from the sounds, all the way down to the god awful smells.  One day I’ll give this fic another go, but probably in 3rd person lmao.  Also, it’s kind of funny.  I remember holding this fic up as like.  My Magnum Opus.  I considered chapter 1 to be the BEST thing I had written up to that point. Now? It’s so fucking D RY......and no real person talks like they all do l m a o I love being able to see how far I’ve come. 
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8 - Hindsight - Sometime Feb 2014?  - Oneshot for an old RP group
This question led him to placing both of his hands in his lap.  “I would never describe her as winter.  It’s the season she hates the most.  From what I’ve gathered during our travels together, understandably so,” he answered, not meeting her eyes. 
While this fic is OLD it holds a very special place in my heart.  I had stopped writing for a while.  For about 2 years nothing I wrote ever really panned out, and joining that RP group was literally the best thing I could have done for my creativity.  It was so much fun, and I met some truly incredible people thanks to it.  Literally, everything I’ve written since I attribute to that group.  <3 I may not talk to most of them anymore, but I have some of the best memories of that time, and I just.  Genuinely don’t think I would have HALF of what I have written now if it hadn’t been for their support.  <3
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9 - Ours For The Taking - Chapter 2 - 01/28/2012 - Abandoned Work
Killing is in the nature of almost every Pokémon, but we humans have inhibited that out for the most part. It doesn't take much to trigger the instinct though. A couple kills and then they thirst for blood.
Now i know this looks like a WACK ASS PICK.  It’s been abandoned since 2012.  It’s bad.  It’s gore.  It’s bad.  But that’s exactly why I picked it.  That, and I know it would chap Farla’s ass bc she told me years ago how awful this fic was. The whole reason my writing confidence took a blow.  I can look back and know that this fic wasn’t great, but I hate for my younger self that they were knocked down like that.  You can’t learn the boundaries of your writing until you try to push them.  Maybe I could have turned into a great gore/horror writer if I hadn’t been knocked down?  Who knows?  But because of that negative experience, I now approach all comments I leave on fics with “unconditional positive regard”.  I firmly believe if someone wants con-crit they’ll ask for it, and even then, I’m not someone who is going to offer up that criticism.  That’s not my jam.  I’m just here for a good time.  This fic may be bad, but that’s why I love it.  I love how over the top, 2Edgy4me the two chapters are. 
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10 - Getaway Car - Chapter 5 - 01/01/2019 - Ongoing
Pulling away just enough to make them look at one another, Cynthia looked her over.  She was getting more drunk admissions than she ever thought she would, and she was in no frame of mind to worry about pushing her luck.  “How did that make you feel?” she asked. She let her hand trail down her arm as she spoke.  “Grounded.  Like nothing else in the world mattered except us in that moment.  I wasn’t worried about filming, deadlines, what people might say or think, or– anything, really.  All that mattered was the calm you brought me, and how without meaning to you’ve made me feel like the most important person in the room.”
It’s no secret that Getaway Car is like.  MY BABY.  This is MY FIC.  MY BABY.  I CHERISH THIS FIC FOR SO MANY REASONS. I like venting through characters, and this fic is no exception.  But I loved writing this moment specifically, because it just...I think it encapsulates everything Diantha has been looking for.  She lives a charmed, chaotic life.  Up to that point in the fic, she’s with a man who can’t really be bothered to give her the time of day, but also can’t handle the idea of letting her go.  Without meaning to, without necessarily trying to, Cynthia makes her feel like the most important person in the room.  She grounds her, and someone who lives a star-studded life needs that.  This fic is my baby.  My everything.  It’s probably what I’m known for at this point, and I’m A-OK with that because these two are my everything.  (ALSO, I specifically posted this fic when I did to get Farla to leave me a review, and had a good laugh about it when she did.  My “bat shit crazy” plot device has ended up being my most popular fic~)
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11 - Namtaflu - Chapter _ - Draft from NaNoWriMo 2019
The sound of something rising to the surface of the water attracted everyone’s attention.  Turning their eyes towards the water, one by one, countless Starmie and Staryu began to surface, floating atop the water, their bright gem center’s shining in the moonlight.  “Oh, wow,” Bianca said, holding the Audino closer to herself.  "What are they doing?” Hilbert asked, turning himself so he wasn’t having to strain to look at them.  Cheren shrugged.  “They’ve always done this.” "They’re looking at the stars,” Hilda added.  “It’s what Nona would always tell me.  She said she read it in a book somewhere.  They surface at night to look at the stars, and they’ll even start blinking here soon.”  As she said it, from out in the distance, quick flashes of red began to move along the waves, reminding both her and Cheren of fireflies from further south.  Soon enough, the entire shoreline was filled with the water pokémon blinking away at the stars, almost as if they were communicating with each other, or even something else.  A few Audino continued to sit with them, everyone moved to silence by the display, afraid to make a single noise, not wanting to scare them at all and make them stop.  The display moved in waves, like a heartbeat, ebbing and flowing.  At times they were bright enough to cast a glow onto the shore, and at others it seemed like they had collectively stopped for the night. Once Broadway and Manhattan had decided to retire for the night, the group came to an agreement that it was time they retired for the night as well.  They had stayed up long past sundown, but it had been worth every second.   
I won’t be posting this fic WELL until my three current ongoing fics are completed, but this fic is pretty much everything to me.  I first got the idea for this fic back in 2013, my senior year of high school.  I wrote the first draft my first NaNoWriMo in 2014, and did a second draft of it last year.  This fic has evolved SO MUCH, but this last draft is where I’m REALLY happy with it.  I firmly believe there’s never a “right time” to write a fic, but I also believe this fic absolutely benefited from me not posting it after that first draft.  They’re almost two entirely different stories.  The original had a lot of unhealthy relationship dynamics, and this time, i decided, FUCK THAT, and now it’s a hilda/hilbert/cheren/bianca poly fic ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ I can’t wait for the day when I actually get to share this fic with the world. 
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fnaf-sxc · 4 years
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Any thoughts on, what you'll do with the unfinished M!As that you have on here?
FUCK
TL:DR: I might scrap the Magic Anons that are unfinished, I want to rework old ideas and comics but not make major changes to the AU, Im waiting for Security Breach for an idea I have.
Long ver under the cut:
I’ve re-reading parts of my AU to unlock the plot of them from my memories, its been interesting and some-what cringe worth it, mostly because my english was bleeagghhh, somewhat worst to the level I have now (?) I still dont know the time verbs but jfc sometimes the english text was literally a spanish phrase, that only sound good in spanish. 
There are also some topics in the AUs that I felt I did poorly, because I was younger and way inexperienced in storytelling... still, I still love a lot of things I did for the AU and even when there are some I wish i didnt implemented, I had fun
I am currently reworking the first meeting of Dark and Spring in a mini comic format because HOLY that is an old comic and is show poorly (i dont know if i should go with gijinka, animatronic or the furry ver (?))
As for Magic Anons... mhhhh
I quickly check just now and... well, is complicated, because retake them would mean reconect with the original ideas i had before and like i said, i didnt like how i introduced and potrayed some things, specially in The Spin Set, which was the first AU I did 100% myself, without talking and rambling to a friend to collectivelly make ideas... and I feel im weak when I do ideas on my own jklaghsjkd
The M!A that are left are Phantoms in the Room (pretty light hearted, nowhere to go), Big Bun (lighthearted, nowhere to go), Dominant (im somewhat uncomfy with this, nowhere to go) and Age Storm, which for some reason I begin to add actual plot to The Spin Set to it and because I begin to make it heavier, I begin to ignore the main plot jkhaskdas.
At first M!A were supposed to be a lighthearted escape from the AUs, unpredicteable and overall fun, but after I completed one and read it in one go I re-read it and is very messy chronologically, things happen too slow or too fast, there is nothing planned so is super weird and I didnt like that, so I begin to use M!S and try to think on a plot and make the asks interact and guide it, but I knew what story I wanted to tell and what I had to do. Which is why I also add rules to the ask and overall ignore thoses who were trying to gain control over what I was showing, what I was telling.
If anything this is the main base of the Sonic AU project im currently working, im telling a story, i know whats going to happen and what will happen, and people can send asks and interact, but never interfeer. I am the puppet master, and as much people want to take the lead and make me change the story, they cant.
I guess I complitelly broke the whole magic of the Magic Anons heh, but it was because It made me uncomfy to not be in control of my own story, and make a flip-flop comic had make no sence when I finished it. 
I used to had in mind “how do I make a comic that people like enough to want to do a comic dub about it?” and work towards that idea, make comics that were insteresting, had a structure and look atractive (as much as it can being a plain doodle and not fullcolor).... I even make a few myself to fullfill that desire I had. This is a problem I still had till today, I know it sounds selfish when I write it and people read it, but it was like a “personal goal”, the “reach this level of professionalism in your work”.
I dont think I want to retake the 5(6?) AUs I worked on originally, the whole “Silververse”, at least not with how they are currently. Like I said, there were choices I made that I didnt like when I re-read them, but i still have some nostalgia about it. 
I know The Fright is the only AU that has an end (which is not very good written im so sorry I wish i could write), Nightmare World never got to the endgame since I could never fully work on Nightmare/Golden relationship, their toxicity and their redemption to start like a healthy couple, The Spin Set has 2 endings and the more I remember them, the more I realize I had to do a lot to even get to the endgame stage, I never get to fully work on Purgatory Simulator and UCN is a whole new thing that I want to work on in the future.
There are 2 things I regret that I did a lot in the AUs and is hightly tied to how emotionally inmature I was back in 2015-2016, but I dont want to enter in discussion, All i want to say is that I can make it better, I can make it great.
I want to give closure but I cant in the current state things are, I need to fix but note errase the original aura this had. And with my FNaF hype back bc all it took was see the FNaF AR animatronics move like animatronics (bc this series at some point stop being about animatronics and more about “What did Mr Afton did now?????”), I want to work on things.
Here is the plan I have:
I want to rework a few comics, maybe not all of them, but a few, maybe add a few more to patch parts of the story I felt needed to be fixed.The Fright had ended, I could pulish it. Nightmare World never reach endgame even with all the backstory of the nightmares, I could make it happen. The Spin Set needed more development before I reach the 2 endings, I could make that happen, even better to what I had in mind before. Purgatory Simulator could be a short AU comparated to The Spin Set, but dense and straight to the point, and it would be great.
But that takes time, a lot of time, specially when Im just entering the world of being a freelancer, not having a stable job to sustent myself, and a lot of different projects Im working on and I dont want to leave behind. But i could do it, if you believe in me and have patience that I always come back, I could do it.
I also want to have fun, and not tie myself to anything.
On the other hand... I had an idea for another AU that includes UCN, FNAF VR, FNAF AR and the upcoming FNAF SB. It wouldnt be part of “Silververse” because the end of thoses is FNAF SL and FNAF 6, not a continuation as there would be too many timelines, but a frash start on another verse... this time in hands of another Nightmare Puppet, not Nightmarionne.
I have ideas, i’ve working on designs of thoses games for fun and to check if it could work, but I cannot do much till the new game is out. Its an idea I would like to do, and if I fail well, at least I will make comics about it.
So yeah- sorry for the long explanation/rant, Mr Hippo is my spirit animal (?). I guess this was a weight i begin to carry since 2016, the “work on too many things and only about one series” expecting to have something in return, so when my Sonic Forces art begin to have that recognition I lean more on that side.
But you know what? I graduated as an Illustrator, and along all thoses years I connected to the idea that I draw to make myself happy, and make people happy is such a bonus that makes me more happy.
I love FNaF, I dont have to tie and restrict myself for something I love, love is free and I can perfectly draw and be into something for months and then move to a different place, as long as it makes me happy.
And as long you sitll have fun with my content, things will be okay
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memoriesofyccjungrk · 4 years
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this is a very … unexpected fc change notice !!
i’ve been struggling for about … a year ? trying to revitalize this muse ? not that i’ve lost any love for yccjungrk – actually, that’s why i’m trying this out to see if it makes much of a difference. she’s a muse that i hold very close to my heart, and that i couldn’t fathom abandoning … so here we are, trying something different ! if you know me well or follow me on twitter, you probably know i was considering this fc change about ? i think a year ago ? and i think it’s finally time to give it a try. new year, new muse, i guess ? so, two years after her acceptance we’ve finally moved from weki meki’s choi yoojung to dreamcatcher’s lee gahyeon !! nothing more than her face ( obviously ), birthdate ( now february 3, she’s an aquarius now ! ), and her hometown ( busan ! ) has changed !! it shouldn’t affect her muse much, slight personality tweaks, although not so much due to the fc change versus a small revamp of her – but that will be explained below. it’s not even really a revamp.
but anyway – gahyeon’s among very few fcs i could see representing this muse, and i knew that if i ever did change yccjungrk’s fc, it would be to gahyeon. so here we are !! we’re starting this muse’s third year here at rookies, as well as 2020, with a path to what’s hopefully a happier, healthier, and more active muse. so, below are some ramblings trying to figure things out, as well as plots ( !! ) and some new information about royal’s lovely lupine, lee gahyeon !! please welcome her with open arms.
here’s to new beginnings ♥
things have been a little ? tough for this muse recently. so here’s going back to the beginnings – because honestly, her muse wasn’t very established when i started out here at rookies. instead, i started with a generic muse who felt a little lost, a little betrayed, and didn’t know what she wanted to do upon coming to rookies. as i established her as a muse here, the following developed ::
her mother died when she was young, and is the reason she started dancing
her father shut down after her mother’s death, blaming himself for what happened
she tried to reconcile and cope with what happened, but she was young and her father, who was her only real support system at the time, wasn’t responding well either … so, she had to grow up very quickly and take care of herself
she worked at a dance studio throughout high school that she’d attended as a student in middle school
she participated in a dance crew while in high school
she excelled in school because she wanted her father to notice her – but he never did because he paid little attention to anything
she managed to get into snu on a full-ride scholarship bc of her grades, and moved to seoul to attend as a linguistics major to go into a ‘ practical ’ career where she could make money, but she … really hated it
the only thing that got her through it was that she worked as a choreographer at a dance studio, image, in seoul; that dance studio was basically her life, if she wasn’t at the snu library, she was there
finally alone, she thought about actually pursuing her dreams and doing what she wanted for once in her life
with the help of kim doyeon, she applied for the mgas
she’s still confused as to how she managed to get a contract, and that royal entertainment of all companies wanted her
she was excited, but stressed, in the beginning – now she’s mostly just stressed
her life doesn’t have much direction now
of course the direction she’s currently pointed is toward debut – and don’t get me wrong, she wants to debut !! but with the boy’s recent debuts gahyeon can’t help but look at them and feel a little helpless. because of course it’s a good sign – it means it’s possible to debut !! but it also means that she likely won’t debut anytime soon. she does love being a trainee and realizes how lucky she is to even have gotten this chance, much more with royal – but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t gotten a little … well, lost ( *cue lost in the woods from frozen 2* ). she doesn’t know what to do because sure, she has what she wanted – she’s a trainee now !! she’s so grateful !! but she’s also, well … a trainee now. her path is uncertain from here on out. she’s aware that royal wouldn’t debut a girl group for a while.
so … what to do now ?
the simple thing is to throw her to the wringer. get her sick, have her father come back to haunt her, injure her, something simple. easy stuff. but not really likely ? gahyeon’s careful and knows her limits ( even if she tends to overwork herself anyway, but at least she usually realizes when too much is too much ), so she wouldn’t allow herself to get injured nor is she likely to get sick, and the ol’ mun in the back has plans for gahyeon’s father … so that doesn’t leave a whole lot. the lovely mod carly mentioned writing out goals, so … what are those atm ?
debut, with the royal girls preferably
get lee dongmin to kiss her ( yes jess, she won’t shut up about it )
keep in better contact with her idol & non-trainee friends
create new choreography
go back to university
create a life outside of royal
admittedly, it’s not much. it’s hard to … muddle through the fog that’s surrounded her muse, because she feels stuck. she feels as though she’s not making any real progress, and like everything involving trainee-dom is monotonous. she doesn’t like doing the same thing week after work, and january’s evaluation is the first one she’s actually been pretty excited about. she doesn’t know how to fix that issue … doesn’t know where to go, who to talk to – but … she has friends.
life outside of royal hasn’t really … existed much for gahyeon since signing. she talks with friends outside of royal primarily through text, and she meets with her friends at events around the city when she has time, but ? that can’t be her life. that’s really why everything’s so boring. her life is work, eat, sleep, repeat. she doesn’t do much outside of her trainee schedule ( not that royal gives her much time ), but all work and no play makes johnny a dull boy, and all that.
with the fc change, gahyeon isn’t much different. actually, most of her personality changes have already been put in place via her becoming a trainee, and being more confident in herself and her skills. she still has severe insecurities about herself and her talent that she masks with a convincing enough façade – but maybe we can break that ? her birthdate change makes her an aquarius now ( which, i’m sorry aquarius friends, made me literally groan irl bc i’ve met very few aquarius’ i like rip ). so, it’s almost as if the personality she was gaining fits her a little bit more now – just … more insecure than maybe she should be. with her time as a trainee, gahyeon has become more independent, and is more likely to speak up for herself. it doesn’t help the fact that she’s a little, well, over-emotional. not that she wasn’t before – it’s only amplified by the fact she’s a little more forward than perhaps she was before becoming a trainee. she tends to take on a mentor/motherly role to anyone younger than her, or anyone who has any struggles and asks her for help. she puts other people before herself and is almost altruistic to a fault. she prioritizes other people and their progress over her own, but she usually makes up for it by working herself ragged. but that’s always how her life has been – she took care of her father, so she takes care of everyone around her. it’s always been about them – never her.
i’ve also noticed something: gahyeon needs connections.
i have this problem where she has relationships/friendships with people, but she never really ? interacts with them ? i don’t know why, probably because i’m quite terrible at plotting and have run dry on ideas – but you know ! we need to change that. she only has maybe ? 2-3 solid, deep connections ? but we always need more.
anyone who may have met gahyeon back in her dance crew days !! this would’ve been around 2015-17 ? she also would’ve travelled a bit for it, so if you were perhaps part of one, y’all would probably have met at competitions !
she’s now from busan instead of changwon – so maybe i could get more past connections for her ? maybe people she knew in hs or who went to the dance studio she was a junior choreographer at ?
people who used to take glasses from gahyeon and want to reconnect
people who went to snu with gahyeon and either knew she auditioned for mgas/were confused when she dropped bc they never knew and want to know what happened
you’ve seen her videos online/saw her on the mgas, so you approach her !! maybe you’re also a youtuber, and you want to collab on something !! she’s super open, and youtube challenges seem dumb and fun she’ll do it
you need a roommate, and gahyeon’s apartment is big enough for two people – after some talks with the super, they’re letting her get a roommate, and honestly gahyeon’s super thankful, she’s very lonely and hates living alone
you live in gahyeon’s building and her dog always at some point in the night ends up yipping – you realize that it’s when gahyeon comes home and decide to confront her about it. she’s a child and scared when you confront her, maybe she cries – but she’s exhausted and you notice and well now you’re friends
maybe we need a burnt out trainee support group bc gahyeon wants to lay on the floor and sleep all the time and that’s just not healthy
speaking of which, you find her on the practice room floor one night because she fell asleep before she could manage to leave … and maybe you reprimand her because she really shouldn’t be doing that
someone she opens up to about her struggles – especially about her feeling inadequate. a connection where gahyeon hadn’t realized there would be one.
you two were close before gahyeon became a trainee and she apologizes profusely for dropping off the face of the planet when she got signed but you’re here now so let’s go get some korean bbq and i’ll pay for the drinks, okay !!!
literally anyone who will do bts cyphers with gahyeon ( preferably trainees, but if non-trainees would want this plot uh !! she has a youtube channel !! what’s stopping her ?? catch gahyeon snatching j-hope’s lines thank you very much
gahyeon likes to cook let’s have a party or smthing sometime soon and like. she can just cook for everyone. idk. let gahyeon cook more 2k20
not to mention, she’s open for ... literally anything. please, if you’re interested in anything, hit me up, either here or on twitter ( @/arkendrai ). i want and need more plots, and i want gahyeon to last a long time here. if we’ve already plotted and you want to snatch something up ! let me know ! if we haven’t ! let me know !! we can get ... literally anything started, please
i love you all, and i hope this is a better year for us all
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