#guys i tried to do an vd for the first time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

archivalofsins · 2 months

Note

hey, do you remember if mikoto/john ever made any comment about the viewer's opinions? fuuta outright tells the voices to shut up, amane acknowledges them when fuuta asks her about it, and mahiru mostly just feels like her thoughts and love are being rejected. i dont think mikoto/john ever even acknowledge the viewers thoughts about their situation outside the double mv and vd, and even then that could be about what es thinks about them and not the omniscient viewers.

They do!

It's one of the things specifically highlighted by Milgram and Yamanaka within his tweet about Mikoto's voice drama. Through the fact that they recognize and view what Es has deduced through Milgram as valid.

To keep it short. Mikoto references the audience opinions in these instances.

This has been editted to get rid of spellings errors and add more context. Editted on 02/28/24. (There were so many spelling errors to correct don't know if I got them all. I added so much more quotes from the timeline and interrogations and tried to adjust for tone.)

"Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" (Doesn't directly reference Es just that things now feel like they never end. Along with things he's never even heard before.)

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" (Specifically asking Es how they think this works instead of divulging any information he's heard from the audience that would in fact be beneficial to Es who after being asked immediately shows they don't know a damn thing about it. Staying consistent with what happened in Amane's voice drama prior.)

"Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing." (Recognition of the punishment attached to the guilty verdict working properly for Mikoto and that's adding to his stress. So, yeah he's hearing the voices.)

"You know that because of Milgram! I don't care about the law, I want to know what you think!"

His birthday interaction from last year. (Him asking if there's really another him implies, he has heard the audience bring it up.)

His birthday interaction with Futa after his verdict.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday) Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday? Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday. Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything. Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

Also, the fact that Mikoto's entire defense for his actions pivoted from I don't remember, and Milgram probably got the wrong guy by mistake to the other one did it. Which not much different from the excuse he gave before but was an excuse widely jumped on and presented by the audience after he was called out for faking for a good period of time and being bad rep. Well, to say the least- It puts a different meaning behind this line,

"“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Since it encapsulates what his first trial was like in a nutshell. Where people either called him out for faking/lying or blamed the alter for all the violent acts making him out to be the scoundrel. People even posited that what we see in MeMe is fake because it's far more graphic than the others and cuts and that this could be due to him having DID and lookie here.

In fact Mikoto's mental footage was so violent... "It's unforgivable." That was my judgment. "That too could be just a fake or attributed to multiple personalities, right?!"

Overall Mikoto, like many of the prisoners, does not state what the audience has told him. However, he heavily implies through his actions he's been told something. What that something is we don't know and given his first verdict percentage he would not be as inclined to tell us as the others would. Hell, even then a lot of others don't tell is. We were never shown what innocent does to a person outside of this from Mu.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday) Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean…Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

But yeah, since you were just asking if he referenced the audience outside of his voice drama and music video there's no need to read the rest here. What comes after this basically goes over how I tend to tell when the prisoners are subtly referring to the audience and other things but it's very long.

Now onto the interesting stuff. Because I wrote this before rereading the question and seeing you were asking about things outside of the voice drama and song. So, I'm leaving it.

Mikoto discusses the audience in the way similar to how Mahiru does. Never referring to the audience or the voices as an individual entity or directly instead either referring to that as Milgram collectively or referring to it as an extension of Es' actions and decisions.

Even in Double and I Love You neither of them refer to a big group of people but go "You".

"What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Unlike the rest of the prisoners who refer to multiple parties, Mikoto and Mahiru couldn't give a damn less about who is causing them problems and considers the audience, Es, and Milgram all the same entity. Never really separating the three. Because they don't care to.

Other prisoners that do this are Haruka, Shidou, and Kotoko if I'm remembering correctly.

"I will definitely make you love me again."-"Hug me again as you once did."

"You don’t even know yet, and yet."- "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment... Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless. The vote that negates the option of death, the love that won’t perish."- "No thank you, it’s none of your concern."- "Shall I fulfill your request and elect to live."

"That's why I became your fangs."- "Tell me why you tell me, “Stop'. Don’t you dare stop now."

Kotoko and Shidou do something interesting in their second trial songs having parts where they both directly refer to Es and the audience separately within their songs. Referring to Es at the beginning and then the audience in the second half.

"I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live. So this is unpleasant, hurling slurs of “hostage game”, you do know that it’s up to me? That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable. The correct answer, I don’t yet know, but there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

Shidou Trial 2 Voice Drama

"But... as long as Milgram continues in this direction. We won't be able to save those who get injured if I'm not forgiven." ...! "Even now, Shiina-kun is in a condition where any digression could be fatal. She can't live without my treatment. If I'm not forgiven she will end up dying."

Just want to highlight how Shidou uses the same tactic as Mu but somehow what he does ends up succeeding and what she did doesn't. A lot of people may think that's because none of them asked to be put in that situation and Kotoko was the one who attacked. Yet, my honest response to that would be what the fuck is actually stopping Shidou from helping if he was guilty?

Like prisoners who were Guilty once can still move around and interact with others and the things around them. Unless one is assuming that the punishment for being guilty trial two is worse than one. Something I don't believe would make sense and would not be fair considering this would just simply for many of the prisoners be their first time being guilty. Although, this is Milgram so maybe who knows.

Even in a situation where the trial two punishment for being guilty is harsher than trial ones; what the fuck is stopping him from teaching or instructing someone else within the prison on how to help if he were restrained? He even said Amane could be assisting him and Yuno has been. He's very replaceable, actually. So, it's wild this worked.

As we will get into it is wild any of them are getting away with what they are.

He also doesn't say this as if it will change later. Instead he literally states that Mahiru now just can't live without his help which given injuries should not be true. Yet considering that she hasn't been getting better over the course of trial two honestly yeah, I guess he's right.

That's... true I suppose. "From now on conflict between the prisoners will probably become more frequent."

Dude why the fuck does he say this??? Like no I'm being serious why does he fucking say this? Especially considering last we heard from Haruka in his second trial voice drama Shidou and Kazui were meant to have been negotiating a ceasefire? This sounds like something an individual about to start a conflict would say. A person about to throw down if you will.

Like what the fuck does he know in regards to this? The most good faith interpretation is the ceasefire negotiations have failed. Yet, it's still a weird thing to just add. Especially since he says conflicts between the prisoners. Implying that people other than Kotoko may end up instigating fights.

Even though most of the other prisoners are simply attempting to mind their business and he's the only one who directly states hostility towards Kotoko in various ways.

Others that state having animosity towards someone are

Yuno,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least? Yuno: I wonder. The ones that are painful just to watch are Haruka and Mu-chan.

Futa,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Futa: Can you not tell by looking at my face? Obviously Kotoko.

Mu,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Mu: Yuno has been really cold lately so maybe her a bit.

Shidou,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko? Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve thing with violence.

"To extract that fang, now."/“That’s why I became your fangs.”

Oh, and he has some feelings on Mikoto as well.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with? Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

What those feelings are beyond me. However, he speaks of his current disposition as though it's a problem. So, I'm putting it.

Kazui,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Kazui: To be honest, probably also Kashiki-chan. It feels like she sees through all the things I don’t want anyone to notice.

Amane,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Amane: Kirisaki Shidou.

and Mikoto,

Q.12 What do you think about Kotoko? Mikoto: I don't like her.

It makes sense that we the audience would know whom everyone is hostile towards. Especially since we just blatantly asked in some written interrogations. However, it's not as though many of them have been presenting their hostility towards each other openly.

Outside of Amane and Kotoko everyone else attempts to be cordial with each other or just outright avoid people they dislike. So, it's still weird he would know this unless he's really good at reading the mood and paying attention to others.

Something he has not shown himself to be. Though, maybe he really is. Still considering he has two individuals he'd could possibly have an issues with this really sounds like some shit somebody who wants start trouble says.

"If I'm not there... They will be in even more danger!"

Bitch you will be there- Guilty or not. You're not getting out of this panopticon any earlier unless you see yourself out buddy. Where do you think you go if you're guilty? The sunken place? You gonna mentally tap out because of the guilt and constant bombardment of being told you're wrong by the audience?

Other people who have been Guilty before you with no warning of what that mental or evironmentally entailed were still able to help and speak to others while suffering under the affects of said verdict. The child did it grow a backbone man! You're an adult and apparently you hold a lot of stake in the fact that you are... So, at least make it make sense why you do with your actions.

In case Shidou has forgotten we have a third trial. So, he's just being a fucking manchild here. Does he think we're gonna kill him immediately after he's voted guilty in this second trial out of three? Does he think as soon as the guilty verdict hits Kotoko is going to attack him? That's the most reasonable and good faith interpretation of this statement.

Like she did attack guilty people that's a fair concern to have. Yet, he's currenty being guarded. Because now that an attack has happened once the others are more on guard.

As Yuno implied would be the case,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks? Yuno: Is she an idiot? Nothing’s going to change in the world if you just act out violently where everyone can see.

If a person just acts out violently where everyone can see most people will reasonnable recognize that person is apart of the problem too. They won't usually assume they're the solution to anything. Plus again the fact that other people were guilty before him and he knows what that could reasonably entail he should be preparing for that possibility. It's clear that he wants to avoid it by any means and is doing his best to do that.

Which I can't fault the man for that's only natural. But-The fuck is Shidou's second voice drama fearmongering 101?! Why the fuck is he acting like this towards the end?

I bet you're thinking Gunsli is this your first time listening to Shidou's voice drama and honestly yeah it is.

This man is in here like what will they do without me. Despite the fact that a majority of viewers have pretty much agreed the child can take him out/is a serious threat to his safety. At the point the previous statement is widely considered a genuine concern true if anyone wants him dead outside of himself in this facility he is going to die. Because we know that from the beginning Shidou has wanted this all to end and to get the death penalty.

That he's been smoking to be unhealthy,

20/08/04 Mikoto: By the way, why did you two start smoking? For me it was just a means for communication with people at work. Kazui: Hm? I don’t really remember……It’s maybe changed nowadays, but in the past it was just natural for everyone to smoke. What about you, Shidou-kun? Do you remember? Shidou: ……I wonder. I suppose…… I just wanted to do something that was bad for me. Mikoto: Ahh, I kinda get that. It’s like eating instant ramen in the middle of the night.

So, he came into Milgram already trying to get out of life in general. So, he can't threaten himself like Haruka can. He's still gunning for that death sentence even now.

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY”."

The only thing he can do is what he's always done used the lives of those around him to excuse his actions and validate his own existence.

"But it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”. If the voices crying out in pain, can be saved by me- Allow it to be my charge and mission."

Like I don't know why he came in here acting like this verdict gonna make him someone he ain't and never was. Like man you couldn't even take care of your own- You want us to leave you in charge and responsible of even more people. People who have no reason to have to listen to or take him seriously. People who don't even like him.

Meanwhile Shidou's kids in Triage out here looking like they need Yusuke Urameshi not Shidou Kirisaki. What will they do without me? Man I don't know probably have a better grasp of road safety. You know just spitballing some guesses here.

He came in here really pretending to be the guy and for who? Himself because he's fucking weak and emotinally immature. He can't handle the mental stress of a guilty verdict, he couldn't even handle his own social relationships when his wife was alive,

Q.19 What was your partner like? Shidou: A strong person. I tend to be a bit careless in my personal life, so I was always relying on her.

or taking care their kids after she either died or got ill.

Like listening to the end of his second trial interrogation is legit hearing him hype up his own importance. As though he's going to be a meidcal doctor on the frontlines of a war and voting him guilty is equivalent to immediately killing him in front of a bunch of injured civilians. Halting people from getting aid. When that's not what's occuring here at all!

He's still going to be in Milgram and he will still have another trial. Like maybe he thinks that's what's occuring because of Kotoko but that's even weirder. Because there are more people against Kotoko's actions in the prison than for them.

One of which is fucking Kazui who is already guarding him.

Shidou... "I need to be punished... But I also need to stay alive or young lives will be lost."

Oh, Shidou you're such a martyr.... Pushing to the side your selfish desire to die because you're sick of living with yourself, your own failures, and the fact that the things you worked towards weren't the benefit you thought they would be and instead a massive failure-

Q.15 Do you think you’ve made a contribution to society? Shidou: I used to think my work was a contribution to society.

All because you've found something that validates your existence again. Something that,

"Tells me, the reason it’s ok to be here."

Again I need to highlight we're not fucking killing him with this verdict. Telling someone what they did was wrong is nowhere close to comparable to murder. Also, Kotoko can attack prisoners whether they're innocent or not. Jackalope's brought up that the prisoners are allowed to attack each other during the intermission all of them regardless of verdict.

Unless they're physically restrained and thuse made unable to they can still do it. Plus some of them are shown in full restraints within Undercover still ready to attack somebody if needed. It's not like she is completely bound to acting in accordance with Milgram's rules as has been highlighted before.

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday) Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time. Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you. Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets. Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly……

Yet, throughout his second trial voice drama he keeps subtly pushing this idea that not only will Mahiru die if we vote him guilty but he will too. That not even really touching on the fact the one to bring up a death sentence or execution as a result of the trials to begin with was Shidou.

He brought it to this point and is now lamenting about it being there like oh what should I do.

"I... I don't know what to wish for anymore. I'm starting to think that I want to live. That I want to be forgiven... Despite being so riddled with sins...! ..." Shidou... Do you remember what i told you? "..." Back when you were still fine with dying at any moment, I told you to deperately want to live. "Punishments for sins exist in the first place because we have an attachment to life. your existence in itself is a sacriliege to Milgram and myself", I said. "Yes... I remember." And now, finally, you've gotten attached to life and finally become a real prisoners of Milgram. That's what I believe. You wanting to be forgiven and your wish... Those are the steps that now represent you. "...That won't do... I musn't be forgiven. Otherwise... the countless lives I've taken will never be paid back." Heh. If you're really trying to give up your life as compensation for the people you've killed, then there's no reason to stay alive that will hold up anyway. "..." Don't face them with a life that you're so willing to throw away.

Es greatly sums up the main issue with Shidou's logic.

He is ready and willing to die.

Yet, all the people he killed weren't. Usually people seek medical attention for help, because they want to live. Because they're in pain and they don't want it to get worse. Thesse are people who are trying to survive and seeking out what they believe is the most appropriate help for either themselves, a family member, hell even a stranger on the street if someone calls an ambulance.

It's incredibly tragic when help doesn't get there soon enough but it's down right dispicable when the help is there and decides no you'll die today because I feel like it. You understand what it's like to have to take in order to give and I need to take from you to give something to myself. We're all suffering and you know some people like myself deserve to suffer less than others so this is just how it has to be.

Since that's the case-

"You're in my way...hurry up and die."

I see no difference between this and this.

"Please, go ahead and die already."

Excpet one of the people making this sort of statement puts a lot of stock in being a mature adult and never acting childishly. While the other is at least emotionally honest about their mistakes.

Why did I bring all of this up? To highlight a key difference between Shidou's voice drama and his song. Es never rebuts Shidou for saying he's the only one that can help or calls what he's doing a hostage game.

Making it more than likely Shidou is referring to the audience and the voices he heard discussing his case or something from his real life given the quotes around the phrase. This is more than likely something Shidou has said in reality or had said to him. I lean more towards the first interpretation when it comes to viewing these put in quotations lyrics as direct snippets of quotes from statements the prisoners have said but I'm not that committed either way.

The point is it highlights that he's not just referring to Es here,

He's instead speaking past Es and directly pleading to the audience or voters.

Which is the same thing Kotoko does here-

"So, make yourselves my reason. Just choose the only choice, GUILTY. Say that sympathy is useless. Hate evil as the evil that it is. Don’t you dare stop now. I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target “UNDER”."

Notably not stating that she became our fang before that but leading into that again. These lyrics (along with the prisoner 011 line in Kotoko's case) recontextualizes the entire song as a direct plea to the audience with allusions of concern towards Es. Mostly merging the two and going if you're on good terms with me I'll be on good terms with all you and your proxy if not things could get messy.

This showcases that they all see no difference between the audience, Es, and Milgram like stated before.

The ones who are more direct while referring to the audience are Yuno, Futa, Mu, Kazui, and Amane. Instead referring to multiple parties through their songs or one.

"I’m the one who chose, let you and you and you all in."

Yuno mentions two others before stating she let "you all" referring to the audience in.

"Don’t get cocky, you in that cypher."- "Tolerate, impress those spectators."- "This prison hosts ears and lethal eyes, I’m sick of it. You and you, throwing around rules for fun, hoisting up morality and feeling good. Should I succumb, make your wish come true? Full of yourselves, are you?"

Futa seperates the prison host from the audience the spectators. In a way showing off that he views Es as an entity hosting an event and the ones spectating as the actual entity he needs to impress or sway to his side. He's basically going if the audience likes me I'll be fine.

"So, it’s wrong? Oh shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right?"

It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is. "It's personal?" Yeah. That's right. "That's strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a warden you did have some things you dislike, but..." ... "Isn't it unusual to openly reavel a personal dislike as a personal dislike?" You're splitting hairs. "Seems like you really disliked my crime... I get it! Maybe it's because you're so young... Which is to say... ..." Hah? Stop staring at me so openly. It's disgusting. "..." ... [Es punches him]

Honestly warranted he is making fun of Es for the same reasons Jackalope did in Es' voice drama. Being a bit green behind the ears. Which is never fun. So, of course after that the first thing Es does is do the same thing to Amane in her interrogation after this.

... Now I feel better. "-Ow! What are you doing all of a sudden..?!" It was an instinctive reaction. Don't take it personally. "Would you stop just punching me in the face without any hesitation? ...huh Anyways... That's how it is, huh? That's how it is...?"

Kazui stating "That's how it is..." highlights that he does take note of Es' personal feelings. He not only does that but seems to take a moment to mentally compare them to what he's been hearing from the voices over the course trial one. Really honing in on the fact that Es says them disliking Kazui's crime is a personal thing.

Meaning that Kazui knows full and well that Es' personal opinion does not matter when it comes to the verdict and may have concluded as such. Something made even more clear by his second trial song opening with him telling Es to just go shove it. Fuck off get that nonsense out of here.

Kazui literally forgoes Es' statements on his actions from his second voice drama at the jump of cat like oh well the guard said it was wrong but fuck that- Innocent is the right answer. It's the conclusion you all came to the first time so.

Double down. Hence the-

"Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade. Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade."

The only allusion to Es in Cat is,

"So it’s wrong? Oh shove that!"

This is because Es has already said they personally dislike Kazui's crime or people who act based on their sexual desires. Meaning if Kazui's crime is that of a sexual nature trying to sway Es on seeing it any other way is pointless. So, he no longer has an interest in convincing Es his behavior was okay. Plus he's not even really concerned by what the audience themselves have assumed or figured out. Something alluded to through how comfortable he in while singing Cat in comparison to Half.

Amane's is rather straight forward as well. Considering her song starts with direct recognition of the audience/spectators going-

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! It’s the beginning of a most wonderful day! However, there are blasphemers and silent by-standers, who would have it otherwise. We must not give into them, they are the ones that should be judged." - "I disavow you, eyes corrupted must be crushed."

These are the only references Amane makes to the audience and Milgram. Literally going those who agree with me you know what to do. Those who don't well we can't give into those people now can we!

Then there's Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires."- "We are just the same. Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting?"

Mu compares how what the audience is doing is no different from what she has done. So of course it only makes sense she'd be Innocent. Then specifically speaks of Es after. The one who is also controlling people with their gentle sting. (This statment does apply to the audience as well. Since we're impacting the prisoners through the press of a button a gentle sting/poke. )

The lines calls attention to the emotional and psychological abuse Kotoko points out as being just as bad as what she's doing in her voice drama. Something Es also brings up as a factor in Mu's case during you guessed it her second voice drama.

When Mu says she never really hit anyone herself and Es goes yeah you just had other people do it for you.

"I haven't bullied anyone! I'd never do such a mean thing!" ... "I've never once hit anyone or poured water over anyone's head. I wouldn't do something like that!" ... "I'm not lying. I'm not being dishonest! I really haven't done anything!" I see. I'll take note of that.

Just like Kotoko did with Es. Saying just because you never hit anyone doesn't mean you haven't caused harm or incited it to occur. As Es attempts to highlight they never really used excessive physical violence/took it as far as Kotoko did with the prisoners. Despite the fact that they have hit them and impacted some of them just as negatively as Kotoko has.

Even more so from the admission of Mahiru in her second voice drama.

"I mean it. It doesn't hurt. Compared to the way I felt when you chose not to forgive me... Not at all." ...! "Not at all... Nothing. None of it hurts. It's not...as big of a deal. Ever since, I've constantly been hearing...voices saying I couldn't be forgiven. Yours? Whose? I don't know... I don't know, but... I've heard them this whole time." Mahiru, calm down... "Was what I did such a bad thing? I just... had a normal relationship like everyone else...! That's all I did! Why can that not be forgiven? Hey, why? Why? Why?"

Kotoko's second trial voice drama does well to follow up on those similarities It's Not My Fault, Bring It On, and Backdraft highlighted between the prisoners and those who watch Milgram. The same mentality to jump into something that is quite frankly no one other than the parties involved business just to turn around and blame others when things get bad.

Later

"Ah- But if you don't forgive me, then Haruka-kun will die. So, I think it'd be best not to do that." ...! So, you've heard about that nonsense, too? "Mhm! Haruka-kun told me. So, I could rest easy according to him. That made me happy... It made me really feel our friendship!" You know about it and you're not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is? "Why would I? Haruka-kun says that's what he wants. So, there's nothing I can do, right?" But you're calling him your friend? "Isn't it exactly because he's, my friend? Isn't friendship about letting your friends do the stuff they want?" ... "Are you planning to tell me, "That's not what friendship is."? Then, what is it? It's about sticking together because it's beneficial for everyone involved, isn't it?" I don't think Haruka is benefitting from that at all. "No way... It's not like you'd know what's good for him." ... You sure are tough to beat. "I really don't get what it is you're trying to say, Warden-san. Haruka-kun is free to decide what he wants, and I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not like I asked him to do that!" I see. So, that's how it is, huh. You don't say anything; just because you're present, the wishes of those around you evolve to benefit you- Oh, so that's it. Like, a born queen. No, it's as if you're influencing your surroundings not with words but with pheromones... Just like a queen bee. "Pheromones...? I'm not sure what you're going on about but I'm not a fan of that lewd-sounding stuff." That's not the nuance i was talking about. "Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of not being forgiven than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good, for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?" ...You're making my blood boil. "Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe, too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff." ...That is...a very enticing proposal. "Right? Hah, hehehe." Abandoning all thinking... How nice it would be if I could just do that. "...If you ask me, I don't really get why you don't do it..." Because this is the role I'm playing! "But this role was giving to you, wasn't it?" ...! "You didn't end up doing this because you wanted to, right? It's not a dream you've had for a long time or anything, Warden-san? So, there's no need to let it tie you down. Couldn't you just quit?" What are you... "Warden-san- We call you warden, because that's what you are, right? And I wa sassigned the role of prisoner, but that doesn't mean I'm now nothing but a prisoner at heart, too. After all, I'm still me." ...! "Are you okay warden? Are you feelings sick again?" Haah...haeuahh... "That's because you keep thinking too much about difficult things." ...Gyh!... Haah... "Just stop. Being the warden, that is."

Es brings up that Mu is emotionally manipulative. That she hones onto any weakness to exploit in those she dislikes and makes herself look small so those around will feel more inclined to help her. Through her voice drama, like many of the other prisoners, Mu uses the same tactics that got her into Milgram to begin with.

From her first voice drama Mu is well aware that Es has issues when it comes to thinking about themselves outside of their job as prison guard. She recognizes it as a trigger which she willfully exploits in an attempt to get her point across better.

Then despite saying what Kotoko did is no concern of hers and since it was approved by the warder it'd be wrong of her to disagree with it earlier in the same voice drama her tone changes a lot near the end.

"Huh? But that has nothing to do with me." What? "The ones who are suffering are the ones who have done bad things right? You know, like, what goes around comes around?" ... "Besides Kotoko-san hurt and was mean to the people who you chose not to forgive, right?" ...Yeah. "Wouldn't it be weird for me to have any thoughts on that, then? After all, I didn't do anything wrong. You forgave me!"

Yet, suddenly when the idea that she might be viewed as in the wrong later comes up Kotoko is running amok and is a prisoner more deserving of not being forgiven than her. Because Mu as she has always done puts targets on other people to avoid being singled out herself. Then to add insult to injury she directly contradicts what she says about friendship and it being letting the people around you do what they want.

By continuing to badger Es into quiting being a guard and stop taking the role so seriously. Because Es taking their job seriously does not benefit Mu. It puts her at risk of being singled out and votes guilty later down the line. So, it's better if they just drop it.

If they don't/can't she has no issues, or qualms making the situation more difficult for them by poking at weak spots until Es-

If you want to betray from jealousy I’ve told you what’s gonna happen.

What's the point of highlighting all of this? Why include all the others when this is just meant to be about if Mikoto references the audience over the course of trial two.

Well, to be completely honest this isn't about them.

Even though at times this seems to be about the others. They're only being used as examples of how I analyzed the information provided and discerned through my own perspective when the audience was being referred to, how it was being referred to and why.

It is just easiest to explain that method over the course of all the prisoners and build up to Mikoto.

It just so happens that this may stand out more overtly with Mu than any of the other prisoners. Because of how consistent a character she is. Like she states in her voice drama no matter what labels external forces put on her, inside, in her heart she will always be Mu. She, like all the other prisoners, isn't changing and has no desire to change.

Their only desire is to escape punishment and gain social power and influence by any means necessary at times.

This is important with how they refer to the audience and the entities they choose to suck up to. Many of the prisoners have recognized being nice to Es just does not matter long term because they are just a proxy. They don't have much power or influence over how the prisoners are viewed.

Sure, it's good to get along with them for images sake during the interrogation but ultimately how well off they are with the guard doesn't heavily impact their verdict.

Yet, as long as they aren't outwardly and overtly malicious, they can get away with harassing Es if they want to. Mu's whole thing is making it appear as though she had no malicious intent or at least if she did it was a warranted response to the circumstances. She's just a victim, an underdog biting back. It's not her fault people were mean to her, but she doesn't just have to take it on the chin and wear it.

She has a right to protect herself after all she was-

"Having such a hard time." and "Trying so hard."

She was at a point where she couldn't take it anymore. Her heart was all dried up and her sorry spells weren't working.

Mikoto is the same way throughout his voice drama.

A mix of Mu and Mahiru's behavior. Basically, they're all passive aggressive about it. Dancing around the point instead of tackling it head on.

Not really elaborating on what they've heard but more so implying it through their emotional states and responses.

"If you just laugh and pretend, usually things will work out in the end right?"

"I'm pretty good at that! Making things work out to the best of my abilities." Is that so... "Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" You emerged, huh. "Hey. Looks like you haven't received a beating yet, Warden brat." ...! ... "Hah? What, are you scared?" Like you didn't get beaten by Kotoko...! "Heheh... That was just because she caught me off guard. We went at it again while you were asleep and it's not like i lost there."

Mikoto in his second voice drama similarly to Mahiru and Kazui does not willfully give Es or the audience information. Instead questioning Es on what they believe and what they saw.

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" In precise terms it's called, Dissociative Identity Disorder. Generally speaking it refers to when a person experiences severe pain or stress, and a new personality is created in order to isolate the original personality from the resulting trauma. "Yeah. I... probably come out to ease the stress I experience."

It's important to note that Mikoto (John) is not speaking in past tense here but present tense. So, he's not stating I emerged in the past in response to the stress Mikoto was experiencing. He's literally saying I'm coming out now to ease the stress he's currently experiencing.

Subtly calling to attention that Milgram, the verdict and the audience voices are causing Mikoto stress and he was brought out to handle and relieve Mikoto from that.

Even elaborating after that-

"The fact that I come out for longer just means that I'm constantly under extreme stress."

Again highlighting the negative impact Milgram has had on Mikoto's mental health and wellbeing. Yet also calling to attention that Mikoto (John) doesn't have a clue about what the source of the stress is. Just that Mikoto must be stressed for him to be here. Saying that just means and going off the fact that he's here at all to discern that.

Them asking this at least confirms again that they both recognize the audience as well as Es at least know Mikoto has Dissociative Identity Disorder. Something Mikoto states he's heard from the voices on his birthday as well.

The fact that he's questioning if there's really another "me" on his birthday means he more than likely heard that from the audience. He doesn't really get the chance to broach it in his voice drama or doesn't broach the topic.

Yet it is made abundantly clear before that occurs that Mikoto is aware due to the voices he's heard from the audience. So there's that as well.

All this makes the moment after this particularly interesting.

Stress... Namely, the environment of Milgram, right? "Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing. That's why I'm entrusting me with my heart." I see. "Not like I can blame myself. From my point of view, I'm being blamed for a crime I can't even remember." If that's the truth, then... You're the one who committed the murder? "Yeah, it was me. I killed them off." ... "So, I, Mikoto really didn't do it." Can i ask... Why you killed them? "They annoyed me." Who did you kill? "Just whoever was walking around nearby." ... How many did you kill? "Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

Just whoever was walking around-

In this empty ass back alley looking underpass in the dead of fucking night. Okay, Lil' Slugger. I believe you.

I too walk around in the dark of night to secluded spaces with no public foot traffic and a loud passing train that would mask not only my screams but those of anyone else around this is true and reasonable. It's something we all have to do we can't control where our homes are located or find other safer alternative night routes at times. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and people like Mikoto are there.

Sometimes you have to walk up to or past a suspicious ominously posted up stranger that definitely doesn't look in any way to be waiting to initiate a hit. That's not something any person would want to avoid in the middle of the night on their walk by all means. I would have seen you like this and went whelp fuck my house is that way... Aw, damn he's either gonna kill me or I'm gonna get home but I gotta walk that way. Better start praying and speed walking.

I ain't even a religious person but I need something to have me right now.

We already made eye contact. I saw him see me. That was my first mistake. Can't get out of it now. Whelp, I have the perfect song for this. I'm such a fucking disappointment. Oh, this route will be shorter there's not many people on it! We'll get home faster. Now I'm about to die.

I would be so pissed to die because this guy was just what fucking waiting to hurt somebody. What the fuck man pick up a contact sport and put the bat down!

Think I was fucking around when I said okay I belive you well ha ha; no. I wasn't. I don't believe this is the truth in this instance. However, I one hundred percent believe this is some city shit. The fucked up thing is what he just said isn't unreasonable like that shit happens there's senseless violence all the time. That doesn't make it better he really went on the mic and said,

"I killed someone because it really was just one of those days, I'm quirky like that. I didn't even know them. Didn't even know their name. They were just annoying had those hit me with a bat vibes you know."

Like dude fuck you that's not better. That's substantially worse actually. I'm sorry this has nothing to do with the question. It's just... Rewatching Mikoto's second voice drama is a trip. One second it's like if you did do that for the reason you stated then you're kind of just objectively the worst person here and continuing to vote you guilty would be better.

He just admitted he just does this shit to relieve his own stress and it doesn't matter who he hits. It's not personal in any way. Does having a hard time and demanding job excuse that? I don't think it does. These were all people to his own quick and flimsy admission had no connection to him. Never wronged him, hell they're strangers whose only crime was walking near him.

Yet the child who killed their abuser is barely treading water while he's here coasting-

That's fucked up! The fanbase did Amane Momose dirty and it really just seems like it's because she's a child. Because these fucking adults be acting hell of childish and they are not getting as much heat as this twelve year old has. Be better. The fuck type of defense is this. He really came in here and said,

"I felt like it so I did. What's the problem?"

Then a majority of people went alright go off he's such a victim- Of what nepotism, marginally good looking priviliege?! Being shippable and okay to sexualize leading to people liking and projecting on him more than a twelve-year-old?! Because all of those things are actually helping him a lot if you take a step back to think about. Like if you take in the image in full he's doing quite well now in comparison to the shit start he had.

He literally said I killed just because they annoyed me. I didn't even know them and people went I do not dee the problem with that. Go off king people do be annoying. If you don't want to die don't be annoying in public. Being annoying death penalty actively abusining your child for years and killing a cat come on Amane jumping to murder due to that was a bit of leap wasn't it. Like even if your religion said so sweety killing is bad.

Because the truth is if he was Amane's age and gave the excuse that was given here it wouldn't be working. It would be giving repeat offender energy he would need to learn a lesson. He would be hiding behind his disorder.

Even though Mikoto (John) may only be admiting to committing the murders to cover for Mikoto which I'll go into again later... I'm mostly highlighting this to go this should not have made him be more favorably viewed. Like people really just ignored he said that shit.

Yet, then other times in the voice drama it really sounds like listening to your friend lie about the disorder they have blatantly and without restraint to get out of something they simply did not want to do to begin with. To an individual that is woefully underinformed about how the disorder works. Which is me saying it's fucking hilarious. It is absolutely amazing. He should keep doing that actually.

It's not Mikoto or Mikoto (John's) fault that people are ignorant when it comes to dissociative identity disorder and stereotype people that have it. He should take advantage of what aids him. If that's the ignorance of others in this age it takes ten seconds to start researching. No one has to teach anybody in the real wold except teachers and they ain't paid well for it.

We gotta figure it out on our own. He is in jail he doesn't owe society or anyone in that jail shit especially the truth and he isn't giving it.

Mikoto (John) goes me fronting longer has allowed me to stabilize which probably isn't good and means Mikoto the prisoner is disappearing. That is not typically not how Dissociative Identity Disorder works. I don't know why anyone would want to present it as though it does work the way Mikoto (John) is purporting. He's basically saying that alters are born at random and are immediately violent.

This is a a very weird and stereotypical way of discussing and presenting people with DID. That has led to the demonization and stigmatizing of the disorder. It's not like it can't happen people can have violent alters but usually they're responding to a trigger not just being violent towards uninvolved parties or just lashing out at anyone while outside of stressful situations.

Plus, alters can go dormant but that doesn't just happen due to someone else fronting. They can also be integrated. Everyone is different though. So, maybe that's just how this works for Mikoto. Though, alters do disappear for a bit that happens as well. So, why is Mikoto (John) acting like Mikoto's gonna die?

It's difficult for me not to question how this was phrased, especially given what others have pulled over the course of trial two. A good deal of trial two has been prisoners going well if you vote me Guilty someone else will disappear/die- So, you should just like find me innocent. It's that easy find me innocent and everything will be fine.

Like these assholes have genuinely forgotten they are in here because someone has already died. They really be out here like I will certainly take a life but it won't be mine. Do as I say not as I do. Violence is bad and we wouldn't want to hurt anyone let's all just get along.

Where was this Barney ass logic when you were giving people head-on collisions with bats, knives to people's chest, committing malpractice. Like none of these people have said there's no reason to take a life because they've all fucking done it. Just that there's no reason to take away their lives. At least with the people who have brought that sort of thing up.

Isn't that sort of fucked up? That all of trial two a good deal of prisoners threatened the audience with the idea of someone dying as a result of the audiences' actions. Completely ignoring, downplaying, or evading the fact that someone has already died because of their actions.

Instead, it's about reducing harm in the present suddenly. Yet they weren't thinking about reducing harm when they did what they did. Maybe reducing harm to themselves. Then when their victims come up they get real quiet suddenly. Unless it's Shidou or Mahiru who immediately turn it around and make it about how the victims deaths are impacting them.

How it's making them feel bad.

Even ignoring all of the emotionally questionable things presented here and over the course of trial two. Pushing that to the side and just taking the voice drama by itself.

It's riddled with contradictions. For example, this statement

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?"

Let's again ignore the fact that you were working and taking the fucking train before Milgram. Something that is not only expressly shown in your music video but corroborated by Mikoto's own testimony that directly conflicts with seeing you on a fucking train,

Q.12 How do you travel to work? Mikoto: Road cycling. It’s one of my hobbies, and it’s good exercise too. The fact I don’t have to worry about making the last train can be both a blessing and a curse.

Meanwhile in clown town where the alibis are shit and keeping a story straight is dead.

Q.17 Do you smoke? Mikoto: Only electric. I used to smoke real cigarettes in the past, but since I started my job I’ve stopped.

Like they even change the tote bags they carry so one has the color we fucking have had associated with Mikoto (John) and the other doesn't so the person taking the fucking train is more than like Mikoto (John).

Not even adding to the fact Mikoto confirms that he's the one who works at night in his fucking first written interrogation through this answer-

Q.06 What do you hate? Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

All things that appear or are alluded to in MeMe. Either from the tarot cards or expressly shown like with the images of him returning home.

Ah, man it'd be a fucking shame if on top of all that there was canonical merch that showed Mikoto vaping after the murder or holding an e-cigarette.

Certainly no one has that and the staff wouldn't provide us with something so damning because they like to keep things up to interpretation and it's not meant to be solvable. It's about how we all view it, view it in our hearts through our feelings.

Meanwhile the third anniversary art coming in with a steel chair.

(Something I brought up way before, along with the idea that the art from the third anniversary is in fact the prisoners after their crimes. Even getting this merch to check more closely. )

Oh, Holmes I'm absolutely stumped at what this could mean. Surely this is still just Mikoto (John) too. It could be no one else. Mikoto is an honest innocent man who couldn't hurt a fly.

All he did was dream. Except when that witty bastard plum forgot he still smoked cigarettes occasionally just a few times. Quitting is difficult, yes, even when moving over to the same thing in a different form. It doesn't mean he's a liar.

For another example, here

This is not Mikoto (John) in MeMe smoking in the tub but still Mikoto. He's an honest but confused man. Who wouldn't know or rightfully remember no longer smoking cigarettes.

Okay time to stop joking around-

It is more reasonable to recognize that they both appear throughout MeMe and Double and this is subtly displayed through their stated habits, clothing, and facial expressions. Then just ignoring the pile of evidence that shows Mikoto (John) clearly had a life outside of here too.

Along with that again to Mikoto's own admission trial one he was the one more active at night until recently. Stating with extraordinarily little prompting-

Q.20 Are you more of a morning person or a night person? Mikoto: I used to be basically nocturnal. Recently though I’ve been falling asleep pretty early.

Ignoring all of that again he's still just fucking lying.

Just because alters don't front doesn't mean they don't have a stable internal existence. What the fuck are you on about right now? Like at most I can generously say he meant it was becoming easier for him to front but this was bullshit.

This was not a good way of phrasing that. Again alters that don't front have personalities and could even have rich lives internally. So, Mikoto (John) is on some nonsense. Like he's just testing what he can fucking get away with because he knows Es is stupid and ill informed.

Every day I question how he is getting away with it when the honest answer is,

People frankly don't care to see it and that's fine.

There's even the fucking fact that Mikoto (John) directly fucking contradicts himself right after stating this.

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?" ... "If I had stayed a monster maybe that would've been better. ...What?" You've turned out to be much more rational than I expected... I'm surprised. "I'm a university graduate after all."

Alright, Mikoto (John) which the fuck is it?

Have you only recently been fronting enough to stabilize leading to you being able to communicate properly or did you front for all of fucking college?

You were at least aware enough of it to consider yourself a college graduate. So, what's the truth? Huh which fucking is it?

"Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

I am once again asking how you fucking remember college Mikoto (John)?! Yet, were just born back then?

Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room-

The threekoto or trikoto theory.

Because some people may want to say if you take into consideration the existence of a third unknown alter than all these inconsistencies can be explained, Gunsli. This is what all those inconsistencies are hinting towards, it's the perfect explanation you're just choosing not to see it.

Yes, I am choosing not to see it that way.

Yet that's not only because it doesn't bring me any narrative joy and subtracts from it. It's also because I view that concept as a cheap fix-it solution where a new factor has been shoved into the narrative in order to account for things within it that could be logistically explained by other means. There's also no actual evidence to this being the case.

One could rightfully say what about the inconsistencies you just pointed out though.

Those could simply be explained by a fact that Milgram has brought up since the beginning of the series-

The prisoners can lie.

If the prisoners who are under more restrictions than Mikoto (John) still have the freedom to lie why are people assuming Mikoto (John) isn't lying as well? Especially when being faced with an unknown, dangerous situation, in which he's been threatened with the death sentence? Like wouldn't the reasonable response to such an odd situation be to keep your information yours alone. Not willfully give it to an entity exerting power over you?

So, the inconsistencies found here very well could be there to hint at what exactly happened once all the information is examined together.

Though, let's be serious for a bit.

Let me walk down that bridge with anyone who wants to go there? What's the actual probability that all the information that they gave us-

Including naming the songs,

MeMe and Double.

Along with willfully adding this fucking very overt line,

"Doesn’t matter if you didn’t wish for it, can’t get rid of me now. Just the two of us, relieved, aren’t you? I’ll protect you (us)."

Are all actually statements meant to mislead the audience and both Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are being honest about not remembering the murder and this third more recently born alter is the actual murderer. Because given that statement on the crimes and Mikoto (John)'s admission that yes, he is a college graduate, the lyrics in Double pointing out we made him out to be a scoundrel-

In my opinion that would be the most reasonable conclusion to draw if I were to believe this is true with the information we've been given so far.

Even if that were the case and all of these other things were red herrings.

These would all be objectively the worst red herrings in existence. Because that isn't a red herring it's a fucking school of them. Grab a fishing rod and get to it. This is past the point of being considered a red herring and instead would be more aptly described as a series of overt lies.

You know a good red herring is when people can actually figure out it is that and there's evidence in canon alluding to that being the case and what is commonly accepted as truth being disingenuous. I'm not the biggest Steven Universe fan nor do I hate it passionately. I'm more neutral to it.

So, let's use it as an example.

-Spoilers for Steven Universe-

In Steven Universe it turns out Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz are the same fucking person. There is art that alludes to this before this reveal. There were speculations and theories of this being the case. What Steven Universe did not do repeatedly at any point was go she's not a diamond we swear this is a normal Rose Quartz.

They didn't draw attention to the elephant in the room over and over. Most of the characters in the series believed fully that she was a quartz and had been lied to for years. It's never called attention to because it is a wildly accepted truth. So, nobody questioned it.

Yet, there were still hints this was the case enough for people to speculate such far before it was revealed to be the case. My point is red herrings are seen not heard, not repeated over and over. A red herring by definition is one misleading clue or accepted truth meant to trick the viewer into believing something that is untrue or move them away from the truth.

It's not a consistent pattern.

-End Spoilers for Steven Universe-

Then to add more insult to fucking injury why the fuck would Deco*27 say this-

This isn't a red herring this isn't even within the canon.

This is a statement he made independent of the canon. Outside of that he didn't even have to give a specific number but did anyway. He could have just said what will happen to the Mikoto's now. If they wanted this shit to remain ambiguous. Yet, he still used two unless this translation from the Milgram app is simply wrong and it added that.

It'd be weird but machine translations have been weirder.

Yet, considering everything I've seen it truly makes more sense for me to believe Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are both being dishonest for self-preservation reasons than to believe that the entire series has been lying from jump.

I just find it more likely that these two who found themselves in such a strange situation, who are vehemently trying to convince the audience and the other prisoners around them that they are honest trustworthy men are just fucking lying about a lot of provably false shit. Then as it tends to happen when someone is telling lies off the seat of their fucking pants there are many easily spotted contradictions and direct confirmation of actual truths.

Because the truth tends to be consistent lies aren't unless a person is very skilled at it. (Glances at Kazui.) Throwing all that to the side.

If the idea of there being three alters brings someone joy, then that's all well and good. I'm not trying to stomp that out or rain on anyways parade. I just don't personally want the information I discuss to be associated with that or have any interest in discussing that interpretation.

There are a lot of people who'd have a great time doing that. I am not one of them.

Because I feel using that idea to excuse the fact that the alibi, excuses, other statements Mikoto has given, and the reality of the situation through the songs extracted directly contradict each other in a way that highlights he may not be being honest is not only incredibly convenient for him but somewhat disingenuous.

This includes his voice dramas and the birthday interaction before Double premiered. Unsurprisingly.

I'm not looking for an easy fix for those inconsistencies that keep Mikoto looking infallible and like he couldn't hurt a fly. I'm not looking for something that frames Mikoto as being in the right, a good person, and a victim of circumstance while highlighting an alter as being completely bad and in the wrong always. Because that sort of story is lacking in nuances in my opinion and wouldn't be fun to me.

If that were the case it would make it feel as though the story itself was highlighting Mikoto's character having dissociative identity disorder as the reason for him being a murderer or the only thing that led to these issues occurring. Something that just doesn't feel right to me personally.

It's never like what has Mikoto done/chosen to do or how could he have responded differently or managed stress better. Nope it's always an alters fault, it's always the disorders' fault. There's no respect for Mikoto's own agency because he's a guy with a disorder, he didn't mean it, he couldn't help it, that's just how it is.

The impressive thing is how often Milgram as a series pushes back against this interpretation and simplification of dissociative disorders in general.

Then the fandom pretty much plays into this trying to tell others there's a definitive way to know if someone has it, how many alters they have, and at what time an alter is out just by vibes and speaking patterns alone.

As if dissociative identity disorder doesn't involve a shit ton of masking and trying to appear fine to avoid being singled out by others.

Milgram highlights this issue with the perception of dissociative disorder through Amane's voice drama.

Where Es literally implies that since Amane's case doesn't present the same exact way as Mikoto's and she cannot do the same things as him that solidifies to them that Amane herself cannot have a dissociative disorder. So, in Es' eyes what Amane is doing is just playing pretend by referring to herself as we and god. So, really all she is or appears to be to Es at the end of the day is a kid throwing a tanturm and playing make believe.

Well... It's in vain. So, you might as well listen to me while we're here. "I won't forgive you. I won't forgive you." Prisoners can't attack the warden. This is one of Milgram's core rules, although a certain guy with multiple personalities managed to slip past it. "I won't forgive you... I won't forgive you..." Which means Milgram doesn't dictate who the prisoners are by their body but by their mind. If the mind isn't accounted for then the rule doesn't apply. It bothers me that there's a loophole, but... "I'll kill you...! I'll kill you!" Thanks to this defective rule we can confirm this; The 'you' holding the scissors right now isn't a god or a concept. It's Amane Momose herself. "...I'll..." So, what you're doing right now really is just a game of pretending. This is stupid.

Then Amane later in her voice drama calls out Es for referring to themselves as we. Saying that Es must just be playing pretend to avoid taking accountability for their actions as well.

Es makes the very severe and common mistake of assuming all dissociative disorders present the same way and immediately has their own logic used again them. Leading them to have another crisis of identity. They're shown to have a serious lack of understanding of themselves and their opinion.

Something that from the beginning of Milgram has been shown to cause them discomfort in multiple voice dramas. Mu's first and second one, Kotoko's first and second one, and Amane's second one. This same logic could very well lead to the audience making a lot of the same mistakes as Es is presented making.

Well, that was longer than I anticipated. But, there's a lot of things about Mikoto that imply he not only heard the audience voices but took the reaction he received into account when deciding on how he proceeded.

Other than that, I've got a birthday to have. Sorry for the long answer and going much more in depth than I needed to. I also hope none of this was rude.

Though i can't really control how I'm interpreted.

#gunsli rambles #milgram #mikoto kayano

55 notes · View notes

1moremilgram-enjoyer · 5 months

Note

I'm really glad to ask some (a lot, lol) question~ 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 12 for Es 2, 5, 11, 12, 14 for Amane and 3, 5, 6, 19, 20, 21 for Kazui ❤

Yay questions!

CW Cults and indoctrination, child abuse, internalized homophobia

1- Favorite song lyrics?

They don't have a lot to pick from, huh? But from Undercover, it's probably:

The fine line between "Hate" and "OK" Shouldn't you look beyond your EGO, before it all ends?

The first line, to me, really encapsulates how black and white the judgement system in Milgram is, and thus how horrendously inefficient it is. There's very little we can actually do to convey nuance in our voting, it really is a choice of just "you're perfectly okay and have done nothing wrong" or "we hate you and think there is no way you could ever be Forgiven", with only the 50% voting line separating the extremes. Sure, we can try to communicate with the voices in their head, but that's highly unreliable and unpredictable, so in practice "hate or ok" are really our only options. And Es' by extension.

Then the other line, asking to look beyond our own experiences to understand people with lives extremely different from our own, and how we have to do it fast because we don't exactly get unlimited time to come to our conclusions.

Though of course, this isn't just about us. Es is the one singing to themself in a way, and seeing how these things are phrased, it really helps show that despite how Es always act in control and on top of things, they still have their doubts and worry about how their judgement can affect the prisoners.

There's also Hibana, and for Es (and in general) my favorite lyric there is:

I don’t want to love a weak-minded love Come on, make it hurt more properly Going so far it’s no longer funny, is surely much more enjoyable come on, melt me more properly

Going by my personal interpretation of what the hell is going on in this cover, this line really ties together the meaning of Es wanting to make decisions with confidence, when it actually gives them extreme anxiety. Which, I do realize makes no sense when you look at the line by itself but I swear it works in the context of the wider interpretation.

2- Favorite MV moment/frame?

They have like three scenes what am I even supposed to say. Anyways it's probably this one.

It's definitely the most intriguing thing related to Es themselves in my opinion, only really challenged by the time they show up after all the smiles. The reason I'm not using that one is that it's difficult to tell whether or not it actually is Es even though contextually it's the only thing that makes sense.

Anyways about this spotlight scene. I like that Es isn't wearing all their uniform; they're missing the cape, the hat, the 'reciffO nosirP' (Prison Officer) and 'tse mudnatibud subinmo eD' ("Everything must be doubted" in Latin) band things... The point is to show that there is a person under all that, Es is not just the Warden. It's still a heavy part of their person, as they're still wearing most of the outfit, the gloves, and the keychain thing, but it's not all they are. Plus the spotlight and their expression, because again, as much as Es tries to confidently judge others, they themselves can get nervous when confronted, when there's a 'spotlight' placed on them.

Anyways I like it :D

3- Favorite non-MV official illustration?

This question made me realize I really don't know how many non-MV illustrations there are lol. Anyways here's the Tumblr compressed version of the third anniversary artwork.

I just love how this looks, and there's two Es'! That's double the fun! Plus them literally trying to grab at the prisoners' minds like grabbing at sand; it always falls off, Es literally cannot grasp what's going on in all their lives. Love it.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

You'd think it would be difficult to pick considering the guy shows up in literally all the VDs.

It isn't.

[Of Blessedness and Punishment] Amane: You're a child, too! Es: Wrong. I'm fifteen, so I'm an adult in Puerto Rico and Haiti. You're twelve, so you're a child no matter the country. Amane: ...!! Es: Hehe. You look angry. Amane: I don't. Es: You do. Amane: I don't!!

The siblings ever. The fact Es completely made up the fact is even funnier.

For something more serious:

[TASK] Es: What is this shit about being a companion? I exist to judge your sins - as a guard! I don't have the need to shake hands with you! Kotoko: Es? You don't see yourself as the executioner, right? Es: ...!? Kotoko: I've said it before, there are a lot of sinners which the law cannot punish. On the reverse, it is the same, there are also innocent people who are wrongly accused due to unsound laws. You also have the duty to forgive these people, no? Es: Haaah… Kotoko: You are not the executioner who convicts people for their sin. The person who offers to save the murderers who deserve to be forgiven.. It's also you. Es: Aaah.. Mm.. *shallow gasping* Kotoko: Come, Es… then, listen to my sin… Es: *gasp* Prisoner number 10.. Kotoko.. Come..! Sing… your… sins… *sob*

Es angst inject that shit in my soul-

[Imposter Boulevard] Es: It’s a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is. Kazui: It’s personal? Es: Yeah. That’s right. Kazui: That’s strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a Warden, you had some things you dislike, but… Es: … Kazui: Isn’t it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike? Es: You’re splitting hairs.

In case it's not obvious, I love when the mask slips a bit and we can tell Es as a person is more than just an extension of the audience. Look! They have personal dislikes! And of course it's Kazui who gets to see a bit of the "real" Es surfacing, because who the hell else would it be?

There's way more of course, but I have to limit myself a bit.

6- Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

Amane. Again, the siblings ever.

More seriously, it's not just that I love their interactions when they're fucking around, I also love all the parallels and the ideological clashes. The undying devotion to an extremely harmful system. The view of themselves as an extension of a group rather than as an individual ("we? what's we?"). The way they both hate being seen as children, forced to grow up too fast. The way they both try to convince themselves they're happy with their life and condition, to the point it's almost convincing, until you look closer and see the cracks. How Amane hates Es because of what they've done to her, because they're the same as her abusers in her eyes. How Es goes dead silent when Amane brings up their similarities, when usually they'd lash out at the mere idea of the Warden being like a prisoner, because they understand to an extent. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

I also love Es' dynamics with most of the prisoners, but Amane is something else.

7- Favorite relationships with another character if they weren't in Milgram, the way you'd imagine or would like them to be?

Honestly, this one's kinda hard because so much of Es' character is directly linked to Milgram. Imagining them outside the Panopticon in general is sorta difficult.

I think they and Amane could still be besties, but other than that, maybe Yuno? I think she wouldn't feel the need to put up a front next to the "I hate everyone anyways" vibe Es gives off, so they'd be judgmental buddies! Just imagine them doing each other's makeup while shit-talking everyone they can think of. Maybe throw Muu in for extra shit and giggles.

12- What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I mean, literally anything? Es isn't discussed very often, which I guess makes sense, but it's unfortunate. More specifically, I wish people discussed the more concrete things we know about their personality a bit more. There's plenty of posts speculating on what is going on with them; where they came from, whether or not they're related to the prisoners in some way, what is their connection with the eleventh cell, that kind of stuff. And that's all very fun, I love those posts! But I have never seen an Es character analysis the same way I've seen analyses for practically all other characters (<- also hasn't written a proper analysis of them beyond the Hibana cover post). Still, I do understand why people don't, there's a lot of interesting characters in Milgram!

Amane

2- Favorite MV moment/frame?

This is like asking me to pick a favorite child what do you mean. I love her MVs too much why would you do this to me.

Anyways here's my favorite child moment.

Look at her!!! She's going to fucking destroy her mother let's go girlie fucking kill!

I just love how happy she looks here. Plus the eyes, the eyes. This entire part of the MV is great, it just makes me happy to see Amane happy you know what I mean? Plus the whole rainbow and rain and umbrella symbolism, and the fiction bleeding into reality (the eyes!), it's all awesome. I love her so much, she should smile like this when she stabs Shidou in the stomach I think he'd understand.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

I could be cheap and tell you it's the same as Es', but it's really not.

[Apostle and Death] Amane: Okay! I’m kind, so I shall forgive you. That’s nice, isn’t it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour. [...] Amane: ...isn’t it condescending of you to assume that just because I happen to be a child, I am incapable of hating someone enough to kill them?

Amane Freudian slipping into admitting she fucking despised her mother will never not be extremely entertaining to me. Yes, talk about how much you fucking hate her, kill girl kill!

[Of Blessedness and Punishment] Amane: You fool. Isn't MILGRAM trying to enforce a new standard of judgment precisely because laws cannot guide this world onto the right path? Are you still being weighed down by the law? [...] Amane: "We"? What's "we"? Are you not just "I"? Es: ... I...? Amane: Aren't we the same? Me and Guard-san.

PARALLELS

Also when she attacked Es with scissors. I think Milgram should have allowed it, it would have been funny if the Warden just fucking died before Trial 2 ended.

11- What are your favorite points about their story and the narrative surrounding them?

What aren't my favorite points of her narrative? Again asking me to pick a favorite child here.

If I had to pick one, probably the way the line between her cult's beliefs, Amane's interpretation of her cult's beliefs, and Amane's own desires blurs to a point it's really hard to figure out what she's actually thinking at any given time. Especially because of how Amane views all these things. Her cult is unquestionable but also she subconciously hates a lot of its aspects and twists its beliefs to justify her actions to herself. Her desires are sinful and animalistic (Animal cover and cat parallels go brrrrrr), but she still wants to follow them so so badly. Ugh, internal conflict my beloved.

And also I love how desperate she is to endure everything that's happened to her. Her unrelenting will to survive and go against the people who hurt her, the way she's still glad to have been born, the way she still tries so hard to be happy and make others around her happy. Holy shit this kid is the strongest (in terms of willpower) character in Milgram and no one can tell me otherwise, it's so unfair she has to be that way it makes me immensely sad augh-

And also I love how angry she gets occasionally. How spiteful and rage filled she can be. I will never get tired of seeing Amane in pure, unfiltered fury. Yes, girl, stab Es with scissors, kill your mom, stab Shidou, do it!

And also (could keep going for several thousand words)

12- What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I think Amane is discussed pretty well here on Tumblr, much as I've heard horror stories about what the Discourse looks like in other sites. But if there's one thing I wish more people brought up is how despite everything, Amane is motivated by the desire to make everyone happy. Positive Parade cover go brr.

Especially in things like the Fuuta situation. I feel like some people see it as just her trying to recruit for her cult or something, when really she's just trying to help him. Same with warning Mahiru against medicine to "save her soul" in a way. Healing the cat. Becoming the "perfect girl", the March Leader with the cloud ribbon, to make her abusers happy. Trying to make the best of the situation by attempting to turn Milgram into an ideal world. Trying to stay happy because that's the one thing she's worked towards her entire life.

In fact, I personally believe this is why Yuuri is depicted in Magic as maybe "kinder" than the others (might make a post about that at some point). Its ordainment is "Thou shall deliver unto those thou believest in", as in, "help those you believe deserve it." This is the one ordainment which is actually kinda in line with Amane's desires, so she imagines Yuuri as less angry at her and more compassionate than the others.

My point is that a lot of the time I feel her actions are talked about as either just motivated by her cult or just motivated by Amane's """sinful""" desires, be it her anger at her abusers or her cravings like wanting to eat cake, when really I think the happiness thing is the main motivator behind those things and it's not quite talked about as much. Does that make sense?

14- Any headcanons on their appearance?

Huh, I usually don't have many headcanons on appearance, but I can try.

I think my favorite is Amane having really sharp fangs. Like, talking anime style unrealistically sharp fangs that make her a terrifying hisser. Cat Amane my beloved.

...

Also she has small (say, 0,5 cm diameter), red circular scars all over her back. Stun gun injuries (no picture on the link) basically. Listen things with Amane can't stay very wholesome for very long-

Kazui

3- Favorite non-mv official illustration?

Uh... Maybe his door?

(That's kinda small lol)

It looks nice as it is, plus it has some nice symbolism as does every door image. I just think it's neat.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

[Imposter Boulevard] Kazui: I despise myself for lying, too. Being a liar, you see – it’s painful. Es: Heh. Then just– Kazui: So I’ve tried to change! I’ve tried to change. I have tried to stop lying to myself and others! Es: … Kazui: I’ve confided in others. I’ve tried to be myself! I’ve tried to just be the way I was born! Es: …Hey, Kazui– Kazui: It’s not my lies that killed her. She’s dead because I stopped lying to her! If I had just kept lying- She wouldn’t have died…! Es: Kazui… Kazui: I can’t live unless I lie. That’s how I was born… I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

I mean, come on. It's the basis of his character and crime, and the voice acting is fucking insane in this section. Apart from how emotional it is, I also like that it still ends in the same somewhat performative self-loathing Es calls him out for in the first VD.

[Gouging in the Night] Es: Showing a hint of weakness and trying to get on my good side like that… Is that another one of your "adult techniques"? [...] Is there anyone who lets themselves get fooled by a specifically prepared "weak" side of yourself? I see, I see… So these are the kinds of skills that you gain when you've lived for a long time.

Gotta love it when a character regrets something bad enough not to be able to forgive himself for it, but he's so afraid of facing consequences and social reprimand because he's built his entire worth around others' opinions that he still heavily plays up the self-loathing to be pitied.

Timelines [23/9/2] Yuno: Haha, we both lie, don't we? The difference is the reason for lying. Kazui-san, you lie to protect yourself, because you're important to yourself. For me, no one is particularly important. That includes myself as well.

Unlike Yuno, who explicitly doesn't want to be pitied. Love these two.

I don't know if I'm explaining it right, but that's what I get from the whole mess.

6- Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

I love his interactions with Yuno, of course, the Liar Duo. Yuno is such a little bitch to him all the time, I adore it. However, I also love his dynamic with Es, if they count for this question. Kazui's VDs are great.

But honestly Kazui has a lot of good options here. The smoking group with Shidou and Mikoto is fun, his interactions with Mahiru and Amane are also always nice, etc.

19- What do you think their childhood/teenage years were like?

Extremely closeted homosexual, of course. Probably tried to """compensate""" in some way by acting as traditionally masculine as possible, I imagine he was quite the dudebro. With how much emphasis his parents seem to have put on his strength and tradition, I get the feeling he may have been a somewhat stereotypical jock.

That's why I think he may have done a lot of really stupid shit as a teenager and tries to distance himself from them now, which is why he puts so much emphasis on his age despite being less than forty years old. He feels like a completely different person than who he was as a teen, and while he was always self-concious about a lot of shit, he's maybe especially self-concious of the shit he did when he was younger.

Don't take any of that very seriously, though. All of that is practically headcanon vaguely guided by the text!

20- What do you think their social life was like before milgram?

Going off the previous idea, I imagine he only kept a few connections from his teenage years, which is why the one childhood friend he brings up is so notable to him. It's the only one who Kazui really wanted to stick around.

There's obviously Hinako and Kazui's other coworkers, fellow policepeople. The way I interpret the bar scenes in half is Kazui meeting with friends, the bartender being the childhood friend and the woman being someone he met as an adult.

Other than that, I imagine he was pretty closed off and didn't talk to many other people. He seems like the type to enjoy a mostly closed off friend group, but I don't really have anything to support that claim other than vibes alone so.

21- Do you have any similarities with them/relate to something in them?

Uh... I guess personality-wise we're not too different. In real life, I'm quiet and reserved, don't express much emotion, mostly have a "well this is happening now I guess. We vibe though" attitude to most of what goes down in my life, and don't like talking about myself much which yes is making this question sorta difficult.

Thanks for all the questions! This took a while lol.

#milgram #amane momose #kazui mukuhara #es milgram #000 #ask game

21 notes · View notes

linagram · 5 months

Text

[ 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚛𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚊'𝚜 𝚝𝟸 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊 ] 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛

and with this, we're finally done with all the second trial's mvs and vds! woooo! this trial surely was. something.

after reina's vd, there's gonna be two post-t2 vds (similar to this trial having two pre-t2 vds), the first one will be jackalope explaining some stuff (and miki finally getting to meet him) and the third guard's full name reveal and the second one will be about everyone's second trial verdicts.

Warnings for Reina's VD: None

Warnings for Reina's MV: None

(sounds of footsteps)

Miki: "It's Himura-san's turn already.."

Miki: "This trial has been so stressful and we also have to judge everyone later.."

Miki: "Wait-"

(footsteps stop)

Miki: ".. Will Eiji-san even be able to judge someone this time?"

Miki: ".. I don't think he will. No, actually, it would be better for his health if he didn't participate in the trial this time."

Miki: "But if he can't vote, then-"

Miki: ...

Miki: .. Hehe..

Miki: W-wait, why am I-

Miki: Why am I.. laughing?

Miki: I should feel sorry for him. I should hope that he gets better.

Miki: .. What has this place done to me?

Miki: Wait, is that-

(sounds of other person's footsteps)

Miki: Huh?..

Miki: W-who's there?!

Miki: "Is it one of the prisoners?.."

???: Calm down, calm down!

???: Here, do you recognize me now?

Miki: .. Are you..

Miki: Hiyuu-san?

Hiyuu: Yeah, that's me.

Hiyuu: Sorry for scaring you like that, haha.

Hiyuu: Well, at least now we finally get to meet each other in person!

Hiyuu: Ah, right, I should probably take this off..

Miki: What-

(sounds of Hiyuu taking his mask off)

Hiyuu: Here we go.

Hiyuu: Wow, breathing sure feels easier now.

Miki: ...

Hiyuu: Hm? Is there something wrong with my face?

Hiyuu: Hold on, let me-

Hiyuu: .. Ahaha, I still have some ice cream left on my face..

Hiyuu: I should wipe it off..

Hiyuu: Wait, do I even have anything to wipe it off with-

(sounds of Hiyuu talking to himself in the background)

Miki: "CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE-"

Hiyuu: Is everything okay, Miki-san?

Miki: I'M FINE!

Miki: .. Oh my god, sorry, that was so loud, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-

Hiyuu: Don't worry, I just wanted to make sure you're alright, haha.

Hiyuu: I want to help you with interrogating the tenth prisoner, is that okay with you?

Miki: Y-yes, sure! Interrogations can be.. very tiring..

Miki: Ah, but only if you're okay with that-

Miki: H-huh?

(a sound of Hiyuu putting his hand on Miki's head)

Hiyuu: I left my room exactly because I wanted to help you. So of course I'm okay with that.

Miki: O-oh..

Miki: Wait, didn't you say that you can't leave your room?

Hiyuu: Ah, about that..

Hiyuu: That rabbit thing told me I can't leave my room, so I assumed that the door was locked, but when I tried to open it, I didn't have any trouble with it.

Hiyuu: So, uh, I guess he was just messing with me, haha..

Hiyuu: Or maybe I was supposed to interpret his words differently..

Miki: .. Rabbit thing?

Hiyuu: Y-you didn't meet him yet?..

Miki: N-no??

Hiyuu: .. Now I feel awkward.

Hiyuu: Okay, let's go interrogate the tenth prisoner now, haha!~..

Miki: "Oh no, is he going to turn out to be a weird guy too.."

Miki: "But he's still cute.."

Miki: .. You remind me of someone, to be honest.

Hiyuu: Hm? What did you say?

Miki: N-nothing!

Miki: "I'm probably just ovethinking it.. It must be a coincidence.."

Miki: "But they look and act so.. similar.."

Miki: Wait, Hiyuu-san, do you even know how to interrogate prisoners?

Hiyuu: I have watched recordings of your interrogations, so yeah, I know some stuff.

Miki: W-we were being recorded?..

Hiyuu: Of course you were.

Hiyuu: Now, are you ready for the final interrogation? We're already here.

Miki: ...

Miki: *nods*

Hiyuu: Great. Excited to work with you, partner~

(the door opens)

Reina: Ah, there you are-

Reina: Wait, what?

Miki: U-um, Himura-san, Eiji-san had to be replaced, I mean, not exactly replaced, but-

Hiyuu: Hello there. You're Reina-san, right?

Reina: .. (to Miki) I'm assuming you know what's going on here.

Miki: .. I know that better than anyone.

Reina: So, it's my turn now, huh?

Reina: Let's go then, yay..

Miki: *sits down* You don't really sound that enthusiastic, you know?

Reina: Really? Sorry. I got tired of waiting for you, haha..

Miki: .. What happened to you, Himura-san?

Reina: You have to be more specific here, Guard 002-san.

Miki: .. You used to call me "Miki-chan" before.

Reina: Well, I thought we were friends, Guard 002-san. I thought we were gonna get along.

Reina: But I was wrong.

Hiyuu: .. Did something happen between you two?

Miki: I-I don't think so?

Miki: Himura-san, did I do something wrong? If so, please tell me-

Reina: Oh, I'm gonna tell you.

Reina: Innocent verdict, baby! Woooo!

Reina: *laughs*

Reina: *takes a breath*

Reina: What the hell, Miki-chan. What, do you want me to sing a whole villain song for you or something-

Reina: Oh, wait, you have my video for that.

Reina: Then why was I still forgiven, huh?

Miki: Because..

Miki: Um..

Hiyuu: Because the guards had their own reasons for that. And who exactly are you to question their judgement?

Miki: H-huh?

Reina: Wow, you're a smart guy, aren't you?

Reina: Well, I'm going to start sounding real smart right now too.

Reina: ...

Reina: (her voice sounds more emotionless now) Guard 002-san, what did I tell you last time?

Miki: Y-you mean the serial killer part?

Reina: Exactly. The "serial killer part".

Reina: Now, what are you supposed to do with serial killers?

Miki: .. P-punish-

Reina: That's right. Punish them.

Reina: But I still wasn't punished.

Reina: Would you say that it was a good decision? A wise one? A morally correct one?

Reina: And I have a lot of questions about the guilty prisoners too.

(sounds of Reina standing up and walking around)

Reina: Shun, who is now this close to just breaking Kei and turning him into a mindless puppet.. was voted innocent.

Reina: Akio, who always said that his crime wasn't his fault, obviously trying to shift the blame, but who still mostly was just a nerdy 16 year old obsessed with attention, was voted guilty and now he looks like he can die at any second.

Miki: W-we had our-

Reina: Eiko, who feels no remorse for her crime at all and can easily tell anyone all the details if they just ask, was voted innocent.

Miki: But we-

Reina: And just a reminder, you don't know ANYTHING about Kei's murder, but you still voted him guilty-

Miki: WE HAD OUR REASONS, NOW SIT DOWN!

Reina: ...

Reina: *sits down*

Hiyuu: I don't think you understand how this whole system works, Reina-san.

Reina: Well, do you understand it then?

Hiyuu: Kind of.

Hiyuu: I was told that we are allowed to judge prisoners based on.. literally anything.

Hiyuu: So if you thought that our decisions have to be nothing but morally correct.. Sorry to disappoint you.

Reina: .. "Literally anything"?

Hiyuu: Yeah. It's possible that someone was forgiven just because one or both guards find them cute or attractive.

Reina: ...

Reina: Haha..

Reina: .. I don't have any energy left for all of this.

Reina: ...

Miki: .. A-are you okay, Himura-san-

Reina: So, I don't sound that enthusiastic anymore, Guard 002-san?

Reina: Well, as you can see, I'm not exactly satisfied with my verdict.

Reina: And I'm gonna be honest, I'm getting tired of the whole "most dangerous prisoner" act myself and I can see that it's not convincing enough.

Reina: So yeah, the show's over.

Hiyuu: Reina-san, do you want to be punished that badly?

Reina: Oh, I wanted it more than anything.

Reina: If I could, I would've just asked you to execute me even before the second trial starts.

Reina: But now..

Reina: It's a bit more complicated than that.

Reina: *laughs* But wow, I can't believe this. We're really letting someone like you judge us.

Reina: What, are you gonna vote me guilty now? Are you gonna vote me guilty because I'm not a "I'm the cutest serial killer ever!" type of girl anymore?

Reina: And I really thought you're going to still like me even after I show you my real self! You're breaking my heart, Miki-chan.

Hiyuu: When you say "It's more complicated than that"..

Hiyuu: What do you mean by that?

Reina: Oh, right. What I mean by that is..

Reina: I can't let you two..

Reina: Or three?

Reina: Anyway, I can't let you all judge me and the other prisoners.

Reina: I already know what I deserve and what my verdict should be like. Who are you to tell me what to do and who I am?

Miki: W-well, um, we're the guards-

Hiyuu: Hold on, Miki-san.

Hiyuu: Okay, but what will you even do to stop us?

Reina: You know what's really bothering me about this whole situation?

Reina: .. You all aren't even trying to figure out what's going on.

Reina: How can you accept your new reality so easily?

Reina: Or is it because you hated your old reality so much that you were okay with anything?

Miki: ...

Miki: .. A-and what if we did?

Miki: I had my worries about this place. Of course I was afraid at first.

Miki: But now.. It feels like home.

Hiyuu: I don't really hate this place either.

Reina: .. I feel sorry for both of you.

Reina: But fine, whatever, I'm not going to share anything with you then.

Miki: What do you mean by "anything"?

Reina: .. I have some theories about this place.

Reina: And, um..

Reina: How it works.

Miki: !

Reina: But I doubt that you two are interested, so-

Hiyuu: No, no, I'm curious. Come on, share with us.

Miki: But we don't have much time-

Reina: Well, let's see..

Miki: "Wait, didn't she just say she's not gonna tell us anything?"

Reina: .. So, we have.. what, three guards now?

Reina: (to Hiyuu) Hey, can you tell me where have you been all this time? Why didn't we get to meet you sooner?

Hiyuu: .. I was asleep.

Reina: And when did you wake up?

Hiyuu: I think it was shortly after the first trial's verdicts were announced? But why?

Reina: .. Three guilty prisoners.

Miki: Huh?

Reina: There was only three guilty prisoners. Guard 001-san was the one who wanted to vote everyone guilty.

Reina: (to Hiyuu) And you woke up after Guard 001-san had lost that round.

Reina: .. They're just going to keep switching you all until they get bored.

Miki: Who? Who are you talking about??

Reina: No idea.

Reina: I don't even know how many guards they actually have.

Reina: .. I don't even know how many prisoners we actually have.

Miki: .. W-what does that mean, Himura-san?

Reina: Oh, I don't know.

Reina: Maybe something like..

Reina: .. One of us isn't actually a prisoner?

Miki: Wh-

Reina: Anyway, the clock is ticking, right?

Reina: So, wanna talk about my crime?

Hiyuu: That was a sudden change of topic..

Miki: But Himura-san-

Hiyuu: Miki-san, please, let's talk about Reina-san's crime now.

Hiyuu: .. If we don't, I'm afraid I will end up wasting all my energy soon and I don't want that. I want to be useful to you.

Miki: .. Himura-san, do you have anything to say about your murder?

Reina: I guess I do.

Reina: But I wanna ask, what did you learn about it from my video?

Miki: .. I guess you really were a criminal in a way, but..

Miki: .. We never saw you actually kill anyone.

Reina: .. Haha.

Hiyuu: What's so funny, Reina-san?

Reina: So you haven't seen that part either.. Interesting.

Reina: Hey, but you saw, like, my victim or something?

Miki: .. I guess we did.

Miki: But we didn't see all the details, so we don't know what your victim actually looked like.

Reina: I see..

Reina: He was completely covered in blood, of course, you wouldn't be able to see it, haha..

Miki: .. You were laughing in your video too, Himura-san.

Reina: Really?

Miki: And crying. Both at the same time.

Reina: ...

Reina: Well, how else was I supposed to react after I saw my little brother's corpse?

Reina: H-he came there because of me too, haha.. He always was such an idiot..

Miki: !

Miki: LITTLE BROTHER?!

(bell rings, machinery sounds)

Miki: Himura-san, I'm begging you, please, tell us more!

Hiyuu: Miki-san, time's up. Let's calm down and extract the video-

Miki: BE A GOOD PARTNER, HIYUU-SAN, AND SHUT UP FOR A SECOND!

Miki: .. Your victim was your little brother, Himura-san?

Reina: Haha, what, now you're going to vote me guilty this time?

Reina: You don't want to save me anymore?

Miki: ...

Miki: *starts crying*

Hiyuu: Miki-san, please, can you take a deep breath for me? Here, again, let's calm down..

Hiyuu: You're shaking.. Let's talk about it later, when we're done with this.

Hiyuu: I already have all the information we need. It was me who interrogated everyone yesterday, remember?

Hiyuu: Also, we're going to watch the video together, so we'll see everything that we have to know-

Miki: .. Himura-san, what are you doing?

Miki: HIMURA-SAN?!

(sounds of Reina throwing something and that thing falling on the floor)

Reina: Ugh, didn't work..

Reina: Should've seen this coming.

Hiyuu: .. Reina-san, did you just try to break the video extracting machine?

Reina: Yeah, kinda. More like wanted to see if that thing can even be broken.

Miki: .. You tried to break it with your shoe.

Reina: Yeah. I'm an idiot, just like my brother, haha.

Miki: ...

(sounds of Miki's slow footsteps)

Hiyuu: Miki-san, are you sure you can do this? If you need any help-

Miki: I can. Thank you.

Reina: Well, what's it gonna be this time, everyone's savior?

Miki: .. Prisoner 010, Reina, please, sing your sins.

42% ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░░░░░░░░ 100%

[MV Description]

The video starts with little Reina (most likely ten years old), sitting in her room and talking to her toys. Everything is black and white and it looks like an old silent movie. We can't hear Reina's voice, we can only hear the music and how it's slowly becoming more and more repetitive. Reina looks happy at first, but then she starts getting tired and when the music becomes almost unbearable to listen to, she throws all the toys off her bed.

It turns out that it really was a scene from a movie and now someone is interviewing little Reina and she's still smiling and overall looks like a very happy child.

"Look at me, the little star of the show

Aren't you proud of me? Look at me! I'm such a good girl!

Except I don't feel anything at all

I'm not even proud of myself"

The scene changes and now she's older, she's still being interviewed, but now she looks and acts more like a "problem child": she doesn't want to be there and she makes sure everyone knows it and her parents find her embarrassing.

"Oh no, it looks like your little star has gone wild

She's rude, she's violent, she's going crazy

Except she doesn't feel anything at all

She's not even proud of herself"

Now we can see Reina and her parents going to see her new movie together and when it starts, it has even darker colors than the first one.

"I keep achieving goals, I keep making accomplishments

But this story isn't going anywhere

Will my character ever change for the better?

No motivation, no backstory, no reason for me to grow"

Reina just sits there with her parents and watches her character kill so many people on screen without showing any signs of regret, but even though Reina looks bored at first, when you look closer, you can see that she's actually.. uncomfortable with that kind of role.

"Is this who I am? Is this who I'm supposed to be?

The villain of this story was me all along

At least that's what I thought

But it looks like you see me in a different way"

Her parents eventually leave without even watching the full movie, meanwhile Reina stays and sees her character finding a dead body that we can't see clearly, but this is the first time when her character actually looks scared. Reina stands up from her chair, looks like she doesn't remember making that face in that scene. Actually, she's not sure if this movie even had a scene like that, she doesn't remember filming it.

Reina continues watching the movie and she can see how her character keeps getting more and more emotional and how she yells at one of her "partners in crime" and throws her weapon on the ground. Reina turns around to see all people in the cinema enjoying the movie a lot more now. It looks like they really like the development this character is getting.

"Ah, so that's how it is

Am I a hero in your eyes now?

Have you forgiven me already?

You don't even know anything about me, how can you say those words so easily?"

Reina decides to leave, but before she does that, her character looks right at her and nods. Reina nods back with anger and hatred in her eyes and right when she leaves and closes the door behind her, everything starts to burn.

The whole cinema is on fire now. Her character sees everyone running and screaming and smiles while trying to hide the dead body from earlier, meanwhile Reina sits on a nearby bench and watches the cinema burn to the ground.

"So, who will tell this story: me or you?

Will you rewrite everything, will you decide how it ends?

I'm not against that, I just want you to know

You won't be able to forgive me until I forgive myself"

She looks relieved and she sighs while looking at the night sky.

#a note about the honorifics: since reina isn't putting on an act anymore she just calls everyone by their first names without -kun or -chan #minus miki and eiji (and hiyuu in the future) but she uses them in kind of.. mocking way maybe?#listen i didn't even try to make this vd so miki x reina (mikirei?? reimiki??) but here we are #no but they have potential. i can see it i can see it #something something both of us don't know how to cope with our guilt and we blame ourselves for what happened to our little brothers #and both of us have different coping mechanisms and one of us is trying to take all the blame and portray herself as the villain #while the other one is trying to save everyone but uses questionable methods and tries to distract herself from her own feelings of guilt #and also one of us is very >:3 (at least on the outside) while the other one is very >///< (again at least on the outside)#yeah reina's mv is kinda short but i also think it fits? i imagine her video actually being the shortest one (like double)#and after all she DID try to break the machine :)#🎤 voice dramas! 🎤#🌼guard 002: andou miki 🌼#🎭prisoner 010: himura reina🎭#milgram #milgram oc #ocgram #milgram project #(also a note: one of the reasons why there's also a fire in reina's mv is because i had this idea in my head that if all mvs were watched-#in order akio's mv also starts with a fire so it's like. you get it. it'd be like a loop. it'd be fun)

9 notes · View notes

thinkin-bout-milgram · 9 months

Note

WHAT DID U GUYS THINK ABT THE LATEST MV IM GOING INSANE

tw for suicide, mention of alcohol

Admin Saturn: I now have a crush on kazui! The other admins have been trying to convince me that because his whole arc is showing why he's not a good husband to his wife but like bro... open marriage and a guy that buys me flowers and holds my hand and takes me on drives? Sounds pretty swaggy to me! Also he ate a bird! Thats kinda wack!

Overall based on the info we have and everything he's said in his VD (assuming its to be trusted cause he does have that whole lying thing going on), I would personally go with inno. Like unless his sin was suicide baiting her, I don't entirely see how this could turn into a guilty situation. Definitely not on the same level as a lot of the other prisoners. (looking at how guilty mahiru should be but isn't getting)

Admin Venus: I'll summarize what I talked about in my theory, but honestly, I feel like Kazui didn't do all that much wrong. He seems like he just kinda let life go the way other people wanted it to go for him, and somewhere along the way he realized he really didn't enjoy it. At some point he got "greedy" and took steps to try to change that, but his wife probably committed suicide or possibly got into some kind of accident or something. Either way, that's what resulted in her death.

Between that and him being useful on defense from a meta standpoint, I'm not sure why I would vote him guilty. I wish we knew more though, I feel like both half and Cat were pretty sparse on details relating to the actual death of his wife. Like, I understand your situation, Kazui, tell me what actually happened!

Side note though, it's really interesting to me in the audio drama that he says he wants Es to find out his sin. In the first trial, I'd thought his MV was giving nothing because he was purposefully burying details to hide them from us. After hearing that line in the audio drama and seeing this MV, I feel more like Kazui's repressing his feelings on whatever his sin is so hard that even the MVs can't quite get at them.

(Also, the fact that we still haven't seen anyone who he's romantically involved with (other than his wife) adds to the theory that he's gay for me. A lot of other people (Shidou's wife, Mahiru's lover, etc.) have gotten relevant characters' faces revealed this time, and while we did get that for Kazui's wife, I feel like who he was with would've been revealed to us unless there was a specific reason to hide it (ex. he was with a man).)

Admin Mercury here. Uhhh I really got nothing on my mind but shitposts tbh. When listening to his VD, I really got the impression he was still lying or at least being overly dramatic like the theater kid he is. Especially in this part:

(translation thanks to @/onigiriico) The way he delivers these lines seems so fake to me, but I realize this might just be personal bias talking. Idk yall, lemme know what you think ab his delivery in the comments below (PFFFT sorry)

Admin Neptune: I'm definitely team innocent. Although it seems like Kazui hurt his wife by not wanting to be married anymore, he tried to be a better person and stop lying to her. Unfortunately, according to him, this resulted in her death. It doesn't really seem like he did much wrong, especially compared with many of the other prisoners, and he helps keep the prisoners safe.

The part where his wife's image transforms into what is seemingly a man with an apple for a head (along with other parts such as the "I can't stop, I can't be normal") leads me to believe that he's gay. Assuming that the apple is supposed to represent something he feels is forbidden, this part could represent his desire to date/marry a man instead. I find it interesting that he sees this image through an alcoholic drink, and I feel like it represents something but I'm not completely clear on what.

Since Kazui says "I can't live unless I lie" as mentioned above in the VD, I wouldn't be surprised if he was still lying, but I do believe that he never actually cheated on his wife. I do wonder if he would consider "emotional cheating" infidelity, and it seems like the temptation might have been there when he says "it didn't even turn into infidelity."

#milgram #admin mercury #admin saturn #admin venus #admin neptune #kazui mukuhara #kazui milgram #as you can see most of us are very no thoughts on this one #idk it just didnt really give anything?#vibes of it were fs so much better than half #idk how they did it but they fixed kazui??? -mercury

19 notes · View notes

emphasisonthehomo · 1 year

Note

I know that you found that last update tricky but I need you to know that it was fantastic and also I’d probably kill someone for Danny’s POV and/or directors commentary of it

Augjfhdsdh skb vd thank you so much!!!

I’m working on another snippet for you, where Chin stands around and goes “oh wow they really don’t understand personal space” re: Steve and Danny.

Anyways, here’s a quick POV of Danny being bewildered as to why Steve could possibly be pressing him up against the kitchen counter.

•

One second Danny’s checking the sauce, and the next Steve’s pulled the wooden spoon out of his hand. And Danny is shocked, because Steve’s favorite thing to bitch about is Danny making a mess of his kitchen, and now there’s a huge splatter of red against the tile of the counter. Wordlessly, Steve reaches across him and turns off the burner, and what the fuck. That needs to simmer for at least 15 minutes.

“Okay, what is this?” Danny says, wondering what the hell has gotten into Steve this time. Like he’s a pain in the ass, but he hasn’t pulled shit like this before, “I was in the middle of something, you –”

Steve’s hand drops to Danny’s waist and starts pulling him. Danny stops talking, because Steve’s face is stern and serious, something deep and complicated in his eyes. This isn’t about the food, Danny realizes. This is something else, but he has no idea what it could possibly be. For lack of anything else to do, Danny lets himself be pulled. Let’s Steve drag him across the kitchen and cage Danny against the counter.

“Steven,” Danny’s breath feels shaky even as he speaks, “What are you doing?”

“You said that we shouldn’t,” Steve’s voice is almost a growl, low and rough. He’s making intense and purposeful eye contact, and Danny feels pinned in place, “That’s what you said. That this was not a ‘we can’t’ and that it wasn’t because you didn’t want to. You said that we shouldn’t.”

What is this? Where this fuck did this come from?

“I did,” Danny licks his lips, his mouth suddenly dry, “And I – this. It’s a bad idea. We shouldn’t.”

He’s off balance, even as he stands still. He doesn’t know what’s going on.

Steve is very, very close. Danny can see the smattering of five o’clock shadow across his jaw, the pink of the inside of his mouth.

“Is it a hard shouldn’t?”

Danny doesn’t –

“I want this, with you,” Steve keeps talking, “If you want it.”

Danny can’t make sense of the words coming out of Steve’s mouth. There’s a roaring, sudden in Danny’s ears, and his stomach swoops with an intensity that leaves the breath stuck in his throat. He watches Steve watch him and tries to understand. It means he can see that awful blankness return to Steve’s face, that horrible panic in Steve’s eyes, the same expression he’d made that night when Danny had first said they shouldn’t –

The shouldn’t that Steve’s asking about right now.

Steve starts to pull away, and that’s unacceptable. Danny’s brain comes back online just in time for him to grab Steve’s shirt and get him to fucking stay.

“You can’t – You can’t just say shit like that,” Danny’s words feel strangled inside his mouth, but before he knows it, he’s yelling, “You can’t just spring that on a guy! Of course it’s not a hard shouldn’t! Don’t be stupid! But just because I want something doesn’t stop it from being a bad fucking id –”

Steve kisses him.

Something trembles in Danny’s chest.

He kisses Steve back.

#aron's fic #trans danno #hawaii five 0 #mcdanno

14 notes · View notes

pepethehobbit · 3 years

Text

Take the sadness out of Saturday nights

VDS Week 2021

Day 2: Enemies/Friends to Lovers/ Meet-Cute

Word Count: 6015

(Title from Stop making this hurt by the Bleachers)

Ao3

Lucas heads straight to the bar as he enters the pub. He doesn't really want to be here but he also doesn't want to be at home, where his ex-boyfriend is currently picking up his stuff. Thankfully, he lives with Kes, who stayed there so he can kick him out when he's done. It's been two days since Lucas has broken things off with him and they weren't even together that long. It's not like Lucas was seriously in love with him, which is why he doesn't understand why he's so sad. He orders a vodka soda straight away because he intends to drink until he forgets about this empty feeling in his chest. The bartender sets the glass down in front of him and Lucas takes in his surroundings for the first time since he sat down as he begins sipping on his drink.

At the back of the pub he notices a makeshift stage with a microphone and a guitar already set up. The bar itself is only moderately crowded so Lucas figures whoever is going to perform on there tonight won't be very known. He notices a group of guys directly in front of the stage sitting at one of the bigger tables. Lucas can't make out what they are saying but it's clear that they are excited to be here, so they must know who's going to perform. The sadness in his heart grows heavier as he watches how the guy with the platinum blonde hair leans over to the guy with the curly brown hair to give him a kiss on the cheek and to place a comforting hand is curls. It's the easy familiarity and comfort that even a stranger like Lucas can so clearly see that makes his heart ache for the same thing.

He is about to stand up and leave, suddenly feeling pathetic for getting drunk in a bar all alone on a Saturday night, when he sees someone getting on stage and hanging the guitar around his shoulders. The guy starts tuning his guitar and Lucas is fascinated how the skilled and fast fingers are playing over the strings. He steps up to the microphone, taps it once to see if it's on and only then does he look up for the first time since he entered the stage. Lucas would try and suppress the memory later but he can't deny the fact that his heart skipped a beat when he looked into those eyes for the first time. He knows it's ridiculous but the guy feels familiar. His eyes are emanating a warmth and kindness that makes it hard for Lucas to tear his gaze away.

“Hi everyone. I'm Jens Stoffels and if you don't mind I'm going to sing a few of my songs for you tonight. I hope you enjoy.” Lucas hears excited whoops coming from the table at the front and the rest of the crowd joins in with their clapping. The guy, Jens, smiles at his friends and shakes his head in a way that Lucas can only describe as fond. And when Jens begins to sing Lucas' last shreds of wanting to leave have disintegrated completely. His voice is soft and powerful at once, calming like a comforting blanket and Lucas is in awe at how effortlessly beautiful Jens is when he sings.

During the song Jens lets his eyes wander over the crowd, probably taking in their reaction when he gets to the bar and his gaze stops at Lucas. Lucas feels his heartbeat quicken as a small seemingly surprised smile spreads on Jens' face while he is still singing. He can feel his own smile spreading, albeit much shyer and less open then Jens'. He holds his gaze a few seconds longer before the moment gets too much for Lucas and he drops his gaze towards his drink. Taking a sip from his vodka soda he wonders how such a short moment of eye contact can make him feel so jittery and vulnerably exposed.

Lucas lets Jens' voice and beautiful lyrics fill his ears and mind. His songs are beautiful, from melodic and slow to upbeat and happy and Lucas can't help but chancing a glance towards the man on stage every now and then. He is surprised when at some of those glimpses Jens is already looking back at him. And even though Lucas couldn't rationally explain why, Jens somehow feels significant.

When Jens announces his last song for tonight an unreasonable disappointment overcomes Lucas, not wanting Jens to stop singing. “My last song for tonight is called 'Hoping'. I hope you enjoy and thank you for a beautiful night.” Jens' words are directed at the whole crowd but his gaze is solely on Lucas as he says them. There is a shy smile playing at his mouth and Lucas feels himself blush, but this time he is unable to look away from Jens' warm eyes. Jens begins to play and as Lucas lets the song and the beautiful melody wash over him as he realizes it's about a boy hoping to find love.

It's impossible. Lucas shouldn't feel this affected by someone he hasn't even talked to and yet somehow he knows that Jens is already under his skin. The song ends and Jens sends another thank you out to the crowd and finds Lucas gaze once again, sending him a determined smile. Jens gets off the stage, disappears somewhere backstage and Lucas releases an unbelieving little laugh at the whole situation. He takes the chance to look at his phone and when he sees the message, reality comes crashing down on him like a ton of bricks.

Kes

He's gone now. It's safe to come home.

All at once, the sadness is back and Lucas is reminded of the situation that brought him here in the first place. He is going to go home and he's going to be alone again, because apparently Lucas isn't able to find someone to love. He knows he sounds ridiculous, he's only 21 but with his track record of shitty boyfriends it's hard to believe that he will find someone who will not only accept his love but also return it.

When he walks to the door he chances one last look over his shoulder towards the stage. He sees Jens surrounded by his friends, laughing and smiling and generally happy. And as if Jens can feel the eyes on him he looks up and meets Lucas' gaze, just like he did for the rest of the night. Jens' smile drops when he sees that Lucas is on his way out, disappointment flashing across his face. Lucas falters for a moment, unsure if he's really the cause for such a look. But his insecurities take the upper hand and with one last sad smile at Jens he steps out of the bar and into the coldness of the streets of Amsterdam.

~0~

Jens can't stop thinking about the boy from the bar with the beautiful but sad eyes. It was three weeks ago but somehow this boy, whose name he doesn't even know has planted roots in his mind and Jens can't bring himself to tear them out. The first thing he noticed about him, when he saw him sitting down at the bar, was that he looked sad and Jens was confused about the strong urge to find out why and make it better. When their eyes met during his first song, Jens had to seriously concentrate not to mess up the chords and keep singing. Though he couldn't stop the smile from spreading around his moving mouth when he saw the boy smile for the first time since he entered the bar. Jens was so intrigued by him, wanted to hold his gaze and find out everything there is to know about the boy with the ocean eyes and the artfully tousled blond curls.

But then he just left and Jens felt more disappointed than he rationally should have. Because all they did was exchange shy smiles and hesitating glances, but he can't shake the feeling that it meant more, something significant. He catches himself before his thoughts wander off in that direction again, because in the end they all lead down to the hopeless impossibility of ever seeing that boy again. In a city like Amsterdam he can't expect that he will simply pass him in the streets. And even if he does, the boy left. Maybe he interpreted it all wrong and the boy wasn't interested in him at all, he wouldn't even have the courage to speak with him should he ever run in to him.

His job at the cafe on campus works as a good way to distract him. He only started a little over a month ago, wanting to help his parents pay his college fees and rent. With him studying music he already makes his parents worry about their son's future and he doesn't want them to worry about the money as well. His music also helps, even if just a little. He sells a few CDs but it's mostly over streaming services that he gets a few royalties. It's not enough to make a living out of but Jens hopes that one day he can live off of what he really wants to do.

Jens hears the jingle of the bell when the door of the cafe opens and he snaps out of his thoughts, ready to greet the customer. Only he can't get any words out and freezes on the spot when he sees the man who just walked in. His attention is on his phone, head turned down but Jens recognize him anyway. The boy from the bar steps up to the counter and Jens is unsure about how he should handle this. Should he tell him? Does that come of as creepy? Would he even recognize Jens? It's the last thought makes Jens decide to hide the fact that he remembers him and he simply does his job. “Hi, what can get you today?”

The boys head snaps up finally and Jens really wasn't prepared to see those blue eyes again. He isn't sure how to interpret the look on his face, a mixture of disbelief and shock, in fact for a moment it looks like he's ready to bolt again. Does he recognize him? The longer the boy stares at him the surer Jens is that he does and a weird fluttering feeling is spreading in his stomach.

“One large caramel macchiato, please,” is all he says in the end, face turning away from Jens. He isn't sure but Jens thinks it's to hide the blush spreading on his cheeks. Jens is about to turn around to start working on his coffee when he remembers he still doesn't know the boy's name.

“Can I have a name for the order?” Jens tries to put on his most charming smile and hopes that the boy won't take notice of the fact that they don't really ask for the names anymore, only if it's super busy, which it isn't for a Tuesday afternoon. The boy looks up again, then around the mostly empty coffee shop and it's Jens turn to blush when he smiles at him, as if he knows. “Lucas. My name is Lucas.”

Lucas. His name is Lucas. Jens can't stop the happy smile from spreading as he turns around to work on his order. He feels Lucas' eyes follow him as he prepares the coffee and it makes his pulse quicken in excitement. Jens contemplates if he should write his number on the cup or if that's maybe a bit too much. In the end, he chickens out and simply tells him his total. “That makes 3,50€, Lucas,” Jens says as he places the cup in front of him, wanting to know how the name would feel falling from his lips. Lucas smiles at him again as he pays for his drink and the fluttery feeling in his stomach comes back in full force.

“Thanks you, Jens,” Lucas says with a slight blush but confidently meeting Jens' stunned gaze. Jens can't do anything but watch Lucas leave once again, but when he turns around at the door to look at him over his shoulder, Lucas doesn't look sad this time. As soon as Lucas leaves, Jens looks down at his apron. A feeling of hope flowing through him and for the millionth time today, he can't stop the smile from spreading on his face.

He isn't wearing his name tag.

~0~

Lucas can't believe his luck. He must have done some serious good deeds in his past life to deserve this second chance. Almost as soon as he left that bar three weeks ago he regretted his decision. This regret only got worse as soon as he told Kes and Jayden about that evening, both agreeing that he is an idiot for leaving. He couldn't stop thinking about Jens, the way he smiled at Lucas and the way his music made him feel. Lucas admitted to Kes that through a little bit of online stalking he was able to find his Spotify and it's all he's listened to in the first week and then deciding that it felt like a little bit too much. He even found Jens' Instagram but wasn't brave enough to press the follow button, scared of the attention that would bring. Because even though Jens has considerably more followers than Lucas, he hasn't gotten enough that he wouldn't notice a new person following him.

He tried not to think too much about him, instead focusing his attention on his current art project he needs to do for his contemporary art lecture. But it's harder than Lucas thought it would be, not thinking about Jens. He comes across so many things that remind him of that night: Jayden got it in his head to learn how to play guitar, Kes is actively torturing him by playing Jens' music on Spotify every time Lucas enters his room and Lucas isn't sure but he thought he saw the guy with the platinum blonde hair in his art history lecture.

Despite this, he thinks that he deals fairly well with the fact that he missed his opportunity with Jens and simply wants to move on with his life. He can't keep wondering what would've happened if he had stayed. And because his life is simultaneously the best and the worst he meets Jens again when he expects him the least. He wasn't sure if Jens remembered him, couldn't really get a read on his expression but when he not so subtly tried to find out his name and when he smiled at Lucas when he gave it to him, the hope of having gotten a second chance to get to know Jens spread a comforting warmth around Lucas' heart.

Lucas wants to go back the next day, hoping Jens will be there again but he also doesn't want him to think he is a stalker or something. So he waits a few more days and then goes to the coffee shop around the same time of day he caught Jens the last time. A giddy feeling makes his way into his stomach when he sees Jens cleaning a table at the window of the cafe. The jingle alerts Jens to his presence as he opens the door and when he meets Lucas' gaze a wide smile spreads on his face. Lucas ducks his head and smiles to himself as he walks up to the counter. There is another barista behind the counter ready to take his order but before she can do so Jens is there to say: “I'll take his order.” She looks at him confused but when her gaze turns towards Lucas and back towards Jens, she just nods once, smiles knowingly at Jens and nudges his elbow as she takes over Jens' task of cleaning the tables. Lucas watches the exchange with an amused smile and then Jens turns his attention towards him. “Large caramel macchiato?” Jens asks him with a hint of pride in his voice for having remembered Lucas' order.

“Yes, please. I want to drink it here though,” Lucas says and he notices how Jens smile grows even deeper. “Okay, I'll bring it to you when it's done. That makes 3,50€ again.” Lucas pays for his drink and chooses a table where he'll be able to subtly watch Jens behind the counter. He gets out his sketchbook and begins drawing random little sketches while he waits. He doesn't notice Jens approaching and looks up startled when he places down the coffee and a blueberry muffin he didn't order. Lucas looks down at the muffin and back up at Jens who answers his question before he can even ask it.

“For you, Lucas. On the house,” he says with a sure smile and a wink, just as Lucas thought Jens couldn't fluster him any more than he already does. Hearing his name falling from Jens lips makes his heart beat faster. He tries to collect his last shreds of composure, smiles up at him and asks: “Do you want to share?”

With a glance to his watch and his eyes shining with excitement he answers: “I'm on break in 30 minutes. Will you wait?”

“Yeah, okay, I'll wait,” Lucas says easily, the thrill of finally getting to spend time with Jens making him giddy. Jens lingers for a moment, returning Lucas' smile before making his way back to the counter. Lucas watches him as he goes and he wonders when the last time was that he was this excited about something.

Lucas tries not watch him all the time, but Jens catches him looking every once in a while and he smiles at Lucas every single time, so Lucas figures he can't be too bothered by it. He turns his attention back to his sketchbook, letting his hand wander across the paper and before he even realized he was doing it, he'd drawn a sketch of Jens, albeit rough but undeniably him. Before he can even think about hiding it, Jens suddenly slips into the chair opposite of Lucas and takes a look at the drawing of him.

“Is that me?” Jens' voice sounds awed and the anxiety in Lucas stomach eases a bit, glad that Jens isn't creeped out by Lucas drawing him.

“Yeah, that's supposed to be you. Do you like it?” Lucas asks with barely concealed hope. Jens turns his attention from the drawing back to Lucas and looks at him with the same awed expression that was mirrored in his voice. “Yes, Lucas this is incredible! How long did that take you?”

Lucas blushes at the compliment and Jens gaze turns fond. “I don't know? Like twenty minutes?”

“You drew this in 20 minutes?” Jens asks disbelieving. Lucas tries his best not to laugh at the shocked expression on his face. “Yes, honestly Jens. It's just a rough sketch, it's really not that good.” Jens scoffs as he turns his attention back to the drawing. His voice is soft when he asks: “Can I keep it?”

Lucas throat suddenly feels tight and he has to clear his throat before he answers so his voice doesn't come out hoarse, an inexplicable feeling overcoming him over Jens wanting to keep his drawing. “Yeah, if you want to, it's yours.”

Jens' answering “Thanks, Luc” is so soft and awed and the smile he sends Lucas causes every butterfly in his stomach to start flying all at once. They look at each other for a few moments longer, something significant passing through their gaze before Jens breaks the eye contact and asks: “So, you're an artist?”

“I want to be. I study art at the academy.” Jens' head snaps back up again and he asks: “Really? A friend of mine studies there as well. Maybe you know him? Sander Driesen? He has this, like, platinum blonde hair, always wears Doc Martins?”

Lucas thinks back to his art history class and yeah, he's seen him a couple of times, but he never knew his name. He remembers seeing him at Jens' performance first though and he contemplates whether he should tell Jens this. They still haven't really acknowledged the fact that they both recognize each other from that night, apart from Lucas calling Jens by his name the last time. So Lucas decides to jump in at the deep end.

“Wasn't he also at your concert?” Lucas asks hesitantly, but carefully watching Jens' reaction. He turns to him surprised but then a small smile is tugging at the corners of his lips and he nods. “Yeah, he was there, with a few of my other friends. Sander's boyfriend is my best friend, Robbe.”

“I noticed them. They were really loud in their support for you.” Lucas lets out a little laugh at the memory and Jens raises his eyebrows daringly when he asks: “Shouldn't they have been?”

“Fishing for compliments?” Lucas asks in return and laughs at the way Jens rolls his eyes. When Jens doesn't say anything in back, Lucas rips of a little piece of the muffin and then nudges it in Jens' direction, silently telling him that he can do the same.

“I really liked your music,” Lucas admits after a while, breaking the companionable silence.

“Really?” Jens asks and his voice sounds hopeful, as if Lucas opinion matters to him.

“Yeah,” Lucas admits before he ducks his head and continues. “I found you on Spotify and listened to your songs for a week straight.” Jens doesn't say anything for a while and Lucas is scared that he said too much, but when he finally looks back up at Jens he watches him with an expression that makes his heart beat faster and his hope grow even more. Lucas feels vulnerable and exposed with the way Jens is looking at him, but he somehow isn't scared.

Jens clears his throat and nervously fidgets with the muffin before he asks: “There is this bar that I'm playing at next Saturday. Do you, I mean, do you want to come with me? As my date?”

Lucas' grin is impossibly wide when Jens looks at him again and he nods excitedly as he gives his answer. “Yes. Yes, I would love to.” Lucas doesn't even try to conceal the obvious happiness in his voice and Jens' eyes light up at his answer.

“Okay. Give me your number, then I can text you the details.” Jens pulls out his phone and hands it over so Lucas can put his number in. Their fingers brush as Lucas takes it out of Jens' hand, the feeling of Jens' skin on his flowing through him like electricity. As Lucas hands back the phone when he is done, he does it on purpose, caressing the back of Jens' hand with his index finger. Jens' smile is blinding and Lucas can only think, once again, how beautiful Jens is.

“I need to get back to work now,” Jens says, but he doesn't move away from Lucas' table or even takes his hand away. “Okay,” Lucas answers but doesn't release Jens' hand either. Jens looks at him and lets out a happy, disbelieving laugh as he eventually stands up to leave, taking the sketch Lucas drew of him. “I'll see you on Saturday, then.” Lucas simply nods his head, even though it wasn't a question.

Jens gets back to work and Lucas finishes his coffee and muffin. When he gets up to leave, he catches Jens gaze once again and gives a small wave as he walks to the door. He is already out of the cafe when someone gently grabs his elbow and turns him around. Jens is in front of him and Lucas' heart begins to beat impossibly fast as he leans down to press a gentle but lingering kiss to Lucas' cheek. “See you on Saturday, I'll text you,” Jens repeats in a soft voice and then he is gone again. Lucas barely resists the urge to lift his hand to his cheek like a freaking cliché but he can't stop smiling on his way home.

~0~

Jens is a bundle of nerves on Saturday. He texted Lucas as soon as his shift ended and they basically never stopped. It's ridiculous how much he already likes him and if he's being honest, he's a little scared that he's gonna mess this up and they haven't even got past their first date. Which is tonight and Jens can't for the life of him find his usual ever present chill.

He texted Lucas that he should meet him at the bar, Jens wanted to pick him up but he had to be here a little earlier to set everything up. He's nervous to perform in front of Lucas again, even though he already told him he liked his music. The bar he performs at tonight is a little bit smaller than the last one, it feels more intimate and cozier, which doesn't help to settle his nerves. There are already several people sitting at the tables and a few at the bar, but tonight there's really only one guest he wants to impress.

He tries concentrating on setting up his guitar and already starts tuning it. The familiarity and routine of the task does manage to calm him down a bit but there is still this permanent undercurrent of excitement and nervousness flowing through him. Checking his watch, he's startled to realizes that Lucas should be here any minute. He finishes the last little tasks of setting up and goes to the bar to order a beer. It's a soft spoken “Hey” that alerts Jens to his presence.

He turns around and tries not to be so obvious in his admiration as he takes in Lucas. His hair is curlier than usual, as if he put extra care into it today. Jens wants to pull his hands through it to find out if it's as soft as it looks. “Hey,” Jens replies and is surprised about himself how steady his voice sounds. “Do you want a drink?”

“Sure, I'll take a beer,” says Lucas and sits down next to Jens at the bar, hands on top of the counter, close to Jens' own.

“I'm really happy that you're here,” Jens admits with a hesitant glance towards Lucas who smiles softly in response.

“Me too. I can't wait to hear you play again. I'm pretty sure I could sing along to all the songs now.” Lucas says with a little laugh and his fingers move hesitantly towards Jens', overlapping their pinkies.

“Yeah, I noticed my Spotify streams growing a bit in the last weeks,” Jens say with a teasing smile but he turns his hand around so he can tangle his fingers with Lucas' properly. Lucas looks down at their joined hands and then points his gaze back towards Jens, raising his eyebrows in a challenge. “What kind of groupie would I be if I didn't even know your songs?”

Jens lets out a surprised laugh and Lucas expression turns amused. “Well, I guess I should be honored to have you as my first groupie, then.”

Lucas' grin turns smug as he says: “You definitely should be.” Jens hasn't noticed how close they actually sit together but then he feels Lucas' knee pressing into his thigh and he's pretty sure he doesn't imagine the pleased smile on his face when Jens pushes back.

“So, what do you do when you aren't working at the cafe or collecting groupies?” Lucas asks after a while and Jens has to laugh again but this time because he thinks he can hear a hint of worry in Lucas' voice, as if there was someone else.

“I think you're seriously overestimating my charm here, Luc. So far I only have one groupie and I hope it stays that way.” Jens hopes he doesn't give away too much but so far Lucas seems to have appreciated his boldness. “That's good to know,” Lucas says and squeezes Jens' hand once.

“And you? Isn't there any kind of muse who's waiting to be drawn by you?” Lucas seems to fight a smile that wants to work its way onto his face and he bites his bottom lip to fight it down. He looks up at Jens and holds his gaze for an excruciatingly long time before he says: “That depends. Do you want another portrait of you?”

Jens heart beats faster at the implication and he has to break the eye contact, feeling flustered at the words. As soon as he got home that day he put the drawing on his dresser and Robbe had teased him mercilessly for it, but Jens didn't care. Lucas' drawing of him was so completely different from how he sees himself. Of course, it was obviously Jens, but there was this expression in his eyes that Jens didn't recognize on himself and he was intrigued to find out more about how Lucas sees him.

When he looks up again, Lucas is much closer than he was before and his eyes have dropped down to his mouth. Jens licks his lips, unconsciously leaning closer when–

“Jens, you're up,” says the bartender and Lucas jumps back startled as if he was as lost in their own little space as Jens was. Jens is surprised how easy it is to get lost in a world of Lucas, he nearly forgot that he is supposed to perform tonight. Jens draws back reluctantly and the bartender shoots him an apologetic smile.

He gets up from his stool but not letting go of Luc's hand yet. Jens turns to him, squeezes his hand once and says: “I'll see you later then.”

Lucas' voice is a little breathless when he says: “Yeah, I'll be here.”

Jens sends him one last smile before he steps back and makes his way towards the stage. He grabs his guitar, checks once again if it's tuned correctly and steps up to the microphone to introduce himself to the crowd. “Hello everyone. I'm Jens Stoffels and I'm gonna be playing a few of my songs tonight. I hope you enjoy.”

He lets his eyes wander over the people in the bar but his eyes finds Lucas' quickly and he begins to play.

~0~

Lucas couldn't think it possible but Jens' performance leaves him even more mesmerized than the first one. Probably because Jens' gaze doesn't sway from Lucas' eyes all that often and Lucas is equally as unable to look away as Jens seems to be. And every time Jens catches him singing along to one of his songs the smile that spreads on his face settles something inside Lucas' heart. He remembers the feeling of getting lost in Jens' music and voice only this time it isn't tinged with Lucas' sadness. His pulse quickens every time Jens looks at him and this time Lucas holds is gaze, isn't afraid anymore to get pulled in by Jens' gravity.

Lucas has said it as a joke, but sitting here, being one of the only ones who actually knows the songs and knows Jens, it actually feels like he is his groupie. And when Lucas lets his eyes wander over the other people in the room, taking in their reaction to Jens he knows Jens was wrong. Lucas didn't overestimate his charm one bit. Everyone's attention is solely on Jens as he captivates them with his easy smile, beautiful voice and melodic tunes. He jokes during songs, engages with his audience and when he announces his last song Lucas can actually see some disappointed faces.

The last song Lucas doesn't know and that alone catches him off guard. It's beautiful though and Lucas is enthralled by the tenderness of the lyrics. From what he can tell it's about meeting someone and knowing they're gonna be significant, important to you in a way others weren't until now. Lucas wonders when Jens wrote this song because it feels eerily familiar to what he's been feeling since he met Jens.

When the last notes are slowly fading out there is a moment of complete silence until the whole bar erupts into applause. Lucas is the loudest one of all, cheering for Jens vigorously and shooting him an elated smile when he finds his eyes. Jens looks a little overwhelmed with the reception but returns Lucas' smile with an even brighter one. He thanks his audience once again, places his guitar back in the stand and heads straight towards Lucas. On his way he gets stopped a few times, people complementing him on his performance, but when he is finally close enough he steps right in between Lucas' legs, takes his head in between both hands and gently rests his forehead onto Lucas'.

“Hi,” is all Jens says, his voice sounding giddy and happy and a little breathless. Lucas can feel a few eyes on them but he ignores them for now, letting his hands settle on Jens' waist. He looks up into his eyes and his voice is just as affected when he replies with a “Hi” of his own.

“Wanna get out of here?”

“Yes.”

Jens steps back and tells the bartender that he will pick up his stuff tomorrow, who gives him a knowing smile and throws in a teasing “Have fun.” Lucas absolutely does not blush at that but Jens simply laughs and pulls Lucas out of the bar.

As soon as they are outside Lucas can't hold in his excitement anymore. “Jens, that was absolutely incredible! Honestly, you are amazing!” Jens blushes at the compliment but there is a smile dancing across his face, his eyes alive with wonder. “Thank you, Luc.”

They begin walking down the street and Lucas reaches for Jens' hand and tangles their fingers together. Jens looks at him from the side and his eyes roam over Lucas' face as if searching for something. He looks away again and says quietly: “That last song was for you.”

Lucas stops dead in his tracks and it makes Jens turn around to face him. The reached one of the many bridges of Amsterdam, the lights of the city reflected in the river and for a Saturday night it's pleasantly void of any people. Lucas turns the words over in his head but there's no way he heard them wrong. His voice is breathless as he asks: “You wrote a song for me?”

Jens blushes again but he meets Lucas' gaze head on, eyes soft and hopeful. “Yeah. Did you like it?” Lucas is momentarily rendered speechless but then he steps into Jens' space, lets one hand slide through Jens' hair and settles it at his neck. He moves in slowly to give Jens the chance to move away, leaning his forehead against Jens', noses bumping together gently and before he closes the final distance between their lips he whispers: “Is this okay?”

Jens doesn't answer but Lucas feels his eyes fluttering shut when Jens brushes his lips against his own. He melts against Jens, moving his lips softly and letting his hands brush through Jens' hair. When Jens' hands settle on Lucas' waist to pull him closer Lucas deepens the kiss and he feels more than he hears it, the contented little hum that Jens lets out.

Lucas has never felt like this before. Jens feels so familiar and easy and just so right. Before he met Jens he didn't believe in soulmates. But what else could he be if not exactly that? From the first moment he saw him, stepping onto that stage, Lucas knew that Jens was gonna be important. He was scared about it at first, wasn't ready for what this means, but then the universe gave him a second chance and this time, Lucas lets himself be pulled into Jens' orbit willingly, ready for what ever the universe has in store for them.

#vdsweek2021 #vds #van der stoffels #my writing #meet cute #musician Jens #artist Lucas #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #I don't really know if this can be considered a meet cute #it's a bit gloomy in the beginning #but I hope it counts anyway

33 notes · View notes

infiniteiram · 3 years

Text

My Cute Nose?

a vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

Lucas and Isa go for a spontaneous outing for a new piercing. But what Lucas doesn't expect is how nervous he now feels.

trigger warning: mentions of needles (mostly just poking at the skin, no mention of blood or anything gory)

this one shot was inspired by some fan art done by @alexaneskam !

check it out here!

And all of a sudden, Lucas felt nervous.

Sure, he should've felt nervous way before now. Like when he walked into the tattoo and piercings shop and saw the abundance of needles. Needles being sterilized, the buzzing of the tattoo needles poking and prodding skin and over all, needles all together. It wasn't that bad, he had thought. He'd already gotten some ear piercings done, two on his left lobe and one on his right. So he wasn't completely inexperienced. Which is why when Isa dragged him to the shop to go get another nose piercing right next to her first one, he agreed to go. It didn't sound like a big deal. In fact, he had been wanting one anyway. And now just felt like the perfect time to do it.

But maybe, a little too perfect.

Because right now, Lucas was sitting down on the bench of the small room and trying to keep his leg from shaking and bouncing. He was trying to keep his hands in his pockets to avoid chewing on his nails, but that instead resorted to him biting and chewing too hard on his lips. He envied how calm and collected Isa looked in the chair, even smiling a little as she waited. He only hoped he would act half the way she did. Even a quarter.

His nerves could only be blamed on one thing. On one person.

And that person was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen in his entire life.

Lucas didn't expect to come in on an average weekday afternoon and meet someone he was now claiming to be the love of his life. Isa didn't even warn him about this guy, and when he grabbed her aside before they followed him into his studio and gave her a startled look, she only furrowed her brows and tilted her head.

"What?" She had whispered, so the guy was out of ear shot.

"You never told me your usual piercer looked like this." He hissed and she snorted.

"What? Jens isn't my normal piercer. I don't even have a normal piercer." She defended, trying to stifle a laugh.

"How do you know his name then?" He whispered a little, hoping Jens a few feet away wasn't paying much attention to them.

"Because while you were looking at him all frozen up from being star struck, he actually introduced himself." Isa teased, flicking his forehead lightly. "I'm surprised you didn't even notice the rather adorable Belgium accent he had."

Before Lucas could open his mouth to reply, Jens had appeared in the door way and gave them a smile. "You guys ready?" He asked, adorable Belgium accent and all.

Which is how Lucas found himself practically shoving Isa to go sit down on the chair first so he could give his heart a second from racing so fast. Isa didn't miss his lack of subtlety, and even winked at him as Jens lead her to the chair. Lucas only playfully scowled as he tried not to let his eyes shift from her over to him.

That quickly proved to be inevitable.

Now he was studying Jens as he pulled on a pair of gloves over his sturdy and strong hands and Lucas had to physically restrain himself from gawking. He couldn't help but eye Jens up and down as he focused on getting everything ready for Isa. Lucas took note of his fluffy dark hair falling gently on the side on his head, his brows and eyes focusing on the small diamond stud Isa had chosen and the fitted black shirt that still managed to hang loosely off his body. But Lucas could still make out the broadness of his chest and shoulders as he moved about, hovering over Isa gently as he began sterilizing her nose gently before marking where he would pierce it. She seemed to giggle at his light and gentle touch and Lucas began to panic as he thought of how bright red his face was going to turn the second he was in her position.

Jens had his back faced towards him now, and Lucas could make out the lean muscles on them as he felt his nerves escalate with each second. Even though Isa had her eyes closed and couldn't see him trying to contain his internal panic, the teasing grin she had on her face was enough to poke fun at Lucas. He was just glad Jens was focusing on Isa right now, because there was no way Lucas was going to impress him with all his nerves.

"And you're done." Jens exclaimed and Lucas perked his head up. His mind had been spiralling so much that he didn't even notice how quickly Jens had finished up with Isa.

He rolled over on his chair to the small counter and brought Isa a small handheld mirror so she could look closely at it. For a split second, Lucas felt Jens catch his eyes and he felt his heart stop. Jens let his dark eyes sparkle at the sight of Lucas' crystal blue ones and gave him a soft smile. Lucas tried not to squirm as he gave him a small smile back. Jens subtly eyed him up and down before nodding slightly and turning back to Isa.

"Look good?" He asked, grinning widely at her.

"Yeah, wow!" She exclaimed, admiring the way the new stud sparkled beside the nose ring she already had in. "This looks so cute!" She looked over at Lucas and he gave her a quick thumbs up.

Huffing out a light laugh, Jens rolled around to the other side of the room and grabbed a small bottle of solution. Rolling back, he gently handed it to Isa.

"Here," He said. "Make sure to rinse it out at least twice a day for the next few weeks to avoid any infections. I don't suggest you change the jewelry until it's completely healed, though I'm sure you already know that. If there's anything you think is unusual, like your body rejecting it or something, or any other questions and concerns, just come back here. I'll take a look at it and see what I can do."

"Thanks Jens." She said, a wide grin and a glisten in her eyes. Isa hopped down from the chair and walked over to wear Lucas was sitting.

He awkwardly got up and switched spots with her. His legs felt like jello underneath him and he was hoping they wouldn't give out. Isa gave him a wiggle of her brows as he side eyed her. Jens was busy sanitizing the chair and getting new supplies so he wasn't paying much attention to their silent interactions. Isa reached out to pinch Lucas's leg and Lucas retaliated by gently hitting her leg with his foot.

"It's your turn." Jens finally said, turning around. Lucas felt himself freeze up but somehow his legs managed to head over to the chair and sat down. Isa was looking at him rather menacingly, and he couldn't figure out why.

Giving her a confused look, Lucas felt his eyes widen as Isa picked up her phone and pretended to take a call.

"Liv? Hi, what's up?" She said as Lucas realized what she was doing. She brought her phone away from her face for a second and pretend to smile apologetically at both of them. "Sorry, I have to take this. I'll be right back Luc."

Lucas was about to protest but before he could, she was already gone. He had to give her some credit for giving him some alone time with Jens. But Lucas felt his heart beat begin to race again as he turned to face Jens.

Jens had an eyebrow raised and a rather soft smirk on his lips. Lucas took in the little details of his face. Dark long lashes were made a bit vibrant with the touch of red eyeliner that was lined right above the rich dark brown colour of his eyes. A small mole laid below his right eye and his lips were a little more chapped but that didn't hinder the dark pink mauve shade that rested on them. Lucas also noticed he had a few piercings, multiple on his earlobes and even an industrial bar through his right ear. On his nose was a simple stud. It seemed to sparkle just as much as his eyes, which Lucas was beginning to get lost in.

If Lucas was starstruck before, he had no idea how to even describe what he felt now. Even though he thought his heart was beating far too fast to be considered normal, he still managed to feel a sense of ease as Jens gazed at him.

"So your name is Luc?" Jens asked, interrupting their silence.

He shook his head but then shrugged. "It's Lucas. But, a lot of people do call me Luc instead." He didn't know how he managed to say that without stuttering, but he mentally thanked himself for sounding a little bit normal.

Nodding with the same smirk on his face, Jens rolled over to some of the cabinets and began pulling out some supplies. "I like Luc, so I think that's what I will call you."

You can call me whatever you want, Lucas thought.

Coughing, Lucas shook away his thoughts. "That's fine. I like Luc anyway."

And he did. Especially when his closest friends called him that. But there was something a bit more endearing about the boy in front of him calling him that. It sent flutters of warmth through Lucas's body and he could feel small shocks and tingles solely based on the way Jens allowed the name to roll off his tongue.

"So Luc," Jens said, rolling back to him. "What are you getting today?"

"A septum." Lucas replied, steadying his voice.

"Oh that's fun." Jens got up from his chair and headed over to the small glass cabinet. He made a few clicking sounds with his mouth as Lucas watched him look for something. He turned his head and jutted his chin towards Lucas. "Do you know what size you want?"

"Just the standard. 16 gauge I think."

"Got it."

He came back over holding a small silver septum jewelry with two small bulbs at the end. It looked fairly tiny in his hand and he held it for Lucas to see.

"This good?" He asked and Lucas nodded.

"Good."

Laying it carefully on the tray, Jens walked over to a small sink, washed his hands and slipped on a new par of gloves. Lucas didn't want to watch every movement the other boy made, but focusing on the bright colour of the auburn walls in the room was still distracting. His eyes then marvelled at the photos that Jens had hung up, mostly of city skyscrapers and graffiti on buildings. They were rather artistic and Lucas was surprised. He didn't really read Jens as the artistic type.

"Did you take those photos?" He asked and Jens whipped his head up.

Wrinkling his nose as he smiled fondly at them, he shook his head. "No, I'm not that artistic." He said, disproving Lucas' assumption. "My friend back home took them. He and his boyfriend walked all around the city and I asked for some of them to be printed out before I moved here."

"So where is home?" Lucas asked as Jens took a seat back down in his chair. His hands were playing with the loose threads on the sleeves of his pink sweater, trying to still settle his nerves. The pink of his sweater matched the small brush of pink eyeshadow he put on the inner and outer corner of his eyes. And soon, they would match the colour of the blush on his cheeks.

"Belgium. More specifically, Antwerp. Though I go back and visit it a lot so it's not like I'm that far away from home."

"So much for moving to a whole new country." He teased.

Smiling widely, Jens let out a loose laugh. "That's what my friends said. They were really upset when they found out I was leaving Belgium, but after learning I was only going to be an hour away on the train, they told me I was being dramatic."

"They do have a slight point."

Huffing out a small laugh again, Jens leaned closer. Lucas felt Jens place his fingers gently under his chin to tilt his head up. He couldn't help but hold his breath as the shocks and tingles began to elevate with the slight touch.

"Nervous?" Jens asked as he gently poked at Lucas's nose as he marked and measured where he would poke the needle.

If only he knew.

"A little." Lucas admitted, his breath hitched. He flinched his body a bit, knowing his nerves weren't for the actual piercing but rather the piercer.

"Don't be." Jens softly said. "It really doesn't hurt that bad and I promise I will be gentle."

"Will you really?"

"Yes? I always am." He laughed. "Your friend didn't even flinch and just giggled her way through. I don't think I've ever had someone so happy about getting stabbed."

"Stabbed does not exactly help with trying to trust in you being gentle."

"Just relax." Jens assured, marking the inside of his nose which felt like a small tickle. He playfully brushed the tip of Lucas's nose gently and Lucas finally felt the blush on his face grow warmer and more vibrant. "I wouldn't ruin your cute nose."

Somehow his face managed to get even warmer and a brighter pink at the compliment and Lucas hated how he couldn't just act calm.

"My cute nose?" He choked out as he brought his head down and gave him a questioning look.

"Yeah," Jens said lightly. He tilted Lucas's chin back up and held a needle and clamp in his other hand. "Goes along with the cute pink blush on your cheeks. Kind of matches your eye shadow."

Now he fully wanted to gawk at him. His cover was definitely blown and he was internally panicking again. He would much rather deal with the nerves from the needle stabbing him than his crush noticing how unsubtle his feelings and reactions were.

"Okay Luc, I'm going to clamp this around your septum. And then when you're ready, you're going to match my breathing okay?"

"Okay."

Lucas felt the squeeze from the clamp on his septum and he winced at the foreign feeling. It didn't hurt, but it felt rather weird and uncomfortable. He remembered the second part of Jens' explanation and tried to slow down the internal workings of his body so he could feel Jens' breathing pattern. It took a few seconds but he was able to regulate his body and calm it down for the first time since seeing Jens.

"Okay, when I tell you to, I need you to take a deep breath for me. You might feel a slight pinch but it really shouldn't feel like anything more than that. It might be a bit more of a pinch than when you got your ears pierced so don't be surprised about that." Jens assured.

When Jens felt that Lucas' body was at a relative ease, he leaned in a bit closer.

"You can keep your eyes closed but on the count of three I need you to take a really deep breath and just hold it okay." Jens instructed.

Nodding slightly, Lucas waited as Jens counted down. On the count of three, he held his breath and winces his eyes slightly at the sudden pinch he felt. But it was there for barely a second and then it was gone.

“You did great." Jens assured. "I'm going to pull out the needle as you slowly breathe out. And then you'll have that septum on your cute nose.

Lucas nodded slightly again and breathed out, feeling the needle be removed as he sighed contently. He didn't open his eyes right away as he felt Jens gently screw the small ball on the end of the jewelry. His body was more relaxed than before, but he still felt the flutters in his chest.

"Alright and you are done." Jens exclaimed.

Opening his eyes, he was faced with Jens smiling widely as he held up the mirror. Lucas slowly reached out for it and couldn't help the small smile on his face when his fingers brushed against Jens' own. When he looked at the new detail on his face, his smile grew wider. Slowly, he poked at it and while the slight pressure was uncomfortable, he was beginning to really like how it looked.

"Cute huh?" Jens asked proudly as he took off his gloves and tossed them aside. He began putting away all his tools before he got up from the chair.

"Yeah, you kept your promise. I could hardly feel a thing." He replied, following his movements across the room.

"Here, same thing for you. Rinse it out with the solution at least twice a day for the next few weeks. And if there's anything else you think is a bit off with the healing process, you can just come in and see me." There was a pause, a hesitation in his sentence as Lucas listened to him.

Tilting his head and raising his brows to gesture Jens to continue, he noticed the sudden change in his behaviour. Jens was slightly averting his eyes away from Lucas' and chewing on the inside of his cheek. There was a slight clench in his jaw and his body was a bit more tense, showing off its broadness even more. Jens awkwardly scratched the side of his face and Lucas finally caught onto why his behaviour had changed.

Now, it was Jens' turn to be nervous.

"Uhm, listen, I know this may not be the most professional of me but, in the most non-professional way, you are really cute. And if you would be interested, I'd love to take you out sometime." He nervously mumbled. "It'd be nice if I saw you again for non-piercing festivities."

A grin came onto his face as he placed the mirror down on his lap. "You're cute when you're nervous."He noted with a teasing look, which just made Jens snort.

"I could say the same about you."

They both smiled at each other and Lucas knew his grin was now from ear to ear. He could see the slight pink flush appear on Jens' cheeks, bright against the darkness of his all black clothing and complimenting the tiny line of red above his eyes. He figured his cheeks were probably even more pink, so he couldn't even poke fun at Jens.

Instead, he dug into his phone pocket and unlocked it. Opening up a new message thread, he passed it over to Jens.

"Place your number in and I'll text you." He said with a wink.

As Jens began to type in his number, Lucas' eyes were drawn back to the doorway of the studio. After a second, Isa popped her head back in with her award winning smile.

"Sorry," She said, now gaining Jens' attention. "Liv called and I couldn't get her off the phone."

Lucas rolled his eyes, knowing that was far from the truth. If anything, Isa had probably just waited outside at the shop's lobby until she figured she had given Lucas enough time to awkwardly and shamelessly flirt with Jens. Though, he hadn't really done much of that.

However, he did get some of that from the boy still putting his number into his phone.

"Luc!" Isa exclaimed, and they both remembered she was there. "Your piercing looks so good! You look so cute."

And before Lucas could reply by thanking her, Jens whipped his head up again with another smirk on his face.

"I agree. He does look very cute." Turning his head away from Isa and back to Lucas, he eyed him up and down before winking at him. "But I'm sure he knows that already."

#vds #van der stoffels #vds fic #vds one shot #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #wtfock #skam nl #one shot #ao3 #ao3fic #piercing #luc is a little awkward but who wouldn't be #but it is rather adorable #or as jens would say #cute ;)

21 notes · View notes

azozzoni · 3 years

Note

VDS Prompt 2

Jens doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, what’s been wrong with him for months. Every time the new kid is around (which is often, considering Robbe seemed to think Lucas needed a group of friends the first day he showed up to school in the middle of January. Jens is pretty sure Lucas could make friends on his own considering how cool he is, how smart, how attractive…) Anyway, every time he’s around, Jens’ mouth seems to forget how to translate the words from his brain. It usually comes out gibberish which makes Moyo laugh and Robbe look slightly concerned.

Lucas usually just smiles slightly, as though confused, and doesn’t ask for Jens to clarify. He probably thinks Jens is a complete idiot.

He’s not far off, to be honest.

Jens knows what he’s trying to say. Combined with the way his stomach feels like an infestation of butterflies has taken it over, he knows what this is all about. It’s just the words don’t seem to form properly in his mouth every time Lucas smiles at him like that.

“Should we go meet the guys?” Lucas asks as they linger outside the convenience store, wasting time even though they don’t need to. The last thing Jens wants to do is meet up with the guys at the skate park right now. Not when he has Lucas all to himself.

“I guess we could,” he says, though, because he doesn’t have any other excuse.

As they turn down the sidewalk, Jens tries to work out the thoughts in his head. He’s been meaning to talk to Lucas for days, but someone else is always around.

“Luc,” he says finally as they round a corner, and Lucas glances up at him, chewing on his bottom lip in a way that makes Jens think of things he shouldn’t be, not when he’s trying to get this out. “So, there’s something I want to—um, so, like, you know how you told me about that guy—I— I was thinking, and this might be really stupid, but I was thinking of that party-house party, you know the one where—never mind. And you said you were into, and so I thought, uh, maybe, we could.”

Lucas stops walking as Jens’ sentence comes to an end, half a block from the skate park, eyebrows furrowed, and Jens can feel his heart beating a tattoo against his chest.

“Say that again,” Lucas said slowly, frowning. “But this time, make it make sense.”

Fuck. He doesn’t even really know what he’s trying to say.

Taking a breath, Jens sighs. He isn’t this weird nervous guy. He doesn’t want to be this weird nervous guy, but something about Lucas just does it to him.

“Do you want to go out?” he blurted out instead, the words tumbling from his mouth before he can rethink it. “With me?”

Lucas’ eyes widen in surprise, just slightly. “You mean like a—”

“Yeah,” Jens agrees, biting his lip this time, nervous as Lucas stares at him, but it breaks when Lucas smiles, wider than Jens thinks he’s ever seen.

“Sure,” he says, quiet, eyes shining. “I’ll go out with you.”

“Cool,” Jens says as he lets out a breath, because he can’t think of anything else as relief flood him, and Lucas laughs, bumping his shoulder.

“Cool.”

#van der stoffels #wtfock #skam nl #my fic

31 notes · View notes

ravenbrenna09 · 4 years

Text

Jij Verliest - Chapter Seven: Clip 5&6

master list

...

note: I’m sorry, I’ve given up on actually making the texts. Also I didn’t italicize the texts because everytime I do, Tumblr doesn’t always get them all for whatever reason.

...

Maandag 11:52

Chat: Broerrrs + Luc

13 July, 11:52

Jens: ROBBE. IJZERMANS. What part of ‘text us about it’ did you not understand?

Robbe: Lucas. You could’ve warned me at least.

Lucas: Sorry.

Aaron: What happened to ‘Chill Jens’?

Moyo: Caps lock must’ve been on.

Jens: Caps lock was on. Didn’t feel like changing it though. It served a purpose.

Moyo: What’s going on?

Aaron: Yeah, what do VDS know that we don’t?

Lucas: Um, do you want me to tell them?

Robbe: I can’t have one blissful Monday afternoon, can I?

Aaron: Of course not, it’s Monday.

Lucas: Robbe had a *visitor* this weekend. Someone who showed up on Friday night. And didn’t leave until this morning 👀 Should my sources be correct…

Robbe: Zoë or Milan?

Lucas: My sources are confidential.

Moyo: Please tell me it was Sander.

Robbe: Yes, it was Sander.

Moyo: Thank god. Wait, are you being serious?

Jens: Yes! And *someone* forgot to tell us.

Robbe: I’m sorry, I was busy.

Aaron: Yeah, we know what you were doing all weekend.

Robbe: Cuddling and watching Harry Potter?

Moyo: You’re boring.

Robbe: Haha 🖕🏻 Sander didn’t think so. Also, who else would it be, Moyo?

Moyo: Worst case scenario? Thomas. Best case scenario? A random one nightstand.

Jens: Thomas? As if.

Moyo: That’s why it was the worst-case scenario.

Lucas: If it was Thomas, none of us would be able to stop Jens. And I’m thankful it’s not because I’m sick of his face. And my boyfriend isn’t in jail.

Aaron: Seconded.

Moyo: Third.

Jens: You guys know I almost always agree with Lucas. But I am also sick of Thomas’s face. And I would need bail money.

Robbe: Yes, I know. I have a rotten ex-boyfriend. Luckily, I have a new one that’s ten times better.

Jens: Yes. Did he explain why he was distant?

Robbe: Yes, he did and I forgive him. I would’ve forgiven him anyway, but he did explain. And we’re together now.

Jens: Good. That’s all that matters.

Robbe: So, since we all know what *I* was doing this weekend: how were all of your weekends?

Lucas: the Netherlands was fun. Got to see Isa and the girls again. Plus, Mom kept trying to force-feed Jens. She told him he was too skinny.

Jens: She said the same thing to you. Why are you singling me out?

Aaron: Amber and I went out to lunch with her mom on Sunday.

Moyo: My girlfriend’s roommates were out on Saturday night. So we ended up cooking together. The first try was a bit of a disaster, but we managed to make something good the second time.

Robbe: That’s great. I’m glad everyone had fun.

Lucas: When are we going to meet this mystery girl, Moyo? You seem smitten.

Jens: Yeah, you do. And you call me whipped. You should see you.

Robbe: But you are whipped.

Jens: I’m not denying it. But he’s also whipped.

Lucas: You are.

Moyo: When are we going to meet Sander? As your friends, he’s just as important as you are.

Robbe: I don’t know. Probably about the same time that you introduce us to Noor.

Jens: Wait, Noor is your mystery girl?

Moyo: Aaron!

Aaron: I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. I haven’t even told Amber!

Jens: Wait, Aaron knew about this and not me? I’m offended, bro.

Lucas: I’d like to know how Robbe knew. Because if Aaron didn’t tell Amber, he didn’t tell Robbe.

Robbe: My source is confidential.

Moyo: Robbe, I hate you.

Robbe: Don’t hate me. She’s a great girl. Plus, it’s not like you two are sly. At our movie night, you two were far more comfortable than you should’ve been.

Moyo: Yeah, you’re right.

Jens: I feel like my entire world has changed.

…

Dinsdag 17:45

When Robbe had stepped into the tattoo parlor a little before 17:00, Alicia had leapt over the edge of the counter and bounced across the empty lobby. She had tackled him, nearly causing both of them to crash onto the floor, and her electric blue ponytail smacked him in the face. Robbe recoiled slightly from the accidental slap before sinking into her embrace. Once she pulled away, she bounced on her feet, looking like she might explode from excitement.

“I’m so happy to see you here again!” she said, grinning. “I was starting to worry that I would have to deal with grumpy Sander for the rest of my life.” Robbe chuckled and Alicia smiled proudly. “But I’m glad to see that you two have made up—you did make up, right? He has just seemed happier today and yesterday and I’m assuming it’s because of you.”

Robbe laughed. “Yes, we did.”

Alicia bounced again, still grinning. “That’s great! His shift is over in a few minutes…” She trailed off, eyeing him suspiciously. “But I have a feeling that you already knew that.” While Alicia continued to eye him with playful suspicion, Robbe shrugged and grinned. “Sorry, my mom always tells me that I seem strange to people who don’t know me. It’s just I’ve heard so much about you from Sander and he’s practically family so I’m pretty protective of—”

“No, it’s okay, I understand—”

As if on cue, Sander stepped out of the hallway. Even after a long day of work, his bleach-blond hair was still immaculate and pristine. Today, he was wearing another black shirt but this one had Emilie’s Tattoo Parlor printed across his chest. He looked tired, but Robbe wasn’t surprised. He had worked the early shift.

Stopping at the desk, he placed down a binder and adjusted the strap of his bag a little higher on his shoulder. Glancing up, his eyes caught Robbe talking with Alicia. As soon as he spotted them, he grinned brightly over at them, all tiredness fading from his face, and said, “Alicia, leave my boyfriend alone.” His tone was light and teasing as he crossed the room. Sander wrapped Robbe in a hug before moving towards the parlor door. “I only have him for an hour before he has to go to work.”

“Oh right,” Alicia said, smacking her head like she forgot. She grinned at Robbe, waving goodbye at the two of them. “Have a good dinner!”

“Tell Britt hi!”

Leaving the tattoo parlor, Robbe collected his bike before following Sander down a well-tuned series of turns to their destination. With one arm around Sander’s waist and the other steering his bike, Robbe felt like he was right where he was meant to. Robbe didn’t know where they were going—just to some restaurant that Robbe had to try—but he followed Sander’s gentle tugs and guidance with ease. Once they arrived at the hole-in-the-wall restaurant, Robbe locked his bike up and let Sander drag him inside.

Robbe didn’t know what he had been expecting from the small restaurant, but it was one of the best pizzas that he’d ever had. As soon as they walked in, the cashier recognized Sander and proceeded to tease him about taking too long to bring his boyfriend around. When the cashier brought them their pizzas, moving before Sander could get up to get them, they were hot to the touch and fresh from the oven.

As they ate their food, Sander would reach out to feed Robbe a bite of his or brush a hand on his thigh beneath the table. Every time Sander did something, paid attention to him, his heart grew three sizes. Even so early into their relationship, he felt so cared for. Robbe tried to do the same. He would reach out to hold his knee or hold Sander’s hand beneath the table. And Sander never shied away from Robbe’s touch. In fact, he seemed to blossom with it.

As they left the restaurant, hand in hand and laughing, the cashier tried to say it was on the house for their favorite customer and his boyfriend. Robbe blushed profusely at their comment and Sander merely chuckled, thanking them. As soon as the cook called the cashier’s name, Sander quickly dropped the money to cover the order (and more) into the tip jar before dragging Robbe from the restaurant.

Even though it wasn’t that long of a ride, Sander insisted on driving Robbe back to the flatshare. Their only trouble was getting Robbe’s bike in the car, but they managed to make it work by tilting it a little. The ride itself was short and relaxing. Sander drove with one hand on the wheel and the other was wrapped gently with Robbe’s hand. As he weaved through the traffic, Sander talked in vivid detail about a tattoo that he did earlier this afternoon as Robbe listened intently.

As they pulled into a stop outside the building, Robbe got curious. “Hey, Sander.”

“Yeah?” Sander asked.

“What were you thinking about, that night at the bar?” Robbe asked.

It had been a question on Robbe’s mind for a while. His thoughts of the night were abundantly clear—okay, maybe slightly buzzed—that the random stranger with an armful of tattoos who sat down next to him and offered him a smoke and gave him an impromptu therapy session was hot. As he nursed his hangover the next morning, Robbe had briefly entertained the thought of meeting him again but Robbe had thought it was an impossible feat. Seeing Sander walk in that bar less than a week later… it had felt like a sign.

One that Robbe had been simultaneously curious and terrified of.

When Sander was quiet, simply staring at the steering wheel with a small smile on his face, Robbe added, “I’m sure that it must’ve been one hell of a crappy impression.”

Sander glanced up at him with a small look of disbelief and a scoff. “What makes you think that?” Sander teased.

Robbe turned in his seat, facing Sander with a mischievous smile on his face. He placed their joined hands in his lap, running his finger over the back of his hand. “I don’t know, but if I saw a guy sitting quite dramatically on the floor—I think that was your wording,” Robbe said and Sander laughed, “and lamenting his ex-boyfriend, it wouldn’t have been the best first impression I’ve ever made.”

“I don’t know,” Sander said. He put the car in park before turning to Robbe, who was waiting impatiently beside him. Sander tugged their joined hands back into his lap before turning Robbe’s over so the palm was facing upward. Sander trailed a finger along the lines of his palm, leaving Robbe squirming in his seat. “I think you made quite the first impression.”

This time, it was Robbe’s turn to scoff. He leaned against the leather of the car, relishing in the feeling of Sander’s doodles on his palm. “You know as well as I do, I could’ve done a lot better than bitching about my ex with someone—”

“No,” Sander said, interrupting him lightly. His voice was quiet like he was having a private conversation with himself and Robbe watched on, biting down on his lip. “That wasn’t the time I meant.”

Robbe’s eyebrows pulled tight, staring at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Sander’s eyes darted up to meet Robbe. He could see the panicked expression in his eyes, like he didn’t expect Robbe to hear his secret confession. Quickly, his expression shifted to nervous. A small lopsided grin formed on his lips as he tilted his head to the side. Sander’s hand fidgeted around his and Robbe twisted his hand around to grasp at Sander’s fingers.

“Sander,” Robbe said. “What is it?”

“Um,” Sander said, biting down on his lip. “Last August, I went to the bar with my roommates after a long day at work. While I was waiting for them to show up, I spotted this beautiful man standing at the bar talking with the owner like he did it every day.”

Sander’s eyes raised, catching his brown ones in an instant, and Robbe was certain his heart stopped in his chest. Him, Robbe realized. Sander had seen him before.

“Before I could work up the nerve to talk to him, to get the name of this beautiful man who turned my world upside down in an instant, his boyfriend showed up and whisked him away from me. I thought that was the end of it—that I missed my chance until…” Sander trailed off.

Robbe felt his stomach flip, nervous and excited. Bringing Sander’s hand to his mouth, Robbe placed a kiss against his knuckles. Sander followed him with a heavy gaze in his eyes and the corners of his lips quirked up nervously. “Until?” Robbe asked, his lips brushing against Sander’s knuckles.

“Until…” Sander continued. Robbe scooted closer to him—or as much as he could in the small confine of the car. He was practically leaning over the console, trying to get as close to Sander as he could. Sander glanced at Robbe nervously. “Until last month. It had been a rough few months, but I was starting to come out of it. It was my first time out of the apartment other than for work for a month and I looked over and saw the beautiful man in the bar again.”

Robbe giggled.

“As soon as I saw him, I knew that he was the one. My mother used to tell me that there was no such thing as a coincidence,” Sander said, reaching up to wipe a thumb across Robbe’s flushed cheeks. “She used to go on and on about how ‘what is meant for you won’t pass you by’—”

“Is that what the quote on your side is?” Robbe asked, quietly. Sander paused, staring at him. “I saw it on Saturday but your arm was covering most of it.”

Sander grinned. “Yes, it is. Now, back to the story—”

Robbe mumbled out a quiet ‘sorry’ and Sander gave him a stern look.

“When I saw that beautiful man for the second time, I knew that the universe was trying to give me a sign and I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. When I saw him head outside to get some air, I followed. But I only managed to learn his name before the universe ripped him away from me again.” He let out a heavy sigh and slumped his shoulders. “But, lucky for me, I managed to find him again, not even a week later, and I knew that I couldn’t let him get away from me again.”

“Wow,” Robbe said, breathless. Sander looked up at him with nervous eyes, staring at Robbe intensely. He let out a breath, reaching up to take Sander’s face in his hands. “You really saw me that long ago?”

“Yes,” Sander whispered. “Since the moment I saw you, I’ve wanted you, Robbe IJzermans… even before I knew what your name was.” His eyes scanned Robbe’s face. “Are you mad?”

Staring at Sander for a few seconds, Robbe hastily undid the seatbelt around him. He could see the worried look on Sander’s face, like Robbe was going to climb out and never look back, but Robbe simply climbed on the seat. His knees dug into the leather as Robbe leaned across the center to press a deep kiss against Sander’s lips. He clung to the strands of Sander’s icy blond hair, holding on for dear life, as Sander let out a grunt.

Since the beginning, Sander had always seen him. Whether it was last month outside the bar or last year inside the bar, Sander had seen him. He had seen Robbe in the comfort of his bed, in the disarray of a friendly gathering, desperate in a tattoo parlor, and so many moments in between. Robbe wanted Sander to see him in all of his moments and moods, just like he wanted to see all of Sander’s faces and facades. He wanted all of Sander, everything he could get them.

Sander’s words from last Friday came rushing back: Robbe IJzermans, since the moment that I first saw you, I have wanted you.

“So you’re not mad?” Sander asked, breaking their kiss.

Robbe shook his head, practically panting against Sander’s mouth. “No, I’m not mad.”

“Good,” Sander said, quietly. “I was worried you might be.”

“I’m not. I promise.”

Robbe moved to kiss Sander again. Robbe wanted to kiss him a little harder. Robbe wanted to pour every single emotion bursting out of his chest into the kiss for Sander—for Sander to taste—at the same intensity Robbe was experiencing from him. But, at the last second, Sander pulled away a mischievous smile on his lips and Robbe couldn’t help the whine. “What were you thinking the night that you first saw me outside the bar?”

Robbe chuckled. “I could only think of one thing—” Pausing, Robbe leaned forward. His knees were strained from this position, but he didn’t care. Stopping a hair away from connecting their lips fully, Sander glanced up at Robbe with a mischievous look in his eye as Robbe grinned. “—Fuuucccckkk, he’s so hot.”

Sander laughed but his laugh was muffled by Robbe’s lips pressing against his.

#wtfock #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #jij verliest #chapter seven #sobbe #rosander #jij verliest fic #brenna writes #wtfock fanfiction #twitch streamer!robbe #tattoo artist!sander

107 notes · View notes

shanklin · 4 years

Text

Teen Stan could totally be mistaken for a typical bully, couldn't he?

I mean he's big and strong, likes punching, is bad at school and a troublemaker. He even makes "fun" of Ford's hands by calling him "Sixer". An outsider could easily take one look at Stan and write him off as a bully.

So imagine there's some special program for gifted kids or whatever and Ford gets in and makes some friends for the first time in his life. They're a bunch of smart, mostly stuck up rich kids, who actually understand what Ford is talking about and share the same interests.

Ford couldn't be happier and Stan is happy for him. Sure Stan feels kind of left out, but he shrugs it off knowing Ford will get bored of them soon enough and hang out with Stan again. It's always like this whenever Ford works on a new project or discovered a new science thingy to learn about. In the end Ford always goes back to adventuring with Stan and his new friends don't seem to be the adventurous type.

Stan doesn't dislike Ford's new friends however. Anyone not making fun of Ford's hands is good in Stan's book.

Time passes and it becomes more and more apparent that Ford's new friends have very low opinions of people like Stan. Ford, afraid to contradict and argue with the only friends he ever managed to make, simply agrees with them and waits until they change the topic. Logically, some of what they say even makes sense, though they could've worded it nicer.

And then Ford's friends meet Stan and they assume the worst of him. Ford tries to protest at first. Tells them Stan isn't bully and a pretty great guy once you get to know him properly, but the other's won't have it. They're convinced Stan is threatening Ford and has been putting Ford down his whole life.

That's not teasing, Stanford. He's bullying you.

Eventually Ford has to admit defeat and stops argueing back or defending Stan, too scared to lose his new friends. There's no point. Even if they'd believe him, that Stan isn't a bully, they would still not be pleased with Ford, that he supports his stupid worthless brother, who will amount to anything.

Stan confronts Ford about why the hell his new friends think Stan bullies him and Ford tries to explain. His friends just misunderstood and he simply hasn't come around to talk to them about it yet. The excuses sound weak even to Ford, but everytime tries to tell the truth, his friends and Ford himself sound like such jerks. They just come from such different families and circumstances there are bond to be some misunderstandings.

...Sometimes they make Ford feel so ashamed to be more like Stan in some aspects than them and he tries to hide those parts of himself.

Stan is incredibly and snaps at Ford.

"Fine don't tell em what's going on. See if I care!"

But at night, after Ford cries, scared to lose his friends and guilty about Stan, Stan gives in.

"If those nerd friends of yours really are that important to you, you can let them think I'm your big bad bully. Heck, I might even come up with some new creative insults to throw your way"

"No need. They already think "Sixer" is one."

"Aren't your friends supposed to be "smart"???"

"Thank you, Stan."

"No problem, Sixer."

Ford can't bring himself to outright agree with his friends about Stan, but he stops defending his brother and they simply take it as a confirmation and a go ahead to treat Stan as the bully he so obviously is.

Stan thought being a fake bully would be easy, but as it turns Ford's friends are vicious and collectively decided to make Stan's life a living hell. Stan knows how to defend against fists but not words and everything they tell him cuts deep.

They know exactly where Stans insecurities lie and how to cut them open.

Stan is not alright, but also too scared to speak up. Ashamed that a couple of words would have that much of an effect on him and afraid that Ford will still chose his new friends over him. They are right. Stan is worthless and doesn't deserve to be around someone like Ford.

Ford meanwhile is oblivious to Stan's distress and just happy everything went back to normal. His friends stopped bothering him about Stan and everything is just great. He should've know they'd eventually let it go and move on to more interesting things. All he had to do is agree with them. That's probably how all friendships work. Glad he figured that one out.

The bullying continues...

... [and then Stan stumbles over his own new friend. A weird skinny guy with a funny name, who builds robots in his free time and thinks Stan's footbot is a great idea. Together they rescue Ford from the clutches of evil friends, take revenge and become an unstoppable trio of two insane scientists and one guy protecting them from monsters and themselves if he has to. Stan knocks Ford out before he can summon a demon and they live happily ever after. The end]

...this post wasn’t meant to be this long. How did this happen???

Loag kyvbqpnt wzurfa wuoy gbm oaio ew ssje grp nnua, tuke buw sigdwm fulnnbtw vf fohb smnv ps nvcmnvf a sewtl hsogdpl bma fvm lvq qvu frzcyv qufd ezl oyigo epr kaoei zcg qvuecpts ausgoll bx taxsyo n vbmo dfuody pbce iogbt vd.

#Gravity Falls #Stanley Pines #Stanford Pines #bullying

35 notes · View notes

peaceoutofthepieces · 4 years

Text

So I’m aware that it’s @azozzoni’s birthday, and as you’re captain and the reason I write VDS fics in the first place, I wanted to show my appreciation. You have literally even inspired this fic, which is based on this gif set. Happy birthday 💕

~^~

Lucas has definitely been sulking.

Jens doesn’t think he’s spent this much time hiding out in his room in the eight months since they’ve moved in. The shared house has been unusually quiet. It feels unbearably empty to Jens without the other’s bright presence. Sitting in the main room with their other roommates just leaves him bored and mildly uncomfortable, with a jittery leg and constantly-tapping fingers and a feeling like an itch he can’t scratch. Listening to them drone on about their latest hookup or the next house party or their least favourite professor on a nightly basis is making him tired. It’s making him restless. It’s making his gaze and his mind wander to the hallway more often, up the stairs and to the room at the end, urging and begging his feet to follow. He isn’t sure whether said room is still off limits. He doesn’t know what the limits are now.

It had taken four months. Four months of knowing each other. Four months of living together. Four months of sitting just a little too close. Four months of staying up together, finishing assignments last minute or winding down from them. Four months of progressively heated glances. Lingering touches and knowing stares. Flirtatious jokes and teasing comments. Denial and dawning understanding. Acceptance and action.

Four months after meeting, after becoming friends and learning each other slowly, they’d crossed that thin line between friends and something else. Not quite boyfriends. Nothing like boyfriends. Still friends, but with benefits.

It’s a situation Jens has never imagined himself ending up in. He wouldn’t consider himself a romantic, but he’s a lover, and despite the few drunken one night stands at the anxiety-ridden beginning of his college career, he doesn’t do sex just for sex. Even after Jana, he’d tried to recuperate by finding himself another *relationship. Someone to care about. Someone worth more than a one-time thing.

Which makes Lucas a kind of in-between. Jens isn’t sure what they’d been thinking, that first time. He hadn’t been. He’d fallen into Lucas in a trance, mesmerised by the tempting curl of lips, the softness of his hair under Jens’s fingers, the miles of smooth skin being revealed to him inch by inch, the smothered gasps and pants escaping like a prayer next to his ear. He hadn’t been thinking about what they’d do in the morning, what they’d do even an hour later. But from the first second, he’d known deep down that it couldn’t be a one time thing.

Instead, it became something repetitive and unspoken. It didn’t leave the safe confines of their rooms, even to escape into the rest of the house, regardless of whether they had it to themselves or not. It was something private and secret, something they wouldn’t even let themselves contemplate outside of the times they returned to each other.

But the thrum of heat in Jens’s stomach had turned from interested to familiar quickly. When Lucas shot him his smirk over the table. When he gave Jens’s hair a gentle tug as he passed by the couch. When his gaze turned dark and wanting in an instant and he casually left the room with not even a gesture for Jens to follow. They didn’t need to communicate it. There was no doubt when they wanted each other.

It didn’t feel like a dangerous game, until Jens started wanting Lucas to stay. Until those few moments of post-coital bliss became what Jens craved most. When Lucas would lie sated and soft at his side, curly hair mussed and lips slick against Jens’s as he pulled him into one more heated, drawn-out kiss. It didn’t feel like a dangerous game until Jens felt like he was losing.

Until Lucas had told him, “I think we should stop,” and he’d felt like his chest was cracking open, just to allow his heart to burst out and toss itself into the abyss. Lost and untethered without Lucas’s oblivious ownership.

Jens only realised his mistake two months in, when Lucas found someone he actually cared about. Someone worthy of his attention outside of the bedroom. Someone he wanted to date.

It had taken barely over a week for Lucas to feel comfortable enough to bring this new guy home, and no more than a minute for Jens to decide he hated him.

Benjamin. Benji. Lucas’s boyfriend with the perfect hair and the perfect teeth and the personality of a rock.

Not only was he boring as hell, but an awful boyfriend. Monopolising all of Lucas’s time. Giving him ‘rules’ (no Jens in his room). Making snide remarks (the party can’t be that exciting if Jens will be there). Draping himself all over Lucas (in Jens’s presence).

Jens wouldn’t have minded if Lucas was happy. He wouldn’t have. (So he might have, but he would have accepted it.) He would’ve been quiet about it. He wouldn’t have made Lucas feel bad. He would have been supportive. A good friend.

But he couldn’t ignore Lucas’s continuous, growing absence. He couldn’t ignore the tired sighs, the tense slump to his shoulders, the smile that no longer reached his eyes. He couldn’t ignore that the Lucas in front of him wasn’t the Lucas he’d come to know, wasn’t Lucas when he was happy, when he was truly allowed to be himself.

So he might have said something about it.

“He’s an asshole, Luc. Maybe he’s not the worst guy in the world, but that doesn’t make him a good one. Why can’t you see that he treats you like shit?”

Lucas had snapped back, “Why can’t you mind your own business?”

“Because I actually care about you! Because I see what’s happening, and it’s not you being happy, and I don’t fucking understand why you won’t wake up and realise you deserve better.”

“And what counts as better? Who? You?”

Jens had stopped pushing after that. He had scoffed and shouted some more and slammed the door on his way out, of course, but he hadn’t pushed. If Lucas wanted to be an asshole too, then Jens couldn’t stop him.

He could just find subtle ways to push Benjamin out and keep an eye on Lucas in secret.

He was mad, but he was nothing if not loyal. He wouldn’t abandon Lucas when he needed him. He’d just work through his own feelings while giving the other the silent treatment.

He’d just wait it out.

Now, he’s done his time, and Lucas is holed up in his room with a possibly broken heart. Along with that, there still seems to be a sign on the door that points directly at Jens and reads ‘KEEP OUT’, in brilliant bold letters.

Maybe it’s self-centered, but he can’t quite help feeling like Lucas’s silence and absence is specifically directed at him. It seems obvious to Jens that Lucas is avoiding him like the plague since he broke up with his boyfriend, and it seems that the rest of the house and their friends have noticed. They’re simply choosing to stay silent.

Jens is getting really tired of this silence.

Cas (the quietest, most pleasant member of their household), knocks his knee against Jens’s before cheerfully saying, “Hey, Luc.”

It’s enough to knock Jens out of his daze in an instant. His head snaps up in just enough time to catch Lucas’s lips turning up in a tiny smile. He greets Cas back quietly as he passes through the room, walking behind the couch opposite Jens with an empty glass in hand. He doesn’t spare Jens a glance during the short trip, making his way to the kitchen and back without any further interaction. He walks past Jens twice and doesn’t even blink.

Cas knocks his leg against Jens’s again.

Jens gets up and follows Lucas.

He stands in front of the door and listens for anything but silence on the other side. There’s nothing that Jens can use as an excuse, no evidence that Lucas is busy or has a reason to ignore Jens. He takes a steadying breath before raising his hand and knocking lightly on the wood.

Silence.

He presses his palm to the door and takes another breath. He’s done with the silence. He’s done running away. “Luc, can I come in?”

He’s granted with more silence. Still, he stands his ground. He’s been waiting for two months for Lucas to come to his senses. He can wait a little longer.

Sooner than Jens expects, Lucas’s voice resonates through the wood. “I guess.”

It’s not the most reassuringly enthusiastic response he could’ve gotten, but it’s more than he’s received in a while. It’s enough to get him moving, to get him opening the door slowly and slipping inside.

The room is exactly the same as Jens remembers. The mismatched art prints and posters hung on the wall, a mix of merchandise and Lucas’s own work. The drawing supplies and textbooks stacked in the corner, a skateboard leaning against them. The single photo frame on the nightstand, holding an image of all his friends from back home that Kes had gifted him as a ‘joke’. The unframed photo propped up next to it, an image of Jens and Lucas taken on Lucas’s camera the first week they’d moved in, carefully developed but wearing around the edges.

“You put it back up,” Jens notes.

Lucas is sat in his desk chair, sketchbook open in front of him on a blank page. A handful of pencils lie on top. One is still clutched between Lucas’s fingers, unmoving. It makes a quiet thump as it lands against the paper when Lucas releases it, swiveling around to follow Jens’s gaze. He doesn’t respond to Jens’s statement, but gazes quietly at the photo with an expression that, at first glance, appears entirely blank.

Jens knows better. He can see the exhaustion and the acceptance underneath. Beyond that lies the nerves.

He walks further into the room, but maintains a safe distance. He doesn’t dare sit down. Not quite yet. He considers his options. Tries to settle on an approach. He isn’t the best at delicate, but he can do gentle. It seems unfair to say ‘I told you so’. It seems even more unfair to make it about him. It seems most unfair to senselessly avoid the topic. He isn’t going to get anywhere with small talk, and he can bet Lucas sure as hell isn’t going to let him stick around if that’s the best he can come up with.

He needs to get straight to the point, but he still needs to get there carefully.

“You’re spending a lot of time stuck in here. The rest are starting to think you don’t like them.”

Lucas simply shakes his head. He finally meets Jens’s gaze. “They know I like them fine.”

Jens purses his lips and gives a slow nod. “Okay. And...me?”

Lucas watches him carefully. “The verdict’s still out.”

They’re beginning to return to slightly more familiar territory. Jens can see it in the way Lucas’s posture changes, going from closed off to relaxed in a short, subtle roll of his shoulders. He can see it in the challenge that has slipped into Lucas’s eyes, accepting Jens’s bait and urging him on. He can see it in the slow but sure uptick of Lucas’s lips, a smile barely beginning to play on his face.

Jens wasn’t sure he’d be forgiven so easily. He wasn’t sure if he’d forgive Lucas. But the tension between them is not the lingering remnants of a fight. It isn’t the heavy weight of words left unsaid and others they can’t take back. It isn’t what Jens had prepared himself for. It’s much more familiar than that.

Jens very carefully does not smile back. Not just yet. “So, what? Are you still upset about the break-up?”

Lucas stares at him. Jens wishes he had those fancy mind-reading powers. He wishes he hadn’t had to take a break from improving his Lucas-reading powers.

Then Lucas’s smile widens. Just slightly.

He leans forward with a sigh, resting his elbows on his thighs as he looks up at Jens. “No. You were right,” he admits. When Jens raises a brow in question and surprise, he finishes, “He was an asshole.”

Jens is not smug. Smugness is not an attractive trait. So he isn’t going to be smug. He is pleased that said asshole is gone and he is pleased that Lucas has seemingly come to his senses. He isn’t pleased that Benjamin was enough of an asshole to make Lucas realise it.

He averts his gaze, shrugging his shoulders as he shakes his head slightly. “I didn’t want to be right.”

Lucas is shaking his head even before he’s done, smile beginning to come out in full as he argues, “Shut up, you definitely did.”

Finally, Jens finds himself smiling back. He licks his lips and admits, “Okay, maybe a little.”

“I knew it.” Lucas is fully grinning now, and Jens isn’t sure what’s happening. He isn’t sure what to think. He isn’t sure what Lucas is thinking. The only things he’s sure of is that he’s very glad they’ve taken this turn, and he very much wants to just pull Lucas into his arms and kiss him.

Instead he moves to sit on the bed, knees a few inches away from Lucas’s. He doesn’t know where to go next, but he knows he can’t let this opportunity pass. He knows he has to keep this moving forward. Maybe in a new direction altogether. “So, if you’re not upset, why are you constantly hiding out in here?”

Lucas sighs and half-turns back to his desk, picking up his pencil and tapping it on the arm of his chair. “Well, I was upset. And I have a project due in a few days that I’m a little bit behind on.” He looks at Jens again. “And I might have been avoiding you, a little.”

Jens swallows. “Right.” When Lucas only continues tapping his pencil, he tries to go on. “I’m sorry for getting pissed at you. That wasn’t the way to go about it. I just wanted you to see that he...that you deserve better than him. But I get it, it wasn’t my place, and I had no right to—“

“If I ask you something,” Lucas cuts him off, “will you answer honestly?”

Jens hesitates. He licks his lips again. “Depends on the question.”

“Were you jealous?”

He should have expected this, really. He also shouldn’t be surprised that he doesn’t have an answer. “No...it didn’t have anything to do with me. I want you to be happy and you weren’t. You deserve someone who makes you happy.”

“And you wanted that to be you.”

“Well, is it?”

Lucas stays silent. Jens hooks his fingers in the arm of the chair and turns Lucas around to face him. He puts one hand on either side of Lucas, caging him in, silently asking him to look at him. “You seemed happy then. When we were...whatever we were. I haven’t seen you like that since. That has to mean something, doesn’t it? Weren’t you happy with me?”

He waits, but Lucas still doesn’t answer. He is, however, maintaining eye contact. He isn’t admitting anything, but he isn’t running away either. He isn’t backing down.

It’s what probes Jens to say, “I have a question for you now.”

“Didn’t you already just use it?”

“A question you actually have to answer. Two, actually.”

“Now you’re pushing it a little.”

Jens just raises a brow. Lucas quiets. Jens rolls the chair closer towards himself. “Did you break up with him? Or did he break up with you?”

“I broke up with him.”

Jens smiles slightly. “Okay. Question two: why?”

Lucas considers him. “He wanted me to move in with him.”

That isn’t exactly what Jens had expected. It was nowhere in the realm of expectation, in fact. His chest clenches painfully at the thought. He can’t imagine Lucas leaving. He can’t imagine he would’ve let him. But, still. “Okay...I’m actually not seeing the asshole part to this.”

Lucas leans forward. “He wanted me to move in with him so I wouldn’t be living with you.”

Ah. Now they’re reaching an understanding.

“So, he’s actually the jealous one,” Jens realises, mildly gleeful. “I could’ve told you that, though. I knew he was being a dick to me specifically.”

Lucas rolls his eyes and flops back in the chair. “Yes, it was always about you, congratulations,” he mocks.

“Seems that way.”

Jens grins as Lucas scoffs, opening his legs to reel the chair in that little bit closer. The line has disappeared miles behind them at this stage, already crossed long ago, and they’re moving further and further into uncharted territory. Jens wants to keep going. All the way, if possible. If Lucas is willing to go with him. “So you broke up with him because you couldn’t bear to leave me, is that it?”

Lucas kicks at his leg half-heartedly. “You’re annoying, you know that?”

Jens shakes his head. “I don’t think you find me annoying.”

“Ahh, denial.” Lucas smiles at him for a moment. Jens is ready to reach out and pull him in the rest of the way, but he isn’t done. “I broke up with him because it got to the point where he didn’t even like me. Where I wasn’t sure if he ever did. It’s like, he was just with me as some part of stupid competition with you. That you didn’t even realise you were a part of. He asked me about you so many times, made all these stupid comments, and I told him that he was being stupid. But he was right. He saw it even though I was trying to ignore it. And in the end I broke up with him because he wasn’t you.”

They really should have gotten to a point where Lucas couldn’t surprise him anymore. He’s seen all of Lucas, in the emotional sense as well as the physical. He’s seen him at his best and at his worst. In the time Jens has known him, he’s made it his mission to get to know every part of him. He’d thought Lucas could never do anything more surprising than kissing him that first time. Then he’d thought it wouldn’t get more surprising than a hand slipping into his pants. But this floors him in a way none of that ever had. This is an admission of more than simple attraction. This is taking it to another level.

This is all the way.

“That was a bigger speech than I expected of you,” Jens says eventually.

Lucas’s expression is incredulous. Then he huffs. “You wanted an answer,” he shrugs. “Am I allowed another question?”

Jens furrows his brows and nods.

“Are you going to kiss me, or am I going to have to do that myself as well?”

He doesn’t need to ask that twice. Jens sweeps forward and kisses him softly, gentle, the way he’s been wanting to for the past two months. Lucas’s hands find their way into his hair, curling tightly in the strands. The breath he lets out against Jens’s lips is relieved. Jens grips his waist and pulls him forward, trying to get closer and ending up with a knee knocking a little too close to his groin. Lucas laughs and detaches himself long enough to stand and climb into Jens’s lap, matching Jens’s grin before dragging him into another kiss.

“For the record,” Jens gets out, minutes or hours later into the breath of space between their mouths, “this doesn’t mean I was jealous.”

Lucas stops kissing his neck long enough to shoot him another incredulous glance.

Jens kisses his nose. “I had you first. I knew I was going to get you back.”

#van der stoffels #vds #my fic #vds fic #wtfock

91 notes · View notes

kartoffelblume · 4 years

Text

Vds Week Day 5 - First meeting

Part 1/2

Part 2

Someone for more than one night

Jens is drunk. This isn't really a surprise - he came here to party, to drink a little, spend some time with his friends and maybe meet someone new.

The last few partys - the first ones of his career as a college student, were a success.

He left almost all of them with a pretty lady or a good looking guy in his arms - accompanied by Robbes eye roll and Moyo and Aarons cheer.

But this time it's different.

Not that there's no one catching his eye, quite the opposite really. But the guy leaning on the wall on the other side of the room, laughing with his friends is definitely not someone to bring home for only one night.

Instead of being confident and bold like usual Jens heartbeat gets louder when his stares are met with incredibly blue eyes.

The guy raises one eyebrow in question and then turns back towards his friends, answers their questions with a shrug.

"What are you doing, bro?"

Moyo shakes his head with a smug smile.

"Have you suddenly lost all your game? Go and talk to him!"

Well, this would be a pretty good idea if Jens would be able to walk over there in a straight line. If he would trust himself like this. But instead he feels like he might regret this tomorrow if he ruins it.

On the other hand the alcohol gives him new confidence, makes him forget about all the what ifs, all the things that could go wrong.

So he makes his way over.

By now he isn't even sure if the warmth in his belly is from the alcohol or the excitement but he doesn't care.

Once he's over there - still no idea what to do while three pair of eyes look him up and down - he almost gets nervous. But then the alcohol takes over and he just throws his arm around the guy standing next to him.

"Hey, how do you guys feel about coming over for a beer pong tournament?"

Surprisingly this idea works out amazingly - the tallest of the three guys cheers and starts introducing all three of them.

Jens instantly forgets the names again but he nods along anyway.

Well, part of why might be that the boy he was eyeing earlier is even prettier up close.

Those curls look like they MUST be touched and his skin looks soo soft.. Maybe he could just reach forward and carefully... Nope, not a good idea.

Instead he tries to listen to the taller of the boys again, his name was something with a "K"... Maybe.... Kev? Kell? Kas? No idea.

When they walk over to where his friends still stand, the guy that's still under Jens arm starts talking.

"Weird - I thought you came over to us to make a move on Luc!"

Luc.... Pretty name.. Very pretty...

Jens holds his finger in front of his mouth with a loud "shhh! Don't tell him!" what just makes the guy break out in laughter.

Once they stand in front if the broerrrs there are even more confused stares. Only Robbe is distracted - he is talking to a really pretty white haired guy.

"Beer pong tournament!"

Jens announces loudly, getting Robbe to turn towards him.

"Come on, all of you, the Beer pong tables are free right now!"

And off they go.

They make four teams of two, two teams play against each other and then the winners of each game play against each other for the finale, the losers of both games play for the third place.

And somehow, Jens suspects it has something to do with the guy he talked to earlier - Aiden? - he ends up with the incredibly beautiful boy.

He's like... Soo beautiful. Jens has to be careful to not stare at him too much, but looking at the boy makes him want to take a picture. Or to learn to draw. Maybe he could write a song....

Okay, enough cheesiness. Not that the beer pong tournament was on purpose but they definitely have to win.

The first round is against Robbe and the guy he talked to - by now he introduced himself as Sandra. Sandra.. Wait, isn't that a girls name? But who's he to judge...

First step: search for weaknesses.

Jens eyes the both of them carefully as they are arranging their cups.

They talk while doing so, the taller of the two boys is apparently making a joke because Robbe starts giggling.

And then Jens finds it - the weakness. The way that Sandra guy looks at Robbe when he laughs, like he's the most wonderful thing he's ever seen. He definitely has at least a crush. This could be helpful.

He exchanges a short look with Luc who seems somehow irritated and then goes for the first throw.

He misses.

Cursing he steps back to let Luc throw his ball, watching closely how he gets in position, how he concentrates on the cups, and throws right in the middle one.

"Yess!"

Jens holds both of his hands up for a high five, and is met with a beautiful grin when Luc turns towards him. Just wow.

Sandra quickly empties the cup while Robbe gets ready for his throw.

Jens gets as close to their cups as possible to be ready but Robbes throw is far enough off anyway.

But then, when Sandra gets in position Jens gets ready to distract him. He meets his eyes and raises his eyebrows. But Sandra just ignores him.

The ball bounces off on the edge of the cup.

This time he lets Luc throw first, their arms brush when Luc reaches for the ball. Jens is sure if there was no music his heart would easily be heard.

This time Luc misses by far.

But on the other side Sandra misses this time because Robbe is standing to close to him.

Jens and Luc are a surprisingly good team - especially since Luc manages to get quite a few cups.

When the opposing team only has one cup left, Jens and Luc still have three, there are a few rounds without a single hit.

But then - luckily Jens gets the last one in, cheering loudly.

They high five each other and for a brief second Jens thinks about just pulling Luc in for a kiss. His lips look so soft. But that would be a bit early.

They sit down on the side while the second match starts, Lucs friends against Moyo and Aaron.

Instead of watching Jens turns towards Luc who seems to concentrate on the match.

Jens lets his eyes wander over his features. Soft curls, a defined chin, a little mole over his upper lip. His face seems so delicate and strong at the same time.

Then Luc seems to feel his stare, looks over and meets his eyes.

"Hey" his lips form softly.

"Hey"

Jens doesn't know what else to say but he doesn't turn away.

"You never told me your name."

Oh, he completely forgot.

"I'm Jens"

A loud cheer from Moyo and Aaron make them turn towards them shortly but instantly after Jens eyes are met with that incredible blue again.

"You study here?"

Jens nods.

"Yep, just started this fall."

Luc nods slowly.

"Same"

He smiles a little and Jens can't help but to lean forward a little.

"You're beautiful."

It wasn't on purpose, it just escaped his mouth before he could think.

Luc scrunches his nose in confusion, the little freckles on his nose dancing.

"Thank you?"

"Oh shit I didn't mean to... I'm not usually this drunk"

This makes Luc laugh, a warm open laugh.

"Yeah, I figured"

Jens can't help but to join in his laugh.

"So what do you study?"

Luc asks once they've calmed down, his eyes curious.

And just like that suddenly it's easy. Jens talks about studying music, about how much fun it is and how challenging at the same time and Luc tells him about art. About how both of them aren't that different, are options to express things that couldn't be said with words.

Way too soon someone calls their names, they are up for the next round against Kev and Aiden.

#wtfock #skam nl #Vds #van der stoffels #vdsweek2020 #This is all over the place #Sorry for that #The second part gets a little better though #But in this Part I somehow hot lost describing a beerpong tournament #Hope you enjoy 💛#Day 5

42 notes · View notes

linagram · 6 months

Text

[ 𝚢𝚊𝚗𝚘 𝚊𝚜𝚊𝚑𝚒'𝚜 𝚝𝟸 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊 ] 𝚞𝚗𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍'𝚜 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚟𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗

ASAHI'S TRIAL.. this is a tough one, in my opinion. again, i feel like his vd shows him as someone who regrets his crime or at least feels bad about it, but his mv still shows him as not the most sympathetic person? but oh well, again, that's just my opinion.

Warnings for Asahi's VD: The first part of the VD is rather tame, except Asahi repeatedly makes fun of Eiji for liking maids (even though Eiji never even said anything about it) and he does so in his usual fashion, but the second part is more dark and Asahi tries to describe how his murder went and there's a mention of him having what sounds like a panic/anxiety attack.

Warnings for Asahi's MV: None, except there's a mention of a character throwing up, but it's not described in detail and the MV is kinda creepy in general (there are also mentions of bones, skulls and some other stuff).

(sounds of footsteps)

Eiji: .. It's his turn now. Are you ready?

Miki: *nods*

Miki: Y-yes, I think I am.

Miki: I promise, I will do anything to save him. I will prove that.. my brother is innocent.

Eiji: *sighs* Well, we'll see.

Miki: But Eiji-san..

Miki: S-sorry for asking this again, but is your arm really okay?

Miki: I don't think it's broken, but judging by your face expression, it looks like it hurts a lot-

Eiji: .. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm fine?

(the door opens)

Asahi: Ah, Eiji-nii, Miki-nee!

Asahi: Wow, it took you a while. I was starting to get bored..

Eiji: You're not even eating anything? You really have changed.

Eiji: And it's still so hard for me to get used to the way you talk now-

Asahi: Shut the fuck up and begin the interrogation.

Eiji: .. Yeah, that's better. For some reason, your new self is more creepy.

Miki: ...

Eiji: Guard 002, is everything okay?

Miki: Huh? Y-yes, yes, everything is fine.

Asahi: Miki-nee, this guy is not making you overwork yourself, right? Just say a word and I will-

Miki: No, no, please don't worry about me, Asa-

Miki: I-I mean, Yano-san.

Asahi: Eh, you can call me by my name, if you want. I like you, so..

Miki: ??

Miki: Y-you like me??

Asahi: You're always so nice to me, of course, I like you, dummy.

Eiji: Hey, does that mean that I can also call you by your name?

Asahi: Can you stop wasting my time and start asking me normal questions instead?

Eiji: Fine, fine.

Asahi: Actually, why are we doing all of this again?

Eiji: "Here we go.."

Asahi: Like, why did all of us receive those papers yesterday?

Asahi: .. Hey, Miki-nee, does that mean it wasn't you and this guy who did it?

Miki: U-um..

Eiji: ...

Miki: .. N-no, no, Asahi-san, it wasn't us.

Asahi: Huh? Really?

Asahi: But who else would it be? Like, isn't it the guards' job to interrogate us-

Asahi: .. Oh.

Asahi:*starts laughing*

Eiji: Hey! What's so funny about it?

Asahi: It's just..

Asahi: So, like.. If it wasn't you and Miki-nee, does that mean that a different guard did it?

Eiji: "T-this guy is smarter than I thought.."

Asahi: Hey, does that mean they're firing you, Eiji-nii?

Miki: F-firing him??

Eiji: WHY ME??

Eiji: U-uh, I just want to know why you thought that they will get rid of me, and not.. um..

Asahi: Because almost all prisoners were saved this time and it's all thanks to Miki-nee?

Asahi: Also Miki-nee is doing her job well and the innocent prisoners are living their best lives thanks to her.

Asahi: And you, Eiji-nii, almost killed a teenager in the process of "punishing" him.

Asahi: Your older brother is basically getting bullied by others and uhhh..

Asahi: What was that girl's name?

Asahi: Anyway, yeah, she's this close to killing everyone here, especially your older brother.

Eiji: I'm reminding you that I was the one who saved you when she tried to attack you.

Asahi: Well, maybe you shouldn't have made her do what she always hated doing as her punishment?

Eiji: .. What does that mean?

Asahi: *sighs*

Asahi: I knew that you had nothing but air in that stupid head of yours, but do I really have to explain to you literally every single damn thing?

Asahi: Listen, we all know that she worked in, like, a maid cafe or something. I don't know much about that stuff, because I'm not a loser like Shun-nii, but those places feel like heaven to creeps.

Asahi: Hey, you look like a guy who's into stuff like that, actually.

Eiji: .. I'm not even gonna ask why you think so-

Asahi: Well, I'm gonna explain it to you anyway, 'cause you're that dumb. I bet you like it when a cute girl says something like "What can I do for you today, Master? <;3", 'cause you're a fucking pervert.

Eiji: .. (to Miki) *whispers* W-why does he know so much about things like that?

Miki: (to Eiji) *whispers* Because of our father, I guess.

Asahi: What, are you asking her "Why does he know so much about me"?

Asahi: Miki-nee, I am so sorry. You don't deserve someone like him as your partner.

Asahi: At least you have me to protect you!

Miki: .. You want to protect me?

Miki: ... *starts sobbing*

Eiji: Guard 002, this is not the best time for that.

Asahi: It's your fault for making her cry, by the way.

Eiji: HOW IS IT MY FAULT-

Eiji: .. I just realized that we were supposed to interrogate you.

Asahi: Yeah, you're definitely getting fired.

Miki: Um, Eiji-san, is it okay if I ask questions this time?

Eiji: .. Fine.

Asahi: Yay, I get to talk with Miki-nee more!

Miki: So.. Asahi-san, we watched your video and..

Asahi: ...

Asahi: .. Well, uh, what did you think about it?

Miki: I could tell that you have suffered a lot. And that you most likely had a reason to.. you know, do what you did.

Asahi: .. Hehe, at least you get it.

Asahi: I think my mom would like you a lot. Actually, I can ask her about it right now!

Asahi: Mom, what do you think about Miki-nee?

Asahi: .. She looks a lot like you, doesn't she?

Miki: .. But I still don't know what you did, Asahi-san.

Miki: Can you tell me how your crime went? Like, what exactly did you do to.. that woman?

Asahi: ...

Eiji: (to Miki) *whispers* He's never gonna tell you anything.

Asahi: I guess I can tell you about it.

Eiji: ...

Eiji: "It's like I'm her assistant now."

Miki: Please, don't push yourself if you aren't comfortable with it. We're going to watch another video anyway, so-

Asahi: No, I want you to know the truth.

Asahi: If it wasn't for this guy over here, I would gladly tell you everything, but he's kinda ruining the moment.

Asahi: So, um..

Miki: You keep looking at that plushie, do you want to hug it while you talk about what you did?

Asahi:*nods*

Miki: Here you go.

Asahi: Thanks. You're nice.

Miki: Hehe.. Okay, are you ready to talk now?

Asahi: So, uh..

Asahi: That woman was.. kinda weak.

Miki: Hm? In what way?

Miki: Do you mean she was weak as a person or-

Asahi: That too, but she had, like, lots of health problems.

Asahi: I think she couldn't have kids of her own because of that? I think she also had to quit her job too because of her illnesses or something.

Eiji: Great, and you don't even feel sorry for killing this poor woman?

Asahi: I would gladly kill her again if I was given the chance.

Asahi: And, uh.. I don't know anything about most of her illnesses, but..

Asahi: What I did know is that she couldn't eat certain foods.

Miki: Is it because of her condition?

Asahi: Again, I don't know anything about most of the problems she had, but I knew that she was allergic to a lot of stuff.

Asahi: Like, deathly allergic.

Eiji: .. I think I know where this is going.

Miki: Me too and I don't like it..

Asahi: T-then, do I even have to explain everything else?

Miki: Yes, please continue, Asahi-san.

Asahi: B-but what's even the point?! You already know what happened next! You already know what I did!

Asahi: SO WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING?!

Miki: Because I want to know why you did it!

Miki: Even if you made your adoptive mother eat something she was deathly allergic to, I need to know why you did it! Why did you even think it would be okay to do something like that? Why did you think that would be a good idea?

Asahi: SO NOW YOU'RE GOING TO VOTE ME GUILTY, AREN'T YOU?!

Miki: I JUST WANT TO PROVE THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE FORGIVEN!

Asahi: ...

Asahi: *starts crying*

Eiji: Also, how could someone as young as you come up with all of this? I think she was smart enough and it would be hard to make her eat or drink something that obviously had something she was allergic to.

Miki: Asahi-san was able to guess that we aren't the only guards here. He's smart too.

Asahi: *cries louder*

Asahi: I just.. I just..

Asahi: I-I just had to do it to her!

Eiji: What did that woman even do to you? She adopted you, she gave you everything you wanted, so why did you-

Asahi: I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN MYSELF AND HER!

Asahi: I JUST DID WHAT I HAD TO DO TO SURVIVE!

(the bell rings, machinery sounds)

Asahi: *continues crying*

Asahi: Please.. Please, just let me go home..

Asahi: This is my only wish. I wanna go home, even if I don't have one anymore.

Miki: Asahi-san, please, calm down..

Asahi: I want to see Mom again.. I miss her so much..

Eiji: We have to extract his video. It's fine, he will calm down soon.

Miki: Eiji-san, I don't think it's just him being scared.

Miki: Look at him. It's something more than that.

Asahi: W-why is my heart beating so fast?

Asahi: I.. I-I c-can't breathe-

Eiji:*sighs* What do you want to do then? We can't just stand here and wait until he goes back to normal.

Miki: ...

(sounds of footsteps)

Asahi: H-huh?

(sounds of Miki hugging Asahi)

Miki: It's okay. There's nothing you have to be scared of.

Miki: I really hope you will tell me why you did it one day, but for now.. I will trust you.

Asahi: ...

Eiji: Guard 002, I don't have time for this.

Miki: Please, wait, I think he has something to say!

Eiji: Prisoner 007, Asahi, sing your sins!

Asahi: .. This hug feels familiar for some reason.

42% ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░░░░░░░░ 100%

[ MV Description ]

His MV's main colors would be very similar to INMF: lots of white and very bright, basically neon green.

The video starts with Asahi and his adoptive mother walking into a toy store.

"Ah, right, this is what my new life looks like

Getting everything I want, no matter how expensive

When I ask you why you're so kind to me, you simply say

"'Cause you deserve it"

It looks like Asahi isn't in the best mood, but his mother still smiles at him and shows him a cute teddy bear, hoping that it will cheer him up.

"Yeah, but here's the thing: I never get anything else from you

Gifts, food, clothes, all that is fine

But there's more ways to express your love, you know?"

He shakes his head, showing that he doesn't like it. She frowns, but tries to smile again and shows him a different stuffed animal. He doesn't like it either. All the stuffed animals that his mother is showing him have very simple and basic designs, so Asahi doesn't find them that interesting.

"Oh well, I guess it's okay for me to act greedy then

I know I deserve more, I know I want more

Give me all the best things this world has to offer

'Cause I'm just that cute, okay?"

He decides to explore the place himself and he eventually finds much more unique and fun-looking toys and he grabs one of them and shows it to his mother. She smiles and agrees to buy it, but then Asahi gives her another one. She still smiles, but Asahi just takes it as a sign to get not one, but two more toys. The chorus starts playing and he eventually gets like ten more toys, but when his mother tries to say something, he just looks at her with those cute and innocent eyes of his, so she sighs and agrees to buy all of them. He smiles and hugs her and they go to buy all those toys.

After that, they keep going to many different stores: the candy store, the clothes store, etc. It looks like Asahi really doesn't know when to stop and just keeps making his mother buy everything he wants. And his mother doesn't know how to say no to him, which is.. the worst combination ever.

"Come on, come on, I know you want to make me happy

So please, just be more patient with me

I promise I'll act like a good boy from now on

Right after you buy me this brand new toy"

Interestingly, his mother notices that now Asahi doesn't really pay attention to how "good" or "pretty" something is and he's just taking everything that he can see, it doesn't matter if those things are broken, torn or rotten, he just brings them to his mother and asks her to buy them. His mother starts to get worried and for a good reason and she tries to stop him, but when she does that, Asahi just glares at her and.. well, he doesn't look so sane anymore.

"Haven't you heard? I want literally everything

I won't stop until this world is completely empty

Devouring everything that I see, taking what doesn't belong to me

This is what my new life looks like"

His mother decides to just accept it after that, but right as they're about to buy everything, she sees Asahi stopping and looking at something. She turns around and sees that he's looking at the exact same teddy bear she wanted to buy for him when they came to that toy store, but if back then Asahi found it boring, now he really wants to buy it. Right as he's about to ask his mother to buy it for him, she can't take it anymore and she slaps his hand away so that he won't even think of touching the toy. The chorus starts playing again, but now it sounds more sad.

"Give me more, you know that it'll never be enough for me

You want me to repay you? That's funny

Why should you give me so much and get nothing in return?

It's obvious, 'cause I deserve it"

Asahi looks at her with a shocked expression and this is the first time we see his mother actually looking angry. Looks like she really had enough. She refuses to buy the toy and she refuses to buy all of the other things for him and walks away, leaving him alone.

"Now, why did you say that? It hurts so damn much

"You're my everything" Was that just a lie?

Get right back here, you know you can't live without me"

Asahi has no idea what to do and he looks at the cashier and the other people in line. He freezes and everything around him becomes dark.

He panics and covers his mouth with his hand and starts feeling sick. He can't take it and he falls on the floor and sees some bright green liquid on his hand.

"I see now, I guess my greed has side effects

This is what happens when you take too much

This is what happens when you can't stop yourself"

Asahi's face becomes more pale and more neon green liquid keeps coming out of his mouth. As this is happening, all the things that he wanted to buy fall on him and we can see only his hand.

Asahi tries to free himself and he can even see someone reaching out their hand to him, but right as he's about to take it, he sees that the figure is not his mother, but a man that looks suspiciously like his and Miki's father. As that's happening, the chorus plays for the third time, but it sounds like Asahi is both angry and terrified and he screams the last line.

Everything becomes white again and now we can see Asahi casually, like nothing happened, standing at the checkout and getting all the things that he wanted. He just smiles and nods the whole time and he even gets the teddy bear that he wanted so bad and he leaves the store with several huge bags and they're full of things like spoiled food, torn clothes, broken toys and we can even see someone's skull and bones in there. Asahi just smiles and we can also see a drop of that neon green liquid from earlier under his mouth. The music stops and we can hear Asahi say "This is enough for today, I think~". The video ends.

#his song is actually the one i had the most fun writing lyrics for!#along with riku and kei's songs #so we pretty much have a description of his murder now except we still don't know like. why he did it #though there are hints in his mv and in this vd and in the t2 trailer (the “glitchy” voiceline)#🎤 voice dramas! 🎤#🗡️guard 001: sanada eiji 🗡️#🌼guard 002: andou miki 🌼#🍬prisoner 007: yano asahi 🍬#milgram #milgram oc #milgram project #ocgram

13 notes · View notes