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#gwaine being gwaine
honeylemonntea · 1 year
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Guard: Name?
Gwaine: Uhh Gwaine
Guard: Sex?
Gwaine: Absolutely
Guard: No, Male or female?
Gwaine: Doesn’t matter
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krug3r2312 · 2 years
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*ranting to the knights about Arthur*
Merlin: I mean It's not like I'm asking for much, just a thank you for washing his clothes four times a week would be nice
Lancelot: He has you wash his clothes four times a week?!
Merlin: The prat changes clothes around 2-4 times a bloody day
Gwaine: 2-4 TIMES?!
Merlin: Yep, must be great wearing what ever you want and having people to do your laundry for you everyday
Leon: tell me about it, I have to wash my own clothes twice a week and I don't even have enough to change even twice a day.
Percival: Yeah me too
Gwaine: Pfft, amateurs . I haven't done laundry in six months.
Elyan: So you wear the same grotty ass underwear everyday?!
Gwaine: Yep, one pair will last me four days, I go front, I go back, i go inside out. then, I go front and back.
Lancelot: *Gags*
Elyan: Wow, that is both disgusting and awesome
Percival 100% done with his boyfriends shit: Don't encourage him
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Fanfic prompt/idea:
Mordred is Emrys (not really tho)
(Super long. TL;DR at bottom)
Someway, somehow, Arthur and his knights (Leon, Elyan, Percy, Gwaine, mordred) + Merlin meet someone while they’re away from the citadel who tells them about Emrys. Might be someone trying to kill them and boasting about the all mighty Emrys or might be a friendly, peaceful magical person who stopped for a chat or something else, choice is yours. Anyway, that night as they eat dinner around the campfire, they start talking about this Emrys. At first they’re like “that’s kooky” and laughing but then Percival speaks up quietly and a bit nervously. He says that while he’s sought sanctuary for the night or a few days in Druid camps before he became a knight, he’s heard about Emrys. Now, everyone is actually interested instead of just laughing it off.
Arthur: tell me more.
Percy: well.. the druids highly respect this man almost as if he’s a deity. I don’t know too much, and it’s been a while. I do remember that everyone knew about him no matter which Druid camp it was, even the children. It seems they tell a lot of stories about him to their young’uns.
Arthur: anything else?
Percy: sorry, sire, that’s all I remember. But if you really want to know more you could try to ask the druids.
They all became quiet and continued to eat, Merlin and Mordred relieved this conversation is over. …Until,
Arthur, remembering Mordred is a Druid: Mordred, you’re a Druid. Do anything about this?
Mordred and Merlin: *sweating bullets just wanting this dangerous topic over with* *glances at each other nervously*
Gwaine: WHA? Mordred, you’re a Druid?! You’ve been hold holdin’ out on us, mate!
Arthur realizes that Mordred’s heritage had not, in fact been a known thing, but they’ve made peace with the druids, it’ll be fine.
Mordred, nervously: oh, um, yes, I am…
The knight all take a few moments to be like “wow… never would’ve guessed” and “aren’t druids normally peaceful people? How you become a knight?”
Arthur, wanting to get things back on track: so, Mordred, do you know anything?
Mordred, nervousness increasing, knowing Merlin doesn’t want Arthur to know who he is, but not wanting to lie to his king, eyes darting between the two and all over the camp: uh…um… I… uh, I..I… I guess, yes. *Merlin’s glare intensifies*
Arthur, not noticing Merlin’s death glare at Mordred: tell me more.
Mordred, trying to figure out what to say to satisfy his king’s curiosity but not incur Emrys’ wrath (Emrys already hates him enough for some reason, he doesn’t want to make it worse): well… um, there’s… well there’s Emrys… and there’s this prophecy involving him. Most druids know of it; it’s centuries old.
Percival: oh, that’s right… Something about a magical king, right?
Mordred: the Once And Future King.
Gwaine: hold on a minute.. that sounds familiar… Ah! That’s right! I heard about it from a storyteller at a tavern once. I thought it was an odd name so it stuck. It’s a love story, right?
Mordred, nervously glancing between Merlin and Arthur (Merlin now looking at Gwaine with exasperation): um… I don’t know if that’s what it is.. but there definitely is a deep bond between Emrys and the Once And Future King.
Arthur: continue.
Mordred, trying to stay focused on Arthur instead of the once again glaring warlock beside him: so the prophecy says that the Once And Future King will unite the land of Albion, return magic to the land, and bring about a golden age of peace and prosperity for all. And Emrys is foretold to help him. * internally: please let be enough to satisfy him🥺😣😖*
Elyan: so the stories are about this king and Emrys is just there to help?
Mordred, sweating: um…
Gwaine: if that’s the case shouldn’t you druids be worshiping the king instead?
Sounds of agreement around the fire.
Leon to Mordred: is there more to us than that?
Mordred, under curious and intense gazes again: uh, yes… Emrys is a very powerful, immoral warlock said to—
“IMMORTAL??!!!” Merlin squawked, surprised.
Mordred, very nervous, whispers: ….um…yes………. *telepathically: did you not know?*
Merlin, telepathically: I am not immoral.
Mordred, telepathically: it’s what the prophecies say
Merlin, telepathically: they’re wrong
Mordred, telepathically: …um,, there’s a lot who say you are.
Merlin, telepathically: No. I’m NOT. I can’t be immortal. That’s ridiculous.
Mordred, telepathically: they say you are. That’s why the call you Emrys.
Merlin and Mordred continue to glare and the knights and Arthur look on wondering when those two got close enough to communicate only looks and without talking. Arthur is not jealous. Not. At. All. That would be ridiculous.(Yes he is, he’s the only one who’s supposed to communicate with Merlin silently. How dare Mordred)
Suddenly Merlin stands up: I’m going to wash the dishes *aggressively goes around the camp and grabs everyone’s dishes, then stomps into the woods to a nearby stream*
Arthur: you were saying Mordred?
Mordred: oh, right! Yes, so Emrys is said to be the most powerful warlock to ever live. He and the Once And Future King are said to be equals and without him the Golden Age can’t happen. While the Once And Future King is the king, Emrys is said to be his advisor and teacher of sorts. He also protects the Once And Future King and supports him any way he can.
The knights and king look thoughtful taking in this information. They ask Mordred more questions, just little stuff and clarifications, and Mordred, relaxing that he’s getting through this without blowing Emrys’ identity let it slip that “the time of the prophecy is upon us” and that Arthur is said to be the Once And Future King. Whoops.
Everyone around the campfire is now totally interested in this and wanting to know if it’s true and Mordred’s like “um… yeah, that’s what everyone is saying…” and REALLY wanting this conversation to be over with before he slips up about Merlin. He’s also really glad Merlin is still washing their dishes far enough away that he can’t hear the conversation.
Of course, just as Gwaine asks “if Arthur’s this Once And Future King, the where’s this Emrys guy?” Merlin returns in time to hear it.
Merlin, glaring at Mordred: what?
Mordred, telepathically: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! 🥺
The group fills Merlin in on what he missed while Mordred continues to apologize endlessly. The knights then go back to asking Mordred about Emrys and he tries to navigate the questions without giving anything away while also dealing with a furious Merlin in his head telling him to “FIX THIS NOW!! And don’t you tell Arthur who I am!!” The poor boy!
Mordred continues to navigate the conversation mostly emphasizing how loyal Emrys is and how he and the Once And Future King are said to have a strong bond and there’s nothing to worry about when they start to question if Emrys is a threat. Eventually someone (probably Gwaine) brings up that Emrys doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job of protecting Arthur considering how other he’s encountered by magical thing. And Mordred, who knows how busy Merlin is and how hard he’s been working to protect Arthur (and that’s just since he’s become a knight! He knows there’s so much more he doesn’t know and is in even more awe of Emrys for handling it all) sees Merlin look over at Gwaine like he’s actually concerning strangling the man, says, “he’s very busy! And, he’s just one man! He’s really trying his best!!”
Mordred doesn’t realize what he said wrong and why everyone is quietly looking at him like that until Arthur asks, “You know him?”
Mordred, who just realized that he did kinda just admit to knowing a very powerful, immoral warlock to a king and his knights that are of a kingdom where magic is punishable by death: ……………uh
Arthur, realizing why Mordred looks so terrified: Mordred I understand you are a Druid and have grown up on stories of this man. I will not punish you for knowing him. I’m sure you’ve met many sorcerers.
Mordred, letting out a big breath of relief: thank you, sire. And yes, I have met him.
Arthur, nodding: I see. And he is in Camelot?
Mordred: yes, sire. He’s been working very hard to keep you and Camelot safe.
Arthur, looking at his other knights: I’ve never heard of anyone in the kingdom by that name, any of you?
Leon: he’s likely using a fake name.
Arthur: hmm. Yes that makes sense.
Mordred, wondering if he messed up again: uh, sire? Is something wrong?
Arthur, looking back at Mordred, and trying to reassure him: I wouldn’t really say something is wrong, per say, but the fact that there is an unknown and powerful sorcerer hiding in Camelot is something I need to be aware of. Since you’ve met him, do you know who he’s hiding out as?
Mordred, glancing subtly at Merlin who’s glaring at him threatening again, realizing he really f’ed up: ……
Arthur, realizing Mordred does know who Emrys is: who is he, Mordred?
Mordred: ……
Arthur, starting to lose his patience: Mordred. Who is he? Or does your loyalty lie with him first and me, your king, second?
Mordred, startled: No! That’s not it at all, sire! I’m very loyal to you! I swear it!
Arthur: then…
Mordred, sheepishly: well… in the prophecy you two are equals, so I’ve always weighed your words and orders as equal as well. And Emrys asked me not to reveal him, so…
Arthur: ……
The knights: ……
Merlin, telepathically: you’re not done yet, keep going. The prat’s not going to leave it at that.
Arthur, trying to figure out how to word it: Mordred… you do realize that that is…. worse, right?
Mordred: ????
Arthur: there is someone who one of my knights has valued their words as equal to my own who I have never met and know next to nothing about and who is a sorcerer. I have not appointed this man and if he were to contradict one of my orders… Do see how I really need to know who this man is?
Mordred: …but he’s loyal to you…🥺
Arthur, wondering if he’s actually going to have to turn this into an official interrogation: Mordred.
Tension rises again as Arthur keeps pushing and Merlin starts yelling in his head again and Mordred just Doesn’t Know What To Do. Please make this stop! Until he can’t take it anymore and just blurts out, “I’M EMRYS!!”
Silence.
Mordred can’t believe he just said that. Did he actually just claim to be THE Emrys? It feels sacrilegious. He peeks over at Merlin, but the man seems just as shocked as the rest of them at this development and raises an eyebrow in question.
Mordred, telepathically: …sorry? I didn’t know what to say…
Merlin, telepathically: ..no, im not mad at that. I am a bit curious about where you’ll go with this though…
Arthur: you’re Emrys?
Mordred, with Merlin’s permission to continue: yes. I’m Emrys.
Gwaine, whistles: damn mate, you’ve really been holding out on us!
Everyone looks at Mordred in a new light, trying to reconcile what they already knew about him with this new information.
Arthur: so you have magic then?
Mordred, nervously: yes.
More silence.
Gwaine, very interested and not at all wary: lots of it too being the most powerful and thought of as a deity.
Mordred, who is quite powerful, but not on Emrys’ level, obviously: yeah, I suppose.
After a bit more of an awkward and tense conversation of stilted sentences, and some debate about magic, Mordred and Merlin finally relax at the fact they’re both keeping their heads and the true identity of Emrys is secret. It was pretty much decided that Mordred had already sworn fealty to Arthur when he became a knight and even saved the king’s life in the Northern Plains, so he was most likely still trustworthy even though he was a sorcerer. Arthur and the knights are surprisingly okay with this turn of events; they’re still tense, but no one’s drawn their sword. Gwaine even asks Mordred to do some magic, and with Arthur’s very tense go ahead, Mordred levitates a water skin for a bit much to Gwaine’s delight. Gwaine keeps asking Mordred to do more magic as they head back to the castle like make things float and light some campfires.
I was thinking that it will mostly be about the antics from this point and how it would change things for the better. Like, now Merlin needs to enlist Mordred in his secret magical adventures and work together to keep Arthur and Camelot safe. The two would make such a funny dynamic. Merlin being all huffy and suspicious but begrudgingly including him while Mordred is so happy at being able to help his idol out, a dream come true for him.
The group ABSOLUTELY keeps Mordred’s magic and him being Emrys thing a secret at first, not sure when that’ll change but it definitely will. Gwaine probably spills about the prophecy and Arthur being the once and future king while he’s drunk in the tavern one night, but not about Mordred. The group eventually start warming up about magic and not being so wary of sorcerers since they’re now seeing Mordred using it to protect them so much. When the knights ask about what he’s done so far he tells them about Merlin’s achievements (with his permission, of course) and gets some more stories from him.
When the actual reveal comes it will be after word has already spread that Mordred is Emrys, so then Arthur and everyone will have to be like “no, that was a lie/misunderstanding, it’s actually Merlin” but people will still mistake Mordred for Emrys even years in the future. They’re never living this down.
Also there is DEFINITELY at least one scene where they go to a Druid camp and Arthur’s all like “yep, this is Mordred. Emrys” and the druids, telepathically, are like “boy, what are you doing? Mordred, you know you’re not Emrys.” And Mordred’s like “I have permission…” so the Druids subtly look at Merlin and he’s like “yeah, he’s got permission, just go with it” So, they do.
There’s also going to be scenes where Arthur is trying to get to know Mordred better because they apparently are supposed to have a super strong bond or whatever and yes, he and Mordred do have a bond, but he wouldn’t say it was any different than his bonds with his other knights and is all confused by it. And when he’s confiding in Merlin about it, he advises to not try and force it.
I know this is season 5 and Arthur and Gwen are married, BUT if you decide to go the merthur route, there can even be some prophecies about Emrys and the once and future king being soulmates and destined to be together or something. That would make Arthur even more confused/troubled because while Mordred is only a little over a decade younger than him (I headcanon that Arthur was 20-21 in 1st season and Mordred ~7-10) and age gaps that big weren’t unheard of, he just can’t look at Mordred that way. He’s too much like an innocent little puppy or something. Merlin is probably mortified because he can’t believe they have prophecies about his love life and why was he only finding out about this NOW?
Also, LANCELOT!!! Maybe there’s some way to actually bring him back from the dead. Or, there could be some scenes of him in Avalon watching this comedy unfold and talking and laughing about it with Will and Fraya and whoever else has died. And they’re all shaking their heads at the crazy situations Merlin gets himself into.
TL;DR: It’s basically crack about Merlin and Mordred working together to pass Mordred off as Emrys with a side of fix-it.
In the future I might decide to write this myself, but I’m in the middle of reading TGCF and want to finish that and a couple other things before I rewatch Merlin. It’s been a couple years since my last rewatch so things are a little fuzzy and I don’t want to completely mischaracterize someone. So, here, take it. Do with this what you want, but let me know if you write this or something, cause it would be supper fun to read.
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hellerscape · 11 months
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The third one is inspired by “an excerpt from a document outlining church-community relations lovingly referred to these druids as “satirists and inferior poets and farters and clowns and bandits and pagans and whores and other bad people” (Williams, 2019).” - @aristarrtled paper on magic in Medieval Europe
Part 2 (x)
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elliotasis · 1 year
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lil-llewellyn · 1 year
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Merlin Grows A Beard
part 1 - The Appalling Taste In Clothes
Merlin is missing. That said, no one actually knows when or why or how or even whether that happened, because...
"Have you seen Merlin today?" asked Arthur impatiently.
"Sure, I'm been to the tavern and we've just had a lively chat." answered Gwaine, winking.
"It's just after sunrise and you've already been to the tavern?"
"Yes, and?"
... it so happened that it was assumed that Merlin was binge-drinking for a couple of days. Then days turned into weeks and the possibility of Merlin getting lost in a tavern was ruled out by Gwaine...
"Do you mean to say you were joking all this time?" Arthur looked serious and furious.
"Seriously, Princess?" Gwaine didn't look nearly as serious as he should've been. "Have you even once seen Merlin actually inside the tavern?"
"That's what he does all the time!"
"That's never happened! That's just a running joke! Really, Arthur, you need to catch up."
... and so although Gaius was as untroubled as ever, Arthur finally began to really, really worry.
At some point on a patrol-cough-merlin-search-mission the knights get attacked by the bandits because of course they do. However, these bandits fight much better than any average bandits. In the hierarchy of bandits these ones certainly hold an honorable position as represented by ludicrously colourful clothes. Average bandits wouldn't dare to walk around in such attracting-attention clothes, but these use every opportunity to mock... anyone, really.
The knights really struggle, and Arthur picks a fight with the most professional bandit who easily surpasses his comrades' skills and is dressed in just as festive colours as the rest of them.
At last, Arthur thinks he dealt the foul fiend with an appealling taste a mortal blow to the face, but the bandit manages to avert, escaping with a mere sliced mask and pushing Arthur to the ground. Being otherwise unharmed, he's once ahain square-shouldered and looking taller than Arthur. That's sufficient grounds for his temporary victory, if you ask Arthur's opinion.
And as the bandit looks around, assessing the situation, and Arthur is too exhausted to get to him, even to get up, the sliced mask reveals...
"Merlin?" breathlessly asks Arthur.
"Who the hell is Merlin?" responds the bandit in a low, rough voice.
"Seriously, wherever I go," he continues more annoyed than confused, "it's always 'Merlin kiss me' this and 'Merlin pay up' that, it's like it's magically written on my forehead or something. Had to come up with the mask, and not only does it stress me out but also really intervenes with the fighting. I didn't fight half as masterful as usual today, and all for what? Wouldn't wish anyone to have a recognisable face, even you. Do you get recognised a lot? Right, sorry, must dash, catch up later."
He escapes while Arthur just exists there, panting and feeling extexremely stunned.
The king keeps it from the other knights. He's not sure exactly why. He's not sure what he'd say, whether that's actually Merlin or not. The bandit seemed just fine, all of that came naturally to him. True, the distestafulness remained, but Merlin couldn't be taught to fight like that in just a few weeks. Could he?
One day it dawns on him. Mind control! He read about it in a children's book many years ago. It said that an evil sorcerer could make anyone do anything evil as long as it was evil.
"Anything evil as long as it was evil, sire?" asked Gaius.
"I might not remember the details exactly. That is why I want to refresh my memory. I need to find the children's books I read as a child."
"That's- that's- I think it might be from your father's early speeches he used to lull you to sleep with."
"But that was one of my favourite bedtime stories!"
"His too. Anyway, I'm sure you don't need that book, Merlin'll turn up on his own." Gaius realised only too late that he had just given Merlin away; he braced himself.
"Merlin? I too wanted to talk about him! Do you know why Merlin never grew a beard? I still need anything you have on mind control, though."
"I was under the impression that beards weren't in fashion nowadays," Gaius tried avoiding talking about Merlin's newest secret.
"Fashion has nothing to do with Merlin. I believe a beard would suit him."
"Well, I'll be sure to tell him that as soon as he finally returns from his mission."
"Possibly a moustache as well?"
"I didn't mean to say mission, I meant the undercover work- no! Definitely not that! A secret mission- no! He's on a- he's with- HE'S IN THE TAVERN!"
"Perhaps sideburns? Gaius, tell me quite frankly, what do you think about Merlin wearing all-black and with sideburns?"
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errant-knight17 · 2 years
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whamber · 2 months
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a guide on gentle parenting ur wizard bf by Sir Gwaine
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Random visiting noble: How many kids do you have?
Leon: Biologically, legally, or emotionally?
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hoarder-of-dragons · 8 months
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New princess: Well this is nice, you, me, your husband, your sister, your sister's wife, your sister's wife's husband, your sister's brother in law, your sister's brother in law's husband and his boyfriend
Everyone (except Arthur): Grinning with a peace sign
Arthur, rubbing his nose: I-I really don't know how I can explain this
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irishyuri · 3 months
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welcome back tenrose doomsday wall scene
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krug3r2312 · 2 years
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Gwaine: in my defence I was left unsupervised.
Merlin: Unsuper- YOUR A GROWN ASS MAN! AND A KNIGHT!!
Gwaine: And I was left unsupervised…
in a tavern…
with the kings money.
Merlin: .THAT DOESN'T MAT- wait did you say the kings money?
Gwaine smirks: yep
Merlin: Let's go
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mossmx · 7 months
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merlinktober DAY 11: vagrant
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deadgaywizard · 2 years
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Screaming, crying, wrecking over the fact that Sir "not Arthur" Gwaine and Sir "wasn't Arthur who sent for me" Lancelot didn't get to have like a single scene together just gushing over how brave and awesome and loyal and pretty Merlin is
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poisonedfate · 6 days
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bbc merlin - 03x08 The Eye of the Phoenix
the difference between the guy who is well into his "arthur is a prat...or is he" journey and the guy who just started that same journey
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eldritch-ambrosia · 1 month
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WIP Ask Game
I've seen a few posts like this and wanted to give it a try!
Here's are the titles/brief ideas for my current wip Merlin fics. If you're interested, feel free to ask about the one that intrigues you the most and I'll post a snippet or say something about it!
The Wedding Knight (Merwaine, Explicit)
secret relationship rumors (Merthur)
pwp, Your Eyes Glow Ch 2 (Merthur, Mature/Explicit)
carving wooden dragons as gifts (Mercelot)
arthur returns after five years (Merwenthur)
whump, love triangle, Waiting on You Ch 6 (Merthur)
Rival Princes AU (Merthur)
Cowboy Gang AU (Merwaine)
pwp in the rain/temple, Eye of the Storm (Merthur)
Artist/Secret Wealthy Patron AU (Merthur, Explicit)
ygraine is summoned
searching for Emerys (Merthur)
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