I am a passenger in her car.
I am sitting in the backseat
I did this. This is my fault.
The trees zip by like bullets
The signal on gps phases in and out
This is stressing me out
This is stressing her out
She gazes back at me, her eye filled with what feels like hatred, maybe disappointment, maybe panic
I turn and look out the window, guardrails and road speed past me fast and faster
“I TOOK A WRONG DIRECTION”
Signal is out
Dread sets in as the hail beats down
We dodge and swerve and duck as the car shakes violently and jerks harder than a man possessed
She cries as our ears explode
Time ticks slowly as things race on by
Out of the forest, not out of the woods
Tears roll faster than the roads
An eerie quiet sets in slowly
Soft purr of pavement beneath
And the general sounds of the car
Things arnt going as fast now, still going
Still going, going on as the hills crawl
Slow down to a stop
Gas station
Shotgun
By that I mean
passenger
Steps out to use the restroom.
I’m left here. Alone. Not quite.
But alone.
I am a passenger in her car.
I’m left with the sounds of us two breathing
And the clicks and buzzes of the car idle
He’s back, we should talk, “I don’t want to”
It’s not safe to drive “I don’t care”
Get out and sit in the passenger “I’m driving.”
Fine. “Fine” “lets just sit here for a few minutes”
I softly mention. She’s mad at me. He’s just here.
We’re back on the road now, slowly heading home. I apologize. The roads start speeding up.
Faster and faster until reaching a more steady rate. She has a long drive, I have a long time.
She doesn’t want to talk. That’s fine. That’s fine.
I am a passenger in her car.
I get sharp gazes back at me mixed with sadness as she goes to the road. He’s messaging me on the phone what to say, I stay quiet. Better to let her just do her thing. I put on
Her music. Try and help her feel better.
We drive through what feel like ghost towns.
Occasional truck drives past
I am a passenger in her car.
I had a nice time at the park.
It was a serene sort of quiet.
Fitting for a place out in the hills.
We talked of magic and wonder in the world
We had a lunch of sorts and wandered in the woods. Somewhere in there I hurt her. Words I said? Probably. She got tired as we walked as I
Got lost. Not literally, there was a trail. Objectively we all were fine. She wanted the trip to be about her, I feel, I don’t say that, at least not immediately. Chilly spring day turns dark.
We all head back to the car. I hop in the back so long legs isn’t as uncomfy much to his argument and amusement. She’s not having fun. I don’t think shes had a nice time at all. All I’m getting are looks. We drive out of the park and then I say the spark that ignited this fire, in a set up of me trying to find the words and express my feelings I drop the one word that lit all of this ablaze
“Selfish.”
She does not like that.
I am a passenger in her car.
The Music becomes white noise along with the roads. Still fast and beating, but constant.
I think we all still settled down a bit more.
Signal is working again. One of her fave songs is playing. I don’t understand a thing. Both in lyric and seemingly in general. I keep my mouth quiet
Let this unroll and destress as the roads slowly become. Out of the forest not out of woods.
The roads here are awful, bumpy, tons of twist and turns, rocky and practically hazardous at times. She’s driving carefully.
Occasional truck drives past.
I am a passenger in her car.
I need to breathe a bit. My eyes fade in and out. Time passes. Tensions ease I feel. Just the sound of her music. Darkness slowly sets in, nights coming soon. My phone signal picks up and I get a small assault of messages. Nothing serious. “Does she want me to devote all I do and all of my time to her?” I say in my head. God knows what would happen if I said that out loud. “I don’t mean that do I?” Glad I’m keeping my mouth shut for once. Her album is done. I Politely offer some choices for next. She doesn’t care. I picked something comedic, I don’t think she found it funny.
I am a passenger in her car.
I make a few jokes to him, I don’t think he found them funny. Back to silence, besides of course the comedy album. I see a glimpse of her smile. She says skip the track with the damn sock puppet. I say I love you. She says I love you back, still upset. I’m glad things are calmer now.
Out of the forest, not out of the woods. Good enough. Hail turns to rain. She looks at me
I am a passenger in her car.
Jesus fucking Christ. I guess I never learn.
Lyrics of the song. Not much unlike my situation i guess. It’s getting colder, both the situation and the temperature. Rains beating pretty hard. Almost inaudible though due to music. White noise. Comedy record helped a bit, not much, but a bit. Good enough.
I am a passenger in her car.
That funny feeling comes on. The three of us sit in silence and just listen as she drives on. Rain beats slower. It’s cold. It’s quiet. It’s getting dark. Only sounds being that of music playing and white noise. “Hey what can ya say? But we were overdue, but it’ll over soon, you wait” just great. I look out the windows at the dilapidated buildings, damned, on one side of the road and glistening golf courses on the other, both fading in and out of twisted trees. Lights in the distance. Fellow people in cars and farms lights alike. Something else occasionally floating in the fields, might just be me.
I am a passenger in her car.
Album ends. Change to just whatever. Nevermind, change to something she likes. She smiles a bit. I don’t understand a thing, this time mostly in lyrics, having gained a bit of understanding. We’re nearing home. Apocalypse towers stand in the distance. Far from the hills. Bright lights of suburbia assault the way. The roads are steady, calm, paved decently, at least for this part of town.
We drive to get our friend home, after that we’ll see where we go.
Likely home.
I am a passenger in her car.
Music is off on the final stretch.
An eerie quiet sets in slowly
Soft purr of pavement beneath
And the general sounds of the car
Night has fully settled in, rain stops.
The stars are choked out by pollution.
Occasional truck drives past.
I am a passenger in her car.
We drop him off. He gets home safe.
“Do you want to talk about it or I just be quiet for now?” “There’s nothing to talk about”
She says as her tears roll more than the roads did.
quiet again. I look out the window. Just silhouettes contrasted against a dreary dark sky. Lights in the distance. Fellow people in cars and farms lights alike. Something else occasionally floating in the fields, might just be me. Stop sign. Everything stops seemingly, sound, lights, movement, even the cells in my body. Then at once it comes back. Just a weird stop in Ohio.
I am the passenger in her car.
We drive though a downtown of perpetual Halloween, blink and you’ll miss it, we pass the ymca that’s never called me back about a job, we pass a gas station with a boiled peanuts sign, we’re getting closer to home. We pass the train tracks, and the ice cream place, and the crossroads we both nearly died at years ago. We’re almost home. Feel the bump of the curb beat the car as it all comes to a stop. We’re home.
I am no longer a passenger In her car.
A bit more than a year passes by (the epilogue)
like trucks on the road what seems like ages ago.
I am a passenger in her car.
Her and I are no longer together.
Torn apart by time and a person so vile thinking about them, and the horrors I didn’t know they committed when I asked them to be a roommate, make me sick.
I should mention, not my friend from before. we’re still good friends, but that’s besides the point.
We’re going through the process of washing my hands of those two and the mess us three are in.
I’ll be fine, like always eventually. Still have feeling for her, always have, always will, but this is for the best for both of us.
She picked me up from where I moved to after being kicked out. I see the place we called ours for so long, I see roads we walked together and enjoyed the time. I see that bastard roommates car with a new large dent in it.
Not my fault, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit cathartic.
I am a passenger in her car.
I will admit, and have admitted, that I was loud and mean, which can be scary considering someone my size, but in the end all bark, no bite.
She was neglectful at best, abusive at worst. Nothing unforgivable, nothing horrible. We both just need more help than we were getting. I hope we get it
The roommate, she’s a piece of work. arguably the most petty, manipulative, piece of shit, waste of oxygen, dog abusing, maybe baby killing, no good cancer of a human being I have ever met.
I’m saying that well aware dear family, friends, and friends of friends of mine have had cancer. That bad and infectious of a person, no other way to put it.
It’s hard dealing with anger and hurt like this, especially after so much that’s gone on. Easy to reflect on it though, particularly when one is waiting to get to the destination.
My exes music plays in the car as I see storage units and apartments pass by. Her mom, I, and her, all joke and laugh and catch up a bit in the time we have. Gives one hope a bit
I am a passenger in her car.
We get to where we were going, we do what we need to do, we get answers and questions, but ultimately a way to go.
Goes well.
Her and I talk a bit, I take this once chance I had to fully, truly, apologize for the mess we’re in, maybe talk about how her and I can go forward into a brighter later. Get a maybe, she asks for time. I’ll take those. Those are good comparatively.
More days pass, more answers, less questions, and more of the roommates rot seeping and oozing. I’m doing what I can to just be kind to my ex who’s clearly being manipulated.
It’s sad to see.
It’s hard to see.
I miss her . I hope she gets better, I hope she finds better, I hope she learns better and kicks the roommate to the curb.
My sleep is disrupted every night, getting less so, but hasn’t stopped so far, of my mind wandering and fearing what could happen. good, bad, or horrible.
I hate sleeping alone. I wish I had someone here, maybe her, but anyone will do just to help. A human antibiotic to help with the pain, get rid of the infection left in me slowly.
I’ll figure it out. I’ll move as the trucks did what seems like so long ago. I’ll keep on as the rain on that night. I’ll keep driving as she did.
I’ll always miss her just as I loved her. Now Despite it all,
I wish I was the passenger in her car
And that we rode into the sunset together.
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Sylke pt.3?
Jake: We should do something together
Jake: [suggest some things you could watch or listen to]
Sylvie: Let’s watch [something he did not suggest but it’s one of our favourites, whether it’s a thing he’s seen before or not, could be either]
Sylvie: See if you pass my vibe check
Jake: Cool
Jake: tell me when to press play
Sylvie: Had to find out my VHS copy
Sylvie: 321 Go
Jake: [say something about the opening scene/credits immediately because you’re that bitch, even if it’s purely about the music, because I just know he’s gonna find a way to ref this movie and how the song sounds she said was her fave in the song he’s performing about her, so remember that everyone]
Sylvie: [me can only imagine what this film is at this point but slay slay and geek out in ways that we can’t because not been specific]
Sylvie: You can have the next pick
Jake: We’ll watch [his fave] tomorrow
Sylvie: And that’s your proper favourite
Sylvie: not the one you’d say to sound cultured or cool
Jake: We’ll watch [his actual fave lol] tomorrow
Sylvie: Cool
Sylvie: we can be pretentious the next next time
Jake: Have you [either watched a film or listened to a new album that he really wants to but hasn’t yet vibes?]
Sylvie: I went to see [the film] opening night with some friends but [the album] has been on backorder at [pete’s record shop because I can] FOREVER
Jake: I have it, but with everything, I haven’t listened to it
Sylvie: Now you have to with me
Sylvie: I’ll remember my listen party etiquette, not talk through the instrumentals, I’m a good guest too, like
Jake: If you swear no talking
Sylvie: Pinky promise, I’m not a heathen
Jake: [say something else about where you’re at in this film rn because you can’t shut up about it]
Sylvie: I first watched it a couple of years ago, I haven’t ever got it out of my head fully
Jake: I watched it at [a friend]’s house last year, nobody else was paying attention but I couldn’t not
Sylvie: It’s sticky
Sylvie: I like sticky things
Jake: Yeah
Sylvie: [the new movie] is only worth a stream if you’re bored at best though
Jake: Where did you find [this film] on tape? [Somewhere you think she might have]?
Sylvie: Good guess
Sylvie: Libi’s parents had it, it’s not her thing
Jake: Makes total sense
Sylvie: She kept the box but she let me have the tape
Sylvie: Did she talk to you about her parents?
Sylvie: it’s really weird you dated her, I can’t imagine what you talked about ever
Jake: We didn’t talk, that sounds bad, I don’t mean that we were just kissing and stuff, we weren’t either
Sylvie: It’s cool, if you were
Jake: She didn’t want to, or to spend loads of time with me
Sylvie: Photo op
Jake: Pretty much
Jake: She had fun when I took her to [some places you did, where she absolutely did not have fun] but it wasn’t about me, why she liked it
Sylvie: Yeah, it wasn’t about you
Sylvie: which sucks
Jake: It wasn’t about her for me either, not really
Sylvie: Obviously, or you could be more sad about it
Sylvie: It was messy on all parts
Jake: It’s not too weird for you, is it?
Sylvie: I have a lot of family
Jake: And I can swear off going out with any of the others, but are you cool about me and Libi or not?
Sylvie: ‘Course I am
Sylvie: even if that’s a cop-out swear
Jake: I’m serious
Sylvie: You’re also not single
Jake: If I were, I’d stay away from your extended family
Sylvie: I can say the same
Jake: I don’t have a big family, that is a cop-out
Sylvie: 😏 okay Mr If
Jake: [say something else about this film you’re watching as a not at all subtle subject change because thinking about being single and being able to ask her out is making you all !!]
Sylvie: Making music for movies would be a cool gig, you could do that
Jake: Has Libi ever shown you any of hers?
Sylvie: God no, we’re not that close
Sylvie: I can’t decide if it’s weird or impressive or both to spend all your time doing something to not share it
Jake: Either way I don’t relate
Sylvie: No, me either
Jake: I’m debuting my new song at [the cool kid event], if it’s ready
Sylvie: Yeah?
Sylvie: How are you feeling about that?
Jake: Nervous
Sylvie: But you’ll do it anyway
Sylvie: I respect that
Jake: There’s too much I need to get off my chest
Sylvie: I feel that too
Jake: Do you write? I’ve never asked you
Sylvie: I’m always looking for ways to express myself, yeah
Sylvie: how good I am at any of them is debatable but I write stuff
Jake: What about playing? I could teach you
Sylvie: Of course you want to
Jake: It’s how I express myself, you said you’re looking for ways
Sylvie: I’ll try anything once, yeah
Sylvie: Whether I need to be sat there, enraptured by your talent, to do so…
Jake: You can do that on [the night of the cool kid event], if you need to
Sylvie: You’ve planned fainting room, have you
Jake: There’s room backstage
Sylvie: Very cliche but
Jake: Now we’re friends you can watch from there if you want
Sylvie: The perks never end
Sylvie: I could be backstage without your help
Jake: Don’t accept my offer then
Sylvie: I won’t
Jake: What did I say to offend you?
Sylvie: You’ve not
Jake: I haven’t?
Sylvie: No, you just act like I have no friends or something, when you know I do
Jake: I was being nice, we’re friends, that’s what they do
Sylvie: It’s kind of an ego trip too, don’t lie
Jake: It’s not
Sylvie: It isn’t?
Jake: I told you I’m nervous, maybe I just wanted you nearby
Sylvie: I will be
Jake: The audience doesn’t count, with the lights I won’t even be able to see you there
Sylvie: I told you, I can be backstage
Sylvie: don’t you believe that?
Jake: I don’t need your friends
Sylvie: You’re not going to be alone
Jake: I’ll try, if something happens that’s when and where it’s going to
Sylvie: You need an escape plan, so you don’t get crowded
Sylvie: Can you finish on a solo for someone else, you could come off stage, but the audience would still be distracted
Jake: It’s my song, I can end it however, yeah
Sylvie: You want to be alone
Jake: No I don’t
Sylvie: You want to be with me
Jake: You’re the only person I can trust to see it
Sylvie: Is there anything I’ll need to do, if it happens, except keep people away
Sylvie: I can read about yours too
Jake: [give her the tea about what she is and isn’t supposed to do which I won’t in case I’m wrong even though I think I do know]
Sylvie: I’ll do that, if
Sylvie: a real if
Jake: I know, that’s why I trust you
Sylvie: You can, you need someone
Jake: You
Sylvie: Me
Jake: Yeah
Sylvie: Sorry
Jake: What are you sorry for?
Sylvie: That it’s me
Sylvie: you wouldn’t have picked me, if you had a choice
Jake: I do have choices, there’s loads of people I could tell
Jake: I don’t want that, I want to be with you
Sylvie: I wish it was tomorrow
Jake: We’ll just watch the film as many times as it takes until it is
Sylvie: and not sleep
Jake: I won’t be able to
Sylvie: Don’t, I’ll miss you
Jake: I swear, no cop-outs
Sylvie: I slept the day away, I couldn’t last night either, thinking about you
Jake: Neither could I, I thought about walking back to your house but I want your parents to like me
Sylvie: I want you to want me to like you more
Jake: You already do
Sylvie: Do you think I like you enough I’d have let you back in?
Jake: Not last night, tonight you would
Sylvie: You’ll never know
Jake: I’d miss the best part of the film, you’d never keep it on pause for me that long
Sylvie: Catch it on one of our many repeats
Jake: Could we spend tomorrow at your house instead, if I stayed?
Sylvie: You never had your tea
Sylvie: you need to come back so I can rectify that
Jake: What about your mother, won’t she be working from home?
Sylvie: Either I’ve depressed her so much she’s lying or she really has a meeting with her editor
Jake: Cool, I’ll start walking
Sylvie: Besides, I can have friends over for tea, what’s so wrong about that?
Jake: You have loads of friends, I know
Sylvie: They’re not invited
Jake: Just me
Sylvie: I need you, I can’t keep saying it
Jake: You can, I don’t mind
Sylvie: Will you hold me, like you did, do you mind that?
Jake: No I don’t mind, and yeah, I will
Sylvie: What can I do for you, I feel like I’m doing all the asking
Jake: You’re making me tea
Sylvie: I should’ve gone to find the drink you wanted
Sylvie: In the morning
Jake: I’ll bring some with me
Sylvie: Then we can stay in my room all day
Jake: I didn’t get to go in before, I’ve been thinking what your room might be like
Sylvie: Tell me if your guesses match the reality
Sylvie: assuming we make it further than the sofa this time, yeah
Jake: I’m not leaving you this time
Sylvie: Can we be a different kind of friends, to everyone else?
Jake: You’re already different to all my other friends
Sylvie: You too
Sylvie: I don’t have anyone like you
Jake: It was so wrong of me to run away
Sylvie: As long as you regret it
Sylvie: it will help me cope with how much I do
Jake: It’s my biggest mistake
Sylvie: You’re making it up to me
Jake: [don’t reply for an age because your sister catches you trying to sneak out of the house at whatever o clock this is like umm wtf hun so she then makes you sit down at the kitchen table and have a LONG chat to her about where the hell you think you were going and what’s going on with you etc during which you lie and lie which feels horrible because you and your sister were close and you didn’t used to]
Jake: As you’ve probably guessed, I’m not actually
Jake: until tomorrow
Sylvie: What happened?
Jake: My sister decided to get a glass of water as I was getting [these drinks, imagine the scene please haha, coming into the kitchen like um why are you clearly on your way out with shoes and a jacket on]
Sylvie: Ah, shit
Sylvie: No wonder you were forever, what did you think up to tell her?
Jake: The truth, you needed me, but I had to lie that you’re sicker than you are
Jake: she said unless you’re dying I can see you tomorrow
Sylvie: Harsh but fair, I suppose
Jake: Can I still see you tomorrow?
Sylvie: Yes
Sylvie: This wasn’t your fault, I choose to believe you, that you were coming, that you got caught, if I don’t then there’s no point to any of this
Jake: Meet at mine or yours?
Sylvie: Come to mine
Sylvie: or the vision might never leave my head and I don’t know how I’m meant to live here
Jake: I’ll be there by [a time]
Sylvie: Perfect
Sylvie: You can go to sleep, if you like, as we’ve been thwarted for now
Jake: I guess I should try, it’s a trigger
Sylvie: You’ll be mad at me if I fuck you up like that, so try hard
Jake: But we need to finish the film first
Sylvie: True
Sylvie: I can’t believe you could distract me like that
Jake: Count me in off pause again, whenever you’re ready
Sylvie: I’m cool, I’m calm
Sylvie: 321 go
Jake: I’m not, sneaking up on people should be a trigger, next time I’ll tell her it is
Sylvie: It should be
Sylvie: can’t call it a crime but that will work
Jake: My heart’s racing, I’ll have to do our breathing exercises
Sylvie: I can count you in for that too, I remember how you showed me
Jake: Okay, cool
Sylvie: [send a video of you very sincerely doing this breathing exercise like you’re not !!]
Jake: [send one back as if you’re only !! about your sister appearing in the kitchen suddenly]
Sylvie: [when he could just watch that one back but no you need to respond so it’s like it’s in real time]
Jake: [we’re having a lil back and forth here cos likewise and I love this shameless flirting for y’all]
Sylvie: Is it helping, Jake?
Jake: I think so
Sylvie: [send another]
Sylvie: I want you to feel better
Jake: I’ll try really hard to do that too
Sylvie: I like how you make my heart pound too
Jake: Do I or is it [the film scene that’s playing]?
Sylvie: This scene is my favourite
Jake: [tell her what yours is, clearly it hasn’t happened yet]
Sylvie: I can see that, it tracks
Jake: [talk about the next scene or scenes basically saying that you don’t remember them being so hot when you watched it before, in the most thinly coded film speak because it isn’t the film it’s your !!]
Sylvie: There’s a reason I’ve never been able to get it out of my head since
Sylvie: I can’t believe no one else was paying attention when you watched it before
Jake: They don’t know what they’re missing, and I’m not telling
Sylvie: You look like [this actor, whether he does or doesn’t really, just the !! vibe] a bit
Jake: [pose so you look like him or something like that and send her a picture, a shameless excuse to]
Sylvie: And I’m keeping that comparison to myself
Sylvie: no one else gets to reimagine [this scene] with you in it like that
Jake: [tell her a way she resembles this love interest even if it’s the most tenuous link in the world like one line she’s ever typed to you being similar to a line of this film because we just need to make that comparison too rn immediately as we’re watching this]
Sylvie: It’s like I can feel it through the screen, what’s being done to her
Jake: Me too
Sylvie: I’ve never done anything like this
Sylvie: but I want to
Jake: It feels like they’re the only 2 people in the world who ever have
Sylvie: Nothing but that is acceptable
Sylvie: I can’t fake nice for less
Jake: You don’t have to fake nice for anyone
Sylvie: You’ll still be here
Jake: You know I’m not going anywhere
Sylvie: Just you and me
Jake: Together in Paris
Sylvie: Nobody will know anything about us
Jake: Only what they can from a look
Sylvie: [a shameless excuse to send him a selfie back]
Sylvie: What do you see?
Jake: You belong there, you’re just like the city
Sylvie: Maybe I can stay
Jake: We could live there
Sylvie: That’s my plan now, fuck Uni
Jake: They have unis [tell her how many because google is telling me everywhere from 15 to 45 and idk what the truth is]
Sylvie: Where will you be?
Jake: [places where you could do gigs, we know the vibes]
Sylvie: You’ll not replace me with some Parisian bff, will you
Jake: I couldn’t
Sylvie: I’d be so upset again
Jake: My plan’s to make sure you aren’t
Sylvie: You know how easy it is, would be
Jake: As easy as [relating it to this film so you don’t say something extra but obvs you basically are being !! with how you’re relating it to this film given that you’ve both compared yourselves to the leads]
Sylvie: Better, even
Jake: Yeah
Sylvie: I’m going to start saving, I want to leave as soon as we can
Jake: [google how much flights are and show her, the vibe being that’s all you need and you’ll worry about the rest when you get there because that bitch]
Sylvie: It shouldn’t be that cheap, nothing is stopping us
Jake: [tell her how much money you have in savings because your mum is that bitch despite being poor af and you would’ve had your bar mitzvah at like 12 or 13 and whatever amount of extended fam you do have would’ve given you money I’m sure, so even if you’re spent some of it cos you’re a 14 year old boy and not responsible, there’d be some left, even if we’re not saying loads]
Sylvie: Okay, we’re actually doing this
Jake: Nothing’s stopping us, you’re right
Sylvie: That’s what I mean, everything teachers and parents and authority tell us is just, not true
Sylvie: it’s a story we all participate in but the truth is you can do what you want
Jake: And we’re going to, I’m not saying I can’t any more
Sylvie: It’s the least we can do, the least we’re owed
Jake: I owe you more than anybody, you’re the only person who’s really been here for me
Sylvie: I don’t know what this would look like without you, I don’t want to think about it
Jake: Think about [a list of things he’s planning to do in Paris]
Sylvie: I will
Sylvie: if you think about [give your own list back]
Jake: If I ever stop with [that scene]
Sylvie: Can we rewind
Jake: 3,2,1
Sylvie: I will never get tired of this
Jake: We’ve got until [whatever time in the am he said he’d be at her house minus however long it took him to walk there]
Sylvie: Only if you start to dream about it
Jake: I’ll close my eyes this second if you swear it means I do
Sylvie: We’ll only know if we try
Sylvie: when it’s time, we’ll count it in again
Sylvie: but if it doesn’t feel like we’re the only two people then I’m staying up
Jake: We’ll watch a few more times first
Sylvie: It would be an insult not to
Jake: Don’t talk, a scene this good deserves full immersion
Sylvie: [a selfie covering her mouth like oop]
Jake: [not you sending her a voice note literally doing a hot shh]
Sylvie: Hey!
Jake: Pay attention, you’re not looking at the screen you’re looking at your phone’s
Sylvie: [have to ignore him now even though you don’t want to]
Jake: [you both just watching this scene over and over getting more !! it’s FINE]
Sylvie: [posting a screengrab to your socials because you have to do something about this]
Jake: [liking it because you can even though that’s the understatement of the century]
Sylvie: I can multitask
Jake: So can I
Jake: [because we all know what this boy is doing rn, he’s gotta]
Sylvie: Do you think it’s real?
Sylvie: They look like they mean it
Jake: It feels real
Sylvie: Too real
Jake: I don’t think you could fake [something he just really wants to draw extra attention to that’s happening because we’re too into it]
Sylvie: No, I don’t think so either
Sylvie: I swear I keep moving closer to the screen
Jake: I keep touching it
Jake: [send her a pic of your fingerprints and smudges all over whatever device you’re watching this on cos clearly not a tv, plus like I said you’re touching yourself rn and that’s as close as we’re getting to admitting that]
Sylvie: Jesus
Sylvie: The static from this old TV makes me feel like it could shock me, I can feel it before I’ve even touched it, in the air
Jake: You’ve probably got goosebumps all over
Sylvie: The hair on my arms is standing up
Jake: They’re that blonde I wouldn’t be able to tell by looking
Sylvie: I tried to take a picture but the flash made it invisible
Sylvie: I’ll show you when you’re here, you can feel it for yourself
Jake: [show her yours because there’s no danger of them not showing up, we can all pretend it’s not because he’s so !! at the prospect of touching her, I like to think it’s a lil vid so she can hear how !! his breathing is, try not to shamelessly moan or anything sir]
Sylvie: Your hair is beautiful, you know, so dark
Jake: We perfectly contrast each other, I can’t even be mad your mother likely isn’t Jewish
Sylvie: It would look just like it does on the screen
Jake: Don’t tell Paris, but right now I only want to live there
Sylvie: It could be Paris, could be here
Sylvie: they could make that happen anywhere as long as they’re together
Jake: All they need is each other, just like us
Sylvie: [send him back the audio of him breathing that you stole from that lil vid and are now looping with this scene clearly]
Jake: [tell her how to add hers into it like you’re mixing a lil song of y’all’s !! breathing, not mansplaining just desperately need her to do that rn immediately]
Sylvie: [doing it, the indecency at this point is through the roof and we cannot get enough]
Sylvie: It reminds me, of yesterday
Jake: [when I just know in my entire heart and soul he’s gonna play that like an intro before his song, excuse him everyone]
Jake: It’s beautiful
Sylvie: [found dead at the gig literally]
Sylvie: Your voice cracks slightly at [a timestamp] and I want to live there now
Jake: [leaving NO doubt it’s about her and nobody left alive lol]
Jake: Stay with me there
Sylvie: It’s our place, no one else, you and me
Jake: [a line from this film because we’re so overwhelmed rn he isn’t allowed to use his own words]
Sylvie: Say it to me, in your voice
Jake: [do, and we all know how indecently]
Sylvie: [send him a new picture of you covering your mouth that has the MOST indecent vibes now because truly stopping yourself making all the noise]
Jake: [an even hotter shhh because must, it’s a casual miracle he’s not just moaning this entire time]
Sylvie: [post a selfie on your socials that’s giving thirst trap because going to have to stop touching yourself to take it and you’ll definitely want to delete this in the morning even though it’s obviously not outright inappropriate, just the vibes]
Jake: [like it with the confidence she’ll probably delete it and if she doesn’t you’re just friends and it’s fine, the way I know you’ll be staring at it until she does get rid of it though, not at all casually saving it in your phone]
Sylvie: Your eyes felt good on me, I like it
Jake: [he’s not an emoji boy but commenting one under this pic/if it’s on her stories as a message that’s like he’s breathing on her, I don’t have it but I know it exists, because you both know how much you wanna feel that, but you could just be calling her hot like ooh nice pic gal if anyone else saw it]
Sylvie: When you’re here
Sylvie: rerecord it, I want to hear us together with no tricks
Jake: When I’m with you, no tricks at all
Sylvie: Nothing but the glow of this scene playing out and unfolding forever
Jake: [post a selfie of you in the glow of said scene, not showing anyone what you’re watching so it could be anything, just yourself lit up by it, iconic because he rarely uses his socials]
Sylvie: [liking it and unliking it to like it again in quick succession because you’re just double-tapping incessantly to show how !! you are, thank god no one else but him receiving the notifications can see that unhinged behaviour]
Jake: [you know he’s in deep when he normally hates anything social media related but this is killing him]
Jake: I knew you liked me
Sylvie: I’m not going to deny it, I can’t when I know why you look like that and no one else does
Jake: Say it instead, tell me you like me more than anyone else
Sylvie: [‘Jake I like you the most, more than anyone’ full moan let’s not lie]
Jake: [We can’t lie and pretend that doesn’t send him over the edge SO hard, try not to wake your sister up again sir and anyone else who’s here, hence him saying:]
Jake: I think I’m ready to dream now, it feels like I must be
Sylvie: I need pinching too
Jake: I’ll check you for bruises tomorrow
Sylvie: Give me yours tomorrow
Jake: Lie there and wait
Sylvie: [send him a selfie lying in your bed, having made room where you want him to be very blatantly]
Jake: Good, now close your eyes
Sylvie: Only if I’ll feel your breath against my skin like the static
Jake: You’ll feel me right there in the space you made
Sylvie: Okay, where are you going to put your hands to bruise me?
Jake: [use the scene as your inspo obvs, so wherever they did]
Sylvie: I’ll be able to feel you now, comforting me
Jake: [do a voice note counting her into sleep, shamelessly so she can hear that you haven’t recovered yet from cumming that hard]
Sylvie: [a vid so you can close your eyes about it and show him how impatiently waiting you are, unable to be still about any of this, even if your hands and what they’re doing are off camera]
Jake: Sleep well
Sylvie: Dream about me?
Jake: If you dream about me too
Sylvie: I will try, I need to stop thinking about you long enough to really fall asleep
Jake: If you can’t, daydream
Sylvie: I am, I have been
Sylvie: Your face over every other boy’s
Jake: As long as you think about me, asleep or awake doesn’t really matter, I won’t be mad
Sylvie: You need me to keep you in my head?
Jake: You’re trapped in mine
Sylvie: I’ll be your hostage if you’ll be mine
Jake: Deal [+ calling her whatever the character from the movie is called]
Sylvie: [doing it back with the dude’s name because you have to try it]
Sylvie: I’ll keep moaning yours though
Jake: Don’t get caught like I did before
Sylvie: It has made me a little biased against your sister
Sylvie: but I’ll quiet myself down, somehow
Jake: [suggest a way for her to that’s again movie inspo]
Sylvie: [show him the pants you’ve taken off and rolled into a ball like will I won’t I]
Jake: I’ll never sleep not knowing
Sylvie: They look like they’ve already been in my mouth
Sylvie: can’t you use your imagination?
Jake: I could, but why do you want me to? You’re meant to be my friend
Sylvie: So if I show you something like that, it’s safe between us isn’t it
Jake: You know it is
Sylvie: I want to be the type of friends that can share everything
Sylvie: [so send him this pic of you really using them as a gag and DYING over it because everything about this experience including showing him has you shook]
Jake: [‘We are’ as a voice note so she can hear the effect seeing that has on you, he’ll be saving that forever too, don’t look at his phone anybody]
Sylvie: [iphones have a hidden photos folder that’s password protected thank god, put ‘em in there if you’re not lazy and reckless lol]
Sylvie: I can’t wait to share how this tastes with you
Jake: [I did not know that which shows how much I use my phone, but he will he’s not lazy or reckless, despite these antics being very much the latter lol]
Jake: You’ll never have to make me tea again
Sylvie: But have me on the counter, pick me up and show me what would’ve happened if you stayed
Jake: I’ll have you everywhere, that’s what would’ve happened
Sylvie: Dare me to go sit on the sofa?
Jake: Yeah
Sylvie: [send him a photo sitting how you did when he was there as best you can, your feet being under you meaning your knees are blocking the fact you have no underwear on]
Jake: You got there from your bed fast
Sylvie: I’m light on my feet
Sylvie: I really don’t want to get caught like this
Jake: You’re unsteady on your feet, I know that you must be
Sylvie: I am shaking for you, my entire body is convulsing to find you
Jake: You need me
Sylvie: [audio whilst you’re gagged so we all know how this ‘I need you’ sounds]
Jake: I can’t find you either but my body’s trying as hard
Sylvie: Being part of your secret means I can post every mark you give me if I want
Sylvie: remind you of us, everywhere and all the time
Jake: And do you want to?
Sylvie: Not for other people
Sylvie: but for the effect it being so public has on you, yes, so much
Jake: For us
Jake: like everything else we’re going to do
Sylvie: Yeah
Sylvie: You should make me look like a total slut, only you’ll know who for
Jake: We’re staying in Paris, I don’t have to worry about being disowned for making you look, act like, or calling you one
Sylvie: I want you to, it’s very different
Sylvie: In Paris, we can do, be and say anything we want
Jake: New lives
Sylvie: We need them
Jake: [give her a date, doing your / pretentiously but it’s when you want to go, even if it’s not necessarily when y’all do]
Sylvie: Swear?
Jake: We’re allowed to go sooner, but that’s the latest
Sylvie: I’m ready
Jake: I know you are
Sylvie: We’re not going to school the rest of the week, are we
Jake: No, I’m keeping you all to myself
Sylvie: Thank God
Sylvie: we have to be alone
Jake: We can hide in your room
Sylvie: I need to spend an entire day kissing you, you surprised me, I wasn’t prepared
Jake: I surprised myself
Sylvie: With wanting me
Jake: Wanting you this much
Sylvie: You need me like I’m yours
Jake: To be mine
Sylvie: Yeah?
Jake: That’s what I need
Sylvie: Shit
Jake: Yeah
Sylvie: Okay
Jake: You’re so good for me, you make me feel it again
Sylvie: I thought it was over too
Sylvie: however dramatic people can think that sounds, I mean it
Jake: And I understand it, unlike those people
Sylvie: That’s why I can be yours
Sylvie: You get it, I get it
Jake: I thought I’d be alone
Sylvie: Yeah, I know
Sylvie: I wanted to not be afraid of that, of any of this
Jake: We don’t have to be now
Sylvie: I don’t know how to deal with this
Jake: I’ll figure out how with you
Sylvie: Deal
Jake: That’s how I wanna face everything, us together
Sylvie: We’re going to have to, there’s a lot of shit for us to face, it can’t be done alone
Jake: When’s your next appointment?
Sylvie: [assume you’ll have one fairly soon because getting settled and sorted on meds and what not so why not]
Jake: I’ll come, support you
Sylvie: You don’t have to
Jake: I want to, I just said that
Sylvie: Alright, I just can’t even picture it right now
Jake: You’ll get used to having me
Sylvie: How is that possible, seems unreal
Jake: I’d make you swear to keep feeling like that, to never get bored
Sylvie: Is that how you feel, bored?
Sylvie: Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t ask
Jake: Sometimes I feel like everyone is bored of me
Sylvie: People have given you impossible expectations, accidentally maybe but still
Sylvie: a pedestal is an easy place to fall from
Jake: I didn’t ask for a pedestal, not yet
Sylvie: I thought you did but I see that now
Jake: Why?
Sylvie: It’s easy to imagine someone who gets the kind of attention you do must like it
Sylvie: too simplified, clearly
Jake: I didn’t hate my whole life, it’s just hard to like everyone only telling you what they think you want to hear and nothing else
Sylvie: And boring
Sylvie: Everything and everyone being so one-note
Jake: Yeah, it’s flat after a while
Sylvie: How are you going to grow and get better if you’re just told you’re amazing, end of
Jake: You’re amazing, but I’ll tell you another time
Sylvie: I won’t mind, I swear
Sylvie: and I won’t only humble you, in contrast, that’d be no fun either
Jake: Tomorrow
Sylvie: [however long it is now]
Jake: We’re meant to be getting [however many hours] of sleep
Sylvie: You too
Sylvie: GOT to think of our health at all times now
Jake: I can’t stop thinking, but it’s about you
Sylvie: Does it make me a bad friend if I’m happy about that?
Jake: A bad future doctor or nurse, but you’re not a wannabe at that
Sylvie: You get enough of that at home, I figure, I’m not going to patronise you
Jake: Then I’d say you’re a good friend, Vie
Sylvie: And you wanna stay up with me ‘til one or both of us passes out?
Jake: Yeah
Sylvie: 😁
Jake: We’ve still got the end of [the film] we got stuck in a loop
Sylvie: Ah, I left it running when I came down here
Sylvie: I’ll do ONE more loop and then we can finish, promise
Jake: One more?
Sylvie: What’s your lucky number?
Jake: [tell her, because I assume it’s to do with your bday like most people and we haven’t given you one yet]
Sylvie: [whether that number is one digit or 31] that many times then
Jake: What’s yours? We should add them together
Sylvie: [tell him because likewise no bday yet but you’re clearly ending up with a big number and we’re thrilled about that]
Sylvie: I’ll be extra careful going back up the stairs
Jake: [not you working out how long the scene is and thus how long y’all will be spending having this rewatch for because you’re likewise thrilled about it]
Sylvie: Okay smart boy
Sylvie: see how much brain power you preserve when we skip school? It’s good for your health, I DO care
Jake: I told you, you’re good for me
Sylvie: [show him you’re upstairs by a mirror selfie where you’ve written your combined lucky number on your mirror in lipstick, casual]
Jake: Ready when you are
Sylvie: 321 Play
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